1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 3 00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:11,094 [Trevor Noah] What an interesting time it's been. 4 00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:12,887 [laughter] 5 00:00:12,971 --> 00:00:14,556 [Trevor] Mm-hmm. 6 00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:17,475 I'm gonna be honest with all of you. 7 00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:23,231 I had a very different show planned. Yeah, very, very different show. 8 00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:27,777 In fact, when I… when I planned this show in Washington, D.C., 9 00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:31,614 I had a very different relationship with the White House at that time. 10 00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:32,949 [laughter] 11 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,951 I had a whole different set planned. 12 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:37,996 I was gonna tell you some jokes about me playing pickleball. 13 00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:42,250 And, uh… yeah, life happened. 14 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,879 For those who don't know how it came to be, 15 00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:48,882 uh… I'll try and tell you how it unfolded. 16 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,428 I was hosting the Grammy Awards. 17 00:00:53,511 --> 00:00:55,513 [cheering and applause] 18 00:00:59,601 --> 00:01:02,562 It was a good time, a really good time. 19 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,105 And then it wasn't. 20 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:06,983 I hosted the show, 21 00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:10,111 had to catch a flight back to the East Coast 22 00:01:10,195 --> 00:01:12,072 to come and do shows, right? 23 00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:16,034 And I don't… I don't connect to the Wi-Fi whenever I'm traveling. 24 00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:17,577 I just like to relax. 25 00:01:18,286 --> 00:01:20,330 And landed in Boston. 26 00:01:21,122 --> 00:01:24,459 And the first time I knew my life had changed 27 00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:28,630 was when someone walked past me on the plane 28 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:31,591 as I was packing my… my laptop bag, 29 00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:35,386 and he just held me on the shoulder, and he's like, "Trevor, you fight." 30 00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:38,598 "You got this. Fight." 31 00:01:38,681 --> 00:01:40,266 "Come on. You got this." 32 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:43,228 Did I look like I was struggling that much? 33 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:47,649 Walking through the airport, 34 00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:50,068 people were giving me random thumbs-ups of support, 35 00:01:50,151 --> 00:01:53,071 like, "Yeah, come on, you got this. Yeah." 36 00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:54,823 "Hey, yeah!" 37 00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:57,408 Except Black people. Black people were like, "Hey, man." 38 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,706 And then I turned on my phone, 39 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:07,544 and honestly, I thought the thing was… was… was malfunctioning 40 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,213 because it started vibrating even before the icons popped up. 41 00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:13,675 It was the Apple logo, and my phone was like… [buzzing] 42 00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,970 Bzz-bzz! I was like, "What the hell?" It was notifications everywhere. 43 00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:18,930 I was like, "Did Michael Jackson die again?" 44 00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:20,807 "What happened? What is going on?" 45 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:24,018 'Cause every app, every app was going crazy. 46 00:02:24,102 --> 00:02:25,854 It was like, iMessage, "Bling-bling-bling," 47 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:27,689 WhatsApp, "Bla-bla-bla," Twitter, "Da-da-da," 48 00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:28,815 Instagram, "Bla-bla-bla." 49 00:02:28,898 --> 00:02:31,776 Even Uber Eats was like, "Yo, you got some hot shit coming in, man." 50 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:38,533 I went to my messages, and everyone I've ever known in my life 51 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:42,245 had texted me. Everyone. From kindergarten teachers onwards. 52 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:43,913 "Trevor, oh my God, are you okay?" 53 00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,458 "Trevor, where are you? Did you see?" "Trevor, call me, call me, call me!" 54 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:50,170 "Yo, don't call me." "Call me." "Trevor, what's happening?" 55 00:02:50,253 --> 00:02:51,254 "Trevor, did you see?" 56 00:02:51,337 --> 00:02:54,340 One person was like, "Oh my God, did you see what Trump said?" 57 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,676 And I was like, "What? What did Trump say?" 58 00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:59,137 "What did Trump say this time?" 59 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:02,807 "Oh boy, let me check. What did Trump say? Me?" 60 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,896 Yeah. It hits different when you're in the crosshairs. 61 00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,147 I'm not gonna lie. 62 00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,694 It's pretty crazy. I, uh… 63 00:03:15,612 --> 00:03:18,823 I hosted The Daily Show for seven years, and for seven years… 64 00:03:18,907 --> 00:03:20,909 [cheering and applause] 65 00:03:21,492 --> 00:03:25,246 …we covered news and politics in America, right? 66 00:03:25,330 --> 00:03:27,081 'Cause that's what the show is. 67 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:30,752 And in that time, Donald Trump was in the news and politics all the time, 68 00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:34,047 so I assumed at some point, maybe he would say something about me or come after me. 69 00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:36,257 He didn't, which I was happy about. I was like, "Great." 70 00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,676 You know, and then I left The Daily Show. 71 00:03:39,177 --> 00:03:42,347 And I relaxed like an idiot in a horror movie. 72 00:03:44,307 --> 00:03:46,893 And I went off and started hosting the Grammys. 73 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:50,605 I was like, "This is delightful. It's a music show. So much more chill." 74 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,691 Turns out, the president watches the Grammys. 75 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:56,569 Yeah, and he was not happy. 76 00:03:56,653 --> 00:03:58,029 He was not happy at all. 77 00:03:58,112 --> 00:03:59,197 No, uh… 78 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,784 He had written a post, a lengthy post, 79 00:04:03,284 --> 00:04:06,162 giving me a Google review 80 00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:09,040 of my performance. 81 00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:14,128 And it wasn't… it wasn't like a flyby. It was like a full on… 82 00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:18,132 I'll… I'll read the full thing to you 'cause I don't wanna misquote anything. 83 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,093 -I'll read you… -[cheering and applause] 84 00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:25,265 This is… this is what I saw when I… when I searched my name and his. 85 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:28,184 Um… it was a post on Truth Social 86 00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:31,896 from @realDonaldTrump. 87 00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:35,525 Fun aside, Donald Trump owns Truth Social, 88 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:38,444 so it's a little weird that he doesn't have @DonaldTrump. 89 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:42,949 It's weird that somebody else got it, and he was, "Fine, real Donald Trump." 90 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,578 Anyway, uh… this is… this is what the message read. 91 00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:48,621 Um… 92 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:52,417 "The Grammy Awards are the WORST!" 93 00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:55,378 Every time I shout, it's because the word is in all caps. 94 00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:58,172 I'm trying to give you a feeling of what I was experiencing, all right? 95 00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,217 "Virtually unwatchable." 96 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,552 So some parts were good. 97 00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:06,889 "CBS is lucky not to have this garbage litter their airwaves any longer." 98 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:10,810 "The host, Trevor Noah, whoever he may be…" 99 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,855 [audience member shouting] 100 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,857 That's a bit bitchy. 101 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:24,866 Like, I know what he was trying to do, but I don't think he did it correctly. 102 00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:28,661 You can't say, "The host, Trevor Noah, 103 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,039 whoever he may be" 104 00:05:32,957 --> 00:05:35,043 because that is exactly who I may be. 105 00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:39,130 I understand he was trying to dismiss me, 106 00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:43,801 but you said my full name and my job title on the night. 107 00:05:43,885 --> 00:05:48,348 You can't be dismissive and be vague and specific at the same time. 108 00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:50,308 That's not how that works. 109 00:05:50,391 --> 00:05:52,268 [cheering and applause] 110 00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,854 "Whoever he may be." 111 00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:56,814 I be nobody else. 112 00:05:57,565 --> 00:06:00,818 There is no "may" in this equation. That is exactly who I be. 113 00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:05,531 "Trevor Noah, the host. Social Security number 4576728135." 114 00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:06,824 "Whoever he may be." 115 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,368 No, that is me. 116 00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:12,538 It's weird. Like, You don't use that phrase when you know the person. 117 00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:13,581 "Whoever he may…" 118 00:06:13,664 --> 00:06:16,793 You use that phrase when a stranger has ridden through your town 119 00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,211 and deflowered your daughter. 120 00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,921 That's when you use the phrase. 121 00:06:20,004 --> 00:06:23,758 "I'm gonna kill that man, whoever he may be!" 122 00:06:25,676 --> 00:06:28,221 It's also funny to switch to feudal English 123 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,056 in the middle of a message. 124 00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:33,601 He's like, "Whoever he may be." 125 00:06:34,185 --> 00:06:36,938 "Fee-fi-fo-fum." 126 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:40,566 "I smell the blood of a South African." 127 00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,652 [applause] 128 00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:44,404 It's random. 129 00:06:45,488 --> 00:06:50,118 So he says, yeah, "The host, Trevor Noah, whoever he may be, 130 00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:52,745 is almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel." 131 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,580 [chuckles] 132 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,208 Yo, poor Jim. I like Jimmy Kimmel. 133 00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:01,003 All right? And now, because of me, he's catching strays, like… 134 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,090 He was at home, minding his own business. 135 00:07:04,590 --> 00:07:06,551 Doesn't even work on Sundays. 136 00:07:07,176 --> 00:07:10,096 All of a sudden, his phone is like… [buzzing] 137 00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:15,476 He says, "Almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel at the low-ratings Academy Awards." 138 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,561 Then he goes on. 139 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:21,190 "Noah said INCORRECTLY about me 140 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:25,903 that Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island." 141 00:07:25,987 --> 00:07:27,655 "WRONG!" 142 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,075 Now, just so we're on the same page, 143 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,618 I did not say 144 00:07:32,702 --> 00:07:35,413 Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island. 145 00:07:35,496 --> 00:07:36,831 I did not say that. 146 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:38,332 I made a joke at the Grammys. 147 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:40,877 Right? One of many random jokes that I made. 148 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:45,173 Uh, this one came after Billie Eilish had just won Song of the Year. 149 00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:49,385 All right? And I said, "Congratulations, Billie Eilish, Song of the Year." 150 00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:53,055 "That is an award that every artist wants, 151 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,476 almost as much as Donald Trump wants Greenland." 152 00:07:57,143 --> 00:08:00,354 "Because now that Jeffrey Epstein is gone, 153 00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:03,357 he needs a new island where he can hang out with Bill Clinton." 154 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:06,861 Okay? That's what I said. That's what I said. 155 00:08:06,944 --> 00:08:08,696 [cheering and applause] 156 00:08:08,779 --> 00:08:10,781 I did not say he was on the island. 157 00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:13,493 I said that he would like his own island. 158 00:08:13,576 --> 00:08:17,580 Clearly a joke as well because he wouldn't go with Bill Clinton, right? 159 00:08:17,663 --> 00:08:19,999 And Greenland is a terrible substitute for Epstein Island. 160 00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:22,627 Completely different climate, completely different vibe, all right? 161 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,923 So he says, "And Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island." 162 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,591 "WRONG!" 163 00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:31,719 "I can't speak for Bill…" [laughs wheezily] 164 00:08:35,723 --> 00:08:38,226 I love how in the midst of him calling me the ultimate liar, 165 00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,560 he's like, "This guy's a liar!" 166 00:08:39,644 --> 00:08:42,146 "Except about the Bill part. We gotta check that out. I mean…" 167 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,398 "I mean, you know how this guy is." 168 00:08:45,149 --> 00:08:50,530 "But I have never been to Epstein Island, nor anywhere close." 169 00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,740 That's unnecessary. The proximity to Epstein Island 170 00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:55,326 is not what people are litigating, right? 171 00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:58,162 It's your proximity to the man who owned Epstein Island. 172 00:08:58,246 --> 00:09:00,414 It's not the land that's an issue. 173 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,625 It's not like, "Where were you in the Caribbean?" 174 00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:05,378 "Epstein Island?" "No, Jamaica." "Busted!" 175 00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:06,837 No. 176 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,422 Uh… "Nor anywhere close." 177 00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:11,717 "And, until tonight's false and defamatory statement, 178 00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,512 have never been accused of being there." 179 00:09:14,595 --> 00:09:15,805 Really? 180 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,307 I was the first? 181 00:09:19,058 --> 00:09:22,478 Before me, no one had ever mentioned Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein. 182 00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,230 I was the first. 183 00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:28,359 I'm the reason his name is mentioned 5,000 times in those files. 184 00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:31,988 I set those dominoes into place, 185 00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,448 and I tipped them over. 186 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,661 Yeah. "Not even by the fake news media." 187 00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:41,330 "Noah, a total loser…" Meow! 188 00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:44,750 "…better get his facts straight and get them straight fast." 189 00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,794 "It looks like I'll be sending my lawyers 190 00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:51,465 to sue this poor, pathetic, talentless dope of an M.C., 191 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:54,010 and suing him for plenty." Cha-ching. 192 00:09:54,093 --> 00:09:56,387 He put a dollar sign. I don't know what sound that is. 193 00:09:56,887 --> 00:10:00,349 "Ask little George Slopadopolus and others how that all worked out." 194 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,476 "Also, ask CBS." 195 00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:04,687 "Get ready, Noah." 196 00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:08,441 "I'm going to have some fun with you." 197 00:10:09,692 --> 00:10:10,818 "President DJT." 198 00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,324 Yeah, that… that last line is something. 199 00:10:17,241 --> 00:10:18,159 Yeah, that is… 200 00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:20,703 "Get ready, Noah." 201 00:10:21,203 --> 00:10:25,916 "I'm going to have some fun with you." 202 00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:33,090 You know, if… if you're not trying to sound 203 00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,592 like a sexual deviant… 204 00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:36,677 [laughter and applause] 205 00:10:39,972 --> 00:10:42,141 …this is not the line I would recommend. 206 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:46,771 Yeah, "I'm gonna have some fun with you" 207 00:10:46,854 --> 00:10:50,149 is what someone says right after they've strapped on the head dildo. 208 00:11:00,201 --> 00:11:02,578 So yeah, that was my Monday. 209 00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:07,458 And I'll be honest, I… I wasn't… I wasn't too worried. 210 00:11:07,958 --> 00:11:10,127 You know, Donald Trump watches TV regularly, 211 00:11:10,211 --> 00:11:12,630 gets angry about what he sees, posts about it, 212 00:11:12,713 --> 00:11:14,256 and oftentimes, he moves on. 213 00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,677 I thought something else would come along, right? 214 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,430 Because in many ways, he's like a… he's like a squirrel that watches TV. 215 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:24,141 Yeah. He'll be fully… [garbled speech] 216 00:11:25,893 --> 00:11:27,603 Yeah, same size hands. 217 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:33,484 Um… So I was like, "It'll move. It'll change." 218 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:34,652 And it did. It did. 219 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:35,778 The next day, 220 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:39,073 the big topic in the White House was the government shutdown. 221 00:11:39,156 --> 00:11:40,908 There was a looming government shutdown. 222 00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:44,954 'Cause you know America's government is always on the edge of shutting down. 223 00:11:45,037 --> 00:11:48,457 I mean, at this point, I think you guys should switch to a family plan, right? 224 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,543 The month-to-month thing is not working out. 225 00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:54,004 But they were interviewing the president about this. 226 00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,798 This is a serious topic. 227 00:11:56,507 --> 00:12:00,594 And in the middle of a conversation about the government shutdown, 228 00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:04,306 some journalist from the back of the room shouts out… 229 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,601 [whiny voice] "Mr. President, are you gonna sue Trevor Noah 230 00:12:07,685 --> 00:12:09,937 for what he said at the Grammys?" 231 00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,606 [normal voice] I'm like, "Dick." 232 00:12:15,693 --> 00:12:16,819 I was gone. 233 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,698 Yeah, I always wondered what happened to that kid who was like… 234 00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:23,826 [whiny voice] "Oh, teacher, you forgot to give us the homework." 235 00:12:26,871 --> 00:12:29,039 [normal voice] Trump went back in. "Oh yeah, Trevor Noah, 236 00:12:29,123 --> 00:12:32,376 said I was on Epstein, gonna sue him. Total lightweight. Loser." 237 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:39,216 Yeah. So now, I might be getting sued by the President of the United States. 238 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,843 -[audience member] Woo! -[Trevor] Yeah. 239 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,304 [applause] 240 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:46,766 I don't… I don't know if it's a "woo." I don't know if it's a "ooh." I don't… 241 00:12:47,266 --> 00:12:48,684 No, I'll be honest with you. 242 00:12:48,768 --> 00:12:51,103 I don't know how to feel 243 00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,523 because I don't know how this will play out. 244 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:58,360 If it was a normal time, I'd be pretty confident. 245 00:12:58,444 --> 00:12:59,945 Donald Trump would sue me. 246 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:03,324 A judge would throw it out for a multitude of reasons. 247 00:13:03,407 --> 00:13:07,077 You know, First Amendment protections, free expression, jokes, satire. 248 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:09,997 All of these things are covered in a regular time. 249 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:13,167 It would be Donald Trump suing me. Whatever. 250 00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:14,585 But now it's not Donald Trump. 251 00:13:14,668 --> 00:13:18,130 Now I'm being sued by the President of the United States, 252 00:13:19,089 --> 00:13:21,467 Donald Trump, and I don't know what that means. 253 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,261 Do I appeal? Do I appeal? 254 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,971 We get to the Supreme Court. 255 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:29,141 All right? I walk in. He's waiting there for me. 256 00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:32,812 He's like… [as Al Pacino] "Say hello to my little friends." 257 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,897 [laughter and scattered applause] 258 00:13:39,109 --> 00:13:41,737 -I don't… I don't know. -[audience member] Woo! 259 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,113 Nobody knows. 260 00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:46,951 Yeah, with him, there is no knowing. 261 00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:49,119 You know? 262 00:13:49,203 --> 00:13:51,705 Just ask Nicolás Maduro. 263 00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:56,085 Former president of Venezuela 264 00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:59,630 and current inmate of New York City. 265 00:14:00,631 --> 00:14:02,967 Yeah, he was president of Venezuela. 266 00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,178 And then all of a sudden, he wasn't. 267 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:08,472 The story is even crazier. 268 00:14:09,056 --> 00:14:11,225 What happened was… And you can go check this yourself. 269 00:14:11,308 --> 00:14:12,518 What happened was 270 00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:16,105 Nicolás Maduro was on TV giving an interview, 271 00:14:16,188 --> 00:14:18,732 and then he joked about how people are threatening him, 272 00:14:18,816 --> 00:14:19,984 alluding to Donald Trump. 273 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:22,528 And he was like, "Man, I'll be fine. We'll be good." 274 00:14:22,611 --> 00:14:25,364 And then he played a song. No War, Just Peace. 275 00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:27,867 And then he started mocking Trump 276 00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,828 by doing Donald Trump's dance move. 277 00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:33,622 Like, the move, singular. 278 00:14:34,123 --> 00:14:36,917 Right? Yeah, he did the move. So he came on, then he did the… 279 00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,630 You know the move, the double jerk-off. 280 00:14:55,477 --> 00:14:57,605 And Trump saw that, and he was like, "Go get that man." 281 00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:01,275 "Go get that man." 282 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,988 Military went, got Maduro, brought him in, put him in a jail. 283 00:15:06,071 --> 00:15:08,991 Not just any prison, by the way. They put him in a prison in Brooklyn. 284 00:15:09,074 --> 00:15:13,245 The same prison where they are housing Diddy. 285 00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:15,581 Imagine that! 286 00:15:16,081 --> 00:15:17,958 I thought I had problems. 287 00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,338 Nicolás Maduro, that… I mean, he's having… Hooh! 288 00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:26,008 Imagine the irony of his situation. 289 00:15:26,091 --> 00:15:28,052 He was witnessing America 290 00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:34,683 rolling out the most brutal deportation campaign ever. 291 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:36,852 And in the midst of that, 292 00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:39,605 you're the one immigrant they import. 293 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:41,440 [laughter] 294 00:15:41,523 --> 00:15:43,525 [applause] 295 00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:46,278 [whooping] 296 00:15:47,488 --> 00:15:50,407 Maduro was probably the only immigrant who supports ICE. 297 00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,534 He used his one phone call for them. 298 00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:55,329 He's like, "Hello, ICE, come get me, man. Come get me." 299 00:15:55,412 --> 00:15:58,123 "Yeah. No. Come on. I'll fly myself. Let's work together." 300 00:15:58,207 --> 00:16:00,334 "Come on. We can do this, guys. We can do this" 301 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,090 That's why I say you don't know how it's gonna go. 302 00:16:06,757 --> 00:16:08,133 Nobody knows anymore. 303 00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:11,261 What a crazy twist of fate. Can you imagine? 304 00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:12,763 For decades, 305 00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:15,891 you ruled your empire with an iron fist. 306 00:16:16,392 --> 00:16:18,727 You terrorized people around you. 307 00:16:19,228 --> 00:16:21,855 You were violent, never held accountable. 308 00:16:21,939 --> 00:16:24,191 And now, they've taken away all your oil, 309 00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:27,528 and you're in the same prison as Nicolás Maduro. 310 00:16:28,028 --> 00:16:30,030 [laughter and applause] 311 00:16:31,865 --> 00:16:33,867 [cheering] 312 00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:41,208 Ain't that a bitch? 313 00:16:50,259 --> 00:16:53,429 The one silver lining of this whole situation 314 00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:57,558 is that now would be 315 00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:01,311 the perfect time for an alien invasion. 316 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,692 There's no good time. I think we can all agree on that. 317 00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:10,404 But if I had to pick a time, I would say this is the best time. 318 00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:11,989 Yeah. 319 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,327 'Cause if aliens invade, it's not gonna be good for us. 320 00:17:17,828 --> 00:17:19,538 We… we know we don't stand a chance. 321 00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:22,916 They can travel through space-time. Our weapons mean nothing. 322 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,170 We're probably just gonna annoy them with our guns. Pew-pew, pew-pew! 323 00:17:27,755 --> 00:17:30,382 They're gonna get here. We've seen how it turns out, right? 324 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:33,177 They fly in. They're gonna blow everything up. 325 00:17:33,260 --> 00:17:35,888 We've watched Independence Day. We know how this happens. Right? 326 00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:39,767 Yeah, and even if Will Smith helps, he can only slap, like, one at a time, you know? 327 00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:46,940 So what do we do? 328 00:17:48,275 --> 00:17:49,777 I think about it all the time. 329 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:53,697 Genuinely. I think about alien invasions all the time. 330 00:17:53,781 --> 00:17:56,575 It is… it is my Roman Empire. 331 00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:59,161 Like, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? 332 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:01,038 I never used to think about this. 333 00:18:01,538 --> 00:18:03,832 When I lived in South Africa, this was nowhere in my mind, 334 00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:05,959 but in America, it's a real thing. 335 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:10,297 Yeah, 'cause when aliens come, this is where they're gonna come. 336 00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:13,675 They're gonna fly here. 337 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:16,512 They come straight to Washington, D.C. Blow up the White House. 338 00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:18,889 [mimics explosion] 339 00:18:18,972 --> 00:18:22,101 Then they go to other countries. You know? They go to London, blow up Big Ben. 340 00:18:22,184 --> 00:18:24,937 [mimics explosion] "You know what time it is!" 341 00:18:27,564 --> 00:18:30,234 Then they fly to other landmarks, blow everything up. 342 00:18:30,734 --> 00:18:33,487 I know. It's an issue. America first. I get it. 343 00:18:33,570 --> 00:18:34,404 Yeah. 344 00:18:36,031 --> 00:18:39,326 When I was in South Africa, this is something I never thought about, ever. 345 00:18:40,244 --> 00:18:42,621 Because I knew when aliens invade, they're gonna go. 346 00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:47,084 They're gonna blow up the world, but the one place they don't go is Africa. 347 00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:50,254 Yeah. You've seen the movies. 348 00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:52,548 They never invade Africa. 349 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,634 I used to watch those movies. I'd wait. 350 00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:58,720 In the movie, the president would be like, "Citizens of Earth, 351 00:18:58,804 --> 00:19:00,639 aliens are invading our planet." 352 00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:03,058 Then you'd see the aliens invade. Wha-baw, wha-baw, wha-baw. 353 00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:06,562 You'd be like, "Wait, I guess Africa's not on the planet? What is happening?" 354 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:11,358 They never invade it. Can you think of a single movie where they invaded Africa? 355 00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:13,318 -[audience member] District 9! -No. What? 356 00:19:13,402 --> 00:19:16,029 -[audience member] District 9! -District 9? 357 00:19:17,865 --> 00:19:20,242 -No. -[laughter] 358 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,661 Screw you for trying to mess up my special. 359 00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,873 Sitting up there in the balcony like a king. 360 00:19:25,956 --> 00:19:28,375 "District 9, I tell you." 361 00:19:28,458 --> 00:19:29,835 "Off with his head." 362 00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:35,966 No. District 9, it's a good attempt, but no. 363 00:19:36,717 --> 00:19:41,972 If you remember the plot of District 9, the aliens didn't invade Africa. 364 00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:45,475 The aliens crash-landed in Africa. 365 00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,730 And then they spent the rest of the movie trying to escape. 366 00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,858 'Cause we don't mess around. 367 00:19:52,941 --> 00:19:55,444 [laughter, cheering, and applause] 368 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:02,910 [sighs] 369 00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:04,912 Hollywood is so messed up. 370 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:08,540 Like, "What's the worst thing that could happen to aliens?" 371 00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:11,710 "What if they were trapped in Africa?" 372 00:20:15,255 --> 00:20:18,634 Aliens never invade… They don't invade Africa. They never did. 373 00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,138 I used to think it was because they felt bad for us. 374 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,141 Yeah, 'cause as a kid, I used to love watching those movies. 375 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,768 I still love watching them now. 376 00:20:27,851 --> 00:20:31,605 But as a kid, I loved those movies. 377 00:20:31,688 --> 00:20:34,191 Anything with aliens, I was there. 378 00:20:34,274 --> 00:20:36,485 And my mom, she would… she would give me, like… 379 00:20:36,568 --> 00:20:38,946 she would make me a big bowl of popcorn at home, 380 00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:40,864 and we would sit on the couch together, 381 00:20:40,948 --> 00:20:42,616 and she'd watch all of those movies with me. 382 00:20:42,699 --> 00:20:46,078 Not… She hated them, but it said "parental guidance," 383 00:20:46,161 --> 00:20:48,038 and she took that very seriously. 384 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:51,291 One day she was walking past, and then it was like, 385 00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:53,418 "We recommend parental guidance for this film." 386 00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:57,339 She was like, "I've got to watch this," and she did it every movie going forward. 387 00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,758 I would have to run and call her sometimes. 388 00:20:59,841 --> 00:21:04,888 A show would just start randomly on TV. It'd be like "parent…" I'd be like, "Mom!" 389 00:21:04,972 --> 00:21:08,225 She'd come in, and I'd be like, "I need you to guide me!" 390 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:13,313 But then five minutes in, I feel like I was guiding my parental. 391 00:21:13,397 --> 00:21:15,399 She would sit there, the whole movie, she'd be like, 392 00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:19,486 "What's happening, Trevor? Who are they? Why are they doing this? What's going on?" 393 00:21:19,569 --> 00:21:22,823 I'd be like, "Mom, I'm with you. I started this movie with you." 394 00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:28,245 So she'd make me, like, a big bowl of popcorn, 395 00:21:28,328 --> 00:21:30,497 and we'd sit there, and the movie would start. 396 00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:34,084 The alien invasion, they'd be like, "Aliens are invading Earth." 397 00:21:34,167 --> 00:21:36,545 The aliens would fly in. You'd see them blowing everything up. 398 00:21:36,628 --> 00:21:39,965 And I'd be there with my popcorn, like, "Mm-mm-mm-mm, first world problems." 399 00:21:40,048 --> 00:21:41,842 "Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm." 400 00:21:47,264 --> 00:21:49,808 I… I genuinely thought, I was a little kid, 401 00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:52,269 if you ask, "How come you never see them in Africa? 402 00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:56,815 I was like, "Because they feel bad." I thought the aliens felt bad for Africa. 403 00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:01,653 You know, there'd be the ship that would fly over each continent to blow it up. 404 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:04,865 Then there would be one over the African continent, 405 00:22:04,948 --> 00:22:07,409 two aliens in the cockpit, like, "Brr-brr." 406 00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:10,746 [robotic voice] "Prepare to launch photon lasers." 407 00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:13,332 "Ready on your command." 408 00:22:13,415 --> 00:22:15,000 "Three, two, one." 409 00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:18,503 "Wait, wait, wait, hold on. I think we already did this continent." 410 00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:21,506 "I think we've been here." 411 00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:24,134 "Negative, we've never been here before. Blow it up." 412 00:22:24,217 --> 00:22:27,387 "What am I blowing up? Look at this shit. Something already happened." 413 00:22:27,471 --> 00:22:29,931 "What the hell's going on, dude? What am I supposed to blow up?" 414 00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:32,601 "Who did this?" "I don't know. Checking now." Beep-beep. 415 00:22:32,684 --> 00:22:34,853 "It says it was the British." 416 00:22:34,936 --> 00:22:36,938 [laughter and applause] 417 00:22:40,150 --> 00:22:41,860 [normal voice] Yeah! 418 00:22:43,195 --> 00:22:44,696 Take that, Great Britain. 419 00:22:45,322 --> 00:22:46,990 #NeverForget. 420 00:22:51,828 --> 00:22:53,705 Those alien movies, man, 421 00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:56,666 they made my day, but they terrified me. 422 00:22:57,542 --> 00:23:02,464 'Cause every time it didn't go well, the aliens fly in, they conquer the Earth. 423 00:23:02,547 --> 00:23:06,218 We win by luck 'cause it's a movie, but in real life, I don't know. 424 00:23:07,386 --> 00:23:10,514 It's not good. We have no chance. 425 00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:14,351 If aliens invade, we have no hope. 426 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:17,687 Or at least we had no hope. 427 00:23:19,022 --> 00:23:20,107 Now there is. 428 00:23:21,650 --> 00:23:23,360 And it goes by the name 429 00:23:23,860 --> 00:23:26,029 Donald J. Trump. 430 00:23:27,197 --> 00:23:28,990 Whoever he may be. 431 00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,076 [raucous laughter] 432 00:23:31,159 --> 00:23:33,161 [cheering and applause] 433 00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:39,668 I don't like it, but I… but I think it's the only way. 434 00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:41,586 Yeah. 435 00:23:42,295 --> 00:23:46,383 As soon as the alien invasion begins, we know how it starts. 436 00:23:46,883 --> 00:23:50,804 It's gonna be that giant mothership that flies into our orbit. 437 00:23:50,887 --> 00:23:52,806 That massive thing that blocks out the sun. 438 00:23:52,889 --> 00:23:54,891 "Bahhhhh!" 439 00:23:55,642 --> 00:23:57,686 "Bahhhhh!" 440 00:23:57,769 --> 00:24:01,481 They have a giant speaker under the ship that plays the music. 441 00:24:01,565 --> 00:24:02,816 It creates the ambiance. 442 00:24:02,899 --> 00:24:04,943 Yeah, there's one alien playing a little organ. 443 00:24:05,026 --> 00:24:06,903 He's like, "They're not ready for this one, B!" 444 00:24:06,987 --> 00:24:08,113 "Bahhhhh!" 445 00:24:08,196 --> 00:24:09,406 "Ha-ha, yeah!" 446 00:24:09,489 --> 00:24:11,158 "Bahhhhh!" 447 00:24:13,076 --> 00:24:14,536 And then they park the ship outside, 448 00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:16,997 and they send a scout ship down to give us the bad news. 449 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,999 The one that lands… [trills tongue] They come out. 450 00:24:19,082 --> 00:24:21,585 [robotic voice] "Take me to your leader." 451 00:24:21,668 --> 00:24:24,463 [normal voice] They meet the leader, kill the leader, and then it's done. 452 00:24:24,546 --> 00:24:27,382 They normally pick the most annoying alien for that job. 453 00:24:27,466 --> 00:24:29,342 Right? You gotta be a specific type of entitled 454 00:24:29,426 --> 00:24:31,553 to believe you can speak to the leader. Who are you? 455 00:24:31,636 --> 00:24:34,347 On the alien ship, they'll normally pick the Karen alien. 456 00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:37,434 They'll be like, "All right." Chatting to each other, like, 457 00:24:37,517 --> 00:24:39,352 "Who are we gonna send down to this planet?" 458 00:24:39,436 --> 00:24:41,897 "Listen, Karen, she's the best for this." 459 00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:43,273 "Karen, you're going down." 460 00:24:43,356 --> 00:24:46,234 "Oh my God, why is it always me? I hate this so much." 461 00:24:46,318 --> 00:24:49,738 "You guys are always sending me. I wanna speak to the manager." 462 00:24:49,821 --> 00:24:51,239 "She's perfect." 463 00:24:52,532 --> 00:24:55,494 They send that alien down and give us the bad news. 464 00:24:58,497 --> 00:24:59,748 With Trump, we have hope, 465 00:24:59,831 --> 00:25:01,958 but we have to act quick, people. Real quick. 466 00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:05,670 As soon as they tell us the aliens are here, 467 00:25:05,754 --> 00:25:11,134 NASA tells us they've reached our orbit, we act together as a planet. 468 00:25:11,218 --> 00:25:13,887 And what we need to do is we make Donald Trump 469 00:25:13,970 --> 00:25:16,223 king of the world. 470 00:25:17,349 --> 00:25:20,727 I see some of you are confused. The good news is he won't ask any questions. 471 00:25:21,645 --> 00:25:23,230 All right? We go to the White House. 472 00:25:23,313 --> 00:25:25,607 We're like, "Mr. Trump, you are now king of the world." 473 00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,192 He'll be like, "I knew it. I knew it!" 474 00:25:27,275 --> 00:25:30,946 We give him a little Burger King crown, then we wait for the aliens outside. 475 00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:33,114 Aliens land. They come out. 476 00:25:33,198 --> 00:25:36,785 That one is just like, "Brr-brr. Take me to your leader." 477 00:25:36,868 --> 00:25:40,705 We're like, "Yes, welcome to Earth. Come on. Come meet the leader." 478 00:25:40,789 --> 00:25:43,291 "Take me now." "Of course. We're gonna take you there." 479 00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:46,378 "You're looking good. You on Ozempic? You're looking great." 480 00:25:46,461 --> 00:25:49,214 "Come on, come meet the leader." We get to the White House, 481 00:25:49,297 --> 00:25:53,218 and we're like, "King Trump, this is the alien." 482 00:25:53,301 --> 00:25:56,638 "Alien, this is King Trump." 483 00:25:57,681 --> 00:26:02,185 "Brr-bah-beep. Are you the ruler of this planet?" 484 00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:04,646 He'll be like… [imitating Trump] "That's right." 485 00:26:04,729 --> 00:26:07,941 "I'm the ruler of this planet." 486 00:26:08,441 --> 00:26:10,360 "Planet Earth, or as I call her, 487 00:26:10,443 --> 00:26:11,736 Big Blue." 488 00:26:12,654 --> 00:26:16,700 "Beautiful, beautiful Blue, floating up in space." 489 00:26:16,783 --> 00:26:20,245 "She's up there spinning around, spinning around, 490 00:26:20,745 --> 00:26:22,122 spinning so fast." 491 00:26:22,205 --> 00:26:24,332 "You know, they say we're spinning. I never felt it." 492 00:26:24,416 --> 00:26:26,710 "I never felt it, but they say we're spinning." 493 00:26:27,210 --> 00:26:30,130 "We're spinning around, folks, spinning so fast." 494 00:26:30,213 --> 00:26:32,841 "And we're up there in space." 495 00:26:32,924 --> 00:26:36,678 "We got a beautiful axis right through the middle of the planet." 496 00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:40,599 "A big, beautiful, long axis. They don't make axises like that anymore." 497 00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:42,642 "They really don't. They really don't." 498 00:26:42,726 --> 00:26:46,521 "And we got that axis, and it's tilted, you know, it's tilted." 499 00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:49,858 "If I was in charge, I would've straightened it right out." 500 00:26:50,358 --> 00:26:51,443 "Right out." 501 00:26:51,526 --> 00:26:53,236 "But that's okay, that's okay." 502 00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,988 "Thanks, Obama." 503 00:26:56,489 --> 00:27:00,535 "And it's up there floating up in space. A beautiful planet, beautiful Blue." 504 00:27:00,619 --> 00:27:03,913 "We got a tiny moon. Did you see the moon? Beautiful moon." 505 00:27:03,997 --> 00:27:06,374 "A beautiful moon. Looks like a nipple on a boob." 506 00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:09,336 "That's what it looks like. Like one boob floating in space." 507 00:27:09,419 --> 00:27:12,547 "Should be two. I always say two boobs better than one." 508 00:27:13,048 --> 00:27:14,883 "Better than one, but one better than none." 509 00:27:14,966 --> 00:27:17,969 "Can I say boobs? I said it, folks. I said boobs." 510 00:27:18,053 --> 00:27:19,804 "And I'm the ruler of this planet." 511 00:27:19,888 --> 00:27:22,766 "What do you want? What do you need? What can I do for you?" 512 00:27:23,350 --> 00:27:27,437 They'd be like, "Brr-bah-beep. Sorry, we didn't know it was already invaded." 513 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:28,813 "Boo-boo-bee-bee." 514 00:27:28,897 --> 00:27:31,191 -[laughter and applause] -"Bee-boo-bree-beep." 515 00:27:32,192 --> 00:27:34,194 [cheering and applause] 516 00:27:40,325 --> 00:27:41,785 And that's how we survive. 517 00:27:47,957 --> 00:27:50,627 Be honest, we wouldn't be shocked if we found out he was an alien. 518 00:27:51,461 --> 00:27:53,588 I actually think we'd be relieved. 519 00:27:54,089 --> 00:27:57,425 You know, people are like, "Oh my God, that explains it." 520 00:27:58,301 --> 00:28:00,595 Yeah, if two aliens that looked exactly like him, 521 00:28:00,679 --> 00:28:04,099 like a mom and dad version of him came down, and they land on the planet. 522 00:28:04,182 --> 00:28:08,061 [robotic Trump voice] "Ah, help us, we left our son here many decades ago." 523 00:28:08,144 --> 00:28:10,271 "Where's our baby? Where's our baby?" 524 00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:14,359 [normal voice] We'd be like, "Come on, come on. Come get your baby." 525 00:28:17,904 --> 00:28:19,739 'Cause he is, man, he's out of this world." 526 00:28:19,823 --> 00:28:21,825 [light chuckling] 527 00:28:24,285 --> 00:28:26,413 [sighs] And now, 528 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,624 we are living through history. 529 00:28:30,709 --> 00:28:33,044 -Do you ever think about that? -[audience members] Yeah. 530 00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:39,300 Like, we are all living through history. 531 00:28:39,926 --> 00:28:42,762 And not like history like just time that passed. 532 00:28:42,846 --> 00:28:46,057 'Cause there's that boring history, like, "And then the people settled here." 533 00:28:46,141 --> 00:28:48,017 Bor… Yeah, whatever. 534 00:28:48,101 --> 00:28:50,437 I'm talking about history history, where some shit happened. 535 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,148 When you read the books, you're like, "What was it like back then?" 536 00:28:53,231 --> 00:28:54,649 We're in the back then. 537 00:28:56,192 --> 00:28:57,152 That's all of us. 538 00:28:57,235 --> 00:28:59,446 My history's terrible now, I've realized. 539 00:29:00,363 --> 00:29:03,658 Because they record everything that is said at the White House. 540 00:29:03,742 --> 00:29:05,076 It is kept for posterity. 541 00:29:05,869 --> 00:29:08,121 All right? So that means in, like, 300 years, 542 00:29:08,204 --> 00:29:12,208 there'll be scholars studying old presidents and the White House, 543 00:29:12,292 --> 00:29:14,919 and they'll be like, "What was it like 300 years ago?" 544 00:29:15,003 --> 00:29:18,089 You're like, "I don't know, but the Grammys host was terrible." 545 00:29:19,007 --> 00:29:22,051 "Yes, a total loser, apparently." 546 00:29:28,057 --> 00:29:31,144 "And a bunny was performing at the Super Bowl, also terrible." 547 00:29:31,811 --> 00:29:35,231 -"Absolutely terrible. What a time." -[cheering and applause] 548 00:29:40,570 --> 00:29:43,656 You know, the we… the weird thing about living through history is 549 00:29:45,158 --> 00:29:48,953 it's so much less predictable when you are the one doing it. 550 00:29:49,496 --> 00:29:52,332 Like, when you read history, or when we're taught history, 551 00:29:52,415 --> 00:29:56,419 it is often presented as if it was inevitable. 552 00:29:57,420 --> 00:29:58,421 You read the stories, 553 00:29:58,505 --> 00:30:00,673 you assume that is how they would've always ended 554 00:30:00,757 --> 00:30:02,342 because that's how they ended. 555 00:30:02,425 --> 00:30:03,760 Like, if I asked most people, 556 00:30:03,843 --> 00:30:05,887 "Do you think the Nazis will always lose the war?" 557 00:30:05,970 --> 00:30:07,847 They'd be like, "Yeah, of course." 558 00:30:07,931 --> 00:30:09,307 And yet, at the time, 559 00:30:09,390 --> 00:30:12,602 the people who were fighting the war thought the Nazis were going to win. 560 00:30:12,685 --> 00:30:15,522 There was a moment when it seemed like it was in their favor. 561 00:30:17,357 --> 00:30:20,109 When you're in history, it's a completely different gambit. 562 00:30:23,404 --> 00:30:25,824 Like whenever I'm in Washington, D.C., 563 00:30:26,491 --> 00:30:30,328 I like to go and visit the National Museum of African American History and Culture. 564 00:30:30,411 --> 00:30:32,539 -[cheering and applause] -And… 565 00:30:34,249 --> 00:30:35,458 if you've never been, 566 00:30:35,542 --> 00:30:39,420 let me tell you, it is one of the most profound experiences 567 00:30:39,504 --> 00:30:41,548 you will ever have in your life. 568 00:30:41,631 --> 00:30:46,094 It is… it is a museum unlike any other I've ever been to for a few reasons. 569 00:30:46,177 --> 00:30:47,178 You know? 570 00:30:47,262 --> 00:30:52,183 One is it is… it is as complete a telling as is possible 571 00:30:52,267 --> 00:30:56,396 of Black history in America, which is history. 572 00:30:56,479 --> 00:30:59,816 But it's a history that's often not told. You go to this building, 573 00:30:59,899 --> 00:31:02,819 and unlike other museums, you can't choose your own adventure. 574 00:31:02,902 --> 00:31:05,989 Normally, you walk in a museum and it's like, "Dinosaurs or space?" 575 00:31:06,072 --> 00:31:07,240 "You pick." 576 00:31:07,323 --> 00:31:09,951 There, they curate your moving through time. 577 00:31:10,451 --> 00:31:11,953 And so when you get to the museum, 578 00:31:12,036 --> 00:31:14,873 you start at the very beginning of Black people in America, 579 00:31:14,956 --> 00:31:18,084 and then it moves all the way through to the present day. Right? 580 00:31:18,167 --> 00:31:20,920 It starts underground, literally, you go underground, 581 00:31:21,004 --> 00:31:23,590 and then it starts with slavery, spoiler alert. 582 00:31:24,674 --> 00:31:26,676 And they move you, move you, move you through time, 583 00:31:26,759 --> 00:31:29,220 and then you get to the end, and then there's Oprah. 584 00:31:35,685 --> 00:31:37,353 That… that museum, truly, 585 00:31:38,104 --> 00:31:40,523 it'll make you ask every question of yourself. 586 00:31:40,607 --> 00:31:42,442 I was there on my most recent trip, 587 00:31:42,525 --> 00:31:47,447 and I was walking through the… the beginning level. 588 00:31:48,197 --> 00:31:51,826 And it's underground, and it's chattel slavery, 589 00:31:51,910 --> 00:31:55,747 the transatlantic slave trade, and then the Underground Railroad. 590 00:31:55,830 --> 00:31:58,166 And so it's an emotional ride as well. 591 00:31:58,249 --> 00:32:00,335 You know, it's painful, it's oppression, 592 00:32:00,418 --> 00:32:03,379 and then there's… there's this moment where you can see 593 00:32:03,463 --> 00:32:07,425 people rising up and fighting for what they believe in, overcoming. 594 00:32:08,635 --> 00:32:09,969 And because it's so engaging, 595 00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:12,972 you see people experiencing it in a different way. 596 00:32:13,056 --> 00:32:15,475 There were these two kids next to me, 597 00:32:15,558 --> 00:32:17,226 maybe 14 years old, 598 00:32:17,727 --> 00:32:20,396 and they were having a conversation I was eavesdropping on. 599 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,231 One turns to the other, and he's like, 600 00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:25,443 "Yo, man, what would you have done if you was around back then?" 601 00:32:25,526 --> 00:32:27,528 "Would you've been a slave?" He's like, "What?" 602 00:32:27,612 --> 00:32:30,740 He's like, "Nah, they woulda had the wrong one, man." 603 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:34,494 "Yo, I woulda cooked they ass. You trying to make me a slave?" 604 00:32:34,577 --> 00:32:38,039 He's like, "You cappin'." He's like, "For real, I woulda cooked they ass." 605 00:32:38,122 --> 00:32:39,499 They're laughing and engaging. 606 00:32:39,582 --> 00:32:41,918 I was like, either this is the delusion of youth, 607 00:32:42,001 --> 00:32:45,338 which is necessary for a revolution, or that's who they would be. 608 00:32:45,421 --> 00:32:47,048 Either way, it didn't matter. 609 00:32:47,131 --> 00:32:50,218 What I loved is that they were asking the question. 610 00:32:51,427 --> 00:32:54,681 Who will you be when history calls? 611 00:32:57,225 --> 00:33:00,520 Because of them, I found myself asking the question, and… 612 00:33:02,772 --> 00:33:05,108 honestly, I think I need to work on my self-esteem 613 00:33:05,191 --> 00:33:09,278 because I came up with nothing as heroic. 614 00:33:10,571 --> 00:33:13,408 If you asked me, "Trevor, what would you do during slavery?" 615 00:33:13,491 --> 00:33:16,494 I'd be like, "I would have worked really hard 616 00:33:17,870 --> 00:33:20,206 and seen what happened." 617 00:33:20,873 --> 00:33:23,584 I… I don't think I would've been a hero. I… I… I don't have it. 618 00:33:23,668 --> 00:33:25,128 I'm impressed by people who say, 619 00:33:25,211 --> 00:33:28,798 "If I was around, if I was in the store when they robbed it, I would've…" 620 00:33:28,881 --> 00:33:31,009 I don't have that in me. 621 00:33:31,092 --> 00:33:33,886 Like, I would be in the field, and I'd be working hard, 622 00:33:33,970 --> 00:33:35,638 and I'd be minding my own business. 623 00:33:35,722 --> 00:33:39,142 The guy on the horse would be like, "You better pick that goddamn cotton." 624 00:33:39,225 --> 00:33:41,686 I'd be like, "Yes, master. I's picking this cotton." 625 00:33:41,769 --> 00:33:43,187 "I's picking away, master." 626 00:33:43,271 --> 00:33:45,606 But as soon as he rides away, I'd light his ass up. 627 00:33:45,690 --> 00:33:47,817 Oh, I would… I would roast him to bits. 628 00:33:47,900 --> 00:33:49,193 I'd be like, "That dumbass." 629 00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:51,571 [speaking American-accented gibberish] 630 00:33:51,654 --> 00:33:54,323 "Is he back? No." [continues speaking gibberish] 631 00:33:56,367 --> 00:33:58,578 [normal voice] But I don't think I would've been a hero. 632 00:33:59,954 --> 00:34:03,458 Yeah, a real hero would've showed up. Like, Harriet Tubman would show up. 633 00:34:03,541 --> 00:34:06,669 She'd be like, "'Psst, yo, Trev." 634 00:34:06,753 --> 00:34:09,422 I'd be like, "Oh, hi, Harriet." 635 00:34:09,922 --> 00:34:11,132 "How you doin'?" 636 00:34:11,632 --> 00:34:13,217 "I'm doin' shit." 637 00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:16,137 "Oh no, what happened?" 638 00:34:16,220 --> 00:34:18,931 "Slavery happened. What you mean 'What happened?' boy?" 639 00:34:19,015 --> 00:34:19,974 "You stupid?" 640 00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:23,478 "Of course, I shouldn't have asked. Anyway, what's going on, Harriet?" 641 00:34:23,561 --> 00:34:25,396 "I just came to let you know 642 00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:28,441 that we leavin' tonight." 643 00:34:30,026 --> 00:34:31,402 "Who's we?" 644 00:34:33,696 --> 00:34:37,033 "All of us, Trevor. We're gettin' outta here." 645 00:34:37,116 --> 00:34:38,785 "We're goin', baby." 646 00:34:38,868 --> 00:34:42,330 "Oh yeah, Harriet, the guy on the horse says we shouldn't leave." 647 00:34:43,122 --> 00:34:44,874 "He really doesn't like it when we leave." 648 00:34:44,957 --> 00:34:47,919 "I… think he has, like, separation anxiety or something." 649 00:34:48,002 --> 00:34:49,587 "He should see someone about that." 650 00:34:49,670 --> 00:34:52,048 "But he said--" "I don't give a shit what he said." 651 00:34:52,131 --> 00:34:53,674 "We gettin' outta here." 652 00:34:54,175 --> 00:34:55,510 "What, you gonna stay?" 653 00:34:55,593 --> 00:34:59,305 "Yeah, I think I'll stay and just, you know, see how it goes." 654 00:34:59,388 --> 00:35:01,599 "See how it goes? What's wrong wit' you?" 655 00:35:01,682 --> 00:35:03,726 "You not comin'?" "No, I'm not gonna come." 656 00:35:03,810 --> 00:35:05,561 "I can't believe you." 657 00:35:05,645 --> 00:35:07,772 "You light skins is all the same." 658 00:35:07,855 --> 00:35:09,315 [laughter and applause] 659 00:35:09,398 --> 00:35:10,983 "What?" "Yeah." 660 00:35:11,484 --> 00:35:13,277 "You scared, ain't ya?" 661 00:35:13,361 --> 00:35:15,404 "You a scared little bitch." 662 00:35:16,405 --> 00:35:20,243 "I am a bitch, Harriet. I cannot lie. I'm a… I'm a scared little bitch." 663 00:35:20,326 --> 00:35:22,954 "Look at you, scared little bitch." 664 00:35:23,037 --> 00:35:25,873 "You almost as bad as Jimmy Kimmel." 665 00:35:26,958 --> 00:35:28,960 [laughter and applause] 666 00:35:29,043 --> 00:35:31,045 [cheering] 667 00:35:39,011 --> 00:35:39,929 Huh… 668 00:35:42,557 --> 00:35:45,643 Um, sorry, sometimes I do jokes just for me. I'm sorry. 669 00:35:48,104 --> 00:35:49,313 Oh man. 670 00:35:53,442 --> 00:35:55,903 Everyone was asking themselves the question. 671 00:35:55,987 --> 00:35:57,029 Everyone. 672 00:35:57,113 --> 00:36:00,741 One of… one of the most unique encounters I experienced happened 673 00:36:00,825 --> 00:36:03,119 when, um, there was a group of… a group of white people 674 00:36:03,202 --> 00:36:05,371 who were standing at the exhibit. 675 00:36:05,454 --> 00:36:10,084 And, uh, they were very, very liberal white people, right? 676 00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:13,713 Like very liberal white… 677 00:36:13,796 --> 00:36:19,010 Like very, very liberal white people. 678 00:36:19,093 --> 00:36:22,680 Like, they were feeling it more than the Black people there. They were… 679 00:36:22,763 --> 00:36:24,765 [exhales deeply] 680 00:36:25,641 --> 00:36:28,269 To show how much they were feeling it, there was a moment where 681 00:36:28,352 --> 00:36:32,148 some of the Black people who were walking around the exhibit, right? 682 00:36:32,231 --> 00:36:34,859 There's Black people walking, and there's white people 683 00:36:34,942 --> 00:36:38,196 'cause everyone can go, right? And… and so… 684 00:36:40,948 --> 00:36:43,451 The Black people there were living what I would consider 685 00:36:43,534 --> 00:36:46,078 the full Black experience, which is being a human being. 686 00:36:46,162 --> 00:36:49,123 So some people were crying, then they were talking to their friends, 687 00:36:49,207 --> 00:36:51,959 sharing stories, recounting, laughing, et cetera. 688 00:36:52,043 --> 00:36:53,502 And one person laughed, 689 00:36:53,586 --> 00:36:55,922 was talking to their friends, like, "Ha-ha-ha, yeah." 690 00:36:56,005 --> 00:36:58,716 And then the woman, there was a white woman here, 691 00:36:58,799 --> 00:37:01,093 the leader of the crew, she turned at that laugh, 692 00:37:01,177 --> 00:37:03,930 she was like, "Ha-ha!" And she was like, "Sh." 693 00:37:04,597 --> 00:37:05,806 [scoffs] 694 00:37:15,608 --> 00:37:17,360 That's how liberal they were. 695 00:37:19,695 --> 00:37:23,866 Just when I thought she couldn't top that, she was looking at a photograph, 696 00:37:23,950 --> 00:37:26,953 one of the first pictures that's ever really been taken. 697 00:37:27,036 --> 00:37:30,873 And it was a picture of a white man on a plantation, 698 00:37:30,957 --> 00:37:33,751 standing there, smiling, standing in a field, 699 00:37:33,834 --> 00:37:35,795 just like smiling in the picture. 700 00:37:36,379 --> 00:37:39,215 This woman is standing, looking at the picture, and she's like, 701 00:37:39,298 --> 00:37:40,466 "I… I…" 702 00:37:41,092 --> 00:37:42,426 [inhales shakily] 703 00:37:43,302 --> 00:37:45,263 "If was there 704 00:37:46,597 --> 00:37:48,516 when that was happening, 705 00:37:48,599 --> 00:37:53,271 I swear to God, if I was there when that was happening, 706 00:37:55,106 --> 00:37:57,441 I would've never smiled!" 707 00:38:04,907 --> 00:38:08,536 You know when a sentence has the exact conclusion you did not predict? 708 00:38:08,619 --> 00:38:12,206 This was… I thought she was going, "If I was there, I would've fought." 709 00:38:12,290 --> 00:38:14,500 "I would've freed. I would have…" No, no, no. 710 00:38:14,583 --> 00:38:18,546 She's like, "I would've had slaves, but I wouldn't have enjoyed it." 711 00:38:19,338 --> 00:38:22,633 Just be crying, "I'm so sorry this is happening to you." 712 00:38:22,717 --> 00:38:24,844 "I'm so sorry. Dust behind the couch as well." 713 00:38:24,927 --> 00:38:28,055 "But yeah, I'm so sorry. I can't." 714 00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:33,728 It was… it was really, really something, you know? 715 00:38:33,811 --> 00:38:36,605 You move through that level. I was there more than an hour. 716 00:38:37,606 --> 00:38:41,152 At the end of it, I was so taken by the question that I was asking myself, 717 00:38:41,235 --> 00:38:43,821 "Who will you be when history calls?" 718 00:38:43,904 --> 00:38:47,742 that I texted one of my best friends, David Meyer. 719 00:38:47,825 --> 00:38:50,619 He's actually the first American I ever became friends with. 720 00:38:50,703 --> 00:38:53,497 He came to South Africa by chance 20 years ago, 721 00:38:53,581 --> 00:38:55,416 was on, like, a school project. 722 00:38:55,499 --> 00:38:57,543 We met by chance, became friends by chance, 723 00:38:57,626 --> 00:38:59,712 and he convinced me to come to America and do comedy, 724 00:38:59,795 --> 00:39:01,630 which I had never planned. The rest is history. 725 00:39:01,714 --> 00:39:03,841 We've been friends since that day, right? 726 00:39:03,924 --> 00:39:06,302 -[applause] -And yeah, it's this beautiful story. 727 00:39:06,802 --> 00:39:08,929 And also, our… our… our lives are so different. 728 00:39:09,013 --> 00:39:13,893 He's this 6'5", lanky white boy from North Carolina, right? 729 00:39:13,976 --> 00:39:16,228 Sweetest guy ever, super sincere. 730 00:39:16,312 --> 00:39:19,231 And because of that, I love… I love playing pranks on him. 731 00:39:19,315 --> 00:39:22,818 And as we left that exhibit, I texted him, 732 00:39:22,902 --> 00:39:25,946 and I was like, "Yo, Dave, I need to ask you a favor." 733 00:39:26,447 --> 00:39:28,991 And he responded, "Yo, dude, what's up?" 734 00:39:29,075 --> 00:39:30,409 And I said, 735 00:39:30,493 --> 00:39:32,661 "If slavery comes back, 736 00:39:33,412 --> 00:39:36,165 do you promise to have me as one of your slaves 737 00:39:36,248 --> 00:39:37,750 and treat me really well?" 738 00:39:40,044 --> 00:39:43,923 And then he responded, he was like, "Dude, whaaaaat?" 739 00:39:45,925 --> 00:39:48,469 And I said, "Do you promise to have me as your slave 740 00:39:48,552 --> 00:39:50,346 and treat me very well?" 741 00:39:50,429 --> 00:39:52,807 He was like, "What are you talking about?" 742 00:39:52,890 --> 00:39:54,558 And I said, "Yes or no?" 743 00:39:55,810 --> 00:39:59,105 And then I just saw the little dots, and it was like typing, 744 00:39:59,605 --> 00:40:00,689 typing, 745 00:40:01,565 --> 00:40:03,651 typing, typing, 746 00:40:04,318 --> 00:40:05,444 typing, 747 00:40:06,195 --> 00:40:07,113 typing, 748 00:40:07,196 --> 00:40:08,739 typing, typing. 749 00:40:08,823 --> 00:40:11,867 And then he called me. Bzzzz! Bzzzz! 750 00:40:12,952 --> 00:40:15,830 I was like, "What's up?" He's like, "What are you talking about?" 751 00:40:15,913 --> 00:40:18,707 "What is happening? What do you mean slavery?" 752 00:40:18,791 --> 00:40:21,961 I was like, "I just wanna know from you, Dave, if slavery comes back, 753 00:40:22,044 --> 00:40:24,588 do you promise to have me as one of your slaves and treat me well?" 754 00:40:24,672 --> 00:40:28,968 He's like, "Dude, no. What do you mean? Slavery is not coming back." 755 00:40:29,051 --> 00:40:32,054 I was, "That's what they said about Ghostbusters. Answer the question." 756 00:40:32,638 --> 00:40:36,225 "Will you or will you not have me as one of…" He's like, "No, dude, no, no." 757 00:40:36,308 --> 00:40:38,811 "No, I would never have you as one of my slaves." 758 00:40:38,894 --> 00:40:43,065 "Dude, I would never own slaves, like enslaved people, actually." 759 00:40:43,149 --> 00:40:46,277 "I would never have enslaved people. I don't think that's right." 760 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,279 I was, "Save your sanctimonious bullshit." 761 00:40:48,362 --> 00:40:50,823 "I wanna know if you would have me and treat me well." 762 00:40:50,906 --> 00:40:54,243 He's like, "No, I would never do that." I was like, "Oh, okay, I see." 763 00:40:54,326 --> 00:40:57,663 "So you're just gonna let me be somebody else's slave, huh" 764 00:40:57,746 --> 00:41:00,833 "Slavery comes back, and now, they catch me, they're busy whipping me." 765 00:41:00,916 --> 00:41:03,252 "Now I'm Django out in these streets, huh? Yeah?" 766 00:41:03,335 --> 00:41:06,297 "I'm getting whipped because my best friend wouldn't use his white privilege 767 00:41:06,380 --> 00:41:10,885 to help by making me one of his slaves so that we could hang out, huh?" 768 00:41:10,968 --> 00:41:14,221 "I'm in a field. I could be with you in the house playing PlayStation, Dave." 769 00:41:14,305 --> 00:41:17,266 "We could be in Call of Duty, in Verdansk, like the good old days." 770 00:41:17,349 --> 00:41:19,226 "But no, you wanna be so woke 771 00:41:19,310 --> 00:41:21,520 that I get whipped by another white person." 772 00:41:21,604 --> 00:41:24,273 He's like, "No." I was like, "You want me to be a slave?" 773 00:41:24,356 --> 00:41:27,151 "You want me to be whipped, don't you?" He's like, "No, okay." 774 00:41:27,234 --> 00:41:28,277 "Okay, fine, dude." 775 00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,447 "If slavery came back, yeah, I'd have you as one of my slaves, 776 00:41:31,530 --> 00:41:32,573 and treat you well." 777 00:41:32,656 --> 00:41:34,950 I was like, "Aha! So you would have slaves." 778 00:41:35,743 --> 00:41:37,745 [laughter and applause] 779 00:41:39,872 --> 00:41:42,333 I was like, "All right, I gotta go." He's like, 'No!" 780 00:41:45,836 --> 00:41:47,338 He still hasn't forgiven me. 781 00:41:48,339 --> 00:41:50,299 [chuckles] 782 00:41:51,050 --> 00:41:52,551 [sighs] 783 00:41:54,512 --> 00:41:56,764 Who will you be when history calls? 784 00:41:58,641 --> 00:42:00,601 So much easier when it's hypothetical. 785 00:42:04,855 --> 00:42:08,776 As you move from one exhibit to the next, 786 00:42:09,276 --> 00:42:11,362 you move through Reconstruction, 787 00:42:11,862 --> 00:42:13,113 Jim Crow, 788 00:42:13,197 --> 00:42:15,199 you get to the Civil Rights Movement. 789 00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:19,245 And it's impressive on its own, 790 00:42:19,328 --> 00:42:22,373 but… but because it has now been 60 years 791 00:42:22,456 --> 00:42:24,667 since the "I Have a Dream speech," 792 00:42:25,167 --> 00:42:27,211 they've expanded the part of the exhibit 793 00:42:27,294 --> 00:42:30,631 that looks at Dr. Martin Luther King's life. 794 00:42:32,841 --> 00:42:36,053 And you get to see his writings, 795 00:42:36,136 --> 00:42:38,264 his thoughts, his journals, 796 00:42:38,347 --> 00:42:40,975 his letters to other people, his letters to the public, 797 00:42:41,058 --> 00:42:43,644 his… his correspondences with his friends, 798 00:42:43,727 --> 00:42:44,937 interviews, you name it. 799 00:42:45,020 --> 00:42:50,401 Like, you see his life in a detail that I think very few of us ever have. 800 00:42:51,527 --> 00:42:54,572 And… I… I don't wanna speak for everyone, 801 00:42:54,655 --> 00:42:57,700 but I feel like when we're taught about MLK, 802 00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:03,372 it's a really sanitized, flat version of his life. 803 00:43:03,914 --> 00:43:07,501 Do you know what I mean? It seems really simple and inevitable. 804 00:43:08,002 --> 00:43:11,630 Whenever you're taught the story, it's like, "There was a man named MLK." 805 00:43:11,714 --> 00:43:14,758 "He didn't like what was happening, and he marched on a bridge, 806 00:43:14,842 --> 00:43:17,511 he had a dream, and he lived happily ever after." 807 00:43:17,595 --> 00:43:20,264 "Happy MLK Day, 50% off your mattress." 808 00:43:21,932 --> 00:43:26,520 But… but when you… when you see his life, it's not like that. 809 00:43:26,604 --> 00:43:28,731 'Cause that, like… Genuinely, when people talk about it, 810 00:43:28,814 --> 00:43:30,399 there'll be the "Happy MLK Day!" 811 00:43:30,482 --> 00:43:34,903 It… it almost sounds like a Disney movie. It has the same plot as a Disney movie. 812 00:43:34,987 --> 00:43:36,864 It's just like, "This summer," you know, 813 00:43:36,947 --> 00:43:40,659 "One man, one dream changed the world." 814 00:43:40,743 --> 00:43:42,077 "I have a dream!" 815 00:43:42,578 --> 00:43:45,247 "Timothée Chalamet is Martin Luther King." 816 00:43:45,331 --> 00:43:47,541 "Only on Disney+." 817 00:43:50,002 --> 00:43:51,545 That's how it feels. 818 00:43:56,008 --> 00:43:59,637 But when you see his life laid out… 819 00:43:59,720 --> 00:44:02,139 I mean the minutiae of his days. 820 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:06,226 The things that he and the people around him were experiencing. 821 00:44:07,936 --> 00:44:11,398 He was arrested somewhere around like 29 times 822 00:44:11,899 --> 00:44:14,276 over the course of like four years. 823 00:44:14,360 --> 00:44:15,527 Trumped up charges. 824 00:44:15,611 --> 00:44:18,238 Sometimes he was left in a jail cell by himself, 825 00:44:18,322 --> 00:44:21,075 wasn't given food, wasn't given a phone call, nothing. 826 00:44:21,575 --> 00:44:24,078 Sometimes he was beaten, sometimes they just, like… 827 00:44:24,161 --> 00:44:26,955 You see this man's life in detail. 828 00:44:27,039 --> 00:44:28,957 They chased him out of towns. 829 00:44:29,833 --> 00:44:31,835 The federal government came after him. 830 00:44:31,919 --> 00:44:34,838 J. Edgar Hoover himself, the head of the FBI, 831 00:44:34,922 --> 00:44:40,010 designated Martin Luther King as the most dangerous man in America. 832 00:44:40,511 --> 00:44:44,807 And then the FBI ran a concerted campaign to destroy him. 833 00:44:44,890 --> 00:44:47,559 They try and break up his friendships and working relationships, 834 00:44:47,643 --> 00:44:50,646 and the most sinister thing they did was they tapped his phones, 835 00:44:50,729 --> 00:44:53,732 and they found out that he was having an affair. 836 00:44:53,816 --> 00:44:57,027 They phoned his wife, Coretta Scott King, and they snitched on him 837 00:44:57,111 --> 00:45:00,406 because they thought that that would destroy his marriage 838 00:45:00,489 --> 00:45:01,990 and destroy the movement. 839 00:45:02,491 --> 00:45:03,325 Yeah. 840 00:45:03,409 --> 00:45:05,160 The FBI tried 841 00:45:05,953 --> 00:45:08,414 to dish gossip on Martin Luther King. 842 00:45:08,497 --> 00:45:11,166 Totally changes how you see the organization. 843 00:45:11,834 --> 00:45:13,961 Right? FBI seems so serious. 844 00:45:14,044 --> 00:45:15,838 Now you get the real picture. 845 00:45:16,422 --> 00:45:19,967 They're in that J. Edgar Hoover building in the morning. 846 00:45:20,050 --> 00:45:22,803 "What are you working on, Kowalski?" "Drug enforcement, sir." 847 00:45:22,886 --> 00:45:24,263 "What about you?" 848 00:45:24,346 --> 00:45:27,057 "Sir, criminal crimes, specifically financial." 849 00:45:27,141 --> 00:45:29,435 "And you?" [singsong] "Drama!" 850 00:45:35,023 --> 00:45:37,901 You see everything that happened to MLK, everything. 851 00:45:37,985 --> 00:45:39,570 Some internal 'cause he writes about it, 852 00:45:39,653 --> 00:45:41,780 some external because people are observing. 853 00:45:44,116 --> 00:45:48,245 One of the sections that really lays out what it was like is a four-year stretch 854 00:45:48,954 --> 00:45:54,001 where Dr. King and other Black people would try to go and get served 855 00:45:54,084 --> 00:45:57,838 in restaurants that were segregating Black people 856 00:45:57,921 --> 00:45:59,757 and weren't allowing them to get food. 857 00:46:00,257 --> 00:46:04,094 They would walk into the restaurants, they would sit down, dressed to the nines, 858 00:46:04,178 --> 00:46:05,596 and they would get denied service. 859 00:46:05,679 --> 00:46:08,891 They would get kicked out, they would get cursed at, spat on. 860 00:46:09,433 --> 00:46:10,934 Oftentimes, they were beaten. 861 00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:13,604 Leave with concussions, bleeding. 862 00:46:13,687 --> 00:46:15,814 They'd go home, wash up, come back, do it again. 863 00:46:15,898 --> 00:46:18,692 Go home, wash up, do it again. Go home, wash up, do it again. 864 00:46:18,776 --> 00:46:20,402 Now when we talk about it, we go, 865 00:46:20,486 --> 00:46:22,696 "They did the right thing. Look how it turned out." 866 00:46:22,780 --> 00:46:26,492 Yes, but when you read his life, you go, "It wasn't inevitable." 867 00:46:27,242 --> 00:46:29,661 There was no guarantee that it was gonna work. 868 00:46:29,745 --> 00:46:32,080 There was no sign that it was working. 869 00:46:32,164 --> 00:46:34,792 And yet, they persevered. 870 00:46:35,918 --> 00:46:38,796 When I was looking through his life and reading his works, 871 00:46:38,879 --> 00:46:43,217 I was like, "Was there ever a moment when he regretted?" 872 00:46:44,301 --> 00:46:47,429 Was there ever a moment when he regretted what he had gone through, 873 00:46:47,513 --> 00:46:48,889 what he was doing? 874 00:46:49,973 --> 00:46:52,893 Like when he tasted white people's food for the first time? 875 00:46:52,976 --> 00:46:54,853 [laughter and applause] 876 00:47:00,192 --> 00:47:03,237 You realize, until that point, it was theoretical, right? 877 00:47:04,196 --> 00:47:06,156 Black people had never been served. 878 00:47:06,240 --> 00:47:09,785 They only wished to be served in these establishments. 879 00:47:10,285 --> 00:47:12,204 But they had never eaten there. 880 00:47:12,830 --> 00:47:16,208 They'd sit down at the counter, and the owner would be like, "Goddamn it!" 881 00:47:16,291 --> 00:47:19,086 "I don't want your kind around here! Get outta here, boy!" 882 00:47:19,169 --> 00:47:21,797 And he'd be like… [as King] "My brother, I have a dream." 883 00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:25,384 "I have a dream that one day, regardless of the color of our skin, 884 00:47:25,467 --> 00:47:27,469 all people will be allowed to sit here, 885 00:47:27,553 --> 00:47:30,013 our brothers and sisters, Black and white alike, 886 00:47:30,097 --> 00:47:34,309 and America will come good on its promise that all men are created equal." 887 00:47:34,393 --> 00:47:37,479 "I have a dream that one day--" "Oh, shut up!" 888 00:47:37,563 --> 00:47:41,024 "You've won. They changed the laws. Look at the TV." 889 00:47:41,108 --> 00:47:42,317 "Here's your food." 890 00:47:42,401 --> 00:47:44,403 Fff! Fff! 891 00:47:44,945 --> 00:47:46,738 "Thank you very much." 892 00:47:56,915 --> 00:47:58,375 "Oh shit." 893 00:48:03,964 --> 00:48:05,883 "Now I have a new dream." 894 00:48:08,468 --> 00:48:12,723 "I have a new dream that one day white people will discover seasoning." 895 00:48:14,933 --> 00:48:19,229 "I have a dream that they will no longer consider black pepper to be a spice." 896 00:48:22,024 --> 00:48:24,443 "I have a dream we will all come together 897 00:48:24,526 --> 00:48:26,403 to defeat the real white devil, 898 00:48:26,486 --> 00:48:27,905 mayonnaise." 899 00:48:27,988 --> 00:48:29,990 [laughter and applause] 900 00:48:35,787 --> 00:48:38,206 Can you imagine how awkward it must've been? 901 00:48:39,333 --> 00:48:42,336 That first walk after that first meal. 902 00:48:43,670 --> 00:48:46,673 Martin and his boys walking into the parking lot. 903 00:48:47,758 --> 00:48:48,926 Dead quiet. 904 00:48:58,894 --> 00:49:00,395 "For this shit, Martin?" 905 00:49:03,732 --> 00:49:05,317 "For this shit, Martin?" 906 00:49:05,400 --> 00:49:07,569 "I'm so sorry, fellas. I didn't know." 907 00:49:07,653 --> 00:49:10,781 "Goddamn it, Martin! You had them whippin' our ass for this shit?" 908 00:49:10,864 --> 00:49:13,283 "Did you taste that food?" "I thought it was delicious." 909 00:49:13,367 --> 00:49:16,286 "That's why I thought they were blocking us. I apologize." 910 00:49:16,370 --> 00:49:18,288 "I'm so sorry, fellas. My bad." 911 00:49:18,372 --> 00:49:21,083 "Goddamn it, Martin. That shit tastes like depression, man!" 912 00:49:21,166 --> 00:49:22,918 "Is this the shit we've been fighting for?" 913 00:49:23,001 --> 00:49:25,337 "I'm so sorry, everybody. I'll make it up to y'all." 914 00:49:25,420 --> 00:49:28,256 "I'll buy everybody Popeyes on the way home." 915 00:49:33,595 --> 00:49:35,263 [sighs] 916 00:49:37,432 --> 00:49:38,892 Who will you be 917 00:49:40,268 --> 00:49:41,395 when history calls? 918 00:49:44,940 --> 00:49:47,734 [audience member laughs screechily] 919 00:49:48,902 --> 00:49:49,861 Thank you. 920 00:49:50,696 --> 00:49:52,698 [laughter and scattered applause] 921 00:49:53,824 --> 00:49:57,411 [audience members whooping] 922 00:50:00,580 --> 00:50:05,002 You know, the… the conundrum of life is 923 00:50:06,336 --> 00:50:10,382 that just because the big is happening 924 00:50:11,425 --> 00:50:13,844 doesn't mean that the small stops. 925 00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:21,893 Just because the big is happening doesn't mean that the small stops. 926 00:50:21,977 --> 00:50:23,812 -[applause] -You know? 927 00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:28,525 It's one of the conundrums of life. 928 00:50:29,026 --> 00:50:31,069 How much of the big do you focus on, 929 00:50:31,153 --> 00:50:34,448 and how much of the small do you pay any heed? 930 00:50:37,117 --> 00:50:38,618 It was captured perfect for me. 931 00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:41,580 There was an exchange that I saw online between two people. 932 00:50:41,663 --> 00:50:46,293 Someone posted, "Just graduated, really excited, got straight A's, 933 00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:49,004 party at my house, everyone's invited." 934 00:50:49,087 --> 00:50:50,756 It was a joke, obviously. Not everyone's… 935 00:50:50,839 --> 00:50:52,841 'Cause the Internet, not everyone's invited. 936 00:50:52,924 --> 00:50:54,217 And then people started posting. 937 00:50:54,301 --> 00:50:56,970 Then someone jumped in the comments and was like, "Really?" 938 00:50:57,054 --> 00:50:59,514 "Throwing a party at a time like this?" 939 00:50:59,598 --> 00:51:03,268 "Read the room. Look around you. Is now the time to be celebrating?" 940 00:51:03,351 --> 00:51:05,562 "This is not the time to throw parties when we're at…" 941 00:51:05,645 --> 00:51:07,481 This whole thing, it devolved into a huge fight. 942 00:51:07,564 --> 00:51:08,899 I'll be honest with you. 943 00:51:08,982 --> 00:51:11,401 I could actually see where both people were coming from. 944 00:51:11,485 --> 00:51:12,861 Emotionally, I… I… I got it. 945 00:51:12,944 --> 00:51:17,074 On the one hand, someone was saying, "How can you throw a celebration 946 00:51:17,157 --> 00:51:20,911 at a time when it feels like the world as we know it has fallen apart?" 947 00:51:20,994 --> 00:51:22,913 "How can you be joyous 948 00:51:22,996 --> 00:51:26,333 when it looks like every norm and institution we have understood 949 00:51:26,416 --> 00:51:29,628 that makes up the fabric of society is falling apart?" 950 00:51:29,711 --> 00:51:32,214 "Our public trust is falling apart. Our trust in each other is…" 951 00:51:32,297 --> 00:51:33,715 "How can you throw a party?" 952 00:51:33,799 --> 00:51:36,802 But the other person was saying, "How can I not?" 953 00:51:37,302 --> 00:51:40,430 "I have lived and worked my entire life to get to this place." 954 00:51:40,514 --> 00:51:43,725 "I have finally achieved it against all odds, 955 00:51:43,809 --> 00:51:46,978 and so for this moment, I wish to enjoy." 956 00:51:47,687 --> 00:51:50,273 And both are right. Right? 957 00:51:50,774 --> 00:51:52,901 -Both… both are right. -[applause] 958 00:51:55,237 --> 00:51:57,155 In every hospital around the world, there's a ward 959 00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:58,782 where a baby has just been born 960 00:51:58,865 --> 00:52:00,951 and another where somebody has just died. 961 00:52:02,744 --> 00:52:05,413 Jubilation at the start of a new life. 962 00:52:06,414 --> 00:52:08,708 Despair at the loss of someone you've always loved. 963 00:52:09,209 --> 00:52:10,961 Neither ward incorrect. 964 00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:14,881 But then which one do you focus on? 965 00:52:19,469 --> 00:52:23,348 I got… I got an answer for myself in one of the most random places. I… 966 00:52:23,431 --> 00:52:25,684 I was reading a book. 967 00:52:25,767 --> 00:52:32,065 There was accounts from soldiers who served during, uh, World War I, 968 00:52:32,149 --> 00:52:34,943 and they were talking to veterans who had been there at the time. 969 00:52:35,026 --> 00:52:38,113 And they… they were… This book goes through their experiences. 970 00:52:39,322 --> 00:52:41,616 And lot of them talk about the trench warfare, 971 00:52:41,700 --> 00:52:45,078 which was some of the worst warfare man has ever invented. 972 00:52:45,162 --> 00:52:47,539 All right? It went on for years and years and years. 973 00:52:47,622 --> 00:52:49,666 These soldiers would cycle in and cycle out. 974 00:52:49,749 --> 00:52:52,085 Every day could've been their last. 975 00:52:52,669 --> 00:52:54,754 And in the midst of all of this despair, 976 00:52:54,838 --> 00:52:58,633 there's one common thread that you see with every single soldier they speak to, 977 00:52:58,717 --> 00:53:00,552 almost every single one. 978 00:53:00,635 --> 00:53:04,472 And that is that they found their joy in the trenches. 979 00:53:05,182 --> 00:53:09,102 They have these moments where they host card games, 980 00:53:09,186 --> 00:53:10,187 and they play around. 981 00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:13,899 They… they… they had a satirical newspaper that they started. 982 00:53:13,982 --> 00:53:16,067 They'd make jokes about their commanding officers 983 00:53:16,151 --> 00:53:18,820 and what was happening in the war and each other, and… 984 00:53:18,904 --> 00:53:21,448 and one of… one of the wildest things I read was 985 00:53:21,531 --> 00:53:25,035 there was a day when a cow walked into the battlefield. 986 00:53:25,118 --> 00:53:26,203 It was in no-man's-land. 987 00:53:26,286 --> 00:53:29,331 It was perfectly between the Allies and the Axis. 988 00:53:29,414 --> 00:53:32,918 So it was like both sides wanted the cow, 989 00:53:33,418 --> 00:53:35,629 and then they shouted across to the Germans. 990 00:53:35,712 --> 00:53:39,591 They said, "We want the cow." The Germans were like, "Ve vant ze cow." 991 00:53:40,091 --> 00:53:41,968 They agreed. They said, "Let's play a game." 992 00:53:42,052 --> 00:53:45,805 "We'll throw up coins in the air, and we'll try to shoot them." 993 00:53:45,889 --> 00:53:49,226 "Whoever hits the coin gets to keep the cow." 994 00:53:49,309 --> 00:53:52,229 And then the English soldiers shot the coin, 995 00:53:52,312 --> 00:53:55,774 and then the Germans were like, "Okay, you win the cow, 996 00:53:55,857 --> 00:53:57,817 but we'd like our coins back." 997 00:53:58,693 --> 00:54:01,696 The English soldier went, got the coins, was like, "They're gonna kill me." 998 00:54:01,780 --> 00:54:05,408 Got the coins, gave them to the Germans, then ran back and got in the trenches. 999 00:54:05,492 --> 00:54:07,327 Then everyone was like, "Fun game!" 1000 00:54:09,037 --> 00:54:10,622 You… Like, it's littered with stories. 1001 00:54:10,705 --> 00:54:13,333 There were stories of soldiers singing to each other 1002 00:54:13,416 --> 00:54:15,001 on evenings, randomly. 1003 00:54:15,085 --> 00:54:19,714 They would sing across enemy lines at the other soldiers, 1004 00:54:20,590 --> 00:54:22,592 and the other soldiers would sing back. 1005 00:54:23,176 --> 00:54:25,303 Can you imagine that? You're in a trench. 1006 00:54:26,012 --> 00:54:28,807 Your feet are rotting. Everyone's tired, scared. 1007 00:54:28,890 --> 00:54:30,934 In the midst of that, all of a sudden, someone's like… 1008 00:54:31,017 --> 00:54:32,686 ♪ Say you… ♪ 1009 00:54:32,769 --> 00:54:34,771 [laughter and applause] 1010 00:54:36,398 --> 00:54:38,400 [cheering] 1011 00:54:41,820 --> 00:54:44,155 They found their joy in the trenches. 1012 00:54:46,866 --> 00:54:48,910 And I… It hit me because it made me realize 1013 00:54:48,994 --> 00:54:50,662 they remembered what they were fighting for. 1014 00:54:50,745 --> 00:54:53,331 They were fighting to live. They weren't fighting to fight. 1015 00:54:53,832 --> 00:54:57,043 If you forget what you're fighting for, then there's no point in fighting. 1016 00:54:57,585 --> 00:55:00,338 You're fighting to be joyous, you're fighting to explore yourself. 1017 00:55:00,422 --> 00:55:02,257 -[applause] -You're fighting to have adventures. 1018 00:55:02,340 --> 00:55:06,177 You're fighting to laugh. You're fighting… You don't just fight to fight. 1019 00:55:06,261 --> 00:55:07,721 You're fighting to live. 1020 00:55:08,221 --> 00:55:11,182 Just because the big is happening 1021 00:55:11,266 --> 00:55:14,561 doesn't mean that the small stops. 1022 00:55:16,313 --> 00:55:18,315 [cheering and applause] 1023 00:55:23,820 --> 00:55:26,656 My therapist told me that I am undateable. 1024 00:55:26,740 --> 00:55:28,742 [enthusiastic laughter] 1025 00:55:32,412 --> 00:55:33,413 Yeah. 1026 00:55:35,290 --> 00:55:36,958 In session, she turned to me and she said, 1027 00:55:37,042 --> 00:55:40,420 "Trevor, I think it is because you are undateable." 1028 00:55:40,920 --> 00:55:44,174 I was like, "Huh, I guess you also didn't like the Grammys." 1029 00:55:48,011 --> 00:55:52,265 She told me this at the end of a session, which I feel like should be illegal. 1030 00:55:53,016 --> 00:55:57,354 Right? Well, therapists will drop a bomb on you at the end of a session 1031 00:55:57,437 --> 00:55:58,480 and expect you to wait. 1032 00:55:58,563 --> 00:56:00,899 Like, "That's why your father could never love you." 1033 00:56:00,982 --> 00:56:02,942 "You're like, "What?" "We've run out of time." 1034 00:56:03,026 --> 00:56:04,486 "I'll see you next time." "No!" 1035 00:56:04,569 --> 00:56:06,488 "No, next video, next video!" 1036 00:56:06,571 --> 00:56:10,742 "I don't want to wait a week. I want Netflix therapy, not HBO!" 1037 00:56:13,036 --> 00:56:15,288 I had to wait two weeks, and in my next session, 1038 00:56:15,372 --> 00:56:18,458 I was like, "Where were we? Let's go." I was like, "Yeah, skip recap." 1039 00:56:18,541 --> 00:56:19,793 "Let's go, let's go, let's go." 1040 00:56:19,876 --> 00:56:23,838 And she was like, "Trevor, I was thinking about you and relationships." 1041 00:56:23,922 --> 00:56:27,509 We were talking about my inability to be in a long-term relationship. 1042 00:56:27,592 --> 00:56:30,053 I was trying to understand why, and we're delving into it. 1043 00:56:30,136 --> 00:56:32,597 She said, "I think it's because you are undateable." 1044 00:56:32,680 --> 00:56:35,517 Then she broke it down for me. She said, "There are a few reasons." 1045 00:56:36,017 --> 00:56:39,813 Um… "I think you work too much. You love your work, but you work too much, 1046 00:56:39,896 --> 00:56:42,107 and that doesn't create a good balance in your life." 1047 00:56:42,190 --> 00:56:46,820 Um, she said, "Also, you, uh, travel too much, 1048 00:56:46,903 --> 00:56:51,074 and being in the same place is crucial for building a solid relationship." 1049 00:56:51,574 --> 00:56:55,495 "Uh, but I'll be honest with you, those things are really just the side dish." 1050 00:56:56,413 --> 00:56:59,249 Right? The main course and the real issue I have 1051 00:56:59,749 --> 00:57:02,085 is, as my therapist put it, 1052 00:57:02,585 --> 00:57:04,587 I have an inability 1053 00:57:05,338 --> 00:57:09,759 to not say what is in my head. 1054 00:57:13,388 --> 00:57:16,015 And she taught me that one of the keys 1055 00:57:16,099 --> 00:57:18,643 to a long, successful relationship 1056 00:57:19,602 --> 00:57:22,105 is knowing when to think 1057 00:57:22,188 --> 00:57:24,107 and when to speak. 1058 00:57:25,108 --> 00:57:25,942 Yeah. 1059 00:57:27,735 --> 00:57:30,196 I was like, "I don't have that problem. I'm a good communicator." 1060 00:57:30,280 --> 00:57:33,241 She's like, "No, Trevor, you… oftentimes, you have thoughts, 1061 00:57:33,324 --> 00:57:35,076 and you immediately say them." 1062 00:57:35,160 --> 00:57:37,370 "You have the thought, and it comes out your mouth." 1063 00:57:37,454 --> 00:57:39,622 And Trump was like, "Tell him, girl." 1064 00:57:48,673 --> 00:57:51,759 I was like, "I don't know. I don't think I have that as a problem." 1065 00:57:51,843 --> 00:57:54,596 She's like, "No, I've got notes. Hold on. I've got some notes." 1066 00:57:55,096 --> 00:57:57,515 She's pulled out the notes. "Let's go through some examples." 1067 00:57:57,599 --> 00:58:00,643 And there was one example that really, yeah, it… you… 1068 00:58:00,727 --> 00:58:02,604 She was right. Um… 1069 00:58:03,813 --> 00:58:05,732 It happened with an ex-girlfriend of mine. 1070 00:58:05,815 --> 00:58:09,527 It was the fracture that led to the end of the relationship, really. 1071 00:58:09,611 --> 00:58:13,656 It wasn't the moment, but that fracture caused the outcome. 1072 00:58:14,866 --> 00:58:17,494 We were… we were getting ready for bed. 1073 00:58:18,828 --> 00:58:20,205 It was an innocuous night, 1074 00:58:20,705 --> 00:58:23,500 brushing our teeth, getting into the covers. 1075 00:58:23,583 --> 00:58:26,419 Before we turned off the lights, we started talking to each other, 1076 00:58:26,503 --> 00:58:27,921 and we got really cozy. 1077 00:58:28,004 --> 00:58:30,131 You know those moments with the person you love, 1078 00:58:30,215 --> 00:58:32,717 and you… you just find yourself in a rabbit hole 1079 00:58:32,800 --> 00:58:35,553 of stories you've never told and feelings you've never shared, 1080 00:58:35,637 --> 00:58:38,723 and you're laughing, and you're gigg… You can feel you're falling more in love. 1081 00:58:39,265 --> 00:58:42,185 And we're lying there on the pillows, looking at each other, 1082 00:58:42,268 --> 00:58:43,895 and she's there staring at me. 1083 00:58:43,978 --> 00:58:45,230 [laughter] 1084 00:58:45,313 --> 00:58:48,233 All of a sudden, she's like, "Hey, um… 1085 00:58:49,150 --> 00:58:50,777 can I ask you a question?" 1086 00:58:51,861 --> 00:58:53,029 I was like, "Yeah." 1087 00:58:53,905 --> 00:58:55,031 "Yeah, of course." 1088 00:58:55,532 --> 00:58:56,491 She's like, 1089 00:58:57,242 --> 00:59:00,119 "If you could change one thing about me…" 1090 00:59:00,203 --> 00:59:01,913 [audience groaning] 1091 00:59:01,996 --> 00:59:03,498 "…what would you change?" 1092 00:59:07,210 --> 00:59:08,878 Now I have since learned… 1093 00:59:08,962 --> 00:59:10,964 [laughter] 1094 00:59:12,048 --> 00:59:15,426 …that there is a correct answer to this question. 1095 00:59:16,553 --> 00:59:19,639 Uh… and yes, one correct answer. 1096 00:59:19,722 --> 00:59:22,350 Regardless of how unique your relationship is, 1097 00:59:22,433 --> 00:59:25,562 if you want to win this game-show question, 1098 00:59:26,521 --> 00:59:29,607 the answer you give, if she says to you, if there's a woman in your life, 1099 00:59:29,691 --> 00:59:33,361 and she says, "If there's one thing you could change, what would you change?" 1100 00:59:33,444 --> 00:59:35,154 The correct answer is… 1101 00:59:35,238 --> 00:59:36,447 [Trevor and audience] Nothing. 1102 00:59:36,531 --> 00:59:40,034 Uh-huh. Yes. I wish you were all there with me that night. 1103 00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:41,995 Yes. 1104 00:59:42,954 --> 00:59:45,748 The correct answer is, "Nothing." 1105 00:59:45,832 --> 00:59:51,045 You say, "Nothing, babe. I would change nothing about you 1106 00:59:51,546 --> 00:59:55,550 because everything you are makes you perfect for me." 1107 00:59:57,093 --> 00:59:59,596 "If anything… Can I be honest?" 1108 01:00:00,847 --> 01:00:02,473 "I would change myself." 1109 01:00:04,892 --> 01:00:06,728 "I would change myself 1110 01:00:07,562 --> 01:00:11,899 so that I would be better able to receive the love you so freely give." 1111 01:00:12,859 --> 01:00:15,987 -"That is what I would change." -[cheering and applause] 1112 01:00:16,904 --> 01:00:19,949 That's the unabridged answer, should you wish to use it. 1113 01:00:20,450 --> 01:00:21,284 Yeah. 1114 01:00:22,452 --> 01:00:24,287 That is not the answer I gave. 1115 01:00:25,788 --> 01:00:28,458 Nope. I said what was in my head. 1116 01:00:29,417 --> 01:00:30,793 She looked at me, she said, 1117 01:00:30,877 --> 01:00:34,130 "If you could change one thing about me, 1118 01:00:34,631 --> 01:00:36,007 what would you change?" 1119 01:00:36,799 --> 01:00:40,219 And I was like, "Oh, one thing." 1120 01:00:42,472 --> 01:00:45,058 "Oof. One thing." 1121 01:00:46,309 --> 01:00:48,311 "Oh, one thing, one thing." 1122 01:00:48,394 --> 01:00:50,730 "Wow, that's a tough one. One thing." 1123 01:00:51,356 --> 01:00:52,899 "Only one." [groans] 1124 01:00:52,982 --> 01:00:55,026 "Okay, let me think. Hold on. Let me think." 1125 01:00:55,109 --> 01:00:57,737 "If it's only one thing, what would I change?" 1126 01:00:57,820 --> 01:01:00,865 "What would I change? Okay, okay. Um… I think I got it." 1127 01:01:00,948 --> 01:01:03,493 "If I could change only one thing about you, 1128 01:01:03,993 --> 01:01:07,664 I would change how you communicate 1129 01:01:08,498 --> 01:01:09,874 during sex." 1130 01:01:11,250 --> 01:01:13,503 And she was like, "What?!" 1131 01:01:15,505 --> 01:01:18,091 Yeah, and then it snowballed. 1132 01:01:19,550 --> 01:01:21,969 I… I know I was wrong, so please don't judge me. 1133 01:01:22,053 --> 01:01:23,930 I know I was wrong, and I'm working on it. 1134 01:01:24,013 --> 01:01:26,557 I'll explain to you what was going through my head, all right? 1135 01:01:26,641 --> 01:01:28,810 What happened that night, uh… 1136 01:01:28,893 --> 01:01:31,771 is, first of all, I thought it was a real question. Okay? 1137 01:01:32,605 --> 01:01:34,899 Secondly, secondly, 1138 01:01:34,982 --> 01:01:37,902 I was trying to express a feeling that I had, 1139 01:01:37,985 --> 01:01:40,321 and that feeling was a confusion that I would often have, 1140 01:01:40,405 --> 01:01:41,739 and sometimes a frustration, 1141 01:01:41,823 --> 01:01:43,950 when my girlfriend and I would be getting intimate. 1142 01:01:44,033 --> 01:01:46,744 We'd be in an intimate setting, and she would say… 1143 01:01:46,828 --> 01:01:48,162 I'm not trying to be lewd. 1144 01:01:48,246 --> 01:01:51,791 She would be like, "Oh, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come." Right? 1145 01:01:51,874 --> 01:01:55,211 Which, by the way, ladies, is the greatest phrase you can ever say to a man, 1146 01:01:55,294 --> 01:01:56,295 like ever, ever, ever. 1147 01:01:56,379 --> 01:02:00,049 There is nothing a man wants to hear more in his life than that sentence. 1148 01:02:00,133 --> 01:02:03,594 You say that sentence, we have reached the pinnacle of manhood. 1149 01:02:03,678 --> 01:02:05,680 We have achieved. We have arrived. 1150 01:02:05,763 --> 01:02:08,057 Yes, you say that, and we're like, "Me Tarzan." 1151 01:02:08,141 --> 01:02:10,852 It's… it's done. It's done. 1152 01:02:10,935 --> 01:02:12,812 And it is so powerful on us, ladies, 1153 01:02:12,895 --> 01:02:15,773 that we will… we will reach a level of our masculinity 1154 01:02:15,857 --> 01:02:18,234 that we didn't even know we possessed. 1155 01:02:18,317 --> 01:02:20,862 You say that to us, and we'll become stronger. 1156 01:02:20,945 --> 01:02:24,532 We will overcome things we couldn't. Our fatigue goes out the window. 1157 01:02:24,615 --> 01:02:26,617 Yeah, yeah, we forget about that cramp. 1158 01:02:26,701 --> 01:02:29,245 We, like, any situation, 1159 01:02:29,328 --> 01:02:31,622 like, sometimes, sometimes, we can't breathe, you know? 1160 01:02:31,706 --> 01:02:33,374 Sometimes we can't breathe. 1161 01:02:33,458 --> 01:02:36,377 Sometimes our nose is blocked, and… 1162 01:02:36,461 --> 01:02:41,007 And what we're doing at that time is we're moving from breath to breath, right? 1163 01:02:41,090 --> 01:02:43,050 So we're doing our thing, we're doing our thing, 1164 01:02:43,134 --> 01:02:47,430 and then when we run out of air, we, like a whale breaching, 1165 01:02:47,930 --> 01:02:50,308 we'll… we'll pop up, "Bahhh," 1166 01:02:50,808 --> 01:02:55,188 and then we'll dive back into the depths of your pleasure, right? 1167 01:02:55,271 --> 01:02:56,189 And this is fine. 1168 01:02:56,272 --> 01:02:59,734 It's a rhythm that every man has figured out for themselves, right? 1169 01:02:59,817 --> 01:03:02,528 But ladies, understand we are going from breath to breath. 1170 01:03:02,612 --> 01:03:05,281 And when you say, "I'm going to come," 1171 01:03:05,364 --> 01:03:08,367 we then go, "This is not the time to breathe." 1172 01:03:10,286 --> 01:03:11,496 "This is my calling." 1173 01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:14,791 "I have but one breath, and I shall use it well." 1174 01:03:16,584 --> 01:03:19,754 And so we hold it, and we keep going, 1175 01:03:19,837 --> 01:03:22,215 we keep going, we keep going, 1176 01:03:22,298 --> 01:03:24,383 and we try to get you there. 1177 01:03:24,467 --> 01:03:28,805 Now, the thing I didn't know at the time was, when my ex would say the phrase, 1178 01:03:28,888 --> 01:03:30,473 "I'm going to come," 1179 01:03:30,556 --> 01:03:33,351 what she actually meant was, 1180 01:03:33,851 --> 01:03:37,563 "The action you're performing on me is quite pleasurable, 1181 01:03:37,647 --> 01:03:39,774 and I would like you to continue." 1182 01:03:40,316 --> 01:03:44,028 "Please continue exactly what you are doing right now 1183 01:03:44,904 --> 01:03:47,949 at the same cadence and preferably same pressure." 1184 01:03:48,449 --> 01:03:50,618 "Don't get excited 'cause I said that phrase." 1185 01:03:50,701 --> 01:03:52,119 "Don't switch things up." 1186 01:03:52,203 --> 01:03:55,623 "Just do exactly what you are doing now 1187 01:03:55,706 --> 01:03:57,708 'cause you're on the right track." 1188 01:03:58,751 --> 01:04:01,212 "You got this, champ. Keep going." 1189 01:04:01,921 --> 01:04:04,715 "Before, you were all over the place, but this is it." 1190 01:04:05,216 --> 01:04:07,468 "If you do this, there's a good chance 1191 01:04:07,552 --> 01:04:10,054 that I am going to reach my climax." 1192 01:04:10,137 --> 01:04:12,473 "So you keep going, buddy. You got this." 1193 01:04:12,557 --> 01:04:15,685 "I believe in you. You're getting warmer." 1194 01:04:16,435 --> 01:04:18,104 That's what she meant. 1195 01:04:19,897 --> 01:04:21,983 Right? But you gotta understand that's confusing. 1196 01:04:22,066 --> 01:04:25,152 That's confusing, ladies, right, because you're saying this thing. 1197 01:04:25,236 --> 01:04:26,654 "I'm going to come." 1198 01:04:26,737 --> 01:04:30,116 And I understand now, like, fellas, when women say, "I'm going to come," 1199 01:04:30,199 --> 01:04:32,618 they're saying it the way a person at a bus stop would say, 1200 01:04:32,702 --> 01:04:35,413 "The bus is going to come." Right? 1201 01:04:35,955 --> 01:04:40,793 They mean you are at the correct location for a bus to coincide with yourself. 1202 01:04:42,712 --> 01:04:45,172 This is where the bus will come to. 1203 01:04:45,673 --> 01:04:48,009 But the when is the issue. 1204 01:04:48,634 --> 01:04:50,803 The when is where we are not connecting. 1205 01:04:51,304 --> 01:04:53,973 Because, ladies, men, we are quite literal about this. 1206 01:04:54,056 --> 01:04:55,933 When women are saying it, it's theoretical. 1207 01:04:56,017 --> 01:04:57,268 "I'm going to come," 1208 01:04:57,351 --> 01:05:00,771 it just means that this is the right direction. 1209 01:05:00,855 --> 01:05:03,190 Going could be three minutes. 1210 01:05:03,691 --> 01:05:06,861 She could come in 15 minutes. 1211 01:05:06,944 --> 01:05:09,238 It could be her next relationship. 1212 01:05:10,948 --> 01:05:12,366 Nobody knows. 1213 01:05:14,619 --> 01:05:16,954 But you gotta understand, ladies, we're not breathing. 1214 01:05:18,080 --> 01:05:19,999 We're not breathing. We're holding our breath. 1215 01:05:20,082 --> 01:05:23,294 We are at our limit. You need breath to live. 1216 01:05:23,377 --> 01:05:26,297 This is probably why men live on average ten years younger than women 1217 01:05:26,380 --> 01:05:29,759 because of all the breaths we've missed waiting for this to happen. 1218 01:05:29,842 --> 01:05:32,219 There's nothing wrong with it not happening. 1219 01:05:32,303 --> 01:05:34,639 We didn't know because we're a lot more literal. 1220 01:05:34,722 --> 01:05:36,766 We're simple creatures, men. It is what it is. 1221 01:05:36,849 --> 01:05:39,226 Like a dog. "Where's the ball? There's the ball." 1222 01:05:39,310 --> 01:05:41,604 When men say, "I'm going to come," 1223 01:05:41,687 --> 01:05:43,981 it means that the come is going. 1224 01:05:44,065 --> 01:05:46,067 [raucous laughter] 1225 01:05:47,443 --> 01:05:50,947 The moment is imminently upon you, ladies. That is what I mean. 1226 01:05:51,030 --> 01:05:53,324 When a man says, "I'm going to come," 1227 01:05:53,407 --> 01:05:54,784 this is the time. 1228 01:05:54,867 --> 01:05:56,327 There is no other. 1229 01:05:56,410 --> 01:05:59,705 There is no ad break you can take. There is no pause you can make. 1230 01:05:59,789 --> 01:06:02,792 The come is happening in this moment. 1231 01:06:02,875 --> 01:06:04,168 You cannot blink. 1232 01:06:04,251 --> 01:06:06,128 You step in the road, the bus will hit you. 1233 01:06:06,212 --> 01:06:08,714 The bus is there now. The bus is there right now. 1234 01:06:09,215 --> 01:06:11,509 You'll be like, "Where's the bus?" There's the bus. 1235 01:06:11,592 --> 01:06:14,178 When he says, "I'm going to come," that is it. 1236 01:06:14,261 --> 01:06:17,682 That is… Sometimes we already have. I'm not gonna lie. 1237 01:06:17,765 --> 01:06:20,351 Sometimes it's already happened. I'm gonna be honest. 1238 01:06:20,434 --> 01:06:23,020 Sometimes it's already happened, and we were trying to not, 1239 01:06:23,104 --> 01:06:25,439 and then we're like a kid snitching on ourselves. 1240 01:06:25,523 --> 01:06:26,816 We just mess up the tense. 1241 01:06:26,899 --> 01:06:29,527 "Mommy, I'm going to break something in the kitchen." 1242 01:06:29,610 --> 01:06:30,987 It's already broken. 1243 01:06:31,070 --> 01:06:32,446 It's already broken. 1244 01:06:32,530 --> 01:06:36,075 That's why the worst thing you can say at that moment, ladies, is, "Not yet." 1245 01:06:36,158 --> 01:06:38,035 No, yet has already occurred! 1246 01:06:38,577 --> 01:06:39,912 Yet has concluded. 1247 01:06:39,996 --> 01:06:43,124 Now our manhood has been crushed with this tiny little phrase. 1248 01:06:43,207 --> 01:06:45,292 You say, "Not yet," and then we're like, "Uh…" 1249 01:06:45,376 --> 01:06:47,336 And then we try, but you cannot. It's finished. 1250 01:06:47,420 --> 01:06:49,422 It's fading away. We know it is. 1251 01:06:49,505 --> 01:06:51,924 We go, "I'm gonna do it anyway." "What do you mean?" 1252 01:06:52,008 --> 01:06:54,719 "I'm doing it anyway." "I can't believe you wouldn't wait." 1253 01:06:54,802 --> 01:06:57,805 "I'm a man. I do whatever I want. You can't tell me when I should." 1254 01:06:57,888 --> 01:07:00,808 "So you don't care about me?" "I don't…" [rambles nonsensically] 1255 01:07:00,891 --> 01:07:02,685 And that's why I'm still single. 1256 01:07:04,061 --> 01:07:06,105 Yo, D.C., you guys have been amazing, man. 1257 01:07:06,188 --> 01:07:09,942 -Thank you so much for coming out tonight. -[cheering and applause] 1258 01:07:11,610 --> 01:07:12,862 Thank you for coming. 1259 01:07:13,362 --> 01:07:14,947 Have a wonderful evening. 1260 01:07:15,573 --> 01:07:16,782 Good night. 1261 01:07:16,866 --> 01:07:19,744 ["Mestefeker feat. Bruck Tesfaye" by Arat Kilo playing] 1262 01:07:20,870 --> 01:07:22,872 [soulful brass music] 1263 01:07:31,589 --> 01:07:33,591 [lyrics in Amharic]