1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.BZ 2 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,216 ["I Work Hard" by Mike Epps playing] 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ 4 00:00:08,299 --> 00:00:11,302 ♪ That's a big ol' watch, a big ol' chain A big-ass truck ♪ 5 00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:12,971 ♪ I work hard, bitch ♪ 6 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:17,267 ♪ How you get the big ol' crib A bad chick with a big ol' butt? ♪ 7 00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:18,768 ♪ I work hard, bitch ♪ 8 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,895 ♪ If I want it I'mma buy it, nigga, trust ♪ 9 00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,398 ♪ I don't check the price, nigga I don't give a fuck… ♪ 10 00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:26,943 [male announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, live from Yaamava' Theater, 11 00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:32,115 put your hands together for Mike Epps! 12 00:00:32,198 --> 00:00:35,785 [audience cheering loudly] 13 00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:38,538 ♪ I was so broke I used to think about robbing ♪ 14 00:00:38,621 --> 00:00:40,749 ♪ Had a iPhone, no money, Steve Jobless ♪ 15 00:00:40,832 --> 00:00:43,918 ♪ Now I got the kinda money You would call obnoxious ♪ 16 00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,421 ♪ And I went and bought a Benz That motherfucker's topless… ♪ 17 00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,423 [Epps] What's up, Yaamava'? 18 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:50,216 [cheering loudly] 19 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:53,386 Where the sexy ladies at? 20 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:55,638 [audience cheering, screaming, whistling] 21 00:00:57,849 --> 00:01:00,685 Man, y'all looking good as hell out here tonight, man. 22 00:01:00,769 --> 00:01:02,395 Thank y'all for coming out. 23 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,481 [audience cheering loudly, whistling] 24 00:01:05,815 --> 00:01:07,609 Where the Mexicans at? 25 00:01:07,692 --> 00:01:09,694 [audience cheering loudly, whistling] 26 00:01:11,488 --> 00:01:14,866 Now, I got a side door just in case ICE is outside. 27 00:01:14,949 --> 00:01:16,159 [audience laughing] 28 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,245 'Cause you know them dirty motherfuckers is out here. 29 00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,707 "Yeah, I know where they at. They at the Mike Epps show tonight." 30 00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:24,209 [audience laughing] 31 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,377 Yeah, man. Donald Trump fucking with the Mexicans. 32 00:01:26,461 --> 00:01:28,630 I ain't had a taco in two weeks. 33 00:01:28,713 --> 00:01:29,756 [audience laughing] 34 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:31,883 My taco man running now. 35 00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:36,513 He's been selling his shit out the house. "Come to the house, come to the house." 36 00:01:36,596 --> 00:01:39,015 [audience laughing, scattered applause] 37 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,767 But I love the Mexicans, man. 38 00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,645 They can't keep the Mexicans out, man. They can't keep 'em out. 39 00:01:43,728 --> 00:01:46,439 [cheering loudly, whistling] 40 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:51,736 The Mexicans is cold. They'll come through a cloud on your ass. 41 00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,571 [audience laughing] 42 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:57,283 I've seen a Mexican jump out of a Mexican. Motherfucker just jumped out. 43 00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,953 I said, "Hey man, there was a Mexican inside that Mexican, man." 44 00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,664 [audience laughing] 45 00:02:02,747 --> 00:02:07,001 Donald Trump ain't shit, man. He made the Mexicans build a wall. 46 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,879 [audience cheering loudly, clapping, whistling] 47 00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:12,507 I better not go to jail, 48 00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,884 'cause I won't be getting pardoned after this shit. 49 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,177 [audience laughing] 50 00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,888 [imitating Trump] He's like, "No, you said some nasty things about me 51 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,265 at the Yaamava'." 52 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,892 "And I heard that shit, Mike." 53 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,645 -[audience laughing] -[laughing] 54 00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:28,231 He don't give a fuck, man. You know what I mean? 55 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,610 Half the motherfuckers that he's fucking with voted for him. 56 00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:34,028 [audience cheering] 57 00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,405 Ain't that a bitch? 58 00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,157 [audience] Yeah! 59 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:38,783 The street niggas love Trump. 60 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:41,786 I'm telling you that right now. Drug dealers, they love him. 61 00:02:42,412 --> 00:02:45,248 'Cause they crooks too. That's why they like him. 62 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:49,961 He needs to stop wearing them cheap-ass suits. I know that. 63 00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:53,381 He got to be getting them suits from Macy's, man. 64 00:02:53,464 --> 00:02:54,757 [audience laughing] 65 00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:58,052 And his team ain't shit. He got Dr. Oz standing behind him. 66 00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:01,890 What the fuck? What is his punk-ass gonna do? 67 00:03:01,973 --> 00:03:03,349 [audience laughing] 68 00:03:04,642 --> 00:03:05,476 They got these… 69 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,689 All my shit is out there on these ships. I can't even get half my shit. 70 00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:13,943 I'm gonna get a boat and go out there and get my clippers off that goddamn ship. 71 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:14,944 [audience laughing] 72 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:17,197 "Man, throw them goddamn clippers off that ship." 73 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:19,949 [audience laughing, whooping] 74 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:24,579 They got a lot of stuff on them tariffs. You know, that… that tariff shit is real. 75 00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:27,999 One of the first things I seen on there was hair weave. 76 00:03:28,082 --> 00:03:30,168 [audience laughing] 77 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,253 Now, I'm gonna tell you, you hoes better load up, 78 00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,630 because he's about to… 79 00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:34,547 [audience laughing] 80 00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:37,926 There about to be some bald-headed newborn chickens like… 81 00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:40,011 [inaudible] 82 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:42,055 [audience laughing, clapping] 83 00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:45,683 Finna look like some onions around this motherfucker. 84 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,435 [inaudible] 85 00:03:47,518 --> 00:03:50,563 [audience laughing, cheering] 86 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:57,070 If Black people think we gonna get away, niggas is next. 87 00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,321 [audience laughing] 88 00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:01,157 We gonna come outside. There gonna be a bunch of boats lined up. 89 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:04,661 We gonna think it's that Carnival Cruise. We gonna come out there. 90 00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:07,789 ♪ This is how we do it ♪ 91 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,334 [mimics whooshing] "Nigga, get back on that boat." 92 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:13,670 [audience laughing, clapping] 93 00:04:17,131 --> 00:04:19,467 You know Black people can't stick together. Shit. 94 00:04:20,426 --> 00:04:23,304 As soon as Black people get some money, the first thing we do, 95 00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,723 "Uh-uh, I don't wanna be around no Black people. Get them…" 96 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:29,143 "Oh no, there goes some Black people. Get them niggas away from here." 97 00:04:29,227 --> 00:04:31,020 "I don't deal with no Black people." 98 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:32,605 [audience laughing] 99 00:04:34,482 --> 00:04:36,985 If Black people got a spot where we eat at, 100 00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:39,070 and we think we the only Black people there, 101 00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,155 if we see some more Black people come, 102 00:04:41,239 --> 00:04:43,283 "Oh, there goes our spot right there." 103 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,618 "They done fucked our spot up." 104 00:04:46,494 --> 00:04:48,121 "This ain't y'all's spot." 105 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:50,540 [audience laughing, cheering, clapping] 106 00:04:55,169 --> 00:04:57,630 That's messed up, man. I thought Diddy was getting out, man. 107 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,299 I thought he was getting out. 108 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:01,009 Yeah, that's fucked up, man. 109 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:05,722 They got Diddy on a… not a RICO charge, but a Freak-o charge. 110 00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,140 [audience laughing] 111 00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,767 The man is in jail for being a freak, man. 112 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:14,230 If they found out some of the shit I did, I'd be in an electric chair now. 113 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:19,402 All the late-night midget bitches I done fucked all over the United States. 114 00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:22,530 [audience laughing, clapping, cheering] 115 00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:30,163 Man, they would've let Diddy out early, 116 00:05:30,246 --> 00:05:33,583 but they had him on camera with that towel running out of there. 117 00:05:34,584 --> 00:05:37,545 Kicked Cassie in the foot and ran back in the room. 118 00:05:37,628 --> 00:05:40,340 I said, "See, that's what sent him to jail right there." 119 00:05:40,423 --> 00:05:41,674 [audience laughing] 120 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:46,137 Yeah, I was never invited to the Diddy parties. 121 00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,432 I used to see him, but he never invited me. 122 00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:50,933 [audience laughing] 123 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:54,312 'Cause I know I'd have had my dick out somewhere in that par… 124 00:05:54,395 --> 00:05:55,396 [audience laughing] 125 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:56,689 "There goes Mike Epps." 126 00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,941 [audience laughing loudly] 127 00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:01,944 "I'm telling you, he in this room right here. Come here." 128 00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:04,906 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 129 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,663 Everybody in here a freak. 130 00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,665 If they put a red light on everybody's head, 131 00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:16,209 this whole place would light up. 132 00:06:16,292 --> 00:06:20,797 -[laughing] -[audience laughing, whistling, whooping] 133 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,341 You know, I don't feel sorry for the girls who got drugged. 134 00:06:23,424 --> 00:06:26,552 'Cause they were drinking free drinks. That's where the drugs is at. 135 00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:29,222 You want some free shit? Come on. 136 00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,767 Let me get some of this free drug punch. 137 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:34,727 [audience laughing] 138 00:06:36,729 --> 00:06:37,855 [smacks tongue] 139 00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:40,858 It's got to be fucked up to be famous, man, and locked up. 140 00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:43,111 [audience chuckling] 141 00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:45,154 They probably walk up to Diddy all the time, man, 142 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,240 "What's that one song y'all did, uh, uh?" 143 00:06:47,323 --> 00:06:48,408 [audience laughing] 144 00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:51,494 "Damn! Oh, yeah. You and Faith Evans, man." 145 00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:57,917 You know what fucks me up? White people think we all the same. 146 00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,628 Black people, they don't know us from a can of paint. 147 00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:03,589 I'm sitting on a plane with an older white lady. 148 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:07,468 I'm just sitting. Everybody's speaking to me, "Hey, Mike Epps, Mike Epps." 149 00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:10,430 She's sitting right next to me. She said, "Who are you?" I said… 150 00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:12,181 [audience laughing loudly] 151 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,225 I said, "Chris Brown." I said… 152 00:07:14,308 --> 00:07:16,102 [audience laughing loudly] 153 00:07:16,185 --> 00:07:18,521 I said, "Yep, Chris Breezy. That's me." 154 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,399 She said, "Oh, I knew I knew you." 155 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:25,611 I said, "Yep, that's me. I'm Chris Brown on my way to do a show right now." 156 00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:28,573 -[laughing] -[audience laughing, whooping] 157 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:31,325 And she must've been on the phone with her daughter 158 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,494 telling her daughter she's sitting next to Chris Brown. 159 00:07:33,578 --> 00:07:35,329 And I could tell the way she was looking. 160 00:07:35,413 --> 00:07:39,250 Her daughter must have said, "That is not no fucking Chris Brown." 161 00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:42,503 "Whoever that man is, is fucking lying to you." 162 00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:46,257 Because she started looking at me on the phone like this. 163 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:49,719 [audience laughing, clapping] 164 00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:55,099 I said, "Whoever on the phone with you, let her know I'm Chris Brown." 165 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:57,226 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 166 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,316 [audience cheering, laughing, clapping] 167 00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:08,070 Yeah! 168 00:08:09,071 --> 00:08:10,406 Yeah! [laughing] 169 00:08:12,617 --> 00:08:14,535 There's some beautiful ladies in here tonight. 170 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,954 Where the beautiful ladies at? Where the beautiful ladies? 171 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:20,249 [women cheering, clapping] 172 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,835 There's some ugly bitches in here too. [mumbling] 173 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:26,631 Yeah, some ugly bitches snuck in too. 174 00:08:26,714 --> 00:08:28,716 [audience laughing] 175 00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:33,137 I can't stand for a ugly motherfucker to play hard to get. 176 00:08:33,221 --> 00:08:35,890 Hell, you hard to want. Shit. 177 00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:38,226 [audience laughing, scattered applause] 178 00:08:42,188 --> 00:08:44,273 [audience whooping] 179 00:08:49,820 --> 00:08:56,035 Let me tell you something. If you're ugly… work out. Go to the gym. 180 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,412 And stay clean. 181 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,249 And I'll fuck you. 182 00:09:01,332 --> 00:09:04,794 [audience laughing loudly, clapping, cheering] 183 00:09:06,796 --> 00:09:09,882 Yeah. Just 'cause you look good don't mean you smell good. 184 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:14,512 I done had some fine fishy hoes in my motherfucking lifetime. 185 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:17,682 You know what I'd do? I'd turn that seat heater on. 186 00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:19,809 [audience cheering, laughing] 187 00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:24,188 And when I smell a fish filet frying, I'll tell you, "Get up out of here!" 188 00:09:24,272 --> 00:09:26,274 [audience laughing, scattered applause] 189 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:37,994 Women always think we gave them something. "My coochie's itching." 190 00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:40,538 "You done drank a case of Pepsi." 191 00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:42,415 [audience laughing loudly] 192 00:09:43,332 --> 00:09:45,710 "Pepsi will itch your pussy up too." 193 00:09:45,793 --> 00:09:46,919 [audience laughing] 194 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:49,130 "Look, there's a bump. There's a bump." 195 00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:51,215 "Bust it. There's Pepsi in it." 196 00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,301 [audience laughing loudly] 197 00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:02,602 Yeah. New generation pussy busted Pepsi. 198 00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:04,770 [audience laughing] 199 00:10:06,939 --> 00:10:09,859 Every man in here thought he had AIDS at least once. 200 00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:11,485 Come on, fellas. Let's admit it. 201 00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:15,281 We done fucked some woman raw and couldn't sleep for two years. 202 00:10:15,364 --> 00:10:17,283 -Where you at? -[audience laughing] 203 00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:21,287 Sitting there self-diagnosing yourself. "Yep, that's me right there." 204 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:24,707 "Can't sleep, diarrhea, headaches. I'm dead." 205 00:10:24,790 --> 00:10:26,584 [audience laughing] 206 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,797 You start going to the gym. "I'm gonna run this shit out of me." 207 00:10:31,881 --> 00:10:33,257 [audience laughing] 208 00:10:38,179 --> 00:10:39,764 [laughing] 209 00:10:43,309 --> 00:10:44,560 You ever fucked a girl raw 210 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,146 and couldn't sleep for two years after that? 211 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,857 You just kept calling, looking at the shit, 212 00:10:49,940 --> 00:10:51,442 and then you just call the girl. 213 00:10:51,525 --> 00:10:54,153 You know, like, you can't call a girl if you fucked a girl raw 214 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:57,031 and ask her the next day, "Do you have AIDS?" 215 00:10:57,114 --> 00:10:58,699 [audience laughing] 216 00:10:58,783 --> 00:11:02,703 No, you gotta say… [chuckling] …"Boy, I'm glad you were clean." 217 00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:03,746 [audience laughing] 218 00:11:03,829 --> 00:11:05,039 And if she don't say nothing, 219 00:11:05,122 --> 00:11:07,750 you're like, "Hey, did you hear what the fuck I just said?" 220 00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,835 [audience laughing, scattered applause] 221 00:11:15,591 --> 00:11:18,844 I don't know how people get in these long, fucked up relationships 222 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,430 because you ought to be able to tell on the first date. 223 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:24,767 Serious. People tell you who the fuck they are. 224 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:28,479 Like, you're sitting there with a woman and you just say, "Girl, you crazy." 225 00:11:28,562 --> 00:11:31,065 If she say, "I know. Everybody say that." 226 00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:34,026 [audience laughing loudly] 227 00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:37,947 It's time to get the fuck out right now. 228 00:11:38,030 --> 00:11:41,325 "Let's stop right now. Don't order nothing else. Let's go." 229 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:46,372 Same with you ladies. You're sitting there with a guy. Y'all sitting there. 230 00:11:46,455 --> 00:11:48,999 This motherfucker got diamonds on, got a big Rolls-Royce. 231 00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:50,668 You're like, "So what do you do?" 232 00:11:50,751 --> 00:11:53,587 And he's like, uh… uh… "Yeah, I got a lawn care service." 233 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:54,839 [audience laughing] 234 00:11:54,922 --> 00:11:58,217 And you done got excited, and you finna get indicted. 235 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:01,178 Both of y'all going to jail. He's a drug dealer. 236 00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:03,514 [audience laughing] 237 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,518 What's up with these girls with these big-ass BBLs 238 00:12:07,601 --> 00:12:09,145 that come with the teeth too? 239 00:12:09,228 --> 00:12:10,438 Got the ass and the… 240 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:12,356 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 241 00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:21,157 Is that a package? The booty and the teeth come together? 242 00:12:23,451 --> 00:12:25,661 Looks like baby shoes in their mouth. 243 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,329 [audience laughing] 244 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:34,712 What the fuck? 245 00:12:38,632 --> 00:12:42,470 And I don't know what it is. The finer the woman, the broker they are. 246 00:12:44,430 --> 00:12:46,223 Beautiful and poor as hell. 247 00:12:48,809 --> 00:12:53,606 No, that's real shit. And all the women that look like Kodak Black bank account, 248 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:57,443 these hoes got 413CKs. 249 00:12:57,526 --> 00:13:00,571 Is that what they call it? I don't know what the fuck it is. 250 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,991 I didn't get the education I was supposed to get, 251 00:13:04,074 --> 00:13:06,285 but I fucked around and got famous. 252 00:13:06,368 --> 00:13:11,248 [audience laughing, clapping, cheering, whistling] 253 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:16,879 So you're looking at a slow guy that made it. 254 00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:18,631 [audience laughing] 255 00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:26,764 'Cause I didn't go to fucking… I don't… My… my… my math is fucked up, you know? 256 00:13:26,847 --> 00:13:29,558 And common sense has helped me survive in my life. 257 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:34,522 I don't know if you have any, but, uh, common sense helped me survive. 258 00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:35,481 Serious. 259 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,858 'Cause I remember when I first got in the business, man, 260 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:40,528 and I had this accountant, and they was handling my money, 261 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,112 but I really wasn't good at math. 262 00:13:42,196 --> 00:13:44,406 And I just used to say, "Yeah, yeah, I understand," 263 00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,991 but I didn't understand. 264 00:13:46,742 --> 00:13:50,454 I said, "So how the fuck can I get them to stop stealing my money?" 265 00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:54,250 So you know what I did? They had a big-ass meeting one day. 266 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:57,419 I was sitting in the meeting. I just dropped a gun out of my pocket. 267 00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:01,340 "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to drop that." 268 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,260 "I hope you guys have a great evening." 269 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:07,805 Right then I said, "They'll never steal nothing else." 270 00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:10,182 "If they were stealing, they ain't gonna steal again." 271 00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:13,102 "'Cause I'mma shoot the shit out of you if I find out." 272 00:14:13,185 --> 00:14:15,020 [audience laughing] 273 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,941 There's all kind of beautiful women in here. 274 00:14:19,024 --> 00:14:22,361 We got white, Spanish. We got all kinds… 275 00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:25,281 I've been with Black women my whole life. I'mma just give it up. 276 00:14:25,364 --> 00:14:27,992 You know what I'm saying? That's all I've ever been with. 277 00:14:28,576 --> 00:14:30,160 [audience cheering, whistling] 278 00:14:30,244 --> 00:14:31,161 And I'm tired. 279 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,788 Y'all have wore me out. 280 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,331 [audience laughing loudly] 281 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,877 You heifers have took, uh, millions of dollars from me. 282 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:39,962 [audience laughing] 283 00:14:44,758 --> 00:14:45,593 No, I'm serious. 284 00:14:45,676 --> 00:14:48,679 That's all I've ever been with was Black women, man. Yeah. 285 00:14:48,762 --> 00:14:51,932 And if anything ever happens, which I pray and hope not, 286 00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,893 that I'll never have to deal with another Black… 287 00:14:53,976 --> 00:14:55,895 I'll get an Asian woman that don't speak English. 288 00:14:55,978 --> 00:14:57,271 I'm tired of this shit. 289 00:14:57,897 --> 00:15:01,901 And all she gonna say is, "Oh, Mike, your dick is too big, nigga." 290 00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:03,527 [audience laughing loudly] 291 00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,529 "You hurt a bitch, bro." 292 00:15:09,033 --> 00:15:10,951 "Oh, your dick is too big, nigga." 293 00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:17,082 I'mma say, "Go on and turn that green tea on 294 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,293 like I asked you to earlier today." 295 00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,553 There's a lot of guys in here sitting with their-- I don't know if it's your wife, 296 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,598 your… your woman, your girlfriend, or whatever it is, 297 00:15:32,681 --> 00:15:34,892 but I just wanna tell you your position with her. 298 00:15:34,975 --> 00:15:38,604 I don't care how much money you got. That's your caretaker. 299 00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:40,814 [audience laughing, scattered applause] 300 00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,859 That's right. These women are your caretaker. 301 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:47,196 They might as well hold your arm while you walk. 302 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,323 [scattered applause] 303 00:15:49,406 --> 00:15:53,410 'Cause these women take care of us. These are our caretakers. 304 00:15:53,494 --> 00:15:55,079 I'mma tell you something. Caretaker-- 305 00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:56,622 -[woman cheers] -Yeah, that's right. 306 00:15:56,705 --> 00:16:00,209 -[audience clapping, cheering, whistling] -Women are caretakers. 307 00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:04,338 Your money ain't shit if you ain't got nobody to help you take care of it. 308 00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:06,048 [audience laughing] 309 00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,508 Ain't that right, ladies? 310 00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:09,802 [women cheering] 311 00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:12,805 You need somebody to take care of that money, man. 312 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:17,851 And that's why God gave them a little bit more sense than us. 313 00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:21,313 God made them a little smarter, a lot more smarter than us. 314 00:16:21,397 --> 00:16:23,857 A lot of us are real slow when it comes to… 315 00:16:23,941 --> 00:16:26,443 Most of us… All of us… 316 00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:27,861 [audience laughing loudly] 317 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:31,240 …are usually dumb as a motherfucker when it come to women. 318 00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,660 All right? Now, women don't tell you you're dumb 319 00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,912 'cause they know that'll shatter your life. 320 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,999 That'll fuck your life clean up. 321 00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,293 But they will tell their friends. 322 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:44,878 [audience laughing loudly] 323 00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:47,589 When they're on the phone with their friends, and you're not around, 324 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:48,674 that's what they say, 325 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:52,177 "This is the dumbest motherfucker that I've ever met." 326 00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,595 "God, he's dumb!" 327 00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:57,516 "Girl, let me tell you what his dumbass did last night." 328 00:16:59,893 --> 00:17:03,147 "Big dum-dum has just walked in. I'll call you back." 329 00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:04,940 [audience laughing, clapping] 330 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,650 They got all kind of nerve. 331 00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:11,280 "Goofy's home. I'll call you back." 332 00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:14,450 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 333 00:17:14,533 --> 00:17:17,911 We don't even know they're saying this shit about us. 334 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:19,580 [audience laughing] 335 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:24,585 You know what else they say about us? This is one that'll fuck you up. 336 00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:27,546 They tell you this in your face. "Wow." 337 00:17:27,629 --> 00:17:29,882 [audience laughing loudly] 338 00:17:29,965 --> 00:17:31,967 "Really? Wow." 339 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:35,929 That means you are the dumbest motherfucker that… 340 00:17:36,013 --> 00:17:38,807 [audience laughing, clapping] 341 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,608 Ladies, you wanna hear what we say about you? 342 00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:49,401 -You wanna hear it? -[women] Yeah! 343 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:51,487 -You wanna hear it? -[women] Yeah! 344 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:53,489 "Shut the fuck up." 345 00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,824 [audience laughing loudly, whooping] 346 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,326 "Shut the fuck up." 347 00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,080 Go get some Ozempic or something. No, I'm just playing. 348 00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,790 [audience laughing, clapping] 349 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:08,629 ♪ Oh, oh, oh, it's magic ♪ 350 00:18:08,712 --> 00:18:12,007 -[audience laughing loudly] -[singing indistinct] 351 00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:14,093 ♪ T-d-d-da-d-da ♪ 352 00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:19,223 See, they don't want to hear that shit. They mad now 'cause I said that. 353 00:18:19,306 --> 00:18:21,308 [audience laughing, clapping] 354 00:18:23,519 --> 00:18:26,188 Women have asked God to fuck you up for them. 355 00:18:26,271 --> 00:18:27,439 You ever hear that? 356 00:18:27,523 --> 00:18:29,900 "God, please get him in the name of Lord Jesus." 357 00:18:30,901 --> 00:18:33,403 "Hallelujah, get this nigga." 358 00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:35,823 [audience laughing, clapping] 359 00:18:37,699 --> 00:18:38,784 That's what women say. 360 00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:41,620 "Oh boy, you in trouble. God don't play about me. You… You…" 361 00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,624 "Karma's coming back on your ass right now." 362 00:18:45,707 --> 00:18:47,709 "God don't play about me." 363 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:51,755 "That shit you did to me yesterday, God is coming. I'm telling you." 364 00:18:51,839 --> 00:18:53,757 [audience laughing, cheering] 365 00:18:56,468 --> 00:18:58,554 "I didn't do nothing but use your products." 366 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:01,640 "You gonna put God on me 'cause I used your products?" 367 00:19:04,518 --> 00:19:08,063 Women break up with a man and just go the fuck on with their life. 368 00:19:09,481 --> 00:19:10,607 You be looking at them like, 369 00:19:10,691 --> 00:19:12,943 "You're supposed to be fucking hurt like me." 370 00:19:13,026 --> 00:19:14,361 [audience laughing] 371 00:19:14,444 --> 00:19:16,780 No, they go golfing and shit. 372 00:19:18,115 --> 00:19:20,117 That's what women do. When they break up with a man, 373 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,287 they go start doing new shit you ain't never seen them do. 374 00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,832 Go get a haircut. Gotta look like a rooster now. 375 00:19:26,915 --> 00:19:28,625 You're like, "What the fuck?" 376 00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,879 This new guy got you looking crazy as fuck. 377 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:34,798 [audience laughing] 378 00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,554 We don't know how to go on with our life. 379 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:44,391 We start picking scumbag bitches to be our wife. 380 00:19:44,474 --> 00:19:46,059 [audience laughing] 381 00:19:46,143 --> 00:19:49,354 You don't want your wife to see your new wife. "Oh, God." 382 00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:52,232 "You went backwards." 383 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:54,318 [audience laughing] 384 00:19:55,694 --> 00:20:00,324 "This new bitch you got make me feel like I shouldn't have never dealt with you." 385 00:20:00,407 --> 00:20:02,326 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 386 00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,745 "She looks horrible." 387 00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,208 When you break up with your woman, 388 00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:12,836 it gives your friend a chance to say all the shit he been wanting to say. 389 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:13,921 "Fuck her, man." 390 00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:16,215 "Shark-faced bitch." 391 00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:20,427 You go, "Hey, hey, hey! I still love her. Relax, man." 392 00:20:21,595 --> 00:20:23,263 "We still got a chance." 393 00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,932 [audience laughing] 394 00:20:31,271 --> 00:20:32,731 Women are powerful as hell. 395 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:36,526 They know how to turn the whole fucking house on your ass. 396 00:20:36,610 --> 00:20:37,861 [women whooping] 397 00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:40,072 Kids ain't talking to you. 398 00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:44,409 Even the dog wasn't playing. I said, "Fuck you too, you little bitch." 399 00:20:44,493 --> 00:20:47,371 "All the chicken bones I done gave your punk ass." 400 00:20:47,454 --> 00:20:49,831 [audience laughing, clapping] 401 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,502 The whole family be in one bedroom. 402 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:55,963 You got the house to… the rest to yourself. 403 00:20:56,755 --> 00:20:59,841 You see 'em bringing food from the kitchen. "Love you, Daddy." 404 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,301 [audience laughing loudly] 405 00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,844 "We're praying for you." 406 00:21:02,928 --> 00:21:04,638 [audience laughing loudly] 407 00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:07,557 You in the living room hungry and lonely as hell. 408 00:21:08,058 --> 00:21:09,977 Ain't no TV on. Nothing. 409 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:11,895 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 410 00:21:11,979 --> 00:21:13,272 And if you don't get with nobody, 411 00:21:13,355 --> 00:21:15,774 you just go to the Whole Foods and just stand there 412 00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:19,236 with a whole bunch of other lonely-ass men at the hot bar. 413 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,824 There ain't no food at the house. 414 00:21:25,867 --> 00:21:28,078 I'mma tell y'all something you may not know about me. 415 00:21:28,161 --> 00:21:30,789 When I was young, I fucked a lot of older women, man. 416 00:21:30,872 --> 00:21:32,416 That was one of my things. 417 00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:35,335 A lot of my aunties' friends, I fucked 'em. 418 00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:37,254 [audience laughing loudly] 419 00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:41,842 One of my aunties had a friend named Nell, and boy, I was nailing her. 420 00:21:41,925 --> 00:21:43,302 [audience laughing] 421 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:48,140 And she told me, "You better not tell." I said, "I ain't gonna say shit." 422 00:21:48,223 --> 00:21:50,600 "Don't you… don't you say nothing." 423 00:21:51,727 --> 00:21:52,811 "That's the key." 424 00:21:54,896 --> 00:21:58,400 I've been watching a lot of Black men try to figure out how to survive. 425 00:21:58,483 --> 00:22:01,695 And one of the hustles and one of the great survival tactics is 426 00:22:01,778 --> 00:22:03,030 getting a white girl. 427 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:06,158 [audience laughing] 428 00:22:06,241 --> 00:22:08,160 And when I see brothers with white girls, 429 00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:11,204 it look like they're holding onto a life raft in the ocean. 430 00:22:11,288 --> 00:22:13,206 [audience laughing] 431 00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:16,126 And it look like they're floating. [mimics waves crashing] 432 00:22:21,882 --> 00:22:23,216 No chance of drowning. 433 00:22:23,300 --> 00:22:27,429 You and a white girl just hit… [mimics waves crashing] …hit a big wave. 434 00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:29,264 Hold on to the white girl. 435 00:22:30,849 --> 00:22:31,850 That's right. 436 00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:33,602 Yeah. 437 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:36,813 Because especially if you got a white girl and y'all are in the car, 438 00:22:36,897 --> 00:22:40,150 police pull you over, "Handle that, Sarah. Just go out… get out of the car." 439 00:22:40,233 --> 00:22:42,277 [audience laughing, scattered applause] 440 00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,071 White girls are mean to the police. 441 00:22:44,154 --> 00:22:45,947 "Why are you pulling us over?" 442 00:22:46,031 --> 00:22:48,909 [audience laughing loudly] 443 00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:55,707 Black girl gets out, 444 00:22:55,791 --> 00:22:59,044 they're gonna hit that bitch in the head with a billy club, lock her up, 445 00:22:59,127 --> 00:23:01,004 take her to the county jail. 446 00:23:01,088 --> 00:23:03,548 [audience laughing] 447 00:23:06,134 --> 00:23:08,720 That's another reason why Black guys date white women. 448 00:23:08,804 --> 00:23:11,515 You ain't gotta fucking pay rent when you live with them. 449 00:23:11,598 --> 00:23:13,308 [audience laughing] 450 00:23:13,892 --> 00:23:16,978 They feel so guilty about all the shit that happened to Black people. 451 00:23:17,813 --> 00:23:20,732 That's why they don't charge you rent when you live with them. 452 00:23:21,942 --> 00:23:24,653 You can pay a white girl the rent in dick. 453 00:23:24,736 --> 00:23:25,695 [audience laughing] 454 00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:30,325 I'mma give you $3,500 worth of this dick to clear the water, lights, everything. 455 00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:34,996 Black women come to your goddamn job looking for your check. You working. 456 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,457 [audience laughing] 457 00:23:37,541 --> 00:23:39,501 Shanini is outside in the parking lot. 458 00:23:39,584 --> 00:23:40,627 "Who the fuck?" 459 00:23:42,796 --> 00:23:45,590 She in the parking lot. "I'm waiting on the check." [mumbling] 460 00:23:47,467 --> 00:23:49,761 "Can I get the fuck off work first?" 461 00:23:49,845 --> 00:23:51,513 [audience laughing] 462 00:23:58,603 --> 00:24:01,398 Black women, white women, all different kinds of ethnicities. 463 00:24:01,481 --> 00:24:05,235 They're all different. A white woman, you can cheat on her. She won't get mad. 464 00:24:05,318 --> 00:24:07,946 She'll say, "Okay, that's it. You need help." 465 00:24:08,029 --> 00:24:09,739 [audience laughing loudly] 466 00:24:09,823 --> 00:24:11,825 "You really do. You need help." 467 00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:14,244 "I get it." 468 00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:17,747 "Someone fucked you when you were a kid. Now you wanna fuck everybody else." 469 00:24:17,831 --> 00:24:20,667 You're like, "Hey, when did I tell you that?" 470 00:24:20,750 --> 00:24:22,752 [audience laughing loudly] 471 00:24:25,088 --> 00:24:26,381 "I get it, Raymond." 472 00:24:34,639 --> 00:24:35,807 [chuckles] 473 00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:42,647 The Black people are dying laughing. The other ethnicities are in here like… 474 00:24:42,731 --> 00:24:45,317 [audience laughing loudly] 475 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,861 "This really goes on in their culture?" 476 00:24:50,906 --> 00:24:52,365 "It's a lot of trauma." 477 00:24:52,449 --> 00:24:55,160 [audience laughing, clapping] 478 00:24:56,995 --> 00:24:57,871 [chuckling] 479 00:25:02,334 --> 00:25:06,171 [audience cheering] 480 00:25:06,254 --> 00:25:09,132 Look like the city of Compton is in here tonight. 481 00:25:09,216 --> 00:25:10,175 [audience cheering] 482 00:25:10,258 --> 00:25:12,594 Yeah. 483 00:25:13,178 --> 00:25:15,514 [chuckling] 484 00:25:16,139 --> 00:25:20,101 'Cause that's what I attract. I attract all kinds of different types of people. 485 00:25:20,185 --> 00:25:21,269 That's my group right there. 486 00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:23,188 -[woman cheering] -You know what I mean? Yeah. 487 00:25:23,271 --> 00:25:24,523 [audience cheering, clapping] 488 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:26,691 -Yeah. -[woman] I'm gonna have your baby. 489 00:25:26,775 --> 00:25:30,195 [audience laughing] 490 00:25:30,278 --> 00:25:31,905 [Mike laughing] 491 00:25:31,988 --> 00:25:34,533 I don't give a fuck what you wanna do. 492 00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,243 [audience laughing loudly] 493 00:25:36,326 --> 00:25:38,703 I'mma tell you what ain't gonna happen. 494 00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:40,497 [audience laughing] 495 00:25:40,580 --> 00:25:43,542 [laughing] 496 00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:45,377 I love you too. 497 00:25:46,586 --> 00:25:50,465 All these years, I thought I was getting women off my looks. 498 00:25:50,549 --> 00:25:53,218 Nope, I've been spending money the whole time. 499 00:25:53,301 --> 00:25:54,844 [audience laughing] 500 00:25:54,928 --> 00:25:56,304 I'm a fucking trick. 501 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:59,182 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 502 00:25:59,266 --> 00:26:02,394 'Cause that's what I do. First off, I buy you a purse. 503 00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:05,605 Yeah, I buy you a purse. 504 00:26:06,231 --> 00:26:07,857 Then I buy you a car. 505 00:26:07,941 --> 00:26:09,985 [audience laughing] 506 00:26:10,068 --> 00:26:13,321 Then I take you traveling. "Yeah, you wanna go traveling?" 507 00:26:13,863 --> 00:26:15,448 "Only in the United States, though." 508 00:26:15,532 --> 00:26:19,786 "I'll take you to Florida or somewhere. You haven't earned a passport yet." 509 00:26:22,163 --> 00:26:23,748 Then I get engaged to you. 510 00:26:23,832 --> 00:26:25,584 [chuckles] 511 00:26:26,835 --> 00:26:28,211 Then I marry you. 512 00:26:29,504 --> 00:26:31,339 Then you catch me cheating and take me to court, 513 00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:32,924 take everything I got. 514 00:26:33,008 --> 00:26:34,384 [audience laughing loudly] 515 00:26:34,467 --> 00:26:35,719 In that order. 516 00:26:37,846 --> 00:26:41,182 'Cause I'mma tell you some real shit. Women cheat in their head. 517 00:26:41,266 --> 00:26:42,517 You know what I mean? 518 00:26:43,351 --> 00:26:45,478 They think about who they wanna fuck. 519 00:26:47,397 --> 00:26:50,775 If you could see the men that your woman is fucking in her head, 520 00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:53,069 you would get rid of her right now. 521 00:26:53,153 --> 00:26:54,404 [audience laughing] 522 00:26:54,487 --> 00:26:57,949 You'll be like, "Melvin, the fucking UPS man?" 523 00:26:58,033 --> 00:26:58,908 [audience laughing] 524 00:26:58,992 --> 00:27:01,661 This nigga got the nice legs with the box. 525 00:27:01,745 --> 00:27:04,706 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 526 00:27:07,917 --> 00:27:09,919 "I'mma kill his ass in the morning." 527 00:27:10,003 --> 00:27:11,963 [audience laughing] 528 00:27:12,047 --> 00:27:13,381 "Melvin, you're dead." 529 00:27:15,258 --> 00:27:16,259 [chuckles] 530 00:27:19,429 --> 00:27:22,057 And I'm looking at all the people in here, you know what I'm saying? 531 00:27:22,140 --> 00:27:23,850 And I don't like to pick on white people, 532 00:27:23,933 --> 00:27:26,269 but I think all white people are the police. 533 00:27:26,353 --> 00:27:27,771 [audience laughing loudly] 534 00:27:27,854 --> 00:27:31,316 That's right. All white people are the fucking police. 535 00:27:31,816 --> 00:27:33,902 'Cause they can get 'em there quicker than you. 536 00:27:35,904 --> 00:27:39,783 I was at the… uh… I was at the, uh, Sporting Goods, Dick's Sporting Goods, 537 00:27:39,866 --> 00:27:41,868 and a Black dude had all his shit up there. 538 00:27:41,951 --> 00:27:43,536 He got his shit at the counter, 539 00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:45,997 paying for his shit, got all his shit up there. 540 00:27:46,081 --> 00:27:48,291 He told the lady, "Hey, man, I gotta grab something else." 541 00:27:48,375 --> 00:27:51,544 She said, "If you get out of the line, you see it's a long line, 542 00:27:51,628 --> 00:27:52,837 I gotta let the rest of…" 543 00:27:52,921 --> 00:27:55,924 He said, "Ma'am, relax. I'm going right there." 544 00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:58,218 He… She said, "Man… Sir, if you do…" 545 00:27:58,301 --> 00:28:01,054 So he got mad. He was like, "That's bullshit." 546 00:28:01,137 --> 00:28:02,889 Man, there was a white dude standing in line, 547 00:28:02,972 --> 00:28:05,308 and he had nothing to do with it. 548 00:28:06,059 --> 00:28:07,560 He said, "Calm down, buddy." 549 00:28:07,644 --> 00:28:10,188 [audience laughing loudly] 550 00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:19,698 I said, "Oh, shit." 551 00:28:20,907 --> 00:28:24,619 So the Black dude got mad. "Motherfucker, you ain't got nothing to do with this." 552 00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:26,538 I said, "Oh, here the shit go." 553 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:31,584 Do you know the fucking white guy pulled some handcuffs out of his pocket? 554 00:28:31,668 --> 00:28:32,961 [audience laughing] 555 00:28:33,044 --> 00:28:35,130 And I don't know what it is about Black people, 556 00:28:35,213 --> 00:28:38,007 but sometimes we just get relaxed with the… when the police… 557 00:28:38,091 --> 00:28:41,594 We just… He just put his arm, and he said, "Man, I ain't do nothing." 558 00:28:41,678 --> 00:28:45,014 [audience laughing loudly, scattered applause] 559 00:28:45,098 --> 00:28:49,394 Do you know this fucking white guy put the handcuffs on this dude 560 00:28:49,477 --> 00:28:52,981 and pulled his regular phone out and called the police? 561 00:28:53,064 --> 00:28:54,441 [audience laughing] 562 00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:58,319 So everybody was like, "Wait a minute, he ain't the fucking police." 563 00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:00,363 So the dude started going crazy. 564 00:29:00,447 --> 00:29:02,574 He's like, "Motherfucker, take these handcuffs." 565 00:29:04,534 --> 00:29:06,369 Police show up 15 deep. 566 00:29:06,870 --> 00:29:09,080 Guns out, police everywhere. 567 00:29:09,748 --> 00:29:12,500 Locked the white guy up for being a fake cop. 568 00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:14,461 Did you see… did you see that shit? 569 00:29:14,961 --> 00:29:17,589 Locked him up for impersonating the police. 570 00:29:17,672 --> 00:29:19,674 [audience clapping] 571 00:29:20,258 --> 00:29:23,136 I'm looking for the Black guy, I… I said, "Where's the Black guy?" 572 00:29:23,219 --> 00:29:25,305 He's still in handcuffs in the car. 573 00:29:26,431 --> 00:29:29,142 They've been looking for this motherfucker for ten years. 574 00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:36,691 I said, "It's hard to help a fugitive, man." 575 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,026 I'm telling you, man. 576 00:29:41,154 --> 00:29:44,449 You know what's crazy? I've been thinking… I thought I was Black all these years. 577 00:29:44,532 --> 00:29:48,953 I'm 55 years old. I'm thinking I'm a Black… I'm a Black man. 578 00:29:49,037 --> 00:29:51,164 I've been calling white people "crackers" 579 00:29:51,247 --> 00:29:53,958 and all kinds of shit I ain't supposed to be saying 580 00:29:54,042 --> 00:29:55,210 about white people. 581 00:29:56,920 --> 00:30:01,007 I go to Africa. I ain't never going back over there again. 582 00:30:01,090 --> 00:30:02,884 [audience laughing loudly] 583 00:30:04,636 --> 00:30:06,763 'Cause I'm thinking I'm Black. [mumbling] 584 00:30:06,846 --> 00:30:10,225 Man, I'm getting my bag and two African dudes over there. 585 00:30:10,308 --> 00:30:12,143 That motherfucker said, "You… They not like us." 586 00:30:12,227 --> 00:30:14,062 I said, "Who ain't like y'all?" 587 00:30:14,145 --> 00:30:15,146 [audience laughing] 588 00:30:15,230 --> 00:30:16,564 He's talking about me. 589 00:30:16,648 --> 00:30:18,024 [audience cheering] 590 00:30:19,234 --> 00:30:20,985 I said, "What the fuck are you talking about?" 591 00:30:21,069 --> 00:30:24,030 He said, "No, you're not like us." I said, "Who am I like?" 592 00:30:24,113 --> 00:30:27,534 He said, "I don't know." I said, "Oh, that's some bullshit." 593 00:30:28,243 --> 00:30:30,245 I said, "I'm a Black man from Amer…" 594 00:30:30,328 --> 00:30:32,455 He said, "No, no, no, no, no." 595 00:30:33,289 --> 00:30:36,376 "You need to go do your ancestry.com… 596 00:30:36,459 --> 00:30:38,795 [audience laughing loudly] 597 00:30:38,878 --> 00:30:41,673 …to tell a little more about who you are." 598 00:30:42,257 --> 00:30:45,677 I said, "Okay, I'mma go do it." Smart ass motherfucker. I'mma go do it. 599 00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:48,096 I went and did it like a fucking dummy. 600 00:30:49,639 --> 00:30:52,559 You know how they got the box to show you the ethnicity? 601 00:30:53,059 --> 00:30:55,228 White man popped up in the second box. 602 00:30:55,311 --> 00:30:56,855 [audience laughing loudly] 603 00:30:56,938 --> 00:30:58,022 I'm white. 604 00:31:00,608 --> 00:31:03,444 Look at my nose from the side. That ain't no nigga nose. 605 00:31:04,737 --> 00:31:08,116 I look like the man on the dime. Look at the little white man on the dime. 606 00:31:08,199 --> 00:31:10,243 [audience laughing, clapping, whistling] 607 00:31:10,326 --> 00:31:12,912 I've been talking all this Black power shit, 608 00:31:12,996 --> 00:31:14,664 and I'm white as hell. 609 00:31:14,747 --> 00:31:16,749 [audience laughing] 610 00:31:20,044 --> 00:31:21,880 Ain't that a bitch? 611 00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:25,925 You know, the crazy thing about life, man, 612 00:31:26,009 --> 00:31:28,511 a lot of people think they're going to heaven, and they're not. 613 00:31:31,306 --> 00:31:32,473 Especially old people. 614 00:31:32,557 --> 00:31:34,893 They swear up and down 'cause they lived a lot of years, 615 00:31:34,976 --> 00:31:36,269 they're going to heaven. 616 00:31:37,937 --> 00:31:38,771 Yeah. 617 00:31:39,689 --> 00:31:43,401 "Oh, good Lord waiting on me." "No, you did some shit in the '40s." 618 00:31:44,193 --> 00:31:47,155 "He gonna get your ass. You ain't getting away with that." 619 00:31:47,238 --> 00:31:49,532 "Think you finna outlive your sin?" 620 00:31:49,616 --> 00:31:50,909 [audience laughing] 621 00:31:51,534 --> 00:31:53,786 [woman yelling indistinct] 622 00:32:01,669 --> 00:32:03,630 [woman yelling indistinct] 623 00:32:03,713 --> 00:32:06,466 [audience laughing] 624 00:32:06,549 --> 00:32:09,469 That sounds like some cabbage and shit over there. 625 00:32:09,552 --> 00:32:12,347 [mocking laughter] 626 00:32:15,016 --> 00:32:17,435 Yeah, you ain't getting away around this motherfucker 627 00:32:17,518 --> 00:32:20,730 'cause people be talking about, "Oh, man, he's in a better place." 628 00:32:20,813 --> 00:32:22,315 Like hell is empty. 629 00:32:22,398 --> 00:32:24,400 [audience laughing] 630 00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:27,236 Yeah. 631 00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:28,571 And you're gonna get to heaven. 632 00:32:28,655 --> 00:32:31,699 You're gonna get up there and see a lot of people that didn't get in, 633 00:32:31,783 --> 00:32:34,035 like your friend's grandmother, Miss Turner. 634 00:32:34,118 --> 00:32:35,870 [audience laughing] 635 00:32:35,954 --> 00:32:39,540 "Miss Turner, what did--" "Oh baby… baby, I don't know what happened." 636 00:32:39,624 --> 00:32:42,377 [audience laughing] 637 00:32:44,379 --> 00:32:48,007 "And I looked at Jesus. He seen me and kept going in there." 638 00:32:48,091 --> 00:32:50,760 [audience laughing, scattered applause] 639 00:32:53,179 --> 00:32:56,224 "You've seen the Bible ministry that I do." 640 00:32:58,810 --> 00:33:00,937 Mental health is real. I'm telling you, man. 641 00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:03,898 Mental health is fucking real. 642 00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:06,359 And if you know anybody having mental health problems, man, 643 00:33:06,442 --> 00:33:07,735 be really patient with them. 644 00:33:08,403 --> 00:33:10,571 You know? 'Cause it's really real, you know, 645 00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:12,699 and they need people that love them, you know? 646 00:33:12,782 --> 00:33:15,702 It's like, I had a friend call me the other day. He was sad and shit. 647 00:33:15,785 --> 00:33:16,744 I said, "What's wrong?" 648 00:33:16,828 --> 00:33:19,622 He said, "I don't wanna do it no more." I said, "Hey, man, 649 00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:21,916 we ain't gonna… we don't do that. You know what I mean?" 650 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,502 "We got… we got faith in God. We're gonna stay strong." 651 00:33:24,585 --> 00:33:26,421 "We're gonna give ourself another day." 652 00:33:26,504 --> 00:33:29,132 -You know what I'm saying? Yeah. -[audience cheering, clapping] 653 00:33:29,215 --> 00:33:31,884 Yeah, we don't give up that soon. You only get one life. 654 00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:33,553 We ain't giving up in this life. 655 00:33:33,636 --> 00:33:36,723 He said, "It's time to go, right?" I said, "Yeah." I was talking to him. 656 00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:38,391 'Cause I know what he was going through, 657 00:33:38,474 --> 00:33:41,519 so I put some money in… I… I sent him some money and shit. 658 00:33:41,602 --> 00:33:43,855 And I called him the next day. I said, "How are you doing?" 659 00:33:43,938 --> 00:33:45,231 He said, "A lot better." 660 00:33:45,314 --> 00:33:48,276 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 661 00:33:54,198 --> 00:33:55,783 [chuckles] 662 00:33:59,829 --> 00:34:01,706 Two weeks later, his wife called. 663 00:34:01,789 --> 00:34:03,666 "Oh, man, Ray don't want to do it no more." 664 00:34:03,750 --> 00:34:05,626 I said, "Oh God, here we go." 665 00:34:05,710 --> 00:34:09,380 I said, "Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, let… let him do it this time." 666 00:34:09,464 --> 00:34:10,381 "I'm tired." 667 00:34:10,882 --> 00:34:12,884 "I'm tired. He's tired." 668 00:34:13,801 --> 00:34:15,011 "You're tired." 669 00:34:15,094 --> 00:34:16,262 [audience laughing] 670 00:34:16,345 --> 00:34:19,182 "The earth ain't a place for him. Let him go on." 671 00:34:19,766 --> 00:34:22,435 "Everybody don't do well here. I'm tired of it." 672 00:34:23,061 --> 00:34:26,773 And I don't have no more "save you" money to save no more lives. 673 00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,777 I thought I was having a heart attack. 674 00:34:30,860 --> 00:34:32,612 I'm lying on the ground. Paramedics and shit. 675 00:34:32,695 --> 00:34:34,238 This is real shit. I'm on the ground. 676 00:34:34,322 --> 00:34:36,240 Something told me to look up. 677 00:34:36,324 --> 00:34:39,535 I seen the police. I said, "Wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no, no." 678 00:34:39,619 --> 00:34:42,580 "I didn't call y'all. Get y'all's ass out of here." 679 00:34:42,663 --> 00:34:45,041 "Don't start that shit right there." 680 00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:49,128 'Cause while I'm on the ground, they're in the house searching for shit. 681 00:34:49,212 --> 00:34:50,296 Them niggas in the back. 682 00:34:52,715 --> 00:34:53,633 They find something. 683 00:34:53,716 --> 00:34:56,803 "We're gonna get it after this. We got you. Look what we got right here." 684 00:34:56,886 --> 00:35:00,556 "When they're done with you, we'll look at what we got, so let 'em…" 685 00:35:02,683 --> 00:35:04,560 Now, I might, you know, be shining up here 686 00:35:04,644 --> 00:35:06,354 and, you know, trying to look like something, 687 00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:09,607 but I ain't always, you know, had a little gloss to me, y'all. 688 00:35:09,690 --> 00:35:12,151 I… I started off dusty, you know? 689 00:35:12,902 --> 00:35:14,987 Yeah, I started off real dusty. 690 00:35:15,071 --> 00:35:17,532 That's why they're talking about cutting them food stamps off. 691 00:35:17,615 --> 00:35:20,201 I been there. I had mine cut off a long time ago. 692 00:35:20,284 --> 00:35:21,661 [audience laughing] 693 00:35:21,744 --> 00:35:25,456 I've been on food stamps, then got cut off and all that shit. 694 00:35:25,540 --> 00:35:28,501 I grew up with a social worker coming to our house. 695 00:35:29,293 --> 00:35:32,171 Some white lady come in there, and your mother, "Y'all go play." 696 00:35:32,255 --> 00:35:34,048 [audience laughing] 697 00:35:34,132 --> 00:35:36,634 You stay to listen to your mother. Your mother be cussing her out. 698 00:35:36,717 --> 00:35:40,054 "Bitch, I don't have to tell you nothing about my personal life." 699 00:35:40,138 --> 00:35:43,182 [audience laughing, clapping, cheering] 700 00:35:44,767 --> 00:35:46,811 Back in the day, if you was on food stamps, 701 00:35:46,894 --> 00:35:48,646 you couldn't have a man at your house. 702 00:35:49,897 --> 00:35:52,733 So your uncle be over there, and the social worker show up. 703 00:35:52,817 --> 00:35:55,736 "Get out of here, Tony." You see your uncle running out. 704 00:35:55,820 --> 00:35:58,364 [audience laughing loudly] 705 00:36:01,242 --> 00:36:04,036 The lady, "We seen a man in your house." 706 00:36:04,662 --> 00:36:07,165 "We're gonna cut your food stamps." 707 00:36:07,748 --> 00:36:09,167 [laughing] 708 00:36:10,459 --> 00:36:12,837 That's crazy as a motherfucker, man. 709 00:36:14,088 --> 00:36:18,134 You know, I started off working jobs. I had a lot of jobs, you know. 710 00:36:18,634 --> 00:36:21,095 I worked at Hardee's. You ever heard of that? 711 00:36:21,179 --> 00:36:22,013 [audience] Yeah. 712 00:36:22,096 --> 00:36:24,223 That's some Midwest shit, yeah. 713 00:36:24,307 --> 00:36:25,683 I worked at Hardee's. 714 00:36:26,267 --> 00:36:29,187 I worked… Every job I worked at, I sold drugs on it. 715 00:36:29,270 --> 00:36:32,148 [audience laughing] 716 00:36:32,231 --> 00:36:35,193 So I was the weed man on all my jobs. 717 00:36:36,194 --> 00:36:40,031 And the boss would wonder why I had more than the rest of the employees. 718 00:36:40,781 --> 00:36:41,866 [chuckles] 719 00:36:42,366 --> 00:36:46,120 When you sell drugs on a job, you can give out credit till Friday. 720 00:36:46,204 --> 00:36:48,414 [audience laughing] 721 00:36:49,498 --> 00:36:51,000 [chuckling] 722 00:36:53,336 --> 00:36:55,379 Then I graduated. [exhales] 723 00:36:56,047 --> 00:36:57,006 That's how I was doing. 724 00:36:57,089 --> 00:37:00,009 I was working at 7-Eleven. I was bagging groceries and shit. 725 00:37:00,092 --> 00:37:04,805 And my friends that started selling crack was coming in the store buying baggies. 726 00:37:04,889 --> 00:37:06,682 You know the little sandwich baggies? 727 00:37:06,766 --> 00:37:08,309 They was coming in there buying baggies. 728 00:37:08,392 --> 00:37:10,394 They had jewelry on. They was laughing at me. 729 00:37:10,478 --> 00:37:13,397 "You still sacking groceries?" I was like, "What y'all doing?" 730 00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:17,610 See, I had no business selling drugs 'cause I was a Jehovah's Witness. 731 00:37:17,693 --> 00:37:20,071 [audience laughing] 732 00:37:20,655 --> 00:37:23,282 How do you go door-to-door to car-to-car? 733 00:37:23,366 --> 00:37:24,867 [audience laughing] 734 00:37:26,244 --> 00:37:30,414 Yeah, I didn't have no business… My mother didn't know I was selling crack. 735 00:37:30,498 --> 00:37:34,043 I was so excited to sell crack, and I didn't know what I was doing. 736 00:37:34,126 --> 00:37:36,087 'Cause I was watching the videos and shit. 737 00:37:36,170 --> 00:37:39,757 I was listening to N.W.A. And I was like, "Oh, I'm getting in this shit." 738 00:37:41,133 --> 00:37:42,927 And my big brother, John, he just kept saying, 739 00:37:43,010 --> 00:37:45,054 "Yeah, I got a black suit for you." 740 00:37:45,137 --> 00:37:46,180 I'm like, "For what?" 741 00:37:46,264 --> 00:37:48,057 He's like, "Nigga, you gonna get fucked up." 742 00:37:49,267 --> 00:37:51,352 But don't forget I was a Jehovah's Witness, 743 00:37:51,435 --> 00:37:53,354 so I was a nice drug dealer. 744 00:37:54,063 --> 00:37:56,357 That's why the drug addicts liked me. 745 00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,443 You know, I was real nice. I felt sorry for the people that I was selling dope. 746 00:37:59,527 --> 00:38:02,863 Before I gave it to 'em, I'd say, "You really need to change your life." 747 00:38:02,947 --> 00:38:04,156 [audience laughing] 748 00:38:04,240 --> 00:38:06,951 And then I'll sell it to them. "Give me the money anyway." 749 00:38:07,034 --> 00:38:08,744 Somebody else is gonna get the money. 750 00:38:12,373 --> 00:38:14,917 And one time I sold it to an informant. 751 00:38:16,794 --> 00:38:20,256 It was a club called M&J's. It was like a nightclub. 752 00:38:20,339 --> 00:38:21,716 And I had just copped. 753 00:38:21,799 --> 00:38:24,468 I had just got my… You know how when you first cop? 754 00:38:24,552 --> 00:38:27,179 I just spent my money on my dope. I bagged it up. 755 00:38:27,263 --> 00:38:30,891 And I'm sitting over in the car at the park, and I sold some dope. 756 00:38:30,975 --> 00:38:33,894 The dude… Something told me, "Don't sell this shit to this motherfucker." 757 00:38:33,978 --> 00:38:35,313 'Cause he… he was moving too fast. 758 00:38:35,396 --> 00:38:37,857 He's like, "Come on, I gotta get… I gotta get up out of here." 759 00:38:39,108 --> 00:38:40,484 And I sold it to him, man. 760 00:38:40,568 --> 00:38:43,362 And as soon as I sold it to him, and I got out the car, 761 00:38:43,446 --> 00:38:45,531 the motherfucking narcos rolled up on me. 762 00:38:45,614 --> 00:38:46,866 Took me to jail 763 00:38:46,949 --> 00:38:49,869 for dealing in possession of cocaine over seven grams. 764 00:38:49,952 --> 00:38:53,372 And if you Google "Mike Epps mug shot" on your phone right now, 765 00:38:53,456 --> 00:38:56,876 you will see where I caught that case. 1990. 766 00:38:56,959 --> 00:38:58,169 Look at the picture. 767 00:38:59,587 --> 00:39:01,297 Look at the picture. I'mma give you a second. 768 00:39:01,380 --> 00:39:02,798 Oh, you ain't got no phone? 769 00:39:02,882 --> 00:39:05,801 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 770 00:39:09,597 --> 00:39:12,266 Imagine me in 1990. 771 00:39:14,018 --> 00:39:16,228 When you get home, Google that shit. 772 00:39:17,563 --> 00:39:19,774 Yeah, I'm sitting there, man. The motherfucker got… 773 00:39:19,857 --> 00:39:22,068 Uh, and I kept trying to tell the drug officer. 774 00:39:22,151 --> 00:39:24,070 I'm like, "Man, I… I'm… I'm a user." 775 00:39:24,153 --> 00:39:27,823 He said, "No, you ain't no user." I said, "Yes, I am. I use drugs." 776 00:39:27,907 --> 00:39:30,451 He said, "No, that was too much for a user." 777 00:39:30,951 --> 00:39:32,286 "You was selling it." 778 00:39:33,079 --> 00:39:37,249 So the guy who set me up was a drug addict too. They couldn't find him. 779 00:39:37,333 --> 00:39:39,877 They was trying to make him come to court to testify on me, 780 00:39:39,960 --> 00:39:41,420 but they couldn't find him. 781 00:39:42,004 --> 00:39:45,466 So I went from 20 years to 8 years. 782 00:39:46,217 --> 00:39:47,885 They suspended five, 783 00:39:47,968 --> 00:39:51,514 and I did two years in the Marion County Jail in my hometown. 784 00:39:51,597 --> 00:39:55,518 Two years in the Marion County Jail. 785 00:39:55,601 --> 00:39:57,937 And I'm sitting up in the motherfucking jail, man, and I'm… 786 00:39:58,020 --> 00:40:00,398 I'm… I don't look that much different than I do now. 787 00:40:00,481 --> 00:40:02,650 I ain't had no hair on my face, had curly hair. 788 00:40:02,733 --> 00:40:04,652 I'm sitting in there with some real goons. 789 00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:08,864 And that story about don't drop the soap and the predators, 790 00:40:08,948 --> 00:40:10,199 that shit's real. 791 00:40:10,282 --> 00:40:12,868 [audience laughing] 792 00:40:12,952 --> 00:40:15,704 I'm sitting up in the jail, and a dude just walked up to… 793 00:40:15,788 --> 00:40:17,039 I don't know what the fuck… 794 00:40:17,123 --> 00:40:20,000 This motherfucker looked like a swollen snake. He was big. 795 00:40:21,001 --> 00:40:24,004 He just walked up on me and said, "I'mma hit you in your throat." 796 00:40:24,088 --> 00:40:25,256 I said, "What the fuck? What?" 797 00:40:25,339 --> 00:40:28,342 "Nigga, I ain't even did nothing. I… I don't even know you." 798 00:40:28,968 --> 00:40:31,011 I guess he wanted to… he was trying to fuck me. 799 00:40:31,095 --> 00:40:32,221 That's how they do it. They… 800 00:40:33,305 --> 00:40:34,265 They bully you, 801 00:40:34,348 --> 00:40:37,309 and then if you let them bully you, they bully you. 802 00:40:38,144 --> 00:40:40,855 So he… I guess he thought he was trying to set me up for that. 803 00:40:40,938 --> 00:40:42,523 I said, "Oh, I gotta figure something." 804 00:40:42,606 --> 00:40:43,566 I kept saying to myself, 805 00:40:43,649 --> 00:40:46,193 "I'mma bite this nigga if… if nothing else." 806 00:40:46,861 --> 00:40:49,238 A bite is a bad motherfucker, yeah. 807 00:40:49,738 --> 00:40:52,616 Somebody get you on the ground, bite 'em. They're getting up. 808 00:40:54,076 --> 00:40:55,953 I'm biting the shit out you, nigga. 809 00:40:56,036 --> 00:40:58,247 [audience laughing] 810 00:40:58,330 --> 00:40:59,248 Big Mac style. 811 00:40:59,331 --> 00:41:03,294 Wherever you got me on the ground, I'm biting the fuck out of you. 812 00:41:03,377 --> 00:41:05,212 [audience laughing] 813 00:41:05,296 --> 00:41:08,591 Nigga didn't know I was finna use my mouth on that nigga for real. 814 00:41:08,674 --> 00:41:10,885 [audience laughing loudly] 815 00:41:15,848 --> 00:41:19,768 I'm sitting up in the jail. I'm… I'm like, "Damn." Boy, I'm nervous as hell. 816 00:41:19,852 --> 00:41:22,104 And I seen a dude, man, named Louie. 817 00:41:22,188 --> 00:41:25,816 He was big. He looked crazier than the other dude. 818 00:41:25,900 --> 00:41:28,360 And he said, "Mike?" I said, "Louie?" 819 00:41:29,111 --> 00:41:30,654 And he was a drug addict. 820 00:41:30,738 --> 00:41:32,990 This dude, Louie, on the street, he was a drug addict. 821 00:41:33,073 --> 00:41:36,285 On the street, he was real shriveled up. He was dirty. 822 00:41:36,368 --> 00:41:40,039 But in jail, when he get his rest, and he's eating and working out, 823 00:41:40,122 --> 00:41:41,790 he looked like a monster. 824 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:44,919 And I said, "Louie?" He said, "Mike, what you doing here?" 825 00:41:45,002 --> 00:41:47,505 I said, "Man, I was trying to sell some dope and got caught." 826 00:41:47,588 --> 00:41:51,300 He said, "Man, you know you ain't the type of person who's supposed to be in here." 827 00:41:51,383 --> 00:41:53,302 He said, "How's your sister?" He knew my sister. 828 00:41:53,385 --> 00:41:56,597 He said, "How's Julie doing?" I said, "Man, she's doing good." 829 00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:00,392 He said, "Man, if you have any problems…" I said, "I got one right now." 830 00:42:00,476 --> 00:42:03,395 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 831 00:42:08,275 --> 00:42:11,654 I said, "God is good, nigga, and I got favor. You hear me?" 832 00:42:11,737 --> 00:42:12,947 "I got favor." 833 00:42:14,573 --> 00:42:15,699 He said, "Who?" 834 00:42:15,783 --> 00:42:18,410 I said, "He's standing over there right now." 835 00:42:19,495 --> 00:42:23,874 He said, "Point him out." I said, "No." I said, "He just… uh… he's looking at us." 836 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:26,627 'Cause I didn't know if I pointed at him… 837 00:42:26,710 --> 00:42:29,296 I said, "I ain't pointing at him. He's over there." 838 00:42:30,047 --> 00:42:33,592 Man, he went over there and whispered in the dude's ear. 839 00:42:33,676 --> 00:42:38,097 And when he backed up, he came back to me. He said, "Yeah, Mike, check this out." 840 00:42:38,180 --> 00:42:41,433 "The dude right there, he's a… he's a bully, but he's a bitch." 841 00:42:41,517 --> 00:42:44,019 "He ain't supposed to look at you, talk to you, walk past you." 842 00:42:44,103 --> 00:42:45,563 I said, "Oh, thank you." 843 00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:47,231 So the whole time I was in jail, 844 00:42:47,314 --> 00:42:49,858 this other dude was walking past me like this… 845 00:42:49,942 --> 00:42:51,235 [audience laughing] 846 00:42:51,318 --> 00:42:54,405 I said, "Oh Lord, what the fuck did he say to him?" 847 00:42:54,488 --> 00:42:56,198 [audience laughing] 848 00:42:56,782 --> 00:42:57,616 Thank you. 849 00:42:59,785 --> 00:43:01,704 So, you know, I got out of jail. 850 00:43:02,329 --> 00:43:04,999 I started sleeping on my sister's couch. I ain't had nowhere to stay. 851 00:43:05,583 --> 00:43:08,168 You know, I just had a new baby, which is my daughter Bria. 852 00:43:09,545 --> 00:43:10,671 My oldest daughter. 853 00:43:12,047 --> 00:43:14,675 You know, if I could do anything in the world, man, 854 00:43:14,758 --> 00:43:19,597 if I could explain to my daughter that I was a kid when I had you, 855 00:43:20,180 --> 00:43:23,142 I wasn't gonna be a good dad. You know what I mean? 856 00:43:23,225 --> 00:43:26,437 Sometimes it takes years for you to become a good dad. 857 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,315 You know? It's called babies having babies. 858 00:43:29,815 --> 00:43:31,400 And when your baby is mad at you 859 00:43:31,483 --> 00:43:34,528 'cause she don't realize you was a baby when you had her. 860 00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:36,655 -So it take time to grow. -[man] Yeah. 861 00:43:36,739 --> 00:43:39,450 So I had my daughter. I'm sleeping on my sister's couch. 862 00:43:39,533 --> 00:43:41,035 I ain't got no education. 863 00:43:41,118 --> 00:43:42,411 I ain't got no job. 864 00:43:42,494 --> 00:43:45,456 Selling motherfucking drugs. I ain't got no money. 865 00:43:45,539 --> 00:43:47,791 I owe a couple drug dealers money in the city. 866 00:43:47,875 --> 00:43:50,794 I'm lying on the couch, and I'll never forget my baby mama. 867 00:43:50,878 --> 00:43:53,213 She had an auntie named Janet, real sweet. 868 00:43:53,297 --> 00:43:55,049 Used to come to Indiana from Atlanta. 869 00:43:55,132 --> 00:43:58,218 She said, "Mike, hear you're having a hard time in Indianapolis." 870 00:43:58,302 --> 00:44:02,014 "If you ever need to get out of Indianapolis and move to Atlanta 871 00:44:02,097 --> 00:44:04,141 and change your life, you can stay with me." 872 00:44:04,224 --> 00:44:07,478 So I… I said, "Okay, I'm gonna hold you to that, Janet." 873 00:44:07,561 --> 00:44:10,856 Meanwhile, they got a comedy competition on the radio. 874 00:44:10,939 --> 00:44:15,319 "Come to next week's comedy competition here at Club Seville's." 875 00:44:15,402 --> 00:44:19,073 And I'm… I got two buddies, a buddy named Otis Brown, Gary Bates. 876 00:44:19,156 --> 00:44:19,990 They betted me. 877 00:44:20,074 --> 00:44:24,536 They said, "Mike, you funny around here. You funny in jail, you all that shit." 878 00:44:24,620 --> 00:44:27,456 "But I bet you can't go up there and be funny in front of people." 879 00:44:27,539 --> 00:44:28,540 I said, bet. 880 00:44:28,624 --> 00:44:31,335 We go to Club Seville's. They bet me $500. 881 00:44:31,418 --> 00:44:33,671 When we walk in the club, it's a bar and grill. 882 00:44:33,754 --> 00:44:37,716 Nothing but street motherfuckers in there. There's smoke everywhere. 883 00:44:37,800 --> 00:44:39,301 I'm standing in the back getting drunk. 884 00:44:39,385 --> 00:44:42,513 I said, "I'm scared as a motherfucker. I'm gonna tear their ass up." 885 00:44:42,596 --> 00:44:46,100 I'm in the back getting drunk. They're booing everybody off the stage. 886 00:44:46,642 --> 00:44:49,144 I get up on the stage. I make everybody laugh. 887 00:44:49,228 --> 00:44:51,855 -Boom! Everybody laughing. -[audience cheering] 888 00:44:51,939 --> 00:44:54,233 First time I went on stage. 889 00:44:54,775 --> 00:44:56,944 The next week, my name was on the radio. 890 00:44:57,027 --> 00:45:01,240 "Come next week, Club Seville's. Mike Epps, new comedian." [mumbling] 891 00:45:01,323 --> 00:45:04,868 So now the whole city coming up to me. "Man, I heard you on the radio." 892 00:45:04,952 --> 00:45:07,371 "You doing your comedy?" I said, "Yeah, I'm doing my comedy." 893 00:45:07,454 --> 00:45:11,917 I'd invited my mama, my neighborhood, everybody out the next week. 894 00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:13,127 [audience whooping] 895 00:45:13,210 --> 00:45:16,588 I went and got a suit, had the tie, everything. 896 00:45:16,672 --> 00:45:20,509 As soon as I walked up in the club, I seen two dudes I owe some money to. 897 00:45:20,592 --> 00:45:21,719 I said, "Oh, Lord." 898 00:45:22,386 --> 00:45:25,639 That fucking radio done told everybody to come up here. 899 00:45:26,765 --> 00:45:30,144 They like, "I know where to find his ass at that comedy show next week." 900 00:45:31,061 --> 00:45:34,106 Two motherfuckers I owe money to, so I'm nervous now. 901 00:45:34,189 --> 00:45:36,817 Do you know I went up on that stage and bombed? 902 00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:39,027 Everybody booed me off the stage. 903 00:45:39,111 --> 00:45:40,279 Wasn't funny. 904 00:45:40,362 --> 00:45:42,740 I'll never forget. I'm riding down the street. 905 00:45:42,823 --> 00:45:44,783 I'm riding down Michigan Street. 906 00:45:44,867 --> 00:45:47,953 And, uh, I'm crying 'cause I'm like, "Damn. I…" 907 00:45:48,036 --> 00:45:52,124 I didn't… I… I've been a failure since the first grade. 908 00:45:52,875 --> 00:45:56,587 Fuck a life. I've been failing since a baby. 909 00:45:56,670 --> 00:45:59,006 [audience laughing loudly] 910 00:45:59,089 --> 00:46:01,508 You know how that feel to keep failing? 911 00:46:01,592 --> 00:46:04,636 So I'm riding, and I… and I called my baby mama's auntie. 912 00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:06,096 When she came, I said, "Janet," 913 00:46:06,180 --> 00:46:08,640 I said, "remember when you said I can come to Atlanta?" 914 00:46:08,724 --> 00:46:11,268 "I'm ready to get away from here. I'm trying to be a comedian." 915 00:46:11,351 --> 00:46:13,437 She said, "Mike, I got bad news." I said, "What?" 916 00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,773 She said, "Mike, I got married." 917 00:46:15,856 --> 00:46:18,442 She said, "I got married. I got a new husband. He's different." 918 00:46:18,525 --> 00:46:20,861 "He ain't as cool as, you know, I thought he was." 919 00:46:20,944 --> 00:46:23,781 I went anyway. I said, "Fuck that shit." 920 00:46:24,448 --> 00:46:27,326 I went and bought a bus ticket from Greyhound. 921 00:46:27,409 --> 00:46:29,912 My sister gave me $85 in food stamps. 922 00:46:29,995 --> 00:46:33,165 That's when you could rip them out of the little book. [mimics paper ripping] 923 00:46:34,041 --> 00:46:35,459 I had $85 of food stamps. 924 00:46:35,542 --> 00:46:38,670 And I had a .38 that had a pin in it fucked up. 925 00:46:38,754 --> 00:46:41,924 And it skipped like this. Click, click, wow! 926 00:46:42,007 --> 00:46:44,718 Click, click, click, wow! 927 00:46:45,219 --> 00:46:47,679 So if you stayed for them clicks, 928 00:46:49,056 --> 00:46:50,766 it was gonna pop you on the third one. 929 00:46:50,849 --> 00:46:54,478 So you can stay there and look at the raggedy-ass gun if you want to. 930 00:46:54,561 --> 00:46:55,604 It's gonna pop. 931 00:46:55,687 --> 00:46:57,773 [audience laughing] 932 00:47:01,610 --> 00:47:04,780 So by the time I get to Atlanta, I called Janet on the phone. 933 00:47:04,863 --> 00:47:06,990 So I said, "Janet, I'm in Atlanta." 934 00:47:07,074 --> 00:47:09,868 She said, "Mike, it's 3:00 in the morning. What you doing in Atlanta?" 935 00:47:09,952 --> 00:47:11,286 I said, "I came anyway." 936 00:47:11,370 --> 00:47:13,497 She said, "I told you you couldn't come down." 937 00:47:13,580 --> 00:47:15,833 I said, "Janet, I'll tell you what." 938 00:47:16,667 --> 00:47:21,296 "In the morning, come pick me up and take me to the Salvation Army." 939 00:47:22,089 --> 00:47:23,674 I was gonna… I… This is how… 940 00:47:23,757 --> 00:47:26,635 I wanted to change my life that bad 941 00:47:27,469 --> 00:47:31,181 that I told her, "Come pick me up, take me to the Salvation Army." 942 00:47:31,265 --> 00:47:32,724 "I'mma sleep with the homeless people 943 00:47:32,808 --> 00:47:35,018 'cause I just wanted to get the fuck away from Indiana 944 00:47:35,102 --> 00:47:36,937 'cause I knew I was gonna die or go to prison." 945 00:47:37,020 --> 00:47:38,355 I said, "I got a talent." 946 00:47:38,438 --> 00:47:41,400 I found my… I found my talent, which was comedy. 947 00:47:41,483 --> 00:47:43,151 I knew I was going to get down there. 948 00:47:43,235 --> 00:47:44,570 So she was riding with me. 949 00:47:44,653 --> 00:47:47,698 And we're riding down 85, and she started crying. 950 00:47:48,907 --> 00:47:49,741 And, uh… 951 00:47:50,284 --> 00:47:51,910 [audience murmurs] 952 00:47:51,994 --> 00:47:53,495 [voice breaking] …she said, "Mike…" 953 00:47:53,579 --> 00:47:56,415 [audience clapping, cheering, whistling] 954 00:48:04,756 --> 00:48:07,718 She said, "Mike, I can't take you to… I can't take you to the homeless." 955 00:48:07,801 --> 00:48:09,177 "I can't take you there." 956 00:48:09,261 --> 00:48:12,764 She said, "You can come and stay with me, but my husband works second shift." 957 00:48:12,848 --> 00:48:14,725 "You can't come out the basement till 3 o'clock." 958 00:48:14,808 --> 00:48:17,978 [audience laughing loudly, clapping] 959 00:48:18,729 --> 00:48:21,648 So I'm in the basement hiding like Anne Frank. 960 00:48:23,483 --> 00:48:27,237 I hear the TV on. I hear people walking, but I can't move yet. 961 00:48:28,614 --> 00:48:30,032 About two weeks then went past. 962 00:48:30,115 --> 00:48:33,327 I done snuck upstairs, man, and he hadn't went to work. 963 00:48:34,328 --> 00:48:35,370 I come up out the basement. 964 00:48:35,454 --> 00:48:37,998 I got a pair of boxer drawers on and a bowl of cereal. 965 00:48:38,081 --> 00:48:40,334 And when he turned around, he said, "Who the fuck is you?" 966 00:48:40,417 --> 00:48:43,295 I said, "I'm Janet's nephew." He said, "I don't know no Janet's nephew." 967 00:48:43,378 --> 00:48:46,548 So he called her on the phone. She talked to him. 968 00:48:46,632 --> 00:48:47,549 Me and him sat down. 969 00:48:47,633 --> 00:48:50,886 I said, "Hey, man, I'm just trying to save my life." 970 00:48:51,970 --> 00:48:53,764 I told him everything I was trying to do. 971 00:48:53,847 --> 00:48:56,642 The man let me live with them for a whole year. 972 00:48:57,142 --> 00:48:59,645 -Got me a job. -[audience cheering, clapping] 973 00:49:03,523 --> 00:49:06,777 So a whole year went past. I got my tax check. 974 00:49:06,860 --> 00:49:10,447 And I claimed one of my nephews on it, so I could get an extra $500 on there. 975 00:49:10,530 --> 00:49:13,617 You know how back in the day you can claim somebody on the check? 976 00:49:13,700 --> 00:49:16,995 I claimed my nephew on the taxes, got an extra $500. 977 00:49:17,913 --> 00:49:20,499 T.K. Kirkland, a comedian named T.K. Kirkland. 978 00:49:20,582 --> 00:49:23,085 You heard of T.K.? T to the motherfucking K? 979 00:49:23,627 --> 00:49:26,880 He said, "You a bad motherfucker, man, but you ain't gonna make it in Atlanta." 980 00:49:27,464 --> 00:49:28,382 "Where I got to go?" 981 00:49:28,465 --> 00:49:30,759 "You either gotta go to Hollywood or New York." 982 00:49:30,842 --> 00:49:32,260 I said, "I'm going to Hollywood." 983 00:49:32,344 --> 00:49:34,972 He said, "You ain't ready." He said, "You need to move to New York." 984 00:49:35,055 --> 00:49:37,349 The next week I was gone to New York. 985 00:49:37,432 --> 00:49:39,935 He had a manager about this big named Dave Klingman. 986 00:49:40,018 --> 00:49:43,438 Looked like a little Jewish dude. Looked like Danny DeVito. 987 00:49:44,773 --> 00:49:47,275 I went to New York, and I met him at Port Authority. 988 00:49:47,359 --> 00:49:48,318 He picked me up, 989 00:49:48,402 --> 00:49:51,822 took me all around New York, started taking me in comedy clubs. 990 00:49:51,905 --> 00:49:53,824 The first comedy club I went in, 991 00:49:53,907 --> 00:49:57,244 my man Royale that's directing the show, he was hosting it. 992 00:49:57,327 --> 00:50:00,080 It was snow all on the ground. It was right in Brooklyn. 993 00:50:00,163 --> 00:50:03,875 He… After he took me to the comedy club, he said, "Man, you good." 994 00:50:03,959 --> 00:50:05,752 "But you need… you need a little work, 995 00:50:05,836 --> 00:50:07,879 so you're gonna have to go back to Indiana." 996 00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:11,383 I'm sadder than a motherfucker. I gotta go back to Indiana. 997 00:50:11,466 --> 00:50:15,095 I'm crying 'cause I know it's over with. I done failed again. 998 00:50:15,887 --> 00:50:20,100 On my way back there, every white person got a Black friend. 999 00:50:20,684 --> 00:50:21,643 Not every white person, 1000 00:50:21,727 --> 00:50:23,687 but a lot of you motherfuckers got Black friends. 1001 00:50:23,770 --> 00:50:25,272 [audience laughing, clapping] 1002 00:50:25,355 --> 00:50:29,192 This little Jewish dude had a Black friend named TC. 1003 00:50:29,776 --> 00:50:33,363 And TC, he said, "Man," he said, "I wanna introduce you to somebody." 1004 00:50:33,447 --> 00:50:36,033 'Cause I was talking shit. I'm from the hood and shit. 1005 00:50:36,116 --> 00:50:39,870 I done called the white men, three, four white men, all kind of shit. 1006 00:50:39,953 --> 00:50:43,081 "I'mma introduce you to somebody." So he introduced me to TC. 1007 00:50:43,165 --> 00:50:47,753 TC was a professional squatter. He knew how to squat. 1008 00:50:47,836 --> 00:50:50,213 He… he became friends with real rich white people 1009 00:50:50,297 --> 00:50:52,841 and squatted at their house while they're gone out of town. 1010 00:50:54,009 --> 00:50:56,094 So he was letting me live in these white people's house 1011 00:50:56,178 --> 00:50:57,012 while they was gone. 1012 00:50:57,095 --> 00:51:00,557 He's like, "Get out of here by Tuesday." I'm in the white people's house. 1013 00:51:01,058 --> 00:51:03,977 Donny Lalonde… There was a boxer named Donny Lalonde. 1014 00:51:04,061 --> 00:51:06,730 I'm in his apartment, right? I'm down in SoHo. 1015 00:51:06,813 --> 00:51:09,566 I'm living in his apartment, but they're selling the apartment. 1016 00:51:09,649 --> 00:51:12,360 I'm lying in the motherfucker on an… on an air mattress. 1017 00:51:12,444 --> 00:51:13,695 Me and a girl lying in there. 1018 00:51:13,779 --> 00:51:16,031 And the lady walks in to show somebody the… 1019 00:51:16,114 --> 00:51:16,990 "Oh God!" 1020 00:51:17,074 --> 00:51:19,659 I said, "I'm getting out of here. I ain't supposed to be in here." 1021 00:51:22,996 --> 00:51:26,917 The first show that I ever did in New York was called New York Undercover. 1022 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,377 I don't know if you remember New York Undercover. 1023 00:51:29,461 --> 00:51:33,090 But it had Malik Yoba and another little Spanish dude. 1024 00:51:33,173 --> 00:51:34,424 [audience clapping, cheering] 1025 00:51:34,508 --> 00:51:36,718 Yeah, then I did Showtime at the Apollo. 1026 00:51:36,802 --> 00:51:40,472 Remember ♪ Showtime at the Apollo ♪ ? 1027 00:51:40,555 --> 00:51:44,726 But I… I came as an entertainer, and you know who I was on the show with? 1028 00:51:44,810 --> 00:51:46,186 Destiny's Child. That's… 1029 00:51:46,269 --> 00:51:48,188 They wasn't even nobody yet. 1030 00:51:48,271 --> 00:51:51,691 They got out of an old raggedy-ass limo. They walked up in the thing. 1031 00:51:52,567 --> 00:51:55,487 We was all dusty. I'm telling you some real shit. 1032 00:51:56,029 --> 00:51:59,157 This early '90s. We all dusty. Ain't nobody got shit. 1033 00:52:00,617 --> 00:52:03,495 Man, I did the Apollo then I got on Def Comedy Jam. 1034 00:52:03,578 --> 00:52:05,080 I did Def Comedy Jam. 1035 00:52:05,163 --> 00:52:06,623 [audience cheering, clapping] 1036 00:52:06,706 --> 00:52:09,251 Then I got on the Def Comedy Jam Tour. 1037 00:52:09,835 --> 00:52:13,213 I said, "Oh, man, I gotta go now. I gotta… It's time to go to LA." 1038 00:52:13,296 --> 00:52:15,841 So I took a bus from New York to LA. 1039 00:52:15,924 --> 00:52:17,759 Took seven days to get to here. 1040 00:52:17,843 --> 00:52:19,845 [audience laughing] 1041 00:52:19,928 --> 00:52:22,514 I called a buddy named Red Grant. I said, "Man, I'm out here." 1042 00:52:22,597 --> 00:52:24,599 He said, "Man, I ain't got no furniture in my house, 1043 00:52:24,683 --> 00:52:26,393 but you come sleep on my floor." 1044 00:52:26,476 --> 00:52:29,437 I went over to Red Grant's house, sleeping on his floor. 1045 00:52:29,521 --> 00:52:33,066 While I'm staying in the apartments, it was apartments called Watseka Trails. 1046 00:52:33,150 --> 00:52:35,819 I'm living in apartments over at Watseka Trails. 1047 00:52:35,902 --> 00:52:38,697 I ran into a little young dude, man, but he had a good-ass heart. 1048 00:52:38,780 --> 00:52:40,740 He was a good dude. His name was Marcus. 1049 00:52:40,824 --> 00:52:42,617 He was telling everybody he was my manager. 1050 00:52:42,701 --> 00:52:44,870 We riding around. "This… this my manager." 1051 00:52:45,745 --> 00:52:48,832 Uh, but I didn't know who he was. I didn't know. [chuckles] 1052 00:52:48,915 --> 00:52:50,709 People was like, "You know who that is though." 1053 00:52:50,792 --> 00:52:54,504 I said, "No, he's nice to me. I don't know what the fuck he do." 1054 00:52:54,588 --> 00:52:56,173 [audience laughing] 1055 00:52:57,257 --> 00:52:58,425 Man, we riding around. 1056 00:52:58,508 --> 00:52:59,968 Do a show at the comedy club. 1057 00:53:00,051 --> 00:53:01,178 We at The Comedy Store, 1058 00:53:01,261 --> 00:53:04,973 and when I got offstage, Marcus said, "Man, Ice Cube wants to holler at you." 1059 00:53:05,056 --> 00:53:06,433 When I turned around, 1060 00:53:06,516 --> 00:53:09,102 Ice Cube and John Singleton were standing right there. 1061 00:53:09,186 --> 00:53:11,313 [audience cheering, clapping] 1062 00:53:11,396 --> 00:53:12,647 I said, "Oh, man." 1063 00:53:14,399 --> 00:53:17,903 Ice Cube said, "What up?" I said, "What's up?" 1064 00:53:18,695 --> 00:53:21,781 He said, "Can you act?" I said, "Hell yeah, I can act." 1065 00:53:21,865 --> 00:53:23,700 [audience laughing] 1066 00:53:24,242 --> 00:53:25,827 I started auditioning for the movie. 1067 00:53:25,911 --> 00:53:28,580 He made me audition for that movie about seven times. 1068 00:53:29,164 --> 00:53:32,876 Every time I thought I had the movie, he looked at me, kept going like this… 1069 00:53:32,959 --> 00:53:34,211 Like, "You got the movie." 1070 00:53:34,794 --> 00:53:37,005 And I was looking at him like, "Thank you." 1071 00:53:37,088 --> 00:53:38,423 [audience laughing] 1072 00:53:38,506 --> 00:53:42,093 But every time I come back, it was more comedians reading for it. 1073 00:53:42,177 --> 00:53:44,179 I'm like, "Oh, he playing with my head." 1074 00:53:44,679 --> 00:53:48,016 So I got the role. I got the role. 1075 00:53:48,099 --> 00:53:50,101 [audience cheering, clapping, whistling] 1076 00:53:52,687 --> 00:53:53,772 I called my mother. 1077 00:53:53,855 --> 00:53:56,983 My mother was living in some apartments, man, and I called my mother. 1078 00:53:57,067 --> 00:53:58,526 I said, "Mama, what you want?" 1079 00:53:58,610 --> 00:54:01,529 She said, "Just buy me a washer and dryer. That's all I want." 1080 00:54:02,489 --> 00:54:04,241 I said, "I'mma buy you a house." 1081 00:54:04,324 --> 00:54:06,952 She said, "No, you're gonna fuck my Social Security up." 1082 00:54:07,035 --> 00:54:08,411 [audience laughing loudly] 1083 00:54:08,495 --> 00:54:10,288 I get $700 a month, 1084 00:54:11,289 --> 00:54:14,292 and you're not finna fuck my Social Security up. 1085 00:54:14,376 --> 00:54:16,461 'Cause she wouldn't let me give her no check or nothing 1086 00:54:16,544 --> 00:54:17,963 'cause the Social Security people. 1087 00:54:18,046 --> 00:54:21,341 I had to fold the money up and… and back it to her like this 1088 00:54:21,925 --> 00:54:23,260 and slide it to her. 1089 00:54:23,343 --> 00:54:25,845 [audience laughing] 1090 00:54:28,098 --> 00:54:30,016 Sometimes she pulled back. I said, "What's wrong?" 1091 00:54:30,100 --> 00:54:32,560 She said, "They got ways of finding out everything." 1092 00:54:32,644 --> 00:54:35,897 I said, "Mama, we in the kitchen. Fuck Social Security." 1093 00:54:35,981 --> 00:54:37,565 [audience laughing] 1094 00:54:43,697 --> 00:54:45,782 And I've been sober for 20 years. 1095 00:54:45,865 --> 00:54:48,076 [audience cheering, clapping] 1096 00:54:48,159 --> 00:54:49,869 I've been sober for 20 years. 1097 00:54:51,454 --> 00:54:54,833 I work with some of the best actors and actresses in the world, 1098 00:54:54,916 --> 00:54:55,792 you know what I mean? 1099 00:54:55,875 --> 00:54:58,169 First movie I did was Next Friday. 1100 00:54:58,253 --> 00:55:00,839 -[audience cheering, clapping] -The… Yeah. 1101 00:55:00,922 --> 00:55:03,883 The second movie I did was All About the Benjamins. 1102 00:55:03,967 --> 00:55:06,553 [audience cheering, clapping, whistling] 1103 00:55:06,636 --> 00:55:09,723 I was on coke by then. I'm in the motherfucking mood. 1104 00:55:10,682 --> 00:55:13,310 Go watch that movie again. The guy is higher than a motherfucker. 1105 00:55:14,269 --> 00:55:19,607 When I was saying… [beatboxing] ♪ 15, 30, 35, 40 ♪ 1106 00:55:19,691 --> 00:55:22,402 -[vocalizing] -[audience joining in] 1107 00:55:22,485 --> 00:55:23,653 ♪ Forty-five, forty-seven ♪ 1108 00:55:23,737 --> 00:55:26,281 I was on coke like a motherfucker. 1109 00:55:26,364 --> 00:55:28,783 [audience laughing, scattered applause] 1110 00:55:29,743 --> 00:55:32,120 [woman whooping] Love you! 1111 00:55:32,203 --> 00:55:34,539 I did Bernie Mac's last movie, y'all. 1112 00:55:34,622 --> 00:55:37,292 -It was called Soul Men, y'all. -[audience cheering] 1113 00:55:37,375 --> 00:55:41,504 I was on the set with Bernie Mac in his last movie, man. 1114 00:55:41,588 --> 00:55:44,591 I… I… Man, you couldn't pay for this shit. 1115 00:55:44,674 --> 00:55:48,678 I'm sitting there talking to Bernie Mac, and he had a oxygen tank, man, he was… 1116 00:55:48,762 --> 00:55:50,180 Yeah, he had a oxygen tank, 1117 00:55:50,263 --> 00:55:53,099 but one thing I could say about him, he was still having fun. 1118 00:55:53,183 --> 00:55:54,434 He was still talking shit. 1119 00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:57,729 He was like, "Fuck these motherfuckers. Punk motherfuckers." 1120 00:55:57,812 --> 00:55:59,939 [audience laughing] 1121 00:56:00,023 --> 00:56:02,067 And I said, "Bernie Mac, give me some advice." 1122 00:56:02,150 --> 00:56:04,194 "What's your best advice you can give a young comic?" 1123 00:56:04,277 --> 00:56:07,113 He said, "Don't do nothing for money." I said, "Huh?" 1124 00:56:07,197 --> 00:56:09,991 [audience laughing loudly] 1125 00:56:10,075 --> 00:56:12,952 You can't tell… tell no young, poor-ass comedian that. 1126 00:56:14,579 --> 00:56:15,413 [chuckling] 1127 00:56:15,497 --> 00:56:18,917 The next movie I did was, uh, Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins. 1128 00:56:19,000 --> 00:56:20,085 [audience cheering] 1129 00:56:20,168 --> 00:56:22,212 Then I did a movie called Jumping the Broom. 1130 00:56:22,295 --> 00:56:23,630 [audience] Yeah! 1131 00:56:23,713 --> 00:56:26,424 Then I did a movie called Petey Greene. 1132 00:56:27,050 --> 00:56:29,886 -You ain't never seen that, have you? -[audience laughing] 1133 00:56:29,969 --> 00:56:34,224 Go check it out. Me, Don Cheadle, Taraji, uh, Chiwetel. 1134 00:56:34,307 --> 00:56:36,393 Go check it… These is independent films. 1135 00:56:36,476 --> 00:56:40,772 Then I did another movie with, uh, Forest Whitaker called Vipaka. 1136 00:56:40,855 --> 00:56:43,691 And I played a nigga in all these movies, y'all. 1137 00:56:43,775 --> 00:56:45,318 [audience laughing] 1138 00:56:45,402 --> 00:56:48,363 And I got a chance to work with the great Whitney Houston, man. 1139 00:56:48,446 --> 00:56:49,697 -And just… -[audience cheering] 1140 00:56:49,781 --> 00:56:52,742 Yeah, just coming on the set with her every day was crazy 1141 00:56:52,826 --> 00:56:55,328 'cause she come… she didn't wanna fuck with nobody but me. 1142 00:56:55,412 --> 00:56:57,205 She said, "Let's go smoke a cigarette." 1143 00:56:57,288 --> 00:56:59,082 And me and her on… 1144 00:56:59,165 --> 00:57:02,252 This how she was on the side of the building smoking a cigarette. 1145 00:57:02,335 --> 00:57:04,212 [audience laughing] 1146 00:57:05,463 --> 00:57:08,508 I said, "This the best time to ask Whitney Houston some real shit." 1147 00:57:09,926 --> 00:57:12,929 I said, "Did Ike and Tina have anything on you and Bobby Brown?" 1148 00:57:13,012 --> 00:57:14,514 She said, "Hell no!" 1149 00:57:14,597 --> 00:57:16,641 [audience laughing loudly] 1150 00:57:16,724 --> 00:57:18,560 They didn't have shit on us! 1151 00:57:22,605 --> 00:57:26,484 I just wanna tell y'all, man, the whole time I was on that journey, 1152 00:57:26,568 --> 00:57:27,902 I was delusional. 1153 00:57:29,070 --> 00:57:33,658 And I'd just like to tell y'all that it's okay to be delusional. 1154 00:57:34,659 --> 00:57:38,955 You know what I'm saying? Sometimes… you gotta be delusional. 1155 00:57:39,456 --> 00:57:46,004 You gotta be outta your motherfucking mind to be successful, to become great. 1156 00:57:47,005 --> 00:57:48,047 You gotta be blissful. 1157 00:57:48,131 --> 00:57:51,593 [audience clapping, whistling, cheering] 1158 00:57:51,676 --> 00:57:53,970 Delusion comes from trauma. 1159 00:57:54,596 --> 00:57:56,556 It comes from not being accepted. 1160 00:57:57,640 --> 00:58:01,644 So whatever you gotta do to make it, to become who you need to become, 1161 00:58:02,395 --> 00:58:03,688 stay delusional. 1162 00:58:03,771 --> 00:58:05,732 I'm Mike Epps, man. I love y'all. 1163 00:58:06,483 --> 00:58:08,026 Yaamava'! 1164 00:58:08,109 --> 00:58:10,445 ["Can't Get Over You" by Mike Epps playing] 1165 00:58:10,528 --> 00:58:13,406 ♪ Climb the highest mountain around ♪ 1166 00:58:13,490 --> 00:58:17,577 ♪ But I can't get over you ♪ 1167 00:58:18,369 --> 00:58:20,121 ♪ I can't get over you ♪ 1168 00:58:23,750 --> 00:58:28,296 ♪ Fast as a jet aeroplane on foot I can ♪ 1169 00:58:28,379 --> 00:58:30,715 ♪ Beat the Japanese bullet train ♪ 1170 00:58:31,508 --> 00:58:35,386 ♪ But I can't get over you ♪ 1171 00:58:36,179 --> 00:58:38,014 ♪ I can't get over you ♪ 1172 00:58:42,185 --> 00:58:46,564 ♪ Every day without you, girl You know that I'll be getting better ♪ 1173 00:58:46,648 --> 00:58:48,399 ♪ Can't let you break me down ♪ 1174 00:58:48,483 --> 00:58:50,735 ♪ Oh no, Lord, I can't let her ♪ 1175 00:58:50,818 --> 00:58:53,738 ♪ Do ♪ 1176 00:58:54,239 --> 00:58:55,907 ♪ Do me the way she do ♪ 1177 00:59:00,119 --> 00:59:04,499 ♪ Every day without you, girl You know that I'll be getting better ♪ 1178 00:59:04,582 --> 00:59:06,334 ♪ Can't let you break me down ♪ 1179 00:59:06,417 --> 00:59:08,711 ♪ Oh no, Lord, I can't let her ♪ 1180 00:59:08,795 --> 00:59:12,048 ♪ Do ♪ 1181 00:59:12,131 --> 00:59:13,675 ♪ Do me the way she do ♪ 1182 00:59:17,470 --> 00:59:20,056 ♪ I can see through buildings With X-ray vision ♪ 1183 00:59:22,016 --> 00:59:24,894 ♪ I can look through suckers' Planned-out decisions ♪ 1184 00:59:25,478 --> 00:59:28,982 ♪ But I can't see through you ♪ 1185 00:59:30,066 --> 00:59:31,776 ♪ Can't get over you ♪ 1186 00:59:35,363 --> 00:59:38,449 ♪ Stronger than my two-ton Ford ♪ 1187 00:59:38,533 --> 00:59:39,701 [song fades]