[labored breathing] [Charles] Our Father...
[electronic dance music]
[Charles] who is in Heaven...
holy...
is your name...
[music continues] [people talking indistinctly]
[Jess (voiceover)] You ever wonder how it works?
How a tiny pill can ruin your entire life?
[Charles] Use me, Father.
Let me see just one more.
One more saved.
[music intensifies]
[Jess (voiceover)] It starts with dopamine.
That's the thing your brain releases when you feel good.
Like laughing, getting a hug, french fries.
It's all dopamine.
But opiates, they hit you with a lifetime of dopamine in just a few hours.
So you do what you have to, to feel something.
Anything.
[door slams] [muffled music continues]
[eerie tone]
[breathing]
[uneven breathing, whimpering]
[exhales]
[eerie tone intensifies]
[Jess (voiceover)] I know.
It's hard to look at, isn't it?
But don't give up on me.
Jesus didn't.
[thud]
[Dr. Henley] I'm proud of you, Jess.
Look at me.
I can see you've been through a lot.
But you came back.
And that's what it takes.
Where else was I gonna go?
I mean...
I am trying.
[murmurs]
But also, I'm not.
It's like I'm doing everything I can to just mess it all up.
That's honest.
That's true.
Jess, the truth is vital--
Vital to recovery, I know.
[Dr. Henley] The number one thing that keeps an addict from becoming sober
is refusing to tell the truth.
And right now, that's not you.
[Caller (voiceover)] Hey, Jess. I got your call.
I'm your cousin, so I'm gonna stick my neck out here.
Um...
I have a place I just bought.
It needs some work.
You can stay there for a couple months.
[sigh]
I talked with your mom last week,
and she's still upset over what you did.
Listen, this is the last time.
Ok?
Please.
Get better.
Talk soon.
[breathing]
[phone vibrates]
[soft, upbeat music]
[heavy breathing]
[heavier breathing]
[Jess] Hello?
Hello..?
Sir.
[gasps]
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I thought... um... you were--
sorry.
I thought you were--
Um--
sorry.
[Charles] [labored breathing] I wasn't able to sleep inside in the bed.
[Jess] Mm.
[Charles] I come out here...
Boy, I ain't slept that good in a month.
[chuckles]
Can I pray for you?
Oh, um...
No.
I'm good.
I'm just-- I'm going to--
I'm going to keep running.
[phone vibrates]
[ominous music]
[muffled retching]
[grunts]
[Charles] Come on now, I can pour coffee.
No, you ain't. Alright? Not while I'm here.
You gettin' that royal treatment.
Come on.
[coffee pouring]
[Xavier] [sighs]
Is that necklace from...
My Betty.
Born on a foggy morning to a farmer daddy
and a schoolteacher mama.
They say that you could cut that fog with a paring knife it was so thick.
[Xavier] [soft chuckle]
[ambient music]
[soft chuckle]
[laughter]
What?
Uh,
She used to get on my case.
Mostly about how I talk, told me I was country.
[laughter]
Oh, she couldn't stand it
when I said, "I'da known that.
We'd have been there if you had told us to."
[laughter]
I can see her looking at me,
staring a hole in my head
when we were out with friends and I spoke like
I ain't never seen a classroom.
Boy.
[voice breaking] I'm excited to see her again.
[Xavier] And uh... what's the acorn mean?
Yeah.
[clears throat]
You know how an acorn turns into an oak tree?
[Xavier] Yeah.
Tons of shade?
[Xavier] Mm-hmm.
Well, everybody's thankful for when an oak grows up.
[Xavier] True.
Her daddy gave her this before he passed.
Well, he wanted her to think about being something
that adds to this world.
And boy...
She did.
[heavy breathing]
[Charles] Same sign, same me.
But now...
he here too.
Ope. Sorry.
I'm Xavier.
I'm Jess.
[Xavier] Nice to meet you.
[Charles] Jess,
I think Jesus wants you to know him.
I'm not... sure... about that.
About like God or Jesus, you know?
That's alright.
Can I still pray for you?
Ok, I-- I want to be honest.
Um, I have to be because...
well, I have to be.
Um,
I don't think God is real.
Like, I wish he was.
[stammering] But you guys-- you clearly believe, right?
Um,
Like, you feel you have a purpose for getting up and stuff
and doing all the things you do and it's not meaningless.
So, good.
Good job.
Thank you.
[Jess] Mm-hmm, yeah.
Uh, how many people have stopped?
Not...
[coughs]
Not many.
[coughing]
Excuse me.
Are you okay?
You should get that looked at.
You ain't lying.
[Charles] But I'm tough as nails though.
Call me Joe Namath.
'69 Super Bowl against the Baltimore Colts.
[Xavier] [groans] Oh, geez.
Y'all know nothing about that.
Should've seen it.
Like back when the Pickle Badgers
faced the Mutton Bandits, correct? Yes?
In the 1942--
Come over here.
You remember James Naismith.
He passed you the ball.
The boy think he a comedian.
[Charles] Go get a chair.
[Xavier] Yeah.
Jess, you...
wanna sit down?
Please.
Now, everybody on the team
gets cheap coffee.
[Jess] [chuckles]
I love cheap coffee.
That's why you on the team.
So you from around here?
Um,
Yeah, not too far away.
I was gone for a bit, but--
Small towns are like magnets,
they just...
They always draw you back in.
[Jess] [chuckles]
They do, yeah.
I feel that.
But, um, yeah, I live like a mile down that way.
I've never been down there.
Is it nice?
It's not. It's nothing special.
[chuckles]
That's why I'm down there.
I'm kidding.
It's funny, it's a joke.
Oh, oh, okay.
That's funny... right?
Yeah.
[chuckles]
[Charles] Raya!
[Raya] [sing-song] Charles!
How you doing?
Hey, I'm doing fine, babe.
Hey.
[Xavier] What's good?
Hey.
Oh my...
Ah, gosh.
Hi, I don't think we've met before. I'm Raya.
I'm Jess, we definitely haven't met.
She lives right down that way.
But it's not very nice.
Oh... that feels inappropriate.
[sighs]
Word on the street is you're changing the world, Chuck.
Starting now.
You ain't old enough to call me Chuck.
Now, what'd you bring me?
[teasing] Chuck, brace yourself.
Because mom made...
a coffee cake!
Ooh, she taking care of me.
Mm-hmm.
Now, she put a whole coffee cake in there.
Okay, a whole one.
So I better see half a coffee cake in the fridge next week,
okay?
Lord, bless this breakfast for the nourishment of my body.
That's a cake, Pops.
[Raya] Ooh, your shoes are cute!
What size do you wear?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't let her put her hooves in your shoes, alright?
You'll have to burn them.
Excuse me?
I wash them every week.
She on that Jesus schedule.
[Xavier] [chuckles]
[Raya] Exactly, exactly.
If it's good enough for God, it's good enough for Raya.
Come on.
Hello there.
Hi.
[James] I, um...
I just got let go from my job.
I, uh...
I got three kids at home.
Wife's a stay-at-home mom.
I need some prayer.
Okay.
This one hurt.
Quite a bit.
What's your name?
James.
I don't know...
I don't know what to do.
Yeah.
We're gonna bring it to Jesus.
[soft, emotional music]
Let's pray.
Gracious God, heavenly Father,
we thank you for giving James
the strength to come here today.
He's lost his job, God.
He has three kids.
His wife is at home with the kids.
Father, he doesn't know what to do.
He's confused.
He's scared.
Father, I'm asking that you give him strength.
[charles praying fades under music]
[Charles] Amen.
[James] Amen.
Thank you.
[Charles] God bless you.
[James] [deep breath] [Charles] God bless you.
[indistinct]
[emotional music swells]
Thank you.
God bless you.
[music continues]
[music fades, low rumble]
[Jess (voiceover)] Nighttime is and will always be the worst
when you're alone.
Loneliness is...
awful.
[rushing noise intensifies]
[door shuts, silence]
[Dr. Henley] Thank you, Tiffany, for sharing.
And thank you for being so open today.
This has been great.
You're learning to take back control of your lives.
Many of you handed your pen to addiction
and you gave it permission to write your life for a chapter.
[eerie, distorted sounds]
But today, today you get to write a new one.
So over the last couple of weeks,
I've heard you talk about how it's hard
to think of something that you're grateful for.
So I wanted to break that down into a couple of small steps,
gratitude and thankfulness.
I want you think of gratitude as a seed
that's planted in the ground.
And you water that seed with thankfulness.
So the more you water it, the bigger that gratitude becomes.
[wind in trees, birds chirping]
[Charles] Welcome back.
You feel okay?
[chuckles]
Nope.
[coughs]
So, I'm in--
I was in counseling.
I've been talking to a doctor about my story
and trying to understand where things got out of control.
Um,
I've lost a lot of people in my life
because of what I've done.
Alcohol.
Almost blew up my marriage
and ruined my relationship with my daughter
for a long time.
You seem like you got things back on track.
Hmm, that's one way of saying it.
How did you get past it?
Jesus is good, Jess.
That's how.
I won't stop saying it.
I want to believe like you guys do.
It looks nice to like have something
that gives everything meaning.
At times in my life
I've reached out to God.
But nothing happened.
I felt nothing.
You keep reachin',
he's gonna be there, Jess.
And I can't wait to see that.
Can I get your help with somethin' today?
[cheerful music]
[Raya] [deep sigh]
Okay, this will only take a couple hours.
Xavier, whatever you're doing, stop.
How did you see that?
I always know.
Okay.
[sigh]
Let's, uh...
Let's start! Ok?
[Raya] We'll do this orderly. [Xavier] Oh, chere you go.
[Raya] Oh, thank you. [Xavier] Yeah.
Ok.
For you.
[Xavier] Let's start with something small. Yeah.
[Raya] I guess we'll just... these lighter ones?
[Raya] Okay, this one's heavier.
Oh, a little heavier.
[Raya] Is this gasoline?
[Raya] Oh no, it's termite... [Xavier] Oh my... no.
[Xavier] [chuckles] Dang!
[Xavier] This is gonna take longer than um--
- oh my goodness.
[Raya] Yes.
[Xavier] I have never seen Pops sweep
[Xavier] a day in my life. [Raya] I know, I know,
[Raya] I don't think I've ever seen him use that either.
[Raya] Oh! There's a spider in here! [squeals, laughs]
[Jess] Stop!
[laughter]
[Raya] [sing-song, indistinct]
Wait, can we keep stuff?
[Xavier] Sleight of hand.
[Raya] Mm-hmm.
Where did these even come from?
[Xavier] Oh my gosh. [Raya] [sing-song] Ohh...
[Xavier] Jess!
[Jess] Why?
[Jess] Wait, why does he have--
[Jess]--so many pairs? [Raya] Why does he have so many?
Wait, do you skate?
[Jess] Me? No.
You finna!
[Xavier] That fits you actually.
[Raya] Pretty good.
[Xavier] Oh my gosh. [Jess] Ok,
was there a match?
[Xavier] Raya, there's a bee in your hair.
What, what?
[group chuckles]
Dang!
[Jess] So are you guys like a thing?
[Xavier] [laughs]
[Raya] [sing-song] Oooooh...
[Xavier] No, no, no, no-- [Raya] [playful] Xavier, do you love me?
Why are you so strong?
Oh my gosh.
[Xavier] No, um... well, I mean, Raya's family and my family
go like way back.
[Raya] Yeah. [Xavier] So...
[sigh]
When my dad passed away...
Raya's parents helped me and my little sister
while my mom got things together.
And I got baptized with her brother
[Raya] Mm-hmm. [Xavier] a couple years ago already.
[Xavier] Oh my gosh. [Raya] Wow.
So how do you all know Charles?
Charles is the guy, man.
He is the guy.
He lost his wife a little while ago.
But he's the one who always showed up.
Yeah, anytime there was a need, Charles had time.
He made time.
Not many people are willing to do that.
And, um, he was really good friends with my dad.
So, yeah.
[Raya] The most selfless man.
Sorry.
You know, we're not just cleaning out the shed.
We're, you know, getting some stuff together.
There's another group from the church
that's gonna come by tomorrow
and take some stuff for donation, so.
Uh, what are we talking about?
Charles has stage 4 cancer.
He's dying?
Yeah.
But he doesn't like to talk about it much.
He just wants to enjoy the time he has left.
I'm sorry, Xavier.
Yeah, it ain't right.
I'll be real, it's...
It's hard.
I have my questions.
That man right there, he's the real deal.
He's using his last moments to love others.
It's beautiful.
[Xavier] Alright, um... [Raya] Ok, um...
[Raya] Let's keep going.
[Raya] This looks pretty fragile, so... [Xavier] Oh, I wanna keep this.
I might just have you walk this out? I don't know.
Okay.
[Raya] There's some fragile stuff in there,
so maybe we just go that way.
Alright.
[Jess] Charles! Sorry! I'm s---
That's not my mama's urn, is it?
[Jess] [indistinct mumble] [Raya] Here, let me help you.
Ow!
[grunts] I'm bleeding.
[Raya] Oh!
[Charles] I got some bandages in the house. I'll get 'em.
[Jess] No, I got it. I got it.
Alright.
[ominous music]
[high-pitched tone]
[heavy breathing]
[Jess] [whispering] You've got this. You've got this.
[whispering] You're fine. You're fine.
[voices whispering indistinctly]
[heart pounding]
[sharp violin strings]
[silence]
[music builds]
Don't.
Don't do it.
[Jess] [muffled] Come on, come on, come on.
[indistinct mumbling]
[whispering] Come on, come on, come on.
Don't do it.
Is everything okay?
Jess, what's wrong?
I'm fine, everything's fine.
I'm just-- [Raya] Hey!
I'm not good with blood.
I don't feel good at all, so.
Okay, let me drive you home.
Ok.
[Raya] Are you... do you think you're gonna get sick or...?
[Jess] Um...
Well, I don't feel good.
Okay, okay. I hate that feeling.
I know that feeling.
I think I have some water if you want a little water?
[Jess] I'm ok. I'm fine.
[Raya] Ok, we'll go home.
Uh, you live that way?
Mm-hmm.
[Raya] Deep breaths...
[Charles] Was it that bad?
I-- It must have been.
[Dr. Henley] It's okay, Jess.
But you gotta be real with yourself here.
[Jess] [softly] Okay.
So then... [long exhale]
I'm here because I wasn't doing
as well as I thought.
I'm here because I wasn't as strong as I thought I was.
I'm here because--
You're still making value statements.
I'm here...
because...
I lied to myself.
And I-- I told myself...
I could be around it again.
That's great, and that's honest.
So, what do you do from here?
I get back up,
take control,
hopefully...
get my family back?
If I could just be clean for like six months,
I know they'll--
I don't-- I don't want them to know I fell again.
I don't--
They'll never--
They'll never believe in me again.
Not this time.
Before you go to them, you have to start
with what you can control,
and that's you.
And only then can you give your family a chance
to show grace and mercy.
Thank you.
Yeah, hey, Jess, I just wanna give you my number.
So...
Just take it, have it.
I don't know if you have a car or anything,
but I'm happy to drive you.
Yeah, my car's in the shop.
[Raya] Ok! [Jess] But, um, thanks. Appreciate it.
[Raya] Either way. Sure. Feel better.
[heavy breathing]
Come on, Jess. Come on.
[heavy breathing intensifies]
[whispers] Come on.
[ominous music]
[Erin] I ended up at this party, and
[dark, ambient music] I'm not sure exactly
how it happened, but you know, I was smoking,
and, um...
somebody...
put...
something in it.
And...
I blacked out
by the fire pit
and I was freezing.
And there were a lot of strange people there,
like, I didn't really know anyone, and--
none of my friends, like--
no one checked on me.
And I woke up the next morning,
my face pressed into the gravel, just like, disoriented, and--
and I just had that sense, you know?
Like, if I kept going...
I was going to die.
So, I called up my cousins,
and they let me stay with them.
And I think that was the beginning of getting out.
And every day, I mean, I'm climbing,
and there's not a top to the mountain,
but you know, my-- my job is not to get to the top.
[Dr. Henley] I think we're all addicts to some degree,
and the last addiction each of us has to face
is this belief that somehow we can save ourselves,
but it's impossible.
[music fades to silence]
[Dr. Henley] So, anybody else want to share?
Anybody?
[chuckles]
Raymond, just keep it short.
[Raymond] I'll try.
[Raymond] [clears throat]
So, I am a full 10 years of being sober.
10 years, 2 months, and 11 days, actually.
I'm not gonna lie, though.
[low rumbling] Sometimes, um...
[unsettling music] when it's late, and I've been working,
and I'm tired, and my body's hurting,
[low growl]
sometimes, uh...
sometimes I still hear a voice.
And it's-- it's not like it's in the room with me,
but it's like-- it's like it's down the hall,
but I can hear it calling to me.
And it's calling me, trying to get me to come back.
It's like it's trying to promise me
if I come back, then, what?
That like somehow I'll be happier?
That's a lie.
Because I know that that life is full of pain,
and hurt for you, and your family,
and everybody that you love,
and it's full of shame and guilt.
And that voice is a lie.
That voice is not our friend.
You know, you may never silence that voice completely,
but if you take control and bring God into it,
you can turn the volume so low,
that it loses all power over you.
[silence]
Well said, Raymond.
That's it for tonight.
See you next time.
[door opens, closes]
[Dr. Henley] Hey, got a ride home?
Yeah, I'm just waiting for them.
Well, I can wait with you.
No, I'm fine.
Sure?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, have a good night.
you too.
[door opens, rain outside]
[door closes]
[sighs]
[door opens, rain]
[Jacob] Hey, Jess.
I, uh, I just-- I just wanted to see you.
How did you know I was here?
[exhales]
I'm here for you.
Alright? I just, I wanted to...
I wanna say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, and I wanna--
[Jess] No! [Jacob] I wanna try this--
No!
[Jacob] I just-- I just wanna tell you-- I--
[Jess] No, Jacob, go!
Look, look, we just need to talk this through.
I really think that's all this is.
We just need to sit down--
[Jess] What-- What the hell is wrong with you? [Jacob] Have a civil conversation--
[Jess] I told you I needed space! [Jacob] Let's have a c--
Let's have a civil conversation--
No, no, go, go!
[thunder]
Alright. Alright, I'm going.
[Jess] [exhales]
Hey, you know something?
I came here to tell you
that I missed you.
[unsettling sound]
Okay, that's it.
[door opens]
[door closes]
What?
[thunder]
What?
[high-pitched wavering tone]
[fist pounds table]
[crying, breathing heavily]
[sobbing]
[Charles] Runnin' again?
I never did understand that, like somebody chasing you.
This is it, Charles.
This is--
I'm in a place where this has to work.
Ok? I-- I want to try this thing.
What thing?
Following Jesus.
O-- Oh! Ok, yeah!
Well-- Well, that's good!
So, how do I do this, like, what's--
Well, you got the first part right.
You passed the first part. That's it!
[Xavier] Hot coffee!
No, no, no coffee.
Go inside, get the coffee cake.
We got to celebrate.
She passed the first part.
So, no coffee?
No coffee.
What part is that?
Coffee cake!
[Jess] I don't like cake.
Oh, Jesus got so much work to do with you, Jess.
Uh, sit down.
The first part is a big part, J
When you start to realize you're missing something,
and then you start to go looking for it.
[Raya] Hey, guys!
Hey! Ray, this is gettin' good!
Come sit down.
Jess passed the first part.
Ooh, that's fun.
What's the first part?
That's the first part when you realize you're desperate
and you got to go look for something.
It's a bad part, but it's a good part.
[Charles] Yeah.
See, that's when your eyes are wide open
and then you realize that you were blind.
[Xavier] Coffee cake is gone!
I knew that.
You can't keep me from nice things, boy.
[Raya] Are you for real? Charles!
[Jess] [chuckles] [Charles] Now that you know you're thirsty,
you got to go looking for water.
Jesus is the water, Jess.
I saw some cookies in the cabinet.
Don't you touch that.
That's my stash, boy.
That was selfish.
Tell you what, bring 'em out.
Tell him to-- go-- tell him go get the cookies,
we gonna celebrate.
He said bring 'em out! We're celebratin'!
[Charles] Now, the final stage, Jess,
now we knock, now we seek,
and the God of the universe is gonna answer.
He has a story he wants you to tell with your life.
And J, you've got a testimony that he's gonna use.
She sure does.
Here.
[sentimental ambient music]
You take this.
Charles, I can't take that--
Yes, you can.
I have something you should know.
Raya already told me,
[Jess] Charles, you don't have to-- [Charles] Well--
[Jess] say--
Yeah, you know.
Where I'm goin',
I get to see Jesus face to face.
I don't know what to say, Charles.
Don't eat all those cookies tonight.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, you either.
Okay.
[Raya] [laughs]
See you.
[Raya] Bye.
Hey, Pops, I don't mind staying with you.
Go on home! I'll see you tomorrow.
Go ahead.
[softly] Alright.
[engine starts]
[truck drives away]
[exhales
[music fades]
[crickets]
[Jess] [reading] God, use me to make much of yourself.
[deep breath]
Okay.
So, you can hear me right now.
Um,
I'm just believing that.
I'm believing that you care,
wherever you are, um, that you see me,
and that you... sent Jesus?
Like-- like really, um, I like actually want to believe,
so if you could just like make that happen...
in me,
if that's... how you make that happen-- okay.
[groans]
[deep breath]
I'm sorry I neglected you.
[whispers] Dusty.
Okay.
[strums guitar string repeatedly]
[hums]
[gentle ambient music]
[uplifting piano]
[music fades]
[rain pattering]
[eerie tone]
[silence]
[Charles] Joan Armatrading?
What?
[chuckles] Nothin'.
I wrote a song.
You did?
That's great.
I wrote it for you.
Um,
So, I'm gonna sing it for you,
and we're gonna pretend it never happened, okay?
Oh--oh, ok?
[sharp exhale] Ok.
[clears throat]
[single strum]
Okay.
[single strum]
Are you ready?
Mm-hmm.
Mm-kay.
[clears throat]
♪ Am I too far gone? ♪
♪ Has my luck run out? ♪
♪ Have the bridges all been burned? ♪
♪ I just don't know where to turn ♪
♪ Don't know how to heal ♪
♪ or get my heart to feel ♪
♪ Will I ever win this war? ♪
♪ God knows I've been here before ♪
♪ I'm feeling dirty, unworthy, and hurting ♪
♪ and asking if you ♪
♪ Would send me a sign ♪
♪ Show me I'm not alone ♪
♪ Show me where I belong ♪
♪ And if I'm worth the fight ♪
♪ I need a sign ♪
♪ Something to be the spark ♪
♪ Someone to light the dark ♪
♪ and bring me back to life ♪
♪ I need a sign ♪
[acoustic guitar]
[Charles] It's beautiful.
I'm really glad Jesus told you to
come and sit in your yard.
[fun music]
[Xavier] Let's do it.
[Jess] Raya!
[Xavier] [playfully] Awe, geez. She's here. [Jess] Hi.
[playful chatter]
[Xavier] Alright, ya'll. Guess what I got.
[Raya] What?
[Jess] No.
[Xavier] [laughing] Yep.
[Raya] No!
Yep.
[Jess] No!
[Raya] No, like, actually no. [Xavier] For you, madame.
[Jess] Do you skate?
[Raya] I do now. [Jess] I'm not skating--
[Xavier] [laughs] [Jess] I'm not skating.
[Raya] and Jessica... [Jess] Hi.
Oh, you guys have the same name!
Wait, Jess--
So good to see you guys.
Hi, I'm Jess.
Nice to meet you.
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
I'm Jess.
Nice to meet you.
Ah, it's so good to see you.
Wait, so how's your mom?
Also, we know most of these people from, like, the young adult group that we do.
Ok.
Or the Bible study.
[upbeat music, lively chatter]
[Xavier] Alright, ya'll!
[cheering] [Xavier] Let's do it!
Nope.
[Xavier] It's your turn.
I-- no!
[Jess] I told you I wasn't doing it. [Xavier] Please.
[Raya] It might be your turn. [Xavier] Please.
It might be your turn.
[Xavier] Please!
[Jess] I'm not doing it! I'm not doing it.
[Xavier] [laughing] Just try them on.
[Jess] No!
Just put one of them on.
[Raya] [laughing] One of them? [Jess] I'm not--
[Xavier] Just put one of 'em on! [Jess]--doing it! I'm not--
I'm not doing it.
[Xavier] Please. [Jess] No!
[indistinct, laughter]
[Raya] You're doing it!
You're doing it.
Right towards me.
[Xavier] I'm so proud of you!
Checkin' in.
You okay?
Yeah, I think so.
[music fades]
[Xavier] [exhale] Awesome.
Good.
[exhale]
I'm glad to hear that.
It shows.
What?
You look-- like-- you seem to be happier.
It's nice.
Thanks.
[phone buzzes]
Look-- Raya, she's great, J.
She's the best.
I mean, you can tell her anything.
She'll listen.
[Xavier] I just don't want you feeling like you have to do this alone.
So your tattoos, um,
[laughs]
What's the story there?
Isn't that like kind of off--
Yeah, I know.
[Jess] [indistinct]
I like to call them birthmarks though.
Yeah, because I got them before I was saved.
[Jess] Mm-hmm. [Xavier] Yep.
Yeah...
I'm not ashamed of them though.
Oh, actually I have a huge Viking ship
[laughter] across my shoulder and back.
[groans]
That was such a bad decision.
I have those too.
Viking ships?
No. What?
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, marks from before,
like, things you can't see.
That's okay.
So you got a favorite one?
Like verse, chapter, book?
Yes.
Um,
[Two Corinthians 5] 17...
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,
he is a new creation.
[Xavier] Yes.
The old--
- The old...
one?
[Both] The old has
[Xavier] gone--
[Jess]--gone away [Xavier]--away
You know it.
The old has gone away.
The new-- behold, the new has...
come.
Yep.
Yeah.
Two Corinthians!
It's a good one.
That's a good one.
[Raya] Jessica Jane, explain to me why I'm in skates and you're not.
Do not use my government name, Raya.
Get down here.
No!
Get down here.
I'm scared.
Get down here.
I actually need you to hold my hand.
I-- I can't skate and eat. I'm sorry.
Um, this is not swimming, weirdo.
When I do another orbit, I want you down.
Alright?
[laughter]
Oh my gosh.
Can I ask you a personal question?
I prefer personal, honestly.
Alright!
What's your dream?
[chuckles]
Um,
I don't know. I might...
wanna run, like, a diner?
Like something about like giving people things
and making people happy.
Um,
Like-- [chuckles]
When you-- like when you see your food coming, like that feeling,
I-- I just like that.
What about you?
Where are you heading?
I've always liked the idea of going into medicine.
Yeah, helping people.
Yep, that's what my dad did.
Yeah, he was a doctor.
So, that's what I'm doing now.
Yeah.
I start med school next year.
Cool!
It's crazy to say that out loud.
He died of a heart attack.
It was weird because it came out of nowhere.
You know?
And he was healthy.
Always like mowing the yard
or renovating something around the house.
And you knew he was about to get active
like, when he put on his ripped t-shirt
that said Big Daddy across it.
Every time.
Oh my gosh, I can still smell that thing.
[exhale]
So I think that kind of shaped me.
You know?
Like you never know how long you have.
I'm--
I'm sorry, Xavier.
[emotional music] Yeah, it's no problem.
My dad was good.
Yeah... a good man.
[Jess (voiceover)] But with all the good,
there were these terrible swings the other way.
[music swells, train]
[sobbing]
[Jess (voiceover)] I was starting to believe in Jesus,
but why wasn't it getting easier?
[silence]
[knocking]
[Raya] Hey! Jess, um,
Charles isn't feeling great today,
so...
[Xavier] Yeah, you can come in.
[Raya] Yeah, you wanna come in?
[intense tone, growl]
[silence]
[Charles] [weak cough]
[Charles] Too much...
coffee cake.
[coughing]
Father, I pray for this man.
Would you be with him?
[intense tone, growl]
[silence] Ease him with his pain
and suffering, Lord.
Give him peace to rest well, please.
[whispers, growl]
[silence]
[Raya] And, God, I pray for you to be near us today.
Let him feel your power in his body,
and may his prayers be answered.
And...
Let your will be done in his life.
On earth...
as it is in heaven.
Amen.
[Raya] Amen.
[Xavier] Alright, we'll give you some space, Pops.
[Raya] Jess, you coming?
[Jess] Yeah, I'm gonna go to the bathroom real quick.
[ominous music]
[growl, suspenseful warbling]
[silence]
You can do this.
[Raya] You're gonna love this spot, though.
[Xavier] Thank you.
[Jess] Mm-hmm
[Xavier] Um,
Hey, you okay?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
[Raya] This way?
[Jess] Mm-hmm.
[Raya] Ok.
[Raya] [laughing] I know.
Nothing more humbling--
[Xavier] For real.
[Raya]--than an outside hike.
[Xavier] Wait, which way?
[Jess] Left.
[Xavier] Ok.
[Raya] Right here?
[Jess] Mm-hmm.
[Raya] You go first.
[Xavier] Ok.
[Raya] Ladies last.
[Raya] You can see forever.
[Xavier] Yeah.
You okay, J?
Yeah.
I mean...
Do you think Jesus makes it easier
once you start trying to follow him?
Um...
Honestly, I think it depends on what you're going through.
I feel like Jesus knows that.
Because--
Shouldn't he make things easier
for people going through harder things?
If there's something you need to tell us, J...
tell us.
Um,
[sharp inhale]
So...
[sniffles]
I don't have a car
because I got high,
and I drove my car into a telephone pole.
And then I got a DUI on a suspended license,
so that's why I can't drive.
Whoa, uh...
I'm so sorry.
Yeah, there's more. Um,
My entire family wants nothing to do with me.
Which--
Which is fine.
Because, like...
I understand it, I do.
Because, you know, why would you trust me?
I'm just out of rehab, again.
Like...
I'm completely jacked.
My brain doesn't work like yours,
and I wish it did, but it doesn't.
I just...
I really...
I really hate this thing inside of me.
Like, why is it always a fight?
[Xavier] Jess--
No! No, I'm not done.
I just...
I--
[suspenseful tone]
I took some of Charles' oxy out of his bathroom.
Did you take them?
Yes, Raya, I just told you--
No, no, did--
Did you swallow them?
I...
didn't.
I didn't take them.
I...
I threw them in the toilet.
Yeah, Jess, um...
I mean, I want to say everything is okay, uh...
This is...
It's hard to take in. Um,
I mean, but you know you can still come to us
when things start to get this way.
That's...
That's what I'm trying to describe, though. I...
This person...
me, she wants to try and reach out,
and I'm trying to--
I want to be better.
Like...
[sigh] You just, you don't understand. I don't...
Well...
[Xavier] I mean...
Jesus, we need you.
Please help Jess to fight.
Help her to win.
Thank you for helping her stray from temptation.
Please keep doing it.
Amen.
Hey.
You didn't take the pills.
Okay?
Sounds like...
from what you've said maybe a few months ago,
you might have.
That's a win.
[Xavier] Look, here's the deal, J.
We're all just doing our best.
To submit to Jesus and be more like him every day.
Hey.
Can you look at me?
You're gonna beat this.
Okay?
[Raya] You won't give up.
And we're not gonna let you.
[Xavier] [whispers] Yeah.
But I do think that you should tell Charles.
Okay?
But hey, it's okay.
I mean...
of all people, Charles is gonna understand.
Would you still...
come to Bible study with us?
Are you serious?
After all this, you just...
We love you.
And we suck.
[chuckle]
All of us.
But...
we get over it.
And we keep going.
[Raya] Alright,
We're gonna be late.
Again.
[Xavier] Hey, you don't like it?
You don't have to stay.
Ok?
[Jess] Ok.
[indistinct chatter]
[Xavier] Be honest with me.
Has God been good to you guys this week?
Yes? Good.
Good. I'm so glad.
I mean, there's so many little things
that we can be grateful for, you know?
We should not take anything for granted.
Oh, reminder about the concert tomorrow night.
It's the Allan Scott Band.
They're on tour again.
Their music is very powerful.
And he has a crazy testimony about Jesus bringing him through a lot.
So...
Just out of curiosity, who's going to that?
Cool.
Sweet.
Alright, um,
so tonight we're gonna be in...
Hey, it's Pops, y'all.
[low rumble]
[group greetings]
[indistinct]
There's a chair for you, buddy.
[Charles] Alright. Thank you.
Alright,
like I was saying, um, we're gonna be in Matthew 13
verses 44 to 48.
A treasure hidden in a field.
[ominous tone intensifies]
I think the big thing I want you guys to get from this tonight
is that Jesus is your greatest treasure.
[voice fades out]
[Jess (voiceover)] And that was when everything fell apart.
[phone buzzes]
[electronic music builds]
Hey, are you okay?
Yeah, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom.
[Xavier] So it's compared to three things. Um,
The kingdom of heaven is like a--
uh...
a treasure hidden in a field
and like a merchant seeking to find pearls.
[eerie tone]
[Raya (voiceover)] [distorted] Are you really doing this?
[Jacob (voiceover)] Jess.
[Xavier] I mean I want to tell you it's okay.
[Raya (voiceover)] [distorted] After everything we've done for you?
[overlapping distorted voices] [Xavier (voiceover)] That's it.
[Jacob (voiceover)] I love you.
[Raya (voiceover)] [distorted] I knew we shouldn't have believed in you.
[Xavier (voiceover)] [distorted] I knew this was gonna happen.
[Jacob (voiceover)] You don't have to worry about what other people think.
[Jacob (voiceover)] It's you and me.
[Jacob (voiceover)] I love you.
[Raya (voiceover)] [distorted] You don't have what it takes to be Christian.
[Jacob (voiceover)] They don't even know you the way that I know you.
[train rumbling] [Jacob (voiceover)] And I'm here for you, ok?
[Raya (voiceover)] [distorted] We tried so hard.
[Raya (voiceover)] I'm so disappointed.
[Xavier (voiceover)] That's the kind of person you are.
[distorted voice] They don't care about you.
[Xavier (voiceover)] You're broken.
[overlapping distorted voices, indistinct]
[Jacob (voiceover)] I missed you, okay?
[Raya (voiceover)] [echoing] After everything.
[Jacob (voiceover)] Jess, I'm here for you!
[Jacob (voiceover)] I love you.
[Xavier and Raya (voiceover)] What's wrong with you?
[silence]
Alright, um, we're gonna wrap up with some prayer, okay?
Find someone around you and tell somebody what your prayer--
[Raya] Hey, what's going-- [Jess] [breathing heavily]
Hey, J--
J!
J, what's going on?
Raya, stop!
What, what, what?
Raya, stop it.
Okay, talk to me.
[Xavier] Jess! Jess, you don't have to--
I don't have to, what?
[panicked breathing]
I'm here.
Alright, and I'm not leaving.
I want to help.
[whispers] No.
I told you, I'm broken.
Okay, is this what you want to see?
[whispers] J-- I--
[derisive chuckle]
Look at how judgmental you all are.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I can--
I can see it in your eyes.
I knew this would happen the second I disappointed you.
This is what I was waiting on.
I don't know what you think you see.
Alright, but you're wrong.
Okay, I'm here because I care about you.
[derisive laugh]
We all do.
No, you don't.
You don't care about me.
You don't even know me.
You know the me you get when I'm fighting and winning.
That's not me.
Jess, you ca--
Don't tell me what I can't do!
Hey, stop!
[crying]
Okay, let's just calm down.
Okay, please stop cutting me off.
Alright, I'm trying to help.
Listen, we all--
So, what?
You're a therapist now?
You--you sit in your chairs
and watch as hurting and needy, broken people walk up,
and suddenly you're qualified to help addicts?
Hey, hey, hey, okay.
That's not our intention, okay?
Listen, Jess, I know life is awful at times, alright?
I know that.
And I know there are things that are so hard to let go of.
I know that.
You think you know what I'm going through?
Wh--
What?
Because your dad is dead?
You think you know what it's like to battle for your life?
You don't know anything about me!
So--
So take your Bible and your hero complex and your Jesus
and leave me the hell alone!
That's terrible Jess.
Like, truly awful.
[derisive laugh]
He's catching on.
That's Jess!
That right there?
That's the face I've seen a thousand times, right there.
Hey.
But it doesn't--
I don't need you!
And I don't need God!
[Charles] Jess!
You need to--
[coughs]
You need to take a moment.
You aren't thinking clearly, that's okay.
This isn't who you are--
I took pain pills from your medicine cabinet!
I did that, Charles!
I stole them!
That was me!
That's who I am!
So while you're in pain, dying from cancer?
I took the one thing that made you feel better.
Not because I needed to.
But because I wanted to.
So--
[bitter chuckle]
So yeah.
Yeah.
[chuckle]
I'm pretty sure that's exactly who I am.
[crying, shaky breathing]
[Jacob] Jess.
What's going on?
[Xavier] Who is that?
Alright.
This is what you want?
Go ahead.
[Raya] Jess, come back inside--
Raya, no.
[sniffles, crying]
Go.
You ok, Jess?
[Jacob] [sighs]
Oxy.
[Jacob] [long sigh]
[Jacob] You told me that you were done.
That, if I gave you--
Since when did you care about what anyone said?
Hey!
Jess, I wanna change!
Hey, I'm-- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Look, you just--
You just got out of rehab--
[Jess] Babe... Baby, I need it.
[Jacob] You've got all these things ahead of you.
I need it.
[Jess] You know how it is.
[Jacob] Yeah.
Yeah, I know how it is.
Give them to me!
Hey!
Would you relax?
I need them.
Baby, don't do this to me.
[Jess] Don't do this to me. [Jacob] No. No.
[Jess] Please, please, please. [Jacob] I'm not-- No! No. Listen, no.
[Jess] Please, you don't-- [Jacob] No, I don't wanna do this, okay?
[Jacob] I'm saying no.
Pull over.
What?
Pull over, pull over!
Okay, alright, alright, fine.
[Jacob] I'm sorry.
I just--
I am trying here.
Give. Me. The pills.
Jess.
I hope you find what you're looking for.
[sad orchestral music]
[music swells]
[heavy breathing]
Come on!
[crying, frantic breathing]
[sobbing]
[screams]
[labored, erratic breathing]
[music fades]
[crying] I'm sorry.
[sobbing] I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[Raya] I was up all night praying for Jess.
[Raya] I'm just so mad this happened to her.
[Raya] She seemed so much better.
What is she doing?
[Charles] She's coming back.
[Charles] Good morning.
[Jess] Yeah, morning.
[Charles] You good?
[Charles] J...
I don't even know what to say. I don't--
I don't know--
why--
[stammering] but it wasn't the same this time.
I think I'm done. I--
I-- I need Jesus.
I-- I want Jesus.
I'm glad to hear that.
I realized something.
Um,
I-- I realized that-- feeling good is meaningless.
feeling good is-- it's meaningless.
I think I'm finally starting to see it as it is, and--
that so much of what feels good in life is just like a--
Counterfeit?
Yeah.
Yeah, counterfeit.
I'm sorry I let you down, Xavier.
[Raya] I'm really proud of you, Jess.
Um,
See you guys around.
[Charles] Who do you think you sinned against?
[labored] Only against God.
And he forgives freely.
Thanks, Charles.
Pops.
What was that, son?
[Charles] So, you wanted her to feel like she disappointed you?
You heard what she said, Charles.
I did.
But imagine this.
You go before the Lord one day
and he refuses to look at you because of your sin.
Disgusted, he waits for you to leave.
[Xavier] Yeah?
[Xavier] And I guess as a Christian we're just
supposed to let people take advantage of us?
[Xavier] That's what you're saying, right?
[Xavier] Just let them walk all over us.
Again and again, boy. You need to read
that book that you teachin' on Thursday night.
[emotional music]
[Raya] Hey.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[Charles] You're a good man, Xavier.
You're right.
I shouldn't have tried to make her feel guilty.
Now what?
Now we trust God.
And when we get a chance,
we do what that young girl had the guts to do.
We make it right.
[music fades]
[Raya] Hey, you wanna go somewhere later?
[Jess] [mumbles] Mm... I don't--
Oh, does that mean yes?
[both chuckle]
The concert is tonight.
I don't know, I think it could be fun.
[Jess] Honestly, no.
I-- I mean, I know I should go...
[Jess] Um,
[Jess] Okay.
[Raya] [gasps]
[Jess] I'll go.
[Raya] Yay!
[both laughing]
[Raya] [sing-song] I like fun Jess.
[Raya] Hey, I wanna talk to you about something.
Do you want to follow Jesus?
I just mean enough with beating yourself up.
Where did your heart go when you sinned? I mean--
Did you wanna do it?
[soft scoff]
No.
I mean,
I feel like I wasted everything Jesus did for me.
And do you want to live for Jesus?
I want to...
that doesn't mean that I can.
J...
That's being a Christian.
I mean, I just-- I wanna make sure it's clear.
No amount of making the right decision makes you good.
Only Jesus was good,
and he's not looking for you to be perfect.
So think about that.
Jesus's perfection is what makes him necessary.
Alright, get dressed.
Let's go.
We got work to do.
Okay.
[both laugh]
[mid-tempo worship music]
♪ When I'm facing the giant ♪
♪ When I'm facing the crowd ♪
♪ When the voices of doubt ♪
♪ Get a little too loud ♪
♪ I know you are with me, yeah ♪
♪ You are with me ♪
♪ When I can't see the way ♪
♪ When I'm losing my faith ♪
♪ Looking out at the waves ♪
♪ And I'm not feeling brave ♪
♪ I know you are with me, yeah ♪
♪ You are with me ♪
♪ I am not alone ♪
♪ I am not afraid ♪
♪ In the middle of the battle, battle ♪
♪ You never leave me in the valley of the shadow ♪
♪ Every step I take ♪
♪ You're the God who stays ♪
♪ Like a father leading the way home ♪
♪ Saying child, don't you know you're not alone ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ You're not alone ♪
Hey.
Scoot over.
♪ There's no where I can run ♪
♪ No where I can hide ♪
♪ Your presence surrounds me in the dead of the night ♪
I'm really sorry, Jess.
[Xavier] What I did, it--
That wasn't right.
I'm the one who should be apologizing.
I'm really sorry for what I said.
I forgive you.
All is well in the world.
[all chuckle]
♪ In the middle of the battle, battle ♪
♪ You never leave me in the valley of the shadow ♪
♪ Every step I take ♪
♪ You're the God who stays ♪
♪ Like a father leading the way home ♪
♪ Saying child don't you know ♪
♪ You're not alone ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ You're not alone ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ You're not alone ♪
[audience applauding]
Hey everybody, I'm so glad that you're here tonight.
I want you to know that God loves you
and that he sees you
and that he can take the wreckage of your past
and turn it into something beautiful.
[Psalm 34] 18 says, "God is close to the brokenhearted."
"He saves those who are crushed in spirit."
And if you're feeling crushed and broken tonight,
I want you to know that God is near to you.
Friends, I was a drug addict.
I was a liar.
I was a thief.
I had all the wrong things in my resume
and none of the right things.
By the world's standards, I had nothing to offer.
But Jesus was greater than my failings
and he uses broken people, puts them back together
and puts us on display for the world to see.
And what he did in my life, he can do in your life.
I just think that we should sing Amazing Grace together.
If you've experienced the grace of God in your life,
then let's just sing this out.
[a capella] ♪ Amazing grace ♪
♪ How sweet the sound ♪
♪ That saved a wretch like me ♪
[singing becomes muffled]
♪ I once was lost ♪
♪ But now I'm found ♪
[cellos build]
[music builds, somber]
[Charles] [groans]
[Allan Scott (os)] This isn't something that we normally do,
but I was praying with Pastor John before this
and we felt led tonight.
If you have made a decision to believe in Jesus,
but you've never been baptized,
we want to extend the opportunity to you now.
We want to invite you.
So I'm gonna invite Pastor John up.
[Pastor John] Thanks, Allan. Appreciate it.
Welcome.
Now you might be asking, what is baptism?
What are we gonna do up here?
And I'll tell you, baptism is a public declaration
of your faith.
You go under that water, you come out,
it symbolizes the cleansing of your sin,
the washing away of the old,
being made new in the resurrection of Jesus.
[Jess] I told you, I'm broken.
[Pastor] So if you're feeling something tonight,
if you're feeling a stirring,
feel something in your heart-- say yes.
That's the Holy Spirit.
This is your moment.
[Charles] Can I pray for you?
[Pastor] Come on down to the front.
[Jess] I don't need you.
[Jess] and I don't need God!
[Charles] Jess!
[music fades]
Let me see just one more.
[music swells]
[Charles] One more saved.
[hopeful music]
[Jess] Can you hold this?
[Raya] Yeah.
Jess, what's wrong?
I'm fine. Everything's fine.
Hey!
I want to believe like you guys do.
It looks nice to like,
have something that gives everything meaning.
[jess sobbing]
[Jess (flashback)] At times in my life,
I've reached out to God.
But nothing happened.
[Charles (flashback)] You keep reachin',
He's gonna be there, Jess.
And I can't wait to see that.
[srings intensify]
[ambient tone]
[exhales]
[strings build]
[music swells, full]
[applause, cheering]
[music softens]
[Jess (voiceover)] They found Charles the next morning.
And I honor that man who made his whole life
about just one more.
[music fades]
[Jess] I like it.
[Raya] Yeah?
[Jess] It looks good.
[Raya] Who wrote that? [Xavier] It's gonna be good.
[Xavier] New addition.
[Jess] You got great handwriting.
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
Hang on.
Oh, uh, Charles...
wanted you to have this.
[sentimental music]
[Xavier] Oo...
[Xavier] [clicks tongue]
[Xavier] You got this, J.
[Jess] Hey. [Lindsay] Hi.
I don't really know what to say.
I need help.
You came to the right place.
[contemporary christian song begins] ♪ Am I too far gone? ♪
[Jess] Do you want a hug?
♪ Has my luck run out? ♪
♪ Have the bridges all been burned? ♪
♪ I just don't know where to turn ♪
♪ Don't know how to heal ♪
♪ Or get my heart to feel ♪
♪ Will I ever win this war? ♪
♪ God knows I've been here before ♪
♪ I'm feeling dirty, unworthy, and hurting ♪
♪ And asking if you ♪
♪ Would send me a sign ♪
♪ Show me I'm not alone ♪
♪ Show me where I belong ♪
♪ And if I'm worth the fight ♪
♪ I need a sign ♪
♪ Something to be the spark ♪
♪ Someone to light the dark ♪
♪ And bring me back to life ♪
♪ I need a sign ♪