[ Bells jingling, up-tempo "Jingle Bells" plays ]
♪
JESSE: Okay. This is going to be the perfect Christmas card.
Grab your belly and look up.
-[ Shutter clicks ] -Love her!
Amazing. Perfect.
-Aww. -[ Shutter clicks ]
All right. Let's get you guys a little bit closer together.
Just a little bit. Big smile.
-[ Shutter clicks ] -Great.
Can you scoot a little bit next to your brother?
-Perfect! -[ Shutter clicks ]
Mom's so happy.
We're gonna get so many fucking presents.
[ Music ends ]
[ Shutter clicks ]
JESSE: I like seeing everybody in their Christmas clothes,
and I like seeing people happy.
And besides, photography is my passion.
Passion? Really more of a hobby, isn't it?
You're never gonna make any money doing photography, Jesse.
You should be spending all your extra free time
advancing your career.
I'm pretty content being a buyer.
I mean, I'm grateful that I have a job.
And no, it's not my calling, but it gives me a chance
to put my time and energy into other things.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
In 10 years, I see myself with you --
in a house, two kids, and a dog.
[ Cellphone buzzing ]
Oh, it's your mom. Okay.
Hey, Mrs. C. How's it looking out there?
Are we getting treated to a white Christmas?
LIZ: Oh! [ Chuckles ] Ketchum never lets us down.
-Are you there too, Shawn? -SHAWN: I'm here, Mom. Yeah.
We were just in the middle of eating.
JESSE: I made him an amazing tikka masala.
-You would love it. -Make me a recipe card.
Already made you one.
I am thinking of making a cornbread-and-apricot stuffing
this year.
Ooh. Sweet andsavory.
Of course, I'll still make a traditional stuffing
on the side.
Hey, Mom, can I call you after?
Yeah. Sounds like someone's had a long day.
SHAWN: Yeah. But I'm sorry.
LIZ: And, Jesse, what do you want for Christmas?
JESSE: I already have what I want -- true love.
SHAWN: Okay. We have to go now, Mom.
I'll call you soon, I promise. Sorry.
Why don't you just keep making carbs for the whole family
until we're allbattling weight issues?
Oh, by the way, I went to three different shops
to try to find an authentic Dutch gnome
for your mom for Christmas, and you know what? No luck.
I know we always go antiquing when I'm there,
and I'm sure she'll find one that she likes
and I could get it for her, but it's always really nice
-to find it yourself. -Mm-hmm.
Are you as excited to go to Ketchum for Christmas as I am?
I love it there. So beautiful.
[ Mid-tempo music playing ]
Jesse, I have a job interview in New York.
-Oh! -Yeah.
I just found out about it today.
It's actually it's one of the biggest accounting firms,
and so there's a lot of room to grow,
make a shit ton more money.
-That's really great. -Yeah.
It's the week before Christmas, Jesse.
Oh, maybe I'll fly ahead to your parents' house,
and then you can just fly out from New York.
What I'm saying is I don't think Ketchum
is happening this Christmas.
'Cause I got to be available for a second interview.
Well, then how about I just come with you to New York?
Actually, I don't think my ticket is transferable.
Jesse, um...
[ Chuckles ]
I think I'm holding you back.
Holding me back from...what?
Don't make this any harder than it has to be, you know?
We -- We had a really great run.
Are you breaking up with me?
I don't see our paths leading in the same direction.
I have a lot of plans that don't involve homes and kids and dogs.
Well, we just had sex this morning.
Yeah. I know, and it was really just out of sight.
Just...[ Smooches ]
And I love that about you, you know?
You're down to clown, and you're sexy as fuck.
I mean, you keep that pussy... ♪ So fresh
It's really, like, just incredible how you do it.
And look, I'd be happy to keep servicing your needs
if it won't complicate things.
-Shawn, don't...don't do this. -Hey, look.
Baby, we did things right, you know?
We kept the fights clean and the sex dirty.
We respected each other. We laughed. Remember?
And neither one of us were unfaithful as far as you know.
I think we chalk this up as a big win.
But now...it's time for us both to grow.
And I-I meant what I said about your needs.
I'll -- I'll take care of them. You know I will.
If you need someone to step in and pinch-hit,
day or night, if I'm not doing anything else.
Just shoot me a text or page me. Whatever.
[ Exhales deeply ]
All right.
[ Sighs ]
Be well.
[ Down-tempo introduction plays ]
♪
♪ Silver bells
♪ It's Christmastime in the city ♪
♪
♪ Ring-a-ling
[ Cellphone buzzing ]
♪ Hear them ring
[ Sighs ]
Hey, Mrs. C.
LIZ: I just spoke to Shawn.
I don't even have words.
I mean, breaking up with you right before Christmas.
Yeah. Um, I'm -- I'm still in shock myself.
Well, if Shawn doesn't want to come home, that's fine.
But we still want you to come, Jesse.
You still want me to come to your place for Christmas?
Of course!
You're like family to us.
Well, t-that is very, very nice of you,
and I appreciate the offer, but...
I don't think that's a very good idea.
It's the best idea.
You don't have anywhere else to go,
and I'm not going to have you sitting by yourself
on Christmas.
We want you here, and we love you.
♪
[ Both laugh ]
Hi!
Mr. and Mrs. C!
You didn't have to pick me up. I would have taken a cab!
ROBERT: Oh, please.
When have we not ever picked you up?
And it's no different this time.
You're family, Jesse.
You are skin and bones. Have you been eating food?
I-I have.
I have a brownie in my purse.
Here you go.
And we're stopping at the grocery on the way back.
I am going to make you all your favorites.
ROBERT: Be careful of this one. She can bake all right.
But you will swell up like a tick.
[ Bells chime ]
♪
Oh! Liz!
I was going to talk to that husband of yours
about going over some of my taxes.
Is he working over the holidays?
-At least until Christmas Eve. -Oh, great.
Oh, it's Jesse, isn't it?
-Yeah. -Are you in town for Christmas?
It wouldn't be the holidays without Jesse.
And what of that son of yours?
Is he too busy to come in and say hello?
Actually, Shawn is going to be in New York for Christmas
this year, as you've probably heard.
So, are you two still together,
or did he do you dirty like he did my Darlene?
-There's your ground round, Liz. -LIZ: Thank you, Stuart.
And I will be back for my Christmas bird.
Great. Oh. Extra gravy on the side?
Extra extra gravy, please.
-[ Chuckles ] -Bye-bye.
Give my best to Darlene.
Oh, I will.
Too bad Shawn's not here to shove in hisregards.
[ Chuckles ]
Okay.
-Merry Christmas! -Merry Christmas!
What a whore, showing up here all by herself.
-Gosh, it's... -Honestly, that is so desperate.
♪
LIZ: Robert? Dinner's ready.
ROBERT: Ah.
Whoa.
I thought we were gonna lay off the carbs till Christmas.
It's a ploughman's.
Ploughman's is mostly bread.
Eat or don't eat, Robert.
JESSE: So, how's work going?
Oh, you know what?
It's actually a little bit better now.
I take a couple days to work from home.
His secretary retired, and the office has gotten awfully quiet.
He really should give it up.
Let's not be hasty.
What I should be giving up is all this bread.
LIZ: He's always wished
that Shawn would come back and work with him.
But I think we understand
that Shawn has bigger dreams outside of Ketchum, don't we?
ROBERT: Speaking of which,
how's the Petco thing going for you?
Oh, it's going.
But, you know, I'm always open to a new path.
Really?
Well, as one who has hit the fork in the road
and had to make path decisions,
you will never know where it leads until you take it.
Um, that feels fairly obvious.
Not exactly groundbreaking counsel
but undeniably accurate.
Eat your ploughman's, Robert.
♪
[ Knock on door ]
Bedtime snack.
Oh! Thank you so much, Liz.
Jesse...
I know it must feel strange to be here without Shawn.
And I maybe was selfish to ask you to come.
No. It...It feels right to be here.
The first time you came,
you and Shawn had only been together what, four weeks?
-Three weeks, I think. -[ Chuckles ]
And even then, I knew you were a perfect fit for this family.
I mean, who else would appreciate gnomes like I do?
Exactly.
I just want to say that...
...I know that Shawn can be very active.
And...wild sexually.
And I want you to know...
...that comes from my side of the family.
And I really just wanted to apologize.
I'm sorry.
Thank you for sharing that with me.
That -- Um, I didn't know that, but...that makes sense.
Okay. Well, two or three cookies
and you'll have a good night's sleep.
Jesse, I will see you in the morning
for pancakes with Nutella.
-Mmm. -Good night.
And I'm so glad you're here.
There's no place like gnome. [ Chuckles ]
I knew you'd get that.
Okay.
And if you're still hungry,
there's some cheese cubes in the fridge.
Great.
Oh, then tomorrow is Robert's morning,
so we won't be downstairs till about 10:00.
Get it, girl.
♪
-Robert. -Hmm?
Where are you going? It's your morning.
Uh, yeah. I got to get started on these lights.
It's important that we stay connected
during this busy holiday season.
Well, you're right, honey.
And normally I would love to, but I've got so much to do.
I want you to drop those lights and put on a good mind-set...
...and pull out your dick.
It's your morning, Robert.
♪
This one is a recipe that Shawn's cross-eyed grandmother
used to make.
Aww. Crème fraîche. Mmm.
That was the secret ingredient.
Mm.
There's probably some misspellings.
Well, unfortunately, I have to go cut hair and do therapy.
But don't worry about the stew.
It can just stay on low until I get back.
How about I decorate the tree while you're at work?
I would love that, but Robert's not back until late
to go up in the attic and haul out the decorations.
I would do it myself, but...I don't like to.
That's okay. I know where to find them.
Okay. Have fun. Be careful.
And if you get bored later, come on in for a blow-dry.
On me.
Thanks, Mrs. C.
♪
Hello?
Oh! Ooh!
There's a dog. Um, hello.
Uh, come here, boy -- I mean girl. Or whatever.
Uh, do you want a cookie? Come here.
Come on. Get away from them.
Come here. Come here, dog. Come here, puppy.
He prefers dinner before dessert.
Oh, my -- Hello.
Um, is this your dog?
And best friend. Rescued him when he was a pup.
I named him after my second favorite explorer.
Hey, Polo. Come on!
Leave that, Polo. [ Chuckles ]
I can't be mad at him. He's too gorgeous.
Name's David. I'm kin to the Campbells.
Fall under the title of nephew.
Oh, you're Liz's sister's son.
Glad to meet you.
Well, nice to meet you.
I'm Jesse. I'm Shawn's gir--
Um...I was dating Shawn, and then now -- We're on a pause.
It's complicated. I don't want to get into it.
But I'm friends with the Campbells.
So you're here by yourself?
Well, the Campbells invited me here,
and I also had already bought them presents,
and I had already bought my plane ticket and I --
No need to hang your laundry on the line here in front of me.
That's yourDairy Queen.
-I'm just glad to meet you. -Me too.
It's my dog. I'll clean up after him.
Well, I'll call Liz and Robert and tell him that you're here.
Actually, you know, uh, they don't know I'm coming.
Yeah. I was just gonna surprise him on my way to Mount Hood.
Well, looks like I need to head into town,
find a replacement for this ornament.
And I suppose I'll have to guess
at the ingredients for that stew.
Oh, I know the recipe. I can help you with that.
Well, if it doesn't dirty your dress, yeah, I'd appreciate it.
No problem.
[ Dog barking ]
♪
W-- Sh-- Polo!
[ Laughing ] Polo!
Aw, Polo, go on!
Come on. Come on. Get back in the house.
Sorry. It's kind of -- kind of his spot.
Come on, bud. I'm asking nice.
-Come on! -[ Dog whimpers ]
Oh, good boy.
That's his spot usually.
I'll be back soon!
All right. So we have carrots, potatoes, celery, peas.
Oh. We forgot the ground round.
Oh. We'd better retie that string around her finger.
-Got to have the meat. -Yeah.
-I'll be right back. -Okay.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
[ Bell chiming ]
[ Shutter clicking ]
♪
[ Dramatic music plays ]
Sorry I took so long.
All right. Decoration time.
Let's go replace that ornament.
I think the Christmas market is right around the corner.
Oh. Well, let's do it.
Besides, what's more fun than shopping
and talking about absolutely nothing?
[ Chuckles ]
So, Colorado's home?
Yep. Mount Wilson.
We got sun and snow.
Best skiing around.
You must ski all year.
No. Not once. I'm more of a facilitator.
I, uh, operate a small travel agency.
That's what brings me joy
is making other people's dreams come true.
That's amazing.
What about you? What appeals your potato?
Um, well, I guess I-I really -- I like photography.
Very nice. Really?
What kind of -- What kind of photos you take?
Really, any different thing that catches my eye day to day.
Um, I take some family portraits,
but that's really more of a hobby.
There's not much of a career path there.
Well, who cares?
It tickles your soul, right?
That puts you way ahead of the game.
Hm.
So, is the rest of your family joining us for the holiday?
No. My, um, my pop passed when I was 8.
Oh. Sorry to hear that.
And my stepdad, Skip, he, um,
he takes my ma on a trip every Christmas.
And then this year, they're going to Alaska.
-Oh. Very nice. -Yeah.
Should be nice for them.
When I was 9, he, uh, sat me down and he said,
"I'm never gonna try to be your father,
but I sure do love being romantic with your mother.
So I'm gonna take her on a trip every holiday
so that I can get her alone
and do stuff to her without any interruptions."
I said, "What kind of things?"
He said, "Rub on her and have her tug me
and incorporate children's costumes,
but in a more adult way.
It may sound selfish, but, uh,
that's what keeps the engine running," he said.
[ Chuckles ]
Anyway, uh, of course, not too keen on it,
but you also got to let people live the lives
they want to live, right?
Wow. That sounds awful... and oddly specific.
But I also know what it's like to have your family
not invite you for the holidays.
-Here we are. -Shall we?
Oh, they got some talented hands in China.
I always think of the Valley as being so great for outdoor activities,
but I forget what a killer art scene they got here, too.
It's funny -- I've actually never done
any outdoor activities here.
Really? Shawn never took you, uh, skiing or snowshoeing?
Wow. Well, how many times you been to Ketchum?
Let's see. Um, every Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter,
Memorial Day, St. Patrick's Day,
Mr. and Mrs. C's birthdays, their anniversaries,
Labor Day, and, of course, my birthday.
Wow. Your mouth is just saying the whole calendar. [ Chuckles ]
You know, whenever I'd come here to visit,
I-I just couldn't get enough of the mountains.
Man, the sights, the smells, the snow.
It always just felt right, you know?
Come to think of it, I never could get Shawn to come outside.
He was always wanting to be inside, playing Monopoly.
And I'm not knocking Monopoly.
I'd just personally rather be outside living
than inside, counting fake money, you know?
I totally agree.
Well, you have time for one more stop?
-Sure. -All right.
-Thanks, Gertrude. -You're welcome. Bye-bye.
Okay, so I'm having sex. It's totally not connected.
And I look up and I see this man, a beautiful man,
gyrating on top of me, and I realize, Lloyd,
he doesn't even know that my favorite band is Exposé.
-Oh. -Yeah.
I would rather not be in a relationship
than be in one that I don't believe in.
Well, honey, I say in the long run,
the only thing that matters is good hygiene
and a man who won't knock on the door
when you're drinking wine in the tub.
[ High-pitched voice ] Guess who!
-Oh! -[ Laughing ] Oh!
Christmas came early this year.
Oh! There are them smells.
-[ Laughs ] -Oh, you!
And I see you met Jesse.
Oh, yeah.
Hi, David.
Becky.
I see you brought those lips.
Oh. These old flappers?
I had to.
Oh, it's been a few years.
You look -- You look great.
-You too. -Let me hug your neck.
I'll be delicate there. Hey.
So you're staying for Christmas?
Well, if Aunt Lizzie has room at the table.
-I don't want to assume. -I heard Shawn's not coming in,
so there's room for you.
Uh, Francesca at -- at the hobby shop told me that.
LIZ: Well, I'm delighted you're here.
And there's always room at the table for you.
Aunt Liz, I appreciate you so much.
God, if you were two years younger.
We'd have to try notto get pregnant.
[ Laughs ]
But God bless, Liz. I appreciate the invitation.
Thank you so much.
-It's good to see you, Becky. -Good to see you.
We got some meat to stew. We'd better head out.
Uh, I'll explain when you get home.
It's looking good. All right.
-Bye, sweetie. -Salvador, how are you?
Hey, listen.
News travels faster in small towns
than fleas do in a dog pound.
By this time tomorrow, everyone in town
is gonna know that I'm here and Shawn's not.
And then they'll just move on to something new, you know?
-Thanks. -Sure.
-Oh. Please. I got it. -Thanks.
Thank you for helping me with this.
Oh, it is my pleasure.
This is fun. I-I live for this.
Jesse, shoot me if I'm trespassing here,
but, um, you know, I've kept one foot in the door
of a relationship that's ended,
and it just kind of prolongs everything, you know?
That's not what I'm doing.
I have a great time with the Campbells.
And then the last time that we were here,
Mrs. C took me antiquing,
and, boy, does she know how to haggle.
I mean, I love antiquing, but she just takes it
-to another level. -Yeah.
Oh, and on Thanksgiving, it was so funny.
Mr. C tried to deep-fry the turkey,
but it ended up looking like Peking duck.
So then we ended up having to order Chinese food.
And then everybody had to make their own fortunes,
and we all drew one.
It was so much fun.
It's pretty obvious you and the Campbells have a blast together.
Oh, yeah. We have a great time.
So what about you?
What happened with that relationship
where you stayed too long?
It started with me moving to Bend, Oregon,
taking a lower-paying job to be with her,
and ended with her fornicating with my tae kwon do instructor.
Oh, my God.
Don Alvarez.
It's terrible.
It was.
We had a security camera on the front doorbell,
and so I...I saw everything.
I'm so sorry.
Of course, I don't honor what he did,
but, um, I know he was gentle with her.
It actually turned out to be a blessing.
You know, it just made me realize
that no matter how joyful something starts,
it always ends with hurt.
I'm much happier now just hanging around with Polo here.
[ Dog whimpers ]
Oh, I got to say, Jesse,
that, uh, tree's looking marvelous again.
Oh. Well, thank you.
I can't take all the credit, though.
-David helped a little. -A little?
You know, David, maybe I could empower you
to help me configure the lights for our show.
Empower me? Is that a fancy way of asking me to do it?
-Yes, please. -No. Of course.
-I'd be happy to, Uncle Rob. -Oh, thank you.
I didn't know y'all were still doing that light show.
Oh! Of course.
It's the highlight of the Christmas party
and a Campbell tradition.
Speaking of traditions, there's also the wishing tree.
Oh, yeah. I heard about this.
It's, uh, supposed to be hidden in the Valley somewhere, right?
-That's the one. -And if you find it,
-you have to make a wish. -Oh.
But it will only come true
if you never tell anyone where it is.
Have you two ever found it?
Maybe.
What about you and Shawn?
We -- We looked a lot, but no luck.
Well, maybe this will be your lucky year.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪
Oh! [ Laughs ]
Hi!
Morning, Polo. Oh!
[ Exhales deeply ] What's going on?
Where are you taking me?
♪
-It's nice and solid. -Oh, God.
-You're all right. -Okay.
-Come on. You got it. -[ Screams, laughs ]
There you go! All right!
-You got it. That's good. -Whoa!
DAVID: Yeah!
I'm glad I came. I'm having so much fun.
A couple more steps, and we get to the realpie crust.
Here we are. Drink in that view.
Smooth goin' down.
[ Exhales deeply ] It's beautiful.
I haven't done something this spontaneous in forever.
Really? Well, what kind of stuff did you and Shawn do?
I mean, other than Monopoly.
Well, we would, you know, do stuff like work out, spin class.
Sometimes we would stay up late and binge-watch a TV show.
Then he'd always complain the next day
that he didn't get enough sleep for his abs.
[ Shutter clicking ]
Oh, no. Man. Come on.
You got to get my good side. [ Chuckles ]
-[ Laughing ] -Yeah!
You're a natural!
My mom loved Christmas.
She died when I was 8.
And when she was gone, so was the -- the magic of the holiday.
And when my dad remarried, he just wanted to throw away
all the memories, and Christmas went with it.
I never told Shawn any of that.
I guess I was too afraid
that he would think I came with too many issues.
I mean, he thinks I talk a lot and I overexplain things
and I go on long tangents about nothing
and I'm too sensitive, that I cry too much,
They don't put away things correctly.
But...everyone has their thing.
Oh, yeah. Everybody's got a little dirt under their nails.
Yeah.
DAVID: I find most people think their dreams can't be reality,
when more often than not,
all you need to do is just reach out and grab them.
They're right in front of you.
Okay. Oh. Wait up.
-Are you coming? -[ Laughing ] Okay. Hold on.
Cheers to grabbing...it.
All right. To grabbing it.
♪
Hey, bud. What are you doing out here?
-Oh! -Hey. You listen.
A little time apart, letting loved ones be individuals,
that makes getting together all the more joyous.
BECKY: I am so sorry.
I was just leaving, and Polo just ran out.
-Oh. Hey, Beck. -Hi.
I made you a pie. I left it on the counter.
Well, that is mighty nice of you.
Now, what flavor should my mouth be expecting?
-Peach. -Hm.
Then I spice things up a little bit with some red ginseng,
ginkgo biloba, tribulus, and just a pinch of vodka.
I've never heard of any of those, but I trust you.
They're very stimulating flavors.
Yeah. That's stimulating my memory.
Phew.
Growing up, I never could get enough of your sweets, Becky.
Remember when we were kids?
You bought that box of cookies for me,
and I...threw my whole cookie jar at you.
Up in your three house.
[ Softly ] In my tree house.
Man, if those tree-house walls could talk.
Oof. [ Chuckles ]
Brings up a pretty good memory file
with smells and... warmth and tastes and...
Consent?
Yeah. Not on my end.
Well, Jesse and I should probably get inside
and help with the, uh --
Lights for the show.
Hi.
Have you been standing here the whole time?
Hello. Yes.
Well, anyway, I want you to stop by the bakery later --
it's on Main Street --
'cause I want to hear what you thought of that pie.
Oh, I will indeed.
-Okay. -Yeah. Thanks again.
-Nice to see you. -So good to see you.
[ Dog barking ]
What was that all about?
Oh, just childhood memories.
I see.
She's nice.
DAVID: That's why I never ended up going.
[ Laughs ]
How was skating?
-Oh. -Oh, it was really great.
It's been a while since I've been on skates,
but I got my legs back.
Yeah. Well, you'd never have known it.
Robert used to flood the yard when Shawn was younger.
Did Becky ever come over and skate?
-Only when David was in town. -Mm-hmm.
And then she would be here day and night.
I'm surprised she didn't get frostbite
in that skating costume she wore.
Oh, no. She did. Yeah. Yeah.
She got it pretty bad in some places.
So Becky and David were...
Friends. Just friends.
-Mm. -[ Cellphone ringing ]
ROBERT: Saved by the bell. Mm.
Oh. Shawn!
Sweetie, it's so good to hear from you.
Oh, you just got to New York. Great.
Well, you should probably get settled.
You've got a big day tomorrow.
Okay, Shawn.
Dad and I miss you.
And best of luck on the interview.
How is he?
Uh, Jesse, 'cause he's been traveling,
I haven't had a chance to tell Shawn that you're here.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪
[ Sighs ] I hope Jesse's having a good time.
Oh, relax. She's fine.
They're having fun.
Yeah.
Now...unwind and take a sip of this.
It's lots of grape soda, a healthy dose of cough syrup
topped off by hard candy.
It makes the perfect glass of purple drank.
Liz, I really just want to get some rest, go to sleep.
Right, and a serving of sizzurp will make you feel really good
and will put you right to sleep.
Is this safe?
So let's just enjoy the moment,
have a nice glass of lean together.
Cheers.
Yeah.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪
Ah.
[ Gasps ] Polo.
Couldn't sleep either?
[ Dog whimpering ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
Want one?
Oh, wow. Yeah.
Yeah, way more cough syrup at the moment than grape soda.
It's very full bodied.
Mm-hmm.
I like that it's not oaky.
You know, the hard candy is now bringing out the texture
of the grape soda.
Plus, it gets you high.
Mm.
Polo?
Polo.
Now, if I were to order this in the future,
would it be purple drank or sizzurp?
Or lean. What -- What...
They'll know what you mean.
-[ Dog whining ] -JESSE: I know.
I know. Maybe I shouldn't have come.
I mean, Shawn doesn't even know that I'm here.
Maybe David is right.
Maybe I am keeping one foot in the door.
Both feet, actually.
[ Clears throat ]
Sorry. I don't want to scare you again.
Working on Aunt Lizzie's shortbread cookies?
Mm-hmm.
With candied cherries.
Oof. Man. That's my poison.
She sends me a tin every year.
She sent me the recipe.
You're kidding me.
She told me that was top secret.
It is.
Well, you really are like family.
You know, when my ex and I broke up, uh,
at first I thought I was missing her.
And then, um, I realized
I was just kind of missing playing with her dog.
[ Chuckles ]
So I went to the shelter and got Polo here.
-Right, buddy? -Really?
-Yeah. -Mm.
Maybe you did come back to keep one foot in the door.
Or maybe you just like sharing recipes,
hanging out with the family.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪
Robert, we have to get going.
[ Gasps ] Well, don't you look nice for the dance.
Well, that's the pot calling the kettle gorgeous.
Yeah, Polo picked it out.
It's my finest threads.
That Wrangler butt of yours is driving me nuts.
Careful, Aunt Liz.
If you weren't blood related,
that type of talk would get you straight kissed.
You know, it's very nice of you, spending time with Jesse.
I was worried about her with Shawn not here.
Well, she's fun to be around.
I really like spending time with her.
Yeah. I've been enjoying myself.
I'm looking forward to going to the dance with her.
-[ Tapping ] -Uh, Liz,
can you shut off the main breaker, please?
-I'll take care of it. -Don't. Don't be silly.
You and Jesse get going to the dance.
I will go and figure out what a breaker is.
Oh, I can't let you do --
LIZ: It's okay.
JESSE: Hey.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
Is it too much?
Oh...n-no.
Not at all.
You look real nice.
You look like a disco ball
made sweet love to a shootin' star.
Mm.
Like a diamond exploded.
Oof.
I believe that jumpsuit will jump-start the whole dance.
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
-[ Chain jingling ] -Oh!
Oh, no -- no -- Polo! [ Sighs ]
No, no, no. That -- Polo, come on.
It's very gracious of you, Polo, to sit in the back seat.
But, uh, sorry. You still can't come, buddy.
Sorry, Polo. Human folk just aren't there yet.
-Come on! Come on, Polo. -[ Dog barks ]
Yeah. All right.
-[ Laughing ] Bye, Polo. -[ Laughing ] All right.
[ "Jingle Bells" plays ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
♪
Here you go.
-From the spiked bowl? -Oh, of course.
Oh, isn't that Becky?
LIZ: Sweet Becky Ackerman.
I see she did her own hair tonight.
May I have this dance
with the most beautiful woman in the room?
Honestly, Robert.
That line is 30 years old.
But it still works.
[ Laughs ] Come on.
A little friction and fantasy, my dear.
LIZ: Oh.
♪
[ Gasps ] Look.
Oh, how tacky!
She looks like a giant fishing lure.
Ha. Well, we know what she'safter.
Don't we, Darlene? Mm-hmm.
♪
Um, pardon me one second.
Hey. You doing all right?
I thought you said we were gonna be old news.
Oh. Yeah.
Hey, let's dance.
Give them something to really chew on.
-I love it. -All right.
-[ Up-tempo music plays ] -Oh!
Whoa. Okay.
♪
-Hey! -You got moves.
-Well, you're easy to lead. -[ Laughs ]
-Yoo-hoo. [ Chuckles ] -Oh.
May I cut in?
Sorry, Beck.
Actually, uh, I asked Jesse here to dance,
and she kindly said yes.
So call me old-fashioned, but I'm a --
I'm a one-partner type of guy.
Oh. Okay.
Well, I understand.
All right. Good. No disrespect.
No.
-Old-fashioned. [ Chuckles ] -Yes.
-Have a good night. -Bye, Becky.
♪
I-I don't know.
Um, I think Becky might want
a little bit more tree-house time with you.
-Oh, that was a long time ago. -Mm.
And it was nothing. Really.
-Nothing. -It was just a kiss.
Must have been some kiss.
Must have been.
♪
Ugh! Now she is trying to bang Shawn's cousin.
Oh, that is so low.
Ho ho ho indeed! [ Chuckles ]
We are dealing with a top-shelf Christmas slut!
♪ Santa made it just for you
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪
DAVID: Oh, man. Look at that.
I could see someone who's always wanted to drop down
on the fresh powder
cutting a path through uncharted territory.
Just them, the wind, the sky... and their emotions.
-Ooh. -You'd have mesold.
You kidding?
Them glossy pictures did the selling.
Wow. You got -- You got quite an eye.
-Two of them, actually. -[ Chuckles ]
You ever think about doing this picture stuff
in a salaried, non-amateur kind of way?
I'm talking bank-account stuff.
Uh, do you mean take pictures as -- as a full-time job?
-Mm-hmm. -Oh.
Um, I would love to.
I've just... never really considered it.
Sorry. In the way.
LIZ: Jesse!
Any chance that you're going into town today?
Robert left both of his reading glasses here,
and without them,
he will only be able to find his lunch by smell.
Oh, I'll drop them off, Aunt Liz.
No. I need you here to go up on the roof and do that man work
that you're so good at.
Otherwise, Robert will come home
and he will try to go up on the roof by himself
and put up that showstopper and tweak his sciatica.
-Hmm. -Don't worry about it, Mrs. C.
I'll bring him the glasses.
Well, have fun on the roof.
Thank you.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪
-Knock, knock. -Whoa.
Mr. C, I brought your reading glasses.
Ah. Great. Thank you.
-You are such a lifesaver. -You're right.
It does seem a little bit more quiet in here now.
Yeah. Yeah, probably more space than I actually need anymore.
I should maybe think about setting up shop
in the back of the drugstore again.
-In the drugstore? Really? -Yeah.
When I was first starting out,
I realized people love to talk about what ails them.
And I thought, "This is a good segue
into talking about managing their finances."
And let me tell you, it worked.
I learned everything there is to know
about everyone in this town,
and all from the back of that little drugstore.
-Mm-hmm. -Despite what my father said.
What'd your father say?
That it was impractical to -- to start into business on my own,
that I should stay and work on the farm,
like I was incapable of thinking work,
like I was some stupid fuck.
You know, I loved the old man, and he definitely motivated me.
But sometimes you just have to go for it.
[ "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" plays ]
JESSE: Okay. Um...a hat.
Uh, Santa's hat. Elf hat.
No. Uh, Scrooge. Uh -- Oh!
-The Grinch! The Grinch! -Yes!
"The Grinch Who Stole Christmas"!
-Oh, come on. -[ Laughs ]
Wow. I can't believe you got that.
-That -- That was amazing. -All right.
No pressure, but let's get this one
so I don't get dog-talked all night long.
Okay. I got you, Robert. So I'm guessing.
-You're guessing. -All right.
All right. Let's go. You got this, Uncle Robert.
Uh, waves.
Uh...chicken...
Uh, hat. Hand.
Uh, smoking hand. Fire.
-Fire! -Y--
Uh -- Uh -- Uh -- Af-- Uh, bonfire.
Fire -- little specks. Sparks.
Heat -- You want to touch the flame,
but you can't because you know it's gonna burn you.
Uh, scar tissue from previous relationships.
ROBERT: Are you blind?!
DAVID: Uh, b-balls. Hot balls.
Balls -- T-Testicle--
Chestnuts! Roasting on an open fire.
Shawn!
-Hey! Surprise, everybody. -LIZ: Sweetheart!
Yes. My --
Jesse.
Uh, what are you doing here?
I invited her.
If you're upset, be upset with me.
Uh, I will remember that. Thank you.
Uh, do you want to have a little chat, maybe?
Talk in private?
D-- Yeah. I have a private chat.
Jesse, what the fuck?
I don't want a big fight about this.
I can understand if you're a little upset.
I mean, upset? It's not even that --
I mean, I guess I'm a little bit upset,
but frankly, I'm just surprised.
I mean, I'm shocked that... that I'm seeing you right now.
I mean, help me understand this a little bit.
So you got invited here.
Obviously you wanted to come and what,
have some Christmas carbs with my mom?
-What... -Yeah.
Yeah, that's exactly what I wanted.
Okay. Well, I can appreciate that.
But let's walk the dog out just a little bit farther on this,
because I don't see how it plays out.
So...what, this is an annual thing now?
Because in one to three years,
I'm likely gonna be dating somebody else,
and I'm gonna bring her home for the holidays.
I don't know where you fit into that.
What, you stick around and take our Christmas-card photos?
That sounds mean. I don't mean it to be.
But w-- I-I don't see how this ends well.
I love Christmas.
-You know that. -Yeah.
And I didn't have anywhere else to go.
And I don't even have enough money
to buy another plane ticket out of here
two days before Christmas. so, yeah, I...
I guess I should have kept walking the dog on that.
Well, I mean, I don't want you to leave now.
-You don't? -No.
I mean, the -- the drama that this would cause?
Absolutely not.
It would ruin everybody's holiday.
We don't want to burden everybody with this,right?
[ Exhales sharply ] Yeah. I-I agree.
Great. Okay. Deal.
Well, I don't know.
I guess I'm just now wondering, like --
The last, lingering issue is, like, could we just have
one last, really enjoyable holiday together?
Yeah. I mean, that's --
I-I don't understand what you mean.
What I mean is, is it weird
that...I just want to kiss you right now?
Shawn, we are broken up.
-You broke up with me. -I-I did.
And I think the good thing about that
is that the pressure is off.
You know, we didn't make sense,
but what's wrong with a little bit of fun?
Don't you think that would complicate things?
I can't imagine that it would.
I mean, I don't have all the answers,
but all I know is that I cannot stop getting stared at
by this fella right here who's got the red nose
and the rock-hard ears.
He's looking at me, and he's going,
"What does Shawn want for Christmas?"
You know? His words, not mine.
I-I can just read it on his face.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I need some time to think about it.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
If you say so.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
I'm just gonna put these in the dishwasher and head to bed.
SHAWN: So, anyway, the interview was aces.
Turns out this guy also does body sculpt -- same as me.
X1, same as me.
I should be X2, but my sensei died on the way to the ceremony.
Hit-and-run. It's actually a really funny story.
-Oh. -But -- Don't worry about it.
Bottom line, I'm moving on to the next round of interviews,
guaranteed.
They were loving it. Job in the bag.
-That's fantastic. -Thank you.
When you talk about sculpting the body,
what -- what medium are they working in?
Clay? What are we talking about?
No, no. I mean mine. We're talking --
-Human flesh? -Oh, yeah. Tip to taint.
Ah. Silly old me just goes outside and swings an ax.
What do I know? [ Chuckles ]
And you do this in a facility?
You make it sound like it's a mental asylum.
Well, it's late.
I think we should all go to bed.
I guess I'll be heading out, then.
-Peace out. -Absolutely not!
You will stay here.
No, no, no. I don't want to cramp anyone's space.
Don't be ridiculous. You can sleep in Shawn's room.
Well, I mean, I couldlay my head down for a little bit
if it's not stepping on toes.
Lay it down. Move it around.
-Who gives a crap? Stick around. -That's fantastic.
Let me get my hands on your neck.
-Yeah. Mm! -Thank you, Shawn.
-That felt good. -I love you.
Thank you for all the love and hospitality.
What the -- What wasthat?
I feel like you got Chap Stick on my neck.
-Hey. -Hey.
-I was just gonna floss. -Yeah. Please.
Go ahead. Go first. I'm not even tired.
Ooh. I got to wee-wee first if that's cool.
Long day. I'm exhausted!
Hey.
Hey, dibs on my bed, by the way. I shouldn't have to say that.
Um, I hope you have a good night.
You too. I hope you have a-a good night.
Looks like I'm gonna get more than I bargained for in here,
so...I'd scurry.
I just think that the most important thing
that I could probably say, and --
Hey, are you guys -- How long is this gonna take?
'Cause I might be a while in here
and I'm...not digging any of this.
Hey, D-Train, you want to do me a favor?
Run downstairs, grab me a book of matches.
♪
I'm not gonna go in there for a while.
That's smart, probably.
♪
Robert, what are you doing?
Oh. I'm a little stressed.
I want to slip out and take a hit.
Well, thank you for being honest,
but, oh, Robert, you've been off of it for a whole year.
Yeah, but I-I will quit right after Christmas.
Promise?
Yeah. Sure.
Make it official.
I promise that I will stop huffing paint
right after Christmas.
Okay. I appreciate your honesty.
Enjoy. Come back nice and hazy.
I'm going to blindfold you, and we're going to play a game
where you try to guess what you're touching.
-Perfect. -[ Can rattling ]
SHAWN: [ Sneezes, moans ]
♪
[ Grunts, exhales deeply ]
[ Sniffs, groans ]
Ugh! Dude, I can't sleep with a dog in here.
Yeah. He always sleeps by my side.
Yeah. Well, what the fuck?
A dog in the bedroom?
I mean, I usually wake up
with a nice big bowling pin in my pants,
but that ain't gonna happen if this little mutt is in here.
Okay? I'm sneezing like crazy.
Maybe the dog sleeps outside.
Well, he won't be able to sleep away from me.
Yeah. Well, I can't sleep with him in here.
All right. We'll hit the couch.
-Yeah? -Come on, buddy.
-Come on, Polo. Let's go. -Yeah. Yeah.
Actually, uh, it's a good call, 'cause the couch
is actually a lot better than this dumb old air mattress.
You just upgraded, I swear.
Mm!
[ Sniffs ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪
Polo.
-[ Snoring ] -DAVID: Hey.
-[ Hinges squeaking ] -[ Whispering ] Polo.
Hey, buddy.
Polo.
[ Snoring, mumbling ]
♪
Traitor.
LIZ: So...
I have everybody's stocking except David's.
Ah. Well, that makes two of us. [ Chuckles ]
Well, you've got to get one.
And you have to have your first name
and last initial stitched on it.
And, Shawn, I need you to get yours from the attic.
SHAWN: I'm on it.
Hey, uh, Dad, you going into Ketchum
and doing some responsible accounting?
ROBERT: Yes, sir, I am.
It beats sitting here, shoveling muffins down my throat all day.
Well, we can't have that.
Mind if, uh, I tag along with you, there, Pop-peroni?
-I would love that. -Okay.
Ever since Shirley went into rehab,
the place has gone to hell.
-Sweet. -Yeah.
Not sweet but... good she's getting help.
Jesse, this smelled bad, but it tastes good.
I'm gonna need the recipe.
No problem.
Well...I'm off to the mop shop.
Uh, I guess I'll stop at the deli for dinner.
-I'm happy to do it. -I can take care of dinner.
LIZ: Oh, you're lifesavers.
So I'll see everybody later and --
Oh, got to carve out 13 minutes
for our special tub time, Robert.
Ixnay on the ubtimetay.
Well, it's Wednesday, right?
-Already? Wow. -See you later.
Thanks for everything, Aunt Liz.
Okay. Those numbers are not gonna crunch themselves.
-Mm. Yep. -JESSE: Here you go.
I know you like your fruit in the morning.
Grazie.Yes. Fruit and... any other kind of sweet treat.
All right.
Oh, do you have any other plans for yourself today
besides just picking up dinner?
Um, I was gonna take out my camera and shoot some pictures.
That's wonderful. Well, keep it primed.
Stay in the zone. And I'm off like a prom dress.
Say, Jesse, seeing as there's only one car,
I hear tell there's a valley off Route 40
that's supposed to be stunning.
I could drop you off there
to capture some of your camera magic,
then go to the Christmas market, grab the stocking,
quickly embroider my name and last initial, hit the deli,
then swing back and pick you up on my way back.
If you're offering me a ride, that's great.
-I'll take great for an answer. -Great.
-[ Bells chime ] -SHAWN: What's up, Beef?
Uh, a few things I need for the folks.
Peanut butter, crunchy, one-ply toilet paper,
grape soda, and cough syrup -- family size if you have it.
Oh, and do you know where I can get some lingerie around here?
Something, you know, with, like, the sort of clear-plastic,
like revealing plates
and the, you know, sort of something high-cut,
you know, '80s style.
Buying it for a special lady?
Yeah. A little present for my mom.
♪
JESSE: This valley is spectacular.
DAVID: Yeah.
Well, uh, I'll be back in a little bit to pick you up.
-You good? -Yeah, I'm good.
I mean, it wasa little crazy that Shawn showed up, right?
I mean, at first I was -- it was awkward,
but then we connected and came...together.
Well, whatever winds your watch.
I just hope everything turns out the way you wish.
Polo, let's go!
-Polo! Come on! Let's go. -Where is he?
Oh, he probably got the scent of something.
He'll be back. Polo!
Come on!
He usually comes when I call him.
Oh, there's his tracks.
Aw, hell.
Polo! Polo!
-Dad. -Uh, yeah.
Shirley die 10 years ago?
This place is a fucking disaster.
She's not dead. She's in rehab.
And it's only been a month.
Uh, I'm happy to throw on some rubber gloves and a hazmat suit
and help you make sense of this mess if you want.
[ Laughing ] Okay.
You go ahead and organize everything.
I will go over to the post office and mail some returns.
Pony Express isn't coming through today?
You know, you can file those online, right, Dad?
Yeah. I like to mail things.
I'm gonna take a bath later, so maybe we could, you know,
boil some water over a cauldron.
And we can take it out of this water cooler
that you bought during the fucking Harding administration.
[ Laughing ] All right. I'll be back.
-All right. -Geez!
[ Sighs ]
Hello? Mr. Campbell?
Becky Ackerman?
Hi, Shawn.
I heard that you weren't coming home for Christmas.
Well, plans change.
Do you have an appointment to see the old man?
I just need to file my first year-end.
Becky's Bakery. It's my very own business now.
It's pretty impressive. Yeah.
He just popped down to the post office for a bit,
but I'm happy to look over whatever you want, up and down.
Oh. Well, okay.
I just -- I need him to file,
because I already got my hands dirty crunching all the numbers.
Hmm.
I applied all of my online custom orders
as a separate contract.
Lowered my overall gross by 10%.
-You did all this yourself? -I did.
I like getting my hands on things.
Working it...like numbers.
Almost as much as I love baking.
Hmm.
Wow. Well...
I can't believe these numbers are for a startup.
That's incredible.
You know, it is a real skill to, uh,
be able to grow something bigger and then maintain it.
I like watching things grow, especially profits.
You know, you should come by and check it out.
I made a fresh batch of eggnog macaroons.
If you have an appetite for that kind of thing.
Might just have to take you up on that.
Consider it a final invitation.
She's horny as fuck.
DAVID: Polo!
Hey, buddy! Come on!
Polo! Oh, hey.
-His tracks are over here. -Oh.
He must have got the scent of something real special.
Something he's a hard time getting out of his mind.
Polo!
I got to find him.
Whoa.
JESSE: Is that the wishing tree?
It's got to be.
[ Chuckles ]
♪
I can't believe we found it.
-[ Laughs ] -This is...
It's just in the middle of nowhere.
[ Chuckles ] This is...This is wild.
I told you it could be your lucky year.
[ Chuckles ] Well, now what?
Well...I think we make a wish.
You got one?
I wouldn't trust a man who didn't.
-Me neither. -[ Chuckles ]
-All right. On three. -Yeah?
-One, two... -One, two...
-...three. -...three.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪
Good?
Very good. You?
-Yeah! -All right.
[ Dog barking ]
There you are, you little rascal!
-Here you are! -Oh!
What were you doing? Polo!
Well, let's go find your stocking.
After you. After Polo. Come on!
Come on, buddy!
♪
DAVID: Oh, man.
They are gonna be mighty buffaloed that we found it.
JESSE: I don't think they should be toosurprised,
'cause we do have a knack for seeking out the extraordinary.
I mean, look at the stocking.
That's true. [ Laughs ] I tell that.
[ Laughs ]
Is that Shawn?
DAVID: Uh, I reckon it is.
Ah. Should we say hi?
Yeah. Let's do it.
[ Indistinct conversations ]
I cannot believe how good these are.
-These are igniting my mouth! -Thank you.
You know, looking at you, I would never guess that, uh,
you had such a sweet tooth.
You know that's right. [ Chuckles ] But I do.
Hey. You? Have a sweet tooth? No way.
Who knew?
Jesse, have you been to Becky's shop?
No, I haven't. Oh, it's beautiful.
I mean, it is insane.
This business is really going places.
I'm talking branding, franchising.
-That's what I was thinking. -Yeah.
Hey, David, you get your mouth around my Nanaimo?
I sure did, and it was finger-lickin', as always.
My mouth can't get enough of your tasty treats, Becky.
-You know that. -I tried it, too,
and it was delicious.
Oh, yeah. Listen.
We should probably get going, grab some stuff from the deli.
Shawn, I don't know if you need a ride
or you're gonna hang here with Mrs. Taste Good.
-Taste Good. -That is an apt nickname.
But no, I think I'll finish Dad's stuff back at the house,
so yeah, I'll hitch a ride.
Um, not to be a greedy Gary, but, uh,
could I just wrap my mouth around one more of these,
like, for the ride home?
You can wrap your mouth around all of them.
-Get out. -Take the whole box, please.
-The whole box? -Take it. Please. Please.
-The whole box? -Please, please, please, please.
SHAWN: I'm not gonna protest. Okay.
-Thank you. -Later, Beck.
BECKY: Bye, you guys.
-See ya. -Hey, Becky?
-Yeah. -Bye-bye.
I'll see you, Beck.
Bye.
Whoop.
Snowball! Bye, Becky.
-Bye, Becky. -Bye.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
ROBERT: Okay.
Well, before we dig in, uh, I'd like to just say a few words.
Dear Lord, um,
thank You for bringing the whole family together
on this most blessed holiday.
-Amen. -Amen.
I know you guys are not going to believe this,
but today David and I found the wishing tree.
-[ Gasps ] -SHAWN: What?
Get the fuck out of here. We could never find that thing.
I know.
It actually had more to do with fate than luck.
Polo led us right to it.
-Ohh! -How about that? Okay.
So...where is it?
[ High-pitched voice ] What'd you wish for?
You know I can't tell you that.
[ Snorts ] Yeah. Nice one. What'd you wish for?
Shawn, you know the rules.
Uh, I do, but it's horseshit.
You don't believe this stuff, do you?
Of course I do.
Uh, okay. Fine.
Never you mind. David, out with it, pal.
Don't look at me, man. I want my wish to come true.
SHAWN: You guys are about as lame as a two-legged dog.
All right. Fine. Wishes are secrets, apparently.
News flash to moi.
Either way, I did want to, uh, on a sincere note,
raise a glass and just say a couple of words.
That's nice.
I've been killing it recently.
This past year has been an embarrassment
of financial success, sexual, uh, adventures,
and the year ahead is gonna be probably twice that.
-Ah. Cheer-- -And I have all the -- Hold on.
I have all the skills, charisma, and talent in the world,
and it's all just sort of coalescing at one time
in a really amazing, kind of scary way, frankly.
I'm not sure what to do with it, but, uh, thanks to me, I guess.
Uh, and, you know --
And that's withoutfinding the wishing tree.
So God forbid I ever do find it. Game over.
And I'm very glad you're here.
-Thanks. -DAVID: Cheers.
-All right. -Cheers.
DAVID: Hear, hear. Cheers.
LIZ: Okay, sweetie.
-Well said. -Thank you.
♪
You never really did settle down on a town
with, like, a job, did you?
No, I never did chain myself to a paycheck.
I guess I was too fond of having the sun on my face
-and the wind on my back. -Ah. [ Chuckles ]
Well, I'm gonna go upstairs and upload some photos.
Oh. You been taking a lot of pics since you got here?
Yeah, I have. It's been really inspiring.
-It's great here. -Oh, they're amazing.
-JESSE: Thank you. -Really, truly.
Well, it sounds like you guys
have been on quite the adventure,
and I'm just glad you came away unscathed, Jesse.
Great. Um, my buns have been roasting by this open fire,
so I'm gonna turn in for the night.
-Okay. -Good night.
-Well, night. -Night.
Anyway, I'm glad she's excited about it.
But this nature-photography shit, there's no future in that.
Well, you know, actually, Shawn, I was thinking about asking her
to shoot some photos for my brochure.
I think those pictures
could really help sell the experience for my clients.
You know, you say "brochure" in a funny way.
-But I could see that. -You say "catalog"?
-No, it's just -- -You don't say "brochure"?
-"Bro-sure"? -Brochure.
What are you saying?
That's right.
So, how about you?
You trying to get into some big-city firm, right?
Ah, maybe. I'm thinking about it.
I mean, this firm wants me so fucking bad, I can taste it.
But, you know, I don't know.
You want to be a small fish in a big pond?
Big fish in a small pond?
It's the age-old question, right?
As long as I'm near anypond,
-I'm happy, right? -That's not the point.
The point is, my dad knows all of his clients personally.
-You know? -That's nice.
You know, like Becky.
Yeah.
Kind of makes you think.
Right.
Think about Becky?
Yeah.
Becky.
Right.
Mm.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
What rhymes with "Christmas tree"?
I don't know.
Time to hump.
Okay. That doesn't rhyme at all.
It does now.
-[ Light switch clicks ] -ROBERT: [ Chuckles ]
♪
Hey, Mrs. C. Where are you off to?
Wendy McManus tried to straighten her own hair,
-and now it's dry. -Mm.
I have to go perform a Christmas miracle.
Could you finish stitching David's name on his stocking?
Of course.
And Shawn is at his father's office all day.
-Catch you at dinner. -You bet.
I'll start on the finger foods for the party.
LIZ: Okay.
[ Inhales sharply ] Ow.
Oh.
Ow.
What?
You okay?
Oh.
Yeah. Yeah. I-I just poked myself.
I know Aunt Liz used to keep a bunch of Band-Aids
in that drawer.
I should know. Yep.
I went through a ton of them every visit.
That's very surprising.
[ Drawer closes ]
-Give me that finger. -[ Laughs ]
You don't do this on my behalf, I hope.
No.
You know Mrs. C.
Everyone's stocking has to have their name.
And last initial.
Mm. Exactly.
I sincerely appreciate the effort.
Anything for Christmas.
You know, Jesse, um...
...I want to talk to you about some work stuff.
[ Clears throat ] Hi.
-Hey. -Hey.
I heard you were at your, uh, dad's office again today.
Yeah. It's nice in there, you know?
-Quiet. -Good.
Well, should we take a trip around the old boardwalk?
Yeah. Let's do that. Jesse?
-Sounds good to me. -It'll be fun.
[ Doorbell rings ]
Oh. I'll get that.
Hey! Becky, nice to see you.
Thank you.
Is Shawn here? I stopped by the office.
-Hi, Becky. -Hi, Shawn.
I just finished filing your taxes.
Well, I appreciate that.
That's actually why I'm here -- to properly thank you.
-Aww. -I made you --
and your family, of course -- this Christmas cake.
-It's still a little warm. -Wow.
And probably...sticky on the inside.
Well, that's my favorite.
Well...looks and it smells great.
Hey, you're not in too big of a rush, are you?
We were just about to sit down and, uh, play some 'Nopoly.
No. No rush here.
-I love 'Nopoly. -You do?
I do.
-Come on in. -I'd love to.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Exhales deeply, sniffs ] Mm.
♪
BECKY: Mm!
Oh, darn!
And that is going to cost you 1,500 big'uns.
-Oops. -JESSE: Oh. Sh--
Yep. I am cleaned out.
-I'll lend you some money. -Hey! No.
That ain't how it works, hoss.
Uh, sorry. You're done.
-[ Snaps fingers ] Damn. -All right.
-Becky, your turn. -It's at me. It's coming at me.
And remember, all of Jesse's hotels are now up for auction.
-I have a proposition for you. -SHAWN: Oh.
Would you like to trade me Pacific Avenue for Vermont?
-Yes. -Really?
-Yes. This works out well... -Okay.
-Goodness me. -...for all parties involved.
All parties are happy.
Some wonderful side action.
-David, it is your roll. -Great.
But snake eyes will cost you everything you've got.
-BECKY: Oh, they will. -Be careful.
-No pressure. -No snake eyes. Here we go.
-SHAWN: I say yes pressure. -Okay. Lucky roll.
-Aah! -Oh, no!
You're outta there!
Pack up your shit and get outta here!
Oh, that's a bummer. All right.
Well, that was fun. That was a lot of fun.
SHAWN: Indeedily. Okay.
Well, looks like there are just two people left
playing 'Nopoly.
Berkshire Hathaway?
Ooh. You scared?
I'm not sure I am.
I can't remember the last time I actually lost at that game.
You're a formidable opponent.
You too.
-BECKY: Bye, Shawn. -Night, Becky.
-DAVID: Bye, Becky! -Bye!
Oh. Well, tomorrow is a big day.
So when your dad comes down from the roof,
tell him that I'm going to bed.
Okay.
Good night, Shawn.
I'm so glad you made it home.
Me too. Night, Mama.
-DAVID: Good night, Aunt Liz. -JESSE: Good night.
LIZ: Good night, you two.
Gonna see if Uncle Rob needs a hand on the roof.
Perfect.
So, Jesse...
So, did you want a slice of cake
or maybe want to just sneak up to the bedroom
and get something straight between us?
Oh. Uh... [ Chuckles ]
Actually, I'm kind of tired,
and, um, it's gonna be a big day tomorrow,
with the party and everything, so I'm just gonna turn in.
Okay.
Well, if I was hanging out,
it might help you sleep a little bit better.
I'm sure it would, but, um, we'll just talk tomorrow.
-Mm-kay. -Okay?
Sounds like a plan. [ Chuckles ]
-Good night! -Good night.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪
[ Door opens ]
Hey, Uncle Rob.
[ Sighs ]
One more night, and then it's showtime.
Oh, boy. You need a hand here?
Yeah. These bulbs are giving me a problem.
Oh, I got it. You've done enough.
You're damn right I have.
I've footed the bill for this entire holiday.
And the way my wife cooks, that's not exactly cheap.
Hell, I-I could've taken a solo Disney cruise.
-Ah, next year. -Yeah.
Well, we'll see you in the -- Oh, hey, Shawn.
-Hey. -All right.
-Sleep tight, big dog. -Good night, buddy.
Thank you, sir.
Wow.
Not bad. You need a hand with this stuff?
Oh, no. That's -- That's okay. I got it.
Okay. Cool.
So, uh, you talk to Jesse about taking those photos for you yet?
No. No, not yet.
Good. Yeah. I wouldn't.
I'm, uh, actually starting to think about
maybe making a run with her long term here in Ketchum.
Really?
Plus I got the family business I could fall into
with Pop-peroni.
It's the perfect parachute!
You know what I'm talking about?
Rather than just being a number in the city,
make a name for myself here in Ketchum.
-Mm. -Could be a good life.
I mean, she loves Ketchum, you know? [ Farts ]
Plus, I think she'd be a really good stay-at-home mom.
Right.
I mean, she loves the scenery. Look around.
-We've got all these mountains. -Beautiful.
She could take photos of all this shit.
-Fresh air. The smells. -She could stay sharp
by, uh, taking photos of our s-s-sessions.
-What type of sessions? -Sex.
-Okay. Oh, I see. -Yeah.
Nothing on a hard drive. I don't want any, you know...
evidence.
Have you talked to Jesse about this?
Dude, uh, I broke up with her,
and she's here spending Christmas with my family.
I think it's a "yes" from her. [ Laughs ]
All right. Well, good luck.
You, uh, sure you got all that?
Uh, yeah. No. I'm good.
-I got it. -All right. Cool.
Hey, uh, big night tomorrow. Party.
-Yep. Can't wait. -Light show.
-Can't wait. -[ Door closes ]
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
[ Indistinct conversations ]
♪
All right. No toothpicks.
And we need more of these.
-Oh. -Oh.
-Hey. -Hey! Hi.
I'm actually starting to enjoy bumping into you like this.
-Hm. -Um...
-Where's Polo? -Oh, he's upstairs.
Just, uh, trying to keep him away from all this temptation.
Mm-hmm.
-It's a pretty great turnout. -Oh, yeah.
-Yeah. -It sure is.
Do you want a... Mrs. C's Cheese Puff?
Um, it's a new recipe. I think she really nailed it.
Who knew mayonnaise and bacon would go on in cheese puff?
I didn't.
There's one left. Do you want it?
No, thank you. I'm -- I'm good. Thank you.
Hey, um...
-is everything okay? -Yeah.
Just, uh, cheese balls weren't on the menu for me tonight.
If something is bothering you, then it's better to just say it,
you know...than not.
[ Glass clanking ]
Hi, everyone. Uh, merry Christmas.
Uh, could I have your attention for a moment now?
Oh, thank you, Liz.
I've got an announcement to make, please.
Uh, starting in the new year,
Campbell Accounting is going to acquire a brand-new partner.
And I think he'll be able to cook your books
just as well as I have over all these years.
[ Chuckles ]
And his name is Mr. Shawn Campbell!
Well, that's myname. That's weird!
-[ Laughter ] -Yes. Thank you, Dad.
Uh, good to be a partner.
And, uh, you know, I'm gonna cook them the best I can.
Let's take the government for everything it's got, okay?
But really, let's all get superfucked up.
Leave your keys in the bowl
and your inhibitions in the backyard.
Let's do this up and celebrate. Merry merry!
-[ Laughter, applause ] -Yes!
[ Bells jingling ]
[ Door opens, bells jingling ]
-Jesse. Hey. -Hey.
I was trying to connect with you to give you the news myself,
but, you know, the old man just got so excited.
He looked over the moon.
I mean, you've made him very proud.
I didn't plan on any of this, but since I got home,
it's just felt so right, you know?
I'm very happy for you.
Well, I mean, the plan is for us to be happy together.
Look, you love Ketchum, and you love my family.
And then the partnership with my dad,
and everything's just... falling into place.
It's like -- like it's meant to be.
Yeah. I...I guess.
-Look -- -I mean...
...I don't want to rush this moment too much, but...
I do want to get to the good stuff,
by which I mean me having sex a-with you.
You know?
Look, I want you in every room in this house.
Oh. Uh, there's a lot of rooms in this house.
Doesn't that sound wonderful?
Do you feel what's going on there?
I do.
Mm-hmm.
That is about as hard as a penis gets.
I'm throbbing.
Oh! Uh, okay.
I, um -- Wow.
I-I just need, um, a second to -- to process.
This is all happening very fast.
Yeah. Okay. I get it. Think about it.
And while you're doing that, maybe we could, uh,
process this hard-on, you know?
We made it together, after all.
I just need, like, a little time to -- to think about it...
-Um...yeah. -...for a second.
All right. Well, don't think about it too much.
I mean, I got sub-10% body fat and, uh, my own business.
So...a lot of options.
Oh, I think it's time for the light show.
ROBERT: All right, everyone.
Lizzie and I are thrilled to once again be sharing
this most special time of the year
with all of you, our family and friends.
Give 'er the business, Rob!
-[ Laughs ] Yeah! -Whoo!
-Lizzie, the honors, please. -Mm-hmm.
[ Switch clicks, box beeps ]
[ Dramatic music plays, crowd cheering ]
♪
[ "Jingle Bells" plays, crowd cheering, applauding ]
♪
[ Music playing, crowd cheering in distance ]
[ Dog whimpers ]
I know, buddy. Just you and me.
♪
[ Sniffs ] Mmm!
♪
[ Music ends, crowd cheering, applauding ]
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
♪
-Morning. -Morning, sunshine.
Oh, no. I'm okay.
A little early in the morning for me, but thank you.
No worries. I'm just having fun.
It's the holidays.
Might have a tall boy with lunch.
So...
...Shawn had some pretty exciting news last night.
Yeah. Yeah, he sure did.
Well, I am not surprised
that he decided to work with his father and start a life here.
Mm.
Do you remember that magical metaphor
I told you about before?
About taking the path less traveled?
Mm. Mm-hmm. Like the Robert Frost metaphor.
Who's that?
Robert Frost. The poet.
Well, I'm not talking about poems, Jesse.
I am talking about life.
-Mm. -And sometimes in life,
there's a fork in the road.
Yeah. Yeah, I think he was talking about that as well.
Well, for me, as it applied to mylife,
I could either take the path that was safe and established,
or I could take the one that was less traveled,
the one that was following my heart.
And for me, that made all the difference.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
And I want you to know...
...that whichever path you take, I support it.
Thank you, Mrs. C.
That means a lot.
Come here, Jesse.
♪
[ Hangers clanking ]
SHAWN: Ah! Perfect.
I have been trying to get inside those wee little underpants
all day.
-Shawn -- S-Shawn -- -Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba...
Hey, hey. Can I -- Can I -- Can -- Hey.
Can you just let me talk? Shawn?
-What? -Can I just have a minute?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll talk. We'll talk.
Good idea. We'll connect mentally, you know?
Get a good intimacy lather going,
nice and soapy, before we get to the good stuff.
I get it. Yeah. Yeah. Let's do it.
Let's preheat the oven.
Let's, um, breathe deep and, uh, make that connection happen.
I'm all ears. What do you want to -- Oh!
[ Snaps fingers ] This ought to light your wick.
How about we talk about...
what color we can paint the baby's room?
I'm thinking maybe an aqua until we...
-Shawn. -...reveal the gender.
-Uh-huh. -Honestly...
I do not want to move forward and start a life with you.
Wait. What are you talking about?
Shawn, when you broke up with me...
-Uh-huh. -...you told me that one day
I would look back and I would realize
that us going our separate ways was for the best.
-And you were right. -Isaid that?
No. Jesse -- [ Chuckles ]
We're very different.
We're different, and we like different things.
You like playing 'Nopoly, and everything is a competition.
And I like -- I don't know -- taking pictures of flowers.
And I don't run everything through a filter
of "How can I brand this and make money?"
Yeah. I never understood that about you.
And you're gonna be here, working with your dad
and -- and being with your family.
And I'm... I'm so excited for you.
But that's the right next chapter for yourlife.
But it's not mine.
[ Exhales sharply ]
Yeah. I knew my words would come back to bite me in the ass.
I guess this means you'll be taking that job
working with David.
What job working with David?
The job taking pictures.
David wants us to work together?
Ye... Ooh. Whoops.
Maybe I wasn't supposed to say anything.
Uh, sorry.
I just assumed that you not wanting to move forward with me
was because of him.
Um...
And I'm not stupid, Jesse.
I can see how well you two get along
and have all kinds of stuff in common.
And...
And the truth is, he's a really great guy.
Very poor, but a great guy.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
♪
DAVID: I'm sorry.
I'm not gonna make Christmas after all.
Happy holidays.
♪
[ Indistinct conversations ]
♪
DAVID: Got the supplies, Polo.
Next stop -- Boise.
[ Engine starts ]
♪
-♪ It's a quarter after 1:00♪ -[ Dog barking ]
♪ I'm all alone, and I need you now♪
DAVID: Quiet! What's the matter?
Oh, buddy, come on.
You should have gone before we left.
[ Sighs ] Man.
Get out here.
All right. Make it quick, buddy.
-[ Hinges squeak ] -Not -- Not too far, now!
Polo! Hey! Not -- [ Groans ]
Damn it.
Polo!
[ Wind whistling, glass clanking ]
I guess some wishes just expire.
[ Dog barking in distance ]
Polo?
[ Laughs ] Polo, come here!
-Hi! What are you doing here? -DAVID: Hey! Polo!
Oh.
Po-- Oh, man.
Hey.
Polo ran off.
Thought he was chasing a squirrel.
David, listen.
Um...I need to tell you this.
When Shawn walked through that door, my...
my heart wasn't happy to see him.
Obviously, your lips were.
What are you talking about?
[ Sighs ] Jesse, come on.
Don't make me say it.
I saw you two kissing last night.
Okay. That's why you left.
David, you saw him kiss me. But I wasn't kissing him back.
-Hey, Jesse, don't stand here -- -No. David --
David, listen to me.
When I first got here, I was very confused,
and -- and Shawn came home, and he was all...horned up,
and I actually felt really guilty
about being here in the first place.
But ultimately, it...
...it reaffirmed what my heart already knew.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
That I was falling in love with you.
♪
Just a few short days ago, I was standing in front of this tree,
and I made a Christmas wish.
And I'm kind of hoping it still comes true.
♪
Well, that's funny.
'Cause I made a wish too.
♪
I think that was it.
All right. I'll see you later.
-I'm just kidding. Come here. -[ Laughs ]
♪
♪ O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree ♪
♪ Your leaves are so unchanging ♪
♪ O Christmas tree...
Oh, please! He's not here to buy cake.
We know what that beaver hound's after.
Wow.
Look at you, coming inside... my shop.
Well, I decided that I would, and...I never pull out.
So here I am.
And good golly, it is warm and tight in here.
Hopefully it still... smells fresh as well
this late in the afternoon.
Never fresher.
And I already know the taste is out of this world.
Did you come by for a little Taste Good?
No. I had something in mind that might last...
a little bit longer than that.
You dodged a bullet, Darlene.
Although I wouldn't mind getting a peek
at that magic ding-a-ling, see what all the fuss is about.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Engine humming ]
-♪ Christmas -♪ The snow's comin' down
-♪ Christmas -♪ I'm watchin' it fall
-♪ Christmas -♪ Lots of people around
-♪ Christmas -♪ Baby, please come home
Whoo!
-♪ The church bells in town -Ah!
-♪ Christmas -♪ Are ringin' a song
-♪ Christmas -♪ Such a happy sound
♪ Christmas
♪ Baby, please come home
♪ They'll see me deck the halls ♪
♪ But it's not like Christmas at all ♪
♪ I remember when you were here ♪
♪ And all the fun we had last year ♪
-♪ Christmas -♪ Pretty lights on the trees
-♪ Christmas -♪ I'm watching them shine
-♪ Christmas -♪ You should be here with me
♪ Christmas
♪ Baby, please come home
♪
♪ They'll see me deck the halls ♪
♪ But it's not like Christmas at all ♪
♪ I remember when you were here ♪
♪ And all the fun we had last year ♪
-♪ Christmas -♪ If there was a way
-♪ Christmas -♪ To hold back these tears
-♪ Christmas -♪ But it's Christmas Day
-♪ Please -♪ Please
-♪ Please, please -♪ Please, please
-♪ Please -♪ Baby, please come home
♪
[ "Deck the Halls" plays ]
♪