1 00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:08,884 ♪ ("THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER" PLAYING) ♪ 2 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,949 -♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -SAMUEL L. JACKSON: During the night of June 17, 1972, 3 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,909 burglars broke into the offices 4 00:00:33,992 --> 00:00:35,619 of the Democratic National Committee 5 00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:39,331 at the Watergate Office Complex in Washington, D.C. 6 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,959 The scandal became known as "Watergate" 7 00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,210 and ultimately led 8 00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,963 to Nixon's resignation as president. 9 00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:48,131 Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward 10 00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,925 and Carl Bernstein broke the story 11 00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:52,052 -with their dogged investigation... -(TYPEWRITER KEYS CLICKING) 12 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,303 ...but they couldn't have done it 13 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,181 without a source they called "Deep Throat," 14 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,809 who anonymously leaked information to them 15 00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:00,519 in a D.C. garage, 16 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:01,853 as was immortalized 17 00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:04,063 by the film All the President's Men. 18 00:01:04,940 --> 00:01:05,983 Great movie. 19 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,484 We've also learned that Deep Throat 20 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:08,986 had a lot more to say 21 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,822 than Woodward and Bernstein let on. 22 00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:14,032 -(FOOTSTEPS ECHOING) -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 23 00:01:14,116 --> 00:01:16,033 (DISTANT THUD ECHOING) 24 00:01:25,377 --> 00:01:26,878 (LIGHTER CLICKS) 25 00:01:28,255 --> 00:01:30,173 (LIGHTER CLICKS) 26 00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,884 (INHALES DEEPLY) 27 00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:35,220 (EXHALES) 28 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,060 -Where are you? -Stuck. 29 00:01:42,728 --> 00:01:44,396 The story stalled on us. 30 00:01:45,896 --> 00:01:47,316 And you thought I'd help? 31 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:49,067 I'll never quote you. 32 00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:53,113 I wouldn't quote you even as an anonymous source. 33 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,157 I mean, you'd be deep background. 34 00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,327 -You can trust me. -(INHALES) 35 00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:00,537 Go on. 36 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:02,914 Can you tell me what you know about Watergate? 37 00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:04,958 I've heard a few things. 38 00:02:05,584 --> 00:02:06,752 I'm all ears. 39 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,378 You know Ferguson Investments? 40 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:11,590 They're on the fifth floor. They're going bankrupt. 41 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:14,926 Father and son fighting over the company. 42 00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:17,387 It's getting ugly. 43 00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:20,807 And... And how does that relate to the break-in? 44 00:02:20,891 --> 00:02:22,726 Well, you mentioned the building. 45 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:25,062 I thought you were talking about the Watergate building. 46 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,396 No, I don't care about the building. 47 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,315 I'm-- I'm talking about the Watergate scandal. 48 00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:29,900 The Nixon re-election campaign 49 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:33,695 and the bugging of the DNC at the Watergate building. 50 00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:36,114 -Right. -(LOUD THUD IN DISTANCE) 51 00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,494 I hear G. Gordon Liddy's involved. 52 00:02:40,577 --> 00:02:41,620 Tell me about Liddy. 53 00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,915 Well, I know his daughter's getting 54 00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,750 her braces off next week. 55 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:48,793 And I hear they're gonna buy her a new bike. 56 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:50,837 She wore the braces, 57 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:52,798 she gets the bike. 58 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:54,925 So? 59 00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:57,052 So I hear now she doesn't even want a bike. 60 00:02:57,135 --> 00:02:58,303 She wants a pony. 61 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:00,931 Pretty expensive. 62 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,392 Yeah, yeah, they're expensive, yeah. 63 00:03:03,475 --> 00:03:04,976 I don't think it's gonna happen. 64 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:08,271 Are you trying to tell me that he's easily manipulated? 65 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:10,065 No, I'm just trying to tell you 66 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,942 he doesn't want to buy her a pony. 67 00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,443 What does this have to do with Watergate? 68 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,278 I don't care about Liddy's daughter and the pony. 69 00:03:15,362 --> 00:03:17,948 Just-- I mean, you gotta give me something I can use. 70 00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:21,368 I've heard the Haldemans are not doing well at all. 71 00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:22,536 How so? 72 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:25,288 You know how his wife, Joanne, has that bad back? 73 00:03:25,329 --> 00:03:26,331 Yeah. 74 00:03:26,415 --> 00:03:28,792 Well, she got a massage therapist. 75 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:31,628 And let's just say she's doing way better, 76 00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:33,004 if you catch my drift. 77 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,799 He's fucking her. 78 00:03:35,841 --> 00:03:37,466 -So what? -So, I've seen the guy, 79 00:03:37,509 --> 00:03:38,677 he's like 5'4". 80 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,470 He's a shrimp. 81 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,097 And? 82 00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:44,307 Joanne has got like four inches on him. 83 00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:46,393 It's worse than a big age difference. 84 00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:48,645 Of course, if the man's older, big whoop. 85 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,481 If the woman's older, that's something. 86 00:03:51,523 --> 00:03:53,483 This has nothing to do with Watergate. 87 00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:55,026 I don't... I don't care about this information. 88 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,654 I thought you had... (HESITATES) You told me you had information. 89 00:03:57,696 --> 00:04:00,782 I just gave you information. You don't find that interesting? 90 00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,410 I need something that can reveal some information 91 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,370 about what happened with Watergate 92 00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:07,998 and how it connects to President Nixon. 93 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,208 I'll tell you another thing about G. Gordon Liddy. 94 00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:11,710 Okay. 95 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,462 The White House... 96 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:18,216 doesn't want anyone to know what the G stands for. 97 00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:20,218 What does it stand for? 98 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:21,803 Gordon. 99 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:25,432 The White House doesn't want people to know 100 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,017 that his name is Gordon Gordon Liddy? 101 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,728 Yeah, that doesn't sound right. Maybe it's Gus. 102 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:31,188 Are you asking me or telling me? 103 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,023 George. Gary. 104 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,232 Oh, you're just spit-balling here? 105 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:35,734 -Gerry with a G. -You know what? 106 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:37,360 This is a waste of my time. I'm done. 107 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,196 Wait-- Wait a second. Hey, Woodward. 108 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,530 BOB WOODWARD: (WHISPERS) What? 109 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,157 DEEP THROAT: You owe me for the parking. 110 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,283 No, I don't. 111 00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:45,243 I gave you a lot of information. 112 00:04:45,327 --> 00:04:47,329 Useless information. 113 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,414 All right, here's a few things you should know. 114 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:51,249 I'm listening. 115 00:04:51,332 --> 00:04:52,876 There's a guy in town who calls himself 116 00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,252 the Lawn Doctor, 117 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,254 but he's not a doctor. 118 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,882 Yeah, he's a gardener. 119 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,718 People think he's a real doctor, but he's not. 120 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,386 What, did you think that he was a real doctor 121 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,096 and you found out he wasn't and you're upset? 122 00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:07,432 He's charging 400 dollars a visit. 123 00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:09,726 Well, how big is your lawn? 124 00:05:09,768 --> 00:05:12,229 -That I can't tell you. -Why did you bring me here? 125 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,730 I heard you had information. 126 00:05:13,772 --> 00:05:15,899 Put the pieces together, Woodward. 127 00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,943 Do you know how they're connected? 128 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:19,653 Follow the money. 129 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,112 "Follow the money"? 130 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:22,906 What... What money? 131 00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:24,574 I don't understand what's happening. 132 00:05:24,658 --> 00:05:25,659 Where's Bernstein? 133 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,244 He seems a little sharper than you, 134 00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:28,912 -if you don't mind my saying. -WOODWARD: No, no. 135 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:30,747 This is bullshit. Give me something I can use. 136 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,999 Anything that has to do with the White House. 137 00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:35,335 Okay, but this is way off the record. 138 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:36,545 Of course. 139 00:05:37,504 --> 00:05:39,756 There's a rumor that Pat Nixon 140 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,968 was caught shoplifting at Bendel's department store. 141 00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:46,054 They found a shoe in her purse. 142 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:48,473 One shoe. Think about that. 143 00:05:48,557 --> 00:05:50,933 I am thinking about it. One shoe? 144 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,436 -She lost a shoe? -She took a shoe. 145 00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,730 Why'd she take one shoe? She can't wear one shoe. 146 00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:59,276 Exactly. Are you ready for this? 147 00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:00,485 No, I don't think so. 148 00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:01,945 Gerald Ford went trick-or-treating 149 00:06:01,987 --> 00:06:03,113 with his grandchildren. 150 00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,781 When he wasn't recognized, 151 00:06:04,823 --> 00:06:06,783 he told the kids to give the candy back. 152 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:07,909 What-- What-- 153 00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:10,078 His grandkids aren't speaking to him. 154 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,288 (LOUDLY) What are you talking about? 155 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,498 I don't care. I don't care about the trick-or-treating. 156 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,084 I don't care about the ponies, the braces, the affairs. 157 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,336 I don't care about any of this. This is a waste of my time. 158 00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:21,339 -(INHALES) -Do you have anything I can actually use? 159 00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:23,341 Charles Colson wore flip-flops to a White House meeting. 160 00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:24,968 -(SCOFFS) -Nixon didn't care, 161 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:27,095 but Haldeman made a big stink about it. 162 00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,471 Okay, I think we're done here. 163 00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:30,473 I, uh... I've gotta get going too, 164 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:34,519 because I'm using a public dryer for my clothes, 165 00:06:34,603 --> 00:06:37,814 and I'm afraid that maybe somebody took my clothes out. 166 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:38,982 Okay, yeah. 167 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,483 -Uh, good luck with that. -DEEP THROAT: So... 168 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,277 WOODWARD: Thanks for everything. I really appreciate-- 169 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:45,363 Do you have any quarters in case I need to put it back in? 170 00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,699 Hey, you don't seem well. Are you okay to get home? 171 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:49,326 You got a ride? 172 00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:51,536 -I took the bus. -You took the bus? 173 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,538 You just asked for parking money. 174 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,290 You're trying to shake me down for parking money? 175 00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,334 That's for you to figure out. 176 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,669 -Fuck this! -♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 177 00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,922 (SHOUTS) Fuck it! Do not call me! I'm done! 178 00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,840 Have Bernstein call me. 179 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:05,842 Do not call Bernstein! 180 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,302 Leave me alone! 181 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,679 (GRUNTS) 182 00:07:11,389 --> 00:07:12,474 Weird guy. 183 00:07:13,391 --> 00:07:17,562 ♪ (LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 184 00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:25,570 -♪ (CHEERY RAGTIME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -JACKSON: On July 15, 1903... 185 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:27,572 -Henry Ford took his first order... -(CAR ENGINE RUMBLING) 186 00:07:27,656 --> 00:07:28,698 ...for the Model A, 187 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:31,451 an automobile made by his Ford Motor Company 188 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,036 in Detroit, Michigan. 189 00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:36,081 -By the end of the year, the plant had made 1,000 cars... -(MACHINERY CLANKING) 190 00:07:36,164 --> 00:07:38,792 ...and the automotive revolution had begun. 191 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:42,170 Ford wasn't just an inventor and an industrialist, 192 00:07:42,253 --> 00:07:45,256 he was also a rabid antisemite. 193 00:07:45,340 --> 00:07:47,342 He owned The Dearborn Independent 194 00:07:47,425 --> 00:07:51,513 and used it to publish articles like "The International Jew." 195 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,182 What a guy. 196 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:57,102 -Soon, there would be cars on every road in America. -(CAR HORNS HONKING) 197 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:59,062 JACKSON: Ford was on top of the world. 198 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:01,773 But as they say in the shtetl, 199 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,567 fate has a funny way of kicking you 200 00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:06,444 right in the tuchus. 201 00:08:10,281 --> 00:08:11,616 -(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -HENRY FORD: Yes? 202 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,201 -♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ -Mr. Ford. 203 00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,286 The Detroit civic leaders are here. 204 00:08:15,370 --> 00:08:17,080 -Send them in, young Clifton. -Okay. 205 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:18,665 Esteemed gentlemen, 206 00:08:18,748 --> 00:08:20,625 please allow Mr. Ford to take you for a ride. 207 00:08:20,709 --> 00:08:22,585 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 208 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:25,130 Gentlemen, the... 209 00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:28,341 -Wow. -♪ (QUIRKY KLEZMER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 210 00:08:32,220 --> 00:08:33,554 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪ 211 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,140 -Chief Mahoney. -Pleasure. 212 00:08:36,224 --> 00:08:37,558 -FORD: Mr. Hudson. -Henry. 213 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:39,852 Who are you? 214 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:42,938 I am Rabbi Shmuel Ben-Yanklovitz, 215 00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:43,982 just elected 216 00:08:44,065 --> 00:08:45,525 -to the city council. -CHIEF MAHONEY: Mm-hmm. 217 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:46,776 (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Huh? Huh? 218 00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:50,113 -Congratulations. -What a pleasure 219 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:53,825 to be a part of such a historic occasion. 220 00:08:53,908 --> 00:08:55,952 Oh! I'm tingling. I'm tingling. 221 00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,287 What do you call this? 222 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,706 We are calling this an automobile. 223 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:00,957 -"Automobile"? -Extraordinary. 224 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:02,042 -FORD: Yes. -Yes. 225 00:09:02,125 --> 00:09:03,877 -FORD: It's the Model A. -(HESITATES) Can we take a look? 226 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,795 -(OVERLAPPING CHATTER) -Sure. (HESITATES) Just don't touch, 227 00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,422 -but you can take a look. -MAHONEY: Yes, yes. 228 00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:08,548 -Truly magnificent. -Oh! 229 00:09:08,631 --> 00:09:10,300 Oh, Mr. Ford. (CHUCKLES) 230 00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,510 Mr. Ford, you have... you have done-- 231 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,471 This is an amazing accomplishment, 232 00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:16,306 -Mr. Ford. Beautiful. -MR. HUDSON: Very impressive, Henry. 233 00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,475 It can go from zero to seven in... in one minute... 234 00:09:18,558 --> 00:09:20,852 -Oh. -...and it harnesses the power 235 00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,145 of up to two horses. 236 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,022 -RABBI SHMUEL BEN-YANKLOVITZ: Whoa! -Impressive, Henry. 237 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,565 -What a magnificent... -Truly extraordinary. 238 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,318 -...achievement, Mr. Ford. -Thank you very much. 239 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,195 -SHMUEL: You know, back in Kraków... -(SOFTLY) Yes, yeah. 240 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:32,155 ...there's a Hymie Fordberg. 241 00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:33,323 Any relation? 242 00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,492 Did you go from Fordberg to Ford? 243 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,910 -Huh? Huh? -(CLICKS TONGUE) 244 00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:39,537 -You shorten? -No. I did not shorten my name. 245 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:40,747 I think you shortened. 246 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,832 -There's no Fordberg. It's only Fo-- -Did you shorten? 247 00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:46,503 -No, sir. -Well, let's... let's go. 248 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,046 -Ah, yes! -MAHONEY: Absolutely. 249 00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:49,506 -SHMUEL: Yes. -Yes, huzzah. 250 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,550 Sadly, it only seats two passengers 251 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,010 plus myself, so... 252 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:57,097 But yet I see four seats. 253 00:09:57,180 --> 00:10:00,391 But there is a... a weight limit here. 254 00:10:00,475 --> 00:10:01,935 Ah, a weight limit. 255 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,478 -A weight limit, yes. -SHMUEL: Interesting. 256 00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:05,522 -FORD: There is. -What can you do? 257 00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:07,690 There's a weight limit. Yes. 258 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:10,568 -What are you going to do? -So, somebody 259 00:10:10,652 --> 00:10:12,695 -will be left out, it appears. -Yes. 260 00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,697 So we have to choose someone to... 261 00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:17,867 But how are we to decide on which two? 262 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,160 FORD: I'll tell you how. 263 00:10:19,244 --> 00:10:21,871 We're gonna do this the fair, honest, American way. 264 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:24,958 I'm thinking of a number between zero and ten. 265 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:28,044 Whoever's closest rides, whoever's not leaves. 266 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,213 -That seems fair to me. -(CHUCKLES) Oh, very fair. 267 00:10:30,255 --> 00:10:31,256 That's very fair. 268 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,924 -I like it. I like it. -Thank you. Mr. Hudson, 269 00:10:33,007 --> 00:10:35,510 -why don't you kick us off, sir? -Five. 270 00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,053 -FORD: Excellent. Chief? -Ah. 271 00:10:37,137 --> 00:10:39,347 I have three children. Lucky number three for me. 272 00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:42,392 Excellent. And you, Rabbi? (SIGHS) 273 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,520 I've been beaten for being a Jew seven times, 274 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,063 so I'm going to say seven. 275 00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,274 Oh, I'm sorry. The number was four. 276 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,234 -(SHMUEL GROANS) -If only you had been beaten four times, 277 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:52,569 you would be in the car 278 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,279 -as opposed to leaving now. -MAHONEY: Tough break. 279 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,738 -(GROANS) -FORD: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. 280 00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,282 How can I have missed that? 281 00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,616 I want to thank you for coming out. 282 00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,951 -Oh, yes, of course. -Yes. 283 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,120 Really too bad for me, isn't it? 284 00:11:02,203 --> 00:11:03,955 -(SOFTLY) Yeah. -Chief Mahoney. 285 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:06,416 (WHISPERS) There's been a jailbreak in the Eighth Precinct. 286 00:11:06,457 --> 00:11:09,085 Gentlemen, I'm sorry, we have a police emergency. 287 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,087 -No. No, no. -Thank you very much for your time. 288 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,922 -No, no, no, come back, come back. -Look, I'm sorry. 289 00:11:12,964 --> 00:11:17,552 Ooh! (LAUGHS SLOWLY) 290 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:21,431 Looks like there's just two of us now, Mr. Ford. 291 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:24,100 (MOCKINGLY) Mr. Ford. 292 00:11:24,142 --> 00:11:25,435 -All right, get in. -SHMUEL: Ah! 293 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,270 -♪ (CHEERY KLEZMER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -(CAR HORN HONKING) 294 00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:29,022 -(LAUGHS) -(INDISTINCT CHATTER) 295 00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:32,567 -Oy Gottenyu! Oh, look at this. -FORD: Calm down, please. 296 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:35,612 Oh! Hello! Shalom! Shalom! 297 00:11:35,653 --> 00:11:37,113 No. Don't-- Don't-- Don't talk to them. 298 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,282 -They're on their way. -This is something! 299 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,576 -Thank you. Thank you. -This is really something. 300 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:44,704 I never saw a gentile so smart. How you get so smart? 301 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,789 -How you get so smart, huh? -Good genes, I guess. 302 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:48,790 -What we have here? This is... -It's my glove compartment. 303 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:49,959 SHMUEL: A glove compartment. 304 00:11:50,001 --> 00:11:51,461 You have a little compartment for... 305 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,963 for gloves and mints and maybe... 306 00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:55,173 a swastika? 307 00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:57,675 A swastika is an ancient Indian symbol 308 00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,302 of strength and nothing more, sir. 309 00:11:59,344 --> 00:12:01,971 I think you have swastika! 310 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,974 -I don't have a swastika! (MUTTERS) -He has a swastika! 311 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,060 Ah, Hymie! 312 00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,062 -Oh! (LAUGHS) -(INDISTINCT CHATTER) 313 00:12:09,145 --> 00:12:10,730 -Shmuel! -Moishe, Feivel! Stop it. 314 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,690 -Stop the car! Stop the car! -I am not stopping for them. 315 00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,651 -(OVERLAPPING CHATTER) -Stay away! Stay away! 316 00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:18,279 -Stay away! Whoa, whoa! Whoa! -(OVERLAPPING CHATTER) 317 00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,657 -(CAR CRASHING) -(ONLOOKERS GASPING) 318 00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:22,909 (RABBIS MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY) 319 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,287 -RABBI: Shmuel! -WOMAN 1: Someone please help Mr. Ford! 320 00:12:26,371 --> 00:12:27,830 WOMAN 2: What a crash, that machine! 321 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:29,499 -MAN 1: Oh no! -MAN 2: Henry Ford is hurt! 322 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,042 (FORD GROANS) 323 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:34,212 -MAN 3: Oh no! -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 324 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,381 Mr. Ford? 325 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:38,883 (SIGHS) 326 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:41,636 DOCTOR: For a second, we thought we lost you. 327 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:42,845 (IN HOARSE VOICE) What happened? 328 00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,555 DOCTOR: Your new horseless carriage hit a tree, 329 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,349 and you were thrown into a glass window 330 00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:48,184 and suffered many lacerations. 331 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,686 You lost a lot of blood... (SIGHS) 332 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,313 ...and we were worried we were going to lose you. 333 00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,899 Fortunately, we found a nearby donor 334 00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:56,693 with your exact blood type. 335 00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,320 His blood is coursing through your veins right now. 336 00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:02,407 And who is this saintly man? 337 00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,034 SHMUEL: ♪ Hava nagila ♪ 338 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,704 ♪ Hava nagila ♪ 339 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:11,708 ♪ Hava nagila ♪ 340 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,584 It was a mitzvah! 341 00:13:14,877 --> 00:13:16,713 (YELLS) No! 342 00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:18,423 My blood brother! 343 00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:21,676 No, how could this happen? 344 00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,386 And why is it so drafty in here? 345 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,804 It is a bissel chilly. 346 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,265 -It is a bissel chilly. -It's a bissel chilly. 347 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:29,392 And I... I need food. 348 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,519 I need a nosh, or I'm gonna plotz. 349 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:32,812 We're plotzing here. 350 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,397 -Yes, we're plotzing. -SHMUEL: We're plotzing. 351 00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:36,899 -Nurse, can we get some dry toast for Mr. Ford? -No. Dry toast? 352 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:38,609 (GROANS) I want a bagel with some schmear. 353 00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,236 Eh, maybe some schmaltz herring? 354 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,946 Yeah, yeah. Some... Some schmaltz herring, 355 00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,573 but not too salty. 356 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,616 (YELLS) Why am I talking like this? 357 00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:49,120 ♪ (QUIRKY JEWISH FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 358 00:13:51,622 --> 00:13:55,084 ♪ (LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 359 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:03,843 -♪ ("YANKEE DOODLE" PLAYING) ♪ -JACKSON: In 1857, James Buchanan 360 00:14:03,926 --> 00:14:06,387 became the nation's 15th president. 361 00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,389 He was, and still remains, 362 00:14:08,473 --> 00:14:10,850 the only president who never married. 363 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,852 When he assumed office, he found himself 364 00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,604 in the middle of a growing crisis 365 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,981 between the northern and southern states. 366 00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,984 The issue, of course, was slavery. 367 00:14:20,068 --> 00:14:22,153 Buchanan refused to take a firm stand 368 00:14:22,236 --> 00:14:23,863 on either side of the debate, 369 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,783 and historians blame his passivity 370 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:30,119 as a major factor leading to the Civil War. 371 00:14:30,161 --> 00:14:32,205 But it's not that he was indecisive. 372 00:14:32,955 --> 00:14:34,290 It's that he was, 373 00:14:34,332 --> 00:14:36,584 -let's say, distracted. -♪ (GENTLE STRING QUARTET PLAYING) ♪ 374 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:39,295 JACKSON: Even with the fate of the Union in the balance, 375 00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:42,131 there were other unions on his mind. 376 00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:45,760 (INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER) 377 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,095 GUEST 1: Oh, there they are. 378 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,014 -This is something. -(CHUCKLES) 379 00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:53,226 This is something. Look at this. Great job, Appleton. 380 00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:54,644 -(CHUCKLES) -This is fantastic. 381 00:14:54,685 --> 00:14:56,604 I can't believe all these women are here. 382 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,773 -This is unbelievable. -JOHN APPLETON: Thank you, sir. 383 00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,484 -Holy mackerel. -I do have one question for you. 384 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,069 Uh, what time is dinner? 385 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:05,488 No, no, no, no. There's no di-- There's no dinner. 386 00:15:05,571 --> 00:15:06,614 It's passed apps. 387 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,157 -CABINET MEMBER: "Passed apps"? -"Passed apps"? 388 00:15:08,199 --> 00:15:09,492 Yeah, I got the idea from Henry Clay. 389 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:10,618 He didn't like getting stuck 390 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,036 sitting next to someone at a table, 391 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,831 so he came up with the idea of passed apps. 392 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,666 Server walks around with the tray, 393 00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:18,042 and they'll eat standing up. 394 00:15:18,126 --> 00:15:19,836 Ah, Mr. President, it's dinner time. 395 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,879 I think people might be upset if there's no dinner. 396 00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:23,005 No, they're going to love it 397 00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,841 because you're not sitting at a table 398 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:27,260 stuck next to someone you don't want to talk to. 399 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,512 So, Mr. President, I do have one important thing to-- 400 00:15:29,554 --> 00:15:31,931 Oh, wait a second. 401 00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:35,268 Hold your horses, Appleton. 402 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:39,272 Perhaps, uh, she'd like a word with the 15th president. 403 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:42,233 (SIGHS) I... Mr. President, I'm-- I'm sorry. 404 00:15:42,316 --> 00:15:43,359 I don't understand. 405 00:15:43,401 --> 00:15:44,861 -When's dinner? -GUEST 2: "Passed apps"? 406 00:15:44,902 --> 00:15:47,280 -(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -GUEST 3: Greetings, Mr. President. 407 00:15:47,363 --> 00:15:48,573 -GUEST 4: Mr. President. -Good evening. 408 00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:50,116 -Good evening. -Good evening. 409 00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:51,909 -Good evening. -GUEST 5: Good evening, Mr. President. 410 00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:54,287 Where is she? I don't see her. 411 00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:55,872 -What happened to her? -As we discussed, 412 00:15:55,913 --> 00:15:57,874 Jefferson Davis is in attendance tonight. 413 00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,083 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Da-- Yeah. 414 00:15:59,167 --> 00:16:00,877 Talk of secession is heating up. 415 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,587 It would be great if you could find some time 416 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:04,046 -to speak with him. -Yeah, yeah. 417 00:16:04,130 --> 00:16:05,715 So, just please remember that. It's important. 418 00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:10,303 Oh, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. 419 00:16:10,386 --> 00:16:12,388 -(APPLETON SCOFFS) -Bo, bo, bo. 420 00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,515 APPLETON: You're not gonna forget to speak to Jefferson Davis-- 421 00:16:14,599 --> 00:16:17,977 -Ah. -(INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER) 422 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,896 -Good evening. -Mr. President. 423 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,231 You know what I love about suspenders? 424 00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,399 Putting them on. 425 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:24,775 'Cause at first, they're dangling. 426 00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,611 You know, they're down here. 427 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:27,862 And then you go like this, 428 00:16:27,945 --> 00:16:30,907 -one arm in, the other arm in... -(CHUCKLES) 429 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:32,325 ...and then this move with the shoulders. 430 00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,160 -BEATRICE: Okay, yeah. -It's fun, and then all day long 431 00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:35,369 you're walking around like this. 432 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,913 -BEATRICE: Stately. Yes. -You know, you-- Yeah. 433 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,581 -How do you do? How are you? -GUEST: Mr. President. 434 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:39,790 -(LAUGHS) -Yeah, hello. 435 00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,250 -Hello. -Hello. You see? Yeah. 436 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,294 -Mm. -The suspenders. 437 00:16:43,377 --> 00:16:46,964 -Beautiful green dress. Yeah. -Oh, thank you, thank you. 438 00:16:47,048 --> 00:16:48,716 What else is green? (SIGHS) 439 00:16:48,799 --> 00:16:51,302 Grass, grass is green. Money. 440 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,888 Are we just gonna name green things? 441 00:16:53,971 --> 00:16:56,182 -Pickles are green. -Oh, you are. Okay. 442 00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:58,601 Um, there's gotta be more. Has to be. 443 00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,229 I think there... there is more, but we're good. 444 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,648 -Have you ever had a persimmon? -No. (SIGHS) 445 00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:05,900 JAMES BUCHANAN: Interesting fruit. 446 00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,777 Sounds like it was named after someone. 447 00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,737 Like there was a guy named "Persimmon." 448 00:17:09,819 --> 00:17:11,155 -You know? -Oh, I'm all out. 449 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:12,949 -I'm gonna hit the bar. -BUCHANAN: Jack Persimmon. 450 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:15,159 Right? Maybe it was a man goes by Edgar... 451 00:17:15,242 --> 00:17:16,577 Edgar Persimmon. 452 00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:18,954 Steven Persimmon. 453 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:22,750 ♪ (BRIGHT STRING QUARTET PLAYING) ♪ 454 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:31,676 Well, what is a beautiful young woman like yourself 455 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:34,595 doing at a soiree like this unaccompanied? 456 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:35,805 -I'm working. -GUEST: Thank you. 457 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,682 I'm, uh, James Buchanan. 458 00:17:38,766 --> 00:17:41,352 President of the United States. 459 00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:42,478 Canapé? 460 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:46,524 What is your favorite pit? 461 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:49,694 -Pit? -Fruit pit. Mine's a cherry. 462 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:50,945 Wonderful. 463 00:17:50,987 --> 00:17:52,863 They're just fun to spit out. You chew the cherry. 464 00:17:52,947 --> 00:17:56,409 -(SMACKS LIPS, SPITS) -SYLVIA: Oh. 465 00:17:56,492 --> 00:17:57,493 -(BUCHANAN SPITS) -Oh! 466 00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,246 What about seeds? Where do you stand on seeds? 467 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:02,498 I don't have a stance on seeds. 468 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,708 Watermelon seeds. 469 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:05,668 -They're slippery little things. -Mm-hmm. 470 00:18:05,710 --> 00:18:07,670 I have a trick to picking them up. 471 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,256 I just snap them with my hand like I'm killing a fly. 472 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,800 They stick right on your palm. And then I eat them. 473 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:14,885 I don't think that you are supposed 474 00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:16,053 to swallow the seeds. 475 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,722 That's an old wives' tale. 476 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:19,849 You know, speaking of old wives' tales, 477 00:18:19,932 --> 00:18:22,310 I wouldn't mind making you an old wife. 478 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,770 Excuse me? 479 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,481 -No good? -I'm going to get back to work. 480 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,192 Oh, really? Oh, really? 481 00:18:30,234 --> 00:18:35,239 ♪ (BRIGHT STRING QUARTET CONTINUES) ♪ 482 00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:39,076 You know, uh, I don't have a first lady, 483 00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:42,830 but you're the first lady I've seen tonight. 484 00:18:42,913 --> 00:18:44,624 We've met. 485 00:18:44,707 --> 00:18:47,126 -Oh! Oh, yeah! -(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) 486 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,711 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! 487 00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,880 -The green, green, green, green! -(SOFTLY) Yeah. 488 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,883 Okay, the kiwi, brown and green. 489 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,218 -We're done. -Two ways. It's a two-way fruit. 490 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:59,388 Two-- It's a-- Huh? Huh? 491 00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:03,267 Hello. You know how to say that in Morse code? 492 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:06,604 Dot, dot, dot, dot... dot. 493 00:19:06,687 --> 00:19:09,857 Dash, dash, dash, dash, dash, dash. 494 00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:13,069 -Huh? -(INDISTINCT CHATTER, LAUGHTER) 495 00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:14,779 -BUCHANAN: Dot, dot, dot-- -Me again. 496 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:17,198 Dash, dash... 497 00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,158 dash, dash, dash, dash. 498 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:21,619 ♪ (LIVELY STRING QUARTET PLAYING) ♪ 499 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:23,245 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 500 00:19:23,287 --> 00:19:24,747 -Oh! Oh. -Oh! (CHUCKLES) Hello. 501 00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:26,749 -Hello. Mr. President. (CHUCKLES) -Oh. 502 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,251 Have you ever had a mango? 503 00:19:29,335 --> 00:19:31,420 -Oh, delicious. Very juicy. -Uh... 504 00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,255 You need a towel to eat one of those things. 505 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,965 They drip right down your face. 506 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,759 -That's fascinating. -It's got a big pit. 507 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,260 -CLEMENTINE: Huh. -You like a big pit? 508 00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,013 (SIGHS) 509 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:42,890 Oh, she doesn't like you. 510 00:19:42,973 --> 00:19:44,934 I stepped on her foot earlier. 511 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,728 Completely accidental. Mostly her fault, I have to say. 512 00:19:47,812 --> 00:19:49,605 -CLEMENTINE: Wow. -But I think she has palsy. 513 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,149 -(LOUDLY) What? -CLEMENTINE: She's got what? 514 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,194 (WHISPERS) Palsy. She's got palsy. 515 00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:56,612 Has no control of her motor skills. 516 00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,114 I don't even know how she's walking around. 517 00:19:58,197 --> 00:19:59,532 Are you serious? She looks fine to me. 518 00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,492 Anyway, what color's that dress? 519 00:20:01,575 --> 00:20:03,285 -It's russet. Mm. -Russet? 520 00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:06,497 -Can't think of any russets. -Okay, good. 521 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,249 I'm gonna go find something to eat. 522 00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:12,545 -Russet potato. -CLEMENTINE: Uh-huh. 523 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,214 I mean, I just... I don't get it. 524 00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:16,549 I'm striking out all over the place. 525 00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:18,509 I'm talking about fruit. I got into some fruit discussions, 526 00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:19,635 mangoes and papayas. 527 00:20:19,677 --> 00:20:21,220 I'm talking about pits and seeds. 528 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:22,555 -Pits! -You were talking about pits? 529 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:23,681 Pits, yeah, pits. 530 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:26,475 Big pits, little pits, uh, peach pits, plum pits. 531 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,477 I find that stuff very interesting. 532 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,771 -Apparently, they don't. -They're not pit-curious. 533 00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:33,149 -They're not pit-curious. -(SIGHS) 534 00:20:33,190 --> 00:20:34,817 It's driving me crazy. 535 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,153 Maybe engage them in a non-fruit-related topic. 536 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,822 Oh, I did that too. I asked one who her dentist was. 537 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,490 She had terrible teeth. It was a stupid question. 538 00:20:41,532 --> 00:20:42,700 She was embarrassed. 539 00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:45,411 I never should have asked her. I do need a dentist, though. 540 00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,247 Sir, is now a good time to speak to Jefferson Davis? 541 00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:49,790 BUCHANAN: This is why I got into politics 542 00:20:49,874 --> 00:20:51,876 in the first place, to meet women. 543 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,420 Sir, we need you to preserve the Union. 544 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,839 Talking to the South is of the utmost importance. 545 00:20:56,881 --> 00:20:58,591 -(INDISTINCT CHATTER) -"Utmost importance"? 546 00:20:58,674 --> 00:20:59,967 -Yes. -That's it. 547 00:21:00,009 --> 00:21:01,552 -That's it. That's it. This is great. -Thank you. 548 00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:02,762 -I got an idea. -Mm-hmm. All right. 549 00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:04,138 You see that woman in the red dress? 550 00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:07,224 She's killing me, this one. Here's how I can impress her. 551 00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:10,436 I'm gonna go talk to her. Now, you come up to me and say, 552 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,396 "Sir, there's a document you have to sign. 553 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,441 The fate of the Union hangs in the balance." 554 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,860 -But it-- But it actually does. -Say that again, yeah. 555 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:19,361 The fate of the Union hangs in the balance. 556 00:21:19,403 --> 00:21:20,696 -Perfect. -But, no... 557 00:21:23,073 --> 00:21:25,034 -Oh. (CHUCKLES) -Mr. President. 558 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,911 -Hello. -Hello. 559 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:30,539 You know, I have a sixth sense. 560 00:21:30,581 --> 00:21:32,208 I'm a bit of a mentalist, 561 00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:34,043 where I can guess a person's name 562 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:36,212 without knowing anything about them. 563 00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:37,296 (GASPS) Really? 564 00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:38,881 -Think of your name. Think of it. -Mm-hmm. 565 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,424 -Scream it in your head. -Mm-hmm. Screaming-- 566 00:21:40,508 --> 00:21:41,884 -Are you screaming? -I'm screaming it. 567 00:21:41,967 --> 00:21:44,595 Okay. I'm getting... 568 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:48,224 Open your eyes... Janet. 569 00:21:48,307 --> 00:21:50,768 -No, it's not Janet. -Gertrude? 570 00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:53,646 No, not-- not... not even close, honestly. 571 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,940 -Corrine? -Uh, closer. I-- I just-- 572 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,566 -Again, I don't... I don't-- -Clarissa? 573 00:21:57,608 --> 00:21:59,485 No, I don't think you have a gift for this. 574 00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:01,028 -I just don't. -Mr. President, Mr. President. 575 00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:03,030 I have a very important document for you to sign. 576 00:22:03,113 --> 00:22:05,324 The fate of the Union hangs in the balance. 577 00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,493 Now, Appleton? I'm talking to this beautiful woman... 578 00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,745 -(MUMBLES) ...Treiman. -My name is not Treiman. 579 00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:11,205 It's a pleasure, Ms. Treiman. 580 00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:13,916 It-- That's not my name. It's not even a name. That-- 581 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:15,876 -Oh. -What-- What is it about? 582 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,212 Well, we are... (SIGHS) 583 00:22:18,295 --> 00:22:19,880 We're going to war with Italy. 584 00:22:19,964 --> 00:22:21,590 Why are we going to war with Italy? 585 00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:22,758 Tomato issue. 586 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,927 -They're hoarding tomatoes. -CORDELIA: Oh! 587 00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:26,345 It's not a big issue, Ms. Treiman. 588 00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:28,430 -BUCHANAN: Well, he doesn't... -Again, my name is not Treiman. 589 00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:30,599 You don't know, Appleton, what's really going on. 590 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:32,810 But are we going to war over tomatoes? 591 00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:33,978 And bell peppers. 592 00:22:34,061 --> 00:22:36,689 What-- What is happening with bell peppers? 593 00:22:36,772 --> 00:22:38,232 Well, they're hoarding the peppers as well. 594 00:22:38,315 --> 00:22:39,441 Do we need these so badly? 595 00:22:39,483 --> 00:22:40,776 BUCHANAN: Yes, yes, we do, we do. 596 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,611 And you know, tomatoes, they're not a vegetable. 597 00:22:42,653 --> 00:22:44,530 -They're a fruit. And... -Y-- Sure. 598 00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:46,073 And they're red. (CLICKS TONGUE) 599 00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:47,366 -What else is red? -CORDELIA: Wait. 600 00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:49,743 Please don't make us go to war over tomatoes. 601 00:22:49,827 --> 00:22:51,287 APPLETON: It's not that big a deal, Ms. Treiman. 602 00:22:51,370 --> 00:22:52,538 CORDELIA: It's not Treiman! 603 00:22:52,621 --> 00:22:54,456 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 604 00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:56,125 Okay, that was great. 605 00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:59,295 The next one, we find out the name beforehand, 606 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:00,671 and then I come up and guess it. 607 00:23:00,754 --> 00:23:02,381 I'll blow their fucking minds. 608 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:05,801 Sir, I must insist you speak to Jefferson Davis. 609 00:23:05,843 --> 00:23:06,927 Okay, let's do it. 610 00:23:07,011 --> 00:23:08,095 -I'll do it. Let's go. -(SIGHS) 611 00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:10,306 They just keep walking around with these trays. 612 00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:11,682 -I don't understand. -GUEST: "Passed apps"? 613 00:23:11,765 --> 00:23:13,267 JEFFERSON DAVIS: I mean, I can't even imagine-- 614 00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:14,393 If you gentlemen will excuse us. 615 00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:15,477 Mr. President. 616 00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:16,729 -Senator Davis... -Mm. 617 00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:20,649 ...I have a few ideas about Kansas I think that 618 00:23:21,358 --> 00:23:22,818 can make everybody happy. 619 00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:26,655 They've just been passing out hors d'oeuvres the whole time. 620 00:23:26,739 --> 00:23:27,990 When is dinner? 621 00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:30,200 -Yeah, no. There's no dinner. -There's no dinner? Wh-- 622 00:23:30,284 --> 00:23:31,827 -No, yeah. -Are you serious? 623 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:33,579 Yeah, yeah. It's something called, uh, 624 00:23:33,662 --> 00:23:35,539 passed... passed apps. Like, like, ri-- 625 00:23:35,623 --> 00:23:37,666 -(SIGHS, SCOFFS) -DAVIS: That's what I mean. 626 00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,501 -It's just these bullshit trays. -(BUCHANAN HESITATES) 627 00:23:39,543 --> 00:23:40,669 I stepped on her toe before. 628 00:23:40,753 --> 00:23:42,171 I think there's something wrong with her. 629 00:23:42,212 --> 00:23:44,757 I don't give a fuck about you stepping on her toe. 630 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,551 I am starving right now. I had a... a sandwich 631 00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:49,386 that's the size a baby would eat. 632 00:23:49,470 --> 00:23:51,138 I had crackers with bullshit 633 00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:52,348 -on top of it. -BUCHANAN: All right. 634 00:23:52,389 --> 00:23:54,850 I'm almost certain I had a pig's dick wrapped in bacon. 635 00:23:54,934 --> 00:23:56,852 Well, this is a new thing, okay? 636 00:23:56,894 --> 00:23:58,187 It's called passed hors d'oeuvres. 637 00:23:58,270 --> 00:23:59,313 They go around, 638 00:23:59,355 --> 00:24:01,357 and you... you just... you just eat it standing up. 639 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,692 No, hors d'oeuvres are not dinner. 640 00:24:03,734 --> 00:24:07,696 They're a precursor to dinner. They're not in lieu of dinner. 641 00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:09,031 If you eat enough, it's in lieu. 642 00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:11,200 -DAVIS: Oh, if I eat enough of it? -It's lieu. It's in lieu. 643 00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:12,534 I happen to like salad with my dinner. 644 00:24:12,618 --> 00:24:14,244 -No, salad-- salad doesn't-- -Will there be salad? 645 00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:15,287 It doesn't work here. 646 00:24:15,371 --> 00:24:16,914 -You gotta eat it with a fork standing up. -Mm. 647 00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:17,957 -No, that doesn't work. -Okay. 648 00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:19,124 Can I expect any bread and butter 649 00:24:19,208 --> 00:24:20,417 -at the bare minimum? -BUCHANAN: Well... 650 00:24:20,501 --> 00:24:21,585 You know, I like bread and butter 651 00:24:21,669 --> 00:24:22,628 as much as the next guy. 652 00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:24,088 Especially if you warm the bread. 653 00:24:24,171 --> 00:24:25,756 -Of course warm the bread. -And the butter melts. 654 00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:26,882 -Of course. -Come on, it's great. 655 00:24:26,924 --> 00:24:28,217 You put the butter on top of it... 656 00:24:28,258 --> 00:24:30,010 -Oh, my God! -...and it melts into the bread. 657 00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:31,178 Oh, it's orgasmic. 658 00:24:31,261 --> 00:24:33,847 Yes, where is that bread and butter? 659 00:24:33,889 --> 00:24:36,058 -Doesn't work for this. -It just doesn't work. 660 00:24:36,100 --> 00:24:38,060 Maybe it's not exactly the same as a meal. 661 00:24:38,102 --> 00:24:40,437 I'll give you that. But it's got its advantages. 662 00:24:40,521 --> 00:24:43,190 If it's a dinner, people linger at the table. 663 00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:45,776 They stay too long. We don't like the lingering. 664 00:24:45,859 --> 00:24:47,444 Well, maybe not in the North. 665 00:24:47,528 --> 00:24:49,446 In the South, we love the lingering. 666 00:24:49,530 --> 00:24:52,032 We actually prefer a languid end to the meal. 667 00:24:52,116 --> 00:24:53,242 It's part of the process. 668 00:24:53,325 --> 00:24:54,368 Well, in the North, 669 00:24:54,451 --> 00:24:56,662 we don't enjoy a languid end to the meal. 670 00:24:56,745 --> 00:24:58,664 We want to eat and go home, 671 00:24:58,747 --> 00:25:01,500 and put on our pajamas and pick up a book 672 00:25:01,583 --> 00:25:02,584 -and relax. -Well-- 673 00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:04,086 We don't want to sit at a table 674 00:25:04,169 --> 00:25:05,921 making a lot of chit-chat bullshit 675 00:25:06,005 --> 00:25:07,047 -every-- -It's like a family! 676 00:25:07,089 --> 00:25:08,841 Those are the last people I want to be talking to. 677 00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:10,634 That's who I want to surround myself with. 678 00:25:10,718 --> 00:25:12,636 -BUCHANAN: Oh, yeah? Well, when-- -Cousins and second cousins. 679 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:13,929 I don't want to connect with anybody. 680 00:25:13,971 --> 00:25:16,265 I want to finish dessert and go home. 681 00:25:16,306 --> 00:25:17,307 I'll tell you something else. 682 00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:18,517 -Yeah? -I couldn't imagine 683 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:20,060 living in a country 684 00:25:20,144 --> 00:25:22,813 where half the population... (SCOFFS) 685 00:25:22,896 --> 00:25:24,606 ...doesn't linger after a meal. 686 00:25:24,690 --> 00:25:27,651 And I couldn't imagine living in a lingering country. 687 00:25:27,735 --> 00:25:29,403 -♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -The southern states 688 00:25:29,486 --> 00:25:31,155 are meeting in three days. 689 00:25:31,238 --> 00:25:33,073 -Good evening. -Oh, yeah. 690 00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:34,783 Go. Go and secede. 691 00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:37,161 -Ooh, ooh, ooh. Secede. -I will go and secede. 692 00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:38,996 -We might secede. -Oh, you're-- Oh, we're so scared. 693 00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:41,206 -You should be. (YELLS) Get away from me! -Oh, you're gonna secede. 694 00:25:41,290 --> 00:25:44,251 Yeah. Oh, yeah. This, this, this is a meal. 695 00:25:44,293 --> 00:25:46,086 -Dinner! -Don't you dare tell me that's dinner 696 00:25:46,170 --> 00:25:48,881 -when clearly it's not dinner. -Oh. This is dinner! 697 00:25:48,964 --> 00:25:50,966 -DAVIS: That's bullshit! -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 698 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,342 -(GUESTS MURMURING) -GUEST 1: How rude! 699 00:25:52,426 --> 00:25:55,471 ♪ (DRAMATIC STRING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 700 00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:57,014 GUEST 2: Mr. President. 701 00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:05,731 ♪ (LIVELY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 702 00:26:11,653 --> 00:26:14,323 -♪ (QUIRKY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ -JACKSON: In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, 703 00:26:14,364 --> 00:26:18,118 polio was one of the most feared diseases in the world, 704 00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:20,204 with outbreaks routinely killing thousands 705 00:26:20,287 --> 00:26:21,997 and crippling many more, 706 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:25,501 including President Franklin D. Roosevelt. 707 00:26:25,584 --> 00:26:27,461 But in the early 1950s, 708 00:26:27,544 --> 00:26:29,671 a U.S. physician named Jonas Salk 709 00:26:29,713 --> 00:26:32,091 created the first successful polio vaccine. 710 00:26:32,758 --> 00:26:34,885 It was a game changer. 711 00:26:34,968 --> 00:26:37,304 In the years that followed, Dr. Albert Sabin 712 00:26:37,387 --> 00:26:40,015 created an oral vaccine that was cheaper to produce 713 00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,350 and easier to administer. 714 00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:44,895 And by 1979, polio had been eliminated 715 00:26:44,978 --> 00:26:46,355 from the United States, 716 00:26:46,396 --> 00:26:48,774 thanks to widespread vaccination. 717 00:26:48,857 --> 00:26:50,567 Let me repeat that. 718 00:26:50,651 --> 00:26:53,570 Thanks to widespread vaccinations. 719 00:26:53,654 --> 00:26:55,572 -(CROWD CHEERING) -JACKSON: Due to his pioneering work, 720 00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:58,534 Jonas Salk saved countless lives across the globe, 721 00:26:58,575 --> 00:27:00,702 and made his mother very proud. 722 00:27:00,744 --> 00:27:02,871 Very, very proud. 723 00:27:02,955 --> 00:27:05,249 ♪ (JOLLY UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 724 00:27:07,668 --> 00:27:09,044 -(BIRDS CHIRPING) -(DOOR OPENING) 725 00:27:09,086 --> 00:27:10,712 DORA SALK: Oh! 726 00:27:10,796 --> 00:27:12,381 -Hello, Evelyn. -♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ 727 00:27:12,464 --> 00:27:15,050 Good afternoon, Dora. How are you? 728 00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:18,637 Quite well, quite well. Evelyn. 729 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,931 I don't know if I happened to mention... 730 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:23,934 -(SIGHS, MUTTERS) Here we go. -...that my son Jonas 731 00:27:24,017 --> 00:27:26,728 is appearing in front of Congress next week. 732 00:27:26,812 --> 00:27:29,523 Yes, you've mentioned that before, several times. 733 00:27:29,606 --> 00:27:31,567 DORA: And do you know why he's appearing 734 00:27:31,608 --> 00:27:33,235 -in front of Congress? -Yes. 735 00:27:33,318 --> 00:27:36,655 Because he discovered the cure for polio! 736 00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:37,823 EVELYN: Yes, he did, Dora. 737 00:27:37,906 --> 00:27:39,908 My Jonas discovered the cure for polio. 738 00:27:39,992 --> 00:27:41,994 -He did. -He's so brilliant. 739 00:27:42,077 --> 00:27:43,912 -EVELYN: Very smart. -Jonas... 740 00:27:43,996 --> 00:27:46,248 Jonas, come down and tell Evelyn 741 00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:48,083 how you discovered the cure for polio. 742 00:27:48,167 --> 00:27:49,418 I don't have the time right now, Mom. 743 00:27:49,501 --> 00:27:50,544 I'm pretty busy. 744 00:27:50,627 --> 00:27:52,212 -I got a lot of work to do. -Of course. 745 00:27:52,296 --> 00:27:53,881 Okay, but hello, Evelyn. How are you? 746 00:27:53,964 --> 00:27:55,465 EVELYN: Jonas, it's such a pleasure to see you. 747 00:27:55,549 --> 00:27:57,009 Lovely to see you, too. You look well. 748 00:27:57,092 --> 00:27:58,427 Oh, thank you, Jonas. 749 00:27:58,468 --> 00:28:00,137 Okay, I just have a lot of work to do. 750 00:28:00,220 --> 00:28:01,388 -So, forgive me, okay? -I understand. 751 00:28:01,471 --> 00:28:02,431 -Thank you. -EVELYN: All right. 752 00:28:02,514 --> 00:28:04,766 -Keep up the good work. -Jonas, work on cancer. 753 00:28:04,808 --> 00:28:07,603 It's killing people. He'll do it. He'll do it. 754 00:28:07,644 --> 00:28:09,438 -The cure for cancer. -Maybe. 755 00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:10,772 -DORA: Maybe cancer. -Maybe. 756 00:28:10,814 --> 00:28:11,857 -You know what? -EVELYN: Yeah? 757 00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:13,108 I knew from the time 758 00:28:13,192 --> 00:28:14,484 -he was a little boy... -EVELYN: Did you? 759 00:28:14,568 --> 00:28:15,944 ...that he was destined for greatness. 760 00:28:16,028 --> 00:28:17,946 -We gave him a chemistry set. -Uh-huh. 761 00:28:17,988 --> 00:28:20,616 And, of course, he started a fire. 762 00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:22,951 -Oh! -I didn't hear the end of it from Daniel. 763 00:28:22,993 --> 00:28:25,037 -He was furious. Furious. -EVELYN: Oh, that's so funny. 764 00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:26,997 He said, "I don't know what I'm gonna do with this boy." 765 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,123 Well, yeah. 766 00:28:28,165 --> 00:28:30,959 And I said, "Daniel, you wait 'cause, one day, 767 00:28:31,001 --> 00:28:33,003 that boy is going to make you very proud." 768 00:28:33,086 --> 00:28:34,963 A mother knows. 769 00:28:35,005 --> 00:28:37,591 -And if they don't give him the Nobel Prize this year... -Uh-huh. 770 00:28:37,674 --> 00:28:39,635 ...I'm going to Sweden and I'm going 771 00:28:39,676 --> 00:28:41,303 -to wring their necks. -Are you? 772 00:28:41,345 --> 00:28:44,264 Wring their necks till I choke them dead. 773 00:28:44,348 --> 00:28:45,474 I'll choke them dead. 774 00:28:45,557 --> 00:28:48,644 All right, Dora. Seriously, let it be. 775 00:28:48,685 --> 00:28:52,272 Do you know that Jonas hasn't made a nickel from this vaccine? 776 00:28:52,356 --> 00:28:53,815 He didn't get a patent for it. 777 00:28:53,899 --> 00:28:56,652 -He just wants to serve mankind. -He's a very good boy. 778 00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:58,820 I was wondering why he was still living here, 779 00:28:58,862 --> 00:29:00,364 but I understand now. 780 00:29:00,447 --> 00:29:02,366 We have lovely children. It's a blessing. 781 00:29:02,449 --> 00:29:04,826 -It's a blessing. Yes, I know. I know. -It is! It is a blessing. 782 00:29:04,910 --> 00:29:06,620 How is Timothy doing? 783 00:29:06,703 --> 00:29:08,747 Well, thank you for asking, Dora. 784 00:29:08,830 --> 00:29:10,832 -DORA: Of course. -I know that wasn't easy. Uh... 785 00:29:10,916 --> 00:29:12,709 (HESITATES) Very well. He's-- 786 00:29:12,793 --> 00:29:14,378 He's with the suits and the ties? 787 00:29:14,461 --> 00:29:15,629 EVELYN: At Robert Hall. 788 00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:17,297 He just got promoted, 789 00:29:17,381 --> 00:29:19,341 and he is the youngest manager 790 00:29:19,383 --> 00:29:22,302 in the history of the company. 791 00:29:22,386 --> 00:29:23,512 He's what? 792 00:29:23,553 --> 00:29:28,392 (YELLS) The youngest manager in the history of the company. 793 00:29:28,475 --> 00:29:30,394 -Oh! Hey, Jonas. -EVELYN: Yeah. 794 00:29:31,561 --> 00:29:33,689 -Jonas! Timothy... -Yeah, Ma? Yeah. 795 00:29:33,730 --> 00:29:35,357 He's the manager at Robert Hall. 796 00:29:35,399 --> 00:29:37,025 He could get you a new suit for Congress. 797 00:29:37,109 --> 00:29:39,027 -Oh, that's a terrific idea. -DORA: Right? 798 00:29:39,111 --> 00:29:41,071 And, Jonas, he's the youngest manager 799 00:29:41,154 --> 00:29:43,699 -in the history of the company. -The what? 800 00:29:43,782 --> 00:29:48,203 The youngest manager in the history of the company. 801 00:29:48,245 --> 00:29:49,538 That's wonderful. That's great. 802 00:29:49,579 --> 00:29:52,541 Let him get you a new suit for Congress, Jonas. 803 00:29:52,582 --> 00:29:54,084 I got suits, Ma. I got plenty of suits. 804 00:29:54,167 --> 00:29:56,378 Jonas, how many times do you go before Congress? 805 00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:58,422 I don't need a suit. That's very nice, though. 806 00:29:58,505 --> 00:30:00,090 -Thank you, Ma. -It's from Robert Hall. 807 00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:02,134 -Custom tailor on premises! -DORA: Oh! 808 00:30:02,217 --> 00:30:03,593 I'll think about it. Can I think about it? 809 00:30:03,677 --> 00:30:04,886 -Oh! You'll think about it. -Okay. 810 00:30:04,928 --> 00:30:06,221 You're not going to think about it. 811 00:30:06,263 --> 00:30:08,140 I'm going to think about it, Ma. I have plenty of suits. 812 00:30:08,223 --> 00:30:09,933 DORA: No, you're not gonna think about it. I know you. 813 00:30:10,017 --> 00:30:11,310 -Jesus. -DORA: You're not gonna think-- 814 00:30:11,393 --> 00:30:12,352 He's busy. 815 00:30:12,436 --> 00:30:13,729 They don't want to hear from their mother. 816 00:30:13,812 --> 00:30:15,564 He doesn't care about clothing. 817 00:30:15,605 --> 00:30:17,733 He only cares about humanity. 818 00:30:17,816 --> 00:30:20,193 -Right. -He's healing the world, my boy. 819 00:30:20,694 --> 00:30:22,779 My Jonas. Jonas! 820 00:30:23,697 --> 00:30:26,700 -Yes, Ma? -You're healing the world! 821 00:30:26,783 --> 00:30:27,909 I'm doing my best, Ma. 822 00:30:27,951 --> 00:30:30,245 You came from here, from me! 823 00:30:30,329 --> 00:30:31,747 -I did it! -Okay. 824 00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:35,083 You're doing wonderfully. Wonderfully. 825 00:30:35,167 --> 00:30:38,420 He's a lovely, lovely boy, Dora. 826 00:30:38,503 --> 00:30:39,755 DORA: And so is your Timothy. 827 00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,965 I wonder why they never became friends. 828 00:30:42,049 --> 00:30:44,760 -Well, Timothy was sporty. -Sporty? 829 00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:47,637 He was going to be a pitcher for the Yankees, 830 00:30:47,721 --> 00:30:50,474 but he decided that he wants a simple life. 831 00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:52,476 He wants to be in Robert Hall. 832 00:30:53,018 --> 00:30:54,019 Yes. 833 00:30:54,102 --> 00:30:57,439 Is he still dating that... that heavy set girl 834 00:30:57,522 --> 00:30:59,399 with the, you know, the meeskite I saw 835 00:30:59,483 --> 00:31:00,984 a few weeks ago in front of the house? 836 00:31:01,068 --> 00:31:03,278 -She's a lovely girl, Dora. -Huh? 837 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,946 -EVELYN: A lovely girl. -Huh. That's nice. 838 00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:08,283 You know, I just read Albert Sabin is coming out 839 00:31:08,325 --> 00:31:10,952 with an oral polio vaccine. 840 00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:12,037 (SPITS) 841 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:13,663 I spit on Sabin. 842 00:31:13,747 --> 00:31:15,874 Don't ever mention his name to me again. 843 00:31:15,957 --> 00:31:17,334 "Oral vaccine"? 844 00:31:17,417 --> 00:31:18,960 That boy up there, 845 00:31:19,002 --> 00:31:22,214 was in a laboratory till two o'clock every morning... -EVELYN: Okay. 846 00:31:22,297 --> 00:31:23,423 ...seven days a week. 847 00:31:23,507 --> 00:31:25,133 That Sabin's a fraud. 848 00:31:25,217 --> 00:31:26,593 -He's a charlatan. -EVELYN: Okay. 849 00:31:26,676 --> 00:31:28,136 You mention his name to me again, 850 00:31:28,178 --> 00:31:29,846 -it'll be curtains for you. -EVELYN: Yeah. (MUTTERS) 851 00:31:29,930 --> 00:31:30,972 Curtains, Evelyn. 852 00:31:31,056 --> 00:31:33,600 There can be more than one! 853 00:31:33,683 --> 00:31:36,144 No, there's just one. And that's him. 854 00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:37,896 (YELLS) That's the one! 855 00:31:37,979 --> 00:31:40,148 -(DOOR OPENS) -Oh, that vaccine's going to kill people. 856 00:31:40,190 --> 00:31:42,442 It's going to give them heart attacks. 857 00:31:42,526 --> 00:31:45,153 Oh, drop dead, Bobby. You should die a dog's death. 858 00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:47,656 I heard it shrivels up your jewels! 859 00:31:47,697 --> 00:31:49,658 Oh, please, give me a break, okay? 860 00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:51,868 You don't know anything about science. 861 00:31:51,952 --> 00:31:53,537 -I know more than you do. -You're not a doctor. 862 00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:55,497 If I was in charge, I'd make sure 863 00:31:55,539 --> 00:31:57,332 that no kids took that vaccine. 864 00:31:57,374 --> 00:32:00,836 -That goes for measles, too. -Oh, if you were in charge? 865 00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:02,629 -BOBBY: That's right. -Oh, God, help us all. 866 00:32:02,712 --> 00:32:05,882 If some idiot, some moron ever put you in charge, 867 00:32:05,966 --> 00:32:08,009 that would be a dark day for humanity, 868 00:32:08,051 --> 00:32:09,678 -I can tell you that. -Ah! 869 00:32:09,719 --> 00:32:11,847 -Ma! Ma. Ma. Ma. Relax, relax. You don't need to talk to him. -DORA: That would be-- 870 00:32:11,930 --> 00:32:14,516 He doesn't know what he's talk-- You don't know what you're talking about, Bobby. 871 00:32:14,599 --> 00:32:17,352 I dunno what I'm talking about? You guys are crazy over there with your vaccines. 872 00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:19,855 -Yeah, you're right, we're crazy, Bobby. -Yeah, that's right. 873 00:32:19,896 --> 00:32:21,690 -We're completely out of our minds. -Yes, we're crazy. 874 00:32:21,731 --> 00:32:24,192 Thanks to you, everybody's gotta take vaccines. 875 00:32:24,234 --> 00:32:26,361 It's like Nazi Germany, Adolf. 876 00:32:26,445 --> 00:32:28,530 -Adolf? How dare you call my boy Adolf! -Excuse me? 877 00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:30,699 -He's Adolf! -JONAS SALK: How are we like Nazi Germany? 878 00:32:30,782 --> 00:32:33,118 -How dare you compare my son to that monster? -(GATE CREAKING) 879 00:32:33,201 --> 00:32:34,703 -Jonas is saving lives, Bobby! -MAN 1: Hello? 880 00:32:34,786 --> 00:32:37,038 -SALK: It's okay. -BOBBY: Instead of wasting your time on vaccines... 881 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:38,457 Excuse me? 882 00:32:38,540 --> 00:32:40,375 -Is this 437B, 69th Street? -...take the chemicals out of the water! 883 00:32:40,459 --> 00:32:43,211 -This is 439. Uh, I think you're looking for next door. -BOBBY: Oh, and by the way, 884 00:32:43,295 --> 00:32:46,423 fluoride causes gender confusion. 885 00:32:46,506 --> 00:32:48,300 -I'm smart enough to drink... -Oh, yeah. 886 00:32:48,383 --> 00:32:50,051 ...unpasteurized milk every day. 887 00:32:50,135 --> 00:32:51,845 Drink the milk right from the cow, 888 00:32:51,928 --> 00:32:53,555 take it from the tit. Everybody knows it. 889 00:32:53,597 --> 00:32:55,682 -Does everybody know that, Bob? -BOBBY: Everybody knows that. 890 00:32:55,724 --> 00:32:57,726 Oh, and by the way, the Spanish flu, 891 00:32:57,767 --> 00:33:00,103 it's a bioweapon, except it's designed, 892 00:33:00,187 --> 00:33:03,106 not to touch Ashkenazi Jews and Chinese people. 893 00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:05,775 And the government doesn't want you to know about that. 894 00:33:05,859 --> 00:33:09,404 -MAN 1: Yeah, that's him. -Yes, I cut the head off a whale with a chainsaw, 895 00:33:09,446 --> 00:33:13,241 but I put the head up on my wall, so I made use of it. 896 00:33:13,283 --> 00:33:14,868 -Hey, what are you doing? -(OVERLAPPING CHATTER) 897 00:33:14,951 --> 00:33:16,578 -I'm not crazy. -DORA: Lock him up. 898 00:33:16,661 --> 00:33:18,538 He's got worms in his brain! 899 00:33:18,622 --> 00:33:21,082 And he's got a dead bear in his trunk! 900 00:33:21,166 --> 00:33:24,252 -I'm going to eat that bear! -He's a sicko! 901 00:33:24,336 --> 00:33:26,087 -I'm going to eat that bear. -Okay. Let's take a walk. 902 00:33:26,171 --> 00:33:29,174 Maybe when you're done with him, you can come back for her. 903 00:33:29,257 --> 00:33:30,467 (LAUGHS) 904 00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:32,260 This Jonas! He's so funny. 905 00:33:32,344 --> 00:33:34,429 -(MUTTERS) -He's funnier than all those comedians. 906 00:33:34,471 --> 00:33:36,765 -What? -Henny Youngman and Milton Berle. 907 00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:39,768 He could have been a comedian, but he chose science. 908 00:33:39,851 --> 00:33:42,270 He chose science because he's a Jonas! 909 00:33:42,312 --> 00:33:44,606 He's a Jonas! 910 00:33:44,689 --> 00:33:49,110 He's my Jonas! 911 00:33:49,152 --> 00:33:51,988 ♪ ("THE STARS AND STRIPES FOREVER" PLAYING) ♪ 912 00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:05,103 ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪