1 00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:33,742 During the night of June 17, 1972, burglars broke into the offices 2 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,536 of the Democratic National Committee 3 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:38,956 at the Watergate Office Complex in Washington, D.C. 4 00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:41,833 The scandal became known as "Watergate" 5 00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:45,629 and ultimately led to Nixon's resignation as president. 6 00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:49,883 Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein broke the story 7 00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:53,303 with their dogged investigation, but they couldn't have done it 8 00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,181 without a source they called "Deep Throat," 9 00:00:56,265 --> 00:01:00,519 who anonymously leaked information to them in a D.C. garage, 10 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:04,230 as was immortalized by the film All the President's Men. 11 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:05,816 Great movie. 12 00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:08,944 We've also learned that Deep Throat had a lot more to say 13 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:11,697 than Woodward and Bernstein let on. 14 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:42,060 -Where are you? -Stuck. 15 00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:44,479 The story stalled on us. 16 00:01:45,896 --> 00:01:49,067 -And you thought I'd help? -I'll never quote you. 17 00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:52,696 I wouldn't quote you even as an anonymous source. 18 00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:54,948 I mean, you’d be deep background. 19 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,241 You can trust me. 20 00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:00,454 Go on. 21 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,873 Can you tell me what you know about Watergate? 22 00:02:03,582 --> 00:02:06,710 -I've heard a few things. -I'm all ears. 23 00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:09,378 You know Ferguson Investments? 24 00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:11,590 They're on the fifth floor. They're going bankrupt. 25 00:02:11,673 --> 00:02:14,926 Father and son fighting over the company. 26 00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:20,390 -It's getting ugly. -And how does that relate to the break-in? 27 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,225 Well, you mentioned the building. 28 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:25,062 I thought you were talking about the Watergate building. 29 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,231 No, I don't care about the building. I'm talking about the Watergate scandal. 30 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,858 The Nixon re-election campaign 31 00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:33,195 and the bugging of the DNC at the Watergate building. 32 00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:35,030 Right. 33 00:02:38,408 --> 00:02:41,620 I hear G. Gordon Liddy's involved. Tell me about Liddy. 34 00:02:43,497 --> 00:02:46,708 Well, I know his daughter's getting her braces off next week. 35 00:02:46,792 --> 00:02:49,002 And I hear they're gonna buy her a new bike. 36 00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:52,798 She wore the braces, she gets the bike. 37 00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:54,800 So? 38 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,010 So, I hear now she doesn't even want a bike. 39 00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:58,303 She wants a pony. 40 00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,305 Pretty expensive. 41 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:04,893 -Yeah, yeah, they're expensive, yeah. -I don't think it's gonna happen. 42 00:03:04,976 --> 00:03:08,230 Are you trying to tell me that he's easily manipulated? 43 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:11,817 No, I'm just trying to tell you he doesn't want to buy her a pony. 44 00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:13,318 What does this have to do with Watergate? 45 00:03:13,402 --> 00:03:15,320 I don't care about Liddy's daughter and the pony. 46 00:03:15,404 --> 00:03:17,489 Just-- I mean, you gotta give me something I can use. 47 00:03:18,073 --> 00:03:21,243 I've heard the Haldemans are not doing well at all. 48 00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,452 How so? 49 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:25,372 You know how his wife, Joanne, has that bad back? 50 00:03:25,454 --> 00:03:28,125 -Yeah. -Well, she got a massage therapist. 51 00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:33,171 And let's just say she's doing way better, if you catch my drift. 52 00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,257 He's fucking her. 53 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:38,802 -So what? -So, I've seen the guy, he's like 5'4". 54 00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:40,470 He's a shrimp. 55 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:44,182 -And? -Joanne has got like four inches on him. 56 00:03:44,266 --> 00:03:48,645 -It's worse than a big age difference. -Of course, if the man's older, big whoop. 57 00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:53,108 -If the woman's older, that's something. -This has nothing to do with Watergate. 58 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,026 I don't care about this information. 59 00:03:55,110 --> 00:03:57,738 I thought you had... You told me you had information. 60 00:03:57,821 --> 00:04:00,699 I just gave you information. You don't find that interesting? 61 00:04:00,782 --> 00:04:03,326 I need something that can reveal some information 62 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:07,205 about what happened with Watergate and how it connects to President Nixon. 63 00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,375 I'll tell you another thing about G. Gordon Liddy. 64 00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:11,668 Okay. 65 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:13,545 The White House... 66 00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:18,257 doesn't want anyone to know what the G stands for. 67 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,511 -What does it stand for? -Gordon. 68 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,432 The White House doesn't want people to know 69 00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,058 that his name is Gordon Gordon Liddy? 70 00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,686 Yeah, that doesn't sound right. Maybe it's Gus. 71 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,981 -Are you asking me or telling me? -George. Gary. 72 00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:34,274 You're just spit-balling here? 73 00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:35,734 -Gerry with a G. -You know what? 74 00:04:35,817 --> 00:04:39,196 -This is a waste of my time. I'm done. -Wait a second. Hey, Woodward. 75 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,032 -What? -You owe me for the parking. 76 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:45,159 -No, I don't. -I gave you a lot of information. 77 00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:46,703 Useless information. 78 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,706 All right, here's a few things you should know. 79 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:51,166 I'm listening. 80 00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:54,127 There's a guy in town who calls himself the Lawn Doctor, 81 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,923 -but he's not a doctor. -Yeah, he's a gardener. 82 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:01,718 People think he's a real doctor, but he's not. 83 00:05:01,802 --> 00:05:03,386 What, did you think that he was a real doctor 84 00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,013 and you found out he wasn't and you're upset? 85 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:09,142 -He's charging 400 dollars a visit. -Well, how big is your lawn? 86 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:12,187 -That I can't tell you. -Why did you bring me here? 87 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:15,816 -I heard you had information. -Put the pieces together, Woodward. 88 00:05:15,899 --> 00:05:17,943 Do you know how they're connected? 89 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:21,071 -Follow the money. -"Follow the money"? 90 00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,449 What... What money? I don't understand what's happening. 91 00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:25,742 Where's Bernstein? 92 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,286 He seems a little sharper than you, if you don't mind my saying. 93 00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:30,747 No, no. This is bullshit. Give me something I can use. 94 00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,749 Anything that has to do with the White House. 95 00:05:33,082 --> 00:05:36,294 -Okay, but this is way off the record. -Of course. 96 00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:39,422 There's a rumor that Pat Nixon 97 00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:42,884 was caught shoplifting at Bendel's department store. 98 00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:48,306 They found a shoe in her purse. One shoe. Think about that. 99 00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,933 I am thinking about it. One shoe? 100 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,562 -She lost a shoe? -She took a shoe. 101 00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:56,064 Why'd she take one shoe? She can't wear one shoe. 102 00:05:56,606 --> 00:06:00,485 -Exactly. Are you ready for this? -No, I don't think so. 103 00:06:00,569 --> 00:06:02,988 Gerald Ford went trick-or-treating with his grandchildren. 104 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:06,783 When he wasn't recognized, he told the kids to give the candy back. 105 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:09,619 -What-- -His grandkids aren't speaking to him. 106 00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:11,288 What are you talking about? 107 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,498 I don't care. I don't care about the trick-or-treating. 108 00:06:13,582 --> 00:06:16,042 I don't care about the ponies, the braces, the affairs. 109 00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:18,753 I don't care about any of this. This is a waste of my time! 110 00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:20,922 Do you have anything I can actually use? 111 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,675 Charles Colson wore flip-flops to a White House meeting. 112 00:06:24,009 --> 00:06:26,928 Nixon didn't care, but Haldeman made a big stink about it. 113 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:30,390 -Okay, I think we're done here. -I... I've gotta get going too, 114 00:06:30,473 --> 00:06:34,436 because I'm using a public dryer for my clothes, 115 00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:37,814 and I'm afraid that maybe somebody took my clothes out. 116 00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,941 Okay, yeah. Good luck with that. 117 00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:42,152 So... Thanks for everything. I really appreciate-- 118 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,529 Do you have any quarters in case I need to put it back in? 119 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,699 Hey, you don't seem well. Are you okay to get home? 120 00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:48,950 You got a ride? 121 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:51,536 -I took the bus. -You took the bus? 122 00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:53,121 You just asked for parking money. 123 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,457 You're trying to shake me down for parking money? 124 00:06:56,207 --> 00:06:59,002 -That's for you to figure out. -Fuck this! 125 00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:02,172 Fuck it! Do not call me! I'm done! 126 00:07:02,547 --> 00:07:07,385 -Have Bernstein call me. -Do not call Bernstein! Leave me alone! 127 00:07:11,306 --> 00:07:12,557 Weird guy. 128 00:07:23,485 --> 00:07:28,657 On July 15, 1903, Henry Ford took his first order for the Model A, 129 00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:31,242 an automobile made by his Ford Motor Company 130 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:32,827 in Detroit, Michigan. 131 00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:35,956 By the end of the year, the plant had made 1,000 cars 132 00:07:36,039 --> 00:07:38,792 and the automotive revolution had begun. 133 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:42,128 Ford wasn't just an inventor and an industrialist, 134 00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:45,298 he was also a rabid antisemite. 135 00:07:45,382 --> 00:07:49,260 He owned The Dearborn Independent and used it to publish articles 136 00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:51,513 like "The International Jew." 137 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,473 What a guy. 138 00:07:54,265 --> 00:07:57,102 Soon, there would be cars on every road in America. 139 00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,979 Ford was on top of the world. 140 00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:04,484 But as they say in the shtetl, fate has a funny way of kicking you 141 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:06,569 right in the tuchus. 142 00:08:10,699 --> 00:08:13,159 -Yes? -Mr. Ford. 143 00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,370 The Detroit civic leaders are here. 144 00:08:15,453 --> 00:08:17,038 -Send them in, young Clifton. -Okay. 145 00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:20,667 Esteemed gentlemen, please allow Mr. Ford to take you for a ride. 146 00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:26,673 Gentlemen, the... Wow. 147 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:36,182 -Chief Mahoney. -Pleasure. 148 00:08:36,265 --> 00:08:37,642 -Mr. Hudson. -Henry. 149 00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:39,852 Who are you? 150 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:45,400 I am Rabbi Shmuel Ben-Yanklovitz, just elected to the city council. 151 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:48,653 Congratulations. 152 00:08:48,737 --> 00:08:53,908 What a pleasure to be a part of such a historic occasion. 153 00:08:54,492 --> 00:08:57,287 I'm tingling. I'm tingling. What do you call this? 154 00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:59,706 We are calling this an automobile. 155 00:08:59,789 --> 00:09:01,166 -"Automobile"? -Extraordinary. 156 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,333 -Yes. -Yes. 157 00:09:02,417 --> 00:09:04,085 -It's the Model A. -Can we take a look? 158 00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:06,212 Sure. Just don't touch, but you can take a look. 159 00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:08,548 -Yes, yes. -Truly magnificent. 160 00:09:08,923 --> 00:09:12,510 Mr. Ford. Mr. Ford, you have done-- 161 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,971 This is an amazing accomplishment, Mr. Ford. 162 00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,473 -Very impressive, Henry. -Beautiful. 163 00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,725 It can go from zero to seven in one minute 164 00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:22,353 and it harnesses the power of up to two horses. 165 00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,022 -Whoa! -Impressive, Henry. 166 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,565 -What a magnificent... -Truly extraordinary. 167 00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:28,318 -...achievement, Mr. Ford. -Thank you very much. 168 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,195 -You know, back in Kraków... -Yes, yeah. 169 00:09:30,278 --> 00:09:35,825 ...there's a Hymie Fordberg. Any relation? Did you go from Fordberg to Ford? 170 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:39,537 -You shorten? -No. I did not shorten my name. 171 00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:40,747 I think you shortened. 172 00:09:40,830 --> 00:09:42,790 -There's no Fordberg. It's only Fo-- -Did you shorten? 173 00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:46,669 -No, sir. -Well, let's go. 174 00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:47,962 -Ah, yes! -Absolutely. 175 00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,506 -Yes. -Yes, huzzah. 176 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:53,927 Sadly, it only seats two passengers plus myself, so... 177 00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,721 But yet I see four seats. 178 00:09:57,222 --> 00:10:00,350 But there is a weight limit here. 179 00:10:00,975 --> 00:10:02,852 -A weight limit. -A weight limit, yes. 180 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,020 -Interesting. -There is. 181 00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,690 What can you do? There's a weight limit. Yes. 182 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:08,983 What are you going to do? 183 00:10:09,067 --> 00:10:12,153 So, somebody will be left out, it appears. 184 00:10:12,237 --> 00:10:17,867 -Yes. So, we have to choose someone to... -But how are we to decide on which two? 185 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:19,119 I'll tell you how. 186 00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:21,830 We're gonna do this the fair, honest, American way. 187 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:24,958 I'm thinking of a number between zero and ten. 188 00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:28,002 Whoever's closest rides, whoever's not leaves. 189 00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,213 -That seems fair to me. -Very fair. 190 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,256 That's very fair. 191 00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,549 -I like it. I like it. -Thank you. 192 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:34,384 Mr. Hudson, why don't you kick us off, sir? 193 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,886 -Five. -Excellent. Chief? 194 00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,305 I have three children. Lucky number three for me. 195 00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,350 Excellent. And you, Rabbi? 196 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:45,478 I've been beaten for being a Jew seven times, 197 00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,397 so I'm going to say seven. 198 00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:49,232 I'm sorry. The number was four. 199 00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,527 If only you had been beaten four times, you would be in the car 200 00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,070 -as opposed to leaving now. -Tough break. 201 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,655 I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. These things... 202 00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:57,282 How can I have missed that? 203 00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:58,616 I want to thank you for coming out. 204 00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,951 -Oh, yes, of course. -Yes. 205 00:11:00,034 --> 00:11:02,787 -Really too bad for me, isn't it? -Yeah. 206 00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:03,955 Chief Mahoney. 207 00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:06,249 There's been a jailbreak in the Eighth Precinct. 208 00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:09,085 Gentlemen, I'm sorry, we have a police emergency. 209 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,087 -No. No, no. -Thank you very much for your time. 210 00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:13,006 -No, no, no, come back, come back. -Look, I'm sorry. 211 00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:21,389 Looks like there's just two of us now, Mr. Ford. 212 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:24,934 -Mr. Ford. -All right, get in. 213 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,064 Oy Gottenyu! 214 00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,901 -Look at this. -Calm down, please. 215 00:11:33,318 --> 00:11:37,113 -Hello! Shalom! Shalom! -No. Don't talk to them. 216 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,282 -They're on their way. -This is something! 217 00:11:39,365 --> 00:11:41,534 -Thank you. Thank you. -This is really something. 218 00:11:41,618 --> 00:11:44,704 I never saw a gentile so smart. How you get so smart? 219 00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,789 -How you get so smart, huh? -Good genes, I guess. 220 00:11:46,873 --> 00:11:48,790 -What we have here? This is... -It's my glove compartment. 221 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:51,419 A glove compartment. You have a little compartment for... 222 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:55,173 for gloves and mints and maybe... a swastika? 223 00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:59,510 A swastika is an ancient Indian symbol of strength and nothing more, sir. 224 00:11:59,594 --> 00:12:01,971 I think you have swastika! 225 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,933 -I don't have a swastika! -He has a swastika! 226 00:12:06,142 --> 00:12:07,143 Hymie! 227 00:12:08,978 --> 00:12:10,730 -Shmuel! -Moishe, Feivel! Stop it. 228 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,690 -Stop the car! Stop the car! -I am not stopping for them. 229 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:18,404 Stay away! Stay away! Stay away! Whoa, whoa! Whoa! 230 00:12:24,202 --> 00:12:26,412 -Shmuel! -Someone please help Mr. Ford! 231 00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:27,789 What a crash, that machine! 232 00:12:27,872 --> 00:12:30,041 -Oh, no! -Henry Ford is hurt! 233 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:32,126 Oh, no! 234 00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:36,339 Mr. Ford? 235 00:12:38,967 --> 00:12:41,094 For a second, we thought we lost you. 236 00:12:41,719 --> 00:12:44,555 -What happened? -Your new horseless carriage hit a tree, 237 00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:48,184 and you were thrown into a glass window and suffered many lacerations. 238 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,686 You lost a lot of blood 239 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,272 and we were worried we were going to lose you. 240 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:56,567 Fortunately, we found a nearby donor with your exact blood type. 241 00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:59,320 His blood is coursing through your veins right now. 242 00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:02,323 And who is this saintly man? 243 00:13:02,407 --> 00:13:07,704 Hava nagila Hava nagila 244 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:11,666 Hava nagila 245 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:13,543 It was a mitzvah! 246 00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:19,007 -No! -My blood brother! 247 00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:23,344 No, how could this happen? And why is it so drafty in here? 248 00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:24,804 It is a bissel chilly. 249 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,265 -It is a bissel chilly. -It's a bissel chilly. 250 00:13:27,348 --> 00:13:31,477 And I... I need food. I need a nosh, or I'm gonna plotz. 251 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:32,812 We're plotzing here. 252 00:13:32,895 --> 00:13:34,230 -Yes, we're plotzing. -We're plotzing. 253 00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:36,357 Nurse, can we get some dry toast for Mr. Ford? 254 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,609 No. Dry toast? I want a bagel with some schmear. 255 00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,236 Maybe some schmaltz herring? 256 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,531 Yeah, yeah. Some schmaltz herring, but not too salty. 257 00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,867 Why am I talking like this? 258 00:14:01,799 --> 00:14:06,179 In 1857, James Buchanan became the nation's 15th president. 259 00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:10,600 He was, and still remains, the only president who never married. 260 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:14,604 When he assumed office, he found himself in the middle of a growing crisis 261 00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:19,567 between the northern and southern states. The issue, of course, was slavery. 262 00:14:20,109 --> 00:14:23,863 Buchanan refused to take a firm stand on either side of the debate, 263 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,741 and historians blame his passivity 264 00:14:26,824 --> 00:14:29,702 as a major factor leading to the Civil War. 265 00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,288 But it's not that he was indecisive. 266 00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:36,417 It's that he was, let's say, distracted. 267 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:39,253 Even with the fate of the Union in the balance, 268 00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:42,298 there were other unions on his mind. 269 00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,011 There they are. 270 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,222 This is something. 271 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:53,226 This is something. Look at this. Great job, Appleton. 272 00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,562 This is fantastic. I can't believe all these women are here. 273 00:14:56,646 --> 00:14:58,731 -This is unbelievable. -Thank you, sir. 274 00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,484 -Holy mackerel. -I do have one question for you. 275 00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,069 What time is dinner? 276 00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:06,614 No, no, no, no. There's no di-- There's no dinner. It's passed apps. 277 00:15:06,697 --> 00:15:08,032 -"Passed apps"? -"Passed apps"? 278 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,492 Yeah, I got the idea from Henry Clay. 279 00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,036 He didn't like getting stuck sitting next to someone at a table, 280 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,789 so he came up with the idea of passed apps. 281 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:18,209 Server walks around with the tray, and they'll eat standing up. 282 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:19,836 Mr. President, it's dinner time. 283 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,879 I think people might be upset if there's no dinner. 284 00:15:22,004 --> 00:15:24,799 No, they're going to love it because you're not sitting at a table 285 00:15:24,882 --> 00:15:27,260 stuck next to someone you don't want to talk to. 286 00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,470 So, Mr. President, I do have one important thing to-- 287 00:15:30,138 --> 00:15:35,268 Wait a second. Hold your horses, Appleton. 288 00:15:35,351 --> 00:15:39,230 Perhaps, she'd like a word with the 15th president. 289 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:42,191 I-- Mr. President, I'm sorry. 290 00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:44,902 -I don't understand. When's dinner? -"Passed apps"? 291 00:15:45,736 --> 00:15:47,155 Greetings, Mr. President. 292 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,781 -Mr. President. -Good evening. 293 00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:50,032 -Good evening. -Good evening. 294 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,493 -Good evening. -Good evening, Mr. President. 295 00:15:53,244 --> 00:15:55,121 Where is she? I don't see her. What happened to her? 296 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,874 As we discussed, Jefferson Davis is in attendance tonight. 297 00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,877 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Da-- Yeah. -Talk of secession is heating up. 298 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,212 It would be great if you could find some time to speak with him. 299 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,173 -Yeah, yeah. -So, just please remember that. 300 00:16:05,256 --> 00:16:10,928 -It's important. -Oh, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo, bo. 301 00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:12,638 Bo, bo, bo. 302 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:15,057 You're not gonna forget to speak to Jefferson Davis-- 303 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,896 -Good evening. -Mr. President. 304 00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:23,316 You know what I love about suspenders? Putting them on. 305 00:16:23,399 --> 00:16:26,611 'Cause at first, they're dangling. You know, they're down here. 306 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:30,156 And then you go like this, one arm in, the other arm in... 307 00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:32,533 and then this move with the shoulders. 308 00:16:32,617 --> 00:16:33,659 -Okay, yeah. -It's fun, 309 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:35,578 and then all day long you're walking around like this. 310 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:36,913 -Stately. Yes. -You know, you-- Yeah. 311 00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,748 -How do you do? How are you? -Mr. President. 312 00:16:38,831 --> 00:16:39,832 Yeah, hello. 313 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:41,250 -Hello. -Hello. You see? Yeah. 314 00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:42,376 The suspenders. 315 00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,464 -Beautiful green dress. Yeah. -Thank you, thank you. 316 00:16:47,089 --> 00:16:51,302 What else is green? Grass, grass is green. Money. 317 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:53,804 Are we just gonna name green things? 318 00:16:53,888 --> 00:16:56,265 -Pickles are green. -You are. Okay. 319 00:16:56,933 --> 00:17:00,895 -There's gotta be more. Has to be. -I think there is more, but we're good. 320 00:17:02,230 --> 00:17:04,898 -Have you ever had a persimmon? -No. 321 00:17:04,982 --> 00:17:07,777 Interesting fruit. Sounds like it was named after someone. 322 00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,694 Like there was a guy named "Persimmon." 323 00:17:09,779 --> 00:17:11,405 -You know? -I'm all out. 324 00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:12,906 -I'm gonna hit the bar. -Jack Persimmon. 325 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:16,618 Right? Maybe it was a man goes by Edgar... Edgar Persimmon. 326 00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:19,163 Steven Persimmon. 327 00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:31,676 Well, what is a beautiful young woman like yourself 328 00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:34,011 doing at a soiree like this unaccompanied? 329 00:17:34,679 --> 00:17:35,763 -I'm working. -Thank you. 330 00:17:35,846 --> 00:17:37,807 I'm James Buchanan. 331 00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:41,352 President of the United States. 332 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:46,524 -Canapé? -What is your favorite pit? 333 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:49,694 -Pit? -Fruit pit. Mine's a cherry. 334 00:17:49,777 --> 00:17:52,280 -Wonderful. They're just fun to spit out. 335 00:17:52,363 --> 00:17:53,364 You chew the cherry. 336 00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:00,246 What about seeds? Where do you stand on seeds? 337 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:03,708 -I don't have a stance on seeds. -Watermelon seeds. 338 00:18:03,791 --> 00:18:07,169 They're slippery little things. I have a trick to picking them up. 339 00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,256 I just snap them with my hand like I'm killing a fly. 340 00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:12,800 They stick right on your palm. And then I eat them. 341 00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:16,053 I don't think that you are supposed to swallow the seeds. 342 00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,722 That's an old wives' tale. 343 00:18:17,805 --> 00:18:22,518 You know, speaking of old wives' tales, I wouldn't mind making you an old wife. 344 00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,186 Excuse me? 345 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,273 -No good? -I'm going to get back to work. 346 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,735 Oh, really? Oh, really? 347 00:18:36,407 --> 00:18:39,160 You know, I don't have a first lady, 348 00:18:39,994 --> 00:18:42,788 but you're the first lady I've seen tonight. 349 00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,248 We've met. 350 00:18:45,541 --> 00:18:48,669 Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! 351 00:18:48,753 --> 00:18:50,880 -The green, green, green, green! -Yeah. 352 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,883 Okay, the kiwi, brown and green. 353 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,218 -We're done. -Two ways. It's a two-way fruit. 354 00:18:56,302 --> 00:18:57,428 Two-- It's a-- 355 00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:03,351 Hello. You know how to say that in Morse code? 356 00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:09,815 Dot, dot, dot, dot... dot. Dash, dash, dash, dash, dash, dash. 357 00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,904 -Dot, dot, dot-- -Me again. 358 00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:19,784 Dash, dash... dash, dash, dash, dash. 359 00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,040 -Hello. -Hello. Mr. President. 360 00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,251 Have you ever had a mango? 361 00:19:29,835 --> 00:19:31,379 Delicious. Very juicy. 362 00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,255 You need a towel to eat one of those things. 363 00:19:33,339 --> 00:19:34,965 They drip right down your face. 364 00:19:35,049 --> 00:19:36,759 -That's fascinating. -It's got a big pit. 365 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,010 You like a big pit? 366 00:19:41,889 --> 00:19:44,767 -She doesn't like you. -I stepped on her foot earlier. 367 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:47,687 Completely accidental. Mostly her fault, I have to say. 368 00:19:47,770 --> 00:19:49,605 -Wow. -But I think she has palsy. 369 00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:52,233 -What? -She's got what? 370 00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:56,737 Palsy. She's got palsy. Has no control of her motor skills. 371 00:19:56,821 --> 00:19:58,280 I don't even know how she's walking around. 372 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:01,450 -Are you serious? She looks fine to me. -Anyway, what color's that dress? 373 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,119 -It's russet. -Russet? 374 00:20:04,328 --> 00:20:06,497 -Can't think of any russets. -Okay, good. 375 00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,165 I'm gonna go find something to eat. 376 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,044 Russet potato. 377 00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,297 I mean, I just... I don't get it. 378 00:20:15,381 --> 00:20:17,383 I'm striking out all over the place. I'm talking about fruit. 379 00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:19,510 I got into some fruit discussions, mangoes and papayas. 380 00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:21,220 I'm talking about pits and seeds. 381 00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:22,555 -Pits! -You were talking about pits? 382 00:20:22,638 --> 00:20:23,723 Pits, yeah, pits. 383 00:20:23,806 --> 00:20:26,475 Big pits, little pits, peach pits, plum pits. 384 00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:28,477 I find that stuff very interesting. 385 00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,980 -Apparently, they don't. -They're not pit-curious. 386 00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:34,817 They're not pit-curious. It's driving me crazy. 387 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,153 Maybe engage them in a non-fruit-related topic. 388 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,780 I did that too. I asked one who her dentist was. 389 00:20:39,864 --> 00:20:41,532 She had terrible teeth. It was a stupid question. 390 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:42,616 She was embarrassed. 391 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:45,286 I never should have asked her. I do need a dentist, though. 392 00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:48,164 Sir, is now a good time to speak to Jefferson Davis? 393 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:51,876 This is why I got into politics in the first place, to meet women. 394 00:20:51,959 --> 00:20:54,420 Sir, we need you to preserve the Union. 395 00:20:54,503 --> 00:20:56,422 Talking to the South is of the utmost importance. 396 00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:58,048 "Utmost importance"? 397 00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,383 -Yes. -That's it. 398 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,385 -That's it. That's it. This is great. -Thank you. 399 00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,053 -I got an idea. -All right. 400 00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:05,723 You see that woman in the red dress? She's killing me, this one. 401 00:21:05,806 --> 00:21:07,224 Here's how I can impress her. 402 00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:10,436 I'm gonna go talk to her. Now, you come up to me and say, 403 00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:12,396 "Sir, there's a document you have to sign." 404 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,441 "The fate of the Union hangs in the balance." 405 00:21:15,524 --> 00:21:17,860 -But it actually does. -Say that again, yeah. 406 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:19,403 The fate of the Union hangs in the balance. 407 00:21:19,487 --> 00:21:20,821 -Perfect. -But, no... 408 00:21:23,866 --> 00:21:25,075 Mr. President. 409 00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:26,911 -Hello. -Hello. 410 00:21:26,994 --> 00:21:30,498 You know, I have a sixth sense. 411 00:21:30,581 --> 00:21:34,001 I'm a bit of a mentalist, where I can guess a person's name 412 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:36,212 without knowing anything about them. 413 00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,714 -Really? -Think of your name. Think of it. 414 00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:40,466 -Scream it in your head. -Screaming-- 415 00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:41,926 -Are you screaming? -I'm screaming it. 416 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:47,890 Okay. I'm getting... Open your eyes... Janet. 417 00:21:48,390 --> 00:21:50,768 -No, it's not Janet. -Gertrude? 418 00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:53,646 No, not even close, honestly. 419 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:55,940 -Corrine? -Closer. I just-- 420 00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,525 -Again, I don't-- -Clarissa? 421 00:21:57,608 --> 00:21:59,485 No, I don't think you have a gift for this. 422 00:21:59,568 --> 00:22:01,070 -I just don't. -Mr. President, Mr. President. 423 00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:02,988 I have a very important document for you to sign. 424 00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:05,324 The fate of the Union hangs in the balance. 425 00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:07,743 Now, Appleton? I'm talking to this beautiful woman... 426 00:22:07,827 --> 00:22:09,703 -Treiman. -My name is not Treiman. 427 00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:11,163 It's a pleasure, Ms. Treiman. 428 00:22:11,247 --> 00:22:14,333 It-- That's not my name. It's not even a name. That-- 429 00:22:14,416 --> 00:22:17,878 -What is it about? -Well, we are... 430 00:22:18,379 --> 00:22:21,590 -We're going to war with Italy. -Why are we going to war with Italy? 431 00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:22,716 Tomato issue. 432 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:26,512 -They're hoarding tomatoes. -It's not a big issue, Ms. Treiman. 433 00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:28,389 -Well, he doesn't... -Again, my name is not Treiman. 434 00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:30,599 You don't know, Appleton, what's really going on. 435 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:32,810 But are we going to war over tomatoes? 436 00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:36,689 -And bell peppers. -What is happening with bell peppers? 437 00:22:36,772 --> 00:22:38,190 Well, they're hoarding the peppers as well. 438 00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:40,734 -Do we need these so badly? -Yes, yes, we do, we do. 439 00:22:40,818 --> 00:22:42,570 And you know, tomatoes, they're not a vegetable. 440 00:22:42,653 --> 00:22:44,530 -They're a fruit. And... -Y-- Sure. 441 00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:45,990 And they're red. 442 00:22:46,073 --> 00:22:47,366 -What else is red? -Wait. 443 00:22:47,449 --> 00:22:49,702 Please don't make us go to war over tomatoes. 444 00:22:49,785 --> 00:22:52,663 -It's not that big a deal, Ms. Treiman. -It's not Treiman! 445 00:22:54,415 --> 00:22:56,083 Okay, that was great. 446 00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:59,420 The next one, we find out the name beforehand, 447 00:22:59,503 --> 00:23:02,381 and then I come up and guess it. I'll blow their fucking minds. 448 00:23:02,464 --> 00:23:05,801 Sir, I must insist you speak to Jefferson Davis. 449 00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:08,053 Okay, let's do it. I'll do it. Let's go. 450 00:23:08,137 --> 00:23:10,264 They just keep walking around with these trays. 451 00:23:10,347 --> 00:23:11,932 -I don't understand. -"Passed apps"? 452 00:23:12,016 --> 00:23:14,393 -I mean, I can't even imagine-- -If you gentlemen will excuse us. 453 00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:16,729 -Mr. President. -Senator Davis... 454 00:23:16,812 --> 00:23:22,735 I have a few ideas about Kansas I think that can make everybody happy. 455 00:23:22,818 --> 00:23:26,572 They've just been passing out hors d'oeuvres the whole time. 456 00:23:26,655 --> 00:23:27,865 When is dinner? 457 00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:30,200 -Yeah, no. There's no dinner. -There's no dinner? Wh-- 458 00:23:30,284 --> 00:23:31,827 -No, yeah. -Are you serious? 459 00:23:31,911 --> 00:23:34,663 Yeah, yeah. It's something called passed apps. 460 00:23:34,747 --> 00:23:35,873 Like, ri-- 461 00:23:37,207 --> 00:23:39,543 That's what I mean. It's just these bullshit trays. 462 00:23:39,627 --> 00:23:42,004 I stepped on her toe before. I think there's something wrong with her. 463 00:23:42,087 --> 00:23:44,757 I don't give a fuck about you stepping on her toe. 464 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,342 I am starving right now. 465 00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:49,386 I had a sandwich that's the size a baby would eat. 466 00:23:49,470 --> 00:23:51,639 I had crackers with bullshit on top of it. 467 00:23:51,722 --> 00:23:52,848 All right. 468 00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,934 I'm almost certain I had a pig's dick wrapped in bacon. 469 00:23:55,017 --> 00:23:58,187 Well, this is a new thing, okay? It's called passed hors d'oeuvres. 470 00:23:58,270 --> 00:24:01,357 They go around, and you just eat it standing up. 471 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,651 No, hors d'oeuvres are not dinner. 472 00:24:03,734 --> 00:24:07,696 They're a precursor to dinner. They're not in lieu of dinner. 473 00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:08,989 If you eat enough, it's in lieu. 474 00:24:09,073 --> 00:24:11,158 -If I eat enough of it? -It's lieu. It's in lieu. 475 00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:12,743 I happen to like salad with my dinner. 476 00:24:12,826 --> 00:24:14,286 -No, salad doesn't-- -Will there be salad? 477 00:24:14,370 --> 00:24:16,914 It doesn't work here. You gotta eat it with a fork standing up. 478 00:24:16,997 --> 00:24:18,123 -No, that doesn't work. -Okay. 479 00:24:18,207 --> 00:24:20,417 Can I expect any bread and butter at the bare minimum? 480 00:24:20,501 --> 00:24:22,628 You know, I like bread and butter as much as the next guy. 481 00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:24,213 Especially if you warm the bread. 482 00:24:24,254 --> 00:24:26,048 -Of course warm the bread. -And the butter melts. 483 00:24:26,131 --> 00:24:27,299 -Of course. -Come on, it's great. 484 00:24:27,383 --> 00:24:28,759 You put the butter on top of it... 485 00:24:28,842 --> 00:24:30,803 -Oh, my God! -...and it melts into the bread. 486 00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:33,347 -It's orgasmic. -Yes, where is that bread and butter? 487 00:24:33,931 --> 00:24:35,933 -Doesn't work for this. -It just doesn't work. 488 00:24:36,016 --> 00:24:38,018 Maybe it's not exactly the same as a meal. 489 00:24:38,102 --> 00:24:40,437 I'll give you that. But it's got its advantages. 490 00:24:40,521 --> 00:24:43,148 If it's a dinner, people linger at the table. 491 00:24:43,232 --> 00:24:45,693 They stay too long. We don't like the lingering. 492 00:24:45,776 --> 00:24:49,446 Well, maybe not in the North. In the South, we love the lingering. 493 00:24:49,530 --> 00:24:52,032 We actually prefer a languid end to the meal. 494 00:24:52,116 --> 00:24:53,283 It's part of the process. 495 00:24:53,367 --> 00:24:56,578 Well, in the North, we don't enjoy a languid end to the meal. 496 00:24:56,662 --> 00:25:01,417 We want to eat and go home, and put on our pajamas and pick up a book 497 00:25:01,500 --> 00:25:02,584 -and relax. -Well-- 498 00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:05,963 We don't want to sit at a table making a lot of chit-chat bullshit every-- 499 00:25:06,046 --> 00:25:07,006 It's like a family! 500 00:25:07,089 --> 00:25:08,841 Those are the last people I want to be talking to. 501 00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:10,634 That's who I want to surround myself with. 502 00:25:10,718 --> 00:25:12,636 -Oh, yeah? Well, when-- -Cousins and second cousins. 503 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:16,223 I don't want to connect with anybody. I want to finish dessert and go home. 504 00:25:16,306 --> 00:25:17,683 -I'll tell you something else. -Yeah? 505 00:25:17,766 --> 00:25:22,104 I couldn't imagine living in a country where half the population... 506 00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:24,648 doesn't linger after a meal. 507 00:25:24,732 --> 00:25:27,735 And I couldn't imagine living in a lingering country. 508 00:25:28,402 --> 00:25:30,988 The southern states are meeting in three days. 509 00:25:31,071 --> 00:25:33,032 -Good evening. -Oh, yeah. 510 00:25:33,115 --> 00:25:34,783 Go. Go and secede. 511 00:25:34,867 --> 00:25:37,161 -I will go and secede. -Secede. 512 00:25:37,244 --> 00:25:38,996 -We might secede. -You're-- We're so scared. 513 00:25:39,079 --> 00:25:41,165 -You should be. Get away from me! -You're gonna secede. 514 00:25:41,248 --> 00:25:44,585 Yeah. Oh, yeah. This, this, this is a meal. Dinner! 515 00:25:44,668 --> 00:25:47,588 Don't you dare tell me that's dinner when clearly it's not dinner. 516 00:25:47,671 --> 00:25:50,924 -This is dinner! -That's bullshit! 517 00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:52,718 How rude! 518 00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:56,889 Mr. President. 519 00:26:11,779 --> 00:26:14,281 In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, 520 00:26:14,364 --> 00:26:18,077 polio was one of the most feared diseases in the world, 521 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:21,997 with outbreaks routinely killing thousands and crippling many more, 522 00:26:22,081 --> 00:26:25,209 including President Franklin D. Roosevelt. 523 00:26:25,626 --> 00:26:29,838 But in the early 1950s, a U.S. physician named Jonas Salk created 524 00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:32,216 the first successful polio vaccine. 525 00:26:32,758 --> 00:26:34,551 It was a game changer. 526 00:26:34,968 --> 00:26:37,262 In the years that followed, Dr. Albert Sabin 527 00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:39,973 created an oral vaccine that was cheaper to produce 528 00:26:40,057 --> 00:26:41,308 and easier to administer. 529 00:26:41,391 --> 00:26:46,230 And by 1979, polio had been eliminated from the United States, 530 00:26:46,313 --> 00:26:48,607 thanks to widespread vaccination. 531 00:26:49,108 --> 00:26:53,654 Let me repeat that. Thanks to widespread vaccinations. 532 00:26:54,154 --> 00:26:57,366 Due to his pioneering work, Jonas Salk saved countless lives 533 00:26:57,449 --> 00:27:00,744 across the globe, and made his mother very proud. 534 00:27:00,828 --> 00:27:03,664 Very, very proud. 535 00:27:10,587 --> 00:27:15,050 -Hello, Evelyn. -Good afternoon, Dora. How are you? 536 00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:21,014 Quite well, quite well. Evelyn. I don't know if I happened to mention... 537 00:27:21,098 --> 00:27:23,267 -Here we go. -...that my son Jonas 538 00:27:24,059 --> 00:27:26,728 is appearing in front of Congress next week. 539 00:27:26,812 --> 00:27:30,065 Yes, you've mentioned that before, several times. 540 00:27:30,149 --> 00:27:32,484 And do you know why he's appearing in front of Congress? 541 00:27:32,568 --> 00:27:36,655 -Yes. -Because he discovered the cure for polio! 542 00:27:36,738 --> 00:27:39,908 -Yes, he did, Dora. -My Jonas discovered the cure for polio. 543 00:27:39,992 --> 00:27:41,994 -He did. -He's so brilliant. 544 00:27:42,077 --> 00:27:43,412 -Very smart. -Jonas... 545 00:27:43,495 --> 00:27:48,125 Jonas, come down and tell Evelyn how you discovered the cure for polio. 546 00:27:48,208 --> 00:27:50,419 I don't have the time right now, Mom. I'm pretty busy. 547 00:27:50,502 --> 00:27:52,045 -I got a lot of work to do. -Of course. 548 00:27:52,129 --> 00:27:55,465 -Okay, but, hello, Evelyn. How are you? -Jonas, it's such a pleasure to see you. 549 00:27:55,549 --> 00:27:57,593 -Lovely to see you too. You look well. -Thank you, Jonas. 550 00:27:57,676 --> 00:27:59,386 Okay, I just have a lot of work to do. 551 00:27:59,469 --> 00:28:01,054 -I understand. -So, forgive me, okay? 552 00:28:01,138 --> 00:28:02,306 -All right. -Thank you. 553 00:28:02,389 --> 00:28:04,725 -Keep up the good work. -Jonas, work on cancer. 554 00:28:04,808 --> 00:28:07,561 It's killing people. He'll do it. He'll do it. 555 00:28:07,644 --> 00:28:09,313 -The cure for cancer. -Maybe. 556 00:28:09,396 --> 00:28:10,731 -Maybe cancer. -Maybe. 557 00:28:10,814 --> 00:28:11,857 -You know what? -Yeah? 558 00:28:11,940 --> 00:28:13,609 I knew from the time he was a little boy... 559 00:28:13,692 --> 00:28:14,985 Did you? 560 00:28:15,068 --> 00:28:16,528 ...that he was destined for greatness. 561 00:28:16,653 --> 00:28:20,699 We gave him a chemistry set. And, of course, he started a fire. 562 00:28:20,782 --> 00:28:22,910 I didn't hear the end of it from Daniel. 563 00:28:22,993 --> 00:28:24,828 -He was furious. Furious. -That's so funny. 564 00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:26,997 He said, "I don't know what I'm gonna do with this boy." 565 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:28,165 Well, yeah. 566 00:28:28,290 --> 00:28:30,834 And I said, "Daniel, you wait 'cause, one day, 567 00:28:30,918 --> 00:28:33,086 that boy is going to make you very proud." 568 00:28:33,170 --> 00:28:34,922 A mother knows. 569 00:28:35,005 --> 00:28:37,549 And if they don't give him the Nobel Prize this year, 570 00:28:37,633 --> 00:28:40,510 I'm going to Sweden and I'm going to wring their necks. 571 00:28:40,594 --> 00:28:44,223 -Are you? -Wring their necks till I choke them dead. 572 00:28:44,306 --> 00:28:48,518 -I'll choke them dead. -All right, Dora. Seriously, let it be. 573 00:28:48,602 --> 00:28:52,147 Do you know that Jonas hasn't made a nickel from this vaccine? 574 00:28:52,231 --> 00:28:53,815 He didn't get a patent for it. 575 00:28:53,899 --> 00:28:56,652 -He just wants to serve mankind. -He's a very good boy. 576 00:28:56,735 --> 00:28:58,779 I was wondering why he was still living here, 577 00:28:58,862 --> 00:29:02,366 -but I understand now. -We have lovely children. It's a blessing. 578 00:29:02,449 --> 00:29:04,826 -It's a blessing. Yes, I know. I know. -It is! It is a blessing. 579 00:29:04,910 --> 00:29:08,664 -How is Timothy doing? -Well, thank you for asking, Dora. 580 00:29:08,747 --> 00:29:10,415 -Of course. -I know that wasn't easy. 581 00:29:10,832 --> 00:29:12,709 He-- Very well. He's-- 582 00:29:12,793 --> 00:29:15,587 -He's with the suits and the ties? -At Robert Hall. 583 00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:17,256 He just got promoted, 584 00:29:17,339 --> 00:29:22,177 and he is the youngest manager in the history of the company. 585 00:29:22,261 --> 00:29:23,387 He's what? 586 00:29:23,470 --> 00:29:28,725 The youngest manager in the history of the company. 587 00:29:28,809 --> 00:29:30,519 -Yeah. -Hey, Jonas. 588 00:29:31,353 --> 00:29:32,437 -Jonas! -Yeah, Ma? 589 00:29:32,521 --> 00:29:33,563 -Timothy... -Yeah. 590 00:29:33,647 --> 00:29:36,942 He's the manager at Robert Hall. He could get you a new suit for Congress. 591 00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:39,027 -That's a terrific idea. -Right? 592 00:29:39,111 --> 00:29:42,823 And, Jonas, he's the youngest manager in the history of the company. 593 00:29:42,906 --> 00:29:44,283 The what? 594 00:29:44,366 --> 00:29:48,078 The youngest manager in the history of the company. 595 00:29:48,161 --> 00:29:49,496 That's wonderful. That's great. 596 00:29:49,579 --> 00:29:52,499 Let him get you a new suit for Congress, Jonas. 597 00:29:52,582 --> 00:29:54,042 I got suits, Ma. I got plenty of suits. 598 00:29:54,126 --> 00:29:56,378 Jonas, how many times do you go before Congress? 599 00:29:56,461 --> 00:29:58,422 I don't need a suit. That's very nice, though. 600 00:29:58,505 --> 00:30:00,090 -Thank you, Ma. -It's from Robert Hall. 601 00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:02,259 Custom tailor on premises! 602 00:30:02,342 --> 00:30:03,969 I'll think about it. Can I think about it? 603 00:30:04,052 --> 00:30:05,220 -You'll think about it. -Okay. 604 00:30:05,304 --> 00:30:07,723 -You're not going to think about it. -I'm going to think about it, Ma. 605 00:30:07,806 --> 00:30:09,933 -No, you're not gonna think about it. -I have plenty of suits. 606 00:30:10,017 --> 00:30:11,184 -I know you. -Jesus. 607 00:30:11,268 --> 00:30:12,561 -You're not gonna think-- -He's busy. 608 00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,062 They don't want to hear from their mother. 609 00:30:14,146 --> 00:30:17,649 He doesn't care about clothing. He only cares about humanity. 610 00:30:17,733 --> 00:30:20,527 -Right. -He's healing the world, my boy. 611 00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:22,904 My Jonas. Jonas! 612 00:30:23,613 --> 00:30:26,658 -Yes, Ma? -You're healing the world! 613 00:30:26,742 --> 00:30:30,245 -I'm doing my best, Ma. -You came from here, from me! 614 00:30:30,329 --> 00:30:31,747 -I did it! -Okay. 615 00:30:31,830 --> 00:30:35,083 You're doing wonderfully. Wonderfully. 616 00:30:35,167 --> 00:30:39,755 -He's a lovely, lovely boy, Dora. -And so is your Timothy. 617 00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,965 I wonder why they never became friends. 618 00:30:42,049 --> 00:30:44,760 -Well, Timothy was sporty. -Sporty? 619 00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:47,637 He was going to be a pitcher for the Yankees, 620 00:30:47,721 --> 00:30:50,474 but he decided that he wants a simple life. 621 00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:52,434 He wants to be in Robert Hall. 622 00:30:52,934 --> 00:30:54,019 Yes. 623 00:30:54,102 --> 00:30:59,232 Is he still dating that heavy set girl with the, you know, the meeskite I saw 624 00:30:59,316 --> 00:31:03,236 -a few weeks ago in front of the house? -She's a lovely girl, Dora. 625 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:04,946 -A lovely girl. -That's nice. 626 00:31:05,030 --> 00:31:11,036 You know, I just read Albert Sabin is coming out with an oral polio vaccine. 627 00:31:11,828 --> 00:31:15,874 I spit on Sabin. Don't ever mention his name to me again. 628 00:31:15,957 --> 00:31:17,250 "Oral vaccine"? 629 00:31:17,334 --> 00:31:21,129 That boy up there, was in a laboratory till two o'clock... 630 00:31:21,213 --> 00:31:23,382 -Okay. -...every morning, seven days a week! 631 00:31:23,465 --> 00:31:25,050 That Sabin's a fraud. 632 00:31:25,133 --> 00:31:26,468 -He's a charlatan. -Okay. 633 00:31:26,551 --> 00:31:29,429 You mention his name to me again, it'll be curtains for you. 634 00:31:29,513 --> 00:31:30,972 -Yeah. -Curtains, Evelyn. 635 00:31:31,056 --> 00:31:36,144 -There can be more than one! -No, there's just one. And that's him. 636 00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:37,896 That's the one! 637 00:31:37,979 --> 00:31:42,401 That vaccine's going to kill people. It's going to give them heart attacks. 638 00:31:42,484 --> 00:31:45,153 Drop dead, Bobby. You should die a dog's death. 639 00:31:45,237 --> 00:31:49,658 -I heard it shrivels up your jewels! -Oh, please, give me a break, okay? 640 00:31:49,741 --> 00:31:51,868 You don't know anything about science. 641 00:31:51,952 --> 00:31:53,537 -I know more than you do. -You're not a doctor. 642 00:31:53,620 --> 00:31:57,290 If I was in charge, I'd make sure that no kids took that vaccine. 643 00:31:57,374 --> 00:32:00,794 -That goes for measles too. -If you were in charge? 644 00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:02,462 -That's right. -God, help us all. 645 00:32:02,504 --> 00:32:05,966 If some idiot, some moron ever put you in charge, 646 00:32:06,049 --> 00:32:08,093 that would be a dark day for humanity, I can tell you that. 647 00:32:08,176 --> 00:32:09,845 -Ma! Ma. Ma. Ma. Relax, relax. -That would be-- 648 00:32:09,928 --> 00:32:12,139 You don't need to talk to him. He doesn't know what he's talk-- 649 00:32:12,222 --> 00:32:13,974 You don't know what you're talking about, Bobby. 650 00:32:14,099 --> 00:32:15,475 I dunno what I'm talking about? 651 00:32:15,642 --> 00:32:17,310 You guys are crazy over there with your vaccines. 652 00:32:17,394 --> 00:32:19,563 -Yeah, you're right, we're crazy, Bobby. -Yeah, that's right. 653 00:32:19,646 --> 00:32:21,523 -We're completely out of our minds. -Yes, we're crazy. 654 00:32:21,606 --> 00:32:24,067 Thanks to you, everybody's gotta take vaccines. 655 00:32:24,151 --> 00:32:26,361 It's like Nazi Germany, Adolf. 656 00:32:26,445 --> 00:32:28,488 -Adolf? How dare you call my boy Adolf! -Excuse me? 657 00:32:28,572 --> 00:32:30,490 -He's Adolf! -How are we like Nazi Germany? 658 00:32:30,574 --> 00:32:32,159 How dare you compare my son to that monster? 659 00:32:32,284 --> 00:32:33,702 -Jonas is saving lives, Bobby! -Hello? 660 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:34,828 It's okay. 661 00:32:34,911 --> 00:32:36,371 Instead of wasting your time on vaccines... 662 00:32:36,455 --> 00:32:37,497 Excuse me? 663 00:32:37,622 --> 00:32:39,958 -Is this 437B, 69th Street? -...take the chemicals out of the water! 664 00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:42,836 This is 439. I think you're looking for next door. 665 00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:46,423 And by the way, fluoride causes gender confusion. 666 00:32:46,506 --> 00:32:48,633 -I'm smart enough to drink... -Oh, yeah. Thank you, guys. 667 00:32:48,717 --> 00:32:50,051 ...unpasteurized milk every day. 668 00:32:50,135 --> 00:32:53,680 Drink the milk right from the cow, take it from the tit. Everybody knows it. 669 00:32:53,763 --> 00:32:55,765 -Does everybody know that, Bob? -Everybody knows that. 670 00:32:55,849 --> 00:33:00,020 And by the way, the Spanish flu, it's a bioweapon, except it's designed, 671 00:33:00,103 --> 00:33:03,106 not to touch Ashkenazi Jews and Chinese people. 672 00:33:03,190 --> 00:33:05,775 And the government doesn't want you to know about that. 673 00:33:05,859 --> 00:33:07,194 Yeah, that's him. 674 00:33:07,277 --> 00:33:09,362 Yes, I cut the head off a whale with a chainsaw, 675 00:33:09,446 --> 00:33:13,283 but I put the head up on my wall, so I made use of it. 676 00:33:13,366 --> 00:33:15,494 -Hey, what are you doing? I'm not crazy. -Okay, Bobby, let's go. 677 00:33:15,577 --> 00:33:17,162 -Lock him up. -What are you doing? 678 00:33:17,245 --> 00:33:18,497 -Hey! -He's got worms in his brain! 679 00:33:18,580 --> 00:33:21,082 And he's got a dead bear in his trunk! 680 00:33:21,166 --> 00:33:24,211 -I'm going to eat that bear! -He's a sicko! 681 00:33:24,294 --> 00:33:26,087 -I'm going to eat that bear. -Okay. Let's take a walk. 682 00:33:26,213 --> 00:33:27,339 What? 683 00:33:27,422 --> 00:33:29,674 Maybe when you're done with him, you can come back for her. 684 00:33:30,300 --> 00:33:34,387 This Jonas! He's so funny. He's funnier than all those comedians. 685 00:33:34,471 --> 00:33:36,765 -What? -Henny Youngman and Milton Berle. 686 00:33:36,848 --> 00:33:39,684 He could have been a comedian, but he chose science. 687 00:33:39,768 --> 00:33:42,229 He chose science because he's a Jonas! 688 00:33:42,312 --> 00:33:48,276 He's a Jonas! He's my Jonas!