Ladies and gentlemen, this is Sabrina Carpenter.
This is the one and only Paul Simon.
I sang this song with George Harrison on Saturday Night Live in 1976.
I was not born then, and neither were my parents.
I'm glad they're getting a chance to hear it tonight.
Sitting in a railway station, ticket for my destination.
On a tour of one night stands my suitcase and guitar man.
And every stop is legally planned for a poet and one
man I wish I was.
Home where my thoughts are skinned.
Home where my music's played.
Home where my love lies waiting silently for me.
Every day's an endless stream of airport lounges, magazines.
And each town looks the same to me.
The movies and the factories.
And every stranger's face I see reminds me that I long to be homeward bound.
Home where my
thoughts are skinned.
Home where my music's played.
Home where my love lies waiting silently for me.
Tonight I'll sing my songs again.
Play the game and pretend.
Shades of mediocrity like emptiness and harmony.
I need someone to comfort me.
Home where my
thoughts are skinned.
Home where my music's played.
Home where my love lies waiting silently for me.
Ladies and gentlemen, Steve Martin!
Welcome to the 50th anniversary of Saturday Night Live.
I'm Steve Martin, Saturday Night Live's newest diversity hire.
And what a thrill it is to be here.
When I heard that SNL wanted to do an anniversary special, I literally wanted to
leap into the air.
And the only reason I didn't is because at the
time I was wearing a short skirt with no underwear.
Now I can't believe... I can't believe I even made it here in time.
It was only a few days ago that Lauren told me I was doing the monologue.
And I was actually vacationing on a friend's boat down in the Gulf of Steve Martin.
And I finally... It took me a while to get here, but I did.
Now, Saturday Night Live, as you know, turned
50 years old this year, and I turned 79.
But I feel like I'm 65.
Which is also not good.
Now, seriously, I do not mind getting older.
Do you think these hearing aids make my ass look smaller?
I do.
And I'm still learning about life.
Actually, my wife, who's a very smart, wise
person, taught me something the other day.
She sat me down and she said, Steve, you know babies don't get sarcasm.
And I realized I'd been wasting my time going up to strollers on the street and
saying, oh, what a cute baby.
Whoa!
A fun fact, a person born during the first season of Saturday Night Live could today
be easily dead of natural causes.
Now, you're going to see a lot of familiar things tonight.
Musical guest sketches, cameo appearances, the news, and this is the monologue.
Traditionally, the weakest part of the show.
Yes, the monologue is like a rent-controlled tenant.
It's not going anywhere, even though it stinks.
And there's so many members of the SNL family here tonight.
The great Bill Murray is here.
We wanted to make sure that Bill would be here tonight so we didn't invite him.
And David Letterman is here.
Dave, thanks for leaving the sheep at home.
And we can't forget the writers who have always been the heart and soul of SNL.
In fact, let's please have the great writers
from the past 50 years stand up and take a bow.
By the way, that tribute to the writers was written by AI.
Oh my God!
I didn't know you were even going to be here.
Oh, you would if you'd ever come to rehearsal.
By the way, congratulations on the Emmy win.
Nope.
Emmy nomination?
Grammy win?
No.
Grammy nomination?
No.
Golden Globe win?
No.
Golden Globe nomination?
There you go.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
You know, we writers really appreciated that tribute.
But I believe that the heart and soul of this show is the celebrity hosts,
many of whom are in this room tonight.
You know, as I look around, I see some of the most
difficult people I have ever met in my entire life.
Over the course of 50 years, 894 people have hosted Saturday Night Live.
And it amazes me that only two of them have committed murder.
Each week, each week, a new celebrity host comes in
with their own dynamic and they throw everything off.
But not you, Steve, because you have no dynamic.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only Canadian who wasn't in Schitt's Creek.
Show it.
But you know, wait a second.
I thought we were hosting together.
Oh, do you have your passport card on you?
No.
Ice, get him.
No, no.
I'll cooperate.
Don't take me.
I'll name names.
Mike Myers, Jim Carrey, Catherine O'Hara.
Damn you, you white-haired son of a bitch.
You know,
Marty and I have been working together so long
that we can actually finish each other's careers.
Now, I hope that you are enjoying my monologue tonight.
But if you aren't enjoying it, maybe you should get
up and take a good look at yourself in the mirror.
And say to yourself, what have I become?
This can't be Steve's fault.
And ask yourselves, when did I abandon Joy?
And what can I bring to the monologue as an audience member next time?
Alright, we've got a great show tonight.
We have a great show.
Paul Simon was here, Sabrina Carpenter was here, Bill Murray was here, David
Letterman was here, John Bellaney was here, Martin Short.
It's called Front Loading.
And we'll be back.
Good night.
Thank you.
Hear me now on Peacock.
This is PBS.
What a wonderful evening filled with so much whimsy and wonder.
And please give another big hand to Florian Trunt, our body contortionist.
Thank you very much.
I am stuck.
Is it me, or did his mouth get dangerously close to his funny cheeks?
Anyway, our next act is no stranger to our stage, all the way from the Finger Lakes.
It's the Maharelle Sisters.
And you know what they say about the Finger Lakes.
At first you might only want one finger, but soon you'll be asking for all five.
Pardon me, there should have been a lake in there somewhere.
And joining the Sisters tonight is a special guest.
He's a handsome, young, dark-haired, alcoholic, everyone's been talking about.
It's Robert Goulet.
Zip, zap, zooey, zooey, dab, undie, ba dee, ba dee, Robert Goulet.
Hi everyone, it's me, Robert Goulet.
You like my motor horsey?
Just rolled in from Oralien, Sturgis, South Dakota.
100 miles an hour, no bathroom breaks, no time to stop.
You know the rest.
Now let's get to those golden Goulet pipes.
Need some woman company to get me through the day.
It's been so long, just me and me, no woman, just Goulet.
If I don't see a woman soon, no telling what I'll do.
So dear damn God, deliver a woman, or three, or two.
Baddie, baddoot, baddoot, scum, give her a baddoot.
Goulet.
Oh my God.
Did they put LSD in my Caesar salad or...
Do I see three beautiful ladies hitchhiking my way.
Hi Traveler.
We want to ride.
We'd love to sit right by your side.
And then we hope you will decide Which one of us will be your bride Whoa!
Volume!
I felt that in my breast.
And did you say bride?
By a guy, a Caesar salad first.
Callback.
I don't even know your names.
Well, that's easy.
I'm Janice.
Oh, Janice alert.
I'm Holly.
Like the bush?
I'm Margaret.
You sure are grit.
And I'm Denise.
Sorry, sorry.
I meant to say forehead.
No.
Did it again.
One more try.
Forehead.
Just sing.
Sisters, cute as cute can be.
Soon you'll fall for one of us three.
We keep forgetting mom had four.
I came out of a different hole.
If you're trying to do the math on that one, when you
think of the hole it should be, it's the one behind that.
Okay, goodbye.
Men get...
I'll be your girlfriend.
I'll be your lover.
I'll be your sweetheart.
I'll be this like this.
Can
you come over here?
I want to talk to you in private.
No, no, no.
Not, not, not those privates.
A private conversation.
There's nothing to hear down there, believe me.
Just go, Jesus the heck.
Let's wrap this bastard up.
I'll sing.
I don't know how to choose.
Normally I'm full of booze.
Just not sure how I feel.
Then let us try to seal the deal.
With a kill.
Oh, now we're talking.
With a snuggle.
Finally some comfort.
With a jiggle.
Yes.
Whether you'll find out.
What is happening?
I need to get some oral surgery done soon.
You know what?
I don't hate it.
I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think I love you.
Yes, I love you.
And there's nothing you could say that would change my mind.
I put a bird in my mouth.
Then I went to the movies.
Then I laughed at the movie.
Then the bird flew out.
But the bird choked on popcorn.
And I gave it CPR.
And the bad raw is that bad.
Wow, to think I almost picked Kim Kardashian.
Isn't love wonderful?
And by wonderful I mean visually upsetting.
And thanks once again to three of the four Maharal sisters.
Denise, I got a motorcycle helmet made for you.
Come here.
The Lawrence Welch Show is brought to you by Stouffer's TV
Breakfast, Silent Tammy Doll, and Dr. Wilson's Sleeping Fudge.
We'll be right back.
This is Black Jeopardy.
What up, what up?
Welcome to Black Jeopardy, the only Jeopardy where every single viewer fully
understood Kendrick's halftime performance.
I'm your host, Darnell Hayes.
Today's contestants are Shalice.
Hi.
Darius.
Come on now.
Oh, and look at this.
Tracy Morgan.
Big dog gonna make some big money.
Now, wait a minute.
Tracy, don't you already have a lot of money?
Well, you gotta have a lot of money if you're gonna live like I live.
I eat four cheese lasagna.
If I only got three cheeses, I ain't eating it.
Yes, okay.
We hear you, Tracy Morgan.
I refuse to ingest three cheeses.
Four cheeses.
You're right.
Four cheeses.
We got it, Tracy Morgan.
Thank you.
All right, let's take a look at our categories.
We got... Look Here.
This Joke a Talkin' Bout.
Leave Bronnie Alone.
Man, Live From New York.
And, as always, White People.
All right, Shanice, you're our returning champion, so you pick.
Let's go with Look Here for a hundred.
Okay, to answer them.
Your 11-year-old is asking for something while you're on the phone.
Shanice.
What is Look Here?
You This Close.
This Close.
That's right.
That is right.
That's exactly right.
Get a little closer to see what happens.
Exactly.
All right, pick again.
Let's go with Man For 300.
Okay, to answer there.
There's 30-something people at the park wearing the same red T-shirt.
Darius.
What is?
Man, that's just a Jensen family reunion.
That's right.
Yeah.
Shirt got a picture of a tree on it or something.
I don't know.
Speaking of family, Darius and Tracy, y'all seem like y'all might be related.
Well, James L.
Jones was my biological father.
James L.
Jones impregnated my mother on the set of Cordeen.
On Edgecombe Avenue in Harlem.
You know what?
I think we might be related.
I don't see it.
Let's just... let's just move on.
Darius, it's still your pick.
Okay, let's go with Live From New York for 100.
Okay, to answer there.
This legendary late night show created some of comedy's biggest stars.
It's a sketch comedy show.
It's been on for a long time.
Ah, Darius.
What is it, Live In Color?
No.
No, I'm sorry.
I think y'all know this, though.
As kids, you probably stayed up late on Saturday to watch.
Tracy.
What is Showtime at the Apollo?
Featuring Sandman Sims.
No.
Come on, y'all really don't know?
Hosted by Steve Harvey.
Again, no.
Y'all ready for your next act?
Let me hear you say, yeah.
This is not that.
Oh, my God.
Shanice.
Okay.
Of course.
This show's been on every Saturday for years, right, Darnell?
Yes.
And it's got a host and a musical guest, right?
Yes.
Okay, okay.
Can I say the famous catch phrase that opens the show?
Well, go ahead.
It's Soul Train.
No.
Now, y'all know the answer is Saturday Night Live.
What is Saturday Night Live?
Now, come on, Daris.
I just gave you the answer.
No, I'm asking, what is Saturday Night Live?
I don't know that.
It's Sunday Live.
SNL.
It's a sketch comedy show.
It's been on for 50 years.
What day do they tape on?
Saturday.
It's in the name.
Now, Tracy, you were on it with Tina Fey.
What is study rock?
You know what?
I tell you what.
Let's just hear about today's sponsors.
Johnny.
Thanks, Darnell.
Today's Black Jeopardy is sponsored by a plate.
Now you don't have to say, fix me a plate.
You've already got one.
With a plate.
And by a tin of Danish butter cookies or a sewing kit.
Which one is it?
You'll have to open it to find out.
And by Who All Gon' Be There?
The invitation app for all your events, parties,
barbecues, or just meeting back at the spot.
Before you pull up, always know who all gon' be there.
Back to you, Darnell.
Yeah.
You gotta know who all gon' be there.
Yeah.
All right, let's stick with Live from New York.
And to help, here is a special guest clue from Mr. Chris Rock.
Thank you.
Hey, Darnell, it's an honor to be here on Black Jeopardy.
I've been a fan of the show since the 70s when it was called Momma's Got Questions.
Okay, now some of y'all might remember me from Saturday Night Live.
I was the black guy who came after Eddie Murphy.
You know, that's kind of like being the point guard after Stephen Curry.
Okay, here's your clue about SNL.
This religious character has made people laugh for years.
Who is my dear?
No, that is not Tyler Perry.
Can't you see that she is white?
Now, I heard a fellow could win some money here, and I know exactly who that is.
The church lady.
Yes, yes, that is correct, Doug.
Thank you.
That is the church lady.
$400 for you.
Well, thank you.
Now, speaking of church, can I say something?
If more folks went to church, we wouldn't be in this mess we're in now.
You know what I agree with you, Doug.
I like to shake your hand, sir.
Here we go.
Oh, no, no.
It's just a handshake.
Yeah, it's just a handshake.
Yeah, all right.
You're welcome at Black Jeopardy any time.
Oh, well, all right.
Well, thank you, my brother.
Now, maybe I'll start a show for you to come on, and we'll call it White Jeopardy.
We don't need it.
Let's slow it down a little bit, Doug.
All right, we're going to take a break.
When we return to Black Jeopardy, we will see if
anyone has watched any of this year's Oscar movies.
I doubt it.
We'll see you.
Tonight
is a celebration of classic moments, but SNL will always have that contrarian edge.
Never wanting to do anything that feels too obvious, too on the nose.
Who are you?
What's your age and your name?
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Sally O'Malley.
I'm proud to say I'm 50 years old, just like Saturday Night Live.
Now, listen, Emma, she's not one of those gals who's
afraid to tell her real age, and she likes to kick!
Strong kick!
She's 50!
50 years old!
So please enjoy this video celebrating 50 years of
physical comedy on SNL while we kick, stretch, and kick!
Look, uh, Lauren, I'm not going to do the fall.
I'm sorry.
The whole point of this sketch is to showcase your fall.
People expect to see you fall.
It's a tradition.
No, absolutely not.
I'm not doing it, and I want to tell you why.
One, two, three, and turn, and...
Here's you, here's Matt!
There's you, there's.
..
Mary Catherine... Mary Catherine!
I do gymnastics.
Mary, Mary, stop!
Control yourself!
Oh, I've been training.
Say what?
You're making me very uncomfortable.
No, I'm not.
You kind of are.
Yeah, I could eat a whole bottle.
Yeah, I could eat a whole bottle, too.
Don't even try to...
Now, I guess... Jesus Christ.
Put the dickens out of my finger.
Well, I'm glad in a way this happened, you know.
I will have you expelled if you do not sit down.
I sing my song.
You're going to spoof the whole.
Do be careful.
What?
No one is who they appear to be.
It's in my mouth.
How much blood you got?
You know what?
Apparently a lot.
I'll stop bleeding if you open your mouth.
I'm going to go to sleep now.
Bon appétit.
You know, it's funny.
Do you need a Kleenex?
No, I got it.
Anyway...
When our daughter Kelsey told us that she and Matt wanted to do a bowel renewal,
we were a little surprised since they've only been married less than a year.
But, hey...
What's another 70 grand at Best Western?
And I just want to say, congratulations, you guys.
Drinks for everyone.
Alpin Bar!
I apologize.
My wife is doing Wet February.
Oh, yes, I am.
Anyway... Kelsey and Matt... May you, I want to say, let me take the ring.
Sure.
Anytime.
May you have a marriage as loving and passionate as daddy and me.
Oh, baby.
Look at you.
How about you?
Am I having fun?
Okay.
Weird speech.
So for those of you who don't know me, I'm Sophie, the bride's childhood bestie.
I couldn't make it to the wedding because I was unfortunately in prison.
You got so skitty in jail, girl.
I know, right?
I couldn't eat the food.
Anyway... I'd love to invite up Kelsey's best friends, AKA the Kel Squad.
So instead of a speech, we're going to do something different for y'all,
because we're a little bit basic, a little bit toxic.
So as some of you know, we took Kelsey to New York City to celebrate the vow renewal.
Matt said it had to be a day trip because he
doesn't trust Kelsey on overnights anymore.
Guilty as charged.
Seriously, though, I love strong women.
While in New York, we got blackout drunk and went too wicked.
So Matt and Kelsey, this is for you.
A dragny lady.
And Matt has gone to the gym.
Kelsey has made a commitment, so guess what this just is.
She swears she's gonna try monogamy.
She's finally learned what is monogamy.
And we will hold her down.
We will not learn anything else.
Really?
Cause a lot more happened.
Oh my god, Tara!
She's doing Tara!
After the show, it's Madame Tussauds in Times Square.
There's a wax key on the reeves, but Kelsey doesn't care.
It's clear that Kelsey's mind is elsewhere.
What were you thinking about?
My friends are singing.
Next up, we take a petty cab in Central Park.
Kelsey says there is a giant hole in my heart.
She throws a coin into a fountain and then She whispers I wish I could be with him.
We all know she's talking about Domingo Even though she can't be with New York And
she screams to the sky The one she's looking for is this home letting guy.
Kelsey can not let
I said DC Open relationship Where
the kitchen renovation going?
Wait, you guys know Domingo?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was my primary care physician.
And Domingo, do you know that you were right?
I do have Hashimoto's.
God, I can't believe Domingo is at another major life event of mine.
Don't worry, Matt, we got you.
What's up?
Yeah.
Thanks, yeah.
Reception's lit.
As many as you know, we're Matt's groomsmen, aka the doormats.
We took Matt on a golf trip to the real city that never sleeps, Scottsdale, Arizona.
Which is also our hometown.
And our names.
These are the three Scots, and I'm Dale.
Scottsdale!
And let's just say, to play 18 holes, we needed a little espresso.
The groomsmen had a local staycation Cause we've been hit hard by inflation And we
knew Matt needs a break from Kelsey Just kidding, Kels, your marriage is healthy
Wait, what even is this song?
Now we're team up on seven ounce shots Paddy's name, Ronaldo Take a golf cart to
the condo Matt invites Ronaldo We go to bed, Matthew does not He's on...
Sophie, were you on the guy's trip?
Oh, well, you know, I'm pretty sick of girls after prison.
And I'm sorry, I'm sorry, who is Ronaldo?
Don't worry, honey, Ronaldo is in my past.
Matthew, I'm here.
Hey man, hey, hey man Came all this way, had to explain Direct from Ronaldo
Matthew's my guy, said he's not high But we did hook up though What?
I'm sorry, you two know each other?
Of course, we are brothers!
I'm the older brother And I'm the younger brother And I'm the hot brother
Hi, Santiago Santiago?
Wait, mom, dad, how do you know him?
Well, I did the kitchen renovation and then I had
sex with a wife How are you feeling, Santiago?
Came all this way, had to explain Direct from Domingo
And now, Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy Looking back over 50 years, we treasure
the laughs, the friendships, the fond memories But the real treasure was how
much money we were making NBC and Peacock
Ladies and gentlemen, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler!
What a night!
Well, even after 50 years, there are still things about SNL that people don't know So
we are here to answer any questions people still have about the show Don't be shy,
just raise your hand Yes, Quinta Brunson Hi!
Hey!
Quinta Brunson here First off, I'm going to
say, you ladies look great What's your secret?
Wow, thank you for asking that question we wrote I'm wearing a 3D printed mask of my
younger self And my face is all natural, but full disclosure, this is the back of
my head I flipped my hair and started over I love that Well, it's working for you,
baby girl Anyway, I am an SNL superfan My question is kind of a deep cut In the
March 18th, 1993 Good Nights Tim Meadows whispered something to musical guest Sade
What was he saying?
Oh wow, let's find out, Tim Tim, do you remember what you were saying?
Oh yeah, wow
Thank you Yeah, if it was March 93, I'm pretty sure I was saying Hey Sade,
you want to drink some Zima with me in my dressing room?
We can play Mortal Kombat 1 and watch the new Cool Mendez trial That's exactly what
I thought, thank you so much Thank you, thank you Oh yeah, also it worked by the
way, Sade and I are still together That's awesome,
that's awesome Who else, who else has a question?
I have a question Oh, hi, Ryan Reynolds, hey, hey
Reynolds, how's it going?
Great, why, what have you heard?
Yeah, okay, my question is that, you know that the materials that they made
the cone heads with, are those edible?
No, no, and based on them being made in 1975, I'd assume that they're highly toxic
Oh, oh, okay, so somebody, you know, hypothetically took a couple of nibbles
backstage and got excited Should they go to the hospital or should they...
Yes, they should go to the hospital right away Good Good luck Great Okay,
next question Yeah, I have a question Yes, there it is When I hosted this show,
there was a woman who pulled me behind a little curtain and took my pants off.
Does she work here?
Is she a blonde woman with a stopwatch?
Yeah, she put her arm around my waist and kind of picked me up and shook me till my
shoes fell off Like, did I dream that or is that...
No, that's Donna, come out here, Donna
has been dressing every host since 1997 She has seen every celebrity here in their
underpants Donna, I know it's hard to pick, but who was your favorite host?
Jason Momoa Okay
Next question was submitted by a viewer
I'm not mad, I just want to know why, ladies
Okay, so Lovitz fan is actual John Lovitz Okay, well John, I know the seating chart
was really hard to figure out and you were going to be seated in the studio But then
Julia Louis-Dreyfus asked to bring her service dog, so...
Yeah, sorry John, it's a medical thing.
You really need that dog, right, Julia?
Oh, no, no, no, I'm here for him.
He's blind So, Ricky, the blonde woman who you just talked, that's Amy Poehler And
the older woman next to her is Tina Fey And the intense energy
that you're feeling to your left is Adam Driver He's an...
He's an absolutely incredible actor and right now he's
acting like he's not attracted to me How you doing?
This is my puppy here Yeah, all right Okay, all right, let's hear!
You have a question No, I don't I got a lot of answers Hey!
A
couple of you after the show, okay, next question.
Yes, Keith Richards
I left a scarf here in 1988 and I'm kind of
wondering if anybody's seen it around A scarf?
Yeah, it's in 1998?
Well, I thought that's a long time ago, I don't know I don't think so,
I'm not sure Look, it's simply not here, okay?
Can we all just stop looking?
Next question All right, okay, okay.
Yes, Jon Hamm Yeah, hey guys
This might be a weird question because I've hosted three
times and I know I'm part of the family, but am I funny?
What?
Funny?
What?
Funny?
Whenever we ask you to do a bit, you always
say yes, and that's what matters Next question.
Oh, Bad Bunny Well, I'm going to ask the same
thing, so I'm going to ask it in Spanish Am I funny?
Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes You are very funny.
You might have been in the news, but don't say that to Jon Hamm Okay,
okay, that's going to be our secret.
Don't worry All right, yes Next question, Seth Yeah, hey, hi guys.
It kind of feels like this whole question-and-answer thing is just a way
for you guys to give some airtime to celebrities
who aren't in other parts of the show Oh, really?
It doesn't seem that way to me.
What do you think, Reverend Al Sharpton and Ray Romano?
It seems very natural to us Really, don't be so cynical, Seth.
We're having a nice time here There you go All right, yeah, Jason Momoa, yeah,
Jason Momoa Yeah, this Donnie lady, she liked to travel.
What's her vibe?
Well, that's her.
Okay, good to know.
Freddie Hi, I'm Fred Armisen.
Thanks, thank you Thanks, you guys.
My question is, do you know why Lauren cut Vampire Office?
What?
Well, in 2005, I wrote a sketch called Vampire Office and it played pretty well
at dress and it didn't get on air Okay, I guess maybe other sketches did better?
No, it was a pretty bad show, front to back I don't know.
Okay, well, maybe he just didn't like it Well, do
you know if he saw the changes I was gonna make?
Because I cut the beat where Finesse comes in as Simon Cowell and...
Wait, are you holding the sketch right now?
Yeah.
Do you think I should resubmit it?
Sure, yeah Great.
Next time, Spacey hosts A
hundred more questions Yes, yes, Peyton Manning Yes, is...
Is Lauren gonna retire now?
No, I don't think so Okay, that's great news.
Lauren, never retire.
It's brutal out here They had me doing all these commercials, insurance, beer...
I did one the other day for something called Fan Fight Power Monster 3 I wanna
know what the hell it is I just assumed it was a video game but then in the last
voiceover I said now and diet chili flavor I hate being retired Okay, okay No,
seriously, Lauren, getting old sucks You feel like such a loser Galifianakis knows
what I'm talking about Please stop bothering me.
I just wanna relax and watch Kanye perform Hello?
Bowflex Andor What's up, dude?
Hey, are you going to the 50th?
No, actually, I don't think I can.
I'm not gonna go What?
What are you talking about?
It's gonna be incredible.
Everyone on Earth is gonna be there I know.
It's just... Honestly, it stresses me out too much What do you mean?
Come on, Andy.
You know SNL gives me anxiety Bowen, listen I know you're anxious Just looking
at the 30 rock side And when you're inside it gets worse But there is one thing That
you gotta keep in mind So we're gonna press rewind Let's go back in time Young
Danny Aykroyd, basso-matic He looks so fine and fancy-free But the reality was
quite tragic He suffered from anxiety Jesus, what was that?
I don't know what you're talking about That's the footage exactly as it aired
Skip to the 80s, Eddie Murphy And Mr. Robinson's neighborhood He was the star of
the show each Saturday But he suffered the anxiety A few years later, Billy Crystal
Was saying you look marvelous But one thing wasn't marvelous Yet exciting
Cause everyone That ever worked at SNL had anxiety You are
not alone, my friend And we also all have ideas Wait, what?
Oh yeah, tell him, Sarah The brain to gut connection All is a complex and
bidirectional A communication between The central nervous system and your butt So
when you're watching SNL Just imagine everyone you
see Right before the show went to the bathroom Right
But come on guys, we have perspective We know these are champagne problems I mean
it's not like we're working in a coal mine But here's the secret It's way worse than
working in a coal mine It's more dangerous than working in a coal mine We would love
to be working in a coal mine Just look at these coal miners drinking sweet tea They
never had to get notes from Lorne See underneath the bleachers with Lorne You're
proving my point, that sounds good to you Yeah, now that I hear it, I might skip it
too Cause in the end, you gotta take care of yourself A mature decision for our
mental health But what if they forget about me Don't forget my If I don't go to
the show Will I disappear Or will I fall to the bottom Of the best cast members Of
all time lists Cause real foretaste You know what, I'm in, same Cause everyone I
get it now That ever worked at SNL Had anxiety Populate the waiting rooms Of half
the therapists In New York City Every single person who ever worked at SNL Had
anxiety Every single person who ever worked at SNL Had anxiety Every single
person who ever worked at SNL Had anxiety It's a challenging place But we love it
Stress streams for the rest of your life We're
like bugs to the flame But it burns so good
Ladies and gentlemen, Miley Cyrus And Brittany Howard
It's been 7 hours and 13 days Since you took your love away
I go out every night And I sleep all day Since you took your love away
And since you've been gone, I can do whatever I want Yeah, I can see whoever I
choose I can eat my dinner at a fancy restaurant Oh, but nothing Oh,
nothing can take away these blues Cause nothing compares
Oh, nothing, nothing Brittany Howard It's been
so lonely without you here Without a soul Nothing
can stop these lonely tears from falling Tell me, baby, where did I go wrong
Doctor, guess what he told me, guess what he told me He said,
girl, you better try to have fun No matter what you do, but he's a fool
Well, it is an honor and a thrill to be hosting Weekend Update for the 50th,
and if it was up to our president, final, season of SNL.
It is incredible that SNL is still going after all
this time, and I'm just talking about tonight's show.
There are so many famous hosts and musical guests here tonight that some huge names
actually have to watch from Studio 8G next door, as well as from the Metropolitan
Detention Center in Brooklyn.
Oh, you went to the parties.
Okay.
Saturday Night Live has won 95 Emmys, one Grammy,
three Peabodies, and has over 100 Tonys on the crew.
I'm kidding, but you know what?
Let's actually take a moment to thank those hard-working crew guys.
Also, I would like to congratulate them all on their January 6th pardons.
Good to have you back, fellas.
A lot of Tonys.
Health experts are facing increased pressure this winter in the face of
outbreaks of COVID, the flu, RSV, and norovirus, which they're calling a quodemic.
So we did the smart thing and packed every
beloved entertainer over 60 into one tiny space.
SNL's first major cast change was in Season 2, when Chevy Chase left the show
and was replaced by Kenan Thompson.
You know, me and Kyle are actually the longest-serving Weekend Update anchors.
I've done Weekend Update for so long.
Next season, I'm co-hosting with my son, Brawny.
And since the 40th, we've lost the late, great
Norm McDonald, who hosted Weekend Update.
That's right.
Norm McDonald, who hosted Weekend Update until
he was fired from making jokes about O.J.
Simpson, and he's obviously one of my heroes.
So if you're watching up there, I just want to say we love you, O.J.
Well, right now, in here to tell us her thoughts on all of it is the girl you wish
you hadn't started a conversation with at a party.
Um, no, it's not anything different about me.
Oh, are you pregnant?
Wow.
You just assume I'm pregnant.
Just because I have a baby inside me.
That's misogynastic.
Well, congratulations.
We're so happy for you, and it's nice to see you.
Oh, is it nice, Michael?
Yeah, is it nice to be on the verge of the apocalypse?
It's devastating.
It's a constipational crisis.
Literally, for me.
I was like, do I even want to bring a baby into this world, or should I just,
like, keep her in here for another three and a half years?
I don't think you can do that.
Oh, oh, I guess you know more than my OBGNY.
Do a research, Michael.
Fact, 90% of babies born today will never know who your father is.
My father?
Three out of four kids get bullied, and only two of them deserve it.
What?
And there are people in Africa right now... Was that it?
Yeah, there are people there now.
You should know that, Michael.
Read a phone.
So, can I do... can I do Elon's salute really quick?
No, no, don't do that.
Okay, fine, fine, but hold this.
I had to do his dance for work.
All right, I'm sorry, where do you work?
I'm the press secretary at the White House.
It's just like, if people are so angry about DEI, it's like, we'll stop drinking
and driving.
Bettina!
Who are you talking to?
That's Bettina.
She's a horrible person.
It's like, at least now we have some good people in charge.
Like, everyone's mad that RF Carl's Jr. is a NEPO baby, but his brain worm earned it.
It ate its way to the top.
Oh, my God.
In collusion, it's like, why is no one talking about Luigi one-man Gioni?
Yeah, I just blew Michael Che.
You're welcome.
Well, thank you.
And by the way, can I ask who the father is?
You sure can.
Huge reveal.
Oh, my God.
Huge reveal.
Drunko, you two are together?
Yep, we're just a typical Hollywood couple.
You know, beautiful woman in her thirties, drunk idiot in his seventies.
So you're really gonna be a dad?
Hey, you know, if Alec Baldwin can do it.
You know, when I was a kid, you know, everyone was pregnant.
Okay?
It went, high school baby married Vietnam jab, you hate!
Okay?
But nowadays, it's just... Oh, I'm sorry, can you yassify my chickpea pasta?
Excuse me, excuse me, are these flair jeans AI?
Oh great, oh great, we're in a brave new world.
Not my Captain America.
You ripped my buns.
I ripped your buns off.
If I could turn back time.
Yeah, fuck.
Oh my god.
I ripped your shirt.
That's okay, drunk uncle.
So I'm not Landshark, okay?
So I'm not Brian Fellow, Safari Planet, okay?
So I'm not musical guest, Timothée Chalamet.
Cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger.
Right, yes, right, from the seventies.
And no, I misplaced four cheeseburgers.
Okay, well, drunk uncle, I'm sorry, but I think you might be too drunk.
Yeah, I tried to tackle Paul Simon.
But I missed, and now Sabrina Carpenter's dead.
Drunk uncle and girl at a party, everyone.
Here comes the girl at a party called Bettina.
And now, we will throw it over to you, Seth.
Thank you, Amy.
I really appreciate it.
You know, it's important that we spend some time tonight talking about Lorne
Michaels, and no one knows him better than our next guest.
Please welcome Lorne's best friends from Growing Up.
Hi guys, so you know him better than anyone.
What's Lorne really like?
Oh, he's the best.
He's like relaxed and chill.
Yeah, he's super down-to-earth and approachable.
Like, we just love him.
We love him.
He's our buddy.
He's our honey Lorne.
Totally, yeah.
I will say, sometimes he can be a little rude.
Yeah, yeah.
Like a month ago, he asked us to help him move.
And we're like, sure, of course.
Help him move, have like a little dinner, whatever.
So, we get there, Lorne opens the door, and he's like, oh, you two.
And we're like, what?
You invited us.
He invited us to be here.
So, we look around, nothing's packed.
Nothing's packed.
We're like, what?
You haven't even started yet?
Okay, then he starts pointing at paintings and saying like, oh, this is from Steve.
This is from Paul.
This is from Mick.
Yeah, and it's like, does he be Mick Jagger?
Just say it.
Just say Mick Jagger.
I'm sorry, you guys have to speak up.
I don't think anybody can hear you.
But also, it does sound like maybe Lorne can be a little difficult.
No, no, no, no.
He's our best friend.
He's like, easy breezy, crazy kind, like all of it.
I will say, he can be kind of like inconsiderate.
Like, we're packing his stuff for hours, and he's gone.
And he comes back, and I'm like, oh, hey, like, which bathroom can I use?
And he goes, there's a Starbucks across the street.
But you have to buy something first, so get me a latte?
What?
We're helping you move.
Again, you guys have to speak up.
But it seems like maybe you guys aren't that good of friends with him.
No, no, no, no.
He's our best friend.
He's our person.
He's like our person.
My first phone call, my emergency contact.
He gets all my organs if I die.
Like, I love him so much.
But anyway, it's like, it's nighttime.
And he's like, I'm going to dinner, keep at it.
And we're like, we've been packing your stuff all day, where are we supposed to eat?
And he goes, by the way, you two look, I don't think you need help finding food.
What?
Are we fat?
What is he saying?
You can't talk to us like that.
We are friends from going...
And then he goes, he goes, you guys had a problem
with me from the moment you walked in here.
You didn't ask me how my day was or notice my haircut.
You don't understand how much pressure I'm under.
NBC is breathing down my neck.
PNAC is making a hundred documentaries and they don't even give me a free membership.
Guys, I can barely hear you, but it sounds like you
have a deeply dysfunctional relationship with him.
No, no, no, no.
It's kind of like how you feel about Colin and Che.
Oh, come on, no, I love Colin and Che.
They're the best.
I will say, like, I do feel like their chemistry is like a work in progress.
Seth Meyers, everybody!
Lauren Betts has been growing up, everybody.
Well, you guys, if you may have seen in the lead up to the 50th anniversary,
there have been a lot of SNL-related lists and rankings.
Here with his ranking of the best weekend update anchors of all time is former
update anchor Bill Murray.
Thank you, Colin.
Let's just jump right in.
In honor of Black History Month, I want to start by ranking the
African-American weekend update anchors.
We'll start with number one, and this is by default... Michael Che.
Now we'll move on to the regular weekend update anchors.
Regular?
What do you mean, regular?
These are in no particular order, so I've listed them from worst to best.
First off, I have to disqualify myself because my
entire time here I was on performance-enhancing drugs.
It's what we call an 8H shaker, Quaaludes, cocaine, and nighttime theraflue.
Number ten.
He's one of the all-time greats, Mr. Colin Quinn.
Had you for a second.
No, don't worry.
Numbers nine, eight, and seven.
Okay, heads up.
Kevin Nealon, come on.
Janice Miller.
And Seth Meyers.
I just wish we had the time tonight to say something nice about any of them.
We actually do probably have enough time.
Yeah, we're right here at six now, okay?
Alright, Colin, this could be you, huh?
Is it?
No, it is not.
The next two are controversial.
This was tough.
But I'm gonna put Tina and Amy just ahead of Tina and Jimmy, okay?
I'm sorry, Jimmy, I'm sorry, and congratulations, Tina.
It was close, but I checked online, and girl
on girl is still, like, very, very popular.
Okay, next up, Cornelius Crane Chase, who we've all come to know as Connie.
Let's face it, weekend updates simply would not exist without him.
So it would be wrong to have him listed at anywhere but number four.
Number three, Jane Curtin and Danny Ackroyd.
The true story, I was the first to call Jane an ignorant slut.
Backstage, Danny had the brilliant idea to
say it on camera and really, really mean it.
Number two is Norm MacDonald.
He may have been the best ever, but more importantly, he made me,
for one, ask the question of myself, could O.J.
possibly have done it?
So that brings us to number one.
Colin, got a good feeling about this.
Okay, number one is funny.
He's got a great smile.
And he's currently sleeping every kind of way
with the lovely actress Scarlett Johansson.
Of course, I'm talking about my brother, Brian Boyle Burr.
I'm told he's a very, very considerate lover.
That's it.
I couldn't be happier to be here.
Bill Murray, everybody!
Thank you all for coming.
I'm General Fairfax with the U.S.
Space Force.
This is Dr. Tyler from SETI.
We are eager to talk to you as you have all experienced a verified alien abduction.
This is wild.
One minute, we're three friends slamming Miller Tallboys behind a Dollar Tree.
Now we're sitting at the Pentagon.
Hey, I've been meaning to ask, like, why do you
call it the Pentagon when it's only got five sides?
Because a shape with five sides is called the Pentagon.
I don't think that's right.
We'll look into it.
Now, let's start with how you were all brought aboard this spacecraft.
Well, this beam of light appeared from the bottom of the ship, floated me up like a
soft hand beckoning me.
Same, same.
And we met these two beautiful glowing aliens who took our hands and said, welcome.
I've never felt so safe.
And you, Ms. Rafferty?
Yeah, a little different for me.
I was less cradled by light and more grabbed by a giant rusty claw,
which yanked me right out of my slacks.
So I'm pantsless, right?
I'm folded in half like a wallet, nips to knees.
I'm getting winched skyward with my vagity and my tragedy flapping in the breeze.
And I'm tossed into the bottom of the ship.
I see my old pals, the gray aliens with the big dumb eyes.
Ms. Rafferty, I'm told this is your fifth time being abducted by these gray aliens?
Yeah.
Only other place I've been pantsless five times is Six Flags.
Okay, well, let's move past that.
Now, what happened next in the upper part of the ship?
Well, the smart aliens bathed us in this glowing liquid that erased all my pain.
My bad knee didn't even hurt.
I busted a few years back playing paintball.
Competitive.
Okay, don't know why you winked at me after saying that, but let's continue.
Were you also bathed in this light, sir?
Yes, ma'am.
It felt better than any drug, including the ones I'm on right now.
Okay, see, now that really tweaks my cheeks, because down in steerage,
the mood was tense.
Strange.
Now, what do you think could have caused this reaction?
Well, between you, me, and Jesus C, I think it
had to do with the state of my down-there hair.
Because remember, I'm Donald Duck in it, okay?
Shirt, no pants.
So my poke bowl and my smokey hole are out.
And, pubically speaking, nature has reclaimed the earth.
Last time I had a Brazilian down there, it was
2002, his name was Diego, and he got strep throat.
I don't know, who mows the lawn in winter, am I right?
Amen.
Okay, I'll ask you maybe not to say amen to that kind of comment.
Miss Rafferty, I'm failing to see what your unkempt
private area has to do with the alien's demeanor.
Okay, my theory is, I think they thought it was an animal.
Because, wait, Kermit, do you mind?
Here, look.
First, they didn't know if it was friendly, so they're cautious,
and they're kind of... They're going up, tapping it, and then going...
And then, then the alpha comes in, and he challenges it, right?
He goes like this.
And then, so he gives a thumbs up, like, we're good.
It's tame.
And then, whoa, it's play time.
And then one of them, sorry, Dusty, do you mind?
One of them comes up under it, puts it on like a wig.
He's doing this, he's like doing prop comedy.
And then another one, he's trying to, he's trying to, he's like wrestling with it.
Like it's his brother pulling me all around the room.
So I look down, I see a guy between my legs with a smile on his face,
and I'm like, I don't know, first time for everything.
Amen.
Okay, again, not a thing to say amen to.
Anyway, this goes on about 15 minutes until who comes through the door?
But my friggin' mother, Colleen Senior.
Yes, we actually had some questions for her as well.
I'm here, I'm here, I'm here.
Sorry, sorry, my bathroom break took longer than I thought.
My number one turned into a number three.
Mega MILF alert.
Sir, let's not.
Now, Mrs. Rafferty, you had been abducted earlier that same evening.
Yep, us Rafferty gals, we always attracted the freaks.
For years I thought Colleen's father was part
alien, but turns out he was just uncircumcised.
Amen.
You gotta stop, please stop.
Stop.
Anyways, I still had my pants on when they took me.
But that was good, because much like her, I got into the woods sort of a situation.
My ex used to say that it was like trying to hack his way through the black forest.
Okay, I feel like we're off track.
You said that after arriving on the ship, the aliens lost interest and quote,
stuck you in a closet?
Yeah, yeah, can you believe that?
I mean, I'm used to being stuffed into closets, but it's usually, you know,
when the guy's wife comes home late or something.
Or early, or whatever.
Anyway, so I'm... All of a sudden I hear them screaming, this one.
And so I just kind of bust out of that...
I just bust out, and I just kick those little...
I just kick those little pervs away.
Wow, you are a good mama.
Yeah.
Well, a good mother can also be a bad girl.
What's your name, mustache?
Okay, can we not do any of that right now, please?
How did you all exit the spacecraft?
That same softfly picked me up and placed me back in my bed.
Me, too.
That light even tucked me in, which was so thoughtful of it.
And how did you two depart the spacecraft?
Well, in the past I've just been pushed out of a
hatch, but this time that's what happened, too.
Yeah, but my pants got snagged on a piece of metal, so they're gone.
And then, as for underwear, underwear-wise, you know, this devil wears nada.
Basically, we just kind of as a free fall for 40 feet with our carpets and our
tarpets on full display.
We crashed through a ceiling.
We land ass up on top of Phil McDermott.
Yeah.
And who is Phil McDermott?
He's a gentleman whose family I bet wish they went with the clothes casket funeral.
Not the worst thing my mom and I have done in a church.
Okay, let's please, let's not finish that story at all.
Thank you for your candor.
We're going to take you for some psychological tests now.
Oh, we'll save you the trouble.
Fail.
That's a wrap.
It was early.
You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh, young man.
Oh, my God.
Lorraine Newman.
Would you mind keeping this studio open a few minutes longer?
Of course.
Take as long as you need.
Oh, God.
50 years.
Excuse me?
What up?
Oh, you startled me.
That's all.
I thought I was alone.
I'm Lorraine.
Newman.
Okay.
What's your name?
Chad.
Well, hi, Chad.
I'm sorry to disturb you.
I just, I used to work here.
Back when the show first started.
Hey.
Oh, Chad.
Chad, do you think maybe you could take a five-minute break?
I was hoping to have a quiet moment in here.
Okay.
Actually, would you join me?
It might be nice to have some company.
Okay.
Wow, look at us.
Look at our clothes.
Gay.
God, I was so young.
But you know what I had back in 1975?
Big ass bush?
No, Chad.
I had ambition.
We all did, but God, we were terrified.
I think that's why we clung to each other like we did, which of course created its
own problems with all the partying and the sex.
Oh, what up?
Oh, I was wild.
I would have been all over you back then.
Gay.
But I'm not like that anymore.
Okay.
Chad, would you do me a favor?
Do me.
Would you put a follow spot on me?
I just want to feel what it's like to walk onto that stage one more time.
Okay.
I'm ready, Chad.
My bad.
Jesus.
My bad.
So unflattering.
My bad.
There we go.
I can almost hear the laughs, Chad.
The band.
That famous sax.
I can almost feel what it was like when all of this was new.
Okay.
I can almost see my old friends.
Sandy.
Thanks for indulging me, Chad.
I have so many wonderful memories here.
I'm sure you do too.
I hope you realize how lucky you are to work here, Chad.
It's a pretty magical place.
Okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Sandler.
Yeah, baby!
Let's hear it for Jack, baby!
Jack made it out tonight!
Love you, brother.
Okay, here we go.
Everyone in this room has something in common.
All of our lives were changed by the show.
Everyone in this room has something else in common.
None of us were allowed to use the little bathroom in Lauren's office.
50 years.
Saturday Night Live's been on for 50 years.
50 years of your sketch killing at read-through.
And finding out they didn't pick it because the host didn't want to take off his shirt.
50 years of Tuesday late-night pizza.
35 years of Pepto-Bismol from nurse Teresa.
Yeah, baby!
50 years of the cast looking straight at the cue cards.
And 30 years of drunk Wally holding the cue cards upside down.
Is that it, baby, Wally?
50 years of writers seeing Spielberg at Lauren's monitors.
Not laughing at one of their sketches that he obviously hated.
50 years of those same writers then getting wasted at the after-party.
And loudly telling everybody that Jaws was overrated.
50 years of Frank calling some New York magazine critic.
50 years of finding out your favorite musician's anti-Semitic.
50 years of asking an intern to pick up your laundry at 2.30am.
Not realizing that the intern was Martin Scorsese's kid.
Or Nora Ephron's kid.
Or Randy Newman's kid.
Or whoever Lauren had dinner with on Wednesday night's kid.
50 years of cast members saying, I'm not getting on enough.
Their spirits are broken and their hearts are full of malice.
50 years of them storming off to tell Lauren how they really feel.
Then chickening out and saying, hey, Lauren, I knitted this scarf for Alice.
50 years of waking up Sunday afternoon depressed.
50 years of Downey not writing the cold open until five minutes before dress.
And Colin, 50 years of wondering who's going
to take over the show when Lauren retires.
But everyone knows that the answer is of course Speedy.
50 years of young comedians getting hired for the show.
From stand-up growling Second City and all the rest.
50 years of cast members saying, I think our cast is the greatest of all time.
But we all know that the first cast was the best.
And because of them.
We got four years of Eddie Murphy.
Eight years of Will Forte.
Five years of Jan Hooks and Gilda.
Six of Victoria, 11 of Che.
Three years of Melanie Hutzel.
Michael McKean crushed it in two.
One of Billy Crystal.
Six of Dennis Miller.
Eight of Harbin the Glue.
Seven years of Drach and Wigg.
Five years of Terry and Quinn.
Four of Kazarinsky and Clagon.
Eleven of Armisen.
Fourteen years of Davis and Handy.
Schiller and Smigel like 25.
Eighteen of Audrey Dickman and Davey Wilson.
Plus Among and Disco and Bobby Van Ryde.
Thirty years of Downey.
Forty-five years of Lorne.
Six years of our boy Farley.
Five of our buddy Norm.
Fifty years of one of us getting to say live from New York it's Saturday night.
Fifty years of standing on home base waving good night and good bye.
Fifty years of the best times of our lives.
Tuesday on NBC and Peacock.
Hot dogs and heroin.
Get your hot dogs and heroin here.
Hello, kind sir.
We just moved here from the small towns we grew up in.
That's right.
We're both young and the same age.
And we have dreams of making it big here in New York City.
You're moving to New York?
Now?
It's 1975.
New York is dying.
It's a bankrupt hellhole.
It is?
Well, let's get out of here.
No.
We're poets and dreamers and New York is where we belong.
So, one hot dog with heroin please.
Very well.
Hot dog and heroin.
Tell these boys what New York City is all about.
Baby, look at me.
And tell me what you see.
This old city is going to hell.
Trash and urine is all you can smell.
You're gonna get shot in a taxi.
You're gonna get stabbed on the train.
Where are we now, John?
It's the 1980s.
We're at a power lunch on Wall Street.
Oh, New York is fine now?
If you're white, yes.
It's all thanks to the boom on the stock market
and a new diet that's been sweeping the city.
Cocaine and some vodka.
What a wonderful face.
Cocaine and some vodka.
It's how the Mets win their games.
You need no sleeping for a couple of days.
It's a power mix that tricks your dicks.
Cocaine and some vodka.
Wow, I bet Disney's gonna be psyched.
But won't all this Wall Street money make it
harder for artists like me to afford to live here?
It will.
And as we enter the 90s, Times Square will be transformed from pimps and
pornographers into something even filthier.
Cartoon mascots.
But the old guard will not go quietly.
Look down, look down.
You're standing in my grave.
Look down, you fool.
They say I have saved.
Pimps like you will never change.
But sweep away the scum like you.
No, you know nothing of my life.
My duty is to parade.
The tourists will pose next to me.
And maybe also have sex machines.
So you'll see how.
But look, it's the one who will unite them.
A character in Times Square who's family-friendly, but also a prostitute.
The green M&M.
I dreamed a dream of times gone by When I was high on meth and Skittles So different
than it used to be So different from this hell I'm living So different now than it
used to be But Giuliani killed the dream I dreamed Kristen, what are you doing?
Stop.
God, what are you doing?
That's right.
Rudolph Giuliani.
Here in post-9-11 New York, the city has rallied like never before.
Rudy.
Rudy, you're America's mayor.
You're beloved all across the country.
This is your big shot.
What are you gonna do with it?
Simple.
I am throwing away my shot.
Hey, yo, I'm just like my city.
I'm drunk, corrupt, and crazy.
And I am throwing away my shot.
Everybody sing.
What?
Rise up.
Election conspiracy's gonna rise up.
I'll plant the seeds in there.
Rise up.
He's getting crazy by degrees.
Gonna rise up.
Do I get this ball?
I'm throwing away my shot.
And after Michael Bloomberg took New York to new heights.
In terms of how unaffordable it became.
Great impression.
And Bill de Blasio brought us universal pre-K and universal marijuana.
Hey, that's not nice.
The honorable Mayor Eric Adams brought swagger back to NYC.
Yeah, that's right.
Homeless dudes who want to push people onto the subway tracks.
They got that swagger bag, baby.
Whoo!
And somehow New York today feels like it's back in the 70s.
Back on Skid Row.
That's right.
Skid Row.
Oh my god, who hit you?
Colin?
No, not this time.
You see, there's a new menace on the streets of our city.
Suddenly e-bikers Suddenly e-bikes Are trying to kill you
It's Max Delivering album I mean, then why even live in New York anymore?
It's too loud.
It's too dangerous.
They give rats free birth control, but not human women.
I mean, if this is what New York is, I'm out.
Wait, Pete.
And where did Spade go, by the way?
Oh, he sat back down in the audience.
Yeah, I got a feel for it.
Pete, Pete, before you turn your back on New York, remember what this city gave you.
Herpes?
No, this city didn't give you that.
I meant remember how this city inspired you.
Just because the art scene and the music
scene are dead and the city is a bunch of T.D.
Banks and Le Pen cotidiennes, you can't just give up.
I'm just asking you, nay, all of us here, to still believe in the power of New York
and to give the city we love.
Even though it's full of crime, I guess I'd spend my time.
One day more, we would not live another place.
Though we cannot afford an apartment.
One day more, we will surround, unite and dare.
Our rise to power's merely started.
One day more, a solution.
How to stop the violent crime.
Most cities don't have more people.
Here it happens all the time.
I dreamed a dream that King Kong died.
Then I remembered he's in Florida.
My place is here.
I fight with you.
We'll discover what our godless city has in store.
One more dawn.
One more day.
One day more.
Ladies and gentlemen, 17-time host Alec Baldwin.
Thank you.
Good evening, everyone.
I'm Alec Baldwin.
I should have corrected you about that a long time ago.
I'm here to introduce some of the best commercial
parodies to ever appear on Saturday Night Live.
I'd also like to thank the fine folks who are sponsoring this segment.
Are you having trouble falling asleep?
Reach for after update.
Nothing puts people...
Nothing puts people to sleep faster than the sketches that air after update.
And also third-year veneers.
All new cast members arrive here with no money and gacked-up teeth.
But by year three, you better believe they're getting third-year veneers.
Right, Sarah?
You bet, Alec.
And it does never bite into an apple.
And now, we're going to have without further ado, here are some commercials.
You kids go ahead.
I want to have a talk with your old grandma.
You're still having control problems, aren't you?
I just don't feel confident, Harvey.
Come with me.
I want to let you in on a little secret.
Here we are.
Oops, I crapped my pants.
I logged a lot of miles trading for that day.
And I've downed a lot of donuts.
Little Chalk-A-Donuts have been on my trading table since I was a kid.
Well, there's fiber, and then there's high fiber.
Mmm, Bowlin' Blow.
Wow!
I think I get the picture!
Kept the edge.
A chia edge.
Hi, I'm Mel.
We're Mel's Sharp House.
Where you find your own cow, you cut your own steaks.
Wilson Trapdoors.
Hadley and Watch.
The British toothpaste.
But can it copy your ass?
The Xerox 790 ass jet can.
So why not share the most intimate moment of them all with the Love Toilet?
The Canon AE-1.
A camera so simple, even Stevie Wonder can use it.
Robots are everywhere, and they eat old people's medicine for fuel.
Now there's a company that offers coverage
against the unfortunate event of a robot attack.
Old glory insurance.
Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs.
This Mother's Day, give her something that says, I'm not a woman anymore, I'm a mom.
With Tylenol BM, I know I'm going to get a good night's sleep.
I sleep through my first dump in the morning.
Dolan, did you just hit the bed?
How about new Crackle Note Flakes, now with Ecstasy?
NutraQuick, anal suppository.
Pepto-Bismol Ice.
John Ham's John Ham.
Crystal Gravy.
Baby Spanx.
Baby Chew Pays.
GOB Tampons.
Made for a woman by Republicans.
With Roomba.
It's a robot and it cleans my business.
My lady business.
And I like that.
Using Bosley's breakthrough technique, hair is
harvested from the mezzanine and brought to the head.
Now that's what I call a taco.
Well, it's not a Taco Town taco until we roll it up in a blueberry pancake.
Taco Town!
It's almost pizza.
Pizza that's practically pizza in every way, except for a few key ones.
I'll eat it.
No!
This ain't a T-shirt.
It's a Z-shirt.
Is that an A-shirt?
Um, absolutely not.
Is it a B-shirt?
No, man.
Is it a C-shirt?
No, it's a Z-shirt.
Swift to me.
For when you realize you love Taylor Swift.
Hey, babe, we need those sartinos.
What's going on back there?
I f***ing love Dunkin' Guy.
What are you talking about?
Hey, you can't smoke in here, man.
I'm not, Mark.
I'm not smoking in here.
You're smoking in here.
I'm not seeing a cigarette.
It's coming in through the cracks.
Ivanka.
Complicit.
The Toilet Death Ejector.
Ozempic Ferramidon.
Heroin AM.
EMF.
Xanax for gay summer weddings.
Cialis for three ways.
Nuva Bling.
Undercover office potty.
Bathroom Cobra.
Brogame.
Dry opening.
Royal deluxe tube.
It's not as dirty.
For a smile that says, yum.
Introducing wells for sensitive little boys from Fisher Price.
You don't want to do the commercial anymore?
Okay.
Okay, he wants to go back to the well.
I agree.
I think Jenna needs a vacation.
I agree.
Hello, hello.
Hello, hi, I'm Jodie.
Hi, I'm Betty.
Welcome to Bronxby.
Yes.
This is a very special episode because we are
coming to you from the SNL 50th anniversary show.
That's right, ooh la la.
I am seeing so many icons.
What an incredible night.
Out there we got very famous people in the audience.
Actor, actor.
Actor.
Conan O'Brien.
Actor.
And look at this guy.
Oh yeah.
Look at this guy.
He's a cutie.
Hey, hi.
Hi, who are you?
Who are you?
Hi cutie, what are you doing?
I'm an actor.
Oh, you know what?
Let me get up here.
Talk to us up close.
Come on.
We don't have time.
The show is 30 minutes long.
Okay, so tell us your name honey.
Who are you?
Miles Teller.
Oh, you're cute, Miles.
You're cute.
Miles, I like your smile.
Miles is smiles for Miles.
Smiley Teller.
So you're an actor.
So what's that like?
You know what, Miles, if I was an actor and I had to kiss
someone in a movie, I would immediately fall in love.
You know, it's actually not very romantic.
If my job was to be in movies and do love scenes, I'd be in jail.
So Miles, we want to know every little single thing about you.
How did you get your start?
Well, I really caught the acting bug when I was a sophomore in high school in Florida.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no.
Don't start that far back.
We don't have that kind of time.
Yeah, Miles, we're not immortal.
Yeah.
Okay.
Stick to the highlights, Miles.
What do we know you from?
Well, I was in Top Gun Maverick.
Okay, there we go.
We saw it right there.
We've seen that.
Look at you.
Look at you in Top Gun 2.
Top Gun 2.
It's actually Top Gun Maverick.
Oh, Top Gun 2.
Top Gun 2.
Look at you, little cutie.
Top Gun 2.
I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of you in Top Gun 2 with Tom Cruise.
Who'd you play?
I played Rooster.
Rooster.
Okay.
Okay, Rooster.
I remember you.
That was you playing football on the beach, tussling with Tom Cruise, huh?
Let me ask you a question, Rooster.
You like to tussle?
You like to tussle on the beach?
You're a tussler?
Huh?
You're a world-class tussler?
I bet you like to tussle.
I bet you do.
I bet you like to tussle with Tom Cruise on the beach.
I bet you do.
You like to tussle?
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
Cock-a-doodle-doo in Top Gun 2.
Top Gun Maverick.
Oh, well, yeah.
I'm never going to call it that.
She's never going to call it that.
All right, all right.
Thank you.
Yeah, you can go sit down, Rooster.
You got it.
He should be an actor.
He's cute.
Well, all right.
Well, that's all the time we have.
It's a very packed show.
Betty, let's get out of here, you know?
We could go get some coffee or something.
Is somebody talking about coffee?
Oh, my God!
It's amazing to look at you.
It's so good to see you.
Thank you for stopping by.
Well, I was at Zaybards picking up a noodle kugel.
Sure.
And I thought I'd come up and see the girls.
You know, no big work.
Linda, we are thrilled you are here.
You look wonderful.
Thank you.
Look at you.
Both of you.
You look like butter.
Skin just like butter.
Oh, my God.
Linda, come on.
Linda, stop it.
Oh, come on.
Look at you.
Two big sticks of butter.
That's what you are.
Well, I do use a salve on my skin that is made of stem cells and snail mucin.
I think it's snail sperm.
Yeah.
Well, and I have been drinking only six nights a week.
Good for you.
So, tell us, Linda, how is our mutual friend Paul Baldwin?
Well, our dear friend Paul Baldwin is in a clinic here in the city.
He's got advanced spilkes in his connect...
They flew him up from Boca Raton in an iron lung.
Oh, no.
Poor, poor.
What a shander.
Poor Baldwin.
It's terrible.
I'm just telling you right now, I'm getting a little verklempt.
Talk amongst yourselves.
I'll give you a topic.
The Progressive Era was neither progressive nor an era.
Discuss.
Okay, I think I'm going to pull through.
You're right.
Thanks, God.
Poo, poo, poo.
So, Linda, how are you doing?
Well, it's been a tough year so far.
No.
Linda, what's wrong?
I have a hematoma prenomea infarctum.
Long story short, my zorch is on fire.
I had to have it moved up four inches, you know, where my belly button used to be.
I can't wear belts.
Your what?
Your zorch.
My zorch.
Your what?
Your zorch.
My zorch.
I think she means her downtown area.
Yes.
All right, all right, all right.
Yes, yes, and sit-ups are out of the question, for sure.
Give me a break.
Who wants to do sit-ups?
Who does?
You know what I want to do?
Sit down.
Exactly.
You know, who likes sitting down?
My stupid husband.
Here we go.
Yeah, I heard about the husband.
All he does is sit around and watch Outlander reruns on Starz.
So dumb.
Yeah.
Now she's getting verklempt.
Here she goes.
Kick on the waterworks.
Okay.
So stupid.
But I love him so much.
I know.
Give me my four children.
I want them to live forever.
I know.
All right, well, you better pray he doesn't get...
I'm never going to be able to say this.
His Splunk is oink in his gazoinky-joink.
Splunk is in his gazoinky-joink.
Now I'm getting verklempt again.
Here she goes.
I'm getting verklempt.
And I'm verklempt too.
Okay, well, everybody's crying.
My SSRIs must be booming because I don't feel a thing.
Yes.
I'm a shell.
Can I just say something?
We're all miracles.
Maybe the secret of life is that there are no big
whoops, only a series of small agonizing whoops.
You are so right, Linda.
Bring it in.
You are so right, Linda.
You know what?
The whole world's going to blow up.
Yeah, who cares?
Smoke them if you got them.
Exactly.
Have a glass of wine.
So what, who cares?
Have two glasses of wine.
Who cares?
Yeah, you know what, ladies?
You know what we should do?
We should go for a glass of wine.
Right now.
You know what?
Bad news?
It's raining.
But good news?
It's sweater weather.
Sweater weather.
We're going to have some wine.
Let's go.
Sweater weather.
Did you have your sweater weather?
Ladies and gentlemen, Little Wayne and the Roots.
Ladies and gentlemen, what the f**k though?
Where the love go?
Five, four, three, two, I let one go.
Go,
five, four, three, two, I let one go.
Thank you.
And I ain't never seen a body like hers.
That body in my mouth had me lost for words.
I told her back it up like burp, burp.
She made that thing jump like rrrp, rrrp.
And that's when she hit it.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
Excuse my charisma.
Baka with a spritzer.
Swagger down pat.
You can call my Patricia.
Young money militia.
I am the commissioner.
You don't want to start reading, cause the F is your finisher.
So misunderstood.
What's a world without enigma?
Two women at the same time.
Sanctronized swimmers.
Got the girl twisted, cause she open when you twist her.
I never met the girl, but I, like I'm Mr. Life is a, and death is a sister.
Sweet is a cousin with a ugly family picture.
You know all the time, we all know mother nature.
It's all in the family.
I am of no relation.
No matter who's buying, I'm a celebration.
Black and white diamond, segregation.
My money up, you just running up.
Young money running it.
Young boys just wanna hug.
I don't feel I done enough.
I'ma keep on doing this.
It's a 2G, a young tournament.
Ba-ba-da.
You can't beat them, then you pop them.
You can't man them, then you mob them.
You can't stand them, then you drop them.
You drop them cause we pop them right over in my car.
I'm killed.
A million here, a million there.
So silly, you think we're long hair.
We work in a derriere.
I work in a business here.
I open a Lamborghini.
Open up to see me.
Look at that guy, that's so easy.
He's a beast, a dog.
That boy is a problem.
Look at your ribbon.
What's that going to a goblin?
Thank you.
Happy 50th year.
As we celebrate the achievements of the past 50 years,
we must also take a moment to honor those who we've lost.
Countless members of the SNL family taking from us too soon.
I'm speaking of course about SNL characters and sketches that have aged horribly.
But even though these characters, accents, and let's just call them ethnic
wigs, were unquestionably in poor taste, you all laughed at them.
So if anyone should be cancelled, shouldn't it be you, the audience?
Something to think about.
Anyway, we now present to you this in memoriam.
NAFTA helps us both.
It will give me a job, your job.
I make a cup of coffee for you, believe me.
You like it, believe me.
Now why
don't you drop out of that green jumpsuit and show me that fat ass?
Hey sexy, what do you say we adjourn to the janitor's
closet, jot chow, and see if I can hit baby?
I've been at the library researching cloaking smells.
We are reaching a rude boy shampoo, you know?
It looks like this is my lucky day.
I'll take the rapists for 200.
That's therapist.
Don't look at my bum, I don't look at your bum.
I made a little video diary to show everybody how it is to be a host here.
I made my grandmother's special recipe for Cocker Spaniel.
Alright, Margaret, you wanted prime rib, okay?
I know it's not your first choice, but keep in mind, you're a ______ dog.
Don't tell the other way.
Jane, you ignorant slut.
They got guys dancing with guys, girls dancing with
girls, guys who look like girls dancing with girls.
They're gay, all right.
You don't even know what gay is.
Our fetus ain't quibble.
Gay Hitler, everyone.
I didn't like it the first time when it was called Chasing Amy.
Shut up, you ass.
Oh my god, that athlete just yelled at that mentally challenged guy.
Run, throw, and catch like a girl Olympics.
The winner is...
For those of you hissing at that joke, it should
be noted that that joke was written by a woman.
No, I'm just kidding, we don't hire women.
Happy holidays to everyone except New Jersey.
What the hell was that?
Happy holidays, Mr. Jackson.
Please welcome Ma Shu Quinn, Shu Chow, and Li Hai.
Welcome to the celebrity battle of the sexes and races.
Oh, Jason.
You know you're a pretty beautiful woman, huh?
Robert Blaine.
Puff Daddy.
Don't judge a book by its cover.
My man is like R.
Kelly.
Thank you to R.
Kelly.
I'm Jared Fogle from Subway.
Black trash.
Jungle bunny.
Hunker.
Spade.
Hunky hunker.
F***.
Dead hunker.
Hi, guys.
Hi, Ayo.
Hi, Drew.
Hi.
Good to see you.
Good to see you, Drew.
I didn't know you knew Ayo.
Oh, yeah, we just met in the bathroom, actually.
Crawled under her stall.
I'm a big fan.
My kind of gal.
What a night, huh?
Let's celebrate.
I know.
You know what?
Is there a bartender here?
What can I get you?
You know, it's a celebration.
I'm thinking some bubbly.
Yeah, let's do it.
I love that.
Yeah, it's great.
Here you go, guys.
Thank you.
All right.
Here it is.
Party.
SNL 50.
Cheers.
Are you seeing the latest study on alcohol?
Even one drink can significantly slash life expectancy.
Okay,
I think, you know, sometimes you just got to celebrate.
I mean, this is such a special night.
I agree.
To SNL, here's to another 50 years.
Cheers.
This helps humanity last that long.
At this point, it looks like we're going the way of the white rhino.
What are you talking about?
There are only two left in captivity, and they're both female.
Well, here is a toast to all of the friends we've made, both old and new.
Aw, two friends.
Hey, amen to that.
Hey, just a heads up.
We don't have any eggs.
What?
Why would we want eggs?
Bird Blue's on the rampage.
Millions of fowl have already been culled.
Debbie, we're trying to have fun, okay?
We're trying to have a nice time.
Why don't you go take five?
Believe me, I'd love to sit down.
My right foot is throbbing.
Pretty sure it's my old friend Gout.
Thank you.
Hey.
Hey, Bobby!
Nice to see you.
Excuse me, I'm just such a big fan.
Well, it's good to see you.
Can I have a tequila and a soda with a straw?
You talking to me?
Is that supposed to be a joke?
No, I'm asking.
I have dry eye, and it's hard to discern if you were talking to me.
Just give me a drink.
Okay, sure.
Coming right up.
Here you go.
There you go with that.
There you go.
Kind of surprised you want a straw.
Why's that?
Microplastics.
At this point, we're all walking landfills.
Sorry, they've already taken up residence in your testes.
Deborah, I'm going to talk now, and you're going to shut it.
I do not appreciate this conversation.
I don't want to talk about plastic in my balls.
I want to laugh and feel joy and have a sliver
of hope for three goddamn hours of my life.
That's all I want.
I came here tonight to get a little friggin' break from our world right now,
which is like living in a full diaper.
Diapers are a leading culprit in the microplastic saga.
It's not worth it.
She thinks she's helping, okay?
My kids taught me to think the best of people.
Speaking of kids, it's official.
I can't have children.
I told you that once, Jimmy.
Yeah, did you?
Yeah, I don't remember it.
You know what, Debbie?
Jimmy's right.
Why don't you join us in a toast?
Okay.
Okay, let me get my drink.
To laughter, to friendship, to 50 years!
And to continuing advances in curing feline aids.
It's the number one killer of domestic cats.
Meow!
No, you can't stop, Debbie.
Come on, seriously.
All right, you knuckleheads, listen up!
I bet you'd think robbing a convenience store is a good idea.
A convenience store is pretty boss, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, whatever, man.
Get bent.
All right.
Yeah, you may think this is one big joke, but it's not.
That's why I invited two representatives from the Scared Straight program.
They're inmates over at Larchmont Maximum Security Prison, and they're here to warn
you about the dangers of a criminal lifestyle.
McIntosh!
May!
Get in here!
All right, here we come!
Sit your asses down!
Man, I said on your feet!
Sit your asses down before I kill somebody in this mother...
All right.
My name is Lorenzo McIntosh.
And my name is All the Way Ray May, because I don't do nothing halfway.
What they in here for, chief?
Let me guess.
Manipulating crypto market?
No, no, that's a terrible guess.
No.
No, I caught these little bozos shoplifting.
Oh, shoplifting, huh?
Oh, it starts with shoplifting.
Guess where it ends?
Genocide!
What?
Boy!
You better listen up!
You think you tough, huh?
You real street.
Well, guess what?
When I was a boy, I watched both my parents die in these streets.
That's right.
And the family that adopted him made him sleep under the staircase.
Until one day I got a letter from an owl telling me
I had to report to some kind of school for wizards.
Is that what you want, huh?
You and Hermione got to stop he-who-must-not-be-named
before he gets his hands on the source of a stone?
Because this here is real!
That's definitely Harry Potter.
Hey, boy, you better... Oh, no!
Shut your damn mouth!
You must be out your mind.
Because in prison, there'll be a dude entering your chamber of secrets.
He'll be slipping right into your ass caban.
Yeah, you're not gonna be in Hogwarts.
There'll be warts on your hog.
From all the hufflepuffing!
Then the dude I would describe as Sirius Black is gonna wave his wand in your face
and say, expecto fallatio!
Hey!
No, no, no!
Absolutely not!
Come on, now!
Come on, expecto fallatio!
Good Lord, fellas, come on, that's a children's book!
Apologize.
That's on us, chief.
We stepped on the line.
That's just a two-point shot.
Now, which one of y'all is the ringleader?
Well, I didn't realize it was national right out of Latino Day.
Get on your damn feet!
Oh, yeah, look at them pretty brown eyes.
They gonna love you in prison, Arianna Paquino.
Now, why'd you shoplift, huh?
I was just trying to impress my girlfriend.
She thick as hell.
You think I never tried to impress a woman?
You know once I was a 400-pound professor, huh?
And I fell in love with Jane Pinkett!
But he was ashamed of his weight, so he drank
a serum that turned him into Buddy Love.
Isn't that what you want, huh?
Isn't it?
Then you go to a dinner at the club's house and you
realize that everybody at the table is the same person.
Yo, okay, that's almost certainly the Nutty Professor.
Oh, no!
Just pay him!
Do what he did!
Watch what he does!
But that's what you're gonna get!
You better shut your damn mouth!
Because in prison, you'll be professing your love of
nuts, all right, but you won't be losing no 200 pounds.
You'll be gaining nine inches!
They gonna give you a secret potion.
Muscle relaxers.
You be handling so many dudes at once, they'll all be cheering at the same time.
Hurt to leave!
No, no, no!
Absolutely not!
No, I look, I, no, hey, I let that go way too long because I'm a fan of the film.
But come on!
These are children, fellas, all right?
30-year-old children.
Come on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
Let me tell you how.
No one else is wearing their spring uniform.
Who the hell is this guy?
That's Big Ray.
That's right.
They called me Big Red.
Because of your hair?
No, because I'm well red.
I got six GEDs and a nagging UTI.
And I'd like to offer a counterpoint.
Prison?
Actually really fun.
I'm in an improv group.
I'm scrapbooking like crazy.
Outside?
I never used to get laid.
Now I'm having sex 50, 60 times a day.
It's incredible.
Yeah, but don't let all of that fool you.
This man is tough as nails.
Tough as press on nails.
You better believe that, buster.
Tell him your story, Red.
Well, you see, I was abandoned as a baby by my human parents.
So I was forced to grow up at the North Pole.
And you know, well, I'm just going to skip ahead.
It's Elf.
I'm talking about Elf.
This here is real.
This here is Elf.
I mean real.
Wait, so you were an Elf?
I knew you were a little bitch.
Oh, he's trying to play us out, Red.
You killed his mother.
The night that lights went out, Georgia.
You better keep your damn mouth shut.
Because in prison, you're not going to be named Elf.
You're not going to be an Elf named Buddy.
You're not.
No.
You're going to get Elfed in your butt, Gene.
I'm trying.
No, you're doing good.
That's right.
And forget about your North Pole.
What you're going to need to be worrying about is your South Pole.
Because you'll be yelling son of a nutcracker, all right?
But it won't be no Santa coming to town.
It'll be Santos coming in your brain.
No.
Come on.
Good God.
What was I thinking?
No.
Get out of here.
All right.
Let's go.
Come on.
Let's go.
That's no way.
No way.
No thank you.
That's okay.
Red, come on.
Red, we got to go.
Red, we got to go, man.
We got to go.
Boy.
I don't know what I was thinking.
I don't know how that would be helpful, you know?
Ask what Brown could do for you.
Hey, come on.
Enough.
I'm sorry.
That's too much.
It's too much.
It's all right.
You already apologized.
Hello, y'all.
I am Garrett Morris.
Wait a minute.
Are there any cops in the audience?
Then I am Garrett Morris, okay?
And way back there, when I joined the cast of Saturday Night Live, I had no idea,
y'all, that I would be required to do so many reunion shows.
But here I am, okay?
Now look at this film you're going to see.
It's a great film made by my man, Tom Schiller.
In 1978.
And it features the entire cast.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy.
Look back in anger.
I guess this is my stuff.
Die young, leave a good-looking corpse.
Well, I guess they were wrong.
There they are.
This is a not ready for prime time cemetery.
Here's Gilda Radner.
She had her own show on Canadian television for years and years.
The Gilda Radner Show.
Well, at least now I can see her on reruns.
Here's a button, God bless her.
Here's where Lorraine is.
They say she murdered her DJ husband.
Then moved to the Valley in California and had a pecan farm.
She was this big when she died.
Jane Curtin.
She married a stockbroker, had two children.
Moved to upstate New York.
She died of complications during cosmetic surgery.
Here's Garrett Morris.
Garrett left the show and then worked in the Black Theater for years.
And he died of an overdose of heroin.
Here's Bill Murray.
He lived the longest.
38 years.
Well, he was happy when he died though.
He just grown his mustache back.
Probably still growing.
Over here is...
Chevy Chase.
He died right after his first movie with Goldie Hawn.
Over here... is Danny Ackroyd.
I guess he loved his Harley too much.
They clocked him at 175 miles an hour before the crash.
It was a blur.
I had to be called in to identify his body.
I recognized him by his webbed toes.
The Saturday night show was the best experience of my life.
But now they're all gone.
I miss every one of them.
Why me?
Why did I live so long?
They're all dead.
I'll tell you why.
Because I'm a dancer.
Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Paul McCartney.
And I will sing the lullaby.
Once there was a way...
homeward.
Once there was a way...
to get back home.
Now sleep pretty night.
Do not cry.
And I will sing the lullaby.
Gonna
carry that weight, weight along.
I only send you my invitations.
And in the middle of the celebration, I break down.
Beauty is equal to the love.
You made
me.
Takes to make a show like this last for 50 years.
It's these people right around me.
The first cast.
Lorraine Newman.
Jane Curtin.
Kenan Thompson.
Emma Gray.
Billy Crystal.
And finally, the reason we're all here.
The man who made our dreams come true.
The one and only.
Oh, and Paul.
Lorraine Michaels.
I love you all.
Good night and God bless.