1 00:00:07,261 --> 00:00:09,222 -[ambulance siren wailing] -[♪ upbeat music playing] 2 00:00:09,305 --> 00:00:11,015 [Lois] No, Wayne, you cannot have it yet. 3 00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:14,185 Something came up. [sighs] 4 00:00:14,352 --> 00:00:16,437 Can we move this along here, please? 5 00:00:16,521 --> 00:00:17,855 You're not wrapping a Christmas present. 6 00:00:17,939 --> 00:00:20,816 -I've got a party to go to. -Lady, your leg is broken. 7 00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:22,527 -[sighs] -You're not going to do anything 8 00:00:22,610 --> 00:00:24,028 except go home and rest. 9 00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:25,321 Less yapping, more wrapping. 10 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:29,200 Lois, I am so much less high now. 11 00:00:29,283 --> 00:00:31,118 -Sir, please. -And their earlobes are gooshy. 12 00:00:31,244 --> 00:00:33,329 -Gooshy, gooshy. -[chuckles] Stop it. 13 00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:35,331 I want my little hammer back. 14 00:00:35,414 --> 00:00:38,292 [indistinct chatter] 15 00:00:38,543 --> 00:00:39,544 -Bing. -[grunts] 16 00:00:39,627 --> 00:00:41,796 Okay, we'll print your post-treatment orders 17 00:00:41,879 --> 00:00:44,507 -and get you some painkillers. -Yeah, I don't need 'em. 18 00:00:44,590 --> 00:00:46,259 -What are you doing? Sit down. -[♪ comical music playing] 19 00:00:46,342 --> 00:00:47,802 -Your cast is still setting. -[exhales] 20 00:00:47,885 --> 00:00:49,136 You don't even have crutches yet. 21 00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:50,930 You're going to injure yourself even worse. 22 00:00:51,013 --> 00:00:52,890 Then I'll come back after the party tonight 23 00:00:52,974 --> 00:00:55,101 and you can fix that. Come on, Hal. 24 00:00:56,185 --> 00:01:00,147 -Hal? -Oh! Squishy. Oh, squishy. 25 00:01:00,231 --> 00:01:01,274 [♪ music concludes] 26 00:01:01,357 --> 00:01:02,400 [♪ theme music playing] 27 00:01:02,483 --> 00:01:06,404 ♪ Life is unfair ♪ 28 00:01:06,529 --> 00:01:07,989 [♪ music concludes] 29 00:01:08,239 --> 00:01:09,824 -[birds chirping] -[♪ perky music playing] 30 00:01:09,907 --> 00:01:11,117 Okay, come on, let's go. 31 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,618 Mom and Dad are already there waiting. 32 00:01:12,702 --> 00:01:15,413 {\an8}Kelly, breathe. It doesn't start till eight. 33 00:01:15,538 --> 00:01:18,207 {\an8}-You wanna look sharp or not? -I just-- I wish I knew 34 00:01:18,291 --> 00:01:19,625 {\an8}what revenge Reese had planned for me. 35 00:01:19,709 --> 00:01:21,544 {\an8}[chuckles] Don't worry about Reese, 36 00:01:21,627 --> 00:01:23,337 {\an8}'cause you can't do anything about it. 37 00:01:23,713 --> 00:01:25,631 {\an8}It's like a tornado, except there's no alert. 38 00:01:26,007 --> 00:01:27,633 {\an8}It's just something you gotta accept. 39 00:01:27,758 --> 00:01:28,968 [Piama gasping] What the hell? 40 00:01:29,051 --> 00:01:30,511 {\an8}My underwear's already too tight. 41 00:01:30,678 --> 00:01:33,973 {\an8}Francis! Give me a pair of your mom's granny panties! 42 00:01:34,098 --> 00:01:35,641 {\an8}Right away, honey! 43 00:01:37,518 --> 00:01:38,603 {\an8}[♪ party music playing] 44 00:01:38,686 --> 00:01:40,479 {\an8}Wayne, you need to adjust these speakers. 45 00:01:40,563 --> 00:01:41,564 {\an8}I'm not talking about the volume. 46 00:01:41,647 --> 00:01:44,025 {\an8}I'm talking about the mix. That speaker is too quiet, 47 00:01:44,108 --> 00:01:45,484 {\an8}and these three are too loud. 48 00:01:45,568 --> 00:01:47,528 {\an8}And did you remember the backup cables I asked for? 49 00:01:47,612 --> 00:01:49,447 {\an8}I know you don't mean it, but I'm getting a vibe 50 00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:51,240 {\an8}of impatience bordering on menace, 51 00:01:51,324 --> 00:01:52,533 {\an8}and it's pushing my agitation levels 52 00:01:52,617 --> 00:01:54,118 {\an8}past the point of productive conversation. 53 00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,494 {\an8}So, we'll continue this 54 00:01:55,578 --> 00:01:57,204 {\an8}after I've run cold water over my hands. 55 00:01:57,830 --> 00:01:59,248 -Honey, these-- -Hal, please, 56 00:01:59,332 --> 00:02:00,333 I don't need any help. 57 00:02:00,416 --> 00:02:02,710 {\an8}Just back off and let me do everything. 58 00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:04,420 {\an8}Honey, I'm so sorry. 59 00:02:04,503 --> 00:02:07,882 {\an8}I should have realized that my natural enthusiasm 60 00:02:07,965 --> 00:02:11,636 {\an8}was just adding to your stress. You've got this. 61 00:02:11,719 --> 00:02:14,555 {\an8}-Everything is already perfect. -Are you-- Are you still high? 62 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:16,891 {\an8}No. [smacks lips] I'm just more perceptive 63 00:02:17,016 --> 00:02:19,435 {\an8}because of the ego death that I experienced 64 00:02:19,518 --> 00:02:21,687 {\an8}-from my expanded consciousness. -[Lois] Oh. 65 00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:25,066 {\an8}-This is so yummy. -[sighs] 66 00:02:25,691 --> 00:02:27,109 Let me know if you want a break. 67 00:02:27,818 --> 00:02:29,904 I juggle the sound pizzas every Wednesday 68 00:02:29,987 --> 00:02:31,405 at Shadyside Assisted Living. 69 00:02:31,489 --> 00:02:33,741 Yodeling, barbershop, yodeling, barbershop. 70 00:02:33,949 --> 00:02:36,744 People go nuts. [chuckles] 71 00:02:36,911 --> 00:02:39,789 -[♪ upbeat music playing] -[indistinct chatter] 72 00:02:40,289 --> 00:02:43,376 -Wow, I'm surprisingly nervous. -What's surprising about it? 73 00:02:43,459 --> 00:02:44,960 Yeah, you ghosted these people for years, 74 00:02:45,044 --> 00:02:46,629 and now you have to face them and explain why. 75 00:02:46,879 --> 00:02:47,880 Hey. 76 00:02:47,963 --> 00:02:49,131 -[gasps] Hey. -Here's how I see it. 77 00:02:49,215 --> 00:02:51,050 We both wanna avoid Mom and Dad as long as we can, 78 00:02:51,133 --> 00:02:52,635 so we hide until the spotlight dance, 79 00:02:52,718 --> 00:02:54,428 then come out when they're the happiest. 80 00:02:54,512 --> 00:02:56,263 Before then, it's every man for himself. 81 00:02:58,974 --> 00:03:01,435 Nice. Give me her business card later. 82 00:03:02,853 --> 00:03:06,399 -Malcolm? Malcolm! [gasps] -[both gasp] 83 00:03:06,482 --> 00:03:08,234 [chuckles softly] Are those your friends? 84 00:03:08,317 --> 00:03:09,735 I wouldn't call them my friends. 85 00:03:09,819 --> 00:03:13,072 Malcolm! It-- It's us! Y-- Your friends! 86 00:03:13,155 --> 00:03:15,616 [exhales deeply] Hey, guys. 87 00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,702 Oh, how we've missed our fourth musketeer. 88 00:03:21,038 --> 00:03:22,331 Uh, Lloyd, Dabney, Kevin, 89 00:03:22,415 --> 00:03:24,083 this is Tristan and my daughter Leah. 90 00:03:24,792 --> 00:03:27,378 You procreated! What a relief. 91 00:03:27,753 --> 00:03:30,131 The three of us have also created a child. 92 00:03:30,423 --> 00:03:32,174 Like, with a surrogate? 93 00:03:34,093 --> 00:03:36,512 -Sure. -That's our Hubert. 94 00:03:39,807 --> 00:03:40,933 There's an ant! 95 00:03:41,225 --> 00:03:43,394 Don't worry, I have confused him. [chuckles] 96 00:03:44,103 --> 00:03:45,604 So, what have you guys been up to? 97 00:03:45,688 --> 00:03:47,189 GenetiTech Resources. 98 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,734 Incorporated in college and started getting contracts 99 00:03:49,817 --> 00:03:53,279 before we even graduated. Department of Defense. 100 00:03:53,696 --> 00:03:56,490 We're doing so much weird shit. 101 00:03:56,574 --> 00:03:58,492 -Mm. -[chuckles softly] 102 00:03:58,576 --> 00:03:59,869 [gasps] There's your mom. 103 00:04:06,208 --> 00:04:08,711 Uh, Stevie! [pants] Oh, my goodness! 104 00:04:08,794 --> 00:04:11,380 It is so great to see all of you. Oh! 105 00:04:11,839 --> 00:04:13,132 Hi, there. 106 00:04:13,883 --> 00:04:16,802 -This is Tristan and Leah. -Hi. How are you? 107 00:04:16,886 --> 00:04:18,429 I was wonderful. [smacks lips] 108 00:04:18,512 --> 00:04:20,347 Up until the moment I caught my ex-husband 109 00:04:20,431 --> 00:04:23,601 wallowing in his usual vortex of resentment 110 00:04:23,684 --> 00:04:25,853 based on nothing other than his own self-loathing. 111 00:04:25,978 --> 00:04:27,396 But thanks for asking. 112 00:04:28,647 --> 00:04:32,067 Tell your mother I do resent her showing up here 113 00:04:32,151 --> 00:04:35,571 wearing the necklace I gave her 29 years ago 114 00:04:35,654 --> 00:04:36,947 to be my forever love! 115 00:04:37,031 --> 00:04:40,075 It is a slap in the face across space and time! 116 00:04:40,326 --> 00:04:41,327 Tell her. 117 00:04:47,750 --> 00:04:52,463 Dad... [breathes deeply] says... 118 00:04:54,757 --> 00:04:56,217 he does... 119 00:05:00,721 --> 00:05:01,847 resent... 120 00:05:02,973 --> 00:05:05,059 -Run, cowards. -Okay. [chuckles awkwardly] 121 00:05:05,643 --> 00:05:06,644 ...you. 122 00:05:06,769 --> 00:05:08,854 All I'm saying is Dewey is stupid 123 00:05:08,938 --> 00:05:11,440 -to be here on a laptop. -Eat my balls, Jamie. 124 00:05:11,524 --> 00:05:12,650 I'm being considerate. 125 00:05:12,733 --> 00:05:15,444 [clears throat] Excuse me. Hey. I-- 126 00:05:15,528 --> 00:05:17,279 Sorry, we'll have to get back to you. 127 00:05:17,363 --> 00:05:20,783 -We're all just so busy. -Yeah, we're completely swamped. 128 00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:23,244 I-- I'm sorry. I don't have any excuses. 129 00:05:23,327 --> 00:05:26,121 I just wanna clear the air and make it right. 130 00:05:27,081 --> 00:05:28,123 Please. 131 00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:33,212 Well, it's not like this is the first horrible thing you've ever done. 132 00:05:34,129 --> 00:05:36,674 Hey, Leah, do you wanna hear all the horrible things 133 00:05:36,799 --> 00:05:38,175 -he's ever done? -Yes. 134 00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:39,927 Kids. [claps hands] I need some help. 135 00:05:40,010 --> 00:05:41,887 They put the Chiavari chairs and high tables 136 00:05:41,971 --> 00:05:43,597 in front of the low tables, and it's blocking 137 00:05:43,681 --> 00:05:44,723 the eye line to the stage. 138 00:05:44,807 --> 00:05:45,808 Hi, Grandma. 139 00:05:46,725 --> 00:05:48,769 Oh, somebody who actually likes to hug. 140 00:05:48,853 --> 00:05:50,688 I said I would try it for your birthday. 141 00:05:50,771 --> 00:05:52,857 [sighs] Malcolm, I'm so happy you-- 142 00:05:53,691 --> 00:05:55,192 He must have dropped and crawled. 143 00:05:55,818 --> 00:05:57,611 What the heck is wrong with him? 144 00:05:57,695 --> 00:05:58,988 He showed up. Give him a break. 145 00:05:59,071 --> 00:06:01,323 No. Jamie's not ashamed of his family. 146 00:06:01,407 --> 00:06:03,200 You know, how hard it was for him to get permission 147 00:06:03,284 --> 00:06:04,618 to leave the base and come here? 148 00:06:04,702 --> 00:06:06,537 Oh, they don't know that I'm gone. 149 00:06:07,162 --> 00:06:08,622 I'm on guard duty right now. 150 00:06:09,498 --> 00:06:11,375 -[Stevie] ...in... -[slurps] 151 00:06:11,458 --> 00:06:12,793 ...the face... 152 00:06:13,335 --> 00:06:16,505 across space... [breathes deeply] 153 00:06:16,881 --> 00:06:21,135 ...and... [breathes deeply] ...time. 154 00:06:21,218 --> 00:06:23,387 [slurps, smacks lips] Okay, who wants another one? 155 00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:26,432 Well, you can tell your father to find a dictionary 156 00:06:26,515 --> 00:06:28,100 and look up the meaning of the word "gift" 157 00:06:28,183 --> 00:06:30,561 unless it's like every other thing in our relationship 158 00:06:30,644 --> 00:06:33,689 that came with secret conditions that he would only reveal 159 00:06:33,772 --> 00:06:37,109 when he needs to attack me when I'm at my most vulnerable. 160 00:06:41,780 --> 00:06:45,409 [inhales deeply] She loves you. 161 00:06:49,788 --> 00:06:51,373 [Cadet Drew] Cadet Francis, ten-hut! 162 00:06:52,124 --> 00:06:54,335 [all laugh] 163 00:06:54,752 --> 00:06:57,671 That's what military school did to us, baby. 164 00:06:57,755 --> 00:06:58,839 You'll never shake it. 165 00:06:58,923 --> 00:07:01,258 Hey, boys. Wow, you started early. 166 00:07:01,342 --> 00:07:03,260 I think ten is a respectable age. 167 00:07:03,344 --> 00:07:04,803 We were just raising a toast 168 00:07:04,887 --> 00:07:07,097 to our dear old Commandant Spangler. 169 00:07:08,557 --> 00:07:12,603 [all] Rot in hell, you one-armed bastard! [laugh] 170 00:07:12,686 --> 00:07:14,772 Uh, you wanna tell me what's in the sack? 171 00:07:14,855 --> 00:07:16,732 Are you my parole officer? 172 00:07:17,483 --> 00:07:20,110 -No, seriously, are you? -[both laugh] 173 00:07:20,194 --> 00:07:23,155 We decided to do one last caper for old time's sake. 174 00:07:23,906 --> 00:07:25,574 Nice statue head. 175 00:07:25,658 --> 00:07:30,871 [clears throat] I came. I sawed. I conquered. 176 00:07:30,996 --> 00:07:34,166 -[both laugh] -That's good. [laughs] 177 00:07:34,249 --> 00:07:35,876 We're putting that on the Instagram. 178 00:07:35,960 --> 00:07:36,961 Wait... 179 00:07:37,795 --> 00:07:40,965 It was the most beautiful, transcendent experience. 180 00:07:41,048 --> 00:07:43,884 Abe said you were rolling around naked on filthy linoleum, 181 00:07:44,009 --> 00:07:46,595 -choking yourself. -Transcendently. 182 00:07:48,889 --> 00:07:49,890 Psst, Kelly. 183 00:07:49,974 --> 00:07:51,725 Before you try anything, just remember, 184 00:07:51,809 --> 00:07:53,352 revenge for an unjustified revenge 185 00:07:53,435 --> 00:07:55,396 is justified, but revenge for a justified revenge 186 00:07:55,479 --> 00:07:58,232 is unjustified revenge. Yeah. 187 00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:01,235 Relax, we're in a ceasefire until the party's over. 188 00:08:01,318 --> 00:08:03,654 Could you, uh, sneak me a couple dinner rolls? 189 00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:09,243 [gasps, whimpers] 190 00:08:12,037 --> 00:08:13,330 It's so nice to have someone 191 00:08:13,414 --> 00:08:15,624 I can share my deepest feelings with. 192 00:08:20,170 --> 00:08:21,171 [laughs] 193 00:08:23,549 --> 00:08:26,760 Crap. "Yaassss" sounds like I'm seven. 194 00:08:26,844 --> 00:08:28,637 Quick, change the subject. 195 00:08:33,892 --> 00:08:36,103 Perfect setup. I look great. 196 00:08:39,940 --> 00:08:41,275 [message sent tone playing] 197 00:08:53,412 --> 00:08:55,372 [chuckles softly] I made him nervous. 198 00:08:59,084 --> 00:09:02,254 Cute? Pretty? Hot? 199 00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:07,301 Huh? 200 00:09:15,392 --> 00:09:18,020 Ew. Ew! 201 00:09:20,314 --> 00:09:22,941 Wait, where the hell did you get that mac and cheese? 202 00:09:23,025 --> 00:09:24,276 I brought it from home. 203 00:09:27,071 --> 00:09:29,615 When I get back, I'm expecting a new full-sized plate 204 00:09:29,698 --> 00:09:31,825 handed over without any looks. 205 00:09:33,285 --> 00:09:39,166 There you are, Piama! Oh, my juicy jellybean. 206 00:09:39,249 --> 00:09:43,170 -Oh. -Gretchen, so great to see you. 207 00:09:43,253 --> 00:09:45,964 We were so sorry to hear about Otto. 208 00:09:47,716 --> 00:09:49,927 He didn't suffer. The puma is very quick 209 00:09:50,010 --> 00:09:53,138 -und efficient. [chuckles] -What are you doing now? 210 00:09:53,222 --> 00:09:57,226 I am a doula for cattle. I go from town to town, 211 00:09:57,309 --> 00:10:00,145 cow to cow, helping them give birth. 212 00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:04,483 It's very spiritual. Well, not the cleanup. 213 00:10:04,566 --> 00:10:07,277 That's nasty. [chuckles softly] Well... 214 00:10:07,903 --> 00:10:13,158 [sniffs] Oh, my goodness. 215 00:10:13,742 --> 00:10:16,537 -You have a calf inside you. -[gasps] How did you-- 216 00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:19,665 Oh, it's my gift. Boy or girl? 217 00:10:19,748 --> 00:10:24,169 -We don't know yet. -[sniffs] Do you want to? 218 00:10:25,379 --> 00:10:28,507 What the hell? The video of us beheading the statue 219 00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:30,384 got 3,000 dislikes. 220 00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:31,927 Who doesn't love a classic prank? 221 00:10:32,010 --> 00:10:33,887 -Let me see. -[scoffs] 222 00:10:35,931 --> 00:10:39,726 -Uh, where was this statue? -In front of a bar. 223 00:10:39,852 --> 00:10:41,478 Had a creepy vibe, so we didn't go in. 224 00:10:41,562 --> 00:10:43,438 And did this bar have a name? 225 00:10:44,064 --> 00:10:47,860 That was weird, too. It-- It was called Stagness. 226 00:10:47,985 --> 00:10:51,280 What is that? [chuckles] Like, how much you're like a stag? 227 00:10:51,405 --> 00:10:54,449 -[laughs] -Idiots, it's not "Stagness." 228 00:10:54,616 --> 00:10:56,660 It's St. Agnes. 229 00:10:58,579 --> 00:10:59,621 It's a church. 230 00:10:59,913 --> 00:11:02,958 Whose statue do they put in front of churches? 231 00:11:07,713 --> 00:11:08,714 It looks like... 232 00:11:10,132 --> 00:11:11,383 Burger King. 233 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:15,053 Well, no wonder they're mad. People love that guy. 234 00:11:16,471 --> 00:11:18,182 [♪ upbeat hip-hop music playing] 235 00:11:27,733 --> 00:11:30,986 Hubert! Come dance with Dada-Dada-Dada! 236 00:11:36,783 --> 00:11:39,995 Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe he was teasing. 237 00:11:46,919 --> 00:11:47,920 What a creep! 238 00:11:49,504 --> 00:11:51,215 My first crush is a creep. 239 00:11:52,049 --> 00:11:53,634 [♪ exciting music playing] 240 00:11:58,055 --> 00:11:59,139 It's been 20 minutes. 241 00:11:59,306 --> 00:12:00,807 I still don't have a better idea. 242 00:12:01,475 --> 00:12:03,977 -Malcolm! -[♪ music playing indistinctly] 243 00:12:04,061 --> 00:12:05,646 [Malcolm in changed voice] Occupied. 244 00:12:05,729 --> 00:12:08,357 You think I wouldn't crawl under and pull you out of there? 245 00:12:13,195 --> 00:12:17,032 [groans, grunts] Can we do this outside the men's room? 246 00:12:17,115 --> 00:12:19,952 Nope. It's gone on long enough. We're gonna straighten everything out 247 00:12:20,035 --> 00:12:21,203 -right here, right now. -[sighs] 248 00:12:21,286 --> 00:12:23,038 We're gonna go back to the party as a family. 249 00:12:23,121 --> 00:12:24,748 The shrimp is bad! The shrimp is bad! 250 00:12:24,873 --> 00:12:25,874 [door closing] 251 00:12:25,958 --> 00:12:27,251 -[Craig groaning] -We're not serving shrimp. 252 00:12:27,334 --> 00:12:29,920 [Craig] I ate something with a tail on it. [groans] 253 00:12:30,045 --> 00:12:32,172 -[farting] -[water splashing] 254 00:12:32,589 --> 00:12:34,633 [Craig] Oh, sweet mother of mercy, it burns! 255 00:12:34,716 --> 00:12:36,635 -Now let's go. -[Craig groaning] 256 00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:39,221 -You can't be serious. -If you wanna get out of here, 257 00:12:39,304 --> 00:12:42,140 you are gonna tell me why you have been doing this. 258 00:12:42,224 --> 00:12:45,769 -[Craig panting] -Come on, out with it. 259 00:12:45,894 --> 00:12:47,771 -[Craig farting] -[Lois exhales sharply] 260 00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,564 [Craig] Sorry, I know you didn't mean me. 261 00:12:49,731 --> 00:12:51,233 How do you think one conversation 262 00:12:51,316 --> 00:12:53,026 in a toilet's gonna fix everything? 263 00:12:53,193 --> 00:12:55,279 I don't, but at least it's a start. 264 00:12:55,654 --> 00:12:57,447 What do you wanna do, wait for my funeral? 265 00:12:57,531 --> 00:12:59,283 There's nothing to say! 266 00:12:59,449 --> 00:13:01,410 -It's just the way we are. -[Craig] Easy, boy. 267 00:13:01,493 --> 00:13:03,245 We all just swirl around each other fighting 268 00:13:03,328 --> 00:13:04,997 and taking turns creating disasters! 269 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:07,082 Yeah, so we drive each other nuts. So, what? 270 00:13:07,165 --> 00:13:08,917 That's what families do. 271 00:13:09,001 --> 00:13:11,378 [sighs] It's more than that. I... [breathes deeply] 272 00:13:11,753 --> 00:13:14,006 I like myself better when I'm not around you. 273 00:13:14,131 --> 00:13:15,257 So you have said. 274 00:13:15,674 --> 00:13:17,259 -[Craig breathing deeply] -And I... 275 00:13:19,970 --> 00:13:21,972 feel bad for who I am when I am around you. 276 00:13:22,180 --> 00:13:26,018 What, you yelling? [chuckles] Spitballs to a battleship. 277 00:13:26,101 --> 00:13:28,437 No, I mean, I know I'm disappointing you. 278 00:13:32,149 --> 00:13:33,692 -[Craig groaning] -What? 279 00:13:34,735 --> 00:13:37,195 [Craig] He said he knows he's disappointing you. 280 00:13:38,530 --> 00:13:41,325 Sorry, I'll be quiet. [farting] 281 00:13:41,825 --> 00:13:43,160 Now I'll be quiet. 282 00:13:43,785 --> 00:13:48,040 Mom, you've always had these gigantic expectations of me. 283 00:13:48,290 --> 00:13:50,542 Like I'm some sort of superhuman brain 284 00:13:50,625 --> 00:13:53,712 that can fix all the world's problems. I'm sorry, I can't. 285 00:13:53,837 --> 00:13:55,130 And I can't deal with that pressure. 286 00:13:55,213 --> 00:13:57,007 When did I ever pressure you? 287 00:13:57,090 --> 00:14:00,052 You said I had to become president of the United States! 288 00:14:00,302 --> 00:14:03,430 [exhales] President? Is-- Is that what this is about? 289 00:14:03,513 --> 00:14:04,723 [Craig whimpering] 290 00:14:04,806 --> 00:14:07,142 Malcolm, that was just a plan. 291 00:14:07,309 --> 00:14:11,229 Uh, plans aren't contracts. They're just plans. 292 00:14:11,438 --> 00:14:13,023 Your father and I have made hundreds of them, 293 00:14:13,106 --> 00:14:14,983 and look at us. Barely ever work out, 294 00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:16,818 so we just make some new ones. 295 00:14:17,319 --> 00:14:19,071 Yeah, you can't take it that seriously. 296 00:14:19,863 --> 00:14:22,824 [Craig speaking indistinctly, panting] 297 00:14:23,575 --> 00:14:24,785 That was you lying? 298 00:14:28,163 --> 00:14:29,748 [shouts] You've been lying to me? 299 00:14:29,831 --> 00:14:31,500 All this time? 300 00:14:31,666 --> 00:14:34,878 Do you know the kind of trauma you caused me for a lie? 301 00:14:35,045 --> 00:14:36,922 -[music stops] -[Malcolm] Making me suffer 302 00:14:37,005 --> 00:14:39,800 -under your lie for 18 years? -[gasps] 303 00:14:39,883 --> 00:14:42,636 What kind of Satanic monster are you? 304 00:14:42,886 --> 00:14:44,137 [Craig groaning, farting] 305 00:14:44,679 --> 00:14:47,682 -[♪ thrilling music playing] -Aw, they found each other. 306 00:14:47,766 --> 00:14:49,643 -[music playing indistinctly] -We tried to give you 307 00:14:49,768 --> 00:14:52,854 very specific positive goals to help you get through college, 308 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,773 so you wouldn't just party and drop out 309 00:14:54,856 --> 00:14:56,233 and end up in a homeless shelter. 310 00:14:56,316 --> 00:14:57,818 That was called good parenting. 311 00:14:57,943 --> 00:15:00,570 You don't even care about the constant stress 312 00:15:00,654 --> 00:15:02,531 and anxiety of trying to live up to that? 313 00:15:02,614 --> 00:15:04,449 [breathes shakily] Do you realize that my-- 314 00:15:04,533 --> 00:15:07,953 My degrees, my charity, the-- The awards, 315 00:15:08,036 --> 00:15:10,872 my beautiful, perfect daughter, finding a woman 316 00:15:10,956 --> 00:15:13,959 who loves me for me and makes my life complete, 317 00:15:14,042 --> 00:15:15,877 all of that was based on your lie? 318 00:15:16,169 --> 00:15:18,630 How could you do that to me? [breathes deeply] 319 00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:22,634 Wait. 320 00:15:23,885 --> 00:15:25,679 Malcolm, you've accomplished so much. 321 00:15:26,179 --> 00:15:27,973 And all of it is you. 322 00:15:28,765 --> 00:15:30,642 -[Craig groaning] -It's just you. 323 00:15:32,102 --> 00:15:34,980 You're a good father. You're a good man. 324 00:15:35,981 --> 00:15:37,732 Better than we ever hoped. 325 00:15:38,150 --> 00:15:39,860 And I wish we didn't upset you so much, 326 00:15:39,943 --> 00:15:41,945 and I can't say it's ever gonna get better. 327 00:15:43,238 --> 00:15:44,448 I just miss you. 328 00:15:47,159 --> 00:15:50,829 -I miss you too. [cries softly] -[Craig groaning, farting] 329 00:15:51,746 --> 00:15:53,582 I'm trying so hard to hold it in, 330 00:15:53,665 --> 00:15:55,375 it just makes the pitch go higher! 331 00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,043 Please, let's just get out of here. 332 00:15:57,127 --> 00:15:59,838 -[chuckles] Yeah, uh... -Oh, by the way, 333 00:15:59,921 --> 00:16:03,175 -I love my granddaughter. -Yeah, that's pretty easy. 334 00:16:03,258 --> 00:16:05,427 -And I approve of Tristan. -[Malcolm] Thanks. 335 00:16:05,635 --> 00:16:07,554 I mean, I don't actually need your approval. 336 00:16:08,096 --> 00:16:09,931 I know, but I approve anyway. 337 00:16:11,266 --> 00:16:14,019 Thanks. I really love her. 338 00:16:14,936 --> 00:16:17,063 I think I love her like you and Dad. 339 00:16:17,898 --> 00:16:20,108 -[door opening] -[♪ soft music playing] 340 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:25,822 We are no longer friends. [gags] 341 00:16:25,989 --> 00:16:28,325 [Craig] We'll discuss it after dessert. Oh! 342 00:16:30,702 --> 00:16:32,454 Hey, Dad. Looking good. 343 00:16:32,704 --> 00:16:34,748 All better now? Glad we're past that. 344 00:16:34,831 --> 00:16:36,791 We're not past it yet, Reese. 345 00:16:37,918 --> 00:16:39,377 -Did we miss anything? -Hold me higher. 346 00:16:39,461 --> 00:16:41,505 -I can't see his face. -You are in for it now. 347 00:16:41,588 --> 00:16:42,839 -All right, all right,. -You're right. 348 00:16:42,923 --> 00:16:44,633 -It's your moment. -We'll pile on later. 349 00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:46,092 Dad... 350 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,512 there's no point in me saying I'm sorry. 351 00:16:49,304 --> 00:16:50,597 I'm always sorry. 352 00:16:51,181 --> 00:16:52,516 But this is different. 353 00:16:53,058 --> 00:16:55,018 I not only took advantage of you, 354 00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:58,355 I did it by pretending to have a closer, 355 00:16:58,772 --> 00:17:00,398 more loving relationship. 356 00:17:02,526 --> 00:17:05,153 I know how horrible I made you feel. 357 00:17:05,487 --> 00:17:07,614 And the horrible thing for me... 358 00:17:08,949 --> 00:17:12,619 is I was faking the relationship I always wanted with you. 359 00:17:14,454 --> 00:17:15,956 Way to take all the fun out of it. 360 00:17:16,039 --> 00:17:17,457 -[sighs] Yeah, nice. -Thanks, man. 361 00:17:17,749 --> 00:17:21,670 That is the most honest apology I have ever heard. 362 00:17:22,003 --> 00:17:23,129 [all groan] 363 00:17:23,213 --> 00:17:25,340 But it is completely meaningless. 364 00:17:25,423 --> 00:17:26,883 -Wait, it's good again. -Oh! Dude. 365 00:17:27,259 --> 00:17:28,802 You have always counted on the fact 366 00:17:28,885 --> 00:17:32,597 that no matter what you do, I will always love you, 367 00:17:32,681 --> 00:17:36,393 and that is just true. It is for all of you. 368 00:17:36,977 --> 00:17:39,938 I-- I assumed the love was just there 369 00:17:40,021 --> 00:17:41,982 in every cell of my body, 370 00:17:42,065 --> 00:17:44,109 and I was helpless to prevent it. 371 00:17:44,734 --> 00:17:47,153 But then I realized that that was just for your mother. 372 00:17:47,237 --> 00:17:49,406 You guys are completely different. 373 00:17:49,656 --> 00:17:53,368 You're so unfailingly destructive and-- 374 00:17:53,451 --> 00:17:56,580 and self-absorbed and oblivious that you-- 375 00:17:56,663 --> 00:18:00,500 you-- You make it so damn difficult that my genuine, 376 00:18:00,625 --> 00:18:04,337 deep love is an actual act of heroism. 377 00:18:04,796 --> 00:18:08,300 Well, do you realize how good that makes me feel about myself? 378 00:18:08,925 --> 00:18:12,512 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for that gift. 379 00:18:12,596 --> 00:18:13,930 [chuckles] 380 00:18:15,223 --> 00:18:16,600 Especially you. 381 00:18:17,517 --> 00:18:18,685 I, uh, yeah. 382 00:18:22,230 --> 00:18:23,648 Are you sure everything's ready? 383 00:18:23,732 --> 00:18:24,733 Don't worry. 384 00:18:24,858 --> 00:18:27,068 Don't worry everything's ready or just don't worry? 385 00:18:27,152 --> 00:18:28,987 Whatever answer makes you stop glaring at me, 386 00:18:29,070 --> 00:18:30,071 I don't like it. 387 00:18:31,156 --> 00:18:33,116 Ah, it's too late now, anyway. 388 00:18:34,659 --> 00:18:35,952 [microphone feedback] 389 00:18:36,036 --> 00:18:38,955 Can I have your attention, please? Everyone? 390 00:18:39,748 --> 00:18:40,915 [sighing] 391 00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:44,544 This is such an important day for me. 392 00:18:45,295 --> 00:18:47,714 After 40 years of frustration, 393 00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:52,761 Hal has finally let me celebrate our relationship my way. 394 00:18:53,178 --> 00:18:56,181 -[indistinct chatter, laughter] -[Lois] My way. 395 00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:58,850 [chuckles] Today is happening exactly the way 396 00:18:58,933 --> 00:19:01,102 I always wanted it to. 397 00:19:01,561 --> 00:19:04,230 Because, honey, for once... 398 00:19:05,315 --> 00:19:06,358 for once... 399 00:19:08,443 --> 00:19:09,736 it's not about me. 400 00:19:10,028 --> 00:19:11,196 It's about you. 401 00:19:11,696 --> 00:19:13,782 [guests] Oh. [chuckle] 402 00:19:14,407 --> 00:19:16,034 [chuckles, sighs] 403 00:19:20,747 --> 00:19:23,249 Happy anniversary, sweetheart. [chuckles, kisses] 404 00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,543 This has taken so many online tutorials 405 00:19:25,627 --> 00:19:28,588 and equipment rentals and crazy expensive laptop 406 00:19:28,672 --> 00:19:31,549 I've been hiding from you. And I hope you like it. 407 00:19:32,759 --> 00:19:35,261 What would you like people to know about your father? 408 00:19:35,345 --> 00:19:38,223 Dad is a complicated man. 409 00:19:39,224 --> 00:19:41,017 [chuckles] Uh, no, he's not. 410 00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:43,645 He's the least complex man of all time, 411 00:19:43,770 --> 00:19:45,188 which I love. 412 00:19:45,313 --> 00:19:48,149 I spend so much time touring in different cities. 413 00:19:48,483 --> 00:19:50,026 Sometimes, I don't know where I am, 414 00:19:50,235 --> 00:19:51,403 and then Dad calls. 415 00:19:51,611 --> 00:19:53,488 He doesn't understand time zones, 416 00:19:53,571 --> 00:19:56,408 and it's always, like, 4:00 in the morning. 417 00:19:57,158 --> 00:19:58,576 {\an8}But it's still very thoughtful. 418 00:20:01,037 --> 00:20:03,373 {\an8}Two minutes talking to him, I feel like I'm home. 419 00:20:04,374 --> 00:20:07,085 Anyway, it got me thinking, and I wrote this. 420 00:20:09,796 --> 00:20:11,047 [plays piano] 421 00:20:13,883 --> 00:20:18,221 For me, the most singular thing about Dad is his stamina. 422 00:20:18,346 --> 00:20:21,099 The sheer amount of grief he could stomach. 423 00:20:21,349 --> 00:20:25,687 I got in trouble, got in fights, got suspended, got expelled. 424 00:20:25,937 --> 00:20:26,938 Twice. 425 00:20:27,689 --> 00:20:31,609 {\an8}But Dad was always unfailingly patient with me. 426 00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:33,361 {\an8}The first time I met Hal-- 427 00:20:33,445 --> 00:20:35,405 Oh, got married to you without telling them. 428 00:20:35,488 --> 00:20:36,698 That was a big one. 429 00:20:37,031 --> 00:20:39,075 Anyway, I was dreading it. 430 00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,578 As far as I knew, all dads were drunk and mean, 431 00:20:41,661 --> 00:20:44,372 {\an8}but he was always so steady and reliable. 432 00:20:44,998 --> 00:20:46,958 {\an8}Now, he feels like my real dad. 433 00:20:47,041 --> 00:20:48,710 [gasps] Got arrested three times. 434 00:20:48,835 --> 00:20:51,713 No, arrested twice, expelled three times. 435 00:20:52,797 --> 00:20:53,798 [scattered laughter] 436 00:20:53,882 --> 00:20:55,925 We were all pretty wild. 437 00:20:57,177 --> 00:20:59,637 But my brothers, they-- They were so far ahead of me 438 00:20:59,721 --> 00:21:02,432 that I needed to find my own thing. 439 00:21:03,349 --> 00:21:06,269 So, I chose noise. 440 00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,563 I especially like the sound of crashing. 441 00:21:09,314 --> 00:21:13,359 Dishes, lamps, big windows, little windows. 442 00:21:13,443 --> 00:21:16,154 If you know what you're doing, I mean, you can create these frequencies 443 00:21:16,237 --> 00:21:19,115 that rip right through your brain. [chuckling] 444 00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:22,786 And when Dad stopped me, he was always so... 445 00:21:23,453 --> 00:21:25,330 {\an8}gentle about it. 446 00:21:25,705 --> 00:21:29,876 {\an8}I mean, it-- It really made me want to be peaceful. 447 00:21:30,543 --> 00:21:32,754 {\an8}I really appreciated his tenderness. 448 00:21:33,546 --> 00:21:35,548 {\an8}Even though, kind of a tough guy. 449 00:21:35,799 --> 00:21:38,635 I mean, look at these beasts! 450 00:21:39,928 --> 00:21:41,721 Can the love of your life be a man? 451 00:21:42,013 --> 00:21:44,516 Another heterosexual man? I say "Yes." 452 00:21:44,599 --> 00:21:46,643 A thousand times, yes. 453 00:21:46,976 --> 00:21:51,064 {\an8}When someone is that loving and giving and honest and true, 454 00:21:51,189 --> 00:21:53,233 you can't stop it. You understand? 455 00:21:53,316 --> 00:21:56,861 {\an8}He's not just my best friend. He's the best person. 456 00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,656 {\an8}No one disagree with me on this one. 457 00:22:00,573 --> 00:22:03,827 [inhales deeply] Hal... [exhales] 458 00:22:04,744 --> 00:22:06,830 ...is. A. Great. Man. 459 00:22:07,789 --> 00:22:09,958 [laughs hysterically] 460 00:22:10,083 --> 00:22:13,294 {\an8}Everyone expects me to talk about how forgiving and accepting he is. 461 00:22:13,586 --> 00:22:14,963 {\an8}And he totally is with me. 462 00:22:16,714 --> 00:22:18,550 I don't know why I do what I do. 463 00:22:19,008 --> 00:22:20,844 I actually asked a therapist about it, 464 00:22:20,927 --> 00:22:21,970 but he was all, 465 00:22:22,053 --> 00:22:24,013 "I don't know you and I don't work for free." 466 00:22:24,097 --> 00:22:26,099 But what I'm really thankful 467 00:22:26,182 --> 00:22:28,434 {\an8}for is the optimism he gave me. 468 00:22:29,143 --> 00:22:31,813 {\an8}I still wake up every day thinking I'll be better. 469 00:22:32,897 --> 00:22:34,232 {\an8}-He's always cheerful. -And honest. 470 00:22:34,315 --> 00:22:35,817 {\an8}-And helpful. -An-- And wise. 471 00:22:35,984 --> 00:22:36,985 {\an8}And honest. 472 00:22:37,068 --> 00:22:38,152 {\an8}-I said it already. -Oh right. 473 00:22:38,278 --> 00:22:39,821 -You already said that. -[Trey] Oh, give me a minute. 474 00:22:39,904 --> 00:22:41,030 {\an8}-[laughs] -I admire his enthusiasm 475 00:22:41,114 --> 00:22:42,740 {\an8}and his courage. I mean, he'll try anything 476 00:22:42,824 --> 00:22:44,409 {\an8}-and make us do it, too. -Mm-hmm. 477 00:22:44,492 --> 00:22:46,703 Ah, our vocal group, fire-walking. 478 00:22:46,786 --> 00:22:48,288 -Fire-walking! -[Trey laughing] 479 00:22:48,371 --> 00:22:50,290 {\an8}And don't forget insightful. 480 00:22:50,582 --> 00:22:53,251 {\an8}Nobody else recognized that my bluster was just a cover 481 00:22:53,334 --> 00:22:55,879 to hide my shame at ruining Secret Santa. 482 00:22:55,962 --> 00:22:57,839 {\an8}-[mouthing] I did. -And he's incredibly generous. 483 00:22:57,922 --> 00:22:59,299 {\an8}Especially, when he's playing poker! 484 00:22:59,382 --> 00:23:00,967 [all laugh hysterically] 485 00:23:01,551 --> 00:23:03,219 Hey, Dad. I'm sorry this is so rushed, 486 00:23:03,303 --> 00:23:06,180 but I'm totally swamped. But I wanted to say I love you. 487 00:23:06,264 --> 00:23:09,601 {\an8}Um, I admire your decency and your honesty and your... 488 00:23:10,476 --> 00:23:13,062 {\an8}hair. So, happy birth-- Anniversary. 489 00:23:13,146 --> 00:23:15,023 Hey, Linda, can you print me that report? 490 00:23:16,691 --> 00:23:19,193 I was like, five... 491 00:23:19,986 --> 00:23:21,696 when I started feeling wrong. 492 00:23:23,364 --> 00:23:24,991 I thought I was great at hiding it 493 00:23:25,074 --> 00:23:27,201 because you guys never said anything. 494 00:23:28,953 --> 00:23:30,038 But then... 495 00:23:32,206 --> 00:23:36,377 I had this one really shitty day in fifth grade 496 00:23:36,836 --> 00:23:38,171 with the other kids and-- 497 00:23:38,838 --> 00:23:40,632 and even my teacher. [breathes shakily] 498 00:23:43,968 --> 00:23:46,679 When... When I had little kid problems, 499 00:23:47,096 --> 00:23:49,140 I'd just go to Dad 500 00:23:49,390 --> 00:23:51,601 and he'd clown around and make me feel better. 501 00:23:53,353 --> 00:23:55,605 And-- And I wanted to do that, but... 502 00:23:56,773 --> 00:24:00,360 instead I just blurted out, "Dad, am I wrong?" 503 00:24:02,487 --> 00:24:03,529 And... 504 00:24:04,113 --> 00:24:07,283 he was looking at me, and-- and I knew that he knew... 505 00:24:08,368 --> 00:24:09,869 and had always known. 506 00:24:11,704 --> 00:24:12,705 And... [hesitates] 507 00:24:14,457 --> 00:24:16,167 I could tell he was thinking, like... 508 00:24:16,668 --> 00:24:18,544 really hard. [breathes deeply] 509 00:24:20,463 --> 00:24:22,256 And I was terrified. [sobs softly] 510 00:24:25,176 --> 00:24:26,761 And then-- 511 00:24:26,844 --> 00:24:28,638 Then he finally said... [inhales] 512 00:24:28,721 --> 00:24:30,640 "You could be nicer to your mom sometimes." 513 00:24:33,309 --> 00:24:36,813 So, yeah, [inhales shakily] I like him. 514 00:24:40,775 --> 00:24:41,776 {\an8}-Sincere. -Loyal. 515 00:24:41,859 --> 00:24:42,860 {\an8}-Heartwarming. -Tenderness. 516 00:24:42,944 --> 00:24:43,945 {\an8}-Brave. -Honest. 517 00:24:44,028 --> 00:24:45,238 -Faithful. -Incredible. 518 00:24:45,321 --> 00:24:46,406 -Remarkable. -Vibrant. 519 00:24:46,489 --> 00:24:47,615 -[voice 1] Twinkling. -[voice 2] Loving. 520 00:24:47,699 --> 00:24:48,908 -[voice 3] Determined. -[voice 4] Fearless. 521 00:24:48,992 --> 00:24:50,284 -[voice 5] Considerate. -[voice 6] Sparkling. 522 00:24:50,368 --> 00:24:54,539 [overlapping echoing voices complimenting] 523 00:24:54,622 --> 00:24:55,665 [voices stop] 524 00:24:55,748 --> 00:24:56,874 [Lois] Love. 525 00:24:56,958 --> 00:24:58,251 [♪ music concludes] 526 00:25:02,630 --> 00:25:06,843 [Wayne] We did it! Whoo-hoo! All minds are beautiful minds. 527 00:25:09,053 --> 00:25:12,640 Hal... [sighs] ...when we first met... 528 00:25:13,850 --> 00:25:16,185 I knew I'd been looking for you my entire life. [sobs] 529 00:25:17,812 --> 00:25:19,063 [guests sob] 530 00:25:20,815 --> 00:25:22,608 You're my wish come true. 531 00:25:23,693 --> 00:25:26,237 [guests sobbing] 532 00:25:28,865 --> 00:25:30,742 [indistinct chatter on radio] 533 00:25:31,367 --> 00:25:36,080 [guests applauding, cheering] 534 00:25:42,879 --> 00:25:44,088 [Malik] Bravo. 535 00:25:44,589 --> 00:25:49,761 [guests cheering, applauding] 536 00:25:50,470 --> 00:25:52,805 No one's ever done anything like that for me. 537 00:25:54,223 --> 00:25:55,767 No one ever let us. 538 00:25:55,850 --> 00:25:57,393 [Malcom clearing throat] Excuse me? 539 00:25:59,979 --> 00:26:04,567 It feels weird to insert myself into this moment, but if... 540 00:26:05,318 --> 00:26:07,195 I don't do it now, I'm afraid I never will. 541 00:26:08,237 --> 00:26:09,238 Dad... 542 00:26:11,157 --> 00:26:13,618 I'm sorry for how crappy my part in that was. 543 00:26:15,578 --> 00:26:17,955 I didn't realize how much this meant. 544 00:26:18,748 --> 00:26:19,874 How much you meant. 545 00:26:22,376 --> 00:26:23,503 I'm sorry. 546 00:26:33,346 --> 00:26:36,557 I thought I was improving myself by being away from you. 547 00:26:37,767 --> 00:26:40,394 But instead I forgot the important things 548 00:26:40,478 --> 00:26:43,231 I learned from you. "Give everyone a chance." 549 00:26:45,316 --> 00:26:47,235 "Love is brave." 550 00:26:48,986 --> 00:26:50,655 "Don't stop believing." 551 00:26:52,490 --> 00:26:54,700 I know where you got that one, but it's still good. 552 00:26:55,159 --> 00:26:56,244 So... 553 00:26:56,786 --> 00:26:58,037 love is brave. 554 00:27:01,666 --> 00:27:02,917 -Tristan. -[gasps] 555 00:27:03,835 --> 00:27:05,128 I am so flawed. 556 00:27:05,253 --> 00:27:08,005 There are so many parts of my personality 557 00:27:08,089 --> 00:27:12,718 that don't work right, but I love you so much. 558 00:27:14,137 --> 00:27:15,429 Will you marry me? 559 00:27:18,683 --> 00:27:19,809 No! [chuckles dryly] 560 00:27:21,144 --> 00:27:22,353 -Ooh. -Oh. 561 00:27:30,111 --> 00:27:31,112 [indistinct gasping] 562 00:27:31,195 --> 00:27:33,364 That doesn't work for everything, Stevie. 563 00:27:33,447 --> 00:27:34,615 Malcolm... 564 00:27:35,533 --> 00:27:38,369 I love you so much. 565 00:27:39,495 --> 00:27:40,705 But we both just found out 566 00:27:40,830 --> 00:27:45,293 we've been keeping gigantic, awful secrets from each other. 567 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,462 We have to figure that out before we do anything. 568 00:27:48,921 --> 00:27:51,174 [indistinct whispering] 569 00:27:51,507 --> 00:27:53,509 Except sex. We'll definitely have sex later. 570 00:27:53,926 --> 00:27:55,636 [guests cheer] 571 00:28:03,811 --> 00:28:04,896 [chuckles] 572 00:28:05,188 --> 00:28:08,608 [♪ upbeat party music playing] 573 00:28:09,442 --> 00:28:14,989 [both smooching, breathing heavily] 574 00:28:15,114 --> 00:28:16,949 Sweetie, get off your phone. It's a party. 575 00:28:17,283 --> 00:28:19,952 Go talk to that little weirdo. He looks lonely. 576 00:28:20,036 --> 00:28:24,081 [breathing deeply, kissing, moaning] 577 00:28:27,084 --> 00:28:29,879 -Hi. I'm Leah. -Hubert. 578 00:28:30,755 --> 00:28:32,465 Who ordered you to approach me? 579 00:28:33,090 --> 00:28:35,593 -My-- My grandma. -She could tell I was lonely. 580 00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:38,262 [chuckles softly] Just as I could tell you're lonely. 581 00:28:38,346 --> 00:28:39,889 It's probably because you're odd. 582 00:28:40,514 --> 00:28:42,141 -I am. -Well, then... 583 00:28:43,226 --> 00:28:45,478 -we're a match made in heaven. -Don't do eyebrows. 584 00:28:45,645 --> 00:28:47,980 And you're already giving me good advice. 585 00:28:48,856 --> 00:28:50,816 -We're blossoming. -[chuckles] 586 00:28:51,651 --> 00:28:53,653 Hi, would you like to join 587 00:28:53,736 --> 00:28:56,697 what may become a super-cool friend group? 588 00:29:00,284 --> 00:29:01,494 Yeah, okay. Thanks. 589 00:29:03,955 --> 00:29:06,666 Can I ask you guys about something really embarrassing? 590 00:29:06,791 --> 00:29:09,126 If you knew me better, you wouldn't. But go ahead. 591 00:29:09,210 --> 00:29:10,211 [♪ music concludes] 592 00:29:10,336 --> 00:29:11,671 [Wayne] Ladies and gentlemen, 593 00:29:11,754 --> 00:29:14,382 we present the anniversary dance under the spotlight. 594 00:29:14,674 --> 00:29:17,301 Please remember, they chose the music. 595 00:29:17,969 --> 00:29:20,930 -[indistinct applauding] -What have you done? 596 00:29:21,138 --> 00:29:22,890 I don't know what you're talking about. 597 00:29:23,391 --> 00:29:25,017 -Hal? -Well, it's just a silly, 598 00:29:25,101 --> 00:29:26,852 little, romantic thing. It's no big deal. 599 00:29:26,936 --> 00:29:29,355 ♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪ 600 00:29:29,438 --> 00:29:31,065 [♪ romantic music playing, The Bangles "Eternal Flame"] 601 00:29:31,148 --> 00:29:36,195 ♪ Do you understand? Do you feel the same? ♪ 602 00:29:36,988 --> 00:29:41,492 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 603 00:29:42,201 --> 00:29:48,332 ♪ I believe It's meant to be, darling ♪ 604 00:29:48,457 --> 00:29:51,127 ♪ Do you feel the same? ♪ 605 00:29:51,210 --> 00:29:52,211 [groans] 606 00:29:52,295 --> 00:29:56,132 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 607 00:29:56,215 --> 00:29:57,300 [guests cheer] 608 00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,969 Oh, my God, it's like being in a dream. 609 00:30:00,052 --> 00:30:01,178 You are a dream. 610 00:30:01,262 --> 00:30:04,682 ♪ ...an eternal flame? ♪ 611 00:30:06,517 --> 00:30:07,768 [screams] 612 00:30:09,687 --> 00:30:12,982 ♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪ 613 00:30:13,441 --> 00:30:15,735 ♪ Do you understand? ♪ 614 00:30:15,985 --> 00:30:18,612 ♪ Do you feel the same? ♪ 615 00:30:19,655 --> 00:30:23,868 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 616 00:30:24,243 --> 00:30:27,038 ♪ Or is this burning... ♪ 617 00:30:27,121 --> 00:30:32,001 [all coughing] 618 00:30:33,252 --> 00:30:36,589 ♪ Give me your hand, darling ♪ 619 00:30:37,006 --> 00:30:40,468 ♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪ 620 00:30:40,885 --> 00:30:46,390 ♪ Do you understand? Do you feel the same? ♪ 621 00:30:46,766 --> 00:30:51,312 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 622 00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:58,402 ♪ An eternal flame ♪ 623 00:30:58,527 --> 00:31:01,030 ♪ Close your eyes Give me... ♪ 624 00:31:01,113 --> 00:31:04,492 -[♪ song concludes] -[indistinct clamoring] 625 00:31:06,660 --> 00:31:07,870 [gasps] 626 00:31:07,953 --> 00:31:10,998 Oh! Lois, Lois. I'm sorry. 627 00:31:11,248 --> 00:31:13,417 I'm sorry that-- That wasn't supposed to-- I-- 628 00:31:13,584 --> 00:31:14,668 I didn't mean to. 629 00:31:16,253 --> 00:31:17,421 Do you like it? 630 00:31:19,173 --> 00:31:23,677 [♪ joyous music playing, concludes] 631 00:31:23,928 --> 00:31:25,888 [electricity sparking] 632 00:31:30,810 --> 00:31:33,396 This is the most incontestable forfeit 633 00:31:33,479 --> 00:31:35,398 of a security deposit of all time. 634 00:31:35,481 --> 00:31:38,317 [chuckles] And well worth it. 635 00:31:39,360 --> 00:31:40,861 -Ow! -What? 636 00:31:40,945 --> 00:31:45,032 What the hell? My leg is killing me. 637 00:31:48,369 --> 00:31:49,912 When the hell did I get a cast? 638 00:31:50,329 --> 00:31:53,416 -[♪ light-hearted music playing] -Having friends is awesome. 639 00:31:53,499 --> 00:31:56,252 I had no idea. We talked everything out, 640 00:31:56,335 --> 00:31:58,504 and they gave me a whole new perspective. 641 00:31:58,754 --> 00:32:00,631 So, I am going to send a picture. 642 00:32:01,924 --> 00:32:04,635 Well, a screenshot. To his parents. 643 00:32:05,177 --> 00:32:07,054 And every girl in school. 644 00:32:10,057 --> 00:32:11,308 Teachable moment. 645 00:32:12,726 --> 00:32:13,894 Just so you know, 646 00:32:14,019 --> 00:32:16,105 Grandma actually helped me solve a problem. 647 00:32:16,272 --> 00:32:17,273 Really? How? 648 00:32:18,065 --> 00:32:20,818 Well, by bossing me around about something completely different. 649 00:32:21,402 --> 00:32:22,528 That's the M.O. 650 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:27,074 It just occurred to me. My next poo is gonna be amazing. 651 00:32:27,199 --> 00:32:28,284 [chuckles] 652 00:32:28,409 --> 00:32:30,035 Nice job ruining the anniversary. 653 00:32:31,662 --> 00:32:33,247 Me? Everything would've been fine 654 00:32:33,330 --> 00:32:35,207 if those rafters were spaced properly. 655 00:32:35,332 --> 00:32:37,001 Bull, those rafters are exactly to code. 656 00:32:37,084 --> 00:32:38,878 [Francis] They absolutely are not. 657 00:32:38,961 --> 00:32:40,337 For God's sakes, Reese. 658 00:32:40,421 --> 00:32:42,465 Building codes specify different rafter spacing 659 00:32:42,548 --> 00:32:44,008 for four-by-sixes and four-by-eights, 660 00:32:44,091 --> 00:32:46,302 and you can't tell the dimensions from down here. 661 00:32:46,385 --> 00:32:48,762 And when a zipper sticks, you don't keep yanking on it. 662 00:32:48,888 --> 00:32:51,182 You pull gently and wiggle it side to side. 663 00:32:51,390 --> 00:32:53,267 That's another thing, that cheap zipper. 664 00:32:53,350 --> 00:32:55,603 There's tons of things to blame. Tomorrow, we'll get down to city hall... 665 00:32:55,686 --> 00:32:58,063 Well, I guess this is my life again. 666 00:32:58,147 --> 00:32:59,773 I just have to do everything I can 667 00:32:59,857 --> 00:33:00,941 to make it work. 668 00:33:01,275 --> 00:33:04,236 Mostly, because I can't think of any way out it. [sighs] 669 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:06,071 I hope Leah's gonna be okay with this family. 670 00:33:07,198 --> 00:33:08,574 I like this family. 671 00:33:08,699 --> 00:33:10,826 I feel so much less weird by comparison. 672 00:33:11,660 --> 00:33:13,871 I hope Dad's gonna be able to handle it. 673 00:33:14,663 --> 00:33:16,832 -I'm sure he'll be fine. -I'm sure she'll be fine. 674 00:33:16,957 --> 00:33:18,083 [♪ music concludes] 675 00:33:20,503 --> 00:33:22,213 ♪ Freak-A-Zoids, robots ♪ 676 00:33:22,338 --> 00:33:24,965 ♪ Please report to the dance floor ♪ 677 00:33:25,090 --> 00:33:27,384 [♪ upbeat pop music playing, Midnight Star "Freak-A-Zoid"] 678 00:33:28,719 --> 00:33:32,598 ♪ I'll be your Freak-a-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 679 00:33:33,724 --> 00:33:36,101 ♪ Ooh dance baby ♪ 680 00:33:36,810 --> 00:33:39,563 ♪ Shake your body like you just don't care ♪ 681 00:33:39,647 --> 00:33:40,814 ♪ I said ♪ 682 00:33:40,898 --> 00:33:43,984 ♪ I'll be your Freak-A-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 683 00:33:44,068 --> 00:33:45,653 ♪ System engaged so I'm ‘bout to soar ♪ 684 00:33:45,736 --> 00:33:47,863 ♪ Let me show you how to land it on the dance floor ♪ 685 00:33:47,947 --> 00:33:49,782 ♪ Rock back and forth spaceship on another flight ♪ 686 00:33:49,865 --> 00:33:51,784 -♪ Let me teach you how to... ♪ -♪ Rock Baby ♪ 687 00:33:51,867 --> 00:33:55,454 ♪ I'll be your Freak-A-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 688 00:33:55,538 --> 00:33:59,166 ♪ Z-O-I-D-S Rock baby ♪ 689 00:33:59,291 --> 00:34:03,128 ♪ I'll be your Freak-A-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 690 00:34:03,587 --> 00:34:04,922 [♪ song concludes]