1 00:00:07,257 --> 00:00:09,300 - [ambulance siren wailing] - [♪ upbeat music playing] 2 00:00:09,301 --> 00:00:11,093 [Lois] No, Wayne, you cannot have it yet. 3 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:14,181 Something came up. [sighs] 4 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:16,432 Can we move this along here, please? 5 00:00:16,433 --> 00:00:17,767 You're not wrapping a Christmas present. 6 00:00:17,768 --> 00:00:20,895 - I've got a party to go to. - Lady, your leg is broken. 7 00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,605 - [sighs] - You're not going to do anything 8 00:00:22,606 --> 00:00:24,106 except go home and rest. 9 00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:25,317 Less yapping, more wrapping. 10 00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:29,278 Lois, I am so much less high now. 11 00:00:29,279 --> 00:00:31,239 - Sir, please. - And their earlobes are gooshy. 12 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,325 - Gooshy, gooshy. - [chuckles] Stop it. 13 00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:35,327 I want my little hammer back. 14 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:38,288 [indistinct chatter] 15 00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:39,622 - Bing. - [grunts] 16 00:00:39,623 --> 00:00:41,874 Okay, we'll print your post-treatment orders 17 00:00:41,875 --> 00:00:44,585 - and get you some painkillers. - Yeah, I don't need 'em. 18 00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,337 - What are you doing? Sit down. - [♪ comical music playing] 19 00:00:46,338 --> 00:00:47,880 - Your cast is still setting. - [exhales] 20 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,132 You don't even have crutches yet. 21 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:50,716 You're going to injure yourself even worse. 22 00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:52,760 Then I'll come back after the party tonight 23 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:55,097 and you can fix that. Come on, Hal. 24 00:00:56,181 --> 00:01:00,226 - Hal? - Oh! Squishy. Oh, squishy. 25 00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:01,270 [♪ music concludes] 26 00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,478 [♪ theme music playing] 27 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:06,400 ♪ Life is unfair ♪ 28 00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,985 [♪ music concludes] 29 00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,902 - [birds chirping] - [♪ perky music playing] 30 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,195 Okay, come on, let's go. 31 00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:12,697 Mom and Dad are already there waiting. 32 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,409 Kelly, breathe. It doesn't start till eight. 33 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,286 - You wanna look sharp or not? - I just-- I wish I knew 34 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:19,704 what revenge Reese had planned for me. 35 00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:21,622 [chuckles] Don't worry about Reese, 36 00:01:21,623 --> 00:01:23,333 'cause you can't do anything about it. 37 00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:25,627 It's like a tornado, except there's no alert. 38 00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,629 It's just something you gotta accept. 39 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,046 [Piama gasping] What the hell? 40 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:30,507 My underwear's already too tight. 41 00:01:30,674 --> 00:01:33,969 Francis! Give me a pair of your mom's granny panties! 42 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,637 Right away, honey! 43 00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,681 [♪ party music playing] 44 00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,558 Wayne, you need to adjust these speakers. 45 00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:41,642 I'm not talking about the volume. 46 00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:44,103 I'm talking about the mix. That speaker is too quiet, 47 00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,563 and these three are too loud. 48 00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:47,606 And did you remember the backup cables I asked for? 49 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,525 I know you don't mean it, but I'm getting a vibe 50 00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,319 of impatience bordering on menace, 51 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,611 and it's pushing my agitation levels 52 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:54,196 past the point of productive conversation. 53 00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:55,489 So, we'll continue this 54 00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:57,200 after I've run cold water over my hands. 55 00:01:57,826 --> 00:01:59,327 - Honey, these-- - Hal, please, 56 00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:00,536 I don't need any help. 57 00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,788 Just back off and let me do everything. 58 00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,374 Honey, I'm so sorry. 59 00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:07,960 I should have realized that my natural enthusiasm 60 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:11,714 was just adding to your stress. You've got this. 61 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:14,551 - Everything is already perfect. - Are you-- Are you still high? 62 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:16,887 No. [smacks lips] I'm just more perceptive 63 00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:19,513 because of the ego death that I experienced 64 00:02:19,514 --> 00:02:21,683 - from my expanded consciousness. - [Lois] Oh. 65 00:02:22,225 --> 00:02:25,062 - This is so yummy. - [sighs] 66 00:02:25,687 --> 00:02:27,105 Let me know if you want a break. 67 00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,982 I juggle the sound pizzas every Wednesday 68 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,484 at Shadyside Assisted Living. 69 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,737 Yodeling, barbershop, yodeling, barbershop. 70 00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,740 People go nuts. [chuckles] 71 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,785 - [♪ upbeat music playing] - [indistinct chatter] 72 00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:43,454 - Wow, I'm surprisingly nervous. - What's surprising about it? 73 00:02:43,455 --> 00:02:45,039 Yeah, you ghosted these people for years, 74 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,625 and now you have to face them and explain why. 75 00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:47,958 Hey. 76 00:02:47,959 --> 00:02:49,210 - [gasps] Hey. - Here's how I see it. 77 00:02:49,211 --> 00:02:51,128 We both wanna avoid Mom and Dad as long as we can, 78 00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:52,713 so we hide until the spotlight dance, 79 00:02:52,714 --> 00:02:54,507 then come out when they're the happiest. 80 00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:56,259 Before then, it's every man for himself. 81 00:02:58,970 --> 00:03:01,431 Nice. Give me her business card later. 82 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:06,477 - Malcolm? Malcolm! [gasps] - [both gasp] 83 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,312 [chuckles softly] Are those your friends? 84 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:09,814 I wouldn't call them my friends. 85 00:03:09,815 --> 00:03:13,150 Malcolm! It-- It's us! Y-- Your friends! 86 00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,695 [exhales deeply] Hey, guys. 87 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,698 Oh, how we've missed our fourth musketeer. 88 00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:22,410 Uh, Lloyd, Dabney, Kevin, 89 00:03:22,411 --> 00:03:24,079 this is Tristan and my daughter Leah. 90 00:03:24,788 --> 00:03:27,374 You procreated! What a relief. 91 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,127 The three of us have also created a child. 92 00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:32,170 Like, with a surrogate? 93 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:36,508 - Sure. - That's our Hubert. 94 00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:40,929 There's an ant! 95 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:43,390 Don't worry, I have confused him. [chuckles] 96 00:03:44,099 --> 00:03:45,683 So, what have you guys been up to? 97 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,185 GenetiTech Resources. 98 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,812 Incorporated in college and started getting contracts 99 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:53,275 before we even graduated. Department of Defense. 100 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:56,569 We're doing so much weird shit. 101 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,571 - Mm. - [chuckles softly] 102 00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,865 [gasps] There's your mom. 103 00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:08,789 Uh, Stevie! [pants] Oh, my goodness! 104 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:11,376 It is so great to see all of you. Oh! 105 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:13,128 Hi, there. 106 00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,881 - This is Tristan and Leah. - Hi. How are you? 107 00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:18,507 I was wonderful. [smacks lips] 108 00:04:18,508 --> 00:04:20,426 Up until the moment I caught my ex-husband 109 00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,679 wallowing in his usual vortex of resentment 110 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:25,849 based on nothing other than his own self-loathing. 111 00:04:25,974 --> 00:04:27,392 But thanks for asking. 112 00:04:28,643 --> 00:04:32,146 Tell your mother I do resent her showing up here 113 00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:35,649 wearing the necklace I gave her 29 years ago 114 00:04:35,650 --> 00:04:37,026 to be my forever love! 115 00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:40,071 It is a slap in the face across space and time! 116 00:04:40,322 --> 00:04:41,323 Tell her. 117 00:04:47,746 --> 00:04:52,459 Dad... [breathes deeply] says... 118 00:04:54,753 --> 00:04:56,213 he does... 119 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:01,843 resent... 120 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,055 - Run, cowards. - Okay. [chuckles awkwardly] 121 00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:06,640 ...you. 122 00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:08,933 All I'm saying is Dewey is stupid 123 00:05:08,934 --> 00:05:11,519 - to be here on a laptop. - Eat my balls, Jamie. 124 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:12,728 I'm being considerate. 125 00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:15,523 [clears throat] Excuse me. Hey. I-- 126 00:05:15,524 --> 00:05:17,358 Sorry, we'll have to get back to you. 127 00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,861 - We're all just so busy. - Yeah, we're completely swamped. 128 00:05:20,862 --> 00:05:23,322 I-- I'm sorry. I don't have any excuses. 129 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,117 I just wanna clear the air and make it right. 130 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,119 Please. 131 00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:33,208 Well, it's not like this is the first horrible thing you've ever done. 132 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:36,670 Hey, Leah, do you wanna hear all the horrible things 133 00:05:36,795 --> 00:05:38,171 - he's ever done? - Yes. 134 00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,005 Kids. [claps hands] I need some help. 135 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,966 They put the Chiavari chairs and high tables 136 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,676 in front of the low tables, and it's blocking 137 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:44,802 the eye line to the stage. 138 00:05:44,803 --> 00:05:45,804 Hi, Grandma. 139 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,848 Oh, somebody who actually likes to hug. 140 00:05:48,849 --> 00:05:50,766 I said I would try it for your birthday. 141 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:52,853 [sighs] Malcolm, I'm so happy you-- 142 00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,188 He must have dropped and crawled. 143 00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,690 What the heck is wrong with him? 144 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,066 He showed up. Give him a break. 145 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,402 No. Jamie's not ashamed of his family. 146 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,279 You know, how hard it was for him to get permission 147 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:04,697 to leave the base and come here? 148 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,533 Oh, they don't know that I'm gone. 149 00:06:07,158 --> 00:06:08,618 I'm on guard duty right now. 150 00:06:09,494 --> 00:06:11,453 - [Stevie] ...in... - [slurps] 151 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:12,789 ...the face... 152 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:16,501 across space... [breathes deeply] 153 00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:21,213 ...and... [breathes deeply] ...time. 154 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:23,465 [slurps, smacks lips] Okay, who wants another one? 155 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:26,510 Well, you can tell your father to find a dictionary 156 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,178 and look up the meaning of the word "gift" 157 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,639 unless it's like every other thing in our relationship 158 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:33,767 that came with secret conditions that he would only reveal 159 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:37,105 when he needs to attack me when I'm at my most vulnerable. 160 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:45,405 [inhales deeply] She loves you. 161 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,369 [Cadet Drew] Cadet Francis, ten-hut! 162 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,331 [all laugh] 163 00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:57,750 That's what military school did to us, baby. 164 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:58,917 You'll never shake it. 165 00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:01,337 Hey, boys. Wow, you started early. 166 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,339 I think ten is a respectable age. 167 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:04,882 We were just raising a toast 168 00:07:04,883 --> 00:07:07,093 to our dear old Commandant Spangler. 169 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:12,681 [all] Rot in hell, you one-armed bastard! [laugh] 170 00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,850 Uh, you wanna tell me what's in the sack? 171 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,728 Are you my parole officer? 172 00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:20,189 - No, seriously, are you? - [both laugh] 173 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:23,151 We decided to do one last caper for old time's sake. 174 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,653 Nice statue head. 175 00:07:25,654 --> 00:07:30,867 [clears throat] I came. I sawed. I conquered. 176 00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:34,120 - [both laugh] - That's good. [laughs] 177 00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,830 We're putting that on the Instagram. 178 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:36,956 Wait... 179 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:41,043 It was the most beautiful, transcendent experience. 180 00:07:41,044 --> 00:07:43,880 Abe said you were rolling around naked on filthy linoleum, 181 00:07:44,005 --> 00:07:46,591 - choking yourself. - Transcendently. 182 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:49,968 Psst, Kelly. 183 00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:51,804 Before you try anything, just remember, 184 00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:53,430 revenge for an unjustified revenge 185 00:07:53,431 --> 00:07:55,474 is justified, but revenge for a justified revenge 186 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:58,228 is unjustified revenge. Yeah. 187 00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,313 Relax, we're in a ceasefire until the party's over. 188 00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,650 Could you, uh, sneak me a couple dinner rolls? 189 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:09,239 [gasps, whimpers] 190 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,409 It's so nice to have someone 191 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,620 I can share my deepest feelings with. 192 00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,167 [laughs] 193 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:26,839 Crap. "Yaassss" sounds like I'm seven. 194 00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,633 Quick, change the subject. 195 00:08:33,888 --> 00:08:36,099 Perfect setup. I look great. 196 00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,271 [message sent tone playing] 197 00:08:53,408 --> 00:08:55,368 [chuckles softly] I made him nervous. 198 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:02,250 Cute? Pretty? Hot? 199 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:07,297 Huh? 200 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:18,016 Ew. Ew! 201 00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:23,020 Wait, where the hell did you get that mac and cheese? 202 00:09:23,021 --> 00:09:24,272 I brought it from home. 203 00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:29,693 When I get back, I'm expecting a new full-sized plate 204 00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,821 handed over without any looks. 205 00:09:33,281 --> 00:09:39,244 There you are, Piama! Oh, my juicy jellybean. 206 00:09:39,245 --> 00:09:43,248 - Oh. - Gretchen, so great to see you. 207 00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:45,960 We were so sorry to hear about Otto. 208 00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:50,005 He didn't suffer. The puma is very quick 209 00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:53,217 - und efficient. [chuckles] - What are you doing now? 210 00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:57,304 I am a doula for cattle. I go from town to town, 211 00:09:57,305 --> 00:10:00,141 cow to cow, helping them give birth. 212 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:04,561 It's very spiritual. Well, not the cleanup. 213 00:10:04,562 --> 00:10:07,273 That's nasty. [chuckles softly] Well... 214 00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:13,154 [sniffs] Oh, my goodness. 215 00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:16,615 - You have a calf inside you. - [gasps] How did you-- 216 00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,743 Oh, it's my gift. Boy or girl? 217 00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:24,165 - We don't know yet. - [sniffs] Do you want to? 218 00:10:25,375 --> 00:10:28,585 What the hell? The video of us beheading the statue 219 00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,462 got 3,000 dislikes. 220 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:32,005 Who doesn't love a classic prank? 221 00:10:32,006 --> 00:10:33,883 - Let me see. - [scoffs] 222 00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:39,722 - Uh, where was this statue? - In front of a bar. 223 00:10:39,848 --> 00:10:41,557 Had a creepy vibe, so we didn't go in. 224 00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:43,434 And did this bar have a name? 225 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,856 That was weird, too. It-- It was called Stagness. 226 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:51,276 What is that? [chuckles] Like, how much you're like a stag? 227 00:10:51,401 --> 00:10:54,445 - [laughs] - Idiots, it's not "Stagness." 228 00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,656 It's St. Agnes. 229 00:10:58,575 --> 00:10:59,617 It's a church. 230 00:10:59,909 --> 00:11:02,954 Whose statue do they put in front of churches? 231 00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:08,710 It looks like... 232 00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,379 Burger King. 233 00:11:11,796 --> 00:11:15,049 Well, no wonder they're mad. People love that guy. 234 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,178 [♪ upbeat hip-hop music playing] 235 00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:30,982 Hubert! Come dance with Dada-Dada-Dada! 236 00:11:36,779 --> 00:11:39,991 Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe he was teasing. 237 00:11:46,915 --> 00:11:47,916 What a creep! 238 00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,211 My first crush is a creep. 239 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:53,630 [♪ exciting music playing] 240 00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,135 It's been 20 minutes. 241 00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,803 I still don't have a better idea. 242 00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:04,056 - Malcolm! - [♪ music playing indistinctly] 243 00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,724 [Malcolm in changed voice] Occupied. 244 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,353 You think I wouldn't crawl under and pull you out of there? 245 00:12:13,191 --> 00:12:17,110 [groans, grunts] Can we do this outside the men's room? 246 00:12:17,111 --> 00:12:20,030 Nope. It's gone on long enough. We're gonna straighten everything out 247 00:12:20,031 --> 00:12:21,281 - right here, right now. - [sighs] 248 00:12:21,282 --> 00:12:23,116 We're gonna go back to the party as a family. 249 00:12:23,117 --> 00:12:24,744 The shrimp is bad! The shrimp is bad! 250 00:12:24,869 --> 00:12:25,953 [door closing] 251 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:27,329 - [Craig groaning] - We're not serving shrimp. 252 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:29,916 [Craig] I ate something with a tail on it. [groans] 253 00:12:30,041 --> 00:12:32,168 - [farting] - [water splashing] 254 00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,711 [Craig] Oh, sweet mother of mercy, it burns! 255 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,631 - Now let's go. - [Craig groaning] 256 00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,299 - You can't be serious. - If you wanna get out of here, 257 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,219 you are gonna tell me why you have been doing this. 258 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,765 - [Craig panting] - Come on, out with it. 259 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,849 - [Craig farting] - [Lois exhales sharply] 260 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,560 [Craig] Sorry, I know you didn't mean me. 261 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:51,311 How do you think one conversation 262 00:12:51,312 --> 00:12:53,022 in a toilet's gonna fix everything? 263 00:12:53,189 --> 00:12:55,275 I don't, but at least it's a start. 264 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,526 What do you wanna do, wait for my funeral? 265 00:12:57,527 --> 00:12:59,279 There's nothing to say! 266 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,488 - It's just the way we are. - [Craig] Easy, boy. 267 00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,323 We all just swirl around each other fighting 268 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,075 and taking turns creating disasters! 269 00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:07,160 Yeah, so we drive each other nuts. So, what? 270 00:13:07,161 --> 00:13:08,996 That's what families do. 271 00:13:08,997 --> 00:13:11,374 [sighs] It's more than that. I... [breathes deeply] 272 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:14,002 I like myself better when I'm not around you. 273 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,253 So you have said. 274 00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:17,255 - [Craig breathing deeply] - And I... 275 00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,968 feel bad for who I am when I am around you. 276 00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:26,096 What, you yelling? [chuckles] Spitballs to a battleship. 277 00:13:26,097 --> 00:13:28,433 No, I mean, I know I'm disappointing you. 278 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:33,688 - [Craig groaning] - What? 279 00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:37,191 [Craig] He said he knows he's disappointing you. 280 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,320 Sorry, I'll be quiet. [farting] 281 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,156 Now I'll be quiet. 282 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:48,036 Mom, you've always had these gigantic expectations of me. 283 00:13:48,286 --> 00:13:50,620 Like I'm some sort of superhuman brain 284 00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:53,708 that can fix all the world's problems. I'm sorry, I can't. 285 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,208 And I can't deal with that pressure. 286 00:13:55,209 --> 00:13:57,085 When did I ever pressure you? 287 00:13:57,086 --> 00:14:00,048 You said I had to become president of the United States! 288 00:14:00,298 --> 00:14:03,508 [exhales] President? Is-- Is that what this is about? 289 00:14:03,509 --> 00:14:04,801 [Craig whimpering] 290 00:14:04,802 --> 00:14:07,138 Malcolm, that was just a plan. 291 00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:11,225 Uh, plans aren't contracts. They're just plans. 292 00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:13,101 Your father and I have made hundreds of them, 293 00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,062 and look at us. Barely ever work out, 294 00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,814 so we just make some new ones. 295 00:14:17,315 --> 00:14:19,067 Yeah, you can't take it that seriously. 296 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:22,820 [Craig speaking indistinctly, panting] 297 00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:24,781 That was you lying? 298 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,826 [shouts] You've been lying to me? 299 00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,496 All this time? 300 00:14:31,662 --> 00:14:34,874 Do you know the kind of trauma you caused me for a lie? 301 00:14:35,041 --> 00:14:37,000 - [music stops] - [Malcolm] Making me suffer 302 00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:39,878 - under your lie for 18 years? - [gasps] 303 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,632 What kind of Satanic monster are you? 304 00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,133 [Craig groaning, farting] 305 00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:47,761 - [♪ thrilling music playing] - Aw, they found each other. 306 00:14:47,762 --> 00:14:49,639 - [music playing indistinctly] - We tried to give you 307 00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:52,850 very specific positive goals to help you get through college, 308 00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,851 so you wouldn't just party and drop out 309 00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:56,311 and end up in a homeless shelter. 310 00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,814 That was called good parenting. 311 00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:00,649 You don't even care about the constant stress 312 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:02,609 and anxiety of trying to live up to that? 313 00:15:02,610 --> 00:15:04,528 [breathes shakily] Do you realize that my-- 314 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:08,031 My degrees, my charity, the-- The awards, 315 00:15:08,032 --> 00:15:10,951 my beautiful, perfect daughter, finding a woman 316 00:15:10,952 --> 00:15:14,037 who loves me for me and makes my life complete, 317 00:15:14,038 --> 00:15:15,873 all of that was based on your lie? 318 00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:18,626 How could you do that to me? [breathes deeply] 319 00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:22,630 Wait. 320 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:25,675 Malcolm, you've accomplished so much. 321 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,969 And all of it is you. 322 00:15:28,761 --> 00:15:30,638 - [Craig groaning] - It's just you. 323 00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:34,976 You're a good father. You're a good man. 324 00:15:35,977 --> 00:15:37,728 Better than we ever hoped. 325 00:15:38,146 --> 00:15:39,938 And I wish we didn't upset you so much, 326 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,941 and I can't say it's ever gonna get better. 327 00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:44,443 I just miss you. 328 00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:50,825 - I miss you too. [cries softly] - [Craig groaning, farting] 329 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,660 I'm trying so hard to hold it in, 330 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:55,371 it just makes the pitch go higher! 331 00:15:55,496 --> 00:15:57,122 Please, let's just get out of here. 332 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,916 - [chuckles] Yeah, uh... - Oh, by the way, 333 00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:03,253 - I love my granddaughter. - Yeah, that's pretty easy. 334 00:16:03,254 --> 00:16:05,423 - And I approve of Tristan. - [Malcolm] Thanks. 335 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,550 I mean, I don't actually need your approval. 336 00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:09,927 I know, but I approve anyway. 337 00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:14,015 Thanks. I really love her. 338 00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,059 I think I love her like you and Dad. 339 00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,104 - [door opening] - [♪ soft music playing] 340 00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,818 We are no longer friends. [gags] 341 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,321 [Craig] We'll discuss it after dessert. Oh! 342 00:16:30,698 --> 00:16:32,450 Hey, Dad. Looking good. 343 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,826 All better now? Glad we're past that. 344 00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,787 We're not past it yet, Reese. 345 00:16:37,914 --> 00:16:39,456 - Did we miss anything? - Hold me higher. 346 00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,583 - I can't see his face. - You are in for it now. 347 00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:42,918 - All right, all right,. - You're right. 348 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,629 - It's your moment. - We'll pile on later. 349 00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,088 Dad... 350 00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:48,507 there's no point in me saying I'm sorry. 351 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:50,593 I'm always sorry. 352 00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:52,511 But this is different. 353 00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:55,096 I not only took advantage of you, 354 00:16:55,097 --> 00:16:58,351 I did it by pretending to have a closer, 355 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,394 more loving relationship. 356 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:05,149 I know how horrible I made you feel. 357 00:17:05,483 --> 00:17:07,610 And the horrible thing for me... 358 00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:12,615 is I was faking the relationship I always wanted with you. 359 00:17:14,450 --> 00:17:16,034 Way to take all the fun out of it. 360 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,453 - [sighs] Yeah, nice. - Thanks, man. 361 00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:21,666 That is the most honest apology I have ever heard. 362 00:17:21,999 --> 00:17:23,208 [all groan] 363 00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,418 But it is completely meaningless. 364 00:17:25,419 --> 00:17:26,879 - Wait, it's good again. - Oh! Dude. 365 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:28,880 You have always counted on the fact 366 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:32,551 that no matter what you do, I will always love you, 367 00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:36,389 and that is just true. It is for all of you. 368 00:17:36,973 --> 00:17:40,016 I-- I assumed the love was just there 369 00:17:40,017 --> 00:17:42,060 in every cell of my body, 370 00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:44,105 and I was helpless to prevent it. 371 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,232 But then I realized that that was just for your mother. 372 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,527 You guys are completely different. 373 00:17:49,652 --> 00:17:53,446 You're so unfailingly destructive and-- 374 00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:56,658 and self-absorbed and oblivious that you-- 375 00:17:56,659 --> 00:18:00,496 you-- You make it so damn difficult that my genuine, 376 00:18:00,621 --> 00:18:04,333 deep love is an actual act of heroism. 377 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:08,296 Well, do you realize how good that makes me feel about myself? 378 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:12,591 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for that gift. 379 00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:13,926 [chuckles] 380 00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,596 Especially you. 381 00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:18,681 I, uh, yeah. 382 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,727 Are you sure everything's ready? 383 00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:24,729 Don't worry. 384 00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,147 Don't worry everything's ready or just don't worry? 385 00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:29,065 Whatever answer makes you stop glaring at me, 386 00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:30,067 I don't like it. 387 00:18:31,152 --> 00:18:33,112 Ah, it's too late now, anyway. 388 00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,031 [microphone feedback] 389 00:18:36,032 --> 00:18:38,951 Can I have your attention, please? Everyone? 390 00:18:39,744 --> 00:18:40,911 [sighing] 391 00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:44,540 This is such an important day for me. 392 00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,710 After 40 years of frustration, 393 00:18:48,210 --> 00:18:52,757 Hal has finally let me celebrate our relationship my way. 394 00:18:53,174 --> 00:18:56,177 - [indistinct chatter, laughter] - [Lois] My way. 395 00:18:56,636 --> 00:18:58,928 [chuckles] Today is happening exactly the way 396 00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,098 I always wanted it to. 397 00:19:01,557 --> 00:19:04,226 Because, honey, for once... 398 00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,354 for once... 399 00:19:08,439 --> 00:19:09,732 it's not about me. 400 00:19:10,024 --> 00:19:11,192 It's about you. 401 00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,778 [guests] Oh. [chuckle] 402 00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:16,030 [chuckles, sighs] 403 00:19:20,743 --> 00:19:23,328 Happy anniversary, sweetheart. [chuckles, kisses] 404 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:25,622 This has taken so many online tutorials 405 00:19:25,623 --> 00:19:28,667 and equipment rentals and crazy expensive laptop 406 00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:31,545 I've been hiding from you. And I hope you like it. 407 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:35,340 What would you like people to know about your father? 408 00:19:35,341 --> 00:19:38,219 Dad is a complicated man. 409 00:19:39,220 --> 00:19:41,013 [chuckles] Uh, no, he's not. 410 00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,641 He's the least complex man of all time, 411 00:19:43,766 --> 00:19:45,184 which I love. 412 00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:48,145 I spend so much time touring in different cities. 413 00:19:48,479 --> 00:19:50,022 Sometimes, I don't know where I am, 414 00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:51,399 and then Dad calls. 415 00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,566 He doesn't understand time zones, 416 00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:56,404 and it's always, like, 4:00 in the morning. 417 00:19:57,154 --> 00:19:58,572 But it's still very thoughtful. 418 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,369 Two minutes talking to him, I feel like I'm home. 419 00:20:04,370 --> 00:20:07,081 Anyway, it got me thinking, and I wrote this. 420 00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:11,043 [plays piano] 421 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:18,217 For me, the most singular thing about Dad is his stamina. 422 00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:21,095 The sheer amount of grief he could stomach. 423 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:25,683 I got in trouble, got in fights, got suspended, got expelled. 424 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:26,934 Twice. 425 00:20:27,685 --> 00:20:31,605 But Dad was always unfailingly patient with me. 426 00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,440 The first time I met Hal-- 427 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:35,483 Oh, got married to you without telling them. 428 00:20:35,484 --> 00:20:36,694 That was a big one. 429 00:20:37,027 --> 00:20:39,071 Anyway, I was dreading it. 430 00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:41,656 As far as I knew, all dads were drunk and mean, 431 00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:44,368 but he was always so steady and reliable. 432 00:20:44,994 --> 00:20:47,036 Now, he feels like my real dad. 433 00:20:47,037 --> 00:20:48,706 [gasps] Got arrested three times. 434 00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:51,709 No, arrested twice, expelled three times. 435 00:20:52,793 --> 00:20:53,877 [scattered laughter] 436 00:20:53,878 --> 00:20:55,921 We were all pretty wild. 437 00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,716 But my brothers, they-- They were so far ahead of me 438 00:20:59,717 --> 00:21:02,428 that I needed to find my own thing. 439 00:21:03,345 --> 00:21:06,347 So, I chose noise. 440 00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,559 I especially like the sound of crashing. 441 00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:13,438 Dishes, lamps, big windows, little windows. 442 00:21:13,439 --> 00:21:16,232 If you know what you're doing, I mean, you can create these frequencies 443 00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:19,111 that rip right through your brain. [chuckling] 444 00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:22,782 And when Dad stopped me, he was always so... 445 00:21:23,449 --> 00:21:25,326 gentle about it. 446 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:29,872 I mean, it-- It really made me want to be peaceful. 447 00:21:30,539 --> 00:21:32,750 I really appreciated his tenderness. 448 00:21:33,542 --> 00:21:35,544 Even though, kind of a tough guy. 449 00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:38,631 I mean, look at these beasts! 450 00:21:39,924 --> 00:21:41,717 Can the love of your life be a man? 451 00:21:42,009 --> 00:21:44,594 Another heterosexual man? I say "Yes." 452 00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:46,639 A thousand times, yes. 453 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:51,060 When someone is that loving and giving and honest and true, 454 00:21:51,185 --> 00:21:53,311 you can't stop it. You understand? 455 00:21:53,312 --> 00:21:56,857 He's not just my best friend. He's the best person. 456 00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:59,652 No one disagree with me on this one. 457 00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:03,823 [inhales deeply] Hal... [exhales] 458 00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:06,826 ...is. A. Great. Man. 459 00:22:07,785 --> 00:22:09,954 [laughs hysterically] 460 00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:13,290 Everyone expects me to talk about how forgiving and accepting he is. 461 00:22:13,582 --> 00:22:14,959 And he totally is with me. 462 00:22:16,710 --> 00:22:18,546 I don't know why I do what I do. 463 00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,922 I actually asked a therapist about it, 464 00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:22,048 but he was all, 465 00:22:22,049 --> 00:22:24,092 "I don't know you and I don't work for free." 466 00:22:24,093 --> 00:22:26,177 But what I'm really thankful 467 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,430 for is the optimism he gave me. 468 00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:31,809 I still wake up every day thinking I'll be better. 469 00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:34,310 - He's always cheerful. - And honest. 470 00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:35,813 - And helpful. - An-- And wise. 471 00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:37,063 And honest. 472 00:22:37,064 --> 00:22:38,148 - I said it already. - Oh right. 473 00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:39,899 - You already said that. - [Trey] Oh, give me a minute. 474 00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:41,109 - [laughs] - I admire his enthusiasm 475 00:22:41,110 --> 00:22:42,819 and his courage. I mean, he'll try anything 476 00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:44,487 - and make us do it, too. - Mm-hmm. 477 00:22:44,488 --> 00:22:46,781 Ah, our vocal group, fire-walking. 478 00:22:46,782 --> 00:22:48,366 - Fire-walking! - [Trey laughing] 479 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:50,286 And don't forget insightful. 480 00:22:50,578 --> 00:22:53,329 Nobody else recognized that my bluster was just a cover 481 00:22:53,330 --> 00:22:55,957 to hide my shame at ruining Secret Santa. 482 00:22:55,958 --> 00:22:57,917 - [mouthing] I did. - And he's incredibly generous. 483 00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:59,377 Especially, when he's playing poker! 484 00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:00,963 [all laugh hysterically] 485 00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:03,298 Hey, Dad. I'm sorry this is so rushed, 486 00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:06,259 but I'm totally swamped. But I wanted to say I love you. 487 00:23:06,260 --> 00:23:09,597 Um, I admire your decency and your honesty and your... 488 00:23:10,472 --> 00:23:13,141 hair. So, happy birth-- Anniversary. 489 00:23:13,142 --> 00:23:15,019 Hey, Linda, can you print me that report? 490 00:23:16,687 --> 00:23:19,189 I was like, five... 491 00:23:19,982 --> 00:23:21,692 when I started feeling wrong. 492 00:23:23,360 --> 00:23:25,069 I thought I was great at hiding it 493 00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,197 because you guys never said anything. 494 00:23:28,949 --> 00:23:30,034 But then... 495 00:23:32,202 --> 00:23:36,373 I had this one really shitty day in fifth grade 496 00:23:36,832 --> 00:23:38,167 with the other kids and-- 497 00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:40,628 and even my teacher. [breathes shakily] 498 00:23:43,964 --> 00:23:46,675 When... When I had little kid problems, 499 00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:49,136 I'd just go to Dad 500 00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:51,597 and he'd clown around and make me feel better. 501 00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:55,601 And-- And I wanted to do that, but... 502 00:23:56,769 --> 00:24:00,356 instead I just blurted out, "Dad, am I wrong?" 503 00:24:02,483 --> 00:24:03,525 And... 504 00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:07,279 he was looking at me, and-- and I knew that he knew... 505 00:24:08,364 --> 00:24:09,865 and had always known. 506 00:24:11,700 --> 00:24:12,701 And... [hesitates] 507 00:24:14,453 --> 00:24:16,163 I could tell he was thinking, like... 508 00:24:16,664 --> 00:24:18,540 really hard. [breathes deeply] 509 00:24:20,459 --> 00:24:22,252 And I was terrified. [sobs softly] 510 00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,839 And then-- 511 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,716 Then he finally said... [inhales] 512 00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:30,636 "You could be nicer to your mom sometimes." 513 00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:36,809 So, yeah, [inhales shakily] I like him. 514 00:24:40,771 --> 00:24:41,854 - Sincere. - Loyal. 515 00:24:41,855 --> 00:24:42,939 - Heartwarming. - Tenderness. 516 00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:44,023 - Brave. - Honest. 517 00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:45,316 - Faithful. - Incredible. 518 00:24:45,317 --> 00:24:46,484 - Remarkable. - Vibrant. 519 00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:47,694 - [voice 1] Twinkling. - [voice 2] Loving. 520 00:24:47,695 --> 00:24:48,987 - [voice 3] Determined. - [voice 4] Fearless. 521 00:24:48,988 --> 00:24:50,363 - [voice 5] Considerate. - [voice 6] Sparkling. 522 00:24:50,364 --> 00:24:54,617 [overlapping echoing voices complimenting] 523 00:24:54,618 --> 00:24:55,743 [voices stop] 524 00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:56,953 [Lois] Love. 525 00:24:56,954 --> 00:24:58,247 [♪ music concludes] 526 00:25:02,626 --> 00:25:06,964 [Wayne] We did it! Whoo-hoo! All minds are beautiful minds. 527 00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:12,761 Hal... [sighs] ...when we first met... 528 00:25:13,846 --> 00:25:16,181 I knew I'd been looking for you my entire life. [sobs] 529 00:25:17,808 --> 00:25:19,059 [guests sob] 530 00:25:20,811 --> 00:25:22,604 You're my wish come true. 531 00:25:23,689 --> 00:25:26,233 [guests sobbing] 532 00:25:28,861 --> 00:25:30,738 [indistinct chatter on radio] 533 00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:36,076 [guests applauding, cheering] 534 00:25:42,875 --> 00:25:44,084 [Malik] Bravo. 535 00:25:44,585 --> 00:25:49,757 [guests cheering, applauding] 536 00:25:50,466 --> 00:25:52,801 No one's ever done anything like that for me. 537 00:25:54,219 --> 00:25:55,845 No one ever let us. 538 00:25:55,846 --> 00:25:57,389 [Malcom clearing throat] Excuse me? 539 00:25:59,975 --> 00:26:04,563 It feels weird to insert myself into this moment, but if... 540 00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:07,274 I don't do it now, I'm afraid I never will. 541 00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:09,234 Dad... 542 00:26:11,153 --> 00:26:13,822 I'm sorry for how crappy my part in that was. 543 00:26:15,574 --> 00:26:17,951 I didn't realize how much this meant. 544 00:26:18,744 --> 00:26:19,870 How much you meant. 545 00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:23,499 I'm sorry. 546 00:26:33,342 --> 00:26:36,553 I thought I was improving myself by being away from you. 547 00:26:37,763 --> 00:26:40,473 But instead I forgot the important things 548 00:26:40,474 --> 00:26:43,227 I learned from you. "Give everyone a chance." 549 00:26:45,312 --> 00:26:47,231 "Love is brave." 550 00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:50,651 "Don't stop believing." 551 00:26:52,486 --> 00:26:54,696 I know where you got that one, but it's still good. 552 00:26:55,155 --> 00:26:56,240 So... 553 00:26:56,782 --> 00:26:58,033 love is brave. 554 00:27:01,662 --> 00:27:02,913 - Tristan. - [gasps] 555 00:27:03,831 --> 00:27:05,124 I am so flawed. 556 00:27:05,249 --> 00:27:08,084 There are so many parts of my personality 557 00:27:08,085 --> 00:27:12,714 that don't work right, but I love you so much. 558 00:27:14,133 --> 00:27:15,425 Will you marry me? 559 00:27:18,679 --> 00:27:19,805 No! [chuckles dryly] 560 00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:22,349 - Ooh. - Oh. 561 00:27:30,107 --> 00:27:31,190 [indistinct gasping] 562 00:27:31,191 --> 00:27:33,442 That doesn't work for everything, Stevie. 563 00:27:33,443 --> 00:27:34,611 Malcolm... 564 00:27:35,529 --> 00:27:38,365 I love you so much. 565 00:27:39,491 --> 00:27:40,701 But we both just found out 566 00:27:40,826 --> 00:27:45,289 we've been keeping gigantic, awful secrets from each other. 567 00:27:45,956 --> 00:27:48,458 We have to figure that out before we do anything. 568 00:27:48,917 --> 00:27:51,169 [indistinct whispering] 569 00:27:51,503 --> 00:27:53,505 Except sex. We'll definitely have sex later. 570 00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:55,632 [guests cheer] 571 00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:04,892 [chuckles] 572 00:28:05,183 --> 00:28:08,604 [♪ upbeat party music playing] 573 00:28:09,438 --> 00:28:14,985 [both smooching, breathing heavily] 574 00:28:15,110 --> 00:28:16,945 Sweetie, get off your phone. It's a party. 575 00:28:17,279 --> 00:28:20,031 Go talk to that little weirdo. He looks lonely. 576 00:28:20,032 --> 00:28:24,077 [breathing deeply, kissing, moaning] 577 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,875 - Hi. I'm Leah. - Hubert. 578 00:28:30,751 --> 00:28:32,461 Who ordered you to approach me? 579 00:28:33,086 --> 00:28:35,589 - My-- My grandma. - She could tell I was lonely. 580 00:28:35,756 --> 00:28:38,341 [chuckles softly] Just as I could tell you're lonely. 581 00:28:38,342 --> 00:28:39,885 It's probably because you're odd. 582 00:28:40,510 --> 00:28:42,137 - I am. - Well, then... 583 00:28:43,221 --> 00:28:45,474 - we're a match made in heaven. - Don't do eyebrows. 584 00:28:45,641 --> 00:28:47,976 And you're already giving me good advice. 585 00:28:48,852 --> 00:28:50,812 - We're blossoming. - [chuckles] 586 00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:53,731 Hi, would you like to join 587 00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:56,693 what may become a super-cool friend group? 588 00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:01,490 Yeah, okay. Thanks. 589 00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:06,662 Can I ask you guys about something really embarrassing? 590 00:29:06,787 --> 00:29:09,205 If you knew me better, you wouldn't. But go ahead. 591 00:29:09,206 --> 00:29:10,207 [♪ music concludes] 592 00:29:10,332 --> 00:29:11,749 [Wayne] Ladies and gentlemen, 593 00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:14,378 we present the anniversary dance under the spotlight. 594 00:29:14,670 --> 00:29:17,297 Please remember, they chose the music. 595 00:29:17,965 --> 00:29:20,926 - [indistinct applauding] - What have you done? 596 00:29:21,134 --> 00:29:22,886 I don't know what you're talking about. 597 00:29:23,387 --> 00:29:25,096 - Hal? - Well, it's just a silly, 598 00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:26,931 little, romantic thing. It's no big deal. 599 00:29:26,932 --> 00:29:29,433 ♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪ 600 00:29:29,434 --> 00:29:31,143 [♪ romantic music playing, The Bangles "Eternal Flame"] 601 00:29:31,144 --> 00:29:36,191 ♪ Do you understand? Do you feel the same? ♪ 602 00:29:36,984 --> 00:29:41,488 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 603 00:29:42,197 --> 00:29:48,328 ♪ I believe It's meant to be, darling ♪ 604 00:29:48,453 --> 00:29:51,205 ♪ Do you feel the same? ♪ 605 00:29:51,206 --> 00:29:52,289 [groans] 606 00:29:52,290 --> 00:29:56,210 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 607 00:29:56,211 --> 00:29:57,295 [guests cheer] 608 00:29:57,796 --> 00:30:00,047 Oh, my God, it's like being in a dream. 609 00:30:00,048 --> 00:30:01,257 You are a dream. 610 00:30:01,258 --> 00:30:04,678 ♪ ...an eternal flame? ♪ 611 00:30:06,513 --> 00:30:07,764 [screams] 612 00:30:09,683 --> 00:30:12,978 ♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪ 613 00:30:13,437 --> 00:30:15,731 ♪ Do you understand? ♪ 614 00:30:15,981 --> 00:30:18,608 ♪ Do you feel the same? ♪ 615 00:30:19,651 --> 00:30:23,864 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 616 00:30:24,239 --> 00:30:27,116 ♪ Or is this burning... ♪ 617 00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:31,997 [all coughing] 618 00:30:33,248 --> 00:30:36,585 ♪ Give me your hand, darling ♪ 619 00:30:37,002 --> 00:30:40,464 ♪ Do you feel my heart beating? ♪ 620 00:30:40,881 --> 00:30:46,386 ♪ Do you understand? Do you feel the same? ♪ 621 00:30:46,762 --> 00:30:51,308 ♪ Am I only dreaming? ♪ 622 00:30:54,436 --> 00:30:58,398 ♪ An eternal flame ♪ 623 00:30:58,523 --> 00:31:01,108 ♪ Close your eyes Give me... ♪ 624 00:31:01,109 --> 00:31:04,488 - [♪ song concludes] - [indistinct clamoring] 625 00:31:06,656 --> 00:31:07,948 [gasps] 626 00:31:07,949 --> 00:31:10,994 Oh! Lois, Lois. I'm sorry. 627 00:31:11,244 --> 00:31:13,413 I'm sorry that-- That wasn't supposed to-- I-- 628 00:31:13,580 --> 00:31:14,664 I didn't mean to. 629 00:31:16,416 --> 00:31:17,417 Do you like it? 630 00:31:19,169 --> 00:31:23,673 [♪ joyous music playing, concludes] 631 00:31:23,924 --> 00:31:25,884 [electricity sparking] 632 00:31:30,806 --> 00:31:33,474 This is the most incontestable forfeit 633 00:31:33,475 --> 00:31:35,476 of a security deposit of all time. 634 00:31:35,477 --> 00:31:38,313 [chuckles] And well worth it. 635 00:31:39,356 --> 00:31:40,940 - Ow! - What? 636 00:31:40,941 --> 00:31:45,028 What the hell? My leg is killing me. 637 00:31:48,365 --> 00:31:49,908 When the hell did I get a cast? 638 00:31:50,325 --> 00:31:53,494 - [♪ light-hearted music playing] - Having friends is awesome. 639 00:31:53,495 --> 00:31:56,330 I had no idea. We talked everything out, 640 00:31:56,331 --> 00:31:58,500 and they gave me a whole new perspective. 641 00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:00,627 So, I am going to send a picture. 642 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:04,631 Well, a screenshot. To his parents. 643 00:32:05,173 --> 00:32:07,050 And every girl in school. 644 00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:11,304 Teachable moment. 645 00:32:12,722 --> 00:32:13,890 Just so you know, 646 00:32:14,015 --> 00:32:16,101 Grandma actually helped me solve a problem. 647 00:32:16,268 --> 00:32:17,269 Really? How? 648 00:32:18,061 --> 00:32:20,814 Well, by bossing me around about something completely different. 649 00:32:21,398 --> 00:32:22,524 That's the M.O. 650 00:32:23,316 --> 00:32:27,070 It just occurred to me. My next poo is gonna be amazing. 651 00:32:27,195 --> 00:32:28,280 [chuckles] 652 00:32:28,405 --> 00:32:30,031 Nice job ruining the anniversary. 653 00:32:31,658 --> 00:32:33,325 Me? Everything would've been fine 654 00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:35,203 if those rafters were spaced properly. 655 00:32:35,328 --> 00:32:37,079 Bull, those rafters are exactly to code. 656 00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:38,956 [Francis] They absolutely are not. 657 00:32:38,957 --> 00:32:40,416 For God's sakes, Reese. 658 00:32:40,417 --> 00:32:42,543 Building codes specify different rafter spacing 659 00:32:42,544 --> 00:32:44,086 for four-by-sixes and four-by-eights, 660 00:32:44,087 --> 00:32:46,380 and you can't tell the dimensions from down here. 661 00:32:46,381 --> 00:32:48,758 And when a zipper sticks, you don't keep yanking on it. 662 00:32:48,884 --> 00:32:51,178 You pull gently and wiggle it side to side. 663 00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:53,345 That's another thing, that cheap zipper. 664 00:32:53,346 --> 00:32:55,681 There's tons of things to blame. Tomorrow, we'll get down to city hall... 665 00:32:55,682 --> 00:32:58,142 Well, I guess this is my life again. 666 00:32:58,143 --> 00:32:59,852 I just have to do everything I can 667 00:32:59,853 --> 00:33:00,937 to make it work. 668 00:33:01,271 --> 00:33:04,315 Mostly, because I can't think of any way out it. [sighs] 669 00:33:04,316 --> 00:33:06,067 I hope Leah's gonna be okay with this family. 670 00:33:07,194 --> 00:33:08,570 I like this family. 671 00:33:08,695 --> 00:33:10,822 I feel so much less weird by comparison. 672 00:33:11,656 --> 00:33:13,867 I hope Dad's gonna be able to handle it. 673 00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:16,828 - I'm sure he'll be fine. - I'm sure she'll be fine. 674 00:33:16,953 --> 00:33:18,079 [♪ music concludes] 675 00:33:20,498 --> 00:33:22,209 ♪ Freak-A-Zoids, robots ♪ 676 00:33:22,334 --> 00:33:24,961 ♪ Please report to the dance floor ♪ 677 00:33:25,086 --> 00:33:27,380 [♪ upbeat pop music playing, Midnight Star "Freak-A-Zoid"] 678 00:33:28,715 --> 00:33:32,594 ♪ I'll be your Freak-a-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 679 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,097 ♪ Ooh dance baby ♪ 680 00:33:36,806 --> 00:33:39,642 ♪ Shake your body like you just don't care ♪ 681 00:33:39,643 --> 00:33:40,893 ♪ I said ♪ 682 00:33:40,894 --> 00:33:44,063 ♪ I'll be your Freak-A-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 683 00:33:44,064 --> 00:33:45,731 ♪ System engaged so I'm ‘bout to soar ♪ 684 00:33:45,732 --> 00:33:47,942 ♪ Let me show you how to land it on the dance floor ♪ 685 00:33:47,943 --> 00:33:49,860 ♪ Rock back and forth spaceship on another flight ♪ 686 00:33:49,861 --> 00:33:51,862 - ♪ Let me teach you how to... ♪ - ♪ Rock Baby ♪ 687 00:33:51,863 --> 00:33:55,532 ♪ I'll be your Freak-A-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 688 00:33:55,533 --> 00:33:59,162 ♪ Z-O-I-D-S Rock baby ♪ 689 00:33:59,287 --> 00:34:03,124 ♪ I'll be your Freak-A-Zoid Come on and wind me up ♪ 690 00:34:03,583 --> 00:34:04,918 [♪ song concludes]