1 00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:04,047 . 2 00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:06,223 - It's back to school at Headltston Junior College, 3 00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:08,443 and I got my very own office. 4 00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:14,840 It's also used as a dressing room for the theater kids. 5 00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,625 Watch this. 6 00:00:16,668 --> 00:00:17,756 I'm little orphan Annie. 7 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,978 [laughs] Oh, we have fun. 8 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:25,329 So back to school means the start of football season. 9 00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,723 And we have our very first game on Saturday. 10 00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:30,639 Now, with 26 weeks to go until Daytona, 11 00:00:30,682 --> 00:00:32,423 these games are a great way for my cheerleaders 12 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,382 to get out there, strut their stuff, 13 00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:36,819 practice, and not for nothing. 14 00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:38,864 But for the first time in Headltston Junior College 15 00:00:38,908 --> 00:00:43,521 history, we have a cheer team, unless you count last year, 16 00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:45,610 which was technically more of a one-woman show. 17 00:00:45,654 --> 00:00:48,048 - When I say Headl, you say, what? 18 00:00:48,091 --> 00:00:49,745 - Headl. - What? 19 00:00:49,788 --> 00:00:51,877 [drums beating] 20 00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,227 What? 21 00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:56,491 - I'm just gonna draw a little football and-- 22 00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,406 why not-- a little Charlie Brown. 23 00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:00,364 He's always so worried. [chuckles] 24 00:01:00,408 --> 00:01:01,757 I'll give him a little swirl of hair. 25 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:02,714 See how he feels about that. 26 00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:03,889 Oh. 27 00:01:03,933 --> 00:01:05,108 No. 28 00:01:05,152 --> 00:01:06,457 You can see why they made him bald. 29 00:01:06,501 --> 00:01:08,372 Stella! 30 00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:09,765 - [whispering] They're also rehearsing 31 00:01:09,808 --> 00:01:11,071 "A Streetcar Named Desire." 32 00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:12,333 [normally] I don't know why I'm whispering. 33 00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:13,812 - Would you mind keeping it down? 34 00:01:13,856 --> 00:01:16,946 If we can hear you backstage, we can hear you onstage. 35 00:01:16,989 --> 00:01:18,948 [whispering] So yeah. 36 00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:20,993 [upbeat music] 37 00:01:21,037 --> 00:01:22,386 ♪ OK, let's go 38 00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:23,909 - ♪ OK, let's go - ♪ OK 39 00:01:23,953 --> 00:01:25,911 ♪ Let's go, 5, 6, 7, 8 40 00:01:25,955 --> 00:01:29,045 - Being a cheer coach is more than just cheer. 41 00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,438 OK, I'm looking at your schedule, 42 00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:33,005 and all I see is Intro to Typing. 43 00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:34,224 And what is Me Time? 44 00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:36,052 It is my elective. 45 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,272 And we're cutting into it right now. 46 00:01:38,315 --> 00:01:40,926 - DiMarcus, you need to get serious, honey, OK? 47 00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:43,190 Now, committing to cheer, that means committing to the school. 48 00:01:43,233 --> 00:01:44,626 And that means declaring a major. 49 00:01:44,669 --> 00:01:45,714 Why? 50 00:01:45,757 --> 00:01:47,194 At Sammy Davis Sr. Junior College, 51 00:01:47,237 --> 00:01:48,369 I didn't have to have a major. 52 00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,066 I didn't even have to go to class. 53 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,937 The football team was hooked up. 54 00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:54,114 - You know, a lot of these kids aren't used to doing things 55 00:01:54,157 --> 00:01:55,854 for themselves, or they don't have 56 00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:58,466 the kind of support or resources that they would need. 57 00:01:58,509 --> 00:02:01,599 So I make it a part of my job as a mama bear 58 00:02:01,643 --> 00:02:03,079 to make sure they are set up for success 59 00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,125 on and off the mat. 60 00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:08,606 Some of them hadn't even lived in a school environment before. 61 00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,782 Peaches, I must say I'm impressed. 62 00:02:10,826 --> 00:02:12,784 This is looking like a real dorm room. 63 00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:14,525 You even got a little shower caddy. 64 00:02:14,569 --> 00:02:18,181 [chuckles] Who is Phil? 65 00:02:18,225 --> 00:02:19,965 Peaches, don't you think he might wonder 66 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:23,230 where his medicated shampoo and conditioner duo is? 67 00:02:23,273 --> 00:02:24,840 - Mm-mm-mm. 68 00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:27,408 - You need to think about taking things. 69 00:02:27,451 --> 00:02:31,238 Rachel, Joey K. Oh, no. 70 00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:33,718 Andy, Julie, faculty. 71 00:02:33,762 --> 00:02:34,937 - That was here when I got here. 72 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,068 Peaches. 73 00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:37,896 This place is like the mall. 74 00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:39,681 You could just take whatever you want. 75 00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:40,899 [chuckles] 76 00:02:40,943 --> 00:02:41,987 [glasses clinking] 77 00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:44,033 Yeah, that's next. 78 00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:45,208 Is anything in here yours? 79 00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:46,818 Yeah. 80 00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:51,997 This is how I got Phil's shampoo. 81 00:02:52,041 --> 00:02:53,173 [gasps] 82 00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:54,174 [brass knuckles tapping] 83 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:55,653 OK, hand them over. 84 00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,873 Some of them need help juggling things. 85 00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,266 OK, do you have everything you need 86 00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,833 for your Pet Detection class? 87 00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:03,400 Ooh, check. 88 00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:04,793 - OK. - Oh, wait. 89 00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:09,667 OK. 90 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:12,235 All right, what about American History? 91 00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:13,541 - Yes, just give me one moment. 92 00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:19,242 Sorry. 93 00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:22,767 Voilà, mademoiselle. 94 00:03:22,811 --> 00:03:25,030 - S--are those all parking tickets? 95 00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:26,249 Guilty, yeah. 96 00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,685 I keep oversleeping and then forgetting 97 00:03:27,729 --> 00:03:29,600 to move my car for street cleaning. 98 00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:31,515 - Then I forget to pay them. - Mm-hmm. 99 00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:33,648 Candy Button brain. 100 00:03:33,691 --> 00:03:35,476 - Ooh, sometimes I just want to scoop that girl up in my lap 101 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,260 and sing her spirituals. 102 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:38,870 All right, honey, now, listen. 103 00:03:38,914 --> 00:03:40,437 You're about to have a lot on your plate. 104 00:03:40,481 --> 00:03:43,092 Please be fajitas. 105 00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:44,876 - Sally, I can't have you missing cheer practice 106 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,878 'cause of parking violations, all right? 107 00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:48,663 We already got a big old boot on Krystal. 108 00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,099 We don't also need one on your car. 109 00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:51,405 - Yes, ma'am. - All right? 110 00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:54,886 Let's go ahead and get those paid for, yeah? 111 00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:57,585 And let's pick up the required reading for class. 112 00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,108 - Oh, but this is the required reading. 113 00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:00,457 It was written by my professor. 114 00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:03,852 He was one of the actors on "the moon." 115 00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,245 Jesus, take a knee. 116 00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:06,724 [upbeat music] 117 00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,857 So now that my kids are taken care of school-wise, 118 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,424 we can get back to focusing on cheer 119 00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,426 and our first football game on Saturday. 120 00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:14,297 They must be pumped. I am pumped. 121 00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:16,256 I can feel the excitement coming through the door. 122 00:04:16,299 --> 00:04:21,086 [all groaning] 123 00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,045 Oh, brother. 124 00:04:23,088 --> 00:04:25,961 On a cheer team, the girls always sync up their periods. 125 00:04:26,004 --> 00:04:27,484 And it's actually-- it's a good thing. 126 00:04:27,528 --> 00:04:28,920 It's a way women bond. 127 00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:30,922 I said stop breathing. 128 00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,794 And I still hear breathing back there. 129 00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:35,927 - If I had my knuckles, I'd [bleep] you up. 130 00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,973 - It started way back in biblical times, 131 00:04:38,016 --> 00:04:39,540 before there was book club. 132 00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,716 And without fail, the boys on the team 133 00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:45,459 act like they have never seen a woman on her period before. 134 00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:46,982 135 00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:48,897 - Lemon-lime for you. 136 00:04:48,940 --> 00:04:51,595 Blue razz for you. 137 00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:53,597 - There you go. - [whispering] My own water. 138 00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:57,079 [normally] Thank you. 139 00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,341 Where did you get this? 140 00:04:58,385 --> 00:04:59,777 - I keep a box in my locker for you ladies 141 00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:02,693 when it's that time of the month. 142 00:05:02,737 --> 00:05:05,740 I grew up with four older sisters. 143 00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:08,482 - Now, the girls on the team usually sync up with the coach. 144 00:05:08,525 --> 00:05:10,353 It's like a hierarchical thing. 145 00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,050 Like how baby dolphins will match 146 00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:14,705 their breathing speed to their mothers. 147 00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:16,577 Boon and I watched a lot of nature documentaries 148 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,666 when he was relearning his animals. 149 00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:21,538 But this year, I guess I'm gonna be syncing up with them. 150 00:05:21,582 --> 00:05:23,845 That's a strong bunch. 151 00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:25,325 I just--I always get a telltale pimple 152 00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,805 right here right before. 153 00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,981 I'm probably gonna get it tonight. 154 00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,810 I never miss it, no matter how inconvenient. 155 00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:35,030 I had a period pimple at prom, 156 00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,119 a period pimple on cheer portrait day. 157 00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:38,860 I even had this period pimple on our wedding day. 158 00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:41,471 You know what? [clears throat] 159 00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:43,821 Let's draw her on the board. Let's track her. 160 00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,867 There she is. 161 00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:49,914 Actually, I'm gonna make her bigger, 'cause, ooh, she big. 162 00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:51,829 I'm gonna give her some horns-- 163 00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:55,398 ooh, she angry-- and a tail, 164 00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:56,878 because she's from the underworld. 165 00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:57,879 166 00:05:57,922 --> 00:06:00,098 [door clicks shut] Boon? 167 00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:01,186 Ooh, plumber's here. 168 00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,710 Oh. 169 00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,407 - Thank you. Look what came. - [whispering] Sorry. 170 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,192 - It's my new HD TV with Blu-ray player. 171 00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:08,542 - Ain't she pretty? - Yeah. 172 00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:10,848 - And it's a write-off 'cause it's for football. 173 00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:13,024 But I think we can watch other stuff on it too. 174 00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:14,199 Mm. 175 00:06:14,243 --> 00:06:15,418 How was your day? 176 00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:17,246 - It was fine, but I wanted to ask you-- 177 00:06:17,289 --> 00:06:18,856 - listen. - Mwah. 178 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,858 - I wanted to ask you if you remember-- 179 00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:22,643 can you guys just give us some privacy just for-- 180 00:06:22,686 --> 00:06:23,818 just for a second? 181 00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:24,993 Thank you. 182 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,647 What's going on? 183 00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:28,562 - Do you remember when's the last time that we had sex 184 00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:29,693 but, like, full-out? 185 00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:31,391 - It was your birthday, 9:54 p.m. 186 00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:32,566 It was unseasonably warm. 187 00:06:32,609 --> 00:06:34,045 Humidity, about 71%. 188 00:06:34,089 --> 00:06:35,830 Wind was coming out of the east, 18 knots. 189 00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:36,700 OK. 190 00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,006 At least, I think? 191 00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,790 I'm pretty sure they have it on tape. 192 00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,226 Don't let the door kiss you. 193 00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:42,532 'Cause I'm gonna go kiss her. 194 00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:47,102 . 195 00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:49,496 - Well, my pimple is officially late, 196 00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:52,324 and I can't be pregnant at Daytona. 197 00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:54,936 Lord, if I had a nickel for every time I heard that. 198 00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,720 It's not that I don't want a baby. 199 00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:58,069 I do. 200 00:06:58,113 --> 00:07:00,855 I just--and you may not believe me 201 00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:03,466 'cause I'm a little long in the tooth and I live in Texas 202 00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,816 and women my age are on their great-grandbabies by now, 203 00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:08,819 but just something about me is, if I'm gonna do something, 204 00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,430 I'm not gonna do it halfway. 205 00:07:10,473 --> 00:07:13,302 So I refuse to have half a baby when I'm at my new school 206 00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,608 focused on my new team. 207 00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:17,567 Lord, deliver unto me a giant zit, amen. 208 00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,003 Whoo! 209 00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,265 I'm getting excited for this big game on Saturday. 210 00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:21,702 Madonna! Oh, you're right there. 211 00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:22,790 What's our fight song? 212 00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:24,792 Mine is anything by GloRilla. 213 00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,446 - I'm not talking about a real fight, Peaches. 214 00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:28,273 I'm talking about, like, a fight song for a football game. 215 00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:29,753 We don't have one. 216 00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:31,538 - What do you do when somebody scores a touchdown? 217 00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,322 - I think I'm usually asleep by then. 218 00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:34,410 OK. 219 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,455 I am getting a little headache, 220 00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:37,587 which always precedes my pimple. 221 00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:40,198 But it also pro-cedes any time I spend with the team. 222 00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:43,114 So I don't really know what's going on. 223 00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:45,247 Apologies for being late. 224 00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,771 [laughs] Funny story. 225 00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:51,732 There was a "potent orange leak" at the button factory. 226 00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:53,385 Yeah, I did not have my gloves, so it did get 227 00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:55,649 on my skin, which is no bueno. 228 00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:56,824 Mm. 229 00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:57,999 Kind of hurts, actually. 230 00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,522 Anyways, locked myself out of my car, 231 00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:01,916 which is where my shower stuff is, so I showered here. 232 00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:05,310 It's OK to be near me now unless you're on antibiotics. 233 00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:06,573 [whispering] That would be terrible. 234 00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:10,098 OK, go warm up, Sally. 235 00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:12,317 And don't touch anybody. 236 00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:13,405 - [normally] Of course. - All right. 237 00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:14,319 Totally. 238 00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,626 [whispering] Sorry. DiMarcus. 239 00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:17,932 Day two? 240 00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:19,063 I'm out. I'll be right back. 241 00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:20,543 - OK. - Don't sneeze. 242 00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:21,544 Don't sneeze. 243 00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,807 Don't sneeze. 244 00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:24,852 Other way, hon. 245 00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:27,071 [normally] Whoo! Yup. 246 00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:28,333 I got it. 247 00:08:28,377 --> 00:08:29,552 - Yeah. - It's in there now. 248 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:32,163 OK. 249 00:08:32,207 --> 00:08:34,644 Go long. 250 00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:37,212 Oh! Oh! 251 00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:38,213 Yo, my bad. 252 00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:40,345 No worries, man. 253 00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:41,869 Hey, what the hell are those? 254 00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:43,479 - Variety of tampons based on days and levels of flow 255 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,611 so women don't have to worry 256 00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:47,701 about their periods slowing them down. 257 00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:50,051 Duh. [laughs] 258 00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,359 - Come out, come out, wherever you are. 259 00:08:58,015 --> 00:08:59,974 Let me let y'all go. It's late. 260 00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:02,019 Yeah, you probably wanna go home and get some sleep. 261 00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:03,804 Thank you. Thank you. 262 00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:07,503 Babe. 263 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,987 My pimple's late. 264 00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,379 Oh. 265 00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:15,511 Huh. 266 00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,686 You sure it's not brewing under there? 267 00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:17,687 No. 268 00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:18,862 Mm. 269 00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:21,212 - Well? - [scoffs] 270 00:09:21,256 --> 00:09:22,866 I cannot be pregnant right now, Boon. 271 00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:23,867 That baby would be a Leo. 272 00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:25,042 They're so dramatic. 273 00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:26,348 I'm not trying to have a dramatic person 274 00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:28,742 living in this house. 275 00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:34,269 - I think we should all take a breath and calm down. 276 00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,184 - See, now, if you would have told me to calm down 277 00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:38,099 and I was on my pimple, 278 00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:39,796 I would have ripped your head clean off. 279 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,148 - Well, baby, I am sure you are not pregnant. 280 00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:45,846 I mean, I'm not totally sure. 281 00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,499 You see, after my injury... 282 00:09:47,543 --> 00:09:49,240 [tuba blares, crowd gasps] 283 00:09:49,284 --> 00:09:50,415 [grunts] 284 00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,766 - I had an unintentional vasectomy. 285 00:09:52,809 --> 00:09:54,898 [dog growling] 286 00:09:54,942 --> 00:09:57,597 [crowd gasps] 287 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,599 But luckily, they were able to reverse it 288 00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:02,776 through a 12-hour experimental surgery. 289 00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,255 In fact--where is she? 290 00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:05,692 Here we go. 291 00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:08,303 They let me keep the video of the surgery. 292 00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:10,174 And they also let me keep my testicle in a jar, 293 00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:13,308 but Courteney said I had to throw that out. 294 00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:15,484 Here, follow me. Y'all are in for a treat. 295 00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:19,401 Thanks to my brand-spankin'-new HD TV, 296 00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:22,578 we can watch the surgery together in high-definition. 297 00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,710 And there it is. 298 00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,059 Touchdown. 299 00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:26,451 Gosh, you can see every vein. 300 00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:27,496 All right, now, you see this sort of 301 00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:28,932 spaghetti straw right there? 302 00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:30,455 That's my urethra. 303 00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:31,979 I know you want a Boon Jr. 304 00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:33,023 - Oh. - And I do too. 305 00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,329 Just not now, you know? 306 00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,026 And not that name and not a Leo. 307 00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,463 I agree. 308 00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:39,943 It is not the right time. 309 00:10:39,987 --> 00:10:41,945 We are both far too busy. 310 00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,512 And I think there's still a lot of time on the clock 311 00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:44,861 left for this pimple. 312 00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:47,908 So why don't we order a greasy pizza? 313 00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:50,388 'Cause that's gonna bring that sucker right out. 314 00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:51,955 - Hmm? - That's a good plan, Coach. 315 00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,391 - Yes. - OK. 316 00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:54,828 - Mwah. - Meat lovers? 317 00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:56,699 - Yes, please. - Do y'all want some too? 318 00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,353 I know you do. 319 00:10:58,396 --> 00:10:59,963 - Would I love a baby Boon Jr.? 320 00:11:00,007 --> 00:11:01,312 Course I would. 321 00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:04,141 But I know better than to get ahead of myself. 322 00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:06,666 323 00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:09,843 . 324 00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:11,018 All right. 325 00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:12,889 We got spirit. Yes, we do. 326 00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,238 We got spirit. How about you? 327 00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:15,544 - My cramps hurt more than when I was punched 328 00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:16,632 in the stomach with a brick. 329 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:17,851 OK, honey. 330 00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:18,939 But you know what'll make you feel better 331 00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:21,028 is when you get the spirit. 332 00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,769 - Yeah, yeah, you get the spirit. - [groans] 333 00:11:22,812 --> 00:11:24,248 Yes, you will. 334 00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:26,207 Sally, you know. They know. [laughs] 335 00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,948 Hey, DiMarcus! 336 00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:29,732 - Hey, hon. Is that for me? 337 00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:30,951 Thank you, DiMarcus. 338 00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:32,474 [gasps] Snacks! 339 00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:33,605 Is that Fig Newton? 340 00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,651 DiMarcus. 341 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,088 This--this is a pregnancy test. 342 00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:39,263 Well, you didn't sync up. 343 00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,438 When one of my sisters didn't sync up, 344 00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:41,744 I became an uncle, so... 345 00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:44,094 - OK, this is highly inappropriate. 346 00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:45,792 You need to be focusing on cheer 347 00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:47,228 and finding something you want to major in, OK, 348 00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:50,144 not me or my pimple, which you know nothing about. 349 00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:51,319 I am sorry. 350 00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:52,320 I'll just go ahead and take that back. 351 00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:53,582 Well, it's mine now. 352 00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:55,366 Go on. Join your team. Mind your Ps and Qs. 353 00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:56,977 You got it, Coach. 354 00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:00,589 - Well, I might as well keep it. 355 00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,025 He already spent money on it. 356 00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:03,505 Plus, they are so fun to pee on. 357 00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,899 You know, it's like a little game. [chuckles] 358 00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:08,205 I'm gonna win. 359 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,686 - Motrin for you, regular for you. 360 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,819 Let's go, Buttons! 361 00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,211 - Whoo! - Ha! 362 00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,604 No way! 363 00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,084 Tampon guy's a cheerleader? 364 00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,085 [laughter] 365 00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:20,652 Yo, that makes so much sense. 366 00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:21,784 Later, Daisy. 367 00:12:21,828 --> 00:12:24,221 [laughter] 368 00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:25,832 [bleep]. 369 00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,311 - Here we go, Buttons! Here we go! 370 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,923 - I come from a long line of big-bladdered women. 371 00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:33,013 My ancestors, they had to travel over 400 miles on foot 372 00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:35,798 and hold their pee before stopping in Wichita Flats 373 00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,279 to use the restroom and then settling there. 374 00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,411 So then all their descendants were born with large bladders 375 00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:42,065 in case it happened again. 376 00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:44,328 And it does come in handy, you know, 377 00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,940 like when you go to the movies and want to get you a Big Gulp. 378 00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:49,203 But times like this, it really screws me. 379 00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,814 - Don't mess with the best! Let's go! 380 00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:56,036 [together] B-U-T-T-O-N-S. 381 00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,864 Roll, Buttons! Roll! 382 00:12:57,907 --> 00:12:59,387 Don't mess with the best! 383 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:00,257 Let's go! 384 00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:04,566 [together] B-U-T-T-O-N-S. 385 00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:06,655 Roll, Buttons! Roll! 386 00:13:06,698 --> 00:13:08,918 - Don't mess with the best! - Hey! 387 00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:12,966 [together] B-U-T-T-O-N-S. 388 00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:14,924 - DiMarcus. [together] Roll, Buttons! Roll! 389 00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:17,057 Don't mess with the best! 390 00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,406 Just pretend you're thirsty. 391 00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:19,450 I can tell you feel weird 392 00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:20,625 in front of these football players. 393 00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:22,236 I just want you to know, it happens to all 394 00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:23,846 my male cheerleaders at first. 395 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,414 - I just think you don't understand DiMarcus. 396 00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:27,719 I think I do. 397 00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:29,678 And there's no "DiMarcus" in "self-conscious." 398 00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:30,897 - It do sound like a little bit. 399 00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:31,985 Let me hear you say it one more time. 400 00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:33,203 - DiMarcus, you are the best athlete 401 00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:34,683 on this whole entire field. 402 00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:36,816 Now, go on out there and show them how it's done. 403 00:13:36,859 --> 00:13:38,165 [inspirational music] 404 00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:39,340 Yup. 405 00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:40,689 406 00:13:40,732 --> 00:13:42,604 [laughter] 407 00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:43,823 Nope. 408 00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:46,216 - DiMarcus, you're just gonna stand here 409 00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:48,175 and take that crap from these "bah-zos"? 410 00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:49,785 - I think it's pronounced "bozos." 411 00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,048 - No, the Bahzos are a family of baby bitches in my town. 412 00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:53,354 And that's what you're being. 413 00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:55,922 - I really respect and appreciate your input. 414 00:13:55,965 --> 00:13:57,010 I'm not on my period anymore. 415 00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,228 - Then why are you giving me crap? 416 00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:00,013 - Because you're being a big old weenie! 417 00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,449 Do not call me a weenie. 418 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:02,798 My four sisters and my two-year-old niece 419 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,409 call me a weenie. 420 00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:06,628 And I don't like it. 421 00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:08,717 - OK, well, if you're not being a weenie, 422 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:09,979 why don't you go over there, 423 00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:11,763 pick up Zizi by her cute little booty, 424 00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:15,115 and show these guys what a real [bleep] cheerleader is? 425 00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,641 OK. 426 00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,338 I feel you. 427 00:14:21,382 --> 00:14:23,645 [exhales sharply] 428 00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:24,994 Boys. 429 00:14:27,605 --> 00:14:28,955 [whistle blows] 430 00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:30,913 [crowd shouting] 431 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:31,958 [cheers and applause] 432 00:14:32,001 --> 00:14:34,961 [upbeat music] 433 00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:41,924 434 00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,360 Ahh! 435 00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:45,580 Let's go! 436 00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,887 437 00:14:47,930 --> 00:14:50,672 [cheers and applause] 438 00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:52,369 Whoo! OK! 439 00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:53,936 Whoo! 440 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,546 Let's go, Buttons! 441 00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,244 Yeah! 442 00:14:57,287 --> 00:14:58,506 Ha! 443 00:14:58,549 --> 00:14:59,637 [laughs] 444 00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:00,725 Whoo! 445 00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:02,684 [both growl] 446 00:15:02,727 --> 00:15:04,729 [cheers and applause] 447 00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,296 448 00:15:06,340 --> 00:15:08,429 [grunting] 449 00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:09,909 [whistle blows] 450 00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:10,953 That's just good coaching. 451 00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:12,520 ♪ Let the beat go bang 452 00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:14,000 Whoo! 453 00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:16,089 - What's up, baby? Let's go! 454 00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:18,526 That's right! It's me, DiMarcus! 455 00:15:18,569 --> 00:15:19,744 Ah-ha! 456 00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,964 Go! Go! Go! Go! 457 00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,226 - Whoo! - Yeah! 458 00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,402 - Go, boy! Let's go, boy! 459 00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:26,751 460 00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:29,015 all: [chanting] DiMarcus! DiMarcus! DiMarcus! 461 00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:31,931 DiMarcus! DiMarcus! DiMarcus! 462 00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,541 DiMarcus! DiMarcus! 463 00:15:33,584 --> 00:15:34,890 [cheers and applause] 464 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,500 [whistle blows] 465 00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:37,719 [knocking] 466 00:15:37,762 --> 00:15:40,026 [sighs] 467 00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,375 Actually, can y'all give me a little space? 468 00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,943 This is a private delicate lady thing. 469 00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:47,337 [pounding on door] 470 00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:48,686 I swear to Jesus, if you don't come out of there, 471 00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,732 I'm gonna reach in and snatch your bald-headed-- 472 00:15:50,775 --> 00:15:51,951 [banging on door] 473 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,561 - Excuse me. - Oh, I don't know where... 474 00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,215 - Excuse me. - That angry woman went. 475 00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:57,260 I--she was really on one. 476 00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,958 And I don't know what was wrong with her, 477 00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,221 but my meemaw was my favorite person. 478 00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:03,614 And I just got here. 479 00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:07,227 What in heaven's gate? 480 00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:13,494 Sally, why are you doing laundry on your car, hon? 481 00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:14,712 Yes, of course. 482 00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:17,019 Because it also happens to be my house. 483 00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:20,327 484 00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:22,807 . 485 00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,809 - Does anybody else know about this or... 486 00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:26,550 - Peaches. Yeah. 487 00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:29,031 But it's only because she stole it once. 488 00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,380 Right. OK. 489 00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:33,514 - Yeah, no, I had no idea it was Sally's house. 490 00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:37,257 But that explains why there was a coffeepot 491 00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,780 and all these photos of Sally. 492 00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:40,390 I just thought there was a serial killer 493 00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:41,957 and maybe she was next. 494 00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:44,742 I probably should have-- 495 00:16:44,786 --> 00:16:46,527 I should have told her. 496 00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:48,703 Oh, sorry. 497 00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:51,184 Those go in the closet, silly. 498 00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:52,837 - Oh. - Pardon my reach. 499 00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,363 - I was so caught up with myself 500 00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:59,627 and missing my pimple that I missed all the signs. 501 00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,759 - Are these all parking tickets? - Yeah. 502 00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,370 I keep oversleeping and then forgetting 503 00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:04,501 to move my car for street cleaning. 504 00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:05,763 - Mm-hmm. 505 00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,243 - Anyways, locked myself out of my car, 506 00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:09,245 which is where my shower stuff is, so I showered here. 507 00:17:09,289 --> 00:17:10,377 Mm. 508 00:17:10,420 --> 00:17:13,206 [quirky music] 509 00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:15,077 Mm. 510 00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,513 They were right there. 511 00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:18,080 Mm. 512 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:19,342 Crazy. 513 00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:20,561 - Sally, are you cooking in your car? 514 00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:22,215 That is very dangerous. 515 00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:25,870 - No, I just have to remember to keep the windows open. 516 00:17:25,914 --> 00:17:29,613 [bluesy guitar music] 517 00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,615 - Some kids need more than a coach. 518 00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:34,966 They need a mama bear to give them direction. 519 00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,316 All right. 520 00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:37,534 Got your pencils sharpened? 521 00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:39,406 Nobody uses pencils anymore. 522 00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:40,494 OK. 523 00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,235 Just so you know, there is nothing 524 00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:45,107 more masculine than knowing what a woman needs. 525 00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:46,935 Thank you, Coach. 526 00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:49,329 [whispering] Get on with it. 527 00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:50,547 Hello, students. 528 00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:52,158 Welcome to Women's Studies 101. 529 00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:56,466 Our first lesson, why women be crazy? 530 00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,642 Anyone? 531 00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,775 - And sometimes they need a home. 532 00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:04,909 533 00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:07,608 Mm. 534 00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:09,523 [door clicks open] 535 00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:11,568 - Hey. How'd it go? 536 00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,614 - I finally got her down. - Mm. 537 00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:16,791 I just read the back of a box of Stove Top Stuffing to her. 538 00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:18,749 - She was out like a light. - Mm. 539 00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:22,797 What? 540 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,669 You got your pimple. 541 00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,715 - Oh. [chuckles] - Mm-hmm. 542 00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:28,803 There she is. 543 00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:30,718 - [chuckles] Right? - Yeah. 544 00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:32,154 - After all that worrying for nothing? 545 00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:33,460 What a relief. 546 00:18:33,503 --> 00:18:36,027 Mm. 547 00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:39,422 [chuckles] Are you OK? 548 00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:41,424 - Me? Yeah, no, I'm ecstatic. 549 00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:42,556 - Hey, I thought this is what you wanted. 550 00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:43,992 - I don't know what I want, Boon, OK? 551 00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:46,560 It's like, it's complicated being a woman. 552 00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:48,605 - [sobs] - Yeah, there's that pimple. 553 00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:51,260 - Did you know Sandy Bullock is a Leo? 554 00:18:51,304 --> 00:18:52,870 She's a Leo. 555 00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:55,873 And she saved all those people from exploding on that bus. 556 00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,484 And I think she was a hero. 557 00:18:57,527 --> 00:19:00,182 And I think that Courteney Jr. could have also been a hero. 558 00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:03,054 - Mm-hmm. I'm sure she would have been. 559 00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:05,318 Although I don't think you can do Junior with a girl. 560 00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:06,710 I can do whatever I want. 561 00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,538 - Who's gonna stop me? You? - No. 562 00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:10,845 I'm just a dumb man who says bad things at the wrong time. 563 00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:12,281 - Baby, I'm sorry. - No. 564 00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:14,196 I'd like to withdraw my former statement. 565 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,719 - I don't know what's gotten into me, Boon. 566 00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:17,721 - Mm. - [sighs] 567 00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,201 Get in here. Mm. 568 00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,507 - I don't even know why I'm so upset. 569 00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:21,986 Mm. 570 00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,814 - I don't even know what kind of mother I'd be anyway. 571 00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:26,643 I didn't even know Sally was living in her car. 572 00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:27,905 Excuse me. 573 00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:30,343 Ms. Courteney Potter, you are going to be 574 00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:32,867 a wonderful mother. 575 00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,477 You basically already are. 576 00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:36,349 - [scoffs] - You are. 577 00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,307 And in the meantime, instead of the pitter-patter 578 00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:40,657 of little feet, we're just gonna have to enjoy 579 00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:43,094 the pitter-patter of Sally's size 10 feet. 580 00:19:43,138 --> 00:19:45,445 [both laugh] 581 00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:47,316 Mm. [smooches] 582 00:19:48,883 --> 00:19:50,667 Are you sad, Boon? 583 00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:52,495 - [sighs] No. 584 00:19:52,539 --> 00:19:54,889 'Cause I know we'll have one when the time is right, yeah? 585 00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:56,630 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 586 00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:58,588 Mm-hmm. 587 00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:02,766 Hey, should we go check in on her? 588 00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,072 Yeah, I would like that. 589 00:20:04,115 --> 00:20:07,249 - Yeah, me too. Me too, OK? 590 00:20:09,469 --> 00:20:10,383 [sighs] 591 00:20:14,213 --> 00:20:15,214 [snoring] 592 00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:16,519 - [whispering] Just look at her, 593 00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:18,260 cute as a speckled pup. 594 00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:19,827 [gentle music] 595 00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:22,090 No, she likes to sleep sitting up. 596 00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:23,613 Yeah. 597 00:20:23,657 --> 00:20:24,788 [knocking] 598 00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:26,312 [forcefully] Move it along, lady! 599 00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:27,965 [snoring] 600 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:28,879 - [whispering] I told her I would do that 601 00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:29,924 a couple of times at night. 602 00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:32,318 It makes her feel at home. 603 00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:34,581 - That's what a good mama would do. 604 00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:36,626 605 00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,846 Let's let her sleep. 606 00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:46,027 607 00:20:57,821 --> 00:20:59,258 Why women be shopping? 608 00:21:01,869 --> 00:21:03,392 Why women be yappin'? 609 00:21:06,439 --> 00:21:11,357 Why women be taking so long in the bathroom? 610 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,359 Anyone other than DiMarcus? 611 00:21:15,839 --> 00:21:17,406 [whistling]