1
00:00:03,699 --> 00:00:04,047
.
2
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:06,223
It's back to school
at Headltston Junior College,
3
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:08,443
and I got my very own office.
4
00:00:10,532 --> 00:00:14,840
It's also used as a dressing
room for the theater kids.
5
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Watch this.
6
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I'm little orphan Annie.
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Oh, we have fun.
8
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So back to school means
the start of football season.
9
00:00:25,373 --> 00:00:27,723
And we have our
very first game on Saturday.
10
00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:30,639
Now, with 26 weeks
to go until Daytona,
11
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these games are a great
way for my cheerleaders
12
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to get out there,
strut their stuff,
13
00:00:34,425 --> 00:00:36,819
practice, and not for nothing.
14
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But for the first time
in Headltston Junior College
15
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history, we have a cheer team,
unless you count last year,
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which was technically
more of a one-woman show.
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When I say Headl,
you say, what?
18
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- Headl.
- What?
19
00:00:51,921 --> 00:00:53,227
What?
20
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I'm just gonna draw
a little football and--
21
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why not--
a little Charlie Brown.
22
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He's always so worried.
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I'll give him
a little swirl of hair.
24
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See how he feels about that.
25
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Oh.
26
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No.
27
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You can see why
they made him bald.
28
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Stella!
29
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They're also rehearsing
30
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"A Streetcar Named Desire."
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I don't know
why I'm whispering.
32
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Would you mind
keeping it down?
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If we can hear you backstage,
we can hear you onstage.
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So yeah.
35
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♪ OK, let's go
36
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- ♪ OK, let's go
- ♪ OK
37
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♪ Let's go, 5, 6, 7, 8
38
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- Being a cheer coach
is more than just cheer.
39
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OK, I'm looking
at your schedule,
40
00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:33,005
and all I see
is Intro to Typing.
41
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And what is Me Time?
42
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It is my elective.
43
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And we're cutting
into it right now.
44
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DiMarcus, you need
to get serious, honey, OK?
45
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Now, committing to cheer, that
means committing to the school.
46
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And that means
declaring a major.
47
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Why?
48
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At Sammy Davis Sr.
Junior College,
49
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I didn't have to have a major.
50
00:01:48,412 --> 00:01:50,066
I didn't even have
to go to class.
51
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The football team
was hooked up.
52
00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:54,114
You know, a lot of these kids
aren't used to doing things
53
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for themselves,
or they don't have
54
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the kind of support or
resources that they would need.
55
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So I make it a part
of my job as a mama bear
56
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to make sure
they are set up for success
57
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on and off the mat.
58
00:02:05,168 --> 00:02:08,606
Some of them hadn't even lived
in a school environment before.
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00:02:08,650 --> 00:02:10,782
Peaches,
I must say I'm impressed.
60
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This is looking like
a real dorm room.
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00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:14,525
You even got
a little shower caddy.
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Who is Phil?
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Peaches, don't you think
he might wonder
64
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where his medicated shampoo
and conditioner duo is?
65
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Mm-mm-mm.
66
00:02:24,883 --> 00:02:27,408
You need to think
about taking things.
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Rachel, Joey K.
Oh, no.
68
00:02:31,281 --> 00:02:33,718
Andy, Julie, faculty.
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That was here
when I got here.
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Peaches.
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00:02:36,112 --> 00:02:37,896
This place is like the mall.
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You could just take
whatever you want.
73
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Yeah, that's next.
74
00:02:44,076 --> 00:02:45,208
Is anything in here yours?
75
00:02:45,252 --> 00:02:46,818
Yeah.
76
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:51,997
This is how I got
Phil's shampoo.
77
00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:55,653
OK, hand them over.
78
00:02:55,697 --> 00:02:57,873
Some of them need help
juggling things.
79
00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,266
OK, do you have
everything you need
80
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,833
for your Pet Detection class?
81
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:03,400
Ooh, check.
82
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:04,793
- OK.
- Oh, wait.
83
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OK.
84
00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:12,235
All right,
what about American History?
85
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:13,541
Yes,
just give me one moment.
86
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Sorry.
87
00:03:19,286 --> 00:03:22,767
Voilà, mademoiselle.
88
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S--are those all
parking tickets?
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00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:26,249
Guilty, yeah.
90
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:27,685
I keep oversleeping
and then forgetting
91
00:03:27,729 --> 00:03:29,600
to move my car
for street cleaning.
92
00:03:29,644 --> 00:03:31,515
- Then I forget to pay them.
- Mm-hmm.
93
00:03:31,559 --> 00:03:33,648
Candy Button brain.
94
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Ooh, sometimes I just want
to scoop that girl up in my lap
95
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and sing her spirituals.
96
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All right, honey, now, listen.
97
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You're about to have
a lot on your plate.
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Please be fajitas.
99
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Sally, I can't have you
missing cheer practice
100
00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,878
'cause of parking violations,
all right?
101
00:03:46,922 --> 00:03:48,663
We already got a big
old boot on Krystal.
102
00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:50,099
We don't also need one
on your car.
103
00:03:50,142 --> 00:03:51,405
- Yes, ma'am.
- All right?
104
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:54,886
Let's go ahead and get those
paid for, yeah?
105
00:03:54,930 --> 00:03:57,585
And let's pick up the required
reading for class.
106
00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,108
Oh, but this is
the required reading.
107
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It was written by my professor.
108
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He was one of the actors
on "the moon."
109
00:04:03,895 --> 00:04:05,245
Jesus, take a knee.
110
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,857
So now that my kids are
taken care of school-wise,
111
00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:10,424
we can get back
to focusing on cheer
112
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:12,426
and our first football game
on Saturday.
113
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They must be pumped.
I am pumped.
114
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I can feel the excitement
coming through the door.
115
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Oh, brother.
116
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On a cheer team, the girls
always sync up their periods.
117
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And it's actually--
it's a good thing.
118
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It's a way women bond.
119
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I said stop breathing.
120
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,794
And I still hear breathing
back there.
121
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If I had my knuckles,
I'd you up.
122
00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:37,973
It started way back
in biblical times,
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before there was book club.
124
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:41,716
And without fail,
the boys on the team
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00:04:41,759 --> 00:04:45,459
act like they have never seen
a woman on her period before.
126
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:46,982
♪
127
00:04:47,025 --> 00:04:48,897
Lemon-lime for you.
128
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Blue razz for you.
129
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- There you go.
- My own water.
130
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Thank you.
131
00:04:57,122 --> 00:04:58,341
Where did you get this?
132
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I keep a box in my locker
for you ladies
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when it's that time
of the month.
134
00:05:02,737 --> 00:05:05,740
I grew up
with four older sisters.
135
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:08,482
Now, the girls on the team
usually sync up with the coach.
136
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It's like a hierarchical thing.
137
00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:12,050
Like how baby dolphins
will match
138
00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:14,705
their breathing speed
to their mothers.
139
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:16,577
Boon and I watched a lot
of nature documentaries
140
00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:18,666
when he was relearning
his animals.
141
00:05:18,709 --> 00:05:21,538
But this year, I guess I'm
gonna be syncing up with them.
142
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That's a strong bunch.
143
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:25,325
I just--I always
get a telltale pimple
144
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,805
right here right before.
145
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:29,981
I'm probably gonna
get it tonight.
146
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:32,810
I never miss it,
no matter how inconvenient.
147
00:05:32,854 --> 00:05:35,030
I had a period pimple
at prom,
148
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:37,119
a period pimple
on cheer portrait day.
149
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:38,860
I even had this period pimple
on our wedding day.
150
00:05:38,903 --> 00:05:41,471
You know what?
151
00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:43,821
Let's draw her on the board.
Let's track her.
152
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,867
There she is.
153
00:05:45,910 --> 00:05:49,914
Actually, I'm gonna make her
bigger, 'cause, ooh, she big.
154
00:05:49,958 --> 00:05:51,829
I'm gonna give her
some horns--
155
00:05:51,873 --> 00:05:55,398
ooh, she angry--
and a tail,
156
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because she's
from the underworld.
157
00:05:56,921 --> 00:05:57,879
♪
158
00:05:57,922 --> 00:06:00,098
Boon?
159
00:06:00,142 --> 00:06:01,186
Ooh, plumber's here.
160
00:06:01,230 --> 00:06:02,710
Oh.
161
00:06:02,753 --> 00:06:04,407
- Thank you. Look what came.
- Sorry.
162
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:07,192
It's my new HD TV
with Blu-ray player.
163
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:08,542
- Ain't she pretty?
- Yeah.
164
00:06:08,585 --> 00:06:10,848
And it's a write-off
'cause it's for football.
165
00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:13,024
But I think we can watch
other stuff on it too.
166
00:06:13,068 --> 00:06:14,199
Mm.
167
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How was your day?
168
00:06:15,462 --> 00:06:17,246
It was fine,
but I wanted to ask you--
169
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- listen.
- Mwah.
170
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I wanted to ask you
if you remember--
171
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can you guys just give us
some privacy just for--
172
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just for a second?
173
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Thank you.
174
00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:26,647
What's going on?
175
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:28,562
Do you remember when's
the last time that we had sex
176
00:06:28,605 --> 00:06:29,693
but, like, full-out?
177
00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:31,391
It was your birthday,
9:54 p.m.
178
00:06:31,434 --> 00:06:32,566
It was unseasonably warm.
179
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Humidity, about 71%.
180
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Wind was coming out
of the east, 18 knots.
181
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:36,700
OK.
182
00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:38,006
At least, I think?
183
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,790
I'm pretty sure
they have it on tape.
184
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,226
Don't let the door kiss you.
185
00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:42,532
'Cause I'm gonna go kiss her.
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00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:47,102
.
187
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- Well, my pimple
is officially late,
188
00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:52,324
and I can't be pregnant
at Daytona.
189
00:06:52,368 --> 00:06:54,936
Lord, if I had a nickel
for every time I heard that.
190
00:06:54,979 --> 00:06:56,720
It's not that I don't
want a baby.
191
00:06:56,764 --> 00:06:58,069
I do.
192
00:06:58,113 --> 00:07:00,855
I just--and you may not
believe me
193
00:07:00,898 --> 00:07:03,466
'cause I'm a little long in
the tooth and I live in Texas
194
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:05,816
and women my age are on their
great-grandbabies by now,
195
00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:08,819
but just something about me is,
if I'm gonna do something,
196
00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,430
I'm not gonna do it halfway.
197
00:07:10,473 --> 00:07:13,302
So I refuse to have half a baby
when I'm at my new school
198
00:07:13,345 --> 00:07:14,608
focused on my new team.
199
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:17,567
Lord, deliver unto me
a giant zit, amen.
200
00:07:17,611 --> 00:07:19,003
Whoo!
201
00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,265
I'm getting excited
for this big game on Saturday.
202
00:07:20,309 --> 00:07:21,702
Madonna!
Oh, you're right there.
203
00:07:21,745 --> 00:07:22,790
What's our fight song?
204
00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:24,792
Mine is anything by GloRilla.
205
00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,446
I'm not talking about
a real fight, Peaches.
206
00:07:26,489 --> 00:07:28,273
I'm talking about, like, a
fight song for a football game.
207
00:07:28,317 --> 00:07:29,753
We don't have one.
208
00:07:29,797 --> 00:07:31,538
What do you do when somebody
scores a touchdown?
209
00:07:31,581 --> 00:07:33,322
I think I'm usually
asleep by then.
210
00:07:33,365 --> 00:07:34,410
OK.
211
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:35,455
I am getting a little headache,
212
00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:37,587
which always precedes
my pimple.
213
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:40,198
But it also pro-cedes any time
I spend with the team.
214
00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:43,114
So I don't really know
what's going on.
215
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:45,247
Apologies for being late.
216
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:47,771
Funny story.
217
00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:51,732
There was a "potent orange
leak" at the button factory.
218
00:07:51,775 --> 00:07:53,385
Yeah, I did not have
my gloves, so it did get
219
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:55,649
on my skin, which is no bueno.
220
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:56,824
Mm.
221
00:07:56,867 --> 00:07:57,999
Kind of hurts, actually.
222
00:07:58,042 --> 00:07:59,522
Anyways, locked myself
out of my car,
223
00:07:59,566 --> 00:08:01,916
which is where my shower stuff
is, so I showered here.
224
00:08:01,959 --> 00:08:05,310
It's OK to be near me now
unless you're on antibiotics.
225
00:08:05,354 --> 00:08:06,573
That would be terrible.
226
00:08:08,096 --> 00:08:10,098
OK, go warm up, Sally.
227
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:12,317
And don't touch anybody.
228
00:08:12,361 --> 00:08:13,405
- Of course.
- All right.
229
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:14,319
Totally.
230
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:16,626
Sorry. DiMarcus.
231
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:17,932
Day two?
232
00:08:17,975 --> 00:08:19,063
I'm out.
I'll be right back.
233
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:20,543
- OK.
- Don't sneeze.
234
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:21,544
Don't sneeze.
235
00:08:21,588 --> 00:08:23,807
Don't sneeze.
236
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:24,852
Other way, hon.
237
00:08:24,895 --> 00:08:27,071
Whoo! Yup.
238
00:08:27,115 --> 00:08:28,333
I got it.
239
00:08:28,377 --> 00:08:29,552
- Yeah.
- It's in there now.
240
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:32,163
OK.
241
00:08:32,207 --> 00:08:34,644
Go long.
242
00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:37,212
Oh! Oh!
243
00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:38,213
Yo, my bad.
244
00:08:38,256 --> 00:08:40,345
No worries, man.
245
00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:41,869
Hey, what the hell are those?
246
00:08:41,912 --> 00:08:43,479
Variety of tampons based
on days and levels of flow
247
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,611
so women don't have to worry
248
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:47,701
about their periods
slowing them down.
249
00:08:47,744 --> 00:08:50,051
Duh.
250
00:08:52,140 --> 00:08:54,359
Come out, come out,
wherever you are.
251
00:08:58,015 --> 00:08:59,974
Let me let y'all go.
It's late.
252
00:09:00,017 --> 00:09:02,019
Yeah, you probably wanna
go home and get some sleep.
253
00:09:02,063 --> 00:09:03,804
Thank you.
Thank you.
254
00:09:06,458 --> 00:09:07,503
Babe.
255
00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,987
My pimple's late.
256
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:14,379
Oh.
257
00:09:14,423 --> 00:09:15,511
Huh.
258
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,686
You sure it's not
brewing under there?
259
00:09:16,730 --> 00:09:17,687
No.
260
00:09:17,731 --> 00:09:18,862
Mm.
261
00:09:18,906 --> 00:09:21,212
Well?
262
00:09:21,256 --> 00:09:22,866
I cannot be pregnant
right now, Boon.
263
00:09:22,910 --> 00:09:23,867
That baby would be a Leo.
264
00:09:23,911 --> 00:09:25,042
They're so dramatic.
265
00:09:25,086 --> 00:09:26,348
I'm not trying to have
a dramatic person
266
00:09:26,391 --> 00:09:28,742
living in this house.
267
00:09:28,785 --> 00:09:34,269
I think we should all
take a breath and calm down.
268
00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,184
See, now, if you would have
told me to calm down
269
00:09:36,227 --> 00:09:38,099
and I was on my pimple,
270
00:09:38,142 --> 00:09:39,796
I would have
ripped your head clean off.
271
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,148
Well, baby, I am sure
you are not pregnant.
272
00:09:44,192 --> 00:09:45,846
I mean, I'm not totally sure.
273
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:47,499
You see, after my injury...
274
00:09:50,459 --> 00:09:52,766
I had an unintentional
vasectomy.
275
00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:59,599
But luckily,
they were able to reverse it
276
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:02,776
through a 12-hour
experimental surgery.
277
00:10:02,819 --> 00:10:04,255
In fact--where is she?
278
00:10:04,299 --> 00:10:05,692
Here we go.
279
00:10:05,735 --> 00:10:08,303
They let me keep
the video of the surgery.
280
00:10:08,346 --> 00:10:10,174
And they also let me keep
my testicle in a jar,
281
00:10:10,218 --> 00:10:13,308
but Courteney said I had
to throw that out.
282
00:10:13,351 --> 00:10:15,484
Here, follow me.
Y'all are in for a treat.
283
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:19,401
Thanks to my brand-spankin'-new
HD TV,
284
00:10:19,444 --> 00:10:22,578
we can watch the surgery
together in high-definition.
285
00:10:22,622 --> 00:10:23,710
And there it is.
286
00:10:23,753 --> 00:10:25,059
Touchdown.
287
00:10:25,102 --> 00:10:26,451
Gosh, you can see every vein.
288
00:10:26,495 --> 00:10:27,496
All right, now,
you see this sort of
289
00:10:27,539 --> 00:10:28,932
spaghetti straw right there?
290
00:10:28,976 --> 00:10:30,455
That's my urethra.
291
00:10:30,499 --> 00:10:31,979
I know you want a Boon Jr.
292
00:10:32,022 --> 00:10:33,023
- Oh.
- And I do too.
293
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:34,329
Just not now, you know?
294
00:10:34,372 --> 00:10:36,026
And not that name
and not a Leo.
295
00:10:36,070 --> 00:10:38,463
I agree.
296
00:10:38,507 --> 00:10:39,943
It is not the right time.
297
00:10:39,987 --> 00:10:41,945
We are both far too busy.
298
00:10:41,989 --> 00:10:43,512
And I think there's still
a lot of time on the clock
299
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:44,861
left for this pimple.
300
00:10:44,905 --> 00:10:47,908
So why don't we order
a greasy pizza?
301
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:50,388
'Cause that's gonna bring
that sucker right out.
302
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:51,955
- Hmm?
- That's a good plan, Coach.
303
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:53,391
- Yes.
- OK.
304
00:10:53,435 --> 00:10:54,828
- Mwah.
- Meat lovers?
305
00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:56,699
- Yes, please.
- Do y'all want some too?
306
00:10:56,743 --> 00:10:58,353
I know you do.
307
00:10:58,396 --> 00:10:59,963
Would I love
a baby Boon Jr.?
308
00:11:00,007 --> 00:11:01,312
Course I would.
309
00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:04,141
But I know better
than to get ahead of myself.
310
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:06,666
♪
311
00:11:09,494 --> 00:11:09,843
.
312
00:11:09,886 --> 00:11:11,018
All right.
313
00:11:11,061 --> 00:11:12,889
We got spirit. Yes, we do.
314
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,238
We got spirit. How about you?
315
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:15,544
My cramps hurt more
than when I was punched
316
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:16,632
in the stomach with a brick.
317
00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:17,851
OK, honey.
318
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:18,939
But you know what'll
make you feel better
319
00:11:18,982 --> 00:11:21,028
is when you get the spirit.
320
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:22,769
Yeah, yeah, you get the spirit.
321
00:11:22,812 --> 00:11:24,248
Yes, you will.
322
00:11:24,292 --> 00:11:26,207
Sally, you know.
They know.
323
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:27,948
Hey, DiMarcus!
324
00:11:27,991 --> 00:11:29,732
Hey, hon.
Is that for me?
325
00:11:29,776 --> 00:11:30,951
Thank you, DiMarcus.
326
00:11:30,994 --> 00:11:32,474
Snacks!
327
00:11:32,517 --> 00:11:33,605
Is that Fig Newton?
328
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,651
DiMarcus.
329
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,088
This--this is
a pregnancy test.
330
00:11:38,132 --> 00:11:39,263
Well, you didn't sync up.
331
00:11:39,307 --> 00:11:40,438
When one of my sisters
didn't sync up,
332
00:11:40,482 --> 00:11:41,744
I became an uncle, so...
333
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:44,094
OK, this is
highly inappropriate.
334
00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:45,792
You need to be
focusing on cheer
335
00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:47,228
and finding something
you want to major in, OK,
336
00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:50,144
not me or my pimple,
which you know nothing about.
337
00:11:50,187 --> 00:11:51,319
I am sorry.
338
00:11:51,362 --> 00:11:52,320
I'll just go ahead
and take that back.
339
00:11:52,363 --> 00:11:53,582
Well, it's mine now.
340
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:55,366
Go on. Join your team.
Mind your Ps and Qs.
341
00:11:55,410 --> 00:11:56,977
You got it, Coach.
342
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:00,589
Well,
I might as well keep it.
343
00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:02,025
He already spent money on it.
344
00:12:02,069 --> 00:12:03,505
Plus,
they are so fun to pee on.
345
00:12:03,548 --> 00:12:05,899
You know, it's like
a little game.
346
00:12:05,942 --> 00:12:08,205
I'm gonna win.
347
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:10,686
Motrin for you,
regular for you.
348
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,819
Let's go, Buttons!
349
00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:14,211
- Whoo!
- Ha!
350
00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:15,604
No way!
351
00:12:15,647 --> 00:12:17,084
Tampon guy's a cheerleader?
352
00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:20,652
Yo, that makes so much sense.
353
00:12:20,696 --> 00:12:21,784
Later, Daisy.
354
00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:25,832
.
355
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,311
Here we go, Buttons!
Here we go!
356
00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,923
- I come from a long line
of big-bladdered women.
357
00:12:29,966 --> 00:12:33,013
My ancestors, they had to
travel over 400 miles on foot
358
00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:35,798
and hold their pee before
stopping in Wichita Flats
359
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:38,279
to use the restroom
and then settling there.
360
00:12:38,322 --> 00:12:40,411
So then all their descendants
were born with large bladders
361
00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:42,065
in case it happened again.
362
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:44,328
And it does
come in handy, you know,
363
00:12:44,372 --> 00:12:46,940
like when you go to the movies
and want to get you a Big Gulp.
364
00:12:46,983 --> 00:12:49,203
But times like this,
it really screws me.
365
00:12:49,246 --> 00:12:51,814
Don't mess with the best!
Let's go!
366
00:12:51,858 --> 00:12:56,036
B-U-T-T-O-N-S.
367
00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:57,864
Roll, Buttons! Roll!
368
00:12:57,907 --> 00:12:59,387
Don't mess with the best!
369
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:00,257
Let's go!
370
00:13:00,301 --> 00:13:04,566
B-U-T-T-O-N-S.
371
00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:06,655
Roll, Buttons! Roll!
372
00:13:06,698 --> 00:13:08,918
- Don't mess with the best!
- Hey!
373
00:13:08,962 --> 00:13:12,966
B-U-T-T-O-N-S.
374
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:14,924
DiMarcus.
Roll, Buttons! Roll!
375
00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:17,057
Don't mess with the best!
376
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,406
Just pretend you're thirsty.
377
00:13:18,449 --> 00:13:19,450
I can tell you feel weird
378
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:20,625
in front of these
football players.
379
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:22,236
I just want you to know,
it happens to all
380
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:23,846
my male cheerleaders at first.
381
00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:26,414
I just think you don't
understand DiMarcus.
382
00:13:26,457 --> 00:13:27,719
I think I do.
383
00:13:27,763 --> 00:13:29,678
And there's no "DiMarcus"
in "self-conscious."
384
00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:30,897
It do sound
like a little bit.
385
00:13:30,940 --> 00:13:31,985
Let me hear you say it
one more time.
386
00:13:32,028 --> 00:13:33,203
DiMarcus,
you are the best athlete
387
00:13:33,247 --> 00:13:34,683
on this whole entire field.
388
00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:36,816
Now, go on out there
and show them how it's done.
389
00:13:38,208 --> 00:13:39,340
Yup.
390
00:13:39,383 --> 00:13:40,689
♪
391
00:13:42,647 --> 00:13:43,823
Nope.
392
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:46,216
DiMarcus, you're just
gonna stand here
393
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:48,175
and take that crap
from these "bah-zos"?
394
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:49,785
I think it's pronounced
"bozos."
395
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:52,048
No, the Bahzos are a family
of baby bitches in my town.
396
00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:53,354
And that's what you're being.
397
00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:55,922
I really respect
and appreciate your input.
398
00:13:55,965 --> 00:13:57,010
I'm not on my period anymore.
399
00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,228
Then why are you
giving me crap?
400
00:13:58,272 --> 00:14:00,013
Because you're being
a big old weenie!
401
00:14:00,056 --> 00:14:01,449
Do not call me a weenie.
402
00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:02,798
My four sisters
and my two-year-old niece
403
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:05,409
call me a weenie.
404
00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:06,628
And I don't like it.
405
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:08,717
OK, well, if you're not
being a weenie,
406
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:09,979
why don't you go over there,
407
00:14:10,023 --> 00:14:11,763
pick up Zizi
by her cute little booty,
408
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:15,115
and show these guys what
a real cheerleader is?
409
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,641
OK.
410
00:14:19,684 --> 00:14:21,338
I feel you.
411
00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:24,994
Boys.
412
00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:41,924
♪
413
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,360
Ahh!
414
00:14:43,404 --> 00:14:45,580
Let's go!
415
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,887
♪
416
00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:52,369
Whoo! OK!
417
00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:53,936
Whoo!
418
00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,546
Let's go, Buttons!
419
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,244
Yeah!
420
00:14:57,287 --> 00:14:58,506
Ha!
421
00:14:59,681 --> 00:15:00,725
Whoo!
422
00:15:04,773 --> 00:15:06,296
♪
423
00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:10,953
That's just good coaching.
424
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:12,520
♪ Let the beat go bang
425
00:15:12,563 --> 00:15:14,000
Whoo!
426
00:15:14,043 --> 00:15:16,089
What's up, baby?
Let's go!
427
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:18,526
That's right!
It's me, DiMarcus!
428
00:15:18,569 --> 00:15:19,744
Ah-ha!
429
00:15:19,788 --> 00:15:21,964
Go! Go! Go! Go!
430
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:23,226
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
431
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,402
Go, boy!
Let's go, boy!
432
00:15:25,446 --> 00:15:26,751
♪
433
00:15:26,795 --> 00:15:29,015
all:
DiMarcus! DiMarcus! DiMarcus!
434
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:31,931
DiMarcus! DiMarcus! DiMarcus!
435
00:15:31,974 --> 00:15:33,541
DiMarcus! DiMarcus!
436
00:15:40,069 --> 00:15:41,375
Actually, can y'all
give me a little space?
437
00:15:41,418 --> 00:15:43,943
This is a private
delicate lady thing.
438
00:15:47,381 --> 00:15:48,686
I swear to Jesus, if you
don't come out of there,
439
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,732
I'm gonna reach in and snatch
your bald-headed--
440
00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,561
- Excuse me.
- Oh, I don't know where...
441
00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:55,215
- Excuse me.
- That angry woman went.
442
00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:57,260
I--she was really on one.
443
00:15:57,304 --> 00:15:58,958
And I don't know
what was wrong with her,
444
00:15:59,001 --> 00:16:01,221
but my meemaw
was my favorite person.
445
00:16:01,264 --> 00:16:03,614
And I just got here.
446
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:07,227
What in heaven's gate?
447
00:16:09,577 --> 00:16:13,494
Sally, why are you doing
laundry on your car, hon?
448
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:14,712
Yes, of course.
449
00:16:14,756 --> 00:16:17,019
Because it also happens
to be my house.
450
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:20,327
♪
451
00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:22,807
.
452
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:24,809
Does anybody else
know about this or...
453
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:26,550
Peaches.
Yeah.
454
00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:29,031
But it's only because
she stole it once.
455
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:30,380
Right. OK.
456
00:16:30,424 --> 00:16:33,514
Yeah, no, I had no idea
it was Sally's house.
457
00:16:33,557 --> 00:16:37,257
But that explains
why there was a coffeepot
458
00:16:37,300 --> 00:16:38,780
and all these photos of Sally.
459
00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:40,390
I just thought
there was a serial killer
460
00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:41,957
and maybe she was next.
461
00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:44,742
I probably should have--
462
00:16:44,786 --> 00:16:46,527
I should have told her.
463
00:16:47,397 --> 00:16:48,703
Oh, sorry.
464
00:16:48,746 --> 00:16:51,184
Those go in the closet, silly.
465
00:16:51,227 --> 00:16:52,837
- Oh.
- Pardon my reach.
466
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,363
- I was so caught up
with myself
467
00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:59,627
and missing my pimple
that I missed all the signs.
468
00:16:59,670 --> 00:17:01,759
- Are these all parking tickets?
- Yeah.
469
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,370
I keep oversleeping
and then forgetting
470
00:17:03,413 --> 00:17:04,501
to move my car
for street cleaning.
471
00:17:04,545 --> 00:17:05,763
Mm-hmm.
472
00:17:05,807 --> 00:17:07,243
Anyways,
locked myself out of my car,
473
00:17:07,287 --> 00:17:09,245
which is where my shower stuff
is, so I showered here.
474
00:17:09,289 --> 00:17:10,377
Mm.
475
00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:15,077
Mm.
476
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,513
They were right there.
477
00:17:16,557 --> 00:17:18,080
Mm.
478
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:19,342
Crazy.
479
00:17:19,386 --> 00:17:20,561
Sally, are you
cooking in your car?
480
00:17:20,604 --> 00:17:22,215
That is very dangerous.
481
00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:25,870
No, I just have to remember
to keep the windows open.
482
00:17:29,657 --> 00:17:31,615
Some kids need more
than a coach.
483
00:17:31,659 --> 00:17:34,966
They need a mama bear
to give them direction.
484
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:36,316
All right.
485
00:17:36,359 --> 00:17:37,534
Got your pencils sharpened?
486
00:17:37,578 --> 00:17:39,406
Nobody uses pencils anymore.
487
00:17:39,449 --> 00:17:40,494
OK.
488
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:42,235
Just so you know,
there is nothing
489
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:45,107
more masculine than knowing
what a woman needs.
490
00:17:45,151 --> 00:17:46,935
Thank you, Coach.
491
00:17:46,978 --> 00:17:49,329
Get on with it.
492
00:17:49,372 --> 00:17:50,547
Hello, students.
493
00:17:50,591 --> 00:17:52,158
Welcome to Women's Studies 101.
494
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:56,466
Our first lesson,
why women be crazy?
495
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,642
Anyone?
496
00:17:58,686 --> 00:18:00,775
And sometimes
they need a home.
497
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:04,909
♪
498
00:18:04,953 --> 00:18:07,608
Mm.
499
00:18:09,566 --> 00:18:11,568
Hey.
How'd it go?
500
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,614
- I finally got her down.
- Mm.
501
00:18:13,657 --> 00:18:16,791
I just read the back of a box
of Stove Top Stuffing to her.
502
00:18:16,834 --> 00:18:18,749
- She was out like a light.
- Mm.
503
00:18:20,664 --> 00:18:22,797
What?
504
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,669
You got your pimple.
505
00:18:25,713 --> 00:18:27,715
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
506
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:28,803
There she is.
507
00:18:28,846 --> 00:18:30,718
- Right?
- Yeah.
508
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:32,154
After all that worrying
for nothing?
509
00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:33,460
What a relief.
510
00:18:33,503 --> 00:18:36,027
Mm.
511
00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:39,422
Are you OK?
512
00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:41,424
Me?
Yeah, no, I'm ecstatic.
513
00:18:41,468 --> 00:18:42,556
Hey, I thought
this is what you wanted.
514
00:18:42,599 --> 00:18:43,992
I don't know
what I want, Boon, OK?
515
00:18:44,035 --> 00:18:46,560
It's like, it's complicated
being a woman.
516
00:18:46,603 --> 00:18:48,605
Yeah, there's that pimple.
517
00:18:48,649 --> 00:18:51,260
Did you know
Sandy Bullock is a Leo?
518
00:18:51,304 --> 00:18:52,870
She's a Leo.
519
00:18:52,914 --> 00:18:55,873
And she saved all those people
from exploding on that bus.
520
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,484
And I think she was a hero.
521
00:18:57,527 --> 00:19:00,182
And I think that Courteney Jr.
could have also been a hero.
522
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:03,054
Mm-hmm.
I'm sure she would have been.
523
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:05,318
Although I don't think
you can do Junior with a girl.
524
00:19:05,361 --> 00:19:06,710
I can do whatever I want.
525
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,538
- Who's gonna stop me? You?
- No.
526
00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:10,845
I'm just a dumb man who says
bad things at the wrong time.
527
00:19:10,888 --> 00:19:12,281
- Baby, I'm sorry.
- No.
528
00:19:12,325 --> 00:19:14,196
I'd like to withdraw
my former statement.
529
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,719
I don't know
what's gotten into me, Boon.
530
00:19:15,763 --> 00:19:17,721
Mm.
531
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:19,201
Get in here. Mm.
532
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,507
I don't even know
why I'm so upset.
533
00:19:20,550 --> 00:19:21,986
Mm.
534
00:19:22,030 --> 00:19:23,814
I don't even know what kind
of mother I'd be anyway.
535
00:19:23,858 --> 00:19:26,643
I didn't even know Sally
was living in her car.
536
00:19:26,687 --> 00:19:27,905
Excuse me.
537
00:19:27,949 --> 00:19:30,343
Ms. Courteney Potter,
you are going to be
538
00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:32,867
a wonderful mother.
539
00:19:32,910 --> 00:19:34,477
You basically already are.
540
00:19:34,521 --> 00:19:36,349
You are.
541
00:19:36,392 --> 00:19:38,307
And in the meantime,
instead of the pitter-patter
542
00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:40,657
of little feet,
we're just gonna have to enjoy
543
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:43,094
the pitter-patter
of Sally's size 10 feet.
544
00:19:45,488 --> 00:19:47,316
Mm.
545
00:19:48,883 --> 00:19:50,667
Are you sad, Boon?
546
00:19:50,711 --> 00:19:52,495
No.
547
00:19:52,539 --> 00:19:54,889
'Cause I know we'll have one
when the time is right, yeah?
548
00:19:54,932 --> 00:19:56,630
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
549
00:19:56,673 --> 00:19:58,588
Mm-hmm.
550
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:02,766
Hey, should we go
check in on her?
551
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:04,072
Yeah, I would like that.
552
00:20:04,115 --> 00:20:07,249
Yeah, me too.
Me too, OK?
553
00:20:15,257 --> 00:20:16,519
Just look at her,
554
00:20:16,563 --> 00:20:18,260
cute as a speckled pup.
555
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:22,090
No, she likes to sleep
sitting up.
556
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:23,613
Yeah.
557
00:20:24,832 --> 00:20:26,312
Move it along, lady!
558
00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:28,879
I told her I would do that
559
00:20:28,923 --> 00:20:29,924
a couple of times at night.
560
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:32,318
It makes her feel at home.
561
00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:34,581
That's what
a good mama would do.
562
00:20:34,624 --> 00:20:36,626
♪
563
00:20:36,670 --> 00:20:38,846
Let's let her sleep.
564
00:20:38,889 --> 00:20:46,027
♪
565
00:20:57,821 --> 00:20:59,258
Why women be shopping?
566
00:21:01,869 --> 00:21:03,392
Why women be yappin'?
567
00:21:06,439 --> 00:21:11,357
Why women be taking so long
in the bathroom?
568
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,359
Anyone other than DiMarcus?