When someone's laughing at me, it'd be cool
if I had a friend,
and they said, "Those guys are dicks."
Those guys are dicks.
Yeah.
Is he your best friend?
-Clark? -Yeah.
Yeah.
-He's on billboards. -Yeah. Yeah.
But that's... That's not why we're friends.
So, why? Why are you guys friends?
Because...
'Cause if there were some guys that were laughing at me,
he would say, "Those guys are dicks."
-Clark would? -Yeah.
And I would do the same for him.
That is what it's like, having grown up A's.
Having a friend like that. You're gonna have that.
He has a cool bike.
Yeah. He's a cool guy.
You have such a beautiful back.
Thank you.
-Do you even know that? -Thank you.
Will you stand up and show me your ass,
Carol Love?
Will you showcase your ass?
You like that?
Yeah.
-Yeah, I do. -Yeah? You like it?
-Yeah. -You do?
-Yeah. -You like that?
Yeah, I like that.
Can you turn around?
-Yeah. -Yeah?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
Can you feel me?
-Are you full-on? -No, not--
I mean, I'm not full-on, but I'm on more than I'm...
I'm on a lot. I'm, like, almost full-on.
Maybe you could just say something.
Like, you have such a pretty voice.
What do you want me to say?
I don't know. Maybe you could like whisper something, or some...
-So, I say-- Wait. That's my hip. -What?
-Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Wait. -No, that's okay.
-Just can you move your leg? -Huh? Yeah.
-No. No. -Sorry.
-What? Okay. -Back, yeah.
-Back? Yeah. -Yeah.
-Just my face-- -Okay, you were gonna say something.
My face is in this comforter. It's just like--
-Huh? -Let me move my arm.
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah. -It's just...
Can you move this gross comforter?
-'Cause my face is all in it. -Yeah. No. You're good. Here.
Here you go. That's it. Is that better?
Is that better, Carol? Carol Love?
Huh? Hey, Carol, hey.
-Hey. -Just...
Hey.
I just... I want to move.
What?
I just...
I don't have the feeling.
Just you're, like, lying on top of me, and I just don't want you to.
I just feel like I wanna, like, squirm out.
Squi... Squirm out?
Please.
I thought I could again,
but I don't think I can anymore.
'Cause that's my feeling here. I'm sorry.
That's my feeling.
Hi, PB Chocolate Love.
Thanks.
Shit!
Why didn't you do it, Floyd?
Today's just not my day.
But I thought you did it every day.
We'll get 'em again tomorrow.
Now, a supercell storm, will change directions.
So, even if you're-- if you're not in the path,
you're gonna wanna still play it pretty safe.
It's like "squirm," like I'm... I made her squirm.
-Say... -Yeah?
Has anyone applied for a job in that department you oversee,
Special Crimes, last couple of days?
We received an application, yes,
in the last couple days.
And?
We requested...
additional information about the applicant
concerning a criminal conviction.
Okay.
Any glimpse of Carol Smernitch on that thing?
I can't make anyone out.
Same as ever.
It's like it's a ghost bike.
It's like it's riding itself.
They have you back here, Clark,
because they've learned the wife
may have had a motive.
And they want to learn everything that they can about that.
Maybe now is a...
is a bad time to stop talking.
I'm not gonna say another word.
May I continue with my questions?
My client will no longer be answering any of the state's questions.
Right...
Mr. Forrest controls a Canadian bank account.
His mother's.
And it was used to purchase a life insurance policy
on the life of our murder victim, Floyd Smernitch,
rewarded to his wife, Carol Love-Smernitch.
So, okay, you understand these questions.
We... We're trying to obtain information
concerning whether there were other parties involved
in the planning of the murder of Floyd Smernitch.
That's understood.
And you realize, should we determine that Mr. Forrest
was coerced into committing this murder,
that this would be beneficial to him?
-Understood. -Has he apprehended this is a capital case
and they're gonna ask for the death penalty?
My client will no longer answer any of the state's questions, Detective.
Mr. Forrest.
Did Floyd Smernitch know about your affair with his wife?
And was that going on with his consent?
Going on with his involvement, in fact?
It is my understanding that Floyd Smernitch was present
on some of the occasions of your visits with his wife
at the Quality Garden Suites.
Okay, okay.
My client will no longer answer any of the state's questions.
-I'm gonna talk again. -Clark.
Okay.
Do you know about... "beware"?
Beware?
Yeah, thank you.
So, early in the week, we're gonna see
some more of those springtime temperatures
we've been experiencing.
My hands had become tingly.
And I felt the immediate sensation of smothering.
Wednesday, Thursday,
we're gonna see some warmer temperatures...
Beware!
Okay.
I was... Sorry.
Come end of the week, we're gonna see some warmer air.
I screamed the word "beware" suddenly,
and did karate.
I'm unsure who I was addressing,
or what I meant by that.
It was a panic attack, a nervous breakdown.
That was Sunday, and...
and that's hair braiding night.
Then she had a book where she wrote it,
and she didn't show it to me, but she showed it to India.
Book.
And she had all the milks on her, like,
on her one desk, and all the milks were, like,
in a tower on her one desk.
-All the milks, like... -Milks.
I tried to stay in the hair braid moments, to really listen, but...
the stories were pretty confusing
and... and-- and hard to track, you know.
Ice cream.
So, I kept wondering about that breakdown, really,
and what had happened earlier that day.
Lunch.
Yeah.
It was like a reaction against my own life,
I realized.
So many infinite afternoons presenting weather,
you know, which no one really needs
'cause they-- they just-- they look on their phones now.
I-- I just-- I kept thinking about
what caused that outburst,
and I remembered how in those moments on screen,
I was presenting the weather, but I had begun thinking about
how, pardon me,
how I never fucked anyone underwater.
-Underwater? -Yeah.
Like in a-- a pool setting,
or like a...
a calm ocean setting, or a--
Sex isn't pleasurable underwater.
It seems like it would be the opposite,
but water creates friction.
I learned that the hard way.
Yeah, but see, that's...
that's what I was desiring, I think,
to have underwater sex and be like, "It wasn't that great," you know?
And your partner would be like,
"Yeah, there was... There was friction there."
Because that experience,
it means that you're still...
growing and learning about the world.
You're still alive.
I wanted that, okay?
'Cause when that happens, when you share that experience,
it-- there's life there.
But then I start thinking, "Well, you cannot be
there with your daughters in these precious moments,
thinking about yourself and your things."
"Come on, you gotta be present."
So, I made the decision, right then, to begin cheating on my wife.
The next day, very next day, I met Carol Love-Smernitch.
At cornhole.
And I'm...
talking about explosives,
and she's asking me to snag things from between her legs.
...having fun. Nope, that's yours.
"Snag it."
It was...
like...
-Like what? -Like a little dangerous.
A little suburban danger.
A little danger?
Just a little danger?
Did you forget that?
You forget that?
That text...
"What you're doing with Carol's not right, bro."
That was Floyd giving me pointers,
sexual pointers.
Sexual pointers?
With Carol.
That text was a criticism of a-- a position,
a sexual position that he'd recommended.
Why would you not share that fact with Detective Homer or me?
We regard that text as part of a motive.
Floyd did not want Richard to know this,
that Carol and I and Floyd
were involved in something like this.
You're charged with capital murder, Clark.
I understand what the charges are.
Floyd would just be destroyed to know that Richard, at his age...
was...
you know, being asked to...
understand...
this about his parents.
I don't want him to know.
I'm afraid it's no longer private.
Tiger Tiger.
I feel like my core's gotten a lot stronger.
Yeah? Cool.
Hey, what are you doing today? Can you do some signing for me?
Why, is there a weather emergency?
No, it's just a little surprise.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, I think you're really gonna like it.
Hey, Queece.
Can I get my playoff money today?
Yeah, I'll grab it from the ump shed.
That was your last game.
Nice season.
Thanks.
Some of the other umps are going to Chili's
to celebrate the end of the season.
Do you wanna come?
No.
I have to pick up this dumbass bike for my son.
Thanks, Queece.
Yeah.
I looked up information on sprockets
and the sprockets I saw were 40 dollars, not 210, like on here.
Well, can I get a receipt?
Look up sprockets!
So, meteorologists study the weather
and try to know what to expect
before... weather systems reach us.
You know, guys, the weather affects you every day.
You still thinking about that thing with Carol?
Yeah.
I'm thinking about all of it.
I'm not gonna be on DTF anymore.
Is that cool?
Yeah.
I just don't get any hits from anyone,
except for that David Bowie guy, like, way back.
And I just don't like looking at it every day.
Maybe you should check to see
if you got a hit today before you leave it.
You know, maybe you...
Maybe you got a hit today before the speech.
I doubt it.
-You can check. -I would've heard the notification.
Didn't you have your phone off during the speech though?
Yeah.
I'd check it out. You never know.
I'll just check it. I'll check it.
It was...
You know, I created that account.
I gave him a hit to cheer him up.
-Tiger Tiger. -Yeah.
So, you created that identity and you reached out to Smernitch's DTF
-to cheer him up? -Yes.
Why a guy?
Tiger Tiger was male.
Well, because I assumed then
that he would never see the encounter through.
That he would just be complimented and leave it at that.
I mean, shot in the arm and leave it at that.
He-- He would never wanna actually meet the guy.
He'd just... feel good that morning.
He was despondent, you know? But...
But...
But what?
Things... got like, you know, next...
Things-- Things got like...
-Got like what? -Like...
-out of hand. -I got a hit.
Hey!
-You got a hit, man. -I got a hit.
Nice one.
First one since Modern Love.
It's a guy, but still, it's nice to get a hit.
Yeah!
I think he liked my profile.
He definitely liked your profile.
-That's why you got the hit. -Yeah, I think he liked it.
-Yeah. -That's cool, man.
-Very cool. -Yeah.
Even though you're never gonna meet him, it's very cool.
Yeah.
You know, I was thinking it wasn't a good idea to put, like...
my real age and other things that are true, like my weight,
and I figured I'd get more responses, you know?
But, that is me, so it's nice to...
get a hit
based on that.
Nice to get a hit for being yourself.
Yeah.
You know what I've been feeling like for...
for a while now?
How?
I don't know that one.
It's "gone."
Gone how?
Like, from sex.
I'm like at an age where I'm just kind of invisible.
Like, in line or in a restaurant,
it's like people don't even realize that I'm there.
Used to be that people would be like, "Hey, look at that guy, he's cute."
But now, it's like... not anymore.
Ever.
And I know that I'm gone from Carol.
I know that.
And...
I'm glad you were there.
I'm glad you saw that
because I would've tried to explain it to you
'cause you're my best friend,
but I don't think I would've been able to describe it right.
That might swing back.
Thought I was gone from DTF too,
but this guy, Tiger Tiger, hit me.
That's cool.
Yeah. Very cool.
Based on, like, my real age.
And, like, real stuff.
I wonder what he's like.
He's probably cool.
-Yeah, he is probably cool. -I wonder what he's like.
You know, I think I wanna meet him.
You know?
Yeah, so he-- he wants to meet this guy.
-Tiger Tiger? -Yeah, he... he wants to meet him.
And-- And I'm surprised.
But...
But what?
But I can't say,
"Hey, you can't meet him, 'cause he's not real,
'cause I made him up."
He was...
happy...
in that one moment out there.
Then...
Then what?
I don't know, man.
I've been giving it a lot of thought, you know?
Giving what thought?
Tiger Tiger.
Yeah? What about it?
I'm thinking about meeting him.
I looked up "Tiger Tiger." It's from a Rudyard Kipling story.
The main character's kinda lonely.
I read it. It's pretty good.
Maybe this guy's kinda lonely too.
But isn't DTF...
It's... It's about a hookup.
It's about connection.
Isn't that what it's about?
-F's for "fucking." -Yeah, but I mean,
you start with a connection.
Maybe...
-Maybe what? -Maybe, you know,
if I get a connection with this guy, I...
I don't know.
I've been thinking a lot about penises.
Sorry?
Penises how?
Penises as boners.
-Boners? -Boners.
-How? What are you talking about? -Boners.
Like how they're honest, you know? I mean, what if I were to meet this guy?
What if I were to meet this guy and I would just be totally honest?
And be like, "Hey, man."
"You know, I don't know where this is going."
"I don't know anything about anything."
"I'm just here. And this is-- I don't know."
"I don't know anything."
And then he gets a boner.
Hey. Hey.
Yeah, hey what?
Hey, that would be pretty cool.
-That would be cool? -Yeah.
I don't wanna shoot.
-How would it be cool? -Because, like, what...
What a compliment, you know? Like, what honesty.
I mean...
you know, what clarity.
-Clarity about what? -About me.
How I feel about myself and stuff, and...
Which is...
Which is what?
Which is not good.
Maybe if there's a connection with this guy,
maybe I can become something more.
Maybe, if I like him...
Floyd, you don't like men.
I mean, I haven't met this guy.
I'm not afraid.
Swish!
Yeah, so he wants to meet this guy.
And I'm...
kind of in a situation 'cause there is no guy.
And Tiger Tiger, for Floyd...
-Tiger Tiger, well, was... -A ray of hope.
Yeah.
So, I come up with the Denny's plan.
-The Denny's plan? -Yes, it involved Denny's.
-The restaurant Denny's. -The restaurant Denny's, yes.
Say more about the Denny's plan.
I'm in Chicago for a convention two days that week.
I find this Denny's,
like, smack dab in the middle of the neighborhood
that has a high concentration of gay men.
On Yelp, it's-- it's called Boystown Denny's.
And?
I figured the young men who worked there
at that Denny's were probably gay
and probably needed 900 dollars.
So, the Denny's plan
was just to eat at this Denny's for two days
until I met a guy who might meet Floyd
and maybe have that reaction.
-The boner? -That reaction. Yes.
And you thought this would work?
How's everything?
Doing good. Good.
What...
Wha-- What takes a long time?
What-- What takes a little while?
I don't know, probably...
Probably, the Grand Slam breakfast.
It's got the most stuff in it, so.
I want the Grand Slam breakfast.
You want the thing that takes a long time?
I'm not-- I'm not in a hurry.
So...
You come check on me?
For what?
Maybe I'll-- I'll want some coffee.
-Do you want coffee? -No.
Maybe I will want some.
And if so, you'll know,
'cause you're gonna come check on me.
-Okay. I'll come check on you. -Thank you.
-How is everything? -Doing good.
Do you want some coffee?
Yeah, no, thanks.
How's it going with the Grand Slam?
That's...
Yeah, that's coming. Just takes a minute.
Yeah. My friend...
He likes coffee.
Yeah. He likes coffee.
You wanna see a picture?
-A picture of what? -My friend.
-Your friend that likes coffee? -Yeah.
Here he is. Right here. He's right in the middle there.
Right there. Right-- Right-- Right in the middle.
Okay.
And he likes coffee?
You bet.
Okay.
Yeah.
You come check on me?
How we doing?
Doing good, yeah.
Yeah, hey.
Yeah?
Yeah, so, my friend, the one I showed you, yeah,
we are workout partners.
-Okay, cool. -Yeah, we work out a lot,
have breakfast... a lot.
Yeah. Sometimes we'll...
we'll have a breakfast after a workout.
-Okay, cool. -He's so nice.
Helps the deaf.
Terry, let me ask you a question.
Is it sexy to you
if someone is not, like,
super skinny, but a great person?
Is it sexy to me?
Yeah. Or anyone.
We're just talking about stuff.
I mean, it's a whole thing, right?
Being or feeling attraction.
It's a whole thing.
Totally.
-Anything else? -Yeah.
Do you think that you could get an erection for my friend
for 900 dollars?
It's not something I'd be willing to do.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's not something I-- something I'd be willing to do.
I'm gonna go check on your Grand Slam.
I'd appreciate it.
Thank you.
I'll do it.
So, that's me.
Tiger Tiger.
Yeah.
-And I don't know your name. -I think maybe this is a...
no-name scenario for me.
Well, when you get to St. Louis,
you're gonna realize that I'm Clark Forrest.
I'm a weatherman in St. Louis. I'm on billboards.
I think it's... illegal,
paying someone for sex.
Yeah, I'm just paying you to maybe just...
become aroused
if it happens naturally.
'Cause it's something that he's been focused on.
Your friend who likes coffee?
Yep. If it happens.
You should get him some coffee.
He doesn't really like coffee.
I just said coffee to get to the erection part.
I'll do the best I can.
Can I see a picture of him?
Yep.
There he is.
He looks like a nice man.
How old is this?
Like, ten years.
So, you agreed to, like...
like an erection fee with Tiger Tiger?
Yeah. Plus bus fare.
And then something went wrong with the Denny's plan.
So, it was four days later.
It was Tiger Tiger time,
and he comes down a day early.
A day early?
Yeah, a day early.
And he starts tailing me from the station.
Tiger Tiger, I'm excited.
Maybe I should go for a run later, you know, shirtless.
Get a little color before this.
Maybe you could ride beside me? Encourage me?
Hey, Clark, I wanna...
I wanna talk to you about something meaningful.
I know I don't have my edge back yet with my body,
but, I mean, I'll probably need, like, autumn, and then...
maybe even winter,
and spring, and, like, maybe even summer.
Maybe even a little of the next autumn.
But...
thanks for giving an F about me
and helping out Richard.
Yeah.
It may not look good, but this body
is a body of strength.
Yeah.
Because of you.
Well...
I know I may be gross to Carol,
but it doesn't have to be that way for the rest of the world.
I love you.
I love you, too.
F doesn't have to stand for "fuck."
It could stand for "feels good together."
Tiger Tiger and I, if we click,
we could end up just like this.
He could say, like, "I feel lonely,"
and I could say, "I feel lonely too."
And we could end up like this, and this is good.
And if he pops one while we're like this...
I'd be on cloud nine.
But if I'm not down for that,
if I'm just down for feeling good,
I could say, "Hey, man, I'm just down for this."
"Let's just do this."
And he'll say, "Cool, this is good."
And I'll go, "Yeah. Yeah, it is."
-You got this, tough guy. -Yeah.
-You're doing great. -Yeah.
-Just keep breathing. -Right.
Your form looks good. You all right?
-What's wrong? -I tweaked my quad. I tweaked my quad.
Just-- Just take a break.
Oh, God.
-You sure? Okay? -Yeah, I'm all right.
-Just rest and, you know... -Okay.
You're doing great.
Then what?
Then what? Then Floyd ends up dead, and she gets a million dollars?
Yes.
I don't wanna put any more weight on that. I think I gotta sit down.
Hey, you just hang out there.
I'm gonna take one-- one more lap, okay?
Okay.
Hey, hi.
You're a day early.
I'm gonna have to nix this, man. I'm-- I'm sorry.
You know, he's just...
he's just not my cup of tea.
He's a bigger cup,
so I'm gonna have to pull a nix.
-Okay. -You know, it's an old picture,
so maybe you should've been more prepared.
I haven't ever done anything like this before.
Sorry that you had to come down here for it.
It's okay. I went on that DTF thing.
-Had a vous. -What's a vous?
Rendez.
Sensory play at a roller rink.
Okay. Cool.
So...
I'm sorry.
It's not like this was a normal thing
that I was hoping for.
-I get it. -Be kind.
No one's normal.
Just looks like that from across the street.
So, why did he nix it?
Out of, like...
concern...
for feeling like
he couldn't get an arousal.
Get an arousal...
after seeing Floyd.
And Floyd knew this, you're saying?
He saw him nix it, you're saying?
-Yes. -Well,
then why did he go to the pool the next day in the very early morning,
if no one was going to be there?
If there's no one to meet,
why would he go there?
I don't know.