ONCE UPON A TIME,
THERE WAS A COMEDY SERIES CALLED AÍDA
THAT PREMIERED IN 2004 AND ENDED IN 2014.
BUT WHAT IF IT HAD CONTINUED A FEW MORE YEARS?
IT NEVER HAPPENED, BUT IT COULD HAVE.
AIDA: THE MOVIE
"ACTORS HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE VALUES WE CONVEY."
A WRITER'S DIARY
RESPECT FOR THE VICTIMS
SET 1
MONDAY
Okay, so, before we start the table read,
I wanted to mention that in yesterday's episode,
the joke about Irene Villa got some reactions.
- The people at the door. - I was surprised.
So, turns out Carmona knows her, he spoke to her,
and she's cool. - Super sweet.
She actually thought it was funny.
So that's all good.
- We're not firing any writers. - Yay!
- Yeah! - Lucky you!
And about the ratings. We got a 19% share, with peaks of 23.
Most watched show on Sunday.
Oh, yeah. Peak performance.
This week we're filming the final episode of season 14.
The network confirmed we're renewed for at least one more season.
- Nice! - Woo!
When am I leaving?
Because we agreed Aída ended in this episode,
and I don't see an ending written for her.
I thought they already told you.
No one said anything to me.
We'll talk to Fernanda later, if that's okay.
But I'm done after this week,
even the janitor knows that.
Just putting it out there.
Alright then, let's do comedy.
- Okay. - Let's go.
"Episode 315, scene 1, exterior, night.
A hairy creature escapes from the trunk and runs into the dumpsters."
"What?
Barajas? Did you see that?
Was that a dog?"
"Luisma, that wasn't a dog.
Could it be...?"
"Oh, my God, it is!
I don't know if it was aliens, Santa Claus, or Mister Jesus Christ.
But thank you for answering the prayers of these humble ex-junkies."
"They've finally sent us..."
"An Ewok!"
"Hey fam, have fun.
I've got big plans in prison too.
Movie night and beating up lesbians."
"Must have been bad in Cuba for Mom to want to land in prison."
"She escaped hiding inside a double-door fridge.
Hmm, my dream!"
"Eugenia and Soraya lean over the balcony."
"What's all this noise? It's Mauricio's monkey!"
"He's a human being!
He has to go back to the stable where he was locked up."
"As an animal he's kind of cute, but as a person he's disgusting.
One of his balls is out!"
- This isn't funny to me. - What did you say?
- I said this isn't funny. - The ball thing?
We're making fun of someone who's right there with us on set.
I've got a cousin--
I sincerely doubt
the Ewok association will get offended.
He's not an Ewok.
He's a dwarf actor.
With achondroplasia.
I don't think it's funny.
Maybe you don't because you want to leave
and nothing's funny to you.
That might be it.
Maybe nothing's funny to me anymore.
Anyway.
Let's keep going.
We're almost done with the read.
We'll revisit that joke, Miren.
- Thanks. - You're welcome.
"Soraya crosses the tape line and walks toward Jonathan and Mecos."
"Give it here, damn it.
Luis Mariano García García!
I'm in no damn mood for Ewoks! Bring him down or I will!"
Thanks, everyone. Ten minutes until rehearsal, okay?
Okay.
- What's got into you? - I can't anymore.
Look at my leg.
Oh, God, that's raw.
I'm wrecking it, seriously.
Will you speak up?
Of course. Let's see what they come up with.
Carmen.
- What? - I want to leave too.
Then leave, Paco. What do you want me to say?
Yeah, but we can't both leave.
I don't know how much longer you plan on playing Luisma,
but I need to do other things.
I can't do this anymore.
You were able to leave and come back
because I stayed behind holding the fort.
Oh, you did that for me, of course.
For me, for all our colleagues, and me first of all.
Come on, Paco, you've got to be kidding.
Wow, things are tense.
- What's up with your eye? - Oh, nothing.
I was out with my dad yesterday, and some dumb teens started yelling,
"Look! The fag from Aída!"
You know me. I shouted back, "You want a blowjob?"
Then it went to hell.
- Did they hit you? - No, they didn't!
But they jumped up fast, me and my dad ran,
and I slammed right into the car door.
Self-inflicted. Totally my fault.
I've got a cousin who's like Chiqui from Big Brother.
No, I'm serious.
She's adorable. She looks just like Inma Cuesta.
But she's 4 feet tall. It's really hard for them.
Yes, of course I know. How would I not?
As a kid I was half the height, double the weight.
Plus, I wore a lazy eye patch and leg braces for my hips.
I told my mom, "I want to be an actress."
She said, "If you survive school, that's enough for me."
Poor thing.
Hey, Pepi, are you a dwarf?
Come on.
Did you really just ask if she's a dwarf?
Don't be a pig.
Come on, David.
I only asked because there are different types of conditions, that's all.
Like Estrellita used to say,
"Everyone's got a crooked picture on their wall."
That's it!
Hey.
Ugh, it's so hot.
Tell them to turn on the AC.
Remember Estrellita?
- Please, he was amazing. - I loved him.
Why do you want my size?
Oh, for the movie.
Damn.
And when does filming start?
Two months?
Okay, tell them I'm a size 4.
Yeah, I've got time.
Alright, protein, cigarette, protein, cigarette. Let's go.
Carmen,
we're really bummed you want to leave again.
Please.
Please, don't start with that, okay?
I came back under certain conditions that were never met.
I said this would be my last season.
We just read the last episode, and there's no ending.
We want you to come back next season.
Seriously, do I have to spell it out for you?
Take it easy, Carmen.
Alright, alright.
We'll do whatever you want, just like we always have.
- You know I how I feel-- - Okay.
Alright, if that's your final decision, we'll leave it at that.
But we still need to give the character a proper ending.
It's our responsibility to the audience, Carmen.
It's your responsibility too.
We'd love for what you won't let us do with you
to at least be allowed to do it without you.
What will you do without me?
I am Aída.
No, you aren't.
You're Carmen.
I'm Fernanda. He's Julián.
And Aída is a character owned by the production company.
Wait, what are you trying to say?
Okay, let me explain.
We have the technical ability
to keep the character alive, by putting your voice and face on another actress.
Are you serious?
- You're joking, right? - No.
We'd do it with your supervision, Carmen.
We're not going to do anything reckless.
Don't worry.
You wrap this week.
Clearly, you need it. Mental health comes first, right?
And we'll take care of Aída's exit.
Why don't you just kill me off?
"Aída has to die."
- Wow. - The title alone is bold.
"You have to admit,
there are moments in Aída that make you laugh.
It's hard not to crack a smile at nonsense." Wow.
"It's a show that pretends to be punk,
but really just reinforces sexist, homophobic, and racist stereotypes."
- Wow. - What?
Wow, right in the feels.
"It's got that crude, tacky, shouty tone."
That's me.
"An attack on good taste with jokes that just aren't funny anymore.
Not anymore".
Wow.
That's brutal.
Look, I can't stand these intellectuals who trash
anything popular just because it's popular.
They can suck it.
Yeah, okay, that guy is clearly a pompous jerk.
But it's true we're making old-school gay jokes like it's '85.
No offence to the gays.
Hold up.
What other show has a super-camp fag
quoting Baudelaire and buying lube on eBay?
That's punk as hell.
Then they beat you up.
They were already beating me up.
You really think that's punk?
I'm so sick of these butt-cucumber jokes.
If we want to tackle real issues, why not introduce a plot
where Tony or Fidel has HIV or something?
Normalise it, joke about it. That would actually matter.
I'm totally down. The world's changing. Aída is not.
- Right? - The jokes are still the same, like...
So what do we do? Change the show?
The more I beat up Machupichu, the more people laugh.
That's just it.
Yeah, that's true.
Heads up, things are getting serious now.
Did you hear they're trying to send that girl from Twitter to jail?
What are you talking about?
She joked about a film produced by ETA and starring Carrero Blanco:
Two Meters Above the Sky.
Yeah, well--
Excuse me, could I get a photo with you?
I'm Machupichu too.
Oh, please don't say that.
Yeah, everyone calls me that.
What's your name?
Cristian, but they call me Machupichu.
Where are you from?
Near Machu Picchu, Peru.
Then you're Cristian from Peru.
No, here in Spain I'm Machupichu.
Yeah.
- There. - Thanks.
No problem.
They come here with low self-esteem culturally.
Steady!
- No, I feel bad. - Don't make them victims.
He said that because of me.
- No. - Yes, he did.
I said HIV as an example.
Look who it is.
That gay guy and Juanma.
He means Juanmi. He has no clue!
Luisma!
Can we get a photo? We're from Málaga.
Oh, "Mágala"! Beautiful "Mágala"!
Picasso, María Teresa Campos, and Pablo Alborán, he just came out.
You're so funny. Thanks.
No problem.
Cutie.
Love you, man.
What a dream!
Luisma and Fidel.
You're the best.
Excuse me, do you want a photo?
Say something else!
Ask me.
You sound just like him! "Because I'm an idiot."
Come.
You sound just like him!
Wait, I'm calling my mum so she can see!
- You're the one with pink hair? - Yes.
It's really them!
It's them! It's them!
- Damn! - Paco.
Didn't you see she wasn't well?
Seriously?
Come on, something was off.
DON'T SCARE PACO
Crap, now I feel bad.
Edu, no.
- No smoking here, please. - No smoking?
Have I been naughty?
Oh, no! I've been rebellious!
Take me to Mr Carmona!
I need to be punished! I live for this!
- Let me have one puff! - Edu!
Let me have one puff!
Sorry, one puff and I'll put it out, babe.
Sorry!
Let's go set up for scene 2A.
Luisma, Barajas, and Paz, in the bathroom.
Come on.
Pepa, can you give us a hand?
You want me to get in there?
Play the Ewok for us, you're short enough.
Right, she goes all sweet and says,
"No, you're Carmen.
I'm Fernanda.
He's Julián.
Aída belongs to the production company."
Bitch.
"We'll do whatever you want, just like always."
- That's so weird. - I'm telling you, my son.
She's a wolf in sheep's clothing.
What even is this deepfake thing?
- Well-- - Go on, explain it.
They track your face and your voice.
Then they slap it on another actress using AI and you're screwed.
Creepy! I won't let them track me down.
Look, he loves those little snacks.
He's hiding them in his pockets.
He's wicked smart.
Let's see.
Give me a paw.
Not you, Barajas. Him.
Then say so.
We really need to give him a name.
What about Putin?
Too long.
Let's do Pepe.
That's it: Pepe the Ewok.
Pepe, sit!
Sit!
Pepe's ignoring me like I'm dog crap.
What are you doing?
Say you're my uncle from Fuengirola.
Who's there?
It's me, Paz.
I live here with you.
I'm your wife.
- What? - We've been married for four years.
Look.
She's telling the truth.
Oh, okay.
Cool.
Well, I'm off. I'm having dinner with my old coworkers.
With the flight attendants?
Nope, with the hookers.
Oof.
- She didn't see you. - Get up on the chair.
Let's go. Pepe, sit.
What?
Huh?
He's either asking for the Wi-Fi password or some booze.
How about a beer?
No, Barajas, we're not giving him beer.
We'll give him tequila, it's what we've got.
Do you know what happened to Loles?
- What? - From Aquí no hay quien viva.
They used her voice on a body double with a bandaged face.
- That's not the same. - Why not?
This is artificial intelligence.
No, Barajas, that's not how it works...
"Only drink if you've done it."
You only drink if you've done it.
Okay, got it.
- But you still get paid? - Of course.
It helps with the side gigs.
They should bring in AI.
Please!
Aída García García.
Jonathan!
I'm in no damn mood for this nonsense.
"With this body God gave me..."
With this body God gave me
I landed myself a well-endowed boyfriend
Can you run? That's it.
- Point and look for him. - Jonathan!
I'm in no damn mood for this nonsense.
Faster.
I'm in no damn mood for this nonsense.
Jonathan, Jonathan!
One more.
Wait a sec.
We're taking a five-minute smoke break.
Let's go.
- Let's move. - Okay, okay.
- Bárbara, here! - Oh, of course.
She looks amazing.
The shoes are Prada, but they're hers. They're store-bought.
- It's the body. - Please.
It's that Pilates body. Pilates is the best.
I should do Pilates.
You look incredible.
Thanks. How's it going?
You're here supporting your castmates.
- Huh? - Supporting the cast.
Yes, always have to support the arts.
That's great.
So, I have to ask, what do you think
about the recent criticism over some of the jokes in Aída?
It's not the first time someone's offended by the jokes on Aída.
But the limits of humour are super personal.
What cracks one person up might break another's heart.
And the people who do comedy--
Hey, how are you?
Gorgeous!
You look amazing.
- Same to you. - Ciao.
What was I was saying.
Uh... what was I saying?
Right.
We all have a responsibility for the values we promote.
There are jokes I've had to say on Aída that I don't like,
because they're not funny.
But...
I'll shut up.
It's my job, I'm an actress, it's the gig.
I'm gonna go, okay?
- Quick question. - Ciao.
- One more? - Ciao.
Are you under stress?
My dress? Armani Privé.
WE SCREENWRITERS EXIST TOO
What a bitch!
TUESDAY
Good morning.
Morning.
Speak for yourself, I was the first one here.
I got here and the set was locked.
Oh, no.
Oh, you're Emilio Gavira!
Yes. I'm the Ewok.
Yes.
- I've been dying to meet you. - Me too.
- How are you? - Very good.
This is wild, huh?
Seems like you don't like my offerings.
And others don't like your behaviour either.
Oh, what a joy!
That's some beard!
- You look great. - What a joy.
We did Mérida festival together, the three of us.
It was hot!
That's awesome.
And you don't do theatre?
No, Miren's more into film.
I can tell.
- How's it going? - Hi.
Hi.
Who are you?
I'm the new one.
The what?
The new girl.
Come on!
Excuse me?
It didn't work.
- What? - It didn't work.
- Huh? - Damn.
- Want a copy? - Yes.
One sec.
Oh, my! Look who it is!
Thanks.
Ciao, see you.
Sorry about that.
- No worries. - Alright.
- Okay. - Hey, wait.
You're taking a photo with me.
- Sure. - You're the one on TV.
- Yeah. - That show.
My mom's obsessed. You're hilarious.
But you seem kind of serious.
- You're way more fun on TV. - Yeah.
C'mon, smile, it's part of your job.
I'll smile if I feel like it. I get to decide.
Wow, rude much?
What?
Then I'm not taking the picture.
- Don't take it then. - I won't.
Good, don't.
Get fucked.
You stuck-up bitch.
What'd you say?
I say whatever I damn well please.
What, you gonna hit me?
- Ma'am, stop. - You son of a bitch!
- Alright, got it. - I'll beat the shit out of you!
Ma'am, please!
That's enough! Stop!
Carmen, what did you actually do?
Smile, it's part of the job.
I took the picture.
But smile a little more. There, that's it.
Let's talk about the hardest part
about becoming your character.
What's the first thing?
Well, I get to the set,
there's no dressing rooms,
so first stop is wardrobe.
The shoes.
What's wrong with the shoes?
They're awful.
They're the same ones I wore on 7 Vidas.
Okay.
- How do they make you feel? - I feel poor.
Because they're...
they're awful.
I really just can't with them.
They itch me like crazy.
I just can't.
Carmen, we need to ease out of this now.
You know how to get back to your safe space.
Some interesting connections came up.
The shoes and the dermatitis flare-up
seem directly connected.
They do.
I'll say it again.
They're all symptoms of burnout.
I need to be really clear.
This will only get better when you leave the show.
These sessions won't help.
I get that it's hard for you to accept being replaced.
It's been a long time.
But with the way things are, it's necessary.
You people are relentless!
Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, every damn day!
We're working here too!
Sorry, it's just this construction. What was I saying?
Right.
It's good you agreed to the deepfake.
Because it's important for you to leave on a good note.
What I'm about to say is really important.
Whatever happens, you're finishing the show on Friday.
Okay?
It's been a long road.
We know what they're capable of.
You just stick to your decision.
It's your health at stake.
For fuck's sake!
- What's this? - The ceiling's coming down!
- Stop already! - My jumper!
- I'm sorry. - A nightmare!
- Good grief! - This is unreal.
- What a mess. - It's fine, don't worry.
- Goodness. - Is it time?
- Yes, time's up. - Alright.
- It's all going to be okay, Carmen. - Yeah, I know.
Cut yourself some slack this week.
- Give yourself a break. - Okay.
Ease up a bit, don't be so perfect.
It's asking for the PIN.
I don't usually say this,
but drink.
What?
Just a little, one or two glasses.
Sometimes alcohol's better than pills.
There it goes.
Alright.
- See you next week. - See you next week.
Hopefully the renovations will be done.
Right.
I'll have an assertive conversation with them.
- Carmen. - Yeah?
You finish on Friday, alright?
Yeah.
Oh, no, Mom's dead!
What are you doing in there?
There's something under the bed!
What something? It's probably just dust.
This house has dust bunnies that look like poodles!
I'm going up here just in case.
You're gonna break the bed!
Don't worry, it survived a threesome with Bárbara and JuanCar.
What the hell is that?
Stop screaming, boobs!
You stop screaming!
Can you all stop yelling?
Alright, let's cut there.
I think I looked at the camera.
That's not what's important.
- Try not to laugh all the time, okay? - Okay, got it.
- What now, Jacobo? - Very well, Encarni.
From the top.
Alright, back to one.
Paz at the front door. Marisol, stay in first, please.
Emilio, sorry, under the bed again.
We're ready.
Quiet, please.
And...
Action.
You need to book me in for a wax.
Because the lady who did my bikini line in prison isn't around anymore.
Oh! Did she get out?
She got taken out in the bathroom.
With those hands made for bikini lines.
That's why they called her "The Coochiescu."
Oh, no, Mom's dead!
Hang on a sec. Cut, please.
Cut!
What do I say now?
Look, it's fine, but--
It's missing rhythm, Jacobo.
Look, Encarni, comedy's all about rhythm, you know?
Especially sitcoms.
It's like jumping rope, always on beat.
Taken out in the bathroom. Hands for bikini lines.
That's why "Coochiescu."
Taken out in the bathroom. Hands for bikini lines.
That's why "Coochiescu."
It's just that this wig is so itchy.
Anyway...
I'm off.
You're so generous, Carmen.
I just want to leave.
- You know what? - What?
Màxim Huerta just resigned as minister.
Yeah, didn't even last long enough to hang his coat.
- Do you know why? - Why?
Hey.
Did you see that?
- Huh? - The writers ignored me.
Maybe they didn't see you.
Julián's keeping the joke in that last scene, alright?
Okay, got it.
Oh, okay. Put up and shut up.
Miren, that joke is only funny if Soraya says it.
Then you say it.
It's Antonio again.
Toñi, this'll blow your mind.
They're not taking out the joke. I have to say it.
Carmen...
It happens to everyone.
It's just--
Hey! Don't scare me!
Don't scare me. Damn it!
They scared him again.
I think Mariano signed, and Óscar too.
They're the first two. Pepa says she'll sign too.
Paco has to sign too. Mariano, did you sign?
- Of course. - Some are still undecided.
We're all exhausted, honestly,
but who knows what's waiting out there.
It's like this every year, and we all end up signing.
Why the wait?
Hey, I heard they're doing a spin-off about Mauricio.
Well, guess I'll find out last like always.
- I'm surprised it's not about Paz. - About my coochie, honey.
- Come here! - I wish!
Where you going?
- To see Luis San Narciso. - Oh!
Everyone eating sunflower seeds!
I love the thing about sunflower seeds, don't you?
You guys are the best.
Everyone eating sunflower seeds!
Seeds, seeds, seeds!
Edu!
Hey, listen.
I'm helping with this Positive Support campaign.
I'm asking everyone for a video, could you help?
Sure. What do I have to say?
"Hi, I'm Eduardo Casanova and I'm HIV positive."
Yeah, right.
What?
Nothing, just seems kind of intense.
- Can I finish explaining it first? - Yeah.
You say,
"Hi, I'm Eduardo Casanova and I'm HIV positive.
Or not.
But what if I was?"
Got it?
It's to break the stigma.
Tons of celebs in the US have done it,
Meryl Streep, Anya Taylor-Joy, Jason Statham, everyone!
- Want me to film you? - No, not now.
I'll do it myself at home, make it look good.
But do it for me. It really matters to me.
I've got to lose weight.
I'm starting to look like Amparo Baró.
Right?
Let's go to the 5 rehearsal.
Places, and action.
- Chema! - What happened?
Break out a big tray of cookies, I'm going all out today!
What are we celebrating?
Netflix sent people to prison to get ideas for a True Crime show,
and I'm a finalist!
Wow!
For real?
True Crime?
Not Fake Crime, True Crime!
Wow, I love that!
But what's True Crime?
True Crime is a type of documentary--
Don't explain it, Chema. You'll ruin it for me.
Aída, don't you think that's kind of sensationalist?
I can see it now: "The Iron Killer."
Will I be in it? Who'll play me?
Maybe Hugo Silva?
I hit her with an iron And now it's a binge-worthy series
Alright, we're good here.
- Let's go. - See you!
- See you tomorrow! - Get some rest!
Get some rest!
Pepe, you're in the next one.
Okay.
Thanks, guys.
Thanks, love.
Antonio, yeah, I'm heading out.
What'd they say?
Let's not sign then.
I'm not signing.
That's fine by me.
Hang on a sec, Antonio, don't hang up.
See you at the awards?
I've got to go to the Telecinco rehearsal.
Ah, okay.
- See you tomorrow then. - See you.
Alright, bye.
- Antonio. - Yeah?
Okay, moving to 6B.
Take your positions.
Ready, and action.
Ladies and gentlemen, the rare primate from the Andes.
Like King Kong, but pocket-sized.
Sir, are you sure it's a primate?
Sure is, primate.
Hey Mauricio! Is the monkey all dressed up like you?
By the way, how are you splitting the monkey money?
Even split, ma'am.
Half goes to my left nut, the other half to my right.
Jeez, it's not fair.
I've been picking hairs out of the potato salad for hours.
Maybe it's the flashes.
Did you feed him? I think he's got the munchies.
Come on, take him.
There are peanuts in the second drawer.
But toss them in the air so he doesn't lose his hunting instinct.
Fuzzball, let's eat and then I'll lie you down
and run the Roomba over you.
Mauricio!
Get in line, baldy!
Mauricio, is it true you're exploiting a defenceless animal?
That's right.
What's the problem?
Huh?
Animal abuse...
is...
wrong!
I'm going to think about it. But it'll be great.
Mauricio!
The monkey grabbed my boob!
Guess we'll have to trim his claws!
He grabbed your boob?
He just did it.
Full-on grab.
Why?
He wanted the kind of slap that leaves a dent.
The worst part is, I froze.
Can believe that freaking little troll?
Quiet!
Hey, Soraya and Macu!
Say hi, it's for the association.
Hi, association!
- Oh, hi! How are you? - Hi!
Bravo, Carmen!
That was amazing! You nailed it!
You think so?
I think it's still a little weak, but I'll turn it up for the audience.
Gave me chills.
That's so nice, thank you!
Now enjoy it!
Thank you on top of that!
- Thank you, queen! - Thanks to you!
Your phone.
Your lunch is waiting.
- Thank you, love. - It might be cold.
Don't worry about it.
Hi, Carmen, it's Isabel Coixet.
So... look, I don't even know how to say this because, well, anyway...
You probably heard that Màxim Huerta resigned,
and they're looking for a new Minister of Culture.
They called me, but you know how I am,
I always mess things up,
I hate ceremonies, I'm awful with speeches.
So, nope, not happening.
They want someone high-profile, respected.
And I remembered that speech you gave last year,
damn, that speech was incredible.
And I thought, Machi!
Everyone loves Machi.
Girl, I'd love to have you as minister.
I gave them your number, sorry.
Yes?
Good afternoon.
Ms. María del Carmen Machi Arroyo?
Speaking.
I'm calling from the Office of the Presidency.
Mr. Pedro Sánchez would like to speak with you. Please hold.
WEDNESDAY
Sorry.
Hi!
VIDEO SHARED
I'll be right with you.
Let's start.
Perfect.
Holy crap. I can't believe it.
She reposted it.
This girl's an idiot.
Have you seen Miren?
No, but I saw her insane story.
Yeah, insane.
It keeps going to voicemail. Girl, where are you?
Did you sign yet?
Yeah, and got a raise. Maybe I'll make the credits.
Edu!
What?
- You haven't sent me the HIV video. - Yes I did.
- I'm shooting a video. - I didn't get it.
Check your spam. I don't know.
Miren, you've got to delete that story.
I'm getting awful messages.
I don't know, just call me.
Where the hell is she?
So the minister doesn't have to be in the party?
Apparently, yeah.
Minister of Culture. My goodness.
They gave me 48 hours to think it over, but honestly, I only need one.
Girls, have you seen Miren?
I think she went to the physio.
She's gonna flip when she sees what's happened.
The worst part is, I froze.
Can believe that freaking little troll?
Quiet!
Hey, Soraya and Macu!
Say hi, it's for the association.
Hi, association!
- She deleted it. - It doesn't matter.
They're tearing her apart on Twitter. Look.
"She makes me sick." "Leftist welfare cases."
"Didn't expect that from you, Miren."
"Aída: Spain's landfill."
"This is the kind of abuse dwarfs suffer daily."
- "Drop dead." - That's why I'm not on social media.
But I don't get it. Wasn't she vocal about dwarf's rights?
People with achondroplasia.
Look at him. Victim or predator?
That guy's a predator.
What do you mean?
Ask Miren. You're gonna lose it.
I doubt he knows.
He's just finding out now.
Let's get out of here.
No, I haven't seen it, Antonio. I don't know.
If I'd seen it, I wouldn't have reposted it, damn it.
Yes, I got it. I'll call him now and tell him to delete it too.
Yep.
There goes the troublemaker.
Everything okay?
Yeah, alright.
I'll call you later.
I'll explain later.
I'll call you later.
Bye.
Here, drink some water.
- Did you say anything to him? - She called him a freaking little troll.
- I mean to him directly? - No.
Now I'll have to apologize.
- Unbelievable. - Figures.
What did Antonio say?
Told me to stay off social media for two days.
Yeah, probably better to not read anything.
It seems like a big deal, but in two days, no one will remember.
What's this?
You came from the physio or I'd swear this was semen.
David!
Mirentxu, you've got to go change into character, we're pre-recording 6B.
6B?
Cheeta's great-grandson!
Come on, people!
12 bucks a photo, 20 if framed. Let's go!
Hey, Mauricio! He looks cute all dressed up like you.
By the way, how are you splitting the monkey money?
Even split, ma'am.
Half goes to my left nut, the other half to my right.
Jeez, it's not fair.
I've been picking hairs out of the potato salad for hours.
No, bad boy!
Maybe it's the flashes.
Did you feed him? I think he's got the munchies.
Stop. Come on, take him.
There are peanuts in the second drawer.
Toss them in the air so he doesn't lose his hunting instinct.
Fuzzball, let's eat and I'll lie you down
and run the Roomba over you.
Mauricio!
Back in line, baldy!
Mauricio!
Hey, Miren, I saw you didn't find it funny, but it was just a joke.
Some joke.
Comedian.
It's just that in theatre, we touch a lot.
Well, not on TV.
It's just beyond me. I can't make that video.
Then tell him you're not doing it, and that's it.
I can't, I already told him I sent it and everything.
Edu, I think what you need is to get it out.
That's the thing...
I want to get it out, Paco.
- I think so too. - I need to.
- Then do it. - But I don't know how, Paco!
I don't know how to do it!
The guard, damn it!
- And now Secun. - I saw you, Edu!
Edu!
- What's wrong with him? - Nothing, he's just... spiralling.
- Over what? - His stuff.
Paco, sorry. Got a sec?
Yeah, go ahead.
So, I wrote this script.
- Uh-huh. - There are people interested,
but I'd really love for you to direct it.
Right...
It's totally your vibe.
It's intense, okay?
It's about Lorca's alleged homosexuality.
- Wow. - How universal.
With how things are right now, I know I'm stirring the pot.
But alleged? I don't think it's that...
Secun's also a director, maybe...
I do alternative theatre. I think film's more your lane.
- He wants a movie. - You take it.
Just take a look, really.
Then tell me.
Alright, I'll read it and let you know.
- No pressure. - He wants you.
- If not, I'll send it to the Javis duo. - Nice title.
The Boy Who Dreamed in Verse... Please, let me read it.
"Field of Fuente Vaqueros.
Little Federico didn't like mollete bread for his snack.
He preferred breadsticks."
Love it.
Let me read it.
- No. - Please.
- Might be a gem. - Respect.
If Buñuel's in it, I want to play Buñuel with my Aragonese face.
Paco...
What's the deal with Carmen?
Carmen's a mess.
She has to go.
That doesn't worry me as much.
I'm worried about you.
You're gonna sign, right?
I'm old school, but I'd take a thousand classic affairs
over an open relationship.
You're being a dick in the mud.
- Macu and I are in an open relationship. - Macu's more open than you.
So they say.
Have you thought of trying it?
Yeah, honestly, I have.
But the fact that Paz used to be a hooker kind of scares me.
- I get it. - Guys, hold up a sec.
Sorry, we lost a camera.
Things are tense between you and Carmen?
I'm not tense with her.
I just don't know what's up with her.
She's been saying stuff.
About me?
- Like what? - Let's roll.
Canco, please.
I think Pepe's in pain.
I can feel it.
Maybe it's just gas, Barajas.
Could be.
Can't confirm or deny.
I can confirm it for you.
Where's my Pepe?
Okay, cut. Sorry.
What is she saying?
She didn't say it to me directly, because we don't talk much.
She's been saying she saw you scratch your butt and sniff your fingers.
Seriously?
Like that monkey video?
Alright, let's roll. Paco, the call.
No, that's not how it goes!
It's supposed to be more like a sound effect. More...
What are you doing? That's not an Ewok call whatsoever.
That sounds more like a dolphin. Like...
Okay, cut.
- You're lying. - It's nonsense.
- Don't stress over it. - Why would she say that?
No clue, I shouldn't have told you.
Let's continue. I think we've got it.
Paco, the call.
Yummy stew. We usually have it with Xanax.
Perfect pairing. Goes down smooth.
Though for baseline anxiety, which is what we have,
maybe extended-release capsules of Klonopin would be better.
I'm gonna take one now.
It's sublingual, but I swallow it.
Stew... In this heat!
- Who was that? - Canco.
It wasn't me, Paco.
If you throw one more, you eat the whole bowl.
- I swear it wasn't me. - Jeez.
Marisol, are you sure about signing?
Me? 100 percent.
You know how hard it is to get a good role, nail it,
have people love it, and actually get paid well?
I'm in till I drop.
So many people complain about success.
True.
I'm telling you...
Paco!
- I told you it wasn't me! - He warned you.
My goodness.
Carmona told me that the Association
of People with Achondroplasia might sue me.
People with achondroplasia don't play small.
- Edu. - Sorry, I'll shut up.
You should tell them what happened.
You don't know what they're saying?
And I won't know. I'm not checking my phone.
Well, don't, but the boob joke isn't funny.
Look what's happening in the US.
I'm not saying do it for us,
do it for the next generation.
I'm asking you as a mother.
But you don't even have the kid yet.
Edu.
No, listen...
Shit, my cousin.
She looks just like Inma.
Hello, Nagore.
Carmen, can we talk for a sec?
- Of course. - I'll leave you.
I don't mind.
- Then I'll stay. - What's up?
Did you say you saw me scratch my butt and sniff my fingers?
No, Paco, I didn't.
You're good.
Who told you that?
Seriously.
What kind of crap question is this?
- Carmen. - What now?
The executive producers want you to go up when you can.
Stop it right there. See that?
It all distorts, the eye falls off.
- So weird. - Is this final?
Well, it's the best we've gotten so far.
We've made a lot of progress,
but we can't risk using AI
in something as real as our show.
- What are you gonna do? - No idea.
We've got time to figure it out now.
We'll have to find a solution,
but we'll have to wait for the next season.
What next season?
Oh, no, come on, don't start.
I said no.
- Julián, please. - I'm sorry, Carmen.
- I know it sucks. We tried-- - I said no!
I don't know how you'll do it, Paco's not signing either.
Yes, he is.
How much do you want?
It's not about the money.
I'm not signing.
Not for another season or another episode.
I told you. I'm telling you again. I'll keep saying it, I can't.
- Can't or won't? - I can't!
Why not?
Because I've been offered something huge, and I already said yes.
Ah, I see.
See?
I knew it.
I knew it, yeah.
Well, then you're not leaving us much choice,
we'll have to stretch the season,
however many episodes we need to wrap up your character.
You don't need to sign anything because the contract you signed says
you're obligated to shoot all the episodes in the season,
no matter how many.
I want to talk to Carmona.
He's in a meeting.
Fine.
Carmen...
The world out there is harsh.
No!
Carmen, what are you doing?
What are you doing?
Who are you?
Adela, we're just testing some lights.
Oh, okay.
To the props room, come on.
You okay or what?
- I knocked my head a bit. - You scared me.
Well, call me crazy,
but I think they knew full well
the double wasn't gonna work.
That it was just for show.
I don't get why they won't let you go.
I think they haven't told the network that I'm leaving.
Come on, girl, more vitamins if it's freshly poured.
This'll get you feeling good.
Ugh, gross.
Now my baby tooth is all sensitive.
What baby tooth?
I have a little tooth coming in down here
Please.
My gum's killing me, here, touch it.
She's such a pig.
She's just nasty, always the same.
Please, silence!
So you told them you're not staying
because you're taking the Ministry job? - Exactly.
They called you from The Ministry of Time?
Oh, Adela...
She doesn't know anything.
Should I tell her?
- Tell her. - You won't believe it.
They called her to be the Minister of Culture.
And Sports.
No way.
- I swear. - Seriously?
Unbelievable. La Machi is a minister now.
I'm dying.
You know I went down on a city councilwoman?
Why...?
From Seville.
Ready!
You can get out of jail, but not out of Aída.
Please, stop it.
Don't say that, damn it.
- See ya. - Bye.
Miren, chin up, okay?
It's alright.
Come on, Miren, it's okay.
Miren Ibarguren
Poor thing
Crucified by that awful man
With that tiny little hand
What did he do to you?
Rest up.
Gorgeous.
Home, Miren?
Yes, please.
I'm taking a chocolate, cool?
Sure.
Screw it, I'm taking my phone too.
- What? - Nothing.
BARBARA LENNIE UNFOLLOWED YOU
THURSDAY
BASQUE ACTRESS MIREN IBARGUREN SLAMS PEOPLE WITH ACHONDROPLASIA
Carmen, you in?
Five minutes, please.
Carmen?
- Yeah? - They offered you the ministry?
Damn, Adela, really...
Well, it's a tough choice.
But you can really do a lot.
Just imagine, union deals, festivals...
If I can help in any way, I'm here.
- Thanks. - I don't want to sway you.
Thanks, Pepe.
Why hello, Ms Minister.
You too.
What'd I say?
Miren.
Leave me alone!
Alright, guys, get ready for scene 8, please.
Mauricio, Chema, Jonathan...
Would you rather eat Mariano Rajoy's ass once
or go down on Leticia Sabater every day for a year?
Careful, Leticia Sabater kind of has her charm.
Yeah, but on January 1st?
Tough call. When you think about it--
Guys, please, quiet on set, focus.
Laura, sorry, but we are focused. We get paid to be cheerful.
We can't be silly if we're not cheerful.
Please, a little respect.
I'd eat Rajoy's ass.
Antonio.
It's gotten ugly. Frappuccino decaf.
- Did you see the paper? - That's not the worst part.
L'Oréal dropped out. Oat milk please.
Over this?
Well, they say no,
but Carmona has stopped talks for the next season.
What?
They say they won't raise your pay a cent,
and they might even cut you as a result.
Look, I wouldn't worry, these are old tricks.
But either way, you'll have to explain yourself.
Okay.
The movie with Carlos Vermut won't fall through?
No way. Carlos Vermut doesn't even have social media.
Right.
I want to apologize for the unfortunate words
I said in private, out of anger,
after a colleague with achondroplasia
touched my boob without consent.
Breast.
Shit, I can't!
It's insane that I have to explain myself
when I didn't do anything.
I just can't, Pepa.
Yes you can, honey.
You were doing fine.
You have to say it.
- You have to speak out. - Yeah.
You shouldn't be blamed for staying silent about a sexual assault.
Sexual assault? He touched my boob.
I didn't even report the pig who drugged and raped me at the Vitoria Festival.
People didn't report things back then.
Exactly.
Why do they want to destroy me? I didn't do anything.
Tone your lips down.
You're way too done up.
You look more like Monica Bellucci than Nevenka, you know?
Maybe a wool cardigan or I don't know.
What colour? A blouse maybe?
What colour screams believable victim? Mustard tones or something?
Pastels.
No?
Production?
Can we get wipes on set?
Edu shoved Aidita's glasses up his butt.
And yeah, the girl's kind of grossed out.
You really don't know what else to stick in there.
Maybe this?
- The thing with Miren is gonna blow up. - You're telling me.
Hey, did you guys see Miren's video?
I didn't.
I'm in shock.
In Mérida, they used to call him "Little Plácido Domingo."
I thought it was 'cause he sang so well.
Your career could be over.
But Miren's hurting too.
That's not right.
Yeah, well, now they're going after Emilio.
What scares me most is never the monster,
it's the angry villagers with torches.
Everyone to set!
Carmen? Mariano, you ready?
Yeah, but tell them to turn up the AC, my moustache is sweating off.
Okay. We're missing Carmen.
Carmen?
Everyone to set! Carmen, you on set?
Yes! Where else would I be?
Great, then let's go.
Everyone ready for the recorded rehearsal of scene 8.
Alright, let's go!
Ready and action!
AGENT CANDIL: CARMEN, THEY'RE EXTENDING
FOR SIX MORE EPISODES.
IF YOU DON'T DO THEM, THEY'LL SUE US.
Oh, man!
But where's the hottest thing in the neighbourhood?
Look how good he looks in that uniform!
In prison, they'd call you a "bipper".
Baby face, body of a stripper.
Take me to jail, son!
I can't use the patrol car for personal stuff.
Don't be so annoying!
So...
Oh, I give it my all and now I'm annoying?
What do you want from me?
Is this what you want?
I don't get it.
I can't do any more.
I'm Marisol Ayuso and I have HIV.
Or maybe I don't.
But what if I did?
Silence equals death.
I'm a piece of crap.
I'm crap.
Even Marisol did it, Paco.
Yeah.
I have to say it.
All I want is to go on Pasapalabra and tell Cristian I've got the bug.
Oh, Paco, it's horrible.
Humour is what saves me, clearly.
Humour saves you?
It saves me.
Give me a kiss.
- What are you saying? - This is serophobia!
Nothing personal, but no way.
I grabbed a sandwich for you.
I ordered a burger.
And fries.
Any news on Carmen?
No, she's not picking up.
Alright, Gemma, we'll talk about it later.
Anyway, Radio Badalona called me to ask
about the sexual harassment thing with Miren.
Sounds like MeToo at Globomedia.
- MeToo. - If I told you...
Tell us, Marisol.
Summer of '74.
La Latina Theatre.
Lina Morgan's dressing room.
Oh, no, I can't believe it!
- What is it? - I'm getting the baby.
No way!
For real?
Oh, she's so adorable!
A little cross-eyed, right?
Babies always look a bit cross-eyed, I asked.
Good thing she's not.
Cross-eyed and Asian, she'd be bullied.
What are you saying?
- She's beautiful, Pepa! - So cute!
In the video, Miren, you describe what sounds like sexual assault.
So people understand why she called him a freaking little troll.
One thing doesn't excuse the other.
Totally agree.
As a company, we're now required to take a stance.
Maybe we need to support her.
Or even cancel tomorrow's shoot.
Are you going to file a complaint?
No one's filing anything.
Period.
It's an awkward situation between two adults.
No power imbalance. No pattern of behaviour.
Emilio apologised to Miren because his behaviour was inappropriate,
and because you don't grab boobs.
Not even as a joke.
And Miren already apologised for calling him a freaking little troll.
Can we please stop repeating that line over and over?
It's true.
So what exactly are we supposed to do now?
Nothing. What you're already doing.
Create a space for conciliation where the victim feels--
The victims.
Where the victims feel validated as such.
Victims, do you feel validated as such?
We feel validated as such.
There you go. All good.
The only thing is, tomorrow we're shooting a joke
where I say he grosses me out.
- Maybe someone else should say it. - Good idea.
Done.
She's going to see you.
Sorry. There was a ton of traffic.
Look at her, acting like I don't see her.
- I've been seen. - Ugh, people, seriously.
How are you?
Just want this all to be over, honestly.
Yeah, I get it.
You have no idea how much I feel you, Carmen.
I look at myself playing Luisma,
and my face is more wrinkled than a shar-pei's butt.
I look like El Chavo del 8 now.
And I look around at all of us and think,
we're like the wax museum in Benidorm.
My God.
How many years has it been?
Wow. Our whole lives, Paco.
Remember when we started?
I'd been on Homo Zapping.
I loved improvising.
And you'd say, "Yeah, you're hilarious.
But say the line."
Oh, yeah?
How you made David Castillo hold a pen in his mouth so he'd articulate?
Look at him now, total theatre pro.
What's gonna happen?
Well, I'm going to court.
Oh, Carmen...
Why don't we do just one more season?
One.
All together. A proper ending.
You bastard.
You too, man?
Seriously?
They sent you, didn't they?
Wow.
Well, you can tell them from me not to mess with me too much,
'cause I've got a way to end the show and blow the whole thing up.
Carmen, please.
At the crossroads of an old love
I'm tied up, dying of thirst
At the crossroads of a new desire
I'm wanted, but I say no
I don't care who has the right
The one watching
Already has me
Got a smoke?
At night, in silence
I give myself to death
Thinking of the other
I want
To live - "What's wrong?" he says
"You've lost your mind"
"What's wrong?" he says
But...
Are you blind?
Don't you see that for someone else
I'm dying?
I'm dying!
Stay silent.
Don't say anything.
I don't have the strength to keep quiet anymore.
"What's wrong with me?" he says.
I've gone crazy! You're driving me crazy.
FRIDAY
On Cadena Ser, Hoy Por Hoy, with Àngels Barceló.
It's 9 a.m., 8 a.m. in the Canaries.
What's going on?
The driver's been waiting 20 minutes for Carmen.
- What? - Alright, guys...
Oh, God.
- Guys! - I'll call her.
Come on, let's hear your excitement!
Oscar Wilde once said, "Any intimate matter made public is scandalous."
And something like that may be happening to actress Miren Ibarguren,
from the series Aída. - Turn it up.
Miren, good morning.
Hi, good morning, Àngels.
Miren, what exactly happened?
Well, first, thanks for having me today
so I can clear this up.
It's been a horrible week, as you can imagine.
What happened was I got caught up in a controversy that started
with a really unfortunate joke from a colleague.
They caught me in the heat of the moment,
and I said some very unfortunate things too.
I've already apologised publicly.
He apologised in private.
And, well, you could say we've worked it out.
Right, but the thing is, Miren, you're calling it a joke now,
but on social media you called it sexual assault.
Well, in part, yeah.
I mean, come on, who hasn't had their butt grabbed on the subway?
I'm not saying we should normalise this kind of stuff, not at all.
Explain that better, because that's what it sounds like you are saying.
Look, Angels, what I mean is that
women are so used to these kinds of aggressions,
though we shouldn't be.
But my coworker has also had to put up with a lot just for being a dwarf.
Maybe even too much.
It's the same for people con Lepe,
people with disabilities...
- Miren, please don't. - Or, sorry, people with special needs,
as they say now.
And...
Anyone can be misinterpreted. Or Mr-interpreted.
Let's just leave it there.
We'll stick with those reconciling words:
Anyone can be Miss or Mr interpreted".
- Miren, thank you. - Thanks, Cadena SER.
That was Miren Ibarguren's explanation.
Guys, we're about to start.
Let's go!
Yay!
No, Carmen's still missing.
What do we do?
Should we go ahead without her?
No, people need to see it in the right order, like always.
We'll wait.
We'll wait until ten.
Okay, fine.
We wait until ten and prep Carmen's scenes.
Did you hear the interview?
Yeah.
And?
"Anyone can be Miss or Mr interpreted" is a great line.
It was the only thing I could think of.
Yeah.
Honestly, Miren, I know I'm from another generation
and I have to admit those kinds of jokes aren't okay anymore.
They're like...
Microaggressions, Emilio.
Microaggressions.
Women always say
- The same thing - Honestly...
- Hey, Miri. - What?
- Good job. - Yeah?
Yeah.
Hey, have you guys heard anything about Carmen?
This is really weird. She's never late.
Never.
This is super weird. You think something happened?
We're about to start, seriously.
That's live TV for you...
So, what do we do?
Cancel or send the audience home?
No, don't cancel.
We'll clear the audience and shoot whatever we can without Carmen.
- Shit. - Yeah.
She just got here in a taxi.
- What? - Oh, God.
Carmen!
Just leave her!
Leave her? Seriously?
Help me! I can't get up.
Leave her, she says.
Come on.
Give me your hand.
I've got her.
Hold on right there.
That's it.
Start the show!
Let's go!
Start the show! Start the show!
My goodness.
Lean there.
- There we go. - She's smashed.
No, she's fine.
How are you, Carmen?
I'm fine.
Carmen, are you up for this?
Of course she is, right?
Get her a coffee.
Guys, this is it.
We're starting the final episode of the season.
Let's go!
Perfect.
It's 10:30 p.m.
We're good. It's perfect. We're right on time.
Just a reminder, two takes per scene.
Let's bring the energy.
Laugh it up like we said. Let's hear one.
It's like Tony Curtis is showing up.
- We'll see. - But Machi's still got it.
But who can handle this?
Look, she's there!
You bitch!
Tata.
Coming straight from the afterparty? You're wild.
Don't worry, it's happened to all of us.
- Huh? - Well...
And if there were a third, let's hear that laugh again.
Guys, pink script.
Change to Carmen's last line, okay?
Carmen, your last line is different. Relax, you have time, okay?
What is this?
- We're missing one. - Last page.
Laura.
The last one.
Tell Julián to come down.
Okay.
Let's give a huge round of applause!
She's our queen, Carmen Machi!
She's Aída!
She's not here.
Looks like Carmen's not quite ready yet!
But someone who is, Luisma!
That's Paco León!
And Soraya, Miren Ibarguren!
What the hell is this?
No one's told us anything official.
But it looks like this might be the end.
Maybe you know more than I do.
You mean it ends today?
Carmen, I don't know.
Just in case, we need to finish with a goodbye.
Julián...
Got a piece of gum?
No, I don't.
Barajas is Canco Rodríguez!
- And if I say Bim Bam-- - Bum!
She's Eugenia, Marisol Ayuso!
Chema is Pepe Viyuela!
Óscar Reyes is Machupichu!
Toni is Secun de la Rosa!
And our Macu is Pepa Rus!
Amazing actors! They're the faces you see!
And the one who don't!
Guys, and she's Aída! She's Carmen Machi!
- Carmen, what's going on? - Don't touch me.
A huge round of applause!
What's wrong?
- I don't know. - I have no idea.
Places, everyone!
Scene 1. Street, bench.
Luisma and Barajas.
Aída, Eugenia and Jonathan to the doorway.
Ready in the shop.
Emilio in the car.
And quiet please!
- What did Julián say to you? - Nothing.
He asked if I knew anything.
God.
Okay. You've got this. I love you. You can do it.
And... action!
Barajas.
I got approved for disability benefits.
Because Luisma's an idiot...
I'm getting 400 bucks a month.
Three.
Hold it.
Back to one.
One.
Hold it there. Watch three.
Go.
Car coming in.
Last time I'm driving you guys to the village.
Who gropes the mayor, seriously?
What can I say, right-wingers get me all turned on.
Macu, never have a fling with a guy who's right-wing.
That's why I never ask questions.
Luisito, give your dad a kiss.
That's it.
Okay. Ewok enters. Action.
Barajas.
What is that?
Barajas, is that a dog in a costume?
Give him some seeds.
Here.
Look how he's coming. He's hungry.
Come here. Hurry up.
Run, run!
Okay, and cut.
Let's have a big round of applause!
Go on, Alberto!
Okay, quiet.
- We got it. - We got it!
Jacobo says we got it!
Guys, let's welcome him!
Abel Arraez is Luisito!
Tata.
Moving to scene 3.
Aída's house.
Five and action.
Come on, Aidita, come out. That dress is super cute.
Doesn't make you look fat.
Oh, shut up, tarantula.
Of course it doesn't.
I look amazing.
Sure I do!
The girl takes after me.
She's got class, she's got mystery.
- Aidita! Your panties! - Tata, it's our turn.
Put them on, please. That's all I'm asking!
It's our turn.
You need to book me in for a wax,
'cause the Romanian from prison can't anymore.
- She's out? - She got taken out in the bathroom.
Poor thing, she had such a hand for bikini lines.
That's why they called her "The Coochiescu."
It's unreal, you can't even tell.
We got it. Moving to the next block.
Come on!
Action.
Chema, have you seen a--
Shit, wait, sorry.
Let's reset.
Five and action.
Chema, have you seen a kind of dog with a monkey face,
a cat body, and guinea pig legs that looks like an Ewok but it's not?
Oh, I see where this is going.
Logic riddles.
I'll go grab some corn nuts.
Thanks.
Carmen...
I'm really sorry about last night, seriously.
I said it from the heart. I thought it was the right thing.
Paco, it's fine.
It all ends today.
What?
Leave me alone.
I need to learn my damn lines, okay?
Let's go to scene 7 with Luisma and Barajas.
No, that sounds more like a mating call.
Careful, you're gonna turn him on and he'll want some action.
We'll screw him, that's why I've got an open relationship.
Okay, and cut.
That was good.
Let's move on to scene 8.
Man, this is weird.
Oh, buddy...
- Hey. - What?
- I heard Pedro's coming. - Almodóvar?
I'm so embarrassed.
Is he almost here?
On my way.
What a joke of a country...
Going after a decent citizen
instead of standing at the Melilla fence practising shooting at targets.
Or immigrants!
Yeah, he's coming in.
But where's the hottest thing in the neighbourhood?
Oh, my, that uniform looks amazing on you.
In prison we'd call you a "bipper". Baby face, body of a stripper.
- Take me to jail. - Don't be so annoying, Mum!
Annoying?
What's she doing?
You throw parties in your patrol car,
blasting sirens and music
like you're in a club.
We don't have time for this.
This lady is now going to elegantly walk out that door
so she doesn't curse you to hell.
Mauricio!
The monkey escaped!
Cut.
We got it. Let's give them a round of applause!
Do you think this is really the last episode?
I think if it ends, it's because of me.
Oh, shit!
No way.
I saw that.
Pepa!
That's disgusting!
What a bastard!
Action!
Oh!
Must be the 5 o'clock waxing.
You handle it, Paz.
I need to take a pic of my beaver for OnlyFans.
I saw that!
You're so handsy for someone with such short legs.
I'll report you, you bastard.
Waxing... Hope it's quick, I've got plans.
Holy shit!
Okay, cut.
We've got it. Let's move on to 9B.
Come on, Emilio.
- Mel. - What?
Can I have that line back?
You told it to me.
I want to say it.
Jeez...
- What's got into you? - Okay, quiet on set, please.
Five and... action.
Sorry.
Hairy and silent.
That's what I call a gentleman.
Good grief!
He's from the village.
Yeah, he is.
Ramona the Hairy's son.
What's going on?
We just got the news.
The show's been cancelled.
Guys, you're both in this one.
Don't move!
I can smell your pussy from here.
He's possessed, alright, but he's a man.
Girls, they just told us.
Show's over.
What?
I feel down and I don't know why.
Barajas, we just lost Pepe.
Oh, Pepe!
I could kiss your galactic balls!
His fur is all messy.
Wait, did you eat something?
I'll make you a mortadella sandwich.
I love mortadella.
Barajas, want one too?
Let's do it.
My sweet Pepe, look how happy he is.
Go on, stray dog.
- We go it! - Bravo!
SET 1
But with these ratings, how can they cancel it overnight?
That was a call from the top, Mariano.
Yeah, but the top of what?
Maybe it was Carmen's Ministry thing.
No way. Carmen wouldn't do that. No chance.
She wouldn't?
Look who she's talking to.
Is that Pedro Sánchez?
Everyone looks out for themselves in the end.
Unbelievable.
Now it's max emotion mode, 'cause we're heading
into the last scene of the final episode.
Hey, what's wrong?
I can't believe it's really ending like this.
- Come here. - Edu.
What is it?
Can you come here a sec, please?
Carmen.
Huh?
You said yes to the Ministry just to tank the show?
What are you talking about, Paco?
The Minister's gonna be De Guindos. The president just told me.
You seriously think I'd kill the show?
Really?
Even though I can't wait to leave,
this is the most important role of my career.
Yeah. And mine.
Probably the same.
- We're all in this together. - Then let's finish this together.
Come on.
Paco, I'm doing it.
- Edu, Edu! - Let's do the last scene.
Give me five minutes, okay?
- We don't have five minutes. - Yes we do!
Just give me five!
It'll be really quick.
Look, since this is the end
and we won't be seeing each other...
Well, not every day, I mean.
I just wanted to tell you something.
I'm okay.
I'm fine.
Everything's under control.
But I have HIV.
Told you.
That's it.
But you're my family.
And I wanted you to know.
Very good, Edu.
Chin up. We've all got a lot of crap inside.
Oh, Adrián.
Don't worry, I'm undetectable, okay?
Wow.
Guys, I'm sorry, really, but the audience
has been there for six hours.
- Let's go. - Okay.
Pay close attention, this scene is very complicated.
All the actors are in it,
and it takes place across two sets at once.
Come on, guys, stand by. Here we go.
Ready?
And action!
This is the police speaking!
You're surrounded!
Shit.
Hand over Braulio!
His name's Pepe!
And he's an thoroughbred Ewok at that!
The Feds are here! They'll take him, like in that movie--
The one with the quince tree by Víctor Erice!
That's the one!
Pepe's not going anywhere! You're not experimenting on our friend!
What the hell is going on here?
Oh!
Mauricio's monkey is here.
He's a human being.
He has to go back to the stable where he was locked up.
As an animal he's kind of cute, but as a person he's disgusting.
Sorry, I lost it.
Don't worry, Miren, it's hilarious.
Pick it up from there, okay? Five and action.
One of his balls is out!
Okay, let's negotiate!
What do you want in return?
Twenty pounds of shortbread and six packs of cured ham!
No! Don't listen, she's not on the team!
We're not trading Pepe!
Fine, two ponies. One for each of us.
Oh, my God! A gas leak! The one month it's not cut off!
No! Luisma and Barajas have barricaded themselves in
with a furry man, shaved down the middle, thinking he's an Ewok.
That's a relief.
Honestly, what a disgrace of a family. Thank goodness no one noticed.
Live across Spain once again from Esperanza Sur.
Neighbours are shaken,
though no one really knows what happened.
Give me that thing!
Luis Mariano García García!
I'm in no damn mood for Ewoks!
Bring him down or I will.
Watch out for Camera 3.
Leave him alone!
Is it true the kidnappers are Bulgarian with a record?
No, they're locals.
If they were Bulgarian, I'd already have my hands behind my back.
What's that?
Oh, Luisma!
They're coming for him!
We have to let him go with his family.
If not, he'll just waste away here.
Or worse, fall into the filthy, delicious world of drugs.
You're right. Go with your people!
He's coming!
No!
Fly high!
Fly free!
- No! - Come on!
No!
He's done for, Pepe.
Okay.
Tech break.
Nobody move. Silence.
We're still rolling.
Five and action.
We've just witnessed a real tragedy, though we're not exactly sure if--
Yeah, he's dead.
- But it was just the first floor. - For him, it's like the fifth.
Ah, right.
Another victim here in Esperanza Sur.
This rundown neighbourhood where crime and poverty go hand in hand.
Where gangs roam free, and illiteracy--
One second please.
- Is this live? - Yes.
Well then, I've got something to say.
We may be poor,
but that doesn't make us criminals.
You need to go back to jail.
Shut up! I'm on TV!
Let all of Spain hear me, and the international channel too.
Kisses, Cuba.
We're from the neighbourhood.
It's true that here the hooker mocks the bald guy,
the bald guy mocks the fatty,
the fatty mocks the junkie,
the junkie mocks the faggot, the faggot mocks the fascist,
the fascist mocks the immigrant,
and the immigrant mocks no one, 'cause he can't.
But we all live together.
And we love each other.
And we laugh.
We laugh a lot.
Even when we have reasons to cry.
We laugh a lot.
Because solidar...
Crap, sorry.
- I lost it. What do I do? - Pick it back up, Carmen.
And we laugh.
We laugh a lot.
Even when we have reasons to cry.
Because solidar... Damn it!
Please! Please.
No, seriously, I'm done.
Carmen, get it together.
Okay.
Well...
Sorry.
Oh, my goodness.
We're from the neighbourhood.
Wow.
We're from the neighbourhood.
It's true.
And we laugh.
Cut! Cut! That's it!
We're never finishing today!
Because of A, or B, or even HIV, we're not finishing.
No
Because your mistakes have worn me out
Because there's nothing left in our lives
Because you never gave me A piece of yourself
No
Because your kisses don't feel sweet
Because your complaints Only bring me bitterness
Because what we had is long gone
No
Because I don't miss you the way I used to
Because I'm happy even without you
There's nothing left of the love we had
No
Even if you swore you've changed
For me, it's over
Don't ever ask me to come back
No
Because I don't miss you the way I used to
Because I'm happy even without you
There's nothing left of the love we had
No
Even if you swore you've changed
For me, it's over
Don't ever ask me to come back
It really got to me when I found out.
It's been ten years, you know?
I loved that show.
I watched it whenever I could.
If I missed the original airing,
I'd catch the reruns on cable.
Honestly, it made me really sad.
But it had great ratings.
Thing is, it had such a niche audience.
Yeah.
Apparently now they're airing Temptation Island.
No dwarfs, no scandals.
Just a bunch of hot people.
What a shame.
Sorry, excuse me?
What?
No, nothing, I just... I didn't want to bother you.
I just wanted to say...
My brother passed away last year and was a huge fan of Aída.
During chemo, it was the only thing that made him smile.
He laughed so much because of you.
And I always said, if I ever saw you, I'd tell you.
So, that's it.
Thank you, and sorry.
No, thank you.
Thanks.
Bye.
She's from Aída, right?
Who?
- La Machi. - Machi, dude.
Carmen!
Aída! Say hi.
Big fan!
- Aída! - Aída!
- Say hi or something! - Just a quick hello!
You're a legend! Say hi, it costs you nothing!
You're not gonna say hi?
- Screw you! - Come on, man!
Screw her!
Not even a hello!
Fuck you!
Clown!
Shameless!
- Ugly cow! - Fuck off!
Translation: Joanna Scavo Subtitles: Bbo Subtitulado