1 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:29,899 Father in heaven, 2 00:03:30,037 --> 00:03:32,315 I kneel before you today... 3 00:03:34,248 --> 00:03:36,733 in your omnipotent presence... 4 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,601 to ask that you grant me strength. 5 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,572 The strength to power through all the tasks today, 6 00:03:47,710 --> 00:03:49,574 whether little or big. 7 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,202 I know it is by your will that I live, O Lord. 8 00:03:57,340 --> 00:04:00,240 And I know it is also by your will 9 00:04:00,378 --> 00:04:02,759 that I will not go weak today. 10 00:04:02,897 --> 00:04:04,968 I will not go lazy... 11 00:04:06,867 --> 00:04:09,628 nor will I fail to do the things 12 00:04:09,766 --> 00:04:11,803 that are set before me. 13 00:04:15,116 --> 00:04:18,879 Thank you for your everlasting presence, Lord, 14 00:04:19,017 --> 00:04:22,331 and in Jesus’ name I pray. 15 00:04:22,469 --> 00:04:24,091 In the name of the Father, 16 00:04:24,229 --> 00:04:26,093 the Son and the Holy Spirit. 17 00:04:28,302 --> 00:04:29,821 Amen. 18 00:04:42,178 --> 00:04:45,043 Um, I’m gonna be going away for a few days. 19 00:04:45,181 --> 00:04:48,771 I won’t be that long, but your-your mother’s here, 20 00:04:48,909 --> 00:04:52,361 and-and she... um... 21 00:04:52,499 --> 00:04:55,191 You know. 22 00:04:55,329 --> 00:04:58,953 Anyway, I just thought to let you know 23 00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:01,301 I’m going away and, uh... 24 00:08:41,141 --> 00:08:42,832 REPORTER Viking, North and South Utsire, 25 00:08:42,970 --> 00:08:44,282 Forties. 26 00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:46,456 Southwesterly, veering northwesterly, 27 00:08:46,595 --> 00:08:50,253 six to gale eight, perhaps severe gale nine later. 28 00:08:50,391 --> 00:08:52,255 Rain, then wintry showers, 29 00:08:52,393 --> 00:08:55,224 moderate or poor, becoming good. 30 00:08:55,362 --> 00:08:57,364 Cromarty, Forth, Tyne, Dogger. 31 00:08:57,502 --> 00:08:59,642 Southwesterly, veering westerly, 32 00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:02,507 five to seven, occasionally gale eight. 33 00:09:02,645 --> 00:09:04,095 Rain, then showers, 34 00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:06,442 moderate or good. 35 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,307 Fisher, southwesterly, veering westerly, 36 00:09:09,445 --> 00:09:13,311 six to gale eight, perhaps severe gale nine later. 37 00:09:13,449 --> 00:09:15,555 Rain, then wintry showers, 38 00:09:15,693 --> 00:09:18,523 moderate or poor, becoming good. 39 00:09:18,661 --> 00:09:20,421 German Bight, Humber. 40 00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,907 Southwesterly, veering westerly, 41 00:09:23,045 --> 00:09:24,805 seven to severe gale nine, 42 00:09:24,943 --> 00:09:27,877 decreasing six in Humber later. 43 00:09:28,015 --> 00:09:29,569 Rain, then showers, 44 00:09:29,707 --> 00:09:31,881 moderate or poor, becoming good. 45 00:09:33,124 --> 00:09:36,403 Thames, Dover, Wight, Portland, Plymouth. 46 00:09:36,541 --> 00:09:38,785 Southwesterly, six to gale eight, 47 00:09:38,923 --> 00:09:41,442 occasionally severe gale nine, veering... 48 00:16:46,315 --> 00:16:48,386 Our inheritance. 49 00:18:04,773 --> 00:18:06,257 Thank you. 50 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,955 Bless us, O Lord, and these thy gifts... 51 00:18:16,612 --> 00:18:18,752 ...which we are about to receive. 52 00:18:21,755 --> 00:18:23,964 Through Christ our Lord, we pray. 53 00:19:47,047 --> 00:19:49,188 20 years, huh? 54 00:19:52,984 --> 00:19:55,366 Bless you, brother. 55 00:19:55,504 --> 00:19:56,678 Fuck off. 56 00:22:18,647 --> 00:22:20,131 Brian. 57 00:22:28,968 --> 00:22:30,452 Brian. 58 00:22:58,998 --> 00:23:00,896 Oh, sweetie. 59 00:23:09,629 --> 00:23:11,631 Where is he gone? 60 00:23:11,769 --> 00:23:13,909 Who? 61 00:23:14,047 --> 00:23:15,566 Your dad? 62 00:23:15,704 --> 00:23:17,672 Has he gone to see him? 63 00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:23,885 But what the fuck has he got to do with it, Mum? 64 00:23:25,611 --> 00:23:27,509 -What has he got to do with it? -Everything. 65 00:23:27,647 --> 00:23:28,993 What? 66 00:23:34,102 --> 00:23:35,586 Why’d you hurt that lad, eh? 67 00:23:35,724 --> 00:23:37,208 He was fucking asking for it, Mum. 68 00:23:37,346 --> 00:23:39,107 Brian. 69 00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,249 Did he say something about your dad? 70 00:23:43,387 --> 00:23:45,078 Jem is my dad. 71 00:23:46,390 --> 00:23:48,461 Or he said something about Ray? 72 00:23:48,599 --> 00:23:50,912 Well, if you know so much, then why are you asking me? 73 00:23:51,050 --> 00:23:53,639 Don’t be so cheeky. 74 00:23:53,777 --> 00:23:55,779 I’m just trying to talk to you. 75 00:24:01,301 --> 00:24:02,682 You nearly murdered that lad. 76 00:24:02,820 --> 00:24:04,339 Do you hear me? 77 00:24:04,477 --> 00:24:06,928 One more killer in the family. Who’s counting? 78 00:24:08,964 --> 00:24:10,759 Ray’s not a killer. 79 00:24:12,381 --> 00:24:16,006 And even if he was one, does it mean you have to be? 80 00:24:18,387 --> 00:24:19,596 Eh? 81 00:24:20,562 --> 00:24:22,253 Come here. 82 00:24:29,260 --> 00:24:30,952 Ray’s not a killer. 83 00:24:40,962 --> 00:24:42,653 Our Father who art in heaven, 84 00:24:42,791 --> 00:24:44,413 hallowed be thy name. 85 00:24:44,552 --> 00:24:46,588 Thy kingdom come, thy will be done 86 00:24:46,726 --> 00:24:48,210 as it is in heaven. 87 00:24:48,348 --> 00:24:49,660 Give us this day our daily bread, 88 00:24:49,798 --> 00:24:51,179 and forgive us our trespasses 89 00:24:51,317 --> 00:24:53,043 as we forgive those who trespass against us. 90 00:25:13,822 --> 00:25:15,790 Dear Ray, 91 00:25:15,928 --> 00:25:17,723 I’m not sure you’ll even get this letter 92 00:25:17,861 --> 00:25:19,656 or read it, even. 93 00:25:23,245 --> 00:25:25,558 So in the fact of hope and answered prayers 94 00:25:25,696 --> 00:25:27,111 you’ll be reading this one, 95 00:25:27,249 --> 00:25:30,011 I want to start by asking how you are. 96 00:25:32,358 --> 00:25:35,050 The silence still burns after all the years. 97 00:25:35,188 --> 00:25:37,225 And I often wonder if you think about me. 98 00:25:37,363 --> 00:25:38,502 Us. 99 00:25:55,554 --> 00:25:57,003 Did you read it? 100 00:26:01,870 --> 00:26:03,458 Did you read it? 101 00:26:12,225 --> 00:26:15,090 No, I didn’t fucking read it. 102 00:27:33,790 --> 00:27:35,136 Whoo! 103 00:28:13,415 --> 00:28:17,765 "Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, 104 00:28:17,903 --> 00:28:21,044 and wine unto the bitter in soul." 105 00:28:21,182 --> 00:28:23,460 Amen. 106 00:28:34,609 --> 00:28:36,542 Her Majesty the Queen. 107 00:28:43,411 --> 00:28:46,690 What happened to "for what we are about to receive"? 108 00:28:53,835 --> 00:28:57,563 So it’s only before eating that you say grace? 109 00:28:59,910 --> 00:29:03,224 He don’t mind if you have a few fucking bevvies without a word? 110 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:20,310 You forgot to wipe your arse this morning. 111 00:29:20,448 --> 00:29:23,278 I saw the shit in your pants. 112 00:29:23,416 --> 00:29:25,591 No, that were from yesterday. 113 00:29:27,075 --> 00:29:29,112 You dirty bastard. 114 00:29:35,221 --> 00:29:39,122 Is cleanliness next to godliness, would you say? 115 00:29:44,679 --> 00:29:46,474 How do you know he’s not filthy? 116 00:29:46,612 --> 00:29:48,096 Is there any evidence in the Bible 117 00:29:48,234 --> 00:29:50,996 that says God takes a bath three times a week? 118 00:29:51,134 --> 00:29:52,998 Changes his undies every day? 119 00:29:53,136 --> 00:29:54,585 God doesn’t need undies, 120 00:29:54,723 --> 00:29:56,173 ’cause he’s not full of shit like you are. 121 00:29:56,311 --> 00:29:57,726 Oh, is that so? 122 00:29:57,865 --> 00:30:00,039 Has he got an endless supply up there? 123 00:30:00,177 --> 00:30:02,801 Bet he never has to wear the same pair twice. 124 00:30:04,768 --> 00:30:08,323 Does he like a nice, snug fit? 125 00:30:08,461 --> 00:30:10,567 Or does he like plenty of room 126 00:30:10,705 --> 00:30:15,434 for his big fucking God balls to swing around in? 127 00:30:15,572 --> 00:30:18,817 You know, like massive fucking church bells, them. 128 00:30:20,301 --> 00:30:22,234 Bet it’s like Canterbury Cathedral 129 00:30:22,372 --> 00:30:24,167 down below decks. 130 00:30:28,757 --> 00:30:30,863 You’re going to hell, brother. 131 00:30:31,968 --> 00:30:34,004 Family reunion? 132 00:30:41,667 --> 00:30:43,600 Father Rippon died last week. 133 00:30:43,738 --> 00:30:45,878 Saw it in the paper. 134 00:30:46,983 --> 00:30:48,847 Don’t read papers. 135 00:30:52,057 --> 00:30:54,507 Did you ever see him again? 136 00:30:54,645 --> 00:30:56,544 Is that a question? 137 00:31:01,135 --> 00:31:04,552 Did hear he were carted off to the nuthouse a few years ago. 138 00:31:10,799 --> 00:31:13,078 -Please read that letter, Ray. -When I were back on leave 139 00:31:13,216 --> 00:31:16,633 after third tour of the province-- 140 00:31:16,771 --> 00:31:19,222 lost two of our lads on that one... 141 00:31:22,156 --> 00:31:24,365 ...started to think about him, Rippon. 142 00:31:25,918 --> 00:31:27,644 More I thought about him, the more I wanted 143 00:31:27,782 --> 00:31:30,267 to pay him a visit, have a catch-up. 144 00:31:30,405 --> 00:31:33,374 A debrief about the good old days. 145 00:31:34,927 --> 00:31:38,241 Anyway, when I got home, I looked him up. 146 00:31:38,379 --> 00:31:40,968 Weren’t easy to find. 147 00:31:41,106 --> 00:31:42,970 Course, they’d moved him around a bit. 148 00:31:43,108 --> 00:31:45,282 Business as usual. 149 00:31:45,420 --> 00:31:47,112 Tracked him down in Huddersfield. 150 00:31:47,250 --> 00:31:48,872 Hmm. 151 00:31:49,010 --> 00:31:51,461 Should’ve seen me all togged out in my number twos. 152 00:31:51,599 --> 00:31:53,912 I mean, for someone that were in shit order 153 00:31:54,050 --> 00:31:56,845 most days of the week, I smartened up well. 154 00:31:56,984 --> 00:32:00,194 Cacks under the mattress the night before. 155 00:32:00,332 --> 00:32:03,645 Razor-sharp creases front and back. 156 00:32:03,783 --> 00:32:05,302 I were bulling my boots all morning. 157 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:06,959 Like mirrors they were. 158 00:32:07,097 --> 00:32:09,997 This were parade ground standard, Jem. 159 00:32:10,135 --> 00:32:12,068 Could’ve done a ceremonial duty at Buck Pal, 160 00:32:12,206 --> 00:32:13,759 I looked that good. 161 00:32:13,897 --> 00:32:15,347 Number two dress and medals. 162 00:32:15,485 --> 00:32:18,074 I were that well turned out, 163 00:32:18,212 --> 00:32:20,179 I could hear our dear mother’s voice saying, 164 00:32:20,317 --> 00:32:21,974 "Come home, son. 165 00:32:22,112 --> 00:32:23,493 All is forgiven." 166 00:32:23,631 --> 00:32:25,805 -Number ones. -The what? 167 00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:27,462 Number one dress at the palace. 168 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:29,395 Yeah, right, right. That’s what I’m saying. 169 00:32:29,533 --> 00:32:31,397 I were that smart, you wouldn’t have known the difference. 170 00:32:31,535 --> 00:32:33,779 I suppose not if you were pig-ignorant. 171 00:32:36,368 --> 00:32:38,163 Hmm. 172 00:32:38,301 --> 00:32:41,269 So, go round his house. 173 00:32:41,407 --> 00:32:44,134 Lovely little grace-and-favor cottage 174 00:32:44,272 --> 00:32:46,895 paid for by His Holiness, no doubt. 175 00:32:47,034 --> 00:32:50,209 Window boxes, perfect little lawn, 176 00:32:50,347 --> 00:32:51,831 hedges trimmed. 177 00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:54,973 Knock on the door, and there he is. 178 00:32:55,111 --> 00:32:58,114 All scrubbed up, pink and shiny. 179 00:33:00,116 --> 00:33:01,841 He seemed so old. 180 00:33:03,050 --> 00:33:05,673 I remember him as a big, strong bugger. 181 00:33:05,811 --> 00:33:07,123 And there he were, 182 00:33:07,261 --> 00:33:10,022 scrawny little old man with a potbelly. 183 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,231 I was surprised at how small he looked. 184 00:33:12,369 --> 00:33:14,406 I said, "Father Rippon, isn’t it? 185 00:33:14,544 --> 00:33:16,615 "I’m collecting for the Veterans Association. 186 00:33:16,753 --> 00:33:18,858 Would you mind if I stepped inside for a moment?" 187 00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:20,239 I could tell he were impressed. 188 00:33:20,377 --> 00:33:22,241 "Oh, do come in. Do come in, young man. 189 00:33:22,379 --> 00:33:25,072 You’re very welcome, son. Do come in." 190 00:33:25,210 --> 00:33:27,350 He’s all fluffed up, bustling about. 191 00:33:27,488 --> 00:33:28,730 The kettle’s on. 192 00:33:28,868 --> 00:33:31,630 Fine china, biscuits, the whole works. 193 00:33:31,768 --> 00:33:34,219 "You’ll take a cuppa, won’t you, son?" 194 00:33:34,357 --> 00:33:36,048 So we sit down. 195 00:33:36,186 --> 00:33:38,223 We sit down in his tidy little parlor, 196 00:33:38,361 --> 00:33:40,018 chatting about this and that. 197 00:33:40,156 --> 00:33:42,951 I say, "This is your parish, is it, Father?" 198 00:33:43,090 --> 00:33:46,403 He says, "Oh, I’m currently between parishes. 199 00:33:46,541 --> 00:33:48,371 Semiretired, you know." 200 00:33:48,509 --> 00:33:50,718 I said, "Oh, that must be difficult 201 00:33:50,856 --> 00:33:53,548 after all the years of service." 202 00:34:02,764 --> 00:34:04,628 We talk about... 203 00:34:04,766 --> 00:34:06,768 talking about the state of things, 204 00:34:06,906 --> 00:34:09,944 the ungovernable, godless youth. 205 00:34:10,082 --> 00:34:13,568 He asks me, "Are you of the faith, son?" 206 00:34:14,983 --> 00:34:17,572 And I say, "Faith runs 207 00:34:17,710 --> 00:34:20,230 very deep in our family, Father." 208 00:34:22,163 --> 00:34:24,062 He says, "Of course, what I miss most of all 209 00:34:24,200 --> 00:34:26,167 is working with young people." 210 00:34:26,305 --> 00:34:28,825 I nearly choked on my custard cream. 211 00:34:30,447 --> 00:34:32,898 Anyway, so, there’s a lull in the conversation, 212 00:34:33,036 --> 00:34:34,969 and he says, "Oh, I do beg your pardon, Corporal. 213 00:34:35,107 --> 00:34:37,592 Perhaps you’d like something stronger." 214 00:34:41,872 --> 00:34:44,289 I just look at him for a long time. 215 00:34:47,706 --> 00:34:50,398 "Would you like something stronger, Father?" 216 00:34:55,300 --> 00:34:57,371 I could see the thrill of it coursing through him. 217 00:34:57,509 --> 00:34:58,889 He didn’t dare believe. 218 00:34:59,027 --> 00:35:02,479 His face darkened, his eyes all glittery. 219 00:35:02,617 --> 00:35:04,102 He said, "Well, I would if you would." 220 00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:05,517 He starts to get up. 221 00:35:05,655 --> 00:35:09,383 I say, "I’m very strong, Father Rippon." 222 00:35:10,970 --> 00:35:13,318 He sits back down as if his legs went from under him. 223 00:35:13,456 --> 00:35:15,113 I say... 224 00:35:16,286 --> 00:35:18,944 "Would you like to have a look?" 225 00:35:19,082 --> 00:35:20,532 I start to unbutton my trousers. 226 00:35:20,670 --> 00:35:22,120 I thought he might have a heart attack. 227 00:35:22,258 --> 00:35:23,500 He just couldn’t believe it. 228 00:35:23,638 --> 00:35:24,674 It was like Christmas come early. 229 00:35:24,812 --> 00:35:27,504 So I stood myself up... 230 00:35:27,642 --> 00:35:31,508 teasing open the buttons like a rent boy. 231 00:35:31,646 --> 00:35:35,167 Dropped the cacks, dropped my undies. 232 00:35:36,789 --> 00:35:39,482 I say, "There it is." 233 00:35:39,620 --> 00:35:42,036 I said, "Lie down on the floor." 234 00:35:42,174 --> 00:35:45,764 He lies down, eager to accommodate. 235 00:35:45,902 --> 00:35:47,490 I said, "In a crucifix. 236 00:35:47,628 --> 00:35:49,699 That would make me nice and hard." 237 00:35:51,045 --> 00:35:52,771 Waddled forward a few steps. 238 00:35:52,909 --> 00:35:54,566 I’m stood right over him. 239 00:35:54,704 --> 00:35:57,948 Oh, there’s one detail I forgot to mention, Jem. 240 00:35:58,086 --> 00:36:00,365 For a few days before I went round, 241 00:36:00,503 --> 00:36:03,609 I were on a diet of Guinness and curry. 242 00:36:03,747 --> 00:36:07,165 And then the afternoon of, I took a handful of laxatives. 243 00:36:10,168 --> 00:36:11,652 It were hard to get the timing right. 244 00:36:11,790 --> 00:36:13,481 I was sat in my car outside his house 245 00:36:13,619 --> 00:36:15,725 for a couple of hours, and nothing was shifting. 246 00:36:17,036 --> 00:36:21,179 As soon as I felt that stirring within, 247 00:36:21,317 --> 00:36:23,250 I knocked on his door. 248 00:36:24,699 --> 00:36:27,150 As I’m sitting there, it’s welling up inside me, 249 00:36:27,288 --> 00:36:29,635 and now I swear I’m coming apart at the seams. 250 00:36:29,773 --> 00:36:32,120 The rivets are popping out of me. 251 00:36:35,054 --> 00:36:38,334 The army teaches you to grin and bear it, doesn’t it, Jem? 252 00:36:39,990 --> 00:36:44,995 We do love the exquisite agony of self-denial. 253 00:36:47,066 --> 00:36:48,827 So... 254 00:36:48,965 --> 00:36:50,587 I’m stood over him. 255 00:36:53,452 --> 00:36:57,732 I say, "Don’t recognize me, do you?" 256 00:36:57,870 --> 00:37:00,148 "What?" 257 00:37:00,287 --> 00:37:02,220 I say, "Little Ray. 258 00:37:03,462 --> 00:37:06,224 I’m your Little Ray from the care home." 259 00:37:09,537 --> 00:37:11,056 Takes him a good few moments, 260 00:37:11,194 --> 00:37:14,093 his eyes flicking this way and that. 261 00:37:14,232 --> 00:37:16,648 When the penny drops, 262 00:37:16,786 --> 00:37:20,134 fear runs through him like electricity. 263 00:37:20,272 --> 00:37:22,585 And the stinking sweat poured out of him. 264 00:37:22,723 --> 00:37:25,001 "Oh, please don’t hurt me. Please don’t hurt me." 265 00:37:25,139 --> 00:37:27,279 I said, "Don’t move. 266 00:37:28,936 --> 00:37:30,800 "If you move an inch, I’ll cut off 267 00:37:30,938 --> 00:37:32,802 "your meat and potatoes 268 00:37:32,940 --> 00:37:36,046 "and shove them down your fucking throat. 269 00:37:36,184 --> 00:37:38,842 You can suck yourself off for a change." 270 00:37:38,980 --> 00:37:40,603 Well, come to think of it, 271 00:37:40,741 --> 00:37:42,777 shame he didn’t learn to do that a few years ago. 272 00:37:42,915 --> 00:37:45,124 He might have been self-sufficient. 273 00:37:46,885 --> 00:37:52,028 Shuffled forwards, about-turn, very awkward, 274 00:37:52,166 --> 00:37:54,341 heels on his stringy little arms. 275 00:37:54,479 --> 00:37:58,310 He flinched. I could tell it hurt him, but he daren’t move. 276 00:37:58,448 --> 00:38:01,106 "Now, look up the sluice pipe, Father." 277 00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:04,420 And I squatted down. 278 00:38:05,662 --> 00:38:07,630 And I manured him. 279 00:38:13,912 --> 00:38:15,810 Now... 280 00:38:19,952 --> 00:38:23,922 This evacuation were in three distinct phases. 281 00:38:24,060 --> 00:38:25,820 First, I sprayed... 282 00:38:25,958 --> 00:38:28,720 sprayed him. 283 00:38:28,858 --> 00:38:30,722 Pebble-dashed him. 284 00:38:34,139 --> 00:38:37,660 Like a flock of pigeons taking off, they were. 285 00:38:40,525 --> 00:38:44,425 Then a couple of waves of hot lava. 286 00:38:46,324 --> 00:38:50,431 And finally, one... one big... 287 00:38:56,368 --> 00:39:01,511 ...one big patty cake, like wet cement, 288 00:39:01,649 --> 00:39:03,927 flops out of me. 289 00:39:05,273 --> 00:39:08,173 And he’s retching and spitting, and he daren’t breathe in, 290 00:39:08,311 --> 00:39:10,278 but he has to breathe. 291 00:39:10,417 --> 00:39:11,935 And I’m laughing that much, 292 00:39:12,073 --> 00:39:15,353 I feared I might topple over into my own filth. 293 00:39:19,149 --> 00:39:20,737 And that’s it. 294 00:39:20,875 --> 00:39:23,499 Stood up. 295 00:39:23,637 --> 00:39:26,950 Little packet of wet wipes in my pocket. 296 00:39:27,088 --> 00:39:30,713 Cleaned myself up... 297 00:39:30,851 --> 00:39:33,888 and walked out of there light as a feather. 298 00:39:52,700 --> 00:39:54,530 Did you believe that? 299 00:40:16,897 --> 00:40:18,761 Did he do you in the hole? 300 00:40:18,899 --> 00:40:19,934 Huh? 301 00:40:26,424 --> 00:40:28,046 No. 302 00:40:29,530 --> 00:40:31,705 I bet he didn’t. 303 00:40:31,843 --> 00:40:34,639 Even at that age, they were scared of you. 304 00:40:40,472 --> 00:40:43,855 Where were you when he was fucking me up the hole? 305 00:40:43,993 --> 00:40:46,029 Huh? 306 00:40:46,167 --> 00:40:48,169 He done me proper. 307 00:40:50,206 --> 00:40:52,277 He done me proper. 308 00:41:12,331 --> 00:41:14,955 Didn’t have much luck with fathers, did we? 309 00:41:30,626 --> 00:41:31,972 How about some tunes? 310 00:45:41,048 --> 00:45:42,636 Fucking hell. 311 00:45:42,774 --> 00:45:45,121 Fucking pig. 312 00:45:51,231 --> 00:45:52,680 What’s wrong with you? 313 00:45:56,443 --> 00:45:58,825 All right? 314 00:45:58,963 --> 00:46:00,758 Fucking hell. 315 00:46:02,518 --> 00:46:04,175 What you doing that for? 316 00:46:07,592 --> 00:46:10,146 What are you doing that for, hmm? 317 00:46:10,284 --> 00:46:11,976 -What are you doing that for? -What? 318 00:46:12,114 --> 00:46:13,736 Just chucking ’em in your mouth. 319 00:46:24,367 --> 00:46:25,852 I’m not gonna eat them now. 320 00:46:32,997 --> 00:46:34,861 You all right? 321 00:46:34,999 --> 00:46:37,173 I’m fucking crossing there, you fucking twat! 322 00:46:37,311 --> 00:46:39,555 Look where you’re fucking going, you stupid... 323 00:46:44,629 --> 00:46:46,113 Nessa? 324 00:46:47,149 --> 00:46:48,564 Nessa. 325 00:46:49,530 --> 00:46:51,463 Hattie? 326 00:46:57,642 --> 00:46:59,333 Look at you in your white coat. 327 00:46:59,471 --> 00:47:01,163 Oh, don’t get ahead of yourself. 328 00:47:01,301 --> 00:47:03,510 I’m only a trainee, Nessa. 329 00:47:03,648 --> 00:47:05,408 It looks good on you, though. 330 00:47:05,546 --> 00:47:07,721 Even the cleaners get white coats in the chemist. 331 00:47:09,205 --> 00:47:10,966 -Have you finished uni? -Mm-mm. 332 00:47:11,104 --> 00:47:12,484 Finals coming up this year. 333 00:47:12,622 --> 00:47:14,832 -This is my workplace training. -Right. 334 00:47:14,970 --> 00:47:16,385 I’m-I’m glad I ran into you, Nessa. 335 00:47:16,523 --> 00:47:18,559 I’ve not heard from Brian for an age now. 336 00:47:18,697 --> 00:47:20,044 Is he all right? 337 00:47:44,896 --> 00:47:46,311 What? 338 00:47:51,385 --> 00:47:52,800 What? 339 00:49:06,150 --> 00:49:07,668 I really hurt him, Hattie. 340 00:49:11,741 --> 00:49:13,847 I don’t know what I... 341 00:49:15,745 --> 00:49:17,920 I-I don’t actually know. 342 00:49:19,404 --> 00:49:22,960 I just... I... I couldn’t stop myself. 343 00:49:28,758 --> 00:49:30,657 I have, uh... 344 00:49:30,795 --> 00:49:32,728 I hurt him badly. 345 00:49:35,662 --> 00:49:37,146 What did he say to you? 346 00:49:37,284 --> 00:49:39,838 I can’t even remember, Hattie. 347 00:49:39,977 --> 00:49:42,151 Well, I can. 348 00:49:43,428 --> 00:49:44,809 But... 349 00:49:44,947 --> 00:49:49,641 just-just usual stupid shit. 350 00:49:49,779 --> 00:49:52,334 About him? 351 00:49:52,472 --> 00:49:54,508 I just... 352 00:49:54,646 --> 00:49:57,511 Fuck, I just... 353 00:49:57,649 --> 00:49:59,651 I just... 354 00:50:33,202 --> 00:50:35,411 You were in East Tyrone, right? 355 00:50:37,413 --> 00:50:40,520 Ooh, let me just cast my mind back for a moment. 356 00:50:40,658 --> 00:50:42,177 Wrong. 357 00:50:44,248 --> 00:50:47,009 You know exactly where I were. 358 00:50:47,147 --> 00:50:49,287 Crossmaglen. 359 00:50:49,425 --> 00:50:51,324 Bandit country. 360 00:50:56,122 --> 00:50:58,296 There were an IRA active service unit 361 00:50:58,434 --> 00:51:00,816 operating in the area, doing all sorts. 362 00:51:00,954 --> 00:51:04,233 They were very good, very skillful. 363 00:51:05,959 --> 00:51:09,549 Cunning, ghosting back and forth across the border. 364 00:51:11,171 --> 00:51:12,724 It were cat and mouse. 365 00:51:12,862 --> 00:51:16,107 Sometimes we were the cats, sometimes they were. 366 00:51:16,245 --> 00:51:18,937 As often as not, you weren’t even sure which. 367 00:51:20,594 --> 00:51:21,975 You could have them in your sights 368 00:51:22,113 --> 00:51:23,770 with the safety catch off. 369 00:51:23,908 --> 00:51:26,048 Meantime, they’d have a high-velocity round 370 00:51:26,186 --> 00:51:29,120 merrily winging its way toward the back of your head. 371 00:51:33,849 --> 00:51:36,645 Just in the week before we’d dug in... 372 00:51:38,612 --> 00:51:43,272 ...we found and defused three massive IEDs of theirs. 373 00:51:43,410 --> 00:51:47,932 They shot and killed one of our dog handlers and the dog. 374 00:51:48,070 --> 00:51:50,659 And they shot down a fucking helicopter. 375 00:51:50,797 --> 00:51:53,006 One week’s work. 376 00:51:53,144 --> 00:51:56,113 Provo Army Council expected results. 377 00:51:57,631 --> 00:52:00,255 And they weren’t disappointed. 378 00:52:03,810 --> 00:52:06,157 Incendiaries, 379 00:52:06,295 --> 00:52:09,643 IEDs, grenades, mortars, 380 00:52:09,781 --> 00:52:13,095 sniper rifles, heavy machine guns. 381 00:52:13,233 --> 00:52:15,408 Were better-equipped than we were. 382 00:52:26,695 --> 00:52:28,283 What happened? 383 00:56:08,434 --> 00:56:10,746 Are they the flowers our dad used to grow? 384 00:56:12,507 --> 00:56:13,956 Anemones? 385 00:56:43,261 --> 00:56:44,918 I’ll write as if you’ve read 386 00:56:45,056 --> 00:56:47,438 all my other letters. 387 00:56:47,576 --> 00:56:48,922 The desire to talk to you 388 00:56:49,060 --> 00:56:50,303 and share everything is strong. 389 00:56:50,441 --> 00:56:52,512 However, this isn’t about me. 390 00:56:52,650 --> 00:56:54,549 This is about Brian. 391 00:56:56,620 --> 00:56:58,449 Brian needs you. 392 00:57:00,865 --> 00:57:03,523 Never before have I asked you in this way. 393 00:57:06,284 --> 00:57:07,941 He’s in trouble. 394 00:58:58,327 --> 00:59:00,191 You leaving? 395 00:59:07,923 --> 00:59:10,547 Accommodation not good enough for you? 396 00:59:19,625 --> 00:59:22,559 When you legged it, 397 00:59:22,697 --> 00:59:24,561 every day, Nessa wrote to you. 398 00:59:24,699 --> 00:59:26,563 How long was it? 399 00:59:28,254 --> 00:59:30,808 When you went limping off into the woods, 400 00:59:30,946 --> 00:59:34,294 she didn’t want to interfere with your decision. 401 00:59:36,573 --> 00:59:38,229 For a couple of years, we thought 402 00:59:38,367 --> 00:59:40,128 you’d just turn up one day. 403 00:59:41,232 --> 00:59:43,718 She had no idea if you got her letters, 404 00:59:43,856 --> 00:59:45,651 let alone if you read them. 405 00:59:48,826 --> 00:59:50,794 You knew she were pregnant. 406 00:59:52,174 --> 00:59:53,935 You never answered her once. 407 01:00:01,425 --> 01:00:03,496 You’ve been going through my things? 408 01:00:08,639 --> 01:00:12,332 Fuck off back to Toytown, you fucking ape. 409 01:00:13,575 --> 01:00:16,958 Got my girl, got my son, got my life. 410 01:00:17,096 --> 01:00:19,270 What more do you fucking want? 411 01:00:19,408 --> 01:00:21,548 It was you that left. You. 412 01:00:21,687 --> 01:00:24,344 Get over yourself, lad. 413 01:00:24,482 --> 01:00:27,520 It’s not about you. Fact. 414 01:00:27,658 --> 01:00:29,073 It’s about Brian. 415 01:00:29,211 --> 01:00:32,283 Poor only child of a deranged fugitive. 416 01:00:33,837 --> 01:00:35,321 Didn’t you want to give him some brothers 417 01:00:35,459 --> 01:00:36,840 and sisters to play with? 418 01:00:39,290 --> 01:00:42,017 You’re a big lump of a lad. 419 01:00:42,155 --> 01:00:44,157 Don’t tell me you were firing blanks. 420 01:00:48,506 --> 01:00:50,647 She prayed for you every night, Ray. 421 01:00:52,131 --> 01:00:53,684 Still prays for you. 422 01:00:53,822 --> 01:00:56,238 Tell her to save her fucking breath. 423 01:00:56,376 --> 01:00:58,655 And our dad prayed for you, too, 424 01:00:58,793 --> 01:01:01,105 every day for the rest of his life. 425 01:01:01,243 --> 01:01:03,349 Have you gone soft? 426 01:01:03,487 --> 01:01:05,696 That miserable bastard? 427 01:01:05,834 --> 01:01:09,217 Oh, he prayed. He prayed, didn’t he? 428 01:01:09,355 --> 01:01:11,081 Prayed every time he took his belt off. 429 01:01:11,219 --> 01:01:12,772 Didn’t he pray again afterwards? 430 01:01:12,910 --> 01:01:14,843 Wet under the arms from the efforts of his labor. 431 01:01:14,981 --> 01:01:16,638 Oh, he prayed regular. 432 01:01:18,053 --> 01:01:20,953 We learnt our violence from the number one regional champion, 433 01:01:21,091 --> 01:01:23,265 and he had some stiff competition. 434 01:01:23,403 --> 01:01:25,095 Who knows, maybe at the... 435 01:01:25,233 --> 01:01:29,030 the British Legion dominoes championships, 436 01:01:29,168 --> 01:01:30,617 he’s life and soul. 437 01:01:30,756 --> 01:01:33,103 Blazer, badge, regimental tie, chest out front, 438 01:01:33,241 --> 01:01:35,001 just the long-range desert patrol. 439 01:01:35,139 --> 01:01:36,382 Now, that were war. 440 01:01:36,520 --> 01:01:38,004 Sand for breakfast, lunch and dinner. 441 01:01:38,142 --> 01:01:40,041 If Rommel didn’t get you, the flies surely would. 442 01:01:40,179 --> 01:01:41,870 He didn’t talk like that. 443 01:01:42,008 --> 01:01:43,941 That’s right, he didn’t fucking talk at all, did he? 444 01:01:44,079 --> 01:01:45,460 I’ve had plenty of fucking time 445 01:01:45,598 --> 01:01:47,911 to fill in the fucking silence for him. 446 01:01:49,188 --> 01:01:51,190 What do you want from me, brother? 447 01:01:52,778 --> 01:01:54,607 You’d know if you read the letter. 448 01:01:54,745 --> 01:01:57,368 I’ve read the fucking letter. I’ve read the fucking letter. 449 01:01:57,506 --> 01:01:58,991 What the fuck? 450 01:01:59,129 --> 01:02:01,131 What do you want? 451 01:02:13,005 --> 01:02:15,076 I’m beyond your reach, Jem. 452 01:02:16,525 --> 01:02:17,906 I’m well beyond her reach. 453 01:02:18,044 --> 01:02:19,632 There’ll be no epiphany. 454 01:02:19,770 --> 01:02:23,601 So fuck off back to your little family and sort it out. 455 01:02:25,224 --> 01:02:26,673 You don’t want me to leave, Ray. 456 01:02:26,812 --> 01:02:28,330 Why in God’s name did you let that boy 457 01:02:28,468 --> 01:02:30,022 join army in the first fucking place? 458 01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:32,093 This is nowt to do with me. This is on you, mate. 459 01:02:32,231 --> 01:02:35,165 Look, though I’ve raised the boy, 460 01:02:35,303 --> 01:02:37,236 do you think he’s not a pigheaded little bastard 461 01:02:37,374 --> 01:02:38,755 like you are? 462 01:02:38,893 --> 01:02:40,929 It were nowt to do with me. 463 01:02:41,067 --> 01:02:43,345 I said my piece. 464 01:02:43,483 --> 01:02:46,521 I didn’t think he should do it, follow in our footsteps. 465 01:02:46,659 --> 01:02:49,558 I thought he were just chasing after... 466 01:02:51,491 --> 01:02:54,667 Anyway, regardless of what I think or don’t think, 467 01:02:54,805 --> 01:02:56,911 do you honestly believe that your son 468 01:02:57,049 --> 01:02:59,465 wouldn’t do a thing just ’cause somebody told him not to? 469 01:03:21,867 --> 01:03:25,284 Look, he’s currently absent without leave. 470 01:03:26,561 --> 01:03:28,943 And as much as they like him, you know as well as I do 471 01:03:29,081 --> 01:03:32,463 there’s no warm, fuzzy feeling in the MOD. 472 01:03:34,707 --> 01:03:37,227 There’s only so long they’ll turn a blind eye. 473 01:03:38,469 --> 01:03:41,472 Maybe a week, if we’re lucky. 474 01:03:42,819 --> 01:03:45,131 And then the MPs will come knocking 475 01:03:45,269 --> 01:03:46,926 and take him away. 476 01:03:48,445 --> 01:03:50,378 But that’s the least of it. 477 01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:55,762 I’ve seen my share of lost souls, Ray, 478 01:03:55,901 --> 01:03:59,283 and at this moment, your son is in the dark. 479 01:03:59,421 --> 01:04:02,528 Believer or nonbeliever, there are forces at work. 480 01:04:02,666 --> 01:04:04,081 Fact. 481 01:04:09,224 --> 01:04:10,985 I don’t want anything from you, Ray. 482 01:04:11,123 --> 01:04:12,952 I-I don’t want anything. 483 01:04:15,299 --> 01:04:19,165 Nessa... Nessa believes that if you met him 484 01:04:19,303 --> 01:04:22,375 and talked to him, gave him some answers, 485 01:04:22,513 --> 01:04:23,894 it just might make a difference. 486 01:04:24,032 --> 01:04:25,551 It might. 487 01:04:31,522 --> 01:04:33,386 Before it’s too late. 488 01:05:09,733 --> 01:05:13,047 Brian savaged this lad. He fucking savaged him. 489 01:05:14,772 --> 01:05:16,464 He’s convinced himself if... 490 01:05:16,602 --> 01:05:19,018 if they hadn’t pulled him off, he’d have killed him. 491 01:05:20,744 --> 01:05:23,126 And this has been following Brian since primary school. 492 01:05:23,264 --> 01:05:25,887 "Your father’s this, your father’s that." 493 01:05:26,025 --> 01:05:27,820 "He’s in the nuthouse." 494 01:05:27,958 --> 01:05:29,926 "Is he banged up?" 495 01:05:31,272 --> 01:05:34,137 The invisible man, Ray Stoker. 496 01:05:40,453 --> 01:05:42,421 Please. 497 01:05:42,559 --> 01:05:44,768 Just tell me. 498 01:05:44,906 --> 01:05:46,494 If you’re not gonna help out, 499 01:05:46,632 --> 01:05:48,910 then I’m gonna get out of here double-time. 500 01:06:15,109 --> 01:06:16,455 I fancy a bevvy. 501 01:06:25,119 --> 01:06:27,466 He’s still conscious? That’s-that’s good. 502 01:06:29,847 --> 01:06:31,780 Could you just ask the children to move out of the way? 503 01:06:31,918 --> 01:06:34,749 We don’t want them seeing this, do we? 504 01:06:34,887 --> 01:06:38,787 A blanket on... Yeah, a blanket on him is fine. 505 01:06:38,925 --> 01:06:40,513 WOMAN And, uh, do I move him? 506 01:06:40,651 --> 01:06:42,757 -No, do not move him. -But he’s in the way. 507 01:06:42,895 --> 01:06:44,655 I repeat that, do not move him, madam. 508 01:06:44,793 --> 01:06:47,244 And do not remove his helmet. 509 01:06:47,382 --> 01:06:49,384 You’re doing so well. 510 01:06:49,522 --> 01:06:51,559 I know there’s a lot of blood. 511 01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:42,713 Why, he were all over me at that stage, 512 01:07:42,851 --> 01:07:44,439 like a bloody octopus. 513 01:07:44,577 --> 01:07:46,165 And I were, like, whipping my head back and forth, 514 01:07:46,303 --> 01:07:48,029 just trying to catch a clean breath. 515 01:07:48,167 --> 01:07:50,066 But he must have thought I was in ecstasy, 516 01:07:50,204 --> 01:07:51,964 ’cause that minging wet gob of his 517 01:07:52,102 --> 01:07:53,828 just kept reaching for me. 518 01:07:53,966 --> 01:07:56,624 Oh, my... He wasn’t gonna back down, but... 519 01:07:56,762 --> 01:07:58,764 I’m not lying. 520 01:07:58,902 --> 01:08:01,801 His breath smelt like shit, Nessa. 521 01:08:01,939 --> 01:08:03,769 Have you ever had that? 522 01:08:21,580 --> 01:08:23,237 Thank you. 523 01:08:28,932 --> 01:08:30,899 -Here you are. -Cheers, mate. 524 01:08:33,350 --> 01:08:36,146 And here’s some crisps. I know you like them. 525 01:08:36,284 --> 01:08:38,114 Cheese and onion. 526 01:08:38,252 --> 01:08:39,598 This thing’s out of juice, mate. 527 01:08:39,736 --> 01:08:41,945 I won’t be long. 528 01:08:42,083 --> 01:08:43,774 Won’t be long. 529 01:10:13,243 --> 01:10:15,003 He’s beautiful, kind, 530 01:10:15,141 --> 01:10:16,798 funny, loyal. 531 01:10:16,936 --> 01:10:19,076 He’s so like you in so many ways. 532 01:10:19,215 --> 01:10:20,354 Funny that, eh? 533 01:10:21,838 --> 01:10:24,703 Anyway, I implore you, 534 01:10:24,841 --> 01:10:28,154 for the sake of Brian, 535 01:10:28,293 --> 01:10:31,261 to please, please come home and talk to him. 536 01:10:49,900 --> 01:10:51,971 Let him meet you at least. 537 01:10:52,109 --> 01:10:55,043 And maybe, just maybe he can move forward 538 01:10:55,181 --> 01:10:59,876 and let go of whatever demon anger is holding him so tight. 539 01:11:00,014 --> 01:11:04,018 I pray you are well and see fit to answer. 540 01:11:04,156 --> 01:11:06,089 God bless. 541 01:11:06,227 --> 01:11:08,194 Love always, Nessa. 542 01:12:03,664 --> 01:12:04,872 What? 543 01:12:08,979 --> 01:12:10,326 What? 544 01:12:13,087 --> 01:12:14,985 What? What the fuck? 545 01:12:16,849 --> 01:12:18,782 Spitting image. 546 01:12:18,920 --> 01:12:20,405 What? 547 01:12:20,543 --> 01:12:21,958 Spitting image. 548 01:12:22,096 --> 01:12:23,787 Spitting image? Who? 549 01:12:26,618 --> 01:12:29,379 Fuck off. 550 01:12:29,517 --> 01:12:31,864 Fuck right off. 551 01:12:32,002 --> 01:12:33,728 Our father who art in heaven? 552 01:12:33,866 --> 01:12:35,661 Fuck off. 553 01:12:41,287 --> 01:12:43,462 Suppose I am a bit. 554 01:12:45,222 --> 01:12:48,191 Suppose I am a bit of a sad old bugger. 555 01:12:55,060 --> 01:12:57,131 He been doing all right, were he? 556 01:12:58,546 --> 01:13:00,306 -Who? -The boy. 557 01:13:00,445 --> 01:13:05,242 "The boy," Brian, is doing well, very well. 558 01:13:06,347 --> 01:13:08,901 They think he’s a real prospect. 559 01:13:09,039 --> 01:13:10,247 Can’t help himself. 560 01:13:10,386 --> 01:13:13,078 The other lads just fall in behind him. 561 01:13:13,216 --> 01:13:14,838 -That right? -Yeah. 562 01:13:16,115 --> 01:13:18,808 You remember what it’s like when you’re cold and hungry, 563 01:13:18,946 --> 01:13:20,396 you haven’t slept in three nights. 564 01:13:20,534 --> 01:13:22,398 It’s every man for himself. 565 01:13:22,536 --> 01:13:24,400 With Brian... 566 01:13:24,538 --> 01:13:26,540 he’s got strength to spare. 567 01:13:26,678 --> 01:13:28,404 He may be at the end of his rope, 568 01:13:28,542 --> 01:13:31,268 but he’s still looking out for the others. 569 01:13:31,407 --> 01:13:33,512 And they pay attention to that. 570 01:13:40,381 --> 01:13:41,762 Hmm. 571 01:13:52,462 --> 01:13:57,674 When you did selection and, uh, were badged into the regiment, 572 01:13:57,812 --> 01:13:59,745 I was so proud. 573 01:14:02,161 --> 01:14:04,957 And I was so fucking envious. 574 01:14:05,095 --> 01:14:07,960 I thought, "I want that. 575 01:14:08,098 --> 01:14:10,100 I want some of that." 576 01:14:11,274 --> 01:14:14,519 Suppose volunteering for 14 Int 577 01:14:14,657 --> 01:14:17,660 were a way of getting closer, you know. 578 01:14:21,802 --> 01:14:24,218 The training at Bradbury Lines with your lads and all, 579 01:14:24,356 --> 01:14:29,257 I thought it were within reach, but... 580 01:14:47,206 --> 01:14:49,312 Weren’t ’cause of me that he signed up. 581 01:14:54,869 --> 01:14:56,422 ’Cause of you. 582 01:15:01,497 --> 01:15:05,673 Even with all the shit that he put up with over the years, 583 01:15:05,811 --> 01:15:08,193 it was some idea he had, it were... 584 01:15:09,677 --> 01:15:11,403 It was the space where you should’ve been 585 01:15:11,541 --> 01:15:14,579 that he was chasing after, that he was fascinated by. 586 01:15:17,202 --> 01:15:19,342 Now he’s frightened of his own shadow. 587 01:15:23,449 --> 01:15:25,003 He doesn’t know who you are. 588 01:15:26,832 --> 01:15:29,663 Knows nothing about you. 589 01:15:29,801 --> 01:15:32,838 Except for the old stories when we were youngsters. 590 01:15:32,976 --> 01:15:37,705 You know, the short fuse, street fights, vandalism. 591 01:15:37,843 --> 01:15:40,639 You and me both, we were both liabilities then. 592 01:15:41,709 --> 01:15:42,917 But now he, uh... 593 01:15:44,332 --> 01:15:46,265 I don’t know, he looks at his hands 594 01:15:46,403 --> 01:15:50,235 as though they belong to somebody else. 595 01:15:50,373 --> 01:15:51,926 What? 596 01:15:58,070 --> 01:16:00,038 Rumors, mate. Rumors. 597 01:16:03,248 --> 01:16:04,421 Until you tell me what happened, 598 01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:05,906 that’s all we’ve got. 599 01:18:28,151 --> 01:18:30,119 I realize I’ve never properly spoken to you 600 01:18:30,257 --> 01:18:31,914 about your father. 601 01:18:33,191 --> 01:18:35,814 And that was a fault in me, Brian. 602 01:18:38,783 --> 01:18:41,855 Me and Jem thought we could make a nice life for you, 603 01:18:41,993 --> 01:18:44,789 and-and I think in some ways we have. 604 01:18:44,927 --> 01:18:48,965 But it can’t have been easy for you... 605 01:18:49,103 --> 01:18:50,864 all these years. 606 01:18:51,002 --> 01:18:53,694 You know, it looming over everything. 607 01:18:53,832 --> 01:18:55,903 Every family dinner. 608 01:18:56,041 --> 01:18:57,663 Every birthday, every Christmas, 609 01:18:57,802 --> 01:18:59,735 every special occasion. 610 01:19:02,945 --> 01:19:07,639 And I suppose, by not talking to you about it... 611 01:19:11,091 --> 01:19:15,440 ...it were my way of protecting you from it. 612 01:19:32,146 --> 01:19:34,114 How much do you know about the early Troubles 613 01:19:34,252 --> 01:19:36,116 in Northern Ireland? 614 01:21:17,769 --> 01:21:19,805 We’ll sleep outside tonight. 615 01:21:31,231 --> 01:21:33,233 I lost him in stages. 616 01:21:35,821 --> 01:21:37,858 I lost him in stages. 617 01:21:39,895 --> 01:21:41,931 After the first few tours in Northern Ireland, 618 01:21:42,069 --> 01:21:44,969 he were already quite hard to reach. 619 01:21:45,107 --> 01:21:47,488 And then when he volunteered for some special assignment, 620 01:21:47,626 --> 01:21:49,283 the minute he raised his hand, he... 621 01:21:49,421 --> 01:21:51,803 he seemed to disappear into another world. 622 01:21:53,046 --> 01:21:55,082 Oh, but it wasn’t just that. He wanted it. 623 01:21:55,220 --> 01:21:57,464 He were alive, eager. 624 01:22:01,261 --> 01:22:03,988 He said goodbye well before he left. 625 01:22:04,126 --> 01:22:05,955 And when he came back, you couldn’t reach him. 626 01:22:06,093 --> 01:22:07,853 You’d be sat at kitchen table with him, 627 01:22:07,992 --> 01:22:10,373 and he’d be looking at you like you were at the other side 628 01:22:10,511 --> 01:22:12,997 of a football pitch and you’re an acquaintance, 629 01:22:13,135 --> 01:22:15,102 you know, maybe, and he were trying to figure out 630 01:22:15,240 --> 01:22:16,862 who you were. 631 01:22:19,624 --> 01:22:22,351 I were pregnant with you. 632 01:22:22,489 --> 01:22:24,180 And I were getting bigger by the day, 633 01:22:24,318 --> 01:22:26,458 and he seemed to be shrinking. 634 01:22:26,596 --> 01:22:28,805 I-I... I felt like a big lumbering giant 635 01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:30,531 living with a miniature person, 636 01:22:30,669 --> 01:22:32,982 afraid I were going to crush him underfoot, but... 637 01:22:37,090 --> 01:22:40,024 Then one day he were gone, and I... 638 01:22:40,162 --> 01:22:42,302 realized I’d been waiting for it. 639 01:22:51,276 --> 01:22:54,279 Ray never spoke to me about what happened over there. 640 01:22:54,417 --> 01:22:56,316 I tried to get in touch with a... 641 01:22:56,454 --> 01:22:58,559 you know, a few of the lads that he served with, you know, 642 01:22:58,697 --> 01:23:01,045 that were with him, but they said nothing. 643 01:23:01,183 --> 01:23:02,701 They were on a warning from the MOD. 644 01:23:02,839 --> 01:23:04,220 They must have been on a warning. 645 01:23:04,358 --> 01:23:07,327 So all I have is what I’m telling you now. 646 01:23:08,776 --> 01:23:10,226 But I knew Ray. 647 01:23:10,364 --> 01:23:13,091 I knew Ray better than I knew myself. 648 01:23:13,229 --> 01:23:16,992 And as I said, those lads, they couldn’t say owt. 649 01:23:17,130 --> 01:23:18,855 But I tell you this much-- 650 01:23:18,994 --> 01:23:21,030 they loved him and they respected him. 651 01:23:21,168 --> 01:23:24,378 And they never gave me... never gave me one hint of a reason 652 01:23:24,516 --> 01:23:26,898 that he’d done something he should be ashamed of. 653 01:23:35,251 --> 01:23:37,012 But he left us, didn’t he? 654 01:23:39,048 --> 01:23:40,498 He left us. 655 01:23:42,224 --> 01:23:44,674 What’s that, Mum? Something to be proud of? 656 01:23:48,471 --> 01:23:50,163 Why’d he leave? 657 01:23:51,336 --> 01:23:53,511 Huh? Why did he leave us? 658 01:25:51,076 --> 01:25:52,837 War crime. 659 01:25:58,774 --> 01:26:01,294 That’s what he called it-- a war crime. 660 01:26:05,505 --> 01:26:07,645 Fucking war crime me? 661 01:26:08,853 --> 01:26:11,166 The war were the fucking crime. 662 01:26:13,478 --> 01:26:15,722 And we were the phantom soldiers. 663 01:26:23,108 --> 01:26:27,389 Our mission on this one were surveillance, pure and simple. 664 01:26:27,527 --> 01:26:29,114 We dug in at nighttime. 665 01:26:29,253 --> 01:26:30,978 Two OPs. 666 01:26:31,116 --> 01:26:33,912 Ours were in a hedgerow at the end of an unpaved laneway 667 01:26:34,050 --> 01:26:36,432 bordering the farm buildings. 668 01:26:36,570 --> 01:26:38,434 The structure of interest were the milking shed 669 01:26:38,572 --> 01:26:42,438 no more than 30, 40 feet from us across the yard. 670 01:26:42,576 --> 01:26:45,510 On a tip-off, we’d scouted it a few nights before. 671 01:26:47,547 --> 01:26:49,859 They arrived shortly after sunup. 672 01:26:51,206 --> 01:26:53,760 The bomb maker were a player well-known to us. 673 01:26:53,898 --> 01:26:56,556 The young lad with him, we’d never seen him before. 674 01:26:59,075 --> 01:27:01,526 Our intel was solid, but... 675 01:27:01,664 --> 01:27:03,494 for two days, there were no movement. 676 01:27:03,632 --> 01:27:05,565 We started to wonder if they’d somehow slipped away, 677 01:27:05,703 --> 01:27:08,188 if there were a... a tunnel or concealed entrance 678 01:27:08,326 --> 01:27:10,501 we’d missed when we recced the building. 679 01:27:11,916 --> 01:27:15,402 I was just writing up my report when the bomb went off. 680 01:27:22,720 --> 01:27:26,275 The explosion was so loud you couldn’t hear it. 681 01:27:28,588 --> 01:27:30,624 The concussive force ran through 682 01:27:30,762 --> 01:27:32,454 every cell of your body. 683 01:27:32,592 --> 01:27:36,423 Filled you up, like there were nothing left of you. 684 01:27:36,561 --> 01:27:38,322 Just chaos. 685 01:27:39,978 --> 01:27:41,842 The entire roof lifted off the shed 686 01:27:41,980 --> 01:27:44,983 on a cloud of black smoke, like a cartoon. 687 01:27:45,121 --> 01:27:47,814 Walls swelled outwards, opened up. 688 01:27:47,952 --> 01:27:50,092 Debris started to rain down on us. 689 01:27:50,230 --> 01:27:52,612 "Are we being attacked? Do they know we’re here? 690 01:27:52,750 --> 01:27:54,269 Are they getting rid of it?" 691 01:27:54,407 --> 01:27:56,201 They’d do that sometimes. You know how it were. 692 01:27:56,340 --> 01:27:57,824 If they... they thought you were onto them, 693 01:27:57,962 --> 01:28:00,516 they’d detonate the ordnance and scarper. 694 01:28:00,654 --> 01:28:05,763 And we were waiting for the incoming, but so far, 695 01:28:05,901 --> 01:28:07,799 there were nothing. 696 01:28:11,355 --> 01:28:14,116 Then there were just the sound of this fella screaming. 697 01:28:18,810 --> 01:28:21,088 Like I said, we were on surveillance, nothing more. 698 01:28:21,226 --> 01:28:23,090 We weren’t equipped for anything serious. 699 01:28:23,228 --> 01:28:27,094 Sidearms only, couple of longs between us. 700 01:28:27,232 --> 01:28:29,476 When that Semtex went off, we should’ve called it in, 701 01:28:29,614 --> 01:28:31,823 hand it over to your lads, but... 702 01:28:31,961 --> 01:28:34,343 I don’t know why, but... 703 01:28:34,481 --> 01:28:36,759 for some reason, we moved in. 704 01:28:36,897 --> 01:28:38,830 Advance to contact. 705 01:28:40,556 --> 01:28:43,387 I suppose it were a "ride to the sound of the guns" 706 01:28:43,525 --> 01:28:44,905 type of madness. 707 01:28:45,043 --> 01:28:47,011 We started to crawl toward the milking shed. 708 01:28:47,149 --> 01:28:49,807 Could’ve been weapons trained on us, snipers. 709 01:28:49,945 --> 01:28:51,636 Could’ve been another bomb waiting in the building. 710 01:28:51,774 --> 01:28:53,362 We didn’t know. 711 01:28:57,332 --> 01:29:01,059 So we’re crawling, heads down, getting closer, getting closer. 712 01:29:01,197 --> 01:29:02,854 All we could... 713 01:29:05,512 --> 01:29:07,859 The only sound were the screaming. 714 01:29:09,654 --> 01:29:11,518 Obviously, we wanted to get one of them alive, 715 01:29:11,656 --> 01:29:13,796 if we could, get him to talk. 716 01:29:16,730 --> 01:29:18,318 It were that smoky in the building 717 01:29:18,456 --> 01:29:20,700 you could barely see in front of you. 718 01:29:20,838 --> 01:29:22,909 Well, it turned out it were just the two of them, 719 01:29:23,047 --> 01:29:25,601 master and apprentice. 720 01:29:25,739 --> 01:29:27,189 And the player must have been stood 721 01:29:27,327 --> 01:29:28,811 between the bomb and the kid. 722 01:29:28,949 --> 01:29:30,779 There were nowt left of him. 723 01:29:31,883 --> 01:29:33,333 Except his fucking teeth, 724 01:29:33,471 --> 01:29:35,956 buried in the side of the young fella’s head. 725 01:29:37,924 --> 01:29:40,409 Heard it were his nephew a few days later. 726 01:29:42,480 --> 01:29:45,794 And I must have slipped when we went in on some... 727 01:29:45,932 --> 01:29:49,832 piece of him, because I were covered in, you know... 728 01:29:49,970 --> 01:29:53,905 When I picked myself up, I were covered in his slime. 729 01:29:58,116 --> 01:29:59,877 The kid were on the ground. 730 01:30:00,015 --> 01:30:03,398 Bits of him were... 731 01:30:03,536 --> 01:30:08,126 He were alive, just about, but bits of him were missing. 732 01:30:08,264 --> 01:30:09,818 His innards were spilled out, 733 01:30:09,956 --> 01:30:12,061 and he were crying out for his mother. 734 01:30:14,132 --> 01:30:17,204 Bomb maker’s teeth buried in the side of his head. 735 01:30:19,344 --> 01:30:20,794 I was stood right over him. 736 01:30:20,932 --> 01:30:24,177 Our three lads clearing the room left and right. 737 01:30:24,315 --> 01:30:26,421 I’m stood over him. 738 01:30:26,559 --> 01:30:29,631 He were dying, this kid, Jem. He were dying. 739 01:30:29,769 --> 01:30:31,909 I could see the fear in his eyes. 740 01:30:33,013 --> 01:30:35,257 The fucking hatred. 741 01:30:35,395 --> 01:30:38,191 He looked at me with hatred. 742 01:30:38,329 --> 01:30:40,883 Couldn’t have been more than 16 or 17 years old. 743 01:30:41,021 --> 01:30:43,541 Younger than Brian is now. 744 01:30:43,679 --> 01:30:45,440 He’s screaming at me. 745 01:30:48,166 --> 01:30:50,859 Begging me to shoot him. 746 01:30:50,997 --> 01:30:52,516 So I shot him. 747 01:31:05,770 --> 01:31:07,323 He were dying? 748 01:31:07,462 --> 01:31:09,394 Yes, Jem, he were fucking dying. He fucking... 749 01:31:09,533 --> 01:31:11,431 I didn’t fucking kill him. He killed himself. 750 01:31:11,569 --> 01:31:13,398 Fucking killed himself. 751 01:31:13,537 --> 01:31:15,435 I just nudged him across the line. 752 01:31:15,573 --> 01:31:17,057 Fucking little bastard. 753 01:31:17,195 --> 01:31:19,197 Where were they gonna put that bomb? In a pub? 754 01:31:19,335 --> 01:31:21,061 In a shopping center? In a nightclub? 755 01:31:21,199 --> 01:31:22,856 Guaranteed, there’d be innocent people blown to bits. 756 01:31:22,994 --> 01:31:24,340 How fucking merciful. 757 01:31:24,479 --> 01:31:25,825 Turns out they just killed themselves. 758 01:31:25,963 --> 01:31:27,585 And I’m the fucking murderer? 759 01:31:27,723 --> 01:31:30,519 I wish... I wish I had left him to die. 760 01:31:33,418 --> 01:31:36,214 I wish I’d left him to his full measure of suffering. 761 01:31:36,352 --> 01:31:37,837 Lying there with his guts spilled out, 762 01:31:37,975 --> 01:31:39,114 crying for his mother. 763 01:31:39,252 --> 01:31:41,185 I should’ve left him there. 764 01:31:41,323 --> 01:31:43,187 Should’ve called an ambulance. 765 01:31:43,325 --> 01:31:45,500 Told ’em to take the scenic route. 766 01:31:47,847 --> 01:31:50,608 I’m not fucking making out I did him a favor, 767 01:31:50,746 --> 01:31:52,127 but I fucking did. 768 01:31:52,265 --> 01:31:54,267 He were begging me to do it. 769 01:31:54,405 --> 01:31:56,614 17 years old, shivering on the ground, 770 01:31:56,752 --> 01:31:58,789 and I finished him off. 771 01:32:00,618 --> 01:32:02,551 Just to stop the screaming. 772 01:32:13,873 --> 01:32:15,771 And that’s it. That’s all there were. 773 01:32:15,909 --> 01:32:18,498 Yeah, listen, of course they... lads knew. 774 01:32:18,636 --> 01:32:21,156 The lads... lads knew what I’d done. 775 01:32:21,294 --> 01:32:22,882 They didn’t question it. 776 01:32:23,020 --> 01:32:24,400 They knew this fella were gone 777 01:32:24,539 --> 01:32:26,333 and no one would get anything out of him. 778 01:32:26,471 --> 01:32:27,783 By the time we got him anywhere, 779 01:32:27,921 --> 01:32:29,336 he-he wouldn’t have survived. 780 01:32:29,474 --> 01:32:31,684 No one said a word. No one questioned it. 781 01:32:38,553 --> 01:32:39,899 No one said a word. 782 01:32:42,280 --> 01:32:45,076 But I called it into South Det operations room. 783 01:32:45,214 --> 01:32:46,906 That stage, our job were done. 784 01:32:47,044 --> 01:32:49,805 Handed over, went back to barracks, had the debrief. 785 01:32:49,943 --> 01:32:51,635 That boy’s injuries-- didn’t occur to me 786 01:32:51,773 --> 01:32:53,982 any questions would be asked, but... 787 01:32:56,260 --> 01:32:58,331 They were all in a twist. 788 01:32:58,469 --> 01:33:00,885 The Ruperts, the higher-ups. 789 01:33:02,853 --> 01:33:05,890 So, after... 790 01:33:06,028 --> 01:33:07,789 the CO had me in his office. 791 01:33:07,927 --> 01:33:09,860 Uh... 792 01:33:11,482 --> 01:33:13,933 I could tell he were under stress. 793 01:33:14,071 --> 01:33:17,453 His whole fat head looked like a boil that needed lancing. 794 01:33:18,972 --> 01:33:21,009 "By all the rules of lawful engagement, 795 01:33:21,147 --> 01:33:23,425 that’s a war crime, Sergeant Stoker." 796 01:33:23,563 --> 01:33:25,116 Oh, hello. Here we go. 797 01:33:25,254 --> 01:33:26,670 He’s looking hard at me. 798 01:33:26,808 --> 01:33:29,638 "We need to make this go away. 799 01:33:29,776 --> 01:33:31,813 "He presented a threat. 800 01:33:31,951 --> 01:33:34,091 He raised his weapon." 801 01:33:38,164 --> 01:33:41,029 "No, he fucking didn’t, sir." 802 01:33:45,171 --> 01:33:49,106 I shouted in his face, "No, he fucking didn’t." 803 01:33:55,871 --> 01:33:58,115 "His arms were shredded." 804 01:34:03,672 --> 01:34:05,432 I said, "I want to get out." 805 01:34:05,570 --> 01:34:07,193 He-he said, "You can’t." 806 01:34:07,331 --> 01:34:10,196 He said, "Pull yourself together and don’t be thick. 807 01:34:10,334 --> 01:34:12,370 "Take a couple of days, see the head doctor, 808 01:34:12,508 --> 01:34:15,028 "you’ll be right as rain. 809 01:34:15,166 --> 01:34:17,410 We’ll make this go away." So... 810 01:34:17,548 --> 01:34:19,826 I’m stood in front... front of him, 811 01:34:19,964 --> 01:34:21,656 hot tears squirting out of me. 812 01:34:21,794 --> 01:34:23,623 If you’d asked me what my name were, 813 01:34:23,761 --> 01:34:25,349 I wouldn’t have known. 814 01:34:30,803 --> 01:34:32,839 So I... 815 01:34:32,977 --> 01:34:35,773 I took a couple of days, but... 816 01:34:35,911 --> 01:34:37,913 it-it weren’t that long for the shrink to see 817 01:34:38,051 --> 01:34:42,746 there were a crack in the ice that wouldn’t heal over. 818 01:34:42,884 --> 01:34:44,575 I were... I were, as he put it... 819 01:34:44,713 --> 01:34:47,682 -Hey. -...an unstable element. 820 01:34:49,062 --> 01:34:51,927 Danger to myself and others, which, in our line of work, 821 01:34:52,065 --> 01:34:53,618 meant generally bad for business. 822 01:34:53,757 --> 01:34:55,103 Time to go home. 823 01:34:55,241 --> 01:34:58,865 So he declared me unfit, "return to unit." 824 01:34:59,003 --> 01:35:02,075 Signed me out, put me on a plane back to my regiment. 825 01:35:03,836 --> 01:35:05,596 Short while later, I find myself 826 01:35:05,734 --> 01:35:08,772 on the streets of Sheffield, staring at my old front door. 827 01:35:08,910 --> 01:35:10,739 A civilian... 828 01:35:10,877 --> 01:35:12,568 and a... 829 01:35:15,606 --> 01:35:20,231 ...a dirty little s-secret war criminal. 830 01:35:21,888 --> 01:35:25,443 Yeah, well, I were coming up 15 years’ service, 831 01:35:25,581 --> 01:35:27,376 due out anyway. 832 01:35:36,731 --> 01:35:39,112 Could you have saved him? 833 01:35:39,250 --> 01:35:42,633 I did save him, Jem. I did save him. 834 01:35:42,771 --> 01:35:45,291 Saved him from more fucking pain. 835 01:35:45,429 --> 01:35:48,018 I’d have enjoyed watching him suffer a little bit longer, 836 01:35:48,156 --> 01:35:50,745 so I did save him-- saved him from that. 837 01:35:55,922 --> 01:35:57,752 Why did you shoot him? 838 01:35:59,098 --> 01:36:01,272 Could we have kept him alive? 839 01:36:05,104 --> 01:36:07,900 At the t-time, I knew we couldn’t. 840 01:36:08,038 --> 01:36:09,867 At the time. 841 01:36:12,249 --> 01:36:14,078 At the time. 842 01:36:29,473 --> 01:36:31,578 Hey. 843 01:36:35,099 --> 01:36:37,101 We’ve all done things. 844 01:36:38,931 --> 01:36:40,415 We’ve all done things, Ray. 845 01:36:40,553 --> 01:36:43,280 I don’t need your fucking absolution, Jem. 846 01:36:44,764 --> 01:36:47,008 Maybe I could’ve saved him. 847 01:36:47,146 --> 01:36:48,699 Maybe I couldn’t have saved him. 848 01:36:48,837 --> 01:36:51,046 Maybe I enjoyed killing him. Maybe I didn’t. 849 01:36:51,184 --> 01:36:53,808 Maybe I pitied him. Maybe I fucking hated him. 850 01:36:53,946 --> 01:36:56,638 I don’t know, Jem. I don’t know. 851 01:36:58,329 --> 01:37:00,953 But I don’t need your fucking absolution. 852 01:37:02,333 --> 01:37:05,681 I did the crime. I’m still serving the time. 853 01:37:05,820 --> 01:37:08,477 I don’t owe nowt to nobody. 854 01:37:09,616 --> 01:37:12,447 I don’t owe nowt to nobody. 855 01:37:12,585 --> 01:37:14,621 Least of all to you. 856 01:37:19,212 --> 01:37:22,008 How many fucking Hail Marys do I get for that? 857 01:38:46,679 --> 01:38:49,509 And he goes silent, morose. 858 01:38:49,647 --> 01:38:51,926 His eyes searching for the exit. 859 01:38:54,031 --> 01:38:55,999 Well, there were rumors, as you only know too well, 860 01:38:56,137 --> 01:38:58,656 that he’d lost his mind over there, that... 861 01:38:58,794 --> 01:39:00,796 you know, he’d... he’d gone psycho, 862 01:39:00,935 --> 01:39:03,144 that he’d been involved in some bad things. 863 01:39:03,282 --> 01:39:05,801 Even that he’d murdered an unarmed civilian. 864 01:39:06,733 --> 01:39:08,321 Oh, and the shame. 865 01:39:08,459 --> 01:39:10,875 The shame of it seemed to crush him. 866 01:39:11,014 --> 01:39:13,948 I mean, regardless of what happened, the shame. 867 01:39:15,673 --> 01:39:16,985 It’s hard to imagine that, you know, 868 01:39:17,123 --> 01:39:18,504 what shame can do to a person. 869 01:39:18,642 --> 01:39:20,402 He was a very proud man, your father, Brian. 870 01:39:20,540 --> 01:39:22,473 He was very proud. 871 01:39:22,611 --> 01:39:23,958 Proud? 872 01:39:24,096 --> 01:39:26,305 You don’t understand. 873 01:39:26,443 --> 01:39:28,721 -He put his heart and soul into soldiering. -Proud? 874 01:39:28,859 --> 01:39:30,481 Just like your dad, Jem, you know? 875 01:39:30,619 --> 01:39:32,207 Listen to yourself, Mum. 876 01:39:32,345 --> 01:39:34,140 So... so to take that away from somebody, 877 01:39:34,278 --> 01:39:37,143 to take it away from him, it’s like taking his name away. 878 01:39:37,281 --> 01:39:39,145 How can you be so fucking reasonable about it? 879 01:39:39,283 --> 01:39:41,976 Oh, I wasn’t reasonable about it at the time. 880 01:39:43,356 --> 01:39:44,909 You know, and if it... if it wasn’t for knowing 881 01:39:45,048 --> 01:39:46,739 that there was a baby on the way, and if it... 882 01:39:46,877 --> 01:39:49,914 if it wasn’t for you... 883 01:39:50,053 --> 01:39:52,158 I don’t know what I would’ve done. 884 01:39:59,994 --> 01:40:02,272 So, yeah. 885 01:40:02,410 --> 01:40:04,757 He left us. 886 01:40:04,895 --> 01:40:06,724 I’m sorry. 887 01:40:11,557 --> 01:40:13,938 And is that what you think, or is that what you know? 888 01:40:18,495 --> 01:40:20,566 ’Cause this is what I think, Mum. 889 01:40:20,704 --> 01:40:23,396 I think he were a fucking killer 890 01:40:23,534 --> 01:40:25,605 and a coward. 891 01:40:25,743 --> 01:40:28,022 Because only a weak, cowardly person can walk away 892 01:40:28,160 --> 01:40:30,196 from their family like that. 893 01:40:33,061 --> 01:40:35,201 Don’t talk about him. You don’t know him. 894 01:40:35,339 --> 01:40:37,997 No, you’re right. I don’t know him. 895 01:40:38,135 --> 01:40:40,206 That’s the problem, innit? 896 01:40:40,344 --> 01:40:42,174 I don’t fucking know him. 897 01:40:44,176 --> 01:40:45,660 I know everything I fucking need to know 898 01:40:45,798 --> 01:40:48,249 about that bastard. 899 01:40:50,803 --> 01:40:52,977 And that he’s a big, giant fucking sinkhole 900 01:40:53,116 --> 01:40:55,187 in the middle of our lives. 901 01:41:00,571 --> 01:41:03,195 Don’t talk about him like that. 902 01:41:03,333 --> 01:41:06,267 Don’t talk about anybody like that in my presence. 903 01:41:06,405 --> 01:41:08,096 Least of all the man who gave you life, 904 01:41:08,234 --> 01:41:09,442 which is a blessed thing. 905 01:41:09,580 --> 01:41:11,582 Blessed? Blessed? 906 01:41:11,720 --> 01:41:13,653 Why does everything have to be so fucking blessed 907 01:41:13,791 --> 01:41:15,621 in this house, Mum? 908 01:41:16,760 --> 01:41:18,520 You gave me life. 909 01:41:19,590 --> 01:41:21,799 He gave me a fucking... 910 01:41:24,871 --> 01:41:27,115 ...fucking curse. 911 01:41:50,000 --> 01:41:51,795 All these years. 912 01:41:55,902 --> 01:41:57,835 All these years. 913 01:42:31,179 --> 01:42:33,595 "All these years," fucking what? 914 01:42:36,909 --> 01:42:38,290 How did you... 915 01:42:39,946 --> 01:42:43,053 The winters, I mean, the isolation. 916 01:42:45,020 --> 01:42:46,850 How did I what? 917 01:42:53,305 --> 01:42:55,410 How did I manage without you? 918 01:43:06,766 --> 01:43:08,561 It’s not over, Jem. 919 01:43:08,699 --> 01:43:11,185 You make it sound as if it... 920 01:43:11,323 --> 01:43:13,187 I mean... 921 01:43:14,774 --> 01:43:18,399 I won’t pretend I don’t think about it from time to time, 922 01:43:18,537 --> 01:43:20,849 but this is it, Jem. 923 01:43:20,987 --> 01:43:22,748 This is my life. 924 01:43:30,204 --> 01:43:31,998 Does it have to be? 925 01:43:42,319 --> 01:43:45,011 "As for man, 926 01:43:45,149 --> 01:43:49,153 "his days are as grass: 927 01:43:49,292 --> 01:43:52,743 "as a flower of the field, so it flourisheth. 928 01:43:54,538 --> 01:43:57,231 "For the wind passeth over it, 929 01:43:57,369 --> 01:44:00,924 "and it is gone; 930 01:44:01,062 --> 01:44:04,099 and the place thereof shall know it no more." 931 01:44:08,897 --> 01:44:11,245 Et cetera, et cetera. 932 01:44:11,383 --> 01:44:13,247 A-fucking-men. 933 01:44:18,113 --> 01:44:19,632 Good night, Ray. 934 01:46:18,510 --> 01:46:20,028 Brian? 935 01:46:23,722 --> 01:46:25,309 Brian? 936 01:55:07,279 --> 01:55:08,867 Hey. 937 01:55:10,213 --> 01:55:11,732 I’ve got to get going. 938 01:55:15,115 --> 01:55:17,220 What are you doing? Fucking hell.