1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,051
All right. You passed.

2
00:00:08,225 --> 00:00:09,618
- Yes.
- Congrats, Howard.

3
00:00:09,879 --> 00:00:11,098
Uh, ac...
Yeah, actually, it's Howie.

4
00:00:11,272 --> 00:00:12,708
Like "How we doing?"

5
00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,710
- Oh.
- Minus the "doing."

6
00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:16,755
- Got it.
- Mm-hmm.

7
00:00:16,929 --> 00:00:18,366
Well, now that you are
licensed in California,

8
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:21,412
you can drive your clients
all over town.

9
00:00:21,673 --> 00:00:23,806
Oh, that is such great news.
Isn't that right?

10
00:00:23,980 --> 00:00:25,460
How long have you been, uh,

11
00:00:25,634 --> 00:00:26,939
rescuing these sweet angels?

12
00:00:27,114 --> 00:00:29,768
Six years human, 42 canine.

13
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,727
- Hmm.
- That's a joke.

14
00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:33,381
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Yeah.

15
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:34,686
Actually, they rescue me.

16
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:37,298
That wasn't a joke.

17
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:39,300
No, no, yeah.
I used to foster

18
00:00:39,474 --> 00:00:40,562
until my landlord instituted

19
00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:42,868
- a "no pets" policy. Jerk.
- Ugh.

20
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,696
I wish there were
more people like you.

21
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:47,525
Some of these little guys will
just never really find homes.

22
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,049
Like little Gilbert here.

23
00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:50,920
Nobody will take him,
and I just, I don't know

24
00:00:51,094 --> 00:00:53,357
how much longer
I can keep him, so...

25
00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,707
- That breaks my heart.
- Mm-hmm.

26
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:58,188
Who wouldn't
want this "widdle" guy?

27
00:00:58,449 --> 00:01:00,277
Don't talk like a baby to him.
He's six.

28
00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:02,845
Who wouldn't want
this little guy?

29
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:04,368
- Better.
- Thank you.

30
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:06,370
Marla.

31
00:01:06,544 --> 00:01:08,851
Not in front of company.

32
00:01:09,025 --> 00:01:10,070
Marla!

33
00:01:22,256 --> 00:01:23,518
I know. Your 12-year-old

34
00:01:23,692 --> 00:01:25,215
neighbor moved to Alhambra.

35
00:01:25,476 --> 00:01:28,131
Well, now I have to play
video games and throw stuff

36
00:01:28,305 --> 00:01:30,438
into the community pool
all by myself.

37
00:01:30,612 --> 00:01:32,875
Why do you throw stuff
in your own pool?

38
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:34,746
You sound just like Henry's mom.

39
00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:40,709
I-I'm sorry about Henry.

40
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:43,625
I-I can't right now.

41
00:01:43,799 --> 00:01:45,757
Greggy, have you ever met

42
00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:48,543
an animal so adorable...

43
00:01:48,717 --> 00:01:51,241
I am not adopting a dog.
I'm a cat guy.

44
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:52,373
You know Weezy.

45
00:01:52,547 --> 00:01:54,244
I know Weezy, but I just met

46
00:01:54,418 --> 00:01:55,941
the sweetest
little Jack Russell.

47
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,553
Gilbert. He can roll over.

48
00:01:58,727 --> 00:02:00,729
Oh, that's nice. Weezy can read.

49
00:02:00,903 --> 00:02:05,125
Well, someone in this office
must need a new friend.

50
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:06,822
Well, what about Vic?

51
00:02:06,996 --> 00:02:09,085
What, Vic?
Who went to the San Diego Zoo

52
00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:10,434
to see "a Yoda"?

53
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:12,349
He's high-energy,
he's very playful

54
00:02:12,523 --> 00:02:14,351
and his best friend
just moved away.

55
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,962
Uh, no offense, Greggles,
but taking care of a dog

56
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,792
is a much bigger responsibility
than taking care of a cat.

57
00:02:20,966 --> 00:02:22,359
Okay, here we go.

58
00:02:22,533 --> 00:02:24,144
All they do is just
sit and stare at you

59
00:02:24,318 --> 00:02:25,406
and cough stuff up.

60
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:26,407
Who am I?

61
00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:32,456
It's a cat. It's Weezy.

62
00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,980
Yeah, well, dogs just like
to lick their private parts.

63
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:37,331
Who am I? "Oh, I'm a dog,

64
00:02:37,505 --> 00:02:38,723
my testicles are out."

65
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,337
Paula.

66
00:02:43,511 --> 00:02:45,513
Do you want to adopt a dog?

67
00:02:45,687 --> 00:02:47,602
You driving examiners are sick.

68
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:51,345
- Morning.
- Good morning.

69
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:53,347
Thank you, fine gentlemen.

70
00:02:53,521 --> 00:02:55,262
- Oh! God.
- Okay.

71
00:02:55,436 --> 00:02:56,785
Oh, Hall & Oates.

72
00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:58,787
I'm still getting
used to this thing.

73
00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,397
Okay. You okay?

74
00:03:00,571 --> 00:03:02,486
Yeah, my head
absorbed most of it.

75
00:03:02,660 --> 00:03:03,966
Okay. Well, I'm gonna go
get you some ice.

76
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:07,535
Yeah, my head absorbed
most of it.

77
00:03:08,449 --> 00:03:10,015
What's with the wheels, Barb?

78
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,279
My doctor's a little worried
about the healing process.

79
00:03:12,453 --> 00:03:14,542
She wants me to take it easy.

80
00:03:15,325 --> 00:03:17,066
All right, I can't
take this anymore.

81
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,460
You are driving me crazy
with this.

82
00:03:19,634 --> 00:03:20,809
Just tell me what I owe you

83
00:03:20,983 --> 00:03:22,245
so I can
make things right, okay?

84
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:24,116
What is it, huh?
You want another makeover?

85
00:03:24,291 --> 00:03:25,553
- How much?
- What?

86
00:03:25,727 --> 00:03:27,729
- What do you mean?
- You busted your foot

87
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,383
breaking that photo machine
to save my job,

88
00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:30,949
and now come in and out of here
every single day

89
00:03:31,167 --> 00:03:32,951
with you lording it over me
with that boot.

90
00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:36,433
Uh, the boot is so my navicular
bone won't shatter to dust.

91
00:03:36,607 --> 00:03:39,306
There you go again.
No, no. I want out.

92
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:40,872
I want out. I'm done.

93
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:42,961
Uh, what can I do
to just make it right? Please.

94
00:03:43,135 --> 00:03:45,225
Ceci, I don't have time
for your weird moral code today.

95
00:03:45,399 --> 00:03:47,618
The consultants did an audit
on our average processing time,

96
00:03:47,879 --> 00:03:49,577
and we have a slow window.

97
00:03:49,751 --> 00:03:51,100
- Wait.
- Mm.

98
00:03:51,361 --> 00:03:52,319
I can help you with that.

99
00:03:52,493 --> 00:03:54,059
Hello.

100
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,496
I have the fastest counter time
in all of the branch.

101
00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:57,062
Who's the slowpoke?

102
00:03:57,933 --> 00:03:58,977
Noa.

103
00:03:59,151 --> 00:04:00,414
You mean "Slow-a"?

104
00:04:00,675 --> 00:04:02,720
This is perfect.
I'll speed up the Kiwi

105
00:04:02,894 --> 00:04:04,983
and my debt to you
will finally be repaid.

106
00:04:05,157 --> 00:04:07,464
Ceci, there is no debt.
It's all in your head.

107
00:04:07,638 --> 00:04:09,161
Mm, mm, mm, mm.
My <i>madrina</i> tried to play

108
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:10,859
those same little
mind games with me.

109
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:12,034
She got me a gift,
I got her a thank-you note.

110
00:04:12,208 --> 00:04:13,557
She got me a thank-you note

111
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,255
for the thank-you note.

112
00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:17,344
We went back and forth
like this every single day

113
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:18,954
until she took her last breath.

114
00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:20,521
Then, I finally slid in

115
00:04:20,695 --> 00:04:22,740
a final thank-you note
into her coffin.

116
00:04:22,914 --> 00:04:23,915
Good for you?

117
00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,134
So I thought.

118
00:04:25,308 --> 00:04:27,484
Then she thanked me in her will.

119
00:04:27,658 --> 00:04:29,486
Well played, Carmela Maria.

120
00:04:29,660 --> 00:04:32,924
Gosh, I'll never
live that one down.

121
00:04:44,675 --> 00:04:47,069
Vic, did you get
the email I sent?

122
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:50,115
Henry in 14C
used to send me emails.

123
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,987
Just check.

124
00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:53,989
Okay.

125
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:55,425
Who's this stud?

126
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:58,385
Ooh! Ooh, let me see.

127
00:04:58,559 --> 00:05:01,388
Gregg, we talked about this.

128
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:03,564
A D-O-G is a big responsibility.

129
00:05:03,738 --> 00:05:05,392
It doesn't hurt the boy to look.

130
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:07,350
"Meet Gilbert. Six years old,

131
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:10,135
found on the side
of the freeway"-- love that--

132
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:12,486
"good with kids"-- don't care--

133
00:05:12,660 --> 00:05:14,357
"high energy"-- oh, yeah--

134
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:15,576
"hypoall...

135
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,795
"hypo, hyper allergenot...

136
00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:19,057
genetic"?

137
00:05:19,231 --> 00:05:20,494
- Ah, sure.
- Look at him.

138
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:22,539
Reading for pleasure.

139
00:05:22,713 --> 00:05:24,715
"If you're looking
for a spunky companion,

140
00:05:24,889 --> 00:05:26,413
Gilbert's your guy."

141
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:29,329
I am looking
for a spunky companion.

142
00:05:29,503 --> 00:05:30,547
Wait.

143
00:05:30,721 --> 00:05:33,158
I can actually get this dog?

144
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:36,248
I don't know.
Can he, Colette?

145
00:05:36,423 --> 00:05:37,598
Vic, a dog's
a really big commitment.

146
00:05:37,772 --> 00:05:39,600
It's not a handlebar mustache

147
00:05:39,861 --> 00:05:41,515
you swear is your new
signature look.

148
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:42,864
I love him.

149
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:47,521
I guess it can't hurt
for you to meet.

150
00:05:47,695 --> 00:05:49,044
Yes.

151
00:05:49,523 --> 00:05:51,612
We're gonna throw so much
stuff in the pool together.

152
00:05:52,787 --> 00:05:54,223
Oh, Barb.

153
00:05:54,397 --> 00:05:55,790
This is worse than I thought.

154
00:05:55,964 --> 00:05:57,531
I thought Noa
was just incompetent,

155
00:05:57,705 --> 00:05:58,967
or maybe he couldn't even read.

156
00:05:59,141 --> 00:06:00,490
Worse than being illiterate?

157
00:06:00,751 --> 00:06:02,492
Look at that customer's
body language.

158
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,320
Playing with her hair,

159
00:06:04,581 --> 00:06:06,453
running her fingers
along the counter,

160
00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:08,585
laughing out loud
at an okay-at-best joke.

161
00:06:08,759 --> 00:06:12,067
Of course.
Which means that, uh...

162
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:13,677
She's flirting with him.

163
00:06:14,591 --> 00:06:16,288
You know what
flirting is, right?

164
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:18,334
Of course I know
what "flirching" is.

165
00:06:19,248 --> 00:06:20,902
Customers are window-shopping.

166
00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:23,731
They prefer Noa over,
say, Paranoid Paula.

167
00:06:23,905 --> 00:06:25,515
Was that a cough?

168
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,038
Are you sick?

169
00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:33,262
Oh, God. Noa has HPV.

170
00:06:34,176 --> 00:06:35,873
Barb, I don't think you're
supposed to disclose that.

171
00:06:36,047 --> 00:06:37,875
HPV.
Hot Person Vibes.

172
00:06:38,049 --> 00:06:39,355
Right.

173
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:41,662
I keep forgetting that
people consider Noa hot.

174
00:06:41,836 --> 00:06:43,446
I mean, he's obviously a five.

175
00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:46,754
So tall and earnest.
Ugh.

176
00:06:46,928 --> 00:06:48,495
Okay, I'll go tell Noa
to be less hot.

177
00:06:48,669 --> 00:06:52,063
Uh-uh! And sabotage my efforts
at paying you back?

178
00:06:52,237 --> 00:06:53,195
I don't think so, Barb.

179
00:06:53,369 --> 00:06:55,763
Also, he's, like, your employee.

180
00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,242
That would be, like, hottist.

181
00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:58,809
What, are you gonna
go up to an ugly employee

182
00:06:58,983 --> 00:07:00,071
and talk to them
about their ugliness?

183
00:07:00,245 --> 00:07:02,117
- Never.
- Okay. Exactly. So...

184
00:07:02,291 --> 00:07:05,642
As a fellow human
experiencing hotness,

185
00:07:05,816 --> 00:07:08,428
I will speak to him, hot to hot.

186
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:13,041
Tomorrow.
I don't stay past 5:00.

187
00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:15,522
Backing up!

188
00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:22,572
So, I got this sick
rhinestone collar,

189
00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:26,533
some beef jerky
for us to "Lady and the Tramp,"

190
00:07:26,794 --> 00:07:28,578
this squeezy boy.

191
00:07:28,839 --> 00:07:30,885
- Very prepared. Good job, Vic.
- Good boy, Vicky.

192
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:33,844
I also got something for Weezy.

193
00:07:34,018 --> 00:07:35,672
Great. Now you can be

194
00:07:35,933 --> 00:07:38,327
holding something when she
decides not to play with you.

195
00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:39,546
But best of all,

196
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,070
I got us matching bandanas.

197
00:07:42,331 --> 00:07:43,201
Ding-dong.

198
00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:44,986
Ooh. Howie, hi.

199
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,248
So, this is Vic.

200
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:47,945
H...
Where's-where's my boy?

201
00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:49,251
Where's-where's Gilbert?

202
00:07:49,425 --> 00:07:50,818
Did you think you would just

203
00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:53,516
decide to adopt a dog
and fill out some forms

204
00:07:53,690 --> 00:07:55,475
and then I would
bring you a dog?

205
00:07:55,649 --> 00:07:57,781
I didn't even think
it would be that complicated.

206
00:07:58,042 --> 00:08:00,480
There's actually a very
thorough vetting process.

207
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:02,220
My-my bandanas...

208
00:08:02,394 --> 00:08:04,440
Call them what they are:
choke-danas.

209
00:08:04,701 --> 00:08:07,704
Do you know that almost
five dogs every year asphyxiate

210
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:10,620
from bandana
and other hilarious neckwear?

211
00:08:10,794 --> 00:08:11,969
- Howie.
- Mm-hmm.

212
00:08:12,404 --> 00:08:14,276
Wowie. Uh, being thorough
is great and all,

213
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:16,191
but this feels a little extreme.

214
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:17,758
Uh, let me see.
Is it extreme

215
00:08:17,932 --> 00:08:19,629
when people say
that they want a dog

216
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:22,197
but then you find out they were
just bored during a pandemic

217
00:08:22,371 --> 00:08:24,373
or they want to practice
for having a baby

218
00:08:24,547 --> 00:08:27,942
or they found a dog costume
at a yard sale?

219
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,421
- Doggone it.
- Is an expression

220
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:32,163
we are really not using anymore.

221
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:35,123
Wow.
So insensitive

222
00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:37,299
to gone dogs.

223
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,049
I didn't know
it would be this hard

224
00:08:48,223 --> 00:08:49,703
to adopt a needy dog.

225
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:52,009
I know what the issue is.
Dog people.

226
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:54,621
In terms of your
housing situation...

227
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:56,753
...do you rent or own?

228
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:57,928
Uh, rent.

229
00:08:58,102 --> 00:08:59,321
Please let me finish.

230
00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:01,323
Because not all leases
allow pets.

231
00:09:01,497 --> 00:09:02,803
Oh, that won't be a problem,

232
00:09:03,020 --> 00:09:05,153
'cause my apartment building
is dog-friendly.

233
00:09:06,023 --> 00:09:08,330
Have you ever
owned a dog before?

234
00:09:08,504 --> 00:09:11,420
- No, but I always...
- Okay, you got to stop
interrupting me.

235
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,292
Have you ever
owned a dog before...

236
00:09:14,466 --> 00:09:16,425
as a child or as an adult?

237
00:09:18,340 --> 00:09:19,297
You can talk now.

238
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:21,169
I don't have all day.

239
00:09:21,343 --> 00:09:25,042
No, but I always
wanted to, growing up.

240
00:09:25,303 --> 00:09:28,437
I moved around from foster home
to foster home.

241
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,047
Kind of like Gilbert.

242
00:09:30,439 --> 00:09:33,398
Maybe... maybe that's why
I feel so connected to him.

243
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,052
Wow.

244
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:36,880
Domestic instability,

245
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:39,361
emotional damage,

246
00:09:39,535 --> 00:09:42,190
equating himself to a canine.

247
00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:44,453
This is unbelievable.

248
00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:47,412
I could understand if it was
for a cat, but a dog?

249
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,198
Now, Mr. Tersillo...
Am I saying that right?

250
00:09:50,372 --> 00:09:51,808
Mm-hmm.

251
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:53,941
So, most dog rescues
would conduct a home inspection.

252
00:09:54,115 --> 00:09:55,290
You were there last week.

253
00:09:55,507 --> 00:09:57,031
What kind of shape
is it in, Gregg?

254
00:09:57,292 --> 00:09:59,424
Imagine if a dorm room and a gym
threw up on each other.

255
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:01,513
But of course,
everyone expects that,

256
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:04,604
so they can prepare,
so I don't do those.

257
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:06,475
Instead...

258
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:07,824
show me your car.

259
00:10:07,998 --> 00:10:09,957
Oh, God.

260
00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:11,567
What does he call it?

261
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:13,569
The Buttmobile.

262
00:10:17,355 --> 00:10:20,010
And who is this lovely
inflatable lady?

263
00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,446
Mariah.

264
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,448
It's so he can, uh,
take the carpool lane.

265
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,015
Yeah, it's nothing weird.

266
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:28,366
Do not take her down the 405
with the top down.

267
00:10:29,454 --> 00:10:30,891
And this is what we call

268
00:10:31,065 --> 00:10:32,893
getting off on the wrong paw.

269
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,765
All right, Noa, I don't like you
and you don't like me.

270
00:10:35,939 --> 00:10:37,724
I consider us good friends.

271
00:10:37,898 --> 00:10:40,030
But your APT is way too high.

272
00:10:40,204 --> 00:10:41,510
Customers are taking forever
at your window

273
00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:43,381
because of the way you look.

274
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:45,209
'Cause of the-the way I look?

275
00:10:45,383 --> 00:10:47,037
I know. I don't get it either.
But how many times a day

276
00:10:47,211 --> 00:10:48,952
does a customer
come up to you and say...

277
00:10:49,126 --> 00:10:51,085
"Oh,
my God, your accent is so cute.

278
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:52,434
What time do you get off?"

279
00:10:52,608 --> 00:10:54,654
Occasionally. Yeah.

280
00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:57,657
Daily.
Oh, wow. Um...

281
00:10:57,831 --> 00:10:59,702
Uh, hey, as we all know,

282
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:01,486
L.A. is a kind, welcoming city.

283
00:11:01,748 --> 00:11:02,966
You obviously have never tried

284
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:04,576
to cross Alvarado
before a Dodgers game.

285
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:08,015
No. Right...
What can I do about my APT?

286
00:11:08,189 --> 00:11:09,625
Okay, so,
as a fellow hot, I faced

287
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:10,974
this same problem
when I first started here,

288
00:11:11,148 --> 00:11:13,803
and that's why I invented
window face.

289
00:11:14,717 --> 00:11:15,936
Next.

290
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,154
- Ooh.
- You see?
You just have to be mean

291
00:11:17,328 --> 00:11:18,242
and keep things moving.

292
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:19,896
Mean, though? No, that's...

293
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,332
I-I don't think that's me.

294
00:11:21,593 --> 00:11:22,769
Well, no,
you just have to practice.

295
00:11:22,943 --> 00:11:24,945
Here, let's role-play
a scenario. Okay.

296
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:28,122
- All right. Hit me.
- You ready?

297
00:11:28,949 --> 00:11:30,864
Hi, sir.
Here's my paperwork.

298
00:11:31,038 --> 00:11:32,735
Um, sorry
if I seem a little sad.

299
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:35,433
My, um, my mother
fell down a sewer today.

300
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,392
Uh, it was fatal.

301
00:11:38,219 --> 00:11:39,350
I am so sorry.

302
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:40,830
Noa, are you serious?

303
00:11:41,091 --> 00:11:42,702
- Hello! Remember: mean.
- Oh. Mean.

304
00:11:42,876 --> 00:11:43,920
Mean.

305
00:11:44,094 --> 00:11:45,226
Be mean.

306
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,576
I... I don't care
about your mum.

307
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:49,012
Noa.

308
00:11:49,230 --> 00:11:50,622
I'm... I don't know
where that came from.

309
00:11:50,797 --> 00:11:52,320
- I'm so sorry.
- Idiot.

310
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,626
I was testing you.
Oh, my God.

311
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:57,412
Gosh.
I'm just not a good teacher.

312
00:11:57,586 --> 00:12:00,241
It's not you, it's me.
I'm just trying to figure...

313
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:02,156
That was another test, right?

314
00:12:02,417 --> 00:12:04,201
- Oh, my God.
- I got it.

315
00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:06,160
Okay.

316
00:12:10,338 --> 00:12:12,253
This car is a death trap.

317
00:12:12,427 --> 00:12:13,907
Chocolate-covered raisins?

318
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:15,952
Aka dog poison.

319
00:12:16,126 --> 00:12:17,301
VR headset?

320
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:19,260
That's the electric chair
of chew toys.

321
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:20,478
Costume wig?

322
00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:22,742
That'll set off his prey drive.

323
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:25,832
That's how that would work.

324
00:12:26,006 --> 00:12:27,224
I'll go get
the office dustbuster

325
00:12:27,398 --> 00:12:29,400
to clean up the Raisinets.

326
00:12:29,574 --> 00:12:31,359
I've seen enough.

327
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:32,621
Vic Tersillo...

328
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:35,276
should not have a dog.

329
00:12:36,146 --> 00:12:37,495
Or a job.

330
00:12:37,669 --> 00:12:39,062
Or a place in polite society.

331
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:40,934
Vic is one of the DMV's finest.

332
00:12:41,108 --> 00:12:43,632
- Is that a compliment?
- Look, he may not be perfect,

333
00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,200
but I've worked near the guy
almost every day

334
00:12:46,374 --> 00:12:47,723
for I don't know how many years.

335
00:12:47,897 --> 00:12:49,769
Trust me,
he won't let Gilbert down.

336
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:51,771
Sure, yeah, he's a little
rough around the edges,

337
00:12:51,945 --> 00:12:54,469
and he applied for the FBI
because he genuinely thought

338
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:56,558
that they were
female body inspectors,

339
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:59,822
but he's a good person.

340
00:12:59,996 --> 00:13:01,389
The answer is no.

341
00:13:02,912 --> 00:13:05,088
Okay, new argument.

342
00:13:05,828 --> 00:13:09,919
So, you're going to decide
for Gilbert?

343
00:13:10,093 --> 00:13:11,442
Oh. Yeah.

344
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:13,357
Yeah.
A dog person

345
00:13:13,531 --> 00:13:15,925
is not gonna let Gilbert
have a say in this?

346
00:13:16,099 --> 00:13:17,927
Unless you're, I don't know,

347
00:13:18,101 --> 00:13:20,712
- a cat person.
- Whoa. Hey.

348
00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:22,584
There's no need for pejoratives.

349
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,281
Fine.

350
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:26,153
I will let Gilbert meet Vic.

351
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:27,894
- Thank you.
- Great.

352
00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:31,027
Quick one. Do y'all think
I look like Mariah?

353
00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,116
Hmm. Little bit.

354
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:34,857
Ugh, charge.
Charge, damn it.

355
00:13:35,031 --> 00:13:37,033
Hey.
Great news, buddy.

356
00:13:37,207 --> 00:13:39,514
You got you an interview
with Gilbert.

357
00:13:39,688 --> 00:13:40,645
Seriously?

358
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,343
I wonder what he's gonna ask me.

359
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:43,866
I know I was skeptical earlier,

360
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:45,215
but I think I have
a really good feeling

361
00:13:45,389 --> 00:13:47,087
that Gilbert's found
his forever home.

362
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:48,958
Wow. Forever.

363
00:13:49,132 --> 00:13:50,655
Yeah, it's so great.
That little guy

364
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,179
has been bouncing around
for years,

365
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,616
and now he's gonna be yours.

366
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,531
He's gonna depend on you
for everything.

367
00:13:56,705 --> 00:13:59,099
- Wow.
- And if it's anything
like being a cat owner,

368
00:13:59,273 --> 00:14:00,970
you two will have
an unbreakable bond.

369
00:14:01,144 --> 00:14:03,799
Unless someone
has a laser pointer.

370
00:14:03,973 --> 00:14:05,714
Okay.

371
00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:10,458
Captain Crunch,
Noa's taking even longer.

372
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,852
But he's giving
really good window face.

373
00:14:13,113 --> 00:14:14,984
Hey, I'm not interested.
Move on.

374
00:14:15,767 --> 00:14:18,770
I forgot about
the double standard.

375
00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:20,860
When I'm hot and mean,
people think I have attitude.

376
00:14:21,034 --> 00:14:24,167
When he's hot and mean, it only
makes him more appealing.

377
00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:26,604
Damn it.
Sexism strikes again.

378
00:14:26,778 --> 00:14:29,303
I thought <i>Madam Secretary</i>
got rid of all that.

379
00:14:29,477 --> 00:14:31,696
Well, Cec, thanks for trying.

380
00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:34,090
Aah!
Don't you even.

381
00:14:34,264 --> 00:14:37,006
As God as my witness,
I will repay my debt to you,

382
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,790
and you will torture me no more.

383
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,621
Fifteen minutes late.

384
00:14:43,795 --> 00:14:45,710
Is this some kind of sick prank?

385
00:14:45,972 --> 00:14:47,843
He probably got held up
doing a driving test.

386
00:14:48,104 --> 00:14:51,194
I will text him.
Oh, he texted me.

387
00:14:51,368 --> 00:14:53,414
"Not coming. Sorry."

388
00:14:53,588 --> 00:14:55,851
Wow. Typical.

389
00:14:56,025 --> 00:14:58,419
Needless to say,
I am very disappointed

390
00:14:58,593 --> 00:14:59,855
and Gilbert is crushed.

391
00:15:00,116 --> 00:15:01,901
Yeah, he looks very affected.

392
00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:09,125
- Boy, oh, boy.
- There you are.

393
00:15:09,299 --> 00:15:11,301
You're hiding in your car?

394
00:15:11,475 --> 00:15:12,694
Leave me alone, guys.

395
00:15:12,868 --> 00:15:17,090
This does not concern you,
Mariah.

396
00:15:17,264 --> 00:15:19,570
I know you guys are really
ticked off with me.

397
00:15:19,744 --> 00:15:22,878
We're not ticked off,
but we are disappointed.

398
00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:24,445
Well, I'm ticked off.

399
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,142
I knew I shouldn't have
listened to Gregg.

400
00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:29,102
What? And all of a sudden
this is my fault?

401
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:30,842
Well, this wasn't my idea.

402
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,496
Oh, if it was up to you,
he wouldn't try anything.

403
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,629
If it was up to you,
he would have broken his neck

404
00:15:34,803 --> 00:15:36,544
doing that crash test
demonstration.

405
00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:39,590
All of a sudden, we're at the
motor safety convention of 2022.

406
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:41,810
I knew that was a bad idea,
I knew this was a bad idea.

407
00:15:41,984 --> 00:15:43,986
- Oh...
- Okay, stop.

408
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,248
Stop.

409
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:49,818
I can't be the only person
that Gilbert is relying on.

410
00:15:50,732 --> 00:15:52,212
What if he needs help
with his homework?

411
00:15:52,386 --> 00:15:54,605
Or he's the only kid
in his class

412
00:15:54,779 --> 00:15:56,346
that doesn't bring in cupcakes
on his birthday

413
00:15:56,607 --> 00:15:58,958
because his foster parents
never know which day it is?

414
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:02,396
Gilbert deserves...

415
00:16:02,570 --> 00:16:04,180
...deserves better.

416
00:16:07,705 --> 00:16:08,924
No.

417
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:11,535
I think you guys
deserve each other.

418
00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:14,886
Because I bet a lot of people
overlook... Gilbert.

419
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:18,194
Yeah. 'Cause nobody realized
what a great guy he is.

420
00:16:18,368 --> 00:16:20,675
And just because he didn't have

421
00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:22,242
the best upbringing doesn't mean

422
00:16:22,416 --> 00:16:25,158
that he can't provide one
for another dog.

423
00:16:25,332 --> 00:16:28,552
So Gilbert's gonna adopt...
Gilbert?

424
00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:30,032
The point is...

425
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:31,773
is that if you are this worried

426
00:16:31,947 --> 00:16:34,863
about being a good dad,
you're ahead of the game.

427
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:38,345
Because bad parents do not worry
about being bad parents.

428
00:16:38,519 --> 00:16:41,217
And they certainly don't buy
matching bandanas.

429
00:16:43,089 --> 00:16:46,048
You guys really think I could be
a good dad to Gilbert?

430
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:49,530
- We know you could.
- Yeah.

431
00:16:50,835 --> 00:16:53,055
You have
to get rid of this hatchet.

432
00:16:53,229 --> 00:16:54,796
- Oh, my car axe?
- Yeah.

433
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,712
But that's how I quickly settle
right-of-way disputes.

434
00:16:57,886 --> 00:16:59,583
Noa?! Oh.

435
00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,063
Noa, I figured it out.

436
00:17:01,324 --> 00:17:02,934
We just have
to make you more unappealing.

437
00:17:03,109 --> 00:17:05,067
Oh, no. I haven't worn
rainbow suspenders

438
00:17:05,241 --> 00:17:06,590
since my boy band days.

439
00:17:06,764 --> 00:17:08,027
- Mm.
- Look, I know

440
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:09,550
my processing time
isn't perfect,

441
00:17:09,811 --> 00:17:11,856
but why is it
such a big deal to you?

442
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:13,510
Because.
I owe Barb.

443
00:17:13,684 --> 00:17:15,382
- What do you mean?
- She saved my job.

444
00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:16,861
And when someone does
something nice for you,

445
00:17:17,123 --> 00:17:18,559
there are always
strings attached.

446
00:17:18,776 --> 00:17:19,821
Even if you can't feel 'em,
they're always pulling.

447
00:17:19,995 --> 00:17:21,997
My <i>madrina</i> taught me that.

448
00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:23,520
Forget it.
You wouldn't understand.

449
00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:25,087
I completely understand.

450
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:27,220
- Oh, do you?
- Seriously, I do.

451
00:17:27,481 --> 00:17:29,570
My family-- they're very, um...

452
00:17:29,744 --> 00:17:31,137
very transactional.

453
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:33,313
Like, even if they
do something nice for you,

454
00:17:33,487 --> 00:17:34,531
it comes
with all of these, uh...

455
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:36,098
Unspoken expectations?

456
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:37,578
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

457
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:38,883
Yeah, exactly.

458
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,755
It's-it's part
of why I moved here.

459
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:42,539
You know?
It was always gonna

460
00:17:42,713 --> 00:17:44,889
bother me and so,
if I couldn't change who I was,

461
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,109
I guess I had to change
where I was.

462
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:50,069
Shoot.
I see it now.

463
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:51,505
I always thought
customers liked you

464
00:17:51,679 --> 00:17:52,854
because of your funny
little accent

465
00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:54,160
and your so-so jawline.

466
00:17:54,334 --> 00:17:55,509
Thanks?

467
00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:56,945
You're welcome.

468
00:17:57,206 --> 00:17:58,729
But the problem still remains.

469
00:17:58,903 --> 00:18:01,776
How do we get your APT down
if you're so damn likable?

470
00:18:01,950 --> 00:18:03,604
- I don't know.
- I am entering
the break room.

471
00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:05,867
Is anyone using the microwave?

472
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:08,174
No.

473
00:18:09,262 --> 00:18:11,655
Oh, Paula.

474
00:18:11,829 --> 00:18:13,135
Thank you.

475
00:18:14,049 --> 00:18:16,704
Tickle my Elmo.
Under six minutes.

476
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:18,662
Twice.
How'd you do that?

477
00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:22,144
Well, I couldn't change Noa,
so I changed his surroundings.

478
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,755
Psst! Trying to tune out
the P.A. system.

479
00:18:24,929 --> 00:18:26,540
It transmits at a frequency

480
00:18:26,714 --> 00:18:28,150
that makes you want
to kill the mayor.

481
00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:30,631
- Freaking genius, Ceci.
- I know.

482
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:32,459
And now,
my debt to you is paid off.

483
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,200
- That's not a thing.
- Hmm.

484
00:18:34,504 --> 00:18:36,724
But it sure was nice of Paula
to switch windows for you.

485
00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:39,770
Shoot.
Now I owe Paula.

486
00:18:39,944 --> 00:18:43,992
Psst! Miss, your immune system
is fighting an infection.

487
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,950
I can smell it.

488
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,387
It's not going good.

489
00:18:47,561 --> 00:18:48,692
Paula?

490
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,825
It's time for your lunch break.

491
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,827
Gilbert, make a poop,
and we can go.

492
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,263
One big poop.

493
00:18:54,524 --> 00:18:56,483
Go on.
You can do this.

494
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:58,224
I wanted to apologize.

495
00:18:58,398 --> 00:19:00,182
I really care for Gilbert,

496
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:02,837
and I promise
never to abandon him.

497
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:05,056
You already abandoned him
before you even got him.

498
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,667
This is not happening.

499
00:19:06,841 --> 00:19:08,538
I understand.

500
00:19:08,712 --> 00:19:11,150
Your standards are high.

501
00:19:13,064 --> 00:19:14,892
Hold on there, dog boy.

502
00:19:15,066 --> 00:19:16,677
We also

503
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:19,462
have high standards at the DMV.

504
00:19:19,723 --> 00:19:21,247
And if I remember correctly,

505
00:19:21,421 --> 00:19:23,292
you came to a rolling stop

506
00:19:23,466 --> 00:19:25,120
at the intersection
of Cole and Waring.

507
00:19:25,294 --> 00:19:27,296
- You already passed me.
- I did?

508
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,820
- Where is your license?
- You're mailing it to me.

509
00:19:29,994 --> 00:19:31,170
We are?

510
00:19:31,344 --> 00:19:32,867
- Aren't you?
- You tell us.

511
00:19:33,041 --> 00:19:34,173
You are.

512
00:19:34,434 --> 00:19:36,349
- We're not.
- Hey, unfair.

513
00:19:36,610 --> 00:19:37,959
Very unfair.
You are being...

514
00:19:38,133 --> 00:19:39,395
Ridiculously unreasonable?

515
00:19:39,569 --> 00:19:41,180
Circuitous logic?

516
00:19:41,354 --> 00:19:43,573
Do you know where you are?

517
00:19:44,357 --> 00:19:45,662
We work at the DMV.

518
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:48,099
We invented
pointless frustration.

519
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:50,363
I get it.
Okay. We can see

520
00:19:50,624 --> 00:19:52,974
if Gilbert is even
open to that. I just...

521
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:55,368
- Well... Well, okay.
- Ah.

522
00:19:55,629 --> 00:19:56,978
Oh, Gilbert. Mmm.

523
00:19:57,152 --> 00:20:00,024
Mmm. So many kisses.

524
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:03,289
- The kissy monster.
- Okay, fine.
It is actually fine.

525
00:20:03,463 --> 00:20:06,335
- We have the same breath.
- You're right.

526
00:20:06,509 --> 00:20:08,772
- He was ready.
- Yeah, but, you know,

527
00:20:08,946 --> 00:20:10,992
your challenging him
made him rise to the occasion.

528
00:20:11,166 --> 00:20:13,647
Which he could only do
because you believed in him.

529
00:20:13,821 --> 00:20:15,605
- He's lucky to have us.
- He is.

530
00:20:15,779 --> 00:20:17,259
I will love you forever.

531
00:20:17,433 --> 00:20:18,913
This would never happen
with a cat.

532
00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:20,654
- What, happiness?
- Come on.

533
00:20:20,828 --> 00:20:22,525
- We were doing so good.
- Shh.

534
00:20:27,182 --> 00:20:28,966
Let's go meet everybody.
Noa, I want you

535
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,881
to meet my main man, Gilbert.

536
00:20:31,055 --> 00:20:33,014
<i>Kia ora.</i>
Pleased to meet you, Gil.

537
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:34,668
Ooh, don't call him Gil.

538
00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:36,887
I mean, how would you like it
if I called you "No"?

539
00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:39,325
- I'd-I'd feel indifferent.
- Okay.

540
00:20:39,499 --> 00:20:42,110
- And that's Paula.
- Oh, great.
Now he knows my name.

541
00:20:42,371 --> 00:20:44,373
Why don't you just give him
my Social Security number?

542
00:20:44,547 --> 00:20:46,201
Don't pay attention to her.

543
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:48,595
And this over here is Ceci.

544
00:20:48,769 --> 00:20:50,423
She might be
your hot mom one day.

545
00:20:50,684 --> 00:20:53,077
Oh, my God.
I like it.

546
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:54,862
I'm gonna paint your nails.

547
00:20:55,036 --> 00:20:56,298
- Ooh.
- Ooh, what color?

548
00:20:56,472 --> 00:20:58,039
Red, to match our bandanas.

549
00:21:02,652 --> 00:21:05,568
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

550
00:21:05,742 --> 00:21:08,397
and TOYOTA.

551
00:21:08,571 --> 00:21:11,879
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org