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"Sometimes a movie isn't what you think.
It can offer a different perspective
or the solution to a crisis...
so long as you can crack
THE CODE."
Orson Welles, 1959
I can't...
You know, I can't even remember the first time, the last-- fuck!
I can't remember the last time that I...
had sex with my girlfriend.
But I'm gonna change that tonight
and I wanna get it on the record.
This is Jay Richard. It's March 14, 2021, at around 11:30 pm.
ABOUT 25 MINUTES LATER...
I tried. I tried so hard.
Oh god, I don't know.
Honestly... another reason why I'm recording this is,
she suddenly decided to start making like,
a doc about us.
And I know it's gonna be awesome,
but I just wanna make sure she has my side of things too.
You know?
Alright.
What the fuck?
- Hey. - What's up, Jay?
- Nothing. - What are you doing in here?
- Nothing. - Nothing?
What you're about to see is the truth, as I lived it.
Celine Unger, March 2021.
Isn't it crazy how like, everyone is going through this...
like together?
CELINE UNGER'S UNTITLED COVID DOCUMENTARY
- Love you. - Love you.
Excuse me, please put your masks on.
- Celine, you're not gonna help? - I'm helping.
You're gonna break our eggs.
- Careful! Do I have to be filming this? - Yes.
You know you can fully take your mask off, right?
No.
Cheers! Love you.
Yeah. What's beautiful about this shot?
Just your profile, the overpass and everything. It's cool.
We would have to get towed away, if we didn't charge it.
- Morongo. - Stop!
That's where you're from.
It's gonna be great. We're gonna have a nice week.
- Love you. - Love you.
All these NPC cars.
You think I can like download this from the car?
Seems like it would be mad hard.
Did you know that America is the Saudi Arabia of wind?
Oh my god, get this guy. Get this guy!
- Are you getting him? - Yeah.
Why would you wear a mask alone in a convertible?
That's psycho.
Hey, lemme ask you a question.
Okay.
Do you think putting yourself in the movie changes it?
What?
Changes it? It's my movie.
I know, but a document-- Shit!
A documentary is supposed to be objective.
If you put yourself in it,
you could end up going into like, performance mode.
- Performance mode? - Yeah.
Don't you wanna capture something real?
Is this real enough for you?
Stop.
Celine! Shit! Stop it!
- Am I acting real now? - Okay!
Put yourself in your own documentary.
I really don't give a shit...
as long as you don't kill us.
Why don't you say that thing you were saying earlier
about our relationship?
Does this movie have to be about us and our relationship?
Well, really good question.
It's actually not about us or our relationship,
it's about Covid-19, the Coronavirus pandemic.
- I haven't consented to being in it. - Consented? Seriously?
Don't know if you noticed but we're living through a once in a life time catastrophe
and I just wanna capture it while it's happening
because one day it's all gonna be over.
Good.
Yeah, good! Except we'll be so glad it's over
that we'll forget all about it. Everyone will.
And that's why for this movie,
every little detail is important.
Okay. So you're just gonna film everything, and then what...
like, edit it?
Yeah.
That's what a movie is.
Focus on the road, babe. Focus on the road.
- It's just giving me coordinates. - Let me do that, so you can drive.
Let me do that, so you can drive.
You see that? You see how it's doing coordinates?
What's your code again?
2-4-6-8-0-1.
It's not working.
2-4-6-8-0-1...
Sorry, it feels different when I hold it in my hand.
It's 3-6-4-8-0-1.
- Jesus! - Sorry.
3-6-4-8-0-1. Say it back.
- 3-6-4-8-0-1. - 3-6-4-8-0-1.
- 3-6-4-8-0-1! - 3-6-4-8-0--
Oh fuck!
There's nothing actually wrong this tire,
- I don't underst-- - I thought it was a self-driving car.
Yeah it is but you have to turn that feature on.
Design flaw.
What the fuck?
Why did I get a car I can't afford to repair?
Hey, come over here.
- No. No. - Please Jay.
Just one.
Say "It's windy."
It's windy.
Thank you.
You guys okay?
Actually, no. We're having an issue with this tire.
You got a jack?
I don't know.
Yeah. No worries. I got one.
No problem dude.
Is this safe?
Yeah.
What's going on?
Wow!
Yeah so, yeah...
Alright.
Come on keep filming.
What does this have to do with Covid?
So we'll know what to do next time.
So what you just pump it up?
Yeah.
It's just a little debris.
Somebody else's tire. It's not even yours.
How do you know how much to pump it?
With this jack it's like, 1 or 2 pumps, you know.
But with your little scissor jack
it's probably 10 or 15 rotations.
Maybe he doesn't wanna be filmed.
Maybe he thinks it's weird.
Do you think it's weird?
I think it's weird you're talking about it.
Just ask next time.
We're 2 hours and 20 minutes late.
Who cares? It doesn't fucking matter.
It's humiliating.
I said I was sorry.
Look. He's--
- He doesn't give a shit. I texted him. - Just deal with it.
Hey, so sorry we're late.
All good, man. Welcome!
- Hi! - Hi!
- I'm Celine! - Hi. Parthik. Nice to meet you guys.
C! Make sure he's okay with you filming.
Is it okay if I film?
Just you know, so we can document the place...
Yeah, full disclosure, she's making a documentary about Covid.
Oh. Actually?
Yeah.
You guys aren't gonna be doing anything illegal are you?
Not planning on it.
Are the owners okay with me filming here?
Oh. Totally.
You have no idea how many freaks we get for the whole ghost thing.
Just don't burn the place down
and we'll be all good.
- Wait. What ghost thing? - So, what's the deal?
Should I have mask off for being on camera?
- Go for it. - You should probably do the opposite.
I'm vaxxed.
Had to.
Nice.
Introduce yourself.
I am Parthik Miraj.
I'm 35 years old.
And we are here in beautiful Yucca Valley, California.
How did you get the vax so early?
Is this considered front line work?
Not technically
but I know a guy in a nursing home
and frankly, it gives me a little edge on the competition.
Nice.
I can hook you guys up, if you want.
- Sure. - That'd be great.
Oh, shoot.
Do you guys mind if I take this call?
No.
Feel free to explore, you know...
There's all the rooms.
Hello? Hey!
So you think this is gonna work for your doc?
Yeah! It's awesome.
It's really kinda dark.
Yeah, it's creepy.
No, I mean it's like bad lighting conditions.
Well, whatever. I'll fix it in post.
Just don't worry about it, okay?
- I'm not worried. - I'll figure it out.
What are you so fucking unhappy about?
No. I'm happy. This is good.
- What do you need? - I don't need anything.
- You need to focus, right? - I do need to focus.
Focus on your big, sexy, crypto...
What are you doing?
I'm just being cute while he's gone.
That guy is still here. Stop this.
We came here to fix our sex problem...
- I don't-- - Jay...
Why are you doing this? You're acting like it's a pornography. Stop.
- What? - It's a doc.
Don't mind me.
Oh shit! What the fuck's this?
It's just oxygen, like when you're out there.
- Do you guys like hiking? - Not really.
Oh, well, if it strikes you,
San Jacinto and Joshua Tree State Park are unbelievable.
You're really photogenic.
Why, thank you.
I did the whole actor thing in LA for a while,
but that didn't work out, and... this did.
Totally.
Okay, why don't you do the rest of the tour
as the spoiled daughter of a rich Southern family.
Oh my god.
Come on.
Here I go.
Now...
this home
is to die for.
Some of the beautiful features of this desert gem
are a pool,
a hot tub,
an entertainment center,
a DEN home safety system.
A home safety system?
Like the landlords are watching us?
Oh, don't you worry your little head about that!
Only your peepers will be on the cameras.
Y'all can just download the app from the app store.
It's as easy as D-E-N.
Jay, hold this.
Come up with me y'all.
We have the pièce de résistance ,
The Boulder Room.
A bed that is literally cut into the mountain.
Oh my god! Jay!
Oh, wow.
This is cool.
There ain't nothing like it in this part of town.
Wow.
I occasionally pop over and take a little dip
when the house is deserted.
Simply magnificent.
Ain't it?
Cooking for my impotent boyfriend.
ErectRX, yum.
He is going to love this.
All done.
Jay!
Dinner's ready.
Jay...
I'm almost done.
- The food's gonna get cold. - Okay.
Almost done what, tapping that stupid, freaking dog?
Celine, this app saves real animals.
This looks good.
Shouldn't you be working on your fungible token?
Non-fungible.
It's really good.
But like, are all the flavors hitting you?
I think that they are.
Well, some of them are gonna hit you really hard.
Boner pills?
Fucking phone.
When all this Covid shit started
it really made me think about how fragile everything was
and how quickly it can fall apart.
Oh!
Whoa...
Life really stopped feeling like a game.
That's when you know you really wanna be with someone who can protect you,
somebody powerful.
Why won't he fuck me?
You'd think with all this ambient death
some pro-creative instinct would kick in but...
not for us.
Hey!
How you doing?
I've been better.
My head feels really weird
and my heart's beating really fast.
Oh no!
Take it.
3-6-4-8-0-1
Open up the camera and film.
Hey Mister...
I noticed you were rock hard.
Like these boulders.
Oh yeah, you noticed that?
You seem to know a lot about rocks.
Yeah.
I do. I'm actually um...
a professional.
Oh yeah, you're a sexy little geologist?
And hardness is my specialty.
Really? So...
where do you think I'm at on the Mohs Scale?
Why don't you just lie back
and relax.
Okay, but seriously, what do you think?
Is this a ten, like a diamond?
Or more like an eight, like quartz?
What?
On the Mohs Scale.
I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
Just keep going.
Do you want me to blow you or should we just try to fuck?
Yeah, I mean, I guess we could just try to do it.
Oh, wow. It's actually getting soft.
Seriously?
Yeah.
God! That's such a relief.
What the fuck, Jay?
What? I was getting super worried.
Yeah. Worried that we'd actually fuck.
Sorry.
3-6-4-8-0-1
Lmk if u need me to come out there on my spring break and kick his ass
Don't hesitate to contact me anytime if you need anything
I think were good pal...
CONVERSATIONS
XFAP LOCKDOWN GIVING YOU CABIN FEVER?
CUM PLAY WITH THESE HORNY COVID CLITS
SEXY PAWG SPITROASTED BY OGRE AND MASKED MAN
FAP CITY X FAPSTER
NIGHT MODE
What's happening?
Baby what's happening?
Did you hear that noise?
No.
It was like a moan...
Oh, maybe it was from the ghost room...
You think they're moaning in there?
I don't know.
Just rest up baby, you got a big day tomorrow.
Okay. Love you.
Love you.
DEN SYSTEM ARMED (AWAY MODE) CAMERA MOTION DETECTED: BEDROOM_01
BEDROOM_01
LIVE
BEDROOM_02
ARCHIVES
MOTION DETECTED
TWO WAY
LIBRARY
Good morning!
Good morning.
How'd you sleep?
- How'd you sleep? - Good.
Except this noise woke me up.
Oh yeah?
What's your phone code?
My phone code? Why?
You have my phone code.
So? I'm not doing anything with it.
What are you so afraid of?
What am I...? Nothing.
Alright, fine!
It's right down the middle, 2-5-8-0.
Thank you.
- I love you. - Love you.
Installing the Two Way app on my boyfriend's phone.
I love this app.
Now I can see everything he is doing on his phone.
Enable front camera and screen recording at the same time.
Hide the app in his utilities folder.
He will never know.
All done.
Thanks, Jay.
No problem.
- Love you. - Love you.
HIDDEN CAMERAS
I mean, yeah!
Everything's on track, you know.
Let's just make sure we have a contingency or whatever.
What does that mean?
Hey Jay, can we see the NFTs?
Yeah! Here...
- See! - Lemme see.
I've done a lot.
- They look good. - How many of these have you made so far?
I don't know, 150... 200.
Do you understand that we need
around minimum 6,000 lower bound.
You can algorithmically generate this.
- I've done it millions of times. - Dagsen, I know!
We've talked about this 30 times.
It makes more sense and it's cooler if I make them bespoke.
So they're "Jay Richard Pieces"
not just like bullshit algorithmically designed fucking playing cards.
Listen bro, the price of CX coin is linked to this NFT launch.
If this fucks up, our entire community...
I'm not stressed, you'll have them by Thursday.
Make sure we get 'em by Thursday. Otherwise...
Otherwise, what?
We did the pumping, could be time for dumping. That's all.
Jay, are you hearing this right now, man?
- Yeah. I'm hearing it-- - This is blowing my mind.
I hope it's blowing yours.
Keep this all on Signal alright?
Fucking do not talk to anyone about this.
Finish the fucking designs.
These fucking Coincels are unbelievable.
OK, FIRST INTERVIEW ABOUT TO BEGIN.
Hello! Jay, what's up? What's going on with you?
GOING TO KICK OFF THIS DOCUMENTARY FR! PROB WILL NEED SICK CREDITS
LOVE UNDER LOCKDOWN
A FILM BY CELINE UNGER
AND JAY RICHARD
EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS
EDITED BY
LOVE UNDER LOCKDOWN
DIRECTED BY CELINE UNGER
So if you could join me over here.
Have you done these before?
Both nostrils?
Both nostrils, three turns in each one.
Thank you so much for agreeing to be a part of my documentary.
I'm worried about Celine.
Is she sick?
No. She's decided to start making a personal documentary about me.
- Why? - I don't know.
It's a project to document Covid or to...
But it's about you?
I thought I read that this movie's about love, is that right?
Something like that, yeah.
It's about love, Covid, kind of everything.
The way that the pandemic has affected dynamics between people.
Specifically couples.
That's what I'm worried about. I don't want it to be one-sided.
I want it to be three-dimensional.
So I'm wondering if I should secretly film her and film my own doc.
Right. So you can catch her doing something problematic,
so you have dirt on her too.
No, that's not it.
Alright, whatever.
So did you have more conflict during the lockdown?
Oh yeah!
Yeah, I mean it's a lot of concentrated time together, but we're lucky.
- Why lucky? - We enjoy make-up sex.
- Is that too much information? - No, no, no.
That's wonderful.
If my wife started to record me,
you know, and my behavior,
I'm thinking that she's setting up the evidence for a divorce.
Or for you, it would be, maybe what happened to you before.
I don't wanna say the big "C" word but...
You know Celine, she would not do something like that to me.
I actually can't believe when you emerged from that so naive.
Look, every girl has the capacity to cancel, given the right conditions.
That's not true!
You know, love is a language, I think
and the more you become fluent with each others' language,
I think it gives you a better chance to create something beautiful.
Oh, babe.
Wow! Well, thanks very much for your time,
and for being so candid.
- It was our pleasure. - Yeah, you're welcome.
If you get cancelled right now, it would seriously ruin everything.
- Do you realize that? - Oh, I know. I'm broke.
And that's why I'm asking you as a friend,
if you think it's okay, if I secretly film her.
When you're in a house with someone
there's an unspoken agreement
that things can get recorded in this digital age.
Exactly! Everyone is being recorded at all times.
So it's like normal.
Yeah. It's totally normal. It's fine.
What's normal?
Oh! Nothing.
Just our non-fungible tokens.
- Hi Tommy! - What's up Celine?
So excited for your crypto coins.
It's a really exciting time.
Did Jay tell you I'm making a movie?
Oh, a movie! That's cool. What's it about?
Covid.
Wow! Covid's the big thing.
I'm sure it's gonna be a big hit.
I hope so, yeah. It's going really well.
Alright, man.
Talk more later, okay?
- Bye. - Bye Tommy! Miss you.
Can you do me a favor?
Mm-hmm.
I don't know why I do this.
You always hate the photos I take of you.
That's not true.
Do a higher angle.
That's good.
So your call was good?
Yeah, it was fine.
Just fine?
Are you filming me right now?
I don't know, maybe.
Please don't talk about work stuff on camera, okay?
Don't ask me about it.
Why?
I dare you to think of a scenario
in which the price of CX coin
at this exact moment will matter.
Can I see them?
It's not about that.
Thank you.
These are so bad.
Who are you gonna get to edit this?
I don't know, me? Or I'll hire someone. I don't know.
- Hire someone? - Yeah.
You're gonna hire someone to look through all this footage of us?
I don't know. Do you wanna do it, Jay?
Do you wanna make some net-art out of it?
Ha ha, very funny.
I'm not gonna make your movie for you, Celine.
Can you take some more?
Similar but like .8 focal length and closer but not...
Like where you are now, yeah. That's good.
So was Covid the best thing to ever happen to crypto?
Okay, so now you're trying to make it seem like
I'm benefiting from a global pandemic? Awesome!
What the fuck is your problem?
I don't like the way you point that thing.
The old Jay used to like the way I did everything.
Yeah! Well, life fed Jay a couple rotten fucking eggs.
Well I wish he'd get over it.
Yeah, me too.
Me too.
This time. Me too!
Where are you going?
- Where are you going? - Gonna take a drive!
Can I come?
No.
Love you.
Note to editorial team. Note to self.
Put this in the movie.
Welcome to "The Jay Richard Cut".
Does my hair look okay?
So your call was good?
Can I see them? Can you take some more?
So was Covid the best thing that ever happened to crypto?
You're trying to fucking sabotage me. She's trying to fucking sabotage me.
She is trying to fucking sabotage me.
CIA mode
NSA mode
Spy vs Spy mode
She should call this movie The Code
I am back on the road
I am helping and she didn't have to goad
Hopefully when this doc is over
I will bust a load
This movie just got two times better
and about a 100 times more morally sound.
Okay, interview subject, Nick Silver.
Don't... don't do that.
Celine?
- Okay, I will just... - A chair?
I don't think so.
Celine!
How has the Coronavirus impacted your personal relationships?
It hasn't.
My relationships were always good.
- Okay. - Excellent!
To what do you attribute the excellence of your relationships?
Yes!
Me. I'm excellent.
And you have to have chemistry, right?
In and out of the bedroom.
- You have to have trust. - Yeah.
Almost like a delusional amount of trust.
That's a relationship.
Otherwise, everything goes out the window.
Right.
So, the bottom line is:
If she's committed to making the movie good
then I need to be committed to making the movie fair.
And to make the movie fair
I need to be able to fully document reality.
Not just her version of reality
but reality, reality.
And then, the movie can become great.
Don't you think there needs to be privacy?
Like people are entitled to have secrets
and secrets can even make things more mysterious.
So, you don't lie to your boyfriend,
you just keep secrets from him?
My boyfriend?
She thinks that she's in control.
Look at me.
I am the documentarian now.
How about here?
Alright, perfect.
You are my...
- Hey. - Hey!
Who are you talking to?
Who? I'm not-- Oh, you know...
I was just checking to see if we have one of those secret robots.
Secret robots?
Yeah. Yeah, you know like,
"Hey Siri! Set an alarm, Siri."
Nope, no Siri.
"Hey, Alexa!
- "Play Dreams by Fleetwood Mac." - Nope, no Siri.
Can you just do me a favor
and stay out of the eye-line of the people I'm interviewing?
Oh yeah sure.
You mean like, stay out of the kitchen?
Yeah basically, I mean not if you're like starving.
- But yeah, kind of... - Totally!
Okay. I appreciate it.
- Proud of you. - Thank you!
You miss me?
You guys have bad body language.
I think we're gonna wrap this up.
If you don't mind.
Um, thank you so much...
Yeah, thank you.
...for your participation.
It was awesome, you're a natural.
You can go.
Back on my bullshit.
Only one dose tonight.
Last time was too much hehe.
Hey, I just want to say
that no matter what happens next
I totally did try my best to maintain
a happy and good relationship.
Dinner's ready.
Coming!
Mmm, this is good.
No camera tonight.
Oh...
I thought it would be nice if it was just us.
Nice.
Sorry about before with the kitchen and the eyeline.
It won't happen again.
It's not a big deal.
Are you gonna wear those glasses to dinner?
Glasses?
You mean these?
Oh! Sorry.
Cool though, right?
Okay, so um, do we have one of those secret robots?
Huh?
In the kitchen, you said you were checking to see if we had
one of those voice activated robot thingies.
Right!
So do we?
Um no, we don't!
Good. 'Cause honestly I hate Siri that snoopy little bitch.
I don't know how to respond to that.
Oh my god, that's awesome!
Siri! She is so fucking responsive.
Um. Do you ever have any, um...
Do you ever have the urge to say a racial slur?
What?
You know, like when you just wanna say like
the worst word in the English language,
you know the one I'm talking about?
You want me to say the N word right now?
Yeah! Why not?
Why?
I just feel like it's really good to get that sort of stuff out of your system
in like a private safe zone,
so it doesn't leak out later
with other people who might be offended.
I don't wanna say the N word, Jay, so...
I don't know. I don't relate to that.
Do you want to say the--
No! No.
Good. I mean that's honestly why I love you.
Why do you want me to say that word?
Forget it.
Do you ever regret backing me up
when all those people came out of the woodwork?
What?
They were all anonymous, and you said they were bullshit.
I know. I know.
None of those were true, but I mean,
I'm sure there must have been some things that I did do,
that I don't remember.
Jay, what exactly are you talking about?
Don't you feel it's a little fucked up that you defended me, as a woman?
Are you trying to cancel me for not canceling you?
I'm just worried for you.
You're being insane!
Am I being insane?
Why are you worried about me?
I can't help but feel like all these amazing
social justice movements are passing you by.
Passing me by? Maybe they're passing you by.
Yeah totally! Because as a cis white hetero male,
I'd rather not take up space.
But for you I think like,
what it's gonna look like when they run it back
and see that she didn't MeToo anyone?
Shut up Jay!
When you hear the phrase “Silence is Violence”.
What do you think?
You're honestly lucky I'm not filming you right now.
I'm sorry, but I wanna have empathy
and erase your apathy.
I'm not apathetic.
The one thing I'm really worried about
is if the vaccine will affect our empathy levels
because we need empathy now, more than ever.
What are your thoughts actually about the vaccine?
Seriously?
Is this what you want?
I think the vax is evil.
It has a microchip in it.
Is that what you wanna hear?
I didn't post a black square.
Get it on the record:
Me, naughty girl.
Me, deserve hate.
Babe, I'm just trying to help you--
If you wanna help me, just shut up and fuck me.
I don't know what you're doing or why...
I would never try to cancel you.
Never say never, Celine.
Are you filming me right now?
Who's gonna edit this thing?
Is this what you want?
I think the vax is evil.
It has a microchip in it.
Is that what you wanna hear?
I didn't post a black square.
Get it on the record:
Me, naughty girl.
Me, deserve hate.
I just wanted to help--
Just shut up and fuck me.
- Hey. - Hey.
Listen, you know, I'm sorry about earlier.
If you wanna talk about that stuff
you have to do it in my movie.
Interview subject, Jay Richard
- Are you serious? - Yes!
So, how has the Covid-19 pandemic
affected your personal relationships?
- My personal relationships? - Mm-hmm.
Not good.
I feel like it gave people who had some grievances
space to get really angry about them...
You mean, 'cause you were cancelled?
Would you say cancel culture is the real pandemic?
For me, yeah.
It's hard when you know that
people think you are villain.
I never thought you were a villain.
Yeah I know, but
a guy has to see himself as a winner.
I really don't think you see me as a winner anymore
and I don't even think that you love me anymore.
I want to fuck you.
- I want you to want to fuck me. - When you said that, I don't believe it.
I'm like the fan they pull up to make a half court shot.
That's impossible!
That guy never wins.
Why are you scared of me?
Why am I scared of you?
I'm scared of all women now.
Sorry!
Was this interview a success?
Because I want to say this on camera, for the record.
I want this doc to be
the most successful doc
about the Covid-19 pandemic.
Thank you, Jay.
Where's your phone?
Why?
Just doom scroll. I don't know.
2-5-8-0, right down the middle.
I put your phone up on the TV.
So you're not paranoid.
I'm not paranoid.
Where's your phone?
3-6-4-8-0-1
See, I remember.
PARTHIK REALTOR
Do you have a sweet tooth??
Why do you keep texting
the real estate agent?
Parthick?
I thought he'd be good in my doc!
Are you sure that's the only reason?
Hey!
We don't have to snoop on each other.
This can be constructive.
Hey!
We don't have to snoop on each other.
This can be constructive.
Totally, I didn't even feel like I was snooping.
Aw!
Well, let's make this can of worms a good can of worms.
Like put your birthday in my calendar, so I don't forget it again.
Jays birthday!!!
Wish u sent me all these memes
and links and shit.
Wish you'd send me
all your great porn sites and vids
Ha ha why would you need them
when you have your IG discover page??
That thing is autohornypilled ok!!
Right right you had nothing to do with it!
ONLY FANS WELCOME BACK CREATOR!
My girlfriend is on OnlyFans??
What would you do if you found your girlfriend's
secret account in OnlyFans?
REMOVE "INSTAGRAM"?
DELETE "INSTAGRAM"?
WEDNESDAY MARCH 17TH , 2021 AROUND 11:30 AM
Phoebe O'Brien.
Do you think you will be getting vaccinated once--
Oh my God! Oh my God!
- I have to take this. - Okay.
Sure.
Auntie Nancy? What? Oh...
Hey.
How's it going?
Fine.
Is it gonna be a problem if I use the pool?
Yeah. If you're splashing around you're gonna ruin my interviews.
Go in the hot tub and don't turn on the bubbles.
Okay. It's not really the same thing but...
Hey, Phoebe.
What's up? What happened?
My dad's getting worse.
Oh no! I'm so sorry.
Was he in the hospital?
Mm-hmm.
PARTHICK REALTOR Hey!
Wdy?
Should I come over
Just make sure you don't take your parents for granted!
- Can we move somewhere else? - Yeah, totally.
Let's go behind the pool, it's private down there.
Just down those stairs, see where the gate is.
I've got rocks in my shoes!
We can get a-- uh...
I just have to get the rocks out of my shoes.
Hey babe!
Feel free to use this in your flick.
Pretty sick...
Covid moment.
Are you close with your dad?
I am close with him, yeah.
You could always be closer.
It's a movie about Covid.
Wow! That's great!
She's playing a sick person, a doctor?
No, she's making a documentary about Covid.
Oh! That's-- huh!
- Mom, I gotta go. - Why is she doing that?
Oh, is everything okay?
It's fine! Just the service sucks.
Let me talk to you later, okay?
Oh sorry, honey.
- I love you so much JJ! - Okay, I love you so much. Bye!
Hey man.
Did I uh...
miss Celine?
She's busy bro.
Oh, that's weird. She invited me over.
And you came?
It's all good man, I'm just gonna get out.
No, no, no!
No stay. No stay!
Okay...
I could use a dip, I guess.
Be my guest.
Alright.
I'm gonna hop in with you, if you don't mind?
Go for it.
Is this okay?
Oh my god...
- I think it's normal. - Oh my god!
What?
Um...
- Hey, what's-- - Sorry to interrupt.
- What's going on? - Who is this?
He's-- What's going on?
Can I talk to you for a second?
What the fuck?
Okay. I'm sorry, Phoebe. I'll be right back.
- You're killing it. - Hang in there.
Waterworks and everything.
You might be getting yourself an Emmy off of this.
Let's keep going. I think, we maybe give her some space.
Just admit it!
Admit you came over to fuck her!
I didn't have a plan!
You came here to fuck her.
You don't... have the right context.
Please don't kill me.
Okay. Okay!
- What are you doing? - Sorry.
The texts.
I know how it must have looked, man.
I was just trying to get into the doc.
- Okay. - Oh my god.
I love doing shit like that once in a while.
- That's guy stuff. - Yeah.
Oh my god, yeah!
Do you have to film this?
Yeah, I do.
That's cute.
You know, I was thinking like...
I feel like we had a real connection yesterday.
Um...
That's good. I thought you were gonna say I couldn't use your footage.
You can use all of me.
Every god damn pixel.
Wow...
Don't you feel like we had a connection?
I don't know.
Can you say more?
We had chemistry.
Now the only thing left is passion.
Oh, dude, dude get this! Get this.
Parthik Miraj, you have the stage.
I'll be back.
Come here.
Can I have my camera back?
You can have whatever you want.
You know, I've been thinking about you all night.
Did you have that earring yesterday?
I could barely sleep.
- Don't. - Why?
I'm not a cheater.
Okay.
You guys are too cooped up in here. You know what I mean?
Yeah, maybe.
It's 45 to 60 minutes and it's a game changer.
Well either way, we'll see you tomorrow for the vax.
For sure, but remember, you need to find a servant.
Yeah okay, I'll work on that.
I'll let myself out.
Sure thing.
Jay man, thank you so much for filming me.
This is exactly how I rehearsed it.
- Stop! Stop! - What?
You need to leave.
- Seriously? - Yeah, seriously.
What's wrong? I thought we had something.
- What's going on? - We don't. You have to go.
It's my money and I'll do with it what I want.
How's your health? Are you still staying inside?
Yeah!
Sophia thinks I shouldn't go out
because of my bronchial issues.
Well, they're gonna be rolling out the vaccine soon.
Your father says he's not getting the vaccine
until a bunch of people are safe and sound with it.
I am not going to be a fucking guinea pig
and I think you would rather me be dead,
so that you could get all my money from the sex coin.
Why would you even say that?
Because you're guilting me in front of my son.
- Just leave me alone. - Jay...
Dad, I gotta go okay?
Hey, is that Celine?
Yeah, say hi!
- Hi! - Hi, sweetheart!
Oh so good to see you.
So great to see you.
Okay, Dad! Bye!
What the fuck is this?
This is just one of those DEN cams.
No, Jay. It's an evil little camera...
that you planted!
I'm-I'm-I'm trying to help you with your doc.
See look, I even got my old skate cam out.
Help me with my doc?
Yes.
What the fuck is that for then?
I bought that as a surprise for the car.
For the car?
Yeah, so that you could drive in the car
and not have to take your eyes off the road while you're filming shit.
I don't know what to say.
You could say thank you.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Thank you.
Has that smoke detector always been there?
Oh my god!
Stop doing that!
No, no, no!
Could you take me to the hospital?
Please!
And there we go.
- Thanks you guys. - Okay. I'm so sorry.
Thank you.
I don't wanna be inappropriate or like fucked up,
but I bet that was kind of good for your doc.
It was but I feel low key guilty,
and I don't know if I'm gonna put it in.
Why is Parthik texting me to get a "servant"?
Oh! He's gonna hook us up with Covid shots.
Okay...
You didn't wanna consult with me first?
No, it wasn't like that. Why? You don't have to get it.
No, it's just, I don't like you making medical decisions for me.
I'm-- Okay!
It's not-- You don't-- Just don't get it then.
No, I'm gonna get it.
And I'll look into the helpful servant.
It might be cool to have a home nurse to like,
be there in case anything goes wrong.
I already took care of it.
You did?
What does mean?
- Where are we going? - You'll see.
You're not good at surprises.
What do you mean I'm not good at surprises?
ESCAPE ROOM
- Oh my god, what? - Yup!
- Seriously? - Yeah!
- They're open? - That's what I was told.
Uh, don't tell me Jay and the beautiful Celine.
How does he know that?
- He told me you were coming. - Parthik, again?
- It's his recommendation. - Is it ok if I film this?
Yeah! I got you covered. We got CCTV.
You can actually purchase the file for $49.95.
I kind of wanna capture my experience.
My hands are tied, actually it's company policy that--
But we're Parthik's friends...
Alright! For Parthik, I'll do it.
Oh! If you really wanna capture your experience,
this is the new 360 camera I've been messing with.
- Sorry sir, you have to stand 6 ft back. - I'm back.
You just gotta put it on nice and tight like that.
Tight and right. You know what I'm talking about.
- How does that feel, does it feel right? - Yeah.
Yo, what's up? Hello!
Oh, one more thing.
Gotta get your phones.
- Really? - Can't have any cheating now.
Okay.
And then I'll sell them on the dark web.
Seal 'em up.
And follow me. You guys are going to do the RMS Titanic experience?
- I guess so. - All aboard!
This is cute.
Alright!
- You've got a notepad right here. - Thank you.
Keep track of clues.
You have an hour before the Titanic capsizes.
If you cannot escape, before then,
you will sink to the bottom of the sea.
If you can escape,
you'll be swooped to the Vampire's Lair.
It's a 2-for-1 special.
I don't know if we can do the other one, 'cause I kinda gotta get back.
To be honest, it's an expert level room, you probably won't make it out.
Alright, good luck.
Thanks.
Wow! So we're locked in here, huh?
I guess so...
Just you and me.
I thought a change of scenery might be good for us.
You know what I mean?
- Baby, I'm... - What?
I'm really sorry but I'm kind of like in puzzle mode now.
- Puzzle mode? - Yeah! I wanna figure this shit out.
- Okay... - Let's do it. Come on, it'll be fun.
Well, no clues under the bed.
- Okay. - This has gotta be a clue.
That's something for sure.
What does it say?
Well there's a key. We need a key.
What's up baby girl? I feel like we had a moment there
that I didn't want to pass up, so....
What a lot of people don't realize is that
you could actually shoot
on someone's phone while they have the lock screen on.
So, I'll just go in here for a second.
Just a little secret message, almost like a clue.
Can they give us a clue or something?
What is wrong with us?
Why are we so dumb?
Maybe we're just not a good team.
Don't say that.
Hey, don't worry, he's gonna let us out
with 30 minutes to spare.
I fucking locked myself in the Jack the Ripper suite.
Fuck. What happens in Jack the Ripper?
It's some guy in England?
Why did I have to lock myself in the one that was already scary?
Did you put the code into that?
- We don't know what the code is! - Try it again.
- Be quiet so I can con-- - Turns out
she's not the mastermind sperg I thought she was.
That is so mean.
I thought she saw numbers and patterns in everything.
Turns out, she's just a normal girl.
Can you stop talking?
You're really distracting me.
I'm gonna quit my job at the escape room. Let's leave.
Let's never come back here again.
- This is hurting my head. - It's pathetic that we paid for this.
Come on we're human beings in here. We're not animals!
We both just need to relax
and we can figure this out, okay?
Just breathe.
I know how to make you relax, baby.
Kiss me like one of your French girls.
Oh, fuck.
Oh stop! Stop! There's a key in here.
For real?
Yeah.
It worked.
Oh my god.
What? Bridge.
I wouldn't even be here if I wasn't trying to film
that stupid fucking message on your phone.
I wish I'd never hit on you.
It worked! It worked! It worked! It worked!
Okay so what...?
- What does that say? - Morse code "unlock me".
Wait babe, you know Morse code?
No, it says it here.
You're doing amazing. You look so beautiful.
Okay now push it left.
Okay.
Oh fuck!
- Yes! Yes! - Oh my God.
Yes we did it!
Okay. Love you.
Love you.
What the fuck?
The Vampire's Lair!
Shit! Okay...
So, gotta figure this shit out.
Okay, okay.
"Your lost loves, you've had a few,
"and in their images you will find a clue."
- Look! - What does that say?
It spells "romance".
How'd you know, how to do that?
It was the only logical thing to do.
- Oh, Please! Please! - No, no, no!
Oh my god!
- Oh, yes. - The key.
We did it.
My queen.
You saved us. My queen.
Hello!? It's me Billy. Please, please, please.
- Yo. - Billy?
Nah, it's just my friends, Celine and Jay.
I'll call you back.
Hey, you guys got out of the Titanic Room.
- What the fuck happened to you? - And the Vampire's Lair.
Oh, that's what's up, big dog!
Yeah, those are hard rooms.
- Can we have our phones? - Yeah, oh.
Here they are. Just uh...
I was just making sure no Jigsaws got 'em.
- Alright! I love you guys. - Bye!
Just delete the first two videos off the phone.
It was so cute watching you do your thing in there.
Why don't you put self-driving mode on?
Why?
Self-driving mode enabled.
Oh, yeah...
Oh, fuck yeah.
Uh, uh, uh. Don't finish yet.
- I have a surprise. - You do?
Let's go in the ghost room.
- The ghost room? - Mm-hmm.
Do you have the DEN app on your phone?
Um, no.
Here, take mine and I'll meet you in there in a few minutes.
Okay. Wait baby, it's locked.
Oh, I hacked it. 6-6-6-9.
Okay...
It's not that scary in here.
Hi Jay.
Hi babe.
I'm sorry your relationship is stressing you out.
It's really good your girlfriend's out of town
so we can have some alone time.
How's the crypto?
Volatile?
Yeah, super volatile.
I'm gonna make it all better.
But you have to do exactly...
as I say.
Take off your shirt.
Oh wow, look at your body.
Thanks.
Now take off those cumbersome pants.
Are you growing for me?
No stop!
It's making me so wet.
Do you wanna taste me?
Uh-huh.
Close your eyes. Stick your tongue out.
Uh-huh...
- Does it taste good? - Uh-huh.
Yeah, give it another lick.
What the fuck!?
Corinne!
Her name's Colette.
I put all your little cameras in here.
You think that'll be a good scene, Jay?
- You forgot my name. - No, I didn't forget, Colette.
So, what? You're here to take care of us after the vaccine?
Oh, yes Jay.
I'm here to take care of you after the vaccine
and tend to your fucking wounds.
- And wait on you hand and foot. - Okay.
It's gonna make him even more retarded.
If that's even possible.
Look at him.
So you guys are making a movie?
Yeah, something like that.
Cool. Well, I just finished my midterm project
for my film class if you wanna see it.
- Sure. I need a fucking drink. - Same.
Point that camera at me and film me. I don't think you're fucking ready.
I'm fully branded, dammit.
It's my movie!
Do you like that, Mr President?
DIMENSIA A COLETTE UNGER FILM
Indivisible with titties and bussy for all.
It's my fucking movie!
You hit me, it's gonna hurt. I react.
I spit on you mister.
Talk like a he/him. Love like a they/them.
Identity.
My Identity.
This reminds me of Ryan Trecartin. Do you know who that is?
No.
I'm in the lab. I'm making Covid.
I'm making Covid.
You came up with that?
I did everything myself besides play all the characters.
- The editing is actually super advanced. - Thanks.
Even though it's fast, you can tell it's also long.
I'm so proud of you!
Maybe I should help you with your movie?
Definitely.
Look at me, I love you, look at me.
I love you, look at me.
I love you!
Colette Unger, interview subject.
- Can you pump it? - The Covid-19 pandemic
has been especially hard on young people.
Yeah, my freshman year of college got shut down.
- So... - You went to Zoo--
- You went to school on Zoom or what? - Yeah.
Oh, there's a booger.
I don't know, I guess, I'm mad in general.
But I don't feel fully like my youth has been stolen.
In all honesty, I'm like, sort of rushing to like...
kind of grow up and settle down.
There we go.
And now we wait.
I like the idea of getting married
and having children and if the fucking coronavirus,
keeps us locked in together forever,
I'd rather be there with somebody.
That I'm really committed to. That I like, really love.
Negative.
Cute!
Where do you think your movie's gonna premiere?
I don't know. They're not really doing film festivals
for the foreseeable future.
- Hey! - Hey Jay.
This stuff is fucking awesome.
Oh, here it is.
They're definitely not gonna let you film in there, babe.
Don't worry. I'll use my phone.
That's the guy who hooked you up with this?
Yeah. He knows a nurse.
He's cute.
So you're the guy who knows a nurse?
Yep.
No mask, huh?
Natural immunity.
I'm vaccinated.
Nice!
Let me go get Cornel.
What the hell, Cole?
I said he was cute.
- You're nuts. - You are.
Come on in guys. We're ready.
- Wait! Are you filming on that? - Yeah...
You can't take it inside.
- Not even for my movie? - Mm-mm. Sorry.
What did I tell you?
ONE VAX SHOT LATER
I feel amazing, is that possible?
I feel very good.
I actually had a ton of energy the first few hours after my jab.
So, what do you wanna do?
Honestly, you guys have an oxygen can.
You should go on a hike in San Jacinto
the tram only takes like 10 minutes.
- That's a great idea. - Let's do it.
You wanna come Cole?
Nah, you guys bond over your shots.
Do you mind driving me back to their place?
Rock and roll.
Don't hog it.
I feel great so far.
I like your new glasses.
- Oh yeah, you like these? - Yeah.
- Can I tell you a secret? - Yeah...
These glasses have a camera in them.
- They're spyglasses. - No!
- Yeah. You see? - No way!
See right in the middle of the eyes? That's a camera.
You've been wearing these all the time.
- Yeah, because I've been-- - Spying on me.
Yeah!
Cool.
We're about to go on the tram. It's gonna be a great moment.
Just two people living in the moment.
This is awesome. Wow! Look how small the windmills look.
I know, they looked so big when we were down there.
- Ew. - Gross.
Covid.
Yucky Covid.
- It's beautiful, huh? - Yeah, It's so nice.
I just want to say....
I know that we've kind of had our troubles recently,
but you are the most amazing person
that I've ever met.
And I love you so much!
Take this.
I love you too.
Oh my god!
Are you okay?
I feel awful.
I know, me too.
Are you gonna be okay to drive?
I hope so. Yeah, I'll be fine.
Hello?
- Oh shit! - Oh fuck!
Hey, hey guys.
What are you guys doing?
Watching TV.
Were you guys like having sex?
- Oh my god! - Oh!
Sorry that's... unrelated.
Do you guys mind if we finish?
Go ahead.
Wait, you guys are leaving?
Yeah, sorry.
What happened to, "Get yourself a helpful servant"?
You'll be fine, see you later.
- See ya. - Bye!
Guess no one's taking care of us.
Come on, I'm already feeling better.
Yeah, but what if it comes in waves?
At least we'll have free entertainment for the night.
What're you talking about?
I'm a little worried about your age.
Why?
Because I really feel like I'm falling for you.
I'm falling in love with you too.
Wow. How is this happening?
It's love.
- Does he know she's recording him? - It's like you came to me out of a dream.
From the second I saw you
- She's not, it's FaceTime. - from my cousin's boyfriend's car
I felt fate guiding me.
It's not right to be watching this.
It just makes you uncomfortable because
you forgot what real intimacy feels like.
Celine's almost like a second mom to me.
Real intimacy is consensual.
Don't you think she'd prefer to be, maybe sister?
Why don't we ask her?
Celine.
How did you FaceTime them so fast?
I've been FaceTiming them the whole time.
What?
Say hi!
Hey guys!
Hey Parthik!
Hey!
What's up?
Kinda funny, huh?
I love it.
How are you guys feeling?
Still kind of bad.
I'm okay, I'm a little achy.
Don't forget that first night
you're gonna have the craziest dreams.
How has the Covid-19 pandemic
impacted your relationships?
Do you think pandemic has affected your mental health?
Love, it's a gamble.
Everything
- is changed. - Coronavirus.
- Worldwide reset . - I thought we'd be married by now.
I'm scared of all women now.
Consent form.
I don't like being on camera.
Do you think, I'll get blowback for my documentary not being very diverse?
- Definitely! - Fear and control and paranoia.
I really don't want to be alone again.
- Yeah, we dug a hole. - Is that a good fit?
Tight and right.
Best sales and rentals!
The government was trying to destroy love.
The spirit of Kokopelli.
The most successful doc
about the Covid-19 pandemic.
Paralyzed by
other people's point of view.
- You're acting like it's a pornography. - It's funny.
Are you a filmmaker?
It is about my relationship.
- Are you in love? - I hope he dies soon.
I wanna be alone again.
- What's his name? - Jay.
Why am I so fucked up?
Let's see if I have Covid...
Hey baby!
For the first part of our wedding video.
This is me asking Jay
if he would like to be the best man
at our beautiful union in a couple hours.
Hey man, would you be the best man at my wedding?
Parthik?
Yeah! Good morning, Jay!
How you feeling?
Wait, you guys are getting married?
Yeah, right now!
You know I'm making a wedding movie?
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Would you film the ceremony for me?
Sure. Of course.
You can use some of the footage in your film if you want.
Are you sure you wanna do this Cole?
It was my idea.
- Really? - Yeah, I mean
I see all these millennials posting on Instagram
about how they're so unhappy.
And they're having constant meaningless sex
with people they met on apps.
I don't want that for myself.
You know, I want a family.
I want a home. I want stability.
I wanna really build something like meaningful and deep
with Parthik.
You know?
When you know, you know.
You know?
I mean, I totally get it.
I guess.
Aww, you look like an angel.
Does it look good on camera?
It does.
Did you write any vows?
- This is the biggest day of my life. - Yeah, make it good.
I thought it was gonna be my college graduation.
But I don't even think I need to do that anymore.
Yeah, fuck that.
If you wanna change your mind you still can.
I don't wanna change my mind.
Okay, just checking.
Hi honey!
Hi baby!
Parthik!
Are you ready?
Just gotta get official.
- Thank you so much for doing this. - Oh my god
what a beautiful day to get married.
Thank you.
Big, big day.
- Hi baby. - Hi!
Less than 24 hours ago,
I met the love of my life:
Colette.
I knew she was the love of my life
because we had sex right away
and 'cause she was nearly half my age.
At this point
you might be confused or even a little offended.
But the funny thing is
I had a dream about this when I was 13 years old
and I wrote it down
and I've kept it with me ever since.
"I just woke up and I had the craziest dream.
"I was madly in love with a little goblin.
"I met her in the school nurse's office.
"She was about six or seven and totally creepy
"kinda like that weird girl in the PlayStation commercial.
"Somehow, I fell for her spell
"and we had sex right away,
"right there on the examination table.
"And once we had sex,
"the dream told me that we were married,
"even though neither of us was old enough.
"It felt super real
"and when I woke up
"I knew I should feel scared or guilty
"but I felt happy instead.
"Parthik Miraj
"August 14th, 1999."
I love you.
I also had a dream
that I was wandering through the desert,
tired and thirsty and alone.
And I came across a glimmering lake
and I thought to myself well this must be too good to be true.
This must be a mirage.
What happens when a mirage becomes a reality?
Parthik Miraj
you are my glimmering lake.
And I plan to drink from your supple waters
every day for the rest of my fucking life.
- Yes. - I love you.
I love you.
Amen!
By the powers invested in me,
by the State of California.
Parthik, you may now kiss the bride.
JUST MARRIED
Love you!
- Love you guys! - Let's go baby!
We're married!
- Love you, babe. - Love you.
That was fun.
You think it's gonna work out between them?
I have a good feeling about it, actually.
COLETTE X PARTHIK 4 EVR
Colette, show 'em your ring.
That's the ring. I'm on top of the world.
How do I look?
Oh, y'all filming each other.
Is this for my wedding video?
- Cheers! - I've known this guy mad long
and to see him glow up like this is absolutely beautiful.
- Where'd we meet, Billy? - Morongo Casino...
- Are you a friend of Colette? - I'm a friend of Colette.
- Watch this. - What are you gonna do?
Yes.
Bro! With my phone?!
That's my cousin.
- I'm gonna show him the car. - Okay.
- Are you here with anyone? - Um, what do you mean?
- I mean, do you have a date or...? - Oh, to this?
Yeah.
Yeah, no I'm-- I'm here with my girlfriend.
Oh, oh okay.
Parthik and Colette,
I'm so happy for you guys.
I can't believe you found each other.
You really found love in a hopeless place.
I always knew I was gonna get married young,
just like my parents, and I did.
- I'm blind... to everybody else. - Who are these skanks?
- I'm a fan. - Oh, thank you.
Hey guys!
I would love it if you guys could join us, in there.
If you're wearing a fucking mask take those shits off.
- It's so beautiful! We got Del Taco. - We got the Del.
- His favorite. - Only the best for my baby.
- I love the belly ring. - Thank you.
- Is that new? - Yeah, I got it just for this occasion.
Oh I love you, bitch.
- I'm so glad I'm here. - Thank you for coming, mama.
Jay and Celine!
Celine...
How do you feel about your little cousin getting married before you?
I'm furious.
Why doesn't Jay propose?
I don't know, why don't you ask him?
Jay...
Why don't you propose to Celine?
I propose you just enjoy your wedding,
you devious little instigator.
Don't get into our business, okay.
I have get ready for my big number anyway.
You take this.
Hey... should we?
- What? - Just get married?
Sure.
I think this'll be the last chance I have to get stuff for my doc, so...
Jay's never gonna marry me.
He doesn't fucking love me.
If he loves me it's in the way that I don't understand.
He do, he do.
- Olive? - Yeah!
Do your remember me? I'm Celine. Colette's cousin.
Oh Celine!
I didn't recognize you behind the camera.
Colette said you were making a movie about this?
Yeah, do you wanna be in it?
Aren't I kinda in it right now?
Kind of. I don't know if this will make the cut...
Well, what would I have to do?
Have you met my boyfriend?
That guy over there?
Yeah... the guy in the glasses.
Everybody, meet my beautiful bride
Colette Miraj!
Let's show 'em what we got.
There's a saying old says that love is blind
Still we're often told seek and ye shall find
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind
Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret
I'd like to add...
Why don't you walk over to him?
...to my monogram
Colette Miraj.
Tell me where...
Is the song hitting?
The song? Hitting? Yeah, she's great.
There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he turns out to be...
No.
We can't do that.
What? It's just for the movie.
See.
To one who'll watch over me
Excuse me, sorry!
Sorry Colette, that was so beautiful.
You're so beautiful.
To the happy couple!
Let's give a round of applause...
Your girlfriend told me those glasses have a camera in them.
- Is that true? - Yeah.
She also mentioned that you proposed tonight.
Is that true?
It's amazing.
It's so great, that you guys just met
and went for it.
'Cause the thing about some people is that they wait too long
and it's like you wake up next to your sibling.
She asked me, do I think you're hot
and I said I did.
Well, I think you're... I think you're hot too.
But you are a new couple
so I will give you some advice.
The thing about relationships is they aren't easy.
They're not easy.
But if you can make it through,
then you did it.
Then you did it.
I love you so much.
I'm really sorry.
I got it... honey, I got it.
That's my wife's cousin.
A rousing speech from my cousin Celine, everybody.
What do you guys say we finish the song?
Interview subject, Celine Unger.
What is this movie about?
I guess it's not really about Covid.
It is about my relationship.
I don't know what to do about Jay.
I mean, the longer we go without having sex,
the harder it is to remember why we were even together in the first place.
I need to figure out or resolve this once and for all.
I guess I could always make something happen
but that's not exactly in the spirit of documentary film making...
I can see our early days pretty clearly
with this feeling of intense nostalgia
and longing.
"Dyckia Whiplash" that's what I'm gonna give you.
I love Jay and I miss him.
Never change.
SATURDAY MARCH 20TH, 2021 ABOUT 7:45 AM
Celine?
Do I look like a girl with a plan?
It's cause I am.
Celine...
I just figured it out.
And it's gonna be awesome.
Celine...
Celine!
Use the movie to find me.
Our week's almost up.
Checkout is tomorrow.
P.S. Don't forget to record everything.
I'm relying on your high-IQ sperg mind
to get us out
alive.
I'm really sorry but I'm kind of like in puzzle mode now.
Puzzle mode?
I wanna figure this shit out.
- Puzzle mode? - Yeah.
Idk where you are or what you want me to do
but I promise nothing happened with that girl!
Lmk that yr okay
All it takes to log in is something I said when I was you and you were me.
When you were me... When I was you, and you were me.
Aw, well let's try and make this can of worms, a good can of worms.
Like put your birthday in my calendar so I don't forget it again.
Can of worms?
Worms?
My birthday?
Your password was my birthday?
Find me before sunrise or we're breaking up.
P.S. I do see numbers and patterns in everything, Jay.
I thought she saw numbers and patterns in everything.
Turns out, she's just a normal girl.
DAYLIGHT 6:00 AM - 7:24 PM
Let me just set the timer.
He'll thank me when it's over.
Wow...
Do you think putting yourself in the movie changes it?
Changes it? It's my movie!
Your movie.
- Cause one day this'll all be over. - Good.
Yeah good, except we'll be so glad it's over, that we'll forget all about it.
Everyone will. And they shouldn't!
- You look so pretty. - And that's why for this movie
every little detail is important.
Oh god. What does this mean? What is this?
- It's giving me coordinates. - Okay.
- What's your code again? - It's 3-6-4-8-0-1.
- Keep filming! C'mon. - Why?
So we'll know what to do next time!
So what you just pump it up?
With this jack it's like 1 or 2 pumps you know.
But with your little scissor jack it's probably 10 or 15 rotations.
Maybe he doesn't wanna be filmed...
That can't be it.
Do you think it's weird?
It's probably 10 or 15 rotations.
No fucking way.
13... 14...
No fucking way!
It's just a little debris. Somebody else's tire.
You left this for me?
Thirty three, what is that?
The age Jesus died?
I feel like if you see yourself through my eyes literally,
you will understand how awesome you are.
I'm excited for you to see how it all comes together.
Alright babe, you asked me to film everything and I'm doing it.
Okay. A folder called "The Code".
Ten clips, airdrop.
I've seen that.
I have seen that!
Okay this is new.
You have no idea how many freaks we get for the whole ghost thing.
Just don't burn the place down and we'll be all good.
What is this?
...freaks we get for the whole ghost thing.
Go Celine! Go Celine!
This padlock was made by a warlock, babe!
Wait baby it's locked.
I hacked it. 6-6-6-9.
Yep. I remember.
Okay, let's see what the deal is in here.
Maybe Parthik'll know?
Hey! What's up, man?
Kinda honeymoonin' over here.
Okay man, sorry but do you know where Celine is?
Have you checked your house?
Haha. Funny. But um no, she's not here.
Let me ask my wifey.
Hey, say hi to Jay.
- Hey Jay. - Do you know where Celine is?
Nope.
Sorry we couldn't be more of a help, man.
No, no, hey, just one more thing.
Okay...
What was the ghost thing that happened in this house?
The family that built the original house
they moved out within a year because
they were convinced a ghost haunted the place.
Okay and what was the family's name?
- Colmores! The Colmores. - Colmores.
- Okay and what-- - I don't wanna freak you out, but...
the year was written on the wall in blood.
And what year was it?
- '49! '49! - '49! '49!
Thanks man!
COLMORE 1949
Whoa. It's true.
- Oh fuck, you're still here dude? - Hang up!
- Bye, Jay. - Sorry, sorry, sorry.
33 and 49...
what does it mean?
Well, I guess it probably is haunted after all.
That's weird.
I just miss having fun and going to dinner,
waking up and having sex.
The old Jay used to like the way I did everything!
I really miss what we had.
Are you filming me right now?
I don't know, maybe.
Please don't talk about work stuff on camera. Don't ask me about it.
I dare you to think of a scenario in which the price of CX coin
at this exact moment, will matter.
...the price of CX coin at this exact moment, will matter.
Who's gonna edit this thing?
I don't know. Me?
...the price of CX coin at this exact moment.
18.345 - value of cx coin at that moment
LIVE PRICE
Oh my god, fuck.
Tommy! What the fuck's happening with CX?!
We were messaging you last night. We dumped 6am this morning.
- You did? - Look, we had to dump
you didn't finish your NFTs.
Tell me you dumped!
Alright, you didn't dump. Just dump now, get out while you can.
I'm so fucking stupid.
- Why are we so dumb? - Maybe we're just not a good team.
Don't say that.
We are a good team.
You're crazy, baby.
I understand. It was irresponsible but it'll never happen again.
Oh my god! Sorry! I'm so sorry!
- Thank you. - You're welcome.
Yo, big dog! I thought you already figured out this room.
Yeah, I did! I don't know bro I just liked it so much
I thought I'd come and figure it out again!
- Are there any other numbers in here? - Numbers?
Yeah like these locks and these clocks.
Oh...
Under the mattress. Right there, 115.
Well no clues under the bed.
Yes! I can't believe I missed that!
115.
Celine, she bought the CCTV footage for 45.99.
Love you.
You ever see this movie? Titanic.
Oh my god!
What does it all mean, Celine?
I love you so much.
I love you too.
50 - huffs of oxygen
You actual literal genius!
You filmed me on your phone?
How the fuck did you do that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Getting all charged up, so I can solve the mystery.
NAME: mygfisononlyfans? PASSWORD: amIacuck1?
I did it. I signed up for OnlyFans.
Oh my god, 20 dollars? But you're my girlfriend.
Hi Jay. I'm glad you became one of my fans.
In fact, you're my only fan,
because you're the only email address I gave sign-up access to.
Oh, thank god.
I know you must be focusing on me right now,
but I need you to stop and get a read on your temperature.
Yeah, it's exactly 103.5. That's the perfect temp!
That's exactly the number we want.
Niceballs.
103.5 - hot tub perfect temp
This is the last video!
Why this video?
So do we have one of those secret robots?
Um, no we don't.
Wait um, Siri, hey Siri?
Alexa? Hey Alexa... Are there others?
Hey Google. Hey Bixby!
Okay, Cortana! Hello Brighton!
Hey Jay.
What the fuck is a Brighton? This house has a Brighton?
I have a message to you from Celine. Do you want me to read it?
Yes!
I guess there was a secret robot after all.
Tell Brighton what you discovered and maybe you can find me.
33... 49... 18.345... 115... 50... 103.5
Thank you, Jay. Those sound like coordinates.
Would you like me to find the location?
Yes definitely! I want the location.
Would you like the latitude to be north or south?
9th grade, what was this? Latitude, flatitude.
Let's try north.
Would you like the longitude to be
- east or west? - East.
Your location is Unnamed Road, Anhui, People's Republic of China.
Okay, that's definitely not it. Okay Brighton, let's try same--
Coordinates... Coordinate mode.
It's giving me coordinates.
Oh my god, was that a clue from the very beginning?
Damn, she's good! Okay Brighton, let's try the same coordinates
latitude north, longitude west.
Your location is Unnamed Road, Joshua Tree National Park, California.
Sorry Brighton.
- Shall I send you a pin? - Yep! Drop a pin.
Baby, remember when you said I was a bad navigator?
I'm gonna find you.
We're so freaking close.
Celine!
- I figured it out. - I got it!
Celine!
Does this movie have to be about us and our relationship?
To be honest, I don't really like documentaries.
I added up all the numbers.
These numbers, it's gotta mean something.
I need some guidance.
Send the signal.
- Celine! - Fuck!
Did you leave me out here to die?
It's almost dawn.
I'm running out of time.
Celine?
Celine...
Let's go, let's go.
- Love you. - Love you.
THE CODE
Wow...
I think, I think it's--
I think it's awesome.
Really?
Yes, really. It's like...
I mean, it's something really special.
Thanks.
I'm still putting the finishing touches on it.
Well it seems done to me.
Almost...
There's one more scene.
This?
Yep.
It was a crazy time.
- For everyone. - Yeah.
Are we good?
We're better than good.
We're in love again.
What?
I'm pregnant.
THE CODE
A FILM BY
STARRING
Loved the mivie
movie
Hey do you think I could get a producer credit on the movie?
Sure gimme a sec
Umm would it be okay if my bf
got a producer credit on the movie?
No
Hmm, how about no
Celine, I think that's really sweet but it's a no for me on this one
- No dice on that request, srry C - Great idea! No
Lol okay
Weirdly might be a lil hard
Co-editor?
Smdh lol
EDITORS
- What if it looked like this? - I dig it
Perfect! I'll use that
Isn't there any credit called Additional Cinematographer?
I said it on a gamble.
There is... i'll think about it.
DEN SYSTEM ARMED CAMERA MOTION DETECTED
Hey, Celine. Am I good to return these cameras?
Yes, I will do the music
That would be amazing!! Wow tysm
Maybe you could use my NFTs in your credits?
Check these out.
Huh? How?
PRODUCTION DESIGNER
ART DIRECTOR
Wow I love it!
CO-DIRECTOR
Jk hehe
Lol
Alright I'm gonna go get dressed
Margaux commented yessssss! Looking good Celine xo
COSTUME DESIGN BY
HAIR & MAKEUP
Are we still good to grab dinner in 10?
Idk I gotta finish everybody's credits!
Can't you just scroll thru imdb?
Hmmm honestly amazing idea!
THE CODE - PRODUCTION & CONTACT INFO
Sounds like I'm getting a title design credit!!!
SOUND DESIGN BY
Follows the misadventures of a sexless couple...
Look at all these people.
- All these people made the movie? - Mhhmm.
That's awesome.
A VERY SPECIAL THANKS TO
Did you pay these people?
Mostly...