1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,756
{\an8}It was the craziest day.
2
00:00:06,757 --> 00:00:08,966
{\an8}We're about an hour from landing at LAX,
3
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:12,094
{\an8}and this guy in business
hands his wife divorce papers.
4
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,764
{\an8}She was like,
"We've been married 11 years!
5
00:00:14,765 --> 00:00:16,307
{\an8}Why are you doing this?"
6
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,809
{\an8}- Why was he doing it?
- No clue.
7
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:21,063
{\an8}We're going out Friday,
I'll ask him then.
8
00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:25,567
{\an8}Maybe while you're having sex,
the reason will come to you.
9
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:28,987
Hi, honeys, I'm home.
10
00:00:30,239 --> 00:00:31,614
{\an8}How was work, dear?
11
00:00:31,615 --> 00:00:33,115
{\an8}Oh, you know.
12
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:35,576
{\an8}Bras, boobs, chicken salad, bagel chips.
13
00:00:35,577 --> 00:00:37,246
Who cares?
I've had a revelation.
14
00:00:39,748 --> 00:00:43,334
I think it's finally time
to clean out my mother's bedroom
15
00:00:43,335 --> 00:00:44,877
and do something with it.
16
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,921
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
17
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:50,591
Sybil told us to live our lives,
so let's live.
18
00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:53,219
I think turning that room
into something fun
19
00:00:53,220 --> 00:00:55,012
is the best way to do that.
20
00:00:55,013 --> 00:00:58,099
Well, still, it feels a little soon.
21
00:00:58,100 --> 00:01:01,269
But just for shits and giggles,
what fun thing were you thinking of?
22
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,104
What would you say to a home gym?
23
00:01:03,105 --> 00:01:06,107
I like it,
but who am I gonna cruise
24
00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:08,360
if it's just you guys in the locker room?
25
00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:13,615
Details.
26
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:16,659
Oh, it'll be glorious.
27
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,869
We'll get all the latest machines.
28
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:22,666
The one that gives you
the big pectoralis deliciosos.
29
00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,751
Oh, and the leg press things.
30
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,670
You know what I'm talking about.
The one that goes...
31
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:30,257
"I'm having a baby!"
32
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,926
And the other one that goes...
33
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:35,679
"Not tonight, mister."
34
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,055
And the cherry on the cake,
35
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:40,683
a killer sound system
that blares all the music
36
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,477
that's too embarrassing
to listen to when anyone else is around.
37
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:45,187
- Like what?
- Oh, I don't know.
38
00:01:45,188 --> 00:01:47,106
I mean, off the top of my head,
39
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:50,192
one of you might secretly adore
the peachy yet herbal sounds
40
00:01:50,193 --> 00:01:52,946
of the dynamic duo
behind Shake Your Groove Thing.
41
00:01:54,489 --> 00:01:56,240
Why not?
We deserve it.
42
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,993
We're three vital, chic men
living together.
43
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:01,330
Arthur, you can just say "homos."
44
00:02:02,998 --> 00:02:06,834
We are a team of three now.
We need to celebrate it.
45
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,794
Oh. We should have a name for our team.
46
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:11,214
How about Gay Gardens?
47
00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:14,134
Or, How to Get a Gay with Murder?
48
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:17,928
Why that?
49
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:21,140
I thought we were just
putting "Gay" in shows we like.
50
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,059
Wait, I've got it.
51
00:02:23,060 --> 00:02:25,478
Desert Queens.
52
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,063
- I don't know.
- Mm. Me either.
53
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:31,067
We'll vote on it at our first official
Desert Queens family meeting.
54
00:02:31,068 --> 00:02:32,443
Good idea.
55
00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:35,321
- We can vote on all decisions equally.
- Yes.
56
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:37,365
But not the name.
57
00:02:37,366 --> 00:02:39,493
Ooh, ooh!
Can I be the sexy secretary?
58
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,453
At five o'clock,
I'll pull the pencil out of my bun,
59
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:45,207
take my bra off through my sleeve,
and make you all Manhattans.
60
00:02:46,958 --> 00:02:48,334
Sure.
61
00:02:48,335 --> 00:02:51,213
We'll have to run it by Brenda in HR,
but I love it.
62
00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:55,216
From this point on,
nothing will be done in this house
63
00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:56,842
unless we all vote on it.
64
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:59,096
- But about the name--
- To Desert Queens!
65
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:16,904
{\an8}Hello, who's this?
66
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,572
{\an8}Tom, yes, hi.
67
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,117
{\an8}My roommates and I
are looking to put together
68
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:24,328
{\an8}a home gymnasium
because it's time to move on
69
00:03:24,329 --> 00:03:26,622
{\an8}and it's something we really want to do.
70
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:29,834
{\an8}We actually voted on it.
We have these little by-laws now--
71
00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,128
Just get to it, girl.
72
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,172
{\an8}He sounds very straight.
73
00:03:35,173 --> 00:03:36,882
{\an8}It's intimidating.
74
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,592
See if you can request a gay.
75
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:41,846
{\an8}Don't be ridiculous!
I'm not gonna ask for a--
76
00:03:41,847 --> 00:03:43,181
Say, Tom...
77
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,934
{\an8}Don't take this the wrong way,
but is there anyone
78
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:51,273
{\an8}at your establishment
of the, uh, homosexual persuasion?
79
00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:55,443
{\an8}Well, aren't you an ally?
80
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:56,694
{\an8}Yes, I'll hold.
81
00:03:56,695 --> 00:03:59,321
{\an8}I can't believe that worked.
82
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:02,909
{\an8}That could have saved me
ten years of terrible haircuts.
83
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,832
{\an8}I didn't want a super cut,
I wanted a fabulous cut.
84
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,878
{\an8}Oh, yes, Tom, I'm still here.
85
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,880
{\an8}Sure, he can call me back at this number.
86
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:20,302
{\an8}And Tom, you tell your parents
they did a wonderful job.
87
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,263
{\an8}What a gay-friendly store.
88
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,267
Well, it is called
Dick's Sporting Goods, I mean...
89
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:31,354
Straight Tom
was probably a diversity hire.
90
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:36,734
Palm Springs is like
a permanent hot flash.
91
00:04:36,735 --> 00:04:39,154
They should call this place
Menopause County.
92
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,615
Ooh, bagels!
Don't mind if I do.
93
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,450
Don't you have food at your place?
94
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,911
Funny story.
No.
95
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:48,954
So, that's how this is going to go?
96
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:52,083
You just show up whenever,
without a warning, like a herpe?
97
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,294
He's right, Min.
98
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:58,631
Even my sister shouldn't be allowed
to walk into the house.
99
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,007
We could be naked.
100
00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:01,342
When have you ever been naked?
101
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:04,054
At Camp Shalom,
he showered in a tracksuit.
102
00:05:05,764 --> 00:05:08,683
That way, I could clean my clothes
and myself at the same time.
103
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:12,937
I'm returning Mom's pearls.
104
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:15,147
I thought this would be the thing of hers
that I'd want,
105
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:16,982
but too much guilt.
106
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:18,234
Why guilt?
107
00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,319
She tried to give 'em to me
in high school
108
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,988
and I screamed,
"Do I look like I'd ever wear pearls?
109
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,616
Why do you hate who I am?"
And she said...
110
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:29,579
"I don't hate who you are,
I love who you could be."
111
00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:34,041
So, I told her she sucks as a mother.
112
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,125
Oh.
113
00:05:35,126 --> 00:05:38,003
It was the first time
she ever gave me the finger.
114
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,048
Or the first time you saw her
give you the finger.
115
00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:43,592
Ooh, I'll get it.
116
00:05:43,593 --> 00:05:45,554
The morning Amazon guy
is the cute one.
117
00:05:47,222 --> 00:05:48,639
We have a whole thing.
118
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,474
I say, "Do you have a package for me?"
119
00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:52,977
And he says,
"Are you Bunny Schneiderman?"
120
00:05:52,978 --> 00:05:57,147
And I say, "No."
And he says, "Then, no."
121
00:05:57,148 --> 00:06:00,986
Oh, isn't flirty banter the best?
122
00:06:03,488 --> 00:06:05,948
Come with me to Mom's room
and help me find something.
123
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:07,324
- Please.
- Oh, Mindy!
124
00:06:07,325 --> 00:06:10,327
I've been through her room
with you ten times.
125
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:11,620
Oh, take Arthur.
126
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:13,540
He's good at dealing
with difficult people.
127
00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:18,879
He once spent a weekend
trying to get Faye Dunaway into a wig cap.
128
00:06:28,513 --> 00:06:31,641
- Mason?
- Hi, it's me, Mason.
129
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:33,934
What are you doing here?
130
00:06:33,935 --> 00:06:35,729
You're probably wondering
what I'm doing here.
131
00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:40,357
I left my bride at the altar.
132
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,318
- You did?
- Yeah.
133
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:43,528
Because of you.
134
00:06:50,118 --> 00:06:54,580
So, you're really turning
this place into a gay gym?
135
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,249
You can just call it a gym.
136
00:06:57,292 --> 00:06:58,709
Can I work out here?
137
00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,378
No, sorry, it's a gay gym.
138
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,506
Ugh, there's nothing here that I want.
139
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,717
What exactly are we looking for?
140
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,386
Well...
I'm looking for something of hers
141
00:07:09,387 --> 00:07:11,680
that makes me feel like she's with me,
142
00:07:11,681 --> 00:07:15,602
but nothing that makes me
feel sad, or guilty, or angry.
143
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,481
So, I'm going for feeling nothing.
144
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:22,733
How about her Xanax?
145
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:24,694
Oh, I pocketed those months ago.
146
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:28,239
Good to know.
Now I can stop looking.
147
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:34,328
What about this?
148
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,997
Oh.
The snow globe.
149
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:38,957
She got that when we were in Tel Aviv.
150
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,834
We had this huge fight.
151
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:43,170
I said, "It never snows in Tel Aviv."
152
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:46,299
And she said, "Then why
would they make it, smart-ass?"
153
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,637
We fought the entire camel ride home.
154
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:56,934
- All we ever did was fight.
- That was sort of her thing.
155
00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:58,977
I know she loved me.
156
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:01,522
But I couldn't help
but feeling under every fight
157
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,733
was her disappointment with me.
158
00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:06,486
I'm sorry.
159
00:08:07,904 --> 00:08:09,489
That must have been hard for you.
160
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,741
- Whoa.
- What?
161
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,035
Did someone just allow me
to have a feeling
162
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:17,955
without telling me
I shouldn't be feeling it?
163
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:19,623
I guess I did.
164
00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:22,460
That is so not the Schneiderman way.
165
00:08:23,461 --> 00:08:26,130
Well, I'm not a Schneiderman,
but I do live in this house.
166
00:08:26,131 --> 00:08:29,550
So, if you ever need someone
who doesn't care enough to fix you,
167
00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:30,969
I'm your man.
168
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,472
That's all I've ever wanted.
169
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:38,684
- Should we get back to it?
- Any suggestions?
170
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:42,146
I know you've rifled
through everything in here.
171
00:08:42,147 --> 00:08:43,606
How dare you!
172
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,026
But this is hers.
173
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:48,903
And so is this.
174
00:08:49,904 --> 00:08:52,449
And actually, so are these.
175
00:08:53,658 --> 00:08:55,909
You wear it all very well.
176
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,246
What about these creepy
white children?
177
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:01,957
Right.
178
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:06,211
Those guys.
Mom called this "Gentiles in the Rain."
179
00:09:06,212 --> 00:09:09,590
It's so stupid.
180
00:09:09,591 --> 00:09:12,135
But you know what?
I feel nothing.
181
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,471
This could work.
182
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:18,349
Thanks for...
183
00:09:19,851 --> 00:09:20,852
Thanks.
184
00:09:22,020 --> 00:09:23,562
Anytime.
185
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,481
But one more thing, darling.
186
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,149
Do text before you come over.
187
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:30,570
Your brother might not walk
around here naked, but Jerry does.
188
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:34,699
That's not the deterrent
you think it is.
189
00:09:37,202 --> 00:09:38,494
I kept postponing the wedding
190
00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:41,246
thinking that maybe future me
was gonna be straighter,
191
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,834
but all the guys I hooked up with
told me that was unlikely.
192
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,004
Eventually,
I had to go through with it.
193
00:09:49,005 --> 00:09:51,840
But then, in the middle of my vows
194
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:54,551
all I could hear were the words
that you said to me on Fire Island.
195
00:09:54,552 --> 00:09:57,722
That squirrels lose
80% of the nuts they hide?
196
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,850
No, no, no, not that.
197
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,896
Oh, when I use scissors,
I look like Keira Knightley?
198
00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:11,318
No, Jerry, it was the stuff that you said
about being true to who I am.
199
00:10:11,319 --> 00:10:14,113
So, I left Salt Lake
200
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,697
and I drove ten hours straight here.
201
00:10:15,698 --> 00:10:17,241
- What, you just left?
- Mm-hmm.
202
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,408
What was your excuse?
203
00:10:18,409 --> 00:10:20,119
Oh, I told them I had
to go to the bathroom.
204
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,578
Oh.
205
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,289
Oh, yeah.
Mormons don't ask questions
206
00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,792
when you bring up the bathroom.
207
00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,963
They just figure you're a choir boy
going in there for the acoustics.
208
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:34,092
Yeah, but any day now, they're gonna
figure out I'm not in there.
209
00:10:37,053 --> 00:10:39,513
Hey, I said something
even dumber at my wedding.
210
00:10:39,514 --> 00:10:42,182
- What?
- "I do."
211
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,060
See? You get it.
212
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:46,562
Tell me what I can do to help.
213
00:10:46,563 --> 00:10:49,815
Well, can I stay here?
214
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,525
Just until I figure things out.
215
00:10:51,526 --> 00:10:55,028
Of course you can stay.
We do have an extra room.
216
00:10:55,029 --> 00:10:56,864
I think the guys will be okay with it.
217
00:10:56,865 --> 00:10:58,825
What the fuck were you thinking?!
218
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:02,078
Inviting that Latter-day runaway
to stay here?
219
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,248
Wait, if this is an official
Desert Queens family meeting
220
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:08,668
we have to call roll.
221
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:12,671
- Seriously?
- It's what we agreed on.
222
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,381
- Bunny?
- Here.
223
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:15,884
- Arthur?
- Queer.
224
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,928
Jerry? Here.
We can proceed.
225
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:21,722
- Bunny, you have the floor.
- Thank you.
226
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:24,183
What the fuck were you thinking?!
227
00:11:24,184 --> 00:11:26,101
What was I supposed to do?
228
00:11:26,102 --> 00:11:28,729
Mason has nowhere to go.
229
00:11:28,730 --> 00:11:31,064
Remember when you guys
took me in when I left the church?
230
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:33,943
I certainly do.
And you've been with us for 30 years.
231
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:37,488
"Arthur thinks he's funny.
232
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:42,118
"But guess what?
233
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,705
"He's just mean.
234
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:48,875
Close paren."
235
00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,128
I just feel like
it was the Christian thing to do.
236
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,089
Then put him up at the YMCA.
237
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,717
It's got "Christian" right in the name.
238
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,844
He can get himself clean,
he can have a good meal,
239
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:03,055
he can do whatever he feels.
240
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:05,307
No. No.
He needs a community.
241
00:12:05,308 --> 00:12:06,808
We should be here for him.
242
00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,436
Jerry, I feel for the guy, I really do.
243
00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:10,812
And we'll be here for him,
244
00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,982
as long as he's not here
when we're here for him.
245
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,488
He's right, Jerry.
You need to have boundaries.
246
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,698
Exactly, and a rule's a rule.
247
00:12:21,699 --> 00:12:25,578
No one can invite anyone
to stay at this house without a vote.
248
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:28,122
Hello.
249
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,626
Carroll?
250
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:36,004
You said I could stay with you
if I was ever in Palm Springs.
251
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:39,717
Well, guess what?
I'm in Palm Springs!
252
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:47,224
We're never opening that door again.
253
00:12:52,188 --> 00:12:55,190
Carroll, there's been a misunderstanding.
254
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,608
What's to misunderstand?
255
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:59,486
You said if I was ever in Palm Springs,
you'd put me up.
256
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:02,781
- Oh, I don't think I said that.
- Oh, no, you did.
257
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,033
Right after I told you
about my fear of flying.
258
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,703
Here, I'll show you.
259
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:12,791
You... you recorded our conversation?
260
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,043
I record all my conversations.
261
00:13:15,044 --> 00:13:18,298
My therapist doesn't believe
the things people say to me.
262
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:22,175
You're afraid of flying?
263
00:13:22,176 --> 00:13:24,344
In that case,
if you're ever in Palm Springs,
264
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,680
I'll put you up.
265
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,435
Okay.
266
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:34,689
Maybe I said that, but...
267
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:38,525
I assumed you'd give me a little notice.
268
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:41,612
That's not what you said
at the bottomless margarita brunch.
269
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,741
Don't even call. Just show up!
270
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,160
Door's always open for you.
271
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,663
Yeah, I'll have another margarita.
272
00:13:52,623 --> 00:13:56,084
But why are we talking about that,
when we should be talking about us?
273
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,627
Us? Who's us?
274
00:13:57,628 --> 00:13:59,379
- You and me.
- Me and you?
275
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:02,967
Look, let's just stop it
with this silly dance.
276
00:14:04,302 --> 00:14:07,430
I'm in love with you, Bunny Schneiderman,
I always have been.
277
00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,933
And I got a pretty good idea
you feel the same.
278
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:21,902
I-- I don't know
how you possibly got that.
279
00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,279
Oh, fuck.
280
00:14:27,575 --> 00:14:30,869
- The Chair recognizes Arthur.
- Thank you.
281
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,663
What the fuck were you thinking?!
282
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:37,501
- Inviting Last Call Carroll to stay here?
- Yeah.
283
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:39,628
What happened to not inviting people
without a vote?
284
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:42,172
Can we just agree
there's no need to point fingers?
285
00:14:42,173 --> 00:14:45,300
- You did the same thing he did.
- And you yelled at me for doing it.
286
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:47,135
You're literally pointing fingers.
287
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:50,139
Which we all agreed
we weren't gonna do.
288
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:54,560
"Bunny is trying to pretend
he didn't fudge up.
289
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,855
"Excuse the language.
290
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,233
Close paren."
291
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:03,360
First of all, it's not the same thing.
292
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,529
I never invited Carroll to stay.
293
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:09,574
I made an obviously insincere offer,
which he took me up on.
294
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,869
And now, I have no choice
but to begrudgingly act
295
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,496
as if I was sincere.
296
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,248
May not be the Christian thing to do,
297
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:19,167
but it's definitely
the Jewish thing to do.
298
00:15:19,168 --> 00:15:22,087
Why on Earth did you tell him
you would date him?
299
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,464
I always tell people
what they wanna hear.
300
00:15:24,465 --> 00:15:25,966
May not be the Jewish thing to do,
301
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:28,010
but it's definitely the gay thing to do.
302
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:34,641
It's Mindy.
"Is it okay if I come over?"
303
00:15:34,642 --> 00:15:37,435
"Not really a good time."
304
00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:39,105
When is a good time?
305
00:15:40,189 --> 00:15:43,066
I don't think you got the spirit
of the texting rule.
306
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:46,528
Probably not.
Oh, who drank all the Diet Cokes?
307
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:48,865
- You!
- I'm adorable.
308
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:54,619
Oh, Arthur, I'm returning
Gentiles in the Rain.
309
00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:57,247
I think I want something
that makes me feel
310
00:15:57,248 --> 00:16:00,625
more than nothing,
but less than something.
311
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:02,962
"Meh" is really the sweet spot.
312
00:16:04,672 --> 00:16:06,464
Oh, stop it.
313
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:07,716
Who's out there?
314
00:16:07,717 --> 00:16:09,259
Oh, it's a long story.
315
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:10,887
Here, let me read back the minutes.
316
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:15,724
Uh, "B--" that's Bunny--
"scolds M--" that's Jerry.
317
00:16:15,725 --> 00:16:18,268
- M?
- Yeah, M, for "me."
318
00:16:18,269 --> 00:16:21,062
Well, that's confusing,
'cause I'm M too.
319
00:16:21,063 --> 00:16:22,564
You're right.
I'll go back
320
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,608
and change all the M's
to J's for "Jerry."
321
00:16:24,609 --> 00:16:26,568
There's one.
322
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,322
There's another one.
323
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,325
Oh, there's another one.
324
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,120
Replace all.
Do replace all!
325
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:41,708
Would someone please just tell M
what the F is going on?
326
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,796
What's it like to look like you?
327
00:16:46,923 --> 00:16:49,467
If I looked like you,
I'd never stop touching myself.
328
00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:54,347
Then again, I look like me,
I never stop touching myself.
329
00:16:55,765 --> 00:16:59,060
But soon, that'll be Bunny's job.
330
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:03,855
You're so funny.
331
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,440
I wish I was funny.
332
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,484
Eh, you don't need it.
333
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:13,031
- So, just tell them to leave.
- No, I can't.
334
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:15,951
I don't wanna turn my back
on a gay man in need of community.
335
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:18,578
And I don't wanna break
the heart of someone I--
336
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:21,665
well, to be honest,
don't care that much about, but...
337
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:24,334
It is a complicated situation.
338
00:17:24,335 --> 00:17:26,962
Yeah, disappointing people
is harder than you think.
339
00:17:26,963 --> 00:17:28,839
I'll do it.
340
00:17:33,469 --> 00:17:36,304
Before we begin,
I want you to know
341
00:17:36,305 --> 00:17:39,766
that you're both perfect
in every way.
342
00:17:39,767 --> 00:17:42,352
Now, I'm gonna start with the hot one.
343
00:17:42,353 --> 00:17:44,939
Oh, I don't mind,
you can let Mason go first.
344
00:17:46,649 --> 00:17:49,193
Wow, sexy and patient.
345
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:54,072
Okay, angel face.
346
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,657
Listen to me.
347
00:17:55,658 --> 00:17:58,451
You're gay and you wanna live that life.
348
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,745
Good for you, you should.
349
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,747
But you can't leave a girl at the altar.
350
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,208
It's not kind.
351
00:18:05,209 --> 00:18:08,838
So, you're gonna put on
your big-boy Mormon underthings...
352
00:18:10,673 --> 00:18:13,258
and you're gonna go back
to Mayonnaise, Utah,
353
00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:17,305
or where-- wherever the fuck
you're from, and deal with this.
354
00:18:18,556 --> 00:18:21,349
This is the part
where you tell me I'm right.
355
00:18:21,350 --> 00:18:23,436
You're right.
I know, you're right.
356
00:18:24,562 --> 00:18:26,521
You're gonna be fine, sweetie.
357
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:28,899
Guys are gonna eat you up with a spoon.
358
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:33,613
Maybe even a ladle.
359
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,616
You're a big boy.
360
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,953
Well, one of us had to tell him.
361
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:44,457
Settle down, cute nick, it's your turn.
362
00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:50,712
You know the book
He's Just Not That Into You?
363
00:18:50,713 --> 00:18:54,675
Yeah, I couldn't finish it.
Too many mixed messages.
364
00:18:57,011 --> 00:18:59,972
Maybe just read the title this time.
365
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,433
Look, you're a sweet guy,
366
00:19:03,434 --> 00:19:06,603
and I can tell by looking at you
that you have a big heart.
367
00:19:06,604 --> 00:19:07,771
I do.
368
00:19:07,772 --> 00:19:10,816
My doctor uses the term "enlarged,"
but go on.
369
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:15,945
There's someone out there for you,
it's just not Bunny.
370
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,448
For one, you're too much alike.
371
00:19:18,449 --> 00:19:19,908
- She's right.
- That's true.
372
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:21,242
- Wait, what?
- Yeah.
373
00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:24,371
I guess we fall in love
with mirror images of ourselves.
374
00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:26,666
This conversation has to stop.
375
00:19:28,918 --> 00:19:32,045
For now, I need you two
to get your shit together.
376
00:19:32,046 --> 00:19:34,506
- Yeah. Yeah, we do.
- You're right. You're right.
377
00:19:34,507 --> 00:19:36,132
No, your actual shit.
378
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:39,470
Your luggage, your sundries,
your toiletries, your shit.
379
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:43,391
I'll go grab you some snacks for the road.
380
00:19:48,437 --> 00:19:50,689
I know.
I'm very good.
381
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,273
That was incredible.
382
00:19:52,274 --> 00:19:55,110
It was so direct and forceful,
but with heart.
383
00:19:55,111 --> 00:19:58,154
It was so... Sybil.
384
00:19:58,155 --> 00:19:59,948
- It was.
- Mm-hmm.
385
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:03,410
It's like Mom is in you.
386
00:20:03,411 --> 00:20:04,620
Ew!
387
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:07,665
Say that better.
388
00:20:08,999 --> 00:20:12,001
Sorry.
Uh, there's a part of our mother
389
00:20:12,002 --> 00:20:13,671
that's always inside you.
390
00:20:16,298 --> 00:20:18,008
You just made it worse.
391
00:20:19,009 --> 00:20:23,388
What your brother is trying to say is,
you don't have to find some thing
392
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,891
to make you feel
that Sybil is with you.
393
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:30,813
You got the best of her
with you all the time.
394
00:20:32,982 --> 00:20:34,483
You're my new favorite.
395
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,320
I'll let you break it to the others.
396
00:20:39,321 --> 00:20:42,199
Emergency meeting of the Desert Queens.
397
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:46,995
- Aye.
- Aye.
398
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,080
Aye.
399
00:20:52,626 --> 00:20:54,795
Min, the guys and I have been talking.
400
00:20:56,046 --> 00:20:58,256
Maybe we work better as four.
401
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:00,842
The Desert Queens
would like to forego the gym
402
00:21:00,843 --> 00:21:02,635
and offer you Sybil's room.
403
00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:04,763
Oh. Wow.
404
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,765
You want me to move in here?
405
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,476
Guys, that's sweet.
406
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,437
But I'm not ready to give up.
407
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,356
Also, I'm not living here.
408
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:18,234
If I wanna listen to a bunch of old ladies
bickering nonstop,
409
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:20,196
I'll turn on Bravo.
410
00:21:23,574 --> 00:21:26,868
Well, as always,
you turn a warm invitation
411
00:21:26,869 --> 00:21:28,412
into a punch in the face.
412
00:21:30,414 --> 00:21:32,248
But thank you.
413
00:21:32,249 --> 00:21:35,418
Oh, you think you're done?
No, no, no.
414
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:37,420
Get out there and say things.
415
00:21:39,507 --> 00:21:41,174
So, I'm gonna do it.
416
00:21:41,175 --> 00:21:43,594
I'm gonna go back to Salt Lake
and come out of the closet.
417
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:46,430
Guess I'll have to come out
of the bathroom first.
418
00:21:47,598 --> 00:21:49,432
Well, you're doing the right thing.
419
00:21:49,433 --> 00:21:52,560
I wasn't brave enough
to tell my family who I was.
420
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:55,397
But you can.
There's power in that.
421
00:21:56,398 --> 00:21:59,484
And I'll be here for you.
Really, if you ever need a place to stay--
422
00:21:59,485 --> 00:22:01,111
Shut up, Jerry!
423
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,864
I'll help you find a good hotel.
424
00:22:04,865 --> 00:22:06,951
Thank you.
425
00:22:09,787 --> 00:22:11,996
Alright, you ready, Carroll?
I'm gonna drive him to Utah.
426
00:22:11,997 --> 00:22:13,623
- Oh.
- Yeah, I hope you don't mind,
427
00:22:13,624 --> 00:22:15,124
but we're gonna be stopping a lot.
428
00:22:15,125 --> 00:22:16,543
I'm not a small man,
429
00:22:16,544 --> 00:22:19,421
but I have a bladder
the size of a pine nut.
430
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:22,674
Carroll, wait.
431
00:22:22,675 --> 00:22:25,385
I just wanted to say you're a great guy,
432
00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:27,679
and I really do like you.
433
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,597
I just think we're better as friends.
434
00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:32,559
I hear you. Oh.
435
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,728
One thing before I leave.
436
00:22:40,901 --> 00:22:42,945
That's what you'll be missing!
437
00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:49,493
I've had worse.
438
00:22:52,746 --> 00:22:54,706
Let's move on to new business.
439
00:22:54,707 --> 00:22:56,916
The gym equipment
will not be here for ten weeks.
440
00:22:56,917 --> 00:23:00,503
Since we officially make all
of our decisions together,
441
00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:03,631
what should we do with that room
for the next two and a half months?
442
00:23:03,632 --> 00:23:06,509
- There are no bad ideas.
- How about we make it a guest room?
443
00:23:06,510 --> 00:23:08,470
There is one bad idea.
444
00:23:11,181 --> 00:23:12,933
It's not addressed to anybody.
445
00:23:14,393 --> 00:23:17,605
It's too small for Carroll
to be inside, right?
446
00:23:21,859 --> 00:23:25,904
"For your big gay gym.
Have a ball, love Mindy."
447
00:23:25,905 --> 00:23:28,072
Aw.
448
00:23:38,250 --> 00:23:39,585
Ooh.
449
00:23:43,339 --> 00:23:45,924
♪ Shake it, shake it ♪
450
00:23:45,925 --> 00:23:48,468
♪ Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing ♪
451
00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:50,762
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
452
00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:53,097
♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪
453
00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:55,642
♪ Shake your groove thing,
shake your groove thing ♪
454
00:23:55,643 --> 00:23:58,019
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
455
00:23:58,020 --> 00:24:03,274
♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪
456
00:24:03,275 --> 00:24:05,151
♪ Shake it ♪
457
00:24:05,152 --> 00:24:09,198
♪ Show 'em how we do it now, yeah ♪
458
00:24:40,896 --> 00:24:42,481
Let me talk to the boys.