[♪♪♪]
Let's get started.
[exhaling] All right, so.
Are you ready to get started?
I am honored to work with you
on this merger.
I always say
a merger is like a marriage--
It is my honor
to be able to support you through your divorce.
So, if a merger is a marriage,
then my first question,
before reviewing assets and balance sheets,
and quarterly reports is--
Before we go over you and your wife's history,
assets, and shared properties--
...Are you sure you want to get married?
Are you sure you want to get divorced?
All right, guys, no photos.
No, come on. Seriously. Come on. No photos. No photos.
Okay, fine.
[shutter snaps]
Where's your better half?
I am a better half.
[chuckles]
[paparazzi laughing]
Hey, babe!
-Hey, babe. -Mm.
Sorry I'm late.
You look beautiful.
Ah...
Oh, smooth.
What kind of lotion do you use?
[♪♪♪]
No photos, please. No photos.
Mrs. Noble... [smooching]
Always a pleasure. Are you meeting Brett?
Yes, but I'm surprising him.
I'll show myself to the table.
[♪♪♪]
Tabby?
I'll...
take those.
Two vodka-sodas?
Top-shelf, of course.
So, you're here together, huh?
Should've known.
[louder] Gwen.
You weren't just my assistant,
you were my best friend! -Babe--
Well, consider yourself fired from both positions!
Babe, we were just having a drink.
And Brett--
It's not what it looks like.
My first kiss, my first love...
and now?
I guess my first husband.
-Baby! What the-- -[splashing]
My hair!
I want a divorce.
Babe!
Tabby! Wait!
Tabby!
-[shutters snapping] -Tabby!
Tabby!
[♪♪♪]
Dana?
Ah, no peeking!
No. No.
Happy anniversary.
Ah, please, enter the chambers.
[both chuckling]
All right...
so what's on the docket?
Claims against the defendant?
Whoa! I thought I was the defendant?
No, we're both the defendant.
-[laughs] Okay. -Go ahead. What do you have?
All right, what I got is,
for the period of our seventh year of marriage,
I bring forward the notice of "things piled on chairs."
[thumps pad down]
Oh?
"Things piled on chairs."
Yes, things piled on chairs. Look.
Every time I wanna sit in a chair,
I gotta take your stuff off of it.
Shoes, jacket, hats, purse--
chairs are meant to be sat in.
I would like to sit in a chair.
All right, fine. Assumed.
All right, let me have it.
What does the respondent say?
"No cell phones at the table."
-What? -We shouldn't
have our phones at the table.
I mean, phones should be left elsewhere.
But not on chairs?
Never, as dictated by Issue A.
Okay, assumed.
Oh, hey, guys!
Luca, TJ.
Are you two working?
I thought it was your anniversary.
It's our prolonged anniversary.
Yeah, we celebrate one day for each year.
Seven years married.
Seven years, huh?
You better watch out for that seven-year-itch.
Oh, don't worry, Luca. We're not itchy.
You know, the seven-year-itch was actually debunked.
Yeah, recent data shows
that divorce peaks at 10 to 13 years of marriage.
Oh, well, so, we've got a few more years left.
Yeah, we're good for, like, three years.
-We're good. -We're fine.
-So, you two are working? -In a way.
Yeah, on our anniversary, we like to sit down
and go over our relationship grievances and gratitudes,
and talk 'em through.
I'm a lifelong bachelor, so you are the experts here.
And enjoy the champagne!
-Oh. -Thank you.
[Luca] Well, you two have a wonderful anniversary.
Thank you, Luca.
-Enjoy. -Thank you, TJ. Very kind.
That was nice.
So sweet.
Okay, so.
Time for presents?
Presents!
Now, traditionally, the seven-year gift
is wool.
-Oh. Yes. -I hope you like it.
Oh, Merino wool socks!
Well, I figured, you know, you could warm your feet up
before you press 'em up against me in bed.
Oh, so this is really a gift to yourself?
Sort of, yeah.
I love them. I'll treasure them.
-Okay. -Thank you.
Okay, well, before the seven-year gift
was modernized to wool, traditionally...
it was copper.
You didn't?
Ta-dah!
Oh, babe!
I always wanted a copper pot to make you popcorn,
and this is amazing! Look at this!
Oh!
Thank you, honey.
Of course.
I love you so much.
This has been the best seven years ever, you know that?
And hopefully the best is yet to come.
You know, speaking of best to come--
...I wanted to have a little chat with you.
[text alert chimes]
I thought "no cell phones at the table"?
I'm so sorry. It's just--
Okay, Uncle Paul booked me in with a new client at 8:00 a.m.
[alert dings]
Oh, excellent. I just got booked for 8:15.
No. Give me that.
-Yeah, let's get rid of those. -No cell phone.
That is absolutely perfect, babe.
Thank you. So...
to...
forever...
together.
Sustained.
[clink]
[♪♪♪]
[elevator dings]
-Morning, Kim. -Morning.
So, confusingly, your 8:00 a.m.
is with a reality star wanting a divorce.
Oh, that is weird.
Um, well, I can refer her to the best family lawyers.
You're the best family lawyer.
Uncle Paul.
And that reality star
is Tabby Noble.
She's on the board of Jackie's Legacy Fund,
and she is bankrolling our fundraiser gala next month.
Oh, so you want to keep her happy.
Yes.
But, also, I know how complicated and public
a divorce like hers will be,
and I want to help protect her, if possible.
With you as Tabby's lawyer, this can be quick, easy...
a painless mediation.
Those are famous last words.
All right.
Thank you.
Of course. [sighing]
Hi.
Oh, hi!
Love your shoes. Manolo?
Oh, uh, no.
Nordstrom Rack, but thank you.
Can we get you something to drink?
Oh, yeah.
Maybe, like, a green juice
and some nori chips on the side?
And you do have an LED face mask I could wear while we chat?
I find it super-soothing.
Please get Mrs. Noble a water.
Thanks.
Tabby, I know this must be a very, very hard time,
and I'm sorry.
My heart truly goes out to you.
I also wanted to thank you
for supporting Jackie's Legacy Fund.
She was actually, um, a lawyer, as well.
Family law, coincidentally,
but here at the firm,
we focus on mostly contract law, and mergers and acquisitions.
But you clerked for Judge Westdale
for three years, right?
And you worked at Miller & Talbot Family Law,
where you were considered the best.
Oh, you've done your homework.
I'm not clueless.
I just pretended to be, on TV, for 15 years.
And do you know who my husband--
uh, ex-husband-- and I are?
I don't actually watch much reality TV.
Oh!
Okay, well, we were on, uh, Noble Living,
which is one of the biggest reality shows ever,
and then, uh, we moved to the city,
and we got our own spin-off--
eight seasons.
Every single one was a hit.
Oh?
So, the world has watched us fall in love,
and grow up, get married,
make mistakes,
struggle to get pregnant--
Oh, I'm really sorry.
So...
we have been in the public eye and working
since we were 16.
And-- And now?
Right now?
-Yeah. -Um...
now we... are--
we're on a hiatus right now.
-Oh? -Yeah, we're just...
looking for the right fit for us
in the current flailing content environment.
Tabby, are you sure?
Are you sure you really want to be divorced?
I mean, I was looking at your file.
You've been married for 10 years.
16 years together-- I mean, there's a lot of love there.
Yeah, but love is like fame.
Falling feels, like, fine until you hit the ground.
Okay, listen, speaking of--
speaking of flying,
I-I really think it's best
if we just fly under the radar, you know?
Let's just keep this quiet, no big scenes.
Let's really just try to just stay level-headed.
Definitely.
But, also...
he cheated on me with my best friend.
Okay.
So, I want everything.
But mostly...
I want him to hurt.
[perky] 'Kay?
This is why I left family law.
-Morning, Jared. -Your 8:15 is here.
Okay, who is it?
Oh... okay.
Mark.
Brett Noble. Know who he is?
Well, I know who he thinks he is.
[Brett exhaling deeply] 493...
494...
495...
496...
497...
498...
-Mr. Noble? -499...
...500!
Whoo!
-[sighing] Uh... -Whoo!
Brett, I'm Lois Gale.
This is Mark Chervich.
Hey, guy, could I get a green juice?
-Thanks. -Yeah, sure, um...
maybe we can get you some nori chips,
maybe an LED face mask?
Oh, yeah! Love it.
Great, um...
So, uh, Brett, first things first.
You cheated?
Oh, I didn't cheat.
It was all Tabby. I mean, she lives for drama.
Right, look.
You can lie to your therapist all day long,
but I think it's, uh, not in your best interest
to lie to your divorce lawyer.
You see, you and I, we're working together now.
We're a team,
and as a team, you're gonna have to have
some mental fortitude, grace,
and we're gonna have some harsh truths, back and forth.
You get it?
All right, yeah. I dig it.
Let's sign some papers
and get this divorce started, shall we?
Uh... [chuckles awkwardly]
Okay, so before I do that, I'm gonna ask you two questions.
-Okay. -First one is this--
are you sure you wanna get divorced?
The second one is, you don't see any chance
the two of you can be happy together again?
Oh, I'm not happy, so why should she be happy?
Oh, hey, listen-- I got cross-fit,
but, uh, before I go, Tabby and I don't have a pre-nup
and, well, I want everything, so.
Well, be that as it may, Brett,
New York is a no-fault,
equitable-distribution state, so.
Yeah, but I want everything, so.
Oh, and, um, I want to sue her.
On-- On what grounds?
Emotional damages.
Cross-fit!
All the NDAs are signed. No leaks.
Yeah, no, I'm on it.
Listen, we gotta talk about approach here, Lois.
I mean, Brett thinks he's gonna get everything.
Then get him everything,
or at least as many billable hours as you can.
'Cause lawyers aren't known for their integrity.
[♪♪♪]
Popcorn.
Cooked in my new copper pot!
Oh... eatin' with my new socks on.
Ooh-hoo-hoo! Look at those.
-[TV plays quietly] -Okay, so...
nutritional yeast and coconut oil for you--
Thank you.
-Don't ask me why. -[laughs]
And, uh, caramel and toffee for me.
Perfect.
What are you working on, babe? What's this?
Oh, nothing, it's just a-- just a new case.
I'm kinda taking one for the team.
Mm.
It's not-- Not worth talking about.
Well, trust me, I've got a new case, too.
My client? A piece of work.
-Really? -Yeah, really.
[TV announcer] ... It's getting juicier by the minute...
When did you start watching this?
Oh, it was-- It was just on.
...All about the break-up.
And now, I guess my first husband.
-[splashing] -Honey! Oh!
Guess he got into the spirit.
That's a joke, right?
It was good.
Pretty good stand-up, babe.
It is with great sadness
that we have made the difficult decision
to divorce.
We look forward
to moving on,
with deep kindness and gratitude
for everything that we've shared.
[smooch] Love you, guys.
I mean, I gotta say... this hurts.
So...
we request respect for our privacy.
Why are they making statements?
This is-- I mean, that's gonna be a mess.
Yeah, of the absolute worst kind.
[TV announcer] Tabby and Brett-- calling it quits...
[cell phone chiming]
-[second cell phone chiming] -Oh...
Yeah...
Did you know about his statement?
No! Come on, Lois. Of course not.
I mean, the guy's a celebrity. It's like wrangling a snake.
Well, keep him in check, Mark.
You're gunning for partner.
Did you give approval for Tabby to release an announcement?
No, I did the literal opposite.
Oh...
then clean this up, please?
The press are gonna rip her to shreds.
All right, I'm on it.
[sighing]
Sorry, babe, that was, uh...
-that was my case. -Yeah, me too.
All right, what do you want to watch?
Want to watch Steel Magnolias?
Or we could find something else on, right?
[chuckles]
Mwah.
You know, I, um...
I-- there is something I'd like to talk to you about.
Okay, what is it?
Nothing. It's--
Nothing. It's Christmas, and our Christmas plans.
I mean, are we gonna go to your family, or my family, I mean--?
I mean, we could have everybody come here.
It'd be kinda nice. -Yeah, we could do that, yeah.
Wait, I almost forgot! A surprise for you.
What?
Are you--?
It's for your collection.
Oh, come on, babe!
Happy anniversary.
Thank you, sweetheart.
Oh, it's the--
Are you kid--? This is the one I've always wanted.
It's the limited-edition fidget spinner.
Are you kidding me? -I know.
I had to search far and wide.
Oh! It's top of the line, babe.
Thank you, babe.
I love you so much.
I love you.
Well, cat's out of the bag.
I got you a present.
-You did? -Yeah, I got you a gift, too.
-You gotta close your eyes. -Okay.
It's a big one. Keep your eyes closed.
Eyes are closed.
All right.
Open.
[laughs]
[munching]
So thoughtful.
I know. All right.
Okay, let's watch Steel Magnolias.
-I love you. -I love you, too.
[♪♪♪]
[doorbell rings]
Hi, thank you.
Good morning.
Thank you for coming to me today.
I'm just so distraught, I couldn't dress.
I just need to stay in and self-care.
Of course.
Yeah, I-I-I support that,
but I heard you're also doing talk shows?
Yeah, it's a form of self-care.
Perhaps, but it's probably not a good idea.
But everyone's interested.
I understand the appeal of garnering fan support,
but you really need to stay neutral right now.
Why are you so worried?
It's my job to worry.
Speaking of, if you have any skeletons in your closet,
now would be the time to say.
-Skeletons? -No! I'm squeaky-clean.
Come on in, have a juice.
Thank you.
[quietly, to self] Wow.
[exhales intensely]
I have so much dirt on Tabby.
I know where all the skeletons are.
Mm.
Brett, we really don't need skeletons, okay?
We need mature adults
who are committed to an amicable resolution.
Do you know what that is?
Nope.
Of course not.
[♪♪♪]
[phone chiming]
Hi.
Hey. Your uncle just scheduled a noon meeting.
I'll send you the address.
Okay, perfect. Did you find Brett?
Yup, the process server should be heading there now.
Thanks so much.
All right, I'm sorry, I actually have to go,
but I'll be back later and we can finish up.
-[doorbell chimes] -Can you get that?
Hello?
[doorbell chiming repeatedly]
My nails are gonna get ruined.
Are you Tabby Noble?
[Tabby gasping]
Yes!
No, no, no, no! Stop! Stop! Tabby, don't open that.
-No! -[snap]
You've been served.
[dejected sighing]
[grunting]
Do you even lift, bro?
Nice quads!
Wait, you're Brett Noble, right?
Yeah.
-Can I get a picture? -Of course!
This is for you.
No, no, no!
[snap]
You've been served.
[♪♪♪]
[sighing]
She serves me divorce papers at the gym?
This is my safe space!
This is where I go to heal!
Can you get your client in line?
He serves me at home?
It's just so violating...
and he ruined my nails.
This could be a problem, Dana.
[sighs] Oy.
Wait, I thought-- I thought
Brett was repped by Miller & Talbot?
No, he met with them so Tabby couldn't,
but ultimately Brett went
with Gale, Fauble, & Partners.
What? W-Who's the lead?
Funnily enough...
it's Mark.
Is this going to be a problem?
[words catching]
I...
Honey...
this is gonna be a problem.
It's already a problem.
I mean, I didn't want to be on this case to begin with,
but Uncle Paul is so protective over Tabby.
She lost her mom to cancer,
she's on the board of Aunt Jackie's fund,
so he just wants to help make this--
this divorce as easy as possible.
Well, I could step down.
No! They're picking partners soon.
Absolutely not. You have worked so hard for that,
and I know how much you want it.
[deep breath]
Okay, um...
maybe we can make this work.
How do you figure?
We both know, if they go to other lawyers,
they're gonna drag this out, make it contentious,
bill them for every last thing...
Right, but we-we could keep this very civil.
Yeah, we could make it
the most swift, amicable divorce possible.
And we'll do it together.
I love you.
Let's go.
Okay.
[♪♪♪]
[overlapping] Let's get started.
Well, that went well, don't you think?
Really, Uncle Paul?
Well, I did... [chuckles]
What's your takeaway?
Well, New York is an equitable-distribution state,
so Mark and I both believe it's in everyone's best interest
to get this to arbitration, A.S.A.P.
But both your of clients want everything.
How do you suppose we arbitrate that?
Unfortunately, it's not up to us.
I'm afraid this one's for the court, Dana.
I appreciate that you're trying to help Tabby,
and I, too, want to be supportive,
but I-- I don't do court.
I know,
and Mark throws an added wrench into it,
and I know how empathetic you are
and how personal each case becomes to you,
but I truly believe
you are the right, and only, lawyer for the job.
[♪♪♪]
Are you gonna be able to go up against Dana?
You're not gonna go soft on us?
Come on, Lois, I've got this,
and I'm not going up against Dana...
we're on the same team, and we want the same things.
Back to the gym.
So, you're gonna be fighting against your wife?
Well, if by "fighting,"
you mean engaging in legal due process, yeah.
Well, I hope you're better at fighting with your wife
than I was at fighting with my wife.
Oh...
Oh, and, uh, by the way,
my team wants me to run a background check on you.
That's fine. Just do me a favor,
and send me a copy of the findings, will ya?
Listen, moving on, Brett,
I gotta go over a list of assets here,
if we can... do that?
First off, I'd like to talk to you about the Soho apartment.
Tabby wanted to be in the most expensive neighborhood.
What about the upstate lake house?
She wanted a summer cabin.
Says here, you own three cars?
Yeah, she backed two of them into poles.
What about-- it says here-- wine label,
clothing company, perfume line?
Oh, she's always starting some new business--
plastering her face all over some new product...
[weights clunking]
But I'm over it.
From now on, I'm a solo show.
Yo, check this out.
"Noble Surge...
get Nobled."
Maybe now is not the time
to invest in new ventures, Brett.
So, you're really okay
battling it out with your husband?
Oh, we're not battling.
We're on the same team.
We work really well together. We're-- We're solid.
That's what I used to say about me and Brett,
so... be careful.
So, do you want this apartment,
the house upstate,
or do you want to sell both and split the cash?
Why do you always dress like you're on your way to a meeting?
Because... every time you see me,
I am on my way to a meeting with you.
Have you ever worn anything from the Noble line?
[gasps]
Bring me the emerald-lace dress,
the one with the eyelash trim. -Yes, ma'am.
[footsteps receding]
It's so hard to find good help.
Um, speaking of assistants...
have you spoken with Gwen lately?
Gwen? Are you joking?
I'm never speaking to her ever again.
Here's the thing.
It would be great if I could at least speak with her.
Look, Brett cheated with her.
I'm not saying it's gonna affect the settlement,
but it isn't a good look for him,
so if we could have access to Gwen,
that would be very helpful.
I mean, find her if you can, but the last I checked,
she was incognito mode-- vanished.
And no, I didn't whack her.
[chuckles] Okay, thank you for the reassurance,
Donna Corleone.
Mm.
All right, what do you want to do with the assets?
Assets?
I want to keep everything.
It was my brand. I was the engine.
I mean, it was always "The Tabby Show."
Brett just followed along, trying to keep up.
Oh, um, by the way,
my team suggested I run a background check on you.
Oh, that's fine.
Just show me a copy of the results.
That'd be great.
[footsteps]
Oh, wow, look at that.
Well, it's very pretty, but not me.
But why be you all the time?
[♪♪♪]
[footsteps]
Hey!
Sorry, Tabby's got me on the clock.
Oh, it's that bad, huh?
Ah, it's good to see ya.
Yeah, I mean, it's worse.
Her whole life is about being seen
as much as possible,
in the least-genuine way possible.
Okay, it's called "being a celebrity."
Wow.
And is this new?
Oh, it's from the Noble Collection.
Oh-ho-ho. Look at you.
You look fabulous,
and you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen,
and you keep getting more and more beautiful.
Thank you.
It's so tight, I can't breathe.
-Thank you so much. -Thank you.
Oh, by the way,
I've gotten you a new orchid to add to the collection,
but the real gift here-- -Oh?
...Is that I promise you, I will accompany you
to the orchid festival this year.
Thank you. That means a lot.
-Happy anniversary. -Happy anniversary.
-[clink] -I love you.
I love you.
And I wanted to ask you...
Mm-hmm?
...What is it you've been wanting to ask me?
-What do you mean? -Twice now,
you've been trepidatious about bringing up
wanting to talk to me about something,
and I just wish you would spill it, love.
Dana, um...
Okay, and judging by how uncomfortable you are right now,
I feel like it might be something really terrible.
-No. -Are you going through
a mid-life crisis?
Is your mother moving in?
My mother's not moving in, okay?
Nothing so life-altering. That'll never happen.
Trust me. -What is it?
Tell me. We can talk about anything.
Okay, all right.
Do you remember the conversation we had before we were married,
about having children?
And we both decided, at the time,
that we weren't ready,
and that we were gonna put a pin in it...
Are you wanting to take that pin out?
Yeah, I'd like to revisit the idea.
Because...?
Because, honey...
I'm ready to have children,
and I want 'em with you.
You did start this whole thing
by saying it wasn't so "life-altering."
[laughing]
I did. [laughs]
[phone chimes]
Ugh. Sorry.
Oh, Brett.
-Oh... -Mm-hmm?
Tabby's gonna be on the Dr. Doug Show tomorrow.
So is Brett. Great.
And Uncle Paul wants me to be there
to make sure there's no undoable libel.
Yeah, Lois wants me to do the same.
Mr. and Mrs. C, your table is ready.
Thanks, TJ.
-Thank you. -Appreciate it.
[sighing] This could go really badly.
[♪♪♪]
[TV host] They charmed the nation,
certainly charmed each other...
[Mark] You'll be fine. All right? We got this.
Yeah, of course. We're just gonna stay impartial
and we'll keep the fighting to a minimum.
Yeah, "winning" is them settling their divorce
as quickly as possible.
Oh, great. Here they are.
[TV host] But we need it--
we'll see how this goes. Ready?
What up?
So, Tabby, what do you say to people
who think Brett was just flirting?
I say that flirting is cheating.
Well, you cheated on me emotionally.
When did I do that?
With work!
You made our entire life about our brand.
You-You cheated on me with ambition.
[laughs]
It sounds like you were just jealous of me
because I was always more successful than you.
Maybe I didn't want the success!
Maybe we wanted different things.
Maybe we did, but because I wanted you to not cheat on us.
-That's not grammar! -Whatever.
Good time to take a caller.
Uh, good morning, Gwen, you're on the air.
Tabby, you were a terrible friend.
You never supported my dreams.
[scoffs]
What were your dreams, exactly?
[Gwen] To be a fitness influencer-
slash-method actress.
-I practiced Strasberg! -[phone chimes]
I'll be right back. Just...
[chiming]
[beep]
[Paul] What is happening over there?
Social media's tearing Tabby apart.
They're calling her cold, angry.
Dana, please... turn this around.
Okay, I'm on it.
[dialing]
[ringing]
Guys, let's take another call.
We'll go to, uh, Joanne Vlacho in Boise, Idaho.
Hey, Joanne, you're on the air.
[Southern accent] Hi.
I just want to say it is such a heartbreak
to be betrayed by the love of your life
and your best friend, who you trusted the most.
I mean...
but for you to admit
you have made some mistakes and to take responsibility--
I mean, to be human... it is just--
well, you are a hero to me.
I mean, bless your heart.
You are such a strong,
and yet vulnerable, role model.
[Tabby] Thank you so much, Joanne. That--
That really means the world to me.
[no audio]
You can't let me have a moment, can you?
-Yeah, you give me my mo-- -Shh!
I'm sensing a lot of tension here.
Do you need to take a break?
[Southern accent] Thank you for taking my call.
Hi!
[normal voice] Hi.
Just want to know how "Joanne from Boise"
has a thick-as-molasses Southern accent.
I guess, after she retired from her barbecue stand,
she moved down to the South
so she could be closer to her grandchildren.
Ah... I thought we were staying impartial?
We were. We are. I'm sorry, okay?
It's gonna be just impartial smooth sailing
all the way to a settlement.
Good. Okay.
[phone chimes]
[text alert chimes]
[sighs]
Oh, great. Just got our arbitration date.
In two days.
Right.
[♪♪♪]
-Snacks? -Check.
Great. Coffee?
Check.
-Notebooks? -Check.
There you go, love.
-Thanks. -Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
In the case of Chervich and Chervich,
growing their family--
Right.
[sighs]
Do you want me to start? Or you?
Yeah, you can start.
All right, um...
You know I love you so much.
You know that, right?
You have all of my heart.
Mm.
But I feel like I have so much more to give,
and we're not getting any younger.
Well, you can speak for yourself.
Yeah. Okay.
I'm just kidding. Continue.
I don't know, I-I--
I feel a shift is happening in me.
I mean, I've always wanted to have kids.
You know? I'm ready.
I can feel it, and I want 'em with you.
I want to give you everything you want.
I want to give you the--
the house in Connecticut with the big garden.
I want to give you the dogs, the goat--
You know I love baby goats.
I know you do, babe.
Honey...
I really want kids...
Mm-hmm.
...but it is a huge step.
I think it's
the most important decision you make in life,
and I-I just feel like,
you know, for the past 10 years,
we've worked so hard,
working our way up in our careers,
and we're finally on solid footing.
Is this really the issue?
What if we're not good parents?
Come on. We're gonna be great parents.
[sighs]
I'm scared.
So...
what if there's a compromise?
How would you like to compromise?
Let's just get a dog.
Honey, we work a ton.
We can't just leave a dog at home alone all day.
I had gotten you this anniversary gift.
You pick the best times, don't you?
-[laughing] -My timing's great.
For the pup.
Okay, you're naming our rhetorical dog, Oliver?
What's wrong with "Oliver"?
[♪♪♪]
Um, hey, have you had any luck finding Gwen yet?
I think she could really temper Brett and help him
settle this divorce faster.
We're still looking.
Right.
You okay, boss?
Anxious about arbitration?
No. No, come on, are you kidding me?
I haven't been anxious about arbitration in over a decade.
Um, Jared?
Meeting for Lois.
The head of Reality Reel.
All right, do me a favor? Keep looking for Gwen, okay?
Yeah, you got it.
[♪♪♪]
Ready for arbitration?
Yeah, just...
Right.
Oh, who's the suit?
A network exec from Reality Reel
meeting with Paul.
Huh.
[lawyers, overlapping] Keep it civil.
[forced] Tabby.
Brett.
Hello, sir. Hi.
I'm Tabby.
[arbitrator] Hi.
[Tabby giggles]
Are you flirting with our mediator?
No, flirting with strangers is your job.
-Ha. -Plus, he's an arbitrator.
What's the difference?
-Ignorant people say "What?" -What?
My point exactly.
They've been on reality TV since they were teenagers, so.
Understood.
Can we please start?
Yeah.
We'll begin with verbal agreements from each line item.
To start-- how you'll sell the house upstate,
and split the funds.
-I want the house. -I want the house.
Clearly a sticking point.
Moving on.
The shared apartment on Viscano.
You agree that one party moves out
and the other will be compensated?
-Agreed. -Agreed.
So, who's moving out?
-He is. -She is.
Counselors, can you please manage your clients?
Unfortunately, this is about as good as it gets.
Then I suggest you prepare for court.
-What? -What?
Would you just give us one second, please?
Mark?
Yeah! Yeah.
Good job!
[♪♪♪]
[hushed] I do not do court.
You know how I am with public speaking.
[quietly] I know, honey, I know.
Oh, do I know.
Tabby.
I know your heart has been broken,
and I am so sorry,
but, in punishing Brett,
you're really just punishing yourself.
I mean, this could all be done so quickly and smoothly.
Have I mentioned Brett's hiding money?
No, you kind of buried the lede on that.
Yeah, well, he played cards a lot.
He went to Vegas, sports gambled...
Are you sure he's hiding money, or is he hiding losses?
-[phone buzzing] -One sec.
[buzzing]
This is Tabby.
Yeah, um, we're gonna need a larger retainer.
Okay. Also... I found Gwen.
-Really? -Mm-hmm.
I just texted you the address.
Thank you.
[♪♪♪]
Perfect!
I think she's hiding all her money,
or maybe she spent it all?
You know, she always wanted more fancy things,
more businesses, more brands.
She took out loans...
and not always from banks.
[phone chimes]
So, what, are you telling me
that her credit score sleeps with the fishes?
[♪♪♪]
"Fishes"?
I'm gonna call you later, okay?
I gotta go.
Like, an aquarium i-investment, or...?
[intercom buzzes]
Of all the tenements in the world,
you just had to walk into mine, huh?
You know what?
I don't know, maybe this makes it easier.
-We can just work together. -Hmm.
[intercom beeps]
Who is it?
Hi, Gwen! It's Dana Chervich. I'm representing Tabby.
And Gwen, I'm Mark Chervich. I'm representing Brett.
I'm not talking to anyone.
-[intercom disconnects] -That went well.
Yeah.
[Dana] Apparently, she doesn't want to talk.
Yeah, they're both here.
[Gwen] No, I didn't say anything.
[Dana] So, what do we do now?
And what do I get out of it?
Fine.
Yeah, yeah, I'll leave out the back.
I can't name a German shepherd "Oliver".
But you can name a doodle Oliver?
Didn't our pre-nup specify "no doodles"?
Oh, I don't really remember that in terms and conditions.
Really? 'Cause I kinda--
Hi!
-There you go. -After you.
[Mark] Is that Gwen?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I just saw Gwen.
-That-- Really? -That was Gwen.
-That was Gwen? -Yup.
[phone dials and rings]
Hey, Kim.
So, Gwen got skittish and ran off.
We're gonna need to depose her. Thanks.
Something tell me things
just got a whole lot more complicated.
How could this possibly get more complicated?
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
No matter how terrible this gets, babe,
as long as we're in it together.
Oh, I was thinking we should've become dentists.
Dentist would have been better,
but this case does feel like we're pulling teeth, so.
[sighing]
Hey!
So, um, this came for you.
Oh, yeah, that's probably the background check
that Tabby ran on me.
Speaking of-- any word on locating Gwen?
We really need to serve her a subpoena
so we can depose her.
Also, will you look into Brett's finances?
There's suspicion of money hidden or lost.
On it.
Thank you so much. Have a good night.
-You too. -Thanks.
[♪♪♪]
I was looking for you.
Invite to the gala.
"Hosted by Paul Larsen and Tabby Noble."
That's not a conflict at all.
[chuckling]
Mark and I will be there.
I'm really proud of you.
Aunt Jackie would be, too.
I meant to ask you--
there was a guy here from Reality Reel...?
Oh, they make a lot of money off the Nobles' reruns.
They wanted to know
what this divorce is gonna cost their brand.
Any thoughts on that?
Besides everyone's dignity?
I don't know.
We're in arbitration again tomorrow,
and hopefully we settle.
Good night.
[♪♪♪]
This came for you.
Oh, good. Thanks. It's probably my background check.
Have you found that forensic accountant
to look into Tabby Noble yet?
Yup, just booked him.
Thattaboy. Thattaboy. Nice work.
Guess who just called the office?
Gwen. She wants to meet with you tonight.
Oh, Lois, Dana and I were supposed to--
All right, I'll-I'll give her a call back.
Get her on our side.
We can't afford her testifying against Brett
and ruining his reputation.
We could keep him as a future client.
Hey, by the way,
why was the head of Reality Reel here today?
Oh, they just needed some hand-holding.
Wanted to be assured that the divorce will be amicable,
that their brand could be saved.
All right, well, here's to fingers crossed
for arbitration tomorrow, right?
Oy.
Hello!
Hello.
Okay, all right, good.
Well, where's my martini and my steak-and-potato dinner?
I slave over a hot stove all day,
and this is the greeting I get?
Mwah! Uh, babe?
Oh, sorry, the chair thing-- I forgot.
I owe you one free pet peeve.
Yeah, don't worry, I'm banking 'em, honey.
Oh, by the way, I gotta head out for a quick sec.
-I got a work thing to do. -But you promised me
Asian-Mexican fusion tonight, and old movies.
The bulgogi tacos are on their way,
and I will be back before they're delivered.
See you in a bit!
[sighs]
Luca.
Hey, we'd been hoping you'd come in.
I have tickets for you and Mrs. C to my new play.
Oh, congrats, TJ. Broadway?
Atlantic City.
"Broadway of Jersey."
Can't wait.
[chuckles]
Uh, listen, Luca. I wanted to ask you a question.
Um, you know people, right?
I know people who know people.
Do you think you, uh, could put your ear to the ground
on Tabby Noble,
and whether she's borrowing or owing money around town?
For you, and what you did for my TJ?
Anything.
Thank you, my friend.
[text alert chimes]
[♪♪♪]
[sighs]
[♪♪♪]
Okay.
What?
-Hi. -Hi.
Gwen, sorry, yes. Hi.
Thanks for coming.
I was just going over a legal brief.
Can I get you a drink? Anything to eat?
No, no. I just want to get to the bottom of this.
Hey, is she alone? Who is she with?
Okay, she's with a man, but I can't see his face.
Okay, try to take some pictures and send them to me, okay?
[snap]
[♪♪♪]
[text chimes]
"A little work thing"?
[scoffs]
[Dana] Hey, wait 10 minutes and serve her.
On it.
You don't need a lawyer now,
but what you do need, is you need to be--
very honest with me, okay?
I need to, uh--
...I need you to vanish.
-"Vanish"? -Yes, I need you to lie low.
I can't afford Tabby
to depose you to testify against Brett,
under any circumstance.
-Good evening. -Green juice
and some nori chips.
Oh, no, no, don't take that--
Okay.
You've been served.
[snap]
-Oh, hi, Mark. -Hi!
-Always a pleasure to see ya. -Long time no see.
[envelope rustling]
Can I see that?
Yeah.
Thank you.
Yeah, you've been subpoenaed to come to arbitration tomorrow.
But I have Pilates tomorrow.
Gwen, I'm sorry, you might have to--
...you might not make Pilates tomorrow.
[♪♪♪]
"Little work thing," huh?
I'm pretty sure we switched background checks.
Oh, yeah. We sure did!
You were married?
You were in jail?
[thump]
[thud]
Did you get the Nobles to run a background check on me?
'Cause we both know you need to get the dirt, right, honey?
But I run due diligence on businesses.
There is a big difference!
They're corporations, not people.
Not according to the Supreme Court.
Let's stay on topic here. 'Cause you know what?
It's a really big topic.
-You were married! -For a day!
At a bachelorette party in Vegas!
-You were in jail! - For five minutes!
I'm sorry, I missed a "No Trespassing" sign.
You also lied about your college GPA.
I rounded up! Who doesn't?
Meanwhile, what do you do when you watch TV?
You're always not liking those beauty contests,
but guess who was "Ms. Supreme Ann Arbor" in 2006?
I did it for the scholarship money!
Your speech was on world peace!
We all make mistakes when we're young!
[roars] Yeah, like me with the "no trespassing" sign!
-Argh! -Ugh!
[♪♪♪]
[door slams]
[thud]
[door thuds]
[sighs]
This isn't us.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, honey!
This isn't us, babe. What are we doing?
-This is crazy! -We don't do this.
I love you so much. I'm sorry.
You were married?
You were incarcerated?
Look, I'm sorry about Gwen, okay?
I should've told you everything. The meeting-- she called.
She said she wanted to keep it a secret.
-It's okay. -Look, I--
I should've been honest, but I couldn't because-- whatever.
The point is, this case is driving me-- [whistles] ...nuts!
Me, too. Listen, we're gonna go in there tomorrow,
we are gonna settle this,
and it'll all go back to normal, okay?
We're not going to court. No court.
Definitely no court.
Okay.
Are there any more Bulgogi tacos left?
-Because I'm starving. -Yeah, sure.
[♪♪♪]
So, are you ready for a second chance
at a fair deal for both of you?
No.
Think you can be reasonable with Tabby today?
No.
I know divorce is a gut-punch,
but the two of you going to court
is only gonna bring more pain for the both of you.
This way.
Where's Gwen?
Family emergency.
It's a well-timed emergency.
Are we ready to divide assets?
No, actually.
After conferring with my lawyer,
I've decided I want to go to court.
Excuse me?
And after confer--
uh, conference-- whatever--
with my lawyer,
I want to go to court.
[arbitrator] Then I guess you're going to court.
[♪♪♪]
[elevator doors ding]
-Ah! -Good morning.
Uh... what do you think-- for the gala?
Orchids, or these beautiful pink flowers?
Well, you do know I love orchids,
but pink is the color of breast cancer research, so.
You are always the person to ask.
We'll do a little mix of both.
I wanted to talk to you about the Noble case.
I've given it my all, but I am not a litigator.
I mean...
I'm certain you can find someone much better suited for this.
Dana.
I believe in you.
I also know that you've never met a challenge
that you haven't conquered...
and I know that Tabby needs you right now.
She's all alone.
Now--
Uh-uh!
I have a tiny request.
Yes?
[chuckles]
I want you to ask Mark to bring Brett
to the gala.
Um, that is not what I'd call a tiny request.
I mean, isn't there gonna be some conflict?
Tabby will be there.
Exactly.
Look, my thinking is
that Tabby and Brett are always their best at big events,
in front of the camera,
and it's not just for show-- it somehow bonds them.
So, I was thinking
the gala might be a chance for a reconciliation.
You really are an eternal optimist.
I just like to make opportunities out of challenges.
Okay, I will ask Mark about Brett.
Thank you.
Thank you for the flowers. I'm keeping them.
[chuckles]
[♪♪♪]
Hey.
This is a slam-dunk, right?
Well... yeah, I mean, Dana doesn't love court,
but I'm certainly not gonna capitalize on it.
You're not?
[chuckles]
Mark.
I shouldn't be sharing this with you,
but, uh, looks like you're going to make partner.
Contingent on winning this case, of course, right?
Of course.
We need partners who will do what it takes.
Well, be that as it may, Lois,
I'm gonna prioritize what's best for Dana and me.
But what's best for both of you
is you making partner.
Getting a raise, taking Dana to Hawaii--
she... she loves Hawaii, right?
I can no longer tell the difference
between the carrot and the stick.
The carrot
is my not using the stick.
Slam-dunk.
You know how I am with public speaking.
I'm gonna get weird. I clam up. I make the face!
Honey...
your face is adorable.
Plus, court's not gonna happen for another few months.
You got plenty of time to prepare.
You'll be great, okay?
[smooch]
Plus... you happen to be the only lawyer
that I will never use my usual soundbite of, "I'd rather be--"
[both] "...On our side than the opponent's."
Right?
Okay, onto more important topics--
like a vacation.
I think when all this is done, you and I need a vacay.
-What do you say about Hawaii? -Please? Hawaii, Maui, Kauai--
anywhere where there's a beach and a Piña Colada.
[chuckles]
Sounds perfect to me.
Maybe it'll be our own little baby-moon, hmm?
Mm, now we've come full circle back to the baby convo.
Mm-hmm.
Listen, I have been thinking,
a lot, and...
are you sure we're ready for it not just to be the two of us?
You know-- late-night ice cream,
and lazy Saturdays in bed,
and vacations?
Are we really ready to be parents?
Honey...
...is anybody ever ready?
[♪♪♪]
♪ ...but a lover's glance ♪
Hey, babe.
Hi.
One coffee coming up.
Oh, thank you.
Mwah.
Gotta just grab my bag.
Okay.
All right.
[text alerts chiming]
[chiming]
You know I love you in blue.
Aw, love you in green.
Mm.
What's your morning like?
Oh, you know, I...
Just some work stuff.
What about you?
Yeah, same. Big day.
'Kay. You ready?
Yeah, two minutes.
Okay, I'll meet you downstairs.
I'll see you later.
[♪♪♪]
I'm so sorry.
[♪♪♪]
If I need anything...
Thanks.
[♪♪♪]
Gwen.
Hi.
Seriously?
Are you here to offer me another subpoena?
No, no. I'm not--
[thud]
I'm so sorry.
Listen, I'm-- I'm not here as a lawyer.
I'm here as a human, okay?
Your best friend of 20 years, Tabby,
is going through a really hard time,
and she's doing it all alone.
Even if you played a part in it,
I just really think she could use a friend right now.
Oh, I am so over this whole thing.
I am not the bad guy here,
and I was promised I wouldn't be,
but I will be, if I have to be.
I don't think I understand what that means.
It means tell Tabby to pay the money she owes me.
I can't even make rent anymore.
[footsteps receding]
Oh, you left a--
[line ringing]
Kim, let's run background on Gwen.
[♪♪♪]
[footsteps]
Hey, babe. You scared me.
How was your day?
How was my day...
um, completely exhausting.
[sighs]
Did you have a big meeting?
Well, actually, I sat down with Gwen today
and, uh, we talked about your subpoena
to help her expedite the divorce.
She says she'll do anything to help us both out, so...
are you okay?
Yeah, I-- I just, um...
Yeah, I was just spending the day chasing things down.
[deep breath, sighs]
Come here.
So, I've been thinking about what you said.
I thought,
what if I quit my job
and I stayed home with the baby?
It'd be fun, you know?
I'd be a...
domestic engineer.
[laughs]
So, hold on. I would be working all day
while you're home with our sweet little baby?
Okay, well, we could take turns working,
and then you can stay home with the baby and Rambo.
Who's "Rambo"?
Rambo's our dog, the German shepherd.
I thought I'd get him a nice red bandana.
[laughs] Our puppy sounds like he just got back from 'Nam.
I don't even like Rambo.
What are you talking about?
You told me you loved the franchise.
Yeah, honey,
the same way I say love watching hockey,
or, you know, going to the hardware store on Sunday.
I mean, these are just things you say on a second date,
when you're falling madly in love.
Oh, so kind of how I feel when we have to go shoe shopping,
or maybe you book us some Cajun cooking classes--
-What? -Or we sit here
and we watch Steel Magnolias over and over--
No, that is not possible.
Steel Magnolias is an American classic.
Okay!
All right, fine. So, let's do this.
Let's compromise, all right?
What?
We've got Oliver. We've got Rambo.
-Okay. -One goat...
and baby Chervich,
so we'll be working part-time
so that we can stay home part-time.
And is that enough income?
Babe... maybe we need less income.
Maybe we need to move somewhere cheaper.
We can move to Minnesota, near my family.
Yeah, or we can go to Ann Arbor near my family,
and baby Chervich could be around cousins and...
Mm-hmm.
I don't know, honey. We'll figure it out.
Yes, we will.
[text alert chimes]
[second phone chimes]
Oh, great...
What?
Our court date has been set.
No. No... next Monday?
This is supposed to be months from now!
The Nobles must have pulled some strings.
-Ugh! -It's okay. It's all right.
Hey... it's okay.
We'll figure it out.
Come here, baby.
We'll figure it out.
I think things will be a whole lot better
once we watch Rambo.
[laughing]
Saturday, 5:00 p.m. We will see you there.
All right. Ciao.
Luca, my friend.
Mark! Always a treat.
You were asking me about Tabby Noble, right?
Mm-hmm.
Well, I did some sniffing around.
Turns out she's got quite a few credit lines set up,
but with, uh, non-banking entities,
if you catch my drift.
Mm.
Word is, she's a savvy businesswoman.
She's got the golden touch.
"Prints money" is the quote...
but it doesn't get sent to the bank.
So, what are you saying? She's got offshore accounts?
Who's to say?
All right, do me a favor.
Let's keep this between you and me, okay?
Lips are zipped.
Grazie.
All right! And I will be right here with your drinks.
Have a lovely night.
Thank you, my friend.
We'll see you again.
TJ, hi!
Mrs. C.
I can't wait to see your play.
Mark's just down here.
By the way, I asked around about Brett Noble.
Seems you're right.
He's got a gambler's spirit.
Card games, Vegas-- he's a high-roller everywhere.
So, he spent all their money?
Ah, more the opposite.
Word is the guy's a winner. Diamond hands.
Oh, so he's hiding his winnings?
Huh!
Listen, just keep this between us, okay?
Thanks.
Hey, love!
Hi, honey.
Oh, famished.
I'm so exhausted.
You know what I was thinking?
-Mm? -Instead of a vacation,
we should quit our jobs, we should sell everything we own,
and we should just move to Hawaii.
Mm. I'm so game. That sounds amazing.
Oh, by the way,
Rambo actually also loves the sand.
[chuckles]
And what would do with all your orchids?
Mm. Mm, solid point.
How are you feeling about court?
How I feel about everything right now--
like it's just spiraling out of control.
Come here.
You're gonna do great,
but...
we've got Judge Clarke,
who I know well-- she's great-- but can I give you a pointer?
Please. I will take all the pointers.
Judge Clarke likes sports analogies,
so, if you could pepper some sports analogies
into your statements, that'll be great.
Wait, what? Judge Clarke likes sports?
-Yeah. -Online, she was quoting Proust
and playing Dungeons & Dragons. -I'm-- I'm just telling ya.
All right, so, let's just play this out.
What kind of sports things
am I actually gonna know how to reference?
I'm gonna go something like, "Oh, this case
is a slam goal" and "par for the field."
Hey, we'll workshop it. Don't worry.
[sighs] Ugh.
What?
Oh, Uncle Paul
wants me to ask you
if Brett will come to Jackie's gala.
But... isn't Tabby gonna be there?
I mean, honey, we both know
that those two together are like loose canyons,
and the night before their court date?
What're we talkin' about? -I know. I know.
but he truly thinks it could help mend things.
You do know I have to do
what's best for my client, right?
Isn't what's best for your client
to attempt reconciliation?
Not necessarily.
What?
Nothing. Nothing.
[♪♪♪]
This new stylist brought some amazing options.
Tabby? I really need you to focus.
We've got to quickly prepare you for court.
Yeah, about that-- how formal will it be?
Uh, divorce trial can be quite strict proceedings.
No, no, no, I mean, my outfit.
Like, heels? Wedges?
Autumnal neutral tone?
Can you please take this seriously?
You are gonna be asked
very prying questions about your marriage,
your history, your character,
in a courtroom full of press.
Yeah, so? I can handle that.
I've been in front of a camera for 20 years.
I had 3.4 million people
watch my struggle to get pregnant.
I'm sorry.
I-- I really can't imagine what that feels like.
Yeah, I wouldn't want you to.
Do you still want children?
More than anything.
It's kind of something I've always wanted.
What about you? Do you want kids?
Yes, so much...
but I feel like it's the biggest decision
I'll make in life and...
I'm kinda scared.
Scared of what, exactly?
Scared that...
Scared that I'll mess it up.
That I won't be a good mom.
That it'll change things between me and Mark.
[chuckles]
It will change things between you and Mark.
I know, and I'm sure in the most magical way,
but...
for my parents,
it changed things,
and they slowly fell apart--
and I just wouldn't want
to put my kids through what I went through
when my parents were divorced.
So, you're unsure about kids
because you think you might get divorced?
No!
Oh, no, no, no, no, I--
No. Mark is-- I-I love Mark with all of my heart.
He is the best decision I've ever made.
I think this is the winner. What about you?
Oh, yeah, that's-that's great. It's perfect.
Yeah.
Brett, come on. I gotta get you ready for court.
Bro, I am 3% body fat. I am ready!
Uh, that's great. I'm glad you're 3% body fat.
We gotta go over the issues, man.
There are no issues.
Everything I asked for should be mine.
And it would be, if you'd signed a pre-nup.
No way, man! Pre-nups are such a bummer.
That's distrust. That's not love.
It has nothing to do with distrust, Brett.
It's called protection.
Marriage is not some whim-- it's a legal, binding contract.
Yeah, but that's, like,
"make sure all the exit doors work on the plane
before the flight takes off."
Exactly! That's my point! It's called protection.
Yeah, but why get on the flight if the plane's just gonna crash?
Okay, you know what, Brett? Just--
Can you get down here and you--
why don't you just-- why don't you tell me?
I mean, do you have a pre-nup?
Look at me. I'm a family lawyer.
Of course I have a pre-nup.
Yeah, and that never felt like a bad sign to you?
Like a lack of trust?
I mean, you're already focusing on the marriage ending
before it's even began.
No, no, no.
Okay, all right, I'll give you that.
If I was to be perfectly honest with you, sure.
For one little moment, yeah.
Exactly, and why would you want to believe
that you'd have to one day protect yourself
from the person that you love most in the world?
I didn't want to believe that.
So, why did you want a pre-nup?
I didn't, Brett.
I didn't want a pre-nup.
She did.
So, what's your point?
I don't know.
Just, you know...
don't worry about the exit doors.
[thump]
[♪♪♪]
This shade of red was actually created for me.
It's called "Tabby Red," um--
-Oh! -[shutters snapping]
[♪♪♪]
[chuckles] You look fantastic!
Thank you.
This is beautiful.
Aunt Jackie would be so proud.
Thank you, and I hope so.
So, not to press the issue, but is Brett coming?
He's not. I'm sorry.
Mark just didn't think it was a good idea.
I was hoping for something different.
I know.
Oh... excuse me.
Of course.
So, it's Italian silk and it was--
Ooh! Oh! And this--
my divorce lawyer, Dana Chervich--
but she's so much more than that.
She's my queen, my rock.
She's practically my best friend.
Aw, well, I should raise my rates!
[laughing]
Um, excuse me one second.
Hey, sorry to interrupt
but Gwen's background check just came through.
-And? -And looks like
she just bought a commercial property in Soho.
Bought?
In cash, in her name, days ago.
Days ago, she was telling me she couldn't make rent.
Maybe Brett bought the property for Gwen?
See, something's off. Something is fishy.
So, maybe Brett's hiding money through Gwen?
There's a legal term for hiding money.
What did the forensic accountant say?
They're finishing up.
Okay, just tell them to please let me know whatever they find.
-Of course. -Thanks.
[♪♪♪]
-Hi. -Hey.
Uh, you look...
stunning, as always.
Ditto.
I got you a present.
Is it Oliver?
Where are you, boy? Come here!
No, no, no, no, it's not Oliver,
but hopefully something just as good.
Listen, honey, I just want to say,
with all of the fighting--
We're not fighting.
Yes, we are, and it's okay.
There's no one on the planet I would rather fight with
more than you.
For free, I mean.
Me too.
And soon, this is all gonna be behind us,
and it'll just be us again.
Yeah, we just gotta get through court tomorrow, right?
Are you nervous?
I mean, no,
but I'm gonna anxiety-spiral anyway.
Hey.
You're gonna do great
because you always do great,
and I'll be right there with ya.
Yeah, on the other side.
No, on your side.
Always.
You say the sweetest things.
Can I ask you a slightly tangential question?
Of course. Those are my favorites.
Why did you want a pre-nup?
I-- We both wanted a pre-nup.
No.
Dana, you're the one who wanted the pre-nup.
[♪♪♪]
[camera shutters snapping]
-[chuckling] -[shutters snap]
Honey...
you got Brett to come?
How-How did you--?
Uh, yeah, your present,
because you said this was for the best,
and I believe in you, so...
I just gotta figure out how I can keep this guy in check.
Thank you. I'm gonna keep Tabby in check, too.
All right. Divide and conquer?
Okay, here we go.
Brett.
-My man. -Let's grab you a drink.
You clean up good!
[Dana] Hi.
Last minute, he decides to show up?
He's trying to keep me off-keel.
No, he's just trying to support you
and-and raise some money for cancer research.
Or he's gonna do what he always does, and make this about him.
Tabby, isn't there any benefit of the doubt here?
I mean, isn't there any good in him you can still find?
Yeah.
He looks great in a tux.
Right.
Did you order ahead of time, or...?
It's a classy event.
Yeah. Yeah.
Is, uh, is Tabby looking?
Uh-huh.
What's her face say?
Her face says she's looking, Brett.
Huh.
Why don't you go over there and congratulate her?
[♪♪♪]
Yeah.
Or... I could, uh, take the stage and, you know,
make a speech about cancer or something?
You know, it's very gracious of ya.
No. Don't do that.
But I can entertain.
Hey, laughter's the best medicine!
I think science would refute that.
You know, what you could do is,
I think Tabby deserves a nice, private hello, okay?
Okay.
Could we have a quick soundbite?
No.
Yes!
Great. Brett, what do you think about the hearing tomorrow?
My client actually believes that it'll be a fair
and equitable agreement that'll be reached, so.
No, I don't.
I think what my lawyer keeps telling me--
that he'd rather be on our side than the opponent's.
Excuse me?
I-- Come on, it's just something I have to say
to keep this guy in check.
Yeah, it's something you say
when you think you're gonna win.
Honey, winning would be
us never seeing these two people again.
He's driving me insane.
[♪♪♪]
-Uh-- -Are they flirting?
I was kind of hoping you'd show up.
I've missed you.
What's happening?
That red really complements your lipstick.
[giggles] Thank you.
And your eyes.
And that... is flirting, so maybe we did just win?
Yes, we did.
I love when you wear a tux.
-Yeah, it's... -Yeah, I noticed.
He loves her.
Excuse me.
Yeah.
Excuse me.
So, we just got the forensic accounting report on Brett.
We just got the forensic accounting on Tabby.
-Okay. -She has offshore accounts.
He has substantial poker winnings
he's invested internationally.
Multiple untraceable businesses.
He's hiding millions from her.
She's hiding millions from him.
I guess he's not as naive as he looks?
Guess she's not as naive as she looks.
Guess not.
You were my everything!
I'm your everything?
-Come on! -No, no, no, no, no.
[Tabby] You make it all about you--
it always has to be about you.
-I was invited! -No, you weren't!
-Let's-- Let's go. -You weren't even invited!
I was invited! I got an email.
Let's get you a cold shower.
Take a cheese toast.
It's okay. I'm sorry.
What is this?
Take a deep breath.
[♪♪♪]
Why are you up so early?
Why did you sleep on the couch?
I-I guess I just, uh, I fell asleep out here.
Look, about last night, I--
I said some things I regret,
and it's not just because
I have much wittier retorts in the morning.
Okay, noted.
Hey.
We're gonna figure it out, okay?
We always do.
Yeah, we always do.
[smooch]
So, do you wanna take the car over together?
No, I think I just need a minute to, you know,
get myself together.
Well, I'm gonna go over now,
but hey... I got you covered.
[whispers] You're gonna do great.
[smooch]
[sighs]
[Mark] But what about that three-pointer in game five?
But what about that magic sky-hook?
[Mark] Oh, come on-- legendary, right?
[both chuckling]
Good to see you, counselor.
Well, let's get started.
Being friendly with the judge?
I'm a friendly guy.
So, what do you think?
I think... we're gonna do our very best.
No, I mean my outfit.
I think it screams, "I deserve all the marital property."
Yeah.
Is this gonna take long?
What, you got somewhere more important to be?
CrossFit's at 3:00, so...
Counsel,
do we have assets in question and arguments ready?
Your Honor, yes, we do.
Counselor?
May I just have one second, please?
Take all the time you need.
[♪♪♪]
[mutters to self] "Contract-- 31st, 11:00."
[indistinct murmuring]
Your Honor, due to recent findings,
I would like to request a brief recess.
We just got started.
Now, why do you need a recess?
I need to perform due diligence
as new evidence has been brought to our attention
that would affect the financial structure of the settlement.
I'm sure the court would hate to see us punt
rather than trying an end around.
[forced chuckle]
You're in luck that I missed breakfast.
Court is in recess for an hour.
Thank you.
Give me the address
on the commercial property Gwen bought.
Hang tight. I'll be right back.
Okay.
[♪♪♪]
Shouldn't you be in court?
Yes, I should be.
What is this? W-What is "Gwen's Glutes"?
My new Pilates studio- slash-method acting workshop.
So, is that what "contract 31st at 11" means?
Because this is the 31st,
and this is your new commercial space.
This space? How did you afford this?
Did Brett buy this for you with money he's hiding from Tabby?
Do I need a lawyer?
If you're an accomplice in laundering money, then yes.
I'm not laundering money.
Then tell it to the judge.
I'm not the villain here!
You know what? This has become a little too much.
Then come to court and tell the truth, please?
Or I'll tell what I think is the truth.
[drumming absently]
[doors open]
[♪♪♪]
[exhaling deeply]
What is she doing here?
You're my best friend and you stole my husband!
[Gwen] I never stole him.
All the time we spent together
was Brett talking about how much he loved you,
asking how he could fix your rift
and win you back.
I never had a chance.
What?
Even if I wanted him,
how could I ever compare with perfect Tabby?
-[gavel bangs] -Order. Order.
-[gavel banging] -Order.
[sighs]
Is that true?
Every single word.
I have loved you
from the moment I met you,
even now.
Oh, Bretty! Me too.
I'm so sorry for everything.
[Brett] No, baby, it's not your fault.
It was the lawyers.
They pressured us into getting divorced.
-They really did. -What?
Sorry, what? What's that?
Yeah, it's true, they did, they did, but...
I don't want to live without you.
Well, then...
...will you marry me--
again?
You don't really have to ask her to marry you again.
Yeah, you guys never were divorced
in the first place, Brett.
Of course, I'll marry you, my love--
again!
[camera shutters clicking]
Forever and ever!
Yeah, and we'll have-- we'll have the biggest wedding.
Yeah, and you're all invited.
All of you.
Or you can bid on photos of the event.
[commotion continues, indistinct]
[shutters snapping]
Extra salt and butter on both sides.
Mm, good.
I'm gonna need more popcorn.
Today was a disaster.
I know, baby.
It was a disaster. Terrible.
-It's okay. -[TV theme music playing]
[Tabby] If you're a troubled couple
on the brink of giving up--
...Then come along with us...
Turn it up. Turn it up.
...Where we explore the challenges, and triumphs,
of marriage,
as we counsel couples... back into love.
Live, on air, every Wednesday night.
I'm Tabby Noble.
And I'm Brett Noble.
[together] And, please, join us for Noble Love
on Reality Reel.
I'm sorry, ex-excuse me?
They have a new show?
Where they're marriage counseling?
Live?
They were divorcing this morning!
How in the world could they pull this together so quickly?
[overlapping] They didn't.
[Dana] Hey, Gwen, we really need to talk!
You don't want to mess with lawyers, Gwen!
We serve injunctions for breakfast.
[Dana sighs]
[door squeaks]
So, what's the game here?
They were never divorcing? Was this a stunt?
Yeah.
It was all a con.
They haven't been able to sell a show in a while,
then they came up with this.
They paid me to go along with it--
promised to buy me the Pilates studio.
[sighs] Then they made me the villain at every turn.
Why? I mean, how?
I mean, this doesn't make any sense.
Yeah, there were so many private moments
that were-- they weren't filming.
Yeah!
No, they were.
They recorded all of it,
planning to use it all for the show.
So, they abused you?
Yeah, because that's what they do best...
but whatever.
Your firms got paid,
and everyone gets a happy ending.
Everyone except us.
Right.
[sighs]
The Nobles were lying.
There was never going to be a divorce.
This is fraud.
Let's be careful with terminology.
Fraud is a grave accusation...
and to be forthright, however belatedly--
Paul and I knew.
Not at first,
but the head of Reality Reel cleared it with us.
What are you talking about?
I'm sorry, excuse me? What? What?
We never imagined it would go this far,
and we never would've gone along with it
if we'd known it would negatively affect you.
Why would you guys even do this?
Partners thought it would be good for our firm.
And I thought it would be good
both for Tabby and for your career,
and for Jackie's Legacy Fund.
I didn't think it would avalanche like this,
but ultimately, we wanted them to reconcile,
and they did, so...
maybe we let all be well that ends well, hmm?
[Lois] Was it misguided and self-serving?
Yes, but did they pay their bills on time
and in full?
Also yes, which is more than I can say about most clients.
Do you see what's happening here?
I just brought us full circle
back to the lawyer-integrity joke.
[Mark chuckle-sighs]
You know what the worst part is?
Everyone's raving about Noble Love.
That's not the worst part.
The worst part is, they got away with it.
Okay, guys, look...
if they're happy, just let 'em be happy.
But how can they be happy
if they're still lying to each other?
I mean, Brett is hiding money from Tabby.
And Tabby's hiding money from Brett.
They're never gonna be happy until they get truthful.
Well, maybe it's our job to get them truthful.
You know, to heal them.
Okay, Gwen, I'm sorry, guys,
but this sounds less like therapy
and more like some sort of revenge cabal.
I'm out, babe.
-I'm-- I'm also out. -Okay.
Fine, but help me with this.
Where can I find a great actor?
Now, look. He's right here. TJ's a great actor, right?
Yeah! There ya go. Hey, come here. Sit down.
Look at that face.
-You act? -Yeah.
-Method? -Strasberg all the way.
How would you like the role of a lifetime?
Who would I be playing?
My husband.
I could method act that.
[Dana chuckles]
I kind of feel like we shouldn't be here.
[chuckling]
Half cheddar-ranch, half peanut butter cup.
Mm, delicious combo...
maybe just not at the same time.
No, I don't think that would be the best idea.
[munching]
That is good.
Ugh, do you think we should have stopped this?
I don't think we would've had much of a chance
to stop anything-- Gwen's on a mission.
Besides, they don't need "Noble Love"--
they need tough love.
Good one, honey.
[clink]
You can have a seat here.
[Brett blows air, huffs, and sniffs]
Oh, thanks.
[indistinct set buzz]
I love this jacket.
Gwen?
Wait. You're not married.
Yes, I am. This is my husband, TJ.
I kept him a secret,
because I know how you two love secrets.
Hey, bro.
I dug all your shows. I'm also a thespian.
I'm headlining a play right now.
Like, on-on Broadway, or--?
Atlantic City. It's the Broadway of Jersey.
Yeah, it-it's not, bro.
Well, where should we begin?
[PA] We're on the air in five... four...
three...
[intro theme plays]
We're back on Noble Love...
where love begins again.
Starting... with us.
And today, we have a very special couple with us.
My best friend and assistant, Gwen--
I thought I was fired from both of those roles.
[forced] What are you talking about?
And my man, TJ, over here.
[all chuckling]
Fellow thespian.
[Dana] I can't believe Luca got 'em on the show.
You know Luca--
he knows people who knows people.
[Dana chuckles]
What is the biggest issue in your marriage?
Well, I'm sad to say
that Gwen has been hiding money from me.
TJ's also been hiding money from me.
[TJ] Um, we've had great success
with the businesses we've built together,
but then Gwen moved our profits
to secret accounts.
While TJ's been hiding his Vegas winnings
in overseas funds.
Oh, wow.
Well...
I can see how that would affect your marriage,
as trust is the foundation of love.
And love needs trust
the way sunshine and flowers need each other.
That's right.
But... there's more!
TJ also ran...
a background check on me.
[TJ] And Gwen ran a background check on me.
Uh...
Well, that is a total invasion of privacy.
[forced chuckling] Yeah.
If someone did that to me, I would be very, very upset.
Yeah, me too.
Um...
[both] We'll be right back.
[TV shuts off]
That's unbelievable.
You think they'll make it? Think they'll be okay?
Yeah, you know, I do.
You know, it's something new for both of them.
Something honest, something real...
Do you think we'll be okay?
Do you?
[♪♪♪]
Yeah, I do.
I actually know it.
I mean, there isn't much that's certain in life,
but...
you're as close as it gets.
Honey, I know I can overthink and over-worry,
and become fatalistic--
What? You? Never.
[both chuckling]
I wouldn't want any other life
than the life I have with you,
whatever that looks like...
...and I know I said
the most important decision we can make
is having a child,
but I think I was wrong.
I think the most important decision we make
is who we share our life with,
and I would make this decision
one million times over, exactly the same.
[♪♪♪]
So...
I have an idea.
[♪♪♪]
Thank you so much for meeting with me.
Thank you for taking the time.
You've been a mentor,
and I am so grateful for everything you've given me--
But I need something new, Lois.
Mark, you're about to make partner.
But you're taking over the firm.
I know...
I know.
But we've made other plans.
[♪♪♪]
Chervich and Chervich. Can you please hold?
[♪♪♪]
Happy eighth anniversary, babe.
Aw, happy eighth, my love.
So, I got us a little something.
Oh.
[laughing]
"Don't drop me. My parents are lawyers."
[both laughing]
[♪♪♪]
Ohh... did you feel that?
Oh! Oh...
It's a prosecutor.
[laughing]