- Hey. - Hey.
- Hi. - Hi. Sorry I'm late.
That's okay. There you go.
I got you a latte.
- Thanks. - But it's not here yet.
Ah.
So how was your walk over here?
- What? - "How was your walk over here?"
I don't know why I'm so nervous.
Maybe it's because you feel ashamed
that you didn't trust me enough to live my own life?
Yeah, that's probably it.
I still don't think I should be in trouble.
I mean, your dad asked me to pull some strings for you,
so I pulled some strings for you.
What happened to us facing the music together?
Well, you said that. I mostly just wanted breakfast.
Alright, honey, I've been thinking a lot about this,
and about how I acted.
And I know it's easy to say it's because I love you, which I do.
I love you so, so, so, so, so, so very, very, very, very much...
She gets that. Keep going.
But that's not it.
I spent a few years in Florida
feeling very sorry for myself.
That part's true.
I'm...
I got kinda lost.
And a little lonely.
And I guess I convinced myself
that I had to do everything I could possibly do
to keep that from happening to you.
And I am sorry.
- What do you think? - I was just barely listening,
but it sounded sincere.
But he was doing that thing that he does where he shits on himself a little
so that you feel guilty for being mad at him.
- That's not my thing. - It is.
Okay, you're leaving in a few days, thank God.
Well, you could have left out the "thank God" part.
- I didn't want to. - Okay.
- Because my life is mine. - Okay.
And I need you to promise to stay out of it
- no matter what I do. - I...
- Before you promise... - Okay.
I mean, anything, okay?
I could become a meth addict.
I've heard it's fun, and you get really organized.
So, if your teeth fall out, I can't say anything?
Alright, do meth.
Live it up.
Oh, hi, Graham! I'll be right there.
Order yourself a coffee, charge it to my room.
- I'm also getting bacon. - Go nuts.
You double-booked a family crisis?
Oh, no, we helped our kid too much. Shit.
I really think we're all gonna be fine.
- Hi! - How did you ever think you two
- were a good match? - I didn't.
But it gets confusing when someone's that hot.
Yeah, don't I know it?
Is there, like, class today, or are we just vibing out here?
No, sorry, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Well, I hope that you all enjoyed our brisk walk
through Russian history.
- Mm. - Some not sure, right.
Okay, some stony faces.
Fair enough. Tried my best.
Nowadays, there's an understandable shroud cast across all things Russian.
But we've spoken about quite a few interesting characters.
Go on. Favorite Russian leaders. Go.
- Peter the Great. - Peter the Great.
Huge strides in education, science, culture.
Yeah, great by name, great by nature. Very good. Yes. Anyone else?
- Stalin. - Interesting.
Had millions of his own citizens executed,
but very much on brand, Gina.
- Thanks ever so much. - Fucking knows my name now.
- Yeah, he does. - Little bitch.
Do you know who my favorite is? Mikhail Gorbachev.
I always think about him this time of year anyway,
seeing as he resigned Christmas Day, 1991.
A lot of people remember Gorby for glasnost, perestroika.
But you know the thing that I most admired about him?
He was the first Russian leader to have his wife front and center.
His critics claimed that he loved her more than he loved the country.
When she passed away, he released this CD called Songs for Raisa.
Some absolute bangers on there, you should definitely check it out.
You know, everyone always thought that Gorbachev
wanted to dismantle the Soviet state, but...
I just... I don't think he did.
I mean, sure, yeah, he knew that changes were necessary.
But I believe that he just wanted the union to survive.
Are you crying?
Nope.
Have a great break, everyone.
Cheerio.
Look, guys, if the readers
care about your characters, they are in for the ride.
Case in point, last night I was watching TV,
and It's a Wonderful Life came on,
and I love the character of George Bailey so much
that I had to watch it all the way through to the end.
- What's It's a Wonderful Life? - You're kidding me.
"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings."
Is that like a Christian movie? 'Cause, then, no, thank you.
No, it's not Christian, per se. It's...
Well, it's a Christmas movie.
But, so yeah, I guess it's kind of Christian.
Hold up. "Every time a bell rings",
- an angel gets wings"? - Right.
What if you're in, like, an arcade or something?
Yeah, that's like
- a crazy amount of angels. - Yeah.
No, there is just one angel, and his name is Clarence.
Clarence? Is that from the Bible?
- I think it's from Corinthians. - Are you making this up?
Because religion is not a safe topic.
No, no, no. This is a real movie.
And I would have assigned it for homework, but today is our last class.
So, to that point...
I do have to say
that before I came here, I...
- Mm, I never thought... - Sorry, Grg.
I got a chem final in like two minutes.
Oh! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, go!
Go, go, go, go. Have a great break.
And please keep writing!
Tommy.
Dude, you're killing me.
- Hey, I know. - You gotta get it in. You gotta get it in.
I know, I know.
Final draft of your chapter, please?
That's all I need, and you pass this course.
As soon as my fingers touch it, you pass.
Hey, man, I've been working my butt off.
I just, I really want this to be good.
Yeah, so I'll get it to you end of day?
- Alright. - Perfect.
Oh, also, big news.
I passed all my other classes.
- Way to go! - Yeah, man.
- I even crushed my stats final. - You did?
- Yeah. - What'd you get?
Sexiest grade ever.
- Sixty-nine. - Wow.
- Bring it in. - D-plus, baby, come on.
Very good. Proud of you.
This is bullshit!
My macroeconomics professor is giving me a B.
I've never gotten a grade below an A before.
- What's it like? - Fuck you.
"Fuck you."
- You're at the business school? - Wow.
Three months in, first time he's asking me anything about my life.
Sorry.
Shit, did you just apologize to Mo? Are you okay? Are you dying?
No, I'm just... I didn't really sleep very well.
Did you forget to turn on your nightlight?
I'm wrestling with a couple of things, that's all.
I'm gonna have to get to class.
Oh, Mo, don't worry about that B, alright?
I mean, I've also never gotten a grade that low,
but I'd imagine it makes one feel more
human.
- There he is. - Order's restored.
It's okay to be average, Mo.
Ugh.
What's the sigh?
Oh, nothing, nothing, nothing, just
you and the Duke of Turtlenecks are headed to Wisconsin,
and then I never get to live with you again.
I really don't know how I'm gonna get by without you.
Come on.
Bring it in.
You'll be okay.
You can't possibly know that.
Let's do this.
Okay.
- May I kiss you? - Oh, God,
I really hate it when you ask, it's so embarrassing.
- Jesus. Fine. - Just do it.
You know, I don't think Katie
has totally forgiven me yet.
- Fathers and daughters, man. - Oh.
You should have seen my dad's face when I told him
I wanted to switch from pre-law to becoming a poet.
- I think I can do that face. - Do it.
Oh, a poet, huh?
That's cool.
All you fuckers are the same.
- Hey! - Hey!
- Hey, all done. - Hey.
- Great. - I hope you dig it.
I hope so, too.
Don't pull any punches on me now.
- You got it. Sure. - Man, you're the best, Rooster!
Sorry, sorry! Everybody chill.
Has he ever been in a library?
One other time that I'm aware of.
That boy worships you.
He does, as do so many of the other students.
They are all bummed that you are leaving, and it's annoying.
I think you're exaggerating, but thanks. Everyone will be fine.
I won't, Greg.
I told you, I don't have a lot of friends here.
You know, I am so glad that we didn't sleep with each other.
- I get that a lot. - No, I get weird with people
after I have sex with them.
And no matter how it goes, I always want to make them,
you know, think I hate them a little bit.
And then, eventually, I stop talking to them.
But...
I like talking to you, and it'd be a shame if we had to stop.
You have a phone, right?
- Mm-hmm. - Great.
Perfect.
- Oh, damn it. - What?
I got an advanced copy of my new book
that I wanna give to you because it's the first one
I've written with a female protagonist.
- Hand it over. Hand it over. - Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on.
It's not a Rooster book.
I had no say over the cover art, and...
Okay, well, there it is.
Greg, she ain't got no head.
It didn't fit on the cover.
- Ronni. - What?
- Come check this out. - No, no, no, no, no.
It's fine. No, you don't need to come.
- What's up? - Greg's got a new book.
Do you see any other women in this library with a body like that?
I don't know, and I'm not going to check.
- Are you pleased with yourself? - Yes, I am.
So, what are you guys doing over break?
Lily's gonna come meet me in New York right after Christmas,
and we're gonna go to the Marcel Duchamp exhibition at MoMA.
- Fun! - And maybe, like, go to some clubs
and, like, drink our faces off?
I don't know, sorry!
Right, but you're gonna pretend it's for the Duchamp thing?
Yeah, but we just might not have time for that.
I just don't know who Duchamp is, so...
You're my TA!
- Okay. - You should come meet us
- in New York. - Please! It'd be so fun.
I'd love to. But I'm gonna be... I'm gonna be in London.
- Oh. - With Archie.
Oh.
- Okay. - I get it.
But I gotta get used to saying it out loud.
And I need the people that care about me to not be too disappointed.
- Okay, yeah, sorry. Yeah. - Yeah, we love you.
- Give us another shot. - Yes.
- Okay, yeah? Okay. - Yeah.
I'm getting back together with Archie.
- Ew-uh! You're a pervert! - No! No! No! No! No!
- You guys are not funny. - Katie.
- You're not. - No, we're hilarious.
Greg, absolutely awful decision
- to leave us. - Well.
I will be president of this college
until Cristle drags my corpse out of this office.
- I'm not doing that. - Yes, you are.
I'll just call someone.
Makes sense. He's big.
Greg, I'm very mad at you.
Oh. Why?
You set the bar so high for me with men.
Oh.
Jake asked me out for coffee.
Well, he's a nice guy. He's just had some issues.
And he is way above that bar.
- Oh. Great. - He's really nice to me.
And I like his hair.
- He has good hair. - Sometimes when he looks at me,
I don't know if he's lost in thought or if he wants to murder me.
But it's exciting.
Knock, knock.
Ooh. Sorry to interrupt.
Don't wanna ruin the moment that's brewing here.
You ruin every moment.
Okay.
I have to proverbially bite a few bullets today,
so I may as well just, "boop-boop"
pop this one out of the chamber and
metaphorically chomp upon it.
Talking like that, that's why people hate you.
Greg, I think that you and I are gonna have to mend some fences.
Why would I ever do that?
Well...
She can't go back to that jerk!
Oh, my God, I can't believe our daughter
is getting back together with her super handsome husband,
who she really likes to have sex with.
Could we be on the same page for just once in our lives?
We are on the same page.
I think Archie is an arrogant piece of shit. Always have.
We have to call her, tell her not to do this.
Were you not just at that breakfast that you made me go to?
I don't care. I'm gonna call.
- What are you doing? - I'm saving you from yourself.
- Give me the phone. - Nope.
- Give me the phone, Beth. Beth! - No. No.
No, and no, and no, and no, and no. And now, it's in my butt.
You can get it if you want, but you never used to like that.
Beth, come on.
Fine.
Do the one thing that you promised her you wouldn't do.
'Cause that way, she'll never talk to you again,
and then I will have someone to go skiing with at Christmas.
Yay!
Wanna get drunk?
I mean, always.
That's a red flag.
My mom gets so overly excited about Christmas.
We're only in Wisconsin for five days,
and she wants to have three tree-trimming parties.
That is too much tree trimming.
Ready to walk me home, stud?
We need to talk.
Could you sit?
Why aren't you looking at me?
That's kind of my thing.
Please.
Think I'm gonna just stand until you tell me what's going on.
You're a great woman, Sunny.
I know.
And you're gonna be a fantastic mum.
And mark my words, I'm gonna be the best father to Robin.
It's not fucking Robin.
I'm still married to Katie,
and I feel like I really have to see it through.
I don't wanna hear this.
Please stop.
I'm sorry.
Wow.
I knew this was always a possibility.
I just didn't think it would hurt me.
- Things don't usually hurt me. - Well, you're only human.
I'm still talking.
God, you love the sound of your voice.
The problem is...
I do, too.
This is a mistake.
Yeah.
You're choosing the wrong path.
Okay, regrouping.
That's it.
Look, if we weren't having a kid, I'd probably just tell you to fuck off,
maybe slash your tires, and move on.
But I am going to Wisconsin
tomorrow, and if you wanna go with me, be at the apartment by 8:00.
I'm not gonna be there, darling.
Then that's your loss.
And you will regret it.
There's no more wine, so we're switching to bourbon,
which I think is healthy and responsible.
I only drink moonshine. Why do you have this?
I captured it, and now it is mine, as is the Viking tradition.
Oh, that does not smell great in there.
- Well... - Sorry, Bluey.
You get used to the smell.
I wear it around the house sometimes.
You used to make so much fun of me for my attachment to this school,
and now you love it. Apologize.
I'm very sorry. I do love it.
So why are you leaving?
Because I'm cramping my daughter's style.
You have to stop doing that. You have to stop living for other people.
I, myself, basically just do whatever the hell makes me happiest.
- Everyone's aware. - There's an argument
for me doing that a little bit less, but you definitely need to do it more.
Yeah, well, I'm trying.
Would you care for a little bourbon in your wine glass, ma'am?
I'm going to call it a night.
Oh! Okay.
I have to do one thing before I go.
This has been bugging me.
- Hold on. - What are...
Okay, the hook is still here.
Oh, there she is!
That's from Fortune magazine. It was the only picture
I could find, you're welcome.
I will cherish it forever.
- Good night. - Good night.
Stay away from your phone.
I can't guarantee anything I do once you leave.
Just say the word, I will stay longer.
I'm fine. Seriously, I'm good.
- You sure? - Yeah, I'm good.
- You sure? - Yeah.
You sure?
Don't.
- Okay. Sorry. - Don't do that.
I got a little caught up with you and me doing the mom and dad thing.
It was nice.
Mm.
It took me a long time to get over you, Beth.
So, maybe you should not give Katie such a hard time
for struggling with the exact same thing.
Are you actually pretending you were trying
- to teach me a lesson just then? - Come on!
I really never know what the hell I'm doing.
- Me neither. - That, I knew.
Tommy, I read your paper.
This is fantastic.
I shouldn't do this,
but I am going to, anyway.
This was the best one in class.
That is awesome, dude!
Oh, man, I wanna ask you what your favorite part is,
but I don't wanna seem too needy.
I think you should ask.
- What was your favorite part? - Your main character, Boone.
The line about him dressing like he doesn't care
what he looks like, but he really does?
I felt like I instantly knew who that guy was.
- Dude, fuck yeah. - But then, when he sees that picture
- of himself as a little kid... - Mm-hmm.
- everything turns. - Changes it all.
That's the thing about a great character.
Down deep, they already know who they are, who they want to be.
All they need is that one tiny little thing to wake 'em up.
So, my dad's offered us the carriage house.
But honestly, I think we should just go to Claridge's.
Just make a proper, like, holiday of it, you know? Be really great.
You have some spinach in your teeth.
- Huh? Hm? - Oh.
Mm. Mm, mm.
- Have you started packing yet? - It's still there.
- Hm? - Oh, yeah.
Mm. How's that?
- That better? - Nope.
Mm, mm. Mm.
Now?
I can't be with you.
What do you mean?
You know, I've had a lot of one-on-one meetings with teachers.
This is the first one I've ever liked.
I'm glad.
I gotta work at Art's tonight.
You should come by, say goodbye. I could steal you some fries.
Is Spooner and the guys gonna be there?
No, no, they already left for break.
Oh. Okay, yeah, I'll come by.
- Alright, I'll see you then. - Alright.
Katie. Bloody hell, there you are.
- Oh, good, you found me. - Christ.
You can't just drop a bomb like that and then run off.
- I think we need to have a talk. - I don't think we do.
- We do. - No, we don't.
- We do. - We don't.
I don't wanna be with you anymore.
What, 'cause I had some spinach in my teeth?
You are always gonna have spinach in your teeth to me.
- Metaphorically. - Okay, is it...
Whatever's going on right now with you is insane.
Oh, sorry. Then, I will take you back.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Katie, stop! Stop, stop!
I love you. Come on, I'm just...
I'm just a boy standing in front of you with his heart in his hand...
Oh, God, do you hear yourself?
Okay, well, then make me understand.
No matter what I need you to be, you will always be you.
- Is that a bad thing? - Come on.
On some level, you must know you're not the greatest guy.
Wow, maybe not, okay.
Look, I'm actually glad that we got back together,
even if it was just for 36 hours.
Because when it was my choice, all of this?
So much clearer, you know?
I was talking to my friends,
and I was so worried that they were gonna be disappointed in me
for taking you back,
and let's be honest, everybody I know and love would be.
- Roscoe wouldn't. - No, not Roscoe, the dog.
You are right about that.
But it's actually not about their disappointment.
The truth is, I was just so disappointed in myself.
'Cause I don't need you to make me feel special.
I don't know if you've heard,
but I'm a rock star.
I sabotaged my life with the mother of my child.
- For you. - My bad.
In fairness, though,
you really... you started all of that yourself, so I...
You know what? No.
Archie Bates...
I truly hope that you end up happy.
That's really coming through, yeah.
Oh, I want a divorce.
No rush though. I know the holidays can be crazy.
We'll figure it out.
Hey, Dylan, I have
left a Christmas present for you outside your house.
Please be sure to feed it.
I was gonna ask if you wanted to go over to Art's with me,
but your lights are out, so I figure you're asleep.
I will, I'll just come by in the morning, say goodbye.
Alright. See ya.
It's a wonderful life, bitch!
Told you people cared.
Oh, wow. I don't know what to say.
Spooner, why don't you have a shirt on?
I'm an angel.
- Me and George made the wings. - Yeah.
You guys never saw that movie, did you?
- No. - Not in the slightest.
Pass that man a beer.
Oh, hell yeah! Come on, Greg.
Well, cheers.
Sunny?
I'm gonna have to get that key back. Sunny!
- Sunny? - Sunny, he's here!
By the grace of God, he made it!
Shit! I almost forgot.
Fred and I got her onto an earlier flight.
- What? - She left hours ago.
She's finally free.
Aw, you look sad.
You need your mummy?
No?
Well, do you mind locking up when you leave?
I got somewhere to be.
To be continued.
- Let's just... Mr. Russo! - I don't wanna talk about it.
Ronni's got something to say.
I didn't hate it.
Ronni, I'm sorry, that must have been so hard for you.
It was hard for me, thank you.
Guys?
I just wanted to thank you for all the hot chocolates.
Thank you, Darren.
Thank you, Marta.
- Hey, Susan. - Hi.
- How are you? - There you are.
- Mm. Smell so good. - Alright.
My mom's girlfriend, Sharon, she is such a fan.
- Aw. - She loves your books.
She doesn't even believe that I know you.
Anyways, you wanna do a quick video for her?
- Why can't... well... - Hey, fuck you, Sharon!
- Fuck you! - Hey, Sharon, how are ya?
You don't tell me who I know.
- Look. Look. - Hey. How you doing?
Okay, guys. That's enough. That's enough.
Oh. Okay, one more!
Goodbye.
For once and for all.
Hey.
- Goodbye for real. - Okay.
Bye.
- Rooster. - Hm?
Hey.
I just want to say thank you, man.
For everything.
Seriously, you...
You changed my life.
You changed your life.
Also, we racked up a big tab,
- and I don't have any money. - It's fine.
- I'll take care of it. - Yeah? Thanks.
Hey, hey, he said he's paying for everything.
- Oh shit! - Get some more. Get some more.
Hey. You wanna say something before everybody starts to split?
Oh, no, I really don't.
Okay.
Everybody!
Greg so badly wants to say something.
Oh, thank you, Dylan.
- Mm-hmm. - Okay.
Hello.
This is a great surprise.
I really appreciate you all being here.
I am very lucky.
I have the most wonderful daughter.
- Oh, God. - Aw.
There she is. That's Katie.
- They know. - She's the best.
I write stories for a living.
I am very, very good at beer pong.
Some of you probably don't know this,
but I'm a pretty awkward, uncomfortable guy.
What?
No, we know.
And I guess I just never felt like I belonged anywhere.
But you all made me feel like I belonged here.
And I thank you for that.
And I will never forget it.
That is my best friend right there.
Come here.
I ended it.
For good this time.
Okay.
Honey, it's your life.
You have to do what you want to do.
- Go ahead. - Yes!
Yes!
Thank you! Thank you!
- Oh! - Thank you!
Oh, I'm so happy.
I'm sorry.
- Are you okay? - I am.
- Really? - I am, I'm really good.
Okay. Okay.
- So pretty. - Yeah.
Really gonna miss this place.
Well, don't leave on my account.
What?
I don't want you calling me every day from Florida
using your sad voice.
"Hey, Katie."
That is frighteningly accurate.
Oh, hon, I just...
I don't wanna stick around here and keep complicating your life.
Yeah, but you'd probably do that from anywhere.
- You're not wrong. - Mm-hmm.
Hello, Greg.
Hold your horses.
Oh, that's not a good noise to make on the phone.
I make noises, Greg. You know that.
What can I do for you?
What if I did want to come back next semester?
Would that be ridiculous?
No.
You will make a lot of people happy around here.
Plus, you and I can do our last hurrah together.
What do you mean?
They gave your ex-wife my job.
She will be the new president of Ludlow.
Graham just let me know, and we will start
the transition next semester.
I didn't...
Are you okay?
Well, I'll tell you what.
It is one beautiful night, Greg,
and I am going to enjoy it.
Merry Christmas, pal.
Merry Christmas, Walt.
Bye-bye.