1 00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,591 [TV playing] 2 00:00:07,633 --> 00:00:09,635 [Katie sobbing softly] 3 00:00:11,303 --> 00:00:12,471 You okay? 4 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:14,723 It's just so sad. 5 00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:17,267 Rudolph? 6 00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:19,645 They're just all making fun of his nose. 7 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,146 Like, so what if he's different? 8 00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:24,107 And Santa saying he can't be part of the team? 9 00:00:24,149 --> 00:00:25,984 Like he's so perfect? 10 00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,528 Santa's a fat fuck. 11 00:00:29,488 --> 00:00:31,198 Hey. Come here. 12 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,494 [Walt] Hey, how'd your Thanksgiving go? 13 00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,704 -Uh, good. -Good? 14 00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:39,206 You write stories for a living, Greg. 15 00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:41,458 -Do better. -Good to see you, Walt. 16 00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,795 Uh, it was fine. Katie and I were here. 17 00:00:44,836 --> 00:00:47,005 The only bummer was that she 18 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:48,549 was a little bothered by something. 19 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:50,384 She really wouldn't tell me what it was. 20 00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,177 And she was kind of sad. 21 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:54,638 Oh, I love the whipped cream on the bottom. 22 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,306 How many of those do you have a week? 23 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,350 It is not your problem, it is my problem, 24 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,227 and I never want to fix it. 25 00:01:00,269 --> 00:01:02,145 Hey, just a-- a quick heads up there, Greg. 26 00:01:02,187 --> 00:01:04,815 Cristle's back if you wanna say hi or something. 27 00:01:04,855 --> 00:01:06,817 How's she doing? 28 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,986 You know what, I'll, uh, I'll talk to her later. 29 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,988 -Thanks, Walt. -Yeah. 30 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,823 -Are you avoiding me? -Oh! 31 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:15,576 Hi. No, I was actually just coming to see you. 32 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:17,869 Oh, no, we don't have to do any of that, Greg. 33 00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:20,664 In fact, I've made a list of ground rules 34 00:01:20,706 --> 00:01:23,584 so we can navigate our last eight days as coworkers. 35 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:24,918 Okay. 36 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,753 No tight khakis in the office 37 00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,589 or crotch-defining casual slacks. 38 00:01:28,630 --> 00:01:31,091 Alright, I think that applies more to me than to you. 39 00:01:31,133 --> 00:01:33,551 -I'll be doing it, too. -Okay. Alright. 40 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:35,596 No acts of chivalry to make me swoon. 41 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,723 I'm still going to be nice to you. 42 00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,851 'Kay. 43 00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:43,353 No smiling or showing any tongue around the office. 44 00:01:43,395 --> 00:01:45,856 -This one's important to me. -Sure. No smiling. 45 00:01:45,896 --> 00:01:47,858 I don't know if I've ever shown tongue around the office. 46 00:01:47,899 --> 00:01:49,693 Well, anytime you open your mouth, you're showing your tongue. 47 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:52,863 Okay, I will, um-- Yeah, you got it. 48 00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:55,198 I'm gonna leave now, so please don't undress me with your eyes. 49 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,616 I will do my best. 50 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,206 -You're doing it. -I kind of am. 51 00:02:03,248 --> 00:02:07,544 ♪ Oh, I, oh, I ♪ 52 00:02:07,586 --> 00:02:11,089 ♪ I played the fool ♪ 53 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:14,885 ♪ I laugh at me, I'm trying, trying ♪ 54 00:02:14,926 --> 00:02:18,889 ♪ Falling sometimes, sometimes flying ♪ 55 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:22,726 ♪ Cry me an ocean of one-liners ♪ 56 00:02:22,768 --> 00:02:25,562 ♪ Cruel, cruel, cruel ♪ 57 00:02:25,603 --> 00:02:29,399 ♪ Ohh ♪ 58 00:02:29,441 --> 00:02:32,110 As I'm sure you all remember, the name of this class 59 00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:34,404 is "The Art of the Page-Turner." 60 00:02:34,446 --> 00:02:36,740 So, a lot of the notes that you're getting on these 61 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:38,659 has to do with that first chapter, 62 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:39,993 engaging the audience. 63 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:42,579 I wrote a book called Swamp Blossom. 64 00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:45,624 In it, Rooster receives a letter from an old flame 65 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,918 and it says, "Letting you go 66 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,421 "was the biggest mistake that I ever made. 67 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,924 "But if you're reading this right now, 68 00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,468 I'm probably dead." Thoughts? 69 00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,845 Dude, who writes a letter? 70 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:01,723 Yeah, and why didn't she finish it and explain it more? 71 00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,101 Maybe she was in danger. 72 00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:07,521 But she still had time to buy a stamp and mail it? 73 00:03:07,562 --> 00:03:08,772 -Uh... -[Maya] Oh, no. 74 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,691 A lot of old people already have stamps. 75 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,359 I-- What's wrong with stamps? 76 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,861 It makes sense if you read it. It's actually an awesome book. 77 00:03:14,903 --> 00:03:18,115 Tommy, I can't tell you how great it is 78 00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:19,991 to have you in this class participating again. 79 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,119 -[chuckles] -Mm, you never say anything 80 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:24,037 -when I participate. -I know. 81 00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,622 Here you go. 82 00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:27,541 A-minus. 83 00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:28,959 That's it for today. 84 00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:31,545 Get to work on those revisions. That is for you. 85 00:03:33,588 --> 00:03:35,382 Check it. Adderall and Celsius. 86 00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,300 -Works every time. -Every time. 87 00:03:37,341 --> 00:03:38,677 -See ya, Grg. -See ya. 88 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,348 Are we good? 89 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,642 I have this psych major helping me visualize you 90 00:03:45,684 --> 00:03:47,978 -without any sex organs. -[chuckles] 91 00:03:48,019 --> 00:03:50,856 Just a blank, hairless front. 92 00:03:51,857 --> 00:03:53,483 Okay, I would like to help you 93 00:03:53,525 --> 00:03:55,569 get back on track with your other classes. 94 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:57,320 Yeah, I mean, I need it. 95 00:03:57,362 --> 00:03:58,530 My office? 96 00:03:58,572 --> 00:03:59,656 3 p.m. sharp? 97 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,575 -Right on. -Right on. 98 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,201 That's for you. 99 00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,703 You got some work to do. 100 00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,414 [♪ gentle music playing] 101 00:04:16,298 --> 00:04:18,925 I absolutely love this vest. Thank you. 102 00:04:18,966 --> 00:04:21,762 The neoprene raises your core body temperature by 12%. 103 00:04:21,803 --> 00:04:23,680 Plus, it makes your guns look good. 104 00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,515 I'd wear it to dinner. 105 00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,267 Any updates on all things Biotecha? 106 00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:29,436 You any closer to a decision? 107 00:04:29,478 --> 00:04:31,188 [Sunny] Moving to New York is complicated. 108 00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,190 And Archie's shown 109 00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,275 that he's a little more invested in the baby. 110 00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:38,028 He even put together a list of pretentious British names. 111 00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,447 Though I personally would not have a son or daughter named Robin. 112 00:04:40,489 --> 00:04:43,241 -Who would? -But if he's not gonna be super involved, 113 00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:44,993 I should just take the job and move, right? 114 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,580 Do you mind if I quote Theodore Roosevelt? 115 00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:49,915 I'd prefer it if you do not. 116 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,209 Fine. 117 00:04:52,250 --> 00:04:54,795 Look it, your life's gonna be full of tests, Sunny. 118 00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:56,421 You gotta just keep your eyes open 119 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:58,757 and see what the world tells you. You'll figure it out. 120 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,051 Thank you. 121 00:05:01,092 --> 00:05:02,761 "Believe you can and you're halfway there." 122 00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,971 Snuck a little TR there in the end, didn't you? 123 00:05:05,013 --> 00:05:06,431 Couldn't help myself. 124 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:12,437 So, um, why are we all wearing the same bucket hat? 125 00:05:12,479 --> 00:05:13,980 Like, it could be our thing. 126 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,024 We'd be the-- The Bucket Boys. 127 00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,485 -Fuck that. -That was a nice try, Pig Tits. 128 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:19,945 -You're always gonna be Pig Tits. -[softly] Ah, fuck. 129 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,071 -[Greg] Hey, guys. -Grg! 130 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,572 -Rooster! -[all] Hey! 131 00:05:22,614 --> 00:05:24,783 Uh, did you see Tommy anywhere? 132 00:05:24,825 --> 00:05:26,159 We were supposed to meet in my office, 133 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:27,327 and he never showed. 134 00:05:27,369 --> 00:05:29,079 -[all] Nah. -He wasn't in Econ, either. 135 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,331 Maybe he's off sad somewhere because this guy 136 00:05:31,373 --> 00:05:33,332 didn't ask him to be a Bucket Boy. 137 00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:34,417 -[laughter] -Fuck you guys. 138 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,586 Gimme some of that, Bucket Boy! 139 00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,421 You don't even know what a Bucket Boy is, do you? 140 00:05:38,463 --> 00:05:39,673 No, I don't. 141 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:40,799 Gentlemen. 142 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,092 Piggy Titty. 143 00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:44,177 Walt, got your text. No, I will not create 144 00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:46,680 a task force to find out who stole the school's mascot. 145 00:05:46,721 --> 00:05:48,640 Nice try. Don't call back. 146 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,683 He's gonna call back. 147 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:51,101 -Sorry. -No, it's alright. 148 00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,811 Like seeing you in this boss mode. 149 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,354 -[phone buzzing] -Thanks. Uh, ignore. 150 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:57,858 I wanted to talk to you about your poem Cherry Pop. 151 00:05:57,899 --> 00:05:59,651 You-- You get that I'm the cherry popper 152 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:01,319 and that Eli is the cherry, right? 153 00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,655 Okay, not everyone needs to know I was a virgin. 154 00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:06,074 You're my muse, King. But you gotta wait outside. 155 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,702 I love this poem. 156 00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,037 It's the first time you've written something 157 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:13,456 that feels personal. 158 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,542 -Shit, thank you. -I think that this is a piece 159 00:06:15,584 --> 00:06:17,043 that could get into The Review. 160 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:19,629 So, I just made a few marks 161 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:22,549 to show you where you could push even further with yourself. 162 00:06:22,591 --> 00:06:25,176 Be more vulnerable. What do you say? 163 00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:28,638 I'm gonna go microdose my balls off and give it a shot. 164 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:30,557 Don't need to know how you get there. 165 00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:32,308 I'm just excited to have a student 166 00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:34,060 -with some promise. -Mm-hmm. 167 00:06:34,102 --> 00:06:36,313 -Eva is so talented. -She is. 168 00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:39,399 Don't you encourage her too much. She's mine. 169 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,902 The world has plenty of fiction writers. 170 00:06:41,943 --> 00:06:44,362 -Yeah. -I mean, what the hell is this? 171 00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,406 [Greg] [groaning] They're only doing that 'cause I'm in town. 172 00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:48,533 Do you know what they do when poets come to town? 173 00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,034 Everybody goes crazy? 174 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,872 -[snickering] -You are not funny. 175 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,124 [laughing] Your face. You are so mad. 176 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:01,046 -Hey, Greg? -Oh, hey. 177 00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,839 Entering but leaving the door open 178 00:07:02,881 --> 00:07:04,007 for both of our safety. 179 00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:06,927 I know that must have looked strange, 180 00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,929 but I wasn't checking out my belly button. 181 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,013 -It-- -[Cristle] It's okay. 182 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,181 Because it's good for me 183 00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:13,183 to see how deeply troubled you are. 184 00:07:13,224 --> 00:07:15,518 -I am, thank you. -But I need your help. 185 00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,895 What's going on? 186 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:19,731 Tommy says he's dropping out of school. 187 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,524 -Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. -I'm so mad. 188 00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,860 This is such a huge opportunity for him. 189 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,570 I'm not going to let that happen. 190 00:07:25,612 --> 00:07:28,365 -Okay. -May I have your permission to get involved? 191 00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:30,116 Yeah, feel free to hit him if you need to. 192 00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:31,534 No, I'm not gonna hit him. 193 00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,703 I love him, but sometimes I hate him. 194 00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:34,871 Sure. 195 00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,706 Did you know he was a 14-pound baby? 196 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,457 No. I would have never guessed. 197 00:07:39,626 --> 00:07:41,753 -Thank you. [chuckles softly] -Okay. 198 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,297 -Cristle... -[gasps] 199 00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:46,216 I got this. [tapping] 200 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,259 [scoffs lightly] Don't do this. 201 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,387 What? 202 00:07:50,428 --> 00:07:51,930 Don't make me fall for you again. 203 00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,265 Oh, I'm not trying to do that. I just wanna help your son. 204 00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:57,310 I just-- Just wanna help your son. 205 00:07:57,352 --> 00:07:59,104 [chuckles softly] 206 00:07:59,145 --> 00:08:01,064 -Thank you, Greg. -You're welcome. 207 00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:04,484 Right! Yugoslavia split from the Soviets. 208 00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,820 Coming up in this episode, we got some forged letters. 209 00:08:06,861 --> 00:08:08,738 Even got a cameo from the Greeks. 210 00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:10,490 My God, I love those swarthy bastards. 211 00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:11,658 [students laughing] 212 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:12,909 Uh, actually, don't write that down. 213 00:08:12,951 --> 00:08:14,786 Yeah, I'm just gonna take that. 214 00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,997 Great, okay. Right, let's get it popping. 215 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,748 What caused this lover's quarrel? 216 00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:19,791 Yes, Liv? 217 00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,668 Um, Tito resisted Stalin's attempts 218 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:23,586 to control Yugoslavia's policies? 219 00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:25,505 Brilliant, as always. Thank you. 220 00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:27,090 [whispering] God, we're so back. 221 00:08:27,132 --> 00:08:29,134 Calm down, don't take your top off. 222 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:31,928 -At least he knows my name. -He knows my name. 223 00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:33,346 [Archie] ...had even seen a growing resistance 224 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,972 across the rest of the USSR. 225 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,975 -Uh, yes, Liv? -Yeah, Heather here 226 00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,352 was just saying that economic pressure from the West 227 00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,020 also contributed to the split. 228 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:43,273 Great job, Heather. Thank you. 229 00:08:43,313 --> 00:08:44,607 Great job, Heather. 230 00:08:44,649 --> 00:08:46,484 [chuckles] Fucking cunt. 231 00:08:47,694 --> 00:08:48,987 [Archie] Ah, ladies. 232 00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:52,615 Mi casa es your casa. Yay! 233 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:55,285 Wow, you're a little more pleased with yourself than usual. 234 00:08:55,326 --> 00:08:57,037 That's actually pretty hard to do. 235 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,205 I've gotta say, lately I feel like I have been teaching 236 00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,957 at a virtuosic level. 237 00:09:00,999 --> 00:09:04,377 Uh, "Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts." 238 00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:05,712 -What's that? -Oh, this is, uh, 239 00:09:05,754 --> 00:09:07,005 this is just one of my parenting books. 240 00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,382 -Oh. -Did you know that 90% of new mothers 241 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,342 -have intrusive thoughts? -I have heard that. 242 00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,303 -Yeah, like, what if my baby gets ill? -Mm. 243 00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,138 -What if I drop my baby? -Could happen. 244 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,806 What if my baby thinks my hair is prettier than hers 245 00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:18,349 and shaves my head in the middle of the night? 246 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,226 -Very possible. -[Archie] Gosh. 247 00:09:20,268 --> 00:09:22,187 That's a lot of hormones running through your body there, darling. 248 00:09:22,854 --> 00:09:25,023 [chuckles] I-- I don't think you're clocking 249 00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,983 what's going on, emotionally. 250 00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,234 [Sunny] She's correct. 251 00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:29,402 But I got you the Montessori book 252 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:31,196 if you want to read up with me, though. 253 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,073 Bug. Ah. 254 00:09:33,114 --> 00:09:36,367 See, p-parenting is just this kind of instinctual thing. 255 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,827 You know? You-- 256 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,829 You really don't have to worry about me being a father. 257 00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:42,040 My entire day is just spent molding young minds. 258 00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:44,000 [Mo] It's actually funny you say that. 259 00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,544 I was just perusing your Rate My Professor reviews online 260 00:09:46,586 --> 00:09:48,505 for no reason at all. 261 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:50,757 This one tickled me. "Professor Bates is arrogant 262 00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:53,051 and completely self-involved." 263 00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:55,178 Well, I don't really take arrogant as a negative, so... 264 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:57,764 -Ah. -"Professor Bates is terrible with criticism, 265 00:09:57,806 --> 00:10:00,016 -petulant, and defensive." -Well, that's bollocks. 266 00:10:00,058 --> 00:10:01,935 [chuckles] I'm not defensive in the slightest. 267 00:10:01,976 --> 00:10:04,562 Who'd take time to write lie-- No, okay, I can hear myself now. 268 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,690 Okay, well, good. I'm happy to have the feedback. 269 00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,109 Here's a fun one. "Professor Bates 270 00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:11,236 is Ludlow's biggest asshole." 271 00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:12,403 That's not really on there, is it? 272 00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,447 No, I just wanted to say it. 273 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,907 [Greg] Tommy, just sit down for a second. 274 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,450 [Tommy] Leave me alone, I gotta work. 275 00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:18,868 -Hey, what's up, Grg? -What's good, Rooster? 276 00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,745 Hey. Sit down, please. 277 00:10:23,164 --> 00:10:24,707 What are you doing, man? 278 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:26,209 You can't just drop out of college. 279 00:10:26,251 --> 00:10:28,211 -Wait, what? -Whoa, don't do that, man. 280 00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:29,587 -We need you, bro. -Hey, why not? 281 00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,422 Look, I only went to college 'cause my mom made me, 282 00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,258 and it's not like I'm killing it. 283 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,425 -Totally. -[Greg] Come on. 284 00:10:34,467 --> 00:10:36,719 Is that all college is about? 285 00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:37,887 I think so. 286 00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,722 Yeah, my pop says grades are everything. 287 00:10:39,764 --> 00:10:42,392 Dude, my dad just married a chick two years older than me. 288 00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,394 She's hot. It's confusing. 289 00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,604 -But you'd still hit, right? -They do it in porn. 290 00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:48,648 Guys, this is all very important stuff, 291 00:10:48,690 --> 00:10:50,942 but I'm going to continue our discussion over here. 292 00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,735 Congrats to your dad, by the way. 293 00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:54,779 -Thank you, Grg. -Come on, join me. 294 00:10:55,947 --> 00:10:57,740 Rooster, you never went to college, man. 295 00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:00,076 No, I didn't, 296 00:11:00,118 --> 00:11:01,286 and I regret it. 297 00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:04,038 When I was a kid... 298 00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:07,083 I was really unhappy. 299 00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,961 I was kind of a loner. Still kind of am. 300 00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,799 I see you walking around campus, 301 00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:16,759 and you are surrounded by people. 302 00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:19,470 I wish I had that when I was your age. 303 00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:23,600 These guys behind you are such complete idiots, 304 00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,435 but they're your idiots. 305 00:11:25,476 --> 00:11:27,145 [chuckles] 306 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,813 Don't leave 'em behind. 307 00:11:31,232 --> 00:11:33,318 Well, I live here. I'll still see 'em. 308 00:11:33,359 --> 00:11:34,444 We'll still hang out, right, guys? 309 00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:35,653 -Yeah, of course. -Brothers for life, man. 310 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:36,696 -We love you. -You know that, man. 311 00:11:36,738 --> 00:11:37,947 -Stop helping. -Don't worry. 312 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:38,990 I'm not gonna be a waiter 313 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,450 for the rest of my life. 314 00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,118 There's tons of shit I can do. 315 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:43,328 [door bells jingling] 316 00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,122 I've actually always really wanted to be a cop. 317 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:47,665 -They are badass. -[Donnie] Excuse me. 318 00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,460 If I could just have everyone's attention real quick. 319 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:53,755 Just retracing my steps. I was here yesterday. 320 00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:56,799 Has anybody seen my gun? 321 00:11:56,841 --> 00:11:59,719 Look under your tables, look under your chairs. 322 00:11:59,761 --> 00:12:02,513 -How's the rewrite coming? -Oh, uh... 323 00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:04,641 It's not. 324 00:12:04,682 --> 00:12:06,517 -You need some more time? -No. 325 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,354 It's just, I dove into the vulnerable thing. 326 00:12:10,104 --> 00:12:12,482 Um, I hated it. 327 00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:15,151 -[scoffs] -I-It just made me feel exposed. 328 00:12:15,193 --> 00:12:16,986 But, like, not the way that I like 329 00:12:17,028 --> 00:12:18,404 -to be exposed, you know? -Uh-huh, uh-huh. 330 00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,657 It's scary to put yourself in your work, 331 00:12:20,698 --> 00:12:23,159 but that's what an artist does. 332 00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:26,663 See, that's the thing. I'm not, like, an artist. 333 00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,248 I'm a business major. 334 00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:30,083 I had to promise my dad 335 00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:32,210 I'd either be a finance bro or a crypto douche. 336 00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:36,506 This poetry stuff is fun, but it's an oasis. 337 00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:38,299 Yeah, this isn't gonna be my life. 338 00:12:39,133 --> 00:12:41,886 [♪ pensive music playing] 339 00:12:43,221 --> 00:12:46,015 And now, Tommy is going on a ride-along 340 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,892 to see if he wants to be a police officer. 341 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,519 How insane is that? 342 00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:52,230 Sorry, is this the kid who sometimes lives at your house 343 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,856 who you secretly wish was your son? 344 00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,608 Honey, come on, it's not a secret. 345 00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:59,070 Are you okay? 346 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,739 You seem like you're in a bit of a funk these days. 347 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:04,993 Don't you have to coach? 348 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:07,704 I feel like this whole thing started 349 00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:10,039 the morning after Walt's party, 350 00:13:10,081 --> 00:13:12,208 when I saw you with the two coffees. 351 00:13:12,917 --> 00:13:16,421 In my business, that's what we call a "clue trail." 352 00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:19,257 So, I-- I think I know what's going on. 353 00:13:19,924 --> 00:13:20,967 -You do? -Mm. 354 00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:24,012 You're seeing somebody else. 355 00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,098 And you feel guilty about it because of Archie? 356 00:13:28,933 --> 00:13:30,810 Wow. Nailed it. 357 00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:34,480 Well, I am a professional banter-driven action-mystery writer, so... 358 00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:35,606 True. 359 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,067 Who's the guy? Is he here? 360 00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:40,570 -Y-- Uh, yeah. -Oh. Really? 361 00:13:40,611 --> 00:13:42,113 -Yeah. -Where? 362 00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,156 Um... 363 00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:45,450 Right there. 364 00:13:45,491 --> 00:13:46,993 He's Hunter, the guy from the bar. 365 00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,411 -[Greg] Oh. Oh! -[Katie] Yeah. 366 00:13:48,453 --> 00:13:50,997 I like him. He doesn't skimp on the nuts. 367 00:13:51,039 --> 00:13:53,249 That's what hooked me. [chuckles] 368 00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,584 Why don't you go sit with him? 369 00:13:54,625 --> 00:13:56,627 I-- No, I'm gonna sit away. 370 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,921 Honey, don't worry about Archie's feelings. 371 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:00,631 -Yeah. -Take care of yourself. 372 00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,801 -Okay. -Ask him if he... 373 00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,928 No, I was gonna say ask him if he has any nuts. 374 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,430 I'm not gonna do that. I will sit with him 375 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:08,765 -to stop this conversation, though. -Okay. 376 00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:10,266 -Love you. -Love you. 377 00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:12,185 [Donnie] Here we go! Come on! 378 00:14:12,226 --> 00:14:13,895 Come on! Skate faster! 379 00:14:15,229 --> 00:14:16,647 You know they're just warming up, right? 380 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,107 Yeah, I know. Me too. 381 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:20,109 Uh... kill him! 382 00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:21,444 -Hi. [chuckles] -Hey. 383 00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:23,696 [Donnie] Rip him up! Rip him up! 384 00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,365 Get him down! 385 00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:27,283 Guys, get it together! 386 00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,619 Um, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna put my head on your shoulder now. 387 00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,120 But I-- I'm here on a date. 388 00:14:31,162 --> 00:14:32,830 She'll be fine. 389 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,374 [Hunter sighs] 390 00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:36,918 -[♪ fanfare playing] -[cheering and applause] 391 00:14:37,835 --> 00:14:39,128 [Walt] Ah, outstanding. 392 00:14:39,170 --> 00:14:40,630 Mascot's back. 393 00:14:40,671 --> 00:14:42,965 [♪ fanfare continues playing] 394 00:14:43,007 --> 00:14:45,593 [cheering and applause continue] 395 00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:48,971 -[grunting] -[crowd gasps] 396 00:14:49,013 --> 00:14:50,723 Oh. 397 00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,183 That's not our guy. 398 00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:54,560 Somebody, stop him! Hey! 399 00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,314 Right, yes, I am the police. Here, hold my beer. 400 00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:01,192 I'm coming back for that. I am the police! 401 00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:04,195 -[crowd booing] -[Donnie] I got it! Hey! 402 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,992 Ah. 403 00:15:10,034 --> 00:15:11,369 -[chuckles] Hello, you. -Hey. 404 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,414 -Morning. -Uh, been a minute. 405 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,666 Yeah. Uh... 406 00:15:16,707 --> 00:15:19,377 -How was Thanksgiving in Wisconsin? -Interesting. 407 00:15:20,545 --> 00:15:22,547 Yeah, Sunny's family are really into this, um, 408 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:24,674 e-electronic game called Simon. 409 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,759 Uh, it's sort of-- It has these flashing lights-- 410 00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:28,261 I know what Simon is. Everybody knows. 411 00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,679 Okay. Well, I-I did not. 412 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:32,014 Um, so much so that they all sort of took turns 413 00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:33,683 -screaming at me. -[stifled chuckle] 414 00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,560 Oh, good. I'm glad that that amuses you. 415 00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:38,521 Oh, I wanted to thank you for getting me hooked on croissants. 416 00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:41,524 -Ah, yes. Yeah. -Like a heroin dealer. 417 00:15:41,566 --> 00:15:43,526 Well, you know what they say. First one's always free. 418 00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:45,903 -I know, right? -Yeah. [chuckles] 419 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,280 And then you stopped bringing them. 420 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:52,201 -Katie, actually-- -You can't promise someone 1,000 days 421 00:15:52,243 --> 00:15:54,245 to make a decision, and then only give them two. 422 00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:56,539 Right? It's not fair. 423 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,040 And now, I'm getting sad in front of you, 424 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,042 and I just wanted to come and get my three croissants. 425 00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:02,128 Yeah, I want three now, 'cause I'm an animal. 426 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,464 -Don't cry, darl-- -Don't call me darling. 427 00:16:04,505 --> 00:16:06,924 And don't tell me not to cry. I can fucking cry if I want to. 428 00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,426 And I don't currently want to, 429 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,428 but I'm just having a little trouble stopping. 430 00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,762 -Thank you. -Okay. 431 00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,764 [scoffs] I hope you're better to Sunny. 432 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:18,811 [muffled, on radio] ♪ Can you take me higher ♪ 433 00:16:19,854 --> 00:16:21,564 [knocking] 434 00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:23,649 ♪ To a place... ♪ 435 00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,109 Hey, guys. What you doing? 436 00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:28,112 -Cop stuff. [chuckles] -He's introducing me 437 00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,739 to this band called Creed. 438 00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:31,324 ♪ Can you take me higher ♪ 439 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,743 Can we chat outside for a sec? 440 00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:38,080 ♪ To a place with golden streets ♪ 441 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:40,333 So, how's it been going, guys? 442 00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:41,918 You been writing a lot of tickets? 443 00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:44,754 We really haven't. I mean, cars still stopped 444 00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:47,131 at that red light back there even after we turned it off. 445 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,258 That's too bad. Wait, what? 446 00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:51,636 I just wish I could show this kid a little bit of action, 447 00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,347 but only outstanding felony in town 448 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:56,098 is that stolen mascot costume. 449 00:16:56,140 --> 00:16:57,767 [Tommy] Hey, man, I'm having a blast. 450 00:16:57,808 --> 00:16:59,435 He showed me how to use the radar gun. 451 00:16:59,435 --> 00:17:01,604 -That's right. -I can run eight miles an hour. 452 00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:02,939 -Yeah. -Should have done track. 453 00:17:02,980 --> 00:17:04,773 -[Donnie] Oh, yeah. -I don't think that's fast. 454 00:17:04,815 --> 00:17:06,150 Also, I know it's a cliché, 455 00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,944 but they actually give you free donuts. 456 00:17:07,984 --> 00:17:09,612 -Ah. -Think they'll give me some more? 457 00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,156 -Only one way to find out, sport. -Yeah? 458 00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:14,492 [laughing] Tommy! 459 00:17:16,702 --> 00:17:20,122 Officer Tommy whatever his last name is. 460 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:22,959 Yeah, his mom really wants him to finish college. 461 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,794 Okay. My mom really wants me 462 00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,462 to come visit her and her girlfriend, 463 00:17:26,503 --> 00:17:27,838 but no thank you. 464 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,799 Greg, if the kid has the calling, 465 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,509 who are you and I to stand in the way of that? 466 00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,511 The kid-- He's-- This is not the priesthood. 467 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:36,847 Look, you need to back off. You need to just let him finish. 468 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:38,349 You need to visit your mom. 469 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,851 Just to be clear, I'm not not visiting 470 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,520 -because she has a girlfriend. -I-- 471 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,313 It's because her girlfriend is Sharon... 472 00:17:44,355 --> 00:17:47,316 -Oh. -...who happens to be the absolute worst. 473 00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:50,736 Tommy is a grown man who can make decisions 474 00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:54,365 for himself, as can I... Sharon. 475 00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,702 You're forcing me to do this. 476 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:58,744 No. 477 00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:02,582 You're gonna use your "Get Out of Jail Free" card now, seriously? 478 00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:04,584 That is how important this is to me, 479 00:18:04,625 --> 00:18:07,253 that I am giving you that meaningless thing. 480 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,338 -Dozen glazed! -Oh, great. 481 00:18:09,380 --> 00:18:11,257 Nice! What's in the bag? 482 00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:12,675 -Oh, it's your gun. -Oh. 483 00:18:12,717 --> 00:18:14,343 Yeah, they said you left it in there last time. 484 00:18:14,385 --> 00:18:16,679 Yes, I did, and, yes, that's mine. 485 00:18:16,721 --> 00:18:19,348 So, Officer Donnie was telling me 486 00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:22,560 that there are some downsides to being a cop. 487 00:18:24,895 --> 00:18:27,440 Yeah, yeah, s-- I was, actually. 488 00:18:27,481 --> 00:18:30,401 Um, Tommy, it sucks. Being a cop... 489 00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,069 [banging car hood] ...sucks. 490 00:18:32,111 --> 00:18:34,280 Wait, but you just told me that it was awesome. 491 00:18:34,322 --> 00:18:37,908 And I lied to you, Tommy, because I lie to kids. 492 00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:40,536 That's what cops do. Let's get outta here. 493 00:18:40,578 --> 00:18:42,204 -You can drive. -Mm-mm, mm! 494 00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:44,081 -[Tommy chuckles] -Yes, no, no! Tommy. 495 00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:45,708 -No! Give me that. -What? 496 00:18:45,750 --> 00:18:48,044 I'm driving, you take this. Keep the donuts. 497 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:50,379 No, I got the gun! I got the gun. God. 498 00:18:50,421 --> 00:18:52,381 -[knocking] -[♪ muffled rap music playing] 499 00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:53,924 [♪ music blasting] 500 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,885 [blowing] 501 00:18:55,926 --> 00:18:59,388 Uh, Eva, can we go somewhere and talk? 502 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,766 -Yeah. Yeah, sure. -No. 503 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:03,517 Put some pants on first. 504 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:05,603 Oh. Ha! 505 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:06,812 Yeah, sorry. 506 00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:09,398 ♪ All beef gets smoked ♪ 507 00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,691 [exhales sharply] Oof! 508 00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,946 [Tommy] I still don't see a downside of being a cop. 509 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,951 [with mouth full] I mean, short training. 510 00:19:21,702 --> 00:19:24,413 Good benefits. Free car. 511 00:19:24,455 --> 00:19:25,956 Yeah, at first, it is... 512 00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:28,668 It's quite a rush. The power. 513 00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,296 You realize you can pull over Vince Martinelli... 514 00:19:33,172 --> 00:19:35,466 guy who was a dick to you in high school, whenever you want. 515 00:19:36,217 --> 00:19:38,094 Then, you find yourself pulling him over 516 00:19:38,135 --> 00:19:39,845 two, three times a week... 517 00:19:41,222 --> 00:19:43,140 just so you can feel something. 518 00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,477 Your captain's yelling at you. He's up your ass. 519 00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:47,937 He's telling you he's gonna lawyer up, 520 00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:49,480 and he's probably right. 521 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,108 You think the guys at the station, 522 00:19:52,149 --> 00:19:54,110 you think they got your back, but they don't. 523 00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:56,237 They are all planning a trip to Foxwoods. 524 00:19:57,488 --> 00:19:59,323 -Without you. -[softly] No. 525 00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,659 [sighs deeply] And everybody went. 526 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,496 They even fucking took Sharon. 527 00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,332 How the fuck do they even know her? 528 00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,334 I think what Donnie is trying to say 529 00:20:10,376 --> 00:20:12,461 is that you have to give this whole thing some thought. 530 00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:13,671 [Donnie] Yeah. 531 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,632 At the end of the day, it's just a job. 532 00:20:16,674 --> 00:20:18,509 -Yes. Exactly. -It's not that exciting. 533 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,180 Wait. Turn on the light. 534 00:20:24,223 --> 00:20:25,224 [spotlight clicks] 535 00:20:28,686 --> 00:20:30,187 Shh. 536 00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:32,523 [softly] Nobody spook it. 537 00:20:33,399 --> 00:20:34,900 [♪ "Blitzkrieg Bop" by Ramones playing] 538 00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,819 [overlapping shouting] 539 00:20:36,861 --> 00:20:38,195 Police! 540 00:20:39,363 --> 00:20:40,990 You're going! He's going! Get! 541 00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:42,491 -Run! -[Greg shouting with mouth full] 542 00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:43,784 Where are the keys?! 543 00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,912 -♪ Forming in a straight line ♪ -[Tommy] Hey! Police! 544 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:49,540 ♪ They're going through a tight wind ♪ 545 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,208 ♪ The kids are losing their minds ♪ 546 00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:52,918 -[Greg panting] -♪ Blitzkrieg Bop ♪ 547 00:20:54,795 --> 00:20:57,339 -♪ They're piling in the back seat ♪ -[Tommy] Freeze! 548 00:20:57,381 --> 00:20:59,550 -Stop! -♪ They're generating steam heat ♪ 549 00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:01,510 -Quit running! -♪ Pulsating to the backbeat ♪ 550 00:21:01,552 --> 00:21:02,595 Mother... 551 00:21:02,636 --> 00:21:03,804 -♪ Blitzkrieg Bop ♪ -Tommy! 552 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:06,932 -Thank you. -Thank you. 553 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,729 You know, it really bothered me 554 00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,939 when you said you weren't gonna be an artist. 555 00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:16,901 -Oh. My bad, Diva. -You know why? 556 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:19,612 You already are an artist. 557 00:21:20,404 --> 00:21:21,906 And don't get me wrong. 558 00:21:21,947 --> 00:21:23,574 I'm not gonna call your dad and say, 559 00:21:23,616 --> 00:21:25,201 "She shouldn't work for Goldman Sachs. 560 00:21:25,242 --> 00:21:26,702 She should just be a street poet." 561 00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:28,287 Yeah, yeah, he wouldn't dig that. 562 00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:30,539 -[both chuckle] -[Tommy] Hey! 563 00:21:30,581 --> 00:21:32,124 Stop in the name of the law! 564 00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:37,463 Okay, look, you said poetry makes you happy. 565 00:21:37,505 --> 00:21:40,382 That's enough, 'cause I know that if I'm struggling, 566 00:21:40,424 --> 00:21:42,760 I can always lean on my art. 567 00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:48,015 Anyways, I wanted you to see the mock-up. 568 00:21:52,269 --> 00:21:53,979 [Greg] Tommy! 569 00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,023 [Dylan] Turn to page 20. 570 00:21:59,610 --> 00:22:02,780 I won't put it in there for real if you don't want me to. 571 00:22:04,615 --> 00:22:06,200 Oh, no. I, uh... 572 00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:09,870 I-- I want you to. 573 00:22:11,622 --> 00:22:14,083 "Diva." [chuckles] I like it. 574 00:22:14,124 --> 00:22:15,793 Can you call me that all the time? 575 00:22:15,835 --> 00:22:17,419 Oh, forever, Diva. 576 00:22:17,461 --> 00:22:20,172 Here comes the hammer. Hey! 577 00:22:20,214 --> 00:22:22,591 ♪ Hey, ho, let's go! ♪ 578 00:22:22,633 --> 00:22:24,260 -[♪ music stops] -[grunting] 579 00:22:24,301 --> 00:22:25,344 Taste it. 580 00:22:25,386 --> 00:22:28,097 Huh? Huh? Yeah! 581 00:22:28,138 --> 00:22:29,473 Eight miles an hour, bitch. 582 00:22:29,515 --> 00:22:31,767 [panting] 583 00:22:31,809 --> 00:22:33,269 -Pig Tits? -[Greg] Oh, God. 584 00:22:33,310 --> 00:22:35,020 What the hell? What are you doing? 585 00:22:35,062 --> 00:22:36,438 [panting] 586 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,483 How can you run so fast with that giant head? 587 00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:41,193 -Me or him? -[Greg groaning] 588 00:22:41,235 --> 00:22:43,779 I can't be Pig Tits anymore. 589 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,781 I thought this would change things for me. 590 00:22:45,823 --> 00:22:46,866 Dude, people are just gonna say, 591 00:22:46,907 --> 00:22:48,826 "Pig Tits stole the mascot costume." 592 00:22:50,661 --> 00:22:51,954 Oh, fuck. 593 00:22:51,996 --> 00:22:54,874 Look, I'll stop calling you Pig Tits, okay? 594 00:22:54,915 --> 00:22:57,042 -Rooster? -Yeah, I'll try. 595 00:22:57,084 --> 00:23:00,045 -[siren wailing] -Oh, man, I'm so fucked. 596 00:23:00,087 --> 00:23:01,547 I got you. Get outta here. 597 00:23:01,589 --> 00:23:02,631 -[JD] Okay. -Run! 598 00:23:02,673 --> 00:23:04,508 [siren wailing] 599 00:23:04,550 --> 00:23:05,634 [Greg] Hey! 600 00:23:05,676 --> 00:23:07,303 Hey. Found my keys. 601 00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:09,889 They were in the ignition. Car was on the whole time. 602 00:23:09,930 --> 00:23:12,141 Yeah, I got the head. Oh, he went that way. 603 00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:14,143 -[Greg] Yeah! -Are you sure? 604 00:23:14,184 --> 00:23:15,519 That's where he is. 605 00:23:15,561 --> 00:23:18,230 I hate backing up. 606 00:23:18,272 --> 00:23:19,690 -[siren whooping] -[Donnie] I'm good back there? 607 00:23:19,732 --> 00:23:21,358 -You're good, go, go! -[Donnie] Can you see? 608 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,527 Yep, go! [panting] 609 00:23:27,031 --> 00:23:29,033 Oh. You're actually reading it. 610 00:23:29,074 --> 00:23:31,327 [Archie] Course, I am. I knew you wanted me to. 611 00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:34,163 Look, Bug. Boy, girl, whatever comes, 612 00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:36,206 they will not defeat us. 613 00:23:36,248 --> 00:23:37,875 We can do this shit. 614 00:23:41,712 --> 00:23:43,255 I got a job offer at Biotecha. 615 00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,841 What? 616 00:23:45,883 --> 00:23:48,093 -Yeah. Salary's good. -That's amazing. 617 00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:50,763 And they, uh, they want me to start in New York in January. 618 00:23:52,222 --> 00:23:53,891 But that's not where I am. 619 00:23:55,726 --> 00:23:56,936 I'm not taking it. 620 00:23:59,563 --> 00:24:02,066 -Think you're done reading. -Why? I was learning about-- 621 00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:05,569 Oh, now I see why. This is a lot more fun. 622 00:24:06,779 --> 00:24:09,907 [Mo] Huge mistake! Take the job! 623 00:24:11,742 --> 00:24:13,327 You know, I think I'd be a shitty cop. 624 00:24:14,662 --> 00:24:16,121 I'd let everyone go. 625 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:18,666 You're just being a good friend to Pig-- 626 00:24:19,833 --> 00:24:21,126 JD. Wow. 627 00:24:21,168 --> 00:24:23,045 That is going to be a hard habit to break. 628 00:24:23,087 --> 00:24:25,089 We don't have to stop calling him Pig Tits. 629 00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:26,465 Yeah, just not to his face. 630 00:24:26,507 --> 00:24:28,592 Okay, I take back the good friend part. 631 00:24:28,634 --> 00:24:29,969 [Tommy chuckles] 632 00:24:32,763 --> 00:24:34,640 I don't wanna sound like a broken record 633 00:24:34,682 --> 00:24:37,643 -about all this college stuff. -It's not for me. 634 00:24:37,685 --> 00:24:39,228 -How-- -Look, okay? 635 00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:41,897 I can struggle through, you know, 636 00:24:41,939 --> 00:24:43,607 skate by with some D's. 637 00:24:44,817 --> 00:24:46,235 What's the point? 638 00:24:46,276 --> 00:24:48,070 -The-- -Writing is the only thing that I like, 639 00:24:48,112 --> 00:24:50,072 and I even suck at that, so... 640 00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:51,490 What are you talking about? 641 00:24:51,532 --> 00:24:52,616 My chapter. 642 00:24:53,784 --> 00:24:55,452 -The red marks everywhere. -Oh. 643 00:24:55,494 --> 00:24:57,663 -It looked like my face before Accutane. -Oh. [scoffs] 644 00:24:57,705 --> 00:24:59,415 And Spooner's was spotless. 645 00:24:59,456 --> 00:25:01,250 -Oh. -Okay? Just a big check-plus. 646 00:25:01,291 --> 00:25:03,168 Yeah, well, Spooner's paper... 647 00:25:04,044 --> 00:25:05,671 Don't tell him I told you this, but he-- 648 00:25:05,713 --> 00:25:07,256 Spooner's not gonna be a writer. 649 00:25:07,297 --> 00:25:08,841 Oh, I know. [chuckles] 650 00:25:08,882 --> 00:25:10,926 He's gonna run his dad's oil company. 651 00:25:10,968 --> 00:25:12,428 Probably hook up with his stepmom. 652 00:25:12,469 --> 00:25:14,430 Tommy, the reason yours was marked up 653 00:25:14,471 --> 00:25:16,849 was because I think that you have potential. 654 00:25:18,892 --> 00:25:21,562 No, you're just bullshitting 'cause you don't want me to drop out. 655 00:25:25,649 --> 00:25:29,737 "Bernice stared down at him on the ground... 656 00:25:31,697 --> 00:25:34,158 "his blood peeking past his shadow. 657 00:25:34,908 --> 00:25:36,326 "And she laughed. 658 00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:40,164 One perfect 'Ha.'" 659 00:25:42,583 --> 00:25:43,834 That's my story. 660 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:45,461 Yeah, I know. I have a knack 661 00:25:45,502 --> 00:25:47,588 for remembering really good sentences. 662 00:25:48,672 --> 00:25:50,132 I wish I'd written that. 663 00:25:50,174 --> 00:25:51,341 Really? 664 00:25:51,383 --> 00:25:52,384 Yeah. 665 00:25:54,011 --> 00:25:55,304 So, I'm good? 666 00:25:55,345 --> 00:25:56,972 Uh, not yet. 667 00:25:57,014 --> 00:25:58,515 But with a little work, 668 00:25:58,557 --> 00:26:00,809 I think you could be pretty good, yeah. 669 00:26:00,851 --> 00:26:02,352 -[vehicle approaching] -[chuckles] 670 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:04,688 [car horn honking] 671 00:26:07,024 --> 00:26:08,067 [Greg] Good night. 672 00:26:09,610 --> 00:26:11,111 I wish I hadn't seen your dick. 673 00:26:12,029 --> 00:26:13,655 Me too, Tommy. 674 00:26:13,697 --> 00:26:14,698 Me too. 675 00:26:17,284 --> 00:26:18,786 [car door opens, closes] 676 00:26:19,286 --> 00:26:20,537 [mouthing] Thank you. 677 00:26:20,579 --> 00:26:24,208 [♪ soft, uplifting music playing] 678 00:26:28,462 --> 00:26:30,089 [Greg sighs] 679 00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:32,132 [students chattering] 680 00:26:42,059 --> 00:26:43,685 Hey. 681 00:26:43,727 --> 00:26:44,853 You okay? 682 00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:46,897 No. I'm all out of jam. 683 00:26:48,065 --> 00:26:49,233 I thought you dropped out. 684 00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:50,859 Ah, I changed my mind. 685 00:26:50,901 --> 00:26:52,069 Good choice. 686 00:26:52,986 --> 00:26:54,738 [Tommy] You know, if something's bothering you, 687 00:26:54,780 --> 00:26:56,365 your dad is the greatest. 688 00:26:56,406 --> 00:26:58,867 Cool. Still not your dad. 689 00:26:58,909 --> 00:27:00,619 Yeah, no, I know. [chuckles] 690 00:27:00,661 --> 00:27:02,246 I wish he was. [clicking tongue] 691 00:27:02,996 --> 00:27:04,790 My dad does not give a shit. 692 00:27:06,458 --> 00:27:08,460 You're so lucky. 693 00:27:08,502 --> 00:27:10,129 You can-- You can go now. 694 00:27:10,170 --> 00:27:12,089 -Yeah, cool. [knocking] -Yeah. 695 00:27:15,801 --> 00:27:17,177 [sighs] 696 00:27:20,806 --> 00:27:22,182 [knocking] 697 00:27:25,519 --> 00:27:26,770 -Hey, sweetie. -Hi. 698 00:27:26,812 --> 00:27:28,105 -Hey! -[chuckles] 699 00:27:28,147 --> 00:27:31,108 I'm glad you're here. I got something for you. 700 00:27:33,694 --> 00:27:35,737 -[chuckles] -[gasps] 701 00:27:35,779 --> 00:27:37,114 -Really? -Yeah. 702 00:27:37,156 --> 00:27:38,782 Oh, my God. 703 00:27:38,824 --> 00:27:40,409 Dad! 704 00:27:40,409 --> 00:27:42,619 -Got you a little helmet. -Uh... 705 00:27:42,661 --> 00:27:44,288 -Please wear the helmet. -Of course. 706 00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:46,665 -This is so cool. -[chuckles] 707 00:27:49,376 --> 00:27:50,627 What's up? 708 00:27:54,339 --> 00:27:55,340 Um... 709 00:27:56,049 --> 00:27:58,677 [♪ "2000 Miles" by The Pretenders playing] 710 00:27:58,719 --> 00:28:00,345 I have to tell you something. 711 00:28:01,305 --> 00:28:02,306 [whispering] Okay. 712 00:28:03,807 --> 00:28:04,808 So... 713 00:28:06,476 --> 00:28:07,561 Um... 714 00:28:08,187 --> 00:28:12,107 ♪ He's gone ♪ 715 00:28:12,149 --> 00:28:15,861 ♪ 2,000 miles ♪ 716 00:28:17,154 --> 00:28:18,989 ♪ It's very far ♪ 717 00:28:22,659 --> 00:28:27,122 ♪ The snow is falling down ♪ 718 00:28:27,164 --> 00:28:30,209 ♪ Gets colder day by day ♪ 719 00:28:31,710 --> 00:28:33,837 ♪ I miss you ♪ 720 00:28:38,008 --> 00:28:40,344 ♪ The children will sing ♪ 721 00:28:41,428 --> 00:28:45,057 ♪ He'll be back at Christmastime ♪ 722 00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:55,525 ♪ And these frozen and silent nights ♪ 723 00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:59,404 ♪ Sometimes in a dream ♪ 724 00:29:01,031 --> 00:29:02,407 ♪ You appear ♪ 725 00:29:06,203 --> 00:29:09,748 ♪ Outside under the purple sky ♪ 726 00:29:10,874 --> 00:29:13,877 ♪ Diamonds in the snow ♪ 727 00:29:15,420 --> 00:29:16,797 ♪ Sparkle ♪ 728 00:29:28,308 --> 00:29:30,269 [laughter] 729 00:29:30,310 --> 00:29:32,271 [child] Bye-bye. [blows raspberries]