1 00:00:07,949 --> 00:00:09,183 Is this towel taken? 2 00:00:09,184 --> 00:00:10,788 - I was saving it for you. - Oh. 3 00:00:10,789 --> 00:00:13,158 You know, we really should have taken 4 00:00:13,159 --> 00:00:14,762 a holiday like this a long time ago. 5 00:00:14,763 --> 00:00:16,331 Yeah. 6 00:00:16,332 --> 00:00:18,268 Well, this is the best you've ever looked. 7 00:00:18,269 --> 00:00:19,606 I gave you a little BBL. 8 00:00:19,706 --> 00:00:21,977 I like my mermaids with some whale tail. 9 00:00:21,978 --> 00:00:24,682 What the hell is going on here? 10 00:00:24,683 --> 00:00:28,189 I said to bag the sand, not play in it like children. 11 00:00:28,190 --> 00:00:29,324 These are just the leftovers, okay? 12 00:00:29,325 --> 00:00:30,661 We ran out of sandbags. 13 00:00:30,662 --> 00:00:33,232 After filling up every single one, 14 00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,002 by the way, which felt like overkill. 15 00:00:35,003 --> 00:00:36,071 It's not overkill, okay? 16 00:00:36,072 --> 00:00:37,473 There's a biblical storm coming. 17 00:00:37,474 --> 00:00:40,179 A once-in-a-lifetime storm, supposedly. 18 00:00:40,180 --> 00:00:42,083 Like a great man once said, 19 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:43,554 "One day a rain may come 20 00:00:43,555 --> 00:00:46,492 and wash all the scum from these streets." 21 00:00:46,493 --> 00:00:47,895 Did you just call Travis Bickle 22 00:00:47,896 --> 00:00:49,498 from Taxi Driver a great man? 23 00:00:49,499 --> 00:00:50,801 Travis was a Vietnam veteran, 24 00:00:50,901 --> 00:00:53,841 and he knew the value of firearms and physical fitness. 25 00:00:57,348 --> 00:01:00,219 Storm's coming. Get back to work, Papadakis. 26 00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:01,623 I prefer Mermadakis. 27 00:01:01,624 --> 00:01:04,227 I'm not about to call you Mer... 28 00:01:04,228 --> 00:01:06,165 Stop looking at me. 29 00:01:29,445 --> 00:01:32,250 Hey, the NATO base in Mons has flooded 30 00:01:32,251 --> 00:01:33,787 because of the storm, 31 00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:35,456 and I told General Martin that she and her troops 32 00:01:35,457 --> 00:01:37,393 can come here, and we will put them up. 33 00:01:37,394 --> 00:01:39,464 Oh, Euro hottie, slumber party. 34 00:01:39,465 --> 00:01:41,502 - Ooh! - It's not a real slumber party. 35 00:01:41,503 --> 00:01:43,372 And I don't care if their hotties or busted. 36 00:01:43,373 --> 00:01:44,976 - Thank you, Conway. - Ooh, you got it. 37 00:01:44,977 --> 00:01:46,345 What's happening? 38 00:01:46,346 --> 00:01:47,515 The Colonel and I have been doing 39 00:01:47,516 --> 00:01:49,250 a generational cultural exchange. 40 00:01:49,251 --> 00:01:50,687 I taught him "busted," and he taught me about 41 00:01:50,688 --> 00:01:53,358 something called Creedence Clearwater Revival. 42 00:01:53,359 --> 00:01:56,464 Very good, Conway. Yeah. The troops are on their way. 43 00:01:56,465 --> 00:01:58,002 I want you guys to be aware of the fact 44 00:01:58,003 --> 00:01:59,572 you're gonna have to share quarters, okay? 45 00:01:59,573 --> 00:02:01,442 And Sergeant Conway is in charge of the accommodation, 46 00:02:01,443 --> 00:02:03,546 so she will assign everybody. 47 00:02:03,547 --> 00:02:05,316 Does General Martin have any special requests? 48 00:02:05,317 --> 00:02:07,420 Uh, I think General Martin is all set. 49 00:02:07,421 --> 00:02:10,392 - Okay. - Sorry, what? 50 00:02:10,393 --> 00:02:11,596 I don't know what's going on here. 51 00:02:11,597 --> 00:02:13,332 Sounds like your Canadian girlfriend's 52 00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,368 trying to move in with you. 53 00:02:14,369 --> 00:02:16,572 No! No, that's not what I said. 54 00:02:16,573 --> 00:02:19,713 That's how it starts. "Come over, I got central AC." 55 00:02:19,813 --> 00:02:22,417 Next thing you know, you sign in her name to the lease. 56 00:02:22,418 --> 00:02:24,154 Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. 57 00:02:24,155 --> 00:02:25,624 Trust me, sooner or later, 58 00:02:25,625 --> 00:02:27,561 General Martin's gonna be wearing her night guard to bed 59 00:02:27,562 --> 00:02:29,932 and letting her panties dry in the shower. 60 00:02:30,935 --> 00:02:32,103 That's not... 61 00:02:32,104 --> 00:02:33,439 Not gonna be happening, okay? 62 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:34,976 I just hope that you're ready 63 00:02:34,977 --> 00:02:36,446 to give up your side of the bed. 64 00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:39,318 My side of the bed is the whole bed, okay? 65 00:02:39,319 --> 00:02:41,822 There's no two sides. It's my side. 66 00:02:41,823 --> 00:02:43,059 - Got it. - Interesting fact. 67 00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:45,530 - Interesting? - We believe you, sir. 68 00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:48,536 I'm your superior officer. You're not allowed to mock me. 69 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:03,231 Hi. 70 00:03:03,232 --> 00:03:04,702 Um... 71 00:03:06,607 --> 00:03:09,244 You know, things have been so busy since yesterday 72 00:03:09,245 --> 00:03:11,115 when we, uh... 73 00:03:11,116 --> 00:03:12,784 - Kissed? - Kissed. Yeah. 74 00:03:12,785 --> 00:03:14,220 - That kiss was amazing. - It was. 75 00:03:14,221 --> 00:03:15,691 It was something out of a movie. 76 00:03:15,692 --> 00:03:16,792 Yeah. Okay. Yeah. 77 00:03:16,793 --> 00:03:18,730 - The best kiss of my life, so... - Yeah, me, too. 78 00:03:18,731 --> 00:03:20,667 But we also thought, like, maybe you were gonna die. 79 00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:23,305 - Yeah, I'm gonna die. - So... 80 00:03:23,306 --> 00:03:25,977 I guess there's only one way to find out. 81 00:03:25,978 --> 00:03:26,980 Yeah. 82 00:03:31,824 --> 00:03:32,992 Hmm. 83 00:03:33,995 --> 00:03:35,296 Um... 84 00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:37,133 That wasn't quite... 85 00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,402 ...as good. 86 00:03:38,403 --> 00:03:39,705 - 'Cause I remembered it. - Remembered it. 87 00:03:39,706 --> 00:03:40,540 - Yeah. - Yeah. 88 00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:41,777 - It's me. It's me. - Okay. 89 00:03:41,877 --> 00:03:43,412 Okay, you know how, like, some people find 90 00:03:43,413 --> 00:03:44,715 sneaking around really, like, sexy? 91 00:03:44,716 --> 00:03:45,718 - Yeah. - Yeah. 92 00:03:45,818 --> 00:03:47,320 Well, you know what I found really sexy? 93 00:03:47,321 --> 00:03:48,657 - What? Okay. - Following the rules. 94 00:03:48,757 --> 00:03:50,359 And I think that's what's happening here. 95 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,463 - I understand, um... - Yeah. Okay. Yeah. 96 00:03:52,464 --> 00:03:54,167 - But we wanna do this. - But we wanna do this. 97 00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,302 - Okay. - Yes, we gotta do this. 98 00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,906 - Just... - Yeah, just, um... 99 00:03:56,907 --> 00:03:59,612 - Work our way up to it. - Work our way up to it. 100 00:04:00,648 --> 00:04:01,916 Um, come on in. 101 00:04:01,917 --> 00:04:03,419 Everything is normal in here. 102 00:04:03,420 --> 00:04:05,189 The door is not closed for any reason at all. 103 00:04:05,190 --> 00:04:08,429 We are good here. How are you? 104 00:04:14,743 --> 00:04:16,411 Okay, I'm not gonna say it's a good thing 105 00:04:16,412 --> 00:04:17,948 that there's a flood. 106 00:04:17,949 --> 00:04:20,419 'Cause thoughts and prayers to the tulip farmers, obviously. 107 00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:21,790 But it's not a bad thing 108 00:04:21,890 --> 00:04:24,060 that I'm gonna get more FaceTime with General Martin. 109 00:04:24,061 --> 00:04:25,463 Yeah. 110 00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:27,535 I hope she's not thinking that this is gonna be 111 00:04:27,536 --> 00:04:29,304 some kind of a step for the relationship. 112 00:04:29,305 --> 00:04:30,540 - You know, like step forward. - Hmm. 113 00:04:30,541 --> 00:04:31,942 'Cause I'm not really... 114 00:04:31,943 --> 00:04:33,880 I don't want to take a step in any direction. 115 00:04:33,881 --> 00:04:35,416 Yeah, you gotta accept that it's a step. 116 00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:36,886 - Really? - Yeah. 117 00:04:36,887 --> 00:04:38,823 'Cause our relationship is, like, so sexy and fun. 118 00:04:38,824 --> 00:04:40,827 Those are the two things we're built on. 119 00:04:40,828 --> 00:04:43,265 - And scotch a-and innuendo. - Right. 120 00:04:43,266 --> 00:04:44,300 Four things. Those are like... 121 00:04:44,301 --> 00:04:45,704 That's our foundation. 122 00:04:45,705 --> 00:04:48,576 Is just, like, drinking and messing around. 123 00:04:48,577 --> 00:04:49,812 You know what I mean? 124 00:04:49,813 --> 00:04:52,184 Like, I don't think, even with an act of God, 125 00:04:52,284 --> 00:04:53,553 that that would change. 126 00:04:53,554 --> 00:04:54,722 Have you ever considered that 127 00:04:54,723 --> 00:04:58,462 maybe God wants you two to be together? 128 00:04:58,463 --> 00:05:00,266 Okay, you know I have Catholic stuff. 129 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,671 That's creepy, for you to use that against me. 130 00:05:02,672 --> 00:05:05,376 Just bring him into my temporary office. 131 00:05:05,377 --> 00:05:07,514 We made it. 132 00:05:07,515 --> 00:05:09,317 Now, get me out of these damp clothes 133 00:05:09,318 --> 00:05:10,987 and pour me a scotch. 134 00:05:10,988 --> 00:05:12,190 Hurry. 135 00:05:12,191 --> 00:05:14,562 Ugh. 136 00:05:14,563 --> 00:05:16,566 - See? Sexy and fun. - Okay. 137 00:05:16,667 --> 00:05:18,302 You know, sometimes you just forget 138 00:05:18,303 --> 00:05:19,404 that you're my dad. 139 00:05:19,405 --> 00:05:20,874 Who's Catholic now? 140 00:05:27,689 --> 00:05:29,457 Captain, since I'm still aidless, 141 00:05:29,458 --> 00:05:31,061 I was hoping you could step into the role 142 00:05:31,062 --> 00:05:32,163 while I'm on base. 143 00:05:32,164 --> 00:05:33,198 Yeah. 144 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:35,436 - Hm. - Yes, ma'am. 145 00:05:35,437 --> 00:05:37,006 Man, I am not hating this flood. 146 00:05:38,009 --> 00:05:41,281 But thoughts and prayers to the tulip farmers. 147 00:05:41,282 --> 00:05:42,851 Mm. I hate tulips. Captain. 148 00:05:42,852 --> 00:05:44,788 I just saw a soldier in pajamas. 149 00:05:44,789 --> 00:05:47,160 I told them pajama night was can-can... 150 00:05:47,161 --> 00:05:47,995 Can never happen. 151 00:05:47,996 --> 00:05:49,932 What's next? Charades and s'mores? 152 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,003 Snack time, everyone. 153 00:05:52,004 --> 00:05:54,173 Some welcoming snacks for our lovely guest. 154 00:05:54,174 --> 00:05:57,113 We got chocolate marshmallows and Graham Crackers. 155 00:05:57,114 --> 00:05:58,014 But I wasn't sure, 156 00:05:58,015 --> 00:06:00,285 do you put ranch dressing on this or not? 157 00:06:00,286 --> 00:06:01,489 I can never really get 158 00:06:01,590 --> 00:06:03,125 when you guys like ranch dressing on food 159 00:06:03,126 --> 00:06:04,562 and when you don't. 160 00:06:09,740 --> 00:06:12,811 So I guess we proved you can put maple syrup on anything. 161 00:06:12,812 --> 00:06:14,581 Pretty much, right? 162 00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:17,521 Having a Canadian roommate isn't so bad, is it? 163 00:06:17,522 --> 00:06:20,527 Oh. 164 00:06:20,528 --> 00:06:21,963 Sorry, I thought we were calling it. 165 00:06:21,964 --> 00:06:23,500 - We can call it. - Okay. 166 00:06:23,501 --> 00:06:25,035 - Yeah, let's call it. - Okay. 167 00:06:25,036 --> 00:06:27,641 If I don't use this thing, I gnaw through my own jaw. 168 00:06:27,642 --> 00:06:29,980 Yeah, yeah, got it. 169 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,381 Not a problem. 170 00:06:31,382 --> 00:06:33,218 I mean, you gotta do what you... 171 00:06:42,237 --> 00:06:43,941 Oh, my God. 172 00:06:48,684 --> 00:06:51,054 It's Saturday. What do you want to do today? 173 00:06:52,124 --> 00:06:53,458 Saturdays, I, um, 174 00:06:53,459 --> 00:06:55,664 I have to sharpen my hunting knives, 175 00:06:55,665 --> 00:06:56,799 and it takes a long time. 176 00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,503 I've gotta be really super focused, 177 00:06:58,504 --> 00:06:59,738 so I have to be kinda by myself. 178 00:06:59,739 --> 00:07:01,308 But what are you gonna do? 179 00:07:01,309 --> 00:07:03,445 I was gonna watch some human cockfighting. 180 00:07:03,446 --> 00:07:05,215 Okay. 181 00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:07,186 You what? 182 00:07:07,187 --> 00:07:08,421 Human cockfighting. 183 00:07:08,422 --> 00:07:09,959 Where? 184 00:07:12,330 --> 00:07:13,733 Oh, wow. 185 00:07:13,734 --> 00:07:15,035 This is a fun Saturday. 186 00:07:15,036 --> 00:07:16,839 What'd you think we were gonna do together? 187 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:18,309 Go to IKEA? 188 00:07:20,447 --> 00:07:22,450 Oh, man! 189 00:07:24,221 --> 00:07:26,626 Do we have any, like, softer one of these weapons? 190 00:07:26,627 --> 00:07:28,429 I just, I was, I was led to believe that 191 00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:30,199 that this wouldn't hurt in any way. 192 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,171 And like, I-I guess we're just missing nap time. 193 00:07:33,172 --> 00:07:37,982 How did that rather zaftig fellow get into the army? 194 00:07:37,983 --> 00:07:42,122 Oh, well, Corporal Papadakis has many extraordinary talents. 195 00:07:43,092 --> 00:07:46,098 And hand-on-hand combat is not one of them. 196 00:07:48,504 --> 00:07:50,974 But at least he's getting his nap time. 197 00:07:50,975 --> 00:07:52,611 Fight! 198 00:07:52,612 --> 00:07:53,947 Fifty euros if you don't hit me. 199 00:07:53,948 --> 00:07:57,119 Fine, a hundred euros. 200 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,290 It's so great having real soldiers on the base. 201 00:07:59,291 --> 00:08:00,761 You know what I mean? It's just... 202 00:08:00,762 --> 00:08:02,597 I haven't seen one pair of open toed shoes. 203 00:08:02,598 --> 00:08:05,102 But our guys are getting pummeled. 204 00:08:05,103 --> 00:08:07,473 Okay, we got ourselves a negotiator. 205 00:08:07,474 --> 00:08:09,377 Fake Louis Vuitton luggage set. 206 00:08:09,378 --> 00:08:10,847 Hm? Oh, God. 207 00:08:10,848 --> 00:08:12,851 You have interesting friends. 208 00:08:12,852 --> 00:08:16,659 Well, they have unconventional skills. Yeah. 209 00:08:16,660 --> 00:08:18,763 What about you? 210 00:08:18,764 --> 00:08:22,204 - Are you interesting? - Oh, I am uninteresting. 211 00:08:22,304 --> 00:08:23,606 - Good. - Yeah. 212 00:08:23,607 --> 00:08:25,610 'Cause after debacle with my last aide 213 00:08:25,611 --> 00:08:27,748 smoking something called Afghani train wreck, 214 00:08:27,749 --> 00:08:30,386 I need somebody totally by the book. 215 00:08:30,387 --> 00:08:33,124 - You got it. - Oh, wow. 216 00:08:33,125 --> 00:08:34,261 By the book. 217 00:08:36,065 --> 00:08:38,201 Oh, okay. Fine. 218 00:08:38,202 --> 00:08:41,141 Real Louis Vuitton luggage set, but that's my final offer. 219 00:08:42,812 --> 00:08:44,080 So was it good for you? 220 00:08:44,081 --> 00:08:46,017 Hey, listen, all joking aside, 221 00:08:46,018 --> 00:08:48,122 was it true what you said about that private's mom? 222 00:08:48,123 --> 00:08:50,459 Oh, he sure cried like it was true. 223 00:08:50,460 --> 00:08:52,030 He did. 224 00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:56,071 I sure got hit in the head a lot. 225 00:08:56,072 --> 00:08:59,712 Yeah. But you always got right back up. 226 00:08:59,713 --> 00:09:03,720 I sure got hit in the head a lot. 227 00:09:03,721 --> 00:09:06,124 - Is he gonna be okay, you think? - I don't know. 228 00:09:06,125 --> 00:09:07,928 General Martin said we can't go to the medic 229 00:09:08,029 --> 00:09:10,634 unless we wanna be diagnosed as weak. 230 00:09:10,635 --> 00:09:12,871 Your dad with General Martin equals disaster. 231 00:09:12,872 --> 00:09:16,144 Okay. Lo-look, it's only for a few more days, 232 00:09:16,145 --> 00:09:18,850 so I don't know, try to make friends tonight. 233 00:09:18,851 --> 00:09:20,119 Don't have sex with them. 234 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:22,423 Or do. I don't know. I'm not your mom. 235 00:09:22,424 --> 00:09:23,994 What? 236 00:09:24,896 --> 00:09:26,866 So, uh, do you guys do that 237 00:09:26,867 --> 00:09:29,905 stick fighty thing every day? 238 00:09:29,906 --> 00:09:32,611 No. Sundays, it's paintball. 239 00:09:32,612 --> 00:09:34,848 General Martin designed her own guns. 240 00:09:34,849 --> 00:09:37,286 They are very powerful. 241 00:09:37,287 --> 00:09:39,390 Looks like it. 242 00:09:39,391 --> 00:09:41,929 We have got to get our hands on those paintball guns. 243 00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:46,204 I sure got hit in the head a lot. 244 00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:18,570 We need to steal those paintball guns 245 00:10:18,571 --> 00:10:19,738 before tomorrow. 246 00:10:19,739 --> 00:10:20,974 'Cause unless General Martin 247 00:10:20,975 --> 00:10:22,376 made those paintball guns shoot mimosas, 248 00:10:22,377 --> 00:10:24,848 I am not letting that demon ruin my Sunday too. 249 00:10:24,849 --> 00:10:28,022 Because General Martin's idea of fun is torture. 250 00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:35,236 Oh. I didn't find guns, but... 251 00:10:35,237 --> 00:10:38,609 I think I might have found something else. 252 00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:39,911 Great. 253 00:10:39,912 --> 00:10:42,049 All I found are these candy jawbreakers. 254 00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:43,586 Papadakis, that's this not candy. 255 00:10:43,587 --> 00:10:45,456 Those are paintballs. 256 00:10:51,503 --> 00:10:52,771 - Hey. - Hey. 257 00:10:52,772 --> 00:10:54,173 - What's going on? - Nothing. 258 00:10:54,174 --> 00:10:56,378 I was just, uh, watching a YouTube compilation 259 00:10:56,379 --> 00:10:58,616 with Martin of, uh, old people falling down. 260 00:10:58,617 --> 00:10:59,752 Hm. 261 00:10:59,753 --> 00:11:01,989 And when they fall in water, we drink, pretty drunk. 262 00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:03,960 So, gonna grab some scotch. 263 00:11:03,961 --> 00:11:05,129 Wait, are the old people hurt? 264 00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:07,033 Uh, not the ones who fall in the water. 265 00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,803 You know, as long as they can swim, 266 00:11:08,804 --> 00:11:10,540 which a lot of them can't. 267 00:11:10,541 --> 00:11:12,142 Anyways, I realized something. 268 00:11:12,143 --> 00:11:14,413 It's pretty cool, man. I'm liking having her around. 269 00:11:14,414 --> 00:11:15,650 Yeah? 270 00:11:15,651 --> 00:11:17,086 Turns out, when you like somebody 271 00:11:17,087 --> 00:11:18,990 the way I like her, and you take that little step, 272 00:11:18,991 --> 00:11:20,258 it could be a good thing. 273 00:11:20,259 --> 00:11:23,432 And I came to that conclusion on my own. 274 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:26,505 I didn't need therapy like that family court judge said I did. 275 00:11:26,506 --> 00:11:27,541 Right? 276 00:11:27,542 --> 00:11:29,210 Yeah, I guess, uh... 277 00:11:30,714 --> 00:11:32,016 Sometimes you got to take a risk. 278 00:11:32,017 --> 00:11:34,320 Unless you're an old person on an escalator. 279 00:11:34,321 --> 00:11:37,059 Yeah, then you just wanna take the stairs. 280 00:11:37,060 --> 00:11:38,295 - Huh. - Okay. 281 00:11:38,296 --> 00:11:40,165 - How you doing? - Thanks for asking. 282 00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:41,869 Yeah, actually, you know, when you have these things swirling-- 283 00:11:41,870 --> 00:11:43,205 Yeah, I gotta... 284 00:11:43,206 --> 00:11:44,708 - She's waiting on me. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 285 00:11:44,709 --> 00:11:45,943 Yeah. No, no. Yeah, yeah. 286 00:11:45,944 --> 00:11:47,079 You gotta get back to watching old people. 287 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,516 - All right, pal. - All right, see ya. 288 00:11:48,517 --> 00:11:49,584 - No problem. - Okay. 289 00:11:49,585 --> 00:11:50,920 If you get bored, you can come over. 290 00:11:50,921 --> 00:11:52,724 I'm not gonna do that. 291 00:11:55,397 --> 00:11:58,201 The key to disciplining soldiers isn't the yelling. 292 00:11:58,202 --> 00:12:00,238 It's the silence between the yelling. 293 00:12:00,239 --> 00:12:02,076 Huh. 'Cause I just do the opposite. 294 00:12:02,077 --> 00:12:03,879 I just, like, I rant for, like, 295 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,716 you know, a solid block, like six, seven minutes, 296 00:12:05,717 --> 00:12:07,019 and then I throw something. 297 00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,388 Ooh, what's your favorite thing to throw? 298 00:12:08,389 --> 00:12:09,958 - Like a chair. - Hmm. 299 00:12:09,959 --> 00:12:11,261 You know, like Bobby Knight style. 300 00:12:11,262 --> 00:12:13,432 You know, everybody, gets their attention. 301 00:12:13,534 --> 00:12:16,772 This is interesting, though, comparing notes. I like this. 302 00:12:16,773 --> 00:12:18,743 It's hard to be mean in a vacuum. 303 00:12:18,744 --> 00:12:19,779 - Yeah? - Yeah. 304 00:12:20,814 --> 00:12:22,584 Who the hell is that? 305 00:12:23,854 --> 00:12:25,390 Who is it? What-what... 306 00:12:25,490 --> 00:12:26,491 Hey. 307 00:12:27,895 --> 00:12:30,398 - Where's General Martin? - Who is it? 308 00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:31,434 Um... 309 00:12:31,435 --> 00:12:35,877 It's, uh, personal friend seeking guidance over. 310 00:12:35,878 --> 00:12:37,379 I got my girlfriend pregnant, 311 00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:39,184 and she's in love with her best friend, 312 00:12:39,185 --> 00:12:40,653 and they're gonna raise a kid together. 313 00:12:40,654 --> 00:12:42,323 I'll-I'll get it, hon. 314 00:12:42,324 --> 00:12:44,861 Listen, I found blueprints of the base 315 00:12:44,862 --> 00:12:46,666 in General Martin's office. 316 00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:48,569 I also ate paint. 317 00:12:48,570 --> 00:12:49,972 So, what's the big deal? 318 00:12:49,973 --> 00:12:51,676 Maybe-maybe she was gonna get it framed for me, 319 00:12:51,776 --> 00:12:53,178 like as a gift or something. 320 00:12:53,179 --> 00:12:54,782 These are the exact blueprints that 321 00:12:54,783 --> 00:12:56,284 Gideon was tricked into stealing. 322 00:12:56,285 --> 00:12:57,921 We never found out who was behind that. 323 00:12:57,922 --> 00:12:59,324 - Hm. - Maybe it was Martin. 324 00:12:59,424 --> 00:13:02,496 There's also plans for a remodel of the base. 325 00:13:05,369 --> 00:13:07,741 Yeah, I think I know what's going on. 326 00:13:07,742 --> 00:13:09,043 Totally get what you're saying. 327 00:13:09,044 --> 00:13:11,347 It's women tearing down women time, isn't it? 328 00:13:11,348 --> 00:13:13,384 Did you guys learn nothing from that Human Resources video 329 00:13:13,385 --> 00:13:15,356 I had you watch with the animated bears? 330 00:13:15,357 --> 00:13:17,259 'Cause it was all about that kind of stuff. 331 00:13:17,260 --> 00:13:19,096 Sir, your girlfriend is not being straight with you. 332 00:13:19,097 --> 00:13:20,399 She's not my girlfriend. 333 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,071 - She is your girlfriend. - No, she is not. 334 00:13:23,072 --> 00:13:24,841 All right, you know what? Look at the bright side. 335 00:13:24,842 --> 00:13:26,177 You know, two moms means 336 00:13:26,178 --> 00:13:28,081 less responsibility for you, Papadakis. 337 00:13:28,082 --> 00:13:29,951 You know what? We'll talk about it more tomorrow. 338 00:13:29,952 --> 00:13:31,087 - Get out. - I was making that up. 339 00:13:31,088 --> 00:13:32,557 I was making that up. 340 00:13:43,045 --> 00:13:45,416 - Hey. - Hi. 341 00:13:48,088 --> 00:13:49,090 Okay, wait. Hey, hey, wait. 342 00:13:49,091 --> 00:13:50,226 - We gotta talk. - No, no. 343 00:13:50,326 --> 00:13:52,062 Did a lot of talking. No more talking. 344 00:13:52,063 --> 00:13:53,600 Okay. 345 00:13:55,604 --> 00:13:58,241 Hey. 346 00:13:58,242 --> 00:14:00,881 What do you think? You think we should... 347 00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:04,019 remodel the DFAC? 348 00:14:04,020 --> 00:14:05,624 No, I think it's fine. 349 00:14:06,993 --> 00:14:08,394 Yeah, me too. 350 00:14:08,395 --> 00:14:11,100 I mean, the only way a remodel would make sense is 351 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:13,137 if you were gonna double the number of troops. 352 00:14:13,138 --> 00:14:14,975 Then you'd bash out the back wall, 353 00:14:14,976 --> 00:14:16,310 you'd switch out the round tables 354 00:14:16,311 --> 00:14:18,281 for bench seating and expand the kitchen. 355 00:14:18,282 --> 00:14:21,187 But that's just off the top of my head. 356 00:14:21,188 --> 00:14:24,828 - Right. - How's the book? 357 00:14:24,829 --> 00:14:26,030 - It's good. - Hm. 358 00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:28,167 Just getting to the, uh, 359 00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:29,604 section on Pearl Harbor. 360 00:14:29,605 --> 00:14:33,278 Politics aside, you gotta respect a surprise attack. 361 00:14:35,183 --> 00:14:36,586 Yeah. 362 00:14:39,123 --> 00:14:41,996 You've got me in my office on a Sunday. 363 00:14:41,997 --> 00:14:43,231 It better be World War III. 364 00:14:43,232 --> 00:14:44,935 I think if it was World War III, sir, 365 00:14:45,035 --> 00:14:46,271 you'd already be in your bunker. 366 00:14:46,272 --> 00:14:49,176 Is General Martin taking over my base? 367 00:14:49,177 --> 00:14:50,747 What? No. No, no, no, no, no. 368 00:14:50,748 --> 00:14:52,316 The U.S. Army is giving it away. 369 00:14:52,317 --> 00:14:54,020 You're just giving bases away now? 370 00:14:54,021 --> 00:14:55,222 What are you... That's nuts. 371 00:14:55,223 --> 00:14:56,726 No wonder you've never seen combat. 372 00:14:56,727 --> 00:14:58,729 When the fighting starts, I guess you just, what, surrender? 373 00:14:58,730 --> 00:15:01,434 NATO has made a massive weapons deal with the army, 374 00:15:01,435 --> 00:15:04,173 and General Martin wants a, you know, 375 00:15:04,174 --> 00:15:06,011 a training base in the region. 376 00:15:06,012 --> 00:15:09,216 So since Baumholder is a base of value, 377 00:15:09,217 --> 00:15:11,454 I convinced our superiors to throw in Stroopsdorf. 378 00:15:11,455 --> 00:15:14,561 You know, like free perfume with purchase. 379 00:15:14,562 --> 00:15:17,499 You know, your whole obsession with humiliating me 380 00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:21,273 is now reaching a really creepy fetishy area. 381 00:15:21,274 --> 00:15:24,948 I'm not the one who invited your girlfriend to move in! 382 00:15:24,949 --> 00:15:27,787 That, you did on your own. 383 00:15:27,788 --> 00:15:31,327 And now she is your boss. 384 00:15:33,232 --> 00:15:35,435 Oh, see, I wanted to capture that exact moment 385 00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:37,006 so that it will pop up on my screensaver 386 00:15:37,007 --> 00:15:38,208 from time to time. 387 00:15:38,209 --> 00:15:39,945 Of course, because you need something 388 00:15:39,946 --> 00:15:41,480 to replace the pictures of all the kids 389 00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:42,717 you never see anymore. 390 00:15:42,718 --> 00:15:44,588 - Oh, well, look who's talking. - You know what, sir? 391 00:15:44,589 --> 00:15:46,190 I'm not gonna let you get away with this. 392 00:15:46,191 --> 00:15:49,129 Uh, too late. The wheels are already turning. 393 00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:52,537 Oh, and if you try to block it, you will be crushed. 394 00:15:52,538 --> 00:15:55,743 Oh, see, um, your eyes were closed. 395 00:15:55,744 --> 00:15:56,912 So let's try this again. 396 00:15:56,913 --> 00:15:58,014 How does it feel 397 00:15:58,015 --> 00:15:59,952 to be the only American 398 00:15:59,953 --> 00:16:01,254 to lose a battle with Canada? 399 00:16:02,992 --> 00:16:05,395 Oh, see, now, that, that's a keeper. 400 00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:07,466 You know what, sir? This should give you fair warning. 401 00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:09,236 You might want to get that bunker ready. 402 00:16:09,237 --> 00:16:11,842 I'm about to start World War III. 403 00:16:13,345 --> 00:16:15,482 There it is. 404 00:16:15,483 --> 00:16:18,856 Yeah, that-that's what we were looking for. 405 00:16:18,857 --> 00:16:20,158 Yeah. 406 00:16:20,159 --> 00:16:22,864 And I think I know why we found it. 407 00:16:22,865 --> 00:16:24,133 - You do? - Mm-hmm. 408 00:16:24,134 --> 00:16:29,076 Because I took a job with General Martin. 409 00:16:29,077 --> 00:16:30,947 She called me and offered me a position 410 00:16:30,948 --> 00:16:33,118 as her permanent aide at NATO. 411 00:16:33,119 --> 00:16:34,721 Which, you know, comes with a move, 412 00:16:34,722 --> 00:16:39,732 but also comes with a promotion to major... 413 00:16:41,536 --> 00:16:44,942 which means I'm not in your chain of command. 414 00:16:44,943 --> 00:16:47,246 - And we can do this. - Yeah. 415 00:16:48,082 --> 00:16:50,118 Yeah. 416 00:16:50,119 --> 00:16:51,454 Wow. I... 417 00:16:51,455 --> 00:16:55,228 didn't, uh, realize that when I, uh, 418 00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:57,601 submitted my retirement paperwork last night. 419 00:16:58,904 --> 00:16:59,938 What? 420 00:16:59,939 --> 00:17:01,575 Yeah, I... 421 00:17:01,576 --> 00:17:04,046 I mean, sometimes you gotta take a risk, right? 422 00:17:04,047 --> 00:17:05,916 I mean... 423 00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:09,090 I mean, this is crazy. Isn't it funny that we like... 424 00:17:09,091 --> 00:17:10,893 Gift of the Magi to each other? 425 00:17:10,894 --> 00:17:12,864 That is crazy. 426 00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,467 We're so on the same page. 427 00:17:17,875 --> 00:17:19,410 Actually, we're not. 428 00:17:19,411 --> 00:17:20,680 We're not? 429 00:17:21,850 --> 00:17:23,451 Well, no. 430 00:17:23,452 --> 00:17:26,091 Look, I-I accepted a new job, like 30 minutes away. 431 00:17:26,191 --> 00:17:29,031 - Uh-huh. - You quit your job. 432 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,802 You gave up your whole career. 433 00:17:31,803 --> 00:17:33,371 Twenty years of service 434 00:17:33,372 --> 00:17:35,976 for a girl you haven't even been on a date with. 435 00:17:35,977 --> 00:17:37,479 Uh... 436 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:39,317 You're welcome. 437 00:17:40,053 --> 00:17:42,758 - Okay. - Okay. 438 00:17:42,759 --> 00:17:45,529 Look, I've failed 439 00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:48,335 at every relationship that I've ever been in. 440 00:17:48,336 --> 00:17:50,071 - Right? - Uh-huh. 441 00:17:50,072 --> 00:17:51,875 And you, well... 442 00:17:51,876 --> 00:17:54,615 You literally just got a divorce. 443 00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:56,751 Probably should have talked about this first. 444 00:17:56,752 --> 00:17:59,022 Yeah, we probably should have, but... I mean, 445 00:17:59,023 --> 00:18:00,225 I've been thinking about it, 446 00:18:00,226 --> 00:18:02,597 and I've been thinking about us a lot. 447 00:18:02,598 --> 00:18:04,400 I actually see a future for us, okay? 448 00:18:04,401 --> 00:18:07,974 I see like, the house, the family, wireless plan, kids. 449 00:18:07,975 --> 00:18:09,009 - Kids? - Yeah. 450 00:18:09,010 --> 00:18:10,245 Would we talk about that? 451 00:18:10,246 --> 00:18:11,549 Or would you surprise me with some? 452 00:18:11,550 --> 00:18:13,251 I'm not gonna surprise you with kids. 453 00:18:13,252 --> 00:18:14,253 That's not how that works, okay? 454 00:18:14,254 --> 00:18:15,556 I have to go. I do. 455 00:18:15,557 --> 00:18:17,259 I, um, I'm helping General Martin 456 00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:18,395 prep her schedule. 457 00:18:18,396 --> 00:18:19,631 Okay, as soon as I find my bra. 458 00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,166 Okay, you don't need to do this, okay? 459 00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:22,436 You don't need to run away. 460 00:18:22,437 --> 00:18:23,606 Don't be like the colonel, okay? 461 00:18:23,706 --> 00:18:25,242 You don't need to avoid emotional conversations. 462 00:18:25,243 --> 00:18:26,477 We can talk through this. 463 00:18:26,478 --> 00:18:29,150 I am nothing like my dad. 464 00:18:30,687 --> 00:18:32,256 Don't do this. Don't just walk away. 465 00:18:32,257 --> 00:18:33,392 Let's talk about it. 466 00:18:33,492 --> 00:18:34,828 What do you wanna talk about, huh? 467 00:18:34,829 --> 00:18:37,366 How to fit my Christmas tree up the chimney, huh? 468 00:18:37,367 --> 00:18:38,769 I'm sorry you found out this way. 469 00:18:38,770 --> 00:18:40,673 I wasn't supposed to say anything till it was official. 470 00:18:40,674 --> 00:18:43,244 Oh, really? I've told you plenty of official secrets, okay? 471 00:18:43,245 --> 00:18:44,647 Like the fact that we have a sound cannon 472 00:18:44,648 --> 00:18:46,552 that makes people projectile vomit. 473 00:18:46,553 --> 00:18:48,890 And that was one of the most romantic dates of my whole life. 474 00:18:48,891 --> 00:18:51,996 Look, you have worked so hard making this base a success. 475 00:18:51,997 --> 00:18:53,465 Enjoy the spoils. 476 00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,335 NATO taking over can just allow you 477 00:18:55,336 --> 00:18:56,739 to transfer to a better base. 478 00:18:56,740 --> 00:18:57,741 You're right. 479 00:18:57,742 --> 00:18:59,679 Oh my God. I didn't even think of it that way. 480 00:18:59,779 --> 00:19:01,815 You're doing me a favor. I should be thanking you. 481 00:19:01,816 --> 00:19:03,385 I'm gonna send you some "thank you" flowers. 482 00:19:03,386 --> 00:19:04,821 Where should I have Shah send them? 483 00:19:04,822 --> 00:19:07,259 Oh, yeah, right here. 'Cause you live here now! 484 00:19:07,260 --> 00:19:09,229 - It's not personal, Pat. - Oh, it's very personal. 485 00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:11,034 Okay, you Trojan Horse me 486 00:19:11,035 --> 00:19:12,168 with two of my favorite things. 487 00:19:12,169 --> 00:19:13,706 Sex and human cockfighting. 488 00:19:13,707 --> 00:19:16,477 If you wanted to move in, you should have just asked. 489 00:19:16,478 --> 00:19:18,582 I'm not your enemy, but I could be. 490 00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:20,953 God, you are already my enemy. My God! 491 00:19:20,954 --> 00:19:23,859 You know what? Just gonna give you a heads up. 492 00:19:23,860 --> 00:19:27,466 I planted an alarm in here. It's gonna go off very soon. 493 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,336 Loud enough to drive you crazy, 494 00:19:29,337 --> 00:19:31,575 but faint enough that, when you look for it, 495 00:19:31,576 --> 00:19:34,948 that you won't be able to locate where it actually is. 496 00:19:36,552 --> 00:19:38,922 Oh, yeah, that's gonna drive me nuts. 497 00:19:38,923 --> 00:19:41,695 Merry Christmas, Grinch. 498 00:19:41,696 --> 00:19:44,568 Really? This is... All you got is the rosé? 499 00:19:44,569 --> 00:19:47,072 I mean, rosé is more about, like, quantity. 500 00:19:47,073 --> 00:19:48,509 That's why it comes in a box. 501 00:19:49,711 --> 00:19:53,384 I can't believe Martin thought she was doing me a favor. 502 00:19:53,385 --> 00:19:56,057 I can't believe Shah thought he was doing me a favor. 503 00:19:56,058 --> 00:19:57,460 - Crazy. - It is insane. 504 00:19:57,561 --> 00:20:00,767 To sacrifices everything for our future. 505 00:20:00,768 --> 00:20:02,937 Like they're our saviors or something. 506 00:20:02,938 --> 00:20:04,808 - Yeah. - It's crazy behavior. 507 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:08,849 You don't think there's a chance 508 00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:12,489 that we are self-sabotaging Quinn style, 509 00:20:12,490 --> 00:20:14,895 so that we don't get hurt? 510 00:20:16,064 --> 00:20:17,534 - No. - No. Yeah. 511 00:20:17,535 --> 00:20:19,003 It's not us, honey, it's always them. 512 00:20:19,103 --> 00:20:20,372 It's them. It's them. 513 00:20:20,373 --> 00:20:22,208 That's the way they want us to think. 514 00:20:22,209 --> 00:20:23,546 I'm obviously not gonna 515 00:20:23,547 --> 00:20:25,115 take the job with General Martin 516 00:20:25,116 --> 00:20:26,350 after everything that I-- 517 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:28,255 Have you learned nothing from working with me? 518 00:20:28,256 --> 00:20:29,490 What do you mean? 519 00:20:29,491 --> 00:20:31,795 Career goes before family every time. 520 00:20:31,796 --> 00:20:33,799 So you are taking that job, okay? 521 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,136 Number one, you earned it. Number two, you deserve it. 522 00:20:36,137 --> 00:20:37,474 Thanks, dad. 523 00:20:37,575 --> 00:20:39,511 Plus, it can't hurt to have a Quinn on the inside. 524 00:20:39,512 --> 00:20:41,615 Find out what her next moves are gonna be, 525 00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:44,954 and then, you know, frame her for selling military secrets. 526 00:20:44,955 --> 00:20:46,123 Wait, what? 527 00:20:46,124 --> 00:20:47,393 You know, see how you feel. 528 00:20:54,041 --> 00:20:56,679 Company, atten-hut! 529 00:20:57,715 --> 00:21:00,285 Our training exercise is on hold. 530 00:21:00,286 --> 00:21:02,524 The paintball gear has been stolen. 531 00:21:02,525 --> 00:21:05,295 Don't worry, I've been eating the evidence. 532 00:21:05,296 --> 00:21:06,497 Why didn't you just throw it away? 533 00:21:06,498 --> 00:21:08,001 The guns were in my office 534 00:21:08,002 --> 00:21:10,706 and only Stroopsdorf soldiers had access. 535 00:21:10,707 --> 00:21:12,276 Maybe it's a cat burglar situation. 536 00:21:12,277 --> 00:21:13,546 Mm. Interesting theory. 537 00:21:13,547 --> 00:21:15,549 So what I'm gonna do is keep my eyes peeled 538 00:21:15,550 --> 00:21:17,654 for someone very sexy wearing spandex. 539 00:21:17,655 --> 00:21:19,657 Well, don't look at me. 540 00:21:19,658 --> 00:21:22,028 The only thing I'm guilty of stealing is hearts. 541 00:21:22,029 --> 00:21:24,333 I am in charge of this base now, 542 00:21:24,334 --> 00:21:27,038 and I order everyone to be normal! 543 00:21:27,039 --> 00:21:28,441 Yes, ma'am! 544 00:21:28,442 --> 00:21:30,445 We will be normal! 545 00:21:30,446 --> 00:21:31,982 Normal. 546 00:21:35,657 --> 00:21:37,928 It's going so well.