1 00:00:01,938 --> 00:00:03,473 You wanna make the base useful? 2 00:00:03,474 --> 00:00:05,276 Let us build something useful on the base. 3 00:00:05,277 --> 00:00:06,546 But in order to do that, of course, 4 00:00:06,547 --> 00:00:08,650 I have to charm the Appropriations Committee. 5 00:00:08,651 --> 00:00:10,989 And then we have to deal with those vacuous vote whores 6 00:00:11,089 --> 00:00:12,290 in Washington, D.C. 7 00:00:12,291 --> 00:00:14,563 It's a vicious cycle. Ooh. 8 00:00:16,332 --> 00:00:18,102 - That's... - Oh, my God! 9 00:00:18,103 --> 00:00:19,606 That really opened up. 10 00:00:21,008 --> 00:00:22,645 We agreed I had the night off. 11 00:00:22,646 --> 00:00:24,414 Oh, yeah. Listen, it's your anniversary. 12 00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:25,718 Happy anniversary. 13 00:00:25,719 --> 00:00:27,420 - Thank you. - We can talk about it tomorrow. 14 00:00:27,421 --> 00:00:29,224 Oh, well, tomorrow's Saturday and we're-- 15 00:00:29,225 --> 00:00:30,560 We should hit it hard Monday, 16 00:00:30,561 --> 00:00:32,364 the universal day for starting work. 17 00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:33,901 And also, funding requests aren't due 18 00:00:33,902 --> 00:00:35,637 - for another six weeks, so. - I know. 19 00:00:35,638 --> 00:00:37,374 But the key to staying one step ahead 20 00:00:37,375 --> 00:00:39,210 is being two step ahead at all times. 21 00:00:39,211 --> 00:00:40,547 Last summer, we weren't, 22 00:00:40,548 --> 00:00:42,083 and we got some funding, for what? 23 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,488 The stupid Frisbee Golf Course that nobody likes. 24 00:00:44,489 --> 00:00:46,024 Well, it's actually called disc golf, 25 00:00:46,025 --> 00:00:47,260 and it's pretty popular. 26 00:00:47,261 --> 00:00:48,262 I played with some people in college. 27 00:00:48,263 --> 00:00:49,498 The "throw-bros." 28 00:00:49,499 --> 00:00:51,001 Yeah, but now we're soldiers, 29 00:00:51,002 --> 00:00:53,873 not stoner virgins afraid of real sports. 30 00:00:53,874 --> 00:00:55,376 Listen, you guys enjoy. 31 00:00:55,377 --> 00:00:56,879 It's your anniversary, enjoy the dinner. 32 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:58,382 And, uh, I'm takin' this with me. 33 00:00:58,383 --> 00:01:01,255 - Um, that, that's... - Yes, that's his wine. 34 00:01:01,256 --> 00:01:02,958 - You can have mine. - Mm-hmm. 35 00:01:04,729 --> 00:01:06,398 Abe. 36 00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:08,770 Did you not tell him we're going away this weekend? 37 00:01:08,771 --> 00:01:10,974 No, I did. He just hasn't approved my leaves yet. 38 00:01:10,975 --> 00:01:13,178 But don't worry about that. I succeed in getting leave 39 00:01:13,179 --> 00:01:14,682 - last minute before. Yeah. - Oh. 40 00:01:14,683 --> 00:01:16,886 After a protracted game of cat and mouse 41 00:01:16,887 --> 00:01:17,988 I was able to attend 42 00:01:17,989 --> 00:01:20,326 - half my uncle's funeral. - Oh. 43 00:01:20,327 --> 00:01:22,130 - Thank you. - Oh! 44 00:01:23,934 --> 00:01:25,537 From the colonel. 45 00:01:25,538 --> 00:01:28,375 "Congrats. No one thought you'd make it." 46 00:01:28,376 --> 00:01:30,213 Did you get the note? 47 00:01:50,622 --> 00:01:53,627 So, hey, I just wanted to run something by ya. Um... 48 00:01:53,628 --> 00:01:55,664 It's Celeste's idea, but I'm on board too. 49 00:01:55,665 --> 00:01:58,369 - It's a little unconventional. - Oh, I know what's goin' on. 50 00:01:58,370 --> 00:01:59,738 She wants to do weird sex stuff, right? 51 00:01:59,739 --> 00:02:00,808 - Oh, no, no, no. - You know, what happens is 52 00:02:00,908 --> 00:02:03,345 when a relationship starts to go south over marriage... 53 00:02:03,346 --> 00:02:04,715 - Yeah. - they read a Cosmo article, 54 00:02:04,716 --> 00:02:06,384 and next thing you know, fingers are going 55 00:02:06,385 --> 00:02:07,688 places they should never be going. 56 00:02:07,689 --> 00:02:09,457 - Right. Uh-huh. - Listen. You're vanilla. 57 00:02:09,458 --> 00:02:10,862 - Yeah. Yeah, it is okay. - And that's okay. 58 00:02:10,962 --> 00:02:13,399 Hey, 'cause vanilla is the world's most popular flavor 59 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,434 - for a reason. - Yeah. 60 00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:15,671 A little help for me? 61 00:02:15,672 --> 00:02:18,710 Look at this. This why I hate Saturdays. Huh. 62 00:02:18,711 --> 00:02:21,248 'Cause it's like you and me are the only two people working. 63 00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:23,520 We sure are. I just need to ask you 64 00:02:23,521 --> 00:02:26,559 for this weekend off for my anniversary once again. 65 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,462 You know, I promise to work the next five Saturdays, 66 00:02:28,463 --> 00:02:29,999 which is plenty of time to finish by the deadline. 67 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,670 I don't want to cut it that close. 68 00:02:31,671 --> 00:02:34,441 And also, I-I gave you a day to celebrate your anniversary. 69 00:02:34,442 --> 00:02:35,844 That's all you need. 70 00:02:35,845 --> 00:02:37,681 You celebrate a day in your life with a day. 71 00:02:37,682 --> 00:02:41,187 ...my little Frisbee go? Have you seen a little disc? 72 00:02:41,188 --> 00:02:43,492 Hey, Jan. This yours? 73 00:02:43,493 --> 00:02:45,664 - Yes. It has my name on it. - Yeah, yeah. Okay. 74 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:48,402 Let me show you something, pal. This disc belongs to me now. 75 00:02:48,403 --> 00:02:51,542 - Oh, my God. - What are you doin' here? 76 00:02:51,543 --> 00:02:53,814 I thought you were going on your big trip to Bruges. 77 00:02:53,815 --> 00:02:55,684 I saw Celeste's anniversary post that said 78 00:02:55,685 --> 00:02:57,855 y'all were "cruising for a Brugin'." 79 00:02:57,856 --> 00:02:59,324 We were supposed to go today, 80 00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:00,160 but then the colonel's makin' me work. 81 00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:01,162 Can't you just have somebody filling in? 82 00:03:01,262 --> 00:03:03,298 Okay, yeah, I'm just gonna go to the Shah Store 83 00:03:03,299 --> 00:03:04,935 and find some extra Shah. Watch some Shah and Order. 84 00:03:04,936 --> 00:03:07,106 I'm so sorry. I-I'm freaking out right now. 85 00:03:07,107 --> 00:03:08,409 - Okay? - Okay, look. 86 00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:10,548 I have people fill in for me all the time. 87 00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:13,686 Remember last week when we had that inventory meeting on Zoom? 88 00:03:13,687 --> 00:03:16,391 That wasn't me. That was Regina from Special Ops. 89 00:03:16,392 --> 00:03:17,695 Okay, but she did a presentation. 90 00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:19,665 Yeah, we face-swapped and she lip-synced. 91 00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,301 All you need to do is find yourself 92 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:22,871 a Regina and swap her in. 93 00:03:22,872 --> 00:03:25,510 Okay, so it's like the Indiana Jones hand switch thing. 94 00:03:25,511 --> 00:03:27,313 He swapped the golden statue for a bag of sand. 95 00:03:27,314 --> 00:03:29,384 I just need to find a bag of sand. 96 00:03:29,385 --> 00:03:31,757 - Mm-hmm. - A bag of sand... 97 00:03:33,427 --> 00:03:35,396 with nothing better to do. 98 00:03:35,397 --> 00:03:36,799 Dare me to drink this hot sauce. 99 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,339 - We share a bathroom, so no. - Too late. 100 00:03:40,340 --> 00:03:42,076 - Oh! - That's a good bag of sand. 101 00:03:42,077 --> 00:03:44,649 - Yeah, it really is. - I need to go use our bathroom. 102 00:03:44,650 --> 00:03:46,920 No, no, just use the, use the Teen Center. 103 00:03:46,921 --> 00:03:49,324 I'm not gonna... Uh... 104 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,300 Hey. 105 00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,673 - Hey. - Come on in. 106 00:03:57,876 --> 00:04:00,313 - Is everything okay? - Yeah, why wouldn't it be? 107 00:04:00,314 --> 00:04:02,517 Oh, no, I-I mean, you did comment 108 00:04:02,518 --> 00:04:05,022 on Celeste's anniversary post, so. 109 00:04:05,023 --> 00:04:06,859 Oh, yeah. Well, that's the polite thing to do. 110 00:04:06,860 --> 00:04:09,765 Yeah, you also commented, "#lovewins" 111 00:04:09,766 --> 00:04:11,636 - with six fire emojis. - Yeah, yeah. 112 00:04:11,637 --> 00:04:13,573 That's, I mean, it had to be convincing. 113 00:04:13,574 --> 00:04:15,544 Uh, well, I'm not convinced. 114 00:04:15,545 --> 00:04:18,382 So that's why I'm gonna ask you one more time. 115 00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:19,719 Are you okay? 116 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:22,390 Would a person who's not okay 117 00:04:22,391 --> 00:04:24,629 be pullin' off a hat like this? 118 00:04:24,630 --> 00:04:27,836 Oh, and you are pullin' it off. 119 00:04:27,936 --> 00:04:29,805 - You know what? - I knew it. 120 00:04:29,806 --> 00:04:32,577 - What is this? - It is Rosé All Day Pink. 121 00:04:32,578 --> 00:04:35,651 Okay, look, I know that you're not over the situation 122 00:04:35,652 --> 00:04:37,888 with Celeste and Shah, but this is no time 123 00:04:37,889 --> 00:04:40,627 to be making emotionally charged hair choices. 124 00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:42,764 It's not. It's just a streak. 125 00:04:42,765 --> 00:04:45,670 - A terrible streak. Yeah. - Yeah, a terrible streak. 126 00:04:45,671 --> 00:04:48,008 That's it. I'm taking you off-base. 127 00:04:48,009 --> 00:04:51,516 You never take me off-base. Especially on the weekends. 128 00:04:51,517 --> 00:04:53,653 You didn't even let me drive you to urgent care that time. 129 00:04:53,654 --> 00:04:55,524 They found your car in a ditch. 130 00:04:55,525 --> 00:04:56,692 I'm willing to make an exception 131 00:04:56,693 --> 00:04:58,963 in light of this cry-for-help streak. 132 00:04:58,964 --> 00:05:01,268 We gotta get this fixed ASAP. You comin' with me to my salon. 133 00:05:01,269 --> 00:05:02,470 - Okay. - Don't forget 134 00:05:02,471 --> 00:05:03,907 that off-the-base privileges 135 00:05:03,908 --> 00:05:05,409 can be revoked immediately if you can't hang. 136 00:05:05,410 --> 00:05:08,181 Oh, I can hang. 137 00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:11,790 - Uh! No hat. - No hat. 138 00:05:13,159 --> 00:05:14,762 - And go change. - Yeah, of course. 139 00:05:14,763 --> 00:05:16,933 - I'm cha... Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah. 140 00:05:16,934 --> 00:05:18,670 Listen, in the words of my grandmother, 141 00:05:18,671 --> 00:05:19,972 when I pushed her down the slip-and-slide, 142 00:05:19,973 --> 00:05:21,676 "I just don't think this is a good idea." 143 00:05:21,677 --> 00:05:23,378 The colonel already loves you. 144 00:05:23,379 --> 00:05:24,648 - Really? - Yeah. 145 00:05:24,649 --> 00:05:25,917 Yeah, it's unconditional. 146 00:05:25,918 --> 00:05:26,886 - Hey. - It's there. 147 00:05:26,887 --> 00:05:29,123 No, he doesn't. Not yet, at least. 148 00:05:29,124 --> 00:05:31,328 Listen, people need to be exposed to me in low doses 149 00:05:31,329 --> 00:05:35,369 to build up a tolerance. It's like babies with peanuts, right? 150 00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:36,906 Now, if I give the colonel just a little bit 151 00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:39,077 of PapaD every day, 20 years from now, 152 00:05:39,078 --> 00:05:41,214 - he's best man at my wedding. - Uh, what about if I teach you 153 00:05:41,215 --> 00:05:44,253 everything you need to know, and then we can cut it down to ten? 154 00:05:44,254 --> 00:05:45,056 Come on. 155 00:05:45,156 --> 00:05:46,659 I don't know if I'm gonna meet a model 156 00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:48,362 that likes me by then. 157 00:05:49,633 --> 00:05:52,905 Who am I kidding? Okay. 158 00:05:52,906 --> 00:05:54,641 I got pretty good people instincts. 159 00:05:54,642 --> 00:05:56,478 And I know when someone's desperate like this, 160 00:05:56,479 --> 00:05:58,181 you should probably trust him. 161 00:05:58,182 --> 00:05:59,518 I'm in. 162 00:05:59,519 --> 00:06:00,753 - Yeah? - What do I need to bring? 163 00:06:00,754 --> 00:06:01,956 Nothing, just your computer 164 00:06:01,957 --> 00:06:02,959 and a high tolerance for verbal abuse. 165 00:06:03,092 --> 00:06:05,664 All right, what snacks? Like sweet or savory snacks? 166 00:06:05,665 --> 00:06:06,567 Oh, you don't need to worry about that. 167 00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,302 The colonel only eats beef jerky when he's working. 168 00:06:08,303 --> 00:06:09,639 It's his perfect food. Meat gum. 169 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,909 Oh, and by the way, under no circumstances 170 00:06:11,910 --> 00:06:12,944 defend waiting in lines, 171 00:06:12,945 --> 00:06:15,650 Geneva conventions or Paddington. 172 00:06:15,651 --> 00:06:18,155 So let's go. I got a train to catch. Come on. 173 00:06:21,262 --> 00:06:23,465 Hey, thank you so much for bringing me 174 00:06:23,466 --> 00:06:24,869 to your cool, secret salon. 175 00:06:24,870 --> 00:06:26,673 Okay, I'm just a regular person. 176 00:06:26,674 --> 00:06:28,408 Always good to see you, Zelda. 177 00:06:28,409 --> 00:06:30,780 Oh, yes! 178 00:06:32,552 --> 00:06:33,753 Why is she calling you Zelda? 179 00:06:33,754 --> 00:06:35,757 Look, me bringing you to my salon 180 00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:37,360 and me lettin' you in on my personal life 181 00:06:37,361 --> 00:06:38,461 are two different things. 182 00:06:38,462 --> 00:06:40,065 I live in a moral gray area. 183 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,836 I don't think people know much about me. 184 00:06:41,837 --> 00:06:43,606 Well, you know my deepest, darkest secrets. 185 00:06:43,607 --> 00:06:46,613 - They're not that dark. - One day they might be. 186 00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,950 I'm-I'm-I'm just trying to get you to open up. 187 00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:51,989 Yeah, yeah, I know that. Well, I'll be right back. 188 00:06:51,990 --> 00:06:52,958 Yes. 189 00:06:58,203 --> 00:06:59,839 Oh. 190 00:07:00,942 --> 00:07:04,047 And now they're kissing. Okay. Um... 191 00:07:05,016 --> 00:07:06,652 Hey. Hey. Hey. 192 00:07:06,653 --> 00:07:07,988 Is everything, uh, chill out here? 193 00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:09,057 Yeah, we're chill. 194 00:07:09,058 --> 00:07:10,927 Who is this blowout with the sad eyes? 195 00:07:10,928 --> 00:07:12,931 - Your new partner? - Don't worry about it. 196 00:07:12,932 --> 00:07:15,469 She hasn't taught me anything either. 197 00:07:15,470 --> 00:07:18,442 Well, I got it over the border. 198 00:07:18,443 --> 00:07:20,113 You can take it from here. 199 00:07:21,249 --> 00:07:23,886 Hi. Oh. 200 00:07:23,887 --> 00:07:26,157 Yikes. Seems like a tricky situation. 201 00:07:26,158 --> 00:07:29,364 Is she, um, like a friend of yours or Zelda's? 202 00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:30,667 Maggie, we talked about this. 203 00:07:30,668 --> 00:07:31,869 - No, we didn't. - Oh, yeah, we did. 204 00:07:31,870 --> 00:07:34,274 No, we didn't. And I would like to. 205 00:07:37,816 --> 00:07:39,518 It's like hacking with some friends. 206 00:07:39,519 --> 00:07:40,820 - Hey! - What's up, colonel? 207 00:07:40,821 --> 00:07:42,925 - Uh... - What's he doin' here? 208 00:07:42,926 --> 00:07:46,899 Oh, well, with only six weeks to write our three-page request, 209 00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:49,705 we need a shortcut. And Papadakis here is our shortcut. 210 00:07:49,706 --> 00:07:51,776 He's gonna hack into the other base's proposals 211 00:07:51,777 --> 00:07:53,378 and give us an unfair advantage. 212 00:07:53,379 --> 00:07:54,715 - I like the sound of that. - Yeah. 213 00:07:54,716 --> 00:07:57,687 Fairness is overrated. Ah, ah, ah. Hey! 214 00:07:57,688 --> 00:08:00,193 You have not earned meat gum, my friend. 215 00:08:01,095 --> 00:08:02,531 Okay. 216 00:08:02,532 --> 00:08:06,404 Well, I'm already in the USAG V-spotted backdoor. 217 00:08:06,405 --> 00:08:08,843 Looks like they're... 218 00:08:08,844 --> 00:08:11,348 requesting $5 million to promote... 219 00:08:12,685 --> 00:08:14,822 - mental health. - Unbelievable. 220 00:08:14,823 --> 00:08:15,958 What a bunch of Paddingtons, right? 221 00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:17,327 - Hmm. - We don't need to go 222 00:08:17,427 --> 00:08:18,662 near controversial topics. 223 00:08:18,663 --> 00:08:20,533 No, no, no. 224 00:08:20,534 --> 00:08:23,573 What is your opinion of Paddington, soldier? 225 00:08:24,509 --> 00:08:25,644 There's another word for a bear 226 00:08:25,645 --> 00:08:27,681 that lives in your house rent-free, 227 00:08:27,682 --> 00:08:30,052 eating your marmalade. A bum. 228 00:08:30,053 --> 00:08:31,122 - Hmm, that's the one. - Thank you. 229 00:08:31,322 --> 00:08:33,626 This little bear, he's got no job, but he's got a briefcase. 230 00:08:33,627 --> 00:08:35,129 What's in the briefcase? You tell me. 231 00:08:35,130 --> 00:08:37,066 I'll tell you what's in the briefcase. Not pants. 232 00:08:37,067 --> 00:08:39,437 He doesn't wear any. You know what? 233 00:08:39,438 --> 00:08:40,740 I like to cut of your jib. 234 00:08:40,741 --> 00:08:44,180 Have yourself some meat gum. 235 00:08:44,181 --> 00:08:47,253 Hey. Okay. All right, look at this dynamic duo. 236 00:08:47,254 --> 00:08:49,457 It's like, uh, I don't even need to be here, right? 237 00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:51,996 - What? - What am I doing here, right? 238 00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:55,036 - What are you doing here? - Hmm. 239 00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,483 I like hackin'. I know it's a nerd word. 240 00:09:02,484 --> 00:09:05,022 But it's the only thing about computers I think sounds tough. 241 00:09:05,023 --> 00:09:07,159 Like Gene Hackman, Hacksaw Ridge. 242 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:09,230 Wow, I really wish I knew something about computers. 243 00:09:09,231 --> 00:09:12,103 Since today's task seems pretty computer dependent. 244 00:09:12,104 --> 00:09:13,940 We're okay here. I think you can go ahead 245 00:09:13,941 --> 00:09:15,109 and take your little trip now. 246 00:09:15,110 --> 00:09:16,946 - Trip? Oh, the trip. - Yep. Yeah. 247 00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:18,415 Oh, yeah. I actually totally forgot about it. 248 00:09:18,416 --> 00:09:19,985 I mean, I could check on tickets if they're still available, 249 00:09:19,986 --> 00:09:21,454 - I don't know. - Great. Go have fun. 250 00:09:21,455 --> 00:09:23,258 - And we'll see you later. - If you need me, you know... 251 00:09:23,259 --> 00:09:25,129 All right, you can get out of here, bud. 252 00:09:25,130 --> 00:09:26,899 Just, you know, makin' sure you're all set. 253 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,335 - Dynamic duo. - All right, bye. 254 00:09:31,609 --> 00:09:33,112 You ever seen... 255 00:09:33,947 --> 00:09:36,017 Indiana Jones? 256 00:09:36,018 --> 00:09:38,188 When he pulls the little sandbag switch 257 00:09:38,189 --> 00:09:41,060 and he thinks he got away with it till the big boulder 258 00:09:41,061 --> 00:09:45,036 comes rumblin' thunderin' down after him. 259 00:09:45,136 --> 00:09:48,977 You know why? 'Cause the boulder wasn't fooled. 260 00:09:49,545 --> 00:09:50,881 I'm the boulder. 261 00:09:52,083 --> 00:09:53,753 I only saw the one with Shia LaBeouf. 262 00:09:53,754 --> 00:09:55,523 I'm-I'm a bit lost here. 263 00:09:57,728 --> 00:09:59,965 So you, uh, you seem pretty down, 264 00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:01,669 and I'm just wondering if it has anything to do 265 00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:03,840 with that woman who kissed you 266 00:10:03,841 --> 00:10:06,044 and slapped you and gave you a bag. 267 00:10:07,147 --> 00:10:07,948 What's in the bag? 268 00:10:07,949 --> 00:10:09,383 Nothing you need to worry about. 269 00:10:09,384 --> 00:10:11,321 Well, no, I'm not worried, I'm just, you know, 270 00:10:11,322 --> 00:10:14,260 asking questions as a friend and sometimes friends answer. 271 00:10:14,261 --> 00:10:17,133 I gotta go in here. I'll be right back. 272 00:10:29,592 --> 00:10:30,726 I know it's last minute. 273 00:10:30,727 --> 00:10:33,098 Yeah, it's over three kilos, 274 00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:35,302 but I'll-I'll still take care of it for you. 275 00:10:35,303 --> 00:10:38,074 Oh, I appreciate you, Lars. You know, I owe you, right? 276 00:10:38,075 --> 00:10:39,945 - Do you wanna leave it here or? - Oh, no, no, no. 277 00:10:39,946 --> 00:10:41,715 I feel much safer with it with me. 278 00:10:41,716 --> 00:10:43,351 Bless you. 279 00:10:43,352 --> 00:10:44,487 Ooh. 280 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,796 - That's just my friend. - You know what? 281 00:10:48,797 --> 00:10:50,199 There was no way anything was gonna stop 282 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,736 this anniversary trip, and the colonel 283 00:10:51,737 --> 00:10:53,238 - was pretty cool about it. - Yeah? 284 00:10:53,239 --> 00:10:55,075 Not that I'm thinkin' about the colonel, but you know what? 285 00:10:55,076 --> 00:10:57,479 Just call me Colin Farrell, because my head 286 00:10:57,480 --> 00:10:58,717 is already in Bruges. 287 00:10:58,718 --> 00:10:59,885 - Woo-hoo. - Oh! 288 00:10:59,886 --> 00:11:01,187 I guess that makes me Brendan Gleeson. 289 00:11:01,188 --> 00:11:03,358 - Oh! Well, he's a good actor. - Hey! 290 00:11:03,359 --> 00:11:04,995 - Hey, a little help? - Hey. 291 00:11:04,996 --> 00:11:06,131 You guys, uh, headin' out 292 00:11:06,232 --> 00:11:08,069 on your little anniversary trip, huh? 293 00:11:08,169 --> 00:11:10,139 Sure are. Yeah. What are you two doin' out here? 294 00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:12,577 I thought you were working and that you hated disc golf. 295 00:11:12,578 --> 00:11:14,080 You know what? I apologize for that. 296 00:11:14,081 --> 00:11:16,151 Because now I realize the error in my ways. 297 00:11:16,152 --> 00:11:19,090 Papadakis and I were working away, my-my brain was melting, 298 00:11:19,091 --> 00:11:21,027 staring at that computer while we were hacking, 299 00:11:21,028 --> 00:11:22,563 and he said, I know the perfect antidote. 300 00:11:22,564 --> 00:11:25,670 He says, "disc golf." Before I can say no, he says, 301 00:11:25,671 --> 00:11:26,872 - "how can you say no..." - ...no. 302 00:11:26,873 --> 00:11:27,907 - Mm-hmm. - "before you say..." 303 00:11:27,908 --> 00:11:30,111 - ...say yes? - Wow! 304 00:11:30,112 --> 00:11:32,684 Anyways, so now I guess we're... 305 00:11:32,685 --> 00:11:34,454 - kind of throw bros. - Oh, wow. 306 00:11:34,455 --> 00:11:36,526 - You got a handshake, too. - That so nice for you guys. 307 00:11:36,626 --> 00:11:37,861 - Yeah. - Yeah. 308 00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:39,030 Well, we'll see you guys on, uh, Monday. 309 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,099 Just one second. Just one second here. 310 00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,568 Okay, so this is kind of funny, 311 00:11:41,569 --> 00:11:44,375 because I brought in Papadakis here as glorified IT. 312 00:11:44,475 --> 00:11:45,743 - I know. - Yeah, here you are 313 00:11:45,744 --> 00:11:47,013 just-just hittin' it off. 314 00:11:47,014 --> 00:11:48,950 We've got this natural dynamic. It's like-- 315 00:11:48,951 --> 00:11:50,185 - It just works. - Do you? 316 00:11:50,186 --> 00:11:51,388 Yeah, push-pull. 317 00:11:51,389 --> 00:11:53,025 Yin-yang. Lennon and McCartney. 318 00:11:53,026 --> 00:11:55,128 - We're makin' music together. - Making music. 319 00:11:55,129 --> 00:11:56,899 Crazy, yeah. Here's the thing about him. 320 00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,870 - That's... Yeah. Yeah. - He... 321 00:11:58,871 --> 00:12:02,243 - He's not a yes man. - You know what? 322 00:12:02,244 --> 00:12:03,646 Yeah, he's gonna say something. 323 00:12:03,647 --> 00:12:04,782 I love a good challenge. 324 00:12:04,882 --> 00:12:06,184 Why don't we make this a foursome? 325 00:12:06,185 --> 00:12:09,057 You and your friend versus me... 326 00:12:09,058 --> 00:12:11,060 - and my friend. Wife. - Wife. 327 00:12:11,061 --> 00:12:13,498 - We're never gonna be friends. - Let's go. 328 00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:17,407 We got this. Let's go. Huh? Huh! 329 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,917 - Latte? - No, I'm actually gonna go back. 330 00:12:22,918 --> 00:12:24,453 I gotta go to the bathroom. 331 00:12:24,454 --> 00:12:27,160 And it's a small town, distinctive shoes, so. 332 00:12:27,161 --> 00:12:29,998 You should try having secrets that I could discover, yeah? 333 00:12:29,999 --> 00:12:32,469 - Hm? - Hm. 334 00:12:32,470 --> 00:12:34,708 Uh... 335 00:12:38,348 --> 00:12:41,254 Find your way back to Warrior Two. 336 00:12:41,255 --> 00:12:46,799 Stretch those arms to the left and come back to center. 337 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,101 Jan. 338 00:12:48,102 --> 00:12:50,372 Now to the other side. 339 00:12:50,373 --> 00:12:51,708 Reach all the way. 340 00:12:51,709 --> 00:12:54,180 - Jan. - Shh! 341 00:12:55,618 --> 00:12:57,186 Namaste, Maggie Quinn. 342 00:12:57,187 --> 00:12:58,989 Sorry. I just need your help with something. 343 00:12:58,990 --> 00:13:00,593 I knew this moment would come, 344 00:13:00,594 --> 00:13:02,163 and I am flattered that you asked, 345 00:13:02,164 --> 00:13:04,435 but I simply cannot donate any more sperm. 346 00:13:04,536 --> 00:13:06,103 Apparently, now my chromosomes 347 00:13:06,104 --> 00:13:07,807 are a threat to genetic diversity. 348 00:13:07,808 --> 00:13:09,376 No, that's... No, thank you. 349 00:13:09,377 --> 00:13:11,982 I just need you to tell me, in your expert opinion, 350 00:13:11,983 --> 00:13:13,519 if this bag is full of drugs. 351 00:13:13,520 --> 00:13:16,024 If you can't remember, there's a good chance it is. 352 00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:18,494 It's not my bag. It is my friend's bag. 353 00:13:18,495 --> 00:13:21,300 And why don't you just open it, then? Let's see. 354 00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:23,505 Well, that would violate my friend's trust. 355 00:13:23,506 --> 00:13:26,311 But if I had to guess, I would say that it feels like 356 00:13:26,312 --> 00:13:28,448 three kilos of something very powdery. 357 00:13:28,449 --> 00:13:30,219 Three kilos? Give it here. 358 00:13:35,263 --> 00:13:37,434 - Oh. - Yeah, I'm sorry to inform you, 359 00:13:37,535 --> 00:13:40,038 - but this bag is not drugs. - You're sure? 360 00:13:40,039 --> 00:13:42,810 Honey, I've been escorted out of Amsterdam twice. 361 00:13:42,811 --> 00:13:44,079 - Yes, I'm sure. - Okay. 362 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:46,250 Well, that is a relief to hear. Y'know, I mean, the drugs part. 363 00:13:46,251 --> 00:13:47,120 Everything you said is very disturbing. 364 00:13:47,220 --> 00:13:49,224 What are you doing? I said don't open it. 365 00:13:49,225 --> 00:13:51,394 Oh, yes. That is something you said. 366 00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:53,164 - Yeah. - Yeah, my short term memory 367 00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,670 is not good on account of real drugs. 368 00:13:55,671 --> 00:13:57,507 But you'll be happy to hear that 369 00:13:57,508 --> 00:13:59,009 your friend's cremated remains 370 00:13:59,010 --> 00:14:00,513 appear to be in excellent condition. 371 00:14:00,514 --> 00:14:01,815 - Cremated remains? - Hm. 372 00:14:01,816 --> 00:14:03,384 Shh. 373 00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,155 Cremated remains? Why would... 374 00:14:05,156 --> 00:14:07,292 Why would she be smuggling cremated remains 375 00:14:07,293 --> 00:14:10,165 - across the border? - Sometimes you just have to 376 00:14:10,166 --> 00:14:11,401 make a body disappear. 377 00:14:11,402 --> 00:14:13,438 And even the local police are scary good 378 00:14:13,439 --> 00:14:16,076 - at finding DNA these days. - Bah! 379 00:14:16,077 --> 00:14:17,412 And I'm sort of an expert on DNA 380 00:14:17,413 --> 00:14:19,952 on account of all the sperm I give out. 381 00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:27,065 Let me show you how we do it at SUNY Binghamton. 382 00:14:27,066 --> 00:14:29,270 Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. 383 00:14:30,708 --> 00:14:32,242 Oh-ho! Gun. Gun. Gun. 384 00:14:32,243 --> 00:14:35,148 - What? - Relax. It's a BB gun. 385 00:14:35,149 --> 00:14:37,319 Yeah, we're not playing the normal crap ways. 386 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:39,290 - Playing colonel rules. - That's right. 387 00:14:39,291 --> 00:14:41,928 It's more interesting. Makes it harder. 388 00:14:41,929 --> 00:14:43,365 Okay, if we leave right now, 389 00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:45,402 we could still make it to dinner at the Pizza Hut 390 00:14:45,403 --> 00:14:48,441 in the 500-year-old castle. And I know you want to do that. 391 00:14:48,442 --> 00:14:50,880 That sounds lame-bos. 392 00:14:50,881 --> 00:14:53,619 I like you 'cause you speak, everything you have on your mind 393 00:14:53,620 --> 00:14:55,488 comes right out of your mouth. You know what? 394 00:14:55,489 --> 00:14:57,695 You're gonna make a great XO one day. 395 00:14:57,795 --> 00:14:59,430 Even for me, maybe. 396 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,404 - Oh! - Oh! Hey! 397 00:15:02,505 --> 00:15:05,910 - Shah's rules. - Abe, why? He's bleeding. 398 00:15:05,911 --> 00:15:07,514 - Oh, my God. - Are you okay? 399 00:15:07,515 --> 00:15:08,816 Totally unprovoked attack 400 00:15:08,817 --> 00:15:10,720 - on an innocent bystander. - Unprovoked? 401 00:15:10,721 --> 00:15:12,222 - Yes. - One minute I'm the only guy 402 00:15:12,223 --> 00:15:14,193 in the world who can help you, and the next, 403 00:15:14,194 --> 00:15:15,663 you're flipping discs with this guy 404 00:15:15,664 --> 00:15:17,133 because you both hate Paddington. 405 00:15:17,233 --> 00:15:18,769 You know, you should be one talking to people 406 00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:19,972 about how they're treated. 407 00:15:19,973 --> 00:15:21,440 You've been Indiana Jonesing me 408 00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:23,813 this whole time? I can't believe you did this to me. 409 00:15:23,814 --> 00:15:25,516 You know, first you, first you leave me 410 00:15:25,517 --> 00:15:27,620 for that half a funeral six years ago, and now this? 411 00:15:27,621 --> 00:15:29,658 - Forget it. Yeah, we're done. - I did this to you? 412 00:15:29,659 --> 00:15:31,394 You know what? You know what? I'm gonna give you 413 00:15:31,395 --> 00:15:33,533 the next five weekends off, and you can go visit 414 00:15:33,534 --> 00:15:35,268 all the tiniest countries in Europe 415 00:15:35,269 --> 00:15:36,872 - and have boring sex there. - I'm gonna do it. 416 00:15:36,873 --> 00:15:38,107 - Okay? - Stop it! 417 00:15:38,108 --> 00:15:39,911 You've gone way past being co-workers 418 00:15:39,912 --> 00:15:41,648 to being a codependent obsession. 419 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,384 - We just work together. - Well, we just work together. 420 00:15:43,385 --> 00:15:45,657 I used to blame you for ruining our marriage, 421 00:15:45,658 --> 00:15:48,529 but now I'm realizing it takes two to play Frisbee golf. 422 00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:49,798 And our sex, by the way, 423 00:15:49,799 --> 00:15:54,340 is exotic and spontaneous and sometimes quite kinky. 424 00:15:55,209 --> 00:15:56,143 Okay. 425 00:15:56,144 --> 00:15:57,581 I just wanted a nice weekend 426 00:15:57,582 --> 00:15:59,383 with my husband for our anniversary, 427 00:15:59,384 --> 00:16:01,020 and neither of you wanted to give me that. 428 00:16:01,021 --> 00:16:03,258 The only difference is only one of you 429 00:16:03,259 --> 00:16:06,398 vowed to put me first for the rest of your life. 430 00:16:07,868 --> 00:16:09,404 That hurts. 431 00:16:10,073 --> 00:16:11,609 And this hurts, too. 432 00:16:11,776 --> 00:16:13,278 My nose. 433 00:16:16,953 --> 00:16:20,192 Whoa! 434 00:16:20,193 --> 00:16:22,730 - So I stole your bag. Get in. - You don't say. 435 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:25,870 - What is going on with you? - I opened the bag. 436 00:16:25,871 --> 00:16:28,074 So I know that there's remains in there 437 00:16:28,075 --> 00:16:30,346 which I can't unknow or unsmell. 438 00:16:30,446 --> 00:16:33,686 And I need you to know that I'm your friend, Dana. 439 00:16:33,687 --> 00:16:35,890 I'm-I'm gonna do whatever I can to help you, okay? 440 00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:37,392 I'll call an attorney. 441 00:16:37,393 --> 00:16:38,729 I'll call a funeral home. I'll call a doctor. 442 00:16:38,730 --> 00:16:40,398 It's probably too late for a doctor, but... 443 00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:43,238 but I will do whatever you ask me, okay? 444 00:16:43,239 --> 00:16:46,745 Because I know that you would do the same for me. 445 00:16:46,746 --> 00:16:47,581 - Maggie. - Yeah. 446 00:16:47,681 --> 00:16:49,551 - They're dog ashes. - They're dog ashes. 447 00:16:49,552 --> 00:16:51,454 - Yes. Mm-hmm. - They're dog ashes? 448 00:16:51,455 --> 00:16:54,728 My sweet little Paprika, to be exact. 449 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:58,334 Wait, what? 450 00:16:58,335 --> 00:17:00,105 Why were you being so secretive about it? 451 00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,174 Because I told you repeatedly 452 00:17:01,175 --> 00:17:02,376 I didn't want to talk about it. 453 00:17:02,377 --> 00:17:04,113 Uh, I'm just saying that sometimes 454 00:17:04,114 --> 00:17:06,384 being a friend is just being there. 455 00:17:06,385 --> 00:17:09,357 Well, passivity is not my strong suit. 456 00:17:09,358 --> 00:17:11,394 But-but I'm gonna, you know, get working on that. 457 00:17:11,495 --> 00:17:13,364 I can't believe that you-- 458 00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:16,705 Stole the bag? Yeah, yeah, I suck. I'm... 459 00:17:16,706 --> 00:17:18,408 No, I can't believe that you were willing 460 00:17:18,409 --> 00:17:21,347 to do anything for me. Like that is... 461 00:17:21,348 --> 00:17:24,287 That's sweet. You're a real one. 462 00:17:24,288 --> 00:17:27,426 So... 463 00:17:27,427 --> 00:17:29,999 That girl that you saw me arguing with at the salon. 464 00:17:30,099 --> 00:17:31,267 - Okay. - That was actually 465 00:17:31,268 --> 00:17:33,539 my ex-girlfriend, Annie. 466 00:17:33,540 --> 00:17:34,473 - Mm-hmm. - Okay. 467 00:17:34,474 --> 00:17:36,110 Yeah, we lived together in Germany, 468 00:17:36,111 --> 00:17:37,279 and for some reason, 469 00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:38,381 we kept adopting elderly greyhounds, 470 00:17:38,382 --> 00:17:39,884 which I do not recommend. 471 00:17:39,885 --> 00:17:41,855 Cause at first, they're already like little skeletons, 472 00:17:41,856 --> 00:17:44,995 and then by the end, they're tiny grim reapers 473 00:17:44,996 --> 00:17:47,800 lurking around your home just waiting to break your heart. 474 00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,705 - Oh. - Yeah. 475 00:17:49,706 --> 00:17:52,243 Paprika was the last dog we adopted together. 476 00:17:52,244 --> 00:17:54,748 And when she died a couple weeks ago, 477 00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:56,184 I asked Annie to do me a favor 478 00:17:56,185 --> 00:17:57,554 and drive her ashes across the border 479 00:17:57,555 --> 00:17:59,524 so they didn't get caught up in customs. 480 00:17:59,525 --> 00:18:02,764 And the sketchy guy at the antique store-- 481 00:18:02,765 --> 00:18:04,567 Was hooking me up with an urn. 482 00:18:04,568 --> 00:18:07,607 I'm so sorry for your loss. Come here. 483 00:18:07,608 --> 00:18:11,080 Okay, I guess talking about things isn't so bad. 484 00:18:11,081 --> 00:18:13,652 Wow, that relationship with your ex seems really complicated. 485 00:18:13,653 --> 00:18:15,488 Yeah, the sharing portion is over. 486 00:18:15,489 --> 00:18:16,324 Okay. 487 00:18:16,325 --> 00:18:17,694 It's ridiculous 488 00:18:17,695 --> 00:18:19,831 - and it-it keeps happening. - I know. I know. Look. 489 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:22,571 I'm sorry about the trip, okay? I know I do this. 490 00:18:22,572 --> 00:18:25,409 I do blame work and the colonel for our relationship problems, 491 00:18:25,410 --> 00:18:27,514 but you're right. It's my fault, too. 492 00:18:27,515 --> 00:18:31,321 Okay, from now on, when it is our time, 493 00:18:31,322 --> 00:18:32,957 the colonel no longer exists. 494 00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:35,563 Hey, why is the door locked? 495 00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:37,266 He has a key? 496 00:18:37,267 --> 00:18:38,769 Okay, it's just for emergencies and snacks. 497 00:18:38,770 --> 00:18:40,707 - I will change the locks. - All right, good. 498 00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:43,545 Listen up. Ah. I need you to work next weekend. 499 00:18:43,546 --> 00:18:45,481 - I can't do it. - Yeah. You have to do it. 500 00:18:45,482 --> 00:18:46,986 I'll tell you why, because I was thinkin' about 501 00:18:46,987 --> 00:18:48,856 the appropriations. But we're never gonna get the funding 502 00:18:48,857 --> 00:18:51,427 we need to fix everything that's broken on the base. 503 00:18:51,428 --> 00:18:54,734 I think we turn Stroopsdorf into a destination 504 00:18:54,735 --> 00:18:57,305 for, like, summits and-and peace talks 505 00:18:57,306 --> 00:18:58,709 and maybe even war-planning, okay? 506 00:18:58,710 --> 00:19:00,647 Okay, yeah, secure, low profile destination 507 00:19:00,648 --> 00:19:02,550 with high-end accommodation. Sounds useful. 508 00:19:02,551 --> 00:19:04,955 - But it's a bad time for that. - It's a bad time for that. 509 00:19:04,956 --> 00:19:06,090 Bad time for that. 510 00:19:06,091 --> 00:19:07,325 Okay, I need you 511 00:19:07,326 --> 00:19:09,363 to take this proposal, okay? 512 00:19:09,364 --> 00:19:11,200 To the commander of Benelux 513 00:19:11,201 --> 00:19:12,904 and wait three days for a response 514 00:19:12,905 --> 00:19:15,242 'cause it's time sensitive, okay? And we need permission. 515 00:19:15,243 --> 00:19:18,382 And he is at a conference in Paris. 516 00:19:18,482 --> 00:19:21,387 And I need you to take... 517 00:19:21,388 --> 00:19:23,559 this Public Affairs Officer with you 518 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:25,395 because she is gonna write the press release 519 00:19:25,396 --> 00:19:29,671 if you, in fact... get permission. 520 00:19:29,672 --> 00:19:32,243 I have always wanted to go to Paris. 521 00:19:33,913 --> 00:19:35,649 Yeah. 522 00:19:35,650 --> 00:19:38,021 I'm just gonna grab these pretzels and... 523 00:19:38,022 --> 00:19:41,493 Oh, my God. No, these are the ones I told you to stop getting. 524 00:19:41,494 --> 00:19:43,197 They're too dry. I mean, I'm gonna eat them anyways, 525 00:19:43,198 --> 00:19:45,268 but I'll make a list. 526 00:19:48,409 --> 00:19:50,111 - Hey, colonel? - Yeah. 527 00:19:50,112 --> 00:19:51,180 Hey! 528 00:19:51,181 --> 00:19:54,454 - Hey. - Um... Thank you. 529 00:19:54,555 --> 00:19:56,390 Hey, listen, man, I've been through so many divorces 530 00:19:56,391 --> 00:19:58,428 I can smell one coming from a mile away. 531 00:19:58,429 --> 00:20:00,131 I just thought maybe just a little Febreze 532 00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,467 to take the stink off. 533 00:20:01,468 --> 00:20:04,707 Look, some of the things I said I didn't mean. 534 00:20:04,708 --> 00:20:08,315 It's just that... this, um... 535 00:20:09,450 --> 00:20:12,858 working relationship... is important to me. 536 00:20:13,860 --> 00:20:15,063 Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too. 537 00:20:15,163 --> 00:20:17,232 I mean, I'm the, you know, uh... 538 00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:19,504 to me, 539 00:20:19,505 --> 00:20:21,876 you're my favorite, uh... 540 00:20:22,778 --> 00:20:24,179 co-worker I've ever had. 541 00:20:24,180 --> 00:20:26,250 Like, I feel like we're really, you know, 542 00:20:26,251 --> 00:20:29,624 we're so, uh... perfect together 543 00:20:29,625 --> 00:20:32,195 that when you go away, I'm like, "what am I gonna do? 544 00:20:32,196 --> 00:20:33,565 Um, who can I co work with?" 545 00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,504 And I can't really with anybody, so. 546 00:20:35,604 --> 00:20:37,740 I think I got something 547 00:20:37,741 --> 00:20:39,309 - in my eye right now. - Yeah, me too. 548 00:20:39,310 --> 00:20:41,381 - I got something. - Ah. 549 00:20:41,382 --> 00:20:44,253 - Paprika. - Oh. 550 00:20:44,254 --> 00:20:47,159 Paprika. Oh, that... 551 00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:48,896 That explains it. 552 00:20:48,897 --> 00:20:49,998 - Doesn't... - Yeah. 553 00:20:49,999 --> 00:20:52,036 - It doesn't taste like paprika. - Yeah. 554 00:20:56,712 --> 00:21:00,519 Sir. Permission to not be your friend anymore. 555 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,657 Oh, Papadakis that whole thing was fake. 556 00:21:02,658 --> 00:21:04,594 I know it started out that way, but like all great movies, 557 00:21:04,595 --> 00:21:05,731 and it turned into something real. 558 00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:07,465 And I'm just here to let you know 559 00:21:07,466 --> 00:21:09,036 that it is not gonna work out between us. 560 00:21:09,037 --> 00:21:10,873 Hell, I couldn't handle being your fake friend. 561 00:21:10,874 --> 00:21:13,745 I think the real thing would kill me. 562 00:21:13,746 --> 00:21:15,817 Guess what I'm trying to say is goodbye, man. 563 00:21:16,786 --> 00:21:18,990 Goodbye to us hanging out on the weekend. 564 00:21:23,231 --> 00:21:24,935 I didn't earn this meat gum. 565 00:21:26,438 --> 00:21:27,974 Have a good life. 566 00:21:29,311 --> 00:21:32,883 What the hell is going on? 567 00:21:32,884 --> 00:21:34,821 I think you just got dumped. 568 00:21:35,724 --> 00:21:37,961 It's going so well.