1
00:00:02,890 --> 00:00:04,090
Something to drink?

2
00:00:04,091 --> 00:00:08,928
Oh, um, yes, I would love...

3
00:00:08,929 --> 00:00:11,831
Oh. Oh, it's Mai Tai.

4
00:00:11,832 --> 00:00:13,032
You know what? You go.

5
00:00:13,033 --> 00:00:14,300
Just come back to me.

6
00:00:14,301 --> 00:00:17,036
- Two Lemonades and a Bud.
- Really?

7
00:00:17,037 --> 00:00:19,305
You couldn't kill a
little more time than that?

8
00:00:19,306 --> 00:00:21,540
- I can come back.
- No, one second.

9
00:00:21,541 --> 00:00:23,076
So you're drinking tonight?

10
00:00:23,077 --> 00:00:25,144
- I can have one drink.
- No, I don't care if you drink.

11
00:00:25,145 --> 00:00:27,546
- I care if you snore.
- Order, Lori.

12
00:00:27,547 --> 00:00:29,215
Hmm.

13
00:00:29,216 --> 00:00:31,284
My wife is surprised when someone asks her

14
00:00:31,285 --> 00:00:33,052
what she wants to drink at a restaurant.

15
00:00:33,053 --> 00:00:34,687
What do you recommend?

16
00:00:34,688 --> 00:00:37,023
Well, the Beijing Bellini is popular.

17
00:00:37,024 --> 00:00:38,657
No.

18
00:00:38,658 --> 00:00:40,159
Hmm, um...

19
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:42,617
What's a Chun-King Cannonball?

20
00:00:42,618 --> 00:00:43,529
Never mind.

21
00:00:43,530 --> 00:00:45,598
Um, I'll just have, uh...

22
00:00:45,599 --> 00:00:47,033
Oh, what is that?

23
00:00:47,034 --> 00:00:48,667
Oh, that's a Red Lotus.

24
00:00:48,668 --> 00:00:50,236
Okay, sure, yeah, I'll try that.

25
00:00:50,237 --> 00:00:52,839
Okay, I'll get those right out to you.

26
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,107
- A boy.
- What?

27
00:00:54,108 --> 00:00:55,641
- It's a girl.
- I love you.

28
00:00:55,642 --> 00:00:56,843
No, it is a boy.

29
00:00:56,844 --> 00:00:58,044
- Now order your food.
- Girl.

30
00:00:58,045 --> 00:00:59,512
- Boy, look for yourself.
- Girl.

31
00:00:59,513 --> 00:01:01,047
Daddy, tell him, daddy.

32
00:01:01,048 --> 00:01:02,348
Tell him what, sugar?

33
00:01:02,349 --> 00:01:05,018
Boys have bigger boobs than girls, right?

34
00:01:05,019 --> 00:01:06,820
- What? No, no.
- See, stupid.

35
00:01:06,821 --> 00:01:09,422
- Jack, come on.
- A mermaid's a boy, right?

36
00:01:09,423 --> 00:01:10,890
Tell him.

37
00:01:10,891 --> 00:01:13,392
Tell him what? No,
honey, a mermaid's a girl.

38
00:01:13,393 --> 00:01:15,394
- Mermaids are girls, dummy.
- Ssh, Jack.

39
00:01:15,395 --> 00:01:18,531
But boys have bigger boobs
than girls, right, daddy?

40
00:01:18,532 --> 00:01:19,966
Because of your boobs?

41
00:01:19,967 --> 00:01:21,734
- What is she saying?
- I don't even know.

42
00:01:21,735 --> 00:01:23,202
Honey, what are you saying?

43
00:01:23,203 --> 00:01:24,871
Daddy has bigger boobs than you.

44
00:01:24,872 --> 00:01:27,507
Remember, daddy, you said?

45
00:01:34,181 --> 00:01:39,210
Sync and corrections by awaqeded
- www.addic7ed.com -

46
00:01:41,455 --> 00:01:43,623
Good night, mommy.

47
00:01:45,525 --> 00:01:48,761
Why is our daughter confused
about the gender of a mermaid?

48
00:01:48,762 --> 00:01:50,363
I was in the shower, and...

49
00:01:50,364 --> 00:01:52,465
Never a good way to start
a story involving children.

50
00:01:52,466 --> 00:01:54,667
This was during one of my chubbier periods,

51
00:01:54,668 --> 00:01:59,005
and Emma came in and she said
my new name was fat daddy.

52
00:01:59,006 --> 00:02:01,407
Then she looked at her chest
and she looked at my chest,

53
00:02:01,408 --> 00:02:03,476
and she said that I had
bigger boobs than her,

54
00:02:03,477 --> 00:02:05,144
which was literally true.

55
00:02:05,145 --> 00:02:07,080
And then she said I had
bigger boobs than you.

56
00:02:07,081 --> 00:02:08,547
What did you say?

57
00:02:08,548 --> 00:02:10,783
Hmm, I lost ten pounds.

58
00:02:10,784 --> 00:02:12,785
You're probably more like a B cup now.

59
00:02:12,786 --> 00:02:14,087
We can share bras.

60
00:02:14,088 --> 00:02:15,258
Such an ass.

61
00:02:15,259 --> 00:02:16,239
I'm going to the gym tomorrow.

62
00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,431
Well, go in the morning because we got

63
00:02:17,432 --> 00:02:21,194
an early dinner party tomorrow
at... whoo-hoo... Fred and Jo's.

64
00:02:21,195 --> 00:02:22,595
You don't want to go?

65
00:02:22,596 --> 00:02:24,097
Oh, and watch Freddy get blacked-out drunk

66
00:02:24,098 --> 00:02:25,273
and listen to Joanna bitch about it?

67
00:02:25,274 --> 00:02:26,018
Why wouldn't I?

68
00:02:26,019 --> 00:02:28,289
No, no, no, Freddy says he's
gonna start cutting back.

69
00:02:30,370 --> 00:02:32,505
Oh, wait, white is recycling now.

70
00:02:32,506 --> 00:02:34,540
I really like the kitchen in parenthood.

71
00:02:34,541 --> 00:02:35,909
- Okay, weirdo.
- Shut it.

72
00:02:35,910 --> 00:02:38,111
And they have their cans like this.

73
00:02:38,112 --> 00:02:40,947
So just think of white
as recycling goodness

74
00:02:40,948 --> 00:02:42,949
and black as evil garbage.

75
00:02:42,950 --> 00:02:44,450
That's racist.

76
00:02:44,451 --> 00:02:46,920
Hmm, yeah, but I married a brown guy,

77
00:02:46,921 --> 00:02:49,256
so I get a free pass.

78
00:02:53,627 --> 00:02:55,228
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

79
00:02:55,229 --> 00:02:57,463
I'm ready for my birthday blow job.

80
00:02:57,464 --> 00:02:59,132
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.

81
00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:01,334
Your birthday was like a month ago.

82
00:03:01,335 --> 00:03:02,835
- G...
- Oh.

83
00:03:02,836 --> 00:03:05,438
Okay, okay, if you really, really want it.

84
00:03:05,439 --> 00:03:07,974
I really want it. I really want it.

85
00:03:07,975 --> 00:03:10,344
Happy Birthday.

86
00:03:16,984 --> 00:03:18,784
I can't sleep.

87
00:03:18,785 --> 00:03:21,554
Where's mommy?

88
00:03:21,555 --> 00:03:24,991
Uh, we're playing a little hide and seek.

89
00:03:24,992 --> 00:03:26,725
I found her.

90
00:03:26,726 --> 00:03:29,695
Oh, cute, you found me, sweetie.

91
00:03:29,696 --> 00:03:30,964
Good job.

92
00:03:30,965 --> 00:03:32,398
I found you.

93
00:03:32,399 --> 00:03:34,000
You did.

94
00:03:34,001 --> 00:03:35,268
Oh, honey.

95
00:03:35,269 --> 00:03:36,970
- You can't sleep?
- No.

96
00:03:36,971 --> 00:03:38,104
Oh, sweetheart.

97
00:03:38,105 --> 00:03:40,540
Don't kiss her with that mouth.

98
00:03:50,117 --> 00:03:51,884
You don't want me to
finish tonight, do you?

99
00:03:51,885 --> 00:03:53,552
Uh, need to?

100
00:03:53,553 --> 00:03:54,877
I have to be at work early tomorrow,

101
00:03:54,878 --> 00:03:59,125
but I promise, promise, promise

102
00:03:59,126 --> 00:04:01,160
to give you the greatest blow job

103
00:04:01,161 --> 00:04:03,362
you've ever had tomorrow night, okay?

104
00:04:03,363 --> 00:04:06,500
- Huh?
- I'm holding you to that.

105
00:04:16,043 --> 00:04:18,711
Oh, don't... don't jerk off.

106
00:04:18,712 --> 00:04:20,547
Just save it for tomorrow, okay?

107
00:04:36,396 --> 00:04:39,265
I can get you a helmet if
the eye mask, ear plugs,

108
00:04:39,266 --> 00:04:41,034
and mouth guard aren't enough.

109
00:04:41,035 --> 00:04:42,601
What?

110
00:04:42,602 --> 00:04:43,836
I can get you a helmet.

111
00:04:46,406 --> 00:04:47,773
Night.

112
00:04:47,774 --> 00:04:50,843
Good night.

113
00:05:04,458 --> 00:05:05,958
Jed.

114
00:05:05,959 --> 00:05:07,660
Jed, you're snoring.

115
00:05:07,661 --> 00:05:11,064
Roll over.

116
00:05:14,268 --> 00:05:16,570
Babe.

117
00:05:21,675 --> 00:05:23,877
Thank you.

118
00:05:37,791 --> 00:05:39,125
You forgot your food, doctor.

119
00:05:39,126 --> 00:05:40,593
Oh, thanks.

120
00:05:40,594 --> 00:05:42,428
Hey, any chance you
could give me a ride home?

121
00:05:42,429 --> 00:05:44,730
My shift's over, and my car's in the shop.

122
00:05:44,731 --> 00:05:46,132
Thanks for walking me in.

123
00:05:46,133 --> 00:05:50,369
It's a little scary with the lights off.

124
00:05:50,370 --> 00:05:53,272
I'm gonna hop in if you care to join me.

125
00:05:53,273 --> 00:05:54,740
Oh, I don't have a suit.

126
00:05:54,741 --> 00:05:56,109
But you have boxers, right?

127
00:05:56,110 --> 00:05:59,345
So I'm gonna go in in my panties

128
00:05:59,346 --> 00:06:01,548
if you promise to be good.

129
00:06:08,888 --> 00:06:11,525
Something to drink?

130
00:06:18,132 --> 00:06:21,834
Really?

131
00:06:21,835 --> 00:06:23,169
I just don't get it.

132
00:06:23,170 --> 00:06:24,503
It helps me sleep.

133
00:06:24,504 --> 00:06:26,872
Fantasizing about other
women helps you sleep?

134
00:06:26,873 --> 00:06:28,341
I was fantasizing about you.

135
00:06:28,342 --> 00:06:30,609
- Oh, come on.
- We were in a hot tub.

136
00:06:30,610 --> 00:06:31,977
What hot tub?

137
00:06:31,978 --> 00:06:33,512
- It was in-ground.
- Oh, classy.

138
00:06:33,513 --> 00:06:35,348
And you were wearing those Louie Vuitton...

139
00:06:35,349 --> 00:06:37,183
those new Louie Vuitton shoes you just got.

140
00:06:37,184 --> 00:06:40,153
Louboutin. And I was
wearing them in the hot tub?

141
00:06:40,154 --> 00:06:42,356
Well, you took 'em off, so...

142
00:06:59,973 --> 00:07:01,540
What's up, butt face?

143
00:07:01,541 --> 00:07:03,342
Stevo.

144
00:07:03,343 --> 00:07:04,610
What are you watching?

145
00:07:04,611 --> 00:07:07,045
- Walking dead.
- Oh, shit.

146
00:07:07,046 --> 00:07:08,414
Did you get to the part yet

147
00:07:08,415 --> 00:07:11,083
where the zombie dude kills the human dude

148
00:07:11,084 --> 00:07:13,286
and then he becomes a zombie?

149
00:07:13,287 --> 00:07:14,553
This is a good show.

150
00:07:14,554 --> 00:07:16,816
Yeah, I know. I got to watch it.

151
00:07:18,325 --> 00:07:20,226
Hey, what are you doing tonight?

152
00:07:20,227 --> 00:07:24,330
Uh, just a dinner party at Fred and Jo's.

153
00:07:24,331 --> 00:07:25,864
Where's my invite?

154
00:07:25,865 --> 00:07:27,099
It's not my dinner party,

155
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:28,967
but you should definitely stop by.

156
00:07:28,968 --> 00:07:30,436
You guys don't like me anymore?

157
00:07:30,437 --> 00:07:33,472
We love you, but you never
fucking show up anymore.

158
00:07:33,473 --> 00:07:35,774
It's the wives, right? They don't like me.

159
00:07:35,775 --> 00:07:38,076
There's not gonna be
any single action there.

160
00:07:38,077 --> 00:07:39,578
Can I bring a date?

161
00:07:39,579 --> 00:07:41,380
Pretending it's my dinner party, sure.

162
00:07:41,381 --> 00:07:44,250
- Is it Shauna?
- Shauna.

163
00:07:44,251 --> 00:07:46,051
No, Shauna's a goner.

164
00:07:46,052 --> 00:07:47,420
I got a new one.

165
00:07:47,421 --> 00:07:49,388
I met her on a flight back from New York.

166
00:07:49,389 --> 00:07:51,624
Don't tell me she's a flight attendant.

167
00:07:51,625 --> 00:07:53,626
Yeah. Virgin.

168
00:07:53,627 --> 00:07:55,428
I told her I didn't know
how to use a seatbelt,

169
00:07:55,429 --> 00:07:56,929
and she gave me a private demonstration.

170
00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:58,864
Man, Virgin has the
hottest flight attendants.

171
00:07:58,865 --> 00:08:01,267
Thank you, Sir Richard.

172
00:08:01,268 --> 00:08:02,701
You know, I don't even know if we can come

173
00:08:02,702 --> 00:08:05,137
because we got this
stewardess party downtown,

174
00:08:05,138 --> 00:08:06,705
so it's gonna be, like, me

175
00:08:06,706 --> 00:08:11,444
and a bunch of 25-year-old
girls contemplating our futures.

176
00:08:11,445 --> 00:08:14,079
You think it's safe to
work out with a hard-on?

177
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:17,150
I hope so.

178
00:08:27,394 --> 00:08:28,627
Don't eat the empanadas.

179
00:08:28,628 --> 00:08:30,263
- They smell good.
- Yeah, well...

180
00:08:30,264 --> 00:08:33,165
You smell good.

181
00:08:33,166 --> 00:08:34,567
Dear lord.

182
00:08:34,568 --> 00:08:36,335
Is that what marital affection looks like?

183
00:08:36,336 --> 00:08:37,770
- Freddy, how are you?
- How are you?

184
00:08:37,771 --> 00:08:39,272
- Good to see you.
- Good to see you.

185
00:08:39,273 --> 00:08:41,640
Oh, God, you got a hot wife.

186
00:08:41,641 --> 00:08:43,276
Not on... not... not... not on the lips.

187
00:08:43,277 --> 00:08:44,796
Not on the... okay. God damn it.

188
00:08:44,797 --> 00:08:45,720
Get in there.

189
00:08:45,721 --> 00:08:47,513
Not on the fucking lips, I said.

190
00:08:47,514 --> 00:08:48,981
- Hey.
- Hey, hey.

191
00:08:48,982 --> 00:08:50,176
Are we the first ones here?

192
00:08:50,177 --> 00:08:51,577
No, Matt and Margaret are out back.

193
00:08:51,578 --> 00:08:53,586
God, I cannot believe
what Margaret's wearing.

194
00:08:53,587 --> 00:08:55,721
It's straight out of the
preppy handbook, circa 1988.

195
00:08:55,722 --> 00:08:57,723
Oh, is it those plaid jumpers she loves?

196
00:08:57,724 --> 00:08:59,157
Yup.

197
00:08:59,158 --> 00:09:00,526
Found these two kissing outside.

198
00:09:00,527 --> 00:09:03,829
- Ew.
- She means it.

199
00:09:03,830 --> 00:09:05,898
- What do you want to drink?
- Vodka soda.

200
00:09:05,899 --> 00:09:06,943
Pussy. Lori?

201
00:09:06,944 --> 00:09:09,869
Yeah, um, I would love, uh...

202
00:09:11,607 --> 00:09:13,472
- Good luck.
- Do you have... what do you have?

203
00:09:13,473 --> 00:09:15,441
- Just wine.
- Take your time.

204
00:09:15,442 --> 00:09:17,209
You really want to get it right.

205
00:09:17,210 --> 00:09:18,511
I want to get it right.

206
00:09:18,512 --> 00:09:19,978
I don't want to get a pussy drink.

207
00:09:19,979 --> 00:09:21,314
Here you go.

208
00:09:21,315 --> 00:09:22,815
- Hey.
- Jed.

209
00:09:22,816 --> 00:09:24,383
Hey, handsome.

210
00:09:24,384 --> 00:09:26,151
Don't be mad, okay? We're just having one.

211
00:09:26,152 --> 00:09:27,353
No, no, it's great.

212
00:09:27,354 --> 00:09:29,054
I can always use a couple more customers.

213
00:09:29,055 --> 00:09:30,889
Oh, you are dark.

214
00:09:30,890 --> 00:09:32,458
He literally is dark.

215
00:09:32,459 --> 00:09:34,527
Wait, wait, wait, smoking
causes brain damage?

216
00:09:34,528 --> 00:09:36,829
Yeah, yeah, smoking pretty
much causes everything.

217
00:09:36,830 --> 00:09:38,297
Ah, fuck it.

218
00:09:38,298 --> 00:09:40,148
I can deal with a little dain bramage.

219
00:09:40,149 --> 00:09:41,899
- Hi.
- Charles.

220
00:09:41,900 --> 00:09:43,536
- Sir Edward.
- So good of you to come.

221
00:09:43,537 --> 00:09:45,471
- Hi.
- Thank you, so do you.

222
00:09:45,472 --> 00:09:47,573
- Gorgeous.
- Beautiful ladies.

223
00:09:47,574 --> 00:09:49,074
Don't drink it all in one, please?

224
00:09:49,075 --> 00:09:50,676
Mine.

225
00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:51,710
All mine.

226
00:09:51,711 --> 00:09:52,898
Joanna, do you have any paper towel?

227
00:09:52,899 --> 00:09:54,389
I stepped in some shit in your yard,

228
00:09:54,390 --> 00:09:55,829
and I don't know if it's dog or human.

229
00:09:55,830 --> 00:09:57,383
Could be Fred's.

230
00:09:57,384 --> 00:09:58,851
No, I only shit in the backyard.

231
00:09:59,986 --> 00:10:02,888
Reality television is an American disaster.

232
00:10:02,889 --> 00:10:05,858
It's like a celebration of
our dumbest and our worst.

233
00:10:05,859 --> 00:10:08,861
- Oh, here we go.
- Just drink and agree with me.

234
00:10:08,862 --> 00:10:10,463
If I was in charge of television,

235
00:10:10,464 --> 00:10:11,697
it would be banned.

236
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,332
- The president of television?
- Yeah.

237
00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:15,000
If I was in charge of television,

238
00:10:15,001 --> 00:10:16,635
reality would be banned.

239
00:10:16,636 --> 00:10:18,471
Come on. People like it.

240
00:10:18,472 --> 00:10:19,905
It's fake. It's made-up.

241
00:10:19,906 --> 00:10:22,307
Whoa, whoa, whoa. It's not all made-up.

242
00:10:22,308 --> 00:10:24,166
It is. Remember that guy Mark Cavanaugh?

243
00:10:24,167 --> 00:10:26,646
He writes for that show,
America's Smartest Model.

244
00:10:26,647 --> 00:10:28,581
Wait, Mark Cavanaugh? Really?

245
00:10:28,582 --> 00:10:31,083
Oh, God, Mark Cavanaugh.

246
00:10:31,084 --> 00:10:32,551
She dated Mark Cavanaugh.

247
00:10:32,552 --> 00:10:36,455
Yeah, for like a week, a
week of nonstop passion.

248
00:10:36,456 --> 00:10:38,424
That sounds like so many blow jobs.

249
00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:41,488
America's Smartest Model.

250
00:10:41,489 --> 00:10:43,434
That's the show where the
models just sit around,

251
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:44,731
drink chardonnay and argue, right?

252
00:10:44,732 --> 00:10:46,885
Yes, it should be called models arguing.

253
00:10:46,886 --> 00:10:48,665
But what do you mean?

254
00:10:48,666 --> 00:10:50,736
He was, like, writing what
the models were saying?

255
00:10:50,737 --> 00:10:52,405
Yeah, he sets up situations.

256
00:10:52,406 --> 00:10:54,407
Like, he'll... he'll take a black model,

257
00:10:54,408 --> 00:10:56,041
and then he'll get a racist white model.

258
00:10:56,042 --> 00:10:58,411
And he'll get 'em drunk
and put 'em in an apartment

259
00:10:58,412 --> 00:11:00,278
and tell them they have
to share the same bed.

260
00:11:00,279 --> 00:11:01,580
Why one bed? What?

261
00:11:01,581 --> 00:11:03,416
- Why one bed?
- So they'll hook up.

262
00:11:03,417 --> 00:11:06,657
Are you, like, not familiar with
the format of reality television?

263
00:11:06,658 --> 00:11:08,854
I like it. I like it.

264
00:11:08,855 --> 00:11:10,338
He told me he's getting laid.

265
00:11:10,339 --> 00:11:11,924
Yeah, he had sex with the racist one.

266
00:11:11,925 --> 00:11:14,693
- Said he felt wrong after.
- Nice.

267
00:11:16,430 --> 00:11:19,465
Okay, what else would you ban?

268
00:11:19,466 --> 00:11:21,834
How about texting and driving?

269
00:11:21,835 --> 00:11:23,769
Oh, fuck off. I do not text and drive.

270
00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:24,430
Okay.

271
00:11:24,431 --> 00:11:26,738
You know, there's an app that actually
turns off your phone once your car

272
00:11:26,739 --> 00:11:28,139
goes over ten miles per hour.

273
00:11:28,140 --> 00:11:30,679
Oh, great, now all we need is
an app that shuts off Jed's car

274
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:31,952
after he has three drinks.

275
00:11:34,070 --> 00:11:34,995
I'm a good athlete.

276
00:11:34,996 --> 00:11:36,582
I can drive a car on three drinks,

277
00:11:36,583 --> 00:11:37,869
thank you very much.

278
00:11:37,870 --> 00:11:39,834
That's a terrible sport.

279
00:11:39,835 --> 00:11:41,003
Don't mess with me.

280
00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:42,559
Okay, we're taking a cab tonight.

281
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:46,286
I think that actually it might
be safer to text and drive...

282
00:11:46,287 --> 00:11:46,892
Okay

283
00:11:46,893 --> 00:11:48,861
because now people are
texting at red lights.

284
00:11:48,862 --> 00:11:51,400
So when the light turns green,
they're just sitting there,

285
00:11:51,401 --> 00:11:52,837
and it prevents them from getting t-boned

286
00:11:52,838 --> 00:11:54,833
by the jackass who's running the red light.

287
00:11:54,834 --> 00:11:56,502
- See? Safety first.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

288
00:11:58,938 --> 00:12:00,506
Hey, guys.

289
00:12:00,507 --> 00:12:01,907
I just want to take a second

290
00:12:01,908 --> 00:12:04,076
to honor these lovely ladies here.

291
00:12:04,077 --> 00:12:04,696
Oh.

292
00:12:04,697 --> 00:12:06,518
You are all beautiful, sexy,

293
00:12:06,519 --> 00:12:11,372
foxy, beautiful saints for
putting up with all of us.

294
00:12:11,373 --> 00:12:12,636
We love you.

295
00:12:12,637 --> 00:12:14,280
Thank you for coming tonight.

296
00:12:15,325 --> 00:12:18,156
- Thank you.
- It was sweet.

297
00:12:19,493 --> 00:12:20,993
Give it here.

298
00:12:20,994 --> 00:12:24,497
And if you're gonna
take a cab home tonight,

299
00:12:24,498 --> 00:12:27,199
then you better start
fucking drinking like it.

300
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,968
Just say when.

301
00:12:29,969 --> 00:12:32,304
Say the word when, and I will stop.

302
00:12:32,305 --> 00:12:33,506
I'm not saying when.

303
00:12:33,507 --> 00:12:35,073
Just say stop when you...

304
00:12:35,074 --> 00:12:36,575
- No.
- Just let me know when, though.

305
00:12:36,576 --> 00:12:37,976
- Nope.
- I'm not stopping.

306
00:12:37,977 --> 00:12:39,164
- I'm not either.
- I'm stopping it.

307
00:12:39,165 --> 00:12:41,514
I have to work with him, so that's...

308
00:12:41,515 --> 00:12:43,882
I'll come back over later.

309
00:12:43,883 --> 00:12:45,083
Cheers.

310
00:12:45,084 --> 00:12:46,284
He's such a gentleman.

311
00:12:46,285 --> 00:12:48,314
Such a gentleman.

312
00:12:48,753 --> 00:12:51,146
Your kids are so freaking yummy.

313
00:12:51,147 --> 00:12:53,201
Take them. They're yours.

314
00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,085
We went to this birthday party today,

315
00:12:55,086 --> 00:12:56,529
and they were just awful.

316
00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:59,898
And then they wouldn't leave until they
could take a crack at the damn pinata,

317
00:12:59,899 --> 00:13:02,067
but the birthday boy
was having a hissy fit.

318
00:13:02,068 --> 00:13:04,870
So I told them that the pinata
was filled with healthy snacks,

319
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:06,572
and that totally ruined it for them.

320
00:13:06,573 --> 00:13:08,306
And mama won.

321
00:13:08,307 --> 00:13:10,709
- You are such an evil mama.
- Mmm.

322
00:13:10,710 --> 00:13:13,011
This is cozy. Did you redo this room?

323
00:13:13,012 --> 00:13:14,906
Yeah, you and Charlie are
welcome to spend the night,

324
00:13:14,907 --> 00:13:16,178
but you'd have to sleep with Fred

325
00:13:16,179 --> 00:13:18,183
and he'd probably wet the bed.

326
00:13:18,184 --> 00:13:21,219
- He sleeps in here?
- Yeah, rubber sheets and all.

327
00:13:21,220 --> 00:13:23,055
- This is my life.
- Oh.

328
00:13:23,056 --> 00:13:25,057
Yeah, I don't know if he's drinking more

329
00:13:25,058 --> 00:13:26,725
or if his liver just stopped working.

330
00:13:26,726 --> 00:13:28,561
Is that even possible?

331
00:13:28,562 --> 00:13:30,395
Why don't you ask Jed?

332
00:13:30,396 --> 00:13:32,631
Because Jed's an enabler.

333
00:13:32,632 --> 00:13:34,132
That is a really good point.

334
00:13:34,133 --> 00:13:36,569
Look who stopped by.

335
00:13:36,570 --> 00:13:39,337
- Steve, hey.
- Hi.

336
00:13:39,338 --> 00:13:40,706
- Great to see you guys.
- Hi.

337
00:13:40,707 --> 00:13:42,007
This is Jenny.

338
00:13:42,008 --> 00:13:44,342
- It is great to meet you.
- Hi.

339
00:13:44,343 --> 00:13:46,011
So how did you guys meet?

340
00:13:46,012 --> 00:13:48,213
On the New York-Chicago red eye.

341
00:13:48,214 --> 00:13:50,583
- I'm a flight attendant.
- Yeah, it was totally fate too.

342
00:13:50,584 --> 00:13:51,884
I was only on that flight

343
00:13:51,885 --> 00:13:53,586
because Obama was visiting New York,

344
00:13:53,587 --> 00:13:55,721
and he fucked up all the traffic.

345
00:13:55,722 --> 00:13:57,122
Yay, Obama.

346
00:13:57,123 --> 00:13:59,793
I voted for Romney.

347
00:14:01,761 --> 00:14:03,261
Fred, don't spill on the carpet.

348
00:14:03,262 --> 00:14:04,462
Never.

349
00:14:04,463 --> 00:14:06,331
Oop.

350
00:14:06,332 --> 00:14:08,934
What we need is a purple carpet.

351
00:14:08,935 --> 00:14:10,135
Club soda.

352
00:14:10,136 --> 00:14:11,604
Fred is going big.

353
00:14:13,740 --> 00:14:15,304
Smoke this fucking joint.

354
00:14:15,305 --> 00:14:17,085
What the fuck's the matter with this thing?

355
00:14:17,086 --> 00:14:19,089
Steve, would you mind if I took
a photograph of Jenny's butt?

356
00:14:19,090 --> 00:14:20,376
I want to paint it on my van.

357
00:14:20,377 --> 00:14:22,389
- You don't have a van.
- I'll get a van.

358
00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:24,033
- You should get a van.
- I'll get it for that.

359
00:14:24,034 --> 00:14:24,668
Fine.

360
00:14:24,669 --> 00:14:26,800
Dude, please tell me you've
joined the mile high club.

361
00:14:26,801 --> 00:14:29,883
Well, does a hand job
under a blanket count?

362
00:14:29,884 --> 00:14:31,423
Yes, it counts.

363
00:14:31,424 --> 00:14:33,018
- Yes.
- Crunchy blanket.

364
00:14:33,019 --> 00:14:34,927
- That's the name for it?
- That's what you call it.

365
00:14:34,928 --> 00:14:36,047
All right, I got a crunchy blanket

366
00:14:36,048 --> 00:14:37,249
in the stratosphere.

367
00:14:37,250 --> 00:14:39,186
Fuck this fucking joint, man.

368
00:14:39,187 --> 00:14:41,466
- It's not working.
- Freddy, I got a pipe.

369
00:14:41,467 --> 00:14:44,703
How long were you gonna make me wait?

370
00:14:44,704 --> 00:14:46,104
Thank you.

371
00:14:46,105 --> 00:14:48,444
You know what this... this room
needs, like, a ping pong table, yeah?

372
00:14:48,445 --> 00:14:50,208
- We got a foose table.
- Yeah, foose.

373
00:14:50,209 --> 00:14:51,644
Yeah, that's because you suck at foose.

374
00:14:51,645 --> 00:14:52,811
You suck at foose, dude.

375
00:14:52,812 --> 00:14:54,346
Dude, my middle name is foose.

376
00:14:54,347 --> 00:14:55,284
No, if you were good at foose,

377
00:14:55,285 --> 00:14:57,274
you're nickname would be
foose, not your middle name.

378
00:14:57,275 --> 00:14:59,164
My nickname and my middle name are foose.

379
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:01,502
But my middle name just
means it's even more.

380
00:15:01,503 --> 00:15:03,143
That means your parents knew you were gonna

381
00:15:03,144 --> 00:15:04,582
be good at foosball before you were born?

382
00:15:04,583 --> 00:15:07,559
They anticipated that I
would be good at foose.

383
00:15:09,663 --> 00:15:11,764
Because your middle
name would be on that...

384
00:15:18,672 --> 00:15:20,673
Get the poison out.

385
00:15:20,674 --> 00:15:23,876
Before 9:00 P.M., and he's thrown up.

386
00:15:23,877 --> 00:15:25,243
It's clean. It's clean.

387
00:15:25,244 --> 00:15:27,641
I hadn't even... no puke got on this, man.

388
00:15:29,048 --> 00:15:30,482
That's a real nice touch.

389
00:15:30,483 --> 00:15:31,750
Apple empanadas.

390
00:15:31,751 --> 00:15:32,885
Lori made them.

391
00:15:32,886 --> 00:15:36,055
- Hey.
- Girl from empanada.

392
00:15:37,824 --> 00:15:39,224
Did you throw up?

393
00:15:39,225 --> 00:15:41,694
I hope not.

394
00:15:41,695 --> 00:15:43,626
This is what true love looks like, guys.

395
00:15:43,627 --> 00:15:45,662
- How's Jenny doing in there?
- Yes, please tell us.

396
00:15:45,663 --> 00:15:47,446
How's Jenny doing? We all want to know.

397
00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:48,402
She's charming us all

398
00:15:48,403 --> 00:15:50,222
with a master class on the push-up bra.

399
00:15:50,223 --> 00:15:51,310
Should I go rescue her?

400
00:15:51,311 --> 00:15:54,006
Rescue us. Kidding.

401
00:15:54,007 --> 00:15:55,373
Kidding.

402
00:15:55,374 --> 00:15:57,710
Ooh, can I?

403
00:15:57,711 --> 00:16:00,078
Yup.

404
00:16:00,079 --> 00:16:02,981
Bitch loves to hit the pipe.

405
00:16:08,822 --> 00:16:10,522
Freddy, how'd you get a girl that hot?

406
00:16:10,523 --> 00:16:11,589
I bought her from Russia.

407
00:16:11,590 --> 00:16:12,823
Yo, I got to go.

408
00:16:12,824 --> 00:16:14,777
I got a whole crew of
bisexual flight attendants

409
00:16:14,778 --> 00:16:16,009
waiting for me downtown.

410
00:16:16,010 --> 00:16:17,341
You're an asshole.

411
00:16:17,342 --> 00:16:18,287
You're welcome to join me

412
00:16:18,288 --> 00:16:20,157
if any of you can get a hall pass.

413
00:16:21,935 --> 00:16:25,503
All right, well, I got
to go eat some buttholes.

414
00:16:27,974 --> 00:16:30,208
God, I would love to eat a butthole.

415
00:16:30,209 --> 00:16:32,811
Or at least have the
option of eating a butthole.

416
00:16:32,812 --> 00:16:34,012
The option, man. The option.

417
00:16:34,013 --> 00:16:35,247
Nice to have the option.

418
00:16:35,248 --> 00:16:37,015
Yeah, it would be like a possibility.

419
00:16:37,016 --> 00:16:39,117
Sure, but you don't have to.

420
00:16:39,118 --> 00:16:41,692
I don't have to, but I'd
like knowing it's there.

421
00:16:41,693 --> 00:16:42,823
Yeah, yeah.

422
00:16:42,824 --> 00:16:45,702
You don't have to do it,
but, yeah, if you want to.

423
00:16:45,703 --> 00:16:47,448
We should go camping.

424
00:16:47,449 --> 00:16:49,427
Like, go to Wisconsin or something.

425
00:16:49,428 --> 00:16:50,628
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

426
00:16:50,629 --> 00:16:51,306
Tents?

427
00:16:51,307 --> 00:16:53,091
Yeah, yeah, one tent
for each married couple.

428
00:16:53,092 --> 00:16:54,900
We're not married, by the way.

429
00:16:54,901 --> 00:16:56,735
- Oh.
- I know.

430
00:16:56,736 --> 00:16:58,974
How could we forget you're so free?

431
00:16:59,172 --> 00:17:01,294
We are in here.

432
00:17:02,134 --> 00:17:03,749
Don't look at me. I want to get married.

433
00:17:03,750 --> 00:17:05,808
It's a lot easier to explain to people.

434
00:17:06,212 --> 00:17:08,646
I have a partner. They
expect to meet a dude.

435
00:17:08,647 --> 00:17:09,541
I'm the dude.

436
00:17:09,542 --> 00:17:11,640
What if we did these luxury cabins?

437
00:17:11,719 --> 00:17:14,887
They have them on Balsam Lake,
and they call it glamping.

438
00:17:14,888 --> 00:17:16,817
No, no, we're staying in tents.

439
00:17:16,818 --> 00:17:17,918
I don't tent.

440
00:17:17,919 --> 00:17:19,841
I love you to pieces,
but there is not a chance

441
00:17:19,842 --> 00:17:21,057
I'm sleeping in a tent with you.

442
00:17:21,058 --> 00:17:22,531
- What?
- You can sleep with Charlie.

443
00:17:22,532 --> 00:17:24,562
No way. No way, are you kidding me?

444
00:17:24,563 --> 00:17:25,751
Why? Does he snore?

445
00:17:25,752 --> 00:17:27,332
Oh, my God, does he snore.

446
00:17:27,333 --> 00:17:30,235
No, this guy asleep
sounds like a pig dying.

447
00:17:30,236 --> 00:17:31,804
- But the pig dies all night long.
- Really?

448
00:17:31,805 --> 00:17:33,105
Yeah, he sleeps with his eyes open.

449
00:17:33,106 --> 00:17:35,073
He's like a pig zombie. He's like...

450
00:17:36,309 --> 00:17:37,910
It's not natural.

451
00:17:37,911 --> 00:17:39,544
I hear that they have a surgery for that.

452
00:17:39,545 --> 00:17:40,692
Teddy Epstein did it.

453
00:17:40,693 --> 00:17:41,774
- A snoring surgery?
- Yeah.

454
00:17:41,775 --> 00:17:43,291
- Oh, Jed.
- You need to get that surgery.

455
00:17:43,292 --> 00:17:45,083
- I'm not getting surge...
- You're totally getting that.

456
00:17:45,084 --> 00:17:46,339
I'm not getting surgery for snoring.

457
00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:48,757
They'd probably have to
cut off his head, so...

458
00:17:48,758 --> 00:17:50,923
Decapitation surgery.

459
00:17:50,924 --> 00:17:52,891
You know who you should
get to do the surgery

460
00:17:52,892 --> 00:17:55,560
is Dr. Phil.

461
00:17:55,561 --> 00:17:57,729
Can you imagine?

462
00:17:57,730 --> 00:18:00,966
He's not even a real doctor.

463
00:18:00,967 --> 00:18:02,935
- Jesus Christ.
- We have neighbors.

464
00:18:02,936 --> 00:18:07,705
I mean, he would shit himself
if he had to do surgery.

465
00:18:07,706 --> 00:18:10,943
No, Dr. Phil is a real doctor.

466
00:18:10,944 --> 00:18:12,744
They should just call him Phil.

467
00:18:12,745 --> 00:18:15,180
Just call him Phil, right?

468
00:18:15,181 --> 00:18:17,916
No, they should call him Dr. Phil.

469
00:18:17,917 --> 00:18:20,853
PHD, University of North Texas.

470
00:18:20,854 --> 00:18:22,020
Boom.

471
00:18:22,021 --> 00:18:25,924
Joanna has a PHD.

472
00:18:25,925 --> 00:18:28,997
Papa has dough.

473
00:18:29,863 --> 00:18:31,363
Come on.

474
00:18:31,364 --> 00:18:32,564
Come on.

475
00:18:33,766 --> 00:18:35,300
All right.

476
00:18:35,301 --> 00:18:37,203
Forget it.

477
00:18:42,175 --> 00:18:46,144
I want a new... I want a...
I want another empanada.

478
00:18:46,145 --> 00:18:47,779
Who wants one? Anybody want one?

479
00:18:47,780 --> 00:18:49,014
I think they're all gone.

480
00:18:49,015 --> 00:18:50,248
You want one?

481
00:18:50,249 --> 00:18:51,649
- I'm good.
- You want one?

482
00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:52,885
I'm good.

483
00:18:52,886 --> 00:18:54,786
Empanadas tonight on Phil.

484
00:18:54,787 --> 00:18:55,988
Oh, fuck.

485
00:18:55,989 --> 00:18:58,623
- Oh.
- Oh.

486
00:18:58,624 --> 00:19:00,893
Hate this fucking door.

487
00:19:00,894 --> 00:19:02,233
Fuck.

488
00:19:03,963 --> 00:19:05,563
That was loud.

489
00:19:05,564 --> 00:19:08,233
- What did he...
- That sounded really bad.

490
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:10,202
Don't get blood on my fucking couch.

491
00:19:10,203 --> 00:19:12,704
And so it begins.

492
00:19:12,705 --> 00:19:15,273
And that's our cab.

493
00:19:15,274 --> 00:19:16,741
Yeah.

494
00:19:16,742 --> 00:19:17,976
All right.

495
00:19:17,977 --> 00:19:19,477
Good hang, you guys. Good hang.

496
00:19:23,682 --> 00:19:26,618
You know we're picking up
where we left off last night.

497
00:19:26,619 --> 00:19:28,120
Oh, right, yeah, was it a...

498
00:19:28,121 --> 00:19:30,122
again, it was, like, a
backrub, or was it a foot rub?

499
00:19:30,123 --> 00:19:31,589
I think it was anal.

500
00:19:31,590 --> 00:19:33,391
Ew.

501
00:19:33,392 --> 00:19:35,894
Um, 8307 Pine.

502
00:19:35,895 --> 00:19:37,729
Oh, shit. I left my pipe in there.

503
00:19:37,730 --> 00:19:40,265
Oh, tell Joanna. I'll
get my tray back tomorrow.

504
00:19:40,266 --> 00:19:43,169
Okay.

505
00:19:44,904 --> 00:19:46,438
And he was joking about anal.

506
00:19:46,439 --> 00:19:50,109
We wouldn't... I mean, I wouldn't... I'm...

507
00:19:53,179 --> 00:19:54,879
- Hey, gorgeous.
- Hi.

508
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:56,414
Mike forgot his coat.

509
00:19:56,415 --> 00:19:58,116
Oh, and I still vote for glamping.

510
00:19:58,117 --> 00:19:59,136
Oh yeah, me too.

511
00:19:59,137 --> 00:20:00,486
Me too.

512
00:20:07,026 --> 00:20:09,227
Freddy, you got my pipe?

513
00:20:09,228 --> 00:20:11,263
You know where my pipe is?

514
00:20:25,211 --> 00:20:27,379
You got a bucket?

515
00:20:27,380 --> 00:20:31,783
- Freddy, you got a bucket?
- Yeah?

516
00:20:48,134 --> 00:20:51,818
Lori will, uh, get her tray tomorrow.

517
00:21:02,781 --> 00:21:05,817
Jed. Dude.

518
00:21:05,818 --> 00:21:07,185
We got band practice tomorrow?

519
00:21:07,186 --> 00:21:08,720
- What?
- What?

520
00:21:08,721 --> 00:21:09,921
What the fuck, man?

521
00:21:09,922 --> 00:21:11,623
Dude, we were just talking.

522
00:21:11,624 --> 00:21:13,525
It's... she was crying

523
00:21:13,526 --> 00:21:15,048
about Freddy's alcoholism and her marriage.

524
00:21:15,049 --> 00:21:17,095
- I was comforting her.
- With your dick in her mouth?

525
00:21:17,096 --> 00:21:19,031
- No, that didn't happen.
- I saw you.

526
00:21:19,032 --> 00:21:21,399
- No, you're mistaken.
- I'm a dude, all right?

527
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:24,901
Don't deny it till you
die with me, asshole.

528
00:21:25,638 --> 00:21:28,173
Okay.

529
00:21:28,174 --> 00:21:31,043
Shit, look, I feel terrible.

530
00:21:31,044 --> 00:21:33,711
I don't... I don't know what happened.

531
00:21:33,712 --> 00:21:35,997
I... I'm totally freaking out.

532
00:21:35,998 --> 00:21:38,883
She was crying, and
then... and then we hugged.

533
00:21:38,884 --> 00:21:41,753
And then she kind of kissed
me, and I guess I kissed her.

534
00:21:41,754 --> 00:21:42,717
Skip ahead to the part

535
00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:45,057
where she got on her
knees and blew you, Matt.

536
00:21:45,058 --> 00:21:47,760
Dude, my wife is in the car.

537
00:21:49,325 --> 00:21:51,136
I got to go.

538
00:21:51,137 --> 00:21:53,469
I'll call you tonight.

539
00:21:53,899 --> 00:21:55,834
I'm sorry. I'll call you.

540
00:22:04,210 --> 00:22:06,979
- Oh, chatty.
- Yeah.

541
00:22:12,985 --> 00:22:14,852
How's Fred?

542
00:22:14,853 --> 00:22:17,255
He won't die.

543
00:22:17,256 --> 00:22:19,357
Did you tell Jo about the tray?

544
00:22:19,358 --> 00:22:22,761
No, I didn't see her.

545
00:22:35,574 --> 00:22:36,352
It's Joanna.

546
00:22:36,353 --> 00:22:39,312
She said she had a great
time and she loves us.

547
00:22:56,101 --> 00:22:56,823
_

548
00:22:56,824 --> 00:22:57,833
What's that about, Jed?

549
00:22:57,834 --> 00:22:59,697
Did you see her, or not?

550
00:22:59,698 --> 00:23:04,001
Huh, she must have gotten my note.

551
00:23:04,002 --> 00:23:05,403
Why are you acting weird?

552
00:23:05,404 --> 00:23:07,139
I'm not acting weird.

553
00:23:07,140 --> 00:23:09,141
I'm acting horny, you hot little creature.

554
00:23:09,142 --> 00:23:10,576
Come here.

555
00:23:13,045 --> 00:23:14,912
Ready for that blow job?

556
00:23:14,913 --> 00:23:16,548
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

557
00:23:16,549 --> 00:23:17,850
Mm-hmm.

558
00:23:46,787 --> 00:23:47,766
Is it the hospital?

559
00:23:47,767 --> 00:23:49,293
No, no, it's Matt.

560
00:23:49,294 --> 00:23:50,550
Sorry. I'm turning it off.

561
00:23:50,551 --> 00:23:52,584
Turning it off, turning
it off, turning it off.

562
00:23:52,585 --> 00:23:53,880
You're not having an affair, are you?

563
00:23:53,881 --> 00:23:56,058
With Matt? No.

564
00:23:56,059 --> 00:24:00,058
Better not be texting your
girlfriend while I'm doing this.

565
00:24:02,653 --> 00:24:07,974
Sync and corrections by awaqeded
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