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[heart beating]
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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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[lights shunting]
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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[birds singing]
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[butterfly wings fluttering]
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[bright music]
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[George Carlin] Every year, a
million people commit suicide.
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A million!
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That's 2,800 a day.
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That's one every 30 seconds.
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[audience laughing]
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There goes another guy!
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[audience laughing]
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[bright music]
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[Robin Williams] Does anyone
have drugs to ease my pain?
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[audience laughing]
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My kingdom for a Quaalude.
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[audience laughing]
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[audience clapping]
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[John Mulaney]
Do you know how hard it is
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to get a doctor to
write you a prescription
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for a pill you don't need?
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[audience laughing]
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It's not hard. [laughing]
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[audience laughing]
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00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:42,580
[Paul Rodriguez]
I love my parents so much,
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I lost my dad.
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I didn't lose him.
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I mean, I know where
he's at right now.
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[audience laughing]
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[Maria Bamford] I've never
really thought of myself
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as depressed
as much as paralyzed by hope.
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[audience laughing]
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[Ali Wong] That's
what your 30s is all about;
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"How can I turn
this shit around?
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I'm a horrible
person. [laughing]
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00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:03,906
Help me, Tony Robbins, help me."
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00:02:04,820 --> 00:02:05,690
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
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[London] Hi.
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00:02:07,866 --> 00:02:09,390
[comedians faintly speaking]
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Yeah, I think we should
all just come and sit down,
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00:02:10,739 --> 00:02:12,567
and just shoot the shit.
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[production faintly speaking]
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[Interviewer] What did they
say you'd be doing today?
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[Tig Notaro] Just hang out
other comedians
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and talk about mental health.
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[Atsuko] I thought that we
were gonna be healed
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by Neil Patrick Harris.
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[Tig] And then it culminates in
a beauty pageant, right?
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00:02:31,847 --> 00:02:33,240
[Mike laughing]
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[London] Why is everybody so
cute on this show?
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Myself included.
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- [Crewmember] Camera set.
- All right, here we go.
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Ready?
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All right, looking right at me.
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Can we also make it clear
this is my living room
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and I'm lending it
to all the comedians
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[laughing] to be interviewed in?
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[Director] All right, you guys
are rolling on everything?
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- [Crewmember] Yep.
- [Director] Okay.
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[Production] Great.
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[clapperboard clapping]
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Quiet please.
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[comedians faintly
chatting and laughing]
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[audience cheering and clapping]
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Hi.
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Hello, everybody.
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00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:03,400
Hey there, how are ya?
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Hi.
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[bright music fades]
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Okay, who wants to start?
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[everybody laughing]
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[bright music crescendos]
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[footsteps shuffling
and squeaking]
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All right, [slurping]
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here we go.
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[cup knocking]
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[Production] C mark.
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- [clapperboard clapping]
- [production faintly speaking]
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- [Clapper] E mark.
- [claps]
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I've done five solo
autobiographical shows,
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00:04:00,588 --> 00:04:02,067
and my director, he
and I always talk about
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how it's crucial that
the show is not therapy.
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If it becomes therapy,
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it loses the point,
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'cause in therapy,
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you're essentially
putting on your therapist...
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...your problems,
your challenges,
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00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:19,911
your issues, [laughing]
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with the hope that you're
working through them.
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00:04:23,437 --> 00:04:24,916
And with a show,
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00:04:25,047 --> 00:04:27,310
you're giving
the audience something.
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00:04:27,441 --> 00:04:30,095
It's actually, in some
ways, the opposite,
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00:04:30,226 --> 00:04:32,707
or it's certainly not
the same thing at all.
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00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:37,015
Ideally, you're providing
something to the audience
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00:04:37,146 --> 00:04:38,539
and not putting it on them.
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00:04:39,714 --> 00:04:41,237
So who here has struggled
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with mental health
in their lives?
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00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:47,548
Yes, oh, wow.
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00:04:47,678 --> 00:04:49,593
Oh, wow, I was assuming everyone
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00:04:49,724 --> 00:04:50,464
- was gonna raise their hands.
- [audience faintly speaking]
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00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:51,291
- Yes.
- The audience is like,
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"We're fine."
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You're either very
healthy or lying.
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00:04:54,903 --> 00:04:57,558
[comedians and
audience laughing]
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Welcome, everybody.
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What we are doing here today
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00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:05,043
is not a comedy show,
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00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:07,350
although the people
that we have invited up
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00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:10,135
make their living
doing stand-up comedy.
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00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:11,920
The six people who are here
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have been able to use the things
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00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:15,967
that have happened to
them in their lives
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in effective ways.
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00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,275
And I think what I wanted to do
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00:05:19,406 --> 00:05:21,930
was have sort of a group
therapy discussion.
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00:05:22,452 --> 00:05:24,715
To be clear, I am
not a therapist.
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00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:25,934
- I was gonna ask, yeah.
- [Nicole] Really?
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00:05:26,064 --> 00:05:28,153
- Unusual.
- I am not a stand-up comic.
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[audience laughing]
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I am wildly unclear
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as to why I am doing this,
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- moderating.
- [comedians laughing]
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I think I'm affable.
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- [audience laughing]
- [Atsuko] Yeah.
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00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,035
And we got chosen as the
mentally ill comedians
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00:05:40,165 --> 00:05:41,297
- to be in this, yeah.
- [comedians laughing]
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00:05:41,428 --> 00:05:42,429
So it's really a high--
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00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:43,734
[Tig] Out of
thousands of people --
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00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:44,779
- [audience laughing]
- I know.
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They chose us.
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00:05:45,867 --> 00:05:47,129
From all around the world,
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00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:48,609
- they chose us.
- Yeah,
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00:05:48,739 --> 00:05:49,871
- there's a lot of comedians.
- [audience laughing]
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00:05:50,001 --> 00:05:51,307
- We stuck out.
- [comedians laughing]
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00:05:51,438 --> 00:05:52,482
[Gary clapping]
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00:06:00,925 --> 00:06:02,449
Oh, I don't know,
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00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:05,887
but sometimes --I hope I'll
eventually answer this question,
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00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:09,760
but I'm gonna start
here, in kindergarten,
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00:06:09,891 --> 00:06:11,022
announcing to the class
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00:06:11,153 --> 00:06:14,025
during show and
tell that I could --
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00:06:14,156 --> 00:06:15,244
Here was the thing
that was going on
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00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,767
in show and tell
when I was five,
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00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,813
the kids were lying.
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00:06:18,943 --> 00:06:21,163
And so when it became clear
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00:06:21,293 --> 00:06:23,078
that you weren't being
punished for lying,
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00:06:23,208 --> 00:06:25,254
I was like, [laughing]
"Well, fuck this,
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I'm going for it,"
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00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:29,911
[laughing] and I said,
"I can speak French."
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00:06:30,215 --> 00:06:32,566
I couldn't really speak French,
I could just do a French accent
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00:06:32,696 --> 00:06:34,306
'cause I had seen
Inspector Clouseau
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00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:36,787
in "The Pink Panther"
movies growing up.
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00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:39,050
My mom would take me
to the movie theater.
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00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,835
And we were poor,
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00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:44,055
so that was like our air
conditioning for a summer day.
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00:06:44,186 --> 00:06:45,927
So I got up in front of
the kindergarten kids
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and my teacher,
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00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:50,627
and I said, "Pardon
me, monsieur,
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00:06:50,758 --> 00:06:53,064
do you have a license
for your monkey?"
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00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,284
And then everyone laughed,
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00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:58,635
and I thought, "Oh, I'll
do everything I need to
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00:06:58,766 --> 00:07:01,638
to make this happen
again and again."
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00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,640
When was the first time
you thought you were funny?
165
00:07:03,771 --> 00:07:05,860
I was never the class
clown in school.
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00:07:05,990 --> 00:07:07,514
I know some people were,
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00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:10,255
but in my town, I grew up
in Massachusetts, like Gary --
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00:07:11,213 --> 00:07:12,475
the class clown
was the mean guy.
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00:07:12,606 --> 00:07:13,824
- [Gary] Oh, yeah.
- Walks in the room, is like,
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00:07:13,955 --> 00:07:15,609
"You're fat, you're
gay, I'm outta here."
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00:07:15,739 --> 00:07:17,045
[comedians and
audience laughing]
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00:07:17,175 --> 00:07:18,612
I was always a little
fat and a little gay.
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00:07:18,742 --> 00:07:19,787
- [audience laughing]
- I never got along
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00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:23,138
with that guy.
I wasn't class clown.
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00:07:23,268 --> 00:07:24,531
The first time I ever
remember getting attention
176
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:26,271
was I was probably five,
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00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:28,622
I remember I actually
pulled my pants down
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00:07:28,752 --> 00:07:31,494
- and just shat in our backyard.
- [audience laughing]
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00:07:31,625 --> 00:07:33,453
[Atsuko] So it was physical
comedy first or?
180
00:07:33,583 --> 00:07:35,716
- [comedians laughing]
- So that was the height
181
00:07:35,846 --> 00:07:36,891
[laughing] of my sophistication.
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00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:38,893
No, that was prop comedy.
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00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:41,939
- [laughing] Prop comedy.
- [audience laughing]
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00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:43,027
[London]
When I was a girl,
185
00:07:43,158 --> 00:07:45,029
I liked my insides,
186
00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:46,378
but I didn't like my outsides.
187
00:07:46,509 --> 00:07:47,858
I knew I was, like,
sweet and funny
188
00:07:47,989 --> 00:07:50,513
and nice and charming,
189
00:07:50,644 --> 00:07:52,733
but I didn't like how I looked.
I didn't like that --
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00:07:53,211 --> 00:07:55,083
I didn't think I was cool.
191
00:07:55,213 --> 00:07:57,477
It felt like I was auditioning.
192
00:07:57,607 --> 00:07:59,000
Like life was one big audition
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00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,654
and everybody was judging me.
194
00:08:00,915 --> 00:08:03,918
Yeah, that's who I was
when I was younger.
195
00:08:04,048 --> 00:08:04,875
I couldn't take a joke.
196
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:06,573
I was the worst.
197
00:08:06,703 --> 00:08:08,009
All my family were funny
198
00:08:08,139 --> 00:08:09,401
when they'd be
roasting each other,
199
00:08:09,532 --> 00:08:11,534
and I'd be crying, like,
"Don't say mean things."
200
00:08:11,665 --> 00:08:14,015
And everyone was like, "You
need to get a tough skin.
201
00:08:14,145 --> 00:08:17,366
- You're eight." [laughing]
- [audience laughing]
202
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,715
"You need to grow up,
we are the Hugheses,
203
00:08:18,846 --> 00:08:20,717
we are a funny
family, we make jokes,
204
00:08:20,848 --> 00:08:22,023
this is what we do."
205
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:23,372
And I'm like, "No,
you're teasing me."
206
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,505
And then something
transitioned in me,
207
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:26,418
and I said to my dad,
208
00:08:26,549 --> 00:08:27,898
like, "Dad, I think I'm ready."
209
00:08:28,029 --> 00:08:29,334
And he was like, "Listen,
210
00:08:29,465 --> 00:08:31,206
now, it better be good
211
00:08:31,336 --> 00:08:32,816
if you're bringing
it to the table."
212
00:08:32,947 --> 00:08:34,949
And I was like, "I'm bringing
a joke to the table."
213
00:08:35,079 --> 00:08:36,994
And I made a joke
up when I was eight.
214
00:08:37,125 --> 00:08:38,300
- What was it?
- [London] So I was like,
215
00:08:38,430 --> 00:08:40,650
[laughing] "What'd
you call a Rastaman
216
00:08:40,781 --> 00:08:41,738
that wears glasses?
217
00:08:42,652 --> 00:08:44,524
Rasta-four-eye."
218
00:08:44,654 --> 00:08:46,569
And they all went. [clapping]
219
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:49,050
- "That's pretty good."
- [Neil Patrick laughing]
220
00:08:49,180 --> 00:08:50,312
[London]
And I was in, I told my joke,
221
00:08:50,442 --> 00:08:52,227
and I was funny from then.
222
00:08:52,357 --> 00:08:53,837
I didn't cry when people
teased me anymore,
223
00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:55,273
I was in, I was in.
224
00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:58,102
But I also like that
they were very angry
225
00:08:58,233 --> 00:08:59,190
about the comedy.
226
00:08:59,321 --> 00:09:00,278
[London]
Yeah, 'cause they were like,
227
00:09:00,409 --> 00:09:01,497
- "Listen"...
- "Why can't you take
228
00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:02,454
- a joke?"
- ..."we're a funny family."
229
00:09:02,585 --> 00:09:03,412
- [London] Yes.
- [comedians laughing]
230
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,719
"We are the funny Hugheses."
231
00:09:05,849 --> 00:09:08,025
I envy y'all with like,
232
00:09:08,156 --> 00:09:09,636
"Oh, my family's so funny."
233
00:09:09,766 --> 00:09:12,595
It's like, I come from a
family of non-laughers.
234
00:09:12,726 --> 00:09:14,379
They're not interested
in anything.
235
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:15,816
My grandma doesn't
listen to any music.
236
00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:17,382
- [comedians laughing]
- She doesn't listen to TV,
237
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,341
nothing, it's just
silence in the home.
238
00:09:19,471 --> 00:09:20,777
She just cooks and eats.
239
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:22,605
And so it's just like,
240
00:09:22,736 --> 00:09:24,215
I really need this
is what I'm saying.
241
00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,087
[comedians and audience
laughing and clapping]
242
00:09:26,217 --> 00:09:28,089
Yeah, I don't know if
anything my family does
243
00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:30,874
is a typical [laughing]
family dynamic.
244
00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:35,879
In Japan, it was taboo
to even be from a family
245
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:38,403
where, "It's broken,"
they call it, right?
246
00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:43,844
So, like I was the
only kid in my class,
247
00:09:43,974 --> 00:09:46,063
usually, with divorced parents.
248
00:09:46,629 --> 00:09:47,891
How did you develop
your sense of humor
249
00:09:48,022 --> 00:09:49,589
if that was your upbringing?
250
00:09:49,937 --> 00:09:51,416
It was from watching TV.
251
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,375
I learned English
from "Scooby-Doo."
252
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:54,985
- And so --
- Wow.
253
00:09:55,116 --> 00:09:56,247
- Zoinks.
- Zoinks.
254
00:09:56,378 --> 00:09:57,248
[comedians and
audience laughing]
255
00:09:57,379 --> 00:09:58,772
So I was an outcast.
256
00:09:58,902 --> 00:09:59,599
- [laughing] Yeah.
- [Atsuko laughing]
257
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:01,252
They were like, "What?
258
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:02,297
- Why does she talk like that?"
- [Tig] But that's probably how
259
00:10:02,427 --> 00:10:03,907
you developed your
sense of humor
260
00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:07,258
was because everybody's
just cooking and --
261
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:08,651
Yeah, and then so I was like,
262
00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:10,566
"Is this deadpan comedy?"
263
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:11,785
[everybody laughing]
264
00:10:11,915 --> 00:10:13,264
And there was
like, "Eat," right?
265
00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:15,005
- "Eat, please, eat."
- [audience laughing]
266
00:10:15,136 --> 00:10:16,050
"Did you eat? No?
267
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:17,486
Eat, please, eat, eat,
268
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,009
eat, eat, eat, eat,
269
00:10:19,140 --> 00:10:20,663
- eat, eat, eat, eat, eat."
- [audience laughing]
270
00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:22,578
"Did you eat? No? No?
I didn't think so, eat, please,
271
00:10:22,709 --> 00:10:23,753
- eat, now, eat, eat."
- [audience laughing]
272
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:25,712
"Did you eat? No?
Please, eat, I cook,
273
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:26,843
- eat, now, please."
- [audience laughing]
274
00:10:27,017 --> 00:10:28,802
"Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat.
Did you eat? No?
275
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:29,977
Please, eat, eat, eat,
eat, eat, eat, eat.
276
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,109
Did you eat? No?
I didn't think so, I cook,
277
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:33,241
- now, eat, please, eat."
- [audience laughing]
278
00:10:33,371 --> 00:10:34,372
"Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat."
279
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:39,856
And then the next
time they see you,
280
00:10:39,987 --> 00:10:40,770
they call you fat.
281
00:10:40,901 --> 00:10:43,120
[audience laughing and clapping]
282
00:10:44,078 --> 00:10:45,732
[Grandma] Hi, Atsuko.
283
00:10:45,862 --> 00:10:46,733
- [Atsuko] Hi.
- I am home.
284
00:10:46,863 --> 00:10:48,038
[Atsuko] [laughing] Hi.
285
00:10:48,169 --> 00:10:49,083
[grandmother speaking
in foreign language]
286
00:10:49,213 --> 00:10:50,650
Hey, hey.
287
00:10:50,780 --> 00:10:52,826
There was confusion
and frustration
288
00:10:52,956 --> 00:10:54,044
and a lot of sadness.
289
00:10:54,175 --> 00:10:55,611
I was very sad.
290
00:10:55,872 --> 00:10:56,917
So I was always projecting,
291
00:10:57,047 --> 00:10:58,701
"Well, my grandma's so sad."
292
00:10:58,832 --> 00:11:01,095
My grandma had to raise
three kids on her own.
293
00:11:01,225 --> 00:11:04,359
Her husband was murdered
when she was 30,
294
00:11:04,489 --> 00:11:08,232
and then her daughter has
mental illness and epilepsy,
295
00:11:08,363 --> 00:11:09,843
and doesn't leave the house.
296
00:11:09,973 --> 00:11:12,497
So she still takes care
of my mom, her daughter,
297
00:11:12,628 --> 00:11:14,935
at 89 years old. You know.
298
00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:16,284
My grandma raised me,
299
00:11:16,414 --> 00:11:17,328
so I didn't really hang out
300
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:19,113
with people my age growing up.
301
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,723
Yeah, yeah.
302
00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:22,116
People are always like,
"Atsuko, what's wrong with you?"
303
00:11:22,246 --> 00:11:24,335
"Someone 50 years older than me
304
00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:26,163
taught me how to socialize,
305
00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:27,556
- okay?"
- [audience laughing]
306
00:11:27,687 --> 00:11:29,210
I think that's the
core of my comedy
307
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:31,734
is wanting other
people to feel seen,
308
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:33,562
to build that camaraderie
309
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:35,607
so that nobody feels isolated,
310
00:11:36,521 --> 00:11:38,698
um, like I have ever felt.
You know.
311
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:41,439
[pensive music]
312
00:11:41,570 --> 00:11:42,789
- Sound speed.
- Can I do it?
313
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,053
Okay.
314
00:11:46,183 --> 00:11:49,230
Two camera marks,
apples and bananas.
315
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:52,929
Oh, I forgot, we're
doing a documentary.
316
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,626
[everybody laughing]
317
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:58,630
[laid back music]
318
00:12:00,632 --> 00:12:01,590
[Crewmember]
That was very natural.
319
00:12:07,335 --> 00:12:08,423
[Atsuko]
I've never been a part
320
00:12:08,553 --> 00:12:11,121
of any group
therapy-type situation.
321
00:12:11,252 --> 00:12:12,122
Have you done group therapy?
322
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:13,950
[Tig] No, I haven't.
323
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:16,561
Certainly not with
Neil Patrick Harris.
324
00:12:16,692 --> 00:12:18,912
And what is his role?
He's --
325
00:12:19,042 --> 00:12:20,914
[Atsuko]
He's a psychologist.
326
00:12:21,131 --> 00:12:22,393
[both laughing]
327
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:23,307
[Tig]
He's a medical doctor?
328
00:12:23,438 --> 00:12:25,005
[both laughing]
329
00:12:25,135 --> 00:12:27,921
- I'm having a hot flash.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
330
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:30,445
[both laughing]
331
00:12:30,575 --> 00:12:32,534
[Tig]
I didn't move to Los Angeles
332
00:12:32,664 --> 00:12:33,796
to become a comedian,
333
00:12:33,927 --> 00:12:35,972
I didn't move to be
in entertainment.
334
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,976
[sighing] My two good
friends that I grew up with
335
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:42,849
were headed out to LA.
336
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:45,416
I was like, "Well, I
guess I'm moving to LA."
337
00:12:45,547 --> 00:12:47,767
In high school,
I was um,
338
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:50,813
I was voted least likely.
339
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:54,077
[audience laughing]
340
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:00,780
I've been running
with it ever since.
341
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,042
[audience laughing]
342
00:13:02,172 --> 00:13:04,479
And I was just very much
343
00:13:04,609 --> 00:13:08,613
the [laughing]
failure in school.
344
00:13:08,744 --> 00:13:11,007
And I failed three grades,
345
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:12,661
dropped outta high school.
346
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:16,447
My mother, she was always
just wanting to make sure
347
00:13:16,578 --> 00:13:20,451
that I knew the most
important thing in life
348
00:13:20,582 --> 00:13:22,279
was to be happy.
349
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,760
Even down to dropping
outta high school.
350
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,283
[audience laughing]
351
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:27,589
My mother would brag to people.
352
00:13:27,719 --> 00:13:29,417
[everybody laughing]
353
00:13:29,547 --> 00:13:32,420
She's like, "Yeah,
Tig dropped out,
354
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:33,595
she's doing her own thing."
355
00:13:33,725 --> 00:13:36,076
[audience laughing]
356
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:39,427
And my own thing, [laughing]
357
00:13:39,557 --> 00:13:41,472
I had nothing going on.
358
00:13:41,603 --> 00:13:43,474
- [audience laughing]
- When I was performing
359
00:13:43,605 --> 00:13:48,088
in dingy, smoky
bars in the Dakotas,
360
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:50,090
she still thought I was
361
00:13:50,220 --> 00:13:51,265
- doing cool things.
- [audience laughing]
362
00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:52,179
Do you work here?
363
00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:54,224
[audience laughing]
364
00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:55,443
Can you hold this?
365
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,620
I loved that my
mother was into it.
366
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,752
So I've never had this,
367
00:14:00,883 --> 00:14:03,277
"I'll show everyone
back in my hometown
368
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:04,931
or the people I grew up with,
369
00:14:05,061 --> 00:14:07,498
or my parents, or my mother."
370
00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:10,937
I just have never
felt that way at all.
371
00:14:11,633 --> 00:14:13,374
[London] My parents just
thought, "You're crazy,
372
00:14:13,504 --> 00:14:14,941
just be a normal person."
373
00:14:15,071 --> 00:14:16,420
My mom just wanted me to
have kids, "Just have kids."
374
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:17,726
[audience laughing]
375
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,075
You know those pushy parents
376
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:20,947
that you see in TV
shows, "Stage Moms"?
377
00:14:21,077 --> 00:14:22,470
I wish I had a stage mom.
378
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:24,124
- [audience laughing]
- I had a normal mom,
379
00:14:24,254 --> 00:14:26,039
normal dad,
380
00:14:26,169 --> 00:14:27,605
didn't think that anything
would happen with my career.
381
00:14:27,736 --> 00:14:29,216
So I was like, "I've
gotta take my career
382
00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:30,782
into my own hands."
383
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:32,480
[Nicole] My parents didn't
really do that either.
384
00:14:32,610 --> 00:14:33,655
There was nothing I could do
385
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:37,311
that would elicit a
reaction to be like,
386
00:14:37,441 --> 00:14:39,095
"I'm so proud," or whatever,
387
00:14:39,226 --> 00:14:40,357
especially my dad.
388
00:14:40,488 --> 00:14:43,404
My dad was an engineer at AT&T,
389
00:14:43,534 --> 00:14:45,972
which is, I don't know, science.
390
00:14:46,102 --> 00:14:48,713
When I decided that
I wanted to act,
391
00:14:48,844 --> 00:14:50,367
[laughing] he was like,
392
00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,369
"What the fuck is
wrong with you?"
393
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,328
Who's single except
for daddy over here?
394
00:14:54,458 --> 00:14:55,720
[audience laughing]
395
00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:57,809
You're single, what
are you looking for?
396
00:14:58,593 --> 00:14:59,724
A confident dude.
397
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:01,770
- [audience laughing]
- [Nicole] That's it?
398
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,772
Girl, come on, a job?
399
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:05,600
[audience laughing]
400
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,907
[Neil]
You're diagnosed with ADHD.
401
00:15:08,037 --> 00:15:09,430
Was that recent?
402
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,432
[Nicole]
This was 29 or 30.
403
00:15:11,562 --> 00:15:12,346
I had a friend who was like,
404
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:14,565
"Hey, you need therapy."
405
00:15:14,696 --> 00:15:16,437
And I was like, [laughing]
"That's pretty rude."
406
00:15:16,567 --> 00:15:18,308
But it turns out
she was right.
407
00:15:18,439 --> 00:15:20,354
And I had an assessment,
408
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:22,486
and she let me talk
uninterrupted for
409
00:15:22,617 --> 00:15:24,488
like 10 minutes, and she was
like, "It's bad."
410
00:15:24,619 --> 00:15:26,316
[everybody laughing]
411
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:27,796
It's bad. [laughing]
412
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:28,928
Yeah. [laughing]
Things were happening
413
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:30,538
that I don't know
if I could Google,
414
00:15:30,668 --> 00:15:32,235
I don't know if I
could put it into words
415
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,802
what was going on in my brain.
416
00:15:33,933 --> 00:15:35,760
I just felt like I
was lazy and crazy.
417
00:15:35,891 --> 00:15:37,545
Once I got that diagnosis,
418
00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:40,722
I was like, [sighing] "Oh
my God, I'm not an idiot."
419
00:15:40,852 --> 00:15:41,766
[bright music]
420
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:44,421
My most magical moment on stage
421
00:15:44,552 --> 00:15:46,162
was my Netflix special.
422
00:15:46,293 --> 00:15:47,642
[London] Aw.
423
00:15:47,772 --> 00:15:48,860
Did you have a monitor
with your set list on it?
424
00:15:48,991 --> 00:15:50,384
No.
425
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:52,647
- I wish, oh my God, no.
- [Nicole laughing]
426
00:15:52,777 --> 00:15:53,517
Little helpful.
427
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:54,997
I love that for you.
428
00:15:55,128 --> 00:15:56,956
But I was looking to
make sure I was on track,
429
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:58,827
and it was like, "Stop."
430
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,350
[both laughing]
431
00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:02,222
"Costumes needs to see you."
432
00:16:02,352 --> 00:16:05,138
And I was like, "Yeah,
and stop, costumes."
433
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:07,183
[both laughing]
434
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,229
And I said it out
loud, and I went, "Oh,
435
00:16:09,359 --> 00:16:10,360
I think they're trying
to tell me to stop."
436
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:13,189
[both laughing]
437
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:16,018
I often seem very unhinged
when I'm performing,
438
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,237
but I think that's
just who I am in life.
439
00:16:17,367 --> 00:16:18,716
That's who you are, babes.
440
00:16:18,847 --> 00:16:20,283
My current therapist,
[laughing]
441
00:16:20,414 --> 00:16:22,720
sometimes she's like, "Hey,
can we just hold some space
442
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:25,201
that you will lose
your keys twice a week?
443
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:27,203
Can we just --That's just
a thing that's gonna happen.
444
00:16:27,334 --> 00:16:28,422
And yeah, it's frustrating,
445
00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:30,250
but you always find them
446
00:16:30,380 --> 00:16:32,643
and you always get to where
you're going, eventually."
447
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,297
Yeah, I think
bombing gets easier.
448
00:16:34,689 --> 00:16:35,385
I mean, I don't like it.
449
00:16:35,516 --> 00:16:36,560
No, I hate it.
450
00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:37,822
Bombing in England
I'm fine with.
451
00:16:37,953 --> 00:16:39,824
Bombing in America
makes me feel sick.
452
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:40,782
When I bomb in
America, I'm like,
453
00:16:40,912 --> 00:16:43,263
"I've let down Richard Pryor,
454
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:45,004
all the people that have
performed on this stage."
455
00:16:45,134 --> 00:16:47,223
There's so much more
[laughing] history to it.
456
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:48,964
I remember the first time,
457
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,661
it's like, "Do you know how
many big names performed here?
458
00:16:50,792 --> 00:16:51,575
And you get your
opportunity to perform here,
459
00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:54,665
and you do that, you idiot?"
460
00:16:54,796 --> 00:16:56,232
- [London sighing]
- [audience laughing]
461
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:58,408
[Neil] I find influence
is super important.
462
00:16:58,539 --> 00:16:59,844
Did you have any?
463
00:17:00,149 --> 00:17:02,064
I'm here with some
of my influences.
464
00:17:02,195 --> 00:17:03,413
- [Neil] Yeah?
- Which is what's so cool
465
00:17:03,544 --> 00:17:04,371
about comedy.
466
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:05,633
For the most part,
467
00:17:05,763 --> 00:17:07,330
we've been in the
trenches together,
468
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,028
so there's camaraderie, yeah.
469
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,465
I watched Gary and Tig and Mike
470
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:14,294
when I was a young comedian.
471
00:17:14,424 --> 00:17:15,730
My first set ever,
472
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,297
I was trying to sound like Tig.
473
00:17:17,601 --> 00:17:18,602
- [Neil Patrick laughing]
- People were like,
474
00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,256
[clapping] "Is she?"
475
00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:21,823
So Tig is more deadpan
476
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:24,478
and takes time.
477
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:26,175
- But when I did it --
- We also dress differently.
478
00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:27,611
- [laughing] A little bit.
- Yeah, of course, of course,
479
00:17:27,742 --> 00:17:29,570
[laughing] we do
dress differently.
480
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,007
And we're just different people.
481
00:17:32,138 --> 00:17:33,313
- We are, we are.
- But [laughing]
482
00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:34,792
- so that's that.
- [audience member laughing]
483
00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:35,837
- There's that, too.
- Nobody ever mistakes us.
484
00:17:35,967 --> 00:17:37,969
[comedians and
audience laughing]
485
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:39,667
[Gary] The first time I
probably intersected
486
00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:41,190
with Richard Lewis,
487
00:17:41,321 --> 00:17:42,235
- I was probably six or seven.
- [audience clapping]
488
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:43,366
He was a really
good-looking guy
489
00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:44,715
with long hair and he was cool,
490
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:45,934
he dressed in all black.
491
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,676
Thank you, I'm
thrilled to be here.
492
00:17:48,806 --> 00:17:50,895
And he was just really honest
493
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,854
about how [laughing]
miserable he was
494
00:17:52,984 --> 00:17:55,161
and how anxious and nervous
495
00:17:55,291 --> 00:17:58,947
and also how full
of self-loathing.
496
00:17:59,078 --> 00:17:59,861
- [audience laughing]
- And even a week ago,
497
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:01,776
I'm in bed, this woman,
498
00:18:01,906 --> 00:18:04,257
I was so looking forward
to this sexually.
499
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:07,303
And I just, well,
I'm screwed up.
500
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:09,523
She says, "Don't you
wanna have an orgasm?"
501
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,568
And I said, "What's
in it for me?"
502
00:18:11,699 --> 00:18:14,180
- So.
- [audience laughing]
503
00:18:14,310 --> 00:18:16,095
So how did you know that
that was gonna be you
504
00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:17,487
when you were older?
505
00:18:17,618 --> 00:18:18,532
- [Gary] Oh?
- Why did you resonate
506
00:18:18,662 --> 00:18:20,142
with this old, miserable man?
507
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:21,491
I remember thinking,
508
00:18:21,622 --> 00:18:25,234
"Oh, there's a spot
for somebody like me
509
00:18:25,365 --> 00:18:28,803
who's quirky, funny and
miserable." [laughing]
510
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,544
- [London laughing]
- [upbeat music]
511
00:18:30,674 --> 00:18:32,546
[London]
My dad loved comedy.
512
00:18:32,676 --> 00:18:35,984
- He loved Richard Pryor.
- [audience clapping]
513
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:37,464
And he would laugh
at Richard Pryor,
514
00:18:37,594 --> 00:18:38,987
and I didn't know what
Richard Pryor was saying,
515
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,554
but I'd know when to laugh,
516
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,599
so I could laugh at
the same time as my dad.
517
00:18:42,730 --> 00:18:45,994
So I'd just be like. [laughing]
518
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:50,520
I discovered
masturbating by accident.
519
00:18:50,651 --> 00:18:51,956
[audience laughing]
520
00:18:52,087 --> 00:18:54,959
I'm not lying, I was about 10,
I was in the tub.
521
00:18:55,090 --> 00:18:56,918
And that's when you used
to have to hold your dick
522
00:18:57,048 --> 00:18:58,006
with two fingers.
523
00:18:58,137 --> 00:18:59,573
- You'd be.
- [audience laughing]
524
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:01,749
I said, "Hey."
525
00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:04,752
[audience laughing and clapping]
526
00:19:05,883 --> 00:19:07,189
"I'm on to something here."
527
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,843
[audience laughing]
528
00:19:08,973 --> 00:19:10,801
"I bet Dad don't
know about this."
529
00:19:10,932 --> 00:19:12,281
[audience laughing]
530
00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:13,500
- [Richard laughing]
- [Mike] I think we're all
531
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:14,631
a little bit influenced
by Richard Pryor.
532
00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:16,198
He's, in some
ways, the godfather
533
00:19:16,329 --> 00:19:20,550
of a type of autobiographical
storytelling and comedy,
534
00:19:20,681 --> 00:19:22,161
opening himself up
to the audience,
535
00:19:22,291 --> 00:19:23,510
saying, "Here's my flaws,
536
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,294
here's my problems.
537
00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:27,166
Let me tell you about
my drug problem.
538
00:19:27,296 --> 00:19:29,646
Let me tell you about the time
I lit myself on fire
539
00:19:29,777 --> 00:19:30,952
- and it nearly killed me."
- [audience laughing]
540
00:19:31,082 --> 00:19:32,345
Now, listen to me,
541
00:19:32,475 --> 00:19:34,129
all the people you ever
heard of freebasing,
542
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,566
have you ever heard
of anybody blowing up?
543
00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:38,264
[audience laughing]
544
00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:39,221
Why me?
545
00:19:39,352 --> 00:19:41,136
[audience laughing]
546
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:42,964
10 million
motherfuckers freebase,
547
00:19:43,094 --> 00:19:43,965
I gotta blow up.
548
00:19:44,095 --> 00:19:46,576
[audience laughing]
549
00:19:46,707 --> 00:19:48,143
[Richard laughing]
550
00:19:48,274 --> 00:19:49,405
There's something about that,
551
00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:50,885
and seeing someone like him,
552
00:19:51,015 --> 00:19:52,843
who's such a
tremendous performer,
553
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,454
open himself wide open
554
00:19:54,584 --> 00:19:55,585
and be funny about it
555
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:57,587
all at the same time.
556
00:19:57,718 --> 00:19:59,023
It's just inspiring.
557
00:19:59,154 --> 00:20:01,200
- [audience laughing]
- [Mike] Seven years ago,
558
00:20:01,330 --> 00:20:03,419
I started walking in my sleep.
559
00:20:03,550 --> 00:20:05,247
I was living with my
girlfriend at the time
560
00:20:05,378 --> 00:20:08,032
and I started having
a recurring dream
561
00:20:08,163 --> 00:20:11,862
that there was a hovering
insect-like jackal
562
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:13,908
in our bedroom.
563
00:20:14,038 --> 00:20:15,170
And I would see
this hovering jackal
564
00:20:15,301 --> 00:20:18,260
and I would jump on our bed
565
00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:21,394
and I would strike
a karate pose,
566
00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:23,265
and I would say, "Abby,"
that was my girlfriend,
567
00:20:23,396 --> 00:20:26,225
"there's a jackal in the room."
568
00:20:26,355 --> 00:20:29,053
[audience laughing]
569
00:20:30,490 --> 00:20:31,621
Well, around this time
I remember thinking,
570
00:20:31,752 --> 00:20:33,232
"Well, this seems dangerous,
571
00:20:33,362 --> 00:20:35,059
maybe I should see a doctor."
572
00:20:35,495 --> 00:20:37,801
And then I thought,
"Maybe I'll eat dinner."
573
00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:39,673
[audience laughing]
574
00:20:39,803 --> 00:20:41,240
And I went with dinner...
575
00:20:42,632 --> 00:20:43,633
...for years.
576
00:20:43,764 --> 00:20:45,113
[audience laughing]
577
00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,071
I have a serious
sleepwalking disorder
578
00:20:47,202 --> 00:20:48,943
that got so bad that
I actually jumped
579
00:20:49,073 --> 00:20:51,075
through a second-story
window sleepwalking
580
00:20:51,206 --> 00:20:53,643
in Walla Walla,
Washington, at a motel
581
00:20:53,774 --> 00:20:55,123
- called La Quinta Inn.
- [audience laughing]
582
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,690
There are two important details.
583
00:20:56,820 --> 00:20:58,866
One, I was on the second floor,
584
00:20:58,996 --> 00:21:00,868
two, the window was closed.
585
00:21:00,998 --> 00:21:02,652
[audience laughing]
586
00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:04,045
It was January,
587
00:21:04,175 --> 00:21:07,701
so I jumped through a window
588
00:21:07,831 --> 00:21:09,050
like the Hulk.
589
00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:11,313
[audience laughing]
590
00:21:11,444 --> 00:21:13,402
But my epiphany as
a comedian [laughing]
591
00:21:13,533 --> 00:21:15,535
was that when I started
talking with it on stage,
592
00:21:15,665 --> 00:21:17,972
I thought that it
would be very dramatic,
593
00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:21,018
and actually it was very funny
594
00:21:21,149 --> 00:21:22,716
and people were laughing,
595
00:21:22,846 --> 00:21:25,196
not because they also
jumped through a window,
596
00:21:25,327 --> 00:21:28,548
but because something
extraordinary in their life
597
00:21:28,678 --> 00:21:30,376
that made them feel anxiety
598
00:21:30,506 --> 00:21:33,466
or made them feel alienated
from other people.
599
00:21:33,596 --> 00:21:35,642
If comedy is impersonal,
600
00:21:36,164 --> 00:21:39,167
if it's entirely
outside of yourself,
601
00:21:39,298 --> 00:21:41,952
you run the risk of
losing the humanity
602
00:21:42,083 --> 00:21:45,173
of what a live performance
has the potential for.
603
00:21:45,304 --> 00:21:47,741
There's a human
connection in that moment
604
00:21:47,871 --> 00:21:49,917
between the performer
and the audience.
605
00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:51,135
And that's unbelievable.
606
00:21:51,266 --> 00:21:54,356
- [bright music]
- [audience cheering]
607
00:21:54,487 --> 00:21:55,618
When I go to a show...
608
00:21:55,749 --> 00:21:57,185
- [audience clapping]
- Guys.
609
00:21:57,316 --> 00:21:58,752
[Mike] ... and there's a
single performer on stage
610
00:21:58,882 --> 00:22:01,363
connecting with 1,000
people all at the same time...
611
00:22:02,103 --> 00:22:03,452
Oh, great, [laughing]
there's stairs.
612
00:22:03,583 --> 00:22:04,540
[audience laughing]
613
00:22:04,671 --> 00:22:05,802
[Nicole]
I think my grandfather
614
00:22:05,933 --> 00:22:06,934
calling me fat
every Thanksgiving's
615
00:22:07,064 --> 00:22:08,544
what's keeping him
alive? [laughing]
616
00:22:08,675 --> 00:22:09,763
[audience laughing]
617
00:22:09,893 --> 00:22:11,025
[Mike] ...when we're
all feeling a thing
618
00:22:11,155 --> 00:22:12,113
and we're all
laughing at a thing,
619
00:22:12,243 --> 00:22:13,549
- that's magical.
- [Atsuko thudding]
620
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:14,942
That joke came from
pain. [laughing]
621
00:22:15,072 --> 00:22:16,378
[audience laughing]
622
00:22:16,509 --> 00:22:17,684
And it's transcendent.
623
00:22:18,249 --> 00:22:20,643
I grew up in
the '70s and the '80s,
624
00:22:20,774 --> 00:22:23,298
and I'm, ugh, as
a sensitive boy,
625
00:22:24,865 --> 00:22:26,997
not a very accommodating time
626
00:22:27,128 --> 00:22:30,653
- for sensitive boys.
- [audience laughing]
627
00:22:30,784 --> 00:22:32,351
[Mike] And so if someone
asked me for advice,
628
00:22:32,481 --> 00:22:34,396
and I say like, "Hey, maybe
you should tell that story,
629
00:22:34,527 --> 00:22:36,224
it's a personal
story," it's twofold.
630
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:39,053
One is, I'm saying the
audience would enjoy that,
631
00:22:39,183 --> 00:22:41,490
so they could have that
kind of magical connection,
632
00:22:41,621 --> 00:22:43,884
but also it's good for you, too.
633
00:22:44,014 --> 00:22:46,843
It's a more deep
human connection
634
00:22:46,974 --> 00:22:48,410
with your own material
635
00:22:48,541 --> 00:22:49,672
and what you're sharing.
636
00:22:49,803 --> 00:22:51,108
[bright music]
637
00:22:59,856 --> 00:23:02,598
[Neil] I love therapy,
I go to therapy.
638
00:23:02,729 --> 00:23:04,034
I have couples therapy,
639
00:23:04,165 --> 00:23:05,427
my husband [laughing]
goes to therapy,
640
00:23:05,558 --> 00:23:07,603
my mother, I pay for
her therapy, my brother.
641
00:23:07,734 --> 00:23:10,171
I'm big into the idea
642
00:23:10,301 --> 00:23:14,305
that talking about stuff
provides solutions.
643
00:23:14,436 --> 00:23:16,960
Well, that's the thing
is you can find yourself
644
00:23:17,091 --> 00:23:18,353
in anybody's story.
645
00:23:20,268 --> 00:23:23,663
I had advice from a
really good therapist who,
646
00:23:23,793 --> 00:23:27,275
I didn't wanna tell anybody
anything about my life,
647
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:29,669
and he said, "If
you're an open book,
648
00:23:29,799 --> 00:23:31,453
nobody will have
anything on you."
649
00:23:31,584 --> 00:23:32,933
Mm, there's another
famous phrase is,
650
00:23:33,063 --> 00:23:34,456
"You're only as sick
as your secrets."
651
00:23:34,587 --> 00:23:37,024
Secrets, said by
the very wise Oprah.
652
00:23:37,154 --> 00:23:38,286
- Oh, is that Oprah?
- Oh, she's wise.
653
00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:39,461
[London] Oprah said
that? [laughing]
654
00:23:39,592 --> 00:23:40,462
She is so wise.
655
00:23:40,593 --> 00:23:41,507
- [Mike] Oprah.
- [Nicole] Oh,
656
00:23:41,637 --> 00:23:42,899
- so wise.
- [Neil] Oprah is wise.
657
00:23:43,030 --> 00:23:45,075
But she might've gotten
that from a guest,
658
00:23:45,206 --> 00:23:46,729
- but I know I got it.
- [comedians laughing]
659
00:23:46,860 --> 00:23:48,644
[audience clapping and laughing]
660
00:23:49,819 --> 00:23:51,125
- [London] She got her credits.
- [Atsuko] A guest.
661
00:23:51,255 --> 00:23:53,344
[Gary]
I know I got it through Oprah,
662
00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:54,868
so it's all under
663
00:23:54,998 --> 00:23:55,869
- the Oprah umbrella.
- [London] The Oprah umbrella.
664
00:23:55,999 --> 00:23:57,087
- Wisdom.
- [Mike] Wait a minute,
665
00:23:57,218 --> 00:23:58,872
does Oprah get
credit for everything
666
00:23:59,002 --> 00:24:00,221
- a guest says?
- Yes, she does.
667
00:24:00,395 --> 00:24:02,049
[Tig] She also wrote a lot
of the Beatles catalog.
668
00:24:02,179 --> 00:24:05,095
- [everybody laughing]
- [Mike clapping]
669
00:24:05,226 --> 00:24:06,270
[London] She did.
670
00:24:06,401 --> 00:24:09,099
[Atsuko]
Also, all of you have doctors?
671
00:24:09,230 --> 00:24:10,274
Is what I'm realizing.
672
00:24:10,405 --> 00:24:11,450
Wait a second,
673
00:24:11,580 --> 00:24:13,408
you don't see a
therapist or have a?
674
00:24:13,539 --> 00:24:15,236
Oh, yeah, I haven't had
a therapist in years.
675
00:24:15,366 --> 00:24:16,716
I'm raw dogging it right now.
676
00:24:16,846 --> 00:24:18,065
- [Gary clapping]
- [comedians laughing]
677
00:24:18,195 --> 00:24:19,545
- Wow, wow, wow.
- [audience laughing]
678
00:24:19,675 --> 00:24:22,461
This is my true, authentic
self, unfiltered.
679
00:24:23,070 --> 00:24:24,550
It's almost like
I woke up one day
680
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,291
and everyone was like,
"We have a therapist.
681
00:24:27,422 --> 00:24:29,032
We signed up without you."
682
00:24:29,163 --> 00:24:30,381
- [audience laughing]
- And I'm like,
683
00:24:30,556 --> 00:24:32,209
- "You have, for how long?"
- [Neil Patrick laughing]
684
00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:33,776
They're like, "Oh, we've all
been seeing a therapist."
685
00:24:33,907 --> 00:24:35,909
I was like, "Was there a Groupon
686
00:24:36,039 --> 00:24:37,737
or a discount that I missed?"
687
00:24:37,867 --> 00:24:39,739
- [Neil] A Groupon?
- And everyone.
688
00:24:39,869 --> 00:24:40,827
You think there will be a time?
689
00:24:40,957 --> 00:24:42,916
I don't wanna talk
about it so much
690
00:24:43,046 --> 00:24:45,875
because I haven't
felt like I'm ready
691
00:24:46,006 --> 00:24:47,877
or that I would have,
692
00:24:48,008 --> 00:24:50,053
I feel like, yeah.
693
00:24:50,184 --> 00:24:54,841
[Neil] Does anyone else have
diagnosed medical conditions?
694
00:24:54,971 --> 00:24:57,583
Yeah, I mean, I have
major depressive disorder
695
00:24:57,713 --> 00:24:59,715
and anxiety, yeah.
696
00:24:59,846 --> 00:25:02,109
I take medicine,
and that changed my life,
697
00:25:02,239 --> 00:25:03,371
of course, yeah.
698
00:25:03,502 --> 00:25:07,070
What are the valleys like?
699
00:25:07,201 --> 00:25:10,770
I say that because I think
stand-up seems wrought
700
00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:12,206
with so much insecurity
701
00:25:12,336 --> 00:25:14,164
because you're writing
your own material.
702
00:25:14,295 --> 00:25:16,993
You're literally putting
yourself and your stories
703
00:25:17,124 --> 00:25:19,169
out to other people
to judge them,
704
00:25:19,300 --> 00:25:20,823
night after night,
show after show.
705
00:25:20,954 --> 00:25:24,218
And it seems like,
if depression is an issue,
706
00:25:24,348 --> 00:25:26,655
that it would be
a challenging career.
707
00:25:26,786 --> 00:25:28,396
And it is a challenging career,
708
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:31,617
but it's also
a career that allows you
709
00:25:31,747 --> 00:25:33,532
to go to work at 9:00 p.m.
710
00:25:33,923 --> 00:25:35,142
[London laughing] Yes.
711
00:25:35,272 --> 00:25:37,971
And wear what you wore all day,
712
00:25:38,101 --> 00:25:40,147
and they don't
require you to shower
713
00:25:40,277 --> 00:25:41,757
or anything like that,
714
00:25:41,888 --> 00:25:43,977
- or put on ironed clothes.
- [London] I mean, it does.
715
00:25:44,107 --> 00:25:45,848
[comedians laughing]
716
00:25:45,979 --> 00:25:48,590
[Gary]
At 17 years old, 1988,
717
00:25:48,721 --> 00:25:53,160
I was six-foot-six
and 255 pounds.
718
00:25:53,290 --> 00:25:54,814
- [audience cheering]
- I had built
719
00:25:54,944 --> 00:25:58,948
a very convincing man costume.
720
00:25:59,079 --> 00:26:01,211
[audience laughing]
721
00:26:01,342 --> 00:26:03,126
I was bigger and faster
and stronger than everybody,
722
00:26:03,257 --> 00:26:04,737
so I did very well
in high school.
723
00:26:04,867 --> 00:26:06,913
And then I got to college
and everybody
724
00:26:07,043 --> 00:26:09,393
was the Gary Gulman
of their high school,
725
00:26:09,524 --> 00:26:11,395
and it was just,
I was overwhelmed.
726
00:26:11,526 --> 00:26:15,051
And I was like, "But this
is all I have, all I am."
727
00:26:15,182 --> 00:26:17,619
And about three weeks
into it, I --
728
00:26:18,185 --> 00:26:19,621
I had this breakdown.
729
00:26:19,752 --> 00:26:20,796
[forlorn music]
730
00:26:20,927 --> 00:26:23,407
I didn't know that
I was being seen
731
00:26:23,538 --> 00:26:25,540
as this great potential,
732
00:26:25,671 --> 00:26:29,022
which is, I think it's
a quote from Socrates
733
00:26:29,152 --> 00:26:31,328
or somebody who said,
734
00:26:31,459 --> 00:26:34,027
"Those the gods wish to destroy
735
00:26:34,157 --> 00:26:35,724
they first call promising."
736
00:26:35,855 --> 00:26:38,945
[forlorn music]
737
00:26:39,075 --> 00:26:40,773
I was athletic, I'll own that,
738
00:26:40,903 --> 00:26:44,254
but then we put on
football helmets and pads,
739
00:26:44,385 --> 00:26:46,039
and I go out there,
and these guys [laughing]
740
00:26:46,169 --> 00:26:49,651
just kicked my ass
for three weeks.
741
00:26:49,782 --> 00:26:51,914
I mean, guys bigger than me,
742
00:26:52,045 --> 00:26:53,307
but also guys just smaller
743
00:26:53,437 --> 00:26:54,830
and faster and tougher than me.
744
00:26:54,961 --> 00:26:57,093
[forlorn music]
745
00:26:57,224 --> 00:26:59,966
I dropped a ball the end zone,
746
00:27:00,096 --> 00:27:02,708
and I went home
on a Friday night
747
00:27:02,838 --> 00:27:06,494
and slept through
Saturday afternoon,
748
00:27:06,625 --> 00:27:08,931
stayed in my room on Sunday.
749
00:27:11,804 --> 00:27:14,502
I had put my self-esteem
750
00:27:14,633 --> 00:27:17,679
into how I was on
a football field.
751
00:27:17,810 --> 00:27:20,551
And my brother was
really helpful,
752
00:27:20,682 --> 00:27:23,467
he said, "You need to go
to the trainer on Sunday
753
00:27:23,598 --> 00:27:25,469
and tell him that you're
suffering." [crying]
754
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,167
[Gary sighing]
755
00:27:27,297 --> 00:27:30,692
[laughing] I don't
know why you cry.
756
00:27:43,139 --> 00:27:45,489
My older brother told me,
757
00:27:45,620 --> 00:27:49,276
"Tell the trainer that
you have depression."
758
00:27:50,886 --> 00:27:52,801
My brother diagnosed me.
759
00:27:54,020 --> 00:27:56,544
I didn't really
understand what it was,
760
00:27:56,675 --> 00:27:58,677
what the symptoms were.
761
00:27:58,807 --> 00:28:00,679
[forlorn music]
762
00:28:01,070 --> 00:28:03,116
I just thought I was very weak.
763
00:28:03,246 --> 00:28:04,552
And I went to the trainer,
764
00:28:04,683 --> 00:28:07,511
I went to a therapist,
got diagnosed,
765
00:28:07,642 --> 00:28:10,514
and suddenly this thing
I'd felt since I was seven
766
00:28:10,645 --> 00:28:11,951
had a --had a name.
767
00:28:12,081 --> 00:28:13,474
And that was helpful,
768
00:28:13,604 --> 00:28:16,346
but then it wasn't until
like six months in,
769
00:28:16,477 --> 00:28:18,218
they put me on a medication.
770
00:28:18,348 --> 00:28:20,220
And I remember
when it kicked in,
771
00:28:20,350 --> 00:28:22,396
I remember like, "Oh,
772
00:28:22,526 --> 00:28:24,790
this is how everyone
else feels all the time."
773
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:26,182
- [Neil] Huge.
- Yeah.
774
00:28:26,313 --> 00:28:27,923
[production faintly speaking]
775
00:28:29,098 --> 00:28:30,621
[footsteps shuffling]
776
00:28:33,712 --> 00:28:35,191
[chair rattling]
777
00:28:36,453 --> 00:28:38,412
[Gary throat clearing]
778
00:28:41,284 --> 00:28:43,591
How are you feeling
779
00:28:43,722 --> 00:28:47,247
about all the feeling?
[laughing]
780
00:28:47,377 --> 00:28:48,901
So I do feel a little
scatterbrained.
781
00:28:49,031 --> 00:28:50,163
- [Gary] Really?
- [Nicole] I forgot to take
782
00:28:50,293 --> 00:28:51,904
my medicine today.
783
00:28:52,034 --> 00:28:55,168
There's been a couple times
where I have very much zoned out
784
00:28:55,298 --> 00:28:56,647
and not been here,
785
00:28:56,778 --> 00:28:58,780
but then I kinda have to
ground myself a little bit
786
00:28:58,911 --> 00:28:59,825
and be like,
"Someone's talking."
787
00:28:59,955 --> 00:29:01,087
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
788
00:29:01,217 --> 00:29:02,349
[Nicole] My relationship
with stand-up is,
789
00:29:02,479 --> 00:29:04,046
it's very up and down.
790
00:29:04,177 --> 00:29:06,701
Right now, I'm in a phase
where I don't wanna tour,
791
00:29:06,832 --> 00:29:08,572
I do wanna tour, I don't
wanna tour, I do wanna tour,
792
00:29:08,703 --> 00:29:10,313
I don't wanna write,
I do wanna write.
793
00:29:10,444 --> 00:29:13,186
I've had a lot of moments
where I didn't want to do it.
794
00:29:13,316 --> 00:29:15,579
And I had weeks
where I was like,
795
00:29:15,710 --> 00:29:16,798
"Oh, yeah, I quit comedy,
796
00:29:16,929 --> 00:29:18,104
I don't do [laughing]
comedy anymore."
797
00:29:18,234 --> 00:29:21,281
- [Nicole laughing]
- But here's the thing,
798
00:29:21,411 --> 00:29:22,717
I used to think, "I need jokes
799
00:29:22,848 --> 00:29:26,677
and I need 45 minutes
and I need an hour,"
800
00:29:26,808 --> 00:29:29,419
and I think about how
daunting it must be
801
00:29:29,550 --> 00:29:30,986
to have this, "I can't
concentrate for" --
802
00:29:31,117 --> 00:29:32,683
And I can't
concentrate to sit down
803
00:29:32,814 --> 00:29:34,250
to write the hour.
804
00:29:34,381 --> 00:29:37,427
There's a book called
"Bird by Bird" about writing.
805
00:29:37,558 --> 00:29:40,039
It was advice that
the author's father
806
00:29:40,169 --> 00:29:41,780
had given his child.
807
00:29:43,390 --> 00:29:44,695
He said, "Well, how am I
gonna do this big report
808
00:29:44,826 --> 00:29:47,133
about all the birds
[laughing] of North America?"
809
00:29:47,263 --> 00:29:49,788
And he said,
"Bird by bird." [laughing]
810
00:29:49,918 --> 00:29:51,137
[Nicole laughing]
811
00:29:51,267 --> 00:29:52,442
- Which is right.
- Which is exactly
812
00:29:52,573 --> 00:29:53,530
- what it is.
- [Gary] And then how do you
813
00:29:53,661 --> 00:29:56,055
write jokes?
One sentence at a time.
814
00:29:56,185 --> 00:29:58,884
Me, personally, I look at
all the birds in the sky,
815
00:29:59,014 --> 00:30:01,016
and I go, "Oh, my God,
816
00:30:01,147 --> 00:30:03,279
how on earth am I
gonna do all of this?"
817
00:30:03,410 --> 00:30:06,152
But if I just keep in my brain,
818
00:30:06,282 --> 00:30:07,457
"Just one bird at a time.
819
00:30:07,588 --> 00:30:09,285
You like parrots,
start with a parrot."
820
00:30:09,416 --> 00:30:10,852
[Gary laughing]
That's great.
821
00:30:10,983 --> 00:30:12,680
"And then you can move on
to a flamingo,
822
00:30:12,811 --> 00:30:14,464
but make sure you get
to that parrot first."
823
00:30:14,595 --> 00:30:15,770
Do some easy ones up front.
824
00:30:15,901 --> 00:30:17,293
[Nicole] Yeah, that's just
like a nice thing
825
00:30:17,424 --> 00:30:20,688
to be like, "Nicole,
one bird at a time."
826
00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:23,038
[Gary]
Yeah, the author is Anne Lamott.
827
00:30:23,169 --> 00:30:24,300
[Nicole] Anne Lamont?
828
00:30:24,431 --> 00:30:26,650
- I'll never--
- Lamott, L-A-M-O-T-T.
829
00:30:26,781 --> 00:30:28,174
- Lamont?
- [Gary] Lamott.
830
00:30:28,304 --> 00:30:29,262
[Nicole]
Am I not saying it good?
831
00:30:29,392 --> 00:30:31,307
Yeah, because there's no N in--
832
00:30:31,438 --> 00:30:32,700
Lamott?
833
00:30:32,874 --> 00:30:34,920
- [Gary] Like Mott's Applesauce.
- [Nicole] Lamott?
834
00:30:35,050 --> 00:30:36,443
- Mott?
- Or Mott Street,
835
00:30:36,573 --> 00:30:37,748
or Mott Haven.
836
00:30:37,879 --> 00:30:38,924
- [Nicole laughing]
- If you live
837
00:30:39,054 --> 00:30:40,316
in the neighborhood
that I live in,
838
00:30:40,447 --> 00:30:41,752
which is called
Mott Haven. [laughing]
839
00:30:41,927 --> 00:30:43,667
[Nicole] I can't believe you had
so many examples of Mott
840
00:30:43,798 --> 00:30:45,495
- just in your pocket.
- [Gary] Of Mott, yeah,
841
00:30:45,626 --> 00:30:46,496
- yeah.
- [Nicole laughing]
842
00:30:46,627 --> 00:30:47,671
I collect.
843
00:30:47,802 --> 00:30:50,370
- [both laughing]
- [upbeat music]
844
00:30:55,766 --> 00:30:56,985
[clapperboard clapping]
845
00:30:57,116 --> 00:30:59,205
When I was starting
out in the early 2000s,
846
00:30:59,335 --> 00:31:01,511
just in New York
clubs, it was tough.
847
00:31:01,642 --> 00:31:04,297
People would be so
mean to me, merciless,
848
00:31:04,427 --> 00:31:06,386
'cause I was young, young 20s.
849
00:31:06,516 --> 00:31:07,561
[audience clapping]
850
00:31:07,691 --> 00:31:08,954
Mitch Hedberg was
the first person
851
00:31:09,084 --> 00:31:12,087
who was someone who
I really admired.
852
00:31:12,218 --> 00:31:14,263
And asked me to open for him
853
00:31:14,394 --> 00:31:16,135
on a whole bunch of dates.
854
00:31:16,265 --> 00:31:18,180
Whenever I walk, people
try to hand me out flyers.
855
00:31:18,311 --> 00:31:19,529
And when someone tries
to hand me out a flyer,
856
00:31:19,660 --> 00:31:20,487
it's kinda like they're saying,
857
00:31:20,617 --> 00:31:22,358
"Here, you throw this away."
858
00:31:22,489 --> 00:31:25,318
[audience laughing and clapping]
859
00:31:25,448 --> 00:31:27,015
[Mike] I'd ask him all
kinds of questions.
860
00:31:27,146 --> 00:31:29,452
And when you're the opening act,
861
00:31:29,583 --> 00:31:31,150
you pick up the
headliner sometimes
862
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:32,891
and bring them to the club,
863
00:31:33,021 --> 00:31:34,370
that's part of the gig, I guess.
864
00:31:34,501 --> 00:31:35,719
[everybody laughing]
865
00:31:35,850 --> 00:31:37,286
[Tig imitating car horn beeping]
866
00:31:37,417 --> 00:31:38,157
I just couldn't believe it.
867
00:31:38,287 --> 00:31:39,810
It's like, literally,
868
00:31:39,941 --> 00:31:42,335
there's moments in
my comedy career
869
00:31:42,465 --> 00:31:44,163
where things like that,
870
00:31:44,293 --> 00:31:45,425
where I'm like, "This
is the best thing
871
00:31:45,555 --> 00:31:46,948
I've ever done by far."
872
00:31:47,079 --> 00:31:49,690
I actually have a habit of
making awkward situations
873
00:31:49,820 --> 00:31:52,823
- even more awkward.
- [audience laughing]
874
00:31:52,954 --> 00:31:55,870
Like I was moving a new bed
into my apartment recently
875
00:31:56,001 --> 00:31:57,263
and this woman that
lived in the building
876
00:31:57,393 --> 00:31:59,221
opened the front door
for me with her key.
877
00:31:59,352 --> 00:32:01,441
And she goes, "I'm not worried
878
00:32:01,571 --> 00:32:04,923
because a rapist wouldn't
have a bed like that."
879
00:32:05,053 --> 00:32:07,664
[audience laughing]
880
00:32:11,190 --> 00:32:14,976
Now, what I should've said...
881
00:32:17,674 --> 00:32:18,806
...was nothing.
882
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:21,461
[audience laughing and clapping]
883
00:32:23,202 --> 00:32:26,161
What I did say was,
"You'd be surprised."
884
00:32:26,292 --> 00:32:27,162
[audience laughing and clapping]
885
00:32:27,293 --> 00:32:29,643
[bright music]
886
00:32:29,773 --> 00:32:31,645
And then we went,
887
00:32:31,775 --> 00:32:33,299
I was like, "Do you
guys wanna go bowling?"
888
00:32:33,429 --> 00:32:34,213
There was a bowling alley,
889
00:32:34,343 --> 00:32:35,562
I had my own bowling shoes.
890
00:32:35,692 --> 00:32:36,389
- [Tig] Oh boy.
- Mm.
891
00:32:36,519 --> 00:32:37,607
Yeah, I know.
892
00:32:38,043 --> 00:32:41,002
Hey, now's a good time to
announce that I am a nerd.
893
00:32:41,133 --> 00:32:42,438
- [Atsuko laughing]
- [Mike] We go bowling,
894
00:32:42,569 --> 00:32:45,311
and I'm nervous 'cause it's
my hero, Mitch Hedberg,
895
00:32:45,441 --> 00:32:48,009
and I'm bowling all kinds
of zeroes and gutter balls
896
00:32:48,140 --> 00:32:50,446
- and ones.
- I'm sure he cared.
897
00:32:50,577 --> 00:32:52,840
Well, at the end of
it, he says to me,
898
00:32:52,971 --> 00:32:56,017
"Thought when you
asked us to go bowling,
899
00:32:56,148 --> 00:32:57,584
that you would be
good at bowling."
900
00:32:57,714 --> 00:32:59,151
[everybody laughing]
901
00:32:59,281 --> 00:33:00,804
[Howard Stern] I'll give you
a fact about Mitch.
902
00:33:00,935 --> 00:33:03,459
"Time Magazine"
once dubbed Mitch
903
00:33:03,590 --> 00:33:05,287
the next Seinfeld.
904
00:33:05,418 --> 00:33:07,681
[Robin] Was this our friend
who had the drug problem?
905
00:33:07,811 --> 00:33:09,422
[Mitch] Well, I got the drugs
under control now.
906
00:33:09,552 --> 00:33:10,858
- [Howard] Do you?
- Yeah.
907
00:33:10,989 --> 00:33:12,164
[Howard] You had to
take them responsibly?
908
00:33:12,294 --> 00:33:14,644
[Mitch] Yeah, just for
the creative side of it.
909
00:33:15,950 --> 00:33:18,431
[Mike]
With Mitch's drug stuff,
910
00:33:18,561 --> 00:33:21,869
I was in the dark
to some degree,
911
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:24,002
like most people, I
wouldn't witness it,
912
00:33:24,132 --> 00:33:25,394
wouldn't be out in the open.
913
00:33:25,525 --> 00:33:26,961
[Tig] Were you aware
that it was happening,
914
00:33:27,092 --> 00:33:27,875
- or were you just?
- [Mike] I would hear stories
915
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:29,485
about it.
916
00:33:29,616 --> 00:33:30,704
[Mitch]
I used to do drugs.
917
00:33:30,834 --> 00:33:32,793
I still do, but I used to, too.
918
00:33:32,923 --> 00:33:34,882
[audience laughing and clapping]
919
00:33:35,013 --> 00:33:38,451
Yeah, I mean, I saw Mitch
920
00:33:38,581 --> 00:33:40,757
about a week before
he died at Caroline's.
921
00:33:41,889 --> 00:33:43,064
- [audience laughing]
- [Mitch] I like to drink
922
00:33:43,195 --> 00:33:44,457
before the show, I
have a couple drinks
923
00:33:44,587 --> 00:33:45,675
- before I go on stage.
- [audience laughing]
924
00:33:45,806 --> 00:33:47,677
[audience cheering and clapping]
925
00:33:47,808 --> 00:33:49,070
Every time people applaud,
926
00:33:49,201 --> 00:33:50,550
I'm always going,
"No, no, no, hold on."
927
00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:52,117
[Mike] He asked me to come
up and do a guest set.
928
00:33:52,247 --> 00:33:55,381
And afterwards I saw,
we went to a bar,
929
00:33:55,511 --> 00:33:57,731
and people, fans of his
were coming up to him
930
00:33:57,861 --> 00:34:01,256
and offering him drugs,
handing him drugs.
931
00:34:01,387 --> 00:34:02,301
And it was the first
time I was like,
932
00:34:02,431 --> 00:34:04,346
"Fuck, this is bad,
933
00:34:04,477 --> 00:34:06,348
this is bad."
934
00:34:06,479 --> 00:34:07,741
My manager's cool,
he gets concerned,
935
00:34:07,871 --> 00:34:10,831
he says, "Mitch, don't
use liquor as a crutch."
936
00:34:10,961 --> 00:34:12,528
I can't use liquor as a crutch,
937
00:34:12,659 --> 00:34:15,096
because a crutch helpsme walk.
938
00:34:15,227 --> 00:34:16,358
[audience laughing and clapping]
939
00:34:16,532 --> 00:34:18,578
[Mike] In relation
to substance issues,
940
00:34:18,708 --> 00:34:20,493
I think like
everyone in his life,
941
00:34:20,623 --> 00:34:25,106
I struggled with, "What could
we have done differently?"
942
00:34:25,237 --> 00:34:26,629
And I --
943
00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:28,675
Alcoholism is a disease,
but it's like the only disease
944
00:34:28,805 --> 00:34:30,329
that you can get
yelled at for having.
945
00:34:30,459 --> 00:34:32,331
[audience laughing]
946
00:34:32,461 --> 00:34:34,550
[laughing] I gotta get
off this damn stage.
947
00:34:34,681 --> 00:34:36,030
- [audience laughing]
- I wish there was just
948
00:34:36,161 --> 00:34:37,379
a trapdoor that would open
up and I'd fall in it.
949
00:34:37,510 --> 00:34:38,685
[audience laughing]
950
00:34:38,815 --> 00:34:39,860
"You are done." [laughing]
951
00:34:39,990 --> 00:34:41,166
[audience laughing]
952
00:34:41,296 --> 00:34:42,471
And I land on a couch
and have a drink.
953
00:34:42,602 --> 00:34:44,778
[audience laughing]
954
00:34:45,866 --> 00:34:49,087
I've lost a handful of comedian
friends over the years.
955
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,307
Mitch Hedberg
and Greg Giraldo and others.
956
00:34:52,438 --> 00:34:56,224
And the pain of it
doesn't go away,
957
00:34:56,355 --> 00:34:58,531
there's no answer in it.
958
00:34:58,661 --> 00:35:01,011
I remember at Mitch's memorial,
959
00:35:01,142 --> 00:35:02,926
I was with Mitch's mom
960
00:35:03,057 --> 00:35:04,885
and Dave Attell
was outside together,
961
00:35:05,015 --> 00:35:06,495
and it was really sweet.
962
00:35:06,626 --> 00:35:07,714
Dave Attell, I think,
963
00:35:07,844 --> 00:35:09,759
one of the great
comedians of all time.
964
00:35:11,370 --> 00:35:13,589
And Dave said a thing that,
965
00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:15,939
I mean, in some ways,
it's sort of silly,
966
00:35:16,070 --> 00:35:18,159
but in some ways, there's
a lot of truth to it,
967
00:35:18,290 --> 00:35:20,118
is he goes just like,
968
00:35:20,248 --> 00:35:22,555
"We'll always have the records."
969
00:35:23,033 --> 00:35:25,427
And I love that, "We'll
always have the records,"
970
00:35:25,558 --> 00:35:27,125
'cause it's true, I still
listen to Hedberg records.
971
00:35:27,255 --> 00:35:29,170
- [Atsuko] Yeah, yeah.
- [Tig] Aw, yeah.
972
00:35:29,301 --> 00:35:30,911
Yeah.
973
00:35:33,696 --> 00:35:35,481
[London] The makeup artists in
England are insane.
974
00:35:35,611 --> 00:35:36,699
- [Nicole] Oh, no.
- When [laughing]
975
00:35:36,830 --> 00:35:38,832
I was at the BBC,
976
00:35:38,962 --> 00:35:40,399
the makeup artist
that they had for me,
977
00:35:40,529 --> 00:35:41,835
she'd never done makeup
978
00:35:41,965 --> 00:35:43,315
- for black people before.
- [Makeup Artist] Oh, no.
979
00:35:43,445 --> 00:35:44,577
And she panicked,
980
00:35:44,707 --> 00:35:46,579
she didn't realize
I would be Black,
981
00:35:46,709 --> 00:35:48,015
and she didn't have
any black makeup...
982
00:35:48,146 --> 00:35:50,191
- No.
- ...so she put cocoa powder
983
00:35:50,322 --> 00:35:51,714
- on my face.
- [Makeup Artist] What?
984
00:35:51,845 --> 00:35:52,585
- Literally.
- [Artist] Like the actual?
985
00:35:52,715 --> 00:35:54,195
- Actual --
- Wait.
986
00:35:54,326 --> 00:35:55,849
Like Ovaltine?
987
00:35:55,979 --> 00:35:57,285
- Yes, on my face.
- She said, "Ovaltine."
988
00:35:57,416 --> 00:35:58,591
You can drink it.
989
00:35:58,765 --> 00:36:00,897
And she tricked me,
because I could smell it.
990
00:36:01,028 --> 00:36:02,247
And I was like, "It
smells really chocolaty."
991
00:36:02,377 --> 00:36:03,204
- [makeup artist laughing]
- And she was like, "Oh,
992
00:36:03,335 --> 00:36:04,249
it's called Cocoa."
993
00:36:04,379 --> 00:36:05,467
She put me in blackface,
994
00:36:05,598 --> 00:36:07,643
it was just ridiculous, so yes.
995
00:36:07,774 --> 00:36:11,038
London, what on
earth are you doing?
996
00:36:11,169 --> 00:36:12,996
I was doing children's
television to pay the bills,
997
00:36:13,127 --> 00:36:15,260
and because
I wanted to be on TV,
998
00:36:15,390 --> 00:36:17,218
and that was the only
form of television
999
00:36:17,349 --> 00:36:18,306
that would accept me.
1000
00:36:18,437 --> 00:36:19,786
Eau de toilette?
1001
00:36:19,916 --> 00:36:20,874
Toilet water more like.
1002
00:36:21,004 --> 00:36:22,136
- Huh?
- Dodge, you smell like
1003
00:36:22,267 --> 00:36:23,616
a bog brush.
1004
00:36:23,746 --> 00:36:24,878
[Dodge groaning]
1005
00:36:25,008 --> 00:36:26,401
Kids TV in Britain's so diverse
1006
00:36:26,532 --> 00:36:28,055
and that's where it stops.
1007
00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:31,014
And then normal television
is just old white men
1008
00:36:31,145 --> 00:36:33,713
and hot young white women
1009
00:36:33,843 --> 00:36:35,410
or just hot young white men.
1010
00:36:36,281 --> 00:36:38,239
I was told I wasn't
conventionally attractive,
1011
00:36:38,370 --> 00:36:40,415
so I didn't see
myself as attractive.
1012
00:36:40,546 --> 00:36:43,636
So I just was like,
"You're a ugly black girl
1013
00:36:43,766 --> 00:36:45,681
trying to make jokes in Britain,
1014
00:36:45,812 --> 00:36:47,466
and they keep telling you no."
1015
00:36:47,596 --> 00:36:50,643
And I watched a lot of
my white male friends
1016
00:36:50,773 --> 00:36:52,471
become famous, one by one,
1017
00:36:52,601 --> 00:36:54,255
they'd start comedy one year,
1018
00:36:54,386 --> 00:36:55,561
then the next year,
they'd be on TV.
1019
00:36:55,691 --> 00:36:57,084
And I just saw it
happen, happen, happen.
1020
00:36:57,215 --> 00:36:59,042
[London] And all of a sudden,
you just get depressed.
1021
00:36:59,173 --> 00:37:02,002
[audience laughing]
1022
00:37:02,132 --> 00:37:03,482
And so after every show,
1023
00:37:03,612 --> 00:37:05,875
- it felt like a rejection.
- [audience clapping]
1024
00:37:06,006 --> 00:37:07,486
It would make me die inside.
1025
00:37:08,574 --> 00:37:09,705
And I'll go in the comments
1026
00:37:09,836 --> 00:37:10,880
and read the comments,
1027
00:37:11,011 --> 00:37:12,317
because I'm looking for people
1028
00:37:12,447 --> 00:37:16,059
to call me ugly, or
annoying, or not funny,
1029
00:37:16,190 --> 00:37:17,974
but every negative thing
1030
00:37:18,105 --> 00:37:20,194
that anyone's ever
said about me,
1031
00:37:20,325 --> 00:37:23,110
I've already thought
it about myself.
1032
00:37:24,285 --> 00:37:25,547
[Whoopi Goldberg] People had
problems with my hair,
1033
00:37:25,678 --> 00:37:26,940
they didn't know
what the fuck it was.
1034
00:37:27,070 --> 00:37:28,333
Now everybody looked
like me. [laughing]
1035
00:37:28,463 --> 00:37:29,725
[audience laughing]
1036
00:37:29,856 --> 00:37:31,074
[London]
Watching American TV
1037
00:37:31,205 --> 00:37:33,076
and just seeing people
like Whoopi Goldberg
1038
00:37:33,207 --> 00:37:34,643
and people Brandi
1039
00:37:34,774 --> 00:37:37,472
and Tia and Tamara from
"Sister, Sister" and Moesha
1040
00:37:37,603 --> 00:37:38,517
and all these black girls
1041
00:37:38,647 --> 00:37:40,214
that are All-American.
1042
00:37:40,649 --> 00:37:43,478
I said to myself, "That's
where I need to be.
1043
00:37:43,609 --> 00:37:45,001
Once I get to
America, they'll see,"
1044
00:37:45,828 --> 00:37:47,961
because blackness in Britain
1045
00:37:48,091 --> 00:37:49,310
was American blackness.
1046
00:37:49,441 --> 00:37:51,138
The music we listened
to, American,
1047
00:37:51,269 --> 00:37:52,966
our heroes, Oprah, American,
1048
00:37:53,096 --> 00:37:54,097
Beyoncé, American,
1049
00:37:54,228 --> 00:37:55,490
Whoopi Goldberg, American.
1050
00:37:55,621 --> 00:37:56,926
So as a black British girl
1051
00:37:57,057 --> 00:37:58,885
that's trying to make
her mark in anything,
1052
00:37:59,015 --> 00:38:00,800
I had to look to America
1053
00:38:00,930 --> 00:38:02,845
as guidance to get me there.
1054
00:38:02,976 --> 00:38:03,933
I tell you what,
I just turned 31.
1055
00:38:04,064 --> 00:38:05,370
I know, I don't look it,
1056
00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:06,545
- right?
- [audience laughing]
1057
00:38:06,675 --> 00:38:08,329
Just turned 31, I'm
very attractive.
1058
00:38:08,460 --> 00:38:09,722
It's not a joke,
it's more factual.
1059
00:38:09,852 --> 00:38:11,376
I'm rich, I'm rich
as fuck, guys,
1060
00:38:11,506 --> 00:38:13,378
- seriously. [laughing]
- [audience laughing]
1061
00:38:13,508 --> 00:38:14,770
When I eat McDonald's,
1062
00:38:14,901 --> 00:38:16,032
I eat McDonald's in
Beverly Hills, okay?
1063
00:38:16,163 --> 00:38:17,295
- I'm rich as fuck.
- [audience laughing]
1064
00:38:17,425 --> 00:38:19,514
In Britain, a lot of
the female comics there,
1065
00:38:19,645 --> 00:38:20,689
God bless 'em,
1066
00:38:20,950 --> 00:38:23,736
they uh,
they would just stand still,
1067
00:38:23,866 --> 00:38:25,607
keep the microphone
on the stand,
1068
00:38:25,738 --> 00:38:28,436
and then just put their
hair back behind their ears
1069
00:38:28,567 --> 00:38:29,568
and speak like this,
1070
00:38:29,698 --> 00:38:31,439
and then maybe an anal joke,
1071
00:38:31,570 --> 00:38:32,440
- and then that's it.
- [Neil Patrick laughing]
1072
00:38:32,571 --> 00:38:34,790
This whole tone like that.
1073
00:38:34,921 --> 00:38:35,965
And I watched that
and I was like,
1074
00:38:36,096 --> 00:38:37,924
"I don't like that,
that's not me."
1075
00:38:38,185 --> 00:38:39,621
So I was like, "What
do I wanna do?"
1076
00:38:39,752 --> 00:38:42,407
And I would take the mic
off the stand, kick it down.
1077
00:38:42,537 --> 00:38:44,583
All I know is that
if I was a mute
1078
00:38:44,713 --> 00:38:45,932
that worked in 7-Eleven,
1079
00:38:46,062 --> 00:38:46,976
I'd be married by now.
1080
00:38:47,107 --> 00:38:48,587
[audience laughing and clapping]
1081
00:38:48,717 --> 00:38:49,849
It's true, it's true.
1082
00:38:49,979 --> 00:38:51,894
And I ain't even
been proposed to.
1083
00:38:52,025 --> 00:38:53,983
There's bitches in
Kentucky with no teeth
1084
00:38:54,114 --> 00:38:57,552
- that have been proposed to.
- [audience laughing]
1085
00:38:57,683 --> 00:38:58,423
Fuck is wrong with me?
1086
00:38:58,553 --> 00:39:00,512
I'm in your face, I'm loud.
1087
00:39:00,642 --> 00:39:03,602
And then essentially that just
became how I enjoyed stand-up
1088
00:39:03,732 --> 00:39:05,081
and how I wanted to perform
1089
00:39:05,212 --> 00:39:06,822
and show the world who I was.
1090
00:39:06,953 --> 00:39:08,955
So is the version of you
1091
00:39:09,085 --> 00:39:10,870
that you're presenting
1092
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:13,786
when you're doing
stand-up armor,
1093
00:39:13,916 --> 00:39:15,831
like a character version of you?
1094
00:39:15,962 --> 00:39:17,093
- Yes.
- [Neil] I don't mean that
1095
00:39:17,224 --> 00:39:19,574
- in a disrespectful way.
- No, it is, 100%.
1096
00:39:19,705 --> 00:39:21,271
My stand-up version of me
1097
00:39:21,402 --> 00:39:23,752
is basically just
a ultimate bad bitch.
1098
00:39:23,883 --> 00:39:26,059
And so I don't know,
1099
00:39:26,189 --> 00:39:29,628
when I'm on stage, my energy
and my stand-up rhythm,
1100
00:39:29,758 --> 00:39:32,239
like Tig was talking about,
is gunfire.
1101
00:39:32,370 --> 00:39:34,067
It's like.
[imitating gun firing]
1102
00:39:34,197 --> 00:39:35,503
I literally won't give
you enough time to laugh.
1103
00:39:35,634 --> 00:39:36,765
If you're laughing,
choke on those.
1104
00:39:36,896 --> 00:39:39,464
Ah, here's some more jokes, ah.
1105
00:39:39,594 --> 00:39:41,814
So when I watch comics,
like Tig and Atsuko,
1106
00:39:41,944 --> 00:39:45,121
and they're on stage
and they're drinking the water.
1107
00:39:45,252 --> 00:39:46,775
- [audience laughing]
- I've never done that before.
1108
00:39:46,906 --> 00:39:48,603
I literally do not stop.
1109
00:39:48,734 --> 00:39:50,431
I'll stop for the applause
breaks, obviously,
1110
00:39:50,562 --> 00:39:52,128
I'm just like --
1111
00:39:52,259 --> 00:39:54,827
Is that to potentially
overcome an insecurity
1112
00:39:54,957 --> 00:39:56,524
- or a shyness?
- Yeah, probably,
1113
00:39:56,655 --> 00:39:58,744
I probably am like, "I'm not
good enough to stop, [laughing]
1114
00:39:58,874 --> 00:39:59,745
- so I gotta keep going."
- Wow.
1115
00:39:59,875 --> 00:40:00,615
[London laughing]
1116
00:40:00,746 --> 00:40:02,661
I should try your style.
1117
00:40:02,791 --> 00:40:04,053
- Yeah, try it.
- [audience laughing]
1118
00:40:04,184 --> 00:40:05,054
[comedians laughing]
1119
00:40:05,185 --> 00:40:06,708
[audience clapping]
1120
00:40:07,970 --> 00:40:10,016
Yes, go on, Tig.
1121
00:40:10,146 --> 00:40:11,670
I would be like, "Oh, God."
1122
00:40:11,800 --> 00:40:13,367
[audience laughing]
1123
00:40:13,498 --> 00:40:15,151
- "Oh geez, my spinal fusion."
- [London] Just all.
1124
00:40:15,282 --> 00:40:16,544
[Atsuko imitating gun firing]
1125
00:40:16,675 --> 00:40:17,632
[comedians and
audience laughing]
1126
00:40:17,763 --> 00:40:19,155
[Tig imitating gun firing]
1127
00:40:19,286 --> 00:40:21,941
[London]
Yes, everyone's dead!
1128
00:40:22,071 --> 00:40:23,725
Anal jokes.
1129
00:40:23,856 --> 00:40:25,988
[comedians and audience
laughing and clapping]
1130
00:40:27,163 --> 00:40:28,251
[London] Ah!
1131
00:40:28,382 --> 00:40:30,340
Coming at you with
my anal jokes.
1132
00:40:30,689 --> 00:40:32,778
[audience clapping]
1133
00:40:34,432 --> 00:40:37,347
[Tig] I think my style
changed over the years.
1134
00:40:39,045 --> 00:40:40,307
When I first began,
1135
00:40:40,438 --> 00:40:45,268
it was very kind of
one-liner, quick joke.
1136
00:40:45,660 --> 00:40:47,532
I notice more and more women
1137
00:40:47,662 --> 00:40:49,447
are getting fake boobs.
1138
00:40:49,577 --> 00:40:50,839
[audience laughing]
1139
00:40:50,970 --> 00:40:52,145
[sighing] Meanwhile,
1140
00:40:52,275 --> 00:40:53,755
I still haven't even
gotten real ones yet.
1141
00:40:53,886 --> 00:40:54,887
[audience laughing]
1142
00:40:55,017 --> 00:40:57,542
Then it became.
1143
00:40:57,672 --> 00:41:02,503
- [stool rubbing]
- [audience laughing]
1144
00:41:02,634 --> 00:41:04,157
I went on Conan once
1145
00:41:04,287 --> 00:41:06,072
and pushed a stool around.
1146
00:41:06,202 --> 00:41:08,378
[audience laughing]
1147
00:41:09,162 --> 00:41:10,729
[stool rubbing]
1148
00:41:11,860 --> 00:41:12,948
[audience clapping]
1149
00:41:13,079 --> 00:41:15,124
Made everybody
uncomfortable, but.
1150
00:41:17,170 --> 00:41:19,389
I feel like [laughing] maybe
some of you aren't into it.
1151
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,130
[audience laughing and clapping]
1152
00:41:21,261 --> 00:41:22,567
Got some laughs.
1153
00:41:22,697 --> 00:41:25,352
But yeah, I just, I
kind of allowed myself
1154
00:41:25,483 --> 00:41:30,226
to do whatever I felt most
comfortable doing at that time.
1155
00:41:30,923 --> 00:41:35,101
And then that's also what
ended up happening in 2012.
1156
00:41:36,102 --> 00:41:38,365
Can you talk a little bit
about the circumstances
1157
00:41:38,496 --> 00:41:40,323
leading up to that?
1158
00:41:40,585 --> 00:41:42,935
[Tig] Well, in a four-month
period of time,
1159
00:41:43,065 --> 00:41:45,285
in 2012,
1160
00:41:45,415 --> 00:41:47,243
I had pneumonia,
1161
00:41:47,374 --> 00:41:50,986
then I contracted this
very deadly disease,
1162
00:41:51,117 --> 00:41:53,162
C. diff, the intestinal disease.
1163
00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,209
Then my mother tripped,
1164
00:41:56,339 --> 00:41:57,602
hit her head and died.
1165
00:41:57,732 --> 00:41:58,864
[audience gasping]
1166
00:41:58,994 --> 00:42:01,388
My girlfriend and I split up.
1167
00:42:01,519 --> 00:42:04,260
And then I was diagnosed
with invasive cancer.
1168
00:42:05,523 --> 00:42:08,047
And yeah.
1169
00:42:08,569 --> 00:42:11,006
I didn't have depression,
1170
00:42:11,137 --> 00:42:14,096
I had deep, deep sadness,
1171
00:42:14,227 --> 00:42:16,534
deep, deep fear.
1172
00:42:16,664 --> 00:42:18,710
Deep, deep sadness,
1173
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,494
deep, deep fear.
1174
00:42:20,799 --> 00:42:24,280
I had this show booked
1175
00:42:24,411 --> 00:42:27,240
at the venue Largo
in Los Angeles.
1176
00:42:27,370 --> 00:42:28,894
And I remember I called to say,
1177
00:42:29,024 --> 00:42:32,071
"Hey, I don't think
I can do this,
1178
00:42:32,201 --> 00:42:35,074
I'm really struggling
emotionally and physically."
1179
00:42:36,771 --> 00:42:38,425
And I remember the owner saying,
1180
00:42:38,556 --> 00:42:40,253
"Let's just keep it on the books
1181
00:42:40,383 --> 00:42:42,385
and just see how you feel
1182
00:42:42,516 --> 00:42:43,648
when we get to that date."
1183
00:42:43,778 --> 00:42:46,825
And I thought,
"This guy, [laughing]
1184
00:42:46,955 --> 00:42:49,697
I don't think he heard me.
1185
00:42:49,828 --> 00:42:51,743
My mother died and I have
cancer and my girlfriend."
1186
00:42:51,873 --> 00:42:53,396
[audience laughing]
1187
00:42:53,527 --> 00:42:54,833
But he was like, "Yeah, just
if you don't wanna do it,
1188
00:42:54,963 --> 00:42:57,052
you can cancel it
1189
00:42:57,183 --> 00:42:59,402
the second before you're
gonna walk on stage."
1190
00:42:59,533 --> 00:43:01,056
And I thought, "Okay."
1191
00:43:01,187 --> 00:43:04,843
And as it got closer
to the show date,
1192
00:43:04,973 --> 00:43:09,674
I found myself making jokes
1193
00:43:09,804 --> 00:43:12,328
about these different things
1194
00:43:12,459 --> 00:43:14,548
that I hadn't been
able to find humor in.
1195
00:43:15,288 --> 00:43:19,509
I allowed myself to go
with what was happening,
1196
00:43:19,640 --> 00:43:22,687
and that was that
it didn't make sense
1197
00:43:22,817 --> 00:43:27,256
to do anything
other than to share
1198
00:43:27,387 --> 00:43:30,129
what was actually
going on in my life.
1199
00:43:30,259 --> 00:43:32,914
[audience cheering and clapping]
1200
00:43:33,915 --> 00:43:35,438
Good evening, hello.
1201
00:43:38,006 --> 00:43:39,834
I have cancer, how are you?
1202
00:43:39,965 --> 00:43:41,183
[audience laughing]
1203
00:43:41,314 --> 00:43:43,403
Is everybody having
a good time?
1204
00:43:43,533 --> 00:43:45,187
Diagnosed with cancer.
1205
00:43:45,318 --> 00:43:47,320
[audience murmuring
and laughing]
1206
00:43:47,450 --> 00:43:48,495
It's okay.
1207
00:43:48,626 --> 00:43:50,279
[audience laughing and clapping]
1208
00:43:50,410 --> 00:43:52,847
It's okay. [laughing]
1209
00:43:52,978 --> 00:43:54,414
It's gonna be okay.
1210
00:43:54,544 --> 00:43:55,850
It might not be okay,
1211
00:43:55,981 --> 00:43:58,723
- but I'm just saying.
- [audience laughing]
1212
00:43:58,853 --> 00:44:00,028
You're gonna be okay.
[laughing]
1213
00:44:00,159 --> 00:44:01,856
[audience laughing]
1214
00:44:03,771 --> 00:44:04,903
After my mother died,
1215
00:44:05,033 --> 00:44:07,514
the hospital sent
this questionnaire
1216
00:44:07,645 --> 00:44:10,386
asking how her stay
at the hospital went.
1217
00:44:10,691 --> 00:44:11,910
[comedians and
audience laughing]
1218
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:16,915
And when I first got
that in the mail,
1219
00:44:17,045 --> 00:44:19,134
I was outraged.
1220
00:44:19,265 --> 00:44:22,747
Whereas that night
I walked on stage,
1221
00:44:22,877 --> 00:44:24,139
I talked about it,
1222
00:44:24,270 --> 00:44:25,967
and I answered
the entire questionnaire.
1223
00:44:26,098 --> 00:44:27,360
[comedians and
audience laughing]
1224
00:44:27,490 --> 00:44:31,712
Number one, "During
this hospital stay,
1225
00:44:31,843 --> 00:44:33,758
did nurses explain things
1226
00:44:33,888 --> 00:44:35,063
in a way you could understand?"
1227
00:44:35,194 --> 00:44:36,935
[audience laughing]
1228
00:44:37,065 --> 00:44:40,112
I mean, considering you
had zero brain activity.
1229
00:44:40,242 --> 00:44:43,942
[audience laughing]
1230
00:44:44,072 --> 00:44:46,901
Number four, "Suggestions
for improvements...
1231
00:44:48,686 --> 00:44:52,820
...such as should we stop
sending questionnaires
1232
00:44:52,951 --> 00:44:55,910
- to dead people?"
- [audience laughing]
1233
00:44:58,086 --> 00:44:59,305
There was nervous laughter,
1234
00:44:59,435 --> 00:45:04,353
there was hysterical laughter.
1235
00:45:04,484 --> 00:45:05,790
People were stunned,
1236
00:45:05,920 --> 00:45:08,357
people were confused.
1237
00:45:08,488 --> 00:45:13,536
I really felt like I was
stepping off of a ledge
1238
00:45:13,667 --> 00:45:16,017
and suddenly I could fly,
1239
00:45:16,148 --> 00:45:20,500
even if I was maybe
gonna crash and burn.
1240
00:45:20,630 --> 00:45:23,242
It was very freeing to...
1241
00:45:24,634 --> 00:45:26,332
...share...
1242
00:45:26,462 --> 00:45:28,203
these personal aspects.
1243
00:45:28,987 --> 00:45:33,469
- [inquisitive music]
- [camera shutter clicking]
1244
00:45:34,079 --> 00:45:35,645
What if I just
transitioned right now
1245
00:45:35,776 --> 00:45:38,039
into silly just
jokes right now?
1246
00:45:38,170 --> 00:45:39,040
- [Man] No.
- [Audience] No!
1247
00:45:39,171 --> 00:45:40,346
[Audience Member] No.
1248
00:45:40,476 --> 00:45:41,434
[Tig] "No, I wanna
hear more bad news."
1249
00:45:41,564 --> 00:45:42,261
- [audience laughing]
- Yes.
1250
00:45:42,391 --> 00:45:43,349
[Audience Member] Yes.
1251
00:45:43,479 --> 00:45:44,654
[Audience Member]
We can take it.
1252
00:45:44,785 --> 00:45:45,917
[Tig] No! [laughing]
1253
00:45:46,047 --> 00:45:48,746
[audience laughing]
1254
00:45:55,535 --> 00:45:57,145
[Audience Member] This
is fucking amazing.
1255
00:45:57,276 --> 00:45:58,233
- [Tig] Oh.
- [audience cheering]
1256
00:45:58,364 --> 00:46:01,280
[audience clapping]
1257
00:46:06,633 --> 00:46:08,766
[Neil] On that note, let's take
like a five-minute break.
1258
00:46:10,245 --> 00:46:11,551
Let's take a break.
1259
00:46:11,681 --> 00:46:15,250
- [bright music]
- [everybody faintly speaking]
1260
00:46:15,381 --> 00:46:16,599
[Tig] Do we leave the room?
1261
00:46:22,692 --> 00:46:24,564
- [Mike laughing]
- [Neil] I find LA
1262
00:46:24,694 --> 00:46:26,435
the hardest city to live in.
1263
00:46:26,566 --> 00:46:27,654
- LA?
- 'Cause it's
1264
00:46:27,785 --> 00:46:29,525
a very industry-centric town
1265
00:46:29,656 --> 00:46:33,312
where everyone at their
level is annoyed, seemingly,
1266
00:46:33,442 --> 00:46:34,879
that they're not
at the next level.
1267
00:46:35,009 --> 00:46:36,010
[audience clapping]
1268
00:46:36,141 --> 00:46:36,924
- Thank you.
- [audience cheering]
1269
00:46:37,055 --> 00:46:39,231
[camera shutter clicking]
1270
00:46:39,361 --> 00:46:41,276
We got invited to
the Vanity Fair Party
1271
00:46:41,407 --> 00:46:42,495
after the Oscars.
1272
00:46:42,625 --> 00:46:43,844
- Like, "We made it."
- [Mike laughing]
1273
00:46:43,975 --> 00:46:46,107
"We're at the fucking
Vanity Fair party."
1274
00:46:46,238 --> 00:46:48,196
And we walk in, we
do the whole thing,
1275
00:46:48,327 --> 00:46:49,154
and then we're looking
1276
00:46:49,284 --> 00:46:50,982
and there's a velvet-roped area
1277
00:46:51,112 --> 00:46:52,113
- in the--
- [comedians laughing]
1278
00:46:52,244 --> 00:46:54,028
And we're like,
"What? Who's in?"
1279
00:46:54,159 --> 00:46:56,422
And they're like,
"Oh, no, that's."
1280
00:46:56,552 --> 00:46:58,772
So then the next year,
we got invited back,
1281
00:46:58,903 --> 00:47:00,208
and we're like,
"Can we get into?
1282
00:47:00,339 --> 00:47:02,210
We know there's like a
velvet ropey kinda area,
1283
00:47:02,341 --> 00:47:03,690
could we go in that?"
1284
00:47:03,821 --> 00:47:05,561
So we did, and we get
into the velvet-rope area
1285
00:47:05,692 --> 00:47:06,998
and we're sitting there
1286
00:47:07,128 --> 00:47:08,390
and we're hanging out
with a couple of people,
1287
00:47:08,521 --> 00:47:10,218
maybe Bryan Cranston was
there, it was so fun,
1288
00:47:10,523 --> 00:47:11,567
and then everyone
starts leaving.
1289
00:47:11,698 --> 00:47:12,742
And we're like, "Oh,
where you going?"
1290
00:47:12,873 --> 00:47:14,005
"Oh, we're going to
Madonna's thing."
1291
00:47:14,135 --> 00:47:15,006
- [Atsuko gasping]
- And we're like,
1292
00:47:15,136 --> 00:47:16,311
- "Huh?"
- Another velvet rope?
1293
00:47:16,442 --> 00:47:17,356
[London] Literally.
1294
00:47:17,486 --> 00:47:18,574
- Another rope.
- And then you go
1295
00:47:18,705 --> 00:47:19,619
to Madonna's,
1296
00:47:19,749 --> 00:47:21,055
and there's a group of people
1297
00:47:21,186 --> 00:47:23,231
that get to go downstairs
to where Madonna is
1298
00:47:23,362 --> 00:47:25,799
at Madonna's party.
So that was LA to me,
1299
00:47:25,930 --> 00:47:26,844
was no matter...
1300
00:47:26,974 --> 00:47:28,628
- Wow.
- ...the cool spot you got,
1301
00:47:28,758 --> 00:47:31,674
it felt like there
was another level.
1302
00:47:31,805 --> 00:47:32,632
[London] And the thing is,
you would've been fine,
1303
00:47:32,762 --> 00:47:33,807
if you hadn't have seen
1304
00:47:33,938 --> 00:47:35,200
that velvet rope,
you would've had
1305
00:47:35,330 --> 00:47:36,070
- a great time.
- [Neil] Woulda had a great time.
1306
00:47:36,201 --> 00:47:36,941
Would've had the best time.
1307
00:47:37,071 --> 00:47:39,204
[upbeat music]
1308
00:47:41,510 --> 00:47:43,643
I'm watching Britney Spears
dance. [laughing]
1309
00:47:44,949 --> 00:47:46,298
[Interviewer] Dance?
1310
00:47:46,428 --> 00:47:48,213
She always just dances
semi-naked in her house.
1311
00:47:48,343 --> 00:47:49,475
[Interviewer] Oh, yes.
1312
00:47:51,694 --> 00:47:53,827
I remember being 12,
1313
00:47:53,958 --> 00:47:56,656
knowing that
Britney Spears made it
1314
00:47:56,786 --> 00:47:58,049
on "The Mickey Mouse Club"
1315
00:47:58,179 --> 00:47:59,398
when she was 12.
1316
00:47:59,528 --> 00:48:00,878
And I hadn't made it,
1317
00:48:01,008 --> 00:48:03,489
and I wasn't on "The Mickey
Mouse Club" or "Barney."
1318
00:48:03,793 --> 00:48:05,491
I remember just feeling like,
1319
00:48:05,621 --> 00:48:08,233
"I've missed my chance,
I've passed my prime."
1320
00:48:08,363 --> 00:48:09,364
And that was me at 12.
1321
00:48:09,495 --> 00:48:11,671
So [laughing] me at 34.
1322
00:48:14,848 --> 00:48:16,981
It's no surprise that
I'm blonde right now.
1323
00:48:17,111 --> 00:48:19,853
[laughing] I remember wanting
to be a white girl so badly,
1324
00:48:19,984 --> 00:48:23,117
because I just,
I thought as a kid
1325
00:48:23,248 --> 00:48:27,034
that being white was
seen as beautiful.
1326
00:48:27,165 --> 00:48:29,297
[Dick Cavett] Richard, I don't
wanna be obsessed with race,
1327
00:48:29,428 --> 00:48:30,908
but this is a different angle
1328
00:48:31,038 --> 00:48:33,432
I really never heard
anybody discuss.
1329
00:48:33,562 --> 00:48:35,564
Can white writers
write for you?
1330
00:48:35,695 --> 00:48:36,914
You know what I mean?
1331
00:48:37,044 --> 00:48:39,655
If they write for the
human being in me, yes.
1332
00:48:40,047 --> 00:48:43,355
If they try to
write for some idea
1333
00:48:43,485 --> 00:48:46,445
they have of what I would
be as a black person,
1334
00:48:46,575 --> 00:48:49,317
they usually cannot do that.
1335
00:48:49,448 --> 00:48:51,189
Most of the shows that
we have on British TV
1336
00:48:51,319 --> 00:48:52,712
that include black people
1337
00:48:52,842 --> 00:48:54,714
were written or created
by white people.
1338
00:48:54,844 --> 00:48:57,325
And for me, because
I was in the industry
1339
00:48:57,456 --> 00:49:00,111
and I wasn't like that,
1340
00:49:00,241 --> 00:49:02,678
I wasn't black enough
for the white people,
1341
00:49:02,809 --> 00:49:04,202
then also I'm black,
1342
00:49:04,332 --> 00:49:06,204
so I was too black for
the white people as well.
1343
00:49:06,334 --> 00:49:07,509
Earlier in my career,
1344
00:49:07,640 --> 00:49:09,555
I'd be steered in a direction
1345
00:49:09,685 --> 00:49:11,992
to sound a certain type of way.
1346
00:49:12,123 --> 00:49:14,081
What would be a case of
somebody trying to sound black?
1347
00:49:14,212 --> 00:49:15,778
Could you give an example of it?
1348
00:49:15,909 --> 00:49:17,650
I mean, I know they
don't mean any harm,
1349
00:49:17,780 --> 00:49:20,348
but they don't realize
how ignorant it is
1350
00:49:20,479 --> 00:49:22,263
trying to have that black voice
1351
00:49:22,394 --> 00:49:25,310
that some whites try to do,
1352
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:26,659
and really don't do well.
1353
00:49:26,789 --> 00:49:28,878
[Dick] Like,
"Why you jive turkey."
1354
00:49:29,009 --> 00:49:32,012
[audience laughing]
1355
00:49:32,143 --> 00:49:34,754
- Yeah, that was. [laughing]
- [audience laughing]
1356
00:49:34,884 --> 00:49:36,364
[Nicole]
I did a commercial,
1357
00:49:36,495 --> 00:49:38,366
it was one of the only
commercials I've ever booked,
1358
00:49:38,497 --> 00:49:40,194
I play a fairy in it.
1359
00:49:40,325 --> 00:49:42,327
And at the audition,
the casting director was like,
1360
00:49:42,457 --> 00:49:44,372
"Be as black as you can be.
1361
00:49:44,503 --> 00:49:45,983
And if you go too black,
1362
00:49:46,113 --> 00:49:47,593
I'll bring you back."
1363
00:49:47,723 --> 00:49:49,508
- [laughing] What?
- [Nicole] And, [laughing]
1364
00:49:49,638 --> 00:49:52,554
in the room, I was like,
"How is she gonna bring me back?
1365
00:49:52,685 --> 00:49:53,729
- One."
- [audience laughing]
1366
00:49:53,860 --> 00:49:57,907
"Two, what is too black?"
1367
00:49:58,038 --> 00:50:00,171
- [Neil] Was she black?
- You know she wasn't.
1368
00:50:00,301 --> 00:50:01,476
[everybody laughing]
1369
00:50:01,607 --> 00:50:03,130
[audience clapping]
1370
00:50:03,261 --> 00:50:04,697
- You know --
- [Neil] Wow.
1371
00:50:04,827 --> 00:50:06,220
[Nicole]
It was a thin white woman
1372
00:50:06,351 --> 00:50:08,222
who was like, "I want
you to say things
1373
00:50:08,353 --> 00:50:11,356
that your people say,
like call the little boy, 'Son,'
1374
00:50:11,486 --> 00:50:12,357
and say, 'Sister.'"
1375
00:50:12,487 --> 00:50:14,837
And she wanted neck movements
1376
00:50:14,968 --> 00:50:17,536
- for a fairy. [laughing]
- [London] Sheesh.
1377
00:50:17,666 --> 00:50:19,451
She'd be like,
"I grant your wish."
1378
00:50:19,581 --> 00:50:22,149
[comedians
and audience laughing]
1379
00:50:23,498 --> 00:50:24,978
[Neil] And the comic in you
1380
00:50:25,109 --> 00:50:26,632
could probably know that is it
1381
00:50:26,762 --> 00:50:28,025
- material potentially?
- Oh, yeah,
1382
00:50:28,155 --> 00:50:29,765
I ended up writing
a sketch about it
1383
00:50:29,896 --> 00:50:31,158
called, "Be Blacker."
1384
00:50:31,289 --> 00:50:33,204
Right, Nicole, I need
you to be blacker.
1385
00:50:34,466 --> 00:50:36,337
Do you understand what I
mean when I say, "Blacker?"
1386
00:50:36,468 --> 00:50:38,209
No, I'm sorry, I-I don't.
1387
00:50:38,339 --> 00:50:40,515
Do you know how to be
[finger snapping] sassy?
1388
00:50:40,646 --> 00:50:42,517
- [fingers snapping]
- Yes, let me see, yeah,
1389
00:50:42,648 --> 00:50:43,953
sassy, that's great, sassy.
1390
00:50:44,084 --> 00:50:44,911
I want you to take that,
1391
00:50:45,042 --> 00:50:45,955
go right into it, I love that.
1392
00:50:46,086 --> 00:50:47,174
- Sass it up.
- Okay, sassy.
1393
00:50:47,305 --> 00:50:48,610
[Producer] Still
rolling, go ahead.
1394
00:50:48,741 --> 00:50:50,003
LeShwana, did you get
those clams I asked for?
1395
00:50:50,134 --> 00:50:51,178
[finger snapping] Whoo, child,
1396
00:50:51,309 --> 00:50:53,093
I got them clams.
1397
00:50:53,224 --> 00:50:55,791
I got everything on
that list you gave me.
1398
00:50:55,922 --> 00:50:59,360
[Agent] Okay, um, have you
heard of Madea?
1399
00:51:00,231 --> 00:51:02,233
[Nicole] It doesn't feel good
when someone's like,
1400
00:51:02,363 --> 00:51:03,495
"The black you are
1401
00:51:03,625 --> 00:51:04,583
is not [laughing]
the black I want."
1402
00:51:04,713 --> 00:51:06,280
- [Neil] Oh.
- "I want you to pretend
1403
00:51:06,411 --> 00:51:08,065
to be this other type of black
1404
00:51:08,195 --> 00:51:11,372
that I only know
from TV or whatever."
1405
00:51:11,938 --> 00:51:13,200
And it wasn't only that,
1406
00:51:13,331 --> 00:51:15,420
I'm also fat and I
had to be in a harness
1407
00:51:15,550 --> 00:51:16,725
and hoisted to the sky.
1408
00:51:16,856 --> 00:51:18,292
And the first thing
the stunt guy said was,
1409
00:51:18,423 --> 00:51:20,555
"We tested this on the
biggest man we could find.
1410
00:51:20,686 --> 00:51:22,079
You're bigger,
but we tested it."
1411
00:51:22,209 --> 00:51:23,384
- [audience gasping]
- [laughing] And I was like,
1412
00:51:23,515 --> 00:51:25,604
"So I'm like a parody
of a black person,
1413
00:51:25,734 --> 00:51:27,475
I might die, I'm the
biggest thing there,
1414
00:51:27,606 --> 00:51:28,911
people were staring at me."
1415
00:51:29,042 --> 00:51:30,870
It was wild, the
whole thing was wild.
1416
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:32,001
[Neil] Wow.
1417
00:51:33,177 --> 00:51:35,048
[feet shuffling]
1418
00:51:39,792 --> 00:51:43,317
[Nicole] You're told as a kid,
"Ugh, ugh, she's fat."
1419
00:51:44,405 --> 00:51:46,494
And you're told that
fat is a bad word.
1420
00:51:48,105 --> 00:51:49,758
In my early 20s,
1421
00:51:49,889 --> 00:51:52,283
I worked at a clothing
store called Lane Bryant.
1422
00:51:52,413 --> 00:51:53,545
I called it Lame Giant,
1423
00:51:53,675 --> 00:51:55,112
nobody thought it was funny.
1424
00:51:55,242 --> 00:51:57,070
- [interviewer laughing]
- And I would [laughing]
1425
00:51:57,201 --> 00:51:59,986
wear really skin-tight clothing.
1426
00:52:00,117 --> 00:52:01,857
And my manager, she
looked just like Shrek,
1427
00:52:01,988 --> 00:52:03,294
her name was Judith.
1428
00:52:03,424 --> 00:52:04,904
Please leave her name in.
1429
00:52:05,034 --> 00:52:08,168
And she would yell
at me, reprimand me,
1430
00:52:08,299 --> 00:52:10,562
she would be like, "You
can't wear tight clothing."
1431
00:52:10,997 --> 00:52:13,695
And in my brain,
I was like, "What?
1432
00:52:14,131 --> 00:52:16,655
So am I lying to the other
fat people about being fat?
1433
00:52:16,785 --> 00:52:18,309
That's insane."
1434
00:52:18,439 --> 00:52:20,093
I just had an epiphany
where I was like,
1435
00:52:20,224 --> 00:52:21,747
"I don't give a shit.
1436
00:52:21,877 --> 00:52:24,315
I'm just gonna wear what
I feel comfortable in."
1437
00:52:24,445 --> 00:52:26,447
And then I started wearing
bikinis out in public.
1438
00:52:26,882 --> 00:52:29,189
And then I was like,
people do stare,
1439
00:52:29,320 --> 00:52:31,670
but I was like, "That means
my body's really powerful."
1440
00:52:32,061 --> 00:52:35,543
- [audience laughing]
- So I tell a lot of fat jokes.
1441
00:52:35,674 --> 00:52:37,066
- [audience laughing]
- And there's always
1442
00:52:37,197 --> 00:52:38,242
someone in the
audience who's like,
1443
00:52:38,372 --> 00:52:42,071
"Nicole, you're
not fat, girl, no."
1444
00:52:42,202 --> 00:52:43,725
[audience laughing]
1445
00:52:43,856 --> 00:52:46,424
"You're beautiful!"
1446
00:52:46,554 --> 00:52:48,774
Bitch, I know.
1447
00:52:48,904 --> 00:52:50,079
[audience laughing,
cheering and clapping]
1448
00:52:50,210 --> 00:52:51,777
Look at this!
1449
00:52:52,430 --> 00:52:53,953
Thank you.
1450
00:52:54,083 --> 00:52:55,998
It's nice to pull from something
1451
00:52:56,129 --> 00:52:57,783
where you're like, "Oh,
that didn't feel great,"
1452
00:52:57,913 --> 00:52:59,350
and turn it into
something great.
1453
00:52:59,480 --> 00:53:00,742
You'll talk about
anything on stage,
1454
00:53:00,873 --> 00:53:02,396
- yeah?
- For the most part, yeah.
1455
00:53:02,527 --> 00:53:03,789
- You're more --
- I don't know, I just feel
1456
00:53:03,919 --> 00:53:05,356
like everyone kinda
goes through shit,
1457
00:53:05,486 --> 00:53:07,009
so why not talk about it?
1458
00:53:07,140 --> 00:53:08,272
Because there's
somebody in the audience
1459
00:53:08,446 --> 00:53:10,317
that's gone through it
or identifies with it.
1460
00:53:10,448 --> 00:53:11,492
[Neil] Nice.
1461
00:53:11,623 --> 00:53:13,929
[pensive music]
1462
00:53:14,060 --> 00:53:15,235
[Tig]
After my mother passed away,
1463
00:53:15,366 --> 00:53:18,369
I was diagnosed with
bilateral breast cancer,
1464
00:53:18,499 --> 00:53:21,459
but I have not told anybody yet.
1465
00:53:21,589 --> 00:53:24,505
[audience laughing]
1466
00:53:25,941 --> 00:53:27,378
You're the first
people to find out.
1467
00:53:27,508 --> 00:53:29,380
[audience laughing]
1468
00:53:30,729 --> 00:53:32,905
Wow, that's a very
cold response.
1469
00:53:33,035 --> 00:53:34,950
[audience laughing]
1470
00:53:39,128 --> 00:53:41,348
After all of
the attention I got,
1471
00:53:41,479 --> 00:53:43,220
it confused me,
1472
00:53:43,350 --> 00:53:45,613
because everybody was saying
1473
00:53:45,744 --> 00:53:46,788
that I found my voice
1474
00:53:46,919 --> 00:53:49,965
and that I am
a dark truth teller.
1475
00:53:50,357 --> 00:53:52,751
And I was thinking, "Yeah, I
guess that's what I am."
1476
00:53:52,881 --> 00:53:54,448
[comedians and
audience laughing]
1477
00:53:54,579 --> 00:53:56,668
Before my surgery, I was
already relatively
1478
00:53:56,798 --> 00:53:58,757
flat chested.
1479
00:53:58,887 --> 00:54:02,413
And I made so many
jokes over the years
1480
00:54:02,543 --> 00:54:05,590
about how small my boobs were
1481
00:54:05,720 --> 00:54:08,157
that I started to think
1482
00:54:08,288 --> 00:54:13,511
that maybe my
boobs overheard me.
1483
00:54:13,641 --> 00:54:15,991
[audience laughing]
1484
00:54:18,516 --> 00:54:23,172
And were just like,
[sighing] "You know what?"
1485
00:54:25,566 --> 00:54:26,828
"We're sick of this."
1486
00:54:26,959 --> 00:54:29,222
[audience laughing]
1487
00:54:30,789 --> 00:54:32,138
"Let's kill her."
1488
00:54:32,269 --> 00:54:34,619
[audience laughing and clapping]
1489
00:54:34,749 --> 00:54:36,447
[pensive music]
1490
00:54:36,577 --> 00:54:38,187
But I was really lost, you know.
1491
00:54:38,318 --> 00:54:41,278
I was still swirling
from so much.
1492
00:54:45,412 --> 00:54:46,805
I was trying to have a child.
1493
00:54:49,416 --> 00:54:51,375
Even before Stephanie
and I got together,
1494
00:54:51,505 --> 00:54:53,072
and I kept it a secret from her
1495
00:54:53,202 --> 00:54:56,075
'cause I didn't wanna
[laughing] freak her out
1496
00:54:56,205 --> 00:54:58,469
in the beginning of
our relationship
1497
00:54:59,992 --> 00:55:02,995
To be falling in love
and say, "Oh, by the way...
1498
00:55:03,865 --> 00:55:07,086
...I'm also injecting myself
on the side of the road
1499
00:55:07,216 --> 00:55:10,132
with hormones to try
and have a child by myself.
1500
00:55:11,612 --> 00:55:12,657
Wanna go out?"
1501
00:55:13,788 --> 00:55:16,878
Once I revealed it to her,
1502
00:55:17,009 --> 00:55:19,316
I couldn't believe
that she was all-in.
1503
00:55:19,446 --> 00:55:21,753
She was like, "I don't want
you hiding that from me,
1504
00:55:21,883 --> 00:55:23,450
I wanna be a part of that."
1505
00:55:23,581 --> 00:55:25,800
And [laughing] I
could not believe
1506
00:55:25,931 --> 00:55:27,759
she was saying that.
1507
00:55:27,889 --> 00:55:30,631
Then we started to do
that together as a couple.
1508
00:55:30,762 --> 00:55:32,459
[car engine rumbling]
1509
00:55:32,590 --> 00:55:36,898
I was the subject of a
documentary film called "Tig."
1510
00:55:37,029 --> 00:55:39,248
The producers and directors
1511
00:55:39,379 --> 00:55:42,730
wanted me to get the results
1512
00:55:42,861 --> 00:55:46,778
of my pregnancy test on camera.
1513
00:55:47,300 --> 00:55:49,476
I know if the news
that he's in there,
1514
00:55:49,607 --> 00:55:51,739
if that is the news,
1515
00:55:51,870 --> 00:55:53,524
I don't think it
would be possible
1516
00:55:53,654 --> 00:55:56,918
to have another bad
day while I'm alive.
1517
00:55:57,963 --> 00:56:00,705
Because of my health,
1518
00:56:00,835 --> 00:56:04,143
it was questionable
whether or not
1519
00:56:04,273 --> 00:56:05,971
I should be even trying to do
1520
00:56:06,101 --> 00:56:09,757
this hormone treatment
to have --
1521
00:56:10,454 --> 00:56:13,718
It just, it was really a lot.
1522
00:56:13,848 --> 00:56:14,719
[phone ringing]
1523
00:56:14,849 --> 00:56:16,938
Oh, my gosh,
1524
00:56:17,069 --> 00:56:18,897
there's the doctor.
1525
00:56:19,027 --> 00:56:20,115
Oh, boy.
1526
00:56:20,246 --> 00:56:23,162
And then I got
the news on camera.
1527
00:56:26,034 --> 00:56:27,079
Hello?
1528
00:56:28,472 --> 00:56:31,649
[Doctor] Hi, so I got the
results of the blood test,
1529
00:56:32,084 --> 00:56:35,392
and unfortunately, I don't
have good news for you.
1530
00:56:35,522 --> 00:56:37,742
- Uh-huh.
- The results came back
1531
00:56:37,872 --> 00:56:40,135
as less than two
for pregnancy test,
1532
00:56:40,266 --> 00:56:42,137
and that means it's negative.
1533
00:56:44,444 --> 00:56:46,359
It's so wild to think about now
1534
00:56:46,490 --> 00:56:50,189
because there really
wasn't an ounce of my being
1535
00:56:50,319 --> 00:56:55,934
that thought that it
wasn't gonna happen.
1536
00:56:56,064 --> 00:56:59,024
[pensive music]
1537
00:56:59,154 --> 00:57:00,591
I was so convinced.
1538
00:57:02,723 --> 00:57:03,855
It was devastating.
1539
00:57:05,378 --> 00:57:09,817
And there I was
with cameras on me.
1540
00:57:13,168 --> 00:57:15,432
I really wanted
privacy at that moment.
1541
00:57:20,915 --> 00:57:23,352
[upbeat music]
1542
00:57:25,572 --> 00:57:29,446
[production faintly speaking]
1543
00:57:29,576 --> 00:57:31,404
[Neil] I have
massive impostor syndrome
1544
00:57:31,535 --> 00:57:32,449
- with a lot of things.
- [Atsuko] Do you know
1545
00:57:32,579 --> 00:57:33,232
- any of these guys?
- [Neil] No.
1546
00:57:33,362 --> 00:57:34,233
- [Atsuko] No?
- [Neil] No,
1547
00:57:34,363 --> 00:57:37,802
I think I've met Gary before,
1548
00:57:37,932 --> 00:57:41,675
but like decadesbefore.
1549
00:57:41,806 --> 00:57:44,025
So that's as much as
I know anyone here.
1550
00:57:44,156 --> 00:57:45,418
Gary and I have funny history
1551
00:57:45,549 --> 00:57:47,072
because when we first met,
1552
00:57:47,202 --> 00:57:49,466
I was in Los Angeles
for a few days.
1553
00:57:49,596 --> 00:57:53,208
You and I did a show together
on Sunset Strip at some bar.
1554
00:57:53,339 --> 00:57:54,688
And then he was like,
"Here's my number,
1555
00:57:54,819 --> 00:57:55,820
let's hang out."
1556
00:57:55,950 --> 00:57:58,039
And then you ghosted me
1557
00:57:58,170 --> 00:57:59,693
- for about five years.
- [Gary] Nice.
1558
00:57:59,824 --> 00:58:01,390
- [London] Wow, wow.
- [Tig] That is funny.
1559
00:58:01,521 --> 00:58:03,001
[London] Why did you ghost him?
1560
00:58:03,131 --> 00:58:04,437
[Gary]
I'll tell you why I ghosted him.
1561
00:58:04,568 --> 00:58:06,091
When I wasn't on stage,
1562
00:58:06,221 --> 00:58:11,052
I was frequently standing
on a window sill. [laughing]
1563
00:58:11,183 --> 00:58:13,838
I'd never been more
depressed. [laughing]
1564
00:58:13,968 --> 00:58:14,839
I was on the 12th floor
1565
00:58:14,969 --> 00:58:16,101
and I remember looking out,
1566
00:58:16,231 --> 00:58:17,450
the thing that
saved me was like,
1567
00:58:17,581 --> 00:58:19,408
"I know I'm gonna
regret it halfway down."
1568
00:58:19,539 --> 00:58:21,323
- Oh, wow.
- [Gary] I would stand up there.
1569
00:58:21,585 --> 00:58:22,803
Would there be anyone
1570
00:58:22,977 --> 00:58:24,457
that could take you off
that ledge at that point,
1571
00:58:24,588 --> 00:58:25,893
or would it just have to be you?
1572
00:58:26,024 --> 00:58:27,416
It was just me, yeah.
1573
00:58:27,547 --> 00:58:29,723
I mean, I always thought
somebody would call
1574
00:58:29,854 --> 00:58:32,378
with some nice thing
or something like that,
1575
00:58:32,509 --> 00:58:33,814
but it was--
1576
00:58:33,945 --> 00:58:35,120
I was calling.
1577
00:58:35,250 --> 00:58:36,556
- [Gary laughing and clapping]
- Aw.
1578
00:58:36,687 --> 00:58:38,079
- [Nicole] Mike was calling you.
[Mike] It was me,
1579
00:58:38,210 --> 00:58:39,385
- I was calling.
- It was Mike.
1580
00:58:39,516 --> 00:58:41,518
I called the ledge.
1581
00:58:41,648 --> 00:58:42,649
- The ledge. [laughing]
- I even called the landline
1582
00:58:42,780 --> 00:58:43,868
that was attached
1583
00:58:43,998 --> 00:58:44,956
- to the ledge.
- The living room ledge?
1584
00:58:45,086 --> 00:58:46,044
- [Mike] Yes.
- The living room ledge?
1585
00:58:46,174 --> 00:58:47,480
- Okay. [laughing]
- You kidding me?
1586
00:58:47,611 --> 00:58:48,568
- There was a landline.
- [Tig] Were you paying rent
1587
00:58:48,699 --> 00:58:49,917
or were you just
standing out on a ledge?
1588
00:58:50,048 --> 00:58:52,050
- [Gary] No, it was a --
- [comedians laughing]
1589
00:58:52,180 --> 00:58:55,053
- [forlorn music]
- [birds singing]
1590
00:58:56,054 --> 00:58:58,317
[Gary] Since I've been seven
[laughing] years old,
1591
00:58:58,447 --> 00:59:02,713
I couldn't imagine
an ending for my life
1592
00:59:02,843 --> 00:59:04,932
that wasn't
self-inflicted. [laughing]
1593
00:59:14,202 --> 00:59:15,682
Oh my gosh.
1594
00:59:15,813 --> 00:59:16,857
- [Man] Do you have those?
- When was the last time
1595
00:59:16,988 --> 00:59:17,728
I had that thought?
1596
00:59:17,858 --> 00:59:18,859
[Man] Sure.
1597
00:59:18,990 --> 00:59:21,601
Probably October of 2017.
1598
00:59:22,297 --> 00:59:24,735
The best 2017 was Chris Pine.
1599
00:59:26,084 --> 00:59:28,565
He was Captain Kirk
in "Star Trek"
1600
00:59:28,695 --> 00:59:30,784
and the love interest
in "Wonder Woman."
1601
00:59:31,393 --> 00:59:33,091
Let's compare to my 2017.
1602
00:59:33,221 --> 00:59:34,875
[audience laughing]
1603
00:59:35,006 --> 00:59:37,574
Psych ward. [laughing]
1604
00:59:38,139 --> 00:59:42,970
I would have three-to-six-month
periods of depression,
1605
00:59:43,101 --> 00:59:45,582
I remember, as early
as seven years old,
1606
00:59:45,712 --> 00:59:48,889
just about every
year through 46.
1607
00:59:49,020 --> 00:59:50,369
And then at 46,
1608
00:59:50,499 --> 00:59:53,198
I had one that lasted
for 2 1/2 years.
1609
00:59:53,677 --> 00:59:56,288
And it had never been that deep,
1610
00:59:56,418 --> 00:59:58,812
it had never lasted that long.
1611
00:59:58,943 --> 01:00:00,814
It was just, my wife said,
1612
01:00:00,945 --> 01:00:03,556
"I thought you were dying."
1613
01:00:03,687 --> 01:00:05,950
I was catatonic on the
couch all day long,
1614
01:00:06,080 --> 01:00:07,952
I couldn't take shows.
1615
01:00:08,082 --> 01:00:10,432
And that was the one thing
I was always able to do
1616
01:00:10,563 --> 01:00:13,000
through my, at that
point, 24-year career
1617
01:00:13,131 --> 01:00:15,612
was pull myself together
1618
01:00:15,742 --> 01:00:19,964
for an hour or so
each night and work.
1619
01:00:20,094 --> 01:00:21,530
And then I couldn't
even do that.
1620
01:00:21,661 --> 01:00:22,706
Excruciating.
1621
01:00:32,280 --> 01:00:35,544
I'd been offered to come into
the hospital for two years,
1622
01:00:35,675 --> 01:00:38,025
and I've fought it
because of every reason
1623
01:00:38,156 --> 01:00:40,158
why people are
afraid of hospitals.
1624
01:00:40,288 --> 01:00:41,986
Movies and television tell you
1625
01:00:42,116 --> 01:00:44,989
that the psych ward is dangerous
1626
01:00:45,119 --> 01:00:46,381
and it'll make you worse
1627
01:00:46,512 --> 01:00:48,514
and that it's unclean.
1628
01:00:48,645 --> 01:00:51,865
And I checked myself
in, and it was ordinary.
1629
01:00:51,996 --> 01:00:54,781
Other than you have to
give up your shoelaces
1630
01:00:54,912 --> 01:00:57,436
and wear socks with
treads on them,
1631
01:00:57,566 --> 01:00:59,830
it's very ordinary.
1632
01:00:59,960 --> 01:01:03,877
And I got recognized by another
patient from television.
1633
01:01:04,617 --> 01:01:06,837
And he said, "I
won't tell anybody
1634
01:01:06,967 --> 01:01:08,403
and I don't wanna embarrass you,
1635
01:01:08,534 --> 01:01:10,449
but am I crazy or
are you Gary Gulman?"
1636
01:01:10,579 --> 01:01:12,843
And I said, "Oh, you're crazy."
1637
01:01:12,973 --> 01:01:14,845
[comedians and
audience laughing]
1638
01:01:14,975 --> 01:01:17,412
But I'm only taking that
from the context. [laughing]
1639
01:01:17,543 --> 01:01:18,979
[audience laughing]
1640
01:01:19,110 --> 01:01:22,635
My psychiatrist is
an advocate for and an expert
1641
01:01:22,766 --> 01:01:26,247
in something called
electroconvulsive therapy,
1642
01:01:26,378 --> 01:01:30,687
which used to be called
electroshock therapy,
1643
01:01:30,817 --> 01:01:32,558
but they felt electroshock
1644
01:01:32,689 --> 01:01:34,865
was not quite horrifying enough.
1645
01:01:34,995 --> 01:01:36,214
[audience laughing]
1646
01:01:36,344 --> 01:01:38,259
They said, "Yes,
electroshock is disturbing,
1647
01:01:38,390 --> 01:01:41,219
but I feel like we're
soft-selling the convulsions."
1648
01:01:41,349 --> 01:01:43,221
[audience laughing and clapping]
1649
01:01:43,351 --> 01:01:45,658
I had only seen that in "One
Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."
1650
01:01:45,789 --> 01:01:46,572
[Neil] Wow.
1651
01:01:46,703 --> 01:01:48,443
And it scared the shit outta me.
1652
01:01:48,574 --> 01:01:50,228
But I'm grateful that
I can talk about it
1653
01:01:50,358 --> 01:01:51,708
from the other side
1654
01:01:51,838 --> 01:01:55,929
and make people less
afraid of those treatments,
1655
01:01:56,060 --> 01:01:58,715
because it's the gold standard,
1656
01:01:58,845 --> 01:02:02,109
and especially for a
treatment-resistant depression.
1657
01:02:02,240 --> 01:02:03,589
What I'm trying to say is,
1658
01:02:03,720 --> 01:02:06,026
I've tried everything up
to then, every medication.
1659
01:02:06,157 --> 01:02:09,334
Pamelor, and then Prozac,
1660
01:02:09,464 --> 01:02:12,032
Celexa, Effexor, Zyprexa.
1661
01:02:12,163 --> 01:02:13,599
I think my doctor just said,
1662
01:02:13,730 --> 01:02:15,340
"Let's try drugs that rhyme."
1663
01:02:15,470 --> 01:02:18,343
[comedians and
audience laughing]
1664
01:02:18,473 --> 01:02:23,261
And it was that that I
think rewired, or defragged,
1665
01:02:23,391 --> 01:02:24,784
or however you wanna put it,
1666
01:02:24,915 --> 01:02:28,919
to my brain, got out the
grooves that it was in,
1667
01:02:29,049 --> 01:02:31,878
and it saved my
life, and so I'm --
1668
01:02:32,009 --> 01:02:32,836
[comedians and
audience clapping]
1669
01:02:32,966 --> 01:02:34,794
Oh, [laughing] thank you, and --
1670
01:02:34,925 --> 01:02:37,579
[upbeat music]
1671
01:02:41,670 --> 01:02:44,369
After ECT, I made a decision
1672
01:02:44,499 --> 01:02:47,894
to move back to
the town that I grew up in
1673
01:02:48,025 --> 01:02:51,463
to convalesce.
1674
01:02:52,638 --> 01:02:56,947
And I wound up moving into
the same house [laughing]
1675
01:02:57,077 --> 01:02:58,122
I grew up in.
1676
01:02:58,600 --> 01:03:01,299
And coincidence of coincidences,
1677
01:03:01,429 --> 01:03:02,822
my mother still lived there.
1678
01:03:02,953 --> 01:03:05,956
[audience laughing and clapping]
1679
01:03:06,086 --> 01:03:07,479
[Gary laughing]
1680
01:03:10,090 --> 01:03:11,526
46 years old.
1681
01:03:11,657 --> 01:03:12,789
- [Interviewer] Yeah?
- Yeah.
1682
01:03:12,919 --> 01:03:14,573
And here's the other thing,
1683
01:03:14,703 --> 01:03:17,228
I find it easier to tell people
1684
01:03:17,358 --> 01:03:22,537
that I had received
a dozen [laughing]
1685
01:03:22,668 --> 01:03:26,063
inpatient electroconvulsive
therapy sessions
1686
01:03:26,193 --> 01:03:29,936
than, at 46 years old, I had
moved back in with my mother.
1687
01:03:30,067 --> 01:03:32,504
[bright music]
1688
01:03:34,723 --> 01:03:36,769
I got better and
started doing stand-up.
1689
01:03:36,900 --> 01:03:38,640
- [comedians cheering]
- And it got me to do
1690
01:03:38,771 --> 01:03:40,294
this thing, which
is very therapeutic,
1691
01:03:40,425 --> 01:03:42,209
which is get out of the house
1692
01:03:42,340 --> 01:03:43,602
and be around people.
1693
01:03:43,950 --> 01:03:46,387
And I happen to be welcome
1694
01:03:46,518 --> 01:03:48,215
at a comedy club
in Harvard Square
1695
01:03:48,346 --> 01:03:50,652
called the the Comedy Studio
1696
01:03:50,783 --> 01:03:53,786
to try out jokes
about mental illness.
1697
01:03:53,917 --> 01:03:55,048
It was the ideal place
1698
01:03:55,179 --> 01:03:56,833
because I felt loved there.
1699
01:03:56,963 --> 01:03:59,661
And I could fail
and I could do well.
1700
01:03:59,792 --> 01:04:01,402
And that permission
to fail was essential.
1701
01:04:01,533 --> 01:04:05,015
[audience cheering and clapping]
1702
01:04:06,016 --> 01:04:07,495
Thank you.
1703
01:04:07,626 --> 01:04:08,975
Thanks so much.
1704
01:04:09,280 --> 01:04:13,327
I've been diagnosed
depressed for over 30 years,
1705
01:04:13,458 --> 01:04:15,547
and it went from sneaking
1706
01:04:15,677 --> 01:04:18,811
into my therapist's office
1707
01:04:18,942 --> 01:04:22,467
to telling anyone with
an HBO subscription [laughing]
1708
01:04:22,597 --> 01:04:24,208
- in 30 years.
- [comedians laughing]
1709
01:04:24,338 --> 01:04:25,992
So those are great strides.
1710
01:04:26,123 --> 01:04:27,776
- [Mike] That's huge.
- There has never been
1711
01:04:27,907 --> 01:04:29,866
a better time to
be mentally ill.
1712
01:04:29,996 --> 01:04:32,390
[comedians and audience
laughing and clapping]
1713
01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:34,783
[Atsuko] My husband's mom also
has schizophrenia.
1714
01:04:34,914 --> 01:04:37,482
And some people think that's
how we started dating.
1715
01:04:37,612 --> 01:04:39,092
- [audience laughing]
- [laughing] Yeah, no, yeah,
1716
01:04:39,223 --> 01:04:40,180
which can you imagine
1717
01:04:40,311 --> 01:04:41,834
that being your only criteria
1718
01:04:41,965 --> 01:04:44,445
- for finding a partner?
- [audience laughing]
1719
01:04:44,576 --> 01:04:45,359
Like how would that work, right?
1720
01:04:45,490 --> 01:04:46,534
Just “YourMomToo.com."
1721
01:04:46,665 --> 01:04:48,406
[audience laughing]
1722
01:04:48,536 --> 01:04:50,974
[pensive music]
1723
01:04:51,104 --> 01:04:52,497
[birds singing]
1724
01:04:52,627 --> 01:04:53,802
[Atsuko]
I didn't really mention
1725
01:04:53,977 --> 01:04:56,588
that my mom has mental
illness or anything
1726
01:04:56,718 --> 01:04:58,938
with friendships or
relationships at all.
1727
01:04:59,504 --> 01:05:00,722
It just happened to be
1728
01:05:00,853 --> 01:05:03,247
that on a night I'm
just hanging out
1729
01:05:03,377 --> 01:05:04,770
with someone I like
1730
01:05:04,901 --> 01:05:08,295
and we're about to get intimate
1731
01:05:08,426 --> 01:05:10,080
for the first time,
1732
01:05:10,210 --> 01:05:11,777
he gets a call from his mom.
1733
01:05:12,517 --> 01:05:13,518
And I was talking to my mom
1734
01:05:13,648 --> 01:05:16,390
before we were about to,
um, you know.
1735
01:05:17,000 --> 01:05:18,653
- [Tig] Do it?
- Do it.
1736
01:05:18,784 --> 01:05:20,307
- Yeah.
- [Atsuko] Ryan told me first
1737
01:05:20,438 --> 01:05:22,092
that his mom has schizophrenia,
1738
01:05:22,222 --> 01:05:24,529
and then I revealed
that my mom, too.
1739
01:05:25,008 --> 01:05:26,444
- That is so wild.
- [Atsuko] Yeah,
1740
01:05:26,574 --> 01:05:27,532
it was weird, where I was like,
1741
01:05:27,662 --> 01:05:29,273
"I feel like I'm in a movie."
1742
01:05:29,403 --> 01:05:30,709
- Mm-hmm.
- [Atsuko] Yeah.
1743
01:05:30,839 --> 01:05:31,797
[Tig] And she doesn't even know
1744
01:05:31,928 --> 01:05:33,103
you're talking about it?
1745
01:05:33,233 --> 01:05:34,539
[Atsuko]
She knows I talk about a lot.
1746
01:05:34,669 --> 01:05:36,497
I say, "Mom, I'm
an open book on stage.
1747
01:05:36,628 --> 01:05:39,283
I talk about our family,
I talk about a lot of stuff.
1748
01:05:39,413 --> 01:05:40,458
But just know, people,
1749
01:05:40,632 --> 01:05:42,286
- they never judge us for it.
- [Tig] Yeah.
1750
01:05:42,416 --> 01:05:45,245
They share their stories
with me afterwards, too.
1751
01:05:45,376 --> 01:05:47,508
So they don't feel
like they're freaks,
1752
01:05:47,639 --> 01:05:48,509
and so we're not freaks either."
1753
01:05:48,640 --> 01:05:50,381
I kinda tell her that.
1754
01:05:50,511 --> 01:05:52,339
And then, you know. [laughing]
1755
01:05:52,470 --> 01:05:54,472
[audience laughing]
1756
01:05:54,602 --> 01:05:57,475
And schizophrenia is hard
to talk about in comedy
1757
01:05:57,605 --> 01:05:59,129
because people are afraid of it
1758
01:05:59,259 --> 01:06:00,652
and it's so stigmatized.
1759
01:06:00,782 --> 01:06:01,958
And I don't think it helps
1760
01:06:02,088 --> 01:06:04,134
that it has such
a scary sounding name.
1761
01:06:04,264 --> 01:06:05,613
[audience laughing]
1762
01:06:05,787 --> 01:06:07,050
[laughing] No, it doesn't,
yeah, it doesn't help, yeah.
1763
01:06:07,180 --> 01:06:08,268
I truly wish schizophrenia
1764
01:06:08,399 --> 01:06:10,053
had a more approachable name,
1765
01:06:10,183 --> 01:06:12,316
something like Splash Mountain.
1766
01:06:12,446 --> 01:06:13,752
[audience laughing]
1767
01:06:13,882 --> 01:06:15,319
That's fun, I love
that ride, right?
1768
01:06:15,449 --> 01:06:16,494
[audience laughing]
1769
01:06:16,624 --> 01:06:18,104
In fact, what if
all mental illnesses
1770
01:06:18,235 --> 01:06:20,150
were just named after
rides at Disneyland?
1771
01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:21,455
[audience laughing]
1772
01:06:21,586 --> 01:06:25,982
- [bright music]
- [tram rattling]
1773
01:06:26,721 --> 01:06:28,245
I would watch a lot
of Disney movies,
1774
01:06:28,375 --> 01:06:30,943
and Disney movies don't
have great examples of moms,
1775
01:06:31,074 --> 01:06:33,467
they're usually not there.
You know.
1776
01:06:33,728 --> 01:06:35,904
Little Mermaid
doesn't have a mom.
1777
01:06:36,035 --> 01:06:37,123
Belle from
"Beauty and the Beast"
1778
01:06:37,254 --> 01:06:38,298
doesn't have a mom.
1779
01:06:38,429 --> 01:06:40,387
Cinderella doesn't have a mom.
1780
01:06:40,518 --> 01:06:41,954
Pocahontas doesn't have a mom.
1781
01:06:42,476 --> 01:06:44,348
She has a grandma,
but she's a tree.
1782
01:06:46,306 --> 01:06:48,395
[laughing] So I
just thought moms
1783
01:06:48,526 --> 01:06:50,354
were maybe like
my mom. [laughing]
1784
01:06:55,054 --> 01:06:57,100
I don't know what mental
illness is when I'm a kid.
1785
01:06:58,449 --> 01:07:00,320
We didn't talk about that.
You know.
1786
01:07:03,236 --> 01:07:05,412
[Tig] And you've never
had a therapist?
1787
01:07:05,543 --> 01:07:06,979
I've had therapists before,
1788
01:07:07,110 --> 01:07:11,331
and I thought, "Well, I
came to you to figure out
1789
01:07:11,462 --> 01:07:12,811
how to break up
with my boyfriend,
1790
01:07:12,941 --> 01:07:14,639
and we achieved that goal,
1791
01:07:14,769 --> 01:07:15,901
- so, oh man."
- I have a therapist.
1792
01:07:16,032 --> 01:07:17,033
Yeah?
1793
01:07:17,163 --> 01:07:18,338
- You don't?
- [Mike] I do,
1794
01:07:18,469 --> 01:07:19,992
I've gone for like
20 years, I think.
1795
01:07:20,123 --> 01:07:21,124
- Right, yeah.
- [Tig] Since we've known
1796
01:07:21,254 --> 01:07:22,212
- each other.
- Yeah, 25.
1797
01:07:22,342 --> 01:07:23,430
Is it because of
our relationship?
1798
01:07:23,561 --> 01:07:24,388
- Yeah, yeah.
- [laughing] Yeah, yeah.
1799
01:07:24,518 --> 01:07:25,345
[Tig laughing]
1800
01:07:25,476 --> 01:07:28,131
20-some years, same person?
1801
01:07:28,261 --> 01:07:29,784
- Yeah, yeah, for real.
- Yeah,
1802
01:07:29,915 --> 01:07:32,352
yeah, that's wild to me.
1803
01:07:32,483 --> 01:07:33,745
I like it for other people.
1804
01:07:35,355 --> 01:07:36,487
But you don't like it for you?
1805
01:07:36,617 --> 01:07:38,750
- [bright music]
- [water flowing]
1806
01:07:38,880 --> 01:07:43,146
[mother speaking in
foreign language]
1807
01:07:49,152 --> 01:07:50,066
[Neil]
I do think therapy's something
1808
01:07:50,196 --> 01:07:52,851
that you need to want to do.
1809
01:07:53,199 --> 01:07:54,418
Right, yeah.
1810
01:07:54,548 --> 01:07:56,507
But it is hard because,
1811
01:07:56,637 --> 01:08:01,468
and my mom's not on
medication right now
1812
01:08:01,599 --> 01:08:05,385
because she refuses to
go to the psychiatrist.
1813
01:08:05,516 --> 01:08:06,430
And I'm starting to think,
1814
01:08:06,560 --> 01:08:08,258
I'm like, I can't force her,
1815
01:08:08,388 --> 01:08:11,087
I'm not gonna put her in the car
1816
01:08:11,217 --> 01:08:13,306
while she's kicking
and screaming.
1817
01:08:13,437 --> 01:08:14,438
She doesn't leave the house,
1818
01:08:14,568 --> 01:08:15,874
she's scared of the world,
1819
01:08:16,004 --> 01:08:19,573
she hasn't bathed in 20 years.
1820
01:08:19,704 --> 01:08:20,922
She just stays home
1821
01:08:21,053 --> 01:08:22,272
and she's so scared
of the world.
1822
01:08:22,402 --> 01:08:26,711
And I wonder, sorry, you
asking made me realize,
1823
01:08:26,841 --> 01:08:27,886
maybe I don't see a therapist
1824
01:08:28,016 --> 01:08:29,844
because a part of me feels like
1825
01:08:29,975 --> 01:08:32,412
maybe I don't deserve it
1826
01:08:32,543 --> 01:08:34,806
when my mom needs so
much help right now.
1827
01:08:34,936 --> 01:08:36,024
And I'm always like, "Oh,
1828
01:08:36,155 --> 01:08:37,635
maybe we could get
you a therapist
1829
01:08:37,765 --> 01:08:40,464
to even talk out some of
the traumas, that you know,
1830
01:08:40,594 --> 01:08:42,466
the voices in your head."
1831
01:08:42,596 --> 01:08:44,685
Maybe I see a therapist and
I go, "Mom, look at me."
1832
01:08:44,816 --> 01:08:46,209
- [Neil] Maybe.
- [Nicole] Yeah, honestly,
1833
01:08:46,339 --> 01:08:47,514
that is helpful.
1834
01:08:47,645 --> 01:08:48,950
Anytime I've had
a friend who I'm like,
1835
01:08:49,081 --> 01:08:50,952
"I think you should
probably see someone,"
1836
01:08:51,083 --> 01:08:52,737
I tell them about
how therapy helps me.
1837
01:08:52,867 --> 01:08:57,524
- [inquisitive music]
- [comedians faintly speaking]
1838
01:08:57,655 --> 01:08:59,570
[Tig] And so she's not at all
1839
01:08:59,700 --> 01:09:01,528
able to function on her own?
1840
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:03,704
We're scared to let her,
1841
01:09:03,835 --> 01:09:05,402
but she has a daydream.
1842
01:09:05,532 --> 01:09:10,494
That's where she's able to
live outside of the confines,
1843
01:09:10,624 --> 01:09:12,583
the limitations
that life gave her.
1844
01:09:13,932 --> 01:09:15,934
I have dreams of getting
her a cat though.
1845
01:09:17,457 --> 01:09:18,980
You can make that come true.
1846
01:09:19,111 --> 01:09:20,895
But if she gets it
and she realizes...
1847
01:09:21,026 --> 01:09:22,375
- Oh.
- ..."This is too much,
1848
01:09:22,506 --> 01:09:24,072
I don't want it," you
can send it to our house.
1849
01:09:24,203 --> 01:09:24,943
- [Atsuko] Really?
- Mm-hmm.
1850
01:09:25,073 --> 01:09:26,292
That's a bold statement,
1851
01:09:26,423 --> 01:09:27,511
that's a bold promise.
1852
01:09:27,641 --> 01:09:28,686
Well, I have three cats.
1853
01:09:28,860 --> 01:09:30,035
- [Atsuko] For sure.
- Why would a fourth?
1854
01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:32,342
What if this cat's evil?
1855
01:09:33,125 --> 01:09:34,344
- You deal with it.
- [Atsuko] Okay, no,
1856
01:09:34,474 --> 01:09:35,562
I'll take you up on it.
1857
01:09:35,693 --> 01:09:37,085
- Yeah, okay.
- Yeah.
1858
01:09:37,216 --> 01:09:38,783
[Atsuko]
We ended on a promise.
1859
01:09:39,262 --> 01:09:40,567
- Kitty promise.
- [Atsuko laughing]
1860
01:09:40,698 --> 01:09:41,742
Do you know Tig Notaro?
1861
01:09:41,873 --> 01:09:44,092
[Tig laughing]
1862
01:09:44,223 --> 01:09:45,833
- That's my other mom.
- That's my other mom.
1863
01:09:59,151 --> 01:10:00,108
[lock clacking]
1864
01:10:00,239 --> 01:10:01,849
[phone beeping]
1865
01:10:01,980 --> 01:10:02,807
[Tig] Rick?
1866
01:10:02,937 --> 01:10:03,938
[Rick] I'm here, Tig.
1867
01:10:04,069 --> 01:10:05,331
[Tig] During my childhood,
1868
01:10:05,462 --> 01:10:10,206
I was not terribly close
with my stepfather.
1869
01:10:10,336 --> 01:10:13,774
He had told me that my career
1870
01:10:13,905 --> 01:10:15,950
was a waste of my
time and energy,
1871
01:10:16,081 --> 01:10:17,735
because I think, in his mind,
1872
01:10:17,865 --> 01:10:20,825
it was like, "You go to
school, you go to college,"
1873
01:10:20,955 --> 01:10:22,566
you take all those steps
1874
01:10:22,696 --> 01:10:26,526
that I was not
[laughing] at all taking.
1875
01:10:26,657 --> 01:10:31,836
And so it created
this deeper rift
1876
01:10:31,966 --> 01:10:33,359
between the two of us.
1877
01:10:33,490 --> 01:10:36,014
[forlorn music]
1878
01:10:37,711 --> 01:10:40,627
When my mother died,
1879
01:10:40,758 --> 01:10:42,150
we were leaving my
mother's funeral.
1880
01:10:42,281 --> 01:10:44,631
He broke down and apologized.
1881
01:10:46,154 --> 01:10:48,548
I couldn't believe that
I was seeing him cry.
1882
01:10:49,114 --> 01:10:50,202
And then he said this thing
1883
01:10:50,333 --> 01:10:52,900
that I still am blown away
1884
01:10:53,031 --> 01:10:54,946
that it came from him.
1885
01:10:55,294 --> 01:10:58,428
He said, "I realize now
1886
01:10:58,558 --> 01:11:03,041
it's not the child's
responsibility
1887
01:11:03,171 --> 01:11:06,610
to teach the parent
who they are,
1888
01:11:06,740 --> 01:11:08,829
it's the parent's responsibility
1889
01:11:08,960 --> 01:11:11,267
to learn who their child is."
1890
01:11:12,006 --> 01:11:14,444
And he said, "And I did
not do that with you,
1891
01:11:14,574 --> 01:11:16,184
and I'm so sorry."
1892
01:11:16,315 --> 01:11:19,100
[birds singing]
1893
01:11:19,231 --> 01:11:22,278
If I could tell my mother
that that happened,
1894
01:11:22,408 --> 01:11:24,280
I know that she
would've said...
1895
01:11:25,585 --> 01:11:28,153
..."It doesn't matter
when it came,
1896
01:11:28,414 --> 01:11:32,766
it's just important
and good that it did come."
1897
01:11:32,897 --> 01:11:34,942
[footsteps scratching]
1898
01:11:35,595 --> 01:11:37,467
We continued to
grow closer, and...
1899
01:11:39,338 --> 01:11:42,167
...nothing that
had happened before
1900
01:11:42,298 --> 01:11:43,690
mattered anymore to me.
1901
01:11:49,435 --> 01:11:55,267
And then, yeah,
March 28th of 2022,
1902
01:11:55,398 --> 01:11:57,530
Rick contracted C. Diff...
1903
01:11:59,663 --> 01:12:03,754
...the disease that had nearly
killed me 10 years before.
1904
01:12:04,755 --> 01:12:06,104
And then 10 years to the day
1905
01:12:06,234 --> 01:12:08,324
after taking my mother
off life support,
1906
01:12:08,454 --> 01:12:11,501
I was taking him
off of life support.
1907
01:12:14,155 --> 01:12:18,725
We were all gathered
at his grave site.
1908
01:12:18,856 --> 01:12:22,773
There was the green
AstroTurf over the grave.
1909
01:12:22,903 --> 01:12:27,299
And my brother
got up and he fell
1910
01:12:27,430 --> 01:12:29,083
- into my stepfather's grave.
- [London] Oh, wow.
1911
01:12:29,214 --> 01:12:30,911
- No.
- [Nicole] Oh.
1912
01:12:31,042 --> 01:12:32,478
- Wow.
- [laughing] That's funny.
1913
01:12:32,609 --> 01:12:34,393
- [audience laughing]
- Yeah, and I --
1914
01:12:34,524 --> 01:12:37,614
- [Tig laughing]
- [Mike] Into the six-foot hole?
1915
01:12:37,744 --> 01:12:39,180
[Tig] Yeah, he fell in.
1916
01:12:39,311 --> 01:12:41,182
They had forgotten
to put plywood
1917
01:12:41,313 --> 01:12:42,270
- under the green AstroTurf.
- [Atsuko] What?
1918
01:12:42,401 --> 01:12:43,881
[Gary] Oh, my God.
1919
01:12:44,011 --> 01:12:45,709
- [audience laughing]
- He was like,
1920
01:12:45,839 --> 01:12:47,972
but because there was
the green AstroTurf,
1921
01:12:48,102 --> 01:12:49,582
- it, like, slowly.
- [London] It sloped him in.
1922
01:12:49,713 --> 01:12:51,976
- He was going.
- [Nicole] Oh, wow.
1923
01:12:52,106 --> 01:12:53,586
- [audience laughing]
- And I was truly,
1924
01:12:53,717 --> 01:12:55,458
[laughing] I was
sitting there thinking,
1925
01:12:55,588 --> 01:12:57,068
"This must happen
1926
01:12:57,198 --> 01:13:00,376
- all the time."
- [audience laughing]
1927
01:13:00,506 --> 01:13:02,552
And then a second
later, I was like,
1928
01:13:02,682 --> 01:13:03,814
"No, this doesn't happen
1929
01:13:03,944 --> 01:13:05,555
- all the time."
- [audience laughing]
1930
01:13:05,685 --> 01:13:06,730
And then I was like,
1931
01:13:06,860 --> 01:13:07,948
"Oh, I have a new
show to write."
1932
01:13:08,079 --> 01:13:09,994
[comedians and
audience laughing]
1933
01:13:10,124 --> 01:13:10,951
- [audience clapping]
- [Mike] I love it when people
1934
01:13:11,082 --> 01:13:12,910
can make jokes like that
1935
01:13:13,040 --> 01:13:14,781
'cause it just makes
you feel, "Oh yeah,
1936
01:13:14,912 --> 01:13:16,000
we're all in this together
1937
01:13:16,130 --> 01:13:16,957
and there's funny
things about this
1938
01:13:17,088 --> 01:13:18,219
and sad things about this,
1939
01:13:18,350 --> 01:13:19,395
and we're all just
going through it."
1940
01:13:19,525 --> 01:13:22,006
[Gary] A funeral
audience is really amped
1941
01:13:22,136 --> 01:13:24,530
- to laugh.
- [Atsuko] For laughter.
1942
01:13:24,661 --> 01:13:26,140
- Yes, they are.
- My dad's funeral,
1943
01:13:26,271 --> 01:13:27,185
- I murdered.
- [Nicole] You crushed at
1944
01:13:27,315 --> 01:13:28,404
- your dad's funeral.
- I murdered
1945
01:13:28,534 --> 01:13:29,796
- at my dad's too.
- [comedians laughing]
1946
01:13:29,927 --> 01:13:32,233
[Gary] And then the rabbi tried
to do time after me.
1947
01:13:32,364 --> 01:13:33,757
- [Nicole] Oh, no.
- [Tig] Oh.
1948
01:13:33,887 --> 01:13:34,888
Couldn't follow me.
1949
01:13:35,019 --> 01:13:35,715
- [Tig] Yes.
- [London] Of course.
1950
01:13:35,846 --> 01:13:37,369
Couldn't follow me.
1951
01:13:37,500 --> 01:13:38,370
I said, "Rabbi, you don't
go on after the headliner."
1952
01:13:38,501 --> 01:13:40,720
[comedians and
audience laughing]
1953
01:13:40,851 --> 01:13:41,982
- "The show is over."
- [audience clapping]
1954
01:13:42,113 --> 01:13:44,158
[Nicole]
My mom died when I was 16,
1955
01:13:44,289 --> 01:13:46,204
and then my dad
died when I was 21.
1956
01:13:48,511 --> 01:13:50,034
And I guess
the way I dealt with it
1957
01:13:50,164 --> 01:13:51,601
was through humor and stuff.
1958
01:13:51,731 --> 01:13:54,821
So when we were
spreading my dad's ashes,
1959
01:13:54,952 --> 01:13:56,344
we were fighting over
who was gonna do it.
1960
01:13:56,475 --> 01:13:57,955
And I snatched outta
my granny's hand,
1961
01:13:58,085 --> 01:13:59,391
I was like, "I'll
fucking do it."
1962
01:13:59,522 --> 01:14:00,784
And as I sprinkled them,
1963
01:14:00,914 --> 01:14:03,351
the wind picked up
and my mouth was open.
1964
01:14:03,482 --> 01:14:04,483
- Oh.
- [Nicole laughing]
1965
01:14:04,614 --> 01:14:05,528
- [Mike] Oh, my God.
- You ate your --
1966
01:14:05,658 --> 01:14:06,746
I ate my daddy.
1967
01:14:06,877 --> 01:14:07,573
[comedians and
audience laughing]
1968
01:14:07,704 --> 01:14:10,271
[Gary] Oh, my gosh.
1969
01:14:10,402 --> 01:14:12,186
[Nicole] I was never really
close with my dad,
1970
01:14:12,317 --> 01:14:16,408
but we shared some really
fun times before he died.
1971
01:14:16,539 --> 01:14:18,236
He had sent me an e-mail
1972
01:14:18,366 --> 01:14:20,630
and was like, "They're looking
for a new lottery person
1973
01:14:20,760 --> 01:14:21,848
to call the numbers."
1974
01:14:21,979 --> 01:14:24,242
And he's like, "You
should do that,
1975
01:14:24,372 --> 01:14:25,461
that's a thing you
could do on camera."
1976
01:14:25,591 --> 01:14:26,853
And I was like, "Oh, my God."
1977
01:14:26,984 --> 01:14:28,420
He didn't call them auditions,
1978
01:14:28,551 --> 01:14:30,291
but he'd be like, "Are
you going to the tryouts?"
1979
01:14:30,422 --> 01:14:32,250
And I'd be like,
"Yeah, Dad, [laughing]
1980
01:14:32,380 --> 01:14:33,425
I'm trying to do the tryouts."
1981
01:14:33,556 --> 01:14:35,296
And I told him about improv
1982
01:14:35,427 --> 01:14:37,995
and I was like, "Will you come
to the city and watch me?"
1983
01:14:38,125 --> 01:14:39,866
And my dad hated the city,
1984
01:14:39,997 --> 01:14:41,302
and he was like, "I will come."
1985
01:14:41,433 --> 01:14:43,217
And I was like, "Oh my
God, that's amazing,"
1986
01:14:43,348 --> 01:14:44,610
and then he died.
1987
01:14:44,741 --> 01:14:47,265
[forlorn music]
1988
01:14:48,527 --> 01:14:50,311
The further I get from that,
1989
01:14:50,442 --> 01:14:52,270
I'm like, "Well, at
least I had that.
1990
01:14:52,400 --> 01:14:53,880
At least I had a year or two
1991
01:14:54,011 --> 01:14:57,667
where he was like a cheerleader
1992
01:14:57,797 --> 01:14:59,277
and asking me about stuff."
1993
01:14:59,407 --> 01:15:03,020
So I guess I just
feel really lucky
1994
01:15:03,150 --> 01:15:04,500
that I had those years with him.
1995
01:15:04,630 --> 01:15:09,330
- [bright music]
- [footsteps shuffling]
1996
01:15:10,549 --> 01:15:11,898
- [clapperboard clapping]
- [Tig] The stuff I've been
1997
01:15:12,029 --> 01:15:15,511
through has certainly
been a heavy load.
1998
01:15:17,556 --> 01:15:21,342
I felt cursed for a while,
1999
01:15:21,473 --> 01:15:23,301
even though I don't believe
in that type of thing.
2000
01:15:24,781 --> 01:15:28,219
It's hard and easy to say,
2001
01:15:28,349 --> 01:15:29,873
"I wouldn't change a thing."
2002
01:15:31,048 --> 01:15:32,528
And I reconcile that
2003
01:15:32,658 --> 01:15:36,532
by imagining showing
my mother my life.
2004
01:15:38,098 --> 01:15:41,449
If things hadn't happened
the way they did...
2005
01:15:41,580 --> 01:15:44,322
...I wouldn't have my
life with Stephanie
2006
01:15:44,452 --> 01:15:45,671
or with my children.
2007
01:15:45,802 --> 01:15:47,760
[bright music]
2008
01:15:47,891 --> 01:15:49,327
[Mike]
You were saying before
2009
01:15:49,457 --> 01:15:51,634
that now that you were
married and have children,
2010
01:15:51,764 --> 01:15:56,290
it affects the way that you
construct bits and stories.
2011
01:15:56,421 --> 01:15:57,988
- Mm-hmm.
- [Mike] Do you think ultimately,
2012
01:15:58,118 --> 01:15:59,772
you land in a better place?
2013
01:16:00,860 --> 01:16:03,167
Or do you think it impairs
[laughing] your jokes?
2014
01:16:04,472 --> 01:16:06,300
No, I think it's
in a better place
2015
01:16:06,431 --> 01:16:08,259
because of the bigger picture.
2016
01:16:08,389 --> 01:16:10,740
I mean, there's always
an editing process,
2017
01:16:10,870 --> 01:16:14,570
and it's like, what is your
motivation in your edit?
2018
01:16:16,093 --> 01:16:20,140
And sometimes now it's I
have other people in my life
2019
01:16:20,271 --> 01:16:21,620
that I have to think about.
2020
01:16:22,273 --> 01:16:23,796
[Neil]
Do you talk about everything
2021
01:16:23,927 --> 01:16:26,582
or is there stuff that you
choose notto talk about?
2022
01:16:26,712 --> 01:16:28,409
[Mike] Tig and I were talking
about this backstage,
2023
01:16:28,540 --> 01:16:31,108
but some of it is,
wife and child,
2024
01:16:31,238 --> 01:16:33,153
you do consider like,
2025
01:16:33,284 --> 01:16:35,373
"Well, I don't wanna hurt
their feelings in this way,"
2026
01:16:35,503 --> 01:16:38,115
or that's their story as well.
2027
01:16:38,245 --> 01:16:39,769
So I wrote this joke about
2028
01:16:39,899 --> 01:16:42,989
how Jenny and I went to our
daughter's ballet recital,
2029
01:16:43,120 --> 01:16:45,296
and Jenny and I are
crying and crying
2030
01:16:45,426 --> 01:16:47,124
'cause she doesn't have it.
2031
01:16:47,254 --> 01:16:48,821
[comedians and
audience laughing]
2032
01:16:48,952 --> 01:16:50,301
Well, 'cause I'm in
the business, I know.
2033
01:16:50,431 --> 01:16:52,129
- [audience laughing]
- You have a sense.
2034
01:16:52,259 --> 01:16:53,652
You're in the ballet business.
2035
01:16:53,783 --> 01:16:55,088
- [Mike] Yeah, yeah, exactly.
- [audience laughing]
2036
01:16:55,219 --> 01:16:56,742
Oh, of course, no, I was
crying 'cause it was so good.
2037
01:16:56,873 --> 01:16:58,701
And then I'm hugging
Una afterwards,
2038
01:16:58,831 --> 01:17:00,616
and I go, "You were fantastic."
2039
01:17:00,746 --> 01:17:02,139
And she said, and this is true,
2040
01:17:02,269 --> 01:17:05,403
she goes, "Dad, you
would say I was fantastic
2041
01:17:05,533 --> 01:17:07,840
even if I wasn't fantastic."
2042
01:17:07,971 --> 01:17:11,409
And I had to say, "That's
a really good point,
2043
01:17:11,539 --> 01:17:14,194
- and you're right."
- [audience laughing]
2044
01:17:14,325 --> 01:17:16,544
[Tig] I just did a matinee show,
2045
01:17:16,675 --> 01:17:18,590
my kid saw me perform
for the first time.
2046
01:17:18,721 --> 01:17:21,071
- Oh, wow.
- And it was really
2047
01:17:21,201 --> 01:17:23,943
interesting 'cause
I did not consider
2048
01:17:24,074 --> 01:17:27,164
that my son, Max, was
going to heckle me.
2049
01:17:27,294 --> 01:17:28,861
And so I'm --
2050
01:17:28,992 --> 01:17:30,254
[Neil] Amazing.
2051
01:17:30,384 --> 01:17:32,691
- [comedians laughing]
- [Tig] I'm doing my show!
2052
01:17:33,170 --> 01:17:34,780
I'm doing my show,
2053
01:17:34,911 --> 01:17:37,391
and my son, [laughing] Max,
2054
01:17:37,522 --> 01:17:40,177
he goes, "No, she didn't."
2055
01:17:40,307 --> 01:17:41,352
[comedians and
audience laughing]
2056
01:17:41,482 --> 01:17:42,832
- Wow.
- Wow.
2057
01:17:42,962 --> 01:17:44,398
- [Gary clapping]
- [comedians laughing]
2058
01:17:44,529 --> 01:17:46,270
[Mike] That's so good.
2059
01:17:46,400 --> 01:17:47,880
- Aw, that's incredible.
- And I was like,
2060
01:17:48,011 --> 01:17:48,751
[laughing] "What?"
2061
01:17:48,881 --> 01:17:49,882
I was like that.
2062
01:17:50,013 --> 01:17:52,276
And he goes, "That's not true."
2063
01:17:52,406 --> 01:17:53,320
[comedians and
audience laughing]
2064
01:17:53,451 --> 01:17:56,280
- [Atsuko] Oh, wow!
- [Neil] Amazing!
2065
01:17:56,410 --> 01:17:58,848
[pensive music]
2066
01:17:58,978 --> 01:18:00,806
[Tig] When I met Stephanie,
2067
01:18:00,937 --> 01:18:02,634
she said that her big dream
2068
01:18:02,765 --> 01:18:04,810
was to live to be 100.
2069
01:18:05,637 --> 01:18:09,510
And I thought, "Well,
that's insane."
2070
01:18:09,641 --> 01:18:11,164
I always thought,
"I'll probably kick it
2071
01:18:11,295 --> 01:18:14,298
somewhere in the 60s, 70s,
2072
01:18:14,428 --> 01:18:16,387
and I've had a good run."
2073
01:18:17,040 --> 01:18:21,914
But she said, "No, [laughing]
I want us to die together."
2074
01:18:22,045 --> 01:18:24,700
And I was like, "Well, I'm
15 years older than you,
2075
01:18:24,830 --> 01:18:28,007
so that means I'd have
to live to be 115."
2076
01:18:28,312 --> 01:18:29,792
And she said, "You can do it."
2077
01:18:31,402 --> 01:18:33,665
I think it's most important
2078
01:18:33,796 --> 01:18:36,233
to figure out what
your north star is.
2079
01:18:36,363 --> 01:18:38,975
What's driving you
to do the thing,
2080
01:18:39,105 --> 01:18:40,628
whether it's stand-up
2081
01:18:40,759 --> 01:18:43,196
or living to be 115,
2082
01:18:43,327 --> 01:18:45,633
you have to have that thing.
2083
01:18:45,764 --> 01:18:48,811
Otherwise, none of
the other elements
2084
01:18:48,941 --> 01:18:50,160
are gonna fall into place.
2085
01:18:50,290 --> 01:18:54,120
And that's what drew
me to changing my diet,
2086
01:18:54,251 --> 01:18:57,080
meditation,
prioritizing my sleep,
2087
01:18:57,210 --> 01:18:58,646
all of those things.
2088
01:18:58,777 --> 01:19:01,519
- But I think it's so crucial.
- [audience clapping]
2089
01:19:04,478 --> 01:19:06,567
[Gary] I had appeared
multiple times
2090
01:19:06,698 --> 01:19:09,614
on every single
late-night TV show.
2091
01:19:09,745 --> 01:19:11,137
Gary Gulman, everybody.
2092
01:19:11,268 --> 01:19:12,922
April 13th at
the Warner Theater.
2093
01:19:13,052 --> 01:19:15,098
I had a lovely girlfriend,
2094
01:19:15,228 --> 01:19:16,577
who's now my wife.
2095
01:19:18,492 --> 01:19:20,886
I had from the outside what
you would say, "This guy,"
2096
01:19:21,017 --> 01:19:23,323
I remember my friends,
when I opened up to them,
2097
01:19:23,454 --> 01:19:24,977
telling them how
depressed I was,
2098
01:19:25,108 --> 01:19:27,850
they would say, "I thought
you had everything together."
2099
01:19:27,980 --> 01:19:30,287
[birds singing]
2100
01:19:30,417 --> 01:19:31,723
I kept thinking that my
first "Tonight Show,"
2101
01:19:31,854 --> 01:19:33,072
then I'll feel like...
2102
01:19:33,203 --> 01:19:34,030
[London] Yeah, the you'll feel
like you made it.
2103
01:19:34,160 --> 01:19:35,335
...I can tell people, no.
2104
01:19:35,466 --> 01:19:36,510
Second "Tonight Show,"
third "Tonight Show"?
2105
01:19:36,641 --> 01:19:37,729
- Nope.
- First "Letterman,"
2106
01:19:37,860 --> 01:19:39,122
- second "Letterman," no.
- [London] No, no.
2107
01:19:39,252 --> 01:19:40,471
It's good to have ambition,
but I think gratitude,
2108
01:19:40,601 --> 01:19:41,907
I have to check myself.
2109
01:19:42,038 --> 01:19:43,169
No, it's so true.
2110
01:19:43,300 --> 01:19:44,823
I mean, gratitude,
2111
01:19:44,954 --> 01:19:47,521
it's an antidote to
compare and despair.
2112
01:19:47,652 --> 01:19:48,784
- [London] Oh, yeah.
- It's like, "Yeah,
2113
01:19:48,914 --> 01:19:49,741
I don't have that,
but I have this."
2114
01:19:49,872 --> 01:19:50,786
"But I have this."
2115
01:19:50,916 --> 01:19:51,874
[Gary] Yeah, it's crazy.
2116
01:19:52,004 --> 01:19:53,266
[London] We are so lucky.
2117
01:19:53,397 --> 01:19:55,138
I'm so grateful right now.
2118
01:19:55,268 --> 01:19:57,705
I'm happy that I'm me,
I'm happy you are you.
2119
01:19:57,836 --> 01:19:59,272
- Yeah.
- I'm happy we're here.
2120
01:19:59,403 --> 01:20:00,883
Me, too.
2121
01:20:01,274 --> 01:20:05,322
[Neil] Let's leave everyone here
with how to stay hopeful.
2122
01:20:05,452 --> 01:20:07,454
How do we maintain our sanity?
2123
01:20:07,803 --> 01:20:09,500
[Mike] Yeah, I write in my
journal all the time,
2124
01:20:09,630 --> 01:20:11,023
'cause I find that
if you write down
2125
01:20:11,154 --> 01:20:13,852
sort of what you're saddest
about or angriest about,
2126
01:20:13,983 --> 01:20:15,811
you can start to see
your own life as a story.
2127
01:20:15,941 --> 01:20:17,377
And sometimes you can zoom out
2128
01:20:17,508 --> 01:20:19,553
and encourage the main character
to make better decisions.
2129
01:20:19,684 --> 01:20:20,641
Hmm.
2130
01:20:20,772 --> 01:20:22,208
[Nicole]
My first therapy session,
2131
01:20:22,339 --> 01:20:23,296
she was like,
"What's your goal?"
2132
01:20:23,427 --> 01:20:24,863
And I was like, "To fix me."
2133
01:20:24,994 --> 01:20:26,343
And she was like,
"Well, I can't fix you,
2134
01:20:26,473 --> 01:20:27,692
you're not broken.
2135
01:20:27,823 --> 01:20:29,215
I'm gonna give you tools
2136
01:20:29,346 --> 01:20:34,481
in order for you to
adjust your life to you."
2137
01:20:34,873 --> 01:20:38,050
So I lose my keys
almost every day,
2138
01:20:38,181 --> 01:20:39,878
so now my keys are five pounds.
2139
01:20:40,009 --> 01:20:42,185
[laughing] There's
like 100 keys on them.
2140
01:20:42,315 --> 01:20:43,839
- [Neil] Being kinder to yourself
- [Nicole] Yeah,
2141
01:20:43,969 --> 01:20:45,188
- and I forgive myself a lot.
- [Gary] Oh, yeah.
2142
01:20:45,318 --> 01:20:48,626
Self-acceptance is enormous.
2143
01:20:48,756 --> 01:20:51,629
I see how I feel
now as a remission,
2144
01:20:51,759 --> 01:20:53,370
or I'm in recovery,
2145
01:20:53,500 --> 01:20:55,633
to use an AA term,
2146
01:20:55,763 --> 01:20:58,027
and I do all these things
2147
01:20:58,157 --> 01:21:01,508
to maintain --exercising,
eating right,
2148
01:21:01,639 --> 01:21:03,946
sleeping, my medicine,
my therapists.
2149
01:21:04,076 --> 01:21:05,599
Just dancing.
2150
01:21:05,730 --> 01:21:08,385
$22, dance class,
living my best life.
2151
01:21:08,515 --> 01:21:10,604
And there's people
there from all ages.
2152
01:21:10,735 --> 01:21:11,823
One of the women's like 70,
2153
01:21:11,954 --> 01:21:13,259
one of the girls
there's like 18,
2154
01:21:13,390 --> 01:21:14,521
and we have the best time.
2155
01:21:14,652 --> 01:21:15,914
And I always feel,
2156
01:21:16,045 --> 01:21:17,263
even if I haven't
got the routine down
2157
01:21:17,394 --> 01:21:18,351
or I forget the choreo,
2158
01:21:18,482 --> 01:21:19,657
[laughing] I always leave
2159
01:21:19,787 --> 01:21:21,746
feeling so much
better that I went.
2160
01:21:21,877 --> 01:21:24,662
That or get yourself a mental
health designer handbag.
2161
01:21:24,792 --> 01:21:26,185
- I do that. [laughing]
- [audience laughing]
2162
01:21:26,316 --> 01:21:28,535
I got myself a mental health
2163
01:21:28,666 --> 01:21:29,797
- Chanel bag.
- [Tig] Girl, it helps.
2164
01:21:29,928 --> 01:21:31,060
- [London] Yeah, exactly.
- [audience laughing]
2165
01:21:31,190 --> 01:21:32,191
- The handbags.
- [audience clapping]
2166
01:21:32,322 --> 01:21:34,280
Mental health, yes.
2167
01:21:34,802 --> 01:21:36,413
[Atsuko laughing]
2168
01:21:36,543 --> 01:21:37,893
It's so hard for me to say
2169
01:21:38,023 --> 01:21:40,243
that other people
should find help
2170
01:21:40,373 --> 01:21:42,898
because I don't seek it myself.
2171
01:21:44,421 --> 01:21:49,165
Yeah, in no way am
I perfect or there
2172
01:21:49,295 --> 01:21:53,647
with looking out for my
mental health needs, yeah.
2173
01:21:53,778 --> 01:21:55,693
In fact, I'm just
starting to figure it out.
2174
01:21:56,999 --> 01:21:58,217
[Gary] One thing that
was really helpful
2175
01:21:58,348 --> 01:21:59,871
was a quote from Mark Twain.
2176
01:22:00,002 --> 01:22:01,177
Me.
2177
01:22:01,307 --> 01:22:02,526
[comedians and
audience laughing]
2178
01:22:02,656 --> 01:22:03,266
- [London] Yeah, it's Mark Twain.
- [Gary] Well.
2179
01:22:03,396 --> 01:22:04,571
[Mike] From Oprah...
2180
01:22:04,702 --> 01:22:05,746
- [Gary] From Oprah.
- ...from Maya Angelou.
2181
01:22:05,877 --> 01:22:07,313
[Tig]
That my therapist famously said.
2182
01:22:07,444 --> 01:22:08,967
I prefer Samuel Clemens.
2183
01:22:09,098 --> 01:22:10,316
- [Neil Patrick laughing]
- Samuel Langhorne Clemens.
2184
01:22:10,447 --> 01:22:11,535
- [Mike] Yes.
- Yes.
2185
01:22:11,665 --> 01:22:12,710
[Neil] What was his quote?
2186
01:22:12,840 --> 01:22:14,233
"If you wanna cheer yourself up,
2187
01:22:14,364 --> 01:22:15,539
cheer somebody else up."
2188
01:22:15,669 --> 01:22:17,497
- [Mike] Yes, yes.
- [Atsuko] Oh, I love that.
2189
01:22:17,628 --> 01:22:20,413
And Kurt Vonnegut's
son, Dr. Mark Vonnegut,
2190
01:22:20,544 --> 01:22:21,327
has this great thing,
2191
01:22:21,458 --> 01:22:22,894
he says, "The meaning of life
2192
01:22:23,025 --> 01:22:25,462
is to help each
other through this,
2193
01:22:25,592 --> 01:22:26,680
whatever it is."
2194
01:22:26,811 --> 01:22:28,552
- Mm.
- Yeah.
2195
01:22:28,682 --> 01:22:29,727
- [Neil] Well said.
- I don't have
2196
01:22:29,857 --> 01:22:31,555
a single original
thought, by the way.
2197
01:22:31,685 --> 01:22:32,730
- [everyone laughing]
- Yeah, no, all of this.
2198
01:22:32,860 --> 01:22:33,949
[London]
This is what I'm learning
2199
01:22:34,079 --> 01:22:35,733
- about you, I love it.
- [Gary laughing]
2200
01:22:35,863 --> 01:22:37,909
But at least I
cite my references,
2201
01:22:38,040 --> 01:22:39,389
which is ethical.
2202
01:22:39,519 --> 01:22:41,434
[Tig]
No, of course, of course.
2203
01:22:41,565 --> 01:22:43,915
Well, and as Ram Dass said...
2204
01:22:45,873 --> 01:22:48,964
..."Regardless of where
anybody is in life,
2205
01:22:49,094 --> 01:22:50,922
we're all walking
each other home."
2206
01:22:51,053 --> 01:22:52,837
- Wow.
- [Tig] And I love that
2207
01:22:52,968 --> 01:22:55,144
- so, so much.
- [Gary] Oh.
2208
01:22:55,274 --> 01:22:57,624
And it ties into taking
care of each other.
2209
01:22:57,755 --> 01:22:59,104
[Mike] There's another
quote that was like,
2210
01:22:59,235 --> 01:23:00,932
have you ever heard, "The
glass is already broken?"
2211
01:23:01,063 --> 01:23:02,194
- Who said that one?
- [Tig] Oh, God.
2212
01:23:02,325 --> 01:23:03,282
[London] Yeah, who?
2213
01:23:03,413 --> 01:23:04,544
- It's Oprah.
- [London] Mark Twain.
2214
01:23:04,675 --> 01:23:07,156
[everybody clapping]
2215
01:23:07,286 --> 01:23:09,593
[Atsuko]
"Walk other people home."
2216
01:23:09,723 --> 01:23:11,377
- [audience laughing]
- I'm trying to summarize.
2217
01:23:11,508 --> 01:23:12,552
[Neil Patrick] Let's summarize.
2218
01:23:12,683 --> 01:23:14,293
- In summary.
- Treat yourself,
2219
01:23:14,424 --> 01:23:16,774
walk other people
home, share yourselves.
2220
01:23:16,904 --> 01:23:17,731
- Go to the circus.
- Share --
2221
01:23:17,862 --> 01:23:19,168
Misquote Oprah.
2222
01:23:19,298 --> 01:23:20,952
- [comedians laughing]
- [Atsuko] Misquote Oprah,
2223
01:23:21,083 --> 01:23:23,172
and you're not alone.
2224
01:23:23,302 --> 01:23:25,217
- [Tig] Yes.
- Did I do good?
2225
01:23:25,348 --> 01:23:26,784
- Yes, you did.
- That was perfect.
2226
01:23:26,914 --> 01:23:28,481
- [everybody clapping]
- [upbeat music]
2227
01:23:28,612 --> 01:23:29,526
Thank you guys for being here.
2228
01:23:29,656 --> 01:23:30,701
- Yay.
- [audience cheering]
2229
01:23:30,831 --> 01:23:32,007
Thank you, Neil.
2230
01:23:32,137 --> 01:23:34,183
Atsuko Okatsuka,
2231
01:23:34,313 --> 01:23:36,011
Nicole Byer,
2232
01:23:36,141 --> 01:23:37,621
Tig Notaro.
2233
01:23:37,751 --> 01:23:39,362
[audience cheering]
2234
01:23:39,492 --> 01:23:41,103
London Hughes,
2235
01:23:41,233 --> 01:23:42,539
Gary Gulman,
2236
01:23:42,669 --> 01:23:44,628
Mike Birbiglia,
2237
01:23:44,758 --> 01:23:46,673
and I'm Neil Patrick Harris.
2238
01:23:46,804 --> 01:23:50,199
- Good night.
- [audience cheering]
2239
01:23:52,114 --> 01:23:53,245
- [London] Group hug.
- [Neil] Group hug,
2240
01:23:53,376 --> 01:23:54,855
group therapy hug.
2241
01:23:58,468 --> 01:24:00,687
[Atsuko] Bye, thank you.
2242
01:24:00,818 --> 01:24:03,255
[London] Bye.
2243
01:24:03,386 --> 01:24:04,691
[Atsuko]
Yeah, let's do it.
2244
01:24:08,739 --> 01:24:10,262
[Mike]
I have very little wisdom.
2245
01:24:10,393 --> 01:24:12,177
All I would say is,
2246
01:24:12,308 --> 01:24:13,396
whatever you're feeling,
2247
01:24:13,526 --> 01:24:15,833
you're most likely not alone.
2248
01:24:21,491 --> 01:24:23,232
Most likely is allowing
for pedophilia,
2249
01:24:23,362 --> 01:24:24,668
just in case anyone
was wondering.
2250
01:24:26,887 --> 01:24:28,237
I don't want people
to feel carte blanche,
2251
01:24:28,367 --> 01:24:29,499
like, "Yeah, fuck it,
2252
01:24:29,629 --> 01:24:31,805
everybody feeling that, so."
2253
01:24:31,936 --> 01:24:34,112
[laughing] I want people to feel
some sense of shame...
2254
01:24:35,766 --> 01:24:37,855
...if they're evil. [laughing]
2255
01:24:39,335 --> 01:24:41,424
[Nicole laughing]
2256
01:24:43,469 --> 01:24:46,733
[Gary] Some days it's hard
to get out of bed.
2257
01:24:46,864 --> 01:24:48,518
And people say, "Why is it
hard to get out of bed?"
2258
01:24:48,648 --> 01:24:50,302
And I think I know why,
2259
01:24:50,433 --> 01:24:51,738
this is my theory.
2260
01:24:53,218 --> 01:24:55,264
The thing they don't
tell you about life
2261
01:24:55,394 --> 01:24:56,439
- when you're growing up...
- Bye-bye.
2262
01:24:57,875 --> 01:24:59,398
[comedians and
audience laughing]
2263
01:24:59,529 --> 01:25:02,140
[Gary]
...is this --life, mm...
2264
01:25:02,923 --> 01:25:06,449
- [car door slamming]
- [audience laughing]
2265
01:25:06,579 --> 01:25:08,842
...it's every single day.
2266
01:25:08,973 --> 01:25:10,279
[audience laughing]
2267
01:25:10,409 --> 01:25:11,236
[Gary tutting]
2268
01:25:11,367 --> 01:25:13,456
[audience laughing and clapping]
2269
01:25:13,586 --> 01:25:16,372
[audience cheering]
2270
01:25:16,720 --> 01:25:18,025
[clapperboard clapping]
2271
01:25:19,375 --> 01:25:21,812
[upbeat music]
2272
01:25:31,604 --> 01:25:34,738
[upbeat music continues]
2273
01:25:57,630 --> 01:26:00,764
[upbeat music continues]
2274
01:26:23,613 --> 01:26:26,790
[upbeat music continues]
2275
01:26:49,508 --> 01:26:52,642
[upbeat music continues]
2276
01:27:22,280 --> 01:27:25,588
[upbeat music fades]