« The Fire of the Ass » I listen.
Sonia, I don't care if you have morphia.
T'es en retard.
But where the hell are you?
This is embarrassing. I can't find the restaurant.
Richie, there was a wet pussy waiting for you here. I'm outta here!
Hello.
Hey, can you hear me?
That's not going to make me climb the walls, girl.
This tequila, yes.
Here, darling.
Long live the revolution!
Thank you, I feel like my cat has taken off and is going around the moon.
What are you doing at my bar?
What do you think I'm doing?
I'm shooting the opening scene.
I know about openings.
They're calling you, answer the phone!
You're going to pick up, damn it!
Richie ?
Hello, Tiana.
I thought it would be better for the public if they didn't have to read the text messages.
Yeah, that's not a bad idea since all these idiots can't read.
It's true.
We know you, the Wayans' audience.
Yeah.
Oh, by the way, I'm glad you finally selected me.
Yeah, same here, but I'll hide you with you.
When I saw your profile picture, I almost swiped left because you looked like a complete idiot.
But strangely enough, gogoles are lobsters.
A weird head and a very fleshy tail.
I thought you were from a nice neighborhood.
Me, from nice neighborhoods?
Listen, I love the nice neighborhoods, but I'm a Harlem girl, produced and raised in the ghetto, 100% pure black women, yeah.
Ah, so you're white.
No, you son of a bitch, I'm black!
All in bold.
The letters, not me.
Black from my home.
I don't give a damn about any of them.
Cut out those pearls for me, you old hag.
I'm going to have to search your shit.
Hello ?
So, tell me, what's your favorite horror movie?
That's not really my thing.
All these codes in force are rubbish.
Why is it always a white woman who gets killed in the end?
Because it's too hard to kill a Franchine.
You know the type?
Because if the sister can survive with state aid, then everyone can.
You know, it would be nice if we met outside.
Right now?
Does my word annoy you?
What's your zodiac sign?
I bet you're a scampion.
How do you know?
Big mouth, but far too toxic.
Is this the restaurant near an alley?
Yeah, get yourself together before you get disgusted.
Roses?
Ah, not today, you rat.
I heard you, you old hag.
Okay, I'm walking down the alley right now.
I'm here, can you see me?
Shall I give you a sign?
Non.
The person I'm looking at isn't signaling me.
Actually, she's just staring at me, that's all.
Well, you just have to fix it, same thing.
And don't blink, okay, ever.
You smoke his face and then you tell what?
They are approaching me.
Oh no, damn, they have knives.
You'd better not lead them to me.
Wait, the knives aren't the worst part.
The worst part is that you know so much about horror movies and you find yourself walking alone in a deserted alley.
Yeah, well, the worst thing is that you're bothering one of Alec's girls, dude.
Cuckoo !
The girl is in an Avengers-like state.
Are you serious, Larry?
I didn't get Donkey Doiseau, I was expecting something more like that.
That's a pigeon, nigger.
We said hello!
Cuckoo !
Like a black eagle attacking.
I admit, I messed up a bit.
Are you finished?
What the hell is this?
My name is Tiana Taylor, and my abs have abs.
Let's go, guys!
My arm!
The gloves!
We can have a civilized discussion.
Okay, that'll do for tonight, let's go.
Go home, there's nothing to do but go to school tomorrow morning.
Hey Tiana, you're showing off because you beat me up, but you didn't even give up your Oscar.
What did you say about my Oscar?
They gave it to that other weird girl from the movie Fainting.
You're right.
But I won a Coton Co...
Asshole!
I can't believe it, this is ridiculous.
That's why I've never watched Horror Movie.
It's total crap.
A succession of star cameos and bursts of farts.
What, you don't like parodies?
I prefer hidden cameras and colonoscopies.
You know, the kind that really pisses guys off.
Ah, so for you, colonoscopy is just a movie.
It's infinitely deeper and darker than many award-winning films I've seen.
Tuesday, no, it doesn't open.
It could be Ghostface.
Okay, stop making up stories.
You only see this kind of nonsense in the movies.
Hello.
I didn't think he'd like to open the door.
Fucking hell.
I don't know what to do with my knife.
Hello, Tuesday.
FINAL DESTINATION PARK A THEME
OR EVERYONE DIES
Hi, Miss.
What did you take?
A little Ritalin for my ADHD, Adderall for my PTSD, some Xanax for my anxiety and pills to get an erection.
Beware of the competition.
Oh, damn it, Sarah!
How many did you take?
I don't know anything, you know very well that I have a sweet tooth.
Ah, hello, Jess.
Sarah, you have the hospital on Tuesday.
She is worried.
She was stabbed by that other crazy guy over there.
You know, Ghostface.
What did you say, Big Butt?
Why do you say I have a big butt?
In any case, I prefer this to being a flat-chested woman like my sister.
Calm down, I didn't say you had a big butt.
I'm talking about the masked freak, Ghostface.
Okay, that makes more sense.
Take that!
Ah, Jack, are you stupid or what?
So what?
I was thinking I could wear this for Halloween.
I'm letting you know that my half-sister is as flat as a pancake and she was bled by a lunatic who wears that mask.
Besides, I need to go see her and make peace with her.
Oh, wait, hey, hey, hey.
I'm coming with you.
And it's not because I'm the killer and I'm trying to bring you back to your hometown.
I'm just your caring boyfriend.
Yeah.
That's all.
Okay, come on, get in the car.
We just need to make a stop along the way.
Wow, that's crazy, I'm not even dead.
And that's thanks to my little campion piece.
Oh, boudin !
I don't like it when people stop being considerate, even giving a hug.
And...
You need to stop bashing rappers and their shitty music.
It's embarrassing for Black women if this kind of thing can be...
Oh, stop it, it's not a problem.
I'm the kind of nice mom we all wish we had.
I am not tacked.
By the way, I have training today, I'll be home late.
You were only taken on the team because you're black.
Those binary fave assholes thought you were a fast runner.
It is 2026.
If there were still fascists, we would know about it.
Aren't you on Black Twitter?
Non.
Oh, Brad.
Are you still dating that tramp?
Mom, enough with the whorephobia.
She has a three-figure body count, she's a whore.
She's not a prostitute.
She has an assertive sexuality.
And I maintain that she's a whore.
Hi, Nell.
You look beautiful.
Is it already in Nouvelle or what?
You dressed up as a dick garage.
You're getting excited, you're wearing a ring.
Hello, Madame Meeks.
I love your hair.
Very Joan of Arc.
Super vintage.
Oh, thank you, my daughter.
Unlike you, this woman rode horses, not dicks.
I have to go to my African-American history class.
Slavery is a hot topic right now.
It turns out that it was voluntary.
It's written in this book.
THE TRUE HISTORY OF BLACK PEOPLE BY KANYE WEST
Kanye West?
Yes, the artist.
For centuries, we have been told stories.
Proud to be black.
Goodbye, my daughter.
OK.
Goodbye, my little chick.
Hello, Madame Meeks.
Oh, darling, I gave you some lubricated condoms.
The girls are real old hags.
Mom !
No, but seriously, Craig's series.
There's no need to escort me to class, I'll be fine.
Jess, there's still a serial killer on the loose.
I refuse to let anything happen to my little girl.
Your little boy, I am a little boy.
Excuse me.
It's not easy.
I'm having a little trouble with the transition.
OK, it's not complicated.
Treat me like one of your colleagues.
All right ?
Yeah, why not.
It's doable.
Vas-y.
Your slap size.
Oh, because you call that a slap.
Why did you stick a forest potato on me?
You need to stop being a wimp.
Small penis.
I admit, it was manly.
Who can live like that, it's crazy.
Oh, my darling, I'm so happy to see you.
Do you want to go inside and have a cup of tea?
Oh, how awful.
Damn, you really look awful.
Be nice, she's just an old lady who's run out of conditioner.
Watch where you step.
The house is full of traps.
You never know, that crazy guy might come back.
Welcome.
I'm fed up with being a delivery driver.
Madame Campbell.
My name is Jack, I am Sarah's boyfriend.
I've heard a lot about you, but never in any way.
On the other hand, I've never heard of you, Jack.
Probably because you're an asshole.
But how could I know, since I haven't heard from my daughter in, like...
6 months?
6 years, more like.
And whose fault is it, Sarah?
I don't know, it might be your fault.
You're not wrong.
We want to learn from the horrors you survived.
Between us, Scary Movie 3 and 4 made me the most money.
For a girl, there's no lesson to be learned from this.
But if you want to talk about my role in Super Blonde, I'm all ears.
The killings are starting again.
A kind of masked asshole.
We have to stop this psychopath.
My love, you are not ready at all.
I've been preparing for his return for years.
I sacrificed absolutely everything.
You were a terrible mother.
You're being harsh, my dear.
We had our little moments of happiness.
Like the time I took you to the mall to see Santa Claus.
It's your turn, Sarah.
Move!
Hello, Santa Claus.
I wasn't resting on your lap.
I prefer to remain standing.
You scare me terribly.
Mom !
Doll !
Say thank you, don't forget.
Is he old?
Ah, that's disgusting!
What is this crap?
I'm sorry.
If that's how you learned that Santa Claus is a scam.
Oh, mother, I really need your help.
That you help me heal our emotional wounds and turn the page.
Mom, are you kidding?
Help me kill Ghostface.
Do you have any guns?
But you're talking to Cindy Campbell.
I have tons of guns.
But none of these guns are registered, since they think I'm disturbed.
So it would be better if you could keep the information to yourself.
Oh, okay.
Ah, that's cool!
I'll get through this.
I managed not to talk about it on the stakes.
I spoke to Sarah on the phone earlier.
Do you think she's going to come?
Now that you mention it, she was screaming.
I can feel it coming.
So maybe.
I'm talking about coming to Woodsville, you piece of shit.
Ah, I didn't ask him.
Hey, Jimbo!
Go deep!
Yes, indeed!
I also want you to send it deep.
I don't know if this is the right timing.
We all know what happens to teenagers who want to have sex when there's a serial killer on the loose.
Brad is right about one thing, guys.
The return of Ghostface.
We need to get equipped.
Pepper spray, effective.
A taser, effective.
An anal plug, super effective.
How do you get around with something that big?
It's easy to hide.
Up my ass.
That's not true.
It's profound.
Hey guys!
I'm back!
Are we having a blast?
Hey, how are you, uncle?
Watch?
I'm fed up with you, you little degenerates of Generation Z with your alpha chip.
You release stuff like uncle, nitpicking, masterclass, the killer, it's cringe, it's mid, so that old people like me look like fools.
Hey, go on, you, don't follow your uncle, fatso.
Shorty, you are our mother's brother.
So, yeah, technically, you're our uncle.
Ah, yeah.
I fell.
I think it's crazy that they let you teach.
Giving lessons?
No, fat.
I'm studying.
For the free facts from the Bible and for the cotache.
Do you plan to get a degree someday?
Ah, first we have to film the sequel and I have to join your group at university so I can get paid.
Good news, guys.
Tuesday, it's awake.
Perfect for Tuesday!
Who is it, Tuesday?
We need to go to the hospital.
Are you taking the bus home?
Oh no, I'm formatting your 2 backwards.
Are you a helicopter?
What, are you jealous?
Seriously, you're smoking gamers all day, glued to video games and you're streaming.
In short, you make a lot of money, but you get absolutely nothing out of it.
You said it.
I leave the dirty work to the old folks.
Crazy!
Yeah !
That'll never change, shorty.
Grave !
I need to check my crypto, man.
Absolutely amazing!
I took 3 million straight away!
Oh shit !
I lost 5 million straight away!
It's insane, I swear.
The child's mind: No, Sister Brenda, everything is fine.
True, you succumbed to the lure of Sodom.
But God wants men like you to return to more orthodox things.
Come, my son.
Let yourself be taken.
Through the heart, too.
God wants you to open up.
Oh no, don't tense up.
You need to open up.
Otherwise, the spirit will not penetrate.
The father will take you, and so will the son.
And finally, let the Bible penetrate you.
Open up.
Amen.
Brief.
In the name of Jesus, you must let go.
Go directly.
I forgot about myself.
This is the last time.
Love this joyful brother.
You can't judge a record by the colors of its cover.
Now, open your heart to the Assembly, my brother.
We're listening.
Um...
It's true, I'm no longer gay.
I have set you free.
I'm not going out with your guys anymore.
Even though they are seriously sexy with generous pecs and sweet little nipples.
I feel like he's not telling us everything.
I will no longer wear long wigs, XL false eyelashes, or fancy high heels with red soles and a cute little bow on the side.
Are you wearing my shoes?
I will no longer hang out on Grindr to match with black men, white men, Asian men.
Are you going on Grindr?
I will no longer go on holiday to the Philippines to compare their ladyboys with those of Koh Tao, Koh Samui and Koh Puley.
And gone is Vietnam, where you get four for the price of the theme.
But I thought it was for our wedding anniversary.
Oh, that guy's been around the block.
I will no longer go naked into the locker room with my shirt stuck between my thighs and a friend's shirt stuck between my buttocks to ask the only important question.
Are you the one playing the man, or am I the one playing the woman?
I'm no longer involved in the jersey.
I have been freed.
Good luck to this body.
I'm going to do it.
I did not take the oath.
I am going to love women.
He likes women.
Women, women, women.
Women with a nightmare.
Women, women, women.
Blblblblblblblb Blblblblblb Non, non.
Hein ?
Blblblblblblbl Blblbl...
Blblblblblblbl What a...
Do you think I should leave too?
I am free!
How awful!
Did you see his face?
He's all deformed, and she's become even uglier!
I've been trying to drain it for an hour.
REST IN PEACE
So Marty, how are you feeling?
What do they give you when the pain is...
Is that morphine?
Without delay!
Let's taste it.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, that's awesome, it's so good!
I feel like I'm totally channeling Britney Spears, damn, I want to dance naked and juggle knives!
Sarah, who is this guy with the cereal head who has...
That's Jack, my guy!
Nice to meet you.
To me, he looks more like a lazy cereal-eater.
Personally, I prefer a kiss in the sky.
The little slut full of holes needs to rest.
You two, get out of here!
Yes, madam.
No, stay here.
For what ?
What have I done now?
I'm scared to death.
Oh, Marty, that's normal.
A sick person made nine holes in your stomach.
Besides, he already knows where you live.
It's true that I could invite you to sleep at my place, but I don't want to attract the bad luck.
It's possible the assassin is waiting behind that door.
Hmm...
That's extremely reassuring.
I thought I was going to die.
Yeah, I know, me too.
I had organized your funeral.
What is this nonsense?
I even wrote your obituary.
It was actually Chad GPT who wrote it for you.
But you're still here.
And I will never let anyone hurt you again.
Great, a bowl of ice cubes!
Oh, fuck, you killed me with your pepper knees, you bitch!
Don't commit murder while I'm on duty!
You have to send me to Rwanda!
Oh no, it's pretty much the same size for everyone!
No, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Oh, get out of here!
Oh shit!
Damn it, don't die, I want this job!
Oh damn, that's a bad stain!
We're losing her!
Stronger!
Is it dead?
At this point, I think we have nothing left but our eyes to cry with, these piggish bastards.
Lord Jesus!
The cable!
You need to check the cable!
The cable?
I'm watching, no need to tell me.
Especially The Wire with Idris Elba.
It makes me want to go pop, pop, pop so badly!
Oh Lord, accept this breadboard in everything!
Unlike my own ways, the ways of the Lord are inscrutable.
It's time for my break.
Oh, on a Tuesday, I'll never let anyone hurt you, never!
Oh, that must sting!
Maternal Complexes
Hello ?
Hello, Sarah.
Who is it?
Someone who spoke out in your secrets.
No, I swear it wasn't a Nazi salute.
I was elected queen of my graduating class.
I just threw my decoration into the crowd.
I'm talking about your little family secret.
Are you the bastard who stabbed my sister?
I had to find a way to get you back.
Listen, if you want to fight with me, you jerk, just come on over, I'm ready!
My pleasure !
Help me!
Please help me!
I beg you!
Help me!
Bitch!
This is our break room.
We're on pause.
Again ?
In your face!
Please, know me!
You're annoying me!
I've been saving people all day!
You can just continue your gym session, I'll stay here.
Enjoy my farafel and my pork squeaks.
What did you think?
I'm not your mother!
Beat well, you redhead!
You're welcome!
It looks like you hit yourself with something hard, like a metal tray.
I told you, I fell on my face.
Can I know exactly where we're going?
We're going to see an expert.
Go away !
Sorry to bother you, we just want to ask you a few questions.
Give me one good reason to speak to you.
I am white.
How white?
As white as Snow White's panties.
Barrier gesture.
When you said expert, I was expecting a Silicon Valley genius from some kind of dungeon...
Shut up.
I am Sarah Campbell and someone tried to kill me last night.
You should leave.
I don't want to catch Covid or get stabbed.
Please, just two minutes, that's all I ask!
No, absolutely not.
It's eight minutes or nothing.
But before that...
I need to test you for Covid.
Okay, you can come in.
Since when are the days of the week inclusive?
THE PROBLEMS OF THE WEEK OF THE AWAKENERS
On en a le Black Friday.
What's next?
Mixed-race Monday?
Yellow Thursday?
Or perhaps the Tardi, the little Burgundy?
You're kidding me!
Wait, I'll make some room.
It swelled.
My fingers are covered in it.
The tests have been done.
Hooray, it's negative.
You're Cindy's daughter, right?
Yeah.
All right.
But I don't recognize him.
This is Jack.
She's my crush in the script.
No, no, no.
Rule number one for surviving in a horror movie.
Never trust your crush.
Look closely.
He has insect-like eyes that are empty and cross-eyed.
A twisted mouth that oozes from the pavement like a psychopath.
With his leg going into a spin.
And the creepy, serial killer gait.
My leg isn't going haywire.
But the other guy, yes.
Ah, it was me I was looking at.
Special Agent Doofy.
So, that stops.
Listen, Doofy, we really need your help.
Don't insist.
I've put away my star, it's over.
Not to mention that we are in the middle of a global pandemic.
Sorry to tell you like this, but Covid is over.
Are you sure?
Yeah.
Damn it!
What am I going to do with all these boxes of pâté?
Get out of here!
I don't want them to bother you or catch up with him.
Especially since we weren't coming...
WOODSVILLE - GHOSTFACE'S HOMETOWN 22,014 STUPID TEENS DIED HERE
It's the sound of the police !
Special Agent Doofy on duty to serve.
OK, just because he took a shower doesn't mean we can shit on him.
So, it wasn't a shower, I just used gel.
Do you want some?
No, that's nice.
That works.
One, Doofy.
Sarah, are we waiting for your sea tramp or can we start our meeting?
Hello.
Sea, did you come?
No, not once in 15 years.
But I treated myself to this pretty vibrating rose.
I'm not telling you the story.
My old friend!
You're the one who taught me how to twerk, but most importantly, how to properly load my bong!
Sis, don't cry, I'm back.
Sardine ?
Yeah, I'm not signed.
That's not telling the story, sis.
How could you believe I was dead?
Honestly, between the cancer from smoking weed, your addiction to pork ribs, and the racist cops, I didn't think you'd survive.
Ah yeah, chicken and pork fumet, the killer mix, up there.
That's clear.
Doof, stop smiling at me!
Damn!
What's up ?
Hey, he's mentally handicapped.
That's her normal state, you drunken hag.
Hey, go ahead, make a face!
You don't have that old hag.
A little respect, please.
I see people smiling everywhere, it's so weird.
I'm not a nice person, so it can only be a curse.
Surprise !
Look what I have.
Cheap gelatin desserts with a dose of alcohol and GHB.
No one will be able to complain that they were not warned.
Besides, sorry for the last time.
I put the tugboat in without my complaint being known.
Norma.
Weaving.
Hi, Miranda.
Please, don't call me by my official name.
Call me Ma...
Cindy ?
The gene is perfect.
This is crazy, I haven't seen you in ages.
I can't believe it, you haven't changed.
Apart from your eyes heavily surrounded by wrinkles, your hair as dry as hay, and your breasts that sag so much they burn us.
Otherwise, apart from that, you're exactly the same.
What have you been doing all this time?
I completely neglected my children to prepare to kill Ghostface in case he came back.
And you ?
I spent my time getting high school students drunk, hoping to stay young and avoid menopause.
I knew you would be a wonderful mother.
Shall we give each other a hug?
Oh, I'd love one, but I'm a Republican now, so I'm supposed to be racist.
Oh, my daughter, I think all white people are racist anyway.
Come on over!
Ok !
Oh !
Take some.
A gelato?
Oh yes, please.
Here, try this one.
You know what, Ma?
This house would be cooler if you invested in a ball pit and a condom dispenser.
I know a thing or two about being cool.
When I was your age, I used to down bottles with Puffy aka Puff Daddy aka Pididi aka Diddy.
Alias, it's always the same.
Alias balance ton corps.
Your mom was the most messed up of the flames.
Zarma!
Do you want to see something cool?
I'm going to show you something cool.
Yeah, that's cool.
What are you making?
So what?
You have to hold it like that.
Yeah !
Hey, what's up?
Why are you all so stressed?
It's not even charged.
Oh, les popcorns !
Oh oh, I've started again.
Oh dear, I'm serious.
Every time, I forget the last bullet.
Help me get rid of the body.
Yeah, go ahead.
It was great.
And what do you plan to do after that?
I would love to go to Cancun.
Oh, I love Cancun spring break.
I used to go there all the time.
I would stuff some shellfish into my pussy and go to the spot for the week.
That's why you're so flexible.
A WHITE EXTRA
Okay, let's go.
Let's get back to our case.
When I see that sniper's face, that of a school shooting perpetrator, I tell myself that you're the killer.
What, me?
All right.
And when you see Oufi's agent, what do you think?
Excuse me, but I have no motive.
You were the killer in the first Scary Movie.
Seriously, you shouldn't be in prison.
No, I was pardoned for the Capitol assault where I was caught red-handed.
Do you remember?
I have proof.
It's me.
In a lovely setting.
I love your strings.
What about Jess?
People want to talk about me?
I'm sorry, but if anyone has problems that could lead them to murder, it's you.
Transphobia is wrong, okay?
Jess is a normal guy.
Yeah.
Except that he lacks strength in his arms.
And a dangling tail.
Hey, you haven't seen what they installed for me, okay?
I saw it.
You promised.
Well, listen, all we know for now is that all those who were attacked had a connection with the original killers.
He wants to kill young people.
Ah ah, that's it, I understand.
He's filming a reboot sequel.
Is this something new?
Yeah, it's both a reboot and a sequel.
It mixes the original cast with new characters.
With the aim of playing on some stupid nostalgia and attracting new fans.
That's what they do all the time, remember last summer.
Isn't that a movie?
That I remember this summer?
You're confusing it with the summer when I became pretty.
She's right.
Hey, where were you?
I was going through the dirty laundry when I found a clean pair of underwear.
Oh.
Do I have clean underwear?
Yeah, that confirms that our killer is writing his own personal version of Horror Movie.
Okay, so if we refer to the famous reboot rules, who's the killer?
I think that's obvious.
So who is it?
You, bitch.
Me?
Guys, I'm not the killer.
Ghostface jumped on Tuesday to lure me here.
I think he targeted Tuesday to lure you here and...
You attract me too, then.
He wants to kill the elders.
That girl is a storyteller.
Yeah, clearly, it's a real doe.
I'm fed up with all of you and I'm fed up with you too, Meradi!
The way she talks to her mother, oh!
I forbid you to disrespect me!
And call me Mom, darling!
Or mom, or whatever you prefer, it's you we need.
The suspect is still at large.
4 black men, white mask, ripping knife.
Well received.
I KNOW !
Hello, I'm listening.
Hello, sheriff?
Is that you, Underwood?
I'll give you a hint.
What's your favorite horror movie?
Do you want to talk about horror movies?
You have to see the video of my Congolese friend, it's terrifying.
When you see that, it's enough to give you goosebumps.
I'll send you the link, you'll see.
So, what do you want from me, please?
I'm just paying you to let you know that when you get home, I'll have already signed your granddaughter, darling.
My granddaughter is a boy, you idiot!
Who is it...
Isn't that what you're looking for?
Oh, wait, I'll help you.
I have your sausage in peace!
I'm picking up the phone.
What do you want, peace face?
You've got the father, you've got the...
son ?
What a pain.
Something tells me you're home alone.
Yeah, Dad went out, but the pool guy, the...
The gardener and the plumber who works off the books, they're all here, you blockheads.
Look out the window.
Wait, it won't be possible...
No, no, they are the engine of the American economy!
And I'm too white for those jobs alone.
Let's get straight to the point.
I'm going to ask you a question.
If you answer correctly, you stay alive.
Who was the killer in Horror Movie?
Oh, pastiche, that was Bobby, and then Ray the gay guy, the guy who liked boys, even though he handled the opposite.
Homophobia in the 2000s.
You see, I got you, bitch.
Faux !
You have to make a special purchase, you silly thing.
Now you are going to die.
BOMBOCLAT !
You should go open it.
I can clearly see you trying to steal my package.
It was easy.
Did anyone order fried eggs?
Attends...
Don't park there, it would be stupid to let a killer in.
Now you will be able to identify yourself as dead.
It's rubbish.
And with a dagger, like a co-sister.
Come on, girls, it's Ghostface time!
Thank you, Ghostface figurines, for the ZZ West fans, for the OnlyFans live news flash.
It's not flash-info, it's flash-nafo.
You don't even have a cameraman!
The phone!
Excuse me.
Oh, but no, you are...
Triple nomination for the Golden Microphone award in the Best Reporting category.
I was going to say the girl from the series Friends, but a shorter, less Botoxed version.
It's a good thing you didn't say anything.
You really don't know who I am?
For your information, I am...
Gail Amal!
This is Aelstorm.
Gail, get out of here, you bitch!
Oh, wow...
Two girls.
Yeah...
Gail...
Wow...
You haven't aged a day.
You took millions of them.
I have my fingers, my fingers, my testicles many times.
Why are you wearing that ridiculous uniform?
Uh, yeah, I'm working on it again.
I'm just wearing clothes.
Ah yes, uh...
Special agency official, I have a quick question.
Um...
Are there any suspects in this tragic, entirely predictable incident?
I'm not allowed to say it.
Of course it does.
OK, yes.
Perhaps...
Tell me a piece.
Yeah...
Do you remember when you were giving blowjobs in exchange for confidential information?
Sorry, that's it, I've stopped giving blowjobs, OK?
Since Me Too.
Ah, I'm sorry, me too.
I've moved on to masturbation, but the story has to be worth it.
Yeah, time for a wank.
Okay, fine.
And.
I'm going to get you, I'm going to catch you.
Tontonin will catch you.
Give me back my clothes, you little rascal.
Maybe we shouldn't legalize weed.
Damn it, legalize everything!
Hello, Shorty.
You know that smoking is bad for your health.
Yeah, that's nonsense, weed isn't harmful at all.
It's packed with vitamins.
And to T, H, and C.
C, B and D.
What's wrong, Shorty?
You seem a little...
tense.
It must be because there's a masked serial killer sipping his tea in my room.
Shorty, you're my big guy.
Finally, I mean, my friend.
Come on, sit down.
Good.
Don't you want to give up weed?
Seriously, man, I've already tried.
But my mom told me, I didn't raise a quitter.
So I didn't give up.
We could try hypnosis.
Listen, bro, you can wave all the stupid pendulums you want in front of my face, it won't make a difference.
You'll never be able to separate my joints.
Thirst.
Shorty.
What is it?
Tell me a little bit...
from your mother.
Seriously, dude.
Couldn't we start with something light?
Like, from time to time, you lick asses.
Yeah, I love it.
Tell me what happened to him, Shorty.
She was coming home from work.
His car had parked along the sidewalks.
There was someone inside.
And something terrible was happening.
Why didn't you tell anyone?
I couldn't.
The guys were looking for me.
You were only 11 years old.
I started young, and was overweight.
Oh...
What do you see?
IF YOU SEE THIS CAR SWINGING MOVE ON WITHOUT BOTHERING ME
I see...
A huge splash hit the window.
Like a geyser.
The cops said it was a murder-suicide.
She killed that poor guy.
When they opened the door, their seat slid out like a turd.
Like a frog's eye in the shape of water.
I didn't want to believe it.
What was it that you refused to believe?
That my mother was a grounded woman.
Since then, she had been so wet that the entire parquet floor of her room was warped.
I can't move anymore.
You are paralyzed.
Come on.
Let yourself be swallowed up...
in the armchair.
Wait, no!
Let yourself be swallowed up.
I'm completely K-pop in my head!
No, you're completely K-pop in your head.
I think we need to say it.
I'm completely K-pop in my head.
Now I'm so strong.
Damn, this is really good stuff! It's insane!
I was more stoned than Elon Musk, guys.
My friend!
FUCKING SHIT! SON!
Tuesday ?
Boppy ?
Boppy, what is...
She is going to die.
Are you talking about our daughter?
You're probably right, she's tough.
But we'll see what she's worth with a knife in her gut.
I am going to die.
But Boppy, you're already dead.
This hallucination is merely the result of my guilt for having been a terrible mother.
Or maybe it's the smear I just gave myself.
You're going to die.
You poor fool, you won't kill me.
You're going to die.
I've had it up to here.
Stop smiling at me.
I can't.
And Botox.
It's a psychiatric hospital.
Here, everyone is smiling.
What ?
Could you tell me where the intensive care unit is located?
Is it this way or that way?
It's no longer the time for visits, of course.
What was my head thinking?
The chain wants to make it clear that Black Friday is not just for people of color.
So go tell that to my friend Noir Benita who is probably beating up a customer for the little thing he wants us to do.
BLACK FRIDAY IS BLACK
Perfect, Benita?
FOR GENERATIONS
ONE ARTIST
REALLY LOVED SHAKING IT
But you're not Michael.
Michael has wet-look curls.
What did you put on your forehead?
Shoe polish?
People think it's shoe polish.
But I use a marker.
It looks like your hair has melted.
Michael had a breast.
I am a llama.
I don't give a damn about Michael.
You dance like a clod.
I trained.
I did a moonwalk.
He pushed me back like that, that crazy idiot.
Oh, Germaine !
Available for Jude Geeks.
Excluding Ubi.
I'm going to download it.
Who is it ?
I don't give a damn.
I will miss you.
Oh, fucking hell!
Think like a black woman!
Damn!
Did Sarah tell you to come?
Yeah.
That's why I'm here.
Not to murder you or anything like that.
Why are you wearing gloves?
You're not going to believe this, but I was thinking of dressing up as an African dictator for Halloween.
That's what gynecology looks like.
Attention !
Look, old man, you almost opened a door for me.
I mean...
This time...
Laughing Gas
I'm going to bleed you dry like a sow.
Oh, yes.
I will...
What is this shitty reply?
That's true, it's serious.
What are you going to do next?
I'm going to cut you in half.
You squashed the eye quite badly.
I can't take it anymore.
You'll be against me floating your earlobe around your neck.
I'm going to kill you.
I'm so fed up with it, it's so stupid.
You can't kill me.
I am going to die.
I'm going to die before then.
He's really going to kill me.
"Terrifying music" Nooo!
I want the same thing as...
"Terrifying music" Get ready to end up as bacon, you little sow!
"Terrifying music" No!
"Terrifying music" Mercy!
"Terrifying music" No, no...
Come on, let's move aside.
Clear the way.
Let it pass.
Special police mission.
Dufy!
There you go!
Mission of the generals.
Look at the little bird as seen!
What is this?
My sea sling always said, "Never go out without your gun!"
"Go!"
Okay, if you want, I'll go find your crush.
I'm going to find your crush.
I'm in so much pain, I'm in agony!
Sarah, if I don't manage!
Seriously, Sorette, stop overacting!
It's a horror movie, you won't be able to tear yourself away from it, Toscar!
Ask Demi Moore!
Advance !
Mission accomplished, I saved Jack!
J'en ri ri !
Gusti, are you stupid or what?
Yeah, there are a lot of people here!
Well, they're stronger than they look!
There's no more you and me, Gusti!
We need to shoot them in the head!
Still on my mind!
Stop!
Crème !
You stupid clown!
Sang !
Mothers!
Underfinger!
Oh, fuck!
That's how you do it!
Oh !
My ass!
But as long as they're there, it smells the same!
Crampille in my ass!
It's not boring!
One last world?
I needed to poop!
Oh !
Oh no, there's no way!
I'm not cleaning up this crap!
I'm on a break!
That's shit, you!
I kill, I don't clean up!
What did you just say?
Me?
Nothing !
What did you say, family?
That's your buddy shorty!
Here we go again, it's Halloween, wait!
And it's another day where I'm going to rake in a ton of cash without lifting a finger!
While you're staring at me, you bunch of idiots!
What's your stupid thing?
Look!
I want to give a little shout-out to my sponsor!
Angry Orchard, the hardcore cider!
They have apples that are arguing!
Oh !
We're in good shape!
No, no!
I have a knack for marketing!
Yeah !
There's no way to have a proper Halloween without a killer guest!
We have the legend of the game streaming, Mister...
Demand...
Sennaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa !
Let's talk business!
What brings you to this cat?
You promised I'd be in the movie!
I called you, but you ghosted me!
Dude, I thought it was another annoying chick I'd locked up!
I admit, I don't have to worry about that!
Hey, speaking of being ghosted, someone wants to talk to you!
Let's go!
What's your favorite horror movie?
We're going back to the theatre, man!
What does that say?
I was amazed to see a cricket cat hanging around your house!
Oh yeah, definitely!
They have apples that pass them by!
YEAH !
What's that ?
YEAH !
We're going to do my favorite thing!
Spin the wheel...
DE LA CONNIE!
But I didn't need to explain it to you!
Get ready, my boy!
But warn me, we're going to fry your stupid bitch!
I didn't do anything!
Honestly, do whatever you want!
This is a stupid game!
Damn!
Hey!
No, no, no, no!
Hey!
Two beheaded!
En direct live !
Oh !
Hey!
This way, the money!
It's about time!
I started to despair!
Don't miss it!
Stay calm!
So he's our suspect?
Known as Minimum.
He was the handyman at a supposedly haunted house in 2001.
Is there anything else I should know?
Your wife hates you.
Do you believe the earth is plain?
You voted for Trump...
three times.
I didn't vote for a chick, did I?
Serious !
I think Minimum is none other than the famous Ghostface.
You can put so many things in it!
Stop resisting!
It's true, he did look rather shady!
They went to the wrong station!
Are your media skills giving you lessons?
Non.
I have completed an arrest warrant.
It's not easy.
Is this guy black?
Not really black.
It's more of a rotten brown.
When will he confront me too much?
Let's stop him anyway.
We'll find something for him.
Guys, remember to turn off your cameras!
Miss Alestorm, it's great to see you again.
Doctor, I beg you, you must make me younger.
These little sluts are eating up my audience.
They are all bundled up in their dresses in front of their rainlights.
Entrust me to them.
Corvitus of the flasks, horribly ravaged by time, I will make you whole again.
What a poet.
Let's get started with the special Cougar formula.
I'll let you watch the short video detailing the procedure, and then we'll get started.
Tired of being old and decrepit?
Want to feel young again?
Sexy ?
Fuckable again?
A single injection boosts your DNA to create a new version of you.
At best, from the height.
The sauce.
Doctor, I hope it's not like that stupid candle that smells like Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina.
It's bleeding.
That makes for quite a sauce dance.
Oh, mask upon mask.
I'm not joking around with hygiene, am I, doctor?
I think I've changed my mind.
It remained natural.
I accepted becoming an old hag.
Aaaaah
!
Aaaaah!
THE EPSTEIN FILES - UNRATED VERSION WARNING: YOU'D HAVE TO SELL YOUR SOUL TO READ THIS
Oh my!
Bad movie!
I stayed for a while!
You talk too much.
All you have to do is infiltrate my ass.
Hey, Sarah!
I wanted to come see you on Tuesday, I swear.
I'm sorry for everything I've done to you.
Especially for calling you that.
It was Mardi Gras, I was super high.
But I promise you one thing, I'm going to kill that son of a bitch.
Don't worry, it's fine.
Okay, I'll take him to the car.
I'll take you to the car!
I'm not deaf, you idiot, I was stabbed!
I'm taking Tuesday far away from all this crap!
Oh !
I tried to run away too, but he'll never let you go!
He decides everything; he holds our lives in his hands.
This killer is just as dangerous as Parcoursu.
Yes, I have a friend's son who was 110th on the waiting list of the waiting list.
The killer, on the other hand, has no waiting list.
Everyone is guaranteed to be caught.
Oh, the killer is playing with my nerves!
Why doesn't he just finish us off right away?
Speak for yourself, girl!
But what are you waiting for?
No, not like that, my dear!
Look how it's done!
What are you waiting for?
But what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
But what are you waiting for?
I'd rather die than have you for a mother!
What are you waiting for?
Hein ?
Are you sure about this?
Oh, absolutely!
Continue !
Candyman !
Damn!
Wesh, Candyman !
What's your candy?
I've got what you want: THC teddy bear, ketamine lollipop, chocolate truffle...
Ah, that's crazy!
Why did it take you so long to show up, huh?
Seriously, Clarence, I've called you like 5 times, man!
Next time, you'll show up with 3 people!
You're delusional!
You didn't even call me!
What a stroke of luck that I was passing by and heard you through that hole in the wall!
Move that filth again, by the way!
Shut your big mouth!
Go see a proctologist, you fatso!
And get your face checked!
I'm giving you ethnicity at 40 years old, that's ridiculous, bro!
Wait, I'm fresher than Charronnois!
So, just this way!
We're not here to chill, but to get totally wasted!
This is going to be insane, guys!
Happy Halloween everyone!
Beware of Ghostface!
Where is my large peephole?
Hello!
I love it, so stylish!
You're gorgeous.
Do you know where your sister is?
Oh !
Ray !
You wouldn't have come across the quality, would you?
I haven't seen her since she left for that protest!
Non !
Oh !
Ray, let me guess.
You are Woody from Puffsbury!
No, that's too gay!
I am Jacky Leloul, in the secret of Brokeback Mountain.
If only I could leave you, we wouldn't be together anymore.
You, you're the one who's going to get away with it!
Brenda !
What ?
Haven't you seen my big bag of sweets?
There were chocolates, lollipops, marshmallows...
Yes, it's for the sharp!
No, don't worry, he hasn't disappeared.
I'm going to give it to the kids who came by.
Brenda !
That was my stock!
Oh !
Wouhou!
I'll smoke you, Big Mac!
I'm counting a sheep!
Six pieces of shit!
STOP THE BOOK BAN EXCEPT HARRY POTTER
Shitty atmosphere.
Why is she staring at me like that?
It's somewhat lively, but it never comes close to your style.
Oh, what, really?
Hey, hey !
What is this face?
Do you know how many infants die because of microplastics?
Shit !
No, it's Gross Face!
Oh, no!
She messed up!
Why her, in the first place?
Inclusive pronouns, does that ring a bell?
Yel was stabbed!
But Miss Yel is driving me crazy with her clumsy remarks!
Yes, she's not wrong.
It's cowards like you who offer their asses to the patriarchy while they crush our necks under their knees!
Ah, and now we're treated to anti-racist rhetoric!
She's starting to piss me off!
It's Yel, you bitch!
Listen up, you bitch, I'm not a hull!
I'm really calling Yel!
This is getting interesting.
Don't listen to their nonsense.
When Yel wants to get laid, Yel knows where to find us.
Toxic masculinity and mansplaining do no one any favors!
In what ways is my masculinity toxic?
I love women and sports, but just not at the same time.
Take that, bitch!
My turn!
Eat that, you rolling-up robots!
I'm going to plant you too!
My turn!
Screw pronouns!
That's all your time!
That's the faith of the patriarchy!
Uncle Out?
Yeah, I'm my nephew.
Can I ask you a question?
Balance !
Explain to me how one goes about tasting a girl.
Eat a mussel?
Put like that.
It's too cringe, but yeah.
First of all, if you stopped talking like a 14-year-old white virgin, you might learn something.
Okay, go ahead, take notes.
The first thing you need to do is stop putting that out of my sight.
The gate needs to be opened.
Here, you use your fingers.
Sometimes you can use two.
Two or three if it's slippery.
And when he feels warm inside, you whip out your tongue.
Don't be afraid.
Give it your all.
No, no, you mustn't beat the job.
You think you're a lizard.
We need to take it slowly.
You talk with.
Hey, my dear, I have a question.
And from where?
It's like rolling a joint.
All you have to do, nephew, is set it on fire.
Did you get it?
Okay, now, if you want to learn how to lick asses, ask your mom.
I have a really good feeling about this.
Hey, I feel like trying something.
I thought you didn't want my anal plug.
What ?
Non.
Relax.
I just want to taste you.
GOOD.
Dinner is served.
Enjoy your meal, baby.
Be careful.
My kitty is a tigress.
Judging by the mane, it's a lioness.
Ok.
I'm going to slap you so hard you'll orgasm.
Be careful.
You need to get involved with the basketball team.
Go back into the tunnel.
Yes, a search.
Yes.
And lick some more.
Light a fire.
Non.
You're a vegetarian.
It's like riding a bicycle.
Roll on, my dear.
All that's left is to set it on fire.
Oh!
Hey!
What do you want?
Salutations.
We heard there was a small Halloween party.
What does Tom Sawyer want?
We came to drink, play crappy music and do half-gay stuff.
Why half gay?
I can help you ?
If you could invite us.
You didn't need an invite.
Do you remember, 400 years ago, when you landed here to colonize us with your little dicks?
Besides, you tell everyone that we feel too bad.
Hmm, that's some metaphysical stuff, the way your feet look.
Since we stopped collecting cotton, you don't have any more socks, do you?
Ha ha ha, we're having a good laugh!
Alternatively, would you be interested in a foursome without the two girls?
Maybe later.
For now, let's talk about music and brotherhood.
Can we show you?
Ah, it'll be alright.
We're like nuts, like nuts. We've suffered. And so-called white racism is wicked.
You've got me like nuts. It's too late for the foursome, we're all alone.
They don't have big dicks, but they have big confidence.
Frankly, the plan and the music don't mix well.
The plan is your plan!
What is this, you're all cows!
Bunch of straight people!
You did it by your side!
You defended someone!
I'm screwed, apathetic!
Why don't you have one of those student parties where they drink until they pass out and wake up with a sore bum wondering what their friend did to them?
We agree!
What ?
Okay, well, we'll leave you alone, but we'll leave very slowly, just in case you change your mind.
Have you changed your mind?
No, not even in my dreams.
And now ?
You were told no.
No, it becomes no.
Get lost, bye, clear out!
No, this is getting ridiculous.
I'm going to lose myself.
I think I saw an open spectrum on that side.
You've cracked, it's closed.
Not for long.
It's like in Wicked.
I am surrounded by degenerates.
Hey, hello Bardi!
What are you doing here?
Well, I forgot my inhaler.
Seriously, the inhaler thing is the worst plot device in the story.
She's right, I agree with her.
But we're here now, so we have to make the most of it!
Put it in a beer, so we can wipe our mouths!
Sarah ?
Hello ?
Go get your sister and get her out of there right away.
Okay, my little darling.
I am a settled adult woman, a mother.
So nothing obliges me to follow your orders.
This is the house where your psychopath of a father massacred people.
Someone wanted to lure you there, which means that this person is trying to lure me too.
Oh shit, that has nothing to do with you!
Why are you so distant?
Because this fucking camera is jumping backwards!
Wait a second.
Since when have you been tracking my phone?
I go through a tunnel, it works.
Coupé.
Happy birthday !
I got my wife's gift!
It cost me an arm and a leg!
I am truly sorry.
I thought I was supposed to set it on fire!
Oh shit !
Seriously, did you think you were in a cotton plantation?
Oh no, you did it again, I don't have the reference, okay?
I just found this SN accessory in the cabin.
It's good !
What is this nonsense?
It's even worse!
Sorry if I missed another dream.
But I assure you, I have excellent black victims.
Ah, and yet another brother a victim of gun violence.
It seems that racism is still a reality.
Don't say that!
It's always the black people who make me feel promised in horror movies.
Oh shit!
Now I'm thinking that this has already happened to me.
It might not be Daylight.
Yeah !
Go for it, man!
Eat your sights!
Yeah, I'm totally freaking out.
Dad!
Wait, there's a bed missing!
On t'a eu !
Get ready to get wrecked!
Why are you running backwards?
It's nothing, it wasn't me.
Are you sure you're holding your controller upside down?
That's not good!
It's the pedopon!
Come and wash up this morning!
Not you, Shorty!
Oh no, you went up there!
Is there a problem?
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay!
Thank goodness you're here!
Where were you?
Because I was there a moment ago!
I should be squatting in the toilets, I'm going to go pee outside!
Nobody move!
One of you is the killer.
She ?
Where did the sound on your praying mantis come from?
I found Brad outside.
She's the killer!
I'm not the killer!
It's true, I don't even assert myself sexually!
I'm a virgin!
That's not true, you've slept with every hot chick in Woodsville!
Screw you!
The buttocks don't count!
Welcome to Act 3, you bunch of idiots!
What ?
What's this about Act 3?
This is the moment when things go completely wrong!
I'm not sure I understand what she means, but I think we need to get out of here!
That's the idea!
Brenda ?
That's the idea, it holds up in every way!
These kids have appeared!
Nothing to do with all the alcohol and drugs I would have served!
I say it's the fault of those kingly ankles in the crown!
You'll need this!
Oh !
You've got it, in large caliber and in black!
The blunder.
Hold.
Oh !
My word is genemonic!
I'll need that!
Very well said, Valerina, but nobody saw that mole.
We'll do it.
Help me!
He stabbed me!
I swear I'm not pretending to set a trap for myself, help me!
What do you think?
If you want my opinion, Drake got smoked by Kendrick.
I click on Drake.
But what was his obsession with being a judge?
A real snoop!
I'm not talking about Drake, but about that bimbo!
Oh, that!
It's a damn cheap trap.
The poor girl doesn't know that we've already crossed it out.
Freda !
That's too bad!
Do you think I'll make it?
I don't think so.
Oh no, Sylvie!
Oh, Lord!
Hey, bitch, I'm not dead yet!
Ah, I thought so.
I'm sorry.
You're going back in there and finishing the job.
Do it for me, Sylvie.
I'll do anything for you, Freda.
Oh, yes !
She didn't see it coming.
Oh, the old ketchup trick, it never fails!
This girl is crazy.
If she thinks I'm going to go get myself ripped apart with her in that shack...
Attention all killers!
You have exactly five seconds to show your buttocks!
Did I succeed?
Bitch!
You killed my favorite bank!
You're so crazy about your card!
Pardon !
Hello, Cindy.
Hello ?
It looks like you forgot the number one rule for surviving in a horror movie.
Never answer the phone.
Oh, yeah?
I thought it meant never trusting your crush.
Really ?
Well, I've changed the rules, bitch.
What do you think of that?
Well, I have a new rule.
Go fuck yourself, then!
No, wait!
What's your problem with the closet doors?
I told you to get out of there.
Yeah, well, I didn't want to get shot down!
That's bad luck, then.
Ugly face, bitch!
Oh, no!
It's Ghostface!
I grabbed your toy.
You're not taking Jean-Louis, you want to avenge your dog!
The dog is just a metaphor.
It symbolizes the loss of that.
Do you know where you can put your metaphor?
Let the party begin.
Oh, fuck!
She's definitely serious, my voice actor.
Oh, fuck!
Oh, fuck
!
Oh !
Just say it, Sarah, so we can get this over with.
But don't tell me what to do!
Sarah, this might not be the best time to settle our problems, but I wanted you to know that...
I'm sorry I was such a terrible mother.
I don't even know your sister, Wednesday.
It's Tuesday.
I prefer to clarify this for legal reasons.
Nevertheless, I prepared you for this.
So, go ahead, my dear.
Kill that bastard.
Sarah !
Jack !
Sarah !
Jack !
Sarah !
Oh, Jack !
Sarah !
Jack !
Sarah !
Jack !
Thank God, Tarina, because I really wanted to kill you!
Oh, take this, baby.
I told you it was me who wanted it.
I'm the silly one, Sarah.
I had nothing to do with you.
She was always the heroine.
Oh, sorry, darling.
It's not easy for me to always be right.
You should have listened to Duffy.
Never trust his proof.
Obviously, it was too obvious that it was him.
So you start to think it can't be that obvious.
We think the same.
Blah blah blah, yeah, that's the principle of the surprise effect.
Now, go into the kitchen.
Go ahead, I thought.
Okay, listen to me carefully.
Let's be honest.
There hasn't been a single Scary Movie that's been any good since the first one.
We're going to save the franchise.
Go get our guest star.
What ?
Hollywood is dead, Sarah Ebrand.
Otherwise, why did they respond to Scary Movie 6?
Except that the new characters alone are not enough.
We need the original cast.
Oh, and besides, what would Cindy be without submitting to the loud-mouthed black accomplice, Brenda?
You don't have to keep emphasizing the word "black" like that?
Brenda ?
You weren't shot at?
Oh yeah?
Oh, but that's true!
Look at this, the Lord has healed me!
Enough of your nonsense.
Stop dancing, damn it!
Mom !
Non !
Did you call me mom?
Oh, you were just being scary.
Don't get carried away, I wouldn't go that far, but anyway.
Stop if you want your husband to pick you up on Tuesday.
Okay, ladies.
It's time to orchestrate a little banso.
Come on, let's hurry.
Magnificent!
Who are you?
You know what I mean?
We're the bastards who've come to take back control of this franchise.
Hein ?
Oh, fuck!
That wasn't part of the plan!
He plotted my death!
Please throw me into the plan.
Shit !
Fat !
That's funny, really!
You smoked it straight away!
Anthony Anderson ?
Yeah.
Generally, nobody knows me, except my friend Kevin.
Jackie ?
Oh, rubbish!
Four-time NBA champion, four times Kevin Hart's head, the actor who didn't want to come back.
Kevin Hart said no, but he always says yes to quality films.
Yeah, exactly.
When there's no more, there's still more...
Bitch!
How was it?
Yes, four killers.
Four.
Um...
Blacks.
Like in gangbangs.
With the masks you've seen, we look like total good-looking guys.
But why did you do that?
The real question.
That's why you made a sequel without us, huh?
Yeah.
When the studio decided to replace the brothers, I was there, that's true.
They talked about me.
Who tells their story there?
You made a scene on camera, why are you crying?
Yeah, maybe so, but I didn't have time to kill Grandmont.
Yes, you have your career.
It's clear.
But don't you see what they're trying to do?
They're preventing us from doing our black communication.
They are trying to blacklist all the black people who should be on the list.
It's true ?
Oh, check.
Hey, I'm proud of you, brother.
You had an incredible career as a sports commentator after your basketball career.
And I love everything you do.
Oh yeah, especially listening to you talk.
Even though I don't understand everything you're saying.
Well, have you seen your phrasing?
You'll stop, right?
The most important thing in all of this, my friend, is that you're a basketball genius.
However, you're not a film genius.
Hey, calm down.
Eat yourself.
You wanted to do that?
We'll check.
It was too dreamy.
I agree.
I'm attacking you, don't be wary.
It's an acupuncture session.
Even as a joke, you're not following me properly.
Be calmer, you can cover me.
Oh, check.
But no !
Facing.
Cointure.
Of.
Feet.
What is this?
Facing.
Cointure.
Of.
Bites.
You scare me.
That's a genuine question.
What kind of question is that?
Everyone is asking the question.
Are you asking yourself this question?
Well, him, yes.
Okay guys, we need to concentrate.
We came to kill people.
OK, OK, we're here, we're here.
Don't worry, Ranginco, start posting your times.
You have absolutely nothing to fear.
You're family.
Manteau, you have our utmost respect.
Yeah, but...
In short, Blackuce, your series, it was nominated for an Emmy eight times.
My face!
Um...
Yes, well, to be exact, the series has only been nominated five times.
I was the one nominated eight times.
That's something.
Huh, nominations?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But no victory.
What ?
We need to get real, my darlings.
Don't speak Spanish, you son of a bitch.
That's for making Scary Movie 3 and 4 without us.
That doesn't even mean that a friend's life should remain yours, Julie.
It's because they copied an episode of our series, Good Time, in the series Blackuce.
Why are you guys so angry?
Nobody knew about your series.
No, no.
And you ?
You dared to film Scary Movie 3 and 4 behind our backs.
Sorry, but there were too many heads on the table.
I was able to buy myself a new churn, a new cash register, and wigs that don't deserve to be on my head.
And what about you?
Well, it's not every day you get the chance to work with the amazing Charlie Sheen.
Yeah, that's for sure.
It's true.
It's a legend.
The star of Qatar.
The guy sent 47,000 girls into his bed.
And like, a thousand of these women were men.
Oh, with a flâneur.
What's next?
You killed us, is that it?
Non.
Seriously, can you imagine Halloween without Jamie Lee Curtis?
Ou Scream sans Neve Campbell ?
Ah, it's called Scream 6.
You've done it to haunt your little act.
Cindy, do you know how many of us there are in the Wayans clan?
There are millions of us.
Millions.
I'm so happy that our old gang is back together again.
Yeah.
Okay, put all your hands together on three, only erase on four.
Miss, forget about it.
Honestly, it's really lame.
It's rubbish.
Otherwise, otherwise, the young girls and the ancestors.
Or the mothers and the peasants.
Or perhaps the abandoned and the dispatched.
Yeah, or even the sexy and feminine ones.
I came to you to revive the franchise.
Well yes, look at your faces, you look like grumpy, proud retirees.
I've been dragging this girl around since my friends started following me around, and my back's killing me.
Are the guys already dead?
No, they always come back, like pubic lice.
Not this time.
Exactly.
Okay, let's go.
Here we go.
Here we go, there are enemies.
That's all we occupy.
The new generation, my ass.
Okay, what do we do?
He keeps everything underground.
That's all we just did.
Wait, wait, listen, we should still feel guilty for these young people who went up in smoke.
These young people are crazy.
That's our franchise.
We can make one of those killer runs with flames exploding behind us.
But I admit, it's incredibly intense.
That's not a problem.
I like this feeling.
That's true, isn't it?
It makes me want to play firefighter.
You like big trucks, is that it?
I like the big spear even more.
Don't you feel a draft?
in your movie theaters.
Come to me, Earl Blacklock.
By the studio that dared to remake all of Blanc's films with a Romans twist.
I am merely an appetite, nothing more.
That's not what you were saying last night, when you were sucking my breasts.
I have...
The franchises are going to burn us out.
Too late, you dirty little white-sucking bastard.
I don't know that bitch, it's my dad's doing, she tried to kill me.
Nothing to be gained from this black man.
Come and discover the vampire.
Black spherical.
In theaters, for Konza.
Hey, hey, happy birthday, Belgian special agency!
Y'a un truc qui clashe !
There's no one else, it's Ghostface.
Sit down.
I agree.
This hand should spend the rest of its days in prison.
That little hand, without being able to shock anyone, must surely do some great wanks.
It's insane, I guarantee you.
With optimal tightening, your gear looks twice as strong.
Yeah.
It's not that I want a wank from him, let's be clear.
I absolutely do not want him to masturbate me.
Me neither.
But still, if you think about it, it's like a shotgun.
Case closed.
But we'll keep it cool, okay?
All right.
Maybe one day, two weeks.
I don't know how long this film is.
It's like Christopher Nolan with farts.
So I want a forceful entry, through the back door.
They need to feel your big gun.
We go in and we take it out.
There it is!
The star of the day.
I brought you a cake.
Make a wish.
My microbes are thin.
With a slight taste of roof.
Agent Berger, I'm just trying to extend a helping hand.
Non !
But it's a meme!
Mr. Shorthand, is that you?
Ghostface ?
Ok !
That stings!
It's like a...
That hurts!
Can I talk to you for two seconds?
Yes of course.
All that's needed is an airbag, and that's it.
That ruins everything!
I didn't think I was going to pay so much.
We picked the wrong guy.
Yes, I told you so.
Ah good ?
Yes, I said it.
It's true !
More...
Oh my god!
That's exactly how it makes me feel.
I need to tell you something.
What do we do now?
We're slowly moving back.
Like my neighbor when I caught him in my wife.
Where are you going like that?
They are always together.
To my great regret.
Oh, that's nice.
We're in trouble now.