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PASUKAN JUALAN MEDCON
KURSUS KORPORAT

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Bantal di sini sangat selesa.

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Itulah. Saya cari jenamanya,

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rupanya guna adunan
busa memori dan mikrofiber.

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Bantal?

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Ya. Saya pun suka bantal itu.
Lena betul saya tidur.

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Saya tidur dengan nyenyak.

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Saya lena macam homo.

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Rasanya saya nak makan
ayam <i>parm</i> malam ini.

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Maaf, Barry. Apa awak cakap?

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Ayam <i>parm</i>. Ayam Parmesan?

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Ia hidangan Itali.

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Lena macam apa?

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Macam homo.

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Ya, cuma sebuah ungkapan.

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Bukanlah.

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Itu kata-kata jelik.

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Orang selalu cakap begitu,

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macam, "Tepuk sebelah tangan tak bunyi,"
atau "Hujan lebat."

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"Deras seperti anak panah," sebab laju.

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Itu namanya peribahasa.

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Tak sama macam yang awak cakap.

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Samalah.

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Sepupu saya pernah pergi layar-layang,

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dia kata kalau rasa nak buang air
semasa di atas, buat saja.

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Mereka tak kisah
sebab kita tak boleh turun.

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Nanti jadi pelangi berwarna pelik.
Bukan nampak pun.

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Baiklah, semua. Mari kita mula.

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Kita ada hujung minggu

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yang produktif dan menyeronokkan.

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Saya jemput seorang ahli silap mata.
Kenal dalam pesawat.

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Silap matanya akan buat kamu terkejut.

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Tapi sebelum kita mula,

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malangnya, ada berita yang kurang enak.

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Barry.

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Saya tak mahu buat depan semua orang,

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tapi saya diberitahu
yang awak cakap sesuatu

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yang tak senonoh dan jelik,

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jadi awak diminta pulang.

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Apa? Kenapa?

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Dia kata dia lena macam homo.

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- Homo?
- Ya, saya lena macam homo.

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- Barry!
- Maaf, homoseksual.

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Saya cuma cakap
sesuatu yang betul dari segi fakta.

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- Betul.
- Barry. Awak tak boleh cakap begitu.

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Tapi memang betul.
Saya sangat letih dan tidur begitu.

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Tapi ayat awak tak masuk akal.

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Okey, cuba fikir.

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Ia sesuatu yang memenatkan badan,

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menghentam atau dihentam dari belakang.

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Lebih memenatkan daripada seks biasa.

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- Barry...
- Memang betul!

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Saya pasti.

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Bayangkan!

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Bob, awak dihentam, dengan dalam dan kuat.

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Apabila pasangan awak sedia untuk keluar,
mungkin sangat sakit.

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Jadi makin lama awak makin resah.

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Kemudian rasa lega apabila dia keluar?

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Kelegaan daripada tekanan itu
yang buat kita letih.

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Itu yang memenatkan. Itu saja.

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Malam tadi saya tidur sangat lena
macam itu.

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Macam lelaki gay.

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Barry...

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Balik sajalah.

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Tunggu.

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Jangan pecat dia, Dave.

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Kenapa?

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Sebab dia betul.

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Macam mana awak tahu, Phil?

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Sebab saya gay.

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- Biar betul!
- Betul

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Semua yang Barry cakap adalah benar.

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Patutlah awak tak berminat dengan kami.

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Yang itu sebab personaliti awak, Mary,
tapi ya, saya gay.

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Tentang hentam belakang itu,
dia reka ceritakah?

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Tak, Butch. Semuanya betul.

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Gilalah.

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Ia sangat memenatkan.

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Percayalah.

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Selepas itu memang tidur lena.

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Saya pernah sampai tak pergi kerja.

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Jadi minggu lepas awak tak sakit.

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Tak, saya pergi ke RNC.

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Seks anus tak buat saya letih.

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Macam gay?

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Bukan.

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Sebab itulah.

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Phil dah jelaskan beberapa perkara.

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Saya tak tahu pun itu semua benar.

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Memang benar.

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Mungkin ayat yang paling benar
saya pernah dengar.

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Nampaknya saya
buat kesimpulan terburu-buru hari ini.

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Tapi kita dapat belajar benda baharu.

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Sebab itulah kita buat kursus, bukan?

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Barry?

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Sila duduk semula.

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Ya.

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Maafkan saya, Barry. Saya silap.

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Tak apa.

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Semoga kita semua
lena macam homo malam ini.

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- Ya.
- Dia tahu!

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Betul!

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Saya tahu.

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Betul!

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Lega dah selesai.

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Saya nak berak macam Yahudi.

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Awak memang teruklah.

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KESIHATAN

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Kesihatan. Banyak yang perlu dilakukan
untuk menguasainya.

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Ada yang jaga makan.

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Ada buat yoga.

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Malah bagi sesetengah orang,
mereka hanya boleh hidup

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dengan merasai gelak ketawa
bersama berjuta-juta peminat,

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kerana dia tahu
ia boleh hilang dalam sekelip mata.

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Tom?

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Tom?

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- Oh Tuhan.
- Dia ada pistol?

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Dia ada pistol!

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- Oh Tuhan.
- Nanti...

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Jangan!

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- Tom.
- Letakkan pistol.

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Tom, jangan!

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Helo?

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Kontrak diperbaharui.

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Kita semua cuba jadi sihat
melalui cara yang unik.

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Tapi ada yang dikurniakan genetik
yang hanya mampu diimpikan orang lain.

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Bagaimana jika kita ada semua?

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<i>Otot jantung boleh jadi sangat tebal.</i>

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Kardiomiopati hipertrofi

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boleh membawa kepada
komplikasi yang sangat serius

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seperti pemfibrilan atrium,
yang merupakan...

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<i>- Mulakan perjalanan kesihatan.</i>
- Sebentar.

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Saya nak cuba sertai gim.

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Tunjuklah perut.

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Boleh bersurai. Terima kasih.
Selamat berhujung minggu.

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Pergi gim saja tak cukup.

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Okey, bagus. Terima kasih banyak.

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GIM HARDCORE

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Tiba tengah malam,
ada 15 orang dalam tab panas.

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Baiklah... Hei, boleh saya bantu?

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Ini gim itu?

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Maaf. Saya terjumpa laman web gim,
saya isi sesuatu.

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En. Hale.

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- Ya.
- Janji temu lawatan pukul 3:15.

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Ini risalah keahlian kami.

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Syarat dan peraturan
semuanya ada di situ. Baca dulu.

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- Okey?
- Ya. Selalunya saya...

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cari jalan untuk lari
daripada benda begini.

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Tidak hari ini, sahabat.

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Sila tanda tangan borang ahli.

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Komitmen untuk setahun, tapi jangan fikir

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ini komitmen kepada gim,
tapi kepada diri sendiri.

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Awak faham?

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Kawan.

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Awak okey?

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Ya. Saya okey.

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Baiklah. Selamat datang.

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Ini minuman pra senaman.

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Tak apalah.

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Minumlah.

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Minum dan telan.

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Bagus.

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Hari pertama diri baharu.

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Ada mesin untuk mendayung,
berlari, berbasikal.

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Satu lagi, Eduardo.

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Saya main-main saja.

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Ada palang baru.

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Ya, ke depan. Teruskan.

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Seterusnya, ini bilik lokar.

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Guna mana-mana yang kosong.

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Okey.

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Mana awak tahu tentang gim ini?

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Saya baca bebenang di Reddit dan...

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- Apa khabar?
- Hai.

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Mereka kata...

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Banyak komen positif.

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Ya, kami ramai peminat tegar.

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Ya. Itu...

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Ya. Dia baik.

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Bilik mandi di sana.

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Ada soalan, saya di depan.
Awak tentu suka.

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Kerja keras.

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Ayuh.

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Biar saya tolong.

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Hei, kenapa dengan awak?

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Saya baik-baik saja.

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Saya cuma nak tolong.

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Pelik cara awak tolong.

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- Pelik?
- Yalah.

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- Awak tak rasa pelik?
- Maaf.

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Ada masalah?

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Saya...

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Saya rasa saya tak sesuai di sini, okey?

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Buatlah apa saja benda yang awak buat.

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Apa ini?

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Bagus!

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- Terima kasih.
- Baru?

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- Ya.
- Ya.

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Hari pertama paling gila.

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Macam mana?

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Sama ada bapa awak sekretariat
atau awak ambil sesuatu.

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Minuman itu.

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- Apa ramuannya?
- Ya.

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Saya tak tahu.

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{\an8}Tapi itulah hasilnya.

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Kawan! Selamat kembali.

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Apa khabar, Tuan?

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Oh, Tuhan!

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Sahabat.

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Seperti kata Jonas Salk yang agung,

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"Ganjaran untuk usaha gigih
adalah peluang untuk buat lebih lagi."

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Ya!

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00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,619
Awak puaskan saya dalam semua hal.

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Ya!

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{\an8}Berhenti.

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{\an8}Kenapa?

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00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,680
{\an8}Saya tak cukup kuat untuk itu.

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00:12:03,681 --> 00:12:06,641
Saya rasa awak macam
nak koyakkan badan saya.

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Terima kasih sajalah.

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Sepanjang saya mengajar,

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tak pernah ada
kumpulan pelajar yang mengagumkan.

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Bukannya awak semua akan jadi doktor.

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- Awak cuma akan jadi...
- Mari.

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Tunggu, saya sedang mengajar.
Ini semua pelajar saya.

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Hei. Apa khabar, Tuan?

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00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,150
Hei, apa khabar?

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Tengoklah benda ini.

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Melampau sangatkah?

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Tepat sekali.

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Awak yang asyik minum.

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Saya ingat ia bagus.

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- Awak dah baca risalah.
- Risalah?

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00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:55,876
Ya, risalah Hari Pertama. Dah dijelaskan.

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Awak fikir setakat risalah saja
cukup untuk jelaskan ini?

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Kami boleh betulkan.

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Okey? Bertenang.

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00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,428
Pergi ke koridor belakang.

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00:14:07,429 --> 00:14:09,264
Ada pintu berlabel "Kakitangan."

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Okey? Mereka boleh bantu.

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Semoga berjaya.

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00:14:46,844 --> 00:14:48,304
Mereka kata awak boleh bantu.

242
00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:57,688
Kelakarnya.

243
00:14:59,064 --> 00:15:00,357
Awak takkan ketawa.

244
00:15:01,191 --> 00:15:02,734
Awak nak potong?

245
00:15:02,735 --> 00:15:05,154
Tak. Awak yang rasa nak potong.

246
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:07,780
Saya cuma beri awak peralatan.

247
00:15:07,781 --> 00:15:09,325
Penyelesaian apa ini?

248
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:12,161
Awak minum berapa cawan?

249
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,415
- Mungkin 20.
- Gilalah!

250
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:21,085
Awak mungkin minum 20 cawan kecil
sampai kemaluan awak besar,

251
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,213
sekarang terlalu besar,
awak nak ia hilang.

252
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,507
Macam mana nak hilangkan?

253
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:29,218
Lepas dah potong, nampak normal tak?

254
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:32,221
Mestilah tak!
Nampak macam ada orang tetak.

255
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:33,640
Kalau begitu, saya tak nak.

256
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:34,934
Okey.

257
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,689
Nanti, tunggu.

258
00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:42,775
Ada orang yang dah buat?

259
00:15:49,949 --> 00:15:51,075
Banyaknya.

260
00:15:58,248 --> 00:15:59,208
Keratlah.

261
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,388
Buat sekarang.

262
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:16,641
Buat saja. Lekas.

263
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:18,268
Awak tunggu apa lagi?

264
00:16:18,852 --> 00:16:20,229
Kerat saja!

265
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:39,206
<i>Lari daripada benda begini.</i>

266
00:16:39,748 --> 00:16:42,251
<i>Cari jalan untuk lari
daripada benda begini.</i>

267
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:48,590
Kawan.

268
00:16:51,719 --> 00:16:52,761
Awak okey?

269
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,765
Mestilah!

270
00:16:57,808 --> 00:16:59,059
Bagus.

271
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,023
Haus nampaknya.

272
00:17:04,732 --> 00:17:06,483
Mari kita mulakan.

273
00:17:28,505 --> 00:17:33,510
Terjemahan sari kata oleh Norhazniza Ramli