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[♪ Brenda Lee sings "Christmas Will Be
Just Another Lonely Day"]
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Downloaded from
YTS.LT
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.LT
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♪ It's Christmas Eve
and snow is on the ground ♪
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♪ Mistletoe and holly all around ♪
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♪ Yes, all the world is happy ♪
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♪ but since you went away ♪
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♪ my Christmas will be just ♪
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[kids clamoring]
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♪ another lonely day...
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[Wes] Oh, it's cold! I need to pee.
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Oh, golly gee.
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[whimpers] I'll be right back!
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- [clamoring continues]
- [Denise] Please stop.
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That's your sister! Look.
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Don't punch your sister.
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- Please stop!
- [girl screaming]
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All three of you are gonna
get in so much trouble.
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Hold on.
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Hi. Can I help you?
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[Claire] Hi. Do you mind
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- if I have a word with your kids?
- [clamoring stops]
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Uh, sure.
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Okay, kids, I couldn't help but notice
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that your mommy here is trying very hard
to keep you happy,
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and I just wanted to say that, um,
you really should be nicer to her.
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Okay?
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- Because someday she's going to be dead.
- [dog whines]
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Merry Christmas.
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[record scratches]
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Oh, don't look at me like that.
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Scrooge gets famous for being grumpy
around the holidays,
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and I'm not entitled
to one little outburst?
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- Bye.
- Come to think of it,
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where are the holiday movies about moms?
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I can name a dozen about men, easy.
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There's Christmas Vacation,
It's a Wonderful Life,
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The Santa Clause, Home Alone, Elf,
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this one, that one, that guy, this guy,
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him, them.
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Heck, Steve Martin is some kind of hero
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because he spends a few days
trying to get home
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in Planes, Trains and Automobiles.
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And what does his beautiful wife get?
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You know, the woman at home
who's been taking care of the kids,
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cooking and cleaning.
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Around 89 seconds of screen time.
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They need to make a movie
about the true heroes of the holidays:
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moms.
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[♪ Kelly Clarkson sings
"You for Christmas"]
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I was all prepared
for my favorite holiday, Christmas.
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- I'd been planning it since January 1st...
- [toy train whistle blows]
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...and I was watching my number one
TV program, Zazzy Tims.
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[over TV] And, folks, stay right here,
because after the break,
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we'll be joined by Chef Emeril Lagasse,
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and he's gonna tell us how to cook
a beautiful Christmas turkey
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with a little Cajun twist.
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- [applause]
- Bam! Oh, and don't forget,
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the annual Zazzy Tims Holiday Mom Contest
is upon us.
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And you've got one day left to nominate
your very own holiday mom
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to win an all expenses paid Christmas trip
out to Burbank to be a guest on my show.
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{\an8}It's your chance to show your mom
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{\an8}how special she is.
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So get those applications in
before it's too late.
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[cheering and applause]
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[lighthearted music playing]
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[sportscast playing quietly over radio]
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[scoffs] I don't need this.
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- Hey, hon.
- Hey.
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Oh, my God, you're just starting that?
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Honey, it's gonna take me 45 minutes
to an hour tops to build this thing, okay?
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And Ben and Lucy are gonna love it.
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That's a lot of parts. Good luck.
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- [chuckles]
- So I'm gonna run errands.
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- You need anything?
- Nope, I'm good.
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Just drive safe.
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Hey, the kids haven't mentioned
the, um, Zazzy contest to you, have they?
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Because I've sent them messages about it.
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Um, I definitely did.
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Contest?
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The Holiday Mom Contest?
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Your kids have to submit you.
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It's... it's a whole thing.
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Did you... tell them to submit you?
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I can't ask them to submit me.
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That would be cheating.
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I want them to want to submit me.
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[chuckles softly]
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I mean, who cares?
It's just a silly little contest.
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It's really not that important to me.
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I see it.
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I see it on your face.
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I suppose I could text them one more time.
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Couldn't hurt.
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[♪ Elton John sings "Step Into Christmas"]
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♪ Welcome to my Christmas song ♪
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♪ I'd like to thank you for the year ♪
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♪ So I'm-a sending you
this Christmas card ♪
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♪ to say, "It's nice to have you here" ♪
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♪ I'd like to sing about all the things ♪
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♪ your eyes and mind can see ♪
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♪ So hop aboard your turntable ♪
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♪ Oh, step into Christmas with me, yeah ♪
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♪ Step into Christmas,
let's join together ♪
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♪ We can watch the snow fall
forever and ever ♪
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♪ Eat, drink and be merry ♪
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♪ Come along with me ♪
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♪ Step into Christmas ♪
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♪ The admission's free ♪
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- [Claire] Channing is my oldest.
- [sighs]
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{\an8}She, her husband Doug and their twins,
Lucy and Ben,
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{\an8}live just a few hours away in Austin.
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{\an8}Makes me so happy to have her close by.
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{\an8}She's her own woman now, but I still make
an extra stop at Schultz's every year
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{\an8}just so she can have her pfeffernuss.
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{\an8}- Hello!
- She loves pfeffernuss.
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{\an8}Hello!
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{\an8}Mom?
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{\an8}- [Lucy] The Christmas tree!
- [Channing] Dad?
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{\an8}- [Ben] So cool.
- [Doug] Ding-dong.
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{\an8}She hasn't gotten rid of
a single decoration since we were kids.
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{\an8}[Lucy] That one's mine.
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{\an8}[Doug] Hey, don't touch the presents.
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{\an8}Mom?
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{\an8}- I'm here!
- Hi, Mom.
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{\an8}Hello!
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{\an8}- [Lucy and Ben] Grandmama Claire!
- Come here!
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{\an8}I have missed you two so much.
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{\an8}[Nick] Hey, I thought I heard voices.
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{\an8}- Little Bean! [laughs]
- Oh, hey, Dad!
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{\an8}- Hey.
- Hey. Hey!
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{\an8}- Hey, handsome.
- Hi, beautiful.
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{\an8}- How are you? Thanks for having us.
- I'm good.
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{\an8}- So happy to see you.
- I'm gonna squeeze upstairs.
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{\an8}- Excuse me. Keep talking.
- Oh, you want a hand with those bags?
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{\an8}- I don't need a hand. I am very--
- Let me give you a hand.
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{\an8}- Nope. Nick, I got it. Nick. Nick.
- Yeah, come on. Especially this big one.
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{\an8}- It's too big for you.
- [Claire] You guys...
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Hey, you guys haven't heard
of this show, um,
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the, uh-- So You're a Dancer, have you?
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- It's our favorite show.
- [Doug] I got it.
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[Nick and Doug arguing]
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- Here we go. Come on.
- [Claire] I am so relieved,
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- because I have been wondering...
- [Doug shouts]
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...what to do with all these tickets
that are burning a hole in my pocket
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for the So You're a Dancer Holiday Tour,
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coming to Houston tomorrow,
and we are all going!
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[Lucy and Ben] Yay!
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Here you go, pal. All set?
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- Thank you so much. Appreciate it.
- All right.
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- Thank you.
- You got it from here?
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Got it from here. I'll take it.
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[lighthearted music playing]
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[Claire] Hey, did anyone find Barnaby?
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Who's Barnaby?
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Barnaby is the Elf on the Shelf
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who is hiding somewhere in or around
this very house.
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And at night, he flies back to
the North Pole and reports back to Santa
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on who's being naughty or nice.
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Yeah, we-we know how it works, Mom.
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We have an elf at home, too.
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His name is Sneaky Pete. [chuckles]
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Ew, Sneaky Pete?
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[chuckles] That's so creepy.
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Yeah. Sneaky is creepy.
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Okay. Go, go, go, go, go!
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- He's hidden very well.
- Come on, guys, let's check downstairs
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and see if he's down there. Come on!
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- And you better hurry.
- Let's see if we can find him.
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- [Lucy and Ben] Yay!
- Come on.
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- They're so cute.
- [Ben] Where is he? Where is he?
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Yeah, they are.
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It is so good to see you.
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- Hey.
- [chuckles]
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[laughter]
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[oven bell dings]
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Hot, hot, hot, hot! Watch out.
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- [Channing] Mmm.
- [Claire sighs]
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So how are you?
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I'm-I'm good. Yeah, you know--
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- Are you hungry?
- No, I'm okay.
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- We-we had some--
- Here, have some carrots.
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Okay.
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Oh, thanks.
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Tell me everything.
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My little girl, weight of the world
on her shoulders.
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Things are a little unhinged right now
with the...
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[Claire] No one warns you
how the older your kids get,
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the harder it is to have
an informed opinion about their lives.
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That's so great.
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No, it's-it's not... not great.
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It-It's just, I've never written
a murder mystery before.
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It's the, it's the trickiest thing
I've ever tried to plot and--
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I'm sure you will do a good job.
You're so smart.
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I mean, you know, you just--
you'll make something up.
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Oh, that reminds me, um,
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I bumped into Julie Sager,
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and she said you never reached out
to her daughter Alyssa.
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I know. I know.
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'Cause it-it didn't make, it didn't make
any sense what you were asking.
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Alyssa writes about the stock market.
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I write novels. It's totally different.
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Well, okay.
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Well, could you at least send her
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one of those... free copies?
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They're called galleys,
and no, they're for trade reviewers.
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How do you know she's not one?
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'Cause she's not.
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[lighthearted music playing]
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Candles.
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You've got to smell these candles.
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[grunts]
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Mom. [sniffs]
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That is the scent of dusk.
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- No.
- Uh, Zazzy Tims--
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you know, Zazzy--
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well, she did a whole segment on them.
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They're called Monochrome candles.
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It's a luxury aesthetic.
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I'm giving one of these to that Jeanne
Wang-Wasserman across the street.
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Well, I'm sure she'll love it, Mom.
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[lighthearted music playing]
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[Sammy] Thanks.
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- [Ben] Uncle Sammy's here!
- [Lucy] He's here!
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[Lucy and Ben] Uncle Sammy's here!
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- [gasps]
- Yay!
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[Lucy and Ben] Uncle Sammy's here!
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- He's here!
- We're gonna surprise him when he comes.
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00:10:01,416 --> 00:10:02,707
Uncle Sammy's here!
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[Claire] Sammy is the baby of the family.
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He lives in Portland
with his soulmate Mae-bell,
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who we are finally getting to meet.
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- [sighs]
- [Mae-bell] I'm not going.
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What? Why?
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For one, I want to go to Los Angeles
to see my family.
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- You see your family all the time.
- And two,
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- I-I think we should break up.
- Okay.
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Is there a third thing?
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I know this is not what you expected.
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I can't believe you're doing this.
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We had sex last night.
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I don't really see how that's relevant.
243
00:10:32,208 --> 00:10:33,957
We had sex this morning.
244
00:10:33,958 --> 00:10:35,707
We're young, Sammy. That's what we do.
245
00:10:35,708 --> 00:10:38,582
But I'm in love with you, Mae-bell.
246
00:10:38,583 --> 00:10:41,540
And I think you're great, too,
247
00:10:41,541 --> 00:10:44,290
but... I want more.
248
00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:47,082
What more could you possibly want?
249
00:10:47,083 --> 00:10:49,124
You don't have a job.
250
00:10:49,125 --> 00:10:51,040
I do have a job.
251
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,790
A camp counselor?
For three months of the year?
252
00:10:53,791 --> 00:10:55,582
What happened to the other nine?
253
00:10:55,583 --> 00:10:56,665
Mae-bell, listen to me.
254
00:10:56,666 --> 00:11:00,624
You're cool and fun, and I just can't
imagine my life without you.
255
00:11:00,625 --> 00:11:04,458
So, please, I'm begging you,
don't do this.
256
00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:06,874
[family rapping] ♪ Welcome home ♪
257
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,374
♪ Uncle Sammy ♪
258
00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:10,499
- ♪ If you want to eat a-- ♪
- Mae-bell dumped me.
259
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:12,957
- [Claire] Aw.
- I'm a husk of my former self.
260
00:11:12,958 --> 00:11:14,249
I need a cinnamon roll.
261
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:15,874
- [Claire] Sorry, Sammy. Come, come.
- [Nick] Come on.
262
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:17,624
[Claire] Sweetie...
263
00:11:17,625 --> 00:11:20,540
listen to me.
264
00:11:20,541 --> 00:11:23,540
You are wonderful and fantastic
in every way,
265
00:11:23,541 --> 00:11:27,582
and if Mae-bell doesn't see that,
well, that's her loss.
266
00:11:27,583 --> 00:11:28,832
[Channing] Uh, you don't know that.
267
00:11:28,833 --> 00:11:30,207
It's competitive out there.
268
00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:32,415
People have options these days.
269
00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:34,124
Exactly. Options.
270
00:11:34,125 --> 00:11:36,290
Get back out there. Meet new people.
271
00:11:36,291 --> 00:11:38,249
These cinnamon buns taste different.
272
00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,582
Take a pottery class.
273
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:41,124
What's different about them?
274
00:11:41,125 --> 00:11:43,458
She's trying Zazzy recipes again.
275
00:11:44,541 --> 00:11:48,457
[stammers] You could go on one of those
Club Med vacations for singles.
276
00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:49,832
Mom.
277
00:11:49,833 --> 00:11:53,082
That or apply to grad school, you know,
open a savings account.
278
00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:54,332
You know, take some time
279
00:11:54,333 --> 00:11:56,040
- to work on you, Sammy.
- [Sammy] Mm-hmm.
280
00:11:56,041 --> 00:11:58,082
- [Lucy] Taylor's here! Taylor's here!
- [Ben] Taylor's here!
281
00:11:58,083 --> 00:11:59,166
[Claire] Taylor's here?
282
00:11:59,958 --> 00:12:02,290
Taylor is my middle child.
283
00:12:02,291 --> 00:12:05,040
- Every year for the past ten years...
- Hi!
284
00:12:05,041 --> 00:12:07,124
...she's brought home a different woman
for the holidays.
285
00:12:07,125 --> 00:12:09,707
And every year, we act excited...
286
00:12:09,708 --> 00:12:10,915
Hi!
287
00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:12,707
...because we love her, and that's family.
288
00:12:12,708 --> 00:12:15,374
All right, all right, family. Hold up.
289
00:12:15,375 --> 00:12:19,749
Let me introduce you to someone
very special to me.
290
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:24,540
The most beautiful, best emcee
in all of Minneapolis...
291
00:12:24,541 --> 00:12:27,332
[imitates air horn, laughs]
292
00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:30,250
...my girlfriend, DJ Sweatpants.
293
00:12:32,625 --> 00:12:34,749
- Aw, that's great.
- Aw.
294
00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:37,582
Also, you can call me DJ Sweatpants
or Sweet-P or...
295
00:12:37,583 --> 00:12:38,957
- Yeah.
- ...even just Donna.
296
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,082
Mm-hmm.
297
00:12:40,083 --> 00:12:41,915
I told y'all she was the best, huh?
298
00:12:41,916 --> 00:12:43,540
- Welcome to Texas!
- Ah!
299
00:12:43,541 --> 00:12:45,415
- [Doug] Whoo! Yeehaw!
- Hi!
300
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,207
- [Nick] Hey, honey.
- I missed you guys.
301
00:12:47,208 --> 00:12:48,290
- Hi.
- Hi.
302
00:12:48,291 --> 00:12:50,707
- What's up?
- [Donna] So nice to meet you.
303
00:12:50,708 --> 00:12:52,082
Hi, Channing.
Oh, I've heard so much about you.
304
00:12:52,083 --> 00:12:54,208
- [Claire grunts]
- I missed you.
305
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:58,790
[aahing, excited chatter]
306
00:12:58,791 --> 00:13:00,624
Wow.
307
00:13:00,625 --> 00:13:03,290
Claire! Let's say hi!
308
00:13:03,291 --> 00:13:05,249
Hi, Jeanne!
309
00:13:05,250 --> 00:13:07,499
- [Nick] Hi.
- [Claire] Jeanne Wang-Wasserman,
310
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,374
my impossibly perfect neighbor.
311
00:13:09,375 --> 00:13:13,165
One of those people who make you feel like
you're somehow always falling short.
312
00:13:13,166 --> 00:13:14,249
Merry Christmas!
313
00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:17,290
[sighs] You remember my kids, right?
314
00:13:17,291 --> 00:13:19,082
Astrid, Elizabeth,
315
00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:22,416
Marcus, Gar and his sweetheart Diane.
316
00:13:23,666 --> 00:13:25,332
Of course. Hello.
317
00:13:25,333 --> 00:13:26,832
So nice to see you.
318
00:13:26,833 --> 00:13:28,707
Merry Christmas, Jeff.
319
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,708
Nick. Merry Christmas.
320
00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:33,332
It is a merry Christmas.
321
00:13:33,333 --> 00:13:34,915
[Jeanne] I see you took my advice
322
00:13:34,916 --> 00:13:37,665
and went sans lawn inflatables this year.
323
00:13:37,666 --> 00:13:43,249
I think I speak for everyone on the block
when I say that we all really appreciate
324
00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:46,624
that you decided
not to put them up this year.
325
00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:52,374
Oh, well, actually I'm still
in the decision-making process, so...
326
00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:54,249
[chuckles] Well, okay.
327
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:56,040
I better let you all get to your dinner.
328
00:13:56,041 --> 00:13:57,582
- Bye. [laughs]
- Blessings!
329
00:13:57,583 --> 00:13:58,832
- See ya.
- Bye.
330
00:13:58,833 --> 00:14:00,290
- Blessings.
- Blessings.
331
00:14:00,291 --> 00:14:02,082
See ya.
332
00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:03,249
[sighs]
333
00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:06,082
- Blessings!
- Blessings.
334
00:14:06,083 --> 00:14:07,208
Blessings!
335
00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,124
Blessings.
336
00:14:09,125 --> 00:14:12,165
Sammy, Doug, go get the lawn inflatables
and the air pump out of the shed now.
337
00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,958
- [Sammy] Speed walk?
- Go.
338
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:24,624
♪ Silent night ♪
339
00:14:24,625 --> 00:14:28,041
[harmonizing] ♪ Holy night ♪
340
00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:34,040
- ♪ All is calm ♪
- ♪ All is calm ♪
341
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:37,790
♪ All is bright ♪
342
00:14:37,791 --> 00:14:38,957
♪ Ooh ♪
343
00:14:38,958 --> 00:14:43,290
- ♪ Round yon virgin ♪
- ♪ Virgin ♪
344
00:14:43,291 --> 00:14:47,957
♪ Mother and child ♪
345
00:14:47,958 --> 00:14:51,374
♪ Holy infant ♪
346
00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:54,707
- ♪ so tender and mild ♪
- [laughs]
347
00:14:54,708 --> 00:14:56,915
♪ So tender and mild ♪
348
00:14:56,916 --> 00:15:00,040
♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪
349
00:15:00,041 --> 00:15:02,249
[air pump whirring]
350
00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:05,790
♪ peace ♪
351
00:15:05,791 --> 00:15:09,999
♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪
352
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,499
♪ peace ♪
353
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:17,707
Aw, oh, God!
354
00:15:17,708 --> 00:15:19,749
[laughter]
355
00:15:19,750 --> 00:15:21,250
[Jeff] Beautiful.
356
00:15:22,541 --> 00:15:24,540
[intriguing music playing]
357
00:15:24,541 --> 00:15:26,625
[lively chatter]
358
00:15:30,166 --> 00:15:31,833
Barbaric.
359
00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:45,082
- Hey, Mrs. C.
- Hey, Donna.
360
00:15:45,083 --> 00:15:46,457
[♪ Weyes Blood sings "Snowqueen of Texas"]
361
00:15:46,458 --> 00:15:48,582
Inflatables are up.
362
00:15:48,583 --> 00:15:51,707
♪ They say she may be beaten,
but I know...
363
00:15:51,708 --> 00:15:53,999
Taylor, feet off the furniture, please.
364
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,375
I just cleaned that table.
365
00:15:57,083 --> 00:16:01,040
I didn't realize Mom's old wooden table
was a family heirloom.
366
00:16:01,041 --> 00:16:03,083
- Ooh, snap.
- [chuckles]
367
00:16:04,166 --> 00:16:07,499
♪ Met a man in Beirut...
368
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:08,750
[Doug sighs]
369
00:16:11,833 --> 00:16:14,124
- [Doug grunts]
- [Taylor clears throat]
370
00:16:14,125 --> 00:16:16,332
Channing tells me
that you're getting into photography.
371
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:18,582
Is that true?
372
00:16:18,583 --> 00:16:21,249
Uh, I-I mean, I guess I told her
373
00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:24,915
that I picked up, like, an old camera
at a yard sale.
374
00:16:24,916 --> 00:16:27,165
- But, I mean, kind of.
- That's so cool.
375
00:16:27,166 --> 00:16:29,166
That's-that's how it starts,
the old habit.
376
00:16:31,666 --> 00:16:33,124
[Claire] Poor Doug.
377
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:34,999
He's an only child.
378
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:37,749
No natural defenses against my kids.
379
00:16:37,750 --> 00:16:39,707
I keep expecting he'll build some up,
380
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:42,915
but at this point,
I don't know what it'll take.
381
00:16:42,916 --> 00:16:46,124
Yeah, I don't know if she mentioned it,
but, you know, I'm, uh...
382
00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:49,041
was a bit of a shutterbug myself.
383
00:16:50,166 --> 00:16:51,290
[Taylor] Huh.
384
00:16:51,291 --> 00:16:53,749
No, no, she never told me that you were
385
00:16:53,750 --> 00:16:56,290
- a shutterbug yourself.
- Really?
386
00:16:56,291 --> 00:16:58,749
So funny. She didn't tell you.
387
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,415
If you ever...
388
00:17:00,416 --> 00:17:03,040
whatever, if you ever want
to talk about it, I'm here...
389
00:17:03,041 --> 00:17:04,124
Yeah.
390
00:17:04,125 --> 00:17:05,665
...to talk about it with you.
391
00:17:05,666 --> 00:17:06,999
[chuckles]
392
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,499
Hey, did I ever tell you I, um...
393
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:12,540
um, I kissed this guy in high school once?
394
00:17:12,541 --> 00:17:14,374
And he--
395
00:17:14,375 --> 00:17:16,999
I'm gonna go and get some more wine.
396
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,333
- Right now.
- Yeah.
397
00:17:20,416 --> 00:17:21,415
Sorry.
398
00:17:21,416 --> 00:17:23,374
[♪ the bird and the bee
sings "Merry Merry"]
399
00:17:23,375 --> 00:17:26,457
♪ Wise men better
get themselves together...
400
00:17:26,458 --> 00:17:28,166
So you're a shutterbug?
401
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,707
Hmm?
402
00:17:30,708 --> 00:17:32,291
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
403
00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:35,249
- [Donna] Oh, my God, is that Taylor?
- [Channing] Yeah.
404
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:37,415
- [laughs] She looks exactly the same.
- I know.
405
00:17:37,416 --> 00:17:40,124
- And there... Sammy.
- Oh, oh.
406
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:41,832
[Donna] Oh, I didn't recognize him
with his glasses on.
407
00:17:41,833 --> 00:17:44,749
- [Channing] Yeah.
- And who's that?
408
00:17:44,750 --> 00:17:50,582
Oh, that is, um, Taylor's old
foreign exchange student friend Mia.
409
00:17:50,583 --> 00:17:53,041
[chuckles] Right.
410
00:17:54,291 --> 00:17:58,415
♪ Why not start it up
with Christmas Day? ♪
411
00:17:58,416 --> 00:17:59,541
♪ Merry ♪
412
00:18:00,458 --> 00:18:01,624
[camera clicks]
413
00:18:01,625 --> 00:18:05,749
♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry ♪
414
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,582
♪ Merry Christmas ♪
415
00:18:07,583 --> 00:18:09,540
♪ Merry, merry ♪
416
00:18:09,541 --> 00:18:14,415
♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry ♪
417
00:18:14,416 --> 00:18:16,499
♪ Merry Christmas...
418
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,374
- Hey, Mom.
- Hmm?
419
00:18:18,375 --> 00:18:21,790
Donna is a vegan,
and I forgot to tell you.
420
00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:22,874
Taylor.
421
00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:24,750
We're eating sirloin.
422
00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:28,915
I mean, whatever you can make
for her is totally fine.
423
00:18:28,916 --> 00:18:31,665
Like, as long as it's vegan, yeah.
424
00:18:31,666 --> 00:18:32,957
[Donna chuckles]
425
00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:34,374
[Claire] Don't mind me.
426
00:18:34,375 --> 00:18:36,082
Mom, did you get the pfeffernuss?
427
00:18:36,083 --> 00:18:37,499
Yes, yes, I did.
428
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,540
It's in the, um, uh...
429
00:18:40,541 --> 00:18:42,165
Just one second.
430
00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:43,707
- [Donna] Who's that?
- [Channing] Kate.
431
00:18:43,708 --> 00:18:46,749
- She was sweet.
- And, uh, she is...?
432
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,540
Oh, Isabelle... I think her name was.
433
00:18:49,541 --> 00:18:52,499
- [Donna] Who is that?
- [Channing] Patricia. Also sweet.
434
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:53,540
[chuckles]
435
00:18:53,541 --> 00:18:54,999
[Donna] And who's that?
436
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:56,957
- [Channing] That's, um, Rebecca.
- She's pretty.
437
00:18:56,958 --> 00:18:59,415
- Yeah.
- [chuckles]
438
00:18:59,416 --> 00:19:01,040
Taylor didn't like her knees.
439
00:19:01,041 --> 00:19:02,665
Oh. [chuckles]
440
00:19:02,666 --> 00:19:06,874
But I bet your knees are very nice knees.
441
00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:08,582
Uh... [chuckles]
442
00:19:08,583 --> 00:19:10,665
Yeah. I mean, they're just...
443
00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:12,457
- they're normal knees.
- [chuckles]
444
00:19:12,458 --> 00:19:13,832
Pfeffernuss!
445
00:19:13,833 --> 00:19:15,082
- [Donna] And that is...?
- Want a cookie?
446
00:19:15,083 --> 00:19:16,540
- [Channing] Erin.
- Thank you.
447
00:19:16,541 --> 00:19:18,082
[Channing] She was
very into conspiracy theories.
448
00:19:18,083 --> 00:19:19,415
[Donna] Yeah, awesome.
449
00:19:19,416 --> 00:19:21,374
- Oh.
- Thanks.
450
00:19:21,375 --> 00:19:22,749
- Who can blame her?
- Mmm.
451
00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:24,832
[Donna] I mean, obviously Taylor,
452
00:19:24,833 --> 00:19:26,665
who apparently broke up with her.
453
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,332
[Donna chuckles]
454
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:29,625
Doug.
455
00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:33,332
- [Nick] Hey, hon?
- [softly] Hey.
456
00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:35,915
Do you know where
the fire huffer-puffy thing is?
457
00:19:35,916 --> 00:19:37,915
Oh, yeah. It's, uh, in the big basket
behind the chair.
458
00:19:37,916 --> 00:19:38,999
Oh, great.
459
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,582
Ah, there it is.
460
00:19:40,583 --> 00:19:42,249
[sighs] All right. Hey, Doug.
461
00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:43,499
Hey, Nick.
462
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,165
[Nick] Got the TV working, huh?
463
00:19:45,166 --> 00:19:46,499
{\an8}- [Doug] Oh, wow.
- [door closes]
464
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,665
{\an8}What's going on up there?
465
00:19:47,666 --> 00:19:50,624
You guys, uh, watching anything
you like these days?
466
00:19:50,625 --> 00:19:54,290
Yeah, I only watch PBS documentaries.
I don't watch regular TV.
467
00:19:54,291 --> 00:19:55,999
- It's all junk.
- [Lucy shouts excitedly]
468
00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,582
That's why I love the LBJ documentary
that PBS did.
469
00:19:58,583 --> 00:20:01,124
- Uh-huh.
- I mean, it's 18 hours.
470
00:20:01,125 --> 00:20:02,124
- Whoa!
- Hey, guys.
471
00:20:02,125 --> 00:20:04,040
- Hey. Whoa.
- Here they go. All right!
472
00:20:04,041 --> 00:20:06,124
- [Claire] Hey, dinner's almost ready.
- Get over here.
473
00:20:06,125 --> 00:20:07,415
Twenty minutes.
474
00:20:07,416 --> 00:20:09,332
- Twenty minutes? Honey, we're starving.
- Aw, Mom, come on.
475
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,707
- [all grumbling]
- [Claire] Okay, ten. Ten.
476
00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:14,290
Sammy, play a little Christmas tune
while we wait.
477
00:20:14,291 --> 00:20:16,874
- [Taylor gasps]
- A little holiday cheer.
478
00:20:16,875 --> 00:20:18,415
- [Taylor] Yeah, Sammy.
- Liven things up a bit.
479
00:20:18,416 --> 00:20:19,624
- [Nick] Yeah, Sam.
- [Taylor] Yes.
480
00:20:19,625 --> 00:20:21,415
[strumming gently]
481
00:20:21,416 --> 00:20:24,374
See, this why you guys got to learn
an instrument later.
482
00:20:24,375 --> 00:20:25,665
- I know.
- So you can do this.
483
00:20:25,666 --> 00:20:26,749
Bring joy and mirth.
484
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:27,874
- You guys ready?
- All right.
485
00:20:27,875 --> 00:20:28,957
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
486
00:20:28,958 --> 00:20:29,999
- Let's go!
- Come on.
487
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:31,415
- [food sizzling]
- [Doug] Do it!
488
00:20:31,416 --> 00:20:33,790
[guitar plays moody version of
"The 12 Days of Christmas"]
489
00:20:33,791 --> 00:20:37,125
[Sammy vocalizing]
490
00:20:38,875 --> 00:20:40,458
[vocalizing continues]
491
00:20:44,166 --> 00:20:46,166
[vocalizing continues]
492
00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:52,457
[Sammy] ♪ On the first day ♪
493
00:20:52,458 --> 00:20:54,832
♪ of Christmas ♪
494
00:20:54,833 --> 00:20:59,125
♪ my true love gave to me ♪
495
00:21:00,208 --> 00:21:02,915
♪ a partridge ♪
496
00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:06,166
♪ in a pear tree ♪
497
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:13,874
♪ On the second day of Christmas ♪
498
00:21:13,875 --> 00:21:18,915
♪ my true love gave to me ♪
499
00:21:18,916 --> 00:21:23,040
♪ two turtledoves ♪
500
00:21:23,041 --> 00:21:26,082
♪ and a partridge ♪
501
00:21:26,083 --> 00:21:30,332
♪ a partridge, a partridge ♪
502
00:21:30,333 --> 00:21:35,082
♪ I never said I wanted a partridge ♪
503
00:21:35,083 --> 00:21:39,040
♪ in a pear tree ♪
504
00:21:39,041 --> 00:21:42,457
♪ No-o-o-o-o-o-o ♪
505
00:21:42,458 --> 00:21:44,540
- ♪ In a pear-- ♪
- Dinner's ready!
506
00:21:44,541 --> 00:21:46,124
- Hey! Come on, guys!
- [excited chatter]
507
00:21:46,125 --> 00:21:47,207
- [Ben] Yay!
- [Taylor] Wow.
508
00:21:47,208 --> 00:21:49,290
[Nick] You know how Mom gets
right after she calls us.
509
00:21:49,291 --> 00:21:50,874
- [Doug] Really good.
- [Nick] Good job, son.
510
00:21:50,875 --> 00:21:52,874
- Come on, guys.
- [Doug] Come on, Samster.
511
00:21:52,875 --> 00:21:55,583
- Last one's a rotten egg.
- [softly] ♪ Partridge ♪
512
00:21:57,250 --> 00:21:59,249
Don't you guys want to hear
the whole song?
513
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:00,665
[festive music playing]
514
00:22:00,666 --> 00:22:03,958
[lively chatter]
515
00:22:16,125 --> 00:22:17,665
[chatter quiets]
516
00:22:17,666 --> 00:22:19,874
I would like to make a toast.
517
00:22:19,875 --> 00:22:21,957
- [Channing chuckles] Ooh, a toast.
- [Doug mumbles]
518
00:22:21,958 --> 00:22:23,915
- Claire?
- [Taylor] Mom, s-sit down for the toast.
519
00:22:23,916 --> 00:22:25,207
- [Nick] Honey.
- G-Get a glass of wine.
520
00:22:25,208 --> 00:22:26,665
- [Claire sighs]
- Get some wine.
- Claire, sit. Sit, honey.
521
00:22:26,666 --> 00:22:27,790
- Mom, sit next to me.
- Come on, sit down for a minute.
522
00:22:27,791 --> 00:22:29,124
- [Nick] Come on. Sit.
- [Claire] All right,
523
00:22:29,125 --> 00:22:30,249
- but only for a minute.
- Sit. Okay.
524
00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:33,707
- [Taylor] Okay. Yeah.
- Everybody have, um, something?
525
00:22:33,708 --> 00:22:35,707
- Kids, you can use water.
- [Claire] Did you get my messages?
526
00:22:35,708 --> 00:22:37,999
- [Doug] All righty.
- Oh, thank you so much, Doug.
527
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:39,207
[Nick] Claire, honey?
528
00:22:39,208 --> 00:22:41,624
- The ones, um, you know, about Zazzy.
- What?
529
00:22:41,625 --> 00:22:42,915
Claire.
530
00:22:42,916 --> 00:22:45,207
- Yeah, probably. I don't know.
- Honey, are you paying attention?
531
00:22:45,208 --> 00:22:46,457
Oh.
532
00:22:46,458 --> 00:22:47,583
Ready?
533
00:22:49,166 --> 00:22:52,540
- [Claire] Mm-hmm.
- I would like to make a toast
534
00:22:52,541 --> 00:22:55,374
to a very special person...
535
00:22:55,375 --> 00:22:56,999
- [Claire] Mm.
- ...somebody that I think is
536
00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:00,499
the heart and soul of this operation,
537
00:23:00,500 --> 00:23:05,957
and somebody that I think embodies
the true spirit of Christmas.
538
00:23:05,958 --> 00:23:07,249
[Claire grunts softly]
539
00:23:07,250 --> 00:23:10,207
Somebody that I really believe...
540
00:23:10,208 --> 00:23:11,624
- Here we go.
- Where is he going?
541
00:23:11,625 --> 00:23:12,874
...maintains the Christmas spirit.
542
00:23:12,875 --> 00:23:14,040
- Dad!
- Uh-oh.
543
00:23:14,041 --> 00:23:15,540
[Nick] Somebody who just
gives and gives...
544
00:23:15,541 --> 00:23:16,915
- [Taylor] Dad, why'd you leave the room?
- ...selflessly.
545
00:23:16,916 --> 00:23:19,540
Some people might call
this person a saint.
546
00:23:19,541 --> 00:23:21,374
- [Taylor] What are you up to?
- [Nick] And I'd agree 'cause
547
00:23:21,375 --> 00:23:23,540
- it's Santa Claus!
- [Lucy and Ben] Yay!
548
00:23:23,541 --> 00:23:26,915
- [laughter, excited chatter]
- [Nick] Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho!
549
00:23:26,916 --> 00:23:28,874
- [Ben] Santa Claus!
- Merry Christmas, everybody!
550
00:23:28,875 --> 00:23:31,749
- [Taylor] Dad. What the heck?
- Ho, ho, ho!
551
00:23:31,750 --> 00:23:33,457
- Merry Christmas!
- [Taylor] That is so good!
552
00:23:33,458 --> 00:23:36,165
[Nick] Ho, ho, ho!
553
00:23:36,166 --> 00:23:37,957
- Ho, ho, ho. There we go.
- Cheers.
554
00:23:37,958 --> 00:23:40,207
- [Channing] Cheers to Kris Kringle.
- [Doug] Cheers to Kris Kringle!
555
00:23:40,208 --> 00:23:41,415
- [glasses clinking]
- [Nick] Kris Kringle!
556
00:23:41,416 --> 00:23:42,832
- Cheers!
- Okay.
557
00:23:42,833 --> 00:23:45,957
- To Santa Claus, everybody.
- [excited chatter continues]
558
00:23:45,958 --> 00:23:51,500
[Claire] I'm sorry, but why does
Saint Nick get all the credit?
559
00:23:52,375 --> 00:23:55,457
{\an8}-The elves make toys in their workshop...
- [Lucy and Ben laugh]
560
00:23:55,458 --> 00:23:58,124
...and the reindeers pull the sleigh.
561
00:23:58,125 --> 00:24:02,165
And nobody mentions what Mrs. Claus does.
562
00:24:02,166 --> 00:24:04,040
I told her I was a shutterbug.
563
00:24:04,041 --> 00:24:06,415
What am I, from the 1930s or something?
564
00:24:06,416 --> 00:24:09,415
It's like I forget how to have
a normal human conversation with her.
565
00:24:09,416 --> 00:24:11,707
It's like-- She's really cool.
566
00:24:11,708 --> 00:24:14,999
And intimidating, and I just-- sometimes
I just think that she doesn't like me.
567
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:16,999
She's not that cool.
568
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,374
I mean, guess who didn't order
569
00:24:18,375 --> 00:24:20,332
Mom's Cheese of the Month Club
Christmas present.
570
00:24:20,333 --> 00:24:23,040
- No.
- [hushed] She can't be trusted.
571
00:24:23,041 --> 00:24:24,290
So where's the cheese?
572
00:24:24,291 --> 00:24:26,249
No cheese.
573
00:24:26,250 --> 00:24:29,125
[gentle music playing]
574
00:24:33,083 --> 00:24:37,249
[TV narrator] George Washington:
The Legacy, a 40-hour PBS series
575
00:24:37,250 --> 00:24:40,749
where we will explore the mysteries
of the Founding Father.
576
00:24:40,750 --> 00:24:42,207
- Were his teeth really wooden--
- [channels changing]
577
00:24:42,208 --> 00:24:44,083
[man] ...American made--
578
00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:46,500
How could you?
579
00:24:48,916 --> 00:24:51,124
No, no, no, no. Not with him.
580
00:24:51,125 --> 00:24:54,207
Look, I mean, it's really nice that
she bought the tickets and everything,
581
00:24:54,208 --> 00:24:56,624
but she didn't even ask.
582
00:24:56,625 --> 00:24:58,874
The moves these dancers do,
583
00:24:58,875 --> 00:25:01,249
it's not really suitable for young kids.
584
00:25:01,250 --> 00:25:04,290
There's a...
there's a lot of pelvic action.
585
00:25:04,291 --> 00:25:05,457
[muffled mumble]
586
00:25:05,458 --> 00:25:06,749
Yeah.
587
00:25:06,750 --> 00:25:10,540
I mean, should I, should I say
we don't want to go?
588
00:25:10,541 --> 00:25:13,625
[muffled mumbling]
589
00:25:17,125 --> 00:25:20,040
I-I don't know if I'd...
I'd want to say that.
590
00:25:20,041 --> 00:25:22,750
♪ ♪
591
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,665
[Taylor laughing]
592
00:25:27,666 --> 00:25:29,582
- Beddy-bye.
- [grunts]
593
00:25:29,583 --> 00:25:31,249
- Let's get in!
- [shouts] Oh!
594
00:25:31,250 --> 00:25:32,457
Oh! Oh, my God.
595
00:25:32,458 --> 00:25:34,249
- Doug? You okay?
- [Doug mumbles]
596
00:25:34,250 --> 00:25:37,250
♪ ♪
597
00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,624
Sneaky Pete's not creepy.
598
00:25:43,625 --> 00:25:44,957
Not at all.
599
00:25:44,958 --> 00:25:47,999
Barnaby is way creepier.
600
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,957
It's like the name of a serial killer.
601
00:25:50,958 --> 00:25:52,290
Barnaby.
602
00:25:52,291 --> 00:25:55,832
[raspy voice] "My name's Barnaby,
and I'm...
603
00:25:55,833 --> 00:25:58,790
[high-pitched] gonna kill you."
604
00:25:58,791 --> 00:26:01,875
[demonic voice] "My name's Barnaby..."
605
00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:04,832
[normal voice] That's scary as heck.
606
00:26:04,833 --> 00:26:07,332
- "Barnaby..."
- [dramatic whimper]
607
00:26:07,333 --> 00:26:09,416
♪ ♪
608
00:26:28,083 --> 00:26:29,915
[clock chimes]
609
00:26:29,916 --> 00:26:32,082
[clock ticking]
610
00:26:32,083 --> 00:26:33,666
[clock chimes]
611
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,916
[Claire] The one thing
I really wanted for Christmas.
612
00:26:53,250 --> 00:26:56,833
And I couldn't even get it for myself.
613
00:27:01,291 --> 00:27:03,582
♪ Frosty the Snowman ♪
614
00:27:03,583 --> 00:27:06,832
- [♪ Fiona Apple sings
"Frosty the Snowman"]
- ♪ Was a jolly, happy soul ♪
615
00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:10,457
♪ With a corncob pipe and a button nose ♪
616
00:27:10,458 --> 00:27:13,582
♪ and two eyes made out of coal ♪
617
00:27:13,583 --> 00:27:18,582
♪ Oh, Frosty the Snowman
is a fairy tale, they say...
618
00:27:18,583 --> 00:27:20,582
Psst.
619
00:27:20,583 --> 00:27:22,415
- [whispering] Nick, are you up?
- [snoring]
620
00:27:22,416 --> 00:27:23,915
Psst.
621
00:27:23,916 --> 00:27:26,499
[louder] Nick. Psst.
622
00:27:26,500 --> 00:27:28,290
Are you up?
623
00:27:28,291 --> 00:27:30,332
[snorts]
624
00:27:30,333 --> 00:27:31,582
Hi, honey.
625
00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:34,541
You're awake.
I wasn't sure if you were awake.
626
00:27:35,625 --> 00:27:36,875
Yeah.
627
00:27:39,750 --> 00:27:41,249
It's Christmas Eve.
628
00:27:41,250 --> 00:27:43,083
[groans]
629
00:27:44,375 --> 00:27:46,208
Can you believe it?
630
00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,415
Okay.
631
00:27:49,416 --> 00:27:51,250
Everything okay?
632
00:27:52,708 --> 00:27:54,333
- No.
- [sighs]
633
00:27:56,083 --> 00:27:57,708
I'm pouting.
634
00:27:59,625 --> 00:28:01,665
We missed the deadline.
635
00:28:01,666 --> 00:28:04,082
- To the Zazzy contest.
- Oh.
636
00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:05,957
Poof.
637
00:28:05,958 --> 00:28:08,291
- Gone.
- Oh, hon, I'm sorry.
638
00:28:09,791 --> 00:28:10,999
I wouldn't take it personally.
639
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:12,999
I mean, they're our kids.
640
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:14,582
You've met 'em, right?
641
00:28:14,583 --> 00:28:16,165
[sighs]
642
00:28:16,166 --> 00:28:18,458
I really wanted that trip.
643
00:28:19,541 --> 00:28:21,416
I deserved that trip.
644
00:28:22,916 --> 00:28:24,540
I know, honey. I'm sorry.
645
00:28:24,541 --> 00:28:27,040
You know what?
646
00:28:27,041 --> 00:28:29,540
I'll take you on a trip.
647
00:28:29,541 --> 00:28:32,040
Okay? I'll take you...
648
00:28:32,041 --> 00:28:36,124
take you on a trip someplace like
we've never been before, you know?
649
00:28:36,125 --> 00:28:38,332
Like, Florence. Florence, Italy.
650
00:28:38,333 --> 00:28:43,165
[Claire] He's so sweet,
but it didn't make me feel any better.
651
00:28:43,166 --> 00:28:44,707
I'll tell you another place we could go.
652
00:28:44,708 --> 00:28:46,790
Boston, like, where we first met.
653
00:28:46,791 --> 00:28:49,207
Like, Fenway. Fenway Park.
You never went there, honey.
654
00:28:49,208 --> 00:28:51,082
No, no. Not for baseball.
655
00:28:51,083 --> 00:28:52,874
Honey, they have concerts there.
656
00:28:52,875 --> 00:28:53,957
[door opens]
657
00:28:53,958 --> 00:28:55,665
The Doobie Brothers are playing there
this summer.
658
00:28:55,666 --> 00:28:56,749
[door closes]
659
00:28:56,750 --> 00:28:58,833
[lighthearted music playing]
660
00:29:01,208 --> 00:29:02,290
See ya, Channing.
661
00:29:02,291 --> 00:29:03,999
- Hey.
- [Claire] Hold up.
662
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,415
Hold up.
Remember, we need to leave the house
663
00:29:06,416 --> 00:29:08,457
by noon at the latest
if we're gonna make it
664
00:29:08,458 --> 00:29:10,124
- to the dance show on time.
- Okey dokey.
665
00:29:10,125 --> 00:29:11,749
Morning.
666
00:29:11,750 --> 00:29:13,041
Hey.
667
00:29:16,583 --> 00:29:17,791
[Claire sighs]
668
00:29:24,833 --> 00:29:26,041
You like this sweater?
669
00:29:27,125 --> 00:29:28,832
- Mm-hmm.
- It look okay on me?
670
00:29:28,833 --> 00:29:31,250
- Yeah. Yeah.
- What are you working on?
671
00:29:32,750 --> 00:29:37,207
On my book that I am writing
that I get paid for.
672
00:29:37,208 --> 00:29:40,082
- Gosh, don't you ever get a break?
- [doorbell rings]
673
00:29:40,083 --> 00:29:43,833
Surely your book people know
it's Christmas.
674
00:29:45,583 --> 00:29:48,165
Damn it. The "little something."
675
00:29:48,166 --> 00:29:51,166
[intriguing music playing]
676
00:30:02,791 --> 00:30:05,915
- Hi, Jeanne.
- Good morning, Claire.
677
00:30:05,916 --> 00:30:07,165
Happy Christmas Eve.
678
00:30:07,166 --> 00:30:09,374
Happy Christmas Eve to you.
679
00:30:09,375 --> 00:30:14,124
I was out on my walk, and I figured I'd
swing by and bring you a little something.
680
00:30:14,125 --> 00:30:16,082
[Claire] Thank you, Jeanne, and I have
681
00:30:16,083 --> 00:30:17,582
a little something for you.
682
00:30:17,583 --> 00:30:19,707
[Jeanne chuckles] Oh.
683
00:30:19,708 --> 00:30:22,040
- You go first.
- No, you go first.
684
00:30:22,041 --> 00:30:24,374
You go first. I insist.
685
00:30:24,375 --> 00:30:25,707
Hi, Jeanne.
686
00:30:25,708 --> 00:30:27,540
Hi, Channing.
687
00:30:27,541 --> 00:30:29,250
[Jeanne chuckling]
688
00:30:33,416 --> 00:30:34,915
[sighs]
689
00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:36,916
[Claire] Oh.
690
00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,040
- It's a...?
- Monochrome candle.
691
00:30:40,041 --> 00:30:41,999
That's what they're called.
692
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:43,332
Isn't it beautiful?
693
00:30:43,333 --> 00:30:44,457
Smell it.
694
00:30:44,458 --> 00:30:45,915
That's right.
695
00:30:45,916 --> 00:30:47,665
Breathe in the dusk.
696
00:30:47,666 --> 00:30:51,790
Wow, it's lovely, and so many wicks.
697
00:30:51,791 --> 00:30:54,707
I guess now
I'll open your "little something."
698
00:30:54,708 --> 00:30:56,332
Wait. Stop.
699
00:30:56,333 --> 00:31:00,457
I just realized, um, that's not yours.
700
00:31:00,458 --> 00:31:01,624
It has my name on it.
701
00:31:01,625 --> 00:31:05,624
Uh, yeah, I have two friends named Jeanne,
and this is for the other one.
702
00:31:05,625 --> 00:31:07,583
Mom, you-you just showed me--
703
00:31:11,125 --> 00:31:13,207
And if it's okay with you,
704
00:31:13,208 --> 00:31:18,415
I'll just swing by a little later
and give you your "little something."
705
00:31:18,416 --> 00:31:19,665
Okay. [chuckles]
706
00:31:19,666 --> 00:31:21,249
Okay. Okay. See you soon. Bye, now.
707
00:31:21,250 --> 00:31:23,791
- Blessings! Blessings!
- Blessings. Blessings.
708
00:31:25,958 --> 00:31:27,082
[sighs] Oh, that was close.
709
00:31:27,083 --> 00:31:28,249
What was that?
710
00:31:28,250 --> 00:31:30,875
You have a gift for Jeanne.
You made me stick my nose in it.
711
00:31:31,625 --> 00:31:34,500
I got her a one-wick candle.
712
00:31:35,666 --> 00:31:39,415
You can't give someone a one-wick candle
who got you a three-wick candle.
713
00:31:39,416 --> 00:31:41,749
- It's logic.
- Mom, I think it's fine.
714
00:31:41,750 --> 00:31:43,207
No, no.
715
00:31:43,208 --> 00:31:44,665
Get dressed. We're going to the mall.
716
00:31:44,666 --> 00:31:47,249
[stammers] The-the mall on Christmas Eve?
717
00:31:47,250 --> 00:31:49,499
W-Well, what about the show?
718
00:31:49,500 --> 00:31:52,082
- The twins are so excited.
- We'll be quick.
719
00:31:52,083 --> 00:31:54,249
Come on. It'll be...
720
00:31:54,250 --> 00:31:55,749
- Fun.
- Mm.
721
00:31:55,750 --> 00:31:59,208
- [♪ Gwen Stefani sings "White Christmas"]
- [chorus scatting]
722
00:32:02,750 --> 00:32:04,582
Hi there. Welcome to Crate & Barrel.
723
00:32:04,583 --> 00:32:09,082
Hi. Do you have any candles
with more than three wicks?
724
00:32:09,083 --> 00:32:11,415
More than three? It has to be more?
725
00:32:11,416 --> 00:32:12,499
Yes, of course.
726
00:32:12,500 --> 00:32:14,915
- Well, candles are over there...
- Okay.
727
00:32:14,916 --> 00:32:19,207
...right by the potpourri.
728
00:32:19,208 --> 00:32:20,582
Sorry.
729
00:32:20,583 --> 00:32:22,332
Oh. [laughs]
730
00:32:22,333 --> 00:32:23,749
[lighthearted music playing]
731
00:32:23,750 --> 00:32:24,915
[Sammy grunts]
732
00:32:24,916 --> 00:32:27,540
- All right, good point.
- [Donna] Sorry.
733
00:32:27,541 --> 00:32:30,707
We're going to tighten
these one-eighth-inch screws,
734
00:32:30,708 --> 00:32:33,332
then fit together the brace brackets...
735
00:32:33,333 --> 00:32:35,290
- Okay, I'm trying.
- ...with the eyelets,
736
00:32:35,291 --> 00:32:38,749
grommets, rivets, set spacers
and mini hex spacers.
737
00:32:38,750 --> 00:32:40,040
You know what I'm talking about.
738
00:32:40,041 --> 00:32:41,249
- Easy stuff.
- [grunts]
739
00:32:41,250 --> 00:32:45,207
Then we're going to tighten
the plastic lattice panel.
740
00:32:45,208 --> 00:32:48,832
You should see that
you have installed all 13 posts.
741
00:32:48,833 --> 00:32:50,749
Congratulations to you on that one.
742
00:32:50,750 --> 00:32:53,457
Uh, now, in the next 27 steps...
743
00:32:53,458 --> 00:32:54,750
[Doug grunts]
744
00:32:55,750 --> 00:32:57,540
- [Taylor yawns]
- Hey, sleepyhead.
745
00:32:57,541 --> 00:32:59,749
[clears throat] How's it going?
Everything cool? What's up?
746
00:32:59,750 --> 00:33:01,665
[Taylor] Oh, man,
I'm still kind of waking up.
747
00:33:01,666 --> 00:33:02,832
Yeah.
748
00:33:02,833 --> 00:33:04,749
Hey, where is everybody?
749
00:33:04,750 --> 00:33:07,999
Uh, Channing and your mom went
to the mall, Nick's in the garage,
750
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,207
and Sammy and DJ Sweatpants
went to play tennis.
751
00:33:11,208 --> 00:33:14,915
I'm just here working on
my world-famous pecan crunch.
752
00:33:14,916 --> 00:33:16,082
That's weird.
753
00:33:16,083 --> 00:33:18,041
Tenn-- They don't even play tennis.
754
00:33:20,041 --> 00:33:21,166
[sighs]
755
00:33:22,166 --> 00:33:23,375
[Taylor laughs]
756
00:33:24,791 --> 00:33:28,082
I, um... was curious.
757
00:33:28,083 --> 00:33:33,374
When did you know that you were
going to make your life about hairstyling?
758
00:33:33,375 --> 00:33:34,957
How did you know that hairstyling--
759
00:33:34,958 --> 00:33:37,208
Oh, you know, it's so crazy. [chuckles]
760
00:33:38,291 --> 00:33:40,999
Uh, I-I got to go outside,
761
00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:47,082
because I usually do my morning meditation
and my sun salutations,
762
00:33:47,083 --> 00:33:48,915
but we'll-we'll catch up.
763
00:33:48,916 --> 00:33:50,707
- I'll see ya.
- [chuckles] Okay.
764
00:33:50,708 --> 00:33:52,665
[scoffs]
765
00:33:52,666 --> 00:33:54,207
[♪ Jeff Tweedy sings
"Christmas Must Be Tonight"]
766
00:33:54,208 --> 00:33:55,582
[strains] Okay.
767
00:33:55,583 --> 00:33:57,832
- Guys.
- Hey, we get here on time?
768
00:33:57,833 --> 00:33:59,165
- Thanks for coming, man.
- Yep.
769
00:33:59,166 --> 00:34:00,707
Merry Christmas.
770
00:34:00,708 --> 00:34:01,874
Hey, boss.
771
00:34:01,875 --> 00:34:04,582
- Take a look at this.
- What you got?
772
00:34:04,583 --> 00:34:06,874
- [whistles]
- Believe this?
773
00:34:06,875 --> 00:34:08,499
All day.
774
00:34:08,500 --> 00:34:11,166
All day I been looking at this thing.
775
00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:14,582
Seven thousand million pieces.
776
00:34:14,583 --> 00:34:16,165
We got you.
777
00:34:16,166 --> 00:34:17,874
I need part BP-01.
778
00:34:17,875 --> 00:34:19,290
BP-01.
779
00:34:19,291 --> 00:34:20,332
It's insanity.
780
00:34:20,333 --> 00:34:22,290
What are these,
and why are there so many of them?
781
00:34:22,291 --> 00:34:24,040
- The specs have to be off.
- Will you please--
782
00:34:24,041 --> 00:34:25,332
If we just put the stickers on it--
783
00:34:25,333 --> 00:34:27,624
Like that's gonna solve everything?
Putting stickers on everything?
784
00:34:27,625 --> 00:34:28,707
What is this slide?
785
00:34:28,708 --> 00:34:30,790
The slide goes from one room to the other
right there.
786
00:34:30,791 --> 00:34:32,749
- That's how they slide into the pool.
- Yeah.
787
00:34:32,750 --> 00:34:34,833
[festive music playing over speakers]
788
00:34:36,791 --> 00:34:39,124
[line ringing]
789
00:34:39,125 --> 00:34:41,457
[ringtone playing]
790
00:34:41,458 --> 00:34:43,415
- Hey, honey.
- [Channing] Hi.
791
00:34:43,416 --> 00:34:44,832
- How's it going?
- Good.
792
00:34:44,833 --> 00:34:45,915
- The kids?
- Huh?
793
00:34:45,916 --> 00:34:46,999
Are-are the kids okay?
794
00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,082
They're just doing kid stuff
and hanging out.
795
00:34:49,083 --> 00:34:52,707
- Great.
- Uh, and I'm just sort of sitting here,
796
00:34:52,708 --> 00:34:57,665
you know, cooking the pecans and
just bombing with your sister as-as usual.
797
00:34:57,666 --> 00:35:01,124
[hushed] Mom's driving me crazy,
and it's only the second day.
798
00:35:01,125 --> 00:35:04,040
- Mm.
- I can't keep doing this much longer.
799
00:35:04,041 --> 00:35:08,290
I think we really need to have the talk.
800
00:35:08,291 --> 00:35:10,749
It is up to me to break the cycle.
801
00:35:10,750 --> 00:35:11,832
Whoa.
802
00:35:11,833 --> 00:35:15,707
I know.
It's... it's scary, but I have to do it.
803
00:35:15,708 --> 00:35:17,665
- Okay, bye.
- Bye, hon.
804
00:35:17,666 --> 00:35:20,165
[indistinct chatter in distance]
805
00:35:20,166 --> 00:35:23,999
When the cat's away, the mice will play.
806
00:35:24,000 --> 00:35:26,583
[intriguing music playing]
807
00:35:36,583 --> 00:35:38,083
- [Taylor] Get inside.
- [Geraldine chuckles]
808
00:35:40,500 --> 00:35:42,040
- And look at this one.
- Oh, my God.
809
00:35:42,041 --> 00:35:44,125
[indistinct chatter and laughter continue]
810
00:35:45,916 --> 00:35:47,916
♪ ♪
811
00:35:57,916 --> 00:35:59,458
- [Taylor] We'll just go upstairs.
- [Geraldine] Yeah.
812
00:36:00,541 --> 00:36:02,624
- It looks amazing.
- Yeah.
813
00:36:02,625 --> 00:36:04,624
So, when are you gonna tell Donna?
814
00:36:04,625 --> 00:36:06,415
[Taylor sighs] I don't know.
815
00:36:06,416 --> 00:36:08,124
I got to figure out
how I'm gonna tell her.
816
00:36:08,125 --> 00:36:10,208
[upbeat music playing faintly
over headphones]
817
00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:15,708
Hey.
818
00:36:17,583 --> 00:36:18,749
Hey, Mom.
819
00:36:18,750 --> 00:36:20,249
[Claire] Hmm?
820
00:36:20,250 --> 00:36:23,832
There's, um, there's something
I've been wanting to talk to you about.
821
00:36:23,833 --> 00:36:26,082
Uh-huh? What's that?
822
00:36:26,083 --> 00:36:31,040
Well, Doug and I were thinking--
rather, I was thinking:
823
00:36:31,041 --> 00:36:34,540
What if, next year, we did something else?
824
00:36:34,541 --> 00:36:36,707
What-What's that mean? "Something else"?
825
00:36:36,708 --> 00:36:38,499
I'm not following.
826
00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:41,165
What if we didn't come home
for Christmas next year?
827
00:36:41,166 --> 00:36:43,374
What if we did our own thing?
828
00:36:43,375 --> 00:36:44,415
Like skiing.
829
00:36:44,416 --> 00:36:45,874
Skiing?
830
00:36:45,875 --> 00:36:48,290
- You don't ski.
- That's my point.
831
00:36:48,291 --> 00:36:51,290
I mean, we don't have to do
the same exact thing till we die.
832
00:36:51,291 --> 00:36:54,082
It's a lot having us all home
for the holidays.
833
00:36:54,083 --> 00:36:57,874
It might be easier on you if-if
you didn't have all this to worry about.
834
00:36:57,875 --> 00:37:00,082
Oh, I see.
835
00:37:00,083 --> 00:37:01,749
So, you're doing us a favor.
836
00:37:01,750 --> 00:37:06,250
Right, and the nice part is everyone can
do something they actually want to do.
837
00:37:07,333 --> 00:37:11,332
I mean, Sammy is always saying he thinks
Christmas is just a corporate holiday,
838
00:37:11,333 --> 00:37:16,290
and-and Taylor, well, I assume
these women she dates have families, too,
839
00:37:16,291 --> 00:37:18,665
and you and Dad could enjoy
some quiet time.
840
00:37:18,666 --> 00:37:20,457
- Yeah.
- Just the two of you.
841
00:37:20,458 --> 00:37:22,249
What do you think?
842
00:37:22,250 --> 00:37:23,332
Hmm.
843
00:37:23,333 --> 00:37:26,332
I figured she'd already put down
the deposit on the old folks' home.
844
00:37:26,333 --> 00:37:28,291
- Sound nice?
- You know what I think?
845
00:37:29,375 --> 00:37:31,541
I think we'd better
get looking for that candle.
846
00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:34,290
Okay.
847
00:37:34,291 --> 00:37:36,000
Find the candle.
848
00:37:37,666 --> 00:37:40,832
I think I might be one of those people
that peaked in the fourth grade.
849
00:37:40,833 --> 00:37:44,082
Like, after the fourth grade,
I just stopped being cool.
850
00:37:44,083 --> 00:37:46,082
Feel like a Fruit Roll-Up.
851
00:37:46,083 --> 00:37:47,957
Honestly, Sammy,
you just need to be true to yourself.
852
00:37:47,958 --> 00:37:49,082
You'll be fine.
853
00:37:49,083 --> 00:37:52,000
[Sammy] Yeah. That's good advice.
854
00:37:53,083 --> 00:37:55,541
Isn't that one of those neighbors
from across the street?
855
00:37:57,125 --> 00:37:58,541
Yeah, it's one of Jeanne's kids.
856
00:37:59,500 --> 00:38:01,415
Her name's Elizabeth.
857
00:38:01,416 --> 00:38:03,874
We went to school together, like, forever.
858
00:38:03,875 --> 00:38:06,332
- [Donna] She's cute.
- [Sammy] Oh, yeah.
859
00:38:06,333 --> 00:38:10,040
Plus she was, like, the best hurdler
in the state of Texas our senior year.
860
00:38:10,041 --> 00:38:12,624
And class president.
861
00:38:12,625 --> 00:38:14,875
She's basically perfect.
862
00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:18,165
So what about asking her out?
863
00:38:18,166 --> 00:38:19,332
Get back in the game.
864
00:38:19,333 --> 00:38:21,290
[laughing]
865
00:38:21,291 --> 00:38:23,040
Elizabeth Wang-Wasserman?
866
00:38:23,041 --> 00:38:25,540
That's hilarious.
867
00:38:25,541 --> 00:38:27,625
I doubt she even remembers my name.
868
00:38:28,708 --> 00:38:30,457
Hi, Sammy.
869
00:38:30,458 --> 00:38:32,332
[intriguing music playing]
870
00:38:32,333 --> 00:38:33,625
Hey.
871
00:38:38,125 --> 00:38:39,540
[Claire gasps] Oh.
872
00:38:39,541 --> 00:38:41,041
[gasps]
873
00:38:42,375 --> 00:38:43,457
Oh, my God.
874
00:38:43,458 --> 00:38:44,915
Look at that. [gasps]
875
00:38:44,916 --> 00:38:46,582
[Channing] Careful.
876
00:38:46,583 --> 00:38:48,666
It's perfect.
877
00:38:50,750 --> 00:38:52,707
- [cashier] Next guest.
- [Claire] Oh, no, no, no, no.
878
00:38:52,708 --> 00:38:54,832
We are not waiting in that.
879
00:38:54,833 --> 00:38:57,208
Mom? Mom?
880
00:38:58,208 --> 00:38:59,457
Mom, you can't just take that.
881
00:38:59,458 --> 00:39:00,957
- Excuse me, ma'am!
- Mom, you can't take it.
882
00:39:00,958 --> 00:39:02,957
- You have to pay for that!
- Happy holidays!
883
00:39:02,958 --> 00:39:04,915
- Ma'am, you have to pay for that!
- [alarm wailing]
884
00:39:04,916 --> 00:39:07,957
- [Lucy] What are you doing out there?
- I was just outside there. [sighs]
885
00:39:07,958 --> 00:39:09,957
Okay, go back to the kid stuff.
886
00:39:09,958 --> 00:39:12,207
See you later. Yeah.
887
00:39:12,208 --> 00:39:13,875
Just gonna go...
888
00:39:14,875 --> 00:39:16,249
- This is illegal.
- [alarm continues wailing]
889
00:39:16,250 --> 00:39:18,207
I'll come back and pay for it later.
890
00:39:18,208 --> 00:39:21,665
Mom, you cannot give Jeanne Wang-Wasserman
stolen goods for Christmas.
891
00:39:21,666 --> 00:39:23,665
[indistinct security radio chatter]
892
00:39:23,666 --> 00:39:27,207
I-I don't want to alarm you,
but those two mall cops are following us.
893
00:39:27,208 --> 00:39:28,582
What do we do?
894
00:39:28,583 --> 00:39:29,624
Run.
895
00:39:29,625 --> 00:39:31,457
[mall cop] Ladies, halt!
896
00:39:31,458 --> 00:39:33,541
♪ ♪
897
00:39:41,541 --> 00:39:43,541
[muffled laughing]
898
00:39:45,750 --> 00:39:48,290
[muffled chatter, laughing]
899
00:39:48,291 --> 00:39:50,624
- Woo-hoo!
- All right, let's keep moving!
900
00:39:50,625 --> 00:39:52,540
Channing, grab my keys.
901
00:39:52,541 --> 00:39:53,665
- My keys.
- Where?
902
00:39:53,666 --> 00:39:56,249
They're in my bag.
Where else would they be?
903
00:39:56,250 --> 00:39:58,499
- I can't find them.
- Oh, my God, are you even looking?
904
00:39:58,500 --> 00:40:00,165
- Yeah, I'm looking.
- What is wrong with you kids?
905
00:40:00,166 --> 00:40:02,040
"Where's the peanut butter?"
"Where's my gym socks?"
906
00:40:02,041 --> 00:40:04,165
- How about right in front of your f--
- Found 'em.
907
00:40:04,166 --> 00:40:06,166
[car alarm chirps]
908
00:40:08,625 --> 00:40:09,915
- Hi.
- Hi.
909
00:40:09,916 --> 00:40:12,207
- How are you? Mm, brother-in-law.
- Okay.
910
00:40:12,208 --> 00:40:15,040
Uh, I'm gonna go to my room.
Merry Christmas.
911
00:40:15,041 --> 00:40:16,750
You, too.
912
00:40:18,333 --> 00:40:19,833
[dramatic music playing]
913
00:40:27,916 --> 00:40:29,165
- [horn honking]
- [tires screech]
914
00:40:29,166 --> 00:40:30,416
Oh, God! [panting]
915
00:40:33,083 --> 00:40:34,874
You want to party, lady?
916
00:40:34,875 --> 00:40:36,082
I'll party.
917
00:40:36,083 --> 00:40:38,249
[knuckles cracking]
918
00:40:38,250 --> 00:40:40,790
Mom! Oh, my God!
919
00:40:40,791 --> 00:40:42,874
- Settle down.
- Mom.
920
00:40:42,875 --> 00:40:47,082
You're gonna mess with the eagle,
you got to learn how to fly.
921
00:40:47,083 --> 00:40:48,791
[engines revving]
922
00:40:52,125 --> 00:40:53,000
Mom!
923
00:40:53,791 --> 00:40:54,999
Mom!
924
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,125
[smoke alarm beeping]
925
00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:03,707
[horn honking frantically]
926
00:41:03,708 --> 00:41:05,707
[woman over radio] All units, all units.
927
00:41:05,708 --> 00:41:07,582
[Claire] They're multiplying!
928
00:41:07,583 --> 00:41:09,165
[smoke alarm continues beeping]
929
00:41:09,166 --> 00:41:10,415
[mall cops shouting]
930
00:41:10,416 --> 00:41:12,666
[tires squealing]
931
00:41:14,291 --> 00:41:15,290
[Channing screaming]
932
00:41:15,291 --> 00:41:17,415
- The pecan crunch! [screams]
- [smoke alarm continues beeping]
933
00:41:17,416 --> 00:41:19,874
[mall cops shouting]
934
00:41:19,875 --> 00:41:21,374
No, no. No, no, no, no.
935
00:41:21,375 --> 00:41:23,624
- Oh, God.
- [tires squealing]
936
00:41:23,625 --> 00:41:25,457
[smoke alarm continues beeping]
937
00:41:25,458 --> 00:41:27,375
[dramatic music swelling]
938
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,000
[smoke alarm continues beeping]
939
00:41:33,083 --> 00:41:34,875
- [horn honking]
- [tires squealing]
940
00:41:35,875 --> 00:41:38,124
[blowing]
941
00:41:38,125 --> 00:41:39,832
Whew! That was close. [chuckles]
942
00:41:39,833 --> 00:41:41,249
[♪ Talk Talk sings "It's My Life"
over radio]
943
00:41:41,250 --> 00:41:44,165
Oh. Oh. Good. We're making great time.
944
00:41:44,166 --> 00:41:47,790
We'll just grab a little lunch
when we get home and head out to the show.
945
00:41:47,791 --> 00:41:49,416
Might even get there early.
946
00:41:50,416 --> 00:41:53,540
♪ It's my life ♪
947
00:41:53,541 --> 00:41:55,665
- We're gonna be late for the dance show!
- [lively chatter]
948
00:41:55,666 --> 00:41:58,415
Taylor! DJ Sweatpants!
949
00:41:58,416 --> 00:42:00,624
[Nick] Hey, honey, what do you think?
Hat or no hat?
950
00:42:00,625 --> 00:42:02,707
- No hat, no hat, no hat.
- Honey, you haven't even seen it yet.
951
00:42:02,708 --> 00:42:03,874
Look, look.
952
00:42:03,875 --> 00:42:05,165
Kids, you go with your mom and dad,
953
00:42:05,166 --> 00:42:07,540
and, Taylor, DJ Sweatpants,
we'll go in your car.
954
00:42:07,541 --> 00:42:08,749
[Nick] Okay, I'm gonna pull my car around.
955
00:42:08,750 --> 00:42:09,874
- [Claire] Here, take these.
- Okay.
956
00:42:09,875 --> 00:42:11,332
- All right.
- In case we get separated.
957
00:42:11,333 --> 00:42:12,832
- Which car am I going in, Mom?
- Um, either one.
958
00:42:12,833 --> 00:42:14,874
Taylor, we're about ready to go!
959
00:42:14,875 --> 00:42:17,124
You don't want to get left behind!
960
00:42:17,125 --> 00:42:22,540
This could be the last Christmas
we all are together as a family, ever!
961
00:42:22,541 --> 00:42:24,207
What is going on with you?
Why would you say that?
962
00:42:24,208 --> 00:42:26,332
Now everyone's gonna think
you're dying or something.
963
00:42:26,333 --> 00:42:27,457
Oh, no!
964
00:42:27,458 --> 00:42:30,957
Did I just blurt out something
worrisome and alarming?
965
00:42:30,958 --> 00:42:33,250
Mom, we can just talk about it!
966
00:42:34,250 --> 00:42:35,415
[Taylor] I'm coming, I'm coming,
I'm coming, I'm coming!
967
00:42:35,416 --> 00:42:36,749
[Sammy] Nobody's seen my shoes?
968
00:42:36,750 --> 00:42:37,957
Taylor, where are my shoes?
969
00:42:37,958 --> 00:42:39,666
[lively chatter continues]
970
00:42:41,958 --> 00:42:45,832
[Channing] Mom, you cannot give Jeanne
Wang-Wasserman stolen goods for Christmas.
971
00:42:45,833 --> 00:42:47,165
[sighs]
972
00:42:47,166 --> 00:42:48,999
Damn it.
973
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:50,707
"A little something."
974
00:42:50,708 --> 00:42:52,375
[lighthearted music playing]
975
00:42:53,375 --> 00:42:55,333
[lively chatter continues]
976
00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:06,249
[Nick] Doug, how many...
how many tickets do you have?
977
00:43:06,250 --> 00:43:07,832
Doug, how many tickets do you have?
978
00:43:07,833 --> 00:43:09,332
[Doug] I have one, two, three, four.
979
00:43:09,333 --> 00:43:10,540
- I have four.
- Okay. All right.
980
00:43:10,541 --> 00:43:12,249
[lively chatter continues]
981
00:43:12,250 --> 00:43:13,499
[Nick] No, I got five. I got five.
982
00:43:13,500 --> 00:43:15,583
[lively chatter continues]
983
00:43:18,041 --> 00:43:19,541
[door closes]
984
00:43:25,083 --> 00:43:26,374
We're leaving!
985
00:43:26,375 --> 00:43:28,332
- See you there!
- [Taylor] Bye! See ya!
986
00:43:28,333 --> 00:43:29,665
- [Doug] Let's go.
- [Lucy] Bye!
987
00:43:29,666 --> 00:43:30,915
[lively chatter continues]
988
00:43:30,916 --> 00:43:32,916
Bye!
989
00:43:34,250 --> 00:43:35,957
Oh, hi. Claire.
990
00:43:35,958 --> 00:43:37,040
Hi, Jeanne.
991
00:43:37,041 --> 00:43:39,582
I just thought I'd pop by
and drop off your "little something."
992
00:43:39,583 --> 00:43:41,082
- Here you go.
- Oh.
993
00:43:41,083 --> 00:43:42,124
Wait.
994
00:43:42,125 --> 00:43:44,166
Aren't you gonna stay while I open it?
995
00:43:44,750 --> 00:43:45,790
Sure.
996
00:43:45,791 --> 00:43:47,207
Let's go, guys!
The first car already left!
997
00:43:47,208 --> 00:43:48,540
- We're gonna be late!
- [Nick] Come on, guys.
998
00:43:48,541 --> 00:43:49,957
- Let's go, let's go. Come on.
- [Taylor] Ready.
999
00:43:49,958 --> 00:43:52,124
- Ready, ready, ready, ready. Go.
- [door opens]
1000
00:43:52,125 --> 00:43:54,415
- I made it myself.
- [Jeanne] Really?
1001
00:43:54,416 --> 00:43:57,582
It looks just like
the kind they sell at the store.
1002
00:43:57,583 --> 00:44:01,249
It seems like you just dumped some
out of a metal tin into this bag.
1003
00:44:01,250 --> 00:44:04,333
No, I made it from scratch.
1004
00:44:05,416 --> 00:44:06,874
From scratch, huh?
1005
00:44:06,875 --> 00:44:09,624
Can you share the recipe with me?
1006
00:44:09,625 --> 00:44:10,999
Sure.
1007
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:12,707
It's chocolate,
1008
00:44:12,708 --> 00:44:16,290
and then you just crunch up
a shit ton of candy canes,
1009
00:44:16,291 --> 00:44:20,415
and you shake it all up like you're making
shake and bake chicken.
1010
00:44:20,416 --> 00:44:22,040
Then what?
1011
00:44:22,041 --> 00:44:23,875
Then you eat it, Jeanne.
1012
00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:27,291
[Jeanne] Where is your family going?
1013
00:44:28,916 --> 00:44:30,916
♪ ♪
1014
00:44:57,416 --> 00:45:00,207
- [♪ Annie Clark sings "Have Yourself
a Merry Little Christmas"]
- ♪ Have yourself ♪
1015
00:45:00,208 --> 00:45:06,332
♪ A merry little Christmas ♪
1016
00:45:06,333 --> 00:45:11,041
♪ Let your heart be light ♪
1017
00:45:13,125 --> 00:45:15,457
- Hello?
- ♪ Next year ♪
1018
00:45:15,458 --> 00:45:19,082
- [sobbing softly]
- ♪ all our troubles will be ♪
1019
00:45:19,083 --> 00:45:22,541
- Hello?
- ♪ out of sight ♪
1020
00:45:24,125 --> 00:45:26,125
Anybody here?
1021
00:45:29,291 --> 00:45:32,165
- Nick?
- ♪ Have yourself ♪
1022
00:45:32,166 --> 00:45:34,290
- Channing?
- ♪ a merry ♪
1023
00:45:34,291 --> 00:45:37,707
♪ little Christmas ♪
1024
00:45:37,708 --> 00:45:41,332
♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪
1025
00:45:41,333 --> 00:45:42,833
[sobs]
1026
00:45:44,166 --> 00:45:46,790
- ♪ Next year ♪
- Channing, hey. Channing, over here!
1027
00:45:46,791 --> 00:45:49,540
♪ all our troubles ♪
1028
00:45:49,541 --> 00:45:53,083
♪ will be miles away ♪
1029
00:45:59,750 --> 00:46:01,207
♪ Once again...
1030
00:46:01,208 --> 00:46:02,957
Hey. Taylor.
1031
00:46:02,958 --> 00:46:04,249
Where's Mom?
1032
00:46:04,250 --> 00:46:05,374
Huh?
1033
00:46:05,375 --> 00:46:06,540
Where is Mom?
1034
00:46:06,541 --> 00:46:08,416
What?
1035
00:46:10,791 --> 00:46:12,208
Forget it. I see her.
1036
00:46:13,291 --> 00:46:18,165
♪ Faithful friends who are dear to us ♪
1037
00:46:18,166 --> 00:46:24,833
♪ will be near to us once more ♪
1038
00:46:29,166 --> 00:46:30,750
Mom?
1039
00:46:34,291 --> 00:46:36,290
[hushed] Mom, I'm...
1040
00:46:36,291 --> 00:46:38,582
I'm sorry about what I said before.
1041
00:46:38,583 --> 00:46:41,915
I mean, not that I said it
but that I blurted it out like that.
1042
00:46:41,916 --> 00:46:43,332
I... [sighs]
1043
00:46:43,333 --> 00:46:46,625
I should've been more grown up about it
and asked to talk to you.
1044
00:46:47,625 --> 00:46:49,957
It was inconsiderate, and I'm-I'm sorry.
1045
00:46:49,958 --> 00:46:52,041
[toilet flushing]
1046
00:46:53,458 --> 00:46:54,957
Oh.
1047
00:46:54,958 --> 00:46:57,583
[in Russian] Sorry, lady.
I don't speak English.
1048
00:46:58,291 --> 00:47:00,875
You're an odd woman.
1049
00:47:01,291 --> 00:47:02,374
[in English] Right.
1050
00:47:02,375 --> 00:47:03,665
[announcer over P.A.] Ladies
and gentlemen,
1051
00:47:03,666 --> 00:47:05,832
- please welcome the So You're a Dancer...
- Okay. Okay.
1052
00:47:05,833 --> 00:47:07,582
- ...Holiday Tour.
- [cheering and applause]
1053
00:47:07,583 --> 00:47:09,582
[♪ Empress Of plays
"Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"]
1054
00:47:09,583 --> 00:47:11,666
[cheering swells]
1055
00:47:22,291 --> 00:47:24,540
[dance beat begins]
1056
00:47:24,541 --> 00:47:26,458
Damn, Santa's jacked.
1057
00:47:37,583 --> 00:47:38,957
[hushed] Where's Mom?
1058
00:47:38,958 --> 00:47:41,165
[hushed] Uh, Taylor said
you were with her.
1059
00:47:41,166 --> 00:47:42,540
No, it wasn't her.
1060
00:47:42,541 --> 00:47:44,040
- Oh.
- Where is she?
1061
00:47:44,041 --> 00:47:45,915
- I don't know. So--
- What do you mean you don't know?
1062
00:47:45,916 --> 00:47:47,999
Well, she was, she was in your car, right?
1063
00:47:48,000 --> 00:47:49,749
- No, she went with you.
- She wasn't in my car.
1064
00:47:49,750 --> 00:47:51,124
- She was in your car.
- No, she was with you.
1065
00:47:51,125 --> 00:47:52,374
- Oh, my God.
- Dad, we lost Mom?
1066
00:47:52,375 --> 00:47:54,165
- We got to go. We g--
- We got to go.
1067
00:47:54,166 --> 00:47:55,290
Hey, guys, Sammy,
1068
00:47:55,291 --> 00:47:56,833
- everybody, we got to go.
- Come on.
1069
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,874
- Taylor, Taylor.
- We got to go.
1070
00:47:59,875 --> 00:48:01,583
[urgent hushed chatter]
1071
00:48:02,625 --> 00:48:04,083
♪ ♪
1072
00:48:14,083 --> 00:48:15,541
[Nick] Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up.
1073
00:48:17,958 --> 00:48:20,208
♪ ♪
1074
00:48:30,125 --> 00:48:32,541
[air hissing]
1075
00:48:36,958 --> 00:48:38,125
- [song ends]
- [cheering and applause]
1076
00:48:49,458 --> 00:48:51,790
- Claire?
- Mom?
1077
00:48:51,791 --> 00:48:53,374
Honey?
1078
00:48:53,375 --> 00:48:55,165
- Check the garage and downstairs, too.
- Mom?
1079
00:48:55,166 --> 00:48:56,457
Mom?
1080
00:48:56,458 --> 00:48:58,832
We got you a promotional tote bag!
1081
00:48:58,833 --> 00:49:00,124
And a water bottle.
1082
00:49:00,125 --> 00:49:01,832
[Ben] Grandma?
1083
00:49:01,833 --> 00:49:03,415
[Nick] Anything? Anybody?
1084
00:49:03,416 --> 00:49:04,499
[Sammy] Mom?
1085
00:49:04,500 --> 00:49:06,207
I had nothing to do with it.
1086
00:49:06,208 --> 00:49:08,082
Hell.
1087
00:49:08,083 --> 00:49:09,582
Downstairs?
1088
00:49:09,583 --> 00:49:12,415
No. And her... her car's gone.
1089
00:49:12,416 --> 00:49:14,124
[phone vibrating]
1090
00:49:14,125 --> 00:49:15,666
[lighthearted music playing]
1091
00:49:21,916 --> 00:49:23,457
[Nick] Thirty-five years of marriage,
1092
00:49:23,458 --> 00:49:25,790
and I have never lost your mother,
not once.
1093
00:49:25,791 --> 00:49:28,790
I'm not sure that's quite the triumph
that you think it is, Dad,
1094
00:49:28,791 --> 00:49:31,207
but... congratulations.
1095
00:49:31,208 --> 00:49:33,915
[Sammy] No need to lump us
into your sinking ship, Dad.
1096
00:49:33,916 --> 00:49:36,040
I mean, we're her kids.
She has to love us.
1097
00:49:36,041 --> 00:49:37,457
Sammy's right.
1098
00:49:37,458 --> 00:49:39,499
You're less of a sure thing.
1099
00:49:39,500 --> 00:49:40,790
No offense.
1100
00:49:40,791 --> 00:49:43,083
Give her a little bit of time
and she'll come back.
1101
00:49:44,375 --> 00:49:47,082
Taylor's right.
She's making complete sense, okay?
1102
00:49:47,083 --> 00:49:50,874
She's gonna come back, and when she does,
we will just admit we screwed up,
1103
00:49:50,875 --> 00:49:53,707
say we're sorry, we'll own it,
and until that point,
1104
00:49:53,708 --> 00:49:58,832
I want everybody to just suck it up
and act like adults.
1105
00:49:58,833 --> 00:50:02,790
I'm in charge now, and
I just want rational thinking here, okay?
1106
00:50:02,791 --> 00:50:06,040
Everybody, just stay cool, calm and--
1107
00:50:06,041 --> 00:50:07,749
What the hell am I talking about?
1108
00:50:07,750 --> 00:50:09,249
I can't do anything without your mother.
1109
00:50:09,250 --> 00:50:10,290
- Dad?
- Oh, my God, what are we gonna do?
1110
00:50:10,291 --> 00:50:11,540
- Oh, God.
- Dad.
1111
00:50:11,541 --> 00:50:12,915
[Nick] Is she gonna come back? Oh, my God.
1112
00:50:12,916 --> 00:50:13,999
- All right.
- Dad?
1113
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:15,582
- Need some water?
- You okay?
- What am I gonna do without your mother?
1114
00:50:15,583 --> 00:50:18,540
[crying] I'm lost without her.
What am I gonna do?
1115
00:50:18,541 --> 00:50:21,040
- [♪ 10cc sings
"The Things We Do for Love"]
- ♪ Communication is the problem ♪
1116
00:50:21,041 --> 00:50:22,832
♪ To the answer ♪
1117
00:50:22,833 --> 00:50:24,624
♪ You've got her number ♪
1118
00:50:24,625 --> 00:50:27,665
- ♪ and your hand is on the phone ♪
- [humming along]
1119
00:50:27,666 --> 00:50:28,832
♪ The weather's turned ♪
1120
00:50:28,833 --> 00:50:30,540
- ♪ and all the lines are down ♪
- [singing along]
1121
00:50:30,541 --> 00:50:34,999
♪ The things we do for love,
the things we do for love ♪
1122
00:50:35,000 --> 00:50:38,124
♪ Like walking in the rain and the snow ♪
1123
00:50:38,125 --> 00:50:39,833
♪ when there's nowhere to ♪
1124
00:50:46,791 --> 00:50:48,915
[car approaching]
1125
00:50:48,916 --> 00:50:51,040
- [kids clamoring]
- [Wes] Okay, anybody got to pee?
1126
00:50:51,041 --> 00:50:53,082
Anybody got to pee? All right.
1127
00:50:53,083 --> 00:50:54,665
[Denise] Okay, good.
1128
00:50:54,666 --> 00:50:56,749
[Wes] Oh, it's cold! I need to pee.
1129
00:50:56,750 --> 00:50:58,624
Oh, golly gee. [whimpers]
1130
00:50:58,625 --> 00:51:00,832
[Deputy Waller] So let me see
if I got this straight.
1131
00:51:00,833 --> 00:51:05,874
A grown woman got in her car,
with luggage, and drove away from you
1132
00:51:05,875 --> 00:51:09,082
after you forgot her
while going to an event she planned?
1133
00:51:09,083 --> 00:51:11,124
Yep, that's what happened.
1134
00:51:11,125 --> 00:51:13,624
[chuckling]
1135
00:51:13,625 --> 00:51:15,124
Right. Look.
1136
00:51:15,125 --> 00:51:17,957
We see this a lot with moms
around the holidays.
1137
00:51:17,958 --> 00:51:20,000
Next time, try a head count.
1138
00:51:20,791 --> 00:51:23,832
You can give us another call
if she's not back by New Year's.
1139
00:51:23,833 --> 00:51:26,915
[♪ Madi Diaz and Andy Shauf sing
"Christmas Eve Can Kill You"]
1140
00:51:26,916 --> 00:51:28,540
Merry Christmas.
1141
00:51:28,541 --> 00:51:30,625
- Thank you.
- Bye.
1142
00:51:33,291 --> 00:51:35,790
♪ The winter's flaking,
snow is brushing...
1143
00:51:35,791 --> 00:51:38,207
[Claire] So, I got in my car,
1144
00:51:38,208 --> 00:51:41,332
and now I'm here, sitting next to you,
1145
00:51:41,333 --> 00:51:44,416
drinking a very strong cup of coffee.
1146
00:51:46,125 --> 00:51:48,957
Being a parent is a wonderful gift, but--
1147
00:51:48,958 --> 00:51:51,707
Mm-hmm. But where's the gift receipt?
1148
00:51:51,708 --> 00:51:55,374
Excuse me, but I'd like to make
an exchange, please.
1149
00:51:55,375 --> 00:51:57,125
[chuckles]
1150
00:51:58,125 --> 00:51:59,958
Nice chatting with you.
1151
00:52:01,583 --> 00:52:03,416
Hold on a second there.
1152
00:52:04,750 --> 00:52:06,665
- Take my coat.
- No. No, no, no.
1153
00:52:06,666 --> 00:52:07,999
- I couldn't do that.
- I insist.
1154
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:10,874
My own mama would come back to life
just to hunt me down
1155
00:52:10,875 --> 00:52:15,333
if she knew I let you go out there
freezing like that, so...
1156
00:52:17,125 --> 00:52:18,457
Thank you.
1157
00:52:18,458 --> 00:52:20,291
My pleasure, ma'am.
1158
00:52:22,916 --> 00:52:25,499
I need to be worried about you?
1159
00:52:25,500 --> 00:52:27,415
Well, nobody else is.
1160
00:52:27,416 --> 00:52:29,750
Don't know why it ought to start with you.
1161
00:52:31,458 --> 00:52:36,040
[Charlie Brown] Isn't there anyone
who knows what Christmas is all about?
1162
00:52:36,041 --> 00:52:39,790
Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you
what Christmas is all about.
1163
00:52:39,791 --> 00:52:42,458
[♪ Vince Guaraldi Trio plays
"O Tannenbaum" over TV]
1164
00:52:43,791 --> 00:52:44,790
What the hell is that?
1165
00:52:44,791 --> 00:52:48,415
[Channing] The same thing we have
every Christmas Eve.
1166
00:52:48,416 --> 00:52:50,999
[Nick] We're doing Christmas
the way Mom planned it.
1167
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:53,749
- Okay?
- I followed the recipe that Mom wrote down
1168
00:52:53,750 --> 00:52:55,999
to the letter, so if there's a problem,
1169
00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:57,707
- you should take it up with Mom...
- [groans softly]
1170
00:52:57,708 --> 00:52:59,165
...'cause it's her fault,
1171
00:52:59,166 --> 00:53:01,165
- not mine.
- [clears throat]
1172
00:53:01,166 --> 00:53:02,540
Here we go again.
1173
00:53:02,541 --> 00:53:04,041
What's that supposed to mean?
1174
00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:10,040
Okay, uh... you try
to distance yourself from Mom
1175
00:53:10,041 --> 00:53:13,915
because your similarities to her trigger
a deep-seated sense of insecurity
1176
00:53:13,916 --> 00:53:17,165
inside of you
that you've obviously yet to confront.
1177
00:53:17,166 --> 00:53:19,499
- [dish thumps on table]
- [Channing] First of all,
1178
00:53:19,500 --> 00:53:21,415
if we're psychoanalyzing now,
1179
00:53:21,416 --> 00:53:25,957
Taylor, you're a love addict
who abandons any shred of responsibility
1180
00:53:25,958 --> 00:53:27,874
every time you meet a new woman,
which is--
1181
00:53:27,875 --> 00:53:32,207
let me check my calendar--
oh, yeah, all the time.
1182
00:53:32,208 --> 00:53:34,832
Geez, Channing, don't you think
wrecking Christmas is enough for one year
1183
00:53:34,833 --> 00:53:36,332
without destroying love, too?
1184
00:53:36,333 --> 00:53:38,957
You think I screwed up Christmas?
1185
00:53:38,958 --> 00:53:40,415
Uh, yeah, kind of.
1186
00:53:40,416 --> 00:53:42,082
"Get your life together, Sammy."
1187
00:53:42,083 --> 00:53:43,665
"Apply to grad school, Sammy."
1188
00:53:43,666 --> 00:53:45,915
News flash: I got a mommy and a daddy.
1189
00:53:45,916 --> 00:53:48,124
I don't need you jammed up my butt
playing parent, too.
1190
00:53:48,125 --> 00:53:50,624
Well, I'm sorry, but somebody's
got to be honest with you,
1191
00:53:50,625 --> 00:53:52,415
'cause it's sure as hell not gonna be Mom.
1192
00:53:52,416 --> 00:53:55,582
Patting you on your head
and stuffing cinnamon buns in your face
1193
00:53:55,583 --> 00:53:58,874
and lying to you
about how perfect you are!
1194
00:53:58,875 --> 00:54:00,332
Are you gonna back me up here?
1195
00:54:00,333 --> 00:54:02,957
Channing's kind of right.
Mom babies you. It's-it's weird.
1196
00:54:02,958 --> 00:54:04,540
I see how it is.
1197
00:54:04,541 --> 00:54:06,165
Two against one, right? All right.
1198
00:54:06,166 --> 00:54:07,999
- You want to fight? Let's fight!
- Yeah, yeah!
1199
00:54:08,000 --> 00:54:09,082
- Bring it on!
- Come on.
1200
00:54:09,083 --> 00:54:10,207
- Hey. Hey!
- [clamoring]
1201
00:54:10,208 --> 00:54:11,957
- Mustard or ketchup?
- [Doug stammering]
1202
00:54:11,958 --> 00:54:13,790
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Stop, stop, stop.
1203
00:54:13,791 --> 00:54:15,582
Everyone, stop.
1204
00:54:15,583 --> 00:54:18,540
- Take you anytime.
- Lighten up. It's been a long day, okay?
1205
00:54:18,541 --> 00:54:20,707
Let's, uh, all just take a deep breath...
1206
00:54:20,708 --> 00:54:23,665
- [breathes deeply]
- ...and go to our happy place, all right?
1207
00:54:23,666 --> 00:54:24,874
I-I'll go first.
1208
00:54:24,875 --> 00:54:26,707
I'm going to Corpus Christi.
1209
00:54:26,708 --> 00:54:28,457
- Great tubing.
- [sighs]
1210
00:54:28,458 --> 00:54:29,749
Feel better already.
1211
00:54:29,750 --> 00:54:31,374
Taylor, your turn.
1212
00:54:31,375 --> 00:54:33,249
Oh, my God! Doug!
1213
00:54:33,250 --> 00:54:34,415
Shut up!
1214
00:54:34,416 --> 00:54:36,749
Don't tell Doug to shut up!
1215
00:54:36,750 --> 00:54:38,208
No one cares what you have to say!
1216
00:54:41,208 --> 00:54:45,540
I try really hard to be your friend.
1217
00:54:45,541 --> 00:54:48,665
But no matter what I do,
it doesn't seem to be good enough,
1218
00:54:48,666 --> 00:54:50,290
and I don't understand
what the problem is.
1219
00:54:50,291 --> 00:54:52,083
You're boring.
1220
00:54:53,166 --> 00:54:54,874
[Sammy] I don't know if I'd say boring.
1221
00:54:54,875 --> 00:54:56,249
Maybe I'd say dry, but...
1222
00:54:56,250 --> 00:54:58,249
[Taylor] If "small talk" were a noun,
1223
00:54:58,250 --> 00:54:59,582
it'd be you.
1224
00:54:59,583 --> 00:55:01,540
- "Small talk" is a noun.
- [Sammy] We get it.
1225
00:55:01,541 --> 00:55:03,374
You write books now, so you think
you're smarter than all of us.
1226
00:55:03,375 --> 00:55:04,957
Well, guess what, Channing.
1227
00:55:04,958 --> 00:55:07,790
Your books are too long,
and some of your dialogue's wooden.
1228
00:55:07,791 --> 00:55:11,790
"Wah-wah," cries the man baby
whose girlfriend dumped him
1229
00:55:11,791 --> 00:55:14,165
'cause he's eternally stuck
at summer camp.
1230
00:55:14,166 --> 00:55:15,832
[Sammy] You leave
1231
00:55:15,833 --> 00:55:17,665
Camp Derryberry out of this!
1232
00:55:17,666 --> 00:55:20,124
Donna, Taylor had another woman
in her room today
1233
00:55:20,125 --> 00:55:22,040
while you were out
playing tennis with Sammy!
1234
00:55:22,041 --> 00:55:23,665
- I saw the whole thing!
- What?
1235
00:55:23,666 --> 00:55:25,165
- Is-is that true?
- [Taylor] Donna--
1236
00:55:25,166 --> 00:55:26,874
- [Donna] Oh, my God, it is true.
- Yeah, I-I saw the whole thing.
1237
00:55:26,875 --> 00:55:28,332
- I did.
- No. What are you doing?
1238
00:55:28,333 --> 00:55:29,457
You're mean.
1239
00:55:29,458 --> 00:55:31,040
[Donna] What do you mean
there was somebody in the room?
1240
00:55:31,041 --> 00:55:32,249
- We were gone for two hours.
- No, it's not--
1241
00:55:32,250 --> 00:55:33,790
- Donna, it's not how that happened.
- Oh, my God.
1242
00:55:33,791 --> 00:55:35,582
- Are you kidding?
- He's completely misconstruing it.
1243
00:55:35,583 --> 00:55:36,915
- Listen, listen. Let me tell you.
- [clamoring]
1244
00:55:36,916 --> 00:55:38,124
No, she's mean! She had a woman--
1245
00:55:38,125 --> 00:55:40,290
He wasn't in her business all the time--
1246
00:55:40,291 --> 00:55:42,874
All right! Hey!
1247
00:55:42,875 --> 00:55:44,332
- Enough!
- [clamoring stops]
1248
00:55:44,333 --> 00:55:45,790
Everybody, be quiet.
1249
00:55:45,791 --> 00:55:49,208
Nobody utter another word.
1250
00:55:53,166 --> 00:55:55,665
You know what? Thank you, everyone.
1251
00:55:55,666 --> 00:55:56,957
This entire week has been
1252
00:55:56,958 --> 00:56:00,666
the most memorably mortifying experience
of my entire life.
1253
00:56:03,666 --> 00:56:07,832
Except her because she's a guest,
but nobody else utter a word.
1254
00:56:07,833 --> 00:56:10,374
God, no wonder you have no siblings.
1255
00:56:10,375 --> 00:56:11,499
Loser.
1256
00:56:11,500 --> 00:56:13,165
- Donna!
- That's not how it works.
1257
00:56:13,166 --> 00:56:14,457
[Nick] You know what? Your mother's right.
1258
00:56:14,458 --> 00:56:17,082
- You kids, you can't do anything right.
- [Channing mutters]
1259
00:56:17,083 --> 00:56:19,207
- I should've gone with her.
- Screw this.
1260
00:56:19,208 --> 00:56:23,707
I'm going to the bar, I'm getting drunk,
and I don't want to see any of you there!
1261
00:56:23,708 --> 00:56:25,290
Sammy, you can't go to the bar.
1262
00:56:25,291 --> 00:56:28,040
- It's-it's Christmas Eve.
- No, it's not.
1263
00:56:28,041 --> 00:56:31,374
It's just another Tuesday
without Mom here doing things for us.
1264
00:56:31,375 --> 00:56:32,499
Do you want a ride?
1265
00:56:32,500 --> 00:56:34,583
I got my bike.
1266
00:56:36,416 --> 00:56:37,915
[Doug sighs] Okay.
1267
00:56:37,916 --> 00:56:40,166
[gentle music playing]
1268
00:56:44,791 --> 00:56:46,415
[Sammy muttering] Ow. Damn it!
1269
00:56:46,416 --> 00:56:48,165
Come on.
1270
00:56:48,166 --> 00:56:49,458
Geez.
1271
00:56:52,583 --> 00:56:55,750
I was with my friend Geraldine,
who is straight.
1272
00:56:58,500 --> 00:57:01,082
She makes really great jewelry,
1273
00:57:01,083 --> 00:57:03,916
and I had her make you a ring.
1274
00:57:04,625 --> 00:57:07,165
And I was hoping...
1275
00:57:07,166 --> 00:57:10,249
I could propose to you with it.
1276
00:57:10,250 --> 00:57:11,833
What?
1277
00:57:19,375 --> 00:57:20,832
[sighs]
1278
00:57:20,833 --> 00:57:23,332
Come on, Donna, you can't listen to Doug.
1279
00:57:23,333 --> 00:57:24,499
Nobody listens to Doug.
1280
00:57:24,500 --> 00:57:27,874
He's like the weird family ghost
that hangs around and haunts us all.
1281
00:57:27,875 --> 00:57:31,958
But... it's only been like three months.
1282
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,540
I mean, how could you possibly know
how you feel--
1283
00:57:35,541 --> 00:57:40,707
I have a gut feeling about us,
a strong gut feeling.
1284
00:57:40,708 --> 00:57:43,207
Here I'm giving your brother
relationship advice,
1285
00:57:43,208 --> 00:57:44,790
saying, "Be true to yourself, Sammy."
1286
00:57:44,791 --> 00:57:48,540
Meanwhile, I'm...
not being true to myself.
1287
00:57:48,541 --> 00:57:53,624
The truth is
I'm actually kind of old-fashioned.
1288
00:57:53,625 --> 00:57:57,832
I'm a DJ, but I hate
staying up late at night.
1289
00:57:57,833 --> 00:57:59,999
I'm a morning person.
1290
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:03,957
And-and I want to date someone
without feeling like I'm competing
1291
00:58:03,958 --> 00:58:07,832
with the cast of an entire first episode
of The Bachelor.
1292
00:58:07,833 --> 00:58:09,125
Hmm.
1293
00:58:13,041 --> 00:58:14,291
I'm sorry, Taylor.
1294
00:58:16,208 --> 00:58:18,208
I thought I could handle you, but...
1295
00:58:19,958 --> 00:58:21,290
...I can't.
1296
00:58:21,291 --> 00:58:23,375
[gentle music playing]
1297
00:58:38,375 --> 00:58:40,375
- [Donna] Hey. For Donna?
- [driver] Yes, ma'am.
1298
00:58:56,875 --> 00:58:58,875
♪ ♪
1299
00:59:14,916 --> 00:59:16,999
[Claire] Please. I'm exhausted.
1300
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:20,540
Are you sure you don't have
one tiny little room open?
1301
00:59:20,541 --> 00:59:23,207
No, two. Two rooms. Two little rooms.
1302
00:59:23,208 --> 00:59:24,499
[slurping]
1303
00:59:24,500 --> 00:59:25,874
- [frustrated groan]
- Okay.
1304
00:59:25,875 --> 00:59:27,457
Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am.
1305
00:59:27,458 --> 00:59:30,540
I am a mother. It is Christmas Eve.
1306
00:59:30,541 --> 00:59:32,499
Do you have any idea what that means?
1307
00:59:32,500 --> 00:59:35,374
It means that I haven't slept
1308
00:59:35,375 --> 00:59:38,540
for more than three hours in a row
in over a week.
1309
00:59:38,541 --> 00:59:41,874
And I'm a delivery driver
on Christmas Eve.
1310
00:59:41,875 --> 00:59:44,540
Do you have any idea what that means?
1311
00:59:44,541 --> 00:59:48,665
I mean, jingle all the way,
but your girl is tired.
1312
00:59:48,666 --> 00:59:50,915
[sighs] Okay.
1313
00:59:50,916 --> 00:59:53,790
I always keep one room available
1314
00:59:53,791 --> 00:59:57,374
just in case a big celebrity
like Ryan Seacrest show up.
1315
00:59:57,375 --> 01:00:01,165
But for you, I'll make an exception.
1316
01:00:01,166 --> 01:00:03,041
- [laughs]
- Thank you! Thank you!
1317
01:00:04,083 --> 01:00:05,415
- Oh, thank you, thank you.
- [motel clerk] Go, go.
1318
01:00:05,416 --> 01:00:07,665
Uh, you-you mean to share that?
1319
01:00:07,666 --> 01:00:09,457
Y-You mean to share it?
1320
01:00:09,458 --> 01:00:10,958
Yeah, and?
1321
01:00:12,875 --> 01:00:15,458
Well, I will if you will.
1322
01:00:16,458 --> 01:00:17,666
[sighs]
1323
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:23,291
[door opens]
1324
01:00:24,875 --> 01:00:26,750
- Hey, hon.
- Hey.
1325
01:00:30,958 --> 01:00:32,707
- Mind if I join you?
- No.
1326
01:00:32,708 --> 01:00:35,416
- How you doing?
- Okay.
1327
01:00:36,416 --> 01:00:37,708
[Channing sighs]
1328
01:00:41,791 --> 01:00:46,540
Did I ever tell you the story about
how me and your mom first met?
1329
01:00:46,541 --> 01:00:48,790
Yes. Like a thousand times.
1330
01:00:48,791 --> 01:00:51,082
- Oh.
- But I want to hear it again.
1331
01:00:51,083 --> 01:00:53,249
Oh, yeah?
1332
01:00:53,250 --> 01:00:54,500
Okay.
1333
01:00:56,208 --> 01:01:02,290
So, I was working as a stock boy
in this Boston pub called...
1334
01:01:02,291 --> 01:01:04,707
[both] Hanrahan's.
1335
01:01:04,708 --> 01:01:06,332
Correct.
1336
01:01:06,333 --> 01:01:08,957
And I'm... I was such an obnoxious kid.
1337
01:01:08,958 --> 01:01:10,832
I just thought I knew everything.
1338
01:01:10,833 --> 01:01:14,457
I was always mouthing off
and always getting my ass kicked.
1339
01:01:14,458 --> 01:01:19,374
And this particular night,
I had a big juicy shiner.
1340
01:01:19,375 --> 01:01:23,832
I mean, this whole side of my face
looked like some kind of swollen ham.
1341
01:01:23,833 --> 01:01:27,999
And I'm carrying two cases
of paper towels into the cellar,
1342
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:34,458
and I pass the most beautiful girl
I've ever seen in my life.
1343
01:01:35,458 --> 01:01:37,499
And she takes one look at me,
and she said--
1344
01:01:37,500 --> 01:01:39,874
"You remind me of a Picasso."
1345
01:01:39,875 --> 01:01:42,165
Exactly.
1346
01:01:42,166 --> 01:01:45,249
Yeah, for a second, I'm like,
"Who's this Picasso guy?
1347
01:01:45,250 --> 01:01:48,249
I want to find him...
1348
01:01:48,250 --> 01:01:49,457
beat the crap out of him."
1349
01:01:49,458 --> 01:01:52,916
And then I look into those eyes,
and I'm just like...
1350
01:01:54,416 --> 01:01:55,832
I was done.
1351
01:01:55,833 --> 01:01:59,874
I was done in that very moment.
1352
01:01:59,875 --> 01:02:02,666
And, uh, the truth is, without her...
1353
01:02:03,750 --> 01:02:07,374
...I'd probably still be
stocking paper towels at...
1354
01:02:07,375 --> 01:02:08,749
Hanrahan's.
1355
01:02:08,750 --> 01:02:10,833
[gentle music playing]
1356
01:02:12,375 --> 01:02:13,916
Okay, baby. It's all right.
1357
01:02:20,583 --> 01:02:22,165
- [Channing] Dad?
- [Nick] What?
1358
01:02:22,166 --> 01:02:24,083
Is that Jeanne?
1359
01:02:27,541 --> 01:02:28,832
Is she smoking a cigarette?
1360
01:02:28,833 --> 01:02:31,957
Oh, my God.
1361
01:02:31,958 --> 01:02:34,625
Your mother would kill to see this.
1362
01:02:38,375 --> 01:02:40,375
Where do you think she could be?
1363
01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:45,208
I don't know, hon.
1364
01:02:48,333 --> 01:02:50,874
Everyone loves Santa,
but let's face it, Santa's...
1365
01:02:50,875 --> 01:02:52,332
What's your deal, lady?
1366
01:02:52,333 --> 01:02:54,915
You forget your kid at home
in your mansion,
1367
01:02:54,916 --> 01:02:58,749
and now you're on some crazy
cross-country journey to make sure
1368
01:02:58,750 --> 01:03:01,082
you make it back to them
in time for Christmas?
1369
01:03:01,083 --> 01:03:02,915
Yeah. Right.
1370
01:03:02,916 --> 01:03:04,790
No. [sighs]
1371
01:03:04,791 --> 01:03:11,332
Believe me, I'm trying to get as far away
from my family as possible.
1372
01:03:11,333 --> 01:03:12,624
Mm.
1373
01:03:12,625 --> 01:03:14,624
What about you?
1374
01:03:14,625 --> 01:03:16,374
What about me?
1375
01:03:16,375 --> 01:03:19,500
Where's your family?
You got any plans for Christmas?
1376
01:03:20,083 --> 01:03:21,249
Lady...
1377
01:03:21,250 --> 01:03:23,082
[sighs]
1378
01:03:23,083 --> 01:03:25,582
- ...I'm working.
- Oh, right, of course.
1379
01:03:25,583 --> 01:03:28,082
- I'm sorry.
- Are you kidding me?
1380
01:03:28,083 --> 01:03:29,540
I love it.
1381
01:03:29,541 --> 01:03:31,624
I got my true crime podcast.
1382
01:03:31,625 --> 01:03:33,624
I got my solitude.
1383
01:03:33,625 --> 01:03:38,082
I even got to see the Grand Canyon,
the Carlsbad Caverns
1384
01:03:38,083 --> 01:03:41,374
and the world's largest pistachio
all in a month.
1385
01:03:41,375 --> 01:03:43,457
- [laughing]
- And I got me some good selfies.
1386
01:03:43,458 --> 01:03:46,790
Come on, now! Where they do that at?
Okurrr?
1387
01:03:46,791 --> 01:03:49,749
[both laughing]
1388
01:03:49,750 --> 01:03:52,249
Mm-hmm.
1389
01:03:52,250 --> 01:03:55,624
Uh, thank God for Shark Tank.
1390
01:03:55,625 --> 01:04:00,165
I mean, they rag on Mr. Wonderful,
but he's actually got a heart of gold.
1391
01:04:00,166 --> 01:04:01,415
Mm.
1392
01:04:01,416 --> 01:04:02,915
[gasps]
1393
01:04:02,916 --> 01:04:04,540
[Morgan] Hey.
1394
01:04:04,541 --> 01:04:05,915
It's midnight.
1395
01:04:05,916 --> 01:04:07,874
It's Christmas.
1396
01:04:07,875 --> 01:04:09,832
Merry Christmas, lady.
1397
01:04:09,833 --> 01:04:12,332
Merry Christmas.
1398
01:04:12,333 --> 01:04:15,249
- Good night.
- Good night.
1399
01:04:15,250 --> 01:04:16,708
[Morgan sighs heavily, sputters lips]
1400
01:04:17,583 --> 01:04:19,790
Tired. Oof.
1401
01:04:19,791 --> 01:04:22,125
[gentle music playing]
1402
01:04:23,208 --> 01:04:24,625
[sighs]
1403
01:04:25,958 --> 01:04:28,875
[Morgan grunts, sighs]
1404
01:04:31,208 --> 01:04:33,249
[sighs]
1405
01:04:33,250 --> 01:04:34,875
[grunts, sputters lips]
1406
01:04:35,875 --> 01:04:38,749
- [♪ Modest Mouse sings "Polar Opposites"]
- ♪ I'm trying ♪
1407
01:04:38,750 --> 01:04:40,040
♪ I'm trying to...
1408
01:04:40,041 --> 01:04:41,999
Alone on Christmas Eve.
1409
01:04:42,000 --> 01:04:45,708
♪ Part of the day
that I cannot sleep away ♪
1410
01:04:46,791 --> 01:04:49,582
♪ I'm trying ♪
1411
01:04:49,583 --> 01:04:51,457
♪ I'm trying to ♪
1412
01:04:51,458 --> 01:04:53,749
♪ drink away part of the day ♪
1413
01:04:53,750 --> 01:04:56,833
♪ that I cannot sleep away ♪
1414
01:05:07,250 --> 01:05:10,915
[Morgan] I, uh...
I have trouble falling asleep.
1415
01:05:10,916 --> 01:05:11,999
[TV clicks on, plays quietly]
1416
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:14,040
I like to keep the TV on.
1417
01:05:14,041 --> 01:05:17,040
Just-just hearing the voices
just keeps me company.
1418
01:05:17,041 --> 01:05:18,957
It helps me sleep. I hope you don't mind.
1419
01:05:18,958 --> 01:05:20,999
No, no, that's fine.
1420
01:05:21,000 --> 01:05:23,207
- Okay.
- Good night.
1421
01:05:23,208 --> 01:05:26,040
[grunts] Okay.
1422
01:05:26,041 --> 01:05:27,332
[sighs]
1423
01:05:27,333 --> 01:05:28,790
- [sucking teeth]
- [TV volume increases]
1424
01:05:28,791 --> 01:05:30,374
[Kevin O'Leary] ...but we're not gonna
agree on a valuation, then.
1425
01:05:30,375 --> 01:05:32,415
- What about a different structure?
- [Morgan sighs]
1426
01:05:32,416 --> 01:05:34,290
I-I need it kind of loud.
1427
01:05:34,291 --> 01:05:36,124
[man] Mr. Wonderful, how about we do this?
1428
01:05:36,125 --> 01:05:39,999
How about you do 200,000,
you make 50% of the profit,
1429
01:05:40,000 --> 01:05:42,040
- but once you get your money back...
- [whales bellowing over speaker]
1430
01:05:42,041 --> 01:05:44,499
...you drop down to ten percent,
and that remains your equity.
1431
01:05:44,500 --> 01:05:46,540
Are those...
1432
01:05:46,541 --> 01:05:48,207
Is that whales?
1433
01:05:48,208 --> 01:05:50,207
Yep. It's for relaxation.
1434
01:05:50,208 --> 01:05:52,165
I have to play that, too.
1435
01:05:52,166 --> 01:05:54,249
It helps with my blood pressure.
1436
01:05:54,250 --> 01:05:55,791
[whales screeching]
1437
01:05:56,875 --> 01:05:58,499
[Sammy] Well, well, well.
1438
01:05:58,500 --> 01:06:01,665
Elizabeth Wang-Wasserman,
as I live and breathe.
1439
01:06:01,666 --> 01:06:03,165
Lizzie.
1440
01:06:03,166 --> 01:06:06,249
No one calls me Elizabeth anymore
except for my parents.
1441
01:06:06,250 --> 01:06:07,707
Okay, Lizzie.
1442
01:06:07,708 --> 01:06:09,666
Is this seat taken?
1443
01:06:10,750 --> 01:06:13,332
[♪ Rogue Wave sings "Publish My Love"]
1444
01:06:13,333 --> 01:06:15,457
So... [sighs]
1445
01:06:15,458 --> 01:06:18,249
Dive bar. Christmas Eve.
1446
01:06:18,250 --> 01:06:20,082
You needed a break from your mom?
1447
01:06:20,083 --> 01:06:22,915
Good old Cardigan Queen Jeanne.
1448
01:06:22,916 --> 01:06:24,874
Yep.
1449
01:06:24,875 --> 01:06:27,249
She makes my mom go mental.
1450
01:06:27,250 --> 01:06:29,915
Care Bear Claire has a similar effect.
1451
01:06:29,916 --> 01:06:31,957
Care Bear Claire?
1452
01:06:31,958 --> 01:06:35,082
Yeah, women get wild when they get old.
1453
01:06:35,083 --> 01:06:37,665
Can't wait to see
what kind of psycho bitch I turn into.
1454
01:06:37,666 --> 01:06:38,749
[chuckles softly]
1455
01:06:38,750 --> 01:06:41,207
- It's gonna be sick.
- [chuckles]
1456
01:06:41,208 --> 01:06:45,999
You know, this is the longest conversation
you and I have ever had.
1457
01:06:46,000 --> 01:06:48,790
Despite being in the same class
since the third grade.
1458
01:06:48,791 --> 01:06:51,582
First, actually.
1459
01:06:51,583 --> 01:06:53,499
First what?
1460
01:06:53,500 --> 01:06:55,749
First grade.
1461
01:06:55,750 --> 01:06:58,499
[chuckles] You sat behind me.
1462
01:06:58,500 --> 01:07:02,415
You had one of those horrible, like,
turtlenecks that's just a bib, and, like,
1463
01:07:02,416 --> 01:07:04,624
you don't-- it's not attached to anything.
You just push it in the sweater.
1464
01:07:04,625 --> 01:07:05,915
A dickie?
1465
01:07:05,916 --> 01:07:07,957
- What?
- The little turtleneck things.
1466
01:07:07,958 --> 01:07:10,165
Th-They're called dickies.
1467
01:07:10,166 --> 01:07:14,416
It's a really unfortunate name
for a really unfortunate accessory.
1468
01:07:15,500 --> 01:07:16,750
I loved that accessory.
1469
01:07:18,666 --> 01:07:20,375
[chuckles]
1470
01:07:22,583 --> 01:07:25,583
- [whales bellowing]
- [muffled TV chatter]
1471
01:07:32,458 --> 01:07:34,458
[panting softly]
1472
01:07:39,458 --> 01:07:40,708
[sighs]
1473
01:07:52,291 --> 01:07:55,333
[♪ Diego Garcia sings
"You Were Never There"]
1474
01:07:57,625 --> 01:07:59,249
[pants sharply]
1475
01:07:59,250 --> 01:08:01,332
Mm.
1476
01:08:01,333 --> 01:08:03,832
I'm doing business school and law school
at the same time.
1477
01:08:03,833 --> 01:08:05,624
Impressive.
1478
01:08:05,625 --> 01:08:07,040
Thanks.
1479
01:08:07,041 --> 01:08:10,290
I got fired from a Starbucks once.
1480
01:08:10,291 --> 01:08:12,290
- Impressive.
- [chuckles]
1481
01:08:12,291 --> 01:08:14,499
[laughs]
1482
01:08:14,500 --> 01:08:17,457
♪ At the sun, see...
1483
01:08:17,458 --> 01:08:21,082
How come we never, uh,
hung out in school ever?
1484
01:08:21,083 --> 01:08:23,415
'Cause I didn't want to.
1485
01:08:23,416 --> 01:08:26,082
Cool. Glad I asked.
1486
01:08:26,083 --> 01:08:27,915
[both laugh]
1487
01:08:27,916 --> 01:08:30,333
I had a really big crush on you.
1488
01:08:33,666 --> 01:08:35,540
[♪ No Doubt sings "It's My Life"]
1489
01:08:35,541 --> 01:08:36,624
[gasps]
1490
01:08:36,625 --> 01:08:38,082
Oh, my God, I love this song.
1491
01:08:38,083 --> 01:08:39,957
I love this song. Do you know this song?
1492
01:08:39,958 --> 01:08:41,499
Yeah, of course.
Who doesn't know this song?
1493
01:08:41,500 --> 01:08:44,082
- [chuckles]
- [sighs] I love this song.
1494
01:08:44,083 --> 01:08:45,957
- ♪ It's funny how ♪
- [laughs]
1495
01:08:45,958 --> 01:08:47,540
- I love this song.
- ♪ I find myself...
1496
01:08:47,541 --> 01:08:48,874
Oh, my God.
1497
01:08:48,875 --> 01:08:50,124
- Please dance with me.
- No.
1498
01:08:50,125 --> 01:08:51,249
- Please. Please, please.
- Lizzie.
1499
01:08:51,250 --> 01:08:53,874
- No.
- [laughs] It's Christmas Eve!
1500
01:08:53,875 --> 01:08:56,375
[both laughing]
1501
01:08:59,375 --> 01:09:02,790
♪ If I could buy my reasoning ♪
1502
01:09:02,791 --> 01:09:04,832
[sighs]
1503
01:09:04,833 --> 01:09:07,958
♪ I'd pay to lose ♪
1504
01:09:11,125 --> 01:09:12,999
[both laughing, whooping]
1505
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:15,458
♪ One half won't do ♪
1506
01:09:17,666 --> 01:09:19,832
[vocalizing rhythmically]
1507
01:09:19,833 --> 01:09:21,999
[singing along] ♪ And I asked myself ♪
1508
01:09:22,000 --> 01:09:24,749
♪ How much do you ♪
1509
01:09:24,750 --> 01:09:26,041
[both laughing]
1510
01:09:27,625 --> 01:09:30,749
♪ commit yourself? ♪
1511
01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:33,665
♪ Oh, it's my life ♪
1512
01:09:33,666 --> 01:09:36,665
♪ Don't you forget ♪
1513
01:09:36,666 --> 01:09:37,957
[screams]
1514
01:09:37,958 --> 01:09:39,415
♪ It's my life ♪
1515
01:09:39,416 --> 01:09:41,749
[whooping]
1516
01:09:41,750 --> 01:09:46,416
- ♪ It never ends ♪
- ♪ It never ends ♪
1517
01:09:48,333 --> 01:09:49,332
[sighs]
1518
01:09:49,333 --> 01:09:50,624
[both laughing]
1519
01:09:50,625 --> 01:09:52,708
♪ ♪
1520
01:09:56,625 --> 01:10:01,957
- ♪ Funny how I blind myself ♪
- [quiet mechanical whirring]
1521
01:10:01,958 --> 01:10:05,000
♪ I never knew ♪
1522
01:10:07,833 --> 01:10:09,082
Hey!
1523
01:10:09,083 --> 01:10:11,499
Hey, hey! There's someone in here!
1524
01:10:11,500 --> 01:10:13,915
[over speakers] ♪ Jingle bells,
jingle all the way...
1525
01:10:13,916 --> 01:10:15,540
[horn honking frantically]
1526
01:10:15,541 --> 01:10:18,249
[muffled] Help! Help!
1527
01:10:18,250 --> 01:10:20,207
Are you kidding me?!
1528
01:10:20,208 --> 01:10:22,207
- [horn honks]
- [grunts]
1529
01:10:22,208 --> 01:10:23,874
Hey! Hey!
1530
01:10:23,875 --> 01:10:25,207
- ♪ Jingle all the way ♪
- [grunts]
1531
01:10:25,208 --> 01:10:28,749
♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride
in a one-horse...
1532
01:10:28,750 --> 01:10:30,874
No! Stop!
1533
01:10:30,875 --> 01:10:33,290
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
- ♪ Dashing through the snow ♪
1534
01:10:33,291 --> 01:10:35,583
♪ on a one-horse open ♪
1535
01:10:40,041 --> 01:10:41,499
Can I help you?
1536
01:10:41,500 --> 01:10:42,957
Did you not see me in there?
1537
01:10:42,958 --> 01:10:45,624
I was in the car that you towed.
1538
01:10:45,625 --> 01:10:46,957
I'm sorry, ma'am.
1539
01:10:46,958 --> 01:10:48,040
Rules are rules.
1540
01:10:48,041 --> 01:10:49,749
Here. You want some cash?
1541
01:10:49,750 --> 01:10:51,749
- I can give you cash.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
1542
01:10:51,750 --> 01:10:53,540
Keep your blood money, lady.
1543
01:10:53,541 --> 01:10:55,290
You parked in a yellow stripe zone.
1544
01:10:55,291 --> 01:10:57,207
Striped like that for a reason.
1545
01:10:57,208 --> 01:10:59,582
Now, you can take it up
with the parking bureau Monday morning.
1546
01:10:59,583 --> 01:11:00,665
- No. Please.
- I got to go.
1547
01:11:00,666 --> 01:11:02,249
I-I can't wait till Monday.
1548
01:11:02,250 --> 01:11:03,582
There's nothing I can do.
1549
01:11:03,583 --> 01:11:07,374
Once those wheels leave the ground,
out of my jurisdiction.
1550
01:11:07,375 --> 01:11:10,999
Now, you have
a very merry Christmas, okay?
1551
01:11:11,000 --> 01:11:13,290
Can I at least get my things?
1552
01:11:13,291 --> 01:11:15,290
[gentle music playing]
1553
01:11:15,291 --> 01:11:17,375
[truck engine revving]
1554
01:11:18,416 --> 01:11:20,000
[horn honking musically]
1555
01:11:23,416 --> 01:11:25,416
[wind whistling softly]
1556
01:11:40,458 --> 01:11:41,791
Thanks.
1557
01:12:05,416 --> 01:12:10,124
[Claire] So, this year for Christmas,
I got a '76 AMC Pacer.
1558
01:12:10,125 --> 01:12:13,416
[♪ Sharon Van Etten &
The Attachment Theory sing "2000 Miles"]
1559
01:12:14,500 --> 01:12:16,708
But what did I really want?
1560
01:12:24,416 --> 01:12:25,999
[engine puttering]
1561
01:12:26,000 --> 01:12:29,499
♪ The snow is falling down ♪
1562
01:12:29,500 --> 01:12:34,332
♪ Gets colder day by day ♪
1563
01:12:34,333 --> 01:12:37,041
♪ I miss you ♪
1564
01:12:39,791 --> 01:12:43,207
♪ Our hearts were singing ♪
1565
01:12:43,208 --> 01:12:48,000
♪ It felt like Christmastime ♪
1566
01:12:50,125 --> 01:12:56,666
♪ It must be Christmastime ♪
1567
01:13:04,500 --> 01:13:06,500
[gentle music playing]
1568
01:13:09,875 --> 01:13:11,083
[sputters lips]
1569
01:13:15,708 --> 01:13:18,332
[Nick] Okay. Here we come.
1570
01:13:18,333 --> 01:13:20,124
Hey, Taylor,
can you move that stuff for me?
1571
01:13:20,125 --> 01:13:24,874
This is something that Santa brought
1572
01:13:24,875 --> 01:13:26,707
special for you guys. Ready?
1573
01:13:26,708 --> 01:13:29,332
Three, two, one.
1574
01:13:29,333 --> 01:13:31,250
- Yeah!
- [Channing exclaims]
1575
01:13:32,125 --> 01:13:34,125
- Here it is.
- [Channing chuckles]
1576
01:13:37,208 --> 01:13:40,000
What is it, Grandpa Nick?
1577
01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:42,582
Wh-What do you mean what is it, kid?
1578
01:13:42,583 --> 01:13:44,374
It's a friggin' Dreamhouse.
1579
01:13:44,375 --> 01:13:47,166
What happened to the roof?
1580
01:13:54,750 --> 01:13:55,957
Ugh!
1581
01:13:55,958 --> 01:13:57,665
Geez!
1582
01:13:57,666 --> 01:13:58,958
[groans]
1583
01:14:00,583 --> 01:14:02,082
Forget it.
1584
01:14:02,083 --> 01:14:03,374
Who's next?
1585
01:14:03,375 --> 01:14:05,374
[sighs] Come on, Taylor.
1586
01:14:05,375 --> 01:14:06,540
You're up.
1587
01:14:06,541 --> 01:14:09,082
Nah, I'm good.
1588
01:14:09,083 --> 01:14:11,207
Fine. I'll do it.
1589
01:14:11,208 --> 01:14:12,832
I'll be the elf.
1590
01:14:12,833 --> 01:14:14,582
Mom's usually the elf.
1591
01:14:14,583 --> 01:14:16,790
Yeah, but Mom's not here, so you got me.
1592
01:14:16,791 --> 01:14:18,207
- Right.
- [sighs]
1593
01:14:18,208 --> 01:14:20,666
This one is from Doug.
1594
01:14:22,083 --> 01:14:23,415
[Taylor] Oh.
1595
01:14:23,416 --> 01:14:25,582
Is it the last 24 hours of my life back?
1596
01:14:25,583 --> 01:14:28,540
Oh, wait. [gasps]
Is my girlfriend in there?
1597
01:14:28,541 --> 01:14:31,082
It's something that I got for you
that I thought you'd like.
1598
01:14:31,083 --> 01:14:32,374
It's a T-shirt.
1599
01:14:32,375 --> 01:14:33,875
[chuckles] Oh.
1600
01:14:45,250 --> 01:14:46,915
Dad, your turn.
1601
01:14:46,916 --> 01:14:48,415
Do you want a present?
1602
01:14:48,416 --> 01:14:50,749
I'm not opening any presents
till your mother gets back.
1603
01:14:50,750 --> 01:14:52,207
I'll feel sick to my stomach.
1604
01:14:52,208 --> 01:14:56,207
Can you guys please just at least,
you know, try to get it together?
1605
01:14:56,208 --> 01:14:57,415
Yeah? You know?
1606
01:14:57,416 --> 01:15:00,082
I mean, Christmas,
it-it's supposed to be fun.
1607
01:15:00,083 --> 01:15:02,499
Do you know how few Christmases
we get in life?
1608
01:15:02,500 --> 01:15:04,540
With this group of people?
1609
01:15:04,541 --> 01:15:06,749
- I mean, it's a finite number.
- [Taylor] Where's Sammy?
1610
01:15:06,750 --> 01:15:08,708
I mean, is he gonna sleep all morning?
1611
01:15:10,625 --> 01:15:11,665
[Channing] Sammy?
1612
01:15:11,666 --> 01:15:13,790
- [sighs]
- He's not in his room!
1613
01:15:13,791 --> 01:15:16,582
You got to be kidding me.
We lost another one?
1614
01:15:16,583 --> 01:15:19,540
Uh, I could be mistaken,
but is that Sammy's bike
1615
01:15:19,541 --> 01:15:21,207
in the Wang-Wasserman front yard?
1616
01:15:21,208 --> 01:15:23,415
Where?
1617
01:15:23,416 --> 01:15:25,833
Oh, my God.
1618
01:15:27,916 --> 01:15:30,833
[♪ Michael McDonald sings "I Gotta Try"]
1619
01:15:37,541 --> 01:15:41,540
♪ Maybe it's true what they say about ♪
1620
01:15:41,541 --> 01:15:45,749
♪ Maybe we can't make the ends meet ♪
1621
01:15:45,750 --> 01:15:49,790
♪ Maybe we'll all have to do without ♪
1622
01:15:49,791 --> 01:15:54,332
♪ Maybe this world's just incomplete ♪
1623
01:15:54,333 --> 01:15:58,582
♪ Well, we all look for truth
in this life...
1624
01:15:58,583 --> 01:16:01,082
[song continues faintly over radio]
1625
01:16:01,083 --> 01:16:02,749
- Can I help you?
- Yes.
1626
01:16:02,750 --> 01:16:05,750
I'm here for The Zazzy Tims Show taping.
1627
01:16:06,833 --> 01:16:09,457
Are you a VIP? This is the VIP entrance.
1628
01:16:09,458 --> 01:16:12,040
Uh, no.
1629
01:16:12,041 --> 01:16:13,165
Um, I'm just--
1630
01:16:13,166 --> 01:16:15,915
Okay, so you're gonna have to come through
here and circle back around, all right?
1631
01:16:15,916 --> 01:16:18,082
- This is the VIP only entrance.
- Mm-hmm.
1632
01:16:18,083 --> 01:16:20,457
You're gonna want to go over
to general admission and reenter there.
1633
01:16:20,458 --> 01:16:21,749
That's gate number two.
1634
01:16:21,750 --> 01:16:23,666
Okay. Thank you.
1635
01:16:27,375 --> 01:16:31,749
♪ Some see the road as clear ♪
1636
01:16:31,750 --> 01:16:35,832
♪ Some say the end is here ♪
1637
01:16:35,833 --> 01:16:38,749
♪ They say it's a hopeless fight ♪
1638
01:16:38,750 --> 01:16:43,083
♪ But I say I gotta try now ♪
1639
01:16:44,958 --> 01:16:48,249
♪ Oh, I've got to try, baby ♪
1640
01:16:48,250 --> 01:16:52,749
♪ Maybe it's too much to think about ♪
1641
01:16:52,750 --> 01:16:56,999
♪ Maybe there ain't nothing left to say ♪
1642
01:16:57,000 --> 01:17:01,082
♪ But if our time is really running out ♪
1643
01:17:01,083 --> 01:17:04,207
♪ then this ain't no time to run away ♪
1644
01:17:04,208 --> 01:17:05,458
[engine shuts off]
1645
01:17:06,541 --> 01:17:08,541
[gentle music playing]
1646
01:17:16,708 --> 01:17:19,040
[Zazzy] And welcome back
for this very spectacular,
1647
01:17:19,041 --> 01:17:22,207
very extraordinary Christmas episode.
1648
01:17:22,208 --> 01:17:26,540
You know we've been doing the Zazzy
Christmas Special for five years now?
1649
01:17:26,541 --> 01:17:28,540
That's right, five years!
1650
01:17:28,541 --> 01:17:30,207
[cheering and applause]
1651
01:17:30,208 --> 01:17:35,790
And what makes it such a special tradition
in my heart is you, our audience,
1652
01:17:35,791 --> 01:17:39,749
which is why every member of the audience
1653
01:17:39,750 --> 01:17:44,624
will be going home today
with a beautiful Monochrome candle!
1654
01:17:44,625 --> 01:17:46,916
- [audience exclaiming]
- [Zazzy laughing]
1655
01:17:48,750 --> 01:17:53,124
But first, you've sent in your video,
submitted your nominations,
1656
01:17:53,125 --> 01:17:56,165
- a record number
of applications this year.
- [excited chatter]
1657
01:17:56,166 --> 01:17:57,999
Eight thousand! Can you believe that?
1658
01:17:58,000 --> 01:18:00,124
- Excuse me.
- [Zazzy] Yes!
1659
01:18:00,125 --> 01:18:01,957
[Zazzy laughs]
1660
01:18:01,958 --> 01:18:06,999
Eight thousand caring, generous mothers
who were all so deserving.
1661
01:18:07,000 --> 01:18:08,290
[excited chatter continues]
1662
01:18:08,291 --> 01:18:10,332
Yeah.
1663
01:18:10,333 --> 01:18:15,165
We heard stories of moms from Pasadena
all the way to Nairobi.
1664
01:18:15,166 --> 01:18:17,332
People could not tell us
1665
01:18:17,333 --> 01:18:19,249
- enough good things about their mamas.
- [sound guy] Can I put this on?
1666
01:18:19,250 --> 01:18:22,249
- [Zazzy] And we can't wait to meet them.
- Uh, yeah, sure. Yeah.
1667
01:18:22,250 --> 01:18:25,624
Here onstage, we're gonna have
a mom who adopted 19 children!
1668
01:18:25,625 --> 01:18:28,874
- [audience exclaiming]
- Yeah. She's got her hands full. [laughs]
1669
01:18:28,875 --> 01:18:30,500
- And, uh, we also have another--
- Yeah, you're good.
- [doorbell rings]
1670
01:18:31,583 --> 01:18:32,749
[chuckles softly]
1671
01:18:32,750 --> 01:18:33,832
- [chuckling] Hey.
- Hi! Hey!
1672
01:18:33,833 --> 01:18:34,915
- Merry Christmas.
- Hi.
1673
01:18:34,916 --> 01:18:36,290
You here for Sammy?
1674
01:18:36,291 --> 01:18:37,540
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
1675
01:18:37,541 --> 01:18:38,791
You can come in.
1676
01:18:39,875 --> 01:18:41,333
Oh, Dad.
1677
01:18:42,333 --> 01:18:43,458
[Lizzie chuckles]
1678
01:18:44,458 --> 01:18:46,790
- Good tidings.
- [Nick chuckles] Hi.
1679
01:18:46,791 --> 01:18:49,458
["Deck the Halls" playing]
1680
01:18:53,166 --> 01:18:54,707
[scoffs] Unbelievable.
1681
01:18:54,708 --> 01:18:56,582
[hushed] Sammy, get up!
1682
01:18:56,583 --> 01:18:59,415
You're passed out in Jeanne's house!
[sighs]
1683
01:18:59,416 --> 01:19:01,749
Nicholas Samuel Derwin Clauster the Third,
1684
01:19:01,750 --> 01:19:05,250
get your B-U-T-T out of this house
before I kick it there.
1685
01:19:07,750 --> 01:19:09,665
[Ben] Sammy. Sammy.
1686
01:19:09,666 --> 01:19:12,207
[Lucy and Ben grunting]
1687
01:19:12,208 --> 01:19:14,208
[Sammy grunting] Stop. Ow.
1688
01:19:16,833 --> 01:19:18,749
- Sammy, go.
- Go. Let's go.
1689
01:19:18,750 --> 01:19:20,832
Come on. Just--
1690
01:19:20,833 --> 01:19:22,249
[faint cheering and applause over TV]
1691
01:19:22,250 --> 01:19:23,499
We got him.
1692
01:19:23,500 --> 01:19:25,874
- [chuckling]
- Okay.
1693
01:19:25,875 --> 01:19:28,415
Uh, your home is so beautiful.
1694
01:19:28,416 --> 01:19:30,207
- Thank you.
- [Zazzy] ...Christmas episode,
1695
01:19:30,208 --> 01:19:33,124
- I'm gonna introduce you
to some wonderful women.
- Oh, look, it's... it's Zazzy.
1696
01:19:33,125 --> 01:19:35,040
- Mom's favorite show.
- We received a record number
1697
01:19:35,041 --> 01:19:36,749
of applications this year.
1698
01:19:36,750 --> 01:19:37,915
- Guess how many.
- Wait.
1699
01:19:37,916 --> 01:19:41,124
- Eight thousand applications!
- The-the Holiday Mom Contest.
1700
01:19:41,125 --> 01:19:42,457
She's been texting and...
1701
01:19:42,458 --> 01:19:44,415
- emailing me about this for weeks.
- Yeah!
1702
01:19:44,416 --> 01:19:47,082
- [Taylor] Oh, me, too.
- [Nick] Mm-hmm.
- [Sammy] Same here.
1703
01:19:47,083 --> 01:19:49,207
I never responded. Did you?
1704
01:19:49,208 --> 01:19:51,374
- No. Me, neither.
- Ditto.
1705
01:19:51,375 --> 01:19:53,165
Without further ado, let's give
a warm Zazzy round of applause...
1706
01:19:53,166 --> 01:19:54,707
None of us responded.
1707
01:19:54,708 --> 01:19:56,749
...to the fabulous winners
1708
01:19:56,750 --> 01:19:59,415
- of the Holiday Mom Contest!
- [♪ Taveras sings
"Heaven Must Be Missing an Angel"]
1709
01:19:59,416 --> 01:20:00,582
[cheering and applause]
1710
01:20:00,583 --> 01:20:02,040
- Oh, my God!
- Here we go!
1711
01:20:02,041 --> 01:20:04,332
- [excited chatter]
- [Jill] Come on. You got this.
1712
01:20:04,333 --> 01:20:06,332
Hey, come on. Dance your heart out.
1713
01:20:06,333 --> 01:20:07,665
Let's go, let's go!
1714
01:20:07,666 --> 01:20:10,124
[moms squealing excitedly]
1715
01:20:10,125 --> 01:20:12,207
[whooping and cheering]
1716
01:20:12,208 --> 01:20:14,708
[excited chatter
and upbeat music continue]
1717
01:20:17,791 --> 01:20:19,915
[Zazzy] Oh, I love this!
1718
01:20:19,916 --> 01:20:22,666
Welcome, moms!
1719
01:20:23,666 --> 01:20:25,082
How did you guys get here?
1720
01:20:25,083 --> 01:20:27,957
- [mom] I'm a nominee.
- [Zazzy] You're a-- And who nominated you?
1721
01:20:27,958 --> 01:20:29,791
[excited chatter
and upbeat music continues]
1722
01:20:31,291 --> 01:20:33,832
[Taylor] Oh, my God, that's Mom.
1723
01:20:33,833 --> 01:20:35,249
[Zazzy] Welcome, welcome!
1724
01:20:35,250 --> 01:20:37,874
I told her not to go off those hormones.
1725
01:20:37,875 --> 01:20:39,957
♪ Heaven...
1726
01:20:39,958 --> 01:20:41,499
[Steph] Jess? Uh, Jess?
1727
01:20:41,500 --> 01:20:45,790
Who's that woman doing the Cabbage Patch
and waving to camera two?
1728
01:20:45,791 --> 01:20:47,749
I don't know?
1729
01:20:47,750 --> 01:20:49,874
Let me check.
1730
01:20:49,875 --> 01:20:51,082
Hmm.
1731
01:20:51,083 --> 01:20:52,665
- [mom 2] My children!
- [Zazzy] Oh, my God.
1732
01:20:52,666 --> 01:20:54,290
She's got 19 children!
1733
01:20:54,291 --> 01:20:56,457
Who nominated you, honey?
1734
01:20:56,458 --> 01:20:58,165
[mom 3] Oh, my-my son.
1735
01:20:58,166 --> 01:20:59,624
[Zazzy] Oh, her son!
1736
01:20:59,625 --> 01:21:01,290
[mom 3] My son!
1737
01:21:01,291 --> 01:21:03,499
- [Zazzy] Who nominated you?
- [mom 4] My husband.
1738
01:21:03,500 --> 01:21:06,040
[Zazzy] Oh, your husband must love you.
1739
01:21:06,041 --> 01:21:08,124
[Taylor] Where'd she get that jacket?
1740
01:21:08,125 --> 01:21:09,707
- You think she'll let me borrow it?
- [Marcus] Wow.
1741
01:21:09,708 --> 01:21:11,665
Your mom is a great dancer.
1742
01:21:11,666 --> 01:21:13,082
Hey.
1743
01:21:13,083 --> 01:21:15,582
Last night, did we, uh...
1744
01:21:15,583 --> 01:21:17,915
I can't decide if she's an icon
or a train wreck.
1745
01:21:17,916 --> 01:21:19,790
[both] Icon.
1746
01:21:19,791 --> 01:21:21,665
No. You got so drunk,
and you threw up on my shoe,
1747
01:21:21,666 --> 01:21:24,624
and then I had to walk
you and your bike home ten blocks.
1748
01:21:24,625 --> 01:21:25,707
Oh.
1749
01:21:25,708 --> 01:21:28,374
- [Claire laughs]
- Oh, wow!
1750
01:21:28,375 --> 01:21:30,957
- Oh, I'm really here.
- [laughs]
1751
01:21:30,958 --> 01:21:33,290
- It's really you.
- Whoo!
1752
01:21:33,291 --> 01:21:35,957
Hi! So, how did you get here?
1753
01:21:35,958 --> 01:21:37,624
Oh. Oh, gosh.
1754
01:21:37,625 --> 01:21:40,832
Um, uh, well,
the short answer is that I...
1755
01:21:40,833 --> 01:21:43,374
- I tried to get my kids to nominate me...
- [chuckles]
1756
01:21:43,375 --> 01:21:46,999
...for the Holiday Moms Contest,
and, well, they blew that off.
1757
01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:48,957
- Oh.
- [audience gasps]
- And then, um,
1758
01:21:48,958 --> 01:21:52,707
I got my whole family
tickets to a dance show,
1759
01:21:52,708 --> 01:21:54,915
[chuckles] and they forgot me.
1760
01:21:54,916 --> 01:21:57,499
- [Zazzy] Oh, my God.
- Yeah, yeah. I just, I just got in my car
1761
01:21:57,500 --> 01:21:59,707
- and said, "Fuck it."
- [audience gasps]
1762
01:21:59,708 --> 01:22:01,666
[all exclaim]
1763
01:22:06,208 --> 01:22:07,500
She'll be here in a minute.
1764
01:22:10,958 --> 01:22:12,790
[Zazzy] Ah, you got her!
1765
01:22:12,791 --> 01:22:14,332
Glad that's over.
1766
01:22:14,333 --> 01:22:16,457
Oy vey. We did it.
1767
01:22:16,458 --> 01:22:18,082
- [Martha] Great show, Zazzy.
- Awesome.
1768
01:22:18,083 --> 01:22:20,040
[sighs] It's Cameron, right?
1769
01:22:20,041 --> 01:22:22,040
Uh, actually, it's Claire.
1770
01:22:22,041 --> 01:22:25,458
Do you know why I started
the Holiday Mom Special?
1771
01:22:26,541 --> 01:22:28,415
Was it to launch your--
1772
01:22:28,416 --> 01:22:33,457
It's because I've been buying myself
Christmas gifts for the last 15 years.
1773
01:22:33,458 --> 01:22:35,290
- Oh.
- Just so that I could have something
1774
01:22:35,291 --> 01:22:38,874
to open while my family tears into
the gifts I bought them
1775
01:22:38,875 --> 01:22:41,415
like a pack of coked-up howler monkeys.
1776
01:22:41,416 --> 01:22:42,499
[slaps desk]
1777
01:22:42,500 --> 01:22:44,332
You know what my husband got me last year?
1778
01:22:44,333 --> 01:22:46,207
An upholstery cleaner.
1779
01:22:46,208 --> 01:22:49,624
Yeah. And my son, he got me, uh--
1780
01:22:49,625 --> 01:22:54,457
oh, an autographed basketball
by one of the Harlem Globetrotters.
1781
01:22:54,458 --> 01:22:56,874
Not even the lady one.
I would've liked that.
1782
01:22:56,875 --> 01:22:58,957
Yeah. Oh, and my daughter
made me pancakes.
1783
01:22:58,958 --> 01:23:00,374
Oh, well, that's sweet.
1784
01:23:00,375 --> 01:23:01,666
I hate pancakes.
1785
01:23:02,750 --> 01:23:03,915
And she knows that.
1786
01:23:03,916 --> 01:23:05,624
- Oh.
- So I thought,
1787
01:23:05,625 --> 01:23:08,332
"Why not get the things I actually want?"
1788
01:23:08,333 --> 01:23:09,832
You know?
1789
01:23:09,833 --> 01:23:11,374
So now I play Santa to myself.
1790
01:23:11,375 --> 01:23:13,040
Same.
1791
01:23:13,041 --> 01:23:14,832
My stocking looks like a limp penis.
1792
01:23:14,833 --> 01:23:16,124
So depressing.
1793
01:23:16,125 --> 01:23:18,082
- It just hangs there.
- Oh.
1794
01:23:18,083 --> 01:23:20,499
No love.
Her family just lets it dangle there.
1795
01:23:20,500 --> 01:23:21,582
[babbles]
1796
01:23:21,583 --> 01:23:22,707
- [chuckles]
- Yeah.
1797
01:23:22,708 --> 01:23:24,707
And we can admit that, you know?
1798
01:23:24,708 --> 01:23:26,332
But let me tell you something else.
1799
01:23:26,333 --> 01:23:29,040
- Here, I'm a boss bitch.
- Yes, you are!
1800
01:23:29,041 --> 01:23:31,915
But at home, I'm everybody's bitch.
1801
01:23:31,916 --> 01:23:33,790
We're all just little bitches.
1802
01:23:33,791 --> 01:23:35,832
[Zazzy] But what you did was spectacular.
1803
01:23:35,833 --> 01:23:38,040
[♪ Donna Summer sings "On the Radio"]
1804
01:23:38,041 --> 01:23:39,915
- They never turn off a light.
- Ugh.
1805
01:23:39,916 --> 01:23:42,290
Never. They-they can't close
the fridge door.
1806
01:23:42,291 --> 01:23:44,374
They can't close any door.
They let all the bugs in.
1807
01:23:44,375 --> 01:23:46,249
- [Martha] Mm-hmm.
- [Jane] They come home,
1808
01:23:46,250 --> 01:23:48,790
and it's like,
why so much toothpaste everywhere?
1809
01:23:48,791 --> 01:23:50,374
- In globs of blue.
- Ugh!
1810
01:23:50,375 --> 01:23:52,624
It's disgusting. I use my fingernails.
1811
01:23:52,625 --> 01:23:55,040
[Martha] My husband always tells me,
1812
01:23:55,041 --> 01:23:57,290
"Don't worry. It'll all get done.
1813
01:23:57,291 --> 01:23:59,082
It always does."
1814
01:23:59,083 --> 01:24:01,249
I tell him, "Yes, I know it does.
1815
01:24:01,250 --> 01:24:02,540
Because I do it!"
1816
01:24:02,541 --> 01:24:03,624
Mm-hmm.
1817
01:24:03,625 --> 01:24:04,957
- That's right.
- [Zazzy] 'Cause you do it.
1818
01:24:04,958 --> 01:24:06,540
[Claire] Yep. Uh-huh.
1819
01:24:06,541 --> 01:24:08,124
[Zazzy] I got four kids.
1820
01:24:08,125 --> 01:24:10,540
I carried them,
I birthed them, I fed them.
1821
01:24:10,541 --> 01:24:14,332
You know? I've had one
partially successful vaginoplasty,
1822
01:24:14,333 --> 01:24:16,415
and-and I bug them?
1823
01:24:16,416 --> 01:24:18,290
You know why? Because that's the score.
1824
01:24:18,291 --> 01:24:21,040
- [Martha] Mm-hmm.
- That's the score.
1825
01:24:21,041 --> 01:24:23,124
- [Claire] Mm.
- [Zazzy sighs]
1826
01:24:23,125 --> 01:24:25,082
[exhales] That's tight.
1827
01:24:25,083 --> 01:24:28,208
What? My vagina or the metaphor?
1828
01:24:29,041 --> 01:24:30,249
Whole situation.
1829
01:24:30,250 --> 01:24:33,790
[laughter]
1830
01:24:33,791 --> 01:24:36,332
♪ On the radio, whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪
1831
01:24:36,333 --> 01:24:38,707
- ♪ On the radio ♪
- [whooping, lively chatter]
1832
01:24:38,708 --> 01:24:40,540
♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪
1833
01:24:40,541 --> 01:24:42,165
♪ On the radio ♪
1834
01:24:42,166 --> 01:24:44,874
♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪
1835
01:24:44,875 --> 01:24:46,249
♪ On the radio ♪
1836
01:24:46,250 --> 01:24:47,915
♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪
1837
01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:49,457
- It's a strong table.
- ♪ Now, now ♪
1838
01:24:49,458 --> 01:24:54,500
♪ Don't it kinda strike you sad
when you hear our song? ♪
1839
01:25:05,666 --> 01:25:07,165
[TV clicks on]
1840
01:25:07,166 --> 01:25:08,749
[Andy Cohen] Mazel, delivery drivers.
1841
01:25:08,750 --> 01:25:10,999
We hope you get to sleep in tomorrow.
1842
01:25:11,000 --> 01:25:13,832
On that note,
it's time for my Mazel of the Week.
1843
01:25:13,833 --> 01:25:19,207
And this one goes out to a mom
who made her big broadcasting debut.
1844
01:25:19,208 --> 01:25:22,374
It's the Houston mother
who drove through the night
1845
01:25:22,375 --> 01:25:25,499
just to appear on The Zazzy Tims Show.
1846
01:25:25,500 --> 01:25:29,874
I don't know if you guys saw this video,
but I cannot stop watching it.
1847
01:25:29,875 --> 01:25:32,749
She put on an impromptu dance show.
1848
01:25:32,750 --> 01:25:37,540
And for that, Claire Clauster,
you are Mazel of the Week.
1849
01:25:37,541 --> 01:25:39,625
[♪ Fleet Foxes sing "Angel in the Snow"]
1850
01:25:53,125 --> 01:25:55,666
[quiet chatter]
1851
01:25:58,958 --> 01:26:00,332
[sighs]
1852
01:26:00,333 --> 01:26:03,083
[hushed] Just wanted to say
that I'm sorry.
1853
01:26:04,250 --> 01:26:06,124
Do you want to talk about it?
1854
01:26:06,125 --> 01:26:08,499
[hushed] What is there to talk about?
1855
01:26:08,500 --> 01:26:11,082
Mom's gone, Channing thinks
I'm an irresponsible love addict,
1856
01:26:11,083 --> 01:26:14,624
and you... you told the love of my life
that I cheated on her,
1857
01:26:14,625 --> 01:26:16,332
after which she walked out on me.
1858
01:26:16,333 --> 01:26:17,457
Forever!
1859
01:26:17,458 --> 01:26:21,166
So, no, Doug, I don't really feel like
talking to you right now.
1860
01:26:23,166 --> 01:26:26,374
You said I was boring.
I had to defend myself.
1861
01:26:26,375 --> 01:26:30,832
♪ Better stop before it goes too far...
1862
01:26:30,833 --> 01:26:32,665
You can't hate me forever.
1863
01:26:32,666 --> 01:26:34,375
Family forgives.
1864
01:26:35,583 --> 01:26:37,166
No matter what.
1865
01:26:40,208 --> 01:26:43,999
♪ Sometimes I feel like...
1866
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:47,249
I'm sorry I called you a man baby.
It was mean.
1867
01:26:47,250 --> 01:26:49,207
I'm sorry that I said
your books are too long.
1868
01:26:49,208 --> 01:26:50,415
[Channing chuckles]
1869
01:26:50,416 --> 01:26:51,707
That's not true.
1870
01:26:51,708 --> 01:26:52,915
They're just the right size.
1871
01:26:52,916 --> 01:26:55,707
And the dialogue wooden?
1872
01:26:55,708 --> 01:26:57,749
- Hmm?
- Well, you said
1873
01:26:57,750 --> 01:27:00,624
too long and the dialogue is wooden.
1874
01:27:00,625 --> 01:27:02,790
- You remember?
- Yeah.
1875
01:27:02,791 --> 01:27:06,374
And I just said
they're not too long at all.
1876
01:27:06,375 --> 01:27:07,999
Just the right length.
1877
01:27:08,000 --> 01:27:10,083
♪ ♪
1878
01:27:20,375 --> 01:27:22,166
[phone chimes]
1879
01:27:27,791 --> 01:27:31,040
♪ Don't you know ♪
1880
01:27:31,041 --> 01:27:34,541
♪ that I love you? ♪
1881
01:27:35,791 --> 01:27:39,040
♪ Sometimes I feel like...
1882
01:27:39,041 --> 01:27:40,665
[Sammy] Channing?
1883
01:27:40,666 --> 01:27:42,582
You think I'm gonna end up alone?
1884
01:27:42,583 --> 01:27:44,582
No.
1885
01:27:44,583 --> 01:27:46,624
- You've got us.
- Yeah.
1886
01:27:46,625 --> 01:27:49,707
Till you all forget me on the side
of the road like our own mother.
1887
01:27:49,708 --> 01:27:50,957
[Channing] Oh, God.
1888
01:27:50,958 --> 01:27:53,415
We really can be the worst.
1889
01:27:53,416 --> 01:27:58,207
♪ That fell down here to lay...
1890
01:27:58,208 --> 01:27:59,624
[Sammy grunts, mutters]
1891
01:27:59,625 --> 01:28:01,040
[Channing sighs]
1892
01:28:01,041 --> 01:28:02,708
- [Channing] You all right?
- [Sammy] Yeah.
1893
01:28:06,250 --> 01:28:08,082
- [knocking on door]
- [woman on TV] "Great kids"?
- [Ryan Seacrest] Yes, yes!
1894
01:28:08,083 --> 01:28:09,665
- That's it! You got it! Yeah, that's it!
- I did? Oh, my God!
1895
01:28:09,666 --> 01:28:11,874
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
1896
01:28:11,875 --> 01:28:13,957
- [knocking on door continues]
- Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes!
1897
01:28:13,958 --> 01:28:16,165
[audience cheering]
1898
01:28:16,166 --> 01:28:17,249
- Fantastic.
- Oh, my God.
1899
01:28:17,250 --> 01:28:20,415
- Sixty-three thousand one hundred dollars.
- [phone chiming]
1900
01:28:20,416 --> 01:28:21,915
[woman] Oh, my God.
1901
01:28:21,916 --> 01:28:23,624
- [Ryan Seacrest] Congratulations!
- [knocking on door continues]
1902
01:28:23,625 --> 01:28:26,083
Oh, my God. What?
1903
01:28:27,166 --> 01:28:29,374
- Okay, car leaves in 30 minutes.
- Hey.
1904
01:28:29,375 --> 01:28:30,582
Who are you?
1905
01:28:30,583 --> 01:28:32,499
I'm Trish from The Zazzy Tims Show.
1906
01:28:32,500 --> 01:28:34,499
Oh, you do not look ready yet.
1907
01:28:34,500 --> 01:28:35,665
Oh, please come in.
1908
01:28:35,666 --> 01:28:38,749
The car leaves in 30 minutes,
and we really got to move.
1909
01:28:38,750 --> 01:28:42,624
I doubt she has shoes, so if we could
please get those Jimmy Choos on her.
1910
01:28:42,625 --> 01:28:45,082
Fix this stuff in her hair. It's kind of--
1911
01:28:45,083 --> 01:28:47,624
What's all the-- What's going on?
1912
01:28:47,625 --> 01:28:49,875
Did you not check your phone?
1913
01:28:51,375 --> 01:28:54,082
Zazzy wants you back on the show today.
1914
01:28:54,083 --> 01:28:56,082
- [cheering and applause]
- [upbeat music playing]
1915
01:28:56,083 --> 01:28:59,207
[Zazzy] Happy Boxing Day.
Have we got a great show for you.
1916
01:28:59,208 --> 01:29:03,624
We have a live in-studio performance by
the incredible band the bird and the bee,
1917
01:29:03,625 --> 01:29:06,832
and Emeril Lagasse is back to show us
1918
01:29:06,833 --> 01:29:09,957
how to make a gumbo
that'll kick us right into the new year.
1919
01:29:09,958 --> 01:29:13,874
But first, by popular demand,
we are bringing back
1920
01:29:13,875 --> 01:29:17,999
the most relatable mama in America,
Claire Clauster!
1921
01:29:18,000 --> 01:29:20,499
- [chuckles]
- [cheering and applause]
1922
01:29:20,500 --> 01:29:22,665
- Great to see you again.
- Oh.
1923
01:29:22,666 --> 01:29:24,457
Great to see you, too, Zazzy.
1924
01:29:24,458 --> 01:29:26,707
Now, for those of you just tuning in,
1925
01:29:26,708 --> 01:29:30,749
Claire's family forgot her
on Christmas Eve.
1926
01:29:30,750 --> 01:29:32,040
- Can you believe that?
- [audience aahing]
1927
01:29:32,041 --> 01:29:36,749
But the funny thing is a lot of women
have connected to your story.
1928
01:29:36,750 --> 01:29:38,666
Can you tell me why that is?
1929
01:29:39,625 --> 01:29:44,040
Um, I bet a lot of women probably feel...
1930
01:29:44,041 --> 01:29:46,290
overlooked, Zazzy.
1931
01:29:46,291 --> 01:29:47,374
Mm-hmm.
1932
01:29:47,375 --> 01:29:49,207
- Unappreciated.
- That's right.
1933
01:29:49,208 --> 01:29:51,999
Taken for granted, you know.
1934
01:29:52,000 --> 01:29:54,124
That's pretty much year-round.
1935
01:29:54,125 --> 01:29:58,624
I'd say during the holidays most of all.
1936
01:29:58,625 --> 01:30:01,874
You know, it's just all
the behind-the-scenes stuff that moms do
1937
01:30:01,875 --> 01:30:05,165
so that everyone can have a good time.
1938
01:30:05,166 --> 01:30:07,290
It's a lot of work to have fun.
1939
01:30:07,291 --> 01:30:10,832
Yeah, and somebody's got to do that work.
1940
01:30:10,833 --> 01:30:15,082
And, well, most of them
don't want to do it,
1941
01:30:15,083 --> 01:30:18,499
and, you know,
they just don't want to step up.
1942
01:30:18,500 --> 01:30:20,249
[both] So true.
1943
01:30:20,250 --> 01:30:22,666
You know who steps up?
1944
01:30:23,500 --> 01:30:25,707
- Moms.
- Moms.
1945
01:30:25,708 --> 01:30:27,540
- [both] Moms.
- [Claire] And...
1946
01:30:27,541 --> 01:30:28,874
[gentle music playing]
1947
01:30:28,875 --> 01:30:30,750
...I miss my mom so much.
1948
01:30:31,666 --> 01:30:36,291
And I really wish that
instead of rolling my eyes...
1949
01:30:37,833 --> 01:30:40,457
...thinking she was silly, that I...
1950
01:30:40,458 --> 01:30:45,374
I-I just said those three little words
that mean so much to moms.
1951
01:30:45,375 --> 01:30:46,999
"I love you."
1952
01:30:47,000 --> 01:30:48,874
"Can I help?"
1953
01:30:48,875 --> 01:30:51,040
- Oh. [laughs]
- [laughter]
1954
01:30:51,041 --> 01:30:54,999
And then I'd just give her a big bear hug
while I still had the chance,
1955
01:30:55,000 --> 01:31:00,082
because, you know, all she was trying
to do was make things joyous for us,
1956
01:31:00,083 --> 01:31:03,249
and there is nothing silly about joy.
1957
01:31:03,250 --> 01:31:05,375
- [audience aahing]
- Wow.
1958
01:31:06,250 --> 01:31:07,665
Well...
1959
01:31:07,666 --> 01:31:09,665
that was so beautiful, Carmen.
1960
01:31:09,666 --> 01:31:12,457
- Claire.
- But guess what.
1961
01:31:12,458 --> 01:31:16,749
We are not done yet,
because we have an in-studio surprise,
1962
01:31:16,750 --> 01:31:18,457
a Zazzy Tims exclusive.
1963
01:31:18,458 --> 01:31:22,290
They've traveled through the night,
and we convinced them to come on the show.
1964
01:31:22,291 --> 01:31:24,915
A group of people I think we can all agree
1965
01:31:24,916 --> 01:31:28,124
- owe you a big, huge apology!
- [upbeat music playing]
1966
01:31:28,125 --> 01:31:29,707
- [Nick chuckles] Hey.
- [Ben] Sorry, Grandma Claire.
1967
01:31:29,708 --> 01:31:31,500
- [Nick] Hey, hon.
- [cheering and applause]
1968
01:31:32,666 --> 01:31:34,832
[chuckles] Hi. Hey.
1969
01:31:34,833 --> 01:31:36,540
- How are you? We're so sorry.
- I'm okay.
1970
01:31:36,541 --> 01:31:38,165
- [Zazzy] They're the Clauster family!
- Oh, hey.
1971
01:31:38,166 --> 01:31:40,165
- We're sorry.
- We love you, Mom.
1972
01:31:40,166 --> 01:31:41,499
[Zazzy] Yes!
1973
01:31:41,500 --> 01:31:43,582
- [Taylor] We're sorry.
- [Claire] Hi, Channing.
1974
01:31:43,583 --> 01:31:44,874
- Hey, Mom.
- [Claire] Oh, my goodness.
1975
01:31:44,875 --> 01:31:47,374
Reunited right here on the show.
1976
01:31:47,375 --> 01:31:48,499
Don't go away.
1977
01:31:48,500 --> 01:31:51,332
When we're back,
we've got the bird and the bee.
1978
01:31:51,333 --> 01:31:53,124
[Jill] And cut to commercial!
Back in five!
1979
01:31:53,125 --> 01:31:54,249
We're moving it to our stage.
1980
01:31:54,250 --> 01:31:56,999
- [Nick] Honey, you look so great.
- [Claire] Oh, thanks. Thank you.
1981
01:31:57,000 --> 01:31:59,374
- [Nick chuckles] Yeah.
- [chuckles] Yeah.
1982
01:31:59,375 --> 01:32:01,165
We're so sorry about this whole thing.
1983
01:32:01,166 --> 01:32:03,041
- Yeah, it was nice seeing you all.
- Yeah.
1984
01:32:03,875 --> 01:32:06,332
Enjoy the sun,
if you're into that sort of thing.
1985
01:32:06,333 --> 01:32:07,499
Where you going, hon?
1986
01:32:07,500 --> 01:32:09,790
This has been
a nice little publicity stunt and all,
1987
01:32:09,791 --> 01:32:13,040
but... what's really changed?
1988
01:32:13,041 --> 01:32:16,624
I'm sorry you came all this way,
but Mom's closed up shop.
1989
01:32:16,625 --> 01:32:19,000
For good. Peace out, y'all.
1990
01:32:20,500 --> 01:32:22,040
Is she allowed to do that?
1991
01:32:22,041 --> 01:32:24,958
[Nick] I don't know. I think she's-- Hon?
1992
01:32:26,041 --> 01:32:27,290
[Channing] Mom?
1993
01:32:27,291 --> 01:32:29,124
Mom?
1994
01:32:29,125 --> 01:32:30,457
What is going on?
1995
01:32:30,458 --> 01:32:33,832
I-I just, I just--
I wasn't expecting that, you know?
1996
01:32:33,833 --> 01:32:35,832
Well, I know. They reached out to us.
1997
01:32:35,833 --> 01:32:37,374
It was all very last-minute.
1998
01:32:37,375 --> 01:32:39,749
We were going for grand gesture.
1999
01:32:39,750 --> 01:32:40,832
Yeah, well, I don't know.
2000
01:32:40,833 --> 01:32:44,499
Maybe I'm just not quite done
being mad yet.
2001
01:32:44,500 --> 01:32:45,957
I-I get that.
2002
01:32:45,958 --> 01:32:48,665
The last three days have...
2003
01:32:48,666 --> 01:32:50,290
- been a lot.
- I know.
2004
01:32:50,291 --> 01:32:52,207
For us, too.
2005
01:32:52,208 --> 01:32:55,040
Y-You're right. We-we didn't support you.
2006
01:32:55,041 --> 01:32:56,415
[sighs]
2007
01:32:56,416 --> 01:32:59,415
You asked us to do this one thing for you,
and we completely ignored it,
2008
01:32:59,416 --> 01:33:00,790
which is terrible.
2009
01:33:00,791 --> 01:33:02,707
I mean, it's-it's unforgivable.
2010
01:33:02,708 --> 01:33:05,833
And I'm... well, I'm so sorry, truly.
2011
01:33:07,916 --> 01:33:11,082
And I know that what I said about
doing the holidays separately next year,
2012
01:33:11,083 --> 01:33:12,624
it hurt your feelings.
2013
01:33:12,625 --> 01:33:14,832
And I'm sorry about that, too.
2014
01:33:14,833 --> 01:33:19,833
But... [sighs] well, sometimes I want
to have my own special traditions.
2015
01:33:21,125 --> 01:33:22,915
With my family, you know?
2016
01:33:22,916 --> 01:33:25,749
Is that so wrong?
2017
01:33:25,750 --> 01:33:27,291
No, honey.
2018
01:33:28,541 --> 01:33:30,999
There's nothing wrong with that at all.
2019
01:33:31,000 --> 01:33:34,124
[crying] It's just that... sometimes...
2020
01:33:34,125 --> 01:33:36,874
[somber music playing]
2021
01:33:36,875 --> 01:33:41,625
...I feel like
you don't support me, either.
2022
01:33:45,541 --> 01:33:50,040
And I... I just had to say that.
2023
01:33:50,041 --> 01:33:53,749
'Cause it's like
you're so in awe of Taylor.
2024
01:33:53,750 --> 01:33:56,207
I mean, I mean, we all are.
2025
01:33:56,208 --> 01:33:59,957
And-and... you still act like
Sammy is a baby.
2026
01:33:59,958 --> 01:34:01,832
Uh, don't get me wrong.
2027
01:34:01,833 --> 01:34:07,207
I'm glad, but-but I have a family
and a career I love,
2028
01:34:07,208 --> 01:34:10,874
and I'm actually doing pretty okay at it.
2029
01:34:10,875 --> 01:34:13,833
You just brush right over all of it.
2030
01:34:16,000 --> 01:34:19,041
Like it doesn't even matter.
2031
01:34:20,125 --> 01:34:25,457
I think maybe, subconsciously, if you,
if you weren't gonna be impressed by me,
2032
01:34:25,458 --> 01:34:27,875
then I-I wasn't gonna be impressed by you.
2033
01:34:30,625 --> 01:34:34,790
The-the truth is your...
your opinion means...
2034
01:34:34,791 --> 01:34:36,916
it means more to me than anything.
2035
01:34:39,541 --> 01:34:40,916
Anything.
2036
01:34:43,416 --> 01:34:45,500
My Little Bean.
2037
01:34:47,500 --> 01:34:51,957
[chuckles] I am so impressed with you
there aren't even words.
2038
01:34:51,958 --> 01:34:53,708
[Claire sighs]
2039
01:34:55,458 --> 01:34:59,874
I don't know,
maybe I'm-I'm-I'm afraid of, um,
2040
01:34:59,875 --> 01:35:02,624
if I tell you that, that...
2041
01:35:02,625 --> 01:35:06,582
[crying] if I let the cat
out of the bag, that...
2042
01:35:06,583 --> 01:35:10,916
then you'll know
that you don't need me anymore...
2043
01:35:13,416 --> 01:35:14,624
...and I'll lose you.
2044
01:35:14,625 --> 01:35:16,624
Yeah, maybe that's it.
I think that's what it is.
2045
01:35:16,625 --> 01:35:19,375
Uh, that's my biggest fear.
2046
01:35:20,083 --> 01:35:25,207
And maybe I'm always
gonna need you to need me
2047
01:35:25,208 --> 01:35:28,207
just... a tiny little bit.
2048
01:35:28,208 --> 01:35:29,374
[sniffles]
2049
01:35:29,375 --> 01:35:31,000
Is that so wrong?
2050
01:35:34,583 --> 01:35:36,625
You'll never lose me, Mom.
2051
01:35:38,500 --> 01:35:39,875
I'm sorry.
2052
01:35:45,458 --> 01:35:47,207
Honey? You there?
2053
01:35:47,208 --> 01:35:48,582
Honey, you in there?
2054
01:35:48,583 --> 01:35:51,582
[♪ the bird and the bee sing
"The Things We Do for Love"]
2055
01:35:51,583 --> 01:35:53,666
[vocalizing]
2056
01:35:57,875 --> 01:36:00,083
[vocalizing continues]
2057
01:36:01,708 --> 01:36:03,708
[quiet laughter]
2058
01:36:05,291 --> 01:36:07,207
- [playful chatter]
- There we go.
2059
01:36:07,208 --> 01:36:11,999
♪ Too many broken hearts
have fallen in the river ♪
2060
01:36:12,000 --> 01:36:15,915
♪ Too many lonely souls
have drifted out to sea ♪
2061
01:36:15,916 --> 01:36:17,124
♪ You lay your bets...
2062
01:36:17,125 --> 01:36:18,707
Ah, honey, I was so scared.
2063
01:36:18,708 --> 01:36:21,290
Oh, don't be dramatic.
2064
01:36:21,291 --> 01:36:23,040
- No--
- You weren't going to starve to death.
2065
01:36:23,041 --> 01:36:24,832
You could always make yourself a sandwich.
2066
01:36:24,833 --> 01:36:28,290
No, no, no, that's not it.
See... [inhales deeply]
2067
01:36:28,291 --> 01:36:32,207
40 years ago, I caught my luckiest break,
2068
01:36:32,208 --> 01:36:36,207
and I swore to myself if I got you,
I would never take it for granted.
2069
01:36:36,208 --> 01:36:39,124
And... come to find out,
2070
01:36:39,125 --> 01:36:41,874
complacency snuck up on me.
2071
01:36:41,875 --> 01:36:44,374
- Right?
- Mm.
2072
01:36:44,375 --> 01:36:47,707
So thank you for the wake-up call,
and I want you to know
2073
01:36:47,708 --> 01:36:51,875
that wh-what you do for us,
for all of us...
2074
01:36:53,333 --> 01:36:55,083
...is never behind-the-scenes.
2075
01:36:57,208 --> 01:36:59,124
♪ You think you're gonna break up ♪
2076
01:36:59,125 --> 01:37:02,999
♪ Then she says she wants to make up ♪
2077
01:37:03,000 --> 01:37:07,457
♪ Ooh, you made me love you ♪
2078
01:37:07,458 --> 01:37:12,165
♪ Ooh, you've gone away ♪
2079
01:37:12,166 --> 01:37:16,290
♪ Ooh, you had me crawling ♪
2080
01:37:16,291 --> 01:37:19,374
♪ up the wall ♪
2081
01:37:19,375 --> 01:37:21,625
[vocalizing]
2082
01:37:32,958 --> 01:37:35,750
[scatting]
2083
01:37:42,500 --> 01:37:45,790
- ♪ Like walking in the rain and the snow ♪
- [phone vibrates]
2084
01:37:45,791 --> 01:37:47,582
♪ when there's nowhere to go ♪
2085
01:37:47,583 --> 01:37:53,374
♪ and you're feeling like
a part of you is dying ♪
2086
01:37:53,375 --> 01:37:57,874
♪ And you're looking for
the answer in her eyes ♪
2087
01:37:57,875 --> 01:37:59,249
♪ You think you're gonna break up ♪
2088
01:37:59,250 --> 01:38:01,624
♪ Then she says she wants to make up...
2089
01:38:01,625 --> 01:38:03,499
Sammy, hi.
2090
01:38:03,500 --> 01:38:05,790
Mae-bell. How'd you get in here?
2091
01:38:05,791 --> 01:38:08,332
Oh, my friend Brian has an internship
with the art department.
2092
01:38:08,333 --> 01:38:10,499
- He snuck me in.
- Okay.
2093
01:38:10,500 --> 01:38:11,665
Cool.
2094
01:38:11,666 --> 01:38:14,957
Anyway, I saw your mom on Zazzy,
and ever since then,
2095
01:38:14,958 --> 01:38:18,249
I've been thinking about us nonstop.
2096
01:38:18,250 --> 01:38:20,332
That was, like, half an hour ago.
2097
01:38:20,333 --> 01:38:24,957
I know, and I immediately texted Brian
and jumped in an Uber.
2098
01:38:24,958 --> 01:38:28,957
It's just, Sammy,
I wish I knew how to quit you.
2099
01:38:28,958 --> 01:38:31,290
- Isn't that from Brokeback Mountain?
- It doesn't matter.
2100
01:38:31,291 --> 01:38:34,707
What matters is I came here because
2101
01:38:34,708 --> 01:38:37,040
when you realize you want to spend
the rest of your life with somebody--
2102
01:38:37,041 --> 01:38:39,290
- [phone vibrates]
- Sorry. My phone.
2103
01:38:39,291 --> 01:38:42,915
♪ The things we do for love,
the things we do for love ♪
2104
01:38:42,916 --> 01:38:44,374
♪ The things we do for love...
2105
01:38:44,375 --> 01:38:47,207
...you want the rest of your life
to start as soon as possible.
2106
01:38:47,208 --> 01:38:49,207
Sorry, what?
2107
01:38:49,208 --> 01:38:52,957
I said, when you realize you want to spend
the rest of your life with somebody--
2108
01:38:52,958 --> 01:38:55,957
Oh, yeah.
That's, uh, uh, When Harry Met Sally...
2109
01:38:55,958 --> 01:38:57,790
Oh, congrats, Sammy,
you watch a lot of movies.
2110
01:38:57,791 --> 01:38:59,582
I'm saying we should get back together.
2111
01:38:59,583 --> 01:39:01,832
You know what? I think it's okay.
2112
01:39:01,833 --> 01:39:03,374
We're probably better off this way.
2113
01:39:03,375 --> 01:39:05,374
You will be fine. I will, too.
2114
01:39:05,375 --> 01:39:07,457
Oh, my God,
are you breaking up with me now?
2115
01:39:07,458 --> 01:39:10,540
No, you definitely broke up with me first.
2116
01:39:10,541 --> 01:39:12,832
Hug it out?
2117
01:39:12,833 --> 01:39:15,457
♪ The things we do for love ♪
2118
01:39:15,458 --> 01:39:17,541
- [cheering and applause]
- Blessings.
2119
01:39:20,666 --> 01:39:23,375
[♪ Gwen Stefani sings
"Shake the Snow Globe"]
2120
01:39:30,083 --> 01:39:33,999
[Claire] So, Channing got to have
her Christmas ski trip,
2121
01:39:34,000 --> 01:39:36,999
and we all came along as well...
2122
01:39:37,000 --> 01:39:38,374
[indistinct chatter]
2123
01:39:38,375 --> 01:39:41,790
♪ Lawn inflatables in the yard,
December's got my tinsel tangled...
2124
01:39:41,791 --> 01:39:42,874
[excited chatter]
2125
01:39:42,875 --> 01:39:46,915
[Claire] ...as did Sammy and his new love,
which means...
2126
01:39:46,916 --> 01:39:50,165
the Cardigan Queen
is still never far away.
2127
01:39:50,166 --> 01:39:53,790
I'm so happy our families could do
this ski trip together.
2128
01:39:53,791 --> 01:39:56,040
Yeah, me, too, Jeanne. Me, too.
2129
01:39:56,041 --> 01:39:57,166
- Blessings!
- Blessings.
2130
01:39:59,375 --> 01:40:02,707
[Claire] It is nice to try new things.
2131
01:40:02,708 --> 01:40:04,540
[whooping, laughing]
2132
01:40:04,541 --> 01:40:07,249
Mind, some old habits do persist.
2133
01:40:07,250 --> 01:40:10,874
Guys, guys, everybody,
this is my new girlfriend Serena!
2134
01:40:10,875 --> 01:40:12,915
- Welcome to the family!
- [excited chatter]
2135
01:40:12,916 --> 01:40:15,707
♪ Shake, shake, shake the snow globe...
2136
01:40:15,708 --> 01:40:17,790
[Claire] But you know what?
2137
01:40:17,791 --> 01:40:20,540
The whole family used
those three little words,
2138
01:40:20,541 --> 01:40:25,874
and I had so much help that
they shooed me away for a little me time.
2139
01:40:25,875 --> 01:40:28,707
♪ This Christmas...
2140
01:40:28,708 --> 01:40:30,707
Don't worry.
2141
01:40:30,708 --> 01:40:32,916
I'll head back inside in a minute.
2142
01:40:34,000 --> 01:40:36,624
But until then...
2143
01:40:36,625 --> 01:40:38,415
cheers, moms.
2144
01:40:38,416 --> 01:40:42,665
May your hearts always be full
this time of year,
2145
01:40:42,666 --> 01:40:44,999
even if your stockings aren't.
2146
01:40:45,000 --> 01:40:47,582
Merry Christmas.
2147
01:40:47,583 --> 01:40:49,207
- ♪ Merry, merry ♪
- ♪ Ho! ♪
2148
01:40:49,208 --> 01:40:50,832
- ♪ Very, very ♪
- ♪ Ho! ♪
2149
01:40:50,833 --> 01:40:54,833
♪ Very merry Christmas ♪
2150
01:40:56,250 --> 01:40:57,915
- ♪ Merry, merry ♪
- ♪ Ho! ♪
2151
01:40:57,916 --> 01:40:59,415
- ♪ Very, very ♪
- ♪ Ho! ♪
2152
01:40:59,416 --> 01:41:03,458
♪ Very merry Christmas ♪
2153
01:41:04,916 --> 01:41:06,415
- ♪ Merry, merry ♪
- ♪ Ho! ♪
2154
01:41:06,416 --> 01:41:08,165
- ♪ Very, very ♪
- ♪ Ho! ♪
2155
01:41:08,166 --> 01:41:11,958
{\an8}♪ Very merry Christmas ♪
2156
01:41:16,250 --> 01:41:22,290
{\an8}♪ I heard the bells on Christmas Day ♪
2157
01:41:22,291 --> 01:41:28,915
{\an8}♪ Their old familiar carols play ♪
2158
01:41:28,916 --> 01:41:35,040
{\an8}♪ and wild and sweet the words repeat ♪
2159
01:41:35,041 --> 01:41:37,999
{\an8}♪ of peace on Earth ♪
2160
01:41:38,000 --> 01:41:42,957
{\an8}♪ goodwill to men ♪
2161
01:41:42,958 --> 01:41:45,707
{\an8}♪ I thought how ♪
2162
01:41:45,708 --> 01:41:50,374
{\an8}- ♪ as the day had come ♪
- ♪ The day had come ♪
2163
01:41:50,375 --> 01:41:55,957
{\an8}♪ the belfries of all Christendom ♪
2164
01:41:55,958 --> 01:41:58,457
{\an8}♪ had rolled along ♪
2165
01:41:58,458 --> 01:42:01,874
{\an8}♪ the unbroken song ♪
2166
01:42:01,875 --> 01:42:05,082
{\an8}♪ of peace on Earth ♪
2167
01:42:05,083 --> 01:42:08,665
{\an8}♪ goodwill ♪
2168
01:42:08,666 --> 01:42:12,957
{\an8}♪ to men ♪
2169
01:42:12,958 --> 01:42:15,124
{\an8}[laughing] Oh!
2170
01:42:15,125 --> 01:42:16,915
{\an8}[laughter]
2171
01:42:16,916 --> 01:42:18,790
{\an8}[♪ Uwade sings "Step Into Christmas"]
2172
01:42:18,791 --> 01:42:20,875
{\an8}[scatting]
2173
01:42:24,958 --> 01:42:28,457
{\an8}♪ Welcome to my Christmas song ♪
2174
01:42:28,458 --> 01:42:32,291
{\an8}♪ I'd like to thank you for the year ♪
2175
01:42:33,750 --> 01:42:37,790
{\an8}♪ So I'm sending you this Christmas card ♪
2176
01:42:37,791 --> 01:42:42,458
{\an8}♪ to say, "It's nice to have you here" ♪
2177
01:42:43,875 --> 01:42:46,832
{\an8}♪ I'd like to sing about all the things ♪
2178
01:42:46,833 --> 01:42:50,499
{\an8}♪ your eyes and mind can see ♪
2179
01:42:50,500 --> 01:42:53,790
{\an8}♪ So hop aboard the turntable ♪
2180
01:42:53,791 --> 01:43:00,415
{\an8}♪ Oh, step into Christmas with me, yeah ♪
2181
01:43:00,416 --> 01:43:03,874
{\an8}♪ Step into Christmas,
let's join together ♪
2182
01:43:03,875 --> 01:43:07,457
{\an8}♪ We can watch the snow fall
forever and ever ♪
2183
01:43:07,458 --> 01:43:10,915
{\an8}♪ Eat, drink and be merry,
come along with me ♪
2184
01:43:10,916 --> 01:43:16,999
{\an8}♪ Step into Christmas,
the admission is free ♪
2185
01:43:17,000 --> 01:43:21,165
{\an8}♪ Take care in all you do next year ♪
2186
01:43:21,166 --> 01:43:26,624
{\an8}♪ and keep smiling through the days ♪
2187
01:43:26,625 --> 01:43:30,624
{\an8}♪ If we can help to entertain you ♪
2188
01:43:30,625 --> 01:43:35,083
{\an8}♪ oh, we will find the ways ♪
2189
01:43:36,458 --> 01:43:39,457
{\an8}♪ So merry Christmas, one and all ♪
2190
01:43:39,458 --> 01:43:42,832
{\an8}♪ There's no place I'd rather be ♪
2191
01:43:42,833 --> 01:43:46,332
{\an8}♪ than asking you if you'd oblige ♪
2192
01:43:46,333 --> 01:43:53,374
{\an8}♪ stepping into Christmas with me ♪
2193
01:43:53,375 --> 01:43:56,540
{\an8}♪ Step into Christmas,
let's join together ♪
2194
01:43:56,541 --> 01:44:00,124
{\an8}♪ We can watch the snow fall
forever and ever ♪
2195
01:44:00,125 --> 01:44:03,582
{\an8}♪ Eat, drink and be merry,
come along with me ♪
2196
01:44:03,583 --> 01:44:09,207
{\an8}♪ Step into Christmas,
the admission is free ♪
2197
01:44:09,208 --> 01:44:11,291
{\an8}♪ ♪
2198
01:44:17,291 --> 01:44:20,790
{\an8}♪ Welcome to my Christmas song ♪
2199
01:44:20,791 --> 01:44:25,999
{\an8}♪ I'd like to thank you for the year ♪
2200
01:44:26,000 --> 01:44:30,124
{\an8}♪ So I'm sending you this Christmas card ♪
2201
01:44:30,125 --> 01:44:35,166
{\an8}♪ to say, "It's nice to have you here" ♪
2202
01:44:36,208 --> 01:44:39,082
{\an8}♪ I'd like to sing about all the things ♪
2203
01:44:39,083 --> 01:44:42,874
{\an8}♪ your eyes and mind can see ♪
2204
01:44:42,875 --> 01:44:46,165
{\an8}♪ So hop aboard the turntable ♪
2205
01:44:46,166 --> 01:44:52,832
{\an8}♪ Oh, step into Christmas with me, yeah ♪
2206
01:44:52,833 --> 01:44:56,124
{\an8}♪ Step into Christmas,
let's join together ♪
2207
01:44:56,125 --> 01:44:59,749
{\an8}♪ We can watch the snow fall
forever and ever ♪
2208
01:44:59,750 --> 01:45:03,207
{\an8}♪ Eat, drink and be merry,
come along with me ♪
2209
01:45:03,208 --> 01:45:08,290
{\an8}♪ Step into Christmas,
the admission is free ♪
2210
01:45:08,291 --> 01:45:09,832
{\an8}♪ Oh ♪
2211
01:45:09,833 --> 01:45:11,374
{\an8}♪ Step into Christmas ♪
2212
01:45:11,375 --> 01:45:13,165
{\an8}- ♪ Let's join together ♪
- ♪ Let's join together ♪
2213
01:45:13,166 --> 01:45:16,749
{\an8}♪ We can watch the snow fall
forever and ever ♪
2214
01:45:16,750 --> 01:45:18,499
{\an8}♪ Eat, drink and be merry ♪
2215
01:45:18,500 --> 01:45:20,415
{\an8}- ♪ Come along with me ♪
- ♪ Oh, come along ♪
2216
01:45:20,416 --> 01:45:25,458
{\an8}♪ Step into Christmas,
the admission is free ♪
2217
01:45:35,416 --> 01:45:37,416
{\an8}- [song ends]
- [scattered applause]