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[dog barking]
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[crickets chirping]
Shift's over.
[dog barking]
Now, where could that silly scarecrow be?
-[distant thump] -Oh, what in the world was that?
Oh, it's just a silly old scarecrow.
Not buying it, eh? [chuckles]
I never was much of an actor.
But it's gonna be a cold day in hell
before you pull one over on old Aleister.
Now, get inside.
[dog barking]
More corn went in the silo today.
There's even corn syrup in this soup. [chuckles]
We're living off the government's teat.
They're paying for this soup.
[chuckles] Bastards.
You can't even taste the corn. Mm!
The Connelly boys came by, wanted to buy the farm again.
Upped their offer $10,000.
[thuds]
Yeah, you're right.
I could never sell the farm.
And the Connellys are never gonna own this land.
Never.
Hey, did I ever tell you about the time
my truck broke down out on Highway 61?
♪ Sing a little song before you go to bed ♪
♪ And then when you wake up ♪
♪ You will have a wet head ♪
[sighs]
Been needin' a good rain.
[glass cracks]
[solemn music]
[sighs]
♪
[sighs heavily]
Had to happen sometime.
Billy, I got somethin' I gotta tell you.
[gasping]
[loud thud]
♪
[hiss of static]
[somber music]
[crack of thunder]
[rain patters loudly]
♪
[wind howling]
[horn honking distantly]
[traffic rumbling]
[cell phone ringing]
[sighs]
Oh.
Hey.
Wait, what?
[sighs]
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I'll be there soon.
No, no, I'll be okay.
Love you, too.
[bag rustles]
I felt like he would have wanted to be cremated.
I--
I'm sorry.
It was a really nice wake, Mom.
Thanks.
I hope he would've liked it.
Listen, um, I didn't want to mention this
earlier in front of everyone,
but there was a reading of the will earlier today.
And...
he left you the farm.
What?
All of it?
[Gwen] Yeah.
What am I supposed to do with a farm?
[Gwen] I don't know.
[laughs]
Uh...
Some people around here actually thought
that I was gonna get it, and approached me with an offer.
I don't know too much about this sort of thing,
but... it seemed pretty generous.
There's no rush.
[car rumbling]
[car engine shuts off]
[birds chirping]
[door creaking]
Wow.
It smells weird in here.
Does it smell weird to you?
It smells like it always has.
Okay. All right.
Oh, no, we can put the bags away later.
-Oh, all right. -I wanna show you around.
-Come on. -Cool.
Ooh, okay, so my grandma used to make pancakes
every time I would come over.
And I remember, I'd run down the stairs,
sit in that seat,
and I would just bounce up and down
while Grandpa smoked his morning cigar.
Oh.
He had one every morning?
Yeah.
Uh, the walls must be ruined.
Yeah.
I guess.
You can frame it as a rustic charm or something.
Yeah.
I can't believe he kept this up so long.
Ew.
Well, it looks like we've got our work cut out for us.
Yeah, I don't think he was planning on dying, Justin.
I'm sure if he'd made it to the weekend,
the place would've looked a lot nicer for you.
[Justin] No, I know, I know.
Do you?
Because I think I had to drag you to the funeral,
and I know I had to drag you out here.
All right, and look, I get you never met my grandpa.
But you could show a little empathy.
You know why I never met your grandpa.
Can you tell me with 100% certainty
that your grandpa would have approved of me?
That he would've approved of us?
[Allen] I don't know.
I hope so.
I hope so, too.
And look, I'm sorry.
Like, I know this isn't about me.
This is just the kind of place that...
people who don't approve of me live.
You know?
It's the kind of place I left.
Look, I'll stop being such a bitch, okay?
You're not-- You're not being a bitch.
Not even a little bit?
Well...
obviously a little.
[both laugh]
I mean, it's kinda cute.
In, like, an old, inconvenient way.
Hmm. I know what you mean.
It's the kind of place I could see myself settling down.
Wait, you wanna live here?
I mean, no, not here.
Just, somewhere like it.
I don't know.
I mean, maybe here.
Maybe I could work something out with the Connellys.
I mean, but how would you get groceries?
Like, where would you go to... talk to people?
Well, I think they-- you can get that delivered.
Or I could just drive out to the city.
It's not that bad.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess. Sure.
[sighs heavily]
I guess I better get started.
[clanking]
[solemn music]
♪
[Justin] What you got there?
Dowsing rods.
My grandpa taught me how to use them as a kid.
-What's a dowsing rod? -It's this.
No, you use them to find water, and minerals,
and sometimes graves.
-Graves? -Uh-huh.
I mean, it's-- it's mostly for water.
Huh.
-You wanna try? -Cool.
-Sure. -Cool.
All right, so, hold them like this.
-Oh. -All right.
And then when they're pointed in the direction of water,
the rods are supposed to-- moves like that,
cross a little bit.
-Okay. -All right. Right. Ready?
All right.
So, just kinda like this?
-Yeah. That's perfect. -And turn?
-Okay. -Go.
[suspenseful music]
Whoa.
That's pointed right at the bathroom.
-No way. -Uh-huh.
Ha, I'm telling you, there might do something to it.
Hmm.
Yeah.
What's this mean?
No idea.
-Weird. -[laughs]
Okay, you ready for some dinner?
Yes, God, I'm starving.
[door slams]
[eerie music]
Did you leave the door open?
No.
-Did you? -Mm-mm.
♪
[dog barking]
Hello?
[eerie music]
♪
[Justin] So, I looked it up.
Bill Nye says that the rods move
due to small, unconscious movements that we make.
He says that anything else is just a...
pseudoscience.
I used to love Bill Nye.
You know, in middle school.
He taught me so much about gravity, and magnets,
and... fashion.
Oh, yeah.
He was great.
[sighs]
So, what was your favorite Bill Nye episode growing up?
I don't know.
Do you remember the one where he shits all over
my dead grandpa?
No, I can't say I remember that one.
[Allen sighs]
It's fine. I don't even know why I brought it up.
[eerie music]
♪
[music turns solemn]
♪
[thumps loudly]
[rustling]
[eerie music]
[light switch clicks]
♪
[door latch clicks]
[door thuds]
[suspenseful music]
[suspenseful music builds]
[Allen sniffles]
♪
[solemn music]
[Justin] Getting a lot of work done over here?
Sorry.
[record player arm creaks]
[record player clicks on]
["Echoes of the Ozarks" by Catherine Barron Para
& David Para playing]
Oh, no, thanks.
You're just-- You're just such a dork.
Wow.
Okay. All right.
Whoa.
My goodness.
♪
I'll-- I'll try to follow you, I guess.
-You better. -Okay.
♪
[chuckles]
Listen, I'm-- I'm sorry about last night.
I think your grandfather's old folk magic is cute.
He, uh, you know, he cursed people, you know?
-Oh, really? -Uh-huh.
Yeah, so you better watch out.
I might have to put a curse on you.
We live in a cramped one-bedroom apartment,
in an urban hell, like...
what curse could your corn-eating grandfather
have for us?
Well, I'm-- I'm sure I can think of something.
I'm sure you could.
♪
[light knocking]
Hmm, the gang's early.
♪
[music turns off]
Oh, hey. Mr. Connelly.
I'm glad you could make it out.
Oh, Allen, please, call me Bryan.
Oh, you gotta be Justin, huh?
It's nice to meet you.
Hmm. Hey, look, I just want to say thank you
for letting me come out here, take a look at the place,
before the sale goes through.
Yeah, I know, of course.
Of course, uh, do you want to come in?
[Bryan] Nah.
I'm probably just gonna end up bulldozing the place, anyway.
-Yeah. That makes sense. -[Bryan] It's gonna be done.
-Yeah. -Um...
Uh, well, do you want me to show you around?
No, I think I can manage.
Yeah, you've seen one farm, you've seen 'em all, you know?
-[Allen] Yeah. -Yeah.
[Allen] Uh, well, I guess if you need anything, just let us know.
-Appreciate that. -[Allen] Yeah.
Thank you.
[Justin sighs]
Jesus, what a tool.
Yeah.
Hey, is there anything you want to see
before the bulldozer gets here?
Sure.
[birds chirping]
Yeah, that's good dirt.
Of course I know what good dirt is, Dad.
I'm a farmer.
Okay, okay, so, I've never been on a farm before.
I own plenty of 'em, though, okay?
Oh, yeah, that's-- yeah, you--
you own all of 'em, that's right.
Yeah, yeah.
Until the lung cancer fuckin' kills you!
[sighs]
No. No, no, no. Sorry.
No, it's all under control. You don't have to worry.
Man, thank God that old guy died, man.
I was ready to kill that fuckin' redneck myself.
Good God.
No, no.
I'll call you and let you know how everything goes.
All right. See ya.
Shit.
All right.
[ominous music]
♪
How's it goin' in here?
Hey, uh, why was all this in the trash?
Um, I just didn't think you'd need any of it.
I mean, when are you gonna wear this?
Like, are you putting together, like, a farmer drag persona?
Hey, y'all, I'm Amber Waves,
and when we're on my farm, we play by my rules.
Rule Number One.
Snitches get stitches.
[Allen chuckles]
This was his hat.
I know. I know you want to keep it all,
but we just don't have room for everything in our apartment.
I was thinking, um,
with the money from the sale, we could maybe get a new place.
Probably not in the city, but somewhere in the suburbs.
And it wouldn't quite be big enough for everything, but...
-it'd be a start. -[scoffs]
Wait, since when are we moving?
-Oh. -[forceful knocking]
[pounding on door]
[glass clinking]
-[Britt] Wie geht's, my boys! -[Allen] Oh. [laughs]
-[Britt] Ohh! -[Allen] Wie geht's?
Yeah, what's up? What's good? But in German.
[Shane] Allen. Good to see you.
[laughing]
-It's the Juice. -[Justin] Hey, Shane.
-Hey, what's up, man? -How you doing?
-How's it goin'? -Goin' good, man. Good.
-Good to see you. -Hang in there. Oh, you--
Oh, and yeah, seriously, guys, thanks for coming.
I really, really appreciate the help.
If you want to just leave the bags here,
I'll show you around.
Um, this is the living room.
And Britt and Shane, y'all will be crashing in here.
Uh, figure out the sleeping situations.
-Call the couch. -She gets the couch.
Yeah, so, uh, Lisa and Luke,
I figured I'd give you guys some privacy.
Hmm.
-Ooh! -Quit it, you perv.
We're all adults here. I mean, come on.
Not you.
By the way, this is the room I would
stay in whenever I'd come over as a kid.
[Lisa] Oh, did you draw this?
[Allen] I... I don't think so.
Don't be ashamed of it now, Allen.
It's like the Mona Lisa of stick-figure drawings.
If the Mona Lisa of stick-figure drawings was bad.
Who is Billy?
[eerie music]
[Shane] Yo, what's up with all this voodoo shit?
-Some dope-ass drumsticks. -[laughing]
Hey!
They're not drumsticks, you moron.
They're dowsing rods.
Oh, come on, we're--
I didn't know your grandpa was into this kind of stuff.
[Shane] You guys got any food?
[Luke] Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!
Hot, hot, hot! Hot!
-Pizza time! -Ooh!
[Luke] Shane! Shane, Shane, Shane!
-Oh! Mm! Mm! -[Britt] Oh!
-[Shane] Hot, hot, hot! -Dude, it's hot, hot,
it's still hot, I said that.
-Just spit it out. -[Shane groaning]
My God!
Okay, well, while the rest of us wait like normal people...
-[bottles clink] -Oh, shit.
[heavy thump]
-Oh, amazing. -I don't know.
[laughing]
I brought some party with me.
Oh, gosh.
[lid clatters]
[sighs]
[Lisa and Luke laughing]
Oh!
Ah! Oh, my God. It smells like paint thinner.
Hey, it may not be the highest quality hooch,
but it's the thought that counts, right?
-Right on. -What was the thought, exactly?
We're supposed to be packing.
Come on, don't you remember the farm parties
back in high school?
Hanging out with all the Amish kids on Rumspringa.
Man, those barn-builders could party.
Right on.
[sighs]
I just thought we could relive some of the glory days.
Please?
All right, but we actually have to get
some work done first, okay?
No, wait, like, before--
[laughing] Mm!
Put it down. Here, give it to me.
Gimme.
[Luke and Lisa laughing]
[Lisa] So, what's the story behind this little guy?
-What do you mean? -I mean, what's his story?
How long has your grandfather had him,
or where'd he come from?
Oh, uh, I don't know.
I mean, he probably bought it,
I guess, at some point.
It was just his. I--
-You good? -[Luke sighs]
What, what's she doing?
Uh, she's, uh, been practicing this with her mentor.
Uh, she's unlocking her psychic abilities.
Um...
It's called psychometry.
Psychometry. Psychometry?
Psychometry. And I'm trying to concentrate.
She concentrates real hard,
and makes up a backstory for anything.
I'm getting a strong connection to Pennsylvania.
I believe he was made there.
Two women owned him before your grandfather.
Amy and Janelle.
They needed to make space when they decided
to move to the city, so they got rid of him.
He misses them.
But he loved your grandfather very much.
That's fantastic. Wonderful.
How many siblings has it had?
-What's its favorite food? -No, don't.
Hey, ignore him. That was nice.
And really impressive.
Thank you.
Not everyone appreciates my gift.
So, uh, how's Justin?
-He's good. -Good? Yeah?
Must've been, like, a year now?
-A year and a half, actually. -A year and a half.
-Mm-hmm. -Hmm...
Everything-- are you happy?
-You good? -Yeah, I'd say so.
I mean, happy enough.
Uh, I think we might use the money from the farm
to actually buy a place, you know,
somewhere out of the city.
[sighs] That's a big step.
-He good with that? -[Allen] Yeah.
-Yeah? -[Allen] Sort of.
I don't know, I--
I just kinda sprung it on him.
Gotcha. So, he's not committed at all?
No, that's not what I'm saying.
-Mm! Mm. -Put 'er down.
Fill me up, B-dog.
[moonshine gurgling]
He's gotten so many damn cups already.
I don't know where he thinks we're gonna keep all of 'em.
Yeah, that's a lot of stuff, man.
What's he gonna do with all that?
Ah, he's got some auctioneer or something coming on Monday.
And he's going to sell off most of the farm equipment,
and whatever else Allen doesn't try to shove
into our apartment.
Oh.
Like grandfather, like grandson.
[Justin] Yeah, I'm not looking forward to the day
we're on Hoarders.
-See, I couldn't do that. -Mm-mm.
Surrounded by sentimental junk, living in the past.
I'm all about the moment, Juice.
-You feel me? -[scoffs]
That's great, Shane.
In which moment would you like to start helping me?
-He's helping. -Oh.
Helping himself to one of my signature cocktails.
-That's right. -[laughing]
[Justin scoffs] Yeah.
"Signature." You didn't invent the screwdriver, Britt.
[Britt] No, but I did add way more vodka.
Call it... the screwed-driver.
-[both laughing] -[Shane] The screwed-driver!
Yeah!
You should try one, clever dude.
Yo, honey, we'll catch up with you, okay?
-[Lisa] Luke? -We'll catch up with you.
-It's cool. -[Lisa] Come on.
It's cool. Give us a minute.
How you doing for real, man?
Fine. You know, fine as I can be.
It's hard.
He and I were close when I was a kid.
[Luke] Yeah, I get that. I'm not worried about that.
I'm worried about how's Justin treating you
-through all this? -Justin's fine.
Justin's fine. He's been great.
Really supportive throughout this whole thing.
Look at me.
He's trying his best, okay?
I don't think he's lost anyone before.
Plus, it's fucking weird out here for him, okay?
It reminds him too much of where he grew up.
Yeah, but it's not about him. It's about you and your grandpa.
All right, Luke, if you gotta say something,
-fucking say it, okay? -[Luke] I'm trying to
be your friend and fucking look out for you.
Okay, just do a better job, all right?
[Luke] Fuck off.
One, two, three.
-Guys. -[Shane coughs]
Guys, we've barely gotten anything done yet.
[coughing] Oh, oh, my bad, man.
We were just trying to have a little fun.
Your bad? We're not here to have fucking fun, Shane.
Dude, I'm sorry.
-We'll-- we'll get started. -[Allen] No.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
Guys, you know this isn't fun for me, right?
[Shane] Of course.
Allen, uh...
We were just trying to cheer you up.
I'm sorry.
My bad, man.
You know what? Um, I think we have some time tomorrow.
Uh, we can get a few more things in the back of the car.
Um, and then Lisa, could you take me to my mom's?
We could drop something off?
-Yeah, no problem. -Awesome. Cool. Cool.
And then we party?
-Then we party. -Right on.
Uh, Luke, make sure they do something, okay?
Is that one good to go?
Yep.
You're amazing.
I try.
[unsettling music]
♪
Mmm.
[gasps] Oh, my God.
Lisa. Come here. Oh! How are you?
-Good. -Has Luke locked you down yet?
Uh, no, no, not really.
You kids. When I was your age,
I would've married the first man off the street that asked me.
I mean, not-- not really. Obviously.
I had a lot of boyfriends before your dad, you know.
Mom, that--
I'm gonna go unload the car.
You two should catch up, all right?
Okay!
How are you?
Um, I'm okay.
Everyone made it out to the farm,
so we should get everything packed up fast enough.
Have you decided what you're gonna do with the money yet?
Yeah.
I mean, obviously pay off some debt.
The rest I haven't quite figured out yet.
Do you think I'm doing the right thing?
I don't know.
What do you think?
I think I wouldn't know how to run a farm.
That I'd be far away from everyone.
The money is nice.
And that...
Justin wouldn't want to live out there.
Have I ever told you about when your dad and I
decided to move in together?
I don't think so.
Your dad loved that farm.
If it had been up to him, I would've just packed my bags,
and we would've all lived up there together
like the goddamn Waltons.
-Do I know the Waltons? -[Gwen laughs]
It doesn't matter. Anyway. Um...
I was insistent that...
that we leave, find a place here in town.
So we lived above a laundromat for five years,
saving up money for our down payment.
If he had his way, we would've just kept on saving
until we had enough money to buy
our own little farm out in the country.
Which would have taken a while, even back then.
But I wanted to be close to my job.
And I wanted to have you.
And I wanted to have...
other kids for neighbors instead of scarecrows and corn.
And he agreed.
Because he loved me.
And he wanted a future with me.
But every time we went out to your grandpa's farm,
his eyes and yours,
they just lit right up.
Am I helping?
Oh, um...
I mean, not really, but...
thank you.
[Gwen] I'm sorry, sweetie.
You'll figure out what's best.
Where do you want this, Gwen?
[laughs] I'll help you bring it upstairs.
Oh, no, no, no, don't let me interrupt.
I'll take it up there.
She's very independent, isn't she?
Yeah.
So, have you found anything good yet?
Yeah, actually. Some old records Grandpa used to put on,
and a few knick-knacks I remember liking.
Do you remember me making this?
No.
You must have made it while I wasn't there.
[Allen] Yeah, maybe, but...
I really don't remember making it.
Well, you would've been pretty young based on the skill set.
You used to draw pictures of your grandpa
and your dad all the time.
There's no way you'd remember all of 'em.
Well, yeah, but that's not Dad.
Sure it is.
Your grandpa used to call him Billy all the time.
You must have picked up on it.
[Lisa] Round two, here I go! [grunting]
Come on, let's go help little Miss Muscles
before she breaks herself in half.
[Allen] Lisa, careful.
[Lisa humming]
Hey, has Luke said anything to you about Justin?
No.
Why? Has he said anything to you?
No, not really.
He was asking questions, and it...
sounds like he's not crazy about him.
Of course Luke likes Justin, Allen. Why wouldn't he?
We all do, and we think he's good for you.
Don't listen to Luke.
He's just a grumpy old man
who's trapped inside of a 25-year-old's body.
All right?
-[Shane] Check this one out. -[Britt] Mm-hmm. Okay.
[Shane] Sick.
[mocking] Sick!
Next time.
Come on, man, you gonna leave me hanging like this, Juice?
Come on.
I don't know, beer pong's just not really my game.
[Britt] You're just afraid we're gonna beat your ass, Justin.
[Luke] What is your game, Justin?
I don't know. I'm good at poker, I guess.
[Luke] Yeah, you would be.
Yeah, I think it's my turn.
What, you got something to say, Luke?
I just think you have probably a pretty good poker face.
You know, you've never really liked me, Luke.
Any particular reason, or is it just something about me?
[Luke] All right, chill, it's not 'cause you're gay.
-You sure about that? -Fuck you for saying that,
and no, it's because you're a shitty fucking boyfriend.
[scoffs] Our relationship is none of your business.
It's all my business.
I've know him a lot longer than you have.
All right. Everyone ready to party?
[Britt] Yeah!
Guys, I'm gonna go get it.
-I have to. -Please, no.
Come on, please, please don't be that guy.
[Shane] I've gotten so much better.
If you play "Wonderwall," I swear to God,
I will kill everyone here, and then myself.
-[Shane scoffs] Whoa. -Deplorable.
[Shane] Chill. It's gonna be fine.
[Lisa] Oh, goddess.
-[indistinct] -I think a guitar.
[Britt] So, Allen, how's your mom?
Oh, she's good.
Uh, you know, still kind of sad, but...
you know, I think she's mostly worried about me.
And I think other than that, she's actually--
she's doing okay.
Good. Man, I miss that woman. After you moved away,
I didn't have a good reason to go see her.
You miss the chili?
Yes, dude!
Oh, I fucking love that chili.
-Right? Mm! -Yes!
I prefer turkey chili, to be honest.
[scoffs] You fucking would.
[Justin] I mean, hers is good, too.
I get what you mean, Justin. I prefer tofu chili.
Yeah, whatever.
Whatever you say.
[Shane] Why would you willingly eat tofu?
Um, because I believe life has value,
and my "right" to eat
a double bacon cheese-filled diabetes burger
is actually less important than a beautiful creature's
right to a happy, healthy life.
Fuck, a burger sounds so good right now.
Chili burger?
-Yeah! -Right on, yo!
All right, well, this is a little something I whipped up
for Allen's grandpa, may he rest in peace.
-[Allen] Yeah, thanks. -Yeah.
It goes like this.
-[strums gently] -Yeah.
♪ I'm gettin' kinda old ♪
♪ My farm is getting sold ♪
♪ I still live in the room that I was born ♪
♪ My neighbors moved away ♪
♪ The only one who's stayed ♪
♪ Is an ugly-ass scarecrow in the corn ♪
Shane!
Fucking stop, man. Seriously.
Dude. I thought that...
-I thought you guys liked it. -[Luke] Just stop.
-It's good. -I'm gonna go get some air.
Allen.
Thanks, Shane.
You guys said not to do "Wonderwall."
I kind of liked it.
[Justin] Shane is such a fucking idiot.
He's just trying to help.
You don't have to defend him. He was being an asshole.
-You have every right to be mad. -[loudly] I'm not fucking mad!
I don't wanna be mad.
I just wanna be normal.
Okay? Just a couple days.
Let me take a fucking couple minutes.
I wanna feel like the floor
is falling out beneath my feet, you know?
You wouldn't fucking know.
[Allen sniffles]
I thought having everyone out here would help.
I still feel fucking alone.
I know. Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
[groans]
We should go back, um, before they...
set something on fire.
Yeah. Come on.
[all] One, two, three!
-Yeah! -Oh-ho!
-Okay, okay. It's my turn. -Okay.
Who's most likely to join a cult?
Oh.
-What? No! -Definitely. Definitely.
No, okay, I just wanna say
that I heavily disagree with this sentiment.
One, two, three!
Oh, goddess.
That's awful.
Yeah, okay.
I'm more of an herb girlie.
[groans]
-Oh! -[Britt] Hey!
Now it's a party!
Come on, we're playing Most Likely To.
What's "Most Likely To"?
It's that stupid fucking game we used to play in high school.
Basically, you ask the group
who's most likely to do something,
and everyone points a finger at someone.
Whoever gets the most fingers pointed at them has to drink.
Juice, you should ask a question.
-Go ahead. -Yeah.
Oh, okay. Um...
Who's most likely to get food poisoning?
Uh...
I'm sorry, I couldn't think of anything.
No, that was good.
-Money's on Luke. -[Luke] Fuck off.
Dude, you were the guy that got sick
from those disgusting convenience store deviled eggs.
-Ew! -Like, twice.
-[Luke] They were really good. -They're not!
-Yes, they are! -Start drinking.
If they poison you, they're not good.
[all] One, two, three!
[Allen] Let's count slower for him next time.
[grunts] Okay, fuck you.
You know what? If that's the way you wanna play,
who's most likely to get gonorrhea?
[Allen] No, wait, does it count if they already have it?
That was one time. Uncool, uncool.
-You don't have it once. -[laughs]
You have it forever.
[all] One, two, three!
[laughing]
[Justin] Oh, my God. Good job, Shane.
[eerie music]
I like this cute little guy. He's a cute little man.
With his little blueberries.
You see him?
Are you having a good time?
-Mm-hmm. Yeah. -Good.
You know what, I want you to have a good time.
Mm-mm. Nope. I want you to have a great time.
-Thank you. -Mm-hmm.
Yep, I am. You should probably get going to bed soon, though.
What? Uh-uh.
-You should get going to bed. -Nope.
Right, guys? Should pack it in.
Nope. We're staying out here.
-Okay. -You know what?
We're gonna fucking sleep out here.
[Lisa] Oh, my goddess, yes!
You wanna stay out here with the bugs and the dirt?
That's how our ancestors did it, Justin.
If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for us.
Please.
-Please. -Okay--
Don't make me cuddle up with Britt.
Dude, look at me. Fucking look at me.
-Okay. -She fucking farts in her sleep.
All right. Okay. I will go get the blankets.
-You. You're the GOAT. -[Justin] Sweet baby boy.
[Shane] Blankets. That sounds good.
-I'll come too. -Guys...
We're fucking camping!
Sorry.
-[Britt snoring] -She's good.
[tense music]
Need some assistance?
No. I'm fine.
Well, I just thought, you know, we all need some blankets.
I can help you.
With the blankets.
Whatever, dude. Just grab what you can carry.
Juice, I'm not here to grab blankets.
[Justin] All right, well, if you're not here to help,
just stay out of my way, all right?
I mean...
there's a bed.
You, me.
Alcohol.
Basically writes itself.
[Justin] Wha-- what are you doing?
I think you know what I'm doing.
Bro, what the fuck?
Oh, my God.
-Don't be so lame. -What the fuck?
I'm just trying to have a good time.
Ugh. Aren't you straight?
Fuck, bro. With the labels, man.
-I'm just trying to-- -Bro, I have a boyfriend.
Oh, yeah. Allen. "Oh, I'm sad and lame."
His grandpa just fucking died.
-Yeah, we all know. -Dickhead.
I wanna show you a good time that
-Allen's never shown you. -Bro, I don't know what
this sexuality crisis is, or whatever this is.
-Come on, man. -Oh, my God. I'm so tired.
-Just come over here. -But, dude,
just keep me the fuck out of it, all right?
-Come on, don't be so lame. -Stop. Get out of my way.
-All right? -Don't be a pussy.
-Come on. -Dude.
Get the fuck out of here.
[Justin sighs] Fuck.
Hey.
Don't go saying shit.
[Justin] Or what?
I'll fucking kick your ass, that's what.
Or you can come in here.
[Justin] I would love to see you try that.
[footsteps retreating]
Pussy.
[gasps]
Piss. I gotta piss.
Guys, I'm gonna go piss.
[eerie music]
That's not the house.
Anyone in here?
Mind if I take a piss?
Okay.
[urine trickling]
[exhales]
[trickling stops]
[zipping]
♪
Shit! Oh, fuck.
Shit, man, you scared me.
Allen? Is that you?
Is that you, man?
Nah, that's gotta be Shane.
[chuckles]
You got me good, Shane. You got me.
Did you know this place was here?
It's wicked cool.
[laughs] We should've partied here.
It's a shame Allen's selling the place, you know?
It's a cool place.
Yeah, but money will be nice.
Ah, screw this place.
Allen's gonna be rich.
Oh, man.
Rich guys throw the best parties.
I can't wait to see what kind of place Allen gets
with all that cash.
Shane, why do you got that weird mask on?
♪
[Britt screaming]
[thudding]
[whirring]
♪
[birds chirping]
[phone ringing]
Hey, Mom.
Yeah, I'm fine. You know, just a long night of packing.
What?
Um, yeah, uh, stuff's going great.
I think we have a few trips we can make.
Sounds great.
I'll be sure to let everyone know.
Hey, my mom is expecting us later for food.
[Justin] Mm.
We should wake the gang.
Okay, you go get ready, and I'll wake them up.
I got this.
Hey, wake up.
-Oh, hell, no. Oh, hell, no. -[Justin] Come on.
Oh! It's so hot in here.
[sighs] I'll take care of him.
Come on.
[groans] I'm so sleepy. Baby, come on.
I wanna stay in bed all day.
-[Lisa growling] -[Luke grunting]
God! Why'd you do that?
-[Lisa] Come on, let's go. -Oh! God.
How much did we drink last night?
Fuck.
[tense music]
We're missing a couple people.
I think Shane ended up upstairs.
Okay. Um...
Has anyone seen Britt?
Not since last night.
Yeah. I think I heard her go, "I gotta pee, I gotta pee."
Then I fell back asleep.
Okay. Um, um...
I guess we should go look for her.
What?
Whoa, hey, guys, guys.
Like, she'll turn up, right?
Can we eat something first. I'm starving.
-Allen? -Mm-hmm?
Did you bring something other than pizza bites?
Uh, we brought some frozen mini corndogs.
-[groans] -I'm sorry,
I forgot about breakfast.
Um, I doubt there's much that's still good in the cabinets,
but maybe some rice.
Maybe, like, cornflakes.
[Luke groans]
I figured this might happen, so I went ahead
and I packed us some apricots, bananas, apples, pears.
Lisa, is that why your bag was so heavy?
Well, that and my emergency ritual kit.
Awesome, I love you, you're perfect,
and I'm gonna go make some rice.
Fine by me.
Oh, hey, we did bring some milk if you wanna add some of that,
and then some brown sugar.
[Luke] Milk and brown sugar with rice?
Just try it, okay? It's good.
[Luke] All right, whatever you say, Chef Allen.
Hmm. [smacking lips]
Okay, um, so we're gonna eat some breakfast,
and then we're gonna do a little more packing, and...
when Britt decides to bless us with her presence,
we can all go to my mom's for some real food.
-Sounds good. -[Shane] Oh, hallelujah.
[gentle music]
[Justin] Allen.
This is still a lot of stuff.
Oh, I know. Uh, I figured we'd take it all to my mom's
and just worry about it later.
I hear you, but you're taking way too much stuff,
and you're only leaving a little bit for the auction.
[Allen] I know, okay? Give me a break.
Look, I know you need help and you need time,
but I'm-- I'm just trying to help.
I'm not trying to be, like, a dick, right--
Well, then stop fucking being one, Justin.
Where's Britt?
[Shane] Uh...
[Allen] Okay, Lisa, Luke, check out by the barn.
Shane?
-Put down the fucking yo-yo. -Yeah, man.
Yeah, yeah, sounds good.
[Shane] But I like to yo-yo.
Are you happy with yourself?
-Oh, shit, am I in trouble? -Yeah, mm-hmm.
A little bit, yeah, not gonna lie.
What if they break up over this?
Then they break up over this, and Allen can be happy.
Oh, 'cause you know what will make Allen happy.
Yeah, I got a pretty good idea.
I've known him longer than Justin has.
Well, then you should just go ahead and marry Allen.
Ouch. But dude does have a farm.
All right, all right. I get what you're saying, okay?
But your whole crew is a lot to take in.
I had a hard time getting used to them, too.
-Give him a break. -Oh, my God.
He sucks. But you're right. You're always right.
When we get back, we'll sit down and we'll talk,
clear the air, all right?
-I don't like feelings. -I know you don't.
Even when you're an asshole, I'm still in love with you.
That's because I'm very loveable when I'm being an asshole.
That thing's seen better days, huh?
Lisa, don't go in there.
Don't go in there. Don't go in there.
-Don't go in there. -[Allen] Britt!
[Shane] Britt!
Britt!
[Shane] B-dog!
[Allen] Britt!
I hope they're having better luck than we are.
Yeah, I hope Britt's okay.
You and, uh, and the Juice.
Sounds a little tense.
Nah, we're-- we're both just tired.
[Shane] Yeah. I bet. I bet he's tired, yeah.
We were up pretty late. I don't know about you.
But I haven't-- I haven't had a night like that since college.
He didn't mention anything last night?
-What do you mean? -What happened?
-What do you mean? -[Shane] Nah, forget it.
He was drunk. No biggie.
What are you talking about?
I didn't want to bring this up, but, like, he, like,
you guys went to bed, and everyone was asleep,
-and he, like... -What?
...came on to me.
He was like, "Shane, I've been looking at you all weekend."
was kind of waiting to, make, you know, like, a move.
You hit on my boyfriend?
No, no, no. He hit on me.
Justin wouldn't do that, but you...
-What? -...I think you might.
Dude, I'm not even gay, bro.
Why would I hit on your boyfriend?
I don't know, Shane.
Do you want to talk about it?
Safe space, you know, if you're going through something.
Talk about what? I'm fine.
You know me. I'm good.
Shane, you've never been fine.
Look, I don't want to start anything.
I just thought you should know.
Shane, you're always trying to start something.
-No, I'm not. -Yeah.
It's always gotta be about you.
Even when we're looking for our friend,
-in the middle of this field-- -Britt's gonna be fine.
On my dead grandpa's farm, buddy.
It's always gotta be about you.
Britt!
Dude, I thought I could just come to you and, like,
trust you with this.
That's victim blaming, bro.
Shut the fuck up.
[Shane] Britt!
What? I just thought you should know, man. Okay?
You know, everyone else notices it,
but I'll be the one to tell you, Allen.
Allen!
Your precious new guy in there is a fucking slut.
[dramatic music]
What are you gonna do?
[spits forcefully]
[grunting]
What else you got, grandpa's boy?
[footsteps approaching]
[choking]
-Fuck this. -[running footsteps]
Ugh, you know, I know you like places like this,
and weird, creepy shit, that's really creeping me out.
I like it.
It's got history.
Character.
Character?
Hey Luke, I found something pretty cool.
[suspenseful music]
[music builds]
[retching]
[Luke vomiting]
Oh my goddess, what is wrong?
Luke!
[Luke] Lisa, what the fuck? It's Britt.
-Oh my gosh. -[Luke] What the fuck?
-We need to get Allen and Shane. -Lisa, it's fucking Britt.
-Come on, let's go. -It's fucking Britt.
-[screaming] -Oh! No, no, no, no, no.
Oh, God. Oh, my God, Lisa. Oh, God.
He is wearing Britt's hat.
You're wearing Britt's hat. You killed Britt.
-Luke! -Give me this.
-[Luke grunting] -[thudding]
There's no blood. There's no fucking blood.
-Put it down. -What the fuck?
What the fuck!
[tense music]
[both panting]
Guys, where the fuck is Britt?
-She's dead in the barn. -Jesus Christ.
-Where's Shane? -He's dead.
What? What do you mean, he's dead?
What the hell is going on down here?
[eerie music]
♪
[Justin] Killer scarecrows?
Yes, man, killer scarecrows.
Dude, stop messing with me. We don't have time.
Fucking Justin, nobody's messing with you, man.
Nobody's messing with you. Our friends are dead.
-They're dead. -Hey Justin, hey, look at me.
I saw it with my own eyes, okay? Shane's dead.
Britt's dead.
-[loud thud] -[screaming]
[Allen] Fuck, Jesus.
-Jesus Christ. -Fuck, fuck man.
That's what I was telling you, man.
That's what I was telling you.
-[loud thud] -[screaming]
[Luke] Whoa! [groans]
[Allen] There's only a single pane of glass.
Why aren't they breaking in?
[Luke] They're playing mind games on us.
They're playing mind games on us.
No, no, I think there's a magic ward around the house.
[Luke] Lisa, honey, baby, I love you.
But you-- this is not the time for that. This is not the time.
Luke, honey, baby, this is the fucking time for this,
because they were made from a ritual.
A magic ritual.
-What ritual? -Look.
What are you talking about?
Holy shit.
Oh, man, I don't want to talk bad about your grandpa,
Allen, but that guy was really fucked up.
You know what, this-- this doesn't make sense.
I--
Your grandpa's a murderer, man.
Jesus, Luke.
What? He is.
No, there shouldn't be this many of them.
It says that he only made one.
I'll explain when we get out of here.
When we get out of here?
We ain't gettin' out of here.
There's fucking scarecrows out there.
I can stop them, okay?
How are you going to do that?
I can craft a ritual based off of the one
that was used to create them.
With the stuff in the house and what I have in my bag,
I should be able to do it.
[tense music]
Luke, I need you to go to my bag and get four white candles,
matches, incense, and my small cauldron.
Allen, I need you to go upstairs and find some bones.
Twigs, if not.
And Justin, I need you to get some red and black cloth.
All right? Check the closet.
[exhaling]
[paper ripping]
-Hey. -Hey.
-I can't lose you too. -[Justin] You won't.
Did Shane hit on you last night?
[Justin] Ugh. Yeah.
[Lisa] Guys, we don't have much time.
We should go.
Okay. What else, what else do you need?
-Eggs. I need eggs. -Eggs? Okay.
I-- I can look for eggs. Um... is this gonna work?
I'm positive, yes.
-Positive? -Mm-hmm.
Okay, I believe you, I believe in you.
You got this. You got this.
[exhaling]
[ethereal music]
[Lisa] Goddess, I ask for your protection in this endeavor.
Wrap me in your arms and hold me in your life.
-Did that work? -I don't know.
We should check on our friends.
I got you.
[Allen] I think they're gone.
[Luke] You guys see anything?
[suspenseful music]
-[wet thunk] -[Lisa screaming]
Lisa? Lisa! Lisa!
[suspenseful music]
[Lisa panting]
[Lisa groans]
Read it. You go, I'll hold him off.
[Luke] No, I'm not leaving you. I'm not leaving you.
Please, I'm not leaving you. Come back!
[Luke screams] No!
No. No, no, no, no.
We gotta go. We gotta go. We gotta go.
-[Luke] No, no, no, no. -[Justin] Come on!
That lock's not gonna hold for long.
We're so fucking dead.
They're-- They're not gonna break down the door.
How do you know?
[Allen] I think it's my dad.
[tense music]
[dramatic music]
[eerie music]
When my dad died, Grandpa was devastated.
I didn't get to see him much after that,
'cause he and my mom...
But the last time I did see him, he was so happy,
and he kept talking about death not being the end.
At the time, I just thought he was super religious.
You think that's your fucking dad?
[Justin] Hey, Luke, back off, dude.
Fuck off, yeah.
Hey, I know it's not completely my dad, okay?
But some part of him is in there like a heart or a liver,
or a brain, some part of my dad lives inside Billy.
-[Justin] Luke, fuck you. -Fuck your dad.
Your fucking dad, it's not your fucking daddy, okay?
-That's a monster. -Breathe.
It's a monster, it's a monster, and it killed Lisa!
-[loud thuds] -[doorknob rattles]
[pounding]
[tense music]
Hey! Who's ready for some chili?
-Mom. -Where are you going?
[Allen] My mom's out there.
[Mom] Hi, I'm Allen's mom.
Get back in the car. Mom, back in the car.
-[Mom] Allen, what's going on? -Mom, later. Car.
[Mom] If you're in trouble, I'm not going anywhere.
Hey, it's me you want.
It was my decision to sell the farm.
-It's me you want. -[Justin] Allen!
-Allen! -Justin, no!
Justin!
Mom, stay back.
-Get the fuck away from my son! -[Allen] Mom!
Don't.
It won't do any good.
Please trust me.
I know you're in there, Dad. Okay, okay, okay.
I get it.
Maybe you know my Dad. I know you.
I know you knew Grandpa. You loved me.
I loved him.
You know he would've want this.
And I get it, I get it.
I've been having a hard time, too.
Okay, but this isn't the answer.
This won't bring him back.
[somber music]
[gasping]
[emotional music]
[dog barking in distance]
[rustling]
[dramatic music]
[Allen panting]
[gentle music]
-[Justin sighing] -I'm so sorry.
[Justin] For what?
You're not the one that gave me a concussion.
[Justin retching]
Definitely a concussion.
I should've just decided to sell it all.
The farm. The knicknacks. I shouldn't have come back.
We didn't need to. This is all my fault.
[Justin groans softly]
[bird chirps]
Oh God. Oh, shoot, okay.
We need to get him to the hospital.
Oh, Luke, Luke's inside.
-I'll get him. I'll get him. -Okay, okay, come on.
[Justin] Oh, God.
-[Justin groans] -Okay, here we go.
[Justin] All right. All right.
Okay.
-[emotional music] -[Luke crying]
Justin is hurt.
Fuck Justin.
Fuck you.
I'm not going to fucking leave her here.
I'm not leaving her here.
You can fuck off. I'm not leaving her here.
[sobbing]
Hey, we're gonna get her out of here, okay?
♪
What's going on? What-- Oh my God.
Oh, Christ.
All right, just get in the car.
-We'll take-- we'll take Justin. -You're gonna be okay.
I'm gonna burn down this fucking house.
-Take care of him for me. -Allen! Allen!
And keeping this empty, broken, shitty house up
isn't doing either of us any good.
If there's something of his you want, go ahead, but...
you're not changing my mind.
You might wanna leave.
-Suit yourself. -[lid clattering]
[matches rattling]
Last chance.
[gloomy music]
[sobbing]
♪
[match hisses]
[match clatters]
[somber music]
[fire crackles]
♪
Thank you.
-All right. -I won't be gone long. Promise.
-Okay. -Hey, I love you.
I love you. Stay safe.
I can't make any promises.
[bird chirps]
Hey.
Got a sec?
I'm not surprised you made it out.
It's nice.
I miss him.
A lot.
Oh, no, no, no. I-- I don't want that.
Thank you.
No, really. I-- I don't need it.
Jesus Christ.
If it means that much to you.
I came here to get some closure.
To let go.
Maybe you should, too.
It's just a thought.
It's nice seeing you.
I mean, kinda.
I guess even after everything that happened,
it's just, it's nice to see someone that gets it.
But I'm moving on.
I'm trying to.
I need to.
And I think you do, too.
Where are you going to go?
Well, I guess, good luck out there.
Just, hey.
Please don't kill anyone.
["Wayfaring Stranger" by Brynn Moncur & Nate Floyd]
♪ I'm just a poor wayfaring stranger ♪
♪ Traveling through this world below ♪
♪ There is no sickness ♪
♪ Nor toil, nor danger ♪
♪ In that bright land to which I go ♪
♪ I'm going home to see my father ♪
♪ I'm going home no more to roam ♪
♪ I'm just going over Jordan ♪
♪ I'm just going over home ♪
♪ I know dark clouds will gather 'round me ♪
♪ I know my way is rough and steep ♪
♪ But his fields arise before me ♪
♪ The God's redeemed, their vigils keep ♪
♪ I'm going there to see my mother ♪
♪ She said she'd meet me when I come ♪
♪ I'm just going over Jordan ♪
♪ I'm just going over home ♪
♪