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I'm not leaving the closet. You can leave if you want to.
-How long are we staying? -Until they forget about us.
-What if we get hungry? -I have dry yogurt.
Good job, Abu Ghannam. How many?
-Two and a half. -That should last us a week.
-What about water? -Humans can live without water for weeks.
-But you're a dog. -What did you call me, Talisca?
Enough! You packed us into your closet without a plan.
This is a fortress of resilience!
I knew it!
Ms. Widad!
-Get out of the closet! -No!
It's time for the world to see who you truly are!
First grade students.
Ms. Widad, I'll miss you.
I'm greatly indebted to you.
MASAMEER JUNIOR
How about we skip the school phase and join the workforce immediately?
Saad, please, spare us the business talk.
The workforce? What will we even do?
Do you know how much C4 explosives makers earn?
Saad, C4 explosives are banned.
Besides, it needs a diploma and a permit.
I know a diploma forger.
Well done, you creative genius!
Three six-year-old kids with a diploma in bomb manufacturing.
Don't you think we're a bit overqualified for the labor market, Mr. Smarty Pants?
No more cupcakes!
Only assignments
and hard labor.
I hope Ms. Widad can handle my absence.
DEPTHS OF IGNORANCE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
Hurry up, before you miss the assembly.
Just shut up!
Why is he on edge?
This is our first day of elementary school.
And?
We heard that elementary school is the graveyard of men.
No.
What's this nonsense?
You're living the dream.
If only I could go back in time to elementary school.
Life was easy.
All you have to do is come to school, sit your ass in a desk,
and solve equations like, "Two plus two… equals 36."
Now I know why you're a doorman.
Why are you in a rush?
The hard times will come later. You're living your best days.
You know, Pythagoras here has a point.
-He's right. -To the first grade!
What's the worst that could happen?
HELL
Hell!
You steal, you go to hell.
You lie, you go to hell.
You wear jeans, you go to hell.
Hell!
I stole your sandwich.
And where's the juice?
Juice?
Saad! Don't!
My face! Oh my God!
The juice is gone.
Why did you do that to your friend?
Weren't you listening?
If you steal, lie, or wear jeans, you go to hell.
But he didn't steal a camel. It's just juice.
Oh, "just juice"?
And when we smoked cigarettes then went to your uncle's?
What did you say when he asked about the smell?
That a supermarket employee was smoking,
then he touched me.
-Then what happened to him? -My cousins beat him.
Three broken ribs,
a punctured lung, and five years in prison.
And hard labor.
Saad, where did you get the football we played with in the Ramadan league?
I stole it from Shneef, the one with the ears.
Exactly. He and I stole, and you lied.
That's two.
Okay. Thankfully, we didn't commit the third one.
-None of us wore jeans? -Yes.
How do I look, guys?
We need to atone for our sins.
PRISON
Good evening, Burhan.
Wow, you've lost weight.
Keto diet?
You ruined my life.
-But you touched me. -Where did I touch you?
My heart… You touched it with your tender soul.
Enough, Burhan. You're being a baby. Here.
For the psychological damage we've caused you.
Five riyals? You cheapskate!
It's worth 200 where he's from.
What do you say, Burhan? Let's forgive and forget?
Thanks!
I'll see you in hell, God willing.
I found it.
You think Shneef will forgive us if we returned it like this?
Hell.
Hell!
Don't cry, dear. What's wrong?
Looks like he's lost.
There's a grown-up.
Sir, we found your son.
Thank you.
Have you seen my boy? He's wearing a red hat.
Call an ambulance.
Save your credits.
Poor thing.
Bro, it's a wolf, not your nephew.
What about animal rights?
Release the poor animal.
No! It's a wolf!
Bro, helping animals is a good deed.
Be free, young soul.
NURSING HOME FOR THE ELDERLY
We did them good. We spared them the humiliation of old age.
ORPHANAGE
Help! Somebody help me!
Call the fire department.
It's rush hour.
It will take them an hour to get here.
The poor woman will die.
-Get out. -What?
-We need the water to put out the fire! -It's not--
The whole thing costs 300 riyals.
Turn it on, bro!
The death toll of the fire that started this afternoon
and burned an entire neighborhood has reached 255.
In addition to financial damages estimated at around 64 million riyals.
The authorities are still investigating the causes.
So that's it? We're going to hell?
Don't say that, Abu Ghannam.
Call an ambulance!
It's all because of our sins.
It's all because of our sins!
Somebody save me from this dirty man!
It's not what it looks like, woman.
You're naked on the roof at night. What am I supposed to think?
Take it easy, woman.
Dr. Mariam Nour says that wearing a towel boosts the immunity.
And what's with the TV?
I'm just watching The Terminator, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"Terminator"?
Yes, of course. "I'll be back."
Go to him…
I knew it, you bastard!
Actually…
It's not my TV!
Have fun with Maisa.
Wait, woman! Who will wash my pants?
Where are you going? Come back! Be reasonable!
Hey!
Samaher!
Come back! You're mistaken!
God help me! Sultan, talk to your sister.
I'm the one who told her to leave you, pig.
Samaher! Baby doll!
Maisa is better than you!
DONKEY CAMP CAFE VIP COFFEE SHOP AND HOOKAH
Go to him, go to him Plant a kiss on his cheek…
Oh boy!
It's crowded.
They came for Maisa.
This is the only place in the whole town
where men come behind their wives' backs to indulge in sin.
Sin?
Whenever Uncle Shlaash's wife catches him watching Maisa, they fight.
Hey!
Enjoy your sins while you can,
because soon I'll take away this forbidden ecstasy!
Bastards!
You're my love You're my fate…
What's on your mind?
Maybe we can't change the past,
but surely we can fix the future.
What?
What did we learn from all our past experiences?
That we're surely going to hell, God willing.
No, Big Nose. We're highly efficient at taking lives.
-Yeah? -We have to slaughter the wench.
-Who? -Maisa Wahbi.
-Why kill her? -Because she's a homewrecker.
To atone for our sins, we need a huge good deed.
Good on you, brother.
-What's with the terrorism vibe? -What terrorism?
You want to kill an innocent woman?
Bro, I'm just saying,
let's resort to violence to avoid going to hell.
That's the definition of terrorism, you bastard!
Big man, do you know where Maisa Wahbi is?
Maisa Wahbi lives in the Republic of Artaqia.
Artaqia?
Yeah.
If you want me to tell you where Artaqia is,
you have to solve this riddle first--
Man, shut up! I don't have the time! Tell me!
I wanted to sound wise!
-You didn't give me a chance. -Spill it!
Okay, fine!
I'll read this to you.
It might help.
"The Republic of Artaqia is an island in the Arabian Sea."
-"It has a calm climate--" -Enough!
Never mind him. Let's go, guys.
Hey!
Kids!
Do I need to tell them that Artaqia is a failed state
controlled by violent gangs who deal in human trafficking
and that the United Nations Development Programme
classified it as a disaster area?
Eh, it's not my problem.
At least say "Bismillah," glutton.
Bismillah, from the first to the last!
Trad, are you crazy?
-The end justifies the means, Saltooh. -Huh?
Marriage is the pillar of society. Eliminating Maisa will save it.
A good deed that'll save us from going to hell.
-I'm not convinced. -Why don't we ask the teacher?
Where do you think we are, a circumcision ceremony?
Shut your mouths.
Our lesson today is about the signs of the Apocalypse…
SIGNS OF THE APOCALYPSE
…both the major and minor ones.
Yes?
Where is Mr. Muneer?
He died.
How did this happen?
Sudden death, God forbid…
SUDDEN DEATH
…is one of the signs of Apocalypse.
The Apocalypse?
That's why we can never know
if we'll still be here tomorrow or not.
How did he know it's tomorrow?
Considering the amount of depravity that is spreading in society,
it's highly likely.
That's why, my children, it's essential to--
The teacher is dead.
Three tickets to Artaqia, please.
-We have no flights to Artaqia. -Damn!
Children aren't allowed to board without a guardian.
Double damn!
My pants.
My pants!
Hello?
They stole my pants, Adel!
-What? -They stole my pants, Adel.
My pants!
Are you insane? You know what time it is?
Remember what we talked about yesterday?
Gas prices?
No, idiot!
The thief who stole Jennifer Lopez's pants.
What does gas have to do with Jennifer Lopez's pants?
He stole them and sold them to the highest bidder, idiot!
-How much was it? -It happened to me.
You stole Jennifer Lopez's pants?
-Drop dead! They stole my pants. -Why would they want them?
What do you think? They'll sell them.
That confidence! Get over yourself!
What do you mean, jerk?
Are you comparing your pants to Jennifer's?
Every item has a buyer, Adel!
Your pants are not an item!
-Why would they steal my pants then? -I don't know.
All I know is that I won't find four idiots
bidding on your pants at a Christie's auction.
Hello? Nafea?
I got a bit nervous.
-Why? -I fear my pants won't sell for much.
Shut up and go back to sleep, man. You gave me a headache.
Don't lowball my items!
To hell with you and your pants!
The American State Department has advised its citizens to leave Artaqia
within the next 24 hours
in light of reports warning of an upcoming terrorist attack
by the September's Flower terrorist group,
which will lead to the total collapse of this devastated state.
I miss Um Saleh.
Please help us, big guy.
Please, free us, brother!
I haven't seen my kids in four years.
Blessed is the axe and its owner.
Hurry, please. There's no time.
Hit it at an angle.
Quietly. Don't make a sound.
The bitch is here.
Oh God, help us!
Leave them alone, shalkokha!
Good job, Trad!
Mr. Shalaby.
You're a good boy indeed.
That's it? Have I atoned for my sins?
Like the day you were born.
Do you promise, sir?
THE PERFECT SUMMER DESTINATION FOR KIDS AND ADULTS
What?
Man, Artaqia is nothing like I imagined.
And Artaqians are nothing like I imagined.
Excuse me, Auntie. Can you help us find Maisa…
…Wahbi?
Who is this blue guy?
This is Riyad Chamoun,
President of Artaqia, who was assassinated.
After that, the country descended into a civil war.
Is this guy in every town?
He's the Artaqian Hizam.
Hey, thanks.
The red ones on the right
are the September's Flower Group.
And the yellow ones on the left are July's Thorn Group.
They've been fighting for over a decade and won't reconcile.
Poor people!
Man, to hell with their country. It's not our problem.
Keep your eyes on the grand prize.
We find Maisa Wahbi, stab her, and then make a run for it.
But how will we find her?
The post office knows everyone's address.
Good afternoon.
Can you give me Maisa Wahbi's address, please?
Are you stupid?
I won't give it to you.
Bribe her, Abu Ghannam.
I'll send her a letter if you want,
but I won't give you the address.
That's outdated! I don't want a pen pal!
I want to meet the woman today!
Let's go, guys!
Excuse me, miss.
I want to send this flower to Maisa and I want you to write her a letter.
No harm in sending her a letter.
-Hold on. -Huh?
-I have a better idea. -Say it.
-How about… -Yeah?
…we catch a pigeon?
-I can see where this is going. -Wait, let me finish!
We catch a pigeon, then we go to a stationery shop.
-Enough, brother! -Let me finish!
Then we buy a quill brush for writing and an inkwell.
-Enough! We get it! -Can I finish, please?
Then we write a letter.
Then we tie it to the pigeon's leg.
We understand the plan, smart-ass!
-You didn't ask me what's in the letter. -What's in the letter?
"From his majesty, Trad Lion-Dog, to the cow that is Saltooh!"
"Shut up before I stab your pancreas!"
Take it easy, bro.
We need a modern means of communication. We need…
Wait here.
ARTAQIA'S PHONEBOOK
M…
Majid Abdullah.
Malik Nejer.
Maisa Wahbi.
Hello?
-Hello. -Who's speaking?
-Maisa Wahbi's residence? -Yes, it is. Are you the plumber?
Yes, I'm the plumber.
Yes, I'm Abu Jalanbo.
Why are you late? When are you coming?
I'm on my way, but… I forgot the address.
If you could…
Remind me, God bless you.
POST OFFICE
Why don't we ask him? Maybe he knows where Maisa is.
My mom told me not to talk to strangers.
You're in Artaqia, bro! Everyone around you is a stranger!
Hello, good sir.
Do you know where we can find Maisa Wahbi?
Are you sure Maisa is there?
It's very close by.
Flower neighborhood, 50 September Street.
Okay, don't worry. I'll be there soon, ma'am.
Don't be late, ple--
Shut up, you wench.
Flower neighborhood, 50 September Street.
Flower neigh…
Flower neighborhood, September Street!
FLOWER NEIGHBORHOOD SEPTEMBER STREET
Building number 50!
AMAL PLUMBING FULL MAINTENANCE
Plumber boy.
I'm in…
I won't say it.
You know what, I will. I'm in deep shit.
The deepest shit.
What do you want?
Maisa Wahbi.
No children allowed.
Good sir, your fly is open.
Good job, Saad.
That's what's called blending in and gaining trust.
What is your order?
Maisa Wahbi.
Sir, nobody can give you "Maisa" except the manager himself, Abu Ali.
Then take me to Abu Ali.
Follow me.
My mistake.
Watch out!
You're so late.
You know, it's raining, and… and there was a lot of traffic.
Yeah, right.
Can I ask you a question?
I welcome nosy people.
How can you live with yourself?
-I don't get it. -Honestly, you've got double the trouble.
Double the trouble?
You're not only a plumber, but also a dog.
May God forgive you.
Come on. Get in.
There it is.
Don't touch anything but the pipe.
Excuse me. Where is Mrs. Maisa?
That's none of your business. Do your work and leave.
MEDICAL FILE
God spared your life, bitch, and you still didn't repent.
God save me from hellfire.
This is your time, big boy. Bring it on.
Listen closely.
Before you meet Abu Ali, there's something you must know.
Yes?
You'll notice that his accent is a bit odd.
-And what's the problem? -There's no problem.
He's been trying to blend in with the Artaqian society for years,
and he has come a long way, but it still shows in his accent.
And he's very self-conscious about it.
So, please don't comment on this
or ask him where he's from, okay?
We're all human, Auntie.
Why are you standing? Sit down.
Are you new to Artaqia?
Yes, I just came today.
You foreigners have ruined Artaqia.
You left nothing for us, natives of the land.
Honestly, I feel there's space for hospitality.
How so?
Back in Saudi Arabia, we welcome all foreigners, no problem.
We have many expatriates from Egypt and Yemen…
You idiot, don't mention Yemen!
There was someone at our farm from the Philippines,
a faraway country in Asia.
A talented barista. He makes cappuccino and mocha.
-Mocha? -Yes, mocha.
A coffee drink named after the port in…
In Yemen.
What do you want?
Maisa. They told me you had her.
This is… Maisa.
And this is… Um Ali.
I know you came for Maisa.
But hear me out, Um Ali is better.
Three times the amount for half the price. What a good deal!
We don't accept the July's Thorn yellow money.
We don't use it here. They lost and it's done.
We only take the red ones.
Of course.
-Man, you're Yemeni! -What?
-You're 100% Yemeni, you bastard! -Saad!
Show some respect! I'm a native Artaqian!
And I'm native Japanese! Talk is cheap, kiss-ass!
Shut up and know your place!
My tuk-tuk!
Oh God!
Freeze!
Saltooh!
Trad!
Saltooh!
Trad!
Saltooh!
I'm starving!
Hey!
I want bread! Give me food!
Al Ettifaq is the champion, in Al Qadsiah's face!
Seriously, Abu Ghannam?
"A plumber and a dog."
"A plumber and a dog." To hell with you.
And how can you live with yourself being a servant and a woman!
Damn. What a comeback.
I swear, it would've destroyed her!
Tell me, any information on the distributors?
The third man, the general, is in our hands.
Welcome back.
Where did you zone out?
My axe was very close to feasting on her flesh.
-Who? -Maisa.
You really found her?
Oh, almost. I was about to slit her throat.
Okay, don't worry, bro.
Once we're out, we'll make her meet her fate.
It's difficult. Her house is crawling with guards.
Not for you, big guy.
Thank you, Abu Ghannam,
but I don't think any of us can bypass the security in her house.
It's impossible. We need someone…
Someone…
You donkey! You son of a donkey!
How could you make this mistake?
By the Flower, if I didn't need you in the upcoming mission,
I would've impaled you!
Next time you think of taking the men to a nightclub,
you'll be the one providing the services! Got it?
Forgive me, sir.
OPERATION WASP STING
What's gotten into you? We were about to eliminate our enemies in July's Thorn,
and you're drinking!
-Sir, I was-- -Shut up, you slob!
I don't want to hear anything from you or anyone else!
How's the food?
-It's all right. -The best chef in Artaqia cooks for us.
He has nothing on Al Tayef.
What brought you here?
Let's cut to the chase. We have a situation on our hands.
-We need your "patronage." -Patronage?
Why?
-A favor. We need your help. -Help with what?
You're blessed, being a muscular and bald terrorist.
We could use your services in
eliminating a woman, who spreads vice and depravity.
Who are you, for me to help you?
Easy, big man. We'll pay.
I spit on you, dog! I don't negotiate with the likes of you.
I'm Major General Meshaal Mashoor!
Is that really your name?
I only take orders from the caliph.
I only serve September's Flower.
C4!
This is C4!
Who made this?
Bless your hands, man, you're truly an artist!
Get your dirty hands off of our weapon, cockroach!
-Don't shout! -I'll shout whether you like it or not!
I could hear you in my office, Meshaal.
I apologize, sir.
How's our mission going?
Sir, thanks to God and to your guidance,
we're close to seizing total control over Artaqia.
The yellow group of July's Thorn are taking their last breaths.
Our enemies are left with strongholds in only 5% of the capital.
Compared to the September's Flower control of 95% of the land.
We tried to disarm them using diplomacy,
but they refused to respond and killed our messengers.
Because you're weak, baldy.
Sir, after our attempts to convince them have failed,
with your blessing, we'll attack the hideout of their leader,
Zaghloul Al Maatar.
General Zaghloul Al Maatar, the head of the snake.
We'll eliminate him and wipe this evil from Artaqia for good.
Man, wipe your caboose first.
I meant the train wagon.
Thank God.
I want to remind you that after the operation is done,
we'll keep our promise to the people,
and let them decide who rules Artaqia.
Enough weapons and enough shooting.
After all, September's Flower's purpose is to serve the Artaqian people,
not ourselves.
Long live September's Flower!
Who is this bigmouth and his friends?
Hello, I'm Commando Trad Lion-Dog,
leader of Heatwave's Flower.
This is Saad Abu Ghannam, leader of Dawan's Tree.
Sorry for making you Hadrami.
My pleasure.
And this is Saltooh Dakheel Allah, leader of Sleepy Cloud.
I'm Saltooh Dakheel Allah.
So you're not from Artaqia?
No, we're not from Artaqia, good man.
We came to finish our business with a woman, then we'll head home.
A woman? Who?
Maisa Wahbi.
Maisa Wahbi…
The man is stunned.
My Maisa.
That wench!
Even the terrorist has fallen for her.
What have you done?
Nothing.
Nothing yet.
Hey!
Your Eminence.
Caliph.
I can see your feet.
-What do you want? -What's your story with Maisa?
None of your concern!
You just became tense when we mentioned her name,
so I wanted to let you know.
Know what?
-That I was at Maisa's house today. -Liar!
Flower Neighborhood, 50 September Street.
My Maisa's address.
She was your Maisa a long time ago.
-Now, she's someone else's Maisa. -What?
-Do you know who was there? -I don't want to know.
The yellow one, Zaghloul Al Maatar.
-He took your Maisa to bed. -Enough!
Her name on his phone is "Town Bicycle."
Shut up already!
Okay, I'll shut up. One last thing, I promise.
-What? -I was fixing the pipes at her house.
She was sitting with her lover, Zaghloul Al Maatar, and said…
What?
"The caliph's bird doesn't sing."
Get me a bike to roam the city
The quickest way to break a man's heart is to show him his enemy with his lover.
You're playing with fire.
We're dead if the one-eyed one finds out we're manipulating his caliph.
On the contrary, the baldy should know
that Maisa is married to their enemy, and that his caliph is obsessed with her.
So he would… eliminate her for us, along with Zaghloul Al Maatar.
Women are a terrorist's obsession in life.
If a woman affects him in any way, he kills her without remorse.
Oh, Trad! You're a genius, I swear.
Wait, Saltooh, let's bad mouth baldy. I hate his face.
He has a sinister look.
What eyes, man? The poor guy has only one.
Right? He looks like an idiot. Muscles without a nervous system.
That's why we should use him, because a bull only speaks in violence.
Trad, teach me to be as sly and smart as you.
Don't change. Stay as cute and lovely as you are now.
-My darling Maisa. -Commander of the Faithful.
The men are waiting for you in the hall.
I no longer want to assassinate Zaghloul Al Maatar.
Send him a messenger advising him to surrender.
Is he for real?
We've been preparing for three months, and now he canceled it all.
How could this be? I like killing!
Causes transcend individuals.
Sir, we are all tired of the absence of stability.
Not only in September's Flower, but in all of Artaqia.
The country needs a strong leader to hold it together.
If not willingly…
then by force!
Excuse me, ma'am.
You received a flower from a fan.
Put it in the safe.
But, ma'am,
there's a heartbreaking letter.
Read it to me.
"Dear Maisa Wahbi."
"We are three orphaned young boys…"
…who have butt cancer.
It's when you have cancer in your butt.
We are about to die.
We came to Artaqia hoping to fulfill our dying wish,
which is to meet you, Maisa Wahbi, face to face.
One hour tops and you'll hear about Maisa's death.
Hello, young boys.
Hello, good guy.
Will you climb the birdie's nest to pluck her?
The birdie?
We mean, will you give the baby nom-nom?
Nope.
You're not surprising the wolf in its den?
Nope.
Won't you oil the tractor's engine?
Nope.
Won't you tighten the bike's gears?
Chirp, chirp.
Enough, you two!
I'll give it to you straight. Straightforward.
What's red with legs like bamboo, praises Allah, but skips Ramadan too?
I'm no fool, dog. I understand what you mean.
Okay, since you understand,
kill Maisa who made your caliph lose his mind.
Wait a minute. Are you also crazy about Maisa?
Trad, what's the riddle's answer?
What's red with legs like bamboo, praises Allah, but skips Ramadan too?
A rooster, idiot!
Please, man. If not for me, do it for your caliph.
Look at him.
Look at his eyes, and his nose.
Look at his earlobes.
How magnificent is he!
Doesn't this gorgeous man deserve you slitting Maisa's throat for him?
How I miss the kindergarten closet.
Okay, mastermind, what do we do?
Once the caliph finds out, he'll free us for sure.
My love story with Maisa…
is like no other.
MAISA WAHBI ARTAQIA'S NATIONAL TREASURE
I apologize, but this is all I have.
Are you okay?
I'm Ghandoor, and I'm a big fan of yours.
Nice to meet you, Ghandoor.
Take me with you.
Take you where?
I want to be your bodyguard.
I'll protect you, and I won't let anyone come near you.
What more could you wish for in life?
I still have one more wish.
After we get married and have a boy,
I want to name him Riyad.
Why Riyad?
HAND IN HAND, WE BUILD A BRIGHT FUTURE FOR ARTAQIA
After President Riyad, who did amazing things for Artaqia.
You want kids?
Of course, honey. And I hope they look like you.
Do you know what this is? This is September's Flower.
The star is in bad shape.
We don't know when she'll be able to sing again.
This is your last salary. You're fired.
Really?
The vice president stressed the need for self-restraint and meaningful dialog,
and to prioritize Artaqia's interests above all else.
For his part, the UN Secretary General, Javier Cuellar,
has expressed deep concern over the crisis that is ravaging Artaqia,
urging everyone to quickly respond to the humanitarian situation
which is on the brink of collapse in the devastated nation.
No.
No!
SEPTEMBER'S FLOWER
The truth is, I couldn't get over my love for Maisa.
I tried to keep busy with bringing victory to my country,
but I couldn't.
Okay, fool. You ruined it with your men and aborted the mission.
How is Maisa relevant?
When I knew she loved Zaghloul Al Maatar,
I couldn't bring myself to assassinate him and break her heart.
Damn this man.
What a simp.
For 30 years, all I wanted was to know why.
Why what?
-Why did she leave me so easily? -Because you're weak.
She overreacted.
A cold-hearted bitch.
-She won't show mercy to you or herself. -Enough!
Man, when I was at her house, I found her medical file.
She was seriously ill 20 years ago and had a hysterectomy.
You'd think she would stop sinning, but she's worse than before.
A hysterectomy?
Big beard, where are you going?
Open the door!
-I have-- -Saad, shut up!
Maisa!
What's wrong with you, man?
Are you smitten, shalkokha?
Behave yourself! Don't call me that!
Do you even know what it means?
No, I don't, but it sounds like an insult.
What does "shalkokha" mean?
Ask Dakheel Allah. He trusted a woman who destroyed him.
Shalkokhie.
-Guys, I have-- -Not now, Saad.
Let us… have fun with Maisa's shalkokh.
Shalkokh. Mr. Shalkokh.
It's clear you're a big shalkokh.
Shalkokhie.
-You, shalkokh. -You and your family are shalkokhs!
I'm scared of knowing what it means.
Shalkokhie.
Shut up!
You animal!
-You doomed us! -I'll kill you!
I hope you burn in hell!
-Guys-- -Saad, shut up!
-Get off me! -Okay!
If they don't want to know, it's not my problem.
Get off me. Let go of me!
You're suffocating me.
Saad!
BREAKING NEWS
…the little state in North Africa, after a major general rebel
called Meshaal Mashoor took over…
What is this?
September's Flower doesn't point guns at civilians.
Sit down, Ban Ki-Moon.
Not raising guns at civilians?
You're a stereotypical terrorist, man.
A gullible terrorist played by his men.
You and your cat eyes.
For 20 years, I've been dealing with the vilest humans.
But I never met anyone more vile and heinous than you!
Boy!
What's in the letter?
She's done it herself.
To the heroes fighting butt cancer, let me introduce myself.
I'm Patricia, Madam Maisa's maid.
Unfortunately, she couldn't respond to you
because she has become occupied with a sudden concert tonight,
but here is the concert address.
If you can make it, I can take you backstage
so you can meet Madam Maisa.
Please accept my regards, heroes. With all my love, Patricia.
Damn you, you wench! Screw you and your infidel boss!
Calm down, bro! Her maid didn't say anything.
Her maid is a bitch!
-You don't know what happened. -What happened?
The minute she opened the door, out of nowhere, she asked me,
"How can you live with yourself?"
-What does she mean? -That I'm a plumber and a dog.
How did you not respond?
Didn't respond?
I gave her a comeback that roasted her face.
-She couldn't handle it. -Really?
I said, "How can you live with yourself being a maid and a woman?"
-Wow, dude! Fatality! You're so tough! -You're a genius, Trad! You ruined her!
If you can't take it, don't dish it out.
Now, let's focus on what's important. Third time's the charm.
LONG LIVE MAJOR GENERAL MESHAAL MASHOOR
LONG LIVE THE MAJOR GENERAL
No! Get your hands off me!
You're not the president! I'd never accept you as our president!
It's a transitional phase, then it'll go back to normal.
You're all the same! You're all worthless!
Listen to me! My only president is the constitution!
Give it up for the Thighless Dancers folk dancing crew!
And now for the big surprise.
Give a big round of applause
to the Arab songbird, the one and only,
queen of Arabic music,
Artaqia's national treasure,
Maisa Wahbi!
Maisa!
Ghandoor!
What brings you here?
I no longer want kids. I only want you.
What are you saying?
I found out today. I'm sorry.
Sorry for what?
For pressuring you.
I didn't know that you… can't have children.
Ghandoor.
Maisa! Maisa! Maisa!
The shameless woman is late.
Run away with me. Let's make up for what we missed.
I knew you were naive,
but I never imagined you were this stupid.
How?
Do you actually believe I left you because I can't have kids?
Why did you leave me then?
Because you were one of Riyad's followers.
HAND IN HAND, WE BUILD A BRIGHT FUTURE FOR ARTAQIA
The moment you told me you loved Riyad,
I lost all interest in you.
What was your issue with the president?
He was against July's Thorn.
We're thankful for the efforts of July's Thorn,
but today we're a state of institutions.
For the sake of Artaqia,
I ask them to put their guns down, and join the table of politics.
FOR A BRIGHT FUTURE FOR ARTAQIA
We had to put an end to his madness.
What are you saying?
Poor man!
Like you weren't involved in his assassination.
No!
The day Riyad Chamoun entered the hospital
for his medical examinations was our opportunity.
So it happens.
We needed a loyal soldier to break into the hospital.
Joseph volunteered for the job.
But how can Joseph enter a hospital crawling with guards?
And here comes stupid Ghandoor,
who would do anything for his Maisa.
And gives Joseph the perfect excuse
to enter the hospital.
ARTAQIA CENTRAL HOSPITAL
Maisa! Maisa! Maisa!
Today, we enter a new era in Artaqia's history.
Yes to a new present.
Yes to a bright future.
Shortest presidency term ever.
Focus, man!
I'm trying, shalkokh, but Al Maatar is blocking her.
Saad!
Abdullah?
Abu Fahd?
-Cool! Are you with July's Thorn? -Yeah. You're with September's Flower?
Yes. What made you join July's Thorn?
I like bananas, and it rhymes with July, you know?
Understood. Bananas are full of potassium.
-Why did you join September's Flower? -Trying to get a divorce.
-How? -She hates extremists groups.
I joined the most extreme one, so she would divorce me.
Okay. Could you move the knife away?
Oh, sorry!
It's okay, man.
The wench is running away!
No!
Why did you kill her?
Maisa, please get up!
Get up so I can kill you.
Maisa!
She was in the palm of my hand.
It's okay, Trad! It's okay!
-It's okay! -Hold on.
Why are you not sad?
Because…
you guys had a point.
Ghandoor and these three saved Artaqia.
Ghandoor and these three saved Artaqia!
So we killed Maisa?
You're the main reason.
I'm excited to see the teacher's face when we tell him what we did!
Morons!
You're mere insects!
A disgrace to art, society, and development!
Maisa Wahbi is a pure woman,
a voice out of this world.
Are you proud of taking away this angelic voice forever?
You're definitely going to hell!
Didn't you die?
Yes.
I died on the inside because of the horrible news, damn you!
He means that Mr. Midhat said you died.
I was hospitalized because I had a brain stroke.
I was on my deathbed, but then I recovered,
except that the stroke changed some aspects of my personality.
And what about Maisa? Isn't killing her a good deed?
You dog! You're all in danger
and might go to hell for your heinous act.
Man, I can't tell what adults want.
God help us.
The world is marching toward its end,
and Maisa's gone, and Um Bunana remains.
Um Bunana?
A terrorist who recruits women to extremist groups.
Goddamn her!
Blessed is the one who kills her and rids the world of her abomination.
Prepare to leave, guys.
You and your pants have irritated me!
You're insulting me even though I'm paying for your trip.
-They'll all laugh at us! -Abu Abdelrahman, this is a just cause.
You're out of your mind!
Thirty-six hours of flights to look at your pants in a New York auction!
Excuse me! This isn't just an auction.
This is Christie's!
Christie's or whatever! It's just a pair of pants!
Not all pants are the same.
-A white pair, the only kind you have! -Shh!
It's starting.
Gentlemen, we open the auction with this Artaqian uprising piece.
It's a boat that uses old pants as a sail.
We start the bidding at $500.
$500!
I told you my pants were a masterpiece and you didn't believe me!
$501.
$501 for the man wearing glasses at the back.
Huh?
$550?
-Adel, bid for a million. -What?
Anyone?
Bid for a million or it'll be the end of our relationship.
Are you for real? Screw our relationship.
$550?
Sold to the potato-head man.
No!