[water running]
[somber instrumental music playing]
[razor scratching]
-[woman chuckles] -[baby coos]
-[man] Did it hurt her? -What?
No. Not at all.
She never cries. She doesn’t even wake up when I change her. Hm?
You know, it doesn’t hurt her.
It hurts you though.
You’re ashamed of her.
My daughter…
PAMPLONA, NOVEMBER 1973
Mmm. You’re so beautiful.
-[baby coos] -[kisses]
If you helped me give her a bath and held her in your arms,
you’d be over this nonsense.
Look at her. Look.
[laughs] She’s such a darling.
I don’t want her like theirs.
You don’t know what their lives were like.
It’s been 40 years since you’ve seen either of them.
What do you know about anyone’s life?
But I know what her life will be like.
Wherever her mother is, she’ll have her home.
What are we going to do?
We’ll follow the doctor’s recommendations
as soon as we can.
She’ll never know about it.
No one will ever know.
She’ll have a normal life. Perfectly normal.
You’re going to stop being so squeamish.
You’re going to love your daughter and start behaving like a real father.
Will you be able to do that?
[man] I already love her.
And I’ll do whatever I have to.
I’ll do anything for you, my love.
Your mother will always be here for you.
Always…
MY DEAREST SEÑORITA
[mystical instrumental music playing]
[muffled knocking]
-Hello, Miss! -Hi, Miss!
Hey!
[blows kiss]
[door lock clicking]
DE JUAN ANTIQUE SHOP
PAMPLONA, DECEMBER 1999
[woman] “Our preaching is in vain, and your faith is also in vain.”
This means that if Christ hasn’t really risen from the dead,
the Church must remain silent.
Yes, Javier?
But, miss, is clapping for the Pope considered a sin?
-[laughing] -Not at all, my dear.
But it’s not what we mean by the fourth commandment, either.
So it’s okay if I clap when I see him on TV?
-’Cause I like him a lot. -[laughing]
Yes, clap as much as you feel like, Javier.
But you’re not obliged to.
Keep in mind that the commandments are obligations for all of us Catholics.
Okay, I was worried.
-Thank you very much, miss. -[bell ringing]
Well, you don’t need to worry and we’re at the end of class.
Remember to practice your parts for the carols.
The show is soon.
-And leave the room tidy, please. -[kids] Bye, miss!
[man on radio] We have breaking news on the Wanninkhof case.
In an exclusive interview with a reporter from this station,
family members maintain that whoever killed the 19-year-old girl
must have been someone close to the victim.
Yeah, they say it’s the mother’s best friend,
the one with short hair and a face like a pitbull.
Grandma, that’s just people gossiping.
-Hm. -How can you say that?
Well, I’m not saying she’s guilty for sure,
but she’s making things worse for herself, isn’t she?
That frown she always puts on her face, it makes your blood run cold.
And she’s not very ladylike.
But Grandma, couldn’t you say the same about me?
I’m not exactly the most ladylike person either.
That family is already suffering enough
without having to worry about a killer living with them.
There’s no way you look like that woman. Come on!
I’ve never heard such a load of nonsense.
You have such a nice clean face, the face of an angel.
So that’s it!
We’re just supposed to send all the ugly, unfriendly, unladylike women to jail.
-Is that it? -[horn honking]
-Until we run out of-- Ah! -[metal crunching]
[coughs]
[groans] Grandma? Grandma? Grandma?
Grandma?
[pop music playing on radio]
Hold on, I’m coming.
[broken glass clattering]
[grandmother] Adela, sweetie… What happened?
-Grandma, don’t move, okay? I’ll get help. -[groans]
Just great. And it had to be you, didn’t it, Adela?
-Here we are. -I’m sorry.
For God’s sake, look at my car! You pushed me right onto the sidewalk!
-I’m really sorry, I-- -Snap out of it!
Look at my car. You see that?
You see the damage you caused?
I’m terribly sorry, Begoña, I got distracted talking to my grandma.
Your grandma’s with you in the car? Are you serious?
I’m gonna call my brother because I’m a nervous wreck now.
-Thanks to you! -Hello.
We’ve just had an accident.
On Duque de Ahumada, close to Cortes de Navarra.
An elderly lady.
Please come quickly.
[melancholy music playing]
[deep exhale]
Hello? Can you hear me?
Are you okay?
[siren wailing]
Yes, I’m fine. Is my grandmother okay?
Don’t worry, we’re looking after her now.
Let me take a look at you.
I said I’m fine! Leave me alone, please.
[EMT] You won’t let me check you, so it’s your responsibility
if there’s anything wrong, okay?
Grandma?
The police will take me to the hospital right behind the ambulance, okay?
-I’ll be there with you. -Yes, dear. Yes. Yes.
[man] Don’t worry, Adelina, I’ll go with your granddaughter.
FLEUR JAEGGY SWEET DAYS OF DISCIPLINE
[woman on PA] Attention please, paging Dr. Gonzales.
You are needed in the surgical ward, unit 4.
I didn’t know you were back.
Since September.
I know I should have come by to say hello,
but I’ve been practically buried alive.
My father is giving me control of the company
and I’ve been trying to catch up.
So you’re not going back to London?
I would have stayed in a heartbeat.
But I always knew it would turn out like this.
I was hoping that my father, the workaholic,
would put off retiring, or not retire at all.
But no.
How was your life there?
-Were you happy? -[chuckles]
Yes.
It’s a city that goes on forever.
Not to say anything against Pamplona or the life we have here,
but the truth is our Pamplona, your world and mine,
is very small.
We don’t see more than ten streets and a hundred people.
And then, of course, you get to London,
and the world is enormous.
Then you have to come back.
[nurse] All right, Adelina, make sure you do what the doctor told you.
Go for walks, but slowly,
and always have someone with you.
Oh, my granddaughter!
Oh, I see. She’s so tall and pretty.
Well, then, off you go with her.
[tense discordant music playing]
[door unlocking]
[man] Where have you been?
[indistinct chatter on TV]
Good evening.
Did Grandma get back okay?
I asked you where you were, Adela.
I decided to walk back.
And you just left your grandma?
Dad, everything’s fine. I was a little agitated and wanted to get some air.
It’s no big deal.
You young people think you can do whatever you want, take no responsibility.
-You don’t worry at all. -[woman] Adela, your father is right.
The responsible thing was for you to come straight home.
I just took a little walk. I’m sorry.
There’s some dinner ready. Heat it up for yourself.
And let’s not dwell on this. What’s done is done.
[woman on TV] …emergency committees have been set up for every local branch
of the federal government and every public sector office,
but we must approach the dreaded prospect of the Y2K bug calmly.
The most important thing is not to panic.
[mysterious music playing]
[shower running]
[gentle, emotional music playing]
[doorbell ringing]
[ringing continues]
Hey, they’re ringing the doorbell. Can someone get it?
[ringing continues]
Hi there, I’m Isabel Goñi, the physiotherapist.
I’m here to see Adelina Arrán.
-Yes, this is… This is it. Come in. -May I?
Okay.
God, this gets heavier every day. Like hauling a corpse around.
-[sighing] -[door closing]
-And you are? -Adela, I’m sorry.
-Nice to meet you. -[kisses]
It’s that way.
Down there? Let me just… [grunts]
[woman] Sorry it took us so long to come to the door.
No, don’t worry about it.
And my coat? Where do I leave it?
-[Adela] I’ll put it here for you. -Here?
I’m Isabel. Pleased to meet you.
-[kisses] -Yes.
-Come this way, if you’d be so kind. -Sure, I’ll just take this off.
Sweetie, could you grab my bag from the floor there, please?
Adelina, here’s the physiotherapist. Her name is Isabel.
Oh my goodness, Adelina, you’re still in bed?
As soon as I’m done setting up the table, we’ll get you out of there.
Because it’s not good to be lying down all day.
I should think I ought to rest after the accident.
I’m 88 years old, dear.
Well, that’s exactly my point.
If the doctor didn’t tell you to stay in bed, don’t do it.
Our bodies are very lazy, they like to do nothing.
[Adelina] Oh…
Come on, let’s get up like this. Hold onto me.
-[groaning] -Up we go, Adelina!
On your side like that. Very good.
[woman] Ugh, no. Every year I feel less interested in the whole thing.
And then the amount of food involved,
you know, it makes me sick already, to be honest.
Hm?
Yes. Yes, that’s right. She’s starting today.
Let’s see how it goes.
[Isabel] That’s a traveling dress, huh? That’s a new one for me.
[Adelina chuckles] Well, getting married in white wasn’t the thing back then.
[Isabel] Yes, that’s right.
[Adelina] Besides, my grandfather had died a few weeks before the wedding. Hm.
-So I wore black, but I was still elegant. -Of course.
In my cute little traveling dress.
Adelina, turn your head this way now, like before, that’s it.
Push, push, push. Does it hurt?
-No. No, no. No pain at all. -No?
Very good.
Well, you looked very pretty.
A real beauty. Okay, we’re all done here.
Let me get that slipper.
Shall I tell you how it went?
Uh, hold on, I’ll get my mother. She’ll want to hear it.
-Okay then, hold onto me. -[Adela] Mom?
[Adelina] Oh, that felt wonderful, my dear!
-It did? -Oh!
-I’m glad! -Your hands know just what to do, Isabel!
-[Isabel] Well… -Have you finished?
Yes, all done. She’s fine.
There’s tension, which is a normal response.
I think the sessions we have planned should be enough.
Still, she needs to be more active.
Go up and down the stairs, walk a bit, that type of thing.
This girl wants to put me in a green tracksuit
and take me to a ballroom to do the foxtrot,
like those old folks in Madrid.
Well, thank you. We’ll make sure she moves a bit more.
-[Isabel] Great. -I’ll move more when I’m good and ready.
Not a minute earlier.
-And how are you feeling, sweetie? -Good.
You were driving, right? Has that been looked at?
Uh, no, I was just touching my neck.
Touching your neck ’cause you’re in pain.
Lemme see.
Uh… No, but, I’m fine, really. It’s nothing.
Oof, yeah. You’re really tense.
Do you want me to take a quick look at it?
Let her take a look, okay?
Do it for me.
Your mother and I will be in the living room.
Come on, Cruz.
Come.
Unbutton your cardigan if you like.
Sit with your legs pointing outwards and uncover your shoulders.
[soft tense music playing]
-[Isabel] It was this side, right? -Yes, yes.
[Isabel] Let’s see.
I need you to lower it a little more.
Undo one more button.
That’s fine.
Okay.
I’ll examine you now, and if it hurts, let me know.
And tell me how intense it is.
Now turn your head.
How’s that feel?
It’s tense, but it doesn’t hurt.
Very good.
[music intensifies]
Oh!
What’s wrong?
Here, here you go. Did I hurt you?
Are you okay?
[tense music fades]
[melancholy music playing]
[light clicks]
["Entender el amor" by Mónica Naranjo playing on speaker]
♪ That lost stare into nothing Looking for the same thing as you ♪
♪ To learn something in life ♪
♪ To understand love ♪
♪ To discover what the world is like ♪
♪ To understand ♪
♪ To learn something in life ♪
[man signing along] ♪ To understand love completely ♪
♪ A dream come true ♪
[vocalizes]
Come in! Really, come on in.
I just came over to say hi, I have to be getting to work.
Okay. No, hold on a sec. Sorry, I-I can’t hear you.
[turns down volume]
Whenever I listen to Monica Naranjo,
I’m just transported, she’s so great. You were saying?
That I just came to say hi to you. I’m on my way.
Okay, but sit for a few minutes and have a beer with me, honey.
Another day, I haven’t eaten anything yet.
Don’t worry, beer is full of carbohydrates.
[can pops open]
It’s like a meal in a can.
All right, thank you. But only one.
Cheers!
Mmm! Oh, that’s good!
-So, how are you? -Fine.
I heard you had an accident.
[sighs]
It was just a little scare.
You ran into Begoña, right? Her father is Gómez Arellano.
Yeah, she went ballistic on me.
She’s a bit of a dumbass.
Fortunately, her brother was there to handle things.
-The one just back from London, right? -Yes. Santi.
Yeah, he’s a sweet guy.
Well, every cloud has a silver lining.
Do you have any plans for the holidays?
[song stops]
You know the name they called me in Pamplona all my life?
I do.
You do?
Horse Girl.
Those sons of bitches aren’t very discreet, honey, are they?
I just found out…
that some people call me “Our Mother José María.”
-What? -How do you like that, girl? [laughs]
You’ve gotta be kidding.
So there we are.
We’re still living in the 16th century.
This is a society where people are still scared of tall women and effeminate men.
I have to forgive them because, well, I’m a priest.
But you don’t.
Not everybody is like that.
Oh, really?
There are people here in Pamplona who might surprise you,
in a good way.
Well, you really must tell Our Mother José María
who those people are, okay?
I promise you.
But some other day. I should get going.
How mysterious. I like it.
She’s got style, this one.
Thanks a lot for the beer.
Hm.
Yes, Mr. Gómez-Arellano is away next week.
Call me tomorrow and we’ll arrange something.
Have a good day.
Mamen, can you get me those forms I asked for, please?
[Mamen] Yes.
Adela, how nice! What brings you here?
I’ve been working at my father’s antique shop
and earning a salary for four years.
And I’ve spent almost no money.
-I want to do something with it. -Good plan.
It’s silly to leave your money there doing nothing.
How much are we talking about?
About six million pesetas.
Uh-huh.
That’s very good.
Have you considered real estate? A down payment on a condo?
No, nothing.
Okay.
How much risk can you live with?
As little as possible.
All right.
I’d suggest government bonds.
Low interest, very safe.
What do you think?
Whatever you say.
Okay.
So we’ll do the paperwork, you’ll come in to sign it,
and you won’t have to think about it after that.
I’ll look after it.
Oh, hi. I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were here.
I was just getting a glass of water. May I?
Sure, come in.
-Uh… -Oh, I’ll get it for you.
Thanks.
Uh, would you like a coffee?
I was about to make a pot.
If you don’t mind, I’d love a coffee. I still have a lot of work to get through.
Adela, listen, about the other day,
I’m really sorry.
I made you feel uncomfortable, and I-I really didn’t mean to do that.
-Forgive me. -I’m not very good with physical contact.
And…
I’m sorry about how I reacted.
No, I can come on way too fucking strong, and I’m terrible with boundaries.
You wanted to help me and it was awkward. That was all.
Okay, but, um, if you’d like me to check that everything’s fine with you,
just let me know.
And we’ll find a way to make sure you feel comfortable.
I know I’m bad at respecting boundaries, but I’m really good at my job.
And one thing I hate is pain. Yours and mine.
-I’ll think about it. I promise. -Okay.
Hmm, Adela, please, don’t you think it’s time
to go down and help out your father?
Will you continue with my mother-in-law or have you finished?
We’re done for the day. I’ll just go pack up my things.
[church bell ringing]
[children singing "O Come, All Ye Faithful" in Latin]
[solemn choral music playing]
[inaudible]
[music continues]
[sighs]
[haunting ethereal music playing]
[muffled] Good.
This arm’s all done.
[music intensifies]
[music fades]
[footsteps approaching]
[Isabel] I’m heading out, sweetie.
Yeah, I could hear you coming down the hall.
I bet you could. With this thing, I sound like a garbage truck.
[both chuckling]
So, um…
Hey, the Casablanca video store, do you know how to get there?
We’re almost there, okay? That’s my car on the left.
Oh! Fucking Åmål.
Wow! This movie is just fabulous. It’s so weird.
Imagine Fassbinder making a movie for children, but with lesbians.
I haven’t seen it. When did it come out?
Just last year.
Shit, I’d have saved myself a lot of drama
if this flick had been around ten years ago.
So, what movie are we looking for exactly?
Um, Carl Dreyer’s Joan of Arc.
It’s a silent movie. The poster is in black and white,
and the actress has super short hair and a crown made out of straw,
and she’s crying. She’s so pretty, beautiful.
Maria Falconetti.
Maria Falconetti, yes, that’s her!
I couldn’t remember her name.
I just love that movie. It drives me wild.
It’s perfect. It’s more than film, it’s like a prayer.
Yeah, a prayer.
You’re right.
She has that powerful stare, you know? With those eyes!
It’s like you spend the whole movie wanting to tell her you’re sorry.
I get the shivers every time.
It was back when everyone was making big-budget epics,
and Dreyer goes in this whole other direction.
It’s so spiritual.
-Yes. -So…
-Theatrical. -Theatrical.
That’s totally it.
You know what? I want you to see the play I’m doing.
-You do theater? -Yes, I’m an actress.
Although the physiotherapy is how I make a living,
and I’m really good at it, unfortunately.
Mmm.
I guess we all have our own antique store, huh.
So, where’s the play?
It’s playing this Thursday night, at the ENT,
in the old part of town, you know it?
We’re doing a version of Joan of Arc.
I’ll be there.
Oh wow!
Okay, like, don’t expect a big production or anything.
It’s just a company with some of my girlfriends,
and I’m no Falconetti, you know.
I hope not. I hope you talk, at least.
[chuckles] Yeah, sure. That I can do.
Well, then.
It’s getting late, I should be going now.
-Okay. -Do you know your way back to the car?
Sure, sure. I’ve got it, don’t worry.
It’s a shame to cut it like this, Cruz.
The best way to roast a piglet is whole or in half.
Mikel, you know very well I can’t bear to see the animal’s face.
Fine, as you wish. You want pieces, pieces it is.
-Yes, I’d like pieces. -Here you go.
-How much is it? -1,500 please.
Here.
Okay.
See you. Happy holidays.
-[Mikel] Same to you. -Okay, we’re done. Let’s go home.
Next, please. Who’s next?
[pensive music playing]
-Mom. -What?
I need to see a doctor.
-Honey, are you okay? -Yes.
[Cruz] It’s something from the accident.
Well, as soon as we get home, I’ll call Dr. Etxebarría.
I’ll go with you.
No, there’s nothing wrong. I just need a checkup.
I mean, I want a checkup.
But not with Dr. Etxebarría.
That’s silly, Adela.
He’s known you since you were born, and he treats the family.
Mom, with a gynecologist.
-[woman] See you later. -See you.
[music intensifies]
Is there something I should know about?
No, nothing. It’s just, I’m 26 and I’ve never had an exam.
If you’ve never been it’s because there’s no reason to go, silly.
At 26, unless you have strange symptoms you don’t need a checkup.
-When you’re my age… -Mom.
I brought it up because I want you to come with me,
but I can go alone.
Well, you don’t have to say it like that.
I know you’re a grown woman.
Mom.
I’ve been taking estrogen since I was 15
and all I know is that I need it.
Well, yes, you need it for what you have.
But what is it I have?
I know I can’t have children, I don’t get my period,
and I need to take estrogen. So what is all that?
Oh, Adela, that’s all there is to it.
[music fades]
[doorbell buzzing]
Okay, we’ll talk after the big meal.
And, Mom, listen to me, okay? Don’t make so much food.
Restrain yourself, okay?
[pop music playing on stereo]
Put Auntie in charge, then. There you go, that’s it. Okay, kisses.
[José María singing along]
Keep stirring, keep stirring.
[Adela] José?
[humming]
Before you were a priest,
were you ever in love?
Honey, watch the bowl, you’re gonna spill everything.
Hang on.
Pour it in. Go on, all of it.
There. That’s perfect. Here, give it a try.
Mmm.
Delicious.
The potatoes are just right.
We’ll give it a little time to rest.
So come with me, I have something to show you.
[static buzzing]
-[80's pop music playing] -[indistinct chatter]
Hey!
-[José María] Look. -[tape whirring]
[Adela] What is this?
[José María] Wait…
Here we go, right here.
[José María on tape] Ah! Well, well, well! What do we have here?
-What is this? -It’s just scandalous!
It’s scandalous how gorgeous you are!
Come here. If you’re crazy, girl, call me up.
If you’re not…
[both] It’s your loss, sweetheart!
Ah!
[laughing]
[José María chuckles sadly]
[VHS clicks]
[emotional music playing]
His name was…
Alonso.
What happened to him?
AIDS, like everyone else.
-[sniffling] -Was he your… Were you…
Yeah.
He was the love of my life.
[sniffles]
How terrible.
[kisses]
Well…
And you?
Tomorrow, I’m going out with Santiago Gómez-Arellano.
I hope you have a nice time. But…
You’re not here to talk about him.
You told me there were people who could surprise you in a good way.
Who were you talking about?
My grandma’s physiotherapist.
What’s up with me?
I’m supposed to get together with her later.
Have you read Henry and June?
No. Who wrote it?
Anaïs Nin.
A goddess who could write like a demon.
She fucked most of Montparnasse in the years between the World Wars.
She’s marvelous. I love her.
And you’re gonna love her too. Look.
Read this.
“It’s so beautiful to love and be free at the same time.”
[exhales]
But I’m not a French woman in the '30s in Montparnasse.
I teach Sunday school in Pamplona.
Well, my Sunday school teacher, don’t you read the book first?
We can talk after that.
When I was 13 years old, I heard the voice of God speaking to me.
He gave me a mission.
[Medieval flute music playing]
That voice…
came to me around midday…
in the summer…
in my father’s garden.
And after that, I was never alone again,
never helpless.
I have nothing to fear from mankind’s judgment.
And thus I accept the holy fire I carry in my soul, and I burn.
Gather all my ashes.
My heart already hears the voices of the angels.
[music fades]
[scattered applause]
[indistinct chatter]
It was so cool with that lighting…
Hey! Oh my God, you came, sweetie!
I’m thrilled! Did you like it?
-This is the girl. -[Adela] Yes.
-You didn’t like it. -Yes, I did.
-You thought it was garbage. -No, I loved it.
Really?
Oh, come on now, of course, she liked it, she loved it.
Just listen to what she’s saying. Time for a beer, right?
[kisses]
I’m Ane, by the way.
I’m Adela.
Nice to meet you all.
We’ve heard all about you.
-Okay then! -[laughs]
Uh… What’s the plan? Go for drinks? You coming?
-Come on, come on, shots! -Have one.
I’ll have one, but then I need to go.
-No way, stay! -C’mon, girl!
Down the hatch, everyone.
[women] One, two, three, woo!
[punk music playing]
Oh, yeah!
[laughing]
This boy puts up his hand and asks me,
“But when we take communion, do we have to drink real blood, miss?”
[laughing]
Come on, Javier, you think that’s real blood? Don’t be stupid.
Well, I didn’t actually say any of that.
I talked about transubstantiation and the whole works.
But the poor kid was even crying!
[laughing]
[singing along to Euskera ska music]
-[Adela] I don’t know the lyrics! -[Isabel] What?
The lyrics! I don’t know them.
It’s just this!
♪ Sarri, Sarri, Sarri, Sarri, Sarri ♪
♪ Sarri, Sarri, Sarri, Sarri, Sarri… ♪
Yeah! Keep it coming!
[emotional ambient music playing]
Wanna come in?
[keys jangling]
-[Adela] Wait here. -Okay.
[footsteps receding]
[electricity buzzing]
Come here.
It’s an anonymous piece from the early 20th century.
Wow.
It’s in the style of Guido Reni.
It’s beautiful.
You see the clean areas?
Almost the whole face.
[gasps] And what’s that?
Is it… the real thing?
Yes, they bring them here to have them restored.
-Really? -It’s kind of a tradition.
-[gasps] -Be careful. They’re fragile.
Okay.
[laughs]
Watch out.
-♪ Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo ♪ -Isabel, please. Isabel. Isabel.
[crystal jingling]
-[Isabel giggling] -Over here. Please, Isabel, stop.
[Isabel] I’ll give you a thump, my girl!
Okay, take it off now.
[laughing]
That was a blast.
[chuckles]
What?
It looks like Lucía got some makeup on you
when she said goodbye.
That looks very nice.
-Oh. -It suits you.
-[telephone ringing] -Oh, that scared me!
It scared me!
[ringing continues]
Hello?
[father] Adela, what are you doing there so late?
Are you okay? Is something wrong?
Yes, everything’s fine, Dad. I was just doing some work.
You know who called me? Jesús, the taxi driver.
-He saw the door was open and got worried. -I’m going. Bye.
-Wait. Adela, thank you. -What?
What’s that you said?
Adela? Are you there?
-Just come home this minute. -[door closing]
[knocking on door]
Adela, it’s already a quarter past twelve, get up.
Santiago is there with your father.
He says you were supposed to meet him.
Now that we’ve had a drink, I’ll show you something
that’ll blow your mind.
No way!
-How did you even find this? -Hm?
[chuckles]
I did the cover art myself, you know?
[Santi]That’s amazing.
[Adela] The Javier Castle pilgrimage, 1988.
Oh, look. That’s Fran…
And the one with the thermos is Maite.
And this guy…
-Him? -What’s his name again?
Uh, that’s Eusebio. Sebi.
-That’s Sebi, of course! -That’s right.
-Oh, my God. -Good times.
[Adela] Yeah.
You know the image that comes to me when I remember those days?
You, at night, holding a hot drink of some sort
in the doorway of the hostel.
Valerian tea.
I still drink it. My grandma got me into it.
I watched you from the window.
You seemed 20 years older than us.
I was…
What?
Crazy about you.
It would have been very nice if you’d said so, you know.
I was an idiot, Adela. We all were.
No, Santi.
You were sweet.
[Christmas carol "Campana sobre campana" playing]
[thunder rumbling]
[Santi] Shit, it's raining!
Shit.
Come on! Run, run, run!
Over here!
Ooh.
[laughing]
Adela, I’m nuts about you.
I don’t know if you feel the same,
or if you’re happy about this. I don’t know anything.
[chuckles]
I’m sorry.
I have to go.
AVENIDA SHOPPING MALL
[children singing carol]
-[girl] Merry Christmas, Adela! -Merry Christmas.
[woman] The meat just melts in your mouth.
The butcher always gives me the best pieces.
-This is just delicious. -Very good.
What’s in store for us at Mass, I wonder?
It’s the first one from this priest, you know.
-He’ll give communion with a limp wrist. -[chuckles]
How on earth did that man get assigned to our church?
-A charming gift from the archbishop. -Right.
-[somber music playing] -[plates clattering]
Honey, we were joking.
I don’t think it was funny.
That’s okay, I’ll do the rest.
I’ll finish up.
You can dry.
Adela,
I know that we’ve been on edge lately.
But I’m just so scared that someone will hurt you.
I’m worried sick.
There.
Mom, I need to see a gynecologist.
[inhales sharply]
Darling, another time.
[Adela] Leave it. I’ll take care of it.
-[water running] -[silverware clattering]
Do as you wish.
[José María] “When my spirit faints within me,
it is You who watch over my way."
"There is no one at my right hand who is concerned for me."
"No refuge can be found for me."
"To no one does it matter whether I live or die."
"Thus I cry out to you, O Lord."
"Deliver me from my persecutors for they are stronger than I.”
[cell phone beeps]
[Isabel] "Merry Christmas, sweetie."
"On New Year’s Eve we’re going to the bar. We’re gonna wear costumes."
"You up for it?"
"I really wanna see you."
"Isabel."
[man on radio] Good morning!
It’s just a matter of hours before we say goodbye to 1999.
Tonight, we enter the new millennium
and we finally find out what happens with the famous Y2K bug.
[ambient somber music playing]
[tools clattering]
-[telephone ringing] -Ah, shit.
[clicks tongue]
[continues ringing]
-Hello? -Adela, it’s José.
I need to see you.
Come with me.
But where are we going? I have to go home for dinner.
Sure. Just come.
[dance music playing faintly]
[patron] Honey, you’re drunk, and the night hasn’t even started.
[José María] When the loneliness gets to me, I come here, I sit down,
and I watch them.
I don’t ever go in, of course.
But it makes me feel good.
It’s like I’m introducing you to my family, you know?
[Adela] They look happy.
They are happy right now, for sure.
When you get to a place that feels like your own, really yours,
with people who understand you, nothing’s better than that.
What is it?
I kissed Santiago.
Hmm.
I liked it very much.
It was great. But, as soon as I closed my eyes,
the only face I could see in my head was hers.
The masseuse with the big personality?
Yes, Isabel.
When I’m with Santiago…
I feel attractive.
But when I’m with Isabel,
I feel so free.
It’s a totally new experience.
I’ve always tried to…
be invisible, José.
Shut out the whole world.
I was numb about all of it.
My own body,
my… my infertility,
the medication.
All the things I don’t know about myself.
[emotional music playing softly]
And now…
I wanna live.
Now I want to be touched.
I want to be touched all the time. Do you understand?
It makes me want to throw up, that’s how much I want my own life.
Adela, honey,
life is about passion.
From Jesus Christ to Mónica Naranjo.
When our passions are locked up inside us, we’re cut off from life itself.
And the only emotion we have is resentment.
You don’t wanna go through life feeling resentful.
-I already do. -So get rid of it!
Do it.
Now! Before it’s too late.
The fear you feel now isn’t enough. You have to feel even more fear.
-[sobs] -More desire, more everything.
Listen.
When Alonso…
When I lost Alonso…
it was like I had fallen into complete darkness.
It was like a pit.
I’ve never been so scared.
Petrified.
But what the two of us shared,
what I lived through all those years before we met,
the risky life I led, the many sins I committed,
which made me so happy…
It all wrapped around me like a blanket and comforted me.
And when I hit rock bottom,
God appeared
as a result of my excesses.
Boom!
And he was everywhere.
Everywhere.
It felt like I was…
having sex with all the men I’d been with all at the same time.
I’d be telling a lie if I said
that I don’t have moments when I miss Alonso.
I’m not immune to sadness, but…
But I haven’t ever been alone since.
In the church, I serve the Lord,
but when I look at the door of that club,
I see him.
Happy New Year, darling!
But I don’t have a life full of good memories.
There’s no blanket.
So make one!
Push your boundaries,
make mistakes, get dirty.
You actually know perfectly well what you have to do.
Do it. Disappoint someone!
What the hell, disappoint all of us!
Leave us in the lurch
and do something amazing and unexpected.
[sobs]
Yes, honey.
[kisses]
That’s it.
Happy New Year, Father.
Happy New Year, my child.
[festive music playing]
[indistinct happy chatter]
[upbeat dance music playing]
[pop rock music playing]
Hey! She made it!
Oh! Adela!
-Yeah! -[Ane] Adela, come on!
-Shots on me! -Come here!
[music continues]
[tense somber music playing]
Girl. Cool it.
Cut it out, Isabel.
What? What is it?
[Isabel] Adela!
Wait, stop! Adela, wait up!
Adela!
Adela, stop, stop, stop!
Adela, please. What is wrong? What is it?
-I want to go, Isabel. Let me. -Okay, but listen. Look at me.
What you saw back there wasn’t… It wasn’t anything.
It was… No, no.
I was so happy to be seeing you tonight, really.
[music continues]
It’s my fault, Isabel. That’s it. Leave me alone.
-[woman on TV] Happy New Year! -[crowd cheering]
Happy New Year!
Happy 2000, everybody!
[music continues]
[knocking on door]
[music fades]
Good evening, dear.
-May I? -Sure, Grandma. Come in.
[fireworks exploding in distance]
[Adelina] Look.
This is my aunt Marga with my older sister, Ernestina,
may she rest in peace.
They called them the Butches.
Neither of them could have children and they never had periods.
But they were so tall, and strong.
Like me.
Yes, the same as you.
[Adela] Why’d my mother never tell me about them?
Your mother adores you, Adela.
But she’s been paralyzed by fear ever since you were born.
She does what she can, what she’s been taught to do.
Like me, like all of us women.
Were they happy?
Well, they had their ups and downs.
We gave them a hard time.
They didn’t marry.
But they had money of their own.
And no men to boss them around.
I’d say, that’s not bad.
Although their beds were always empty.
You’re so wise, Grandma.
Not wise enough.
It’s because of you that I understand now.
I took too long.
[kisses]
The next time you hear someone say “Horse Girl,”
remember that you come from a family of strong mares.
[fluorescent light buzzing]
[man 1] It’s hard to spot,
but if you look closely at the mucous membranes,
you can see the scar.
[man 2] I wouldn’t have noticed.
It looks amazing, doesn’t it?
[man 1] Uh, we’re done, Adela. You can get up now.
Let me know if you need anything else.
I really appreciate your opinion.
-See you later. -I’ll keep you posted.
Uh, get dressed now and I’ll see you in my office, okay?
Oh, to take it out, just turn this part.
[door squeaking open]
[man 1] Okay then, Adela.
I’m going to try to explain things as clearly as possible.
You don’t have your period and you can’t get pregnant
because you don’t have a uterus.
You were born without one, and without ovaries.
Instead, you were born with internal gonads.
Internal gonads?
Testicles?
Yes, but undescended.
Of course, in baby boys, the testicles descend toward…
But… But give me a second, doctor.
You just… You said baby boys.
-What do you mean by that? -Adela, slow down.
I’m not saying you’re male.
You have a vagina. It’s shortened, but it’s there.
In the examination we confirmed that you were probably born with
an unusually large clitoris.
They operated to normalize the appearance of your genitals.
They did a very good job.
Is that the usual treatment?
It can be.
I assume your doctors talked to your parents
and they all made the decision.
It’s the recommended procedure in certain cases of intersexuality.
Intersexuality?
Yes.
Adela, it’s much more common than you think.
And are those internal gonads…
still there?
No.
They must have taken them out when you were a teenager.
It’s usually done to prevent tumors or other pathologies.
-For example-- -The operation I had when I was 14.
But my parents said it was for a hernia.
[exhales]
It is possible that you had one.
And during the operation they also removed the gonads.
But… But that’s castration.
Well, that’s…
a very strong word for it, Adela.
[tense music playing]
You should have been told the truth.
And your family doctor certainly hasn’t followed up much, but…
I wouldn’t describe that way.
But that’s what it is.
What do I do now?
The best thing is to forget it and get on with your life.
Hm?
If you like, we can do your checkups here.
If I stop taking the Meriestra, what would happen to me?
I don’t recommend it.
Your body needs hormones.
So, what would I have been like now?
With no operations, no treatment, no…
Who would I actually be now?
[melancholy synth rock music playing]
[scratching]
["My Sweet Prince" by Placebo playing]
♪ Never thought you'd make me perspire ♪
♪ Never thought I'd do you the same ♪
♪ Never thought I'd fill with desire ♪
Darling, no.
No.
[sniffling]
I am your home.
♪ Me and the dragon ♪
[sobbing]
♪ Can chase all the pain away ♪
♪ So before I end my day ♪
MADRID JUNE, 2000
♪ Remember ♪
[jack hammer rattling]
♪ You are the one ♪
♪ My sweet prince ♪
♪ You are the one ♪
[José María] "I think we’re due for a phone call."
"I hope you’re doing well and you own the bar now."
"I miss you. José."
"P. S. I have dreams that rob me of my reason."
"I find myself in a strange dimension,
surrounded by flames that are meant to burn with pleasure, an angel appears."
"Or an archangel. Who can possibly tell?"
[reporter] The Wanninkhof murder has come to be known in this area
as the Case of The Killer Godmother,
and it has caused great indignation among those who live here.
On one occasion, as María Dolores, was escorted into the courthouse,
the Civil Guard and the National Police had their work cut out for them…
[woman] They just keep lying. That poor woman is getting screwed.
They’re all in cahoots trying to fuck up her life.
[man] The girl’s mother is constantly slinging mud at that poor woman.
That mother is going mental without her daughter.
Plus, she’s been jilted. There’s nothing scarier in this world than a broken heart.
Right.
What do you think, honey?
That when a raging mob looks for justice,
it usually finds an innocent person that someone doesn’t like.
Write that down, Isidoro.
I’ve got enough to write down with all the orders.
-Anything else, Patricia? -Nothing, honey, thank you.
[man] What do I owe you?
Tapas and a coke. Five fifty.
A. D., when you’re finished, come see me, okay?
See you later, guys.
Listen to me.
How many times have I told you, bring in your ID card?
I’m up for an inspection, I’m gonna be screwed,
This is your last warning.
Bring it tomorrow.
If you don’t, I’ll get someone else.
I’m sorry.
Patricia, need a hand?
No, I’ll be fine.
Thank you, sweetie.
[pharmacist] I’ll give it to you.
But it’s important that you pee.
And by the way, tell Antonio to wash his balls a little better.
Right. Thanks a lot.
[pensive music playing]
[pharmacist] Wow. I see the testosterone is making a difference.
Two rounds.
Sure, two little beauties.
No prescription yet?
I’m afraid not.
Well, I’m not going to leave you without medication, okay?
But it’s important for you to find a doctor
and get a prescription, hon.
Here you go.
You boys show it right away.
I’ve had some real studs in here, like out of a porn movie.
You wouldn’t believe the transformation.
In two months, you’ll see.
-See you later. -See you.
[pharmacist] Hi, how are you?
Waiting here. You know, you’re a real sleazebag.
That’s what you are, a sleazebag. What you’re doing is unspeakable.
You’re going to give me a fricking stroke.
[ambient techno music playing]
Check it out, check it out. Where are you going?
-Come here, honey. -Nice tall drink of water.
Why don’t you come hang out with us?
[line ringing]
[Cruz] Hello?
Adela, my dear, is it you? Are you okay?
I just want to know if you’re doing okay. Say something. Please.
[hangs up]
[A. D. sobbing]
[trance music playing]
[music intensifies]
[music fades]
[man] If he had any idea what it’s like for us.
[woman] Oh, he’s here.
Hello.
Hi. Are you okay?
Yeah, sure. I’m going to bed.
Uh. Hey, A. D.
We’d like to talk to you. Come sit?
I’d rather do it another time, okay? I’m tired.
[doors opening]
Come on, A. D., we really tried.
We all have issues and you’ve got some stuff to work on.
But Ángela and I have the same ideas about sharing a space. And this isn’t it.
We can’t get you to open up, A. D.
And we feel bad for you, but…
Maybe you’re in the wrong place.
If something we did offended you, tell us, but this situation is shitty.
I don’t wanna live like this.
Are you kidding me?
Was that all?
For almost six months you’ve avoided us because of this?
What the hell?
I’m sorry.
-Why are you sorry, A. D.? -No!
-[chuckles] -Why are you sorry?
But wait. Do you really believe that my name is Gato?
That my mother has eight tits and meows?
[laughs]
No.
We’re pretty weird ourselves.
You must’ve noticed me going out with guys, girls. Hey, guys and girls!
-[Ángela] With anything that moves. -And this one?
She has no idea who the father of her baby is, for God’s sake.
-No clue. -[chuckles]
Well, I narrowed it down to three.
Two from back home and this German hippy who lived in a cave.
Enough said.
-And I might be in the running. -[chuckles]
A. D., sweetheart.
We knew about it.
Well, we guessed and we didn’t care.
In fact, it’s why we wanted you here.
Because you’re the perfect addition to this little whorehouse.
Right, my darling?
[A. D.] And he has all these books in his house
that the Church wouldn’t be happy to hear about.
With a voice like that? He’s a priest?
Plus he’s very handsome.
[Gato sighs] Let me at him!
I just love all that stuff about the antique store.
Looking at you, it makes sense.
It’s a little bit annoying how interesting you are.
Okay, done?
How about you?
What’s your real name, Gato?
I’m not ready to confess that yet.
I’m from Tacoronte, Tenerife.
Ooh, good work, little prince!
And for now, I’m just working at home. Stuffing envelopes,
assembling keychains, whatever.
-And your family? -My family is kind of like yours.
Good people, I love them.
And I can go back whenever I want.
But when I’m there, I’m a square peg in a round hole.
-And yours? -Mm.
My dad’s a carpenter,
a bigger fascist than Franco.
My mom’s a lovely woman.
-Beautiful. -[A. D.] Mm.
And so smart.
Her mistake was getting married to that animal.
I talk to her every week.
Not to him.
Wait, aren’t you an art restorer?
-Hold it gently, like a brush. -[chuckles]
Okay, now while you’re inhaling,
imagine you just quit some dumb job you absolutely hate.
That’s it. Here.
A photo.
Oh, so handsome.
-[A. D. coughs] -[laughs]
Your first time, huh?
Guys…
with that whole scene we went through at home,
I forgot to tell you something important.
I… I’m unemployed as of today.
And what I have saved will last me two months.
The two of us go through constant ups and downs in life, honey.
Two months is a lifetime. Something will come.
You bet your ass it will.
Come on, let’s go in.
In you go, little cutie.
[clicks tongue]
No, honey, no.
I think it’s about time to make up for all those missed opportunities.
You’re coming with me tonight.
["Flash" by La Prohibida playing]
[Gato] My golden girls!
♪ Like an electric flash ♪
♪ That could kill you… ♪
Alana?
Hey there, doll.
You look gorgeous. How are you?
-Hello. -You look amazing.
-I’ll come back, okay? I’m giving a tour. -Okay.
Yeah, girl, what a rack.
Mmm!
Even tastes like milk. Hey there!
♪ That could kill you… ♪
Roberta!
My love!
She’s a nympho. Amazing.
[chuckles]
That’s Prohibida.
♪ Like a flash ♪
[crowd cheering]
[Prohibida] Thank you so much.
[cheering continues]
[pop music playing]
Come say hello to her. But don’t worry, she’s a friend.
Prohibida!
-Hey there. -Hi.
Who’s this big queer?
My name’s A. D.
-Andy? -A. D.!
Ah, A. D.! Pleased to meet you.
Well, you’ve outdone yourself. You found yourself a real sweetheart.
[laughs]
You need anything, hon? My life savings?
Maybe later, sweetie.
-You sticking around? -Yeah, sure.
She’d actually give us her life savings.
[chuckles]
A drink?
Cristi!
-Look who it is, Gato! -[Gato] Hello, princess.
-How are you, handsome boy? -What’s up?
-What’s your poison? -[Gato] Uh, two vodka lemon, please.
Another queer boy in tow?
How are you? I’m Cristi.
Welcome to our humble abode.
Pour, baby. Don’t make them watery.
Okay, kitty cat. Put away those claws.
[Gato] Mmm! I love you to bits.
Gimme that ciggie. Drinks are on me. I’m so fried.
-Thanks. -Well, gentlemen, enjoy your evening.
-[man] Cristi! A scotch and soda! -Wait your turn, I don’t have four hands!
Just two. I wouldn’t be here if I did.
[A. D.] They called me queer. Both of them.
Have a bit.
[music continues]
Blech.
The word "queer" is the only word in the dictionary
that is singular, plural, masculine, feminine, neutral.
Being queer is a dream.
I don’t think it works like that.
You don’t?
Shut it, shut it, shut it, you queer!
I have something to tell you that is totally gonna blow your mind.
[chuckles] You see?
Not talking to you! So self-centered!
[synth pop playing]
It’s my song.
Shall we dance?
Coming through! Gotta dance!
["Tú, lo que tienes que hacer" by Chico y Chica playing]
♪ You ♪
♪ What you have to do is ♪
♪ Get ready and go out ♪
♪ With modern people ♪
♪ And dance at a disco ♪
♪ You should have ♪
[laughing]
♪ Your school diploma… ♪
Here you don’t worry about what anyone thinks.
Be yourself.
♪ If you want to get somewhere ♪
♪ What you have to do ♪
♪ Is wear your coat inside out ♪
♪ And what you have to do ♪
♪ Is sign up for an English course ♪
♪ What you have to do What you have to do ♪
♪ What we have to do ♪
♪ Is have a style of our own ♪
♪ Not give up on doing things ♪
♪ For fear of what others May say about us ♪
♪ And finally strengthen our friendship ♪
[song ends]
[laughing]
Hold on.
-But you know who I mean? -[shushing]
I was talking about how Jackson Pollock used synthetic resin, right?
Jackson who? You sound like an encyclopedia.
-A walking encyclopedia! -[object clatters]
[Gato shushing]
Welcome home.
-Good night then. -Good night.
[both shushing]
[Ángela] Psst!
Come. Come, don’t sleep alone.
What?
Don’t sleep by yourself, come here.
Ramón Vicente.
Gato. His real name is Ramón Vicente.
[both laughing]
[doorbell buzzing]
[continues buzzing]
Who is it?
It’s Patricia, baby. Come down.
Patricia?
What are you doing here, Patricia? How’d you get my address?
From Isidoro.
You’re lucky I came to see you and not him, because he’s furious.
Fine. Tell him sorry from me, if that’s why you’re here, okay,
but I’m not going back there.
Hey, hey, relax, altar boy, relax.
Isidoro can fuck himself. I came to see you.
Okay. Thank you.
But right now things are complicated.
I have to think. And before that I need some sleep.
What you need is a job and some ID!
Hold this.
But… Where are you going?
Look, I can’t help you with ID. But with a job, sure.
Now, as a waiter you’re fucking bad, okay?
But you move well. You’re elegant and well-mannered.
Hotel or luxury store?
I worked in my dad’s antique shop.
Of course. Perfect.
You’re the kind of person I could use.
I’ll pay you 25,000 more a month than Isidoro. Well?
I’d be working where?
In a cute little souvenir shop, very sweet.
After all that drinking you lost a few brain cells, huh?
I didn’t want to presume, Patricia.
I’m a hooker, A. D., not a Falangist.
Don’t be scared to say it out loud.
Yeah, but there’s no way I’m gonna sleep with anyone for money, huh?
Please, for God’s sake, take your purse.
I don’t care who you screw or whether you charge for it.
I need you for two things.
One, take care of reception.
It’s not what you might think.
And two, be my personal assistant.
Why do you want to help me, Patricia?
Because at the bar, you were the only one who helped me go down the stairs.
Taxi! Come, hop in. You start right away. I want you to come with me to the clinic.
No, wait, wait, wait. Patricia, I’m filthy.
I need a coffee and a shower.
There’s no time. You’re fine like that.
You’re like a Pasolini hustler. Come on.
I trust you won’t have a problem giving me your ID for the job.
Hmm?
Understand?
I understand.
[grunts]
Thank you.
Here it is.
[woman] She wants her next appointment to be at the end of the day.
Let’s see if we can arrange it that way.
Good morning, Patricia. How are you?
-Good morning. -Hi, Patricia.
-They’re ready for you, okay? -[Patrica] Thanks.
[Patricia] You got me so relaxed, you know?
[Isabel] Well, that’s what I’m aiming for.
[Patricia] I woke myself up with my own snoring.
[women laughing]
Oh, there you are.
[intense music playing]
I’m gonna find a taxi. I’ll be outside, Patricia.
[music fades]
[keys clatter]
[Gato shushing]
How are you?
You were up super early.
[baby gurgling]
Hey there.
I got a job.
Already?
Holy shit.
I’m impressed.
Where?
One of the clients from the bar has a business.
Well, that’ll come in handy.
Because Amadeo is putting up the rent.
40,000 pesetas. What a prick.
Ángela’s gonna really struggle.
So will I.
Honey, I have to get going.
I’ve got work.
-Change him for me? -Sure.
Put him on your shoulder so he burps.
-Okay. -[baby giggles]
-Everything’s in Ángela’s room. -Hi there.
-Bottom drawer of the dresser. -Good boy.
[Gato] Just go in.
You okay?
Yes.
[Patricia] Before you open the door,
you have to verify the appointment details.
Who the client is, who is seeing them,
in which room, and what they need.
Here you take their coats and bags and what have you.
And you store them in the closet across from the desk.
This is where you’ll work.
Most of the time they call us up to ask for our services.
You never ask for their name more than once.
And never say their name out loud.
Okay?
Do I ask them what they want or will they…
No. You mustn’t ever ask that.
The first appointment is with me and it’s the most important one.
They tell me what they’re looking for exactly,
or the path they wanna take.
And if they don’t know, I have to guide them.
[mystical music playing]
This is the Hall of Versailles.
It’s where Madame Vega works.
Come on!
This is the medical room.
Madame Altair works here.
And they actually use this for…
Don’t.
It’s very important, A. D.
Don’t judge the people who come here.
You have to be very brave to confront your desires
and place them in another person’s hands.
This is sacred.
And this is where I work.
The dungeon.
A. D.
One thing you need to remember.
From the moment you come into this house until you leave
you will address me always as Mistress Feli or Madame Feli.
Understood.
The dressing room is this way. Knock before you go in.
[woman] I want things to be clear.
The other day he suddenly pulled out this pig mask for me to wear.
-[woman 2] The Fernando from way back? -Girls.
Bonjour. I’m Madame Vega. Enchanté.
How are you, cutie?
Uh, I’m good.
I really like him, Mistress.
It’s so nice to meet you. A. D.
“Enchanté” for me too.
A. D., the clients get changed in the rooms.
Prepare their things and put them there ahead of time.
Your uniform is here. You have two.
We open in an hour.
If you need anything just ask.
Thank you.
[speaking French]
[speaking Ukrainian]
[laughing nervously]
[woman 3] He doesn’t understand.
Uh, girls, go on ahead, okay?
-See you tomorrow. -[woman] Okay, see you tomorrow, Isabel.
I guess it’s my destiny to do physio on all the old women in your life.
If Patricia hears you call her an old woman,
she’ll bury you alive in the desert.
[melancholy instrumental music playing]
I’m going that way.
[A. D.] How long have you lived in Madrid?
Well, my temp contract ended around a month after you disappeared.
How are things?
Look, I’m not sure I wanna do this right now,
this casual chitchat as if we’re just acquaintances
bumping into each other. I mean…
I don’t know if I want to tell you what I’m doing here.
I understand.
I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.
Is this why you left?
I’m not judging.
Honestly.
But seeing you like this, out of nowhere, I mean, holy shit.
There were plenty of times I thought about it,
I wondered what it would be like if we met again,
but I mean, of course, I never supposed it would be like this.
Right.
Why did you come?
Because I ran away once
and I don’t want to do the same thing again.
[sighs]
Can I give you my number?
I already have it.
It’s a new one.
Oh.
In that case, yeah, I’ll take it.
Go ahead.
655…
-Yeah. -[beeping]
34-72-85.
Under what name?
A. D. is fine.
Not much of a stretch, huh?
[A. D. chuckles]
[music continues]
Good night, A. D.
Good night.
[music fades]
You have steady hands.
My granny’s diabetic.
How have your first few days been?
Fine, I’m adapting pretty well.
I think so too. You’re doing a great job.
I’m glad you’re here.
Thanks, Mistress.
[chuckles]
When the lights are off and the door’s shut, call me Patricia.
Want to have dinner at my place?
I make a mean gazpacho, you know.
No, thanks, Patricia.
Up to you, honey.
I’ll be right out.
[ambient music playing]
THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF ALICE B. TOKLAS
[music fades]
[cell phone ringing]
Hello.
[Isabel] I just walked out in the middle of an unbearable play.
That bad, huh?
No, it was amazing. That’s the problem. I couldn’t stand it.
You still there?
Yes, sure, I’m still here.
I can’t stop thinking about you.
Same here, and I don’t fucking like it.
Because I have spent months thinking over and over
about what happened the last time I saw you in Pamplona.
It was the first time I felt that way, Isabel.
I didn’t know what to do.
And I still don’t know.
Okay, sweetie, but I’m going out of my mind because, I mean…
I don’t know who you are.
Like, I know, it’s you, but not…
I fell in love with you, I fucking admit it.
I fell in love with the girl who teaches Sunday school,
and now I find myself with… It’s…
I don’t know, it’s like you stepped out of a Calvin Klein ad.
I don’t know what to say.
Well, there’s no way I can sleep now.
And you sound really awake too.
Do you want to hang out for a while?
[Isabel] Want some? I just bought it
So, what was the play?
A revival of The Maids.
With these girls who are just spectacular.
Have you tried some acting here?
Uh, well, I want to, I’m trying.
That’s why I’m here, to act. I didn’t come here to give massages, but…
This city has been eating me alive for four months.
I loved watching you act.
Come on, Adela.
Uh, A. D., I’m sorry.
You just felt that way because of all the oxytocin in you.
Don’t say that.
I was being sincere.
Look, I remember the way you admired that painting in your parents’ store,
and the way you spoke his name.
The painter’s name, it was…
-Guido Reni. -Guido Reni, that’s it.
Who I’d never even heard of.
So I’ve seen the look on your face when you see something amazing.
You have no idea what it’s like to have to
look at girls who were born for the stage and compare yourself to them.
Those fucking girls, they have this way of…
delivering their lines with such authority
and also with…
so much delicacy.
They have this way of transforming physically, they…
They’re irresistible.
And I hear myself say the same lines, with the same intonation,
and bursting with emotion, but I just feel so ugly.
I know it’s a weird way to put it, but…
I feel ugly and I’m full of shame.
There’s nothing ugly from where I’m sitting.
Right.
No, seriously, the best moments in my life
have always been thanks to beauty that was created by others.
And of course, I know what it’s like to be the ugly girl.
Not that I saw myself like that,
but others did.
Those assholes have no clue.
My point exactly.
You know, I looked up that priest friend of yours?
-Are you serious? -Mm. After your vanishing act.
You mentioned him just one time. It was when you were bombed, girl.
-Boy. I’m sorry. -[chuckles]
But I could tell he was someone you really cared about.
So how was it?
He was charming.
[chuckles]
He helped me a lot to… understand you more.
He drops me a line now and then.
In fact, he knows we ran into each other.
He hasn’t mentioned that.
Maybe he’s waiting for you to tell him.
He fucking respects you.
[sighing] Oh, my God.
I love this place.
I come here a lot. I say hi to the guys out cruising.
[José María] On Saturday, I dreamt about you.
We had a band, but we didn’t do our own singing and we got caught.
I miss you showing up out of nowhere, crying and asking me for advice.
You made me feel like Confucius.
I love you.
P. S. “Had I not created my whole world,
I would certainly have died in other people’s.”
Our Anaïs.
An hour and a half with him. Thank God he’s asleep.
I was desperate to pee.
You got in pretty late, huh?
Mm. Stuff at work.
Hmm.
Do my other hand for me? I always mess it up.
Thanks.
[doorknob rattling]
Must be Gato.
Mm-hmm.
I think he might wake up the kid. Get the door for him?
What’s up? Are you wasted?
Ah. Here you are, you low life’s. I knew it.
Amadeo, what is this?
I need to talk to you and you won’t open the door.
You can ring the bell or use the phone.
That’s how it’s done. Not like this, not at this time of day.
“He who has nothing to hide has nothing to fear.”
This is still my house.
No, no, no. This is your property, not your house.
That’s why we pay rent.
Look, guys.
I’m sorry, but I have to raise the rent.
The way things are going, I have no choice.
Then there’s… There’s the kid, that’s why I’m here.
What kid?
-What kid? My son? Huh? -Well, your son.
Àngelica, a couple of neighbors complained.
We have older folks living here, and I don’t want children in the building.
And so who complained? Who complained exactly, huh?
“You name the sin but not the sinner,” Àngelica.
Ángela, my name is Ángela. Án-ge-la.
And I’ve had enough of your proverbs, so stop fucking saying them.
You know what we’ll do? I’ll go from door to door
-and find out who complained about a baby. -[baby crying]
[Amadeo] Calm down. Please, be quiet, for God’s sake.
-[ringing] -Calm down? I don’t think so.
-Don’t you “calm down” me, mister. -See, see? Hear that? Hear that bawling?
-Sounds like a fire truck! So irritating! -We'll find who to blame.
-[banging] -[Amadeo chuckles]
What’s going on, Ángela?
Does my son bother you?
No, why would your son bother me?
Uh-huh, this gentleman here says my son is bothering the neighbors.
No, no, I didn’t say it was him, but the whole building can hear it.
Anyway, that’s just one thing. There’s also the rent. And other things.
So call and explain your concerns. And we’ll discuss it.
What was the plan? Throw a little boy on the street?
[Amadeo] It’s impossible to talk to you. Always the same.
-I can’t take it. -Shh! Okay, okay. What’s up, guys?
[Ángela] This gentleman is raising our rent.
You look annoyed, Amadeo.
He says the baby bothers the neighbors.
But he’s making a fuss right now.
Listen to that. The whole stairwell’s shaking!
[baby continues crying]
I’m really sorry, Amadeo, but I don’t hear a thing.
Wait.
Huh.
[Amadeo] Stop fucking around.
Hm. Nothing. No baby crying anywhere.
That’s really weird.
-[Ángela shushing] -Okay, guys, inside.
Bye, Amadeo. Always a pleasure to see you. We’ll talk another time.
[Gato] Fucking great. Where the hell do we get the money?
[Amadeo] You better fucking pay me! And shut him up!
That guy’s such a bastard.
[Patricia] Okay, baby, come here.
Help me with this boot, please.
[sighing]
[groans]
What a relief!
That looks bad.
Let me give you a massage.
Okay.
[groans]
Keep going.
Oh, that feels good.
Time’s almost up for Feli.
Plus I’m getting clumsier every day.
[groans]
That’s it, that’s it, that’s it.
[exhales]
It hurts, but it feels good.
Luckily I have the girls.
And they have you.
Yes, they have me.
And keeping all this going makes me very happy.
Maybe next year I’ll hang up the boots, though.
It might be good to slow down.
There’s no lack of work here. You’ll be fine.
And what do you want to do?
Me? I’m fine here. I’m enjoying it.
You’re smart and talented. You don’t want to spend your whole life here.
For the time being, it’s convenient, and we all like you.
But I’m wondering what you really want for yourself.
I don’t know, Patricia.
You know what I noticed about my corset?
What?
It has your scent.
But not the smell of that cream you use on your hands. No, your own smell.
Uh. Well, when I was sewing, I put it on to take some measurements…
Take it easy.
I’m not judging.
This is my house.
You can use whatever you want in Madame Felina’s house.
Just clean it afterwards.
Come. Sit down.
[somber music playing]
What do you want, Patricia? What am I supposed to say?
Tell me how you decided to be yourself. To start hormone therapy.
What’s with the third degree?
Relax, I’m just asking you a question.
I don’t know. It hasn’t been that long. Ever since I left home.
But I imagine you must have thought about it for a while.
There’s no right or wrong answer. I’m just curious.
Well, I don’t know, Patricia!
They gave me an operation without my permission.
It was for them, not for me.
I understand you.
[sobbing]
And you’ve decided to take charge of your life. It’s natural.
Sometimes you have to get mad and tell the world to fuck right off.
What they did to me can’t be undone.
What people can do when they’re standing on thin ice
can be very cruel, A. D.
That’s the way the world is.
What’s considered normal is a bunch of excuses
that cowards come up with to avoid surprises.
They even turn them into laws.
[sniffling]
Come on. Help me get up.
Are you sure?
Yes, get me my crutch.
Over to the mirror.
Do you know how I knew I was a woman?
-No. -Not by looking there.
[hypnotic trance music playing]
Or by putting this shit on.
These don’t make me a woman.
This doesn’t do it, either.
This says nothing about me.
I’m a woman because my guts are screaming it, A. D.
Because everything I say, do, feel inside…
Whatever hurts and whatever makes me happy,
my guts scream it.
It’s here, A. D.
And if I didn’t listen to it, I wouldn’t live very long.
I would rot.
A. D., you can’t run away from who you are.
It’s impossible.
[music continues]
What do your guts say?
I have no idea.
Inside is total silence.
I just know I’m angry.
It took real balls to do everything you did.
But you’re still conforming and you don’t realize it.
The horrible thing about hate
is it makes us hide ourselves.
But people are gonna hate us in a similar way or another.
What matters is what you feel about yourself.
[music continues]
Come. Come meet me.
[gentle synth music playing]
[music continues]
You okay?
Yes, yes.
[metal jangling]
[gasps]
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
[music fades]
[water running]
[tapping]
[A. D.] I’m going to try to straighten things out.
Please trust me.
Ángela, I want you to cover for me at work for one day.
At noon, be at 118 Paseo del Pintor Rosales.
Go to the first floor, apartment A.
And tell Patricia I sent you.
I love you. A.
[introspective trance music playing]
[knocking]
[door opens]
Good afternoon.
Oh my gosh! What a sweet little bundle you are.
I want to eat him! Can I?
-[chuckles] No. -Hi there, cutie pie!
Come in. You have an appointment?
No, no, no, no, no. I’m a friend of A. D.’s.
I’d like to see Patricia.
Well, just a moment, okay?
Okay.
He left a letter saying he was going to fix the money thing.
That I should show up here, and that’s it.
Uh, it’s just for one day, as far as I know.
Can you fucking believe this kid, or what?
He’s a mystery wrapped in a riddle.
Anyway, shall I show you the ropes?
The problem is, what do I do with the baby?
There’s no one to leave him with. My other roommate isn’t home.
Don’t worry about it. It’s not a problem.
[whistles sharply]
Come on, Bichi!
Come here.
[purring]
On your feet.
He’s a doctor.
He’s got three kids, and he’ll be here all day.
He’s got this.
As in…
Yep.
[whimpers]
Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.
[metal jingling]
[baby giggling]
[baby laughing]
[parking brake clicking]
[Santi] Hello?
[A. D.] Hi, Santiago.
[thunder rumbling]
Adela, I should just hang up.
Yes, you should, but I’m asking you not to, please.
I need your help.
Adela, what’s going on? What’s wrong?
Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.
There’s nothing wrong, Santiago. I’m fine.
But you’re the only person who can help me.
Of course. Adela, why don’t you come to Pamplona and tell me about it?
No one has to know, we can find somewhere private.
If that’s what you want.
Adela, are you still there?
Y-Yes. Yes, I’m here.
Santiago, I’m having some problems with money and I need my investment.
You have some nerve, Adela.
Unbelievable.
Six months without a word from you. Nothing.
With all kinds of nightmare scenarios playing out in my head.
Your parents are refusing to talk to me.
And there I am begging Father José María to tell me
if you’re even alive.
And the first time you see fit to call me up,
it’s because you want money.
That’s all I am.
No, that’s not how I see you.
I’m sorry. I wanted to talk to you.
But I would’ve had to come back.
It was too much.
Forgive me, Santiago. Forgive me, please forgive me.
C’mon, I deserved an explanation, at least.
No matter what, I would understand.
Adela, fuck!
The last time I saw you, we were making out.
I’m so sorry.
I’m sorry, I really am.
An investment isn’t the same as making a deposit in the bank.
There are conditions, and it’s hard to cash it out quickly.
Is your account still the same?
Yes.
I can pay back what you invested out of my own pocket,
and I’ll keep the bonds. Does that work?
Uh, that’s perfect.
Santiago, thank you.
I don’t… I don’t know what to say.
Well, then, I guess we’ve said everything.
No, wait, Santiago, don’t hang up.
If I hadn’t gone,
if I’d been able to stay in Pamplona,
it would’ve been you,
and it would have been perfect.
I hope you find what you need.
Same for you, Santiago.
What’s in store for me is…
ten streets and 99 people.
[siren wailing]
[siren fades]
[sobbing]
[somber music playing]
[sighs]
[A. D. sobbing]
[music intensifies]
DE JUAN ANTIQUE SHOP
[Gato clicks tongue]
Did you manage to call the plumber?
[Ángela] No, I didn’t get around to it. I’m sorry.
[Gato] Ugh. The ceiling’s gonna come down on us.
-[Ángela] Yeah, I know. -[Gato] Coochie-coo.
-Bouncy legs! -Coochie.
Oh my God. Where were you? We were super worried.
Is something wrong?
The rent thing is all worked out. No need to worry about it anymore.
But how can we not worry, A. D.?
Ángela, Ángela, Ángela. Let’s leave it for later.
-I just don’t get it. -[baby cooing]
[ethereal synth music playing]
Hi, honey.
We really missed you. But your friend did very well.
Want to have a chat?
We can order Chinese.
No, I’m not hungry, Lidia. Thanks.
Sure.
But if you feel differently,
just remember that my door is always open.
Well, that’s true for all of us.
[chuckles]
And if you feel embarrassed, keep in mind
that we deal with embarrassment all the time.
And turn it into happiness.
And how!
[Lidia] Well, okay, don’t stay too late. [chuckles]
[Vega] That’s right. Leave that, I’ll finish it.
Good night. Bye, honey.
Ciao.
[kisses]
[music intensifies]
[indistinct chatter]
[somber discordant instrumental music playing]
[music fades]
[ethereal synth music playing]
[breathing shakily]
[panting]
[screaming]
[yelling, sobbing]
A. D.! A. D.! A. D.! What are you doing? What is it? What’s wrong?
-[sobbing] Leave me alone! Go away! -Stop, A. D., stop, stop, stop.
-Stop, stop. -Go away. [sobbing]
Listen to me. Just listen to me. Okay?
You’re going to scare the baby. It’s okay, it’s okay.
-[A. D. sobbing] My body. -Ángela.
-I’m here. -[sobbing] I…
I don’t want anything to happen to it!
My body, Gato!
-[continues sobbing] -It’s okay, sweetheart.
[sobbing] Ángela!
-It’s okay. -I don’t want anything to happen…
[sobs]
…to my body!
Nothing’s going to happen to it.
I promise. I promise, we’ll look after it together.
-Right, Ángela? -Of course we will, baby.
Of course we will.
Nothing bad is going to happen. Okay?
-That’s it, baby, that’s it. It’s okay. -We’re with you.
[sobbing softly]
[Gato] It’s okay. It’s okay.
[sobbing subsides]
[lamp clicks]
-[birds chirping] -[distant street noises]
Mm. You’ve been talking in your sleep.
What did I say?
I don’t know. At one point you were asking about the Ten Commandments.
[laughs]
[chuckles]
Why are you here?
Because…
they told me what happened.
And because…
I’m always thinking about you.
And because, like I told you, I hate pain, A. D.
I’d like it if you would say my name.
I hate pain.
Yours and mine, Adela.
I’ve been missing that.
I know what you mean, girlfriend.
[chuckles]
So now what do we do?
Insist on it.
Insist, sweetie. Insist.
Come on, let’s go.
Get out of bed. Up now.
Our bodies are very lazy, they like to do nothing.
Come.
[emotional music playing]
[cheering, chattering]
Oh, look over there, there.
“It is fitting to make merry and rejoice,
because your brother, or your sister,
or this hot mess over here, was dead and is alive again."
"They were lost and they have been found.”
[laughs]
[Adela] I don’t fucking believe it. What are you doing here?
Y’know, the Lord moves in mysterious ways.
So it’s time to deliver a sermon now?
No, actually, the Partridge Family here…
They called me up and told me how you were doing
and I said, "I’ll be there."
Come on. Let’s go out on the balcony, it’s beautiful outside.
-You’ll see. -Come on.
-Move your ass! -Ouch!
-[people cheering] -Look.
Huh?
[indistinct happy chatter]
[music continues]
Wanna go down?
Tomorrow.
Tomorrow. Sure.
Is that…
Yeah. It is.
-[laughing] -I love you!
["La luz que vendrá" by Zahara playing]
♪ I am not just the silence ♪
♪ I am not the wound I couldn't close ♪
♪ I am not only the fear in the mirror ♪
♪ That pushed away The ones who wanted to embrace me ♪
♪ I leave behind the reflection That made me doubt ♪
♪ I place myself in my own hands ♪
♪ I uncover myself slowly ♪
♪ My body is my home ♪
♪ I am my own home ♪
♪ I don't hide in old lies anymore ♪
♪ I don't bite my tongue To keep the peace ♪
♪ In my eyes I carry the light that's coming ♪
♪ I am my own flag ♪
♪ I stand steady in my peace ♪
♪ And with the wind ♪
♪ I start dancing ♪
♪ I place myself in my own hands… ♪
MY DEAREST SEÑORITA
♪ I uncover myself slowly ♪
♪ My body is my home ♪
♪ I am my own home ♪
♪ I choose the light ♪
♪ I choose my steps ♪
♪ I choose my name ♪
♪ I choose my love ♪
♪ I face my shadows ♪
♪ The guilt, the disguise ♪
♪ I welcome the girl ♪
♪ Who didn't know how to cry out ♪
♪ I embrace the fury ♪
♪ That once silenced me ♪
♪ And the habit ♪
♪ Of holding my breath ♪
♪ I leave behind the reflection ♪
♪ That made me doubt ♪
♪ I leave behind the look ♪
♪ That tried to confine me ♪
I come to museums when I feel lonely, too.
Do you know why?
Why?
Because it's so peaceful and silent in here.
And when I go outside,
I find myself swept up again in the hustle and bustle of life.
[chuckles]
But don't you feel even lonelier out there?
Sometimes, yes.
But I feel even more alive.
And life is a wonderful thing.
[chuckles]
Miss?
Could you walk me to the exit, please?
Thank you.
♪ I place myself in my own hands ♪
♪ I uncover myself slowly ♪
♪ My body is my home ♪
♪ I am my own home ♪
♪ I choose the light ♪
♪ I choose my steps ♪
♪ I choose my name ♪
♪ I choose my love ♪
[song ends]
[emotional ambient music playing]
[music ends]