MISSING
ISTANBUL ENCYCLOPEDIA
-Ha! Na-na-na-na! I got you. -Mm…
I know that Dodo is gonna have some fun.
Truth or dare, Pelin?
I choose truth.
How many times have you had sex?
-She can't count that high. -How dare you?
Man, how could you even ask me something so totally personal, huh?
Kidding, babe.
So how many times have I had sex?
-Ten. -Seventy-three.
-A thousand. -Whoa!
Oh, wow, Dodo, I'm honored, you know, but…
Never.
You're supposed to tell the truth, though.
Zero's the truth, though.
But wait, but-- but so I did all that work making you look perfect,
all the makeovers were some--
You said the dates went well, you stayed the night.
-So, nothing happened? -It was lovely, of course.
It just felt wrong.
This is some group of friends. You're not a heavy metal fan, how come?
You're still a virgin, what's that about?
Let's just move on.
My terrible secret revealed.
Somehow I know Zehra better than my friends?
I dunno, I think I made it count.
-Who's spinning, me? -Selin.
-Let's go! -Alright.
Alright then. Truth or dare?
-Truth. -Oh! Enough with the truth.
-Someone say dare so we can see something! -Ask away.
Your dealbreaker in a relationship. What's gonna make you leave a girl?
-I'd say if she lies, it's over. -Shut up, so cliché.
Yeah, whatever, It's true. If she lies, I'd leave. That's it.
And blondes aren't usually my type. I'm more into brunettes.
Cute ones, uh… Oval face, very pretty.
-Yeah. -Huge eyes are a good thing.
-Okay. -And if she's named Zehra he goes wild.
What's up?
-Nothing. -That's cool.
-May I speak to you? -Please.
That's very kind Truth or dare?
-Let's say dare. -Applause, friends, if you please.
Yeah, Zehra.
-Go in the sea. -What?
-Go in the sea. -Harun, come on. For real?
-Just do it. -No. Come on.
-Yeah, go. -No way, man, be for real.
-Hey, it's a game. Come on. -No, no way, I can't.
You can.
No way.
We promised we'd go in the water today. How come this big show?
I didn't promise anything like that.
Why?
Can't swim, I suppose? Or what is it?
Maybe I can, maybe I can't.
So what?
If you don't, perhaps you should come clean, Zehra.
No need to be tough with your friends.
-Hello. -Hello.
Welcome to the French speaking test.
Thank you.
How are you?
-I'm great. -Very well.
I'm going to be recording your voice so that we can assess it later.
-Do you agree? -Yes, I do.
Great. Let's begin.
Please begin by introducing yourself. What's your name and surname?
Nesrin Caner.
-Where were you born? -In Amasya.
When did you move to Istanbul?
-Twenty-five years ago. -That's a long time.
What's your occupation?
I'm a cardiovascular surgeon. I'm not currently employed.
-May I ask why? -I resigned to pursue my career in France.
Ah.
You know what they say.
You can't leave a city, it keeps following you.
I don't think it's fair
for a first world country citizen to say this.
I want to live with you.
I want to solve your problems together. I want to live with you.
There's only one thing on my mind.
Being with you.
I'm begging you.
Please let it happen.
You know I love you, Nesrin.
I do, I love you.
I love you so much.
Louis.
Can we continue, please?
You told me you wanted to live in France, right?
Um…
You seem like a woman who has a lot of self-confidence.
How can you be so sure that you can
successfully pass this exam?
It's admirable.
SHARED APARTMENT WITH A FEMALE 15,000 TL - RENTAL
Hi there, I'm uh, calling about a dormitory application I sent in.
I was told I would get a call back.
You gave it to someone?
Oh, I understand, mm.
Maybe I could come by in person, would that help me?
Well, if it won't help…
Okay, thank you, you have a nice day then.
Are you okay?
Yeah.
-And you? -Yeah.
That's great.
You mentioned there was a dorm room. Any news there?
I might hear something tomorrow.
I'm sure it'll all work out fine.
And if it doesn't all work out fine?
We have to find a suitable place for you to live.
We will.
My life's a mess of uncertainty, but it works.
I should be pretty used to it by now, I just keep on fighting back, though.
How so?
You know.
There are billions of people on this planet.
And I'm not the main character, or even a supporting role.
We all have our issues,
but somehow things keep working out for us.
One mountain just hides another mountain, but we go on.
Yeah, absolutely.
That’s why nobody ever-- Nobody knows the path they're on.
And nobody knows who they might become.
Maybe that's a normal experience.
-It is. -It is.
So, no problem.
I mean, at least for now.
When are you gonna find out about your test?
Actually the results should've been announced by now.
Oh. Hmm.
I already know you passed, no worries there.
I hope so.
]Me too.
AMAZON AN EXPERIMENTAL PLAY
-Hello. -Hi there.
-Are we cool? -We're cool.
-Good luck out there. -Thank you.
About yesterday, you're not upset?
No, I'm not.
How's my hair? Am I too beautiful?
You look amazing.
What do you think you'll be doing with your hair?
WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY CIHAN TAYLAN AMAZON
-Enjoy the play. -Thanks.
Duality's a major part of being me.
Chronic indecision could be at fault.
Also, to blame could be the terrible fear
surrounding me always, that if I don't try things, I'm going to miss out on them.
I'm always stuck between two distant opposites.
But do I have to choose something?
Probably.
But for you, who seem to understand your path,
I have so much admiration for you.
For you, with your dreams, who never have doubts about what you want.
But also aren't afraid to say, "That's not for me. Thanks, though."
But I feel like…
I feel like I'm mute.
And like my heart's a heavy stone.
Like my mind is frozen.
My condition's been very well documented in the literature and history books.
This condition of mine is named ambivalence and I'm certified.
To contain contradictions.
To contain desires at odds with each other is to get locked in a maze
where I feel paralyzed and stuck.
I feel so stuck. Not being able to move at all is ambivalence.
It feels more like being…
trapped at the bottom of the ocean.
Suffocating.
I guess you’re wondering whether anyone made me wear the scarf here tonight,
but nobody did, it was all me.
But why cover my head?
To feel close to the divine?
Or is it a reaction to the looks that my mother had to endure?
Is it out of some sense of solidarity with the woman I came from?
Even if the motivation was clear to me,
I feel no explanation could justify your stares.
I beg you to remember that.
I arrived in this city and from day one,
I didn't want to have this hijab on my head.
I mean I didn't plan to make a statement.
Something beckoned me to retreat
and then I saw that it was easier to avoid being what confused me,
it was easier to hide.
I was afraid, I think, to get stuck in some box here.
To get judged by every single person, and get put in that category forever.
Can you believe me when I tell you a secret?
I'm a bit like a balloon.
Balloons are always full of air.
Nobody ever thinks about it. They just don't seem to care.
They know a balloon by its shape.
So I was afraid they'd see me one way and then I'd be stuck.
Like everyone here, I just want the world to see me as I am,
totally unfiltered.
I created two facades and acted out versions of me.
I was ashamed to be doing something like that, I won’t lie to you.
I tried any way that I could to be a part of the world.
And I was frantically creating interpretations of myself to fit in.
Looking back now, it's obvious to me I felt just…
completely alone, completely.
I'm not even sure in which type of soil I'm supposed to be planted.
But I have a job.
To navigate on my own.
To grasp some poetry.
As Tolkien said, "All that is gold does not glitter,
and not all those who wander are lost."
Of course, yes.
Catastrophes work like that.
When things are going well, that's when something happens.
And who knows where we're going or where we are?
I think this is the right way, sure I do, but who am I to say?
But it may be the case that being lost, the confusion in that,
was designed to be a part of the journey.
I'll wake up in bed tomorrow and I just won't know.
What should I put on to be me in the world?
A hijab? Some hat? Shave myself bald, or wear a silly wig?
There's one thing I know, "Allah, I'm grateful I can leave the house."
If disasters occur when all is going according to plan,
then I guess miracles are maybe
something that happens when nothing is going according to plan.
What do you think?
But something I'm sure of.
I'm still me.
Zehra.
Is everyone here?
So…
Yeah. So, uh…
It was good.
It definitely wasn't bad.
Uh, of course, I have very detailed notes for each of you.
In general, though, I'll say that…
that, uh, we're at a point in this project's process
where making major changes is very difficult.
So please don't, Zehra.
I'm sorry, but you said, If anything happens, let it happen on stage."
So I did that. You said that consistency--
-It wasn't important to be completely-- -During rehearsals, not at showtime.
-Okay. -For rehearsals.
Rehearsals are part of the process.
I thought it would be okay to make changes in rehearsal.
It's rehearsal with the audience. We have a show,
and for the next two weeks, repetition is all we're focusing on.
Are you changing your performance, Dodo?
Everyone for the first two weeks
was allowed to create any character they felt like creating.
And I never interfered, right?
I figured I wasn't doing any damage, 'cause it was just my monologue,
not anybody's scene with me.
No, we're all connected, everyone. It's all one thing.
Like when you started talking, when we heard you go off book,
I just panicked, we all did. Harun as well.
Five minutes later, you two have a scene together.
And now he has to change his whole performance,
because I'm sure you can appreciate
that playing opposite a character in a headscarf
is different than someone without, and he'd relate accordingly.
What do you mean by, "accordingly"?
Of course. Like, when we have compartments in our minds, we have ideas of people…
I'll put it another way, maybe.
Picture a woman directing the play here tonight.
Get me? You can picture a woman doing that.
You're imagining what, exactly?
Pretty.
Thank you, Selin. But I meant, am I wearing a headscarf?
Like am I a devout Muslim?
You're not.
My point precisely. We've got some particular compartments in our minds.
And we put different characters in them. And you broke all of that.
For example, Istanbul Encyclopedia was the class, yeah?
Özlem's class that you're taking?
Like, can you imagine Özlem teaching that class while wearing a headscarf?
We'd imagine she'd be a lady in the lunchroom.
That's the point.
So then class may be more accurate.
Sure, maybe its economic differences, but there must be more to it than that.
Honestly, I feel that I can picture anyone in any form.
But it's absurd we have to have this argument, okay?
Dodo, pretend-- What are you talking about?
We're not-- we're not badmouthing anybody.
We're not banning any headscarves here, but I'm trying to find consistency.
If we're artists, we pursue reality.
Maybe I need to be more clear. It's about how the characters occupy our heads.
What Zehra showed us is perfectly appropriate.
The problem is we've never seen it.
People didn't practice with that character, nobody knows her.
Of course she's a real human being, sure.
No one's saying it's impossible.
But what she does in the next scene would be different.
And the Harun character would respond differently.
Let's say this Zehra character played a lead role in a show.
Do you imagine the writer of that show wearing a hijab?
Or, I don't know, how do you picture the female network executive
who decides whether that show even airs?
You mean just because of people's prejudices?
What about the prejudices coming from people who wear headscarves?
They refuse these jobs for some reason and this is the result of that.
But that's the way it goes.
It's easy to label people as prejudiced
without taking the time to listen to their story.
But it's because they act the ways they do,
that people end up becoming prejudiced against them in the first place.
That's crystal clear.
There are women all over campus who have headscarves on.
They should be allowed to do whatever.
Even though they actually have freedom to choose,
when it comes to their religion, maybe they don't believe they do.
No, no, we're-- We seem to be headed somewhere else with this.
We're not on topic now. Our topic remains the consistency in our play.
So…
We should do the show we prepared. Because this play wasn't that.
Anyway. It's late, we're tired. There's still another semester.
Perhaps you'll have fleshed out all of your choices by then.
Let's take care of the mats there. Leave this place pristine. Mop up.
Wow, Zehra. You're strange people.
No, it was a big black one.
It was covered in fairy lights. You didn't even see it.
Oh, okay!Chill out!
No, don't do it! No!
♪ My soul burns My soul doesn't know ♪
♪ I have a soul My soul doesn't think ♪
♪ My soul is love My soul doesn't change ♪
♪ My soul ♪
Da, da, da, da, da! And now it's the big finish!
We pop off and finish this! Da!
Hey, put it down!Put it down!
Ta-da!
I'm so tired!
Watch out!
Are you okay?
Easy.
-Careful, those are fragile. -Right here. Okay.
FRAGILE
Emel.
There are some papers there. They could be important.
What are you gonna do with the furniture, Emel?
Well, everything is going away, isn't it?
And what does this mean for you? Where are you going to go?
I can take care of myself, Nesrin.
And Mom? What does this mean for her? And what about us?
We all do whatever we feel like.
I won't be giving myself to this family ever again.
Emel.
Emel. Emel. Emel, can you listen to me? Will you put that down? Hear me out.
Put it somewhere, leave it. Put it down.
-Nesrin, it's fine. -Put it down.
What? What are you gonna say? What are you gonna ask?
I understand you.
You do whatever you want.
Whatever you want.
I'll do this job.
What're you gonna do?
I don't know.
But don't worry, I'll take care of Mom.
So, you won't go to France?
I guess I won't go, if I can't.
I won't be a burden. Don't worry about it.
Come here.
Emel, I love you so much.
Sevinç.
-Sevinç. -Emel, not Sevinç, Mom. Emel.
-Uh… Emel? -Emel. Yeah, your daughter Emel.
-Let's pack up and go. -Okay, sure. Okay, Mom.
-To Sevinç. -Okay, we will.
-Sevinç is waiting for us. -Okay.
-So let's go soon. -Okay, okay, Mom, we will.
Shh.
Diego.
-Diego! -Zehra?
I've found Diego!
-Diego? For real? -Yeah!
-Stop it, come on! -It's him. Look.
-Must just be a cat that looks like him. -I'm positive.
Let me.
Diego? Come here, boy.
Diego!
-Here, kitty-kitty. -Here.
Is that you? Come on out, baby.
Come. Here, kitty. Come here.
Here, let me see. Come here, boy. Up.
Well, you're sure as heavy as Diego.
You are. Wow. I think you are him.
It's really him, then?
It's him! It's him! It's Diego!
Where were you, little guy? Where were you, huh?
Where did you go?
Oh!
Sweet baby.
What's the matter?
Just thinking, now that Diego's back.
He really missed you.
He's not gonna leave you again.
-I'm not so sure. -Why's that?
I don't think Diego can travel anymore.
-How so? -Well, because he's old for a cat.
It'd be cruel to introduce a new environment, he's too old for that.
I'm sure he's been through some really crazy adventures.
He'll be okay, don't worry.
-Hello? -Hello? Hello, Nesrin?
Louis?
The official exam results arrived by email today.
But I wanted to let you know personally.
Okay.
I wanted to let you know whatever we had was great.
Um… yes, of course it was.
You passed the exam.
With a very high score, at that.
Really?
Have a good trip.
Thank you. Thank you for everything, Louis.
What happened?
If I go away,
can you take care of Diego, Zehra?
Of course, though I'm afraid
I'm not sure I can take care of myself if push comes to shove,
but I'll get him a great place to stay, though, I swear.
How 'bout you stay here with him instead?
You're not getting rid of this place?
You take care of Diego and I'll keep it.
Are you kidding me?
Zehra.
What's up?
The exam is passed, I'm done.
That's amazing! I mean, that's no surprise, though.
-Because I knew you would. -Aw.
Everybody here ready?
You're in your final class with me.
For sure it's been a bit atypical, this class of ours.
I heard that some of you are discussing among yourselves
whether this was an architecture or literature class.
But I'd like to think that by now you've all understood my point.
In the future, when you're designing your own projects,
you'll remember this, I hope, and you might then act with forethought
and be sensitive to the idea that you may end up in someone's encyclopedia.
Istanbul's still standing.
It stands so gloriously, though time is cruel, though humans try to destroy it.
So please, remember what looms.
Our city is suffocating, but do your job, and it will breathe again.
You can save it.
But to be able to do this, you need to have your own places here.
What affected you the most?
What letter did you choose? What word did you choose?
So then, here we go.
Let's hear what some people have written.
Your place could well be one that another person chose.
Or a new discovery in town.
Please, go ahead.
The Letter N. Nesrin's house.
The Turkish dictionary has this to say about Nesrin.
"The literal meaning of the name Nesrin, which comes to our language from Persian,
is wild rose."
"In Ottoman it's written as 'Nasrin,' especially in Diwan poetry,
where it's often featured alongside traditional rose, tulip,
and other floral motifs."
Nesrin symbolizes longing. Longing for a loved one.
House. "A house is a building where people live."
"It is surrounded by walls, divided into rooms."
"It is covered by a roof, and sometimes has a garden,
often made of wood, earth or concrete."
Nesrin's house. The Rüyam Apartment in Moda Point,
built in 1968y, is notable for its geometric façade,
wide windows and flowerbed design,
as well as its appropriate proportion to the street at a human scale.
This is where I started writing my personal Istanbul Encyclopedia.
Cats of Istanbul. Diego.
The wise cat. I learned so many things about life from him.
He knows when to get lost, and when to come back,
and to accept the consequences of his actions.
A civil servant's son, an architect in training. Harun.
He is full of life and never-ending energy.
Do you know when I really felt that most strongly?
When I touched his neck in the sea.
I can't explain it. You just have to try and see.
Then the strangest thing happened.
The emails we'd scheduled were sent. I'll save what Harun wrote for myself,
but this is what I sent to him.
"A letter to the future."
"Do you realize that we are now travelling through time together?"
"Of course you do."
"You turned Istanbul into a galactic voyage for me,
when you took me by the hand and led me through portals in Istiklal."
"You. You are like the moment a star explodes, Harun."
"I marvel at your enthusiasm, but I can't understand what you are."
"Are you Vega? Are you Sirius?"
"All I know is, you're a bursting beam of light and I can't look away."
The bureaucrat. Serdar.
We met the day he overcame cancer,
though I always wondered whether that was true or not.
When I first saw him, it was as if beneath his charming appearance,
there were raging emotions, repressed and ready to burst out at any moment.
The in-between Millennial. Emel.
She's one of the most unusual people I've ever known.
I see her as someone who hides her beauty in endless darkness,
whose complex moods are always reflected in her body.
The retired teacher. Mrs. Nazife or Mrs. Auntie.
The memory of Türkiye.
A vintage powder compact.
She caresses you with a soft, nostalgic familiarity.
But you can tell she has stirred up some devastating storms in her time.
She divided herself into her daughters.
She gave her twilight and thunder to Emel,
and saved the quiet shores for Nesrin.
Still, she is deeper than the two of them combined.
Is that what motherhood is?
Being greater than the sum of what you gave.
A devout woman in college. Fatıma.
Students worried about their futures.
Yes, even our three friends.
I love you all.
A heart surgeon.
My real hero, of course, Nesrin.
When I first saw her,
it was hard to tell if her exhaustion was from being in surgery
or if it was a chronic condition etched into her face for all time.
She looked as if she had already experienced everything she needed to,
and still believed in miracles, but this hope of hers was buried deep,
and mixed with her weariness.
And then Nesrin became my Nesrin.
ISTANBUL ENCYCLOPEDIA
Those balloons were there the day I arrived.
I took a video, remember?
Thanks again. This is so…
It's really special, thank you.
Just like you are.
I'm glad you like it.
The book made me have to get to know Istanbul well.
I hope it helps you to always remember the life you had here.
Well maybe you'd like my Istanbul.
I had this printed out for you.
That was so fun.
I'm so glad you came into my life.
So glad you decided to come here.
Take care of yourself.
Will you? Hear me?
Psst.
You're always welcome to swing by.
Hello.
You're late.
Nesrin went through security.
Nesrin.
You look like her a bit.
I look like you too.