1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,318 - Hi, I'm Demi Adejuyigbe, and welcome to "MTV Cribs." 2 00:00:03,318 --> 00:00:05,502 I live in this chair, so it's gonna be a short one. 3 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:08,226 Today, we're giving this comedian 4 00:00:08,226 --> 00:00:09,779 a total transformation. 5 00:00:09,779 --> 00:00:11,706 - I do very much feel like a slay. 6 00:00:11,706 --> 00:00:13,210 They have no idea who 7 00:00:13,210 --> 00:00:15,403 or what they're about to become. 8 00:00:15,403 --> 00:00:17,215 Once they see themselves in the mirror, 9 00:00:17,215 --> 00:00:19,567 they'll have to make up a character on the spot, 10 00:00:19,567 --> 00:00:22,780 and then sit down with me for an improvised interview. 11 00:00:22,780 --> 00:00:25,566 - Part of me thinks I'm one of the Founding Fathers. 12 00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:28,899 This is "Very Important People." 13 00:00:30,056 --> 00:00:31,006 Howdy. 14 00:00:33,476 --> 00:00:36,243 What? Who is this? 15 00:00:36,243 --> 00:00:37,540 Oh my god. 16 00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:38,559 This is fucked up. 17 00:00:38,559 --> 00:00:40,239 There's a little loop on my back, 18 00:00:40,239 --> 00:00:42,026 so I can be hoisted up into the air, 19 00:00:42,026 --> 00:00:43,210 which I imagine is something 20 00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,353 that will definitely happen today. 21 00:00:44,353 --> 00:00:47,555 Venus flytrap in a weird space musical. 22 00:00:47,555 --> 00:00:50,011 Woo, "Feed me, Seymour." 23 00:00:50,011 --> 00:00:51,544 I'm Father Nature. 24 00:00:51,544 --> 00:00:53,419 It's not a family name, I married into it. 25 00:00:53,419 --> 00:00:55,285 I took her name because I'm progressive. 26 00:00:55,285 --> 00:00:59,829 I'm here to destroy Earth's plant life, your flora, 27 00:00:59,829 --> 00:01:01,208 because I'm jealous. 28 00:01:01,208 --> 00:01:02,691 And the name of my planet? 29 00:01:02,691 --> 00:01:04,135 Earth 2. 30 00:01:04,135 --> 00:01:05,492 We came up with it first! 31 00:01:05,492 --> 00:01:07,988 We didn't think about just calling it Earth. 32 00:01:07,988 --> 00:01:08,825 Fucked up. 33 00:01:09,983 --> 00:01:10,816 Don't look at me. 34 00:01:26,549 --> 00:01:29,566 Hey, Vic, it's Gregory from Tareka Realty. 35 00:01:29,566 --> 00:01:31,397 A little bit of bad news. 36 00:01:31,397 --> 00:01:34,404 The homeowners rejected your offer for the house. 37 00:01:34,404 --> 00:01:35,424 I think maybe next time, 38 00:01:35,424 --> 00:01:37,416 we should offer more than just exposure, 39 00:01:37,416 --> 00:01:38,778 but we'll get 'em next time, all right? 40 00:01:38,778 --> 00:01:40,533 Stop. Stop. 41 00:01:42,325 --> 00:01:45,631 We all have a story to tell, and sometimes, 42 00:01:45,631 --> 00:01:48,206 those stories need to be shared with the world. 43 00:01:48,206 --> 00:01:49,821 Good evening, I'm Vic Michaelis, 44 00:01:49,821 --> 00:01:53,638 back with another edition of "Very Important People." 45 00:01:55,489 --> 00:01:56,695 Please, introduce yourself. 46 00:01:56,695 --> 00:01:58,861 Hi, kids. It's me, Zinnia. 47 00:02:02,936 --> 00:02:03,769 You know me, 48 00:02:03,769 --> 00:02:05,862 you love me, you love my show, 49 00:02:05,862 --> 00:02:08,122 and I'm here to teach you everything 50 00:02:08,122 --> 00:02:11,311 that I teach on my own show on Vice's show as well. 51 00:02:11,311 --> 00:02:12,144 - Vice? 52 00:02:12,144 --> 00:02:12,977 Is it not Vice? 53 00:02:12,977 --> 00:02:14,944 - It's Vic. Yes, kids, that's right, 54 00:02:14,944 --> 00:02:17,544 for a "Very Important People: Kids Edition," 55 00:02:17,544 --> 00:02:20,513 we have Zinnia to help us introduce all of the news. 56 00:02:20,513 --> 00:02:21,863 Yay! The news? 57 00:02:21,863 --> 00:02:23,450 - Well, it's more of an interview show, 58 00:02:23,450 --> 00:02:25,984 but I'm trying to sort of like pivot it into news 59 00:02:25,984 --> 00:02:27,311 a little bit. - Yeah, what better time? 60 00:02:27,311 --> 00:02:28,563 - Okay, kids, here we go. 61 00:02:28,563 --> 00:02:29,396 You ready? 62 00:02:29,396 --> 00:02:30,229 - The song? 63 00:02:30,229 --> 00:02:31,574 - I thought we'd do your theme song. 64 00:02:31,574 --> 00:02:32,407 - Okay. 65 00:02:33,585 --> 00:02:36,861 ♪ It's time, it's time, it's time, it's time ♪ 66 00:02:36,861 --> 00:02:39,571 ♪ To grow up on the video ♪ 67 00:02:39,571 --> 00:02:42,457 ♪ It's time, it's time, it's time, it's time ♪ 68 00:02:42,457 --> 00:02:45,664 ♪ Play time here with Zinnia ♪ 69 00:02:45,664 --> 00:02:47,655 Oh, man, that's so fun. 70 00:02:47,655 --> 00:02:49,985 And today, we have an exclusive clip from your show, 71 00:02:49,985 --> 00:02:53,514 so kids watching at home, sing along if you know the words. 72 00:02:53,514 --> 00:02:54,488 - Hi, kids! 73 00:02:54,488 --> 00:02:57,330 Today's topic, we're gonna be learning about math. 74 00:02:57,330 --> 00:02:58,881 Come with me! 75 00:02:58,881 --> 00:03:01,961 ♪ Seven is the seventh number of the system ♪ 76 00:03:01,961 --> 00:03:04,487 ♪ Of numbers that you got to know ♪ 77 00:03:04,487 --> 00:03:08,201 ♪ Before that, it's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 ♪ 78 00:03:08,201 --> 00:03:10,804 ♪ And after that, there's a lot to go ♪ 79 00:03:10,804 --> 00:03:14,292 ♪ 'Cause you got 8 and 9, and 10 and 11 ♪ 80 00:03:14,292 --> 00:03:17,585 ♪ And 12 and 13 and 14, too ♪ 81 00:03:17,585 --> 00:03:20,968 ♪ And 15 and 16 and 17 and 18 ♪ 82 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,709 ♪ And after that, a whole lot of numbers for you ♪ 83 00:03:23,709 --> 00:03:27,200 ♪ Like 19 and 20 and 20 and 21 ♪ 84 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,621 ♪ And 22 and 23 as well ♪ 85 00:03:29,621 --> 00:03:32,273 - You are doing a frown on your face. 86 00:03:32,273 --> 00:03:33,746 Why are you sad, Zinnia? 87 00:03:33,746 --> 00:03:35,111 - I was told that I didn't have 88 00:03:35,111 --> 00:03:36,185 to do this the whole fucking time. 89 00:03:36,185 --> 00:03:37,918 - Okay, Zinnia, we're live feeding into three classrooms- 90 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,459 - We're live? Why? - Across California. 91 00:03:39,459 --> 00:03:40,737 - That was a bad plan. 92 00:03:40,737 --> 00:03:41,989 - Well, you're a children's entertainer. 93 00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,603 I thought it'd be nice. - I'm also a plant. 94 00:03:43,603 --> 00:03:45,163 Okay, I've re-rooted. 95 00:03:45,163 --> 00:03:46,565 I'm deep in the ground now. 96 00:03:46,565 --> 00:03:47,540 - Okay. - Help me out. 97 00:03:47,540 --> 00:03:48,517 Well, let's unstick you. 98 00:03:48,517 --> 00:03:49,991 And so do we just dig you out? 99 00:03:49,991 --> 00:03:52,034 - Just pull. - Okay, so let me just. 100 00:03:52,997 --> 00:03:54,428 Okay, oh, there we go. 101 00:03:54,428 --> 00:03:55,786 Oh, man, that's a lot of soil. 102 00:03:55,786 --> 00:03:56,686 - What? What's that mean? 103 00:03:56,686 --> 00:03:57,552 - Well, it's just kind of a fact. 104 00:03:57,552 --> 00:03:58,842 - You can't say that to a plant. 105 00:03:58,842 --> 00:04:00,522 - Hey, Zinnia, how about I give you the information 106 00:04:00,522 --> 00:04:01,776 that I was given here, huh? - Please! 107 00:04:01,776 --> 00:04:03,577 And can a plant get a fucking cigarette? 108 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,624 - What? What do you mean "Get a cigarette?" 109 00:04:04,624 --> 00:04:06,095 - I wanna smoke a cigarette. - No! 110 00:04:06,095 --> 00:04:07,811 And what we mean by that is, 111 00:04:08,969 --> 00:04:11,610 ♪ cigarette, ret, ret retcon ♪ 112 00:04:11,610 --> 00:04:13,001 Retcon, take it back. 113 00:04:13,001 --> 00:04:14,600 Rewind. Whoop, where are we? 114 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,142 - Are you on drugs right now? 115 00:04:16,142 --> 00:04:17,128 Gimme that shit. 116 00:04:17,128 --> 00:04:17,961 - Thank you, my man. - No. 117 00:04:17,961 --> 00:04:20,036 And if we can just, maybe one second here, kids. 118 00:04:20,036 --> 00:04:21,064 - I don't know who's watching- - Here we go. 119 00:04:21,064 --> 00:04:22,094 - But this stuff is great. - And just come here with me. 120 00:04:22,094 --> 00:04:22,927 You gotta try this, everybody. 121 00:04:22,927 --> 00:04:24,117 And just one second, kids. 122 00:04:24,117 --> 00:04:25,600 What the fuck are you doing? 123 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:26,449 - And you wait right here. 124 00:04:26,449 --> 00:04:27,282 And you wait right here, Zinnia. 125 00:04:27,282 --> 00:04:28,115 Who are you talking to? 126 00:04:28,115 --> 00:04:29,095 - And you're gonna come with me for a second, Zinnia. 127 00:04:29,095 --> 00:04:30,800 - And we'll be right back. - We're doing a loop? 128 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:31,962 Oh this is where the sunlight is? 129 00:04:31,962 --> 00:04:32,795 Don't come back here. Okay. 130 00:04:32,795 --> 00:04:33,730 Oh, this feels good. 131 00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:35,196 You need to get it together. 132 00:04:35,196 --> 00:04:36,229 - What do you mean? - Okay? 133 00:04:36,229 --> 00:04:37,208 We are live on there 134 00:04:37,208 --> 00:04:38,931 and I got a bunch of fucking kids in there 135 00:04:38,931 --> 00:04:40,328 and I said, I'm gonna do this live programming. 136 00:04:40,328 --> 00:04:42,162 And this is actually really important to me, okay? 137 00:04:42,162 --> 00:04:43,490 - It's a lot of pressure on me. 138 00:04:43,490 --> 00:04:45,591 Why? It's live? Why would we do that? 139 00:04:45,591 --> 00:04:46,489 Because, I don't know, 140 00:04:46,489 --> 00:04:48,098 you're a children's performer, that's what you do! 141 00:04:48,098 --> 00:04:49,472 I thought it would be safe to put you in front 142 00:04:49,472 --> 00:04:51,575 of a bunch of kids! Listen, I need this. Okay? 143 00:04:51,575 --> 00:04:52,408 - This is fake. This is a fake cigarette. 144 00:04:52,408 --> 00:04:54,535 Gonna be totally honest. We need to chill out. 145 00:04:54,535 --> 00:04:55,685 I just need you to take a deep breath, 146 00:04:55,685 --> 00:04:56,914 'cause I really need this, okay? 147 00:04:56,914 --> 00:04:58,423 Why? What's going on in your life? 148 00:04:58,423 --> 00:04:59,567 I'm sort of like getting divorced 149 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:00,468 and it's going badly and- 150 00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:01,301 No, don't laugh. - Sorry, nah. 151 00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:02,586 - Why are laughing? - We don't do that. 152 00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:03,757 We don't do that as plants. 153 00:05:03,757 --> 00:05:04,590 I need you to chill out. 154 00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:05,423 Yeah. 155 00:05:05,423 --> 00:05:06,256 - Okay? - Okay, yeah. 156 00:05:06,256 --> 00:05:07,517 Because I don't wanna say it, 157 00:05:07,517 --> 00:05:08,350 but you're not getting paid 158 00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,478 unless you sort of go out there 159 00:05:09,478 --> 00:05:11,154 and you do what you're supposed to do. 160 00:05:11,154 --> 00:05:13,056 So if we can just take it easy. 161 00:05:13,056 --> 00:05:14,525 Oh, hi! 162 00:05:14,525 --> 00:05:15,432 Hello. 163 00:05:15,432 --> 00:05:17,055 And Zinnia coming on back. 164 00:05:17,055 --> 00:05:18,627 We got a really exciting segment here 165 00:05:18,627 --> 00:05:20,949 where we're gonna act out a news story 166 00:05:20,949 --> 00:05:23,366 with Zinnia's famous puppets. 167 00:05:27,463 --> 00:05:29,483 Zinnia, you picked out a news story 168 00:05:29,483 --> 00:05:31,812 for us to act out with our puppets. 169 00:05:31,812 --> 00:05:33,318 Oh no, mom. 170 00:05:33,318 --> 00:05:37,022 I have a baby because my boyfriend and I decided 171 00:05:37,022 --> 00:05:40,189 to have unprotected photosynthesizing. 172 00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:42,241 - And pause. 173 00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:43,393 You don't do that on your show. 174 00:05:43,393 --> 00:05:44,226 You said to pick a thing 175 00:05:44,226 --> 00:05:45,059 that's happening in the world. 176 00:05:45,059 --> 00:05:45,892 - No, for the kids. 177 00:05:45,892 --> 00:05:47,104 - I was thinking that this was me 178 00:05:47,104 --> 00:05:48,132 branching outta the kid world. 179 00:05:48,132 --> 00:05:49,498 And now I'm realizing that you want me 180 00:05:49,498 --> 00:05:50,470 to tone everything down again. 181 00:05:50,470 --> 00:05:52,370 - Okay, Zinnia, how can I help you? 182 00:05:52,370 --> 00:05:53,229 - This is confusing. 183 00:05:53,229 --> 00:05:54,062 Which one do I talk to? 184 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:55,569 - Can we cut the feed for the kids, maybe? 185 00:05:55,569 --> 00:05:57,041 We cut the feed for the kids for a second. 186 00:05:57,041 --> 00:05:58,341 - No, let them see this, let 'em see this. 187 00:05:58,341 --> 00:05:59,458 Zinnia here! 188 00:05:59,458 --> 00:06:02,145 We're gonna teach you about how to actively communicate 189 00:06:02,145 --> 00:06:03,976 when you have a disagreement with someone. 190 00:06:03,976 --> 00:06:05,185 And maybe the disagreement 191 00:06:05,185 --> 00:06:06,831 is because you're from different species 192 00:06:06,831 --> 00:06:08,658 or because one of you is going through what seems 193 00:06:08,658 --> 00:06:10,479 to be a divorce of some sort. 194 00:06:10,479 --> 00:06:12,362 And maybe that's your fault and maybe it's not. 195 00:06:12,362 --> 00:06:13,519 It doesn't matter who, 196 00:06:13,519 --> 00:06:16,436 but active communication is a way to solve any problem. 197 00:06:16,436 --> 00:06:17,515 - Really good advice actually. - Right? 198 00:06:17,515 --> 00:06:18,562 - Yeah. Maybe we do that. 199 00:06:18,562 --> 00:06:19,395 Okay. 200 00:06:19,395 --> 00:06:21,003 - Zinnia, I can see that you're frustrated. 201 00:06:21,003 --> 00:06:21,920 - I am. 202 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,381 - How can I help you today? 203 00:06:23,381 --> 00:06:25,769 - Well, I just feel like I don't have any agency 204 00:06:25,769 --> 00:06:27,574 in this performance you brought me on, 205 00:06:27,574 --> 00:06:29,834 and it feels like you really wanted me as a conduit 206 00:06:29,834 --> 00:06:31,354 to explain things to children 207 00:06:31,354 --> 00:06:33,266 because you don't seem capable of it yourself. 208 00:06:33,266 --> 00:06:35,148 - Well, we sort of went through this with your agent 209 00:06:35,148 --> 00:06:36,465 over and over again, 210 00:06:36,465 --> 00:06:37,901 and your agent asked for a lot of money, 211 00:06:37,901 --> 00:06:39,566 and so most of our season's budget is going 212 00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,426 to this interview. 213 00:06:41,426 --> 00:06:43,152 - That's awesome. 214 00:06:43,152 --> 00:06:44,910 I gotta give that guy a raise. 215 00:06:44,910 --> 00:06:46,040 - And scene. 216 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:47,764 Wow, sensational work. 217 00:06:47,764 --> 00:06:48,790 - Oh, shit! 218 00:06:48,790 --> 00:06:49,623 Okay. 219 00:06:49,623 --> 00:06:50,456 I'm in the roots again! 220 00:06:50,456 --> 00:06:51,555 - Do you need the soil to live? 221 00:06:51,555 --> 00:06:52,995 Can I just move some of the soil? 222 00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,585 - They ain't tell you shit you about plants, huh? 223 00:06:54,585 --> 00:06:55,427 - Can I grab a shovel? 224 00:06:55,427 --> 00:06:56,442 Do we have a shovel back there maybe? 225 00:06:56,442 --> 00:06:57,275 Whoa, what? 226 00:06:57,275 --> 00:06:58,192 Can I get a pan, a fly, and a shovel? 227 00:06:58,192 --> 00:06:59,275 - We don't gotta, no, we don't gotta, 228 00:06:59,275 --> 00:07:00,108 we don't gotta do that. 229 00:07:00,108 --> 00:07:01,263 No! No! - What do you mean? 230 00:07:01,263 --> 00:07:03,761 - No, you cut the root wrong, my leg's gonna come off. 231 00:07:03,761 --> 00:07:04,810 I might not grow properly. 232 00:07:04,810 --> 00:07:06,083 - We're not gonna cut the root wrong. 233 00:07:06,083 --> 00:07:07,802 - Oh, what you, you, you've professionally done this before? 234 00:07:07,802 --> 00:07:09,458 - How about a rake? - Okay. A rake is great. 235 00:07:09,458 --> 00:07:10,832 We'll just sort of. Look at that. 236 00:07:10,832 --> 00:07:11,915 - It does hurt, but it's fine. 237 00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,318 Can I plant get some sunlight in here? 238 00:07:16,318 --> 00:07:18,004 - Could we fly in some sunlight? 239 00:07:18,004 --> 00:07:20,142 I don't think that- - Oh! 240 00:07:20,142 --> 00:07:21,358 Oh, yeah! 241 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:22,191 Is that better? 242 00:07:22,191 --> 00:07:23,575 - Oh my God, that shit's great! 243 00:07:23,575 --> 00:07:24,735 Where'd you get this stuff? 244 00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,175 - I think they opened a window. 245 00:07:26,175 --> 00:07:28,023 - Oh, that shit's hitting. - It's kind of nice. 246 00:07:28,023 --> 00:07:29,342 I was able to, I was able to help you. 247 00:07:29,342 --> 00:07:30,637 - Yeah. - Look like I'm really- 248 00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:33,947 You say it all the time on your show. 249 00:07:33,947 --> 00:07:35,292 - Oh! - It's like your catchphrase. 250 00:07:35,292 --> 00:07:36,376 It looks like I really- 251 00:07:36,376 --> 00:07:37,703 - Do I gotta do it in the voice too? 252 00:07:37,703 --> 00:07:39,120 - That's sort of your prerogative. 253 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:42,042 Looks like I'm really- - Growing! 254 00:07:42,042 --> 00:07:43,349 - That's just wonderful. 255 00:07:43,349 --> 00:07:44,182 We can get a PA to- 256 00:07:44,182 --> 00:07:45,988 - You seem shockingly entertained by things 257 00:07:45,988 --> 00:07:48,347 that are really appealing to only first graders. 258 00:07:48,347 --> 00:07:49,389 - I'm living in a pool house right now 259 00:07:49,389 --> 00:07:50,482 and I don't have a lot of cable 260 00:07:50,482 --> 00:07:51,883 and so I've ended up watching a lot of your show, 261 00:07:51,883 --> 00:07:53,191 and it's meant a lot to me, 262 00:07:53,191 --> 00:07:54,531 which is part of why I wanted you here today. 263 00:07:54,531 --> 00:07:56,448 - Oh wow, that's so sad. 264 00:07:56,448 --> 00:07:57,851 - And we're gonna cut the live feed. 265 00:07:57,851 --> 00:07:58,745 We're gonna cut the live feed. 266 00:07:58,745 --> 00:07:59,578 - Thank god. 267 00:07:59,578 --> 00:08:00,411 Okay, what do you want? 268 00:08:00,411 --> 00:08:01,403 You came here, you didn't wanna do the Zinnia stuff. 269 00:08:01,403 --> 00:08:02,494 What do you want? 270 00:08:02,494 --> 00:08:03,907 - I guess I just want to be seen 271 00:08:03,907 --> 00:08:05,804 as more than just a children's entertainer. 272 00:08:05,804 --> 00:08:07,467 - Okay, well who do you wanna be known as? 273 00:08:07,467 --> 00:08:10,329 - Just Chris Themum. - Christhemum? 274 00:08:10,329 --> 00:08:13,543 - Well full name is Christopher Andthemum. 275 00:08:13,543 --> 00:08:14,583 - Christopher Andthemum? 276 00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:16,240 - Chrysanthemum. - Where did Zinnia come from? 277 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:17,073 'Cause I wasn't gonna say this, 278 00:08:17,073 --> 00:08:17,906 but you're not a- 279 00:08:17,906 --> 00:08:18,981 - I'm not a Zinnia. - Not a Zinnia. 280 00:08:18,981 --> 00:08:19,855 - It's what people would call me 281 00:08:19,855 --> 00:08:21,453 as a child when I got bullied. 282 00:08:21,453 --> 00:08:22,286 - No. 283 00:08:22,286 --> 00:08:24,202 - When I was a bit younger I was a little more flamboyant, 284 00:08:24,202 --> 00:08:25,500 a little more red, and they were like, 285 00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:27,505 "Zinnia, the Zinnia's here." 286 00:08:27,505 --> 00:08:28,753 It's also where the voice came from. 287 00:08:28,753 --> 00:08:30,390 Some would say psychologically that I've sort of adopt- 288 00:08:33,503 --> 00:08:36,546 - ed the uh, antics of my bullies in order to- 289 00:08:36,546 --> 00:08:38,194 - Did you feel that? 290 00:08:38,194 --> 00:08:39,869 - Hey, can we cut? I'm bleeding real bad. 291 00:08:39,869 --> 00:08:41,450 I didn't even know I got blood like that. 292 00:08:41,450 --> 00:08:42,792 Sort of like aloe almost. 293 00:08:42,792 --> 00:08:44,285 Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey! 294 00:08:44,285 --> 00:08:45,330 Chris? Chris? 295 00:08:45,330 --> 00:08:47,529 Yeah, everybody, stay put, I got this. 296 00:08:47,529 --> 00:08:48,666 Don't worry about that, Chris. 297 00:08:48,666 --> 00:08:49,732 Can we get some water? 298 00:08:49,732 --> 00:08:51,470 I need help. 299 00:08:51,470 --> 00:08:52,379 Ooh! Oh! 300 00:08:52,379 --> 00:08:53,571 - Is that better? - Whoa. 301 00:08:53,571 --> 00:08:56,681 Oh! I'm feeling like fucking Grandpa Joe 302 00:08:56,681 --> 00:08:57,867 getting a Golden Ticket. 303 00:08:57,867 --> 00:08:59,416 Jesus, what the hell? 304 00:08:59,416 --> 00:09:00,387 What's in that stuff? 305 00:09:00,387 --> 00:09:02,232 - You got chloroplast everywhere. 306 00:09:02,232 --> 00:09:03,558 - Yeah, well. 307 00:09:03,558 --> 00:09:05,424 Think that's probably 308 00:09:06,999 --> 00:09:08,463 eating dirt. 309 00:09:08,463 --> 00:09:09,896 I thought that plants sorta of did- 310 00:09:09,896 --> 00:09:11,513 - You don't know a goddamn thing about plants. 311 00:09:11,513 --> 00:09:12,346 - Okay. 312 00:09:12,346 --> 00:09:14,113 - And also, let me just say, we're not all the same, huh? 313 00:09:14,113 --> 00:09:15,530 - Okay, you know what? How about this? 314 00:09:15,530 --> 00:09:16,454 Let's shake it off. 315 00:09:16,454 --> 00:09:17,906 I got some rapid fire questions for ya. 316 00:09:21,554 --> 00:09:23,340 Okay, tell me a joke. 317 00:09:23,340 --> 00:09:24,424 - Shit, I don't know. 318 00:09:24,424 --> 00:09:25,492 You said the kids aren't watching, right? 319 00:09:25,492 --> 00:09:27,259 - No, they cut the feed a long time ago. 320 00:09:27,259 --> 00:09:28,913 And also the teachers are sort of speaking 321 00:09:28,913 --> 00:09:30,176 to our legal team at the moment. 322 00:09:30,176 --> 00:09:31,520 - Alright, so a lily walks into a bush 323 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:34,302 and it's going, "My stamen is dry as hell. 324 00:09:34,302 --> 00:09:36,653 "Can a plant get some fucking water in here?" Right? 325 00:09:36,653 --> 00:09:38,433 And then a daisy comes outta the bush 326 00:09:38,433 --> 00:09:40,415 and says, "Lily, you're back. 327 00:09:40,415 --> 00:09:41,274 "What's going on? 328 00:09:41,274 --> 00:09:42,561 "You've been gone for so long." 329 00:09:42,561 --> 00:09:44,674 And then Lily's like, "Yeah, I've been gone. 330 00:09:44,674 --> 00:09:46,976 "I've been fucking walking the desert for ages. 331 00:09:46,976 --> 00:09:48,429 "All I just want is for someone 332 00:09:48,429 --> 00:09:51,032 to get my stamen little wet," right? 333 00:09:51,032 --> 00:09:53,620 And so they go over to the watering hole 334 00:09:53,620 --> 00:09:55,492 and at the watering hole the Lily's like, 335 00:09:55,492 --> 00:09:57,816 "Hold on, this is all different from how I remember it." 336 00:09:57,816 --> 00:09:59,062 - More of a story than a joke. 337 00:09:59,062 --> 00:10:00,540 - Then on and on and on and on. 338 00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:02,740 The lily and the daisy, they fuck. 339 00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:05,503 - Okay, what are you doing this weekend? 340 00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:07,068 - Um, nothing really. 341 00:10:07,068 --> 00:10:07,901 I, uh... 342 00:10:09,235 --> 00:10:13,144 I don't have a lot of social life outside of the show. 343 00:10:13,144 --> 00:10:15,915 - So you don't really have like friends or a partner? 344 00:10:15,915 --> 00:10:18,812 I've been so alone for so fucking long! 345 00:10:18,812 --> 00:10:19,895 Well, hey, you're here now 346 00:10:19,895 --> 00:10:21,026 and I'm gonna ask you another question. 347 00:10:21,026 --> 00:10:22,381 What is your favorite genre? 348 00:10:23,538 --> 00:10:24,451 Oh, come on. 349 00:10:24,451 --> 00:10:25,589 Hey! - I had a wife! 350 00:10:25,589 --> 00:10:26,422 You did? 351 00:10:26,422 --> 00:10:27,321 Where is she now? 352 00:10:27,321 --> 00:10:29,118 - I don't remember. - You don't remember? 353 00:10:29,118 --> 00:10:31,275 - I like fantasy though. - What do you mean? 354 00:10:31,275 --> 00:10:32,855 - You asked the question, I like fantasy. 355 00:10:32,855 --> 00:10:34,427 Oh, for your genre. 356 00:10:34,427 --> 00:10:35,450 Hey, okay, hey! 357 00:10:35,450 --> 00:10:36,892 No, you're okay. You're okay. 358 00:10:36,892 --> 00:10:38,134 - There we go. - Ooh! 359 00:10:38,134 --> 00:10:39,929 - There we go, okay! 360 00:10:39,929 --> 00:10:41,346 - There's no way that's just water. 361 00:10:41,346 --> 00:10:42,282 Lemme see that shit. 362 00:10:42,282 --> 00:10:43,115 - Los Angeles tap. 363 00:10:43,115 --> 00:10:44,606 - Oh, no, then it's definitely not water. 364 00:10:44,606 --> 00:10:45,499 - Oh, okay. 365 00:10:45,499 --> 00:10:46,789 - Yeah, there's like chemicals and shit in that. 366 00:10:46,789 --> 00:10:48,526 - Right, okay, last question that I ask each 367 00:10:48,526 --> 00:10:49,998 and every one of my guests. - Uh-huh. 368 00:10:49,998 --> 00:10:52,000 - What is the meaning of life? 369 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,519 - Everybody asks everybody this. 370 00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:54,604 Everyone asks me this. 371 00:10:54,604 --> 00:10:55,547 Kids write in. 372 00:10:55,547 --> 00:10:57,561 The problem is, there's not one answer! 373 00:10:57,561 --> 00:10:58,925 You think the meaning of my life 374 00:10:58,925 --> 00:10:59,758 is the same as the meaning of your life? 375 00:10:59,758 --> 00:11:00,653 - That's why- - I'm a plant! 376 00:11:00,653 --> 00:11:02,438 - That's why I ask- - And you're a person! 377 00:11:02,438 --> 00:11:03,621 - Right. - And you know what? 378 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:04,937 The meaning of life shouldn't be about 379 00:11:04,937 --> 00:11:06,176 what you gotta do with life, 380 00:11:06,176 --> 00:11:07,777 It's about how you live your fucking life 381 00:11:07,777 --> 00:11:09,269 to the fullest every day. 382 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,433 It's about what you leave behind. 383 00:11:10,433 --> 00:11:12,565 Me, I leave behind 17 children. 384 00:11:12,565 --> 00:11:14,522 - 17 children? - 17 children! 385 00:11:14,522 --> 00:11:16,861 Half of which I enjoy very much. 386 00:11:16,861 --> 00:11:19,779 But the other thing is that I leave behind a legacy 387 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:22,245 of good children's entertainment. 388 00:11:22,245 --> 00:11:23,525 What do you leave behind, huh? 389 00:11:23,525 --> 00:11:25,260 Another public access television show 390 00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:26,536 that's not gonna exist in a couple years 391 00:11:26,536 --> 00:11:27,553 because the industry is dwindling? 392 00:11:27,553 --> 00:11:28,474 What'd you say? 393 00:11:28,474 --> 00:11:29,307 - It's behind a paywall. 394 00:11:29,307 --> 00:11:30,192 - It's behind a paywall? 395 00:11:30,192 --> 00:11:31,702 - It was $6 a month and now it's $7 a month. 396 00:11:31,702 --> 00:11:34,229 - That's not sustainable! 397 00:11:34,229 --> 00:11:35,201 I'm sick of it! 398 00:11:35,201 --> 00:11:37,111 There's no one good meaning to life! 399 00:11:37,111 --> 00:11:37,944 - Hey, hey, okay. 400 00:11:37,944 --> 00:11:39,485 - There's no one good meaning to life! 401 00:11:39,485 --> 00:11:42,173 There are several ways to live your life! 402 00:11:45,681 --> 00:11:47,125 I didn't think that was gonna break, I'm gonna be real. 403 00:11:47,125 --> 00:11:48,290 - Okay, so you know what I'm gonna do? 404 00:11:48,290 --> 00:11:50,351 I'm gonna walk a mile in your roots. 405 00:11:50,351 --> 00:11:51,524 - I don't walk, I stand. 406 00:11:51,524 --> 00:11:52,982 - Let's get a PA to fly in the soil. 407 00:11:52,982 --> 00:11:54,199 - Oh, y'all got more of that soil. 408 00:11:54,199 --> 00:11:55,032 - Here we go. 409 00:11:55,032 --> 00:11:55,974 - Y'all been holding back on me. 410 00:11:55,974 --> 00:11:58,082 - I'm gonna extend the olive branch to you. 411 00:11:58,082 --> 00:11:59,975 - Sorry, what does that mean to you guys? 412 00:11:59,975 --> 00:12:01,089 'Cause extending the olive branch 413 00:12:01,089 --> 00:12:03,150 is a different thing for me. 414 00:12:03,150 --> 00:12:04,925 - What does it mean? - It's sexual. 415 00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,409 - Okay. - The olive branch is a penis. 416 00:12:06,409 --> 00:12:07,610 And it's not that. 417 00:12:07,610 --> 00:12:08,981 For this, what we are doing is I, 418 00:12:08,981 --> 00:12:11,392 I'm just really gonna learn what it's like 419 00:12:11,392 --> 00:12:12,394 from your experience. 420 00:12:12,394 --> 00:12:13,591 - That's a very sweet idea, thank you. 421 00:12:13,591 --> 00:12:14,435 - I'm coming to you. 422 00:12:14,435 --> 00:12:15,309 I know you said you got bullied. 423 00:12:15,309 --> 00:12:16,450 I got bullied too. - For what? 424 00:12:16,450 --> 00:12:19,514 - Sort of, you know, I was, I was too popular, 425 00:12:19,514 --> 00:12:22,323 and too beautiful, and people were really upset by that. 426 00:12:22,323 --> 00:12:23,492 - Mm, I don't know. 427 00:12:23,492 --> 00:12:24,805 The tone of your voice says it's something different 428 00:12:24,805 --> 00:12:25,638 We'll figure it out. 429 00:12:25,638 --> 00:12:26,835 - Okay, can we get the water in here? 430 00:12:26,835 --> 00:12:27,969 - Yes! - And there we go. 431 00:12:27,969 --> 00:12:29,154 And so here's what we're gonna do. 432 00:12:29,154 --> 00:12:30,988 I'm gonna go ahead and take these off. Thank you. 433 00:12:30,988 --> 00:12:33,291 - Oh, that's how you make the $7 a month, isn't it? 434 00:12:33,291 --> 00:12:34,536 And they're gonna censor that immediately. 435 00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:35,369 Mm-hmm. 436 00:12:35,369 --> 00:12:36,728 - How do you get into the soil or no? 437 00:12:36,728 --> 00:12:37,619 I wanna do it like you. 438 00:12:37,619 --> 00:12:38,585 Great. 439 00:12:38,585 --> 00:12:39,418 - Mario style. 440 00:12:39,418 --> 00:12:41,085 - Okay, so I'm, and, 441 00:12:42,353 --> 00:12:43,336 I got this. 442 00:12:43,336 --> 00:12:45,308 And don't help me. 443 00:12:45,308 --> 00:12:46,891 No need to help me. 444 00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:49,693 I got it. 445 00:12:49,693 --> 00:12:51,026 - You can sit down, they don't want your help. 446 00:12:51,026 --> 00:12:52,515 - Don't make me say no one more time. 447 00:12:52,515 --> 00:12:53,413 Back off! 448 00:12:53,413 --> 00:12:54,253 - This is embarrassing. 449 00:12:54,253 --> 00:12:55,588 You should get them outta there. 450 00:12:55,588 --> 00:12:57,266 - Here we go. Ready? 451 00:12:57,266 --> 00:12:58,099 Hoo! 452 00:13:00,490 --> 00:13:01,424 Mario style. 453 00:13:01,424 --> 00:13:03,051 - No, Mario does it alone, but that's fine. 454 00:13:03,051 --> 00:13:04,367 - Right now sort of what I'm feeling 455 00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:05,788 is I'm just sort of standing in dirt. 456 00:13:05,788 --> 00:13:07,060 - Yeah. 457 00:13:07,060 --> 00:13:07,974 What more could you want? 458 00:13:07,974 --> 00:13:08,924 - Maybe a little more water. 459 00:13:08,924 --> 00:13:10,703 Maybe you gimme a little more water. 460 00:13:10,703 --> 00:13:11,799 Maybe that's a problem. 461 00:13:11,799 --> 00:13:13,254 At this point I would've overdosed. 462 00:13:13,254 --> 00:13:14,459 - On water? - Yeah! 463 00:13:14,459 --> 00:13:16,245 This shit's dangerous. Are you kidding me? 464 00:13:16,245 --> 00:13:18,139 - I'm just like, is this what you're feeling in here? 465 00:13:18,139 --> 00:13:20,008 Like I feel like I'm not like feeling anything new. 466 00:13:20,008 --> 00:13:22,639 I'm not feeling any joy and I'm thinking about like, 467 00:13:22,639 --> 00:13:24,245 why am I performing for all of these people 468 00:13:24,245 --> 00:13:26,125 if nobody's performing for me, you know? 469 00:13:26,125 --> 00:13:28,372 - Do you feel like the life that you've created 470 00:13:28,372 --> 00:13:31,129 has been misled by an idea of what you believed 471 00:13:31,129 --> 00:13:32,578 you would be enjoying? 472 00:13:32,578 --> 00:13:33,840 And now that you're in the dirt, 473 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,555 you feel a little like maybe there's a different direction 474 00:13:35,555 --> 00:13:36,765 you could have taken with your life 475 00:13:36,765 --> 00:13:39,753 and you've been wasting a lot of time? 476 00:13:39,753 --> 00:13:41,322 'Cause if so, let me tell you, kid, 477 00:13:41,322 --> 00:13:43,925 that's what I feel every goddamn minute of my life. 478 00:13:43,925 --> 00:13:44,758 - Okay, yeah, well, 479 00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,576 I feel like I'm just like not feeling anything right now, 480 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:47,601 you know what I'm saying? 481 00:13:47,601 --> 00:13:48,803 Like maybe like more water. 482 00:13:48,803 --> 00:13:49,636 Like, let's get that. 483 00:13:49,636 --> 00:13:50,512 Let's get that sun back on. 484 00:13:50,512 --> 00:13:52,255 - You wanna go from microdose to macrodose? 485 00:13:52,255 --> 00:13:53,532 - Let's do this. - Let's do this! 486 00:13:53,532 --> 00:13:55,003 - But I want you to be prepared 487 00:13:55,003 --> 00:13:56,418 'cause you're about to meet God. 488 00:13:56,418 --> 00:13:57,293 - There we go, yeah. 489 00:13:57,293 --> 00:13:59,587 Come on, more! More! 490 00:13:59,587 --> 00:14:01,451 I feel like I'm not feeling anything, you know? 491 00:14:01,451 --> 00:14:02,917 Feeling like empty inside. 492 00:14:02,917 --> 00:14:03,983 You feel empty inside? 493 00:14:03,983 --> 00:14:05,081 Or you feel like maybe there are thoughts 494 00:14:05,081 --> 00:14:06,539 that you should just be expressing 495 00:14:06,539 --> 00:14:09,203 in order to make yourself feel like you got something in ya? 496 00:14:09,203 --> 00:14:10,536 - Stop yelling at me! - Why? 497 00:14:10,536 --> 00:14:12,147 - You think you're special 'cause you're sad and horny? 498 00:14:12,147 --> 00:14:13,293 We're all sad and horny! 499 00:14:13,293 --> 00:14:15,267 - Maybe my sad and horny is the - We're still live. 500 00:14:15,267 --> 00:14:16,206 kind of sad and horny that people should be. 501 00:14:16,206 --> 00:14:17,039 - We're on. 502 00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:17,872 - 'Cause I'm accepting my sad and horniness. 503 00:14:17,872 --> 00:14:19,224 - We're on TV and it's still live. 504 00:14:19,224 --> 00:14:20,103 - What? 505 00:14:20,103 --> 00:14:20,936 - It's still live. 506 00:14:20,936 --> 00:14:22,048 - Oh, is that what that red light is? 507 00:14:22,048 --> 00:14:24,997 - There's 30 homeschoolers still watching us. 508 00:14:27,055 --> 00:14:28,913 - The the play is over now. - Now. 509 00:14:28,913 --> 00:14:30,832 - Everything we said was a joke. 510 00:14:30,832 --> 00:14:31,812 - It's a joke. 511 00:14:31,812 --> 00:14:33,238 - We're not sad or horny. - Nope. 512 00:14:33,238 --> 00:14:35,338 - We're happy and regulated. 513 00:14:35,338 --> 00:14:36,518 - Regulated. - Medically. 514 00:14:36,518 --> 00:14:38,553 - I'm Vic Michaelis reminding you to be true yourself. 515 00:14:38,553 --> 00:14:40,098 Unless you'd rather be somebody else. Goodnight. 516 00:14:40,098 --> 00:14:41,488 ♪ I'm Zinnia ♪ 517 00:14:41,488 --> 00:14:42,822 ♪ I'm Zinnia ♪ 518 00:14:42,822 --> 00:14:45,290 ♪ Don't remember the things that I said ♪ 519 00:14:45,290 --> 00:14:47,472 ♪ I'm Zinnia, I'm Zinnia ♪ 520 00:14:47,472 --> 00:14:49,556 ♪ Tell your parents you went to bed ♪ 521 00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,837 ♪ Don't tell them you saw this program ♪ 522 00:14:51,837 --> 00:14:54,053 ♪ Don't repeat anything you saw ♪ 523 00:14:54,053 --> 00:14:56,230 ♪ I'm Zinnia, I'm Zinnia ♪ 524 00:14:56,230 --> 00:15:01,230 ♪ Let's grow together, Let's go to the mall ♪ 525 00:15:02,197 --> 00:15:03,338 - Hey, kids, 526 00:15:03,338 --> 00:15:06,670 Today I wanna talk about the skill of apologizing. 527 00:15:06,670 --> 00:15:09,346 Now you might have seen some stuff on a TV show 528 00:15:09,346 --> 00:15:10,575 I was on recently. 529 00:15:10,575 --> 00:15:12,517 And even though no one really watches the TV show 530 00:15:12,517 --> 00:15:14,662 and I'm told it's one of the lowest performing shows 531 00:15:14,662 --> 00:15:17,491 that's ever been on streaming television, 532 00:15:17,491 --> 00:15:20,403 I still wanna address my, my actions, 533 00:15:20,403 --> 00:15:24,178 and I'd like to address my actions in a song. 534 00:15:24,178 --> 00:15:25,011 Hit it. 535 00:15:25,011 --> 00:15:28,081 ♪ You shouldn't say fuck on TV ♪ 536 00:15:28,081 --> 00:15:30,766 ♪ You also shouldn't say shit or piss ♪ 537 00:15:30,766 --> 00:15:33,548 ♪ You shouldn't say damn or hell or cum ♪ 538 00:15:33,548 --> 00:15:35,439 ♪ Or even some words like ♪ 539 00:15:35,439 --> 00:15:37,006 ♪ jizz ♪