- Hey, y'all. I'm Ms. Pat.
- All rise.
- And I know the inside of a courtroom.
I'm a convicted felon with a GED.
Now I'm sitting on this side of the bench.
Y'all are killing me.
These are real cases with real money on the line,
and I'm bringing my own friends to court as my jury.
- What is this, "Looney Tunes"?
- Y'all may have started this mess,
but I'm gonna settle it.
- I love this courtroom!
[laughter]
- All rise 'cause court is back in session.
[dramatic music]
- In this courtroom, the statute of limitations
sets in when this judge has had enough of your bullshit.
All rise for the impatient Ms. Pat.
♪ ♪
- Thank you. Please have a seat.
How y'all doing today, jury? - Great.
- Doing fantastic.
- Thank you, Ms. Pat. - You all right, Bailiff?
- It's date night tonight. I got to get out of here.
[laughter]
- Let's get to bailiffing then since you got a hot date.
- This is the case of Shareef versus Shareef.
You may now enter.
- Plaintiff Zakeemah Shareef is suing her brother
for $5,000 after she says he borrowed her car,
then totaled it while she was out of town.
- Go on with your bad self.
- Defendant Rashad Shareef says the brakes on the car
were busted, but Sis never let him know.
He's lucky to be alive, and there's no way
he's responsible for the wreck.
- So help you God? - I do.
- Well, before we get started, I just want to let you know,
this is a jury of my peers.
They are only here for me, and if you piss them off,
they will meet you outside.
[laughter]
So can you tell me why we're here today please?
- I came here today to sue my brother for $5,000 because
when I was in Disney World, having fun with my son,
he wrecked my vehicle.
He was supposed to drive from home to work,
but he took my car somewhere else
without my permission, without me knowing,
and then I received the call that my car was totaled.
- Rashad, you want to tell me what happened?
- Yes, Your Honor.
She did give me permission to drive the car
from home and to work.
But she called me one morning
telling me to go pick my brother up.
And I don't know, I think she's forgetting that part
where she did that.
It was a rainy day, and we were in stop-and-go traffic
going up a hill.
The other car stopped in front of me,
and I was pressing on the brakes--
like, stomping on the brakes, and they weren't going.
And we just slammed into the back...
- Now, does that make sense to you?
- Right in the car in front of us.
- Ms. Pat, come on now.
- Rashad, on a scale of one to ten,
how bad were these brakes? - 15.
- You a damn liar. 15 who?
- 15.
- What kind of car did you have?
- I had a brand-new, off the lot,
white 2017 Chevy Trax.
- Why y'all calling a 2017 brand-new?
- That's what I'm saying.
- Listen, baby, that car at least in junior high.
[laughter]
How would you say your brother driving?
- My brother is a reckless driver.
He crashed my mama car. He's--
- Your Honor, I have to object.
- He don't have his own vehicle.
- And you let him use your car?
[laughter]
- So do you have any photos of your car?
- Yes, ma'am, I do.
I have all the evidence you need right here.
Exhibit A.
- Oh, wow.
- He made your car look like a shark.
[laughter]
- She didn't even get her plates yet.
Look at that.
Still got the CarMax on the front.
[laughter]
- Rashad, who was in the car with you?
- My brother. - What's your brother name?
- Hajid. - Hygiene?
- We call him Prince. - Come on up here, Hijinks.
[laughter]
- Please have a seat right up here.
Come on.
- Get on the winning team, boy. - State your full name.
- Prince Ali.
- You ain't Aladdin.
[laughter]
Boy, sit your ass down.
[laughter]
What is your government name?
You in court. - Hajid Shareef.
- And what is your relationship to them?
- They're my brother and my sister.
[laughs]
[laughter]
- Was you in the car when the accident happened?
- Yeah, I was in the car, most definitely.
- Do you think it was his fault when he had the wreck?
- Oh, mos def. - What?
- Oh!
- Well, actually-- actually-- actually,
Your Honor, to be real, to be honest-- 'cause I swore.
You know what I'm saying?
So I say it's really-- you know what I'm saying?
That's a tough question.
[laughter]
- Did it seem like the brakes didn't work?
- I'm not gonna lie.
For the majority of that trip, the brakes was being
pretty smooth, from my telling. - Mm.
- Oh.
- The proof is in the pudding, right there.
- You can go on and float back over there on your mattress.
That was not a good witness.
[laughter]
So what's the balance on this car?
- I believe it's, like, $14,000 left.
- You owe $14 grand on a 2017? - Yeah.
- It's a brand-new car.
[laughter]
- Rashad, your sister is still paying
on the car that you wrecked.
So did you ever step in and say, "You know what,
Sis, let me help you with this payment"?
- I was going to, Your Honor,
but she done brought me to court now.
After that, you cut yourself off.
Like, you don't bring family to court.
That's not what you do. - You do bring family to court.
- Mm-mm. - Come on, Chris.
You help me out with this one.
- I think Rashad is a 20-year-old guy that needs
to learn some responsibility. He hasn't shown any remorse.
And making him pay $5,000 might make him grow up.
- Yeah, it might. - OK, Ray J.
- I think that it's messed up. Y'all brother and sister.
I'd be mad if Brandi took me to court.
[laughter]
- Give her $5,000, and give him a bus pass.
[laughter]
- Zakeemah. - Yes, ma'am.
- Before I tell you and your brother Rashad my verdict,
I want to hear your final thoughts.
- I feel like family should never
have to take family this far.
But at the end of day, I still love my brother.
He's the baby.
I'ma keep taking care of him,
regardless of all this stuff he keeps putting me through.
- And Rashad, your final thoughts?
- If she felt like it took all this to get her money,
then I guess I feel bad.
- So I've come to my final decision,
and I'm gonna settle this once and for all.
♪ ♪
And I'm ruling in favor of...
the plaintiff, Zakeemah.
Rashad, you are ordered to pay Zakeemah $5,000
because you wrecked her car.
I know that $5,000 ain't gonna pay this car off for you,
but I hope it help you get you something to ride in.
Come on up here, Prince.
Y'all mom and daddy must be little as hell.
- What you saying? Got what you're saying?
- I'm saying y'all look like three little trolls.
- I'm average height for a man.
- Boy, you would only fit on a fat bitch keychain.
[laughter]
Now-- now, I settled it.
Get on out this courtroom.
Fly out on your little--
on your little blanket. Bye, y'all. Bye-bye.
- Thank you so much. - Pull your pants up.
[laughter]
They didn't have a clue about life.
- They're totally clueless. - Lord, have mercy.
- I am here to sue for my grandmother's
cheesecake recipe.
- Can you even cook? - I make noodles.
- Noodles?
[laughter]
- Hey, jury.
I know y'all know I'm an honest person.
I'm so honest, baby, when I came out
the womb, I told the nurse,
"Bitch, you got too much chin hair on your neck."
[laughter]
Bailiff, get to bailiffing.
- This is the case of Renaissance versus Degraff.
- Plaintiff Token Renaissance is suing his friend
Diamond for $2,600, claiming that she stole
his idea for a cheesecake business.
- Would you do that in a murder trial?
He's like, you got to record this ass from the back.
- Defendant Diamond Degraff says that she came up
with the idea her own damn self,
and Token is just desperate
for a slice of her sweet success.
[dramatic music]
- Token, tell me why we're here today.
- I am here to sue my friend Diamond
for my grandmother's cheesecake recipe
that I shared with her.
My grandmother and I used to make cheesecakes
together all the time.
I've told Diamond explicitly,
"I plan on carrying out her legacy of making
a cheesecake and starting a cheesecake business."
I am owed $2,600 and stake in her business.
I want my money. I want it now.
I want it today. - OK, Diamond.
Why are you here?
- If he want a steak, he better go to Ruth's Chris.
[laughter]
God bless Granny. Never met the lady.
But her cheesecake ain't messing with mine,
nor do I remember him talking about her.
I created She's Caked Cheesecake,
not We's Cake Cheesecake. - [laughs]
- So I don't know why Token feels like he has anything
to do with my business.
- Why did you name it that?
- Because I'm caked, and I make cheesecakes.
[laughter] - What is that?
- Cake, cake, cake, cake--
- Her butt. - Oh, ass?
- Yeah, cake. They call ass cake.
- Cake, cake, cake, cake.
- Ain't nothing back there but a muffin.
- Token, did you physically give her a recipe?
- Yeah. I got it.
- What? - I gave her the recipe.
- And do you have your recipe? - Yes, I do.
- OK, let me see how these recipe add up.
Let me tell you this here.
These don't have the same ingredients,
and I can't even cook.
- Your Honor, my intellectual property was stolen.
She owes me money.
She's selling cheesecakes off an idea that I gave her.
I ain't even know the girl could bake.
I call copyright.
- You can't just declare it, like I call copyright.
- And I literally just did. I call copyright.
- What is the definition of intellectual property?
- That is property that came from my intellect.
- You got to have intellect first.
- You understand what I'm saying?
I've explicitly had conversations
with Diamond about--
- So tell me about these explicit conversations.
Go into detail. - Heard that.
One of our creative conversations,
I told her, Diamond, I want to create a restaurant
that's music related.
I want to have Salt-N-Pepa shrimp.
I want to have Condoleezza rice.
- Condoleezza rice?
- Condoleezza don't make no music.
- [laughs]
I think the confusion is I'm from Brooklyn.
All of my cheesecakes are named after Jay-Z songs.
My cinnamon one is called Cinna What? Cinna Who?
- I got cheesecakes named after Milira songs,
Anita Baker songs, the Stylistics.
- Sir, I don't give a damn.
[laughter]
- This is ridiculous. I can't take it, Pat!
This man looking like "Pirates of the Caribbean."
- And we was gonna have pirate cheesecake.
We were gonna go-- we was gonna
cross the gambit with it.
- Token, are you high?
[laughter]
Where is the cheesecake now?
- Did you come to court with a cheesecake?
- Yes, I did, Your Honor. - Where is it?
- Can somebody bring out
the Biscoff Cookie Butter cheesecake?
- I ain't know we could bring no food up in here.
Why would I bring cheesecake to court?
- Then you unprepared.
This looks delicious.
- Y'all want a piece? - I do.
- Let me take a whiff.
[inhales deeply]
- Damn, Chris. - Whew!
- That was a fat boy sniff.
[laughter]
- Sir, can you even cook? - Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
I make noodles. - Noodles?
[laughter]
- Do you put it in the cheesecake?
- Y'all ain't never had--
Y'all simple. Y'all small minded.
- I cannot.
[gavel pounding]
- Why don't you just go and make your cheesecake?
- But check this out. It's the way that she did it.
This was supposed to set me up for success.
- She is not responsible for your success.
You a grown-ass man.
You responsible for your success.
- But-- - Now, listen.
You know she over there selling cheesecakes
out her living room.
You should have took your ass over there
and asked her could you grease a pan.
- It's not about her making cheesecakes.
It's about the concept. - OK. OK.
Come on, Carmen. Help me out.
- I feel like even if it was a little side conversations
or whatever, he never even cared about
what she was doing until he saw her making money
and profiting off of it.
- Even though she hit it first, hitting it last
is not bad, either. Like, you can win too.
- Thank you.
- I was gonna say, Kanye followed him.
[laughter]
- Oh, no!
[laughter]
- He my friend now too.
- I've come to a final decision,
and I'm gonna settle this once and for all.
[dramatic music]
I'm ruling in favor of...
♪ ♪
Diamond.
You don't have to pay him anything,
and let me tell you why.
Actions speak louder than words.
- Heard that.
- All you want to do is leave a legacy
of running your damn mouth.
- That ain't true.
- If you can really go bake your grandmama cheesecake,
go bake it.
And then come back in here and sue yourself next time
for being so damn slow.
- Thank you, Your Honor. - All right.
I settled it. Bye.
- Y'all ain't never got to worry about me again.
- Thank you, Your Honor. Y'all have a great day.
Y'all can have the cake, too.
- That was so damn crazy. - It was crazy.
- Doing the most. - Doing a lot.
- All right, let's get this next case popping.
Where the hell Kourtlyn at?
Kourtlyn! - I'm coming.
I'm coming right back. Hold on.
- Who sent this text message? - She did.
- "I'm not mad about how you feel,
but you very stubborn." - Now, that was too nice.
That ain't how she says. - How she said it?
- [scoffs] You're very stubborn.
- That's it.
- Y'all go have fun, though. - Mm-hmm.
- Yep. - Uh-huh.
[laughter] - Yep.
[dramatic music]
- I love taking a family trip, especially when
you ain't got to foot the bill.
Give me some money, Karlous.
- As soon as I get my "Ms. Pat" check,
I'll send you some.
- Y'all get paid for this? - She says for exposure.
- I had to do that, too, to get a job.
[laughter]
- Get to bailiffing, Bailiff.
- This is the case of Merritt versus Butler.
You may now enter.
- Plaintiff Sade Merritt is suing her sister, Jasmine,
for $1,450, the amount lost when Jasmine backed out
of Sade's birthday trip to Jamaica.
Defendant Jasmine Butler says she canceled
because Sade bailed on her Vegas birthday bash
just a month earlier.
And what goes around, comes around, Sis.
- Sade, why are you here today?
- I'm here because I'm suing my sister Jasmine for $1,450.
We agreed to go to Jamaica for my 35th birthday.
We had paid for it, and it was non-refundable.
And she reneged on the trip.
I didn't feel comfortable gonna Jamaica by myself,
so I want my money back.
- Black folk love going to Jamaica.
- We do.
- Well, let me hear your side of the story, Jasmine.
Why are you here?
- I'm here because my sister is trying to sue me for some money
she ain't never getting. - Ooh.
- You know, she ruined my birthday trip first,
and so I didn't like how she ruined it,
so I decided to cancel.
- Did you say she canceled on your birthday trip?
- Yes, Jasmine canceled on my trip because I told her
I didn't want to go on hers.
- Sade, back up. Tell me the whole story.
- OK, so my birthday is in June,
and her birthday is in August.
My birthday trip was already paid for
before she even said anything about her trip.
Then she said, "I want to go to Las Vegas for her birthday."
So she created a group chat, and she included
her friends and my family,
and she had created an itinerary for the trip,
and she wanted to go to Dinner in the Sky.
But I told her I didn't want to go
because I'm afraid of heights.
That's how the argument started because if I'm
paying my money, baby, I'm not going
where you want me to go at.
- For people that don't know what Dinner in the Sky is,
it's just these people got up in the air,
about 100 feet in the air, and you eat.
- Hell, no. No. No.
- It's pretty, but it's also very scary
if you don't like heights.
So you told her you wasn't going.
- Your Honor, she texted everybody in the group chat
that she was no longer going, and everybody started
backing out one by one, one by one, so that
I didn't have anybody else to go with me
for my birthday trip. So I was like, OK,
Since she text that in the group chat,
I decided right after that to text her
and tell her that I'm not going
to Jamaica for her birthday.
- Let me make sure I get this right.
After you paid for your sister's birthday trip,
you canceled the trip because you couldn't
boss her around on your birthday trip.
Let me see the group chat.
- I'd have went with you, girl.
- Who sent this text message? - She did.
- OK, so the text message say, "I'm not mad about how
"you feel, but you're very stubborn
"and I get this is a trip you planning
so I'll bow out and say you got it."
- Nah, that was too nice! That ain't how she said it.
- Yeah, come on. Pass it to her.
- How she said it?
- [scoffs]
[laughter]
"I'm not mad about how you feel,
but your very stubborn..." - That's it.
- "And I get that this is your trip
"you planning, so I'll just bow out and say,
y'all go have fun though."
- Mm-hmm. - Come on.
That's it right there. Come on, yeah.
- That's how you read that.
- Yep. - Thank you.
- Well, that was nasty.
If it came out like Tamar said, that was nasty.
You don't think that was a little bit petty, Sade?
- Sade Merritt is suing her sister
Jasmine for $1,450 for backing out
of her Jamaican birthday bash.
But Jasmine says Sade ruined
her birthday first and is now
Ja-makin' her completely crazy.
Ms. Pat is about to settle it.
- Let me make sure I get this right.
She was supposed to go on the birthday trip with you too.
- Yes.
- So who paid for the Jamaican trip?
- We both did.
We split the cost down the middle.
- Sade, you got a receipt for what you paid for?
- Yes, I do. - Let me see it.
So let me just follow this money.
So the trip was $2,900. - Mm-hmm.
- And by her not going,
you lost $1,450 because you didn't go.
- Yes.
- And your trip to Vegas,
you didn't lose anything because everybody backed out,
so nobody paid. - Yes, yes.
- I just wanted to get that clear.
OK, Carmen. Tell me what you're thinking.
- Y'all need to squash this.
Y'all already dressed like Halloween today.
Y'all got more holidays coming up
that y'all need to get together and be sisters on.
- Her fake innocence is crazy.
This-- this right here--
[laughter]
- It's not that serious. It's a birthday.
Like, you want to fall out with your sister for $1,400
and then get on a group text and show the division
to everybody that's on that group text over a disagreement.
That's crazy to me.
- I'm gonna go to you, Sade.
What you should have done is had a side conversation
with her because immediately in the group text,
everybody else had their little ups
and downs feelings about her, so they all pulled out too.
Jasmine, you a spoiled ass brat.
[laughter]
You canceled your sister birthday trip
because you couldn't boss her around
on your birthday trip.
And you threw away your money,
and you threw away your sister money.
With that, I've come to my final decision,
and I'm gonna settle this once and for all.
[dramatic music]
I'm ruling in favor of...
♪ ♪
The plaintiff, Sade.
Jasmine, you are ordered
to pay Sade $1,450
for being the biggest, cutest Brown-skinned brat
I've ever seen in my life.
With that said, I just settled it.
- Give me a hug. - Aw.
[applause] - Thank you.
- That was the right decision, Ms. Pat.
- We went to vacation one time, and I got Pat
to go down the water slide.
- And her wig fell off in front of all those people.
- And they thought it was a dog.
They thought my wig was a dog. They was like, "No pets."
And I'm like, "That's my wig."
[laughter]
- Next time on "Ms. Pat Settles It"...
- It was supposed to be a surprise birthday trip.
I got a ghosted. - This man got a whole fiancée.
- Your fiancée is here. - I love this courtroom!
- She left me stranded at the airport.
- You got to start taking some accountability.
- Y'all act like I flew the damn plane!
- Who are you yelling at? - I was hot as hell!
- You made this receipt.
- It was nothing wrong with the car.
- Transmission is spelled wrong on here.
[laughter]