- Hey, y'all. I'm Ms. Pat.
- All rise.
- And I know the inside of a courtroom.
I'm a convicted felon with a GED.
Now, I'm sitting on this side of the bench.
Y'all are killing me.
These are real cases with real money on the line.
And I'm bringing my own friends to court as my jury.
- What is this, "Looney Tunes"?
- Y'all may have started this mess,
but I'm going to settle it.
- I love this courtroom!
- All rise, because court is back in session.
[dramatic music]
- In this court, you may win the case,
you're still going to get roasted.
All rise for Judge Ms. Pat.
♪ ♪
- Y'all can have a seat. - Hey.
- Hey, hey, hey.
- I got to say, any day on this side of the bench
is a great day.
Can I get an amen? - Amen.
- How y'all know?
Y'all ain't been up there.
[laughter]
- Bailiff, can you get to bailiffing?
- This is the case of McKinnie versus Matthews.
- Plaintiff Khadijah McKinnie is suing her best
friend, Rainey, for $500,
the price of balloon decorations
Khadijah installed at her birthday party,
but never was paid for.
- Is that shirt choking the shit out of you?
Because it look tight around your neck.
- [laughs]
- Defendant Rainey Matthews says the balloons were busted,
and deflated the whole vibe of her birthday bash.
She doesn't owe a thing.
- Can you raise your right hand for me?
I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth, so help you God.
- All right, before I get started, I just want to let you
ladies know this is a jury of my peers.
I may or may not use them, but they're
here because they can play the hell out of some spades.
[laughter]
So, Khadijah, why you here today?
- Your Honor, I'm suing my best friend, Rainey,
for $500 for party decor that I did
last minute, that my services blew up over 300 balloons.
- Oh.
- Wow
- I added my little razzle dazzle to it.
I asked for her to pay me, and she didn't.
Honey, I need my money, and I want it now.
- OK.
Rainey, give me your side of this story, girl.
- OK, I paid Khadijah to do a birthday party for me,
just to decorate.
I wanted the balloons, basically, for a backdrop
for us to take pictures.
But I definitely wanted pink, silver, and black.
Not what I got.
- Well, what did you get?
- Gray and black.
- Oh. - Yeah.
And on top of that, I sent you $300
for the balloons in general, thinking
she needed to go buy them.
- Mm-hmm.
- But she said she already had some, so I
said, keep it for the labor.
So I don't feel like I owe her.
- Khadijah, are you a professional party planner?
- It's a side hustle. I'm a teacher.
- Oh, you're a teacher? - Yes.
- OK.
So let me ask you this, Rainey.
- Uh-huh.
- When she set them up, was happy with them?
- So it probably was less than 20 minutes.
We go to get ready to take pictures.
The photographer get ready to click, balloon dropped.
- Stop.
- No way.
- So because the heat was still on full blast,
the balloons started deflating and popping.
- Uh-uh.
- Do you have any pictures of the balloon?
- Yes.
- Girl.
- Girl, this is not no 300 balloons.
- Did some of the balloons eat the other ones?
- 27 balloons.
And you charging $500?
- Girl.
- So, Rainey, you gave her $300?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Did she ask for the $200 after she put it up?
- She asked for the $500. - $500?
- Yeah.
She wanted $500. - On top of the $300?
- On top of the $300. - Oh, no way.
- That's $800. - Oh, wow.
OK, keep going.
- Also, I told her to come before the party.
Party start at 8:00.
No balloons set up.
Shorty get there at 10:30.
- What?
- Khadijah, you arrived to a birthday party that you was
hired to do balloons for, and it was at 8:00,
but you got there at 10:00 p.m.?
- Yes, I was two hours late because my babysitter was late.
I had to find a last-minute babysitter
for this last-minute party.
- The party was late March.
I sent you this money in February.
- Wow.
That babysitter was late as hell.
- Khadijah, you was putting up the balloons while the people
was in there dancing?
- You was telling people, excuse me.
[laughter]
- We dancing, we drinking.
I had to move the whole arch, and it just fell onto the side.
- What did you do, Khadijah?
- I was trying to fix it, but she started talking
shit about my balloons.
And I'm just like, girl, I done did all this work.
Cool. I got my little balloon popper.
And I just kind of finished them off.
I was like, don't even worry about it, boo.
- And you popped all the balloons?
- Yeah.
- She kind of degraded my business in front of everybody.
So, yes, I felt some type of way.
- All right.
I'm going to go to my jurors.
Come on, Carlos.
- Khadijah, for you to show up with them soft,
saggy-ass balloons, we going to report you
to the Better Business Bureau.
[laughter]
- No, for real, though, friend, I can't
believe you are suing her.
Like, in the middle of this lady party,
you're going to put the balloons up as if it's OK.
- Do you feel like you did a good job?
- No, it wasn't one of my best works.
- So why are you here?
- Carmen, you too invested.
- Sorry.
- Damn.
Khadijah, was there something else going on?
Was you having a bad day?
I mean, tell me about the stress that you was up under.
- If you're married, and you-- you know--
- Take your time, baby.
Take your time.
It's OK.
I'm married.
I don't like his ass every day either.
- You know, you're doing most of the work, so it's not him.
He's at work.
And you know, I have to find a babysitter.
I done told you about this event.
And so it all falls on me.
- Why did you sue her if you knew it's not your best work?
- So--
- Do you need the money?
I mean, how do you feel seeing your friend cry?
- I mean, I feel bad.
But I feel like, as a friend, you could have came to me
and said, I just need money.
- It ain't easy for everybody to tell you
what they're going through.
- And I get that.
- You here today because of pride.
She wasn't going to tell you, I need it.
So she was like, I'm going to sue you for it.
And it's OK, because I understand.
I've come to my final decision, and I'm going to settle
this once and for all.
♪ ♪
And I'm ruling in favor of...
the defendant, Rainey.
Khadijah, she don't owe you anything.
You know it wasn't your best work.
But listen to this.
This case really touched me.
I'm giving you $500 because I know you need it.
You didn't win.
I'm giving you this because I've been where you are.
I just wish you had told her instead of dragging
her here today to court.
- Y'all keep making me cry.
[applause]
- Happy thoughts now.
- I still got my hormones.
I had-- I have a three-month old,
so all my hormones is there.
- Oh. - You be sad.
But you be [bleep], too.
[laughter]
- OK?
I just settled it.
Get y'all ass out of my courtroom.
- You are dismissed.
- $1,000 for 32 balloons.
I'm in the wrong business.
[laughter]
- He swiped my card for a microphone.
- Where is the mic?
- I had to get some drip.
I had to show.
- You sold the mic?
- Really?
- Are you out of your mind?
- What? - What?
- All right, jury, I'm happy to see you all today.
- This the only place I want to see today, Judge.
- I need y'all help with something.
- What is it?
- Help me decide if Kourtlyn wore too
much Bigen in his beard today.
[laughter]
Chris want to know why is it so filled in?
- Yeah.
- Same way your stomach is filled in that shirt.
[laughter]
- Everybody, look, let's get this stuff started.
- This is the case of Booker versus Long.
You may now enter.
- Plaintiff Bernadette Booker is suing her son Nathan
for $3,695, the price of a fancy microphone he
bought on her dime after she signed
off on a much cheaper model.
Defendant Nathan Long says he needs a hot mic
to boost his singing career.
If Mom cuts the cord on his dreams,
his whole grind starts off on the wrong note.
- Yes.
Miss Bernadette, you want to tell us why we're here
today, girlfriend?
- I am here to sue my son, Nathan,
because he swiped my card for $3,695 for a microphone.
[crowd muttering]
- I did not give him permission to swipe for that amount.
I gave him permission to swipe for 500.
And I want my money back now.
- And what was he going to do with that mic?
- He met some executives at a release party,
and they told him if he got a good demo
that they would sign him.
- OK.
Nathan, tell me your side of the story.
- So, Your Honor, she gave me her card.
She was like, look, you got a $500 budget.
But I already knew which microphone
I needed for the job.
- To do what?
What do you do, Nathan?
- I sing, very well.
- OK.
Bernadette, from one Black mama to another, how the hell
did you give your son your credit card?
[laughter]
- I do support my son, as far as his dreams.
- Do you think you spoil your son?
Is this your only child?
- He's my youngest.
- Oh, there we go.
- He's a baby.
- He definitely got a baby boy vibe.
- You kind look like a baby boy.
[laughter]
- Wait a minute now.
Don't you be coming in here trying
to sound like Chris Brown, looking like Orlando Brown.
[laughter]
Don't do my bailiff.
Uh-uh.
- How do you think a microphone is going to make you famous?
Talent make you famous.
- Is that what you really think?
- That's what I know.
If you got real talent, it was going
to come through that $500 mic.
- Nah, that's the thing.
There's so much talent, it can't be
captured on that microphone.
- He is so full of himself.
[laughter]
- This executive specifically, he's like, yo,
I need those demos.
- OK, he need the demos.
But he didn't tell you to go rob your mama for the demo.
So did it pay off, baby?
- No, it hasn't.
I've been calling him and stuff like that.
But, you know, he a busy guy.
But once he return my calls and he tell me that he
got those emails, it's a wrap.
- OK, Nathan, where is the mic?
[tense music]
- Hold on.
- Hey, I got a bailiff.
You going to stop walking up on me.
- She's been shot.
We can't have this.
- You ain't never been to court.
- All right, cool.
- Nathan, this is a picture of a mic.
- Yeah.
- Where is the mic?
- So I had to get some drip.
I had a show, and--
- You pawned it? - Yeah.
- You sold the mic?
- Really?
- No.
- The J's that I bought with it--
- J's?
- You bought Jordans?
- What?
- So how I'm going to get my money back?
- How much you sell it for?
- $1,200?
[crowd shouting]
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Are you out of your mind?
$1,200?
- Y'all got to understand.
- You--
- That just don't make no sense.
- So if you believe in yourself with all the arrogance you got
in this courtroom, why the hell did you sell the mic that
was going to make you famous?
- Right now, I got the records recorded.
I'm going to get to this dream regardless.
- I don't know if you raised him with no sense of reality,
but this boy need help.
Come on, Chris.
Help me out with this one.
- I identify with you a lot.
I was 24, and I had a dream of working in radio.
And I lived in my mom's basement till I was 27.
And she carried me and enabled me.
And when she cut me off, I had to start networking
and getting scrappy and work, which is what
it takes for creative work.
And that's what you don't have.
- I totally disagree with Chris.
He's making his moves happen.
And if you make it, she'll support it.
If not, it didn't matter.
She loves you no matter what.
- But she still want her $3,600 back.
[laughter]
- I wouldn't be so hard on you if you weren't so arrogant.
That's what's going to kill you in this business.
The more humble you are, the more
people want to work with you.
When you talented, you ain't got to walk in the room
and act all crazy.
I'm here, I'm here.
When you're talented, they going to know talent when
it walks through the door.
- Yup.
- Nathan, do you regret lying to your mother?
- I wouldn't say that I lied to my mother.
I would say that-- - Oh.
- --I made a smart financial investment.
- No, you didn't.
- And it's going to pay off.
- You stay focused.
You stay focused.
- Yeah.
- Bernadette, you got to stop, too.
I'm serious.
It's you.
You got to say no to this boy.
- Come on, let's go.
- I've heard enough.
I've come to my final decision, and I'm going to settle
this once and for all.
[dramatic music]
I'm ruling in favor of...
the plaintiff.
Nathan Long, you are ordered to pay your mom $3,195.
You asked for $3,695, I'm only going to give you $3,195,
because you gave him a budget of $500.
- Thank you, Your Honor.
- All right, now, I settled it.
Get out of my courtroom.
- You are dismissed. - Thank you.
- Good luck, mama.
- Miss Pat, you know who he looked like a little bit?
- A squirrel?
[laughter]
A damn dancing, singing squirrel.
This is from the vet to tell me that your dog
has sensitive teeth?
- Yes, and that he's well-trained.
- The vet don't know your dog.
- Wait a minute.
The doctor's name is Ruff Barkley?
- What?
- Get out of here. - Are you kidding me?
- How are y'all doing today, jury?
- Great. - Doing fantastic.
- Yeah.
- One thing they say, you can't fix stupid.
[laughter]
- Are you talking about us?
- Let's give it a shot.
[laughter]
- Bailiff, get to bailiffing.
- This is the case of Jones versus Brown.
You may now enter.
- Plaintiff Lakesha Jones is suing her friend, Dustin,
for $1,326.63 to replace the Louis Vuitton slides
she says his dog chewed up after she
took them off at his house.
Defendant Dustin Brown says he never asked her to kick off
her kicks in the first place.
And his pup is a perfect angel who would never bite
on her bougie-ass footwear.
- --so help you God.
- Yes.
- Lakesha, can you tell us why you're here today?
- Yes, Your Honor.
I'm here today because I am suing my former friend Dustin
because his dog chewed up my Louis Vuitton sandal,
and he does not want to pay for it.
I went over there to his house.
I asked him to put the dog up, and he refused.
Next thing I know, it's time for me to go.
And I put my feet in my shoe, and it's loose.
And I said, Dustin, your dog ate my shoe.
So he needs to pay for my shoe.
- Dustin, what you got to say about your dog eating up
her shoe? - I don't know why we're here.
People come to my house, friends, family,
and they leave with their shoes together, intact.
When Lakesha came to my house, I didn't
ask her to take off her shoes.
And my dog has sensitive teeth, so my dog
wouldn't even chew on that type of cheap material anyway.
- Was her shoes fake?
- You might want to check that, make sure before you
do anything, Your Honor.
Look at these babies.
He ain't never chewed these.
- You just got them.
- He ain't never chew these.
These are worn, baby.
These are worn.
These ain't new.
- He don't want them.
[laughter]
- When you walked in the house, did you immediately
take off your shoes?
- That's how I grew up. - OK.
- You go to somebody's house, you take your shoes off.
- And how much did these Louis Vuitton sandals cost?
- They was $1,326.63.
- That's a lot for a shoe.
- Anything else you paid?
- $300 came from me trying to send
the shoes out to get fixed, and it didn't work out for me.
- OK, what made you think the dog chewed the shoe?
Did you hear the dog making any type of noise?
- It was like-- [growls]
- What was the noise? - [growls]
- Girl, please.
- I like how you making that noise.
- Did you to look to see what the noise was coming from?
- No, because I thought the dog was hungry.
Because I thought it was like dog food,
because that's how it sounded.
- Wow.
- Do you have a picture I can see of these shoes?
- I have this picture of the shoe, what the dog did.
- Oh. - Yeah.
I got those.
- Yeah, I got those, too.
- This is the shoe after I tried to get it fixed.
- OK.
- Only one shoe got chewed up?
- Yeah, the right one.
- OK.
Well, he chewed the right one.
- That's the good foot.
The one I drive with.
- So this is where she had it fixed at.
- But the little piece that holds the shoe together
is too thin, and it broke.
- What type of dog is it?
- It's a Yorkie and Shih Tzu.
- They do like to chew on stuff.
- Yeah, but he has been well-trained.
- They look good as new.
- Do you have a picture of this dog?
- Yes, I do, Your Honor.
- Let me see the picture of the dog.
- And I even have proof from the vet
that my dog would not chew.
- He know for a fact that that dog is evil.
- Oh.
- Ooh.
- That's the face of a guilty dog.
[laughter]
- Plaintiff Lakesha Jones
is suing friend, Dustin,
for $1,326.63 to replace the Louis Vuitton
slides his dog chewed up.
Defendant Dustin Brown says his pup is all bark, no bite.
Miss Pat is about to settle this dog fight.
- Do you have a picture of this dog?
- Yes, I do, Your Honor.
- Let me see the picture of the dog.
- And I even have proof from the vet
that my dog would not chew.
- He know for a fact that that dog is evil.
- Oh.
- Ooh.
- That's the face of a guilty dog.
- Look at my baby.
Do you see my boy?
- Free dynasty.
[laughter]
- OK.
What proof am I'm looking at?
- That's from the vet.
- This is from the vet to tell me that your dog has
sensitive teeth?
- Yes, and that he's well-trained.
- The vet don't know your dog.
- Well, he goes there a lot, so--
- Baxter has a history of great training, and is well-behaved.
We have never observed any violent behavior.
- Wait a minute.
The doctor's name is Ruff Barkley?
- What? Come on.
- Get out of here. - You're kidding me.
- So you wrote this letter?
- No, ma'am, I did not write that letter.
- I mean, even if this is real and the doctor's name is Ruff,
it doesn't say that your dog had sensitive teeth.
So if the dog didn't chew up her slipper, who did?
- Your Honor, she know we got dogs, so I don't know if she
came over there with the shoes chewed up to make a scene
and say my dog did it so I can pay her.
Because she thought I was going to say, oh, yeah, girl,
I'll pay for your shoes. - Oh, no, you wasn't.
- How many times did you ask him for the money
before you ended up here with me?
- I lost count. - She harassed me.
- What do you mean, harassing you?
How did she harass you?
- She sends me videos of dogs eating other people's shoes.
[laughter]
- All right, I'm going to go to my jury, see what they say.
- Well, just like a man, if it got teeth, it'll eat.
- Oh.
- He shouldn't have to replace the whole shoe.
Those shoes look fine.
- You don't know anything about designer.
- I have no idea what I'm talking about.
[laughter]
- Let me ask you this, Lakesha.
Is this really worth losing a friend over?
- She's not my friend, because she
wouldn't have brought me here. Friends don't do that.
- OK.
I've come to my final decision, and I'm going to settle
this once and for all.
[dramatic music]
I'm ruling in favor of...
Lakesha for $1,026.63.
I'm not going to give you the $300
because you chose to run around and get your shoe fixed.
Dustin, you know your dog messed up the shoe.
You can come in here dressed up all
you want to with that $5 chain on.
I see it written all over your face with your fake vet letter.
If you're going to get an animal, they're like kids.
Learn how to control them.
This lady worked to have some shoes
so she can be like every other Black woman in America.
Some Louis Vuitton slippers-- they're important.
Whereas GloRilla say, at the end of the day,
the day must end.
Get out of my court.
- That's over with.
- You are dismissed.
- I don't care what you do.
- I don't care what you do either.
Bye. - Y'all think the dog did it?
- Hell, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Y'all stop sending me cases where
I want to fight these people.
[laughter]
- Next time on "Ms. Pat Settles It"...
- The bill was $4,600.
He literally pitched in $18.
- Ooh.
- Coco, look at your friend.
He know what you look like with that wig off.
We all know you look like Kourtlyn.
[laughter]
- I told her we could do a song together.
I did not say when.
- I wanted to rap.
- Now you got to drop a diss record.
[laughter]
- I'm a hair stylist, he's a hair stylist.
- I was coming for a job, and she thought
I was trying to holler at her.
- I did. - Oh.
- Baby, because he want all of this.
- Oh, my God. Really?
- Wait a minute.
[laughter]