- You ain't never met a judge like me.
- Your Honor, Your Honor!
- Shut the hell up, and let me get this thing together.
Hey, y'all. I'm Ms. Pat.
I know the inside of a courtroom.
I went to jail for selling cocaine.
Now here I am, sitting on this side of the bench.
- Put my faith in your hands.
- I ain't God. I don't love you.
These are real cases
with real money on the line.
What you do with the $5,000?
- I-I'll let you know.
- Well, I'm here. Let me know.
- Let's just wrap this up
'cause I'm getting very irritated.
- You keep running your mouth,
you ain't gonna get nothing.
Court is now in session.
Baby, don't do me, do Jesus,
'cause he got more patience with you, okay?
[gavel bangs]
- Keep your hands inside the ride and proceed with caution.
The roller coaster starts now.
All rise for The Honorable Ms. Pat.
[intriguing music]
- Y'all can have a seat.
I'm sorry I was late, but I was called for jury duty.
[laughter]
I talked my way out of it.
I'm like, hey, I used to sell crack.
That's how you get out of it.
Just tell them you're a convicted felon.
All right, Bailiff, let's get it started.
- This is the case of Jones versus Brigham.
- Plaintiff Tiesia Jones is suing her roommate, Latasha,
for $500 to compensate for unpaid rent,
disgusting parties, and being a mess.
- Hello.
- But defendant Latasha Brigham believes that Tiesia
is overreacting and that roommates
should share everything,
even nasty-ass razors.
- Okay, so ketchup, that's you, and the mustard, that's you?
[laughter]
- Yes, I'll be mustard.
- Tiesia, tell me why we're here today.
- I'm suing my friend for $500
because she don't pay her portion of the rent.
Her portion is 700. She only give me 300.
She don't do right. That's why we here--
because she take my kindness for a weakness.
And then she throws these parties,
and it be the next day.
She don't clean up after herself.
She don't buy cleaning supplies.
It's trifling. She even leave condoms on--
I found condoms on the floor after her parties.
- Oh, oh. Uh-uh.
- Latasha, let me hear your side of it.
- First of all, I do pay my rent on time.
However, I have been a little late.
So why am I here?
- 'Cause of the late.
- Oh, the late.
- Do you work?
- Yeah, I work.
I have to pay my bills.
[laughter]
- You funny.
- Did you forget about rent?
- Not all the time, Your Honor.
Like I said, I've been late a couple of times,
not all of the time.
- So what's not on time for you?
If the rent is due on the 1st, how many days are you late?
- Grace period is the 8th, my dear.
- She don't even know the grace period,
'cause she don't pay right.
It's the 3rd, and she gives it to me on the 5th.
- It's the battle of the buns.
- Let's start from the top of the story.
So y'all been knowing each other for 13 years.
- Yes. - Yes, ma'am.
- What's the nastiest thing she's ever done?
- Like when I went to go get a razor
and realized that she already used my razor
and left the hair on there.
- Booty hair?
- You know what kind of hair it was.
That's why she quiet. - Do you have any proof?
- I do. - Let me see it.
- You got the hair?
- Wait--you got a picture of booty hair, pass it on.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, Lord, she done brought the razor.
- Ms. Pat, don't touch that.
- Let the jury see that.
- Right there, I got it. Hold on. Hold on, hold on.
Oh, yeah, that's booty hair.
That's definitely booty hair.
- Why is the blade broken?
- I just got a question. - Yes, ma'am?
- Latasha. - Yes?
- You're under oath.
Did you use this razor on your vagina?
- Yes, ma'am, I did. - [groans]
- So this is your nappy grip stuck to this razor.
[laughter]
- Yes, I used the razor, Your Honor, and I put it back,
'cause I thought it was the right thing to do.
- What? - What?
- It was the funky thing to do.
- Okay, tell me about this party she didn't clean up.
- It was stuff everywhere,
and when I asked her why she didn't clean up, and she said,
I'm being petty.
If I seen it, pick it up.
- So how trashed was the place?
- Oh, it was awful.
- You got any evidence? - I do.
- Let me see it, Bailiff.
Oh, wow.
[audience oohing]
- Ooh.
- So if it was your party,
and they left the house like this,
it was your responsibility to clean up, don't you think?
- It was our responsibility to clean up.
It's our house, 'cause we're best friends.
- Were you at the party? - Yes.
- No.
I was in my room asleep.
- So she at the party.
- Oh, that don't count.
- You see what I'm saying?
- You don't give a two-cent crap about nothing.
- You damn right, Your Honor, I don't give a damn.
Because at the end of the day, she could have helped me.
We're best friends. - Contempt.
- That's what best friends do.
- You just like mustard. Nobody want a lot of you.
- Okay, Jury, what do you think?
- Shaving with her razor--
- Ooh.
- And you shaved your ass.
I don't know what she shaved with the razor.
You don't, either, right?
So you double nasty.
- Well, can I say something to you?
- Mm...nope.
[laughter]
- Tiesia, you really need to get yourself a backbone.
I don't know how the hell you've had this girl
for a roommate and let her walk on your back.
You gotta be tougher than that.
- She's my friend.
- Baby, she only do what you let her do.
People are only gonna treat you
the way you allow them to treat you.
[applause]
Do you hear me? - Yes.
- If she really loved you,
she wouldn't treat you that way.
Latasha, I don't even know how you could fix your mouth
to say that you this girl friend
when you don't pay your portion of the rent,
when you allow her to go out and work
and pretty much just take care of you.
And let me tell you something.
You're never gonna find a friend this stupid again.
- Oh.
- 'Cause I can tell you this today.
It ain't a damn Tiesia in this room but that one.
Either one of y'all have something
to say before I settle this?
- I just hope she starts taking accountability for her actions
and this teaches her a lesson.
- I hope she stop being a party pooper.
- She crying.
- You are so mean.
- I've heard everything I need to hear.
[gavel bangs]
And I'm gonna rule in favor of...
[tense music]
The plaintiff, Tiesia,
in the amount of $2,000.
- That's right.
[cheers and applause]
- $500 for cleaning supplies and the late rent,
and another $1,500 for putting up with her BS.
- At least we know your bank account gonna be clean.
[laughter]
- That settles it.
Okay.
- Keep your head up, Tiesia.
[applause]
- But is that a woman thing?
Is it all right to use another woman's razor?
- Hell no.
- No.
- So, yes, I damaged his vehicle, and I'd do it again.
- You already going to his inbox, beating up chicks.
If you don't trust him, why are you
trying to marry him, Torri?
This is what you gonna get.
- Hi, Jury. How y'all doing today?
- It's happening, Your Honor.
- Y'all ready to jure? - We ready to jure.
[intriguing music]
- I was asking you, was you ready to buy me some jurelry.
- Oh, jewelry.
- Jure so funny.
- Buy jure own.
[laughter]
- Come on, Bailiff.
- This is the case of Cox versus Pratt.
- Plaintiff Berry Cox is suing his fiancée, Torri,
for $1,200 in damages she caused to his car.
Berry says she slashed his tires
and took a shovel to the rest of the car,
all because of social media.
Defendant Torri Pratt says that
if Berry doesn't wanna have his cars destroyed,
he needs to keep strange women out of his DMs.
If he needs new friends, he's gonna need a new car too.
- Mr. Cox, tell me why we're here today.
- I'm here today to sue my fiancée for $1,200
for damages she did to my vehicle.
She slashed my tires out,
and she wrote bitch all over it.
- Bitch? - Bitch.
- Okay. All right.
Torri, you wrote on his car?
- It's a lot of [bleep] in the DMs.
I'm seeing them.
So, yes, I damaged his vehicle, and I'd do it again.
- Ooh.
- She is a vandal.
- What did he do to earn
this beautiful shit you did to his car?
- He keep on constantly lying about the females,
commenting on females' pictures.
When I get that woman intuition, I go looking,
and I found it in his phone, and he lie about it.
- And what did he say when you confronted him?
- Oh, that's nobody.
We could call them.
Yeah.
- So you admit you did the damage to the car.
- I admit, but I'm not paying for anything.
- Oh, oh.
- So do you have any evidence?
- Yes, I do.
- Bailiff, get that for me, please.
- Look like one of the kids did that one.
- So you damaged his car because you was heartbroken.
- Yes.
- I used to do the same exact thing.
One time, I slashed all four of his tires.
He called the tow truck.
I slashed the tow-truck tires too.
I was like, everybody walking today.
- So how long y'all been together?
- For four years.
- Do y'all have kids? - Yes, we have two.
- Can I ask you why you cheating?
- Currently, I was not cheating.
Like I say, she's insinuating.
- So today, you're not cheating.
- Oh, I wasn't cheating around the time.
- Berry, have you ever cheated?
- Yeah, I cheated in the past, you know?
Like I said, the past be the past.
We in the future now.
- No, we ain't in the future, bro.
- It's the present.
- We in the present.
[laughter]
- Berry, has she done this kind of stuff before?
- Yes, she damaged my truck previously.
- So if you don't trust him,
why are you trying to marry him, Torri?
This is what you gonna get.
- I want him to change.
- You cannot reraise nobody.
- That's right.
- Berry, do you love her?
- Yeah, I love her very much, Your Honor.
- So why is you talking to women in your inbox?
- I don't talk to women.
- When the last time you DM a woman?
- I don't DM women.
- He deletes them.
- So he follows them, he likes their pictures,
they ask him to be his friend? - Mm-hmm.
- That's not cheating. It's called social media.
Now, don't get me wrong.
You look like you cheat to me.
- Yes. - Yes, definitely.
- Got cheating dreads, bro.
- I'ma tell you what's wrong with you.
Somebody done dogged you the hell out.
So when you get a good man,
you don't know you got a good man
'cause you still that old person that got dogged out.
So, Jury, help me out with this.
- Miss Torri, you really wasting your time
with looking through shit.
If you gonna just cry about it and not leave, stop looking.
You're never gonna look through his phone
and find something you like.
- And if you know she go through your phone,
leave a message saying, bitch, get out of my phone.
[laughter]
- With that said, before I go make my decision,
Mr. Cox, is there anything you would like to say?
- I really love Torri, and I wanna spend the rest
of my life with her, you know?
I just want her to pay for what she did done, and...
[laughter]
We can move forward from here, you know?
- Okay.
Torri, what would you like to say, sweetheart?
- I don't know. I love him too.
That's why I do what I do, crazy in love.
[laughter]
But I'm not paying for the damages.
[audience oohs]
- Berry, y'all been together four years,
so you know the type of person that you're dealing with.
This ain't the first car she's scratched up,
and it won't be the last.
But you didn't create this monster.
You just trying to marry this monster.
[laughter]
I wanna tell you a quick story.
I caught my kid's father cheating
with one of his baby mama.
I took a whole Cadillac Seville and ran it up in the house.
And I put the car in reverse.
And the air condition was on the front
of the car, the little window air conditioner.
And he chasing the car.
Give me my air conditioner back!
I said, you and that bitch gonna burn up today, [bleep].
[laughter]
I wanted them to be hot because I was hurt.
- Yeah.
- So it's something deeper than this.
- Yes.
- So you gotta get yourself some help.
'Cause you're a beautiful woman,
but you don't have the confidence
of a beautiful woman.
And with that said, I'm ready to settle it.
[gavel bangs]
I'm ruling in favor of...
[tense music]
The plaintiff, Berry, for $1,200.
- Heard.
- I can't get you your car back.
But I can get her to give you your money back.
Now, that settles it.
If you scratch up another car, I'ma beat your ass.
[laughter]
- You are dismissed.
- Go on and give her a hug.
Y'all gonna get back together. - Give her a hug.
- She about to scratch his back.
[laughter]
- How did you come up with $3,800?
Did the dog fly to Brooklyn?
- Everywhere is wet. - I didn't do that.
- Never touched that balcony door.
Never opened it and said... [inhales]
oh, Brooklyn smell like shit.
[laughter]
- Well, how you doing today, Jury?
- We good. - Good.
- We are good, Your Honor.
- Come on, Bailiff, please start bailiffing.
- This is the case of Chaplin versus Lai Hing.
- Plaintiff Stacy Chaplin is suing her girlfriend's sister,
Leah, for $3,800, after Leah's negligent dogsitting duties
left Stacy's apartment completely wrecked.
Defendant Leah Lai Hing says she shouldn't owe anything
because she's just an innocent dog walker
who has no idea how Stacy's place
got covered in water and beetles.
- DeRay, this look like your speed.
- Stop it, Ms. Pat.
No, I'm sure those ladies are all taken care of well
and have a guy that flies them all over already
and takes them shopping. - Are you offering?
[laughter]
Yes. - I wish.
- If--if you offering--
- Yeah.
- All right, Stacy, tell me why we're here today.
- So I'm suing Leah for $3,800 for damages caused
to my girlfriend and I's apartment for the time
that we were away on vacation in Jamaica.
Leah was in charge of taking care
of my girlfriend's dog, Cavalli.
My apartment is on the beach,
and unfortunately, she left our balcony door open.
So there was a rainstorm, and our apartment was damaged
by the time we came back.
In total, we spent just about $3,800
repairing and replacing everything.
- Damn, man.
- All right, Leah, give me your side of the story.
- So I did go to walk the dog, but that's all I went to do.
I had the key to the apartment. I go inside.
I get the dog out the cage, walk the dog, feed the dog,
let the dog have water, and leave.
I'm not responsible for any balcony door being open.
I didn't do that.
- Stacy, when the storm came, what happened,
the pictures fell off the wall?
Did the dog fly to Brooklyn?
- No.
- How did you come up with $3,800?
- So I had to replace the balcony door.
We had to replace our rug
'cause it was just too water damaged,
and there was, like, bugs and stuff on it.
And we also had to pay for a deep clean.
So all in all, we spent just over $3,800.
- What is your relationship to her?
- She's my girlfriend's sister.
- Oh, she's your sister-in-law.
- Yes. - Yeah.
- Okay. So, Leah, you never touched that balcony door.
- No.
- You never peeked to see if the sun was shining.
- No, I could see that through the window.
- You never opened the blinds.
- You never opened it and said...[inhales]
Oh, Brooklyn smell like shit.
- It's real open, so I could see everything
without having to open the balcony.
- So what makes you think she opened the door?
- Because it was either her or the dog.
- Yeah, the dog.
- The dog is not here to speak for himself.
[laughter]
- Do you have proof of this damage?
- Yes, I do. - Let me see it.
[suspenseful music]
- The whole glass is shattered.
[audience oohing]
- So are they saying that this happened
because the door was left open?
- 'Cause it has to be locked with a key.
If it slams at all, it will break.
- So you get home, and you see this.
What is your reaction?
- We walked into the apartment.
The first thing we felt was, like, the floor was damp.
So we get to the living room,
and it's just, like, everywhere is wet.
And there's literally, like, beetles in our apartment,
'cause the door was open.
It was disgusting.
- Can I get the witness up here, please?
Please state your full name for the court.
- Janee McKenzie. - Okay, Janee.
Did you come to the same conclusion
as your mate, that your sister left the door open?
- Yes, I do feel like it was her,
because at some point, I think it was
the third day before I came back,
I recall seeing her on Live,
and she was on my balcony.
[audience oohing]
Like, hey, guys look at me.
- Put the balcony on Live for $1,000.
- You did it, Matlock.
- Leah, you told the court you never
stepped foot on the balcony.
And your sister just said--
- It could have been an old video.
- Live is live.
- You're right. - Now, wait a minute.
Me and DC Curry is old,
but we ain't that damn old.
Was that their balcony or the next-door-neighbor balcony?
- It might have been.
- So who's lying, you, or your sister, or your sister-in-law?
- I don't know who's lying.
- What?
- You don't know if you're lying, babe?
- I know I'm not lying.
It's Coney Island.
I don't wanna see Coney Island.
[laughter]
- So was or was you not on these ladies' balcony?
And you're under oath.
♪ ♪
- Stacy is suing her girlfriend's sister, Leah,
for $3,800, after Leah's negligent dogsitting
left Stacy's apartment completely wrecked.
But Leah swears Stacy is barking up the wrong tree.
Ms. Pat is about to settle it.
- Was you or was you not on these ladies' balcony?
And you're under oath.
[laughter]
- Just tell the truth, baby.
- So I did go on the balcony.
- There you go. - I did.
- Good job.
- Give it up for the girl. - That's step number one.
- She was honest. Come on, now.
- Step number one to recovery.
You did open the balcony,
God let loose a storm,
flew the door open, broke the door.
And you said, I ain't seen shit.
- That's right.
- Okay, well you can go back to your seat.
Thank you.
- Leah named a liar.
Did you go back over there after the storm
and was like, oh shit?
- She got out of there real quick.
- No, I did not.
- DeRay.
- I would have been, like, wiping finger prints...
- You put them through all of this, Leah,
when all you had to do was tell the truth.
- You're absolutely right.
- I'ma call this a little white lie.
- A white lie is America.
And what they've done-- oh, that's right.
Sorry, I'm sorry, Ms. Pat.
I'm still thinking about Montgomery.
- I want you to remember, don't be lying to your sister.
And if you do lie, learn how to lie.
Hang out with DeRay.
- Ms. Pat, don't throw stones if there's glass doors.
- I hate to make it official, but I gotta settle it.
[tense music]
I'm ruling in favor of...
The plaintiff, Stacy,
in the amount of $3,800. - Thank you.
- You know you got that door broken.
You are responsible for it. - I know.
- It's just a door.
Don't destroy a family over this.
- I think all of y'all should hug.
- Come on, all of you.
- Hug your sister.
- Come on, Stacy, get in there.
Get in there.
- Why we doing a group hug?
[audience awws]
- You are dismissed.
- Thank you, Ms. Pat. - Thank you.
- Make sure you close that door back the right way too.
- Words are wills.
A little white lie ain't killed nobody.
- I lie like a [bleep] rug.
- What that supposed to mean, like a rug?
- Lie like a rug, Pat.
- Oh. - Oh, my God, Patricia.
[laughter]
- I'm suing him 'cause he's a ho.
- You like them thick, like me. - I like them all sizes.
- It's like rapid fire.
- Get your cock-blocking ass up.
- Thank you.
- She added me as an authorized user for emergencies.
- What was your emergency? - I had to get my lip filled.
- Your sister could have hit you in the mouth for free.
- I'm a social-media influencer.
Kim made me miss $2,000 in one night.
- What are you doing in these videos?
- When I go live, I just cuss people out.
- Well, [bleep], I quit, BET!
[laughter]