- You ain't never met a judge like me.
- Your Honor, Your Honor!
- Shut the hell up and let me get this thing together!
Hey, y'all, I'm Ms. Pat.
I know the inside of a courtroom.
[hip-hop music]
Went to jail for selling cocaine.
Now here I am 25 years later
sitting on this side of the bench.
- I put my faith in your hands.
- Don't put your faith in my hands.
I ain't God. I don't love you.
I'm using everything I learned on the street...
Don't nobody owe you nothing.
To solve dispute that are tearing
real family and friends apart.
- I ain't care if he found out. What's his is mine.
- We ain't married.
- And we brothers. - Hey.
These are real cases with real money on the line.
What you do with the $5,000?
- I-I'll let you know.
- Well, I'm here. Let me know.
And I'm bringing my own family and friends
to court as my jury.
Their opinions are like diarrhea.
It belongs in the toilet.
- You out of order!
Matter of fact, this whole damn courtroom is out of order!
[laughter]
- Y'all may have started it,
but I'm going to settle it.
- Let's just wrap this up
'cause I'm getting very irritated.
- You keep running your mouth, you ain't gonna get nothing!
Court is now in session.
Baby, don't do me, do Jesus,
'cause he got more patience with you, okay?
♪ ♪
- She doesn't have a law degree,
but she has a degree in no bullshit.
All rise for the illustrious Ms. Pat.
[upbeat hip-hop music]
- Y'all can go on and sit your luxury asses down.
[laughter]
How y'all doing today, jury?
- I never thought that I would be
on the jury of a judge who shot somebody before.
- I didn't think I would be a judge
of somebody who got on a bowling shirt
and we ain't in no bowling alley.
[laughter]
Bailiff, let's get this thing started.
- This is the case of Knighton versus Knighton.
You may now enter.
- Plaintiff Travon Knighton is suing his twin sister
for $509.84 for damage to a rental house they shared
for their 22nd birthday bash.
Defendant Trayanna Knighton admits she did get tore up,
but it wasn't her who tore the place down.
- This children's court? [laughter]
Them two kids. [chuckles]
- Travon is convinced that his good sis is a bad liar.
- OK, before we get going, I just want to let you know
this is a jury of my peers, OK?
Their opinions are like diarrhea.
It belongs in the toilet. [laughter]
OK. Y'all's twins?
- Yes, Your Honor. We are twins.
- Y'all was definitely wasn't in the same sac.
- Sho' nuff. That's exactly what I said.
[laughter]
- All right, then, Trayvon, what brings you here today?
- I'm here to sue my twin sister, Trayanna Knighton,
for $509.84 worth of rental property damages
that was caused for our 22nd birthday celebration.
The plan was for me to pay for the club
and her to pay for the rental property.
- Mm-hmm?
- She used my information to pay for the rental.
A couple of days later, I get a email from the host
telling me it was damages at the property.
[audience murmuring] Holes in the wall,
pages ripped out the cookbook.
- Somebody stole a recipe?
- I guess so, Your Honor. [laughter]
It was damages of $509.84.
And I had to let her know because we're not doing that.
We're not doing that at all.
- Mm. [laughter]
Sometimes with twins, there's a good twin and an evil twin.
Who's the evil one?
[laughter]
- She the evil one. - Yeah, she the evil one.
- Yeah, absolutely. She's evil. - She the evil one.
- You make all them faces, like, "Uh."
[laughter] You evil.
- I don't trust super short people 'cause if God liked you,
he would have give you a couple more inches.
- Damn.
- Don't say that in the bedroom with no man.
- Hello! [laughter]
- All right, Trayanna?
- I would just like to say that Travon dragged me down here
just to be begging for some money.
It was a group of us in there, more than 15 people.
I'm not sure why he's trying to point the finger at me
because him and his people was lit the whole entire night.
[audience murmuring]
- You were supposed to pay for the club,
and she was supposed to pay for the rental property?
- Yes, Your Honor.
- And so was the party supposed to spill over
to the rental property? - Yes, ma'am, it was.
When I pulled up to the rental property,
she was already there.
She was already tore up from the floor
when I walked in the door.
We come in there, we play games,
listen to music for a little bit.
And then I left around like 2:00,
something that in the morning.
So me and everybody who came with me,
we ended up leaving the property.
- So was the property damaged when you was there?
- No, Your Honor, it was not. - Mm!
- Did you have fun at the club, Travon?
- And I did. I was just like-- [laughter]
I was like, ooh! - Go ahead.
- [scatting] - Hey, hey, hey!
- [scatting] [all cheering]
- Yeah, right there, Your Honor, right there.
- OK. [applause]
- Yeah, yeah, I was having so much fun, Your Honor.
- You sure you didn't go and do that down the hallway?
- I promise you, I didn't.
- Did you spend the night at the rental property?
- I did, Your Honor.
- Did you wake up the next morning
with holes in the wall and things broken?
- No, Your Honor.
- Who tore up the rental property?
- Your Honor, I can tell you who.
- Who? - It was her and her man.
- They throw each other up against--to the wall?
- Yes, I don't know what's going on.
- So where's your man at?
- Unavailable at the moment.
- Oh, I know what that means.
[laughter]
- Your Honor, Your Honor, Your Honor!
- Don't "Your Honor" me.
I've had one of them "unavailable" men.
- [groans]
- Did you get a notice from the rental company, Travon?
- Yes, Your Honor.
- Well, let me see what you got, Travon.
- There you go.
- 'Cause your sister done worked your nerves.
- She worked the last one I got.
- This is for the rental company.
The host, Brandon, requested reimbursement.
OK, before I make my final decision,
Travon, do you have anything you need from me here?
- Yes, Your Honor. I really do love my sister.
I love her dearly. I would do anything for her.
But you gave me your word. You have to own your word.
Don't say you're going to do something then don't do it.
- Trayanna, any final words you have
before I make my decision?
- Travon, I love you.
I'm not sure why you brought me here.
As if I'm the one that put a hole in the wall,
ripped the cookbook out that book...
- Are you high? - Move the thing.
There's a lot going on that you're accusing me of.
- She said "rip the cookbook out the book."
[laughter] - This is a waste of time.
And we should just move forward from this.
- A waste of time?
This not like no $20 right here.
This is $509.84. [laughter]
Mm-mm, Your Honor, mm-mm.
- Oh, yeah, that's a lot. - OK.
- [laughs] - I've heard enough.
The crazy part is that y'all twins
and y'all are here arguing over a 22nd birthday.
I pray to God that you share many more.
But you, Trayanna, need to get your stuff together.
You need to hold up to your end of the birthday bash.
- Your end was to get the rental property, pay for it,
and make sure it did not get damaged.
But instead, you didn't do that.
That's not how you treat your brother.
That's your twin brother.
Just because y'all don't look alike,
don't mean if I kick him in the knee,
you wouldn't feel it too. [laughter]
- And Travon, stop going into business with people
who ain't got they business together.
You knew she was like this before you met her.
[laughter] I'm just kidding.
- Wait a minute. What? [laughter]
- Wait a minute.
- Came out the womb like this. - Y'all twins.
- Right! - I'm sorry.
Before you met the ugly side of her.
- Yes. [laughter]
- I'm going to settle this right now.
[dramatic hip-hop music]
I'm ruling in favor of...
the plaintiff, Travon Knighton,
in the amount of $254.92.
You shared your mama bellies, now you gonna share the bill.
[gavel pounds] - Thank you, Your Honor.
- You two are dismissed.
- I used to want a twin, but not after that.
I don't know if they got enough oxygen in that sack.
- I got twin grandsons that don't look nothing alike.
Yeah, one cute, one ugly. [laughter]
And the crazy part is the one we consider to be ugly
look like my side of the family.
[laughter]
What did you alter on this dress?
- The only thing that I altered was just, like, the bust.
- It was completely altered.
- Y'all are going tit for tit. [laughter]
- Forged my signature, cashed the check.
- Oh.
- What'd you do with the $5,000?
- Um, I-I'll let you know.
- Well, I'm here. Let me know.
[dramatic hip-hop music]
- All right, jury, y'all know what's right and what's wrong.
We just got to explain to everybody else
who come through those doors.
All right, bailiff, do the bailiff-ing thing that you do.
- This is a case of Brown versus Henderson.
- Plaintiff Bee Brown is suing her friend, Paris, for $701
for a dress she let her borrow.
Bee claims that Paris permanently altered the dress
to fit her smaller ta-tas, and now, it's ruined for Bee.
- You come in here like you're on the drill team.
[laughter] - Yes, ma'am.
- Defendant Paris Henderson says
Bee gave her blessing to alter the dress,
so her friend is out of line for the attack on her rack.
- So, Bee, tell me why you here, girl.
- Well, I'm here because I allowed Paris
to utilize my dress that cost $761.
But when I got the dress back, it was completely altered
to the point where I can't even fit one titty in the dress.
- Oh, wow. Oh, oh, oh.
[laughter]
- So I'm just here to collect my $761
that I feel is owed to me.
- OK, uh, Paris, tell me your side of the story.
- This is my friend.
We borrow things back and forth all the time.
I did ask to borrow the dress.
I did also let her know that I would need to
alter the dress to fit my bust.
- Objection. [clears throat]
[laughter]
- Did you tell her not to alter your clothes?
- [scoffs] I told her that if she alter it,
she better unalter it.
Meaning, like, if she pinned it, she needs to unpin it
and give it to me the way I, you know, gave her the dress.
- Absolutely not.
- Do we have a picture of this dress?
- Oh, yes, ma'am, I do.
- Oh, nice.
- High fashion. [snaps fingers]
- $761? It's giving me Fashion Nova, judge.
- I thought that was a trash bag.
I ain't going to lie to you.
- I assure you I got that from a fashion district store.
- OK, well, let's talk about the alteration of the dress.
So what did you alter on this dress?
- The only thing that I altered was just, like, the bust.
- So I just had them take it in on the sides, on the bust,
so I can really tighten it.
And it looked and it fit me appropriately.
But I didn't take it in too much.
- Does she know you made permanent changes before?
- Absolutely. - What did she say?
- As long as you unalter that [bleep].
- [scoffs] OK.
- L-O-L. [laughter]
- Is there any documentation or text message or anything?
- Absolutely. First one, here.
- And she said, "Long as you unalter that MF."
Laugh out loud.
And then you said laugh out loud.
- Yeah. [laughter]
- So this is what's wrong with you young generation.
Y'all take L-O-L to not be for real.
You know, like, I'ma kill you, bitch, L-O-L.
No! [laughter]
- 'Cause I'm scared.
- Yeah, you did--they might be going to kill you.
[laughter] Why did you say L-O-L?
- Because I wanted her to know, like--
[fake laughs] Make sure you unalter it.
She know how we talk.
- So, you saying, from this text message,
she knew you were serious?
- Yeah.
I put MF. - [snickers]
- See, this is what happens when you text too much.
I'm 51 years old, baby.
That's why I would have called. Look here, Carmen,
alter my stuff the old way with pins.
- Bitch.
[laughter]
- It definitely would have been a bitch on there.
- Sound like to me, you just wanted to take the girl dress.
- Thank you.
- She ain't planning on giving that dress back.
[laughter]
- OK, how did this affect your relationship?
- I'm sorry, I don't want to get emotional.
- Uh-oh. - [sniffles]
This is my friend, Your Honor, like--
- I don't want to see her cry.
- My father passed away.
She was the only one that was there for me.
Like, we had a bond.
[sighs] Sorry.
- I can't even tell her about the new things I got going on,
adventures, get her advice.
This woman is brilliant.
And I can't even talk to her because of a dress.
all: Aw.
- How do this make you feel,
that your friend is sitting here
crying over this dress?
- It does make me sad that we haven't been able to bond
and see each other.
It make me sad that I haven't been able to tell her
what's going on in my world.
Because you're so brilliant, too.
- Damn it, ain't never had no friends say that to me.
- We can be your friend.
- No, you ain't going to take my robe
and tuck it in and make some money.
[laughter]
Next thing I know, you be in here, making decisions.
[laughter]
All right, jury, what do y'all think?
- I think y'all are going tit for tit.
[laughter]
- Not the tit for tit.
You the knockout king, Ray J. [laughter]
Bailiff, what you think?
- This case has been a real handful.
[laughter] - Yes!
- All right, I've made my decision.
I'm going to settle this right here, right now.
So, Bee, when people are not your size,
don't give them your stuff.
And if you do, let them have it.
And Paris, you have no business borrowing this lady clothes.
Y'all are not the same size.
She got between 20 to 35 buckles
on the back of her bra.
You only probably got eight.
Y'all need to stick to loaning each other perfume, earrings,
because everything else ain't gonna work.
[laughter]
After considering the facts of this case,
I'm going to settle this once and for all.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
I'm going to rule in favor of...
♪ ♪
The plaintiff, Bee,
for $761
because you made permanent alteration to a dress
that could have made permanent alteration to your friendship.
Now, do you forgive her, Bee? - I ain't gonna lie.
I miss her. I miss our friendship.
all: Aw. - Hug each other.
- Aw.
- There we go. [applause]
[gavel pounds] - That's it.
Would you ever let somebody borrow that uniform?
- Hell, no. [laughter]
- If the bra don't fit, you must acquit.
[laughter]
- I discovered she forged my signature.
I just told her that I wanted a divorce.
- What?
- How are y'all doing today, jury?
- We've come a mighty long way.
- We going to have some fun today.
Come on, call them in, bailiff.
- This is the case of Bookman versus Bookman.
You may now enter.
- Kevin Bookman is suing his estranged wife for $5,000
to replace the fire insurance money
she straight up stole out of their bank account.
But defendant Tiffny Bookman claims the fire money
she lifted was for a lift of another kind
that could reignite the flame in their marriage
if Kevin would just get his head out of his ash.
- All right, Kevin, tell me why we're here today.
- I am suing Tiffny for $5,000 that she stole
from insurance company money that they paid out
for a house fire we had.
The damage was substantial,
so the insurance company cut a $5,000 check,
which she took out of the account without my knowledge.
And I just told her that I wanted a divorce.
- Ooh.
- When did you find out the money was missing?
- I discovered a deposit in our joint account.
She forged my signature, cashed the check.
[audience murmurs] - Oh, that's criminal.
- This a marriage? - Yes.
- One more time, this a marriage?
- Yes. [laughter]
- You know this a marriage, and--
- But I had the house prior to the marriage.
- I don't care. But this is a marriage?
- Yes.
- Tiffny, I want to hear what you got to say, girlfriend.
- I will say that I did commit those actions.
- You took the $5,000? - Yes.
- What you do with the $5,000?
- Um, I-I'll let you know.
- Well, I'm here. Let me know. [laughter]
- Kevin does not know I used the money
to take a girls trip to Thailand.
[audience murmurs] - Thailand?
Oh, that's nice.
- I have not seen Kevin since September 2022.
- Oh.
- We were in a bad place in our marriage during that time.
And the house fire just escalated things
and broke down our communication even further.
- Oh, that's deep.
- So what do you have to say, Tiffny?
You took the $5,000 out of the account.
- Yes, ma'am, I did.
I was in a very low place at that time.
And I felt like I needed to
do some things for myself with that money.
- Did you do something to make yourself happy
with this $5,000?
- While I was on my girls trip,
I got a mommy makeover.
- [gasps] What? [audience murmurs]
- And I also did it for my marriage as well,
to bring back the intimacy.
- Oh, Lord. - Ooh.
- What'd you get?
- I got everything.
- You were supposed to remodel your house.
Instead, you went out and remodeled your body?
[laughter]
- I have before and after photos.
Would you like to see them? - Yeah, let me see 'em, girl.
[suspenseful hip-hop music]
Let me see.
- Damn.
♪ ♪
- Ooh.
According to that first picture,
she had three asses.
- Yeah. [laughter]
- And she wanted to connect them as one,
which they are now. [laughter]
Have you hit it since it been built like this?
[laughter] - I have not.
I have not even seen her.
- You haven't seen this? - Ooh.
- Oh, my--damn. - She innocent!
[laughter]
- [chuckles]
- Kevin Bookman is suing his estranged wife for $5,000
to replace the fire insurance money
she straight up stole out of their bank account.
- You was supposed to remodel your house.
Instead, you went out and remodeled your body?
- Yes, ma'am.
- And to throw even more fuel on the flames,
the poor guy hasn't even gotten to see
his wife's new body until today.
Ms. Pat is about to extinguish it.
[laughter] - So this is what I remodeled.
- Ooh.
- And it match the thighs, too.
He did good. - Mm-mm!
[laughter] - Thailand got it good.
Y'all need to stay out of Miami.
Go to Thailand. - That $5,000 was worth it.
- OK, Stacey Dash, put your clothes back on.
[laughter]
You barely looked at your wife new body.
You paid for it. You should at least be--
[laughter]
Do you still love her?
- I do. all: Aw.
- Is there anything that could make it right for you?
- In my mind, I've been out of this marriage
ever since that situation happened.
- Ooh.
- It's going to take a lot to rebuild
that trust that was lost. all: Aw.
- So, jury, help me out here. Help me out here.
- She went from Aunt Jemima to the Black Barbie.
And I'm happy for you. - Thank you.
- You sound like a hustler.
Why not just pay him back his money?
- She would have to go into the joint account
to take his money to give him money.
[laughter]
- Kevin? - Yes, ma'am.
- Is there anything you want to say before I make my decision?
- As far as the future goes with Tiffny, I don't know,
you know-- I'm willing to go to counseling
if she's willing to go to counseling.
But I don't know, you know, where that'll go.
- When you say I do,
according to the laws in this country, it's 50/50.
The money she took out of the joint account--
it was a joint account.
- Was she right? I don't know. She your wife.
I don't want to see you walk away from your marriage
over money.
Tiffny, you took the money
at a time when he needed it most.
That's why he's so hurt.
So I'm going to settle this right now.
[dramatic hip-hop music]
I'm ruling in favor of...
the plaintiff, Kevin,
for the full amount of $5,000.
All you were thinking about is
making sure you look good and how you felt
and you can't be like that when you in a marriage.
And we're going to get y'all some marriage counseling.
- I want to do counseling as soon as possible.
And I want our family back.
all: Aw.
[applause] - I like that. That was good.
- Can I have a hug?
- Aw.
- You paid for it.
Oh, there you go. - Hey!
Do it feel like 5K?
[laughter] Do it feel like 5K?
- [smooches] all: Aw.
- He got a little smile on his face.
That body feel good, didn't it? - I can back it up.
- I'm quite sure you can. You got one ass now.
- Yeah. [laughter]
- Have you ever watched your kids before?
- Of course, yeah. They'd be fighting all the time.
It's hard to break up the fights.
- I can tell from her hair dye those kids are bad.
[laughter]
Are you still paying on
the two, three rings that y'all done lost?
- I'm still paying on the rings.
- So what you want me to do, spank her?
[laughter]
- What's his is mine. We brothers.
- All I could do was pray. I can't do nothing else.
You don't tell me how to love my child.
- OK, now, I got to settle this once and for all.