WE CAME HERE TO HEAR IT FROM THE
CANDIDATE.
FOR GOD'S SAKE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
BUT, OF COURSE, THAT JOKE
INFURIATEDONS
PUERANS, AND THAT WAS JUST
IN THE BRONX.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THAT JOKE ISENE
YEAH, OH, NO, BAD BUNNY IS NOW
MAD BUNNY.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT THEN, OKAY, SO THIS IS WHERE
JOE BIDEN COMES IN.
AUGHTER]
SO THEY ASKEBIDEN ABOUT
THIS, AND HIS RESPONSE WAS THE
ONLY GARBAGE I SEE OUT THERE
FLOATING OUT THERE ARE TRUMP
SUPPORTERS.
OKAY.
IN FAIRNESS, HE WAS ON A VIDEO
CALL, THOUGHT HE WA
YELLING AT TV.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
GET IT?
BIDEN CALLED HIM GARBAGE AND
THEN HE GOT IN A TRUCK OF
GARBAGE.
TER]
Y, BIDEN SAID, JEEZ, I WISH
[LAUGHALL RIGHT, WE GOT A GREAT.
TIM MILLER AND MICHAEL MOYNIHAN
ARE HERE.
BUT FP, A
>> Bill: YOU, TOO, CONGRESSMAN.
[APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, YOU LOOK VERY SMILEY AND
HAPPY.
IT LIKE YOU GOOD YANCES TUESDAY.
>> I MEAN, I'VE BEEN OUT TO 27
STATES, AND THE DEMOCRATS ARE ON
FIRE EVERYWHERE.
>> Bill: WELL, WOU GO
THEY ARE.
>> YEAAUGHTER]
>> Bill: SO THAT SAYS NOTHING.
>> EVEN WHERE THERE ARE NO
SURROGATES AND KAMALA AND
TIM WALZ CAN'T BE, I THINK THERE
IS HUGE PEOPLENG O
RALLIES ANCANVASS
AND THE DEAL,
>> Bill: WELL, IT IS ALWAYS
ABOUT TURNING OUT THE PEHOLIKE .
WE USED TO GO TO THE MIDDLE IN
ELEC
EL LIKE WE DONTHAT
E.
EACH SIDE JUST GOES TO ITS BASE
AND TRIES TO GET THEM TO COME
OUT.
>> WELL, AT THIS POIELOOKING FOT
VOTED YET.
>> Bill:.>> YOU KNOW, T
PE
YOU I FEEL DONALD TRUMP IS
DOING A GOOD JOB IN THE LAST
WEEK OR TWO OF THE CAMPAIGN
REMINDING EVERYBODY WHAT LIFE
WOULD BE LIKE IF THEY WERE
LY TO RESTORE HIS ATTEMPT
AT DICTATORSHIP AND
AUTHORITARIANISM.
l: YEAH.
YOU YO MIGHT
TROUBL
[LAUGHTER]
WELL --
>> DON'T TELL MY WIFE THAT.
>> Bill: I'M SURE SHE KNOWS.
BECAUSE YOU WERE THE LEAD
IMPEACHMENT MANAGER.
OF THE SECOND ONE OR --
>> TOND ONE.
>> Bill: SECOND.>> THATHE .
>> Bill: RIGHT.
THE ONE AFTER HE LEFT THE
E HOUSE.
BOY, HOW BIG AN ASSHOLE DO YOU
HAVE TO BE WHEY GO AFTER
YOU AFTER YOU LEFT THE JOB?
[APPLAUSE]
BUT, I MEAN.
>> WELL, SO I WAS O
JANUARY LECT COMMITTEE,
AND OF COURSE HE HAS CALLED US
TOP MOST WANTED AND SO ON, BUT
LIZ CHENEY IS AT THE TOP OF THE.
TOP OF THE CHARTS.
>> Bill: WELL, OKAY.
BUT LET ME ASK YOU THIS
BECAUSE, I MEAN, I MENTIONED IN
THE MONOLOGUE, FASCIST, I SAID
SLOW-MOVING COUP BEFORE HE TOOK
OFFICE THE FIRST TIME. I THINK S
PAGE.
MY QUEST YOU IS, THESE
THIN HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO DO,
PUT PEOPLE LIKE YOU IN JAIL, I
MEAN, HE SAYS IT.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO ACTUALLYD?
I ASKED THIS OF JARED POLIS LAST
WEEK.
I WAS NOT TOTALLY SATISFIED
THE ANSWER.
RE YNG
DO
I MEAN, ARE WE JUST GOING
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE PLAN IS.
AND IT REMINDS ME OF THE FIRST
TIME, WHEN ISAO
DEMOCRATS, YOU KE'S NOT
GOING TO LEAVE.
AND THEY WOULD LAUGH AND SAY I
SMOO MUCH POT.
AND THEN --
[LAUGHTER]
WHAT ARE YOU ACTUALLY GOING TO
DO?'M GOING TO P, A
GOING TO TO WORK.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.[APPLAUS
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, DONALD TRUMP
HAS NEVER WON THE POPULAR VOTE.
CRATS HAVE WON EIGHT OF
NINE LAST PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS
IN THE POPULAR VOTE, EVEN WHEN
ELECTORAL COAGAINST
HILLARY, SHE BEAT HIM BY
3 MILLION VOTES.
JOE BIDE HIM BY
7.ION VOTES, 306-232, AND
TH MAJORITY OF PEOERECT FASCISM
AUTHORITARIANISM, AND RACISM
AND WA GET TO WHAT THE REAL
AMERICAN STORY IS.
[APPLAUSE]
BY THE WAY --
>> Bill: BUT IT IS TIED.
IT'S NOT THE -- IT CAN'T BE THE
VAST MAJORITY BECAUSE IT IS
ED. LOO WAY I SEE IT I'M A BIG E
SAID, "THESOLUTION TO THE
ILLS OF DEMOCRACY IS MORE
DEMOCRACY."
>> Bill: I AGREE.
>> AND WHAT WE'VE GOT IS A
ES ODIMENTS AND
OBSTACLES TO DEM
E GOYMAN O
DISTRICTS.
LOOK AT WHAT IS HAPPENING TO US
IN NORTH CAROLINA, WHICH IS A50.
IT'S REALLY A DEMOCRATIC STATE,
GOING TO BEAT THEIR
SELF-PROCLAIMED NAZI CANDIDATE
FOR GOVERNOR OKAY, BUT WE ARE
LIKELY TO END UP WITH, YOU KNOW,
7-3 SOMELIKE IN THE
CONGRESSIONAL DELEGATION.
AND IT'S BECAUSE OF THE
GERRYMANDERING OF OUR DISTRICTS.
LOOK AT THE VOTER SUPPRESSION
TACTICS, AND THEN WE ARE STUCK
AT THIS POINT, IN OUR
CONSTITUTIONAL ARCHI
WITH THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE,
WHICH HAS GI F POPULAR
VOTE LOSERS IN OUR HISTORY,
TWICE IN THIS CENTURY ALONE.
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE CAN GET
YOU KILLED THESE DAYS, AS WE SAW
ON JANUARY 6TH, 2021, BUT IT'S
2024.
HOW ABOUT IT'S TIME WE START
ELECTING THE PRESIDENT THE WAY
WE ELECT GOVERNORS AND SENATORS
ENTATIVES AND MAYORS?
R GETS THE MOST VOTES
WINS.
[APPLAUSE]
I THINK IF WE HAD
NONGERRYMANDERED DISTRICTS
IF WE HAD A NATIONAL POPULAR
VOTE FOR PRESIDENT THIS THING
WOULD NOT --
>> Bill:F WE HAD BEER AND
, IT WOULD BE A HELL OF A
PARTY.
[LAUGHTER]
I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING YOU
SAID, YOU KNOW, AND IT'S A GREAT
APPLAUSE LINE, BUT WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO?
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO GET RID OF
GERRYMANDERING?
I MEAN, IF YOU COULD,N' DONE IT?
>> NO, WE PASSED IT IN THE
HOUSE.
THIS WAS THE FOR THE PEOPLE ACTW
REQUIR THE POLITICUTOF DRAWING .
>> Bill: RIGHT.
>> VOTERS CHOOSE THE POLITICIANS
INSTEAD OF THE POLITICIANS
CHOOSING THE VOTER.
AND IT DIDN'T GO ANYWHERE IN TH.
SO WE ARE STUCK WITH ANOTHER
ANTIDEMOCRATIC MECHANISM, WHICH
IS THE FILIBUSTER ON THE SENATE
SIDE.
E'VE GOT TO DEH THAT
TOO, BUT I THINK THAT'S WHAT
THIS CAMPAIGN IS ABOUT.
WHEN WE SAY WE ARE DEFENDING
DEMOCRACY AGAINST THE AUTOCRATS
THE PLUTOCRATS, THE THEO
THE DICTATORS E
DESPERATES, IT'S A LITTLE BIT
DECEPTIVE BECAUSE IT IMPLIES
DEMOCRACY TATIC COLLECTION
OF INSTITUTIONS AND RULES.
ACTUALLY, DEMOCRACY IS AN
AS LINCOLN KNEW, AN UNFINISHED
PROJECT.
IT'S ALWAYS IN MOTION.
SO, YOU KNOW, WE'VE GOT MILLIONS
OF DISENFRANCHISED PEOPLE IN
AMERICING WITH
PUERTO RICO WHO SHOULDENS IN
STATE BY NOW SO AN DEFEND
THEMSELVES AGAINST DONALD TRUMP.
[APPLAUSE]
WE SAW IN HURRICANA
THE PEOPLE OF PUERTO RICO GOT
CHEATED HUN OF
MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, AND
PAWELS AT THEM.REW SOME SCOT
AND SO WE NEED STATEHOOD FOR
IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
IT'S THE ONLY NATION'S CAPITAL
ON PLANET EARTH WHERE THE PEARE.
AND WE PASSED THAT IN THE 117TH
CONGRESS.
I GOT TO BE THE FLOOR LEADER
AND I YOU KNOW, I WANTED
TO THANK THE PEOPLE OF
WASHINGTON, D.C.
713,000 ING, DRAFTABLE
AMERICAN CITIZENS, WHO HAVE A
REAL, BONA FIDE GRIEVANCE
AGAINST THE U.S. CONGRESS AND
DIOM AND BEAT THELL OUTR FFICER
STORM THE CAPITOL, DRIVE US OUT
OF OUR CHAMBERS.
THEY'VE DONE IRIGHT WAY.
THEY HAD A STATEHOOD
CONSTITUTIONAL CONVENTION.
THEY ARE ASKING FOR ADMISSION
LIKE THE LAST 37 STAND WEOULD TE
WASHINGTON, D.C., AS A STATE
INTO THE UNION.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: I AGREE.
[LAUGHS]
I WON'T HOLD MY BREATH,
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I MEAN
EVERYTHING IN DEMOCRACY LOOKS
IMPOSSIBLE UNTIL IT'S
INEVITABLE.
SO WE'VE GOT TO CHEER PEOPLE UP.
MOST OF THE STATES THAT HAVEEN K
DECADES FOR IT TO HAPPEN, AND
YOU KNOW, IT WAS SAID OF
DIFFERENT STATES, YOU KNOW
UTAH, THEY ARE TOO MORMON,
NEW MEXICO TOO CATHOLIC,
CALIFORNIA TOO BIG --
>> Bill: THINGS THAT TAKE A
TITUTIMENDMEE
TWO-THIRDS, AND YOU WOULD AGREE
THAT IS VERY FAR AWAY FROM WHERE
WE ARE.>> YEAH, BUT YOU DON'T NA
CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT FOR
l: TO CHANGE THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE YOU WOULD?
>>EVENTUALLY TO CHANGE THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE WE WOULD.
AVE A PLAN IN PLACE, THI
MY FIRST BILL I INTRODUCED IN
ANNAPOLIS WHEN I WAS A STATE
SENATOR FOR ANAL POPULAR
VOTE INTERSTATE COMPACT, AND WE
HAVE MORE THAN 200 ELECTORS IN A
COAL NEED ECTOTRIGGER
IT.
AND WHAT IT SAYS IS WE STATES
WILLOUR ELL CO
VOTES FOR THE WINNER OF THE
NATIONWIDE VOTE, RATHER THAN THE
WINNER IN OUR STATE, SO WE ARE
THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE.THERE.MEAE
HE SAID IT MADE US THE
LAUGHINGSTOCK OF THE WORLD
THEN, AFTER THE 2016 ELECTION
HE DISCOVERED SOME HERETOFORE
MYSTERIOUS VIRTUES TO THE
ELECTORAL COLLEGE.[LAU Bill: WE.
ON TUESDAY IT WILL EITHER BE THE
MOST BEAUTIFUL ELECTION EVER OR
COMPLETELY RIGGED.
THERE ARE THE ONLY TWO WAYS HE
GOES.
HAT'T.[LAUGH>> B WERE ASKED BY
AXIOS IF YOU WOULD ACCEPT THE
ELECTION RESULTS, AND YOU SAID
IF HE WON A FREE, FAIR, AND
HONEST ELECTION, OF COURSE WE
D IT.
BUT THAT'SHE SAYS.
>> I SAID EXACTLY WHAT THEY
SA
ill: IS THAT A
THING?
>> IN THIS RESPECT --
>> Bill: HE DOES CHEAT SO I
GET WHAT YOU SAY THAT.
>>EASON IT, WE HAVE
ECE WHATPPENED IN 2020.
EVERYBODY THINKS ABOUT
JANUARY 6TH, BUT THAT WAS THE
CUION OF A LONG PROCESS.
>> Bill: I AGREE.
>> HE TRY TO GET THE STATE
LEGISLATURES TO AVOID THE
POPULAR VOTE AND GET ELECT
>> Bill: HE HASN'TNCEDED THA
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
HE CALLS UP SECRETARY OF STATE
RAERGER IN GEORGIA AND
SAYS FIND THE 11ES.
I MEAN, I'M A POLITI
FIND ME VOTES.
RIGHT?
[APPLAUSE]
THAT'S, YOU KNOW, THAT'S NOT
DONALD TRUMPAT'S NOT HIM
TIME TO STOP ELECTION FRAUD.
ON FRAUD.M BEING CAUGHTD-HANDEDI
THEY, YOU THEY UNLEASHED
MOB AGAINST HIS OWN VICE
PRESIDENT.
SO WHEN I SAY WE WILL SUPPORT A
FREE AND FAIR ELECTION, NO, WE
ARE NOT GOING TO AHEM TO
STEAL IT IN THE STATES OR STEAL
IT ADEPARTMENT OFCE
OR STEAL IT WITH ANY OTHER
ELECTION OFFICIAL IN THE
COUNTRY.
T'S A FREE AND FAIR
TION, WE WILL DO WHAT HAAYS DO
ILL IT
[APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: SO, FINALLY --PP
YEAH.
AND THAT IS THE DEMOCRATS'
HISTORY.
THEY HONOR IT.
THAT IS THE BIG DIFFERENCE
BIG.OKN THE S,F TH
>> AND ON THAT POINT, I'LLYOU,OS
HAVE TOLD US HALLMARK
CHARACTERISTICS OF A FASCIST
POLITICAL PARTY.
THE OUTCOME OF DEMOCRA ACCEP
ELECTIONS THAT GO TY.
NUMBER TWO, THEY EMBRACE
POLITICAL VIOLENCE AS AN
INSTRUMENT FOR OBTAINING POWER.
ORGANIZED DEMOCRATICALLY, THEY
ARE ORGANIZED TOP-DOWN,
CUA ALITY A
CHARISMATIC, OR ALLEGEDLY
CHARISMATIC FIGURE,IG
[LAUGHTER]
THAT'S A FASCIST PARTY.
DISCUSSION AND DEBATE.SUES
THIS WHOLE CAMPAIGN HAS BEEN
WASTED.
WHAT DO THEY DO?
SCAPEGOATINGSM,
ANTI-SEMITISM, IMMIGRANT
BASHING, AND GAY BASHING.
PPLA
YOU KONWGREAT PRESIDENT,
JOE BICA SAID THERE
WERE SEMI-FASCIST CURRENTS
RUNNING THROUGH THE REPUBLICAN
PARTY, BUT I'M SORRY
SHOE SEMI-FITS, YOU SEMI-WEAR
IT, AND THAT'S WHAT THEY'VE
DONE.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
>> Bill: SO THE ELECTION IS
TUESDAY.
WHAT'S YOUR PREDICTION ON WHEN
E A DATE, A PREDICTION
DATE IN THE OFFICE POOL.
>> WELL...
>> Bill: BECAUSE IT'S NOT
JANUARY 5TH.
MEAN, OT DECEMBER 5TH.
IT MIGHT NOT EVEN BE
JANUARY 5TH.
[LAUGHTER]>> RIGHT...
WELL, LET'S SEE.
GOVERNOR TO RENDER THE11TH,
WHICH MEANS ITTHTHEELECROCESS, E
SETTLES EVERYTHING THAT NEEDS TO
BE SETTLED, AND THEVEWILL DELIVE
CERTIFICATES OF ASCERTAINMENT,
AND THEN, ON DECEMBER THE
ELECTORS WILL MEETHEN THEY
WILL SEND IN THEIR VOTES.
NOW THIS IS A VERY ARCANE
ANTIQUATED SYSTEM, AS YOU KNOW.
TO THE ARCHIVIST, TO THE
NATIONAL ARCHIVIST.
THEN, WHO, ONE WEEK AFTER THAT,
WILL SEND IT IN TO THE CONGRESS.
>> Bill: WELL, LET'S HOPE IT
GOES THAT SMOOTHLY.
YEAH, THAT'S THE THEORY.
WHY I SAY WHY DON'T WE
JUST HAVE AN ELECTION?
YOU KNOW, AND COUNT THE VOTES? S
FILLED WITH ALL OF THESE
BOOBY-TRAPS WHERE YOU'VE GOT A
STRATEGIC, BAD-FAITH ACTOR LIKE
DONALD TRUMP, AND HE WILL USE
EACH PHASE TO TRY TO REVISIT THE
RESULT.
COUNTRY WHO BELIEVES THAT HETHE
WILL ACCEPT AN ELECTION THAT
DOESN'T GO HIS WAY?
>> Bill: I SAID THAT FI
[LAUGHTER]
ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
>> THANK YOU, BILL MAHER.
>> Bill: ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU,
CONGRESSMAN.
LET'S MEET OUR PANEL.
♪ ♪
[APPLAUSE]
HI, GUYS.
RI
HEFORM
COMMUNICATIONS DIRECTOR WHO NOW
HOSTS "THE BULWARK PODCAST,"M ML
[APPLAUSE]
AND HE CO-HOSTS THE WEEKLYPODC "
MICHAEL MOYNIHAN.
MICHAEL, GREAT TO HAVE YOU BACK.
[APPLAUSE]
OKAY.
LET'S JUST GO THROUGH AL THE
FACTORS THAT COULD BE ING
THIS ELECTION.
I WANT TO GET YOUR ON
EACH ONE OF THEM.
I LIST
FIRST ONE IS WHAT HAPPENED THIS
WEEK WITH THE GARBAGE.
[LAUGHTER]
NOW, THE RESULT COULD BE
PUERTO RICANS IN PENNSYLVANIA
WIN THION FOR HARRIS.
RIGHT?
THAT'S POSSIBLE.
YOU ARE DOING THIS.
>> POSSIBLE.
>> Bill:POSSIB
OR IT COULD BE THE OTHER WAY.
BECAUSE, I MEAN, I THINK IT'S A
BIGGER GAFFE THAN PEOPLE THINK.
IT'S SO FUNNY, JOE BIDEN, HIS
WHOLE CAREER HE WAS LIKE
MR. GAFF THEN HERE AT
VERY END, HE IS LIKE AARON JUDGE
IN GAME 6, JUST FUCKING MUFFED A
FLY BALL, AND AT THE END OF THE.
[LAUGHTER]
BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT
EPITOMIZES EVERYTHING THAT THE
TRUMP PEOPLE HATE ABOUT THE
DEMOCRATS.
THEY LOOKED DOWN ON US.
IT'S LIKE DEPLORABLE TIMES TEN.
ITTER CLINGERS, THAT WHOLE
THING THAT OBAMA SAID, TOO.
THIS IS AN UNBELIEVABLE OWN GOAL
AND TO HAVE THIS ARGUMENT OVER
WHERE THE APOS IS,
HE REFERRING TO?
IT'S CLEAR WHAT HE WAS REFERRING
TO, AND OBVIOUSLY THEY ARE
RUNNING AWAY FROM THIS.
BUT YEAH, WHEN YOU TALK TO TRUMP
MUCH OF MY LIFE DOING SO --R TOO
[LAUGHTER]
THE ASSUMPTION IS THE MEDIA
HATES YOU, TTES HATE YOU,
THEY THINK THAT YOU ARE GARBAGE,
AND THEY THINK THAT YOU ARE
BITTER CLINGER THEY
ALL THESE THINGS.
Y FHING THAT SEEM
THAT SEEMS TO PROVE THAT IS NOT
I THINS VERY, VERY DEMOCRATS.
DIFFICULT A POINT THAT OUT BUT
YEAH, THAT'S A BAD THING FOR
THEM.
>> I DON'T KNOW THAT IS A NET
POSITIVE, BUT HAVING THE ELDERLY
PRESIDENT GIVE LIKE A
MARBLE-MOUTHR, YIELDING AN
ELDERLY COMPETITOR DGP
AS, LIKE, AN OOMPA-LOOMPA
GARBAGEMAN SEX DOLL, THAT'S KIND
OF AASH FOR ME.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T KNOW.
IS IT A HUGE WIN FOR TRUMP?
O OUT THERE ON STAGE DRESSED
UP LIKE HIS DAD'S DUMPSTEK
OUTFIT?
[LAUGHTER]
I HEAR WHAT YOU ARE SAYING.
IT WAS A GAFFE, IT WAS DUMB,
I DON'T KNOW IF TROK
ADVANTAGEITCH AS SOME
PEOPLE MIGHT WANT TO THINK.
>> Bill: UH, OKAY.
WHAT ABOUTK ITSELF?
THE DEMOCRATS LOOK WEAK BECAUSE.
BECATHINK THAT'S ANOTHER
ACHILLES' HEEL THAT THEY HAVE.
PEOPLE JUST GRAVIT
>> WHAT WAS THE JOKE?
>> Bill: THE JOKE THAT THE GUY
TOLD --
>> YEAH, I MAT WAS T
>> Bill: IT WAS INSULTING.
LOOK, I HAVE TO DEFEND MY
PROFESSION.
I'M A COMIC.
I'M A FREE SPEECH --
>> Y SOME GOOD
PUERTO RICAN JOKES.
IN THE INTRO, THOU
THOSE GOT LAUGHS.
>> Bill: BUT TE NOT
OFFENSIVE.
THIS WAS OFFENSIVE.
BUT, YOU KNOW, THIS GUY IS AN
INSULT COMIC.
WHY HE IS AT THIS, IT IS LIKE
BRINGING COCAINE TO A FUNERAL.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
>> I MEAN, I HAVE BEEN AT THE
COMEDY CELLAR WHEN I HAVE HEARD
COMICS DO POLITICAL MATERIAL,
WHICH VEERS OFF INTO A LECTURE,
AND IT'S JUST NOBODY'S
INTERESTED.
THE SAME THING IS TRUE IN THE
OTHER DIRECTION.
IF YOU HAVE AN INSULT COMIC
OPENING UP THIS ENTIRE THING.OKE
ABDESPONTHAT
AND AS MARBLE-MOUTHED AS IT WAS,
HE SAID A SPEAKER AT THE TRUMP
RALLY SAID THIS.
OKAY, IT SPEAKER, BUT IT
WAMI
IS IT A JOKE?
YES, IT WAS A JOKE.
WAS IT A BAD JOKE?
ABSOLUTELY.
I TALKED TO ANOTHER COMIC -- ILS
JUST WASN'T A GOOD JOKE.
IT DOES NOTHING TO FURTHER -- I
DON'T KNOW WHY HE WAS THERE.
HE DIDN' GOOD
AND AS YNTEDTHE
CROWD DIDN'T LIKE IT, EITHER.
THE TRUMP CROWD JUST GASPED AT
IT.
>> HERE'S THE THING, THOUGH.
THE JOKE WAS THE EXACT SAME
POINT THAT DONALD TRUMP MAKES
WHEN HE IS SPEAKING SERIOUSLY.
[LR]
RIGHT, THE JOKE WAS -- THE JOKE
WAS --
[APPLAUSE]
THE PUERTO RICANS, THAT
PUERTO RICO IS AN ISLAND OF
GA
TRUMP, ON THE STUMS WE ARE
A TRASH CAN FOR THE WORLD
GARBAGE.
IT'S THE SAME POINT, JUST IN
INVERSE.
SO IT WASN'T LIKE, IT WOULD BE
ONE THING IF IT WAS A RANDOM
INSULT COMIC WHONS TO BE ARRWHOI
ANINAT'S NOTIT IS. WAS HIM SPEAE
INSULTING STUFF THAT
DONALD TRUMP SAYS AT
DONALD TRUMP'S CLOSING ARGUMENT
SPEECH WHEIDN'T HAVE
TH
HAD THEY JUST HAD KID ROCK PLAY
A SONG AND THEN DONALD TRUMP
TALK, WE WOUBE DOING
THIS.
THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO HAVE A HOME
LINEUP OF DEPLORABLE WEIRDO
FREAK CIRCUS PEOPLE.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
WE DIDN'T HAVE RANDO MEDIA
PERSONALITIES AND THREE INSULT
COMICS AND AN BUSINESSMAN
AND HIS THREE KIDS TALK, THAT IS
NOT STANDARD BEHAVIOR, THEY
CHOSE TO HAVE THOSE PEOPLE.
>> Bill: I MEAN, TO SAY
TRUMP WAS BORN OF AN ORANGUTAND.
HE DID.
THEY ARE JUSIGWFLAKES.
IF I DID THAT JOKE IN REVERSE
AND INSTEAD OF PUERTO RICO SAID
STATEN ISLAND, THEY WOULD HAVE
HAD A SHIT FIT AND FOUND THAT
COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.
THE FIRST QUES DEPLORABLE
BITTER CLINGERS, IT IS SO TOUCHY
WHEN IT GOES THE OTHER WAY
AROUND.
>> Bill: THE CULTURE DOES LIKE
S.
EVER SEE A E?
>> "8 MILE?"
ill: IT'S ALL, I CAN INSULT
YOU, I CAN MAKE YOU MY BITCH
[LAUGHTER].
THAT'SWHO WE ARE AS A
DO WE WANT THAT IN THE
PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION?>> BO,E D-
>> KIND OFNT THOSE THINGS
OF
[APP
>> Bill: I'M NOT A HISTORIAN,
[LR]E ROMANS DO THI
WAS THIS IN ANY OTHER CULTURE
THAT THEY FOUND THIS SO AMUSING
THST --
>> HAMAND BURR.
>> Bill: HAMILTON AND BURR
THEY SHOT EACH OTHER.
IN SICAL.
>> Bill: SO, KAMALA HARRIS WAS
CAUGHT ON A HOT MIC SAYING TO
GRETCHEN WHITMER, WE NEED TO
MOVE GROUND AMONG MEN.WE KNOW IE
'T KE WAG
RECORDED, AND THAT IS THE OTHER
BIG FACTORINK, IN THIS
ON, ISR.MEAN NUMBE JUST
COMPLETELY REVERSED.
TH ESPECIALLY YOUNG MENEVEN, MUM
BROS.
THE WOMEN WHO IS GOING TO
WI?
ARE WOMEN GOING TO COME OUT
BECAUSE MEN ARE STILL PIGS AND
ABORTION?
OR IS IT GOING TO BE THE MEN WHO
ARE LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT?
TRUMP, WE LIKE HIMBEHE T WE
TO TALK ANYWHERE.
HE SWEARS IN FRONTE
INAL IN NEW YORK.
AND HE TALKS ABOUT COCKS.
[LAUGHTER]
YOU KNOW, HE SAYS MOTHERFUCKER.
IT'S LIKE, WHEN HE IS BACK ON
THE IRON THRONE, WE WILL JUST BE
ABLE TO SPEAK FREELY.
ANND OF GET THAT, TOO.
I MEAN, PEOPLE ARE --
>> ITEEMS LIKLE, YOU ARE
SPEAKING FREELY, WE ARE SPEAKING
FREELY, JOE ROGANIN
GREAT, THEO VAUGHN IS DOING
GREAT.
THAT'S THE THING I REALLY DON'T
GET ABOUT THE "BRO" NCE
WHICH IS, OUR SOCIETY IS SO PC
THESE DAYS THAT THE TOP TEN POD
CASTERS ARE ALL BRO POD
CA--
>> Bill: THOSE ARE --
>> THEY SEEM TO BE DOING FINE.
>> Bill: BUT THOSE ARE GUYS IN
THEIR HOMES.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT WHAT C
SAY AT THE OFFICE AN CAN I
SAY IN FF A
IT'S LIKE --
[LAUGHS]
>> THAT SEEMS LIKE A PERSONAL
PROBLEM.
I DON'T KNOW.
[LAUGHTER]
WE CAN SAY WHATEVER WE WANT IN
THE HOME.
I DON'T KNOW DON'T IF
DONALD TRUMP IS GOING TO FIX
THAT PROBLEM, THOUGH.
>> THE MOST POPULAR PODCAST
BECAUSE A BACKLASH THAT KIND OF
ATTITUDE.
AND WE HAVE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT
THAT KIND OF ATTITUDE DID EXIST.
I THINK IT SORT OF PEAKED IN A
WAY.
BUT NO, WE SHOULD NOT HAVE THAT.
YOU LITERALLY SAID THAT AND I
LY? HE TALK COCK
AND I REALIZED YES, HE WAS
TALKING ABOUT --
>> Bill: LOTS OF COCKS.
HAPAY ATTENTION TOBUT ALSO WE
ETHNICITY, RACE, IF YOU WANT TO
CALL IT THAT, AND MBER
HISPANIC WHOOVOWARDSNALD TRUMP.
THIS HAS BEEN HAPPENING FROM
REPUBLICANS, DEMOCRATS TO
REPUBLICANS SINC, BUT IT
HAS REALLY INCREASED A LOT, I'VE
SEEN THIS VERY CLOSE UP, AND WE
MADE THIS MISTAKE FOR A VERY
LONG TIME IN ASSUMING THERE WAS
SOMETHING CALLED IC.
THAT EVERYBODY WHO WAS HISPANIC
WAS THE SAME, RIGHT?
l: SO SILLY.
REBANS
VENEZUELANS AND NICARAGUANS, ALL
OF WHOM ESCOMMUNISM AND
TO BE MORE TOWARD
RIGHT.
I WENT TO TEXAS AND INTERVIEWED
PEOPLE THERE, AND THEY SAID, WE
DON'T LIKE IMMIGRATION.
WE WANT -- AND THESE A
TEJANOS, MEXICAN-AMERICANS, WHO
SAID YEAH, NO MORE.
BUT WE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS FOR SO
LONG IN THE WRONG WAY THAT THESE
PEOPLE ARE NATURAL DEMOCRATS,
RIGHTHAT IS WHY IT IS THE RIGH
IDEA OF IMPORTING PEOPLE TO MAKE
THEM VOTERS IS INSANE IN A
ER O, BU'S
ACTUALLY NOT EVEN WHAT HISPANICS
ARE LIKE, AS VOTERS NOW, AND WE
SE MOVING TOWARDSREPUBLICANS.
AND THAT'S ALSO TRUE OF
MEN.
THAT IS ALSO A HUGELY IMPORTANT
THAT MOV--DONALD TRUS,
>> YOU ARE SAYING THE ESCAPED
COMMISM.
DIDN'T THEY ALSO ESCAPE
CARDILLOS?
WE'RE SITTING HERE TALKING ABOUT
DORUMP LOT OFO WONDER, WE AREURO
CHARACTERISTICS WITH
AUTHORITARIAN LATIN AMERICAN
LEADERS, CERTAINLY MORE THAN
KAMALA HARRIS DOES WITH
COMMUNISTS, LATIN AMERICAN
LEADERS, AND SO I THINK THAT WE
WN IN THIS CONVERSATION
WHERE WE ARE LIKE, OH, THESE MEN
ARE OFFENDED ABOUT THE FACT THEY
CAN'T THLD PALMER DICK
JOKES THAT THEY WANT, AND THERE
TH KAMALA HARRIS MIGHTED ABO
MAKE US IST,F THIS
PA
TANGIBLE THREAT FROM
DONALD TRUMP THAT WE SAW IN
THIS BECAUSE IT IS AFFECTINGET
THEM PERSONALLY.
HIETIMES WE ARE
LOSING THE POINT WE SHOULD BE
FOCUSED ON.
>> Bill: I WILL SAY ONE MORE
THING ABOUT THIREAD IN THREE DIT
NEWSPAPERS THIS WEEK THATVEMBERE
[LAUGHTER]
>> LIKE A CAGE SITUATION?
I DON'T NEED TO BE TOLD.
>> Bill: YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT
IT?
>> I KNOW WHAT IT IS COME I
DIDN'T NEED TOLD ABOUT IT.
>> Bill: NNOVEMBER WHERE
MEN GIVE UP PORN FOR A MONTH AND
I GUESS DON'T MASTURBATE FOR A
MONTH.
WHO COMES UP WITH THIS?
IT'S NOT THE MEN.
[LAUGHTER]
I WILL JUST SAY THAT TO YOU,
TIM, IT IS NOT THE MAN.
>> WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO
WITH THE ELECTION OF
DONALD TRUMP?
>> Bill: WELL, FOR GUYS WHO
THINK MEN HAVE BEEN IN SHACKLES
IN CERTAIN SOMEBODY
AT PORN FOR A MONTH --LOO
>>IS A DECCULTURE.
WE HAVE NO PROBLEMS, NO REAL
PROBLEMS IN THE COUNTRY RIGHT
NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT WE ARE GOING
TO DO?
RE GOING TO BURN IT ALL DOWN
WITH DONUMP. Bill: NO, NO,OT FOR
THAT.
[LAUGHTER]
THERE'S GOT TO BE A MIDDLE
GROUND.
>> THAT'S NOT A MIDDLE GROUND.
>> Bill: GOT T MIDDLE
GROUND BETWEEN NO-NUT NOVEMBER
AND DONALD TRUMP, OKAY?
[APPLAUSE]
THIS ELECTION, THOUGH.
THIS ELECTION, IT'S NOT JUST
ABOUT THE BIG STUFF.
OBVIOUSLY IT IS THE
PRESIDENT AND SENATORS AND
GOVERND CONGRESSPEOPLE.
LW AHI
CALIFORNIA PIONEERED THIS -- WE
PUT A LOT OF STUFF ON THE
BALLOT, PROPOSITIONS.
I THINK THAT WAS CALIFORNIA'S
THING, AND NOW EVERYBODY DOES
IT.
FOR EXAMPLE, COMING UP, MISSOURI
WILL VOTE ON LEGALIZING SPORTS
GAMBLING.
WEST VIRGINIA ABOUT
PARTICIPATING IN EUTHANASIA.
I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY THAT'S
POPULAR INVIRGINIA.
[LAUGHTER]NO, I KID, WEST VIRGIN
I LOVE WEST VIRGINIA.
HUSETTS WILL V ON
REGULATING ACCESS TO
PSYCHEDELIC DRUGS.
I THINK THAT'S A GOOD ONE.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT THEY GET REALLY PICKY
SPECIFIC.
WOULD YOU LIKE TSOME OF
THE OTHER ONES?
[APPLAUSE]
I KNEW YOU WOULD.
[LAUGHS]
OKAY.
FOR EXAMPLE.
WISCONSIN'S PROP 52 PROVIDES
CHEESE HATS, WHETHER THEY LIKE
IT OR NOT.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
VERMONT'S PROPOSITION 35
REQUIRES ALL SMALL BOOKSTORES TO
HAVE A CAT SLEEPING IN THE
WINDOW.
GHTER]
THAT'S...
US
ALASKA HAS BALLOT MEASURE 8,
WHICH MAKES ALCOHOLISM
ORY.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
NEW MEXICO HAS MEASURE J, WHICH
REQUIRES EVERYONE TO WEAR A
PIECE OF TURQUOISE JEWELRY AT
ALL TIMES.
[LAPPL
OH, NEW YORK'S PROP 3
REQUIRES ALL STRANGE CHINESE
CARD GAMES TO BE PLAYED WITHIN
12 FEET OF A CHICKEN.
[LAUGHTER]
ALL RIGHT.
I USED TO LIVE IN NEW YORK,
'S TRUE.RIRE, IS PROPOSING
PROP 45, WHICH STATES NO TWO
ACTORS PLAYING FAMILY MEMBERS
CAN BE OF THE SAME RACE.
THAT'S --AUAND APPLAUSE]
OH, AND UNDER CALIFORNIA'S
PROP 10, YOUR CAR MUST BE FULLY
STOPPED BEFORE YOU FLIP OFF A
CYBERTRUCK.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
AND MISSOURI HAS PROP 1, WHICH
SAT IF AWALK
BECAUS'R
PHONE, YOU'RE ALLOWED TO BEAT
THEM WITH THEIR OLFIECK.
[APPLAUSE]T, SO LET'S CONTINUE -
ROM WEST VIRGINIA, THAT WAS
A TOUG
[LAUGHTER]
l: YEAID.
WE JUSENTLE GOOD HUM
EST VIRGINIANS ARE GOING TO
BE PISSED.
CALLING THEM GARBAGE
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: WELL, I THINK -- I'M
NOT TO GET INTO INGE
[LAUGHTER]
SO, I THINK THERE'S TWO WAYS
THAT PEOPLE LOOK ATNAMP.E IS, YD
MEGYN KE LAS, AND I
HAD BEN SHAPIRO ON MY PODCAST.
THEY ARE BOTH EXTREMELY BRIGHT
PEOPLE.DON'T THINK ANYONE WOULDY
THAT.
>> MEGYN WAS IN A GARBAGE BAG
>> Bill: WAS IN A GA
PUTGABAG.ST.R]
MIGHT BE KIND OF GOING JUST A
LITTLE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Bill: I THINK SHE IS MORE
RIGHT-WIN SHE USED TO BE.
ANYWAY, THE POINT IS, YOU KNOW
BOTH OF THEM HAVE THIS IDEA, BEN
SAID IT, LIKE, YOU KNOW, HE SAYS
A LOT OF SHIT.
BEN SAID, LIKE, THAT'S WHAT WILL
HE SAIT OF SHIT.ONE.
[LAU
LL, SOME OTHINGS THAT HE
JUST SAYS ARE, LIKE, WHEN I WIN
BUE PEOPLE THAT CHEATED
WILL BE EDE FULL
EXTENT OF THE LAW.
WHICH WILL INCLUDE LONG-TERM
PRISON SEN.
THREATENED TO PUTEPORTERSAIL M.
MSNBC BE INVESTIGATED FOR
ITS COUNTRY-THREATENING TREASON.
JACK SMITH SHOULD BE CONSIDERED
MENTALLY DERANGED AND THROWN OUT
OF THE COUNTRYSO THESE ARE THE F
DONALD TRUMP.
I THINK YOU AND I ARE ON
DIFFERENT PAGES.
I THINK I'M WITH YOU ON THIS
ONE.
THAT HE SAYS A LOT OF SHIT, AND
WE SHOULD TAKE IT VERY
OUSLY, AS OPPOSED TO,
HIS TOMBSTONE IS GOING TO SAY HE
SAID AF SHIT, BUTS
JUST TALK.>> WT SAGRTH
I MEAN, I HAVE -- MY FAITH IN
THE INSTITUTIONS ARE VERYFFERENF
DOESN'T MATTER.
WE ARE ACTUALLY IN A PLACE NOW
E O H
ENTIAL CANDIDATE
WE'RE ED TO BELIEVE THAT
WHAT HE SAYS IS NOT GOING TO
HAPPEN.
I WANT THE OPPOSITHAT.
I DON'T WANT SOMEBOYY
SOMETHING AND SAY, WELL, YEAH, I
HOPE THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN.
I'M GOING TO VOTE FOR HIM.
I MEAN, DONALD TRUMP DOES THINGS
LIKE --
[APP
THOFST
THE WAY, IT BECOMES SO FAST AND
HEAVY THAT WE DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
THAT TWO DAYS AGO DONALD TRUMP
FILED A L AGAINST CBS FOR
$10 BILLION, LLY
AUSTIN POWERS-LIKE, BECAUSE --
[LAUGHTER]
PART10 BILLION.T EVEN
THE PEOPLE, I THINK WE WILL
AGREE ON THIS, PEOPLE WHO HAVE
GONE OUT THERE FOR YEARS, PE
I KNOW THAT HAVE BEEN ON MYPODC,
WHO HAVE TALKED ABOUT
FREE SPEECH AND HAVE NOTHING TOE
SOUNDS LIKE HUGO CHAVEZ WHEN H
SAYS WE SHOULD TAK THE
BROADCAST LICENSE OF CBS BECAUSE
THEY WERE UNFAIR TO ME DURING
THE DEBATE.
I -- DO I THINK THAT CAN HAPPEN?
WELL, NO, BECAUSE I THINK THAT
AMERICA HAS THOSE ROBUST
INSTITUTIONS.
I WORRY ABOUT IT, AND HE
SHOULDN'T BE SAYING IT.
ITOMETHING THAT IS
DISQUALIFYING FOR A PRESIDENT OF
THE UNITED STATES.
[AE]
>> I AGREE WITH THAT, BUT I
THINK IT WORSE THAN THAT
ACTUALLY.
AND I WANT TO REVISE OR EXTEND
MY REMARKS FROM EARLIE ABOUT
HOW THESE ARE SMART PEOPLE.
THESE ARE THE STUPIDEST SMART
PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, AND IT IS
ONLY IN THE CONTEXT OF POLITICS,
WHERE SOMEBODY AS SMART AS
BEN SHAPIRO WOULD TAKE A RISK
SUCH A ON DONALD TRUMP.
IN THEIR PERSONAL LIVES, THEY
WOULD NEVER SEND THEIR, PUT
THEIR KIA SCHERE
SOMEBOE DONALD TRUMP WAS
PRL OF THE SCHOOL
IF THERE WERE TWO OPANDT, RIGHT?
THERE WAS A NORMAL, CENTER-LEFT
WOKE-LIBERAL RUNNING A SCHOOL
AND AN INSANE MAN SUNDOWNING
RUNNING THE OTHER SCHOOL, SAYING
RANDOM SHIT ALTIME
WOULD ALWAYS GO IN THE WOKE
LIBERAL SCHOOL EVERY TIME, ALL
OF THESE PEOPLE THEY'RE ONLY
DOING IT IN THE CONTEXT OF
POLITICS
IT IS AN UNBELIEVABLE RISK, AND
ALL STREET JOURNAL" THIS
MORNING, IF N'T MIND,
I PULLS ONE UP
THE SUO BE THETELLIGENT CONSERV.
THIS IS THEIR EDITORIAL TODAY.
"MR. TRUMP WAS TOO UNDISCIPLINED
AND HIS ATTENTION SPAN TOO SHORT
TO STAY ON MESSAGE, MUCH LESS
STAGE A COUP."
IN SUPPORTING TRUMP,"THE WALL SS
EDITORIAL POSITION IS HE IS TOO
STUPID TO COUP, SO WE'RE GOING
TO ROLL WITH
[APP
THAT IS INSANE.
HE IS OLDER THAN BIDEN.
AT T, HE IS GO BE
OLAN.
GOING TO HAVE THIS
ELDERLY MAN WITH ONLY CRAZY
PEOPLE AROUND HIM IN CHARGE AT
AGE 82?
UL TSK?
NO MATTER, EVEN IF YOU DID AGREE
WITH THE POLICIES OR WHATEVER,
IT IS A LUDICROUS RISK TO TAKE,
AND ALL OF THESE SUPPOSEDLY
SMART PEOPLE HAVE LOIRMIND ALON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> AGREE WITH SOME OF IT.HA
WE DO HAVE TO CONTEND WITH THE
FACT THAT 75 MILLION PEOPLE
VOTED FOR NALD TRUMP.
WE DO.
I MEAN, WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT
WHY THAT IS.
>> WELL F IT IS A LOT OF
SMART PEOP T TT GOING TO BE OKA.
THESE PEOPLE ARE ABDATING
THEIR RESPONSIBILITY.
THEY TRUST BEN SHAPIRO.
THEY TRUST MEGYN KELLY-
>> WOULD BE VERY WEALTHY IF THAT
SAME YOU HAVE TO
SEE, 75 MILLION PEOPLE, FIGURING
OUT WHY THEY WOULD DO THAT, THE
ONE IS THEY DO BELIEVE
THE INSTITUTIONS.
THAT, LIKE, THIS HAPPENED
BEFORE, AND I GET
RARGUMENT -- THIS
HAPPENED FOR FOUR
HE WAS RECKLESS, BUT NOTHING
HAPPENED IN THE WAY THEY SAID IT
AND OF COURSE JANUARY 6TH
HAPPENS, BUT HE COULDN'T
PULL THAT ONE OFF.
>> Bill:A MINUTE,
NOTHING BAD HAPPENED, HE IS
RUNNING AGAIN.ATAT BPENED.
[APPLAUSE]
>> AS LONG AS HE IS NOT IN JAIL.
>> Bill: BUT WHY ISN'T HE IN
JAIL?
THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION.
BECAUSE THE INIONS DID NOT
HELP.
CERTAIN INDIVIDUALS HEL
>> BRAENSPERGER.
>> Bill: THOSE PEOPLE.
I'M NOT SURE THOSE PEOPLE ARE
ARNY LOOKS LIKE THE FIRST
TIME WAS A DRY RUN.
AND THIS TIME, IT'S GOING TO BE
A WHOLE DIFFERENT SITUATION.
AND FOR THOSE REPUBLICANS WHO
SAID, WELL, WE DIDN'T IMPEACHHIL
HANDLE IT, WELL, THE COURT
DIDN'T HANDLE IT
E SUPREME COURT HAS P
MUCH GIV CARTE BLANCHE TO
DO ANYTHING WITH IMPUNITY, HAS
IT NOT?
>> YEAH.
>> Bill: SO WHERE DO YOU GET THE
INSTITUTIONS HELD?
>> THE ARGUMENT, HOW 75 MILLION
PEOPLE CAN VOTE FOR DONALD TRUMP
IS THE PRESUMPTION IS THAT THE
INSTITUTIONS WIL.
I MEAN, THERE ARE VERY
SMART CONSERVATIVES.GEORGE WILLT
STAND HIM, BUT IF HE BECOMES
PRESIDENT, I BELIEVE IN THE
INSTITUTIONS, RIGHT?
McMASTER, WHO BELIEVES THAT
UN BE PNT,
SAID SOMETHING VERY SIMILAR THIS
THAT I BELIEVE THE INSTITUTIONS
OF THIS COUNTRY ARE STRONG
I'M NOT SAYING THOULDNOTHER --
HAPPEN.
I HAVEN'T VOTED FOR THE GUY.
I WILL NOT VOTE FOR THE GUY.
THL THIRD TIME I
HAVE NOT VOTED FOR HIM, AND I
NEVER WOULD BECAUSE OF THE
THINGS THAT TIM MENTIONED AND
BECAUSE OF THINGS I'VE
MENTIONED, THAT I DON'T BELIEVE
WE HAVE A FASCIST HERE
THAT'S GOITAR THETRY ANUS ALL IN
CAMPS --
>> WHAT PERCENT
>> OF WHAT?
>> THAT THE INSTITUTIONS DON'T
HOLD AND THAT HE BECOMES --
HE BECOMES SOME SOME KIND
OF QUASI-AUTHORITARIAN, ORBAN --
WHAT IS THE PRESENT CHANCE?
IS IT A 5% CHANCE
E DON'T HAVE AN ELECTION
IN 2020?
0% CHANCE?
>> Bill: NOT AELECTION.
EVERYBODY HAS ELECTIONS,
RUSSIA HAS --
>> MY POINT IS EVEN THINK
IT IS A VERY, VERY LOW CHANCE,
2% CHANCE, THAT IS INSANE
KAMALA HARRIS AND ROLL IT BACKIV
OR WHOEVER.
RON DeSANCOUS OR WHOEVER
LL YOU WANT.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
>> WE ARE HAVING THIS
CONVERSATION BECAUSE I POINTED
OUT 75 MILLION PEOPLE VOTED FOR
DONALD TRUMP, AND HE VERY WELL
MIGHT WI
>> 40 MILLION OF THEM WANT H
TO BE KIND OF A SOFT DICTATOR
THOUGH.
LIKE 30-40 MILLION --
>> WHAT DOASE THAT ON?
>> Bill: ANDOLLI THE PRIMARIES
I MEAN, THAT IS THE THING --
>> YOU ASKED ARE THEY MORE OF A
DONALD TRUMP REPUBLICAN
ABOUT HALF THE REPUBLICAN PARTY
>> Bill: LET ME ASK ABOUT
FASCISM.
THAT'S LIKE A CLOSING ARGUMENT.
I SAID IN THE MONOLOGUE, FASCISM
IS NOT SYNONYMOUS WITH NAZI.
YES, EVERY NAZI IS A FASCIST.
I DON'T THINK DONALD RUMP IS A
NAZI, BUT I'VE BEEN SAYING
FOI TH IS GOING TOAS WO BE THAT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK THAT
HARD.
SO I GOI B, ASULD MY, CAMPAIGN
HYPERBOLE?IS IT GOING TO BE SOMT
NG TO SWING THE ELECTION
TO HARRIS?
OR IS IT A CASE OF A LOT OFOPLEG
YEAH, HE IS A FASCIST, BUT HE IS
OUR FASCIST?
THE FACT THAT FASCISM IS N
UNPOPULAR WITH THE PEOPLE
BECAUSE TH'T RCARE
ABOUT DEMOCRACY.
WHAT THEY CARE ABOUT IS GETTING
THEIR PEOPWHO WANT TO RUN
E COUNTRTHEIWAY.
AND I'M -- YES?
>> I JUST DON'T THINK HE IS A
FASCIST.
SIS REC IN
PIECE RECENTLY, HE WANTS TO BE
AN AUTHORITARI, BUT T
THINK HE IS A FASCIST.
WAITING LIST., HE IS ON THE
>> YEAH, HE IS --
[LAUGH
>> THE THING IS --
[APPLAALL FASCIST ARE NAZIS.
IS REDOLENT OF NAZIS.
AND WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO
THINK WHEN MSNBC IS DOING --
>> Bill: WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO ASKED THE CONGRESSMAN,
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, I'M
WH DO THEY DO WHEN YOU
SHOW UP AT WORK AND THEY
THROW YOU --
>> THIS IS WHY HE CAN'T BE
ELECTED, AND THIS IS WHY IT
INFURIATES ME, THE ARGOF
WELL, YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK WE
SHOULDN'T BE THAT CONCERNED OR
HE WREET JOURNAL," OKAY,
I'M NOT SAYING -- THERE IS
TRUM OF PEOPLE, FROM YOUON THE G
CRITICAL OF TRUMP, THAT AR
NO, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
BUT YOU ARE NOT OUT THERE SAYING
THIS.
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
HE HAS TO BE STOPPED, THE PEOPLE
THAT KNOW BETTER NEED TO SAY IT.
WHY IS IT ONLY LNEY ANDANS
STOP HIM IF HE WINS.
NEWSPAPERS, WHAT ABOUTNE
ON THE LEF JUST WOULDN'T
"THENGTON POST."
THEIR SAYING WAS "DEMOCRACY DIES
IN'DARKNESS."
DEMOCRACY DIES, IT'S FINE?
I MEAN, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BOTH
YOU CAN'T LIVE UNDE BANNER
Y DAY, Y UP THE PAPER
DEMOCRACY DIES IN DARKNESS, AND
DOOWSHOULD
WE GET INVOLVED?
WE DON'T WANT TO GET INVOLVED.
>> HE HAS LESS OPPOSITION NOW
AFTER JANUARY 6TH, THAN HE DID
BEFORE.'S AN INSANE STATE OF AF
RIGHT, LIKE IN 2020, IF YOU LOOK
ACROSSETUSINESS
LEADERS, EDITORIALS, THE RICH
PEOPLE THAT ARE RUNNING THE
EDITORIAE REANSTH PARTY OPPOSIT,
PEOPE PRESUBMIO
TRUMP, AND THEY KNOW THAT HE
WILL GO AROUND THE RULE OF LAW
AND THEY DON'T WANT TO BE ON THE
TARGET LIST LIKE LIZ CHENEY.
THAT'S WHAT'S ING.
>> Bill: WHEN BILLIONAIRES ARE
AFRAID T OUT BECAUSE
SEE WHAT HAPPENS IN HER
COUNTRIE
PUTIN DIDN'T GETERE HE WAS
BY NOT THROWING PPLE OUT OF
WINDOWS.
>> EVEN IF IT IS NOT THROWING
OF WINDOWS, YOU LOOK ATN, THEY
RETRIBUTION.
THEY KNOW THAT KAMALA HARRIS IS
NOT GOING TO GO IN THERE AND DO
RETRIBUTION AGAINST BLUE ORIGI
OR AMAZON OR WHATEVER BECAUSE
BEZOS DIDN'T ENDOUMP WILL.
KNOWS THAT AND T WHE IS ACTING
WE ARE ALREADY TOO FAR DOWN THE
PATH.
>> Bill: I HAVE TO END IT
THERE.ANK YOU GUYS.
GOOD LUCK!
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
[APPLAUSE]
>> WE'VE GOT IT.
ALL RIGHT.E' I
TIME FW RULE
PPLAUS
NEW RULE: THE ORCA WHALE THAT
POOPED IN ITS TANK AT SEA WORLD
SAN ANTONIO AND THEN SPLASHED
THE DIRTY POOP WATER ONTO TH
AUDIENCE DOESN'T NEED TO
OGIZE -- HET ON
OS I LOVE IT.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
AND DON'T SAY THE AUDIEN
IME."O
E IN THE WRONG PLACE?
HE'S A WHALE IN SAN ANTONIO.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: NIKKI HALEY HAS TO
ENTER A SHELTER FOR BATTERED
CANDIDATES.
[LAU
IT'S PAINFUL TO HAVE TO WATCH
LIKE "I KNY SAYINGFOR TRUMPER
RACIST AND MISOGYNIST THINGS,
BUT THEY HAVE A GOOD HEART."
GIRLFRIEND, YOU SOUND LIKE
RIHANNA WHEN SHE GOT BACK WITH
CHRIS
[LAUGH
[APPLAUSE]
THROW SOME CLOTHES IN A SUITCASE
AND GET OUT.
NEW RULE: NOW THAT 49ER
NICK BOSA IED HIS'S INTERO COUD
DISPLAY HIS MAGA HAT ON NATI
TELEVISION, LAURA INGRAHAM HAS
TO E WHY SHE DIDN'T TELL
HIUST SHUT UP AND PLAY.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'IT, LAURA.
YOU TOLD LeBRON TO JUST SHUT UP
AND DRIBBLE.
YOU TOLD KEVIN DURANT TO SHUT
AND DRIBBLE.
COLIN KAEPERNICK NEEDED TO GO
WHY DID THESE THREE ATHLETES ALL
HAVE TO SHUT UP, BUT THIS
ATHLETE GETS TO --OH, MI
I GET IT.
[LAUGHDLA
NEW RULE: INSTEAD OF GIVING ORAL
CONTRACEPTIVE PILLS NAMES LIKE
NIORTIA, AMIN --
[LAUGHTER]
NAME THEM AFTER THE GUYS
DEFINITELY DONT TO HAVE A
WAUGHTEAPPLAUSE]
DARNELL.[LAUGHTER]D
OR BYET, NAM A
THE GUYS WHO DON'T WANT YOU TO
HAVE THOSE PILLS IN THE FIRST
PLACE: NEIL, SAMUEL, AND
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
NEW RULE: HORROR MOVIES HAVE TO
STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO.
"DON'T MOVE."
"DON'T BREATHE."
"DON'T LOOK NOW."
"DON'T LOOK AWAY."
"DON'T SAY A WORD."
"DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE."
"DON'T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT."
"DON'T LOOK UNDER THE BED."
"DPEN THE DOOR."
"DON'T GO IN THE HOUSE."
"DON'T GO IN THE WOODS."
"DON'T BLINK."
"PLAY DEAD."
"LET ME IN."
"GET OUT."
"DRAG ME TO HELL."ILL.
JESUS, IT'S LIKE WE'RE MARRIED.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
HONEY, I HAD A HARD DAY AT WORK.
JUST LET ME TASTE THE BLOOD OF
[LR]ULA AND RELAX
AND FINALLY, NEW RULE.LL, W
THE FRIDAY BEFORE ELECTION DAY
AND AT LEAST ONE OF MY
PREDICTIONS WAS RIGHT ON THE
MONEY: IT'S TIED, AS IT ALWAYS
THAT'S JUST WHO THIS COUNTRY IS
NOW: TWO TRIBES,D BY HISTORY, B.
I'M STICKING WITH MY OTHER
PREDICTION THAT HARRIS IS GOING
TO WIN, BUT I CAN'T SAY I'M NOT
NERVOUS THAT THE ELECTION
THE HANDS OF A SMALL COHORT OF
UNDECIDED VOTERS, THOSE CURIOUS
FEW BISEXUALS OF THE PAL
WORLD --
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
WHO EVERYBODY LOVES TO MOCK
BUT I SEE IT AS F ARSONTH
I CALL THEM THE "CHRISTMAS EVE
SHOPPERS" OF POLITICS.
[LAUGHTER]EY KNOW THE BIG DAY IG
BUT THEY JUST CAN'T GET
THEMSELVES TO DO AG
IT UHE M
HER WAS THATITH
CHRISTMA
HE WOULD DO ALL HIS CHRISTMAS
SHOPPING ON CHRISTMAS EVE NIGHT
AN HOUR BEFORE THE S
CLOS
HE WOULD GO TO A SINGLE
DEPARTMENT STORE WITH NO IDEA
WHAT HE WAS GONNA GET.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT THAT'S WHY A DEPARTMENT
STORE IS GREAT: OH, LOOK, TOYS.
I GOT KIDS, THEY LIKE TOYS:
DONE!
[LAUGHTER]ALLY, HE WAS A GREAT
GIFT GIVER BECAUSE HE FELT YOU
HAD FULLY IN THE CHRISTMAS
SPIRIT TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING
AND BEING IN THE STORE AT THAT
HOUR, WITH SANTA AND THE MUSIC
AND THE TREE AND THE WHOLE
PRODUCTION GOING ON, IT SERVED
AS KIND OF A MUSE FOR PICKING
PRESENTS, AND I THINK THERE ARE
PEOPLE WHO FEEL THE SAME WAY
M AWITH THEM.NG BOOTH.
[LAUGHTER]
HI, CHRISTMAS EVE VOTER!
[LAUGHTER]
LOOK, YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T LIKE
TRUMP, OR YOU'D BE IN THAT CAMP
ALREADY, BUT YOU'RE STILL TORN
AND I'M THE GUY WHO KEEPS SAYING
I GET WHY.
YOU WANTED MORE REASSURANCE THAT
THE DEMOCRAT ISN'T GOING TO GO
ALONG WITH EVERY AGGRESSIVELY
ANTI-COMMON-SENSE IDEA THAT
COMES OUT OF THE WOKE MIND
VIRUS -- WHICH, YES, IS A THING.
AND IF SHE LOSES, THAT WILL
BE MAINLY WHY.
AND PART OF THAT MIND VIRUS
IS "PROGRESSOPHOBIA,"
STEVEN PINKER'S TERM FOR THE
LIBERAL FEAR OF EVER ADMITTING
WHEN THINGS ARE ACTUALLY GOOD.
AS "THE ECONOMIST" PUTS IT ABOUT
AMERICA TODAY, "AN ECONOMY WITH
AN UNEMPLOYMENT RATE OF 4% AND A
PER-PERSON GDP OF $85,000 DOES
NOT HAVE TO BE MADE GREAT AGAIN;
IT IS GREAT."
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
AND YET THE ECONOMY IS THE
CHRISTMAS EVE VOTER'S OTHER
BIG ISSUE, AND THEY THINK IT'S
TERRIBLE WHEN ACTUALLY IT'S
BIGGER AND BETTER THAN EVER.
MAKES ARNOLD PALMER'S DICK
LOOK LIKE NOTHING.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WHEN WE WERE COMING OUT OF THE
PANDEMIC, EVERY ECONOMIST
PREDICTED WE WERE HEADED FOR A
RECESSION, AND ALL THE HORRIBLE
THINGS THAT COME WITH IT.
BUT, MUCH LIKE TRUMP'S
GIRLFRIENDS --
[LAUGHTER]
THOSE THINGS NEVER CAME.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
THE TRUTH ABOUT AMERICA TODAY --
WHAT DEMOCRATS SHOULD HAVE BEEN
SELLING IS -- EVERYTHING THAT
SHOULD BE LOW, AND DOWN, IS:
UNEMPLOYMENT, LOW.
BLACK UNEMPLOYMENT, LOW.
POVERTY RATE, LOW.
GAS PRICES, DOWN.
AND EVERYTHING THAT SHOULD BE
UP, AND HIGH, IS: MANUFACTURING
REAL WAGES, THE STOCK MARKET
PERSONAL SPENDING, PERSONAL
SAVINGS, OIL PRODUCTION.
THE U.S. NOW PRODUCES MORE
ENERGY THAN IT USES -- WHICH IS
SAYING SOMETHING SINCE WE HAVE
LAS VEGAS.
[LAUGHTER]
WHERE I WILL BE TONIGHT.
BUT IT'S SOLD OUT, SO SORRY.
MISSISSIPPI IS AMERICA'S POOREST
STATE, BUT ITS RESIDENTS EARN
ON AVERAGE, MORE THAN CANADA
GERMANY, OR ENGLAND.
THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE BEATING THE
AXIS OF BEER.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
IF TRUMP WAS PRESIDENT WITH THIS
ECONOMY, IT WOULD BE 24/7 OF
"WE HAVE THE GREATEST ECONOMY
EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE
WORLD, MAYBE THE UNIVERSE, MANY
PEOPLE ARE SAYING IT."
[LAUGHTER]
BUT TRUMP ISN'T PRESIDENT NOW,
SO YOU GET THIS.
>> NOW YOU HAVE MILLIONS AND
MILLIONS OF DEAD PEOPLE, AND YOU
HAVE PEOPLE DYING FINANCIALLY
BECAUSE THEY CAN'T BUY BACON,
THEY CAN'T BUY FOOD, THEY CAN'T
BUY GROCERIES.
>> BILL: THAT'S RIGHT.
IN THIS REALITY, IF YOU DON'T
GET BACON, YOU'LL DIE.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
WHICH IS ALSO WHAT MY DOG
THINKS.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT HERE ON EARTH ONE, IT'S NOT
ACTUALLY LIKE THAT.
THE VAST MAJORITY OF AMERICANS
MAKE IT TO THE PIGGLY WIGGLY AND
BACK ALIVE.
[LAUGHTER]
YES, EVERYTHING AT THE
DOLLAR STORE COSTS $1.50 NOW,
BUT BIDEN DIDN'T INVENT
"FOOD COSTS MONEY," AND WHAT
CAUSED THE INFLATION WAS
SHUTTING THE ENTIRE COUNTRY DOWN
AND PAYING EVERYONE $6 TRILLION
TO STAY HOME BECAUSE A BAD FLU
WAS GOING AROUND, AND TRUMP AND
BIDEN BOTH DID THAT.
EVERYBODY TOOK THE MONEY, AND I
DON'T SEE ANYONE IN THIS CROWD
HANDING BACK THE CHECKS.
BUT WHO BROUGHT INFLATION DOWN
FURTHER AND FASTER THAN ANY
OTHER COUNTRY?
THE UNITED STATES, BITCHES.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
IT PEAKED HERE IN 2022 AND SINCE
HAS DROPPED LIKE A ROCK TO 2.4%.
BIDEN TAMED IT WITHOUT CAUSING A
RECESSION, WHICH IS LIKE
CATCHING A SPACEX ROCKET WITH
YOUR BUTT CHEEKS.
[LAUGHTER]
THE PHRASE I HEAR SO MUCH THAT
MAKES ME JUST WANT TO UNALIVE
MYSELF --
[LAUGHTER]
IS "HOW'S SHE GOING TO HELP ME?"
LIKE THE PRESIDENT IS YOUR
PERSONAL GENIE.
[LAUGHTER]
IT'S KAMALA, NOT KAZAAM.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
AND IT'S A GOVERNMENT, NOT AN
INSURANCE COMPANY.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON'T KNOW IF KAMALA WORKED
AT McDONALD'S, BUT SHE'S NOT
FLO FROM PROGRESSIVE.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
YOU THINK YOU'RE LIVING IN THE
SECOND GREAT DEPRESSION BECAUSE
YOU CAN'T BUY A FULL FOOT OF
SANDWICH FOR $5?
[LAUGHTER]
MAYBE YOU'RE NOT LOOKING AT THE
ACTUAL NUMBERS.
MAYBE YOUR HAT'S TOO TIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
AND UNDECIDEDS?
YOU SHOULD BE VOTING HARRIS
BECAUSE OF THE ECONOMY, BUT
UNDECIDEDS DON'T GET THAT
MESSAGE, BECAUSE DEMOCRATS CAN'T
MAKE THE WORDS "THINGS AREN'T SO
BAD" EVER COME OUT OF THEIR
MOUTHS, LEST SOMEONE SOMEWHERE
ACCUSE THEM OF NOT CARING ENOUGH
ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ARE STRUGGLING.
BUT EVEN IN A GOOD ECONOMY, SOME
SEGMENT OF SOCIETY WILL ALWAYS
STRUGGLE WITH MONEY.
MOSTLY LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
AND SO, DEAR CHRISTMAS EVE
VOTER, I SAY TO YOU: THINGS
AREN'T THAT BAD, BUT THEY MIGHT
GET A HELL OF A LOT WORSE UNDER
THE RULE OF A MAD KING.
DO I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT
KAMALA?
NO.
WHO TOLD YOU YOU GET TO LOVE
EVERYTHING?
DO I WISH SHE CAME UP WITH A
BETTER REASON TO BE PRESIDENT
THAN "I'M NOT TRUMP"?
YEAH, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN VERY
HELPFUL.
BUT LET'S NOT FORGET: "I'M NOT
TRUMP" IS STILL A REALLY GREAT
REASON.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
ALL RIGHT, I'LL BE AT THE BEACON
NEW YORK FOR THE COMEDY FEST
NOVEMBER 16TH,
AT THE CIBC CHICAGO THEATER
DECEMBER 6TH.
I WANT TO THANK MY GUESTS
TIM MILLER, MICHAEL MOYNIHAN
AND JAMIE RASKIN.
NOW GO WATCH "OVERTIME" ON
YOUTUBE.
THANK YOU, FOLKS.
YOU WERE GREAT.
♪ ♪
[APPLAUSE]
♪ ♪