1
00:00:09,107 --> 00:00:11,076
[soft orchestral music playing]

2
00:00:51,046 --> 00:00:52,680
[lively chatter]

3
00:00:52,815 --> 00:00:55,350
- [Ingrid] Hi. How are you?
- [Bobbi] I'm good. Thanks.

4
00:00:55,485 --> 00:00:56,711
[Ingrid] Who do I
make this out to?

5
00:00:56,847 --> 00:00:58,222
[Bobbi] Uh, Bobbi with an "I".

6
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,856
In the prologue,
you say you wrote this book

7
00:01:04,991 --> 00:01:06,692
in order to better understand
and accept death.

8
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:08,658
Um...

9
00:01:08,793 --> 00:01:10,895
Yeah. It feels unnatural to me.

10
00:01:11,030 --> 00:01:13,538
I can't accept that something
alive has to die.

11
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:14,700
Thank you.

12
00:01:15,842 --> 00:01:16,774
- Ingrid...
- Mm.

13
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,272
We've fulfilled the hour.

14
00:01:18,407 --> 00:01:19,771
I mean, in fact,
we've gone over.

15
00:01:19,906 --> 00:01:21,912
Well, there's still
a lot of people waiting.

16
00:01:22,047 --> 00:01:23,879
Yes. We'll do what you want.

17
00:01:24,015 --> 00:01:25,079
Could you sign mine?

18
00:01:25,215 --> 00:01:27,446
Stella! I didn't see you.

19
00:01:27,582 --> 00:01:29,181
Why didn't you
come straight up?

20
00:01:29,316 --> 00:01:30,655
I was embarrassed.

21
00:01:30,790 --> 00:01:32,056
You draw a crowd!

22
00:01:32,192 --> 00:01:33,385
- A lot of young people.
- Thank you.

23
00:01:33,521 --> 00:01:34,951
- Not just women.
- [laughs]

24
00:01:35,086 --> 00:01:36,952
Stella, this is Anne.
Anne, my friend Stella.

25
00:01:37,087 --> 00:01:38,593
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

26
00:01:38,728 --> 00:01:40,332
I'm gonna stay until
I've signed for everybody.

27
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:42,633
Yes. I'll just make sure
no one else joins the line.

28
00:01:42,768 --> 00:01:44,497
Okay. [chuckles]

29
00:01:44,633 --> 00:01:46,595
Oh, I haven't seen you
in forever.

30
00:01:46,731 --> 00:01:48,102
I'm living in Boston now.

31
00:01:48,237 --> 00:01:49,635
I came to see my son,

32
00:01:49,770 --> 00:01:51,341
and to visit Martha
in the hospital.

33
00:01:53,277 --> 00:01:55,074
You know she has cancer, right?

34
00:01:55,209 --> 00:01:56,139
It's a bad one.

35
00:01:56,275 --> 00:01:57,439
Martha?

36
00:01:57,574 --> 00:01:58,482
Martha Hunt?

37
00:01:58,618 --> 00:01:59,975
Yes.

38
00:02:00,111 --> 00:02:01,545
She's at Manhattan Memorial
Cancer Center.

39
00:02:01,681 --> 00:02:03,288
I thought you would've heard.

40
00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:05,122
No. To be honest,
I haven't seen her in years.

41
00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:07,423
Martha is sick?
I can't imagine it.

42
00:02:07,559 --> 00:02:09,891
If you go see her,
it'll make her very happy.

43
00:02:10,026 --> 00:02:11,553
Yeah. Of course.

44
00:02:11,688 --> 00:02:13,565
Of course I will.

45
00:02:13,700 --> 00:02:16,601
Um, thank you
so much for coming.
I really appreciate it.

46
00:02:16,736 --> 00:02:17,736
Congratulations.

47
00:02:17,872 --> 00:02:18,970
- Thank you.
- Mm!

48
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:19,968
- I'll see you soon.
- Thanks.

49
00:02:20,104 --> 00:02:21,096
- Bye.
- Bye.

50
00:02:23,973 --> 00:02:24,968
Hi.

51
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,313
- Who do I make this out to?
- Frances.

52
00:02:30,679 --> 00:02:33,179
- Is that you?
- No, it's my girlfriend.

53
00:02:33,315 --> 00:02:34,985
She really admires you.

54
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:36,683
- So do I.
- Thank you.

55
00:02:40,117 --> 00:02:43,019
Could you write
"It won't happen again"?

56
00:02:45,556 --> 00:02:47,692
Of course I can.

57
00:02:47,828 --> 00:02:50,202
Yes. Thank you.
It won't happen again.

58
00:02:52,596 --> 00:02:53,535
I hope not.

59
00:03:09,784 --> 00:03:12,288
Hi. I'm here
to see Martha Hunt.

60
00:03:12,424 --> 00:03:13,988
I think she's
on the 16th floor.

61
00:03:14,124 --> 00:03:15,359
Okay. One sec.

62
00:03:16,423 --> 00:03:17,794
[keyboard clacks]

63
00:03:17,929 --> 00:03:20,189
Yes. Room 1614.

64
00:03:20,324 --> 00:03:22,427
The elevator is at the end
of the hall, on the left.

65
00:03:22,563 --> 00:03:23,693
- Thanks.
- No problem.

66
00:03:23,829 --> 00:03:25,435
[people speaking indistinctly]

67
00:03:39,511 --> 00:03:40,714
[knock at door]

68
00:03:42,184 --> 00:03:43,178
[door opens]

69
00:03:45,989 --> 00:03:46,984
Martha?

70
00:03:48,322 --> 00:03:49,393
[Martha] Ingrid!

71
00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:53,022
What a surprise!

72
00:03:53,158 --> 00:03:55,264
- How did you hear?
- I ran into Stella.

73
00:03:55,399 --> 00:03:57,929
- She told me. [kisses]
- Oh.

74
00:03:58,064 --> 00:04:00,999
I'm so sorry, I didn't
even know you were sick.

75
00:04:01,134 --> 00:04:03,702
Oh, well, you with your work
and me with mine.

76
00:04:03,837 --> 00:04:06,407
I mean, time's gotten away
from us.

77
00:04:06,542 --> 00:04:08,104
Yes, and I was living in Paris.

78
00:04:08,239 --> 00:04:11,007
Yeah, I heard.
I've been reading about you.

79
00:04:11,143 --> 00:04:13,115
I know you have published
another book

80
00:04:13,251 --> 00:04:14,951
and it's doing very well.

81
00:04:15,086 --> 00:04:16,618
Thank you. [sighs]

82
00:04:17,251 --> 00:04:18,257
So...

83
00:04:19,386 --> 00:04:21,491
How are you?

84
00:04:21,626 --> 00:04:24,626
I'm sure you're sick
of telling everybody.

85
00:04:24,761 --> 00:04:28,059
Well, it's cervical cancer.
Stage three.

86
00:04:28,194 --> 00:04:30,928
It isn't operable,
but they're treating me, so...

87
00:04:31,064 --> 00:04:34,331
looks like I'm not gonna die
quite yet.

88
00:04:34,466 --> 00:04:39,577
Um, I've become a guinea pig
for an experimental treatment

89
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:41,944
and the results are better
than the doctors expected.

90
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:43,779
- Great!
- Yeah.

91
00:04:43,915 --> 00:04:46,274
That's great! Well, you seem
like you're in good spirits.

92
00:04:46,409 --> 00:04:49,582
Well, I swing between
euphoria and depression.

93
00:04:49,718 --> 00:04:50,986
- Oh, I'm so sorry.
- [laughs]

94
00:04:51,121 --> 00:04:52,422
No, it's normal,

95
00:04:52,557 --> 00:04:54,816
and the doctors warned me,
you know.

96
00:04:54,952 --> 00:04:56,295
- Highs and lows.
- Mm-hmm.

97
00:04:57,159 --> 00:04:58,220
Mm-hmm.

98
00:04:59,197 --> 00:05:00,929
It'll sound absurd,

99
00:05:01,064 --> 00:05:06,402
but after all the accepting
and preparing to face the end,

100
00:05:06,538 --> 00:05:09,137
survival feels
almost disappointing.

101
00:05:09,273 --> 00:05:10,437
Oh, don't say that.

102
00:05:10,572 --> 00:05:12,311
No, I was prepared to leave.

103
00:05:15,241 --> 00:05:19,281
In fact, when they gave me
the initial diagnosis,

104
00:05:19,416 --> 00:05:20,681
I didn't want any treatment.

105
00:05:20,816 --> 00:05:22,145
Well, I'm glad
you changed your mind.

106
00:05:23,655 --> 00:05:26,453
'Cause, you know,
just the thought...

107
00:05:26,588 --> 00:05:28,160
And that I wouldn't know...

108
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:31,055
Anyway, I realized
that I really...

109
00:05:31,190 --> 00:05:35,367
I'm not ready to abandon
the party just yet.

110
00:05:35,502 --> 00:05:39,537
But I had truly gotten
used to the idea.

111
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,337
Well, I suppose that it's good
to get used to the idea,

112
00:05:42,473 --> 00:05:44,970
but without giving up, right?

113
00:05:45,105 --> 00:05:46,477
You've been through
a lot of wars, remember?

114
00:05:47,543 --> 00:05:49,271
I live with them every day.

115
00:05:52,309 --> 00:05:55,353
Oh, Ingrid,
I'm so happy to see you.

116
00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:57,682
I almost called you
a thousand times.

117
00:05:57,818 --> 00:05:59,348
- I'm sorry.
- Me, too!

118
00:05:59,483 --> 00:06:01,120
It's ridiculous that
we haven't seen each other.

119
00:06:01,255 --> 00:06:03,520
I promise I'm gonna visit
until you get sick of me.

120
00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:04,961
Will you?

121
00:06:05,096 --> 00:06:06,427
You promise?

122
00:06:06,562 --> 00:06:08,066
I'm gonna hold you to that.

123
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:09,665
Your daughter knows, I guess.

124
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:11,865
Yes.

125
00:06:13,530 --> 00:06:17,402
When I first made up my mind
to forgo any treatment,

126
00:06:17,538 --> 00:06:18,608
I told her...

127
00:06:19,970 --> 00:06:21,380
and she just said...

128
00:06:22,313 --> 00:06:23,448
"It's your choice."

129
00:06:24,675 --> 00:06:26,008
Period.

130
00:06:26,143 --> 00:06:29,046
As if it was something trivial,

131
00:06:29,182 --> 00:06:31,016
something that had
nothing to do with her.

132
00:06:32,688 --> 00:06:34,189
How are you two getting along?

133
00:06:34,324 --> 00:06:36,324
Um, same as ever.

134
00:06:36,459 --> 00:06:37,786
We're barely in touch.

135
00:06:37,921 --> 00:06:39,260
What does she do?

136
00:06:39,395 --> 00:06:40,762
She's doing well.

137
00:06:40,897 --> 00:06:43,996
She's, uh, an agent
for classical musicians.

138
00:06:47,206 --> 00:06:48,605
It might sound horrible,

139
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:53,203
but I don't feel like
she's my daughter.

140
00:06:55,343 --> 00:06:58,574
I fantasize frequently about
her being swapped at birth.

141
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:00,344
What?

142
00:07:00,479 --> 00:07:02,712
What are you talking about?
She looks just like you.

143
00:07:02,847 --> 00:07:04,049
She has your face.

144
00:07:05,723 --> 00:07:08,592
I never interested her
as a mother.

145
00:07:09,687 --> 00:07:10,789
Why not?

146
00:07:10,925 --> 00:07:12,926
I was a teenager
when I had her.

147
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:17,727
I didn't know what to do
with a baby.

148
00:07:17,862 --> 00:07:21,095
And when we started working at
<i>Paper Magazine,</i> you remember?

149
00:07:21,231 --> 00:07:23,374
We practically lived at night.

150
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,469
You remember New York
in the '80s?

151
00:07:25,604 --> 00:07:26,906
Yeah.

152
00:07:27,041 --> 00:07:28,810
Anything important
happened at night.

153
00:07:32,542 --> 00:07:35,944
And then I went to work
as a war correspondent,

154
00:07:36,079 --> 00:07:37,748
traveling constantly.

155
00:07:37,883 --> 00:07:40,292
And that didn't help.

156
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:42,758
My work just completely
took over.

157
00:07:46,392 --> 00:07:49,897
I was never what a mother
is supposed to be.

158
00:07:52,163 --> 00:07:55,636
But Michelle started to hate me

159
00:07:55,771 --> 00:07:57,575
long before I was away so much.

160
00:07:59,909 --> 00:08:01,642
I remember feeling
her resentment

161
00:08:01,778 --> 00:08:03,207
even when she was
a little girl.

162
00:08:06,616 --> 00:08:08,553
She made herself very clear.

163
00:08:13,385 --> 00:08:17,826
She couldn't bear...
not having a father.

164
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,565
She saw other girls
with their fathers

165
00:08:22,701 --> 00:08:24,998
and she wanted to know
about hers.

166
00:08:27,698 --> 00:08:30,465
At first, I told her I didn't
know who he was, but...

167
00:08:31,307 --> 00:08:32,872
[sighs]

168
00:08:33,008 --> 00:08:34,469
...it kind of
made things worse.

169
00:08:36,976 --> 00:08:38,107
<i>I was lying to her.</i>

170
00:08:38,243 --> 00:08:39,850
- [laughs]
- [lively chatter]

171
00:08:39,985 --> 00:08:41,520
[Martha] <i>Of course I knew
who her father was.</i>

172
00:08:42,486 --> 00:08:43,885
<i>His name was Fred.</i>

173
00:08:48,687 --> 00:08:50,056
[shouts]

174
00:08:50,191 --> 00:08:51,558
[Martha] <i>We dated
for a few months</i>

175
00:08:51,693 --> 00:08:53,558
<i>before he was drafted.</i>

176
00:08:53,693 --> 00:08:57,063
<i>And then went away to fight,
towards the end of Vietnam.</i>

177
00:08:58,728 --> 00:09:02,503
<i>When he came back,
a year later, he was...</i>

178
00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:04,031
<i>somebody different.</i>

179
00:09:04,167 --> 00:09:06,441
Fred! What happened?

180
00:09:06,577 --> 00:09:08,371
<i>He was a broken toy.</i>

181
00:09:10,041 --> 00:09:12,384
Hey. Hey, it's okay.

182
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:14,283
I'm here.
It's all over now, Fred.

183
00:09:14,418 --> 00:09:15,681
You're back home.

184
00:09:15,817 --> 00:09:17,182
But it's not over for me.

185
00:09:20,055 --> 00:09:22,088
I still got the war
inside my head.

186
00:09:24,429 --> 00:09:25,762
I can't get free of it.

187
00:09:28,061 --> 00:09:30,129
I hallucinate every single day.

188
00:09:33,134 --> 00:09:35,706
And I was high
practically all the time.

189
00:09:40,274 --> 00:09:42,174
I don't know what I'm doing
with my life,

190
00:09:43,647 --> 00:09:45,111
but I'm not staying here.

191
00:09:49,848 --> 00:09:50,886
It's all right.

192
00:09:52,426 --> 00:09:54,954
Feel free to do what you like.

193
00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:57,024
Think about
what's best for you.

194
00:10:01,298 --> 00:10:02,293
Okay.

195
00:10:04,499 --> 00:10:05,560
Thanks.

196
00:10:11,067 --> 00:10:12,072
Can I kiss you?

197
00:10:41,432 --> 00:10:43,334
- Does Michelle know this?
- Oh.

198
00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:47,608
She started asking
about her father

199
00:10:47,744 --> 00:10:49,505
as soon as she could talk.

200
00:10:52,712 --> 00:10:56,116
But it's not something you can
explain to a child, right?

201
00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:01,185
By puberty, she carved out
quite an abyss between us.

202
00:11:01,321 --> 00:11:03,288
It came to define
her adolescence.

203
00:11:05,358 --> 00:11:08,359
But, by then,
I was no longer there.

204
00:11:08,494 --> 00:11:11,835
I was in New York, with you,
living my life.

205
00:11:14,335 --> 00:11:16,432
<i>I arranged to meet Fred
one evening</i>

206
00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:18,508
<i>to tell him about
the situation.</i>

207
00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:21,541
So, I took a first aid course

208
00:11:21,676 --> 00:11:24,446
and, because I'm a war veteran,
they've hired me at a hospital,

209
00:11:24,581 --> 00:11:25,607
down in San Diego.

210
00:11:27,981 --> 00:11:29,512
It's good news, right?

211
00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:32,823
I have some news for you too.

212
00:11:34,690 --> 00:11:35,694
I'm pregnant.

213
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:40,391
- You're pregnant?
- Yes.

214
00:11:42,628 --> 00:11:45,000
But I was planning on moving
to San Diego next week.

215
00:11:47,364 --> 00:11:48,839
Then what are we gonna do?

216
00:11:48,975 --> 00:11:51,776
Whatever I do, my parents
will support me, so...

217
00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:53,503
I'm not alone.

218
00:11:55,775 --> 00:11:56,748
Mm.

219
00:11:59,082 --> 00:12:00,708
I don't think
working in a hospital

220
00:12:00,844 --> 00:12:03,718
was the best thing
for such a damaged person.

221
00:12:03,854 --> 00:12:05,218
It's the closest thing to war.

222
00:12:06,383 --> 00:12:08,386
He needed therapy and rehab.

223
00:12:08,521 --> 00:12:10,685
Yeah, that would have been
more sensible,

224
00:12:12,158 --> 00:12:13,798
but he wanted to be useful,

225
00:12:15,226 --> 00:12:17,166
to ease his conscience.

226
00:12:17,302 --> 00:12:21,433
He believed that helping people
between life and death...

227
00:12:21,568 --> 00:12:25,502
was his best chance
of getting back any peace.

228
00:12:27,211 --> 00:12:30,945
I could only free him
of any responsibility.

229
00:12:31,081 --> 00:12:33,779
He left before
Michelle was born.

230
00:12:33,914 --> 00:12:34,912
He never knew her.

231
00:12:35,048 --> 00:12:36,579
[breathing heavily]

232
00:12:38,089 --> 00:12:41,551
He didn't call once
to ask about her.

233
00:12:43,386 --> 00:12:45,153
When did you tell her?

234
00:12:45,288 --> 00:12:46,963
She was about 12.

235
00:12:48,660 --> 00:12:52,062
She wanted to know
where he was living...

236
00:12:52,198 --> 00:12:53,662
and I didn't know anymore.

237
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:57,699
She was so insistent...

238
00:12:57,834 --> 00:13:00,476
that I tracked down
an old friend of his

239
00:13:00,611 --> 00:13:01,505
from high school,

240
00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:07,649
who told me that Fred
had gotten married

241
00:13:07,784 --> 00:13:09,645
and had recently died.

242
00:13:11,385 --> 00:13:14,749
I asked him
for his wife's number...

243
00:13:15,825 --> 00:13:18,124
and then I called her.

244
00:13:18,259 --> 00:13:19,831
I wanted to know
what had happened.

245
00:13:21,597 --> 00:13:26,035
<i>She told me they were
coming home after a trip.</i>

246
00:13:29,134 --> 00:13:30,303
Is that smoke?

247
00:13:31,608 --> 00:13:32,602
[wife] Yes.

248
00:13:33,777 --> 00:13:35,940
Something's on fire.

249
00:13:36,076 --> 00:13:37,145
There's a house on fire.

250
00:13:40,018 --> 00:13:42,248
We should call
the fire department.

251
00:13:42,384 --> 00:13:43,952
- [tinnitus ringing]
- [gunfire echoing]

252
00:13:44,088 --> 00:13:46,022
[screaming
and explosion echoing]

253
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,653
- Stop the car.
- Fred...

254
00:13:52,992 --> 00:13:53,997
[tires screech]

255
00:13:57,494 --> 00:13:58,966
[wife] What are you doing?

256
00:13:59,101 --> 00:14:00,668
- I'm gonna take a look.
- No!

257
00:14:00,804 --> 00:14:02,732
That's crazy! Fred!

258
00:14:02,867 --> 00:14:05,240
- There might be someone inside.
- Fred, stop! Stop!

259
00:14:05,376 --> 00:14:08,676
Don't go in. It's dangerous!
Look at me, I'm here.

260
00:14:08,812 --> 00:14:10,308
Let's find a gas station

261
00:14:10,444 --> 00:14:11,582
and call
the fire department, please.

262
00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:13,110
Don't you hear the screams?

263
00:14:13,246 --> 00:14:15,044
No, I don't hear anything.

264
00:14:15,179 --> 00:14:17,081
[panting]

265
00:14:17,217 --> 00:14:19,891
Fred, please! Fred! Fred!

266
00:14:21,022 --> 00:14:22,357
Fred, don't go in there!

267
00:14:22,493 --> 00:14:23,521
[groans]

268
00:14:25,390 --> 00:14:26,830
Don't you hear the screams?

269
00:14:26,966 --> 00:14:28,867
There's someone inside
crying for help!

270
00:14:30,963 --> 00:14:32,002
Fred!

271
00:14:39,808 --> 00:14:41,203
[panting]

272
00:14:41,339 --> 00:14:43,710
[firetruck horn blaring]

273
00:14:43,845 --> 00:14:46,009
Sir! Sir!

274
00:14:46,144 --> 00:14:48,048
Please, help me!

275
00:14:48,184 --> 00:14:50,416
- Sir! Sir, please!
- Let's go!

276
00:14:50,551 --> 00:14:52,721
- Please, my husband's inside!
- Ladder up!

277
00:14:52,857 --> 00:14:54,381
Sir! My husband's inside!

278
00:14:54,517 --> 00:14:55,927
My husband's inside!

279
00:14:56,062 --> 00:14:57,355
He thought he heard
voices crying for help.

280
00:14:57,491 --> 00:14:58,753
Put two lines
on the back side, guys!

281
00:14:58,888 --> 00:15:00,490
He went into the house
trying to save

282
00:15:00,626 --> 00:15:02,198
whoever was trapped
by the fire.

283
00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:03,225
Okay, get back in your car.
Do not go over there.

284
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:04,627
I will stay here. Okay.

285
00:15:04,762 --> 00:15:06,234
Please, ma'am.
Is there someone else?

286
00:15:06,370 --> 00:15:07,395
- No, I don't know!
- Ladder up, guys! Ladder!

287
00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:08,773
There's a civilian inside!

288
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,000
Get back in your car,
ma'am, please.

289
00:15:10,136 --> 00:15:11,699
[busy chatter]

290
00:15:11,835 --> 00:15:12,971
[chief] All right,
get in there!

291
00:15:13,107 --> 00:15:15,307
Get in that top window.

292
00:15:15,443 --> 00:15:18,246
There you go.
It's gonna blow out.

293
00:15:20,849 --> 00:15:21,876
Good boys.

294
00:15:24,518 --> 00:15:26,551
[indistinct police
radio chatter]

295
00:15:31,592 --> 00:15:33,188
I'm sorry, there was nothing
we could do.

296
00:15:33,323 --> 00:15:34,460
[panting]

297
00:15:36,233 --> 00:15:39,103
He didn't get
to the second floor.

298
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,462
He must have passed out
from the smoke and the flames.

299
00:15:41,597 --> 00:15:42,804
And the other bodies?

300
00:15:42,939 --> 00:15:44,438
There was nobody else.

301
00:15:44,573 --> 00:15:46,402
This house has been abandoned
for a long time.

302
00:15:46,537 --> 00:15:47,576
There was only your husband.

303
00:15:47,711 --> 00:15:50,113
But he...

304
00:15:50,248 --> 00:15:52,648
he told me he heard
screams for help...

305
00:15:52,783 --> 00:15:54,117
Impossible, ma'am.

306
00:15:55,248 --> 00:15:56,284
There was no one else.

307
00:15:57,347 --> 00:15:58,385
It's true.

308
00:16:00,422 --> 00:16:02,653
I didn't hear
the screams either.

309
00:16:04,394 --> 00:16:07,255
I tried to stop him
from going in, but...

310
00:16:07,390 --> 00:16:08,498
[sobbing]

311
00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:09,632
I didn't.

312
00:16:09,767 --> 00:16:11,759
He was very brave.

313
00:16:11,895 --> 00:16:13,595
Did you tell
Michelle all of this?

314
00:16:13,730 --> 00:16:16,437
I had to give her every detail.

315
00:16:16,572 --> 00:16:19,443
I even gave her her father's
wife's phone number.

316
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,935
You know what?

317
00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:22,770
Let's get you back to bed.
You're tired.

318
00:16:22,906 --> 00:16:24,211
Yeah, but I have
to tell you this.

319
00:16:24,346 --> 00:16:26,512
We can...
We can talk more later.

320
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,515
So, one day...

321
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:34,689
- I got a call from Fred's wife.
- Okay.

322
00:16:34,824 --> 00:16:36,454
And she told me

323
00:16:36,590 --> 00:16:38,687
- that she wanted an address.
- Mm-hmm.

324
00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:40,354
She wanted to
send me something.

325
00:16:40,489 --> 00:16:41,697
[Ingrid] Mm-hm.

326
00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:44,135
And, shortly after,

327
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:47,335
I received a note
in the mail and a letter...

328
00:16:48,998 --> 00:16:51,141
that the wife received
from Michelle,

329
00:16:52,404 --> 00:16:54,173
introducing herself

330
00:16:54,308 --> 00:16:56,179
and saying that it was her,

331
00:16:56,978 --> 00:16:58,542
Fred's daughter,

332
00:16:58,678 --> 00:17:00,975
who had been
in the burning house.

333
00:17:02,284 --> 00:17:05,449
"It was me he tried to save."

334
00:17:05,584 --> 00:17:09,851
"It was me for whom he died..."

335
00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:12,496
that's what Michelle
said to the wife.

336
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:13,990
That's insane!

337
00:17:14,126 --> 00:17:15,099
Yes.

338
00:17:19,169 --> 00:17:21,171
[cell phone ringtone playing]

339
00:17:23,102 --> 00:17:24,670
Hi!

340
00:17:24,806 --> 00:17:26,207
[Martha over phone]
<i>It's Martha, the nuisance.</i>

341
00:17:26,343 --> 00:17:28,172
[chuckles] You're not
a nuisance.

342
00:17:28,308 --> 00:17:29,713
How're you feeling?

343
00:17:29,848 --> 00:17:31,377
<i>Fine. I'm at home.</i>

344
00:17:31,512 --> 00:17:33,742
The hospital's given me
a few days off

345
00:17:33,878 --> 00:17:35,577
between treatments,
so I'm at home.

346
00:17:35,713 --> 00:17:37,649
I'd love for you to come over.

347
00:17:37,784 --> 00:17:40,551
Ooh, you've caught me
in the middle of moving.

348
00:17:40,687 --> 00:17:43,357
Oh, then you're
really busy, right?

349
00:17:43,493 --> 00:17:46,428
Um, well, you know
what moving's like.

350
00:17:46,563 --> 00:17:50,693
But, um, if you're feeling
lonely, I could stop by,

351
00:17:50,829 --> 00:17:52,365
we could take a walk
in the park.

352
00:17:52,501 --> 00:17:54,895
I might not be quite up
for a walk.

353
00:17:55,031 --> 00:17:58,066
Um, okay, you know what?
Let me, um...

354
00:17:58,201 --> 00:18:01,739
Let me finish what I'm doing
and I'll be right over.

355
00:18:01,874 --> 00:18:05,083
Thanks, sweetheart,
but don't feel obliged.

356
00:18:23,669 --> 00:18:25,730
[doorbell dings]

357
00:18:29,539 --> 00:18:32,769
- These are for you.
- You are a darling.

358
00:18:32,905 --> 00:18:34,303
And I've brought you
a couple of books.

359
00:18:34,439 --> 00:18:36,143
Oh! Thank you.

360
00:18:36,278 --> 00:18:37,440
You want something to drink?

361
00:18:37,575 --> 00:18:39,709
Oh. I'd love some tea.

362
00:18:39,844 --> 00:18:41,986
- Herbal tea if you have it.
- Sure.

363
00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,122
- I'll put these in a vase.
- Okay.

364
00:18:45,419 --> 00:18:47,858
And all of this is for you.

365
00:18:47,994 --> 00:18:49,420
You have to finish all of it.

366
00:18:49,556 --> 00:18:51,760
Wow! Well, I will do my best.

367
00:18:51,896 --> 00:18:53,390
I love fruit.

368
00:18:53,526 --> 00:18:55,265
[Martha and Ingrid laugh]

369
00:18:57,532 --> 00:18:58,999
Are you working
on something new?

370
00:18:59,135 --> 00:19:00,964
Um, yeah, actually I am.

371
00:19:01,099 --> 00:19:04,367
I'm doing research
on the painter Dora Carrington

372
00:19:04,503 --> 00:19:06,641
and her, um... Mm...

373
00:19:06,777 --> 00:19:09,439
...intense relationship with
the writer Lytton Strachey.

374
00:19:09,575 --> 00:19:11,573
- Mm-hm.
- Here he is.

375
00:19:11,708 --> 00:19:13,450
Uh, Strachey was gay,

376
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:18,485
so she married the straight man
that he was infatuated with.

377
00:19:18,620 --> 00:19:20,350
It's gonna be
the story of the trio.

378
00:19:20,486 --> 00:19:22,191
It isn't groundbreaking,

379
00:19:22,327 --> 00:19:23,693
but I want to see
where it takes me.

380
00:19:23,828 --> 00:19:25,323
Here, um, look.

381
00:19:25,459 --> 00:19:26,824
Um, unfortunately for her,

382
00:19:26,959 --> 00:19:29,297
there was another
more famous painter...

383
00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:30,793
- Leonora Carrington. Yeah.
- Yes,

384
00:19:30,928 --> 00:19:32,533
the surrealist
Leonora Carrington,

385
00:19:32,668 --> 00:19:34,667
whose name was obviously
very similar to hers.

386
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:36,966
[Ingrid] Um...

387
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:38,770
Dora...

388
00:19:39,737 --> 00:19:41,639
was better known for this

389
00:19:41,775 --> 00:19:44,039
bizarre love story
with Strachey.

390
00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:49,214
She devoted 17 years
of her life to him.

391
00:19:49,349 --> 00:19:50,549
- Wow.
- Mm.

392
00:19:50,685 --> 00:19:53,055
It'll be a fictionalized
biography, so...

393
00:19:53,191 --> 00:19:56,117
I'll make some stuff up, too.

394
00:19:56,252 --> 00:20:00,094
I've never been able
to allow myself that.

395
00:20:00,229 --> 00:20:03,064
Mm. Well, I hope not.

396
00:20:03,199 --> 00:20:04,933
You're a war reporter.

397
00:20:05,069 --> 00:20:07,062
Yeah, you have to...

398
00:20:07,197 --> 00:20:08,735
You know,
you can't show your emotions.

399
00:20:08,870 --> 00:20:12,706
You have to block them out
so you can do your job

400
00:20:12,841 --> 00:20:15,412
and stay in the present
in the middle of whatever hell.

401
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:17,947
Maybe I should write about you
and not Carrington.

402
00:20:18,083 --> 00:20:19,448
I don't think you'd enjoy

403
00:20:19,583 --> 00:20:21,284
writing about
illnesses and treatments.

404
00:20:21,420 --> 00:20:24,219
- Mm. You're wrong.
- I'm just a journalist,

405
00:20:24,355 --> 00:20:27,055
addicted to wars
and adrenaline.

406
00:20:27,191 --> 00:20:28,259
You think that's nothing?

407
00:20:30,622 --> 00:20:32,191
It wasn't all tragedy.

408
00:20:32,327 --> 00:20:33,693
You know, life went on.

409
00:20:35,766 --> 00:20:39,094
There was one report
when I added a bit of fiction.

410
00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:40,730
Really?

411
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:42,999
Actually, I never published it.

412
00:20:45,001 --> 00:20:46,904
It was during the war in Iraq.

413
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,378
<i>On the last day,
before we left Baghdad.</i>

414
00:20:50,514 --> 00:20:52,106
Are you sure
this is the right way?

415
00:20:52,242 --> 00:20:55,044
Yeah, just make a left here
in this alley.

416
00:20:56,384 --> 00:20:57,618
Let's make this brief.

417
00:21:01,156 --> 00:21:02,154
Here. Stop here.

418
00:21:02,289 --> 00:21:03,558
[brakes screech]

419
00:21:09,759 --> 00:21:10,697
[speaking Spanish]

420
00:21:12,504 --> 00:21:15,130
Martin, what are you doing
here in Baghdad?

421
00:21:17,374 --> 00:21:18,775
You look great. You really do.

422
00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:19,900
Thank you.

423
00:21:20,036 --> 00:21:21,835
Yeah, I'm sorry. Paco, Martin.

424
00:21:21,971 --> 00:21:23,347
He's a Carmelite, like me.

425
00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,275
Pleasure. Let me introduce you
to Martha.

426
00:21:25,410 --> 00:21:27,642
She is a brilliant journalist
from <i>The New York Times.</i>

427
00:21:27,777 --> 00:21:28,918
[speaking Spanish]

428
00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:30,117
They are the Carmelites

429
00:21:30,253 --> 00:21:31,419
I was telling you about.

430
00:21:31,554 --> 00:21:32,883
It's a pleasure
to meet you both.

431
00:21:33,019 --> 00:21:34,825
Are you intending
to stay in Baghdad?

432
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,189
Yes, here we are.

433
00:21:36,324 --> 00:21:37,857
But you're alone.

434
00:21:37,992 --> 00:21:40,298
All the NGOs and the Red Cross
have left already.

435
00:21:40,931 --> 00:21:42,165
I know.

436
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:44,065
The situation is
out of control.

437
00:21:44,201 --> 00:21:45,462
It's very dangerous.

438
00:21:45,598 --> 00:21:46,896
You're here as well.

439
00:21:47,032 --> 00:21:48,604
Yeah, but we're
just passing through.

440
00:21:48,740 --> 00:21:50,469
We're leaving as soon as
we finish talking to you.

441
00:21:50,604 --> 00:21:52,308
We can't let them down now,

442
00:21:52,444 --> 00:21:53,972
this is when the people
need us most.

443
00:21:54,107 --> 00:21:57,777
That's true, but it's still
extremely dangerous.

444
00:21:59,447 --> 00:22:01,108
But then you know that.

445
00:22:01,244 --> 00:22:03,354
We can't
let them down now, <i>señora.</i>

446
00:22:04,820 --> 00:22:06,322
Do you mind
if we take a photo of you

447
00:22:06,457 --> 00:22:08,221
and how the mission
has been left?

448
00:22:08,356 --> 00:22:09,627
[speaking Spanish]

449
00:22:09,762 --> 00:22:11,053
Okay.

450
00:22:11,189 --> 00:22:13,322
You can photograph
the mission and me,

451
00:22:13,458 --> 00:22:16,760
but he doesn't want to risk
his family in Spain seeing him.

452
00:22:16,896 --> 00:22:18,469
- They'd worry.
- Yeah, of course.

453
00:22:18,604 --> 00:22:20,035
Totally understand,
but if we could get one of you,

454
00:22:20,171 --> 00:22:21,368
that would be great.

455
00:22:21,503 --> 00:22:22,866
- [Bernardo] Okay.
- Sure.

456
00:22:23,002 --> 00:22:24,175
[mechanical whirring
in distance]

457
00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:25,673
- [Bernardo] Here?
- [Martin] Yeah.

458
00:22:25,808 --> 00:22:28,435
Just perhaps
a little tiny step closer...

459
00:22:28,570 --> 00:22:30,277
Yeah, that's fine,
so that I can see the impacts.

460
00:22:30,413 --> 00:22:31,349
[camera shutter clicking]

461
00:22:33,247 --> 00:22:34,209
[laughs]

462
00:22:36,187 --> 00:22:37,212
I think you have it.

463
00:22:39,817 --> 00:22:41,685
How long has it been...

464
00:22:41,821 --> 00:22:43,090
since we last saw each other?

465
00:22:43,225 --> 00:22:44,795
Five years.

466
00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:46,155
Five years.

467
00:22:47,294 --> 00:22:48,322
Wow.

468
00:22:49,695 --> 00:22:50,797
Do you remember Liberia?

469
00:22:51,697 --> 00:22:52,832
How could I forget?

470
00:22:54,970 --> 00:22:58,674
Look, I have some photos of you
that we didn't publish.

471
00:22:58,809 --> 00:23:00,703
If you give me an address,
I can send them to you.

472
00:23:00,838 --> 00:23:01,802
Maybe to the Embassy.

473
00:23:01,937 --> 00:23:03,642
No, you keep them.

474
00:23:03,777 --> 00:23:05,515
That way I'll keep you company.

475
00:23:06,643 --> 00:23:07,583
Okay.

476
00:23:10,047 --> 00:23:11,422
It was really great seeing you.

477
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:13,255
Take care.

478
00:23:13,390 --> 00:23:14,623
- Goodbye.
- Be safe.

479
00:23:19,463 --> 00:23:20,761
How do you know the Carmelite?

480
00:23:24,026 --> 00:23:25,062
We met in Sierra Leone.

481
00:23:27,370 --> 00:23:29,204
We became lovers there.

482
00:23:29,340 --> 00:23:30,936
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.

483
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:34,267
After that, we met more times.

484
00:23:34,403 --> 00:23:36,737
Always in places
that were at war.

485
00:23:36,872 --> 00:23:38,081
And you had sex?

486
00:23:38,216 --> 00:23:40,582
Well, of course, yeah.

487
00:23:40,718 --> 00:23:42,783
Bernardo never renounced
physical pleasure.

488
00:23:44,282 --> 00:23:47,051
He was always in
the most conflictive places.

489
00:23:47,186 --> 00:23:49,427
And I think that sex
was his best shield.

490
00:23:51,894 --> 00:23:54,227
I'm pretty sure
the Carmelite is his partner.

491
00:23:54,363 --> 00:23:55,426
You think so?

492
00:23:55,561 --> 00:23:57,666
Definitely.

493
00:23:57,801 --> 00:23:59,301
That is the only way
you can stay in Baghdad

494
00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:00,438
and not be afraid of the war.

495
00:24:01,835 --> 00:24:04,035
- What a wonderful story.
- Yup.

496
00:24:06,068 --> 00:24:07,033
Don't you dare write it.

497
00:24:07,169 --> 00:24:09,205
No, no, no, of course not.

498
00:24:12,075 --> 00:24:14,944
But how about sin for him?

499
00:24:15,079 --> 00:24:16,252
I mean, don't they feel guilty?

500
00:24:16,388 --> 00:24:18,116
After all, they are Catholic.

501
00:24:18,251 --> 00:24:20,216
Yeah, I don't know.
He never talked about that.

502
00:24:22,385 --> 00:24:24,954
With all the horrors
you see in war,

503
00:24:25,089 --> 00:24:26,693
feeling guilty about having sex

504
00:24:26,829 --> 00:24:27,993
doesn't really
carry much weight,

505
00:24:29,158 --> 00:24:30,193
you simply get used to it.

506
00:24:31,399 --> 00:24:32,470
I know that.

507
00:24:35,900 --> 00:24:37,507
I wrote their story,

508
00:24:37,642 --> 00:24:39,972
their love story,
as I imagined it,

509
00:24:41,237 --> 00:24:42,810
but it stayed in my computer.

510
00:24:45,016 --> 00:24:49,282
So, you're gonna write about
Dora Carrington's insane love.

511
00:24:49,417 --> 00:24:50,685
[Ingrid] Mm-hm.

512
00:24:50,820 --> 00:24:52,148
And her connection
to Virginia Woolf,

513
00:24:52,284 --> 00:24:55,290
who Strachey
also pursued romantically.

514
00:24:55,425 --> 00:24:56,786
[Martha] What a group!

515
00:24:56,922 --> 00:24:59,288
I so admire their freedom.

516
00:24:59,423 --> 00:25:01,022
[Ingrid] Strachey died
of stomach cancer

517
00:25:01,157 --> 00:25:03,325
18 years after meeting Dora

518
00:25:03,460 --> 00:25:06,194
and Dora survived him
by barely two months

519
00:25:06,330 --> 00:25:08,499
before she shot herself
in the stomach.

520
00:25:08,634 --> 00:25:11,169
She was only 38.

521
00:25:11,304 --> 00:25:14,308
I'm struck by the symmetry
of that kind of gesture,

522
00:25:14,443 --> 00:25:15,676
his stomach cancer

523
00:25:15,812 --> 00:25:17,741
and her shooting herself
in the stomach.

524
00:25:17,877 --> 00:25:20,180
I know, it struck me, too.

525
00:25:20,315 --> 00:25:24,550
I wonder what Virginia Woolf
thought of Carrington's death?

526
00:25:24,685 --> 00:25:27,156
Maybe Virginia saw...

527
00:25:27,291 --> 00:25:28,390
a kind of warning,

528
00:25:28,525 --> 00:25:31,051
a mirror that reflected her?

529
00:25:31,186 --> 00:25:32,387
As if they were fated?

530
00:25:34,993 --> 00:25:36,891
Do you think I'm fated, too?

531
00:25:37,026 --> 00:25:39,735
No! Of course not.

532
00:25:39,870 --> 00:25:42,331
I've never known anyone
more alive than you.

533
00:25:42,466 --> 00:25:45,002
This week I'm starting
a new experimental

534
00:25:45,138 --> 00:25:47,275
- immunotherapy treatment.
- Uh-huh.

535
00:25:47,411 --> 00:25:49,109
They've already tried it

536
00:25:49,245 --> 00:25:51,205
and it seems to work well
with cases of cervical cancer.

537
00:25:51,341 --> 00:25:54,013
- Well, that's great news!
- Yeah.

538
00:25:54,148 --> 00:25:55,382
Let me know
when I can come and visit you,

539
00:25:55,517 --> 00:25:56,686
- okay?
- I will.

540
00:25:59,019 --> 00:26:01,388
- Talking of symmetry...
- Mm-hmm?

541
00:26:01,523 --> 00:26:02,560
Do you remember...

542
00:26:03,591 --> 00:26:04,793
Damian Cunningham?

543
00:26:05,858 --> 00:26:07,662
How could I forget?

544
00:26:07,797 --> 00:26:10,265
I inherited him
from you. [laughs]

545
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,061
The shared lover.

546
00:26:12,196 --> 00:26:13,602
- Well, I...
- I have to say

547
00:26:13,738 --> 00:26:15,402
I felt terrible
when you got together

548
00:26:15,538 --> 00:26:16,770
after I'd been with him.

549
00:26:16,905 --> 00:26:18,375
Okay, we didn't
share him exactly

550
00:26:18,510 --> 00:26:19,707
because you'd already broken up

551
00:26:19,843 --> 00:26:20,805
and you were
out of the country.

552
00:26:20,941 --> 00:26:22,371
I would never go back with him

553
00:26:22,506 --> 00:26:25,274
and, to tell the truth,
I was never faithful.

554
00:26:25,410 --> 00:26:30,145
But he was a passionate
and enthusiastic lover

555
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,287
and I hope he was for you, too.

556
00:26:32,423 --> 00:26:33,452
I had no complaints.

557
00:26:33,587 --> 00:26:35,593
[both laughing]

558
00:26:37,287 --> 00:26:38,794
[people speaking indistinctly]

559
00:26:49,239 --> 00:26:50,234
Hi.

560
00:26:52,903 --> 00:26:53,908
What is it?

561
00:26:55,940 --> 00:26:56,944
It hasn't worked.

562
00:26:58,209 --> 00:27:00,209
I've got metastases in my liver

563
00:27:00,344 --> 00:27:02,147
- and in my bones.
- Oh, Martha.

564
00:27:02,282 --> 00:27:04,150
I should have followed
my first instinct.

565
00:27:04,286 --> 00:27:06,820
Should never have put myself
through this torture.

566
00:27:06,956 --> 00:27:09,390
This diarrhea,
vomiting, fatigue...

567
00:27:09,526 --> 00:27:11,618
to end up like this.

568
00:27:11,753 --> 00:27:13,822
I should never have given in
to false hope.

569
00:27:13,957 --> 00:27:15,258
Okay. Okay.

570
00:27:15,393 --> 00:27:17,164
All right,
what does the doctor say?

571
00:27:17,300 --> 00:27:18,468
Tell me.

572
00:27:18,603 --> 00:27:20,994
Oh, that I could
live for months,

573
00:27:21,130 --> 00:27:23,003
maybe a year.

574
00:27:23,138 --> 00:27:25,232
He wants me to continue
with the treatment,

575
00:27:25,368 --> 00:27:26,805
even though it looks hopeless.

576
00:27:26,941 --> 00:27:28,303
Maybe it will work this time.

577
00:27:28,439 --> 00:27:30,439
I don't wanna wallow
in self-pity.

578
00:27:36,522 --> 00:27:39,216
But I'm not a stoic. I'm sorry.

579
00:27:39,352 --> 00:27:43,453
I don't wanna go through
excruciating pain.

580
00:27:43,588 --> 00:27:45,993
You can't be self-possessed
if you're in agony.

581
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,961
You can't think straight.

582
00:27:49,096 --> 00:27:50,728
You can only think
of one thing...

583
00:27:50,864 --> 00:27:52,230
the fucking cancer.

584
00:27:52,863 --> 00:27:55,001
[sighs]

585
00:27:55,136 --> 00:27:56,707
I've always taken care
of my health,

586
00:27:57,737 --> 00:27:59,609
now I regret it.

587
00:27:59,745 --> 00:28:01,343
The doctor says
I have a strong heart.

588
00:28:01,479 --> 00:28:02,810
What does that mean?

589
00:28:02,946 --> 00:28:04,980
My body is just
gonna go on fighting...

590
00:28:05,115 --> 00:28:08,018
while I suffer and suffer
until my last breath?

591
00:28:08,153 --> 00:28:09,152
[sobs]

592
00:28:09,288 --> 00:28:10,347
I don't know.

593
00:28:12,316 --> 00:28:13,856
I don't know how to help you.

594
00:28:15,294 --> 00:28:16,353
I'm so sorry.

595
00:28:21,127 --> 00:28:23,558
I think I deserve a good death.

596
00:28:26,202 --> 00:28:29,738
At least one without
convulsions in my last moments.

597
00:28:29,874 --> 00:28:31,735
Going out with
a little bit of dignity,

598
00:28:31,871 --> 00:28:33,469
clean and dry.

599
00:28:36,210 --> 00:28:38,181
But I know
I'm asking too much...

600
00:28:38,316 --> 00:28:39,606
[door opens]

601
00:28:39,742 --> 00:28:40,581
[nurse] What are you
doing up, Martha?

602
00:28:40,716 --> 00:28:42,312
I'm fucking over this.

603
00:28:42,448 --> 00:28:44,244
- Can you help her, please?
- Of course.

604
00:28:44,380 --> 00:28:45,655
Let's get you back in bed.

605
00:28:45,791 --> 00:28:47,725
[Ingrid] Come on.
Let me help you.

606
00:28:49,118 --> 00:28:50,589
Bring it on.

607
00:28:50,724 --> 00:28:51,762
Here we go.

608
00:28:54,690 --> 00:28:56,626
I'll end up
turning into a junkie.

609
00:28:56,762 --> 00:28:57,928
[sighs]

610
00:28:58,064 --> 00:28:59,995
I am one already, I guess.

611
00:29:00,130 --> 00:29:02,835
It's okay. Really.

612
00:29:02,971 --> 00:29:04,940
[nurse] Here, this will help.

613
00:29:43,273 --> 00:29:44,309
Are you still here?

614
00:29:45,844 --> 00:29:46,817
Yes.

615
00:29:50,285 --> 00:29:52,185
Should I ask them
to bring your dinner?

616
00:29:53,622 --> 00:29:54,616
Are you hungry?

617
00:29:55,392 --> 00:29:56,354
No.

618
00:29:59,463 --> 00:30:00,457
Ingrid...

619
00:30:02,901 --> 00:30:04,962
Do you think
I need to say goodbye

620
00:30:05,097 --> 00:30:06,969
to my closest friends?

621
00:30:07,105 --> 00:30:09,334
I think you should do
whatever you wanna do.

622
00:30:10,466 --> 00:30:12,975
I just want peace and quiet.

623
00:30:14,806 --> 00:30:18,079
Have you thought about
how you wanna spend your time?

624
00:30:20,110 --> 00:30:21,818
And where?

625
00:30:21,954 --> 00:30:23,612
Is there some place
you'd like to go?

626
00:30:24,817 --> 00:30:25,823
Look.

627
00:30:31,396 --> 00:30:32,962
Pink snowflakes.

628
00:30:35,431 --> 00:30:38,528
There had to be something good
about climate change.

629
00:30:40,767 --> 00:30:41,795
Well...

630
00:30:43,432 --> 00:30:45,040
I've lived to see that.

631
00:30:50,115 --> 00:30:53,012
You remember the end
of Joyce's <i>The Dead?</i>

632
00:30:53,147 --> 00:30:54,852
[sniffles, voice breaks]
Vaguely.

633
00:30:56,313 --> 00:30:58,053
"The snow was falling,

634
00:30:59,782 --> 00:31:03,320
falling on
the lonely churchyard,

635
00:31:03,456 --> 00:31:06,391
falling faintly
through the universe.

636
00:31:08,666 --> 00:31:11,229
And faintly falling,

637
00:31:11,364 --> 00:31:14,498
like the descent
of their last end,

638
00:31:16,633 --> 00:31:21,373
on all
the living and the dead."

639
00:31:24,811 --> 00:31:25,747
[gulps]

640
00:31:25,882 --> 00:31:27,412
It's getting late and, uh...

641
00:31:28,718 --> 00:31:29,711
I should be going.

642
00:31:32,590 --> 00:31:33,583
[Ingrid sniffles]

643
00:31:37,792 --> 00:31:38,753
Thank you.

644
00:31:40,357 --> 00:31:41,899
I'll see you tomorrow.

645
00:31:42,994 --> 00:31:43,934
[kisses]

646
00:32:28,972 --> 00:32:31,642
There's still a half an hour
before the movie starts.

647
00:32:31,777 --> 00:32:33,917
Should we go in and get
our seats before the rush?

648
00:32:34,052 --> 00:32:36,085
No. I wanna talk to you
about something.

649
00:32:36,850 --> 00:32:38,219
Okay.

650
00:32:38,354 --> 00:32:40,781
I will not go out
in mortifying anguish.

651
00:32:40,917 --> 00:32:42,652
I've gotten hold
of a euthanasia pill.

652
00:32:43,551 --> 00:32:44,951
Don't ask me how,

653
00:32:45,086 --> 00:32:47,490
on the dark web
you can find almost anything.

654
00:32:47,626 --> 00:32:49,664
I also have
an abundance of opioids

655
00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:51,031
for the moments of pain.

656
00:32:51,166 --> 00:32:52,629
And don't look at me like that,

657
00:32:52,765 --> 00:32:54,730
I'm not asking you
to convince me otherwise.

658
00:32:55,697 --> 00:32:57,673
I don't know what to say.

659
00:32:57,809 --> 00:32:59,141
I'm hoping you'll say yes.

660
00:33:00,171 --> 00:33:01,678
Yes to what?

661
00:33:01,813 --> 00:33:03,508
To my asking you to help me.

662
00:33:04,242 --> 00:33:05,609
Help you what?

663
00:33:06,918 --> 00:33:09,479
I've faced death several times,

664
00:33:09,614 --> 00:33:11,747
but I've always
been accompanied.

665
00:33:11,882 --> 00:33:15,190
We reporters formed
a kind of mobile family.

666
00:33:17,124 --> 00:33:18,688
This is another war,

667
00:33:19,764 --> 00:33:21,031
I'm not afraid of it.

668
00:33:21,598 --> 00:33:22,789
But...

669
00:33:22,925 --> 00:33:24,958
like the other times
I faced death...

670
00:33:26,905 --> 00:33:28,863
I don't wanna be alone, Ingrid.

671
00:33:31,368 --> 00:33:32,735
I'm asking you...

672
00:33:33,679 --> 00:33:35,705
to be in the next room.

673
00:33:37,148 --> 00:33:38,774
I think we should
go get our seats.

674
00:33:38,909 --> 00:33:41,617
Yeah, sure, but I prefer
to go on talking to you,

675
00:33:41,752 --> 00:33:42,877
if you don't mind.

676
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:46,914
Okay. Um...

677
00:33:48,994 --> 00:33:50,489
Do you know when
you wanna do this?

678
00:33:51,453 --> 00:33:52,425
Not exactly.

679
00:33:53,488 --> 00:33:54,493
Within a month?

680
00:33:56,600 --> 00:34:00,565
Before I start to deteriorate
and you don't recognize me.

681
00:34:00,700 --> 00:34:04,530
These next weeks
I should be reasonably well,

682
00:34:04,666 --> 00:34:06,339
but I wanna do it soon.

683
00:34:06,475 --> 00:34:08,568
My doctors think that
I'm gonna return

684
00:34:08,704 --> 00:34:10,673
to complete the treatment.

685
00:34:10,809 --> 00:34:13,149
It's best they don't
suspect anything.

686
00:34:14,116 --> 00:34:15,883
Where do you wanna do it?

687
00:34:16,019 --> 00:34:17,285
I don't wanna be at home.

688
00:34:19,755 --> 00:34:22,719
And I don't wanna go back
to anywhere I've been happy.

689
00:34:25,263 --> 00:34:27,421
It's always a mistake
to return to some place

690
00:34:27,557 --> 00:34:29,089
you've been truly happy.

691
00:34:29,224 --> 00:34:31,525
You just ruin the good memories
of the first time.

692
00:34:31,660 --> 00:34:33,269
No, I understand that.

693
00:34:33,404 --> 00:34:36,568
I think it will be easier
for me to let myself go

694
00:34:36,703 --> 00:34:40,774
if I'm not surrounded
by familiar things,

695
00:34:40,909 --> 00:34:42,737
intimate things.

696
00:34:42,873 --> 00:34:44,906
I think that would
hold me back.

697
00:34:47,479 --> 00:34:50,450
I prefer some unknown place,

698
00:34:51,515 --> 00:34:53,387
comfortable and safe,

699
00:34:54,353 --> 00:34:56,718
and not too far away.

700
00:34:56,854 --> 00:34:58,959
Do you need my help
finding a place

701
00:34:59,095 --> 00:35:01,256
or getting you settled in?

702
00:35:01,391 --> 00:35:03,461
No, no, no.

703
00:35:03,596 --> 00:35:05,102
No, I can
take care of that part.

704
00:35:06,865 --> 00:35:09,733
What I need is somebody
to be there with me,

705
00:35:10,941 --> 00:35:12,406
in the room next door.

706
00:35:14,940 --> 00:35:16,811
Wouldn't you prefer
someone you're closer to?

707
00:35:16,946 --> 00:35:18,279
We're very close.

708
00:35:18,415 --> 00:35:20,349
No, yes, of course,
of course we are.

709
00:35:20,484 --> 00:35:22,779
[stammers] Oh, my God,
we're very close. I just...

710
00:35:22,915 --> 00:35:24,917
There were years where
we didn't see each other.

711
00:35:25,053 --> 00:35:25,985
[sharp inhale]

712
00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:27,580
What about Stella?

713
00:35:27,716 --> 00:35:28,954
[stammering] Or Maggie?

714
00:35:29,089 --> 00:35:30,490
Or Vanessa?

715
00:35:30,625 --> 00:35:32,192
You've all been friends
since you were kids.

716
00:35:32,328 --> 00:35:34,659
I admit I thought
of them first.

717
00:35:35,725 --> 00:35:37,398
I asked all three of them.

718
00:35:37,533 --> 00:35:40,797
They all were horrified
and they all said no.

719
00:35:42,137 --> 00:35:43,503
They understood it,

720
00:35:43,638 --> 00:35:45,469
but they said
they could never be a part

721
00:35:45,604 --> 00:35:47,434
of helping me take my own life.

722
00:35:47,569 --> 00:35:49,236
Absolutely not.

723
00:35:49,372 --> 00:35:51,313
- What about your daughter?
- It wouldn't be fair to her.

724
00:35:52,808 --> 00:35:54,809
I've been an absent mother.

725
00:35:54,945 --> 00:35:56,684
I don't wanna impose
my dying on her.

726
00:35:56,819 --> 00:36:00,989
You could at least consult her
and let her be a part of it.

727
00:36:01,124 --> 00:36:02,819
We're two strangers, Ingrid.

728
00:36:04,526 --> 00:36:06,260
She made that clear
when I told her

729
00:36:06,396 --> 00:36:08,121
about my doubts
about the treatment.

730
00:36:09,429 --> 00:36:11,168
"It's your choice" she said.

731
00:36:12,836 --> 00:36:13,962
And she's right.

732
00:36:14,606 --> 00:36:15,535
Right.

733
00:36:26,977 --> 00:36:28,581
- [horns blaring]
- [wind whooshing]

734
00:36:32,858 --> 00:36:36,193
[breathing heavily]

735
00:36:42,294 --> 00:36:44,397
No matter what,

736
00:36:44,532 --> 00:36:46,698
people want you
to keep fighting.

737
00:36:48,429 --> 00:36:52,165
This is the way we've
been taught to see cancer.

738
00:36:52,300 --> 00:36:57,377
As a fight...
between patient and disease,

739
00:36:57,513 --> 00:37:00,708
which is to say
between good and evil.

740
00:37:00,844 --> 00:37:02,945
If you survive, you're a hero.

741
00:37:04,086 --> 00:37:05,915
If you lose, well,

742
00:37:07,556 --> 00:37:09,358
perhaps you didn't
fight hard enough.

743
00:37:11,956 --> 00:37:13,720
People don't like
using words like

744
00:37:13,856 --> 00:37:16,999
"terminal" or "incurable."

745
00:37:17,135 --> 00:37:19,663
They call that defeatist talk.

746
00:37:19,798 --> 00:37:21,432
Some of the worst stuff
comes from

747
00:37:21,568 --> 00:37:24,065
the cancer support community.

748
00:37:24,201 --> 00:37:27,066
Some of them think
of your cancer as a gift,

749
00:37:27,202 --> 00:37:29,877
an opportunity
for spiritual growth.

750
00:37:30,012 --> 00:37:31,744
Bullshit!

751
00:37:31,879 --> 00:37:34,944
People should see
this is my way of fighting.

752
00:37:37,114 --> 00:37:40,257
Cancer can't get me
if I get me first.

753
00:37:43,020 --> 00:37:45,526
And what's the point
in waiting...

754
00:37:46,756 --> 00:37:48,089
when I'm so ready to go?

755
00:37:49,862 --> 00:37:52,062
Are you completely sure
you're ready?

756
00:37:52,198 --> 00:37:53,969
Totally.

757
00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:56,064
Since the first diagnosis.

758
00:37:58,201 --> 00:38:00,576
You know I have
a terrible fear of death.

759
00:38:00,712 --> 00:38:01,734
I know.

760
00:38:01,870 --> 00:38:03,146
I've read your book.

761
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,315
That's why
I didn't ask you first.

762
00:38:07,451 --> 00:38:08,983
But you understand me,
don't you?

763
00:38:09,119 --> 00:38:10,779
I do, I do. I envy you.

764
00:38:10,914 --> 00:38:12,587
You're in control of your life.

765
00:38:12,722 --> 00:38:15,958
I only need you to accompany me
the days leading to it,

766
00:38:16,094 --> 00:38:18,657
as if we were on vacation.

767
00:38:18,792 --> 00:38:21,297
I just wanna know that,
when it happens,

768
00:38:21,433 --> 00:38:23,459
there'll be someone
in the next room.

769
00:38:23,595 --> 00:38:25,064
It terrifies me, Martha.

770
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:26,633
I understand.

771
00:38:26,769 --> 00:38:28,035
I think that you have
every right to do this

772
00:38:28,171 --> 00:38:29,869
and I admire you for it,

773
00:38:30,005 --> 00:38:31,665
but I don't know that I can be
the one to find you dead.

774
00:38:31,801 --> 00:38:33,200
I'm not that strong.

775
00:38:33,335 --> 00:38:34,839
You're much stronger
than you think you are.

776
00:38:37,477 --> 00:38:39,943
Anyway, I had to try.

777
00:38:42,382 --> 00:38:43,845
[Ingrid sighs]

778
00:38:43,980 --> 00:38:45,585
I can't answer you now, Martha,

779
00:38:45,721 --> 00:38:47,148
but I promise you
I'll think about it.

780
00:38:47,284 --> 00:38:49,825
Right now I'm too confused
and too terrified.

781
00:38:49,961 --> 00:38:51,456
I understand.

782
00:38:51,591 --> 00:38:53,330
I understand it's sudden...

783
00:38:55,429 --> 00:38:57,092
and it's disconcerting.

784
00:39:01,666 --> 00:39:02,999
I'll think of someone.

785
00:39:13,483 --> 00:39:15,847
- I wasn't too much?
- No, no.

786
00:39:51,385 --> 00:39:53,214
[line ringing]

787
00:39:55,855 --> 00:39:57,917
- Martha?
- [Martha] <i>Hello, Ingrid.</i>

788
00:39:58,052 --> 00:39:59,396
I've made up my mind.

789
00:40:02,824 --> 00:40:03,763
Come on in.

790
00:40:05,096 --> 00:40:07,262
The owner is
a jewelry designer.

791
00:40:07,397 --> 00:40:10,136
She's a friend of mine,
so I don't pay much rent.

792
00:40:10,272 --> 00:40:11,804
[Damian] Mmm.

793
00:40:11,939 --> 00:40:13,802
You get the impression
it's been furnished

794
00:40:13,937 --> 00:40:15,845
with stuff from the garbage.

795
00:40:15,980 --> 00:40:18,243
Not everything.

796
00:40:18,378 --> 00:40:21,448
And it takes talent
to pick stuff
out of the garbage.

797
00:40:21,583 --> 00:40:23,912
You haven't finished moving in.

798
00:40:24,047 --> 00:40:26,181
- Do you want a hand?
- Uh...

799
00:40:26,914 --> 00:40:28,117
No. [sighs]

800
00:40:30,688 --> 00:40:33,055
I'll do it after.

801
00:40:33,191 --> 00:40:36,597
And even so,
you're going with Martha.

802
00:40:36,732 --> 00:40:40,460
[sighs] She is totally
alone, Damian.

803
00:40:40,595 --> 00:40:42,834
None of her friends
are helping her with this.

804
00:40:42,970 --> 00:40:46,069
She even told me
I wasn't her first choice.

805
00:40:46,204 --> 00:40:48,309
It's like her daughter
doesn't even exist.

806
00:40:48,444 --> 00:40:49,775
In the years I was with her,

807
00:40:49,911 --> 00:40:51,442
she never told me
she had a daughter.

808
00:40:51,577 --> 00:40:53,246
I know, it's a...

809
00:40:53,381 --> 00:40:54,714
It's a sad story.

810
00:40:54,850 --> 00:40:58,048
It's a terrible,
terrible misunderstanding.

811
00:41:01,351 --> 00:41:03,189
Have you told her
that we're in touch?

812
00:41:03,324 --> 00:41:05,925
Uh... No.

813
00:41:06,060 --> 00:41:08,531
Um, we talked about you
in a... in a general way.

814
00:41:08,666 --> 00:41:11,631
- She has nice memories of you.
- Oh. Really?

815
00:41:11,767 --> 00:41:14,131
Our relationship
was mostly physical.

816
00:41:14,266 --> 00:41:16,936
She was always about
to go off somewhere else,

817
00:41:17,071 --> 00:41:21,401
that's why our lovemaking
had that sense of urgency.

818
00:41:21,536 --> 00:41:23,775
It was like having sex
with a terrorist...

819
00:41:23,910 --> 00:41:25,406
it always felt
like the last time.

820
00:41:25,541 --> 00:41:27,779
Well, she rates you
pretty highly as a lover.

821
00:41:27,915 --> 00:41:29,476
I'd like to know
what rating you give me.

822
00:41:29,612 --> 00:41:31,785
Oh, I can't believe
you're still flirting with me.

823
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:34,457
- I'm serious.
- No, no, you're not serious.

824
00:41:34,592 --> 00:41:37,118
What's serious
is Martha's situation.

825
00:41:37,253 --> 00:41:39,627
And your being terrified
of death?

826
00:41:39,762 --> 00:41:41,663
You just published
a book about that.

827
00:41:41,798 --> 00:41:43,794
Have you overcome that,
thanks to the book?

828
00:41:43,929 --> 00:41:45,865
- No.
- [cell phone ringing]

829
00:41:54,771 --> 00:41:56,645
Hi. How are you?

830
00:41:57,278 --> 00:41:58,446
Better.

831
00:41:58,581 --> 00:42:01,207
Much better since you said yes.

832
00:42:01,342 --> 00:42:02,985
Where are you? Are you at home?

833
00:42:03,120 --> 00:42:04,218
<i>Yeah.</i>

834
00:42:04,354 --> 00:42:05,986
I'm watering the plants.

835
00:42:06,121 --> 00:42:08,551
Oh, I thought you had someone
who did that for you.

836
00:42:08,686 --> 00:42:10,320
<i>I do.</i>

837
00:42:10,455 --> 00:42:12,920
But today I felt like doing it
and I am enjoying it.

838
00:42:13,056 --> 00:42:15,225
[chuckles] <i>Okay. Good.</i>

839
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:19,431
Um, have you... Have you
decided where we're going?

840
00:42:19,567 --> 00:42:21,798
That's why I called.

841
00:42:21,934 --> 00:42:23,363
<i>It's, uh, near Woodstock,</i>

842
00:42:23,499 --> 00:42:25,404
<i>it's about two hours
from the city.</i>

843
00:42:25,540 --> 00:42:27,004
It looks fantastic.

844
00:42:27,139 --> 00:42:29,808
Uh, it's a bit expensive,
but, hey,

845
00:42:29,944 --> 00:42:32,307
the occasion
calls for it. [laughs]

846
00:42:33,615 --> 00:42:35,779
So, do you know how long...

847
00:42:35,914 --> 00:42:37,444
I've rented it for a month.

848
00:42:37,579 --> 00:42:40,053
That should give me
more than enough time.

849
00:42:40,189 --> 00:42:41,180
A month?

850
00:42:41,316 --> 00:42:43,555
<i>Yeah. My blood count's low</i>

851
00:42:43,691 --> 00:42:45,219
and I have to take a break

852
00:42:45,355 --> 00:42:46,792
before I start
the new treatment,

853
00:42:46,927 --> 00:42:48,090
and you're the only one
who knows

854
00:42:48,225 --> 00:42:50,523
I'm not going back
to the hospital.

855
00:42:50,658 --> 00:42:52,864
<i>It's not like
I've picked a date.</i>

856
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,902
I mean, you'll never
know it anyway.

857
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,268
But... I'm ready to go.

858
00:43:01,006 --> 00:43:03,576
I would even say I'm impatient.

859
00:43:03,712 --> 00:43:05,405
I'm gonna be giving a lecture

860
00:43:05,540 --> 00:43:07,480
near Woodstock at Bard
in two weeks,

861
00:43:07,616 --> 00:43:08,947
so we can see each other.

862
00:43:09,083 --> 00:43:10,816
Mmm, I don't think
that's a good idea,

863
00:43:10,952 --> 00:43:12,814
I'll be with Martha
all the time.

864
00:43:12,950 --> 00:43:15,082
I'll call you if I can.

865
00:43:15,218 --> 00:43:16,787
You're going to need a lawyer.

866
00:43:16,922 --> 00:43:18,894
Yes, I should look for one.

867
00:43:19,030 --> 00:43:22,055
Let me help you with that,
but I'll have to fill them in.

868
00:43:22,191 --> 00:43:24,597
No, no, in that case, no.

869
00:43:24,732 --> 00:43:26,029
This is an absolute secret.

870
00:43:26,165 --> 00:43:27,803
Martha doesn't even know
I've told you.

871
00:43:27,938 --> 00:43:30,805
Okay. But if you need anything,
you should let me know.

872
00:43:32,672 --> 00:43:33,973
I worry about you.

873
00:43:34,937 --> 00:43:35,909
Thank you.

874
00:44:19,146 --> 00:44:20,723
[birds chirping]

875
00:44:34,130 --> 00:44:35,969
According to this map,

876
00:44:36,104 --> 00:44:38,370
we go up these stairs
to enter the house.

877
00:44:38,505 --> 00:44:39,599
Okay.

878
00:45:05,026 --> 00:45:06,197
[beeps]

879
00:45:06,996 --> 00:45:08,331
[whirring]

880
00:45:09,131 --> 00:45:10,234
Look at this.

881
00:45:25,482 --> 00:45:27,715
[Martha] Wow,
it's so beautiful.

882
00:45:27,850 --> 00:45:31,090
It's so much more beautiful
than in the photographs.

883
00:45:34,861 --> 00:45:36,655
Is that a real Hopper?

884
00:45:36,791 --> 00:45:38,559
I don't think they would
have left it here.

885
00:45:39,470 --> 00:45:41,236
It's a very good copy.

886
00:45:41,372 --> 00:45:42,864
It looks real.

887
00:45:42,999 --> 00:45:44,807
[birds chirping]

888
00:45:53,683 --> 00:45:55,785
[birds continue chirping]

889
00:46:05,762 --> 00:46:07,528
- Do you hear them?
- Mm-hmm.

890
00:46:07,663 --> 00:46:08,864
Isn't that wonderful?

891
00:46:13,565 --> 00:46:16,630
And we can lie in the sun,
like in the Hopper,

892
00:46:18,137 --> 00:46:20,469
and catch the evening breeze.

893
00:46:21,710 --> 00:46:23,241
[breathing heavily]

894
00:46:26,109 --> 00:46:27,245
Are you okay?

895
00:46:29,716 --> 00:46:30,710
Very happy.

896
00:46:48,596 --> 00:46:50,463
Do you mind if I take this one?

897
00:46:50,598 --> 00:46:52,369
Of course not. It's your house.

898
00:46:56,111 --> 00:46:58,106
Mmm. This one
is a little small,

899
00:46:58,242 --> 00:46:59,447
I'm gonna look downstairs.

900
00:46:59,583 --> 00:47:00,476
[Martha] All right.

901
00:47:18,362 --> 00:47:20,463
I'm gonna take this one, okay?

902
00:47:21,295 --> 00:47:24,039
Very good!

903
00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:27,475
You don't mind that
I'm not in the room next door?

904
00:47:27,611 --> 00:47:29,571
I can hear you breathe!

905
00:47:30,513 --> 00:47:32,479
And yell!

906
00:47:32,614 --> 00:47:34,675
[chuckles] Okay!

907
00:47:43,020 --> 00:47:44,960
Here we go.

908
00:47:48,896 --> 00:47:50,695
Let's get you unpacked.

909
00:47:50,830 --> 00:47:51,824
Thank you.

910
00:47:52,702 --> 00:47:54,495
I'll unpack it later.

911
00:47:54,631 --> 00:47:56,767
You're not
my caretaker, Ingrid.

912
00:47:56,902 --> 00:47:58,072
You're my guest.

913
00:47:58,837 --> 00:47:59,939
Okay.

914
00:48:00,074 --> 00:48:02,769
Um... I'll go unpack my things.

915
00:48:17,457 --> 00:48:19,891
- [objects clattering]
- [Martha shouts]

916
00:48:20,027 --> 00:48:21,590
- Martha?
- [Martha shouts]

917
00:48:24,995 --> 00:48:26,699
[shouts]

918
00:48:26,834 --> 00:48:28,968
What is it, honey?

919
00:48:29,104 --> 00:48:30,471
- You won't believe it.
- What?

920
00:48:30,606 --> 00:48:31,640
I forgot it!

921
00:48:31,775 --> 00:48:33,202
[stammers] You forgot what?

922
00:48:33,338 --> 00:48:34,835
The pill, the euthanasia pill!

923
00:48:34,970 --> 00:48:37,102
I brought all the others!
We have to go back.

924
00:48:37,238 --> 00:48:39,212
Oh, it's okay, we'll go back
first thing in the morning.

925
00:48:39,347 --> 00:48:40,548
- No, not tomorrow!
- Don't worry about it.

926
00:48:40,683 --> 00:48:42,012
We have to go now!

927
00:48:42,147 --> 00:48:43,412
I just need to be sure

928
00:48:43,548 --> 00:48:45,886
that I didn't lose it
or misplace it,

929
00:48:46,021 --> 00:48:47,957
that I didn't just dream it up.

930
00:48:48,821 --> 00:48:49,684
Okay.

931
00:48:55,596 --> 00:48:58,396
Buying another pill would be
extremely complicated.

932
00:48:59,570 --> 00:49:00,903
[sighs softly]

933
00:49:01,039 --> 00:49:04,332
I have a friend
who knows a mathematician

934
00:49:04,468 --> 00:49:06,404
who found it on the dark web.

935
00:49:07,744 --> 00:49:09,778
It's all very sordid,

936
00:49:09,913 --> 00:49:12,146
not to mention totally illegal.

937
00:49:15,377 --> 00:49:17,213
It's scary...

938
00:49:17,348 --> 00:49:19,283
knowing that all that exists

939
00:49:19,419 --> 00:49:21,617
just behind
our computer screens.

940
00:49:24,090 --> 00:49:25,522
I feel like a criminal.

941
00:49:30,562 --> 00:49:32,965
I never thought
I'd be back here again.

942
00:49:33,100 --> 00:49:35,197
With that wonderful skyline.

943
00:49:35,333 --> 00:49:37,563
Life always surprises you.

944
00:49:37,699 --> 00:49:39,633
All right, let's get to work.

945
00:49:39,768 --> 00:49:41,105
- Okay.
- I'll start in the kitchen.

946
00:49:41,240 --> 00:49:42,771
Don't worry, we'll find it.

947
00:49:42,906 --> 00:49:44,106
Just, um... Just try to think
of all the places

948
00:49:44,242 --> 00:49:45,641
you usually hide things.

949
00:49:45,776 --> 00:49:47,315
This is the first thing
I have ever hidden.

950
00:49:47,451 --> 00:49:49,175
Really?

951
00:49:49,310 --> 00:49:51,519
The only thing I can remember
is I put it in an envelope.

952
00:49:51,654 --> 00:49:53,119
Okay. Uh...

953
00:49:53,254 --> 00:49:54,857
Why don't I start
in your office?

954
00:49:54,993 --> 00:49:56,619
- Is that okay? Okay.
- Yeah, yeah.

955
00:49:56,754 --> 00:49:58,885
Where did I put it?
Where did I put it?

956
00:50:17,776 --> 00:50:20,148
Oh, my God. [sighs]
We're never gonna find it.

957
00:51:34,682 --> 00:51:35,784
I found an envelope.

958
00:51:36,693 --> 00:51:37,621
That's it!

959
00:51:38,521 --> 00:51:39,484
Where did you find it?

960
00:51:39,620 --> 00:51:41,053
In your desk.

961
00:51:41,188 --> 00:51:43,964
There was key in a drawer
and I opened it.

962
00:51:44,099 --> 00:51:46,031
How could I have forgotten?

963
00:51:46,167 --> 00:51:47,897
I even left the key in it?

964
00:51:48,033 --> 00:51:49,803
Well, you meant to take it,
at the last minute, you forgot.

965
00:51:49,938 --> 00:51:51,140
It's not so weird.

966
00:51:53,435 --> 00:51:54,638
Thank you.

967
00:51:55,704 --> 00:51:57,674
Such a strange sensation.

968
00:51:59,073 --> 00:52:00,913
It's like being here
after I'm dead.

969
00:52:01,049 --> 00:52:03,242
Oh, God, don't say that.

970
00:52:03,378 --> 00:52:05,847
It's too soon for you to
refer to yourself as a ghost.

971
00:52:07,455 --> 00:52:09,591
Let me straighten up
before we leave.

972
00:52:09,726 --> 00:52:10,819
Thank you.

973
00:53:02,637 --> 00:53:03,872
[door closes]

974
00:53:05,610 --> 00:53:07,815
Forgive me for all this hassle.

975
00:53:07,950 --> 00:53:09,146
I'm sorry, really.

976
00:53:09,281 --> 00:53:11,812
[sighs] It's okay.

977
00:53:11,948 --> 00:53:14,322
What a great place
to return to.

978
00:53:15,958 --> 00:53:17,858
Stupid fridge.

979
00:53:17,994 --> 00:53:19,294
You need some help?

980
00:53:22,128 --> 00:53:22,957
I got it.

981
00:53:30,203 --> 00:53:32,065
You know, maybe...

982
00:53:32,200 --> 00:53:34,771
leaving the pill behind
was a kind of a sign?

983
00:53:36,479 --> 00:53:38,379
Maybe you're not as ready
as you think.

984
00:53:40,911 --> 00:53:43,175
I told you never to say
that to me.

985
00:53:45,047 --> 00:53:46,651
I don't remember
you telling me that.

986
00:53:49,657 --> 00:53:51,590
I think I've said
so many things to you.

987
00:53:53,154 --> 00:53:56,762
That's the problem
with chemo brain.

988
00:53:56,898 --> 00:54:00,434
My memory keeps failing me
and I get distracted so easily.

989
00:54:02,671 --> 00:54:06,106
It can continue even
after the treatment stops

990
00:54:06,241 --> 00:54:07,903
and it can go on for years.

991
00:54:09,036 --> 00:54:10,807
I'll be spared that, at least.

992
00:54:13,674 --> 00:54:14,910
When I write...

993
00:54:16,116 --> 00:54:17,110
When I wrote...

994
00:54:19,081 --> 00:54:21,951
I had to proofread
a thousand times.

995
00:54:22,086 --> 00:54:24,383
I can't trust my judgement
about anything anymore.

996
00:54:24,519 --> 00:54:26,227
Well...

997
00:54:26,363 --> 00:54:29,693
Then why do you trust
this decision?

998
00:54:29,829 --> 00:54:32,026
How do you know
it's not chemo brain, too?

999
00:54:33,865 --> 00:54:35,761
I've left the pill
in the top drawer

1000
00:54:35,896 --> 00:54:37,933
of the bedside table.

1001
00:54:38,068 --> 00:54:41,007
If I forget,
which I don't think I will,

1002
00:54:41,143 --> 00:54:43,235
you will remind me.

1003
00:54:43,370 --> 00:54:46,579
And I prefer not to talk
about this anymore.

1004
00:54:46,714 --> 00:54:49,483
Well, it's my business, too,
don't you think?

1005
00:54:53,087 --> 00:54:54,488
Sure. Of course.

1006
00:54:56,955 --> 00:54:59,252
I'll leave a signed letter
for the police

1007
00:54:59,388 --> 00:55:02,589
telling them everything,
including the name of the pill

1008
00:55:02,725 --> 00:55:04,199
and where I got it.

1009
00:55:04,334 --> 00:55:08,426
Your name will not
appear anywhere.

1010
00:55:08,562 --> 00:55:12,270
All you have to do is to say
that you know nothing.

1011
00:55:12,405 --> 00:55:15,036
Don't budge from that.

1012
00:55:15,172 --> 00:55:17,144
I don't wanna give you
any more information.

1013
00:55:17,280 --> 00:55:18,776
The less you know, the better.

1014
00:55:20,776 --> 00:55:22,582
And this is important.

1015
00:55:28,225 --> 00:55:30,457
I'll sleep with my door open,

1016
00:55:30,593 --> 00:55:33,492
and the day
that you find it closed...

1017
00:55:33,628 --> 00:55:36,064
is the day
it's already happened.

1018
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:38,290
That's the sign, door closed.

1019
00:55:44,272 --> 00:55:45,968
I know it's difficult.

1020
00:55:48,808 --> 00:55:50,643
But just think
we're on vacation.

1021
00:55:52,350 --> 00:55:56,208
You can write,
we can come and go...

1022
00:55:56,344 --> 00:55:58,112
I don't think I'll
be able to concentrate.

1023
00:56:00,451 --> 00:56:01,685
And if I write,

1024
00:56:01,820 --> 00:56:02,947
you might show up
in it somewhere

1025
00:56:03,083 --> 00:56:04,391
and I don't wanna do that.

1026
00:56:04,527 --> 00:56:07,259
Yeah. That could
complicate your life

1027
00:56:07,395 --> 00:56:09,162
if the police investigate.

1028
00:56:09,298 --> 00:56:10,492
Well, I'm not gonna do it.

1029
00:56:10,628 --> 00:56:11,864
Wait till I'm dead.

1030
00:56:12,000 --> 00:56:14,095
Oh, God!

1031
00:56:14,230 --> 00:56:17,736
Can you not say,
"Wait until I'm dead," please?

1032
00:56:20,372 --> 00:56:21,443
I promise.

1033
00:56:24,109 --> 00:56:25,544
I'd like to find a gym
somewhere around here

1034
00:56:25,680 --> 00:56:27,240
that I can go to
a couple of days a week.

1035
00:56:29,615 --> 00:56:30,747
I'm the only one who eats

1036
00:56:30,882 --> 00:56:31,910
and I don't want
to gain ten pounds

1037
00:56:32,045 --> 00:56:32,988
while you waste away.

1038
00:56:33,123 --> 00:56:34,549
Oh, give me a chance.

1039
00:56:34,685 --> 00:56:35,853
I'll catch up with you.

1040
00:56:39,590 --> 00:56:40,891
Look, I'm eating.

1041
00:56:43,229 --> 00:56:45,764
[Ingrid] <i>I have practically
held death in my hands.</i>

1042
00:56:47,728 --> 00:56:50,703
<i>I never imagined it would be
something so light.</i>

1043
00:57:26,877 --> 00:57:27,872
Martha?

1044
00:57:29,342 --> 00:57:30,875
[water running]

1045
00:57:32,347 --> 00:57:33,277
[Martha] Good morning.

1046
00:57:33,413 --> 00:57:35,050
Good morning.

1047
00:57:35,185 --> 00:57:36,309
I'm making breakfast.

1048
00:57:37,616 --> 00:57:38,647
You want some toast?

1049
00:57:38,782 --> 00:57:40,586
No, just some coffee.

1050
00:57:40,722 --> 00:57:41,990
Help yourself.
It's already made.

1051
00:57:42,126 --> 00:57:44,421
There's juice, fruit...

1052
00:57:44,556 --> 00:57:45,791
whatever you want.

1053
00:57:51,393 --> 00:57:54,635
My behavior yesterday
was unacceptable.

1054
00:57:54,771 --> 00:57:58,772
I completely understand
that it drove you crazy.

1055
00:57:58,907 --> 00:58:02,236
But in my current state,
I can't make any promises.

1056
00:58:03,246 --> 00:58:04,403
So, just in case...

1057
00:58:07,310 --> 00:58:10,614
I put a medium-range sedative
in this drawer.

1058
00:58:10,750 --> 00:58:12,310
And if you find me unbearable,

1059
00:58:12,446 --> 00:58:15,852
you just have one
and you can relax.

1060
00:58:15,988 --> 00:58:17,321
I could have
used that last night.

1061
00:58:17,456 --> 00:58:19,223
[laughs] You...

1062
00:58:19,359 --> 00:58:22,161
You're one of a kind, Martha.
You really... You really are.

1063
00:58:22,296 --> 00:58:23,826
[birds chirping]

1064
00:58:23,961 --> 00:58:25,826
I've made a list
of stuff to buy.

1065
00:58:25,961 --> 00:58:27,261
We need a few things.

1066
00:58:28,804 --> 00:58:30,264
Is there anything
you want me to get?

1067
00:58:31,569 --> 00:58:32,673
Don't think so.

1068
00:58:34,106 --> 00:58:35,643
Do you wanna come
to the store with me?

1069
00:58:37,642 --> 00:58:39,311
Maybe another day.

1070
00:58:39,446 --> 00:58:41,911
It's so nice here.

1071
00:58:42,046 --> 00:58:44,217
I'd like to stay
if you don't mind.

1072
00:58:44,352 --> 00:58:45,686
No, of course not.

1073
00:58:47,951 --> 00:58:50,915
I found a gym nearby, too.

1074
00:58:51,051 --> 00:58:52,393
That's great.

1075
00:58:52,529 --> 00:58:54,222
I think that's
a very good idea.

1076
00:58:57,530 --> 00:59:00,063
Okay, well...

1077
00:59:00,198 --> 00:59:02,395
I have my phone with me
if you need anything.

1078
00:59:03,272 --> 00:59:04,463
Thanks, love.

1079
00:59:10,981 --> 00:59:12,207
[sighs]

1080
00:59:20,353 --> 00:59:21,588
Hi.

1081
00:59:21,724 --> 00:59:22,915
I was hoping I could use
the gym today.

1082
00:59:23,050 --> 00:59:24,383
Are you a member?

1083
00:59:24,519 --> 00:59:25,891
Uh, no. I'm just in town
for a little bit.

1084
00:59:26,026 --> 00:59:27,460
If you use one of our
personal trainers,

1085
00:59:27,596 --> 00:59:29,059
you don't need to be a member.

1086
00:59:29,195 --> 00:59:31,497
Um, okay. I'll use
one of your trainers then.

1087
00:59:31,633 --> 00:59:33,228
You'll like Jonah, you'll see.

1088
00:59:34,169 --> 00:59:35,704
Thanks.

1089
00:59:35,839 --> 00:59:37,996
So, would you like to start
a warm up doing steps?

1090
00:59:38,132 --> 00:59:39,773
- Okay.
- Is okay?

1091
00:59:39,908 --> 00:59:42,943
Do you think you can do this
for 30 seconds?

1092
00:59:43,078 --> 00:59:45,713
- Um, sure. All right.
- Okay, go for it. Have a try.

1093
00:59:46,779 --> 00:59:49,242
And we are on. Okay, nice.

1094
00:59:49,377 --> 00:59:50,616
- Keep focus on your leg.
- Mmm-hmm.

1095
00:59:50,751 --> 00:59:52,244
And, if you can,
move your arm...

1096
00:59:52,380 --> 00:59:53,721
- Okay.
- Okay, with each step.

1097
00:59:54,949 --> 00:59:56,658
And we are done.

1098
00:59:56,793 --> 00:59:59,624
Nice. You're pretty strong,
you young lady.

1099
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:01,456
[panting] What I am is winded.

1100
01:00:01,592 --> 01:00:04,129
Well, if you want, there are
other variations we can do.

1101
01:00:04,265 --> 01:00:05,533
[pants]

1102
01:00:05,669 --> 01:00:07,367
I mean, you can go try
like this.

1103
01:00:07,503 --> 01:00:09,097
You can go back and forth.

1104
01:00:09,233 --> 01:00:12,100
Or you can jump on it
and go left

1105
01:00:12,235 --> 01:00:14,905
and right or back
and on the box.

1106
01:00:15,041 --> 01:00:16,673
- Okay. Okay.
- Have a try one more.

1107
01:00:16,809 --> 01:00:19,910
- [panting]
- Nice.

1108
01:00:20,046 --> 01:00:21,306
- Focus on your core here.
- Uh-huh.

1109
01:00:21,441 --> 01:00:24,119
And breathe. [breathing deeply]

1110
01:00:24,254 --> 01:00:26,082
Inhale and exhale.

1111
01:00:26,217 --> 01:00:28,585
- [panting]
- [Jonah breathing deeply]

1112
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:29,750
Perfect. One more.

1113
01:00:29,885 --> 01:00:31,385
[panting]

1114
01:00:33,957 --> 01:00:34,993
Is everything okay?

1115
01:00:35,726 --> 01:00:37,391
[panting]

1116
01:00:40,365 --> 01:00:43,100
When the body's in great shape,
it takes longer to die.

1117
01:00:45,638 --> 01:00:47,270
When death comes,

1118
01:00:47,406 --> 01:00:50,479
the mind wants to go,
but the body keeps fighting.

1119
01:00:50,614 --> 01:00:53,341
Heart beating "no"
with every beat.

1120
01:00:54,117 --> 01:00:55,541
Well...

1121
01:00:55,676 --> 01:00:58,685
all the more reason
to look after yourself.

1122
01:00:58,821 --> 01:01:00,121
I live with a friend
who's dying.

1123
01:01:00,256 --> 01:01:01,283
I'm sorry.

1124
01:01:02,458 --> 01:01:04,319
Come. Let's have a seat.

1125
01:01:05,052 --> 01:01:05,925
Come here.

1126
01:01:08,155 --> 01:01:10,157
[sighs, sniffles]

1127
01:01:10,293 --> 01:01:12,195
Is there anything
that I can do?

1128
01:01:15,138 --> 01:01:16,672
[sighs]

1129
01:01:18,509 --> 01:01:20,907
I wish I could give you a hug,

1130
01:01:21,042 --> 01:01:23,006
but we're not allowed
to touch clients anymore

1131
01:01:23,142 --> 01:01:25,373
because of the lawsuits
and whatever.

1132
01:01:28,682 --> 01:01:31,017
And it's a problem,

1133
01:01:31,152 --> 01:01:32,879
because it can be hard
to correct people's posture

1134
01:01:33,014 --> 01:01:34,785
with just words,

1135
01:01:34,921 --> 01:01:36,725
and touching is so important.

1136
01:01:38,090 --> 01:01:40,551
This world
is absurd and inhumane.

1137
01:01:40,687 --> 01:01:42,995
I don't see it improving
any time soon.

1138
01:01:45,360 --> 01:01:47,564
But thank you, I feel hugged.

1139
01:01:47,699 --> 01:01:48,869
[chuckles]

1140
01:01:54,570 --> 01:01:57,736
Oh, I've been meaning
to read this book.

1141
01:01:57,871 --> 01:02:00,611
Isn't it a wonderful title?
<i>Erotic Vagrancy.</i>

1142
01:02:00,747 --> 01:02:01,849
Do you wanna buy it?

1143
01:02:04,049 --> 01:02:05,754
I won't have time to finish it.

1144
01:02:12,652 --> 01:02:14,558
I like the way
it's laid out here.

1145
01:02:14,694 --> 01:02:15,658
[Ingrid] Mmm.

1146
01:02:15,793 --> 01:02:17,264
Oh, look.

1147
01:02:17,399 --> 01:02:18,657
Martha Gellhorn.

1148
01:02:19,702 --> 01:02:21,198
<i>The View from the Ground.</i>

1149
01:02:23,699 --> 01:02:27,906
She wrote that you only ever
truly love one war,

1150
01:02:28,042 --> 01:02:29,976
after that you're just
doing your duty.

1151
01:02:32,240 --> 01:02:33,606
Which one was yours?

1152
01:02:35,276 --> 01:02:37,214
Bosnia, without a doubt.

1153
01:02:42,992 --> 01:02:45,727
The fight to survive
by the Bosnian people

1154
01:02:45,862 --> 01:02:48,760
against a perfectly
equipped army...

1155
01:02:48,896 --> 01:02:50,390
stole the hearts of all of us

1156
01:02:50,526 --> 01:02:52,933
who witnessed
the extermination.

1157
01:02:53,068 --> 01:02:55,969
There are very few women
war correspondents.

1158
01:02:57,199 --> 01:02:59,631
War is a man's thing.

1159
01:02:59,767 --> 01:03:01,841
You have to sort of become
one of the guys

1160
01:03:01,977 --> 01:03:03,808
and it was never
a problem for me,

1161
01:03:03,944 --> 01:03:06,112
I've always lived like a man.

1162
01:03:06,247 --> 01:03:11,083
Actually, I think
what Michelle really missed...

1163
01:03:11,218 --> 01:03:13,745
was having a maternal figure
in her life.

1164
01:03:14,723 --> 01:03:17,887
And in this, I must admit

1165
01:03:18,022 --> 01:03:19,923
she... she was right.

1166
01:03:20,059 --> 01:03:21,588
Don't be so hard on yourself.

1167
01:03:26,461 --> 01:03:29,261
Hey, look who's coming to town!

1168
01:03:29,396 --> 01:03:31,263
The life of the party!

1169
01:03:31,399 --> 01:03:33,271
<i>"How bad can it get?</i>

1170
01:03:33,406 --> 01:03:35,167
<i>Navigating urban life
with integrity."</i>

1171
01:03:35,303 --> 01:03:36,669
You feel like going?

1172
01:03:36,804 --> 01:03:38,176
No, you know what?
I've heard it already

1173
01:03:38,311 --> 01:03:40,079
and it's not an evening
I'd like to repeat.

1174
01:03:40,214 --> 01:03:42,476
We all have our own
personal apocalypses.

1175
01:03:42,611 --> 01:03:44,312
Are you having
an awful time with me?

1176
01:03:44,448 --> 01:03:47,016
No, no, I meant him,
his lecture.

1177
01:03:47,152 --> 01:03:48,915
Global crisis, climate change.

1178
01:03:49,050 --> 01:03:49,924
Yeah.

1179
01:03:50,425 --> 01:03:51,524
Hi.

1180
01:03:51,659 --> 01:03:52,685
I love your hair.

1181
01:03:53,395 --> 01:03:54,357
Nice.

1182
01:04:05,469 --> 01:04:08,468
When the nightmares
come rushing in,

1183
01:04:08,604 --> 01:04:11,106
I think about
all the men I've loved.

1184
01:04:11,242 --> 01:04:12,678
[chuckles] Sounds like a song.

1185
01:04:12,813 --> 01:04:14,612
[chuckles] A good one.

1186
01:04:14,748 --> 01:04:15,774
[both chuckle]

1187
01:04:17,150 --> 01:04:19,118
Even if it was
just for one night.

1188
01:04:20,518 --> 01:04:23,320
[sighs] Sometimes I think
about Damian.

1189
01:04:28,393 --> 01:04:30,590
I still think
sex is the best way

1190
01:04:30,726 --> 01:04:32,824
to fend off looming thoughts
of death.

1191
01:04:34,397 --> 01:04:36,498
Like those Spanish Carmelites.

1192
01:04:38,537 --> 01:04:41,342
Wars turned me into
a promiscuous woman, Ingrid.

1193
01:04:41,478 --> 01:04:42,834
Good. [laughs]

1194
01:04:44,838 --> 01:04:46,173
Are you still
in touch with him?

1195
01:04:46,308 --> 01:04:48,411
- With who?
- Damian.

1196
01:04:49,550 --> 01:04:51,148
Um...

1197
01:04:51,284 --> 01:04:52,679
You know...
Um, from time to time.

1198
01:04:55,286 --> 01:04:57,849
"How bad can it get?" [scoffs]

1199
01:04:59,693 --> 01:05:01,457
Well... [sighs]

1200
01:05:01,592 --> 01:05:04,757
much worse than you imagine,
Damian, honey.

1201
01:05:08,503 --> 01:05:09,465
Hey.

1202
01:05:10,573 --> 01:05:11,566
You all right?

1203
01:05:12,675 --> 01:05:13,942
I was trying to write.

1204
01:05:15,411 --> 01:05:16,406
I can't.

1205
01:05:19,545 --> 01:05:23,715
In this war, I'm incapable
of writing anything.

1206
01:05:23,851 --> 01:05:24,876
What about reading?

1207
01:05:26,182 --> 01:05:27,186
You love to read.

1208
01:05:27,919 --> 01:05:29,089
I've tried.

1209
01:05:30,918 --> 01:05:33,291
I've tried with some
of my favorite writers.

1210
01:05:35,526 --> 01:05:37,966
The spell just isn't
there anymore.

1211
01:05:40,737 --> 01:05:42,498
I'm talking about Faulkner,

1212
01:05:43,935 --> 01:05:45,039
Hemingway...

1213
01:05:46,940 --> 01:05:48,372
I can't concentrate.

1214
01:05:49,936 --> 01:05:53,278
My mind just flies off
into the void.

1215
01:05:54,574 --> 01:05:56,116
If you're too tired,

1216
01:05:57,621 --> 01:05:58,646
I could read to you.

1217
01:06:01,756 --> 01:06:02,914
Not just reading,

1218
01:06:04,321 --> 01:06:06,291
all pleasure's been reduced.

1219
01:06:08,895 --> 01:06:10,128
It's hard to know

1220
01:06:10,264 --> 01:06:12,462
what to pay attention
to anymore.

1221
01:06:15,595 --> 01:06:16,928
I have very little time

1222
01:06:18,072 --> 01:06:19,403
and I don't want to waste it.

1223
01:06:21,577 --> 01:06:23,011
Okay. Um...

1224
01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:29,875
What about music?

1225
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:35,618
I can only listen
to the birds singing.

1226
01:06:35,754 --> 01:06:38,856
Well, luckily, they give us
a serenade every day.

1227
01:06:38,992 --> 01:06:42,020
Music decenters me.

1228
01:06:42,156 --> 01:06:44,963
It comes between me
and whatever it is I'm doing,

1229
01:06:45,098 --> 01:06:46,628
even if it's just thinking.

1230
01:06:48,269 --> 01:06:51,197
Maybe the chemo
is affecting my hearing.

1231
01:06:51,332 --> 01:06:53,635
Oh, honey.

1232
01:06:53,771 --> 01:06:56,671
I've been reduced
to very little of myself.

1233
01:07:05,155 --> 01:07:08,221
I long for some peace
of body and mind.

1234
01:07:11,019 --> 01:07:14,161
And to just talk whenever
I'm invaded by memory.

1235
01:07:15,391 --> 01:07:16,623
Am I talking too much?

1236
01:07:16,758 --> 01:07:18,731
No, no, no, no.
Talk all you want,

1237
01:07:18,867 --> 01:07:20,326
I love listening to you.

1238
01:07:20,462 --> 01:07:22,169
[crickets chirping]

1239
01:07:26,004 --> 01:07:27,405
[birds chirping]

1240
01:08:18,661 --> 01:08:19,886
[sniffling]

1241
01:08:38,573 --> 01:08:40,148
[breathing heavily]

1242
01:08:42,377 --> 01:08:43,514
[sniffles]

1243
01:08:47,888 --> 01:08:49,421
[birds chirping]

1244
01:09:17,984 --> 01:09:19,286
[birds chirping]

1245
01:09:31,767 --> 01:09:33,168
[sobbing]

1246
01:09:39,942 --> 01:09:41,638
[continues sobbing]

1247
01:09:55,386 --> 01:09:58,391
[continues sobbing]

1248
01:10:05,196 --> 01:10:06,999
What's going on?

1249
01:10:07,135 --> 01:10:08,698
- What's wrong?
- [gasps]

1250
01:10:11,330 --> 01:10:13,637
Your door was closed,
so I thought you...

1251
01:10:15,174 --> 01:10:17,536
Oh, I'm so sorry.

1252
01:10:17,671 --> 01:10:18,904
I opened a window

1253
01:10:19,040 --> 01:10:21,748
and the breeze
must have closed it.

1254
01:10:21,883 --> 01:10:23,009
Oh, my God!

1255
01:10:24,787 --> 01:10:25,748
[sniffling]

1256
01:10:30,326 --> 01:10:32,023
Do you think it's fair
to be mad at me

1257
01:10:32,159 --> 01:10:33,756
because I'm still alive?

1258
01:10:37,132 --> 01:10:39,091
Think of it as a rehearsal.

1259
01:10:40,697 --> 01:10:42,435
Now you know how it's gonna be.

1260
01:10:43,733 --> 01:10:45,471
You know how you're gonna feel.

1261
01:10:47,200 --> 01:10:49,408
You're gonna have
to make some calls

1262
01:10:49,544 --> 01:10:52,980
and act out all the things
we talked about.

1263
01:10:53,116 --> 01:10:54,942
And you never knew anything...

1264
01:10:56,019 --> 01:10:57,246
and we were on vacation...

1265
01:10:57,381 --> 01:10:59,078
Please, just stop!

1266
01:11:00,888 --> 01:11:02,054
Okay.

1267
01:11:02,190 --> 01:11:03,588
[bugle call playing on TV]

1268
01:11:09,022 --> 01:11:11,024
[whimsical music playing on TV]

1269
01:11:30,720 --> 01:11:32,085
[laughs]

1270
01:11:32,220 --> 01:11:33,717
[tense music playing on TV]

1271
01:11:47,264 --> 01:11:48,468
[laughs]

1272
01:12:03,984 --> 01:12:05,177
[whirs]

1273
01:12:11,787 --> 01:12:13,152
Should we call it a night?

1274
01:12:14,159 --> 01:12:15,694
Oh!

1275
01:12:15,829 --> 01:12:18,091
Or does the young lady
wanna keep watching movies?

1276
01:12:19,765 --> 01:12:22,667
Did you tell me
that they have <i>The Dead?</i>

1277
01:12:23,897 --> 01:12:25,004
Or did I dream that?

1278
01:12:25,140 --> 01:12:27,105
Yeah, they have it.

1279
01:12:27,241 --> 01:12:29,201
Um, you wanna watch it?

1280
01:12:30,011 --> 01:12:31,109
Yes, please.

1281
01:12:31,245 --> 01:12:32,644
[Ingrid] Here we go.

1282
01:12:35,313 --> 01:12:36,351
Here we go.

1283
01:12:43,456 --> 01:12:46,724
[somber music playing on TV]

1284
01:12:46,859 --> 01:12:49,891
[Gabriel on TV]
<i>Yes, the newspapers are right.</i>

1285
01:12:50,027 --> 01:12:53,832
<i>Snow is general
all over Ireland.</i>

1286
01:12:53,967 --> 01:12:57,697
<i>Falling on every part
of the dark central plain,</i>

1287
01:12:57,832 --> 01:12:59,737
<i>on the treeless hills.</i>

1288
01:13:00,969 --> 01:13:04,071
<i>Softly upon the Bog of Allen</i>

1289
01:13:04,206 --> 01:13:07,942
<i>and farther westward,
softly falling</i>

1290
01:13:08,077 --> 01:13:13,048
<i>into the dark mutinous
Shannon waves.</i>

1291
01:13:13,183 --> 01:13:16,215
<i>One by one,
we're all becoming shades.</i>

1292
01:13:18,660 --> 01:13:21,890
- [softly repeating]
<i>- Snow is falling,</i>

1293
01:13:22,025 --> 01:13:24,256
<i>falling in
that lonely churchyard</i>

1294
01:13:24,391 --> 01:13:26,258
<i>where Michael Furey
lies buried.</i>

1295
01:13:28,132 --> 01:13:30,334
<i>Falling faintly
through the universe</i>

1296
01:13:30,470 --> 01:13:33,540
<i>and faintly falling,</i>

1297
01:13:33,675 --> 01:13:36,169
<i>like the descent
of their last end,</i>

1298
01:13:37,646 --> 01:13:41,207
<i>upon all the living
and the dead.</i>

1299
01:13:51,620 --> 01:13:53,725
[birds chirping]

1300
01:14:00,729 --> 01:14:01,601
Do you hear them?

1301
01:14:02,300 --> 01:14:03,328
Mmm-hmm.

1302
01:14:05,534 --> 01:14:06,507
[beeps]

1303
01:14:07,141 --> 01:14:08,740
[whirring]

1304
01:14:11,905 --> 01:14:12,909
It's daytime.

1305
01:14:17,581 --> 01:14:18,816
And you're alive.

1306
01:14:21,551 --> 01:14:22,952
[birds chirping]

1307
01:14:29,429 --> 01:14:30,955
Oh, this is too much.

1308
01:14:31,090 --> 01:14:32,266
- Yeah?
- This is harder

1309
01:14:32,401 --> 01:14:33,831
- than I thought it'd be.
- Okay.

1310
01:14:36,403 --> 01:14:37,669
I think I need to sit.

1311
01:14:37,804 --> 01:14:40,437
All right. Yeah, let's go
sit over here.

1312
01:14:40,572 --> 01:14:42,070
Here, let me help you.

1313
01:14:46,239 --> 01:14:48,714
Hey, I've got you. Here we go.

1314
01:14:49,513 --> 01:14:50,551
Here you go.

1315
01:14:51,921 --> 01:14:53,048
Okay.

1316
01:14:54,584 --> 01:14:56,555
[Martha] Oh!

1317
01:14:56,690 --> 01:14:58,790
- Oh, that's much better.
- Oh, good.

1318
01:15:02,863 --> 01:15:05,961
Before coming here,
I made a new will.

1319
01:15:06,097 --> 01:15:08,668
Aw, let's not talk
about this now, please.

1320
01:15:10,300 --> 01:15:12,402
I'm leaving the apartment
and everything in it

1321
01:15:12,538 --> 01:15:14,168
to Michelle and you.

1322
01:15:19,946 --> 01:15:23,110
I found your war journals
in your desk.

1323
01:15:23,245 --> 01:15:25,614
What do you want us
to do with them?

1324
01:15:25,750 --> 01:15:27,485
Is it okay if I read them?

1325
01:15:27,620 --> 01:15:29,018
Of course you can read them.

1326
01:15:32,492 --> 01:15:34,161
Can I tell your story?

1327
01:15:34,297 --> 01:15:35,563
You can do what you want.

1328
01:15:36,626 --> 01:15:37,895
I won't be here.

1329
01:15:39,992 --> 01:15:41,030
Can I say that?

1330
01:15:41,663 --> 01:15:42,669
No.

1331
01:15:43,863 --> 01:15:44,869
Okay.

1332
01:15:47,670 --> 01:15:49,676
[birds chirping]

1333
01:15:52,171 --> 01:15:54,175
[crickets chirping]

1334
01:16:08,921 --> 01:16:09,960
[sighs]

1335
01:16:39,057 --> 01:16:40,793
Let's not talk
about this now, okay?

1336
01:16:42,092 --> 01:16:44,599
All right,
I'll see you there. Bye.

1337
01:16:51,836 --> 01:16:53,667
[Martha] <i>Dear Ingrid,</i>

1338
01:16:53,802 --> 01:16:57,843
<i>Today is such a beautiful day
that it seemed to me it...</i>

1339
01:16:59,873 --> 01:17:00,747
Hey.

1340
01:17:01,380 --> 01:17:02,349
Hi.

1341
01:17:02,484 --> 01:17:04,350
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.

1342
01:17:04,486 --> 01:17:06,443
This breeze is delicious.

1343
01:17:06,579 --> 01:17:08,755
Be careful,
it's a little chilly.

1344
01:17:10,290 --> 01:17:11,692
Um...

1345
01:17:11,827 --> 01:17:13,624
If you don't need me,
I'm gonna go to the gym.

1346
01:17:13,759 --> 01:17:15,157
But I can stay if you want.

1347
01:17:15,292 --> 01:17:17,461
No. Please, go.
I don't want to be a downer.

1348
01:17:17,597 --> 01:17:18,862
You're not a downer.

1349
01:17:18,998 --> 01:17:21,327
You've been
pretty well-behaved.

1350
01:17:21,463 --> 01:17:23,803
Have you talked
to your trainer about me?

1351
01:17:25,030 --> 01:17:26,340
Um...

1352
01:17:26,475 --> 01:17:29,270
Well... I mean, it came up.

1353
01:17:29,405 --> 01:17:31,677
I was talking about
being in good shape

1354
01:17:31,813 --> 01:17:34,674
and the heart beating
to survive.

1355
01:17:34,809 --> 01:17:37,817
You know, everything that you
talked about in the hospital

1356
01:17:37,952 --> 01:17:40,083
and he looked at me
like I was a lunatic,

1357
01:17:40,218 --> 01:17:42,617
so I told him I had
a friend that was sick.

1358
01:17:42,752 --> 01:17:44,858
That's all.

1359
01:17:44,993 --> 01:17:49,756
Just remember,
you know nothing
about anything.

1360
01:17:49,891 --> 01:17:50,929
[Ingrid] Mm.

1361
01:17:55,262 --> 01:17:56,968
Come here, give me a kiss.

1362
01:17:59,640 --> 01:18:00,906
- You okay?
- Yes.

1363
01:18:13,552 --> 01:18:15,547
[lively chatter]

1364
01:18:23,893 --> 01:18:25,161
- Hi.
- Hi.

1365
01:18:30,364 --> 01:18:32,703
I lied to her, I don't like it.

1366
01:18:32,839 --> 01:18:34,074
Well, you'll have to practice.

1367
01:18:34,209 --> 01:18:35,999
Lying?

1368
01:18:36,135 --> 01:18:39,376
Yes. Officially,
you aren't aware
of Martha's intentions.

1369
01:18:39,511 --> 01:18:40,979
Yeah.

1370
01:18:41,115 --> 01:18:43,014
And I found a lawyer,
in case you need one.

1371
01:18:43,149 --> 01:18:45,145
Thank you. Let's not
talk about this now.

1372
01:18:45,280 --> 01:18:48,220
- Mm.
- How'd your lecture go?

1373
01:18:48,355 --> 01:18:51,891
Well, they weren't too happy
about my not taking questions.

1374
01:18:53,394 --> 01:18:55,721
In the end,

1375
01:18:55,856 --> 01:18:58,860
people started muttering
and someone called me a coward.

1376
01:18:58,995 --> 01:19:00,631
It doesn't bother me.

1377
01:19:00,767 --> 01:19:02,770
I spent way too much time

1378
01:19:02,905 --> 01:19:05,602
caring about my reputation,
and for what?

1379
01:19:05,737 --> 01:19:07,971
So, what are you doing
with all that time
you've gotten back?

1380
01:19:08,107 --> 01:19:11,745
Are you doing more
of what you love?

1381
01:19:11,881 --> 01:19:14,274
I have to admit
that my interest in things

1382
01:19:14,409 --> 01:19:16,784
has been shrinking
as I get older.

1383
01:19:18,515 --> 01:19:20,647
Martha said the same thing
a couple days ago.

1384
01:19:20,783 --> 01:19:23,247
There are so few things left
that she can really enjoy.

1385
01:19:23,383 --> 01:19:25,155
- I understand.
- Mm.

1386
01:19:26,385 --> 01:19:28,128
But you're not sick.

1387
01:19:28,263 --> 01:19:30,127
No, but I feel the same way,
especially after the pandemic.

1388
01:19:30,262 --> 01:19:32,558
I don't go to the cinema
or listen to music.

1389
01:19:33,435 --> 01:19:35,065
I... I read a lot,

1390
01:19:35,201 --> 01:19:37,070
but only subjects
to do with my lectures.

1391
01:19:37,205 --> 01:19:39,565
Mm. You still go to galleries?
You used to love that.

1392
01:19:39,700 --> 01:19:41,136
When we were together,
we'd go all the time

1393
01:19:41,272 --> 01:19:43,376
and talk about
how powerful the art is.

1394
01:19:43,512 --> 01:19:45,573
You still like that?

1395
01:19:45,708 --> 01:19:48,311
Even if every poet in the world
sat down to write a poem

1396
01:19:48,446 --> 01:19:50,818
about the climate crisis,
it wouldn't save one tree.

1397
01:19:50,953 --> 01:19:52,981
At least you're still
interested in trees.

1398
01:19:53,116 --> 01:19:54,720
I'm interested in sex, too.

1399
01:19:54,855 --> 01:19:56,455
Well, then you're not that bad.

1400
01:19:56,590 --> 01:19:58,950
When I was young,

1401
01:19:59,085 --> 01:20:02,955
if a day went by without sex,
I thought it was incomplete.

1402
01:20:03,090 --> 01:20:04,990
I remember that.

1403
01:20:05,126 --> 01:20:09,331
I'm not nostalgic,
but I miss the nights
when we'd drink...

1404
01:20:10,430 --> 01:20:12,966
and take drugs, have sex,

1405
01:20:13,101 --> 01:20:16,004
all that didn't distract us
from what we really
wanted to do.

1406
01:20:16,140 --> 01:20:18,502
You drank and you took drugs.

1407
01:20:18,637 --> 01:20:20,439
I mean, more than I did anyway.

1408
01:20:20,575 --> 01:20:22,514
I don't know
how much you drank,

1409
01:20:22,649 --> 01:20:26,018
but you always acted
as you were as blitzed
as the rest of us.

1410
01:20:26,154 --> 01:20:29,149
But you were an essential part
of the party.

1411
01:20:29,284 --> 01:20:30,955
That is, until you got bored

1412
01:20:31,091 --> 01:20:32,783
and went off
to discover Europe.

1413
01:20:34,256 --> 01:20:35,489
You want to talk about that?

1414
01:20:36,797 --> 01:20:37,790
Tell me about your lecture.

1415
01:20:37,926 --> 01:20:39,428
[sighs]

1416
01:20:39,563 --> 01:20:43,627
I admit that I've become
something of a monomaniac.

1417
01:20:43,762 --> 01:20:45,631
My own son is no longer
speaking to me

1418
01:20:45,766 --> 01:20:48,007
because I didn't hide
how appalled I was

1419
01:20:48,142 --> 01:20:50,667
that his wife
is expecting another child.

1420
01:20:50,803 --> 01:20:51,976
He doesn't want me
anywhere near her

1421
01:20:52,111 --> 01:20:54,040
for fear
she'll have a miscarriage.

1422
01:20:54,175 --> 01:20:56,180
What? How could you tell him
that he can't have
another child?

1423
01:20:56,315 --> 01:20:58,611
- It's their third!
- [stammering] What...

1424
01:20:58,746 --> 01:21:00,777
So, what's the next
logical alternative?

1425
01:21:00,913 --> 01:21:02,218
For people
to start killing themselves?

1426
01:21:02,354 --> 01:21:04,520
People should be aware,
once and for all,

1427
01:21:04,656 --> 01:21:06,817
of the state of the fucking
planet they're living on.

1428
01:21:08,824 --> 01:21:11,755
Well, perhaps this isn't
the best subject for you.

1429
01:21:11,891 --> 01:21:15,535
You're living with
a dying woman in a world

1430
01:21:15,671 --> 01:21:17,872
also in its death throes.

1431
01:21:20,343 --> 01:21:22,904
Do you really think
the situation
is that desperate?

1432
01:21:23,039 --> 01:21:27,444
Yes. Read the science
and see what the world
is doing with it.

1433
01:21:27,580 --> 01:21:31,549
They're releasing more CO2
into the air than ever before.

1434
01:21:31,684 --> 01:21:33,484
Sooner or later,

1435
01:21:33,620 --> 01:21:38,388
and I fear it will be sooner,
all this will be shot to hell.

1436
01:21:38,523 --> 01:21:42,028
Nothing is going to hasten
the end of the planet

1437
01:21:42,163 --> 01:21:45,060
more than the survival
of neo-liberalism

1438
01:21:45,196 --> 01:21:46,826
and the rise of the far right.

1439
01:21:46,961 --> 01:21:50,729
And we have both of them here,
marching side by side.

1440
01:21:54,066 --> 01:21:57,208
Sorry, I didn't want
to bring you down, but...

1441
01:21:58,505 --> 01:22:00,511
I get riled up with this.

1442
01:22:00,647 --> 01:22:04,010
You cannot go around
telling people that
there's no hope.

1443
01:22:04,145 --> 01:22:05,712
It's tragic.

1444
01:22:05,848 --> 01:22:08,380
And maybe it's really
unpleasant of me to say so,

1445
01:22:08,516 --> 01:22:10,724
but I've completely lost faith

1446
01:22:10,860 --> 01:22:12,888
in people doing
the right thing.

1447
01:22:13,024 --> 01:22:15,461
I'm living every day
expecting to find
Martha's body in her bed,

1448
01:22:15,596 --> 01:22:19,466
but that doesn't stop me
from enjoying every minute
with her,

1449
01:22:19,601 --> 01:22:21,562
just the opposite.

1450
01:22:21,697 --> 01:22:24,963
I'm learning from her
and you should, too,

1451
01:22:25,099 --> 01:22:28,008
because there are lots of ways
to live inside a tragedy.

1452
01:22:29,909 --> 01:22:32,446
Of course it's painful,

1453
01:22:32,581 --> 01:22:34,608
but I can take it.

1454
01:22:35,717 --> 01:22:37,883
And I'm trying to live

1455
01:22:38,018 --> 01:22:40,580
with the same joy that she has,

1456
01:22:40,716 --> 01:22:43,551
and with the same
appreciation, so...

1457
01:22:43,686 --> 01:22:46,387
the last thing I need
is a speech like yours.

1458
01:22:46,522 --> 01:22:47,995
I've always admired you
for that.

1459
01:22:49,354 --> 01:22:50,955
What?

1460
01:22:51,091 --> 01:22:53,297
You're one of the only people
who knows how to suffer

1461
01:22:53,433 --> 01:22:56,003
without making others
feel guilty about it.

1462
01:23:23,993 --> 01:23:24,999
[sighs]

1463
01:23:38,311 --> 01:23:40,539
Do you think
it will be much longer?

1464
01:23:40,674 --> 01:23:43,941
No, it'll be soon. Any day now.

1465
01:23:45,248 --> 01:23:47,048
You have to be prepared.

1466
01:23:47,183 --> 01:23:48,515
I know the police.

1467
01:23:48,651 --> 01:23:50,390
They'll ask you
all sorts of questions,

1468
01:23:50,525 --> 01:23:53,288
they'll dig into
your relationship
like scavengers.

1469
01:23:53,423 --> 01:23:55,126
You need
a kind of mental script.

1470
01:23:55,262 --> 01:23:57,998
No, I thought about it,
I do have it.

1471
01:23:58,134 --> 01:24:00,996
Good. Stay strong
and stick to your story.

1472
01:24:01,132 --> 01:24:02,631
And when it happens,

1473
01:24:02,766 --> 01:24:05,202
you should call the police
before you call me.

1474
01:24:05,338 --> 01:24:06,533
No, I need to call
her daughter.

1475
01:24:06,669 --> 01:24:08,141
I should call her
before I call you.

1476
01:24:08,276 --> 01:24:10,605
Okay, but be careful
what you say to her.

1477
01:24:10,740 --> 01:24:13,338
I had to tell the lawyer
about the situation.

1478
01:24:13,473 --> 01:24:16,742
Why do we have to
go through all this,
like we're criminals?

1479
01:24:16,877 --> 01:24:18,347
Shouldn't dying people
have the right

1480
01:24:18,483 --> 01:24:19,878
to end their lives
with dignity?

1481
01:24:20,013 --> 01:24:22,282
They will, once
our teetering health system

1482
01:24:22,417 --> 01:24:23,882
completely collapses.

1483
01:24:24,758 --> 01:24:26,720
[birds chirping]

1484
01:25:01,057 --> 01:25:02,096
Martha?

1485
01:25:22,643 --> 01:25:24,478
[Martha] <i>Dear Ingrid,</i>

1486
01:25:24,613 --> 01:25:27,310
<i>today is such a beautiful day</i>

1487
01:25:27,446 --> 01:25:30,786
<i>that it seemed to me
it was the moment to leave.</i>

1488
01:25:30,922 --> 01:25:34,519
<i>It consoled me that you weren't
in the room downstairs,</i>

1489
01:25:34,655 --> 01:25:36,863
<i>even though that was the idea.</i>

1490
01:25:36,998 --> 01:25:40,493
<i>But you know I always improvise</i>

1491
01:25:40,629 --> 01:25:42,366
<i>and I'm almost happy that,</i>

1492
01:25:42,502 --> 01:25:45,564
<i>while I fade away
on the lounger,</i>

1493
01:25:45,699 --> 01:25:47,438
<i>you're out in the world,</i>

1494
01:25:47,574 --> 01:25:51,510
<i>experiencing something
different to my death.</i>

1495
01:25:51,646 --> 01:25:54,841
<i>No one will be able
to accuse you of complicity.</i>

1496
01:25:56,149 --> 01:25:57,780
<i>You have accompanied me</i>

1497
01:25:57,915 --> 01:26:02,486
<i>as much as any human being
can accompany another.</i>

1498
01:26:02,622 --> 01:26:05,588
<i>Call my daughter
and tell her I'm sorry.</i>

1499
01:26:06,896 --> 01:26:09,295
<i>And thank you, love.</i>

1500
01:26:34,953 --> 01:26:35,981
Martha.

1501
01:26:39,654 --> 01:26:41,228
I'll do whatever you want.

1502
01:26:46,427 --> 01:26:47,531
[sniffling]

1503
01:27:00,981 --> 01:27:02,975
[birds cawing]

1504
01:27:08,823 --> 01:27:11,417
We had dinner
and then we watched
a Buster Keaton movie.

1505
01:27:11,553 --> 01:27:12,919
I told you this already.

1506
01:27:13,054 --> 01:27:15,095
And you didn't notice
anything strange,

1507
01:27:15,231 --> 01:27:17,363
anything that made
you suspect...

1508
01:27:19,933 --> 01:27:21,301
Try to remember.

1509
01:27:21,436 --> 01:27:23,929
I remember it perfectly,
it was a fun night.

1510
01:27:24,065 --> 01:27:26,701
There were no gestures?
Nothing she said?

1511
01:27:26,837 --> 01:27:29,604
We said goodnight
and then I went upstairs

1512
01:27:29,740 --> 01:27:32,203
and I stayed up late
reading a book

1513
01:27:32,339 --> 01:27:34,909
that Martha had recommended
called <i>Erotic Vagrancy.</i>

1514
01:27:35,044 --> 01:27:37,741
It's about Elizabeth Taylor
and Richard Burton.

1515
01:27:37,877 --> 01:27:39,386
- Do you know it?
- No.

1516
01:27:39,521 --> 01:27:41,948
Martha and I both thought
that it was really fun.

1517
01:27:42,084 --> 01:27:44,324
Try to answer
only the questions I ask you.

1518
01:27:48,396 --> 01:27:49,758
What'd you do
the following morning?

1519
01:27:52,199 --> 01:27:54,257
I had lunch with a friend.

1520
01:27:54,392 --> 01:27:56,464
And when I came back,
I called out for her

1521
01:27:56,599 --> 01:27:58,267
and when she didn't answer,

1522
01:27:58,402 --> 01:28:00,137
I went to her bedroom.

1523
01:28:00,272 --> 01:28:02,201
But she wasn't there.

1524
01:28:02,337 --> 01:28:06,373
So I went into the backyard
and that's when I saw her.

1525
01:28:06,508 --> 01:28:09,274
And, at first, I thought
that she was asleep
on the lounge chair

1526
01:28:09,409 --> 01:28:12,217
and I got really nervous
and I called the ambulance.

1527
01:28:12,352 --> 01:28:13,711
And they got there very quickly

1528
01:28:13,847 --> 01:28:15,722
and then the EMTs saw her

1529
01:28:15,857 --> 01:28:18,455
and then they said
there was nothing
that they could do.

1530
01:28:18,591 --> 01:28:20,352
Nobody buys this pill
by accident

1531
01:28:20,487 --> 01:28:22,692
if they're
not thinking of suicide
or killing someone,

1532
01:28:22,827 --> 01:28:24,423
so, you didn't know
anything about this?

1533
01:28:24,558 --> 01:28:26,258
About what?

1534
01:28:26,394 --> 01:28:28,027
About her being in possession
of this illegal compound.

1535
01:28:28,163 --> 01:28:31,634
No. She was taking medication
for the pain,

1536
01:28:31,770 --> 01:28:33,602
you know, patches and pills,
but she...

1537
01:28:33,738 --> 01:28:35,837
she never shared
the specifics with me.

1538
01:28:36,935 --> 01:28:38,640
It is strange that,

1539
01:28:38,775 --> 01:28:40,137
if you two
were such good friends,

1540
01:28:40,272 --> 01:28:43,375
that she didn't say
anything to you.

1541
01:28:43,510 --> 01:28:48,014
You can't just
walk into a drugstore
and buy this pill.

1542
01:28:49,191 --> 01:28:50,621
It's very difficult to come by.

1543
01:28:52,052 --> 01:28:55,121
I think when she rented
the house,

1544
01:28:55,256 --> 01:28:57,830
she already knew what she was
gonna do, right?

1545
01:28:57,966 --> 01:28:59,759
It's possible,

1546
01:28:59,895 --> 01:29:02,302
but she didn't
tell me anything.

1547
01:29:02,438 --> 01:29:04,262
She was exhausted
from the last treatment

1548
01:29:04,397 --> 01:29:05,962
and she wanted to take a break
before going back

1549
01:29:06,097 --> 01:29:08,100
for the next round of chemo.

1550
01:29:08,235 --> 01:29:09,975
She wasn't the type
to throw in the towel.

1551
01:29:10,111 --> 01:29:12,037
She didn't complain?

1552
01:29:12,173 --> 01:29:14,645
She didn't say anything
that made you sense...

1553
01:29:16,180 --> 01:29:17,812
the end?

1554
01:29:17,948 --> 01:29:19,177
It was a great responsibility
for you.

1555
01:29:20,617 --> 01:29:22,180
She complained sometimes.

1556
01:29:24,692 --> 01:29:29,152
What did she complain about?
What did she say?

1557
01:29:29,287 --> 01:29:32,531
She'd lost the capacity
for attention.

1558
01:29:32,666 --> 01:29:36,667
She couldn't read or write,
for example.

1559
01:29:38,572 --> 01:29:40,165
Her life was reduced
to surviving.

1560
01:29:40,300 --> 01:29:43,567
You know, I find it
very hard to believe

1561
01:29:43,702 --> 01:29:46,039
that she didn't say anything
that made you suspect the end.

1562
01:29:46,175 --> 01:29:48,446
It was more than evident
that she was very sick,

1563
01:29:48,581 --> 01:29:50,041
but she wanted to
take a vacation

1564
01:29:50,177 --> 01:29:51,181
before going back
to the hospital.

1565
01:29:51,317 --> 01:29:53,718
I told you this already.

1566
01:29:53,853 --> 01:29:59,217
So, we also spoke to some
of Martha's close friends.

1567
01:30:00,960 --> 01:30:04,156
In general, they all coincide
with your testimony.

1568
01:30:06,191 --> 01:30:08,866
But one of them, Stella Byrne,

1569
01:30:09,001 --> 01:30:11,438
told us that, after Martha
finished her chemotherapy,

1570
01:30:11,573 --> 01:30:14,403
that she proposed
that she accompany her

1571
01:30:14,539 --> 01:30:16,871
to a house in the country

1572
01:30:17,006 --> 01:30:19,908
where she intended
to commit suicide.

1573
01:30:23,944 --> 01:30:26,079
Asked her to, and I quote...

1574
01:30:27,552 --> 01:30:28,752
"Be in the room next door."

1575
01:30:32,292 --> 01:30:34,585
And her friend refused.

1576
01:30:34,720 --> 01:30:37,591
I wasn't in the room next door,
I was in the room downstairs.

1577
01:30:37,727 --> 01:30:39,122
When I spoke to Mrs. Byrne

1578
01:30:39,258 --> 01:30:40,498
and informed her
of the suicide,

1579
01:30:40,634 --> 01:30:42,595
she told me
she wasn't surprised.

1580
01:30:42,730 --> 01:30:45,336
There's another word
for what Martha did,
it's called euthanasia.

1581
01:30:45,471 --> 01:30:46,968
Well, call it what you want,

1582
01:30:47,103 --> 01:30:50,674
but, for me, what your friend
did is a crime

1583
01:30:50,810 --> 01:30:53,837
and, as a policeman,
as a human being,

1584
01:30:53,972 --> 01:30:56,375
as a man of faith,

1585
01:30:56,510 --> 01:31:00,312
I'm radically opposed
to anyone committing a crime.

1586
01:31:00,448 --> 01:31:02,489
And, of course, anyone aiding
and abetting in one.

1587
01:31:09,593 --> 01:31:11,421
[cell phone clicking]

1588
01:31:12,925 --> 01:31:15,328
[line ringing]

1589
01:31:15,464 --> 01:31:17,768
Damian, can you come down
to the police station, please?

1590
01:31:18,534 --> 01:31:19,835
This is endless.

1591
01:31:19,971 --> 01:31:23,001
How do you explain
that your friend Martha

1592
01:31:23,136 --> 01:31:24,910
was so explicit with Mrs. Byrne

1593
01:31:25,045 --> 01:31:27,170
and yet she didn't tell you
anything about her intentions?

1594
01:31:27,305 --> 01:31:28,813
I'm not gonna say another word.

1595
01:31:28,948 --> 01:31:31,178
If I'm under arrest,
then tell me the charges.

1596
01:31:31,313 --> 01:31:33,217
Otherwise, I'll wait
in the hall for my lawyer.

1597
01:31:33,353 --> 01:31:34,719
Very foresighted of you.

1598
01:31:34,854 --> 01:31:36,681
What made you think
you'd need a lawyer?

1599
01:31:36,816 --> 01:31:39,951
Why don't you ask your friend,
he witnessed the interrogation.

1600
01:31:40,087 --> 01:31:44,160
[sighs] I think you're lying.

1601
01:31:44,295 --> 01:31:46,325
And that you're
the kind of person
who wouldn't say no

1602
01:31:46,461 --> 01:31:48,964
if a friend asked you
for help committing suicide.

1603
01:31:51,501 --> 01:31:52,563
Let her go.

1604
01:31:52,699 --> 01:31:53,540
[buzzes]

1605
01:32:01,675 --> 01:32:03,148
Hey.

1606
01:32:03,283 --> 01:32:04,680
- Hi.
- Hi.

1607
01:32:04,815 --> 01:32:07,219
- How are you?
- I'm okay.

1608
01:32:07,355 --> 01:32:09,148
This is my lawyer, Sarah.

1609
01:32:09,283 --> 01:32:10,984
- Hi. Pleasure.
- Thank you for coming.

1610
01:32:11,120 --> 01:32:12,726
Of course.
Damian's filled me in.

1611
01:32:12,861 --> 01:32:14,825
Is there anything I should know
about the interrogation?

1612
01:32:14,960 --> 01:32:16,728
Well, he treated me
like I was the killer.

1613
01:32:16,863 --> 01:32:18,562
- But you were with me.
- He doesn't care.

1614
01:32:18,697 --> 01:32:20,032
He insists that I'm implicated.

1615
01:32:20,167 --> 01:32:21,535
Okay, but...

1616
01:32:21,670 --> 01:32:23,669
He spoke to a friend
of Martha, Stella Byrne,

1617
01:32:23,804 --> 01:32:25,700
who said that Martha
had approached her first

1618
01:32:25,835 --> 01:32:27,200
and she refused to help her.

1619
01:32:27,335 --> 01:32:29,165
Okay, well, I'm sure
everything was recorded.

1620
01:32:29,301 --> 01:32:30,875
- Mm-hmm.
- [door opens]

1621
01:32:31,011 --> 01:32:33,739
Um, and this police officer
witnessed everything.

1622
01:32:33,875 --> 01:32:35,174
You can come in now.

1623
01:32:35,309 --> 01:32:36,781
I'll go in alone.
I'm her attorney.

1624
01:32:38,752 --> 01:32:40,411
Don't worry,
this is all very clear.

1625
01:32:42,752 --> 01:32:43,884
Thank you for coming.

1626
01:32:44,020 --> 01:32:45,685
- My pleasure.
- [door buzzes]

1627
01:32:45,821 --> 01:32:47,956
Jesus! What an asshole!

1628
01:32:48,092 --> 01:32:50,623
I've never been treated
like that before.

1629
01:32:50,759 --> 01:32:53,191
You were unlucky enough
to come up against
a religious fanatic,

1630
01:32:53,327 --> 01:32:54,597
but he's not gonna
bother you again.

1631
01:32:54,732 --> 01:32:55,897
I'm gonna file a complaint.

1632
01:32:56,032 --> 01:32:58,101
Thank you so much
for everything.

1633
01:32:58,236 --> 01:33:00,232
You still need to be available
for the next 48 hours

1634
01:33:00,367 --> 01:33:03,071
until forensic formalities
are done.

1635
01:33:03,206 --> 01:33:05,211
Um, I told them to call me
if necessary.

1636
01:33:05,346 --> 01:33:06,745
I'll be at the house.

1637
01:33:06,880 --> 01:33:07,774
Do you have
all the information you need?

1638
01:33:07,910 --> 01:33:09,749
Yes, Damian gave it to me.

1639
01:33:09,884 --> 01:33:11,946
Just give me a call
if anything comes up, okay?

1640
01:33:12,081 --> 01:33:13,617
I'm gonna head back
to the office.

1641
01:33:13,752 --> 01:33:14,915
I'm really sorry for your loss.

1642
01:33:15,050 --> 01:33:16,284
- Thank you.
- Thanks, Sarah.

1643
01:33:16,420 --> 01:33:18,216
Bye.

1644
01:33:18,352 --> 01:33:20,085
I can't believe
Stella told him that.

1645
01:33:20,220 --> 01:33:21,794
Well, he probably cornered her,

1646
01:33:21,929 --> 01:33:23,722
and they have Martha's computer
and her cell phone.

1647
01:33:23,857 --> 01:33:24,858
[Ingrid] Mm.

1648
01:33:24,993 --> 01:33:26,458
Do you know if they talked?

1649
01:33:26,593 --> 01:33:28,899
No, I don't know,
she didn't tell me anything.

1650
01:33:30,063 --> 01:33:31,795
What do you wanna do?

1651
01:33:31,930 --> 01:33:33,997
I need to go back to the house
and pack up Martha's things.

1652
01:33:34,133 --> 01:33:35,106
[cell phone ringing]

1653
01:33:35,241 --> 01:33:36,104
Sorry.

1654
01:33:37,606 --> 01:33:39,111
Hello?

1655
01:33:39,247 --> 01:33:40,471
Uh, speaking.

1656
01:33:42,582 --> 01:33:43,842
[whispers] It's Michelle.

1657
01:33:43,977 --> 01:33:45,146
Martha's daughter?

1658
01:33:45,978 --> 01:33:47,179
Yes, of course.

1659
01:33:47,315 --> 01:33:49,317
No, no, of course
you can come over.

1660
01:33:49,453 --> 01:33:52,692
I'm headed there right now.
I'll text you the address.

1661
01:33:54,089 --> 01:33:56,157
Okay, I'll see you soon. Bye.

1662
01:33:58,166 --> 01:34:00,828
Wow. Wow.

1663
01:34:00,963 --> 01:34:02,893
I'm headed back to the city,

1664
01:34:03,029 --> 01:34:05,837
so tell me when you're back
and I'll help you
with your move.

1665
01:34:07,035 --> 01:34:08,939
Thank you for everything.

1666
01:34:11,770 --> 01:34:14,010
And you can tell me
how it went with Michelle.

1667
01:34:14,643 --> 01:34:15,506
I will.

1668
01:34:17,545 --> 01:34:19,752
- Thanks. I'll call you, okay?
- Okay. Take care.

1669
01:34:21,816 --> 01:34:23,822
[birds chirping]

1670
01:34:53,454 --> 01:34:54,688
Hello, I'm Michelle.

1671
01:34:55,553 --> 01:34:56,547
I'm Ingrid.

1672
01:34:57,686 --> 01:34:58,516
Hi.

1673
01:35:02,124 --> 01:35:04,698
- Let's go inside, okay?
- Yeah.

1674
01:35:07,994 --> 01:35:08,999
Come on in.

1675
01:35:15,205 --> 01:35:16,868
Do you wanna see
your mother's room?

1676
01:35:17,003 --> 01:35:18,635
Yes, please.

1677
01:35:18,770 --> 01:35:20,637
It's right down there.
Right down the hall.

1678
01:35:48,740 --> 01:35:50,133
I made some coffee.

1679
01:35:50,269 --> 01:35:51,541
Would you like some?

1680
01:35:51,677 --> 01:35:53,270
Uh, I also have tea.

1681
01:35:53,406 --> 01:35:55,742
No, coffee's great. Thank you.

1682
01:35:55,877 --> 01:35:56,882
Here you go.

1683
01:36:01,446 --> 01:36:02,717
Did she tell you about me?

1684
01:36:02,852 --> 01:36:06,050
Of course she did.

1685
01:36:06,185 --> 01:36:10,387
And she told me
you were very upset
that you never met your father.

1686
01:36:10,523 --> 01:36:11,921
So she told you
about my father?

1687
01:36:12,057 --> 01:36:13,397
She did.

1688
01:36:13,532 --> 01:36:14,866
[coffee pouring]

1689
01:36:15,002 --> 01:36:16,536
Don't you think
she could have helped him

1690
01:36:16,671 --> 01:36:18,429
when he came back from the war?

1691
01:36:18,565 --> 01:36:21,038
She helped him
as best she could.

1692
01:36:21,173 --> 01:36:24,210
Your father came back
very badly damaged

1693
01:36:24,346 --> 01:36:26,944
and he wanted to
move to another city
and start a new life.

1694
01:36:27,080 --> 01:36:30,809
His plans never included you
or Martha.

1695
01:36:30,944 --> 01:36:34,645
And your mother
accepted the end
of the relationship and...

1696
01:36:36,054 --> 01:36:37,681
And she saw him
in such a bad way

1697
01:36:37,816 --> 01:36:39,925
that she gave him a kiss
to give him some peace

1698
01:36:40,060 --> 01:36:42,257
and that kiss turned
into something more.

1699
01:36:44,327 --> 01:36:46,195
And you are the fruit
of that moment.

1700
01:36:47,793 --> 01:36:50,529
My mother never told me
anything about that.

1701
01:36:50,665 --> 01:36:52,802
It's a difficult thing
to explain to a child.

1702
01:36:52,938 --> 01:36:54,533
She could have told me later.

1703
01:36:55,600 --> 01:36:56,975
By then you were so estranged

1704
01:36:57,110 --> 01:36:58,878
that she didn't feel
it was possible anymore.

1705
01:37:00,339 --> 01:37:02,480
She was a teenager,

1706
01:37:02,616 --> 01:37:03,815
she had a life to live,

1707
01:37:03,950 --> 01:37:06,444
and your father
moved to San Diego

1708
01:37:06,580 --> 01:37:08,019
and he made no effort
to know you.

1709
01:37:19,125 --> 01:37:20,361
So, Ingrid,

1710
01:37:22,336 --> 01:37:25,531
do you think
I was totally mistaken
about Martha?

1711
01:37:26,638 --> 01:37:29,441
You were unfair,

1712
01:37:29,576 --> 01:37:32,769
but no one can blame you
for wanting to know
who your father was.

1713
01:37:35,813 --> 01:37:37,146
It's a sad story,

1714
01:37:37,281 --> 01:37:39,149
it was very painful
for both of you.

1715
01:37:43,186 --> 01:37:44,823
Don't be so hard on yourself,

1716
01:37:44,959 --> 01:37:46,552
Martha wasn't
the perfect mother.

1717
01:37:48,187 --> 01:37:49,489
No, she wasn't.

1718
01:37:54,129 --> 01:37:55,693
Can I stay here tonight?

1719
01:37:55,828 --> 01:37:58,696
Yes, of course.
This is your mother's house!

1720
01:38:01,367 --> 01:38:02,365
[crickets chirping]

1721
01:38:02,501 --> 01:38:04,875
[Ingrid] <i>Dear Martha,</i>

1722
01:38:05,011 --> 01:38:07,580
<i>I thought you'd like to know
I've come back to the house
in the woods</i>

1723
01:38:07,716 --> 01:38:09,212
<i>to gather up your things.</i>

1724
01:38:11,511 --> 01:38:13,981
<i>Your daughter came to see me.</i>

1725
01:38:14,116 --> 01:38:15,647
<i>I'm still shaking.</i>

1726
01:38:16,690 --> 01:38:19,423
<i>She looks so like you.</i>

1727
01:38:19,558 --> 01:38:22,893
<i>She asked me if she could stay
and sleep in your bed...</i>

1728
01:38:23,028 --> 01:38:24,590
<i>and, of course, I said yes.</i>

1729
01:38:26,729 --> 01:38:29,034
<i>I think your death
has brought her closer to you.</i>

1730
01:38:33,139 --> 01:38:35,774
<i>I never thought
I'd inherit her,</i>

1731
01:38:35,909 --> 01:38:37,911
<i>even if it's just for a day.</i>

1732
01:38:39,143 --> 01:38:41,343
<i>The house is filled with you.</i>

1733
01:38:44,384 --> 01:38:48,044
<i>When I came in,
after talking to the police,</i>

1734
01:38:48,179 --> 01:38:50,550
<i>the first thing I saw
was the door of your room,</i>

1735
01:38:52,022 --> 01:38:54,554
<i>and it was open.</i>

1736
01:38:54,689 --> 01:38:57,792
<i>And I said to myself,
"She's alive."</i>

1737
01:38:57,927 --> 01:38:59,823
[birds chirping]

1738
01:39:31,758 --> 01:39:33,923
I came out here
to listen to the birds.

1739
01:39:36,598 --> 01:39:38,400
Your mother
would get up like this,

1740
01:39:39,539 --> 01:39:40,798
at dawn,

1741
01:39:42,039 --> 01:39:43,471
and lie right there.

1742
01:39:48,650 --> 01:39:51,347
Look, it's snowing.

1743
01:39:53,146 --> 01:39:54,383
[sighs]

1744
01:39:55,183 --> 01:39:56,946
[wind blowing]

1745
01:40:00,420 --> 01:40:01,720
The snow is falling.

1746
01:40:04,426 --> 01:40:05,728
It's falling on the lonely pool

1747
01:40:05,864 --> 01:40:07,165
we never used.

1748
01:40:09,529 --> 01:40:10,795
It's falling on the woods,

1749
01:40:11,872 --> 01:40:14,002
where we walked and you lay,

1750
01:40:14,138 --> 01:40:16,504
exhausted, on the ground.

1751
01:40:19,244 --> 01:40:21,443
Falling on your daughter
and on me.

1752
01:40:24,811 --> 01:40:26,943
Falling upon the living
and the dead.