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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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聖誕節週日

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我去機場
準備飛去拉斯維加斯表演

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到了機場,班機延誤一個小時
然後延到三個小時

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00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:24,774
後來又延到五個小時

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{\an8}最後班機取消

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{\an8}我在拉斯維加斯的表演也要取消

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00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:34,242
觀眾都買票
要來看我這個聖誕禮物了

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00:00:34,826 --> 00:00:37,037
因為這件鳥事

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我決定

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接下來20分鐘的表演

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00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:43,960
要來抱怨那間爛航空

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搭機旅行

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民眾在那間爛航空上的行為

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等等的鳥事

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奧克蘭起家,就是這麼回事

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好

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首先

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我想從內部說起

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00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:07,942
來講那個煩死人的安全帶,好嗎?

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00:01:11,696 --> 00:01:14,741
我想先說,美國航空和達美航空

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上帝保佑你們

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安全帶多那10公分
對我這種體型超級重要

25
00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:23,917
但我不知道是什麼人

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當初設計這麼白痴的安全帶

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為什麼...

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為什麼這邊這一條這麼長

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00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,844
這一條卻只有5公分?

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我又不會軟骨功,沒辦法...

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繫個安全帶,老娘的背都快扭傷了

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跟空服員要延長帶
他們好像在塞毒品給我一樣

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“快點拿去”,搞屁喔

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安全帶為什麼不扣在中間?

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這不是比較合理嗎?

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對

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00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:04,833
因為美國人越來越胖

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00:02:04,916 --> 00:02:08,711
航空公司需要順應情勢,拜託

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00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:14,592
餐具托盤跟胸部的距離

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對我也是卡卡的

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波霸又流行起來了,這次不會過時

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00:02:23,351 --> 00:02:28,439
我只是覺得航空公司需要調整一下

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00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,943
在托盤上面挖洞之類的

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00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:34,237
不行,這是歧視,去他的

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00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:38,366
如果飛機上面

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00:02:39,075 --> 00:02:43,163
發生緊急狀況,他們會廣播

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他們會說:“遇到緊急狀況

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面罩會降下來

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00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:53,756
先將自己的面罩戴上,再協助他人”

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00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:58,303
你知道嗎?有些廢話不用說

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00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:02,140
我當然會把自己的面罩先戴上

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不然呢?

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00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:09,397
老娘可不想死在雲層上面,他媽的

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“我先搞定自己再幫你”

55
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:19,324
然後他們會說

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“把面罩戴在嘴上,正常地呼吸”

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00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,250
我們就要墜機了,婊子

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時速1250公里
還要我“正常地呼吸”?

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00:03:32,962 --> 00:03:34,088
我要抓狂了

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00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:37,091
我要把機上的乘客殺個片甲不留

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“正常地呼吸”?什麼鬼?

62
00:03:44,933 --> 00:03:46,517
然後他們會說

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00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:49,771
“氧氣會輸入面罩

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00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:53,733
即便袋子可能沒有充氣”

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這婊子以為我們是白痴

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什麼鬼話都講得出來

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反正要掛了

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身邊沒有東西可以吹

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沒有氣球,沒有塑膠袋

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沒有屌,什麼都沒有

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吹了不會...膨脹...

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那個婊子要我們把面罩戴在嘴上

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墜機的時候,才不會尖叫聲四起
她不想聽到我們亂叫

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“我們要死了!幹!”

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她不想聽到

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各位觀眾

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你們要知道
現在搭飛機比以前安全得多

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“為什麼呢?”

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聽我道來

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00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:54,210
因為有我本人在空中管制

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就像我在地上管制一樣

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沒有錯

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我封自己是

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00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,931
非官方的聯邦空警

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00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:12,562
打從9月12日起
我就處於橙色警戒狀態

86
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,440
橙色警戒

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飛機上的大小事都逃不過我的法眼

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我一踏上飛機

89
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就把頭伸進駕駛艙

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00:05:26,784 --> 00:05:29,245
我想看是誰在開飛機

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00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,546
“你們還好嗎?有睡飽嗎?

92
00:05:41,924 --> 00:05:45,595
沒有人跟老婆吵架吧?

93
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:48,139
好”

94
00:05:54,228 --> 00:05:55,104
我...

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00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,607
我都坐走道的位子

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以免有什麼不測

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我不想坐靠窗的位子,動彈不得

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00:06:08,409 --> 00:06:11,788
黑人同鄉
記得我們以前會說“動彈不得”嗎?

99
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,499
“那混蛋讓我在酒舖動彈不得

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00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:16,834
我差點遲到,他媽的”

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我想要做一件事

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讓老俚語再度流行

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因為跟我嘿咻的那些小伙子,他們...

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他們說我口不擇言

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他們說我講話太嗆辣

106
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他們說我太常講“幹”這個字

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00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,623
我一直想跟這些小混蛋說

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“寶貝,我愛你,真的

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我很想跟你做愛

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我很希望你能跟我做愛

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但我們打開天窗說亮話

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我只是想在上飛機之前,跟人幹一場

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因為偉大的先知圖帕克夏庫爾
曾經唱過

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‘我只待一天,寶貝,要來一炮嗎?

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我到處跟人睡’”

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外面有很多年輕小伙子

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因為怎麼樣?

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我處處留情

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我處處留情

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在不同地方、不同區域

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我處處留情

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處處留情

123
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在場的白人,如果你們沒聽過

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這是很老的黑人靈歌

125
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由偉大的福音歌手奈特道格
創作演唱

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混蛋,你不可能什麼都知道

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話說回來

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飛機上有一些行為

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我想聊一下

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首先

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等一下,抱歉

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這些大麻零食 ,聽我說...

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不要吃小熊

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那種小熊軟糖,甘貝熊

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離她遠一點,她是魔鬼

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00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:07,588
等一下

137
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回到剛才...

138
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我的嘴巴...

139
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我太常講“幹”

140
00:09:15,471 --> 00:09:19,183
我想安撫那個年輕小伙子

141
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:22,562
我說:“好,我會少講‘幹’這個字”

142
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:27,817
我想讓一個詞再度流行起來

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就是“爽一下”

144
00:09:32,947 --> 00:09:35,449
以前只要講這句就行了

145
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以前的人會說“喂”

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“喂”

147
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“喂”

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“喂”

149
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“要爽一下嗎?”

150
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那些婊子就說:“好啊”

151
00:10:03,728 --> 00:10:07,481
我們跟閨蜜講電話的時候

152
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會說:“姊妹

153
00:10:10,359 --> 00:10:12,486
我要跟他爽一下”

154
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我知道

155
00:10:20,786 --> 00:10:23,706
在場有些人很幸運

156
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,834
能跟其他在場的人回家

157
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,712
你們可能會睡在一起

158
00:10:30,212 --> 00:10:33,633
但在天快亮的時候

159
00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:37,219
我低沉的聲音會在你腦海浮現

160
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,555
你可能會叫醒對方,看著對方

161
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說:“寶貝,我們來爽一下!”

162
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:47,146
妳們這些女人最好也照做

163
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否則男人就會抱怨妳們不想做

164
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對方想做,我們就要配合

165
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好

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身為非官方的聯邦空警

167
00:11:12,254 --> 00:11:14,465
我很認真看待我的工作

168
00:11:15,257 --> 00:11:17,593
飛機上有某些行為

169
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:21,597
我覺得要拿出來討論一下

170
00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:24,767
首先,我就直接講

171
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:26,644
我不喜歡商務人士

172
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,897
你們一屁股坐上飛機

173
00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:33,109
可能坐在我旁邊靠窗的位子

174
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:35,653
然後繫上安全帶,可能會繫啦

175
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再把托盤放下

176
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,115
把筆電放上去

177
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:43,285
從奧克蘭飛到紐約市要五個小時

178
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:45,037
這混蛋全程這樣...

179
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,751
全程給我這樣

180
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大概一個禮拜前
我旁邊就坐著這種神經病

181
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:58,718
我直接問他
“不好意思,你吸了安非他命嗎?”

182
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:04,348
因為這個混蛋沒有看窗外

183
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:06,767
沒有喝水

184
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:08,644
沒有上廁所

185
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,479
沒有看我一眼

186
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:13,691
沒有吃東西,沒有把座位往後傾

187
00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,943
沒有聽音樂

188
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:18,112
我看了一下那台筆電

189
00:12:18,195 --> 00:12:20,114
上面一堆亂七八糟的東西

190
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:23,033
“這些到底是什麼鬼?”

191
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,003
還有

192
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:36,797
我覺得

193
00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:43,095
進入一個封閉的空間,旁邊有人

194
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:49,518
例如飛機上的座位

195
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:55,941
或是教堂的長椅,或是電影院的座位

196
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:58,402
但我的重點是飛機座位

197
00:12:58,486 --> 00:13:01,238
如果你需要麻煩到別人

198
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:07,244
你要就坐的時候
需要麻煩別人讓你進去

199
00:13:07,328 --> 00:13:10,915
身為人類,你有責任

200
00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:13,918
起碼要意識到

201
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:16,837
你的座位旁邊有一個人

202
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:21,258
不要一副旁邊沒有人的樣子

203
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:24,720
說一聲“嗨 ,今天還好嗎?”
沒有多難

204
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:29,350
這不表示我想一路跟你聊到波士頓

205
00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:33,187
別拿你家小狗的照片給我看
我沒興趣

206
00:13:33,270 --> 00:13:36,482
我只是說你要打聲招呼

207
00:13:36,565 --> 00:13:40,110
要是發生意外,你才要巴著我說

208
00:13:40,194 --> 00:13:41,821
“幫我!救我!”

209
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,614
“想得美,賤貨,你之前不理我

210
00:13:43,697 --> 00:13:45,950
你不記得我吧?我沒坐在這裡

211
00:13:46,033 --> 00:13:47,409
我不存在,對吧?

212
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,788
去你的,賤貨
自求多福,祝你好運,賤貨

213
00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:52,373
自己看著辦”

214
00:13:56,877 --> 00:13:59,839
沒錯,白人,我就是在說你們

215
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:18,399
我有個習慣,好嗎?

216
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:21,610
我有個習慣,搭飛機的時候

217
00:14:22,403 --> 00:14:25,406
喜歡把窗戶打開

218
00:14:27,324 --> 00:14:28,993
不只我旁邊的窗戶

219
00:14:42,506 --> 00:14:43,966
這邊也要打開

220
00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:47,052
“老娘是聯邦空警,這都歸我管

221
00:14:47,136 --> 00:14:49,054
這一排都歸我管”

222
00:14:50,514 --> 00:14:53,934
我喜歡看飛機起飛

223
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,270
和降落

224
00:14:57,187 --> 00:15:00,399
我就是覺得這跟我有關

225
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,109
還有亂流

226
00:15:02,192 --> 00:15:05,696
亂流來了,我就要往窗外看

227
00:15:05,779 --> 00:15:08,073
別說我看不到亂流

228
00:15:08,157 --> 00:15:09,700
你不看怎麼知道?

229
00:15:10,451 --> 00:15:12,119
我可能就看得到

230
00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:14,955
我會說:“看到沒?
亂流在那裡,我就說吧”

231
00:15:20,294 --> 00:15:23,589
我有時會說“題外話”

232
00:15:24,423 --> 00:15:25,507
我說“題外話”

233
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,343
就表示這個大麻零食

234
00:15:27,426 --> 00:15:31,847
讓我同時想到三件事,我要...

235
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:34,850
但我會繞回原來的主題

236
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,978
大概一個月前

237
00:15:38,062 --> 00:15:39,563
我坐頭等艙

238
00:15:39,647 --> 00:15:42,816
對了,這個稱霸東西部
和北奧克蘭的婊子

239
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:44,318
花了很長的時間

240
00:15:44,401 --> 00:15:49,615
才有辦法飛到哪裡都搭頭等艙

241
00:15:49,698 --> 00:15:52,451
但相信我,如果你看到我

242
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,828
老娘就是搭頭等艙去的

243
00:15:56,789 --> 00:16:00,209
而且,我知道有件事必須改變

244
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:02,795
我不想要上了飛機之後

245
00:16:02,878 --> 00:16:04,672
每次都要經過朋友

246
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:07,216
“塞德里克,還好嗎?
休利,怎麼樣?”

247
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,385
“對,我坐36C”

248
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,178
搞屁喔

249
00:16:12,221 --> 00:16:15,683
我們上同一個節目
我得跟經紀人談一下”

250
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:22,356
幾個月前...

251
00:16:23,774 --> 00:16:28,696
我先把東西擺好一下

252
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:29,989
幾個月前

253
00:16:30,489 --> 00:16:33,575
坐頭等艙,有雞尾酒可以喝

254
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,706
我坐靠走道的位子,扮演聯邦空警

255
00:16:39,581 --> 00:16:42,584
監視所有的人,因為...

256
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:47,631
大家在那邊搞東搞西,忙著上網

257
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:52,511
我會仔細觀察每個踏上飛機的人

258
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,830
一個女人帶著兩個小孩

259
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:21,749
題外話

260
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:25,961
好

261
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:32,801
這個環節叫做“黑人女性在想什麼”

262
00:17:34,595 --> 00:17:37,222
我不想把重點放在種族上

263
00:17:37,306 --> 00:17:42,019
我只是說
白人女性和不是非裔的女性

264
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,606
如果妳穿著體面,走進某個地方

265
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:49,068
不管是在超市的冷凍食品區

266
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:51,862
或是在機場準備搭飛機

267
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:55,866
妳穿著體面,但妳的寶寶沒穿襪子

268
00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:00,537
我們黑人女性會在角落講妳壞話

269
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,710
我們會說

270
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:10,214
“看那個邋遢的婊子
沒給寶寶穿襪子”

271
00:18:10,798 --> 00:18:13,342
“他媽的婊子,看那個小禿頭

272
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,511
這裡很冷,他要戴帽子”

273
00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:18,764
我們會把妳批評得體無完膚

274
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:24,561
不過呢,有件事情需要誇獎一下

275
00:18:25,354 --> 00:18:27,356
聽好了,我小時候

276
00:18:28,774 --> 00:18:30,192
都會看到

277
00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:32,986
街上有一隻鞋子

278
00:18:34,488 --> 00:18:35,614
我就心想

279
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:39,618
另一隻鞋子死去哪裡了?

280
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:43,997
“怎麼不是兩隻鞋子都掉下來?
我不懂”

281
00:18:44,915 --> 00:18:47,417
後來我生了孩子

282
00:18:49,336 --> 00:18:53,173
幾年前,你們才開始強制使用

283
00:18:54,258 --> 00:18:55,634
兒童安全鎖

284
00:18:55,717 --> 00:18:57,094
但在那之前

285
00:18:57,177 --> 00:19:01,140
這些死小孩一有辦法碰到汽車座椅

286
00:19:01,223 --> 00:19:04,143
他們就按下按鈕打開車窗

287
00:19:04,226 --> 00:19:07,437
脫下鞋子,丟到窗戶外面!

288
00:19:09,106 --> 00:19:11,316
還有他們的襪子

289
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,404
你完全不曉得,直到你開到教堂

290
00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:19,449
那個死小孩坐在後座,光著腳丫子!

291
00:19:20,284 --> 00:19:22,077
“鞋子跑哪去了?”

292
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,795
所以我現在懂了

293
00:19:33,046 --> 00:19:37,718
幸運的是,這女人的小孩
穿得讓我很滿意

294
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,346
而且也很可愛

295
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:45,601
我就這樣逗他們...好可愛

296
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:49,897
下一個上飛機的是個牛仔

297
00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:01,575
“哈囉”

298
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:07,289
你不必孤獨一個人

299
00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:10,375
請上農夫專屬約會網站

300
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:16,423
接下來是軍人

301
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,009
是退休的

302
00:20:19,635 --> 00:20:20,761
海軍

303
00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:24,056
“感謝你保家衛國”

304
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:32,272
“好,看看這雙腳,顯然是變性人”

305
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:39,029
“嘿,姊妹”

306
00:21:01,301 --> 00:21:04,388
有個白人女性上了飛機

307
00:21:05,430 --> 00:21:06,640
她坐在...

308
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,476
她坐在我旁邊

309
00:21:10,227 --> 00:21:13,105
她一坐下就把窗戶關起來

310
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:24,574
我心想:“靠,我得對付這個女人了”

311
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,412
因為窗戶要打開來

312
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:37,587
所以我就...

313
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,194
“不好意思

314
00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:05,782
可以請妳把窗戶打開嗎?”

315
00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:09,619
她看著我說:“為什麼?”

316
00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:14,416
我就說

317
00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:18,628
“可能是焦慮吧

318
00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:22,049
我想看飛機起飛、降落

319
00:22:22,132 --> 00:22:24,634
萬一有東西朝我們襲來怎麼辦?”

320
00:22:28,597 --> 00:22:32,142
她說:“如果真的有,妳能怎樣?”

321
00:22:40,317 --> 00:22:43,403
我說:“那我就知道什麼時候要尖叫

322
00:22:43,487 --> 00:22:45,197
窗戶給我打開”

323
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:50,535
我把手伸過去她那邊,幫她打開窗戶

324
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:52,245
她說:“天啊

325
00:22:52,329 --> 00:22:55,332
妳侵犯到我的私人空間了”

326
00:22:55,415 --> 00:22:56,708
我就說:“賤貨

327
00:22:58,710 --> 00:23:01,254
妳那麼想要私人空間

328
00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:03,131
就應該包機,騷貨

329
00:23:03,215 --> 00:23:07,969
因為飛機上每個人
都侵犯到了別人的私人空間

330
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:09,805
如果妳不爽...

331
00:23:09,888 --> 00:23:10,722
幹嘛?”

332
00:23:28,573 --> 00:23:29,574
“她...

333
00:23:34,079 --> 00:23:34,913
我...”

334
00:24:08,029 --> 00:24:13,034
顯然,在飛機上飆罵瘋婆子是重罪

335
00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:16,455
就算飛機還沒起飛

336
00:24:19,583 --> 00:24:25,630
因為我非常認真看待
我自封的聯邦空警這個職務

337
00:24:25,714 --> 00:24:27,716
我答應不會...

338
00:24:30,427 --> 00:24:33,597
在奧克蘭飛往拉斯維加斯
一小時的飛機上

339
00:24:34,639 --> 00:24:36,183
跟這個賤貨講話

340
00:24:36,266 --> 00:24:37,684
但我做了一件事

341
00:24:39,227 --> 00:24:41,897
記得我說要讓老俚語再度流行嗎?

342
00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:43,064
記得

343
00:24:43,148 --> 00:24:46,193
我做了一件事
有些人可能記得這一個

344
00:24:46,276 --> 00:24:49,112
我就轉過頭去

345
00:24:49,196 --> 00:24:53,325
我目不轉睛
死盯著那個婊子的側臉看

346
00:24:53,408 --> 00:24:55,660
一路飛到拉斯維加斯

347
00:24:55,744 --> 00:24:57,120
“對,頭轉過來,賤人

348
00:24:57,204 --> 00:25:00,957
我在這裡盯著妳的耳膜看,賤人

349
00:25:01,041 --> 00:25:02,667
頭給我轉過來”

350
00:25:02,751 --> 00:25:06,296
這很討人厭,就像有人超你的車

351
00:25:06,379 --> 00:25:09,716
然後你在紅綠燈追上那個混蛋

352
00:25:09,799 --> 00:25:13,220
你很想對他比中指,他卻不看你?

353
00:25:13,303 --> 00:25:16,264
“看我,你這個死混蛋!幹!”

354
00:25:19,434 --> 00:25:20,268
好,等一下

355
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:32,364
各位先生女士

356
00:25:33,907 --> 00:25:36,910
今晚我站在大家的面前就是證明

357
00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:40,205
有句話說

358
00:25:40,914 --> 00:25:43,625
“謝天謝地,看不出我遭遇過那些事”

359
00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:55,345
各位,你們可能看不出來,不過

360
00:25:56,346 --> 00:25:57,889
我砲友滿天下

361
00:26:09,276 --> 00:26:10,151
沒錯

362
00:26:10,944 --> 00:26:12,028
總人數

363
00:26:12,112 --> 00:26:17,117
很多...

364
00:26:20,954 --> 00:26:24,249
我很早就發春,開始出來找男人

365
00:26:25,417 --> 00:26:27,210
從1970年代中期開始

366
00:26:28,044 --> 00:26:32,841
在艾滋病和古柯鹼盛行之前

367
00:26:34,050 --> 00:26:35,927
多美妙的時期

368
00:26:39,514 --> 00:26:42,309
但我現在累了,可惡

369
00:26:44,728 --> 00:26:45,937
我還剩...

370
00:26:46,021 --> 00:26:47,105
我算過

371
00:26:48,523 --> 00:26:53,528
我大概還能再幹17次或18次

372
00:26:54,237 --> 00:26:57,032
之後就要封起來了

373
00:26:59,075 --> 00:27:03,955
年紀大了之後,就得開始想一些事

374
00:27:05,206 --> 00:27:07,000
比方說,我...

375
00:27:07,083 --> 00:27:10,754
我們要到幾歲才能開始

376
00:27:10,837 --> 00:27:13,882
不用經常幫男人吹喇叭?

377
00:27:16,009 --> 00:27:17,802
找別人幫你吹啦

378
00:27:22,557 --> 00:27:23,642
我只是...

379
00:27:25,935 --> 00:27:28,063
真是夠了

380
00:27:29,356 --> 00:27:31,608
你不會以為我到75歲

381
00:27:31,691 --> 00:27:34,694
還會到處去幫人吹喇叭吧?

382
00:27:35,195 --> 00:27:37,781
“寶貝,阿姨不幹這種事了,親愛的”

383
00:27:38,823 --> 00:27:42,160
“你都不曉得
以前我在街上混的時候

384
00:27:42,243 --> 00:27:43,870
簡直是頭猛獸

385
00:27:44,663 --> 00:27:46,915
我在江湖人稱鵜鶘

386
00:27:50,835 --> 00:27:52,921
阿姨不幫人吹了”

387
00:28:03,181 --> 00:28:06,851
現在外頭的情況很複雜

388
00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:08,269
這我承認

389
00:28:08,895 --> 00:28:11,231
不知道該找哪種人

390
00:28:12,023 --> 00:28:14,901
小伙子不懂得前戲

391
00:28:14,984 --> 00:28:16,903
但老二超猛

392
00:28:18,154 --> 00:28:21,074
老傢伙前戲做得很足

393
00:28:21,157 --> 00:28:22,367
但老二...

394
00:28:24,285 --> 00:28:25,912
有夠廢

395
00:28:26,496 --> 00:28:28,498
這不能怪你們

396
00:28:29,416 --> 00:28:32,752
當你開始服用降血壓的藥物

397
00:28:33,461 --> 00:28:35,880
你就要做出選擇

398
00:28:35,964 --> 00:28:39,175
你是想幹人,還是想保命?

399
00:28:42,303 --> 00:28:45,598
我累了,外面那些搞七捻三的事

400
00:28:47,183 --> 00:28:49,144
我通通做過了

401
00:28:50,311 --> 00:28:54,649
最近天氣多變化
我在寒風中跟人搞過

402
00:28:54,733 --> 00:28:56,443
我在寒風中搞過

403
00:28:56,526 --> 00:28:58,319
我在下雪天搞過

404
00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:00,739
有次一邊幹還一邊下冰雹

405
00:29:00,822 --> 00:29:03,950
很煩,冰雹一直打在我臉上

406
00:29:04,033 --> 00:29:08,037
我不能專心,牙齒差點也被打掉

407
00:29:09,789 --> 00:29:12,208
我在沙漠搞過,在大熱天搞過

408
00:29:13,668 --> 00:29:15,837
白天、晚上

409
00:29:16,337 --> 00:29:18,840
在前院、後院

410
00:29:18,923 --> 00:29:20,383
在車庫裡

411
00:29:21,593 --> 00:29:22,969
車子後座

412
00:29:23,052 --> 00:29:25,305
在工作台上、在工具棚裡

413
00:29:25,847 --> 00:29:27,140
在游泳池裡

414
00:29:27,223 --> 00:29:28,933
在按摩浴缸裡

415
00:29:29,017 --> 00:29:30,435
在果嶺旁邊

416
00:29:31,227 --> 00:29:32,604
在烤肉坑旁邊

417
00:29:32,687 --> 00:29:34,105
在花園裡

418
00:29:34,189 --> 00:29:35,440
在甲板上

419
00:29:35,523 --> 00:29:36,858
在草坪家具上

420
00:29:36,941 --> 00:29:38,026
在廚房裡

421
00:29:38,693 --> 00:29:41,029
在廚房的桌子上

422
00:29:41,112 --> 00:29:42,614
在廚房的流理台上

423
00:29:42,697 --> 00:29:44,115
在廚房的地板上

424
00:29:44,199 --> 00:29:45,617
在客廳

425
00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:47,160
在睡椅上

426
00:29:47,243 --> 00:29:48,745
在沙發上

427
00:29:48,828 --> 00:29:50,038
在地毯上

428
00:29:50,121 --> 00:29:52,499
長絨地毯和普通地毯都有

429
00:29:53,416 --> 00:29:56,669
對,有人記得那種長絨地毯嗎?

430
00:29:57,170 --> 00:30:00,089
以前膝蓋很好的時候

431
00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:02,926
跪在兩公分長的地毯上

432
00:30:03,009 --> 00:30:06,179
來回這樣撞擊

433
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:07,430
撞擊

434
00:30:10,892 --> 00:30:12,769
只有我嗎?好吧

435
00:30:14,646 --> 00:30:17,023
我在台階上搞過

436
00:30:17,106 --> 00:30:19,442
在閣樓、地下室

437
00:30:19,526 --> 00:30:21,069
爸媽的房間

438
00:30:21,152 --> 00:30:22,821
在奶奶他們的房間

439
00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:24,280
在小孩的房間

440
00:30:24,364 --> 00:30:27,450
在有罩篷的公主床上

441
00:30:27,534 --> 00:30:29,744
在賽車床上

442
00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:33,081
我知道,那次我覺得很抱歉

443
00:30:33,164 --> 00:30:39,170
我叫那個小男生別來吵我
我在娛樂室搞過

444
00:30:39,254 --> 00:30:41,256
在撞球桌上

445
00:30:41,339 --> 00:30:43,675
在乒乓球桌底下

446
00:30:44,175 --> 00:30:45,510
窗簾有時打開

447
00:30:45,593 --> 00:30:47,011
有時關上

448
00:30:47,095 --> 00:30:48,304
有時開燈

449
00:30:48,388 --> 00:30:49,722
有時關燈

450
00:30:49,806 --> 00:30:51,015
有時衣服穿著

451
00:30:51,099 --> 00:30:52,392
有時衣服脫掉

452
00:30:52,475 --> 00:30:53,643
有時蓋棉被

453
00:30:53,726 --> 00:30:55,061
有時不蓋棉被

454
00:30:55,144 --> 00:30:56,187
兩人行

455
00:30:56,271 --> 00:30:57,355
三人行

456
00:30:57,438 --> 00:30:58,439
四人行

457
00:30:58,523 --> 00:30:59,440
雜交

458
00:30:59,524 --> 00:31:02,235
呼麻、酗酒、吸古柯鹼

459
00:31:02,318 --> 00:31:03,194
嗑藥丸

460
00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:04,195
迷幻蘑菇

461
00:31:04,279 --> 00:31:05,780
蜂蜜、奶油

462
00:31:05,864 --> 00:31:06,823
嬰兒油

463
00:31:06,906 --> 00:31:07,782
糖漿

464
00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:09,492
果凍、龍舌蘭

465
00:31:09,576 --> 00:31:11,286
榛果醬、鮮奶油

466
00:31:11,369 --> 00:31:12,453
花生醬

467
00:31:12,537 --> 00:31:14,038
草莓、香蕉

468
00:31:14,122 --> 00:31:16,332
四季豆、馬鈴薯、蕃茄

469
00:31:16,416 --> 00:31:17,458
無所不有

470
00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:20,420
感謝奧克蘭的朋友

471
00:31:47,989 --> 00:31:50,283
我的一切

472
00:31:51,242 --> 00:31:53,828
我所代表的一切

473
00:31:54,454 --> 00:31:56,789
我所遵從的信念與原則

474
00:31:56,873 --> 00:32:00,835
都是我在加州奧克蘭的街頭學來的

475
00:32:04,839 --> 00:32:09,218
我以前都在這裡搭乘公車

476
00:32:09,302 --> 00:32:12,388
我在這裡被關過

477
00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:19,062
這裡的每個人都是我生命的一部分

478
00:32:19,938 --> 00:32:23,858
你們從當年的靈魂節拍電視網

479
00:32:23,942 --> 00:32:25,902
就一直陪伴著我

480
00:32:28,029 --> 00:32:31,783
別忘記,還有朵西夜總會

481
00:32:34,953 --> 00:32:39,415
在場的很多人,我睡過你們家的地板

482
00:32:39,499 --> 00:32:41,459
你們的車庫

483
00:32:41,542 --> 00:32:43,711
你們的沙發

484
00:32:43,795 --> 00:32:46,089
你們抱過我的孩子

485
00:32:46,172 --> 00:32:49,300
你們載過我,幫過我

486
00:32:49,384 --> 00:32:54,263
我對奧克蘭忠心不二,死而後已

487
00:32:54,347 --> 00:32:56,808
謝謝你們沒有放棄我

488
00:32:56,891 --> 00:32:58,267
我愛你們所有人

489
00:32:58,351 --> 00:33:01,229
非常感謝,謝謝大家,晚安

490
00:33:15,118 --> 00:33:16,536
字幕翻譯:黃英哲