1
00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:02,640
Feel like you're holding back, mate.

2
00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:04,960
If we're gonna put this online,
we're gonna need more from you.

3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:06,960
Like more arrogance in your face.

4
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:07,960

Yeah.

5
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,960
Yeah, that's it. 
That's it.

6
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,640
CHEERING

7
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,960
FOOTBALL COMMENTARY PLAYS

8
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,480
BOOING

9
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,960
'Who's that?'

10
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,960
It's just the morons outside. 
They think they're funny,

11
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,960
making my grandma do random things, 
then they put it on TikTok.

12
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:25,160
"Scounsenancausingmayhem" 
or something.

13
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,960
'That's your nan? No way!
Are they live now?'

14
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,960
CHEERING

15
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,000
WHOOPING

16
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,960
Did I miss the Ronaldo? Siuuuu!

17
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,640
Hey, great shout with the shirt off, 
Pat.

18
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,160
You absolutely smashed it. 
Completely silenced the Bernabeu.

19
00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:45,800
Last one now, eh, boys?

20
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,960

She doesn't like you.

21
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,320
'Ooh, what's she gonna do now?'

22
00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,960
COMMENTARY CONTINUES

23
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,960
CHEERING

24
00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,320
You said you were gonna get me
free bingo tickets.

25
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,960
I did. I got you them 
for last Saturday, lad!

26
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:07,960
You know I go to Angie's tango class
on a Saturday. You know that, Reece.

27
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,960
LAUGHING

28
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:10,960
That's heavy, that, lad.

29
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,960
Lingering beef about that quid 
I took for going the shop for her!

30
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,000
Let me do one. Let me do one.

31
00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,960
If I was a professional,

32
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,960
my trademark celebration 
would be running into the crowd,

33
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,960
putting me face 
right into Reece's ma's arse

34
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,960
and while I am in there, 
pointing to the heavens.

35
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:25,960
CHEERS

36
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:40,640

Oh, here we go!

37
00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,960
Sorry to disturb your lunchbreak,
but I have sent out an email

38
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,960
because it's National Diversity
and Inclusion Week.

39
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:49,640
When's it gonna be 
you leave us alone week?

40
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,960
I don't care if 
a Jaffa Cake identifies as a cake.

41
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,800
Belongs in the biscuit tin.

42
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:56,960
Mr Meacher and I have set up
a homework task.

43
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,960
You need to pair yourselves up
with someone who is your opposite

44
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:03,960
and experience their lives
over the next few days.

45
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:04,960
Just sit down, Brimble!

46
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:10,000
ALL CHANT: Sit down, Brimble.

47
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,160
Sit down, Brimble.

48
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:14,960
Sit down, Brimble.
Sit down, Brimble.

49
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,960
On Wednesday...
you will both do a presentation

50
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,960
in front of the whole school.
GROANING

51
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:24,960
You'll speak about your differences
and what common ground you found.

52
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:27,960

No-one cares.

53
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:30,960
Embrace it. Share it.

54
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:35,960
Celebrate it.
BOOING

55
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:41,000
And Mr Meacher is offering a £500
prize for the winning presentation.

56
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,000
CHEERING

57
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:47,960
Who would your opposite be?

58
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:52,000
Probably just
someone really unpopular, like...

59
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:54,960
..like her.

60
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,960
God, you know, I can't be arsed
with these presentations.

61
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,800
I'm just not gonna win, am I?

62
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,960
Oh, yous are so cute together.

63
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,960
Cheers, girl. And do you know what?

64
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,960
It doesn't matter that
he doesn't speak English

65
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,960
cos I know exactly what he's saying
through his eyes.

66
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:23,480
Like just then, he said,
"I'm going for me lunch."

67
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,960
So, the Brimble just came up to you 
and asked to be partners?

68
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,960
Well, she asked us
if I was a practising Muslim first.

69
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,960
I told her "na'am",
which is "yeah" in Arabic.

70
00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,960
You won't get away with that, lad.

71
00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,960
Aw, we should be partners, mate. 
I could win this.

72
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:40,960
Diversity loves a gay.

73
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:42,960
That's one of 
the most beautifully tolerant things

74
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:47,960
you've ever said to me. Thank you. 
Knob!

75
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,960
I'm fuming. How am I supposed
to show my acting skills

76
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:53,960
when this is who I'm put with?

77
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,960
Smoked someone the other day. 
A Manchester United fan?

78
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:58,960
Oh, yeah, fucking scruff. Divvy.

79
00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:00,960
Oh, Romeo, Romeo.
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

80
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:03,960
Oh, sorry, he's just finishing
Pro Clubs on FIFA.

81
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:05,800
Do you know, I feel for you, girl.

82
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:06,960
Cos you know, me and Ziad,

83
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,960
we were practising our audition 
this morning,

84
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,960
and you can proper get in the zone 
with the right partner.

85
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,960
Sir, me and Ziad, 
we're gonna audition next.

86
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,960
Now, he is from Libya, 
so he doesn't speak English,

87
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,800
so we're gonna do, like, 
a non-verbal audition.

88
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,960
Well, that's not gonna work. 
Why?

89
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,000
Are you racist against people 
who don't speak English, sir?

90
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,960
Are you a big, bad Nazi,
are you, sir?

91
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,960
Why do you look so guilty, sir?

92
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:32,960
We... 
Get your kit off.

93
00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,000
Show us you haven't got 
a swastika tattoo, sir.

94
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:41,960
Erm... Ziad, 
in no way did I intend...

95
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,960
Sir, he doesn't speak English.

96
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,960
Oh, now
you're just a patronising racist!

97
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,320
Come on, Ziad,
let's prove to the racists

98
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:52,960
that we can show Romeo and Juliet's
connection without language.

99
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,160
Sorry.

100
00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:00,960
# Baby, I'm

101
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,960
# Dancing in the dark

102
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:08,960
# With you between my arms... #

103
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:09,960
Down.

104
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,960
OK.

105
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:26,960
No.

106
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,160
SHE GROANS

107
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,960
SHE SIGHS

108
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:44,960
SHE MOANS LOUDLY

109
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:49,960
Thank you.

110
00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:51,960
IN ARABIC:

111
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,960
Lucky bastard!

112
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,960
BUZZING

113
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,640
Dad, I'm bringing this girl over,

114
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,960
but I kinda told her
I was a proper Muslim

115
00:06:00,960 --> 00:06:03,960
so I could do
this opposites homework with her.

116
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,960
Astaghfirullah! I tell you 
never to bring evil white girl

117
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:07,960
to this house, Mohammed.

118
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:11,960

I don't care how serious you are.

119
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,960
Your grandad's been trying to get 
you in a mosque for years.

120
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:18,960
Now some girl comes along, 
and you wanna pretend to be Muslim.

121
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:19,960
Are you having a laugh?

122
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,960
All right. 
Son, what's this girl like?

123
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:26,960

That's one word.

124
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,960
And we're celebrating
Eid "al-Hadda".

125
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:30,960
Adha.

126
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,960
Adha. Yeah, Dad, are you gonna help?

127
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:36,960
'Yeah. Go on, then.'

128
00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,960
So, like, I know you're gay,

129
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,960
but surely if that bird who played
Wonder Woman wanted you,

130
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:44,960
you obviously would?

131
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:47,000
Oh, yeah, I'd completely abandon

132
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,960
me whole genetic and hormonal 
make-up for her. Yeah.

133
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:54,800

Yeah.

134
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,960
You see, what's good is
you're gonna get to experience

135
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,960
a progressive, modern-day
Muslim family.

136
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:03,960

Yeah. Wow.

137
00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,480
They're here. Press play.

138
00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,480
Astaghfirullah!

139
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,960
You are a disgrace!

140
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,960
I shall never forgive you.

141
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,960
Eid Mubarak.

142
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,960
Apologies for my wife's behaviour. 
Er, she is practising seclusion

143
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:28,320
from public observation and 
had the audacity to show her feet.

144
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:29,960
I still see your toeys.

145
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:34,800
Dad, it's Eid, and
women celebrate with us. Remember?

146
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,960
You're right. 
She may join us for five minutes.

147
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,480
Mum!

148
00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:49,960
NOISE FROM PHONE

149
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,960
I thought you wanted me to teach you
how to be more earnest in life?

150
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,960
I am earnest, me.

151
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,800
Today, I taught Miss Prescott 
that if she had an OnlyFans,

152
00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,960
I'd defo subscribe.

153
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:03,960
Why, when you've already made 
your mind up about me?

154
00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:04,960
So just put a slide up saying,

155
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,960
"The difference between me and Reece 
in ten years."

156
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,640
Then photoshop a pic of you 
in a suit with a £50 note,

157
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:14,960
snorting cocaine 
off Jacob Rees-Mogg's bum cheeks.

158
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,960
Then me, in a pair of 
Reebok Classics, looking chavtastic,

159
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:20,960
standing outside the job centre 
with me 13 kids.

160
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,960
Christopher, I'm home.

161
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,960
What are you doing that for?

162
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:27,000
You don't seem to care
about doing any work.

163
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,960
Are you even going to uni or
is that a bit too grown-up for you?

164
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,960
Lad, I'm starting 
a joinery apprenticeship as soon as.

165
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:35,960
I'll be earning 
a decent wage for a nice house

166
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:37,960
whilst you're sucking off 
the manager of Lidl,

167
00:08:37,960 --> 00:08:40,960
desperate for a job cos 
you're 50 grand in debt after uni.

168
00:08:40,960 --> 00:08:42,960
Then who'll be the grown-up one? 
Christopher!

169
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,960
TURNS THE VOLUME UP
What are you doing that for?

170
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,960
I don't know. It's funny, innit?

171
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,960
I just want her to think that 
we're shagging.

172
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,960
Turn it off!

173
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,960
What are you doing? Get off me top!

174
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,960
Come 'ead!

175
00:08:59,960 --> 00:09:05,960
OPERA MUSIC

176
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,960
MOANING FROM PHONE

177
00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:21,800
GROANING FROM PHONE

178
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,640
You boys are certainly throwing 
yourselves

179
00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,320
into this get to know each other 
homework.

180
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:28,960
Soz, Pat. 
Chrissy's a bit of a squealer.

181
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,000
SQUEALS

182
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,960
It is great that
you all eat from the same plate.

183
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:40,960
It's uniquely intimate. So bonding.

184
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,960
I have something for you.

185
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,800
SHE LAUGHS

186
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:56,960
Erm...

187
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,960
Mohammed, why is she looking 
so confused, huh? Is she not happy?

188
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,160
You said the mahr for the marriage 
had been agreed.

189
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,960
Yeah.

190
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,960
It's such an honour to welcome you 
to our family,

191
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,960
you know, 
as my future daughter-in-law.

192
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:12,000
Sorry, what?

193
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,960
He's always wanted to control 
the woman.

194
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,480
You have. You have.

195
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,960
Remember when you were a little boy? 
You used to take that Barbie.

196
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:20,960
He'd say, "You're my wife.

197
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,960
"You're my wife, 
and I'm gonna hide your passport,

198
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,320
"tie you to a radiator." 
It was so cute. It was so funny.

199
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,960
You can't say that!

200
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,320
Sorry, I think 
there's been a misunderstanding.

201
00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,960
I am not here to be Mo's wife.

202
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,000
I-I am here to learn 
about your religion.

203
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,960

Apologies.

204
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,320
Would you please excuse him, just 
while he prepares the main course?

205
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:46,960

Mm!

206
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,960
BLEATING

207
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:50,960
What's he playing at?

208
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:57,960
We will now begin 
our Eid Qurbani celebration.

209
00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:01,800
The ritual slaughter of a goat.

210
00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:08,480
Would our guest of honour... 
like to perform the sacrifice?

211
00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:13,960
Erm... No, I respect your religion, 
but I would rather not.

212
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:17,800
Well, then, 
Cutthroat Mo takes the reins again.

213
00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,320
That's what we call him cos 
when he was five, he was a natural,

214
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,640
real thirst for blood.

215
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:23,960
Hm, so murderous.

216
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:27,960
Mum. Dad, that is no longer
a tradition we follow.

217
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,960
Dad!

218
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,960
Just... Yeah, just give me a second.
Sorry.

219
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:35,960
LAUGHING,
BLEATING

220
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,960
Yous aren't funny!

221
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,960
Cutthroat Mo strikes again.

222
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,320
Sir, why are you only seeing
lads and girls audition?

223
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,960
Are you a homophobe
as well as a racist?

224
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:03,000
Romeo and Ricardo for the win.

225
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,960
Ted makes a great point,

226
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,960
and we need to be more inclusive 
with the languages for Ziad.

227
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,960
I've popped an Arabic translation 
I found in the WhatsApp group.

228
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,480
Maybe Mo and Ziad 
would like to audition as a pair?

229
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:18,960
Erm... Yeah. Sound.

230
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:27,960
IN ARABIC:

231
00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,960
Yeah.

232
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

233
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,960
Classic Shakespeare.

234
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:38,000
Conflict... to resolution. 
Fantastic, boys.

235
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:44,960
Oh, there you are, mate.
Listen, I really need your help.

236
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,960
Reckon you've got any pictures
of Pat when she was younger?

237
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:52,480
Cos I'm seeing hallmarks
of a decent bum, you know.

238
00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:53,960
I'm only messing.

239
00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:56,800
Though if you had any, I'd probably
wanna look out of curiosity.

240
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:58,960
But anyway, you know Reece's ma?

241
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,960
That really shy and retiring woman?

242
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,960

No, she didn't.

243
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:07,960
Mate, swear down. We were in the
canteen, brought me over Alphabites,

244
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,960
gave me a wink and I looked at them
and I realised,

245
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,960
if I moved them round, it spelt out,
"I want you, Con."

246
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,960
I had to use the "O" more than once,

247
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,960
but that's just a mistake
on her part.

248
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,960
That wasn't a coincidence. There's 
a lot of things that could spell.

249
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,960
No, mate, secret code.

250
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,000
SIGHS

251
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:29,960
Proper torn now, lad.
Cos it's banter.

252
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:34,960
But it's not banter because...
I wanna do it.

253
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,640
Just, Reece is me mate.

254
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:40,960
You should go for it.

255
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,960
Well, if this week at school 
has taught us anything,

256
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,960
it's to be your authentic self, 
and people should accept that.

257
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:51,480
Yeah. And my authentic self wants
his head right up Jodie's arse.

258
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,640
Nice one, lad. I'll see you later.

259
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:04,000
Aye, pilgrim, 
lips that they must use in prayer.

260
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:08,960
Oh, then, dear saint,
let lips do what hands do.

261
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,960
Saints do not move, 
though grant for prayers' sake.

262
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,960
Then move not
while my prayer's effect I take.

263
00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:21,960
Nah, no, I'm not havin' this, me. 
Right in me face like that.

264
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:26,160
I'm back tomorrow. 
You're dead, you sweaty lizard.

265
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:31,960

Gold star English student.

266
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:36,640
HE SPEAKS
ENGLISH WORDS SLOWLY

267
00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:38,960

Look...

268
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,960
Oh, my God, he's still pretending.

269
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,960
And here's me telling Aims
we don't need to vet you

270
00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:43,960
cos I know you'll pass.

271
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,960
I vetted you anyway 
because she's my mate,

272
00:15:45,960 --> 00:15:47,960
and something about you is dodgy.

273
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:48,960
In a non-racist way.

274
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,800
We did the usual background check of
all your socials for any scandals,

275
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,960
looking at your internet history
to make sure

276
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,960
you're not a perv
and no naughty shoes.

277
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,800
And you only just passed that one,
by the way.

278
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,000
You've been added, lad.

279
00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,960
Yeah, you have.
So, don't you ever speak

280
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,960
to either of us again in English...

281
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,960

Mia-Louise!

282
00:16:10,960 --> 00:16:11,960
SPEAKS ARABIC

283
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,960
Come back.

284
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,000
So, what was Reece like as a kid?

285
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:24,960
He struggled.

286
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:30,640
Wasn't his fault. 
He had a lot to deal with.

287
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,960
We didn't have any heating.

288
00:16:32,960 --> 00:16:37,800
Sometimes, the only food 
we could afford was 9p Netto beans.

289
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:38,960
I'm sorry.

290
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,960
Sometimes, I had to send him 
out into the street to steal

291
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:47,960
other people's hubcaps and... 
when we were really desperate...

292
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,160
I had to shove him 
through people's cat flaps,

293
00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,960
to break into their houses. 
He was only four years old.

294
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,960
HE SIGHS

295
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,960
Well, I see now
why he is the way he is.

296
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:08,640
I'm winding you up, soft arse.

297
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,960
Never mind 
what you see on the telly.

298
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,960
We're not all sitting round, 
eating crack out of a bin bag.

299
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,960
Look, I suppose you can say...

300
00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:21,960
..that it's only ever been 
me and him.

301
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:26,960
So, I'm very proud... 
of the man that he's becoming.

302
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:32,960
Oi, oi, here he is. 
Here's that tenner, son.

303
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,960
Ah! Nice one, Mum.

304
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:35,960
Oh, so you can bend down?

305
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:38,960
Well, in that case, you can go 
and pick up your dirty plate

306
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,960
and put it in the dishwasher, 
lazy arse.

307
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,960
Right, I'm off to work. 
Give us that tenner back.

308
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:49,960
Nice one. G'wed. 
See you later. Love you.  Love you.

309
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:56,640
I think it's really great you're 
so committed to your schoolwork.

310
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:02,960
Bet your mum would have been 
dead proud of you.

311
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:09,000
Hey, Connor came onto me ma 
last night.

312
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,960
Nah, it's not funny, lad. 
He told me you told him to do it.

313
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:12,960
He actually did it?

314
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:16,480
What did you say that to him for?

315
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:20,960
Nah, banter's funny. 
But nobody treats me ma like that.

316
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,960

No, you should know better.

317
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,960
You're lucky if 
I even do this presentation later.

318
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,960
Though I suppose 
we can tell everyone

319
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:32,960
how we're so different, then, cos 
one of us is proper disrespectful.

320
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,960
APPLAUSE

321
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:40,960
Good afternoon to you all.

322
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:45,000
Here at Allsbrooke, we are proud 
to promote a school culture

323
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,960
that values diversity.

324
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,960
So, without further ado,

325
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:52,960
first up, we have Connor and Ted.

326
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:54,960
It's mad cos...

327
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,960
CHUCKLING

328
00:18:56,960 --> 00:18:58,960
..I love girls' arses,

329
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:02,960
and he loves lads' arses, don't you?

330
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,160
Kieran and Lewis.

331
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:10,960
Our main differences are, 
he benches 270...

332
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:13,160
I bench 275.

333
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,960
And if you look, 
they're not really that different.

334
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:20,960
Mine and Kieran's common ground is 
we both generally love a good scrap.

335
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:25,160
We'll batter anyone who wants it 
and batter them again if needs be.

336
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,960
Just slightly different in shape.

337
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,960
So, maybe me and Ted aren't 
that different, either.

338
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,800
HE SOBS

339
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:35,960
APPLAUSE

340
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:40,640
But we're most similar... 
cos we're both humans,

341
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,960
and humans make mistakes.

342
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:48,960
I bet any one of them sound lads 
there on that picture made mistakes.

343
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,160
Will you?

344
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,480
Is that a pebble?

345
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:58,960
Lewis, are you messing?

346
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:00,960
It's not about the mistake.

347
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,960
I want someone that'll push me
out of me comfort zone.

348
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:03,960
She's had you off!

349
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:04,960
You're not me Romeo.

350
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:09,160
LAUGHTER

351
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,960
Fuck off!

352
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,960
CHANTING

353
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:18,320
I asked Mo's parents to tell me
a Muslim prayer

354
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:21,960

What?

355
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,960
So, if you could please all join me
in a call to Salah.

356
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:27,960
No, no...

357
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:34,160
# Sal-ah, la-la-la-la. #

358
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,960
Is this real?

359
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:39,480
I can't believe he said that to her.

360
00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:44,960
If he's good enough for you...
he's good enough for me.

361
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:48,640
AUDIENCE: # Sitting in a mosque
That's where I wanna be

362
00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:55,960
# La-la-la-la-la

363
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:59,960
# If he's good enough for you
He's good enough for me. #

364
00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:03,000
OK. OK...

365
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,960
OK.

366
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:12,960
And now for the final pairing, 
we have Reece and Christopher.

367
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:19,000
There were many differences 
I experienced when being with Reece,

368
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,160
but in truth, 
I started to understand them.

369
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:26,960
I now understand that a family 
can abuse each other non-stop

370
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:28,960
but love each other very much.

371
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:33,640
And I think love was our 
common ground, a love for our mums.

372
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,960
LAUGHTER

373
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,960
You all laugh, 
but you love your parents, too.

374
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,960
It's just Reece has got the balls 
to show it.

375
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:45,960
He always sticks up for her, 
and he always defends her.

376
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,960
I remember 
a time I was out with my mum,

377
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:54,960
and... these idiots my age 
were... harassing her,

378
00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:58,960
saying idiotic things about her...

379
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:00,960
and I did nothing.

380
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,960
So, I guess 
our biggest common ground was

381
00:22:04,960 --> 00:22:06,800
our fondness for our mums.

382
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,960
I just wish 
I'd shown my fondness more.

383
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,960
Show your loved ones you care... 
before it's too late.

384
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:22,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

385
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:31,960
I think we have our winners.

386
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:35,320
Lad, we're loaded!

387
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:37,960
Do you reckon we try and get tickets 
for the Liverpool game?

388
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,960
Good afternoon, everyone.

389
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,960
This... is the moment
we've all been waiting for,

390
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,960
the moment we announce
the cast of the school play.

391
00:22:55,960 --> 00:23:00,320
You see here at Allsbrooke,
character is destiny,

392
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:04,960
and playing the characters
of Romeo and Juliet are...

393
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,960
Who-a-a-a-a!

394
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,960
..Aimee and Christopher.
CHEERING

395
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,960
But soft, what light
through yonder window breaks?

396
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,800
It is the east.
And Mia-Louise is the sun.

397
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,320
Do one, you liar.

398
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:40,480
Look, when we first met,
you assumed I didn't speak English,

399
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:41,960
and you seemed to like
that about me,

400
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:45,000
so I played along because...
cos you are so beautiful.

401
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,960
I-I wanted to tell you the truth,

402
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,960
but you kept talking
about our eyes communicating.

403
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:53,960
I was afraid you'd think
our connection wasn't real.

404
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:58,960
But it is.
Because it's not about our mouths.

405
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,960
It's not even about our eyes.

406
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:03,960
It's about our hearts.

407
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,800
Well, just give me a sec, then.

408
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:17,960
PHONE PINGS

409
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,960
Pass the ball, lad.
KNOCK ON DOOR

410
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,480
I found these on the kitchen table.

411
00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,960
It's two tickets for Friday
off Mo's ma.

412
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,480
You can take one of your bessies
from Angie's tango class.

413
00:24:36,480 --> 00:24:37,960
I wanna squash this beef, Pat.

414
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:40,960
I'm sick
of always looking over me shoulder.

415
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,960
Oh, get in! 
'What a goal!'

416
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,960
Siuuu!

417
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:47,960
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com

418
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:51,960
Siuuu!

419
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,960
Siuuu!