1
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:08,960
Whoa!

2
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,160
That's 14 minutes 
till your fucking bus, Reece.

3
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,960
Bang out of order!

4
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:14,960
Four shouts water rule!

5
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,960
What if I stay in bed now?
What's the five shouts rule?

6
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,320
Fucking fire!

7
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,960
How am I supposed to go to school
if I don't even have my uniform?!

8
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:24,960
I put it next 
to your fucking bed, Reece!

9
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:27,960
Oh. Thanks, Mum.

10
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,960
You're fucking welcome.

11
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,960
Go on. Oh, wait.

12
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,160
You forgot my kiss.

13
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,480
Hang on, what?
We don't even do that.

14
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,960
You were gonna though, weren't you? 
Soft shite!

15
00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,960
No, I weren't.
You're off you head, you, you know.

16
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,800
Come here. Mwah!

17
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:52,960
Have a good day. Love you.

18
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,800
Love you.

19
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:58,960
MUSIC: 'Don't Sweat The Technique'
by Eric B & Rakim

20
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,640
Oh, my God.

21
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,480
What's that?

22
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:07,960
Morning, Pat, lad.

23
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:09,800
# Don't sweat the technique

24
00:01:15,960 --> 00:01:18,960
# Don't sweat the technique

25
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,960
# Let's trace the hints 
And check the file

26
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:31,960
# Let see who bit 
To detect the style

27
00:01:31,960 --> 00:01:33,960
# I flip the script 
So they can't get foul

28
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:35,960
# At least not now 
It'll take a while

29
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:38,160
# I change the pace 
To complete the beat

30
00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:40,960
# I drop the bass 
Till MCs get weak... #

31
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:43,960
Oh, there he is. Come on, lad! 
What's happening?

32
00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:46,160
See you soon.

33
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:52,960
CHEERING

34
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,960
# Mo Salah, Mo Salah 
Made it on the bus. #

35
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:57,960
LAUGHTER

36
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,960
# MCs wanna beef 
Then I play for keeps

37
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,960
# When they sweat the technique. #

38
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,960
That's a tough one. 
Mm.

39
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:08,960
Mike Woodworth's.

40
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,960
Yeah, how'd you get that?

41
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,960
Kinda looks like him.

42
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:18,480
You got 12 out of 15, girl. Go 'ead.

43
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:19,960
What are you gonna do with them?

44
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,960
It's ammunition, innit? 
If they ever wind me up,

45
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,960
then I'm putting their tiny cocks 
on the Year 11 group chat.

46
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:26,960

But if I'm just starving,

47
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,960
like today, I actually forgot 
to have my breakfast.

48
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,960
So I threatened Sevo 
unless he got me these.

49
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,960
LAUGHTER

50
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:34,960
Lads are so thick. 
Hm.

51
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,960
You ask, 
and they send within seconds.

52
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,960
We could make our own version 
of Guess Who?

53
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,960
Has your cock 
got FIFA in the background?

54
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:47,480
Hmm, has your cock got a wide base 
but a narrow head?

55
00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:49,960
LAUGHTER

56
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:53,960
Hey, speaking of bell ends, 
who's this?

57
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,960
Looks like he's just tested positive

58
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:57,960
for defo getting 
his head caved in today.

59
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:04,800
That's that posh muppet
from earlier.

60
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:05,960
Eh?

61
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,800
Dickhead.

62
00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,160
Ooh! 
You're in trouble!

63
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,960
That was dead funny, yesterday.

64
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,960
Reckon she'll snitch, though?

65
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,960
Chinese people don't grass, lad.
It's not part of the culture.

66
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,960
What I really need to know, Reece, 
is was it racially motivated?

67
00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:25,960
YOU'RE racially motivated, lad.

68
00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,960
The mouse was in
Li Wei's pencil case.

69
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,960
Li Hua is in 11E.

70
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,960
So let's say we forget
about all this expelling silliness,

71
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,320
and I'll say nothing to no-one
about you being...

72
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:38,960
WHISPERS: ..the top dog
for the Ku Klux Klan Woolton branch.

73
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,800
Sit down, Reece.

74
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,960
I get it. 
Practical jokes can be funny.

75
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,960
A friend of mine found images of me 
and his wife on my computer.

76
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:49,960
He was convinced 
that they were real,

77
00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,960
but they were just photoshops.

78
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,960
Very real-looking photoshops.

79
00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,000
Anyway, Reece,

80
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,960
this has been a continual pattern 
of poor behaviour,

81
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,480
and I can't ignore the complaints 
of the East Asian Society.

82
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:05,960
You what?

83
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:08,640
She's not even Asian!

84
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:11,960
We cannot, and we will not, stand by

85
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,960
while toxic western men 
like Reece Duffy

86
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:17,960
exhibit abhorrent behaviour 
aimed at our community.

87
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,800
SPEAKS MANDARIN

88
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,640
You gave me no choice, Reece. 
I've already informed your mother.

89
00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:25,960
'You're gonna answer my FaceTime!

90
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:27,960
'Expelled?

91
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,960
'Are you fucking serious, gobshite?!

92
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,960
'You know, I've always thought 
I was doing a good job with you.

93
00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,000
'I was determined I wasn't gonna 
let you be affected

94
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,480
'by your dad not being around, 
and with this,

95
00:04:39,480 --> 00:04:41,960
'you're making me question whether 
I've been a good mother at all.'

96
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,960
Isn't it funny how we're mates,

97
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,960
but if your mum would let me 
bury my face in her arse,

98
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,960
I would without hesitation?

99
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,000
Isn't that weird?

100
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:57,960
I've never really thought
about it, mate.

101
00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,960
Would we really not 
be mates anymore?

102
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:00,960
We'd get through it.

103
00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:01,960
I suppose, yeah, but...

104
00:05:01,960 --> 00:05:04,480
I doubt you'd ever come round
for tea again, though.

105
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,960
Nah. See, now, that's a problem,

106
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,960
cos your ma makes 
a sick pork casserole.

107
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,800
Oh, I'm gonna have to rethink.

108
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:20,320
All right, Wigbert, lad. 
All right, fucking Barnaby, lad.

109
00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:22,960
Fucking Norman, lad.

110
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,960
Fucking Npeter 
with a silent "N" at the start.

111
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:26,320
Let me guess, then.

112
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,960
What, your sisters have 
hyphenated names

113
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,960
to try and sound posher? 
Like Ruby-Mae or Louise-Rose?

114
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,160
Ted, how does he know 
your little sister's name?

115
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,960
You'll get pasted, lad.

116
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,960
Wait, I need him. Paste him later.

117
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,960
Agree to everything I say
to Mr Meacher. Yeah?

118
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,960
So, let me get this straight, Reece.

119
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,960
You are offering 
to look after Christopher here

120
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,960
as a kind of last chance saloon?

121
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,960
Well, I feel for him, being new.

122
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:55,000
Look at the state of him.

123
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,960
He looks so posh,
like he doesn't just play rugby,

124
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,960
but he plays it with Prince William

125
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,960
constantly bumming him
around the pitch.

126
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,960
I know that I can't do great things,

127
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,160
but I can do small things,

128
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:10,480
and if we all do small things,

129
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,960
then together
we can do a great thing,

130
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,960
like Uncle Dale...

131
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:19,960
..and turn it around.

132
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,640
OK, Reece, then report back here 
on Friday at 9am.

133
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:30,960
If I'm happy 
and Christopher's happy,

134
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,960
we'll discuss you staying here.

135
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,960
Close the door on the way out.

136
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:41,640
So, what did we think 
of the character of Mr Darcy

137
00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:43,960
at the beginning of the story?

138
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,960
Why are you worried about 
what we think about Mr Darcy, sir,

139
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,960
when our Lizzie 
is the sound one here

140
00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:48,960
but nobody cares about her?

141
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:50,960
Do you not care about women, sir? 
Your wife left you

142
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:53,960
and now you hate women, sir? 
I'm not married or have been.

143
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,960
You're about 40 
and never been married?

144
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:57,960
It's a bit dodgy, that, sir.

145
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,320
Unless you think 
you're too good for women, sir?

146
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,960
Think you're all that, do you, sir? 
Like all men do.

147
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,960
LAUGHTER

148
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,960
Erm, Con, are you messing?

149
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,000
I tricked you into sending me nudes

150
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,480
cos you thought 
I was gonna send you one back.

151
00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,960
Even after the 50th nude, 
you still didn't click on.

152
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:13,960
Fifty, though?

153
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,960
Did you not think
this ain't happening?

154
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:17,960
I thought a fresh angle 
might win her over.

155
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:19,960
And Reece, 
you defo think you're all that.

156
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,960
Didn't stop you
from kissing us, though.

157
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,960
I was drunk.

158
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,960
It was two years ago.

159
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,960
Paedo, then.

160
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:28,960
OK, that's... that's enough.

161
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:31,960
So, Mr Darcy.

162
00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:34,160
Nah, Mum.

163
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:36,960
Come on, I'll call social services
and tell them you're starving me.

164
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,960
I've already spoken to them. 
I told them what you did.

165
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,960
They said to starve 
the little fucker.

166
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:43,960
I've got a plan.

167
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,320
I've agreed with Meachie
to mentor this new kid.

168
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,960
Who the fuck 
are they gonna let you mentor?

169
00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,960
Him there.

170
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,960
What, him, the lanky one?

171
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,960
Hiya, excuse me, hi.

172
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:56,960
Yeah, you.

173
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,960
Is our Reece mentoring you?

174
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,960
Er... er...

175
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,960
Oh, has he got a disability?

176
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,960
Is that why you've gotta mentor him?

177
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,960
No, Mum.

178
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,960
Oi, hiya, yeah, hiya.

179
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:10,960
Are you depressed?!

180
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,320
Is that why you're sat on your own?

181
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,960
What's he going red for?

182
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:17,960
Oi, you wet fart! 
I asked you a question!

183
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:19,960
LAUGHTER

184
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,960
Good luck with mentoring that one. 
He's got no fucking manners.

185
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,960
Trust me, it's gonna work.

186
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,960
KNOCK AT WINDOW

187
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:43,960
HE MOUTHS

188
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:49,320
What the hell are you doing here?

189
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,960

I don't need any help settling in.

190
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,960

Christopher?

191
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:57,960
Some Viennetta, love. We don't 
always slum it here, you know.

192
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:01,960
Oh, sorry, I didn't know 
you were entertaining a guest.

193
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,960
I'll leave you two, to er, 
get to know each other.

194
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,160
Why did you take your shirt off?

195
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,960

Christopher?

196
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960
Would you like some juice?

197
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,960
Sorry, Pat, it's just
Chrissy keeps insisting

198
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,960
I'll be more comfortable
if I take my trousers off.

199
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,960
I don't get it. I'm not hot.

200
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,960
I didn't ask him to... We're not...

201
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,960
Chrissy, it's OK.
Don't be embarrassed.

202
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:28,960
"The truth shall set you free."
The Bible.

203
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:30,960
You should say the part 
of the Bible,

204
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,960
like "Matthew 8." Not just... 
"The Bible."

205
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:33,960
That's a bit racist, that.

206
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,960
Christopher. 
Sorry!

207
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:40,960
I'll go get you both some juice. 
Give you more time to... you know.

208
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,960
CHRISTOPHER GROANS
What are you doing here, then?

209
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,640
Is that Secret Millionaire show
coming back for the posh kids?

210
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,960
Oh, well, if you must know, 
my mum died

211
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,960
and now I have to live here 
with my grandma.

212
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,960
Who calls them "grandma"?

213
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,160
"Ooh, Grandma,
what big ears you have."

214
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,960
Nah, but yeah, lad,
soz about your ma.

215
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,000
People always say they never think
it'll happen to you,

216
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,960
but I think you do know
it can happen to you.

217
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:13,960
But you can't live your whole life
being worried.

218
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,640
Do you know what I mean?

219
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,480
You need to get out
of this shitty room, lad.

220
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,960
I bet you haven't even been
to Sweet Corner

221
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,960
and smashed in
the pineapple and toffee cubes.

222
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,800
Are they a part of your five a day?

223
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:27,960
What do you watch on YouTube, lad?

224
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,960
Posh prick reacts
to crushed avocado on toast?

225
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:31,960
What do you watch, huh?

226
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,640
Lazy chav reacts 
to lack of life opportunities?

227
00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:38,960
BOTH STRAINING
AND GRUNTING

228
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:40,960
Just put it in there, Chrissy!

229
00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,960
Hey, Reece.

230
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,960
Lad... just seen 
this new caretaker outside, yeah?

231
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,960
And I know your ma says 
your da done a runner,

232
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:55,960
but he's got a massive snoz

233
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,480
and he walks like he's got 
a tiny cock.

234
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,960
You should ask him for a DNA test.

235
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:02,960
Do you get it?

236
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:04,960
LAUGHTER

237
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,960
He's a knob, that little...

238
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,960
He's got too much tos-testerone.

239
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:12,960
That's why he's always kicking off,

240
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,320
and why he needs to have a wank 
seven times a day.

241
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:16,960
You what?

242
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,960
He has to wank seven times a day,
just to function.

243
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,480
Seven?

244
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,960
And you know that gay lad 
in the sixth form, what's his name?

245
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,480
Thomas. 
He told me that Lewis was bragging

246
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:27,960
about Aimee giving him her knickers

247
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,960
because he needed them 
for his big lunchtime wank,

248
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,160
to get himself through the day.

249
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:33,640
HE GASPS

250
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:36,960
And there, lads, 
is the drop-off in action.

251
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,800
Oh, my God!

252
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:39,960
Eee!

253
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:41,960
Vile.

254
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,960
I mean, it's good he's having
an open dialogue

255
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,960
about his sexual needs.

256
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,960
It's important we encourage
the greater communication.

257
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,960
But at the same time,
just stop wanking.

258
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,160
But that's why I like talking about 
me head being in your ma's arse.

259
00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:55,960
I'm all about open dialogue.

260
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:56,960
Lad, I honestly don't think

261
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,960
your head's going anywhere near 
his ma's arse.

262
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,960
All right, well, I have a plan B.

263
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:01,960
Go 'ead.

264
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,800
If I can't bury it in her arse, 
I'll bury it in her tits.

265
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,960

You're bad.

266
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,960
BEEP

267
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,960
BEEP

268
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:17,960
HE SIGHS

269
00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,960
LAUGHTER FROM OUTSIDE

270
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,960
REECE: Bow!

271
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,960
Oh, my God.
What's your pronouns, girl?

272
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,960
Oh, her pronouns are "as if", 
"no chance" and "not interested".

273
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,960
And we'll tell her yours -

274
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,960
"disgusting little perverted rat".

275
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,960
They're conjunctions and verbs,
mate.

276
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:48,960
And you should respect
that I identify

277
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:52,960
as a disgusting little
perverted rat.

278
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,960
And the DLPR community
strives for equality.

279
00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:58,960
Eurgh!

280
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,000
Another tough one? 
Hmm.

281
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,960
Adam Costello's. 
Yeah, how'd you get that?

282
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,960
I'm good with people's eyes, girl.

283
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,000
And there's something about his 
that screams "vile racist".

284
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,960
Mm.

285
00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,800
Must take you a while to, like, 
go back and find them.

286
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,960
Oh, yeah. I mean, this one 
was from when he was about 13.

287
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:34,640
I had to go back, like, three years.

288
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:35,960
Do you know what? 
It was worth it, though,

289
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:39,960
when I blackmailed him 
into getting me these.

290
00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:42,960
LAUGHTER, TEXT ALERT

291
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,960
Oh, Chantal's sent 
a new dick pic in the group.

292
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:46,960
Let's see. I'm on form today 
with my guesses, me.

293
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,960
Eee, that looks like a traffic cone!

294
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,960
That's Lewis's.

295
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:55,960
The little rat! 
Aw, Aims.

296
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,960
I mean, maybe he could get it, 
like, flattened out or something?

297
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,960
Traffic-cone-cock cheating bastard.

298
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,960
So, yesterday's poetry homework.

299
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:14,960
Who wants to read theirs?

300
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,960
No.

301
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:21,960
Well, someone needs to reads theirs 
so I'm doing my job.

302
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,960
New boy.

303
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,480
Er, I didn't know 
we would read it out.

304
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,960
And I didn't know teaching 
would be so damn tiring.

305
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,960
Read.

306
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,320
MO IMITATES FART,
LAUGHTER

307
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,960
The sky is full of faces now

308
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,960
Your face

309
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,960
Laughing, crying, scared...

310
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:48,960
..happy.

311
00:14:48,960 --> 00:14:51,960
The face I love and miss the most...

312
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:54,960
Is he starting to cry?

313
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,960
But how do I say...

314
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,960
I wanna read mine, sir.

315
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,800
Er...

316
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:03,960
..The Door.

317
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,960
The door

318
00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:09,960
Let me in

319
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,960
Who's in there?

320
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,960
It's Brexit

321
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:18,320
Was I right? Was I wrong?

322
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:19,960
Am I now forgotten?

323
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:26,960
Brexit, Brexit, Universal Credit

324
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,960
Don't get angry, get evil.

325
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:31,960
Cheers.

326
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:37,960
Go 'ead, lad. 
Heavy poetry, that, you know.

327
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:39,960
OK, but where was the imagery 
and alliteration

328
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,960
that was the point of the task?

329
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,960
I don't know, sir. Brexit took them.
LAUGHTER

330
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,800
Was that about your dog?

331
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,960
I lost my hamster, Angelica, 
last year.

332
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,960
Dark times.

333
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,480
He's a vile creature, anyway, 
that Mr Dunn.

334
00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,320
He once made me read out 
my essay about my dreams,

335
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,960
and well, my dream is to be 
the first person from Merseyside

336
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:06,960
to win an Oscar 
since Glenda Jackson in 1973.

337
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,800
And I swear, he started laughing.

338
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,960
Well, remember that you're 
the captain of your soul.

339
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:14,960
You what? 
It's a quote from Nelson Mandela.

340
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,960
It means you're in the driver's seat 
of your life.

341
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:17,960
Don't listen to others.

342
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,960
Who's Nelson Mandela?

343
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,960
I'm only messing. I know who he is.

344
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,960
I know you probably came 
from some fancy school

345
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:32,640
with your whiteboards and that,

346
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,960
but we do get taught stuff 
at this school too, you know.

347
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:35,960
Is that Uncle Ben, the rice fella?

348
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,160
That's Nelson Mandela, 
the first South African President,

349
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:41,960
beacon of social justice 
and democracy.

350
00:16:41,960 --> 00:16:42,960
Hey, they're my bird's.

351
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,800
He dismantled apartheid.

352
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:45,960
Not a clue.

353
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,960
Reece - toilet, now! 
I need your help.

354
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:50,960
The memories of our kiss
come flooding back now, yeah?

355
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:54,960
Your foo-foo's hungry.
I've got the "Reece-ipe".

356
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:55,960
LAUGHTER

357
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,800
Shut your gob, 
or I'll change my mind.

358
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,960
Go 'ead, Reece! 
Go and get her, lad!

359
00:17:03,960 --> 00:17:05,960
Reece.

360
00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:06,960
You went to Sweet Corner?

361
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,960

Better than boss.

362
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,960
Life-changing.

363
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,960
In fact, you've changed my life.

364
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,480
I've been lonely here.

365
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:17,960
But you make me smile.

366
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,160
You give me hope.

367
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,800
Nobody's seen me 
since I've been here.

368
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:27,960
But you, Reece... you see me.

369
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:31,960
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you off your head?

370
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:33,960
But I thought the stuff 
in the bedroom was...?

371
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,000
LAUGHTER

372
00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,960
Not bad, that, lad. Not bad.

373
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:52,960
Good, good.

374
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:56,960
OK.

375
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,960
HE GROANS

376
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,640
Ladies.

377
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,960
Are you looking for your mentor?

378
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,960
Reece Duffy?

379
00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:20,960
The whole school heard it 
in the canteen.

380
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:24,480
Oh, yeah - stupid, isn't it? 
Him as my mentor?

381
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,960
No, no, I'm looking for a book, 
actually.

382
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,960
It's called, erm, Social Equality...

383
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,960
Social Equality: The Prospects 
Of Tomorrow by Florian Schuppert?

384
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,960
Yeah, that's the one, Schuppert.

385
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:36,960
Hm.

386
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,960
Sorry, it turns out Reece Duffy

387
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,960
actually took 
that book out yesterday.

388
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,960
Oh, damn it.

389
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,960
He's probably got the whole 
political sociology section on hold.

390
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,160
THEY LAUGH

391
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:54,000
I heard him and his cronies, 
saying things to you.

392
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:56,320
I mean, they're gonna have 
to grow up one day.

393
00:18:56,320 --> 00:18:58,960
Although, can you imagine them 
having an actual job

394
00:18:58,960 --> 00:18:59,960
that contributes to society?

395
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,320
Exactly.

396
00:19:01,320 --> 00:19:03,960
A cleaning job, maybe. 
You know his mum's a dinner lady?

397
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,960
It makes perfect sense. 
What else would she do?

398
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,960
"Erm, please give 
our Reece a job!

399
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,960
"Yeah, he'll steal all your laptops, 
but he's a good lad, honestly."

400
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,960
No, I didn't mean it like that.

401
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,480
My mum was a dinner lady.

402
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:22,960
Take your privileged white male 
micro aggressive attitude elsewhere.

403
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,000
Schuppert would be disgusted.

404
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,960
KNOCKING

405
00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:31,960
Yeah?

406
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,960
Can I quickly use your bog, Pat?

407
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,960
I've come home for my lunch
and I forgot my key.

408
00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:38,960
It's in there.

409
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,960
Yeah, very funny (!) 
Let's bum, whoo!

410
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,960
Oh, Grandma, I'm bumming Reece 
to death, because I'm so gay!

411
00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:01,960
Ho-ho-ho (!)

412
00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:03,960
Grow up.

413
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:06,960
What the hell's that?

414
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,960
You're disgusting! 
What's your problem? I thought...

415
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,960
You thought what?
We were gonna play PlayStation?

416
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,960
Suck each other's nutsacks?

417
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,960
You don't wanna be mates with me,
lad. My ma's only a dinner lady,

418
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:18,960
and who knows what job
I'll end up doing, eh?

419
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,960
VOICEMAIL ALERT

420
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,960
'Cheer up, mate.

421
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,960
'You're acting like 
your mum's just died

422
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,960
'and someone's shat 
on your bedroom floor.

423
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,960
'Seriously, I can see why 
you need to leave.

424
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,960
'My mum says you can stay with us 
as long as you want

425
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:39,640
'as long as we don't stay up 
gaming all night.

426
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:41,960
'But I told her you're normally dead 
within five minutes,

427
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,960
'so it'll be fine. 
See you later, mate.'

428
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:45,800
BEEP

429
00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,000
I've waited long enough, Reece.

430
00:21:00,000 --> 00:21:03,960
I'm afraid you're about to be... 
Sorry I'm late, sir.

431
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:08,960
Now then, Christopher, 
what I'd like to know is...

432
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,960
has Reece helped you this week?

433
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,960
Not really.

434
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,960
He threatened to paste me.

435
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,960
He pretended to have sex with me 
in front of my grandma

436
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,320
and he finished the week 
with the piece de resistance

437
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,960
of defecating on my bedroom floor.

438
00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,960
But he only did that to me 
because I did something to him

439
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,960
which was wrong, and I'm sorry.

440
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:33,960
He's actually been trying to help.

441
00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,640
Told me how I need 
to get out of my room,

442
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:38,960
embrace my new life here.

443
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,960
But with what happened to my mum, 
the motivation...

444
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,960
..it's hard.

445
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,960
Looks like you've done well here.

446
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:53,960
Stay of execution.

447
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,960
Great work, Reece.

448
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,960
I mean, it won't bring his mum back 
from the dead,

449
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,960
but it's a step 
in the right direction.

450
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,960
Thanks, sir.

451
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,480
Close the door on the way out.

452
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,960
Mum, I'm staying. It worked!

453
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,960
'Oh, get in, son! 
I knew you had it in you.

454
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:12,960
'Now, do me a favour, 
don't mess the rest of the year up.

455
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,960
'Maybe that posh bell end 
is having a good influence

456
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:16,960
'on you after all.'

457
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,960
Let's not get carried away, Mum.

458
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:20,960
Oh, what's for tea later?

459
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:25,960
Nice one.

460
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,960
Girls look hot in boxies.

461
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:29,960
Like, when you wear a footie shirt.

462
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:32,960
I'm into it, me. 
Aw.

463
00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:36,960
It's a shame these aren't mine, 
then.

464
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:38,960
You what?

465
00:22:38,960 --> 00:22:40,960
I've been looking for them.
I wore these last night.

466
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,960
Very hot night.

467
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,960
Let rip a fair few times, like,

468
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,960
but shame I ain't got a dad
to buy me a new pair, eh?

469
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,960

What d'you do that for?

470
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:51,800
You deserve it.

471
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,960
I was only giving you the knickers 
cos I felt sorry for you.

472
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:57,960
Why can't you use your imagination 
to wank, like girls do?

473
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:00,000
Eh? What's wrong with youse all?

474
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,960
Why do youse always need 
something pervy to look at,

475
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:03,960
like knickers or nudes?

476
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:07,640
And while I'm here, 
why d'youse all love feet?

477
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,960
You freaks.

478
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:10,160
Feet-licker!

479
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,960
You're on one, you!

480
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,960
Yeah, I'm on one, 
because I can't trust you.

481
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,960
I'm one on 
cos I'm sick of being nice

482
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,320
and getting nothing back.

483
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:18,960
I'm fed up for not being me.

484
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:21,320
We're done!

485
00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:22,960
Good for you, queen.

486
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,960
Because I'm the captain of my soul.

487
00:23:25,960 --> 00:23:27,960
Oh!

488
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,960
That's from him, that, innit?

489
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:32,960
That posh nonce!

490
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,960
Talks like he's got 
Benedict Cucumber up his arse!

491
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,960
Somebody needs another wank.

492
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,960
And you - argh! 
Oh, my God!

493
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,960
Lewis! Lewis!

494
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,960
You never learn, do you, Lewis?

495
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:50,960
Well, that's another suspension 
with immediate effect.

496
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,960
LAUGHTER

497
00:23:52,960 --> 00:23:56,960
# Cheerio, cheerio, cheerio. #

498
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:57,960
Listen...

499
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:00,960
you even speak to my bird 
when I'm gone, lad,

500
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,960
and you're dead. Watch!

501
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,960
OK, fun's over. Go home.

502
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:08,960
Go on!

503
00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,960
These boxers are a bit tight, 
aren't they, lad?

504
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,960
I like my nut sack to feel
like it's being held.

505
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:19,960

Come 'ead.

506
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,960
Ow!

507
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,960
'Roderick said 
you're not coming back now.'

508
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,800
'Liverpool's grabbed him 
by the bollocks already.'

509
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,960
I wouldn't go quite that far. 
It's a... mum thing.

510
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:34,960
TEXT ALERT

511
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:41,960
'Relax, son.

512
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:45,480
'I've set this email for you 
to receive after I've gone.

513
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:49,960
'But if I'm still alive and still 
fighting this cancer prick,

514
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,960
'then yay to me.

515
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,960
'Although, then, 
this would be kind of awkward,

516
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,960
'and you know how much 
I hate awkwardness,

517
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,960
'so let's hope I'm gone.'

518
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:01,960
HE LAUGHS

519
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,320
'I know you weren't keen 
on living with your grandma.

520
00:25:04,320 --> 00:25:05,960
'But you realise what family means

521
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:07,960
'when you know 
you won't be around forever.

522
00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,960
'I still feel guilty 
for moving away from your grandma

523
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:15,640
'all those years ago, 
and this'll mean so much to her.

524
00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:17,480
'It means so much to me.

525
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,960
'I wasn't there for your grandma, 
but you can be.

526
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,960
'Keep doing me proud, son.

527
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,960
'I love you.'

528
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,800
HE SNIFFS

529
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,960
'Say no more. 
Mums are mums.'

530
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,960
'Yeah, big up 
to all the mums out there.'

531
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,960
I'll fuck all your mums,
you little mings!

532
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,960
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