This programme contains discriminatory language
and content some may find offensive from the start
and contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting and strong language
A lot has changed since I went inside. ..weapons of mass destruction.
No-one listens to trance any more.
MUSIC: Ooh La La by Goldfrapp
There might be life on Mars.
You can share with the world who you are.
Once you figure it out, that is.
The third wave of feminism is in full swing.
You can even change your gender on your passport.
And me, the real me...
..well, that's moved on, too.
Oh!
Hey up.
HE WOLF WHISTLES
But some things will never change.
Oi, show us your arse again, duck.
Aye-aye, blondie!
That's fuckin' Byron. Oi, you gay boy! Oi!
Oi. Oi, you chopped your dick off yet, you tranny?
Like the dickheads round here.
BRACELET BEEPS
It's 8:59, you sod. Are trying to give me a bloody heart attack?
Sorry.
Here you are.
It's from Birmingham.
Go on, then. My nerves can't take it!
This has to be the year I finally, finally get out of Hucknall.
Oh, my God, I've got an interview!
Ohh!
SOFTLY: Fuck.
Fuck! OK. OK.
Oh, well, he's not right for you,
is he? We know that. Hey. Mum.
Mum? Lisa?
Hi.
C-Can I call you back?
OK, bye.
OK? You look stressed.
Er, no, I'm fine.
I have an interview at Birmingham.
Oh, you don't. Yeah.
Oh, dead proud of you. Well done.
Thanks.
Are you going looking like that?
What will they think of you?
Well, I... I don't care what people...
Well, you should care what people think.
Cos you're not going to have any mates.
People are cruel.
You're going to be on your own.
Er, th-that's just work calling me now. Erm...
Hi. Hi, yeah.
On Friday? Yeah, I can do that. Yeah.
Definitely impressive that you continued your studies while...
..away.
But while your English results are, well, good,
your other subjects are fairly poor.
So, why did you pick Birmingham, erm, Byron?
I, er... Well...
Well, Birmingham's got an amazing English course.
And, plus, it's not too far from my grandmother's house.
All right. All right.
MAN KISSES TEETH, MURMURS PEN SCRATCHING PAPER
And do you have anything else you'd like to say
to further your application?
I really want this.
Right.
OK.
Thank you.
If you could you show him out, please?
RUSTLING
Er, th-thank you so much.
For your time, thank you.
I can get it, thanks.
KNOCKING AT DOOR
I know you've been ignorin' me, Die, but I'm ready to forgive you.
Forgive me? For what?
I don't know. Where should we start?
How's about ignoring my calls while I was rotting away in prison?
Yeah, Byron, you hurt me.
No, we hurt each other, Die.
I was sick of everything being about you, Byron.
I just needed some space to...just...
..figure out my own shit.
Like dressin' like a girl in the day time?
Yeah.
You look good.
Thanks.
You too.
Thanks.
I, er, I tried phoning Sash, but the line was dead.
Yeah.
I haven't heard anything from her.
And Bev?
Well, last I heard, she moved to Benidorm.
What?
Met a woman.
Fuck off, she ain't!
Are you joking? She's a lesbian? DIE CHUCKLES
Yeah, she fucking did!
Babe, I knew she liked fucking leather a bit too much,
I'm tellin' you.
SOFT CLATTERING
Erm, I better get going.
I've got an audition.
What, are you dancin' again?
Well, I'm trying to.
How's about we get a coffee, after your audition?
For old time's sake.
Look, Byron, I've had to move on.
Maybe you should try it, too.
All right.
See you.
WHISPERS: Yeah, it's the one with the hair, yeah.
Here you are.
What, you've brought your own pens?
Er, they're called dabbers.
Now, listen, concentrate, because my mate Shirley,
she won 20 quid last week and she hadn't got a full line,
so we reckon they're getting lazy.
Really? Mmm.
Thank God for Shirls.
Hello, hello, everyone. How we all doing?
MIC SQUEALS
You all right, Caroline?
Is that a new blouse?
What a beautiful bunch we've got here tonight.
SOFTLY: Oh, my God.
It's exciting, ain't it?
Number 39, those famous steps.
Three and nine, 39.
Concentrate. You've got it. Yeah. OK. Here. There.
Next up is number 31 - get up and run.
Yes! Yes, there. Number 31 - get up and run.
Number 19 - goodbye, teens.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes! One and nine - 19.
Yes, yes. Yes, yes. You've got it!
All right, now, at number 40 - life begins.
Four, zero. Hey, that's a line.
Bingo! Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!
Here y'are, duckie. Wait, Mommar. Here y'are.
The lovely ladies on table two -
can we get a check on that? Yeah. Here!
No, it is. Look, look, look.
Here y'are, duckie.
It's 50 quid, that, Byron!
We have a winner.
Yes! Ha-ha, ha!
SING-SONG: 50 quid!
SOFTLY: Oh, God.
DOOR OPENS
DOOR SHUTS
You look different.
What, bad different?
No.
BOTH CHUCKLE
What you been up to?
Not seen you around for ages.
Well, I've just been...hanging out.
Goin' to work.
How about you? How long you been in bingo?
Couple of months.
Thought I needed to get a proper job, so...
I've got me own place now, too.
Oh, wow. Congrats. Thank you.
Listen...
..do you fancy sticking around for a drink?
I get coupons.
Well, the thing is, Max,
I've got to be up early to receive a handy man.
HE CHUCKLES
Is that right?
SOFTLY: Well, you've got my number...
..don't you?
I've got to think about unblocking you first, don't I?
GIGGLING
LAUGHS: Oh, dear!
Oh, give me your bag.
I want to count my winnings!
Oh, my God.
You promised me you were on the straight and narrow after prison.
No more trouble.
What you on about?
I mean your mum and Steve, they must have let you down,
but I've always tried my best.
Mommar, what you talking about?
I found it in your bag.
CHUCKLES: Oh, my God.
There's nowt funny about smack, Byron.
I've seen the documentaries.
Mommar, I love you, but you are a daft cow.
It's hash.
It's not heroin!
Go on, sniff it.
Go on, sniff it!
Well, what does it do?
Oh, why? You interested now, are you?
You want to try some?
Go on.
Trust me, you've had stronger cups of tea.
I'm not takin' bloody drugs!
BOTH LAUGHING
Here y'are.
SHE GIGGLES
How come you haven't got a man, Mommar? Oh! Or a woman?
Oh, God, I can't be doin' with all that.
I'm too old.
It's funny.
You go to sleep mindin' your own business
and then you wake up and you...
You're gone 50.
It's... Time flies.
We should travel the world together, Mommar.
Aw.
Yeah, that sounds lovely.
Mommar, I didn't get into Birmingham.
SOFT EXHALING
I messed up my interview.
I don't know, sometimes I think...
..maybe I should just give up.
Bugger 'em. Eh?
I'm proud of you.
MUSIC: All I Need by Radiohead
# You are all I need
# You're all I need
# I'm in the middle of your picture
# Lying in the reeds
# It's all right, it's all right. #
Well, actually, it does say in the small print
that you are liable for property taxes.
Mm-hm. Yeah.
My man...
Yeah, my manager's here, actually.
She's just sat right next to me, and she LOVES property taxes.
She's going to figure it all out for you. Thank you so much.
CHIRPILY: Hello, Samantha speaking.
Yep. How can I help?
Can I just take a surname, please?
KEYBOARD CLACKING SOFTLY
WHISPERS: Sam! Sam, Sam, Sam!
Look who it fucking is!
WHISPERS: Just one moment.
Yep. Sorry, one more time. Oh, I've fucking found you.
Excuse me? Yeah, babe, got to go.
I'm so sorry.
You lunch isn't until 12:30! Yeah!
RAPID KNOCKING
All right!
Listen, Die, I'm sorry for hurtin' you.
I'm sorry for lying and not being there when you needed me.
I've been a selfish, egotistical slag who didn't understand
what an amazing friend and bad bitch you are.
And, look, babes, I wouldn't be friends with me either,
but please, Die, I am beggin' you,
just give me one more chance.
Come on, Die, we need each other.
Right, what would you do if I told you I found Sasha?
What?
What do you mean?
I'd know those tits anywhere.
Diamond.
DIE LAUGHS
Is that fucking Sash?
Come on.
PHONE BEEPS
SOFTLY: OK.
LINE RINGS
WHISPERS: You go.
Why should I have to...!
ON PHONE: Hello. Diamond speaking.
IN DEEP VOICE: Uh, yo.
It's Michael.
MUFFLED GIGGLES
Hiya, Michael. What are you lookin' for, babe?
INAUDIBLE
SENSUALLY: Ooh.
Erm, I'm looking for, like, tit jobs.
Yeah.
And, like, stuff. And, erm...
Ohh, spankin' and that, yeah.
BYRON GASPS LAUGHS: Say it. Say it. Say it.
Er, yo, Diamond, are you still there?
Oh, you fuckin' dickheads!
ALL LAUGH
Oh, I've been waitin' for this!
MUFFLED SPEECH ON PHONE Oh, my God!
Sash, are you coming home?
Babes, come back to Notts!
No, I can't, can I?
Babes, you can!
Well, I can't - Bev.
Babes, Bev's gone. What?
Baby, she's in Benidorm, she's found a woman!
Fuck off! She got a lady!
No... Babe, she's a lesbian now, baby!
Hurry up and get your big tits 'ere! SASHA LAUGHS
Those big torpedo tits!
Right, get your cock out, I'm on my way.
Oh, go on, then, Aileen Wuornos - how was it?
Did you meet any sexy murderers?
Yeah, I bet it was like Bad Girls, wasn't it? Oh! Yeah.
Look, girls, I am tellin' yous,
it was fucking horrible.
Personally I couldn't've done it.
I would have done a Liam and fucking legged it.
You would not catch me dead in there.
Yeah, well, speaking of, have any of you heard off him?
No. No, an' I don't want to, either. Trust me.
Sash? Hmm?
Did you know she's applied to uni? SASHA GASPS
No way, you little smart arse!
Oh, thanks. I mean, I did fuck up my interview at Birmingham.
I didn't get in.
Oh. Shall we lighten the mood?
Did you nick them?
No. It's one of the perks of bein' high-end, babes.
Nice hotels - and even better mini bars.
What does a high-end escort mean, Sash?
Well, better clients, better money.
BOTTLE SMASHES
All the girls live together.
And we're looked after by this woman called Jan,
and she's dead sound.
If we don't want to work, we don't have to. Oh? Yeah.
Get about 300 a night.
And even more if I stay over. Really? Yeah.
Do you want to keep doing it, Sash?
Oi, we aren't all baby geniuses like you, you know!
CHUCKLES: Shut up.
And I can't just swan into any old fuckin' Boots,
can I, and get a normal job? Mm.
A girl's got to do what she can to survive. Mm-hm!
And I'll drink to that, babes! ALL: Cheers.
Right. Right, come on.
Let's get to the chippy.
Don't worry about Birmingham.
There's too many applicants, not enough places -
you know, all sorts of reasons.
But Brighton University were really impressed
with your personal statement.
And that's why they want to meet with you for an interview.
What? Yeah.
Are you joking? No.
They called me yesterday. Oh, my God, that's amazing!
It's going to be hard work, but I believe in you.
Right, let's just get this tag off now.
Yes!
I bet you can't wait.
TAG CLICKS
Oh, my fucking God. Nice.
What are you going to do to celebrate, then?
MUSIC: To Be by Cotton Animals
Reckon I could stay in this moment forever.
KEYS JANGLE
HISSES: Stupid.
SOFT GRUNTING
Mommar?
SOFT GROANING
Oh, my God.
Mommar?
HEAVY COUGHING
MOMMAR COUGHS
Mommar, what the matter?
Mommar, what the matter?!
COUGHING CONTINUES
Oh, my fuckin'...
Mommar! How the fuck...
MOMMAR CHOKES
OK, Mommar.
Mommar, just... Just...
COUGHING DROWNS OUT SPEECH
Fuck, I'm going to get help!
MUFFLED SPEECH
Hello. Yeah, yeah. Can I get an ambulance to my Mommar?
She... She's coughing blood.
Fucking quick as you can, please! HEAVY COUGHING
What have you come as?
You, 20 years ago.
Where is she?
She's in there.
She's getting bloods and an X-ray.
What happened, then?
She left bleach down the bog too long.
Fumigated herself.
Are you joking?
Bloody hell.
BYRON SNORTS
I hate hospitals.
Last time I were 'ere,
you where having your tonsils out.
Made them give them to me -
I didn't want to leave without all of you, felt bad.
You can sit down, you know. I've not got Aids.
That's the least of my worries.
Didn't used to be, let me tell you that.
You're fuckin' unbelievable.
Don't swear.
Mommar's in there and all you can go on about is this.
I am just tryin' to get my head around it all, all right?
It's not easy for me.
Oh, do you think it's a fucking walk in the park for me?
I think it's a phase. Oh, an 18-year phase?
Good one, Lisa.
Sorry.
Are you Josephine's daughters?
She's just had her CT scan.
Right.
Which revealed a number of tumours in her lungs.
Er, s-sorry, can you... Can you just say that again?
Everything suggests that this may be an aggressive form of cancer.
Is she dying?
She may not have a lot of time.
FAINTLY: She'll be able to come home, though, right?
S-Sorry, I... I don't understand.
She... She was fine two days ago.
SOFT MOAN
You all right, Mommar?
SHE EXHALES
SOFTLY: Good.
Do you want a yoghurt?
I got us two.
SHE GRUNTS, CHUCKLES
SHE SIGHS
Oh, bloody 'ell.
You've got your Brighton interview today, haven't you?
No, Mommar, it's tomorrow.
My coach is at 10am.
Oh!
That's excitin', isn't it?
Hey? Are you ready for it?
TEARFULLY: I don't want to leave you, Mommar.
BYRON SOBS
Hey.
SOBS: Oh, my God.
Hey, listen here.
SOFTLY: Oh, God.
You're not messin' up your life because of me.
You go home and you sort yersen out for tomorrow, all right?
Can I just...
BIRDSONG
Hi.
Cheers.
Do you want something to eat?
No, thanks.
Erm, I can't stay long. I was just in the area.
MAX CLEARS HIS THROAT
So do you live here alone, then?
Yeah. Yeah, I like it.
I couldn't believe it when I saw you here now.
Like a mirage.
BYRON SNORTS
Proper blast from the past.
So, er, what happened to your fella?
What, Tom?
Think I just needed to get under someone to get over you.
There's been loads of Toms.
Only one you, though.
God, whatever, Max.
MAX CHUCKLES
I mean it, Byron. I'm fuckin' serious.
I was a fucking idiot lettin' you go.
I should've taken that beatin' from your dad.
You know, I could never go to uni, me.
Too much like hard work.
It's the only way I can get out of this place.
We could always try things again.
Could move in here.
Get a few plants, make it nice.
Give it a woman's touch.
Come here.
SOFTLY: Oh, God, look at the time.
I should go. I've got to get up early in the morning.
No, no.
Stay a little bit longer.
BYRON SIGHS
I'm not letting you go yet.
SOFT MUSIC PLAYS
MUSIC DISTORTS
We have a winner.
FAINT SIREN WAILING
When's that... When's that thing?
Are you off to Brighton?
Oh, God.
TOILET FLUSHING
DOOR OPENS
THEY CHUCKLE
These have seen better days, ain't they?
Oh, yeah. They're not mine.
So you're still workin', then?
Er, sometimes.
Surprisingly, bingo callin' don't pay much so...
Yeah.
You're 22 now, aren't you?
Yeah.
It's not exactly where I thought I'd be.
Me either.
I can still get you work, you know.
The only thing them dirty fuckers like more than jailbait
is a boy who looks like a girl.
HE CHUCKLES
Er, look, Max, I've...
I've got to go.
My Mommar, she's in hospital, so I just need to...
I'm sorry, I didn't realise.
ZIPPING
BYRON EXHALES
Yeah, erm...
I'll, er, ping you a text, OK?
All right.
See you later.
Bye.
SHE MOANS
You look beautiful.
SOFTLY: Thank you.
Mm. Just like your mam w-when she was your age.
Don't think she would be to happy about that.
Now you budge up, you've got a guest.
You'll always get to come on the bed.
Come on.
BYRON SIGHS
How did your interview go?
Yeah.
Yeah, it went well.
Ah.
I reckon I got it.
Hmm.
That's good, duckie, isn't it?
Yeah, it's good.
You're a beautiful girl, eh?
Who's a beautiful girl?
Fucking 'ell. I can't believe she's actually going, babes.
I'm so sorry.
I know this is... This is grim.
Do you remember her birthday?
She had the time of her bloody life, didn't she?
ALL CHUCKLE
She looked gorg, as well.
God, girls, I can't believe this is happenin'.
I've got no-one else left.
Yes, you do, babes.
You've got us.
Come here. Come here.
You've always got us, Byron.
Love you, girl.
Some people say that those passin' look down on you as they depart.
It might be comfortin' to look up when she goes.
I'll leave you.
BYRON SNIFFLES
Just let me know if you need anything. Ta.
CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
What is this fucking music?
Apparently the hearing is the last thing to go, so...
Well, I'm not bein' funny, Mum,
this is going to fucking finish her off.
BOTH SNIFFLE
MUSIC STOPS
WHISPERS: Hey, Mommar, it's just me.
You know what's funny?
I've spent so long being so angry with her.
I thought she were weak.
But then I look at my own life and I get it.
I've made the same mistakes as her.
You mean Steve?
She were just scared.
Doesn't matter how much you want to protect someone that you love,
when you're scared, you're just stuck.
BYRON SNIFFLES, EXHALES
I love you, Mum.
SOBS: And I'm so sorry.
You can go now, Mam.
No, wait, don't go. Don't go. Don't go. Don't go.
Mommar?
I just want to say you are the best mommar in the whole world.
And I wouldn't be here without you.
And I love you so, so much.
I love you so much.
I don't think she's breathing.
Mum?
BYRON SOBS
Hi. We don't... We don't think she's breathing.
SOFTLY: OK, let's see.
BYRON SIGHS, SOBS
INAUDIBLE
PHONE RINGS
Mum, what's this?
What?
Why've you packed her favourite dress?
Why are you taking things OUT the bags, Byron?
We're meant to be packing.
You know, I'm sorry, I just... I just don't understand
why everything's got to be a fucking rush.
It's her whole life in here.
Yeah, I know, but the council have given us a month.
You need to be thinking about
where you're going to sleep, as well, Byron.
I've been thinking about that, actually, and I...
I've been thinking,
if Bobby didn't mind,
that maybe I stayed with you for a bit.
No, I don't think that's going to work.
Because Bobby's son, he's on his holidays now for six weeks,
so I think it'll be confusing for him.
Why would it be confusing for him?
Sorry, I don't... I don't understand what you mean.
I don't understand why it would be confusing
for Bobby's son for me to stay.
Cos it is.
It's exactly what I said, it would be confusing for him.
Well, why can't you just say to him
that you've got your daughter staying for the summer?
I'm not saying that.
I can't say that.
Why can't you say that, Mum?
Why can't you just say you've got your daughter stay...
I don't want to go there.
OK? I don't... I don't want to do this with you.
OK? Just pack it in now, Byron.
I can't fucking bear to be around you for five more fucking minutes.
You are a sick excuse for a mother, do you know that?
SHE HUFFS
What I wouldn't fuckin' give for another minute with Mommar.
What? So you can tell her that you let her down again? Eh?
That you're stuck here, just like your mam?
Oh, sorry...
MAX: The water doesn't work in the kitchen.
Just going to have a piss, all right? Yeah, OK. OK.
ON VOICEMAIL: Byron, it's Alison.
Listen, I've just had a call from Brighton University.
They've offered you another interview date,
based on the extenuating circumstance
of your grandmother's death.
Now, it's in a few days, so very short notice.
Some moments in life are a fork in the road.
A chance to say, "You know what? Fuck it.
"I want more than this.
"I can BE more than this.
"I can be a pop star.
"I can be a model."
I mean, fuck's sake, it's the noughties.
I could be the first transsexual on the fucking moon!
I can make Mommar proud.
Or at the very least...
..I can try.
And what would you say is your greatest achievement, Byron?
Being sat in front of you, right now.
Look, I'm not going to lie to you,
I've made some big mistakes in my life.
In fact, I've messed up more times than I can flippin' remember.
And I've blamed other people...
..when, in fact, it were me.
My fault.
But I've always felt, ever since I was young,
that I had this light inside of me.
And I know it sounds proper corny,
but I've always felt like it was my job to protect that light.
And while there were a couple of times recently
where I felt like that light might go out, well...
..it didn't.
I made it.
And I'm here.
And, look, Julie, I don't know what I'm going to do,
or how I'm going to do it,
but I'm going to do summat amazing with my life.
I can promise you that.
All right, Byron?
All right, you little slag?
Girls, guess what?
What?
I've got some news.
God, what you done? Are you pregnant?
I got into Brighton.
BOTH GASP
BOTH: What?!
Yeah. Oh, my God! That's so great! Ow, get off!
Fucking hell, Byron! What, Hucknall's finest, yeah?!
And I've been thinking -
why don't we go together?
What, to bloody Brighton?
Yeah.
Er, Die, you're always saying you hate it here,
how much of a fucking shithole it is.
Yeah, but it's my shithole, thanks.
Look, I've got a future here, babes.
I don't want to leave. What, are you nervous?
Are you pussying out, Byron? Are you shitting yourself?
You're shitting yourself! Not fucking pussying out.
THEY LAUGH
Shut up, you rats.
Girls.
Do you think we'll be OK?
Yeah, course.
Look, babes, we've got to do our thing here,
and you've got to go and make your Mommar proud.
DANCE MUSIC BLASTS
Right, come on, you emos.
Let's get some shots.
Oh, my God, look at her!
What's your name?
Lady Die, but it's Die with an E, babes.
My mommar's a Joe with an E, like a man.
Oh, yeah, is your mommar a transexual?
What's a transexual?
INAUDIBLE
You'll soon find out in here, duckie!
Here y'are, I got you something.
Er, I had it made a bit smaller,
so it should work.
Byron, I... I...
Look, I'm still really struggling to understand all of this, OK?
But I, you know, I... I really want to understand, so...
Anyway, I'm going to try.
I do love you.
Yeah, I know.
OK.
Take that with you.
OK.
Was it you...
..who phoned Alison about Mommar, got me the interview?
Er, no. No.
I don't know what you're talking about.
BOTH SOB
Be careful.
Promise me.
SOFTLY: I promise.
Go on. You let me know when you get there safe.
Yeah, I will. I will.
SHE SOBS
Mum?
I love you.
SHE SOBS
BUS HISSES
There's something about the sea.
Cos even if you've never seen it before,
even if you've never heard it,
the sound of the waves still make sense.
Like it's waiting for you.
I reckon there's got to be summat waiting for all of us.
And we can have the life we deserve if we dare to.
You know?
Maybe that's why we grow out of playing truth or dare.
Cos you come to realise
you really can't have one without the other.
Hi. I'm John.
Hey.
MUFFLED: If you could be seated...
I'm Paris.
MUSIC: Cement Garden Interlude by Arca
Right, good morning, and welcome to Brighton.
# Girls can wear jeans
# Cut their hair short
# Wear shirts, boots
# Cos it's OK to be a boy
# But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
# Because you think that being a girl is degrading
# But secretly, you'd love to know what it's like
# Wouldn't you?
# What it feels like for a girl. #