- [quiet hissing] - [clock ticks]
[Principal Neighbors] Now, where were we?
That's right, your behavior.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
[in Sierra's voice] What is wrong with you two?
Sierra?
[in Schneider's voice] Thanks to you two, I'm a sea cucumber!
Schneider?
[in Neighbors' voice] You two are agents of chaos.
[Sierra's voice] Why do you have to be so weird all the time?
[voices in unison] Say goodbye to each other, Davey and Jonesie.
Say goodbye, forever.
Jonesie! Jonesie!
- [♪ dramatic sting] - Davey! Davey!
- [whirring] - No! [screaming]
- [♪ music fades out] - [gasps]
[panting]
Don't worry, Davey.
- [♪ tense sting] - It's just a dream. [weak laugh]
[♪ eerie music playing]
[yawning]
You know what? We better get a move on because, uh...
[sighs]
today's a big day.
[♪ humming]
[♪ vocalizing]
Jonesie, my friend, today is the day.
- [♪ vocalizing] - [♪ ominous music playing]
The day we kill Jonesie.
[heavy breathing]
[laughing maniacally]
- No, you look gorgeous! - [♪ ominous crescendo]
- [laughing] - [♪ music stops]
[♪ upbeat music playing]
- [portal whooshes] - [panting]
- Why did Cheryl let us go like that? - [locker slams]
Seriously, what is going on with her and Schneider?
Okay, this is my theory. Dark cousins.
I don't hate it.
Hm. Well, maybe this Schneider will finally spill the beans.
[♪ music warps]
[Davey] Hello?
- [♪ creepy tone playing] - [paper rustles]
I bet everyone's in math class.
[♪ dramatic sting]
Weird.
[♪ upbeat music playing]
- [Davey] Hello? - [Jonesie] Anybody here?
Anybody here? Educators? Students?
[Davey] Schneider?
- [♪ dramatic sting] - [screaming]
Hey! Hey! It's fake! Okay? It's fake. You're good.
Okay, Captain Bone Zone. You scared us.
- [waves washing ashore] - [laughs] Do you hear that?
Yeah. Kinda sounds like a...
[waves continues]
[waves get louder]
[♪ dramatic music playing]
- [seagulls cawing] - [wind blowing]
...like a vast, vast ocean.
With our school stuck on an island in the middle of it, yep. [weak laugh]
- I don't like the word "stuck." - Um, stranded?
- No. - Trapped?
- Circle back to stuck. - Okay.
Okay, well, uh,
it's not like we're gonna die here or anything.
Oh! Look! Hey. Grilled cheese on white bread.
- [Davey] The Schneider special! - [Jonesie] Yeah,
- so he must be close. - Not that I was worried,
okay, because being marooned on a desert island with you
- is my dream scenario! - Yes! Yes!
Same! Plus, if Schneider's the only one here,
then we don't have to blend in with anything.
No! Okay, no anomalies, no running for our lives.
It is just you, me, and an empty school with no rules.
Hm. Let me think about that.
- Yeah. I-- That's gonna be a yeah for me. - [laughs]
Do you, uh, care to raise a little hell?
Hm, does the Pope poop in the woods?
Oh, God, I hope so.
[♪ "Barbarella Pop Club Quemadiscos Remix" by Les Handclaps playing]
[♪ singing in Spanish]
[cheering, laughing]
[♪ singing continues]
[laughing]
Finally. Boys' locker room. It's a big day for me.
- [♪ music continues] - [sniffs]
- [both gag, groan] - Oh, my God!
Why did I think that was not gonna be gross?!
[Jonesie] I don't know.
- [♪ song continues] - [half-hearted] Woo-hoo!
- You having fun? - [forced] Yeah!
[♪ song continues]
[♪ singing continues]
- It's burning everything in my whole body. - [wails]
- I'm gonna throw up! - I can still smell it!
- I'm gonna throw up!
- [♪ song continues] - [half-hearted cheering]
[♪ song ends]
- [drained] That was a fun day. - [forced] So fun.
[normal] Uh, do you think that we should go to the lab
and check and see if Schneider's--
[normal] Yes! N-N-Not because I'm bored.
- Not bored. - Nope, not me with you.
[both] Schneider! Schneider!
- [waves splashing outside] - Where is he?
[♪ eerie music playing]
Hey.
Check this out.
Didn't see that before.
[gasps]
[♪ dramatic sting]
Or that.
- Yep. That one's real. - [Davey whimpers]
Oh, this is next-level dark.
How did we not notice this before?
- [♪ music resumes] - [laughing, yelling]
- [glass shatters] - [cheering]
[♪ singing]
[both gag, groan]
[Davey] Why did I think that was not gonna be gross?
- [♪ song continues] - [laughter, chatter]
[♪ dramatic sting]
[♪ ominous music playing under song]
Yeah, we missed a lot of very obvious clues.
And you just let us dance and dance.
So, there were people in this world before,
but now, they're all dead!
No, no, no, no, no! No, nobody's dead, nobody's dead.
I bet they're all just hanging out in the basement. Right?
That's where our solves usually end up being.
- Totally. The basement. - The basement!
[♪ dramatic music playing]
- Nope, they're all dead. - Yep.
[vomiting]
[coughing, theatrical gagging]
[sighs]
I'm good. I like it.
[♪ dramatic sting]
This is it, man! It's game over, man! Okay?
- We're all gonna die, man! - Davey! Davey, look at me!
I have watched, like, 3,000 hours of survivalist television.
I got this.
Okay? We're good.
- Yeah, we're good. - [Jonesie] We're good.
- Yeah. Okay. - [Jonesie] Alright? Okay.
First things first, we just gotta protect ourselves from the elements.
- Alright? - Mm-hmm.
And, as always, we are indoors, so, uh, check.
Secondly, we gotta find ourselves some food.
- Yeah? Okay. - Okay.
- Let the best pals' vacation continue. - [sighs]
- I am a survivalist expert, right? - [laughs]
[gasps]
- Oh, no. - What is that?
- What is this? - [♪ eerie music playing]
[Jonesie] Um, probably just, like, expressing ourselves through street art.
[Davey] Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Looks like someone was sleeping here.
[♪ tense sting]
Yeah, you.
My signature bubble letters.
[nervous laugh]
"Day one, water has risen, stranded in the school.
"But, help is on the way, baby.
No worries, feelin' good."
- Okay. Yep. Good. - [Jonesie] Hey? Right?
"Day 26, help not coming. We're all gonna die."
[♪ dramatic sting]
- That got dark fast. [nervous laugh] - Okay, yep, okay.
Aw! We went hunting together!
So sweet.
For everyone else, who we ate.
[♪ dramatic sting]
- [♪ tense music playing] - So it looks like...
in this world that we are currently trapped in--
Stuck. Uh, we like stuck.
Stuck, thank you. Stuck in...
we were cannibals.
Who killed and ate all of our friends, yes. [nervous sigh]
Well, it can't possibly get any worse than this, right?
Do you feel like you maybe shouldn't have said that?
[spear rattling]
Yes.
- [♪ dramatic sting] - The hell was that?!
[Jonesie] It looks like somebody booby-trapped the encampment.
Yeah, you!
- [♪ dramatic sting] - [Jonesie gasps]
My signature bubble letters.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
Is this the most uncomfortable you've ever been?
- Yes. - Right there with you.
[♪ dramatic sting]
[clock ticking]
[manager hums]
[satisfied sigh]
[licks fingers]
Okay! Let me see.
Gordon Tombola.
You lost your limbs in a detainer accident.
Cheryl Mason. Juvenile Department.
[manager] Juvenile Department.
That's what we're wasting my time with today?
- Okay. - [shuts folder]
Hold on. Hey! Here we go!
Cheryl Mason.
The Cheryl Mason?
Former Elite Squad Cheryl Mason?
You got bumped down to juvie after that whole fiasco with,
uh, what's his name?
Professor Weird.
- Schneider. - [manager] Right! That freak!
And now, here you are, in my office for a performance review. [laughs]
Respectfully, sir, why have I really been called here?
Well, it says here
that you've been stuck on the same case for months
with zero activity in several weeks.
Meanwhile, the delinquents' home world has been left in stasis
for a near-critical amount of time.
I know I don't have to remind you that if that was to continue on,
6689 could degrade beyond repair,
at which point, we would have to decommission it,
which nobody wants to do--
I'm aware of the danger, sir.
And I assure you,
I will apprehend Davey and Jonesie at the next possible--
Well, frankly, I don't wanna be dealing with any of this right now,
but a colleague has raised some concerns
about your current mental state and the handling of this case.
- [♪ tense tone playing] - [sighs]
What colleague?
[door hisses]
- [♪ elevator music playing] - Hey, guys. Am I late?
[manager] Andy, my man! Welcome! Please, have a seat.
I was actually just telling Cheryl
about how concerned you were feeling.
Oh, yeah. You know,
I hated going over your head like that, but, um,
I just kept seeing you beaming back in,
day after day, just really humiliated by those girls,
staring at the screen, eyes bugging out,
audibly grinding your teeth. [imitates teeth grinding]
Your concern is not necessary.
I am zeroing in.
I know how they operate now.
Do you? Because according to your file, you have not picked up any signature
from these girls in eight weeks.
- [♪ ominous music playing] - That does not look great for you.
[inhales] Awkward.
- [♪ dramatic sting] - [spoon scraping]
[clock ticking]
[ticking fades out]
In an effort to end this week-long haunted silence...
Love that. Go on.
...I would like to make the, I think,
rather droll observation
that the us from this world
decided to kill and eat everybody,
and then turn on each other
when the kitchen was so clearly
well-stocked with beans.
- [♪ dramatic stings] - [clock ticking loudly]
[bell dings]
[ticking stops]
[Davey] That is droll.
And may I admit,
I've been actively avoiding that exact same thought.
You know, I am sick of dwelling on the whole
"who killed and ate who and who killed and ate who" thing, right?
Like, that is so not us, and we would never do that.
Yes, because you know what?
The us of this world, they were messed up.
And also, our friendship is famously strong.
Too strong, some would say.
Why do you think Principal Neighbors tried to separate us in the first place?
Because we're-- we are literally too good at friendship
is what they are saying.
We are nothing like the weird Davey and Jonesie in this world.
- Mm-mm. - [Jonesie] Like,
look at the ridiculous stuff that the Davey from this world wrote about me.
Okay? You're gonna think this is hilarious. [clears throat]
"Day 45, Jonesie is driving me up the wall.
She chews so loud!"
[both laugh]
Hey, th-that's crazy
because I've literally never had that thought.
[Jonesie chews]
- [♪ dramatic music playing] - [chewing loudly]
- [♪ upsetting tone playing] - [distant, echoing laugh]
[squishing, slurping]
- [exaggerated chewing] - [♪ dramatic crescendo]
- Seconds, anyone? Me, please. Like... - [soft laugh]
- [rattles] - Just wait, wait.
[♪ dramatic sting]
That's your writing again.
- [♪ creepy music playing] - [rustling]
[♪ dramatic sting]
Interesting.
You know what we need?
- [♪ upbeat music playing] - We need to have fun some more!
Yeah. Yeah. You know what? You are right.
We need to shake off this hell meal and do us.
Just you and me, living fancy-free!
So I say we double down on the carefree montage energy,
and we don't look at anything too closely.
[♪ creepy music playing]
- You're so right, best friend. [laughs] - Thank you, best friend. [laughs]
- [both screaming] - [♪ "No Home" by Peter Pants playing]
♪ I got no place to go ♪
♪ No, no, no, no ♪
[Jonesie] How did you do that?
[maniacal laughter, screaming]
♪ I got no place to go ♪
- [laughter] - ♪ No, no, no, no ♪
[strange laughter]
♪ I got no place to go ♪
- [weak laughter] - ♪ No home, no home, no home, no home ♪
[indistinct murmuring]
[both scream]
- [♪ classical music playing] - Oh, my goodness, aren't we spoiled?
- Oh, darling. - This all looks delectable.
Here, I'll just have a little bite here.
Mm...
This is the best day of my life.
- God, cheers to us. - Cheers to us.
- [♪ dramatic sting] - [soft laugh]
[♪ dramatic music playing]
Yes.
[in Cockney accent] Oh, that is simply delectable!
- How amazing. - [normal] I feel incredible.
- [posh] More wine, madam? [laughs] - Yes, please.
- [♪ dramatic sting] - [clock ticking]
They've been out there somewhere, plotting,
and when they show themselves again,
I will be ready.
Look, agents lose delinquents sometimes.
The multiverse is very big.
But, unfortunately, this isn't the first time.
I mean, you did lose Amelia Earhart, right?
- That was you. - I did not lose Amelia Earhart!
There is more to that story!
- Read the file. - Ho, whoa! No need to get upset here.
- See what I'm talking about? - [laughs] Yeah, I'm starting to.
[Cheryl] Karl.
I know what I'm doing.
This Davey and Jonesie,
the Davey and Jonesie of Universe 6689, are different
than any other Davey and Jonesie in the multiverse.
It's their friendship.
- [♪ dramatic music playing] - It's...
destructive.
I am telling you.
- Together, they are chaos incarnate. - [♪ dramatic crescendo]
- [♪ dramatic sting] - [clock ticks]
- [birds squawking] - [Jonesie] Davey?
[Davey moaning, kissing]
[Davey] Oh, Abbott.
[moaning, laughing]
You dirty dog.
[kissing]
Oh, Abbott!
[kissing, moaning]
Davey?
- [♪ dramatic sting] - [gasps]
- Can we get a little privacy, please? - That's a hockey puck.
- [♪ dramatic sting] - Yeah. Jealous?
Okay, this place is getting to you.
I'm gonna need you to get your head together.
I will see you at dinner.
[sighs]
She is losing it.
[♪ creepy music playing]
[muffled] Beep beep! Nyoo!
Hey! Watch it! Driving here.
- [♪ dramatic sting] - [clock ticking, birds cawing]
[♪ cacophonous drumming]
- I'm sick of this song! - [♪ stops drumming]
Can you please put on another playlist?
Fine.
- [♪ cacophonous drumming] - Thank you.
[♪ dramatic crescendo]
- [clock ticking, birds cawing] - [Davey laughing]
- [Davey] Ah, you're so funny. - Davey?
Davey, I know you're in there!
May I help you?
What are you doing? You making out with "Abbott" again?
No. I'm actually having a wonderful conversation with a dear friend of mine.
- [door creaks] - [gasps]
- [♪ dramatic music playing] - Say hello, Jonesie!
Oh! Usurping [bleep]!
- [clock ticking] - [bird cawing]
[♪ ominous music playing]
[whittling]
What's that for?
I'm just passionate about woodworking.
[ominous percussion]
[bags rustle]
What is her problem?
- Right, Davey? - [♪ creepy sting]
- [grunts] - [spear slices]
[heavy breathing]
Bullseye.
- [♪ "Eyes" by Wine Lips playing] - [clock ticking]
[inaudible]
- [♪ dramatic sting] - [clock ticking]
[inaudible]
- [clock ticking] - ♪ Just tryin' to make it to the weekend ♪
♪ So I can close my eyes ♪
♪ So stuck, I hit another dead-end ♪
- [eerie laughing] - ♪ What a big surprise ♪
- [clock ticking] - ♪ Don't you wait on me ♪
- [laughter gets louder, wilder] - [♪ indistinct singing]
- [rapid ticking] - [♪ ominous crescendo]
[♪ "A Little Night Music" by Mozart playing]
- [haughty laugh] - [♪ music continues on speaker]
[crowd chatter]
[cutlery noise]
[posh] Oh, Your Excellency.
Oh, what a thrill to have you here!
Alexis! Cool as always.
I love the gown.
And Emile!
[laughs] Do not make me laugh.
You're married, you dirty boy. Champagne?
[♪ humming]
Amazing. Hm! [sighs]
Thank you all for coming to my party.
And please! Do help yourselves
to some hors d'oeuvres on the tay-bell!
- [door bangs] - [Jonesie screams]
[crowd gasps]
[♪ "Requiem: II. Dies Irae" by Verdi playing]
[♪ operatic singing in Latin]
- [normal] What are you doing here? - [Jonesie laughs]
Okay, this is-- This is a debutante ball
that is invite only!
- [Jonesie screaming] - Ah! no!
My distinguished guests!
[growl, maniacal laughter]
[yells] No!
I will not let you hurt Jonesie!
[♪ music fades]
What do you think you're doing?
This is the social event of the season!
What am I doing?
What are you doing?!
You made hor d'oeuvres for everyone but me.
You know what?
I cannot believe that you were mad at me in Fantasmanaria
for being friends with Emily S when, clearly,
you are the one
who wants to be friends with other people!
I was doing you a favor, okay?
'Cause you were clearly getting annoyed
whenever I would sing along in Broadway World.
Oh, so I can't be annoyed?
I, I am always supportive of you,
even when you're drooling over Abbott
in every single universe, including our own.
Then you should have told me that the Abbott thing was bothering you
instead of acting all cool and over everything all the time.
I don't have to act cool, okay?
You know what, you're just jealous of me
because I saw how much it bothered you
when everyone was complimenting me
on my signature streetwear style
- in Paris Fashion Week world. - [thumps mop]
[guest coughs]
I'll have you know that everyone was really complimentary
of my maximalist style as well,
and not everything has to be "elegantly understated."
- [♪ "Swan Lake" by Tchaikovsky playing] - You know what? Uh, I'm outta here.
'Cause this party... sucks.
- [crowd gasps] - You take that back!
- [dark laugh] - You take that back.
[mop clatters]
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Jonesie, please, I'm begging you.
Not the duke. No, no, no, no.
Put the duke down. No, no, no, no, no.
- No! - [♪ dramatic crescendo]
- [wailing] - [ball bounces anticlimactically]
[Jonesie laughs]
You... have... defiled...
- [♪ ominous music playing] - ...a member of the nobility,
and my guest
- of honor. - Mm.
[whispers] This... means... war.
Fine.
Swords at dawn!
- [♪ dramatic crescendo] - [Jonesie] Uh-oh.
- You're going down, Davey. - [crowd murmuring]
Let's go, Davey!
[♪ "Swan Lake" resumes]
Woo!
[door opens, shuts]
No!
- [♪ sad music playing] - [crying]
My social standing, it's been ruined!
Ruined!
[♪ dramatic version of "Swan Lake" playing]
[wailing]
[♪ dramatic crescendo]
[♪ dramatic finale]
So...
what you're essentially telling me
is that the Davey and Jonesie from Universe 6689
are criminal masterminds,
and their friendship is so strong,
so unique, so chaotic,
that they pose an actual, literal threat
to the entire multiverse?
Yes.
[Karl] 'Kay...
And that's why you're recommending,
on top of them serving detention,
they each have their memories of each other permanently erased.
- [♪ soft music playing] - In a juvenile case?
Mind-wiping two teenage besties. Ouch.
- Big ouch! - Trust me.
Some people just shouldn't be friends.
[♪ dramatic crescendo]
- Like, what is that supposed to mean? - I don't know.
[♪ Western showdown music playing]
♪
On three.
One...
two... three.
Release the dragons.
Unleash hell!
[both scream]
- [♪ music stops] - [overlapping yelling]
- Pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew! - Go, boy. Come on.
- Fire! Do fire. - Pew. Pew. Pew.
- [screech, roar] - Pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew.
- [screech] - Pew pew pew pew pew pew pew!
- Pew... - [screech]
[coughing]
Did you plan anything real for this?
No.
I didn't actually wanna hurt you.
Same.
Well, it seems like... even when we're apart,
we don't actually really wanna be... apart.
No.
I-It's just like this whole thing of going through the multiverse,
going on this adventure, has felt like one super long extended vacation,
a-and there's no one else I'd rather do it with,
but, sometimes, I don't know. I think it's okay if we get on each other's nerves
- or, like, need space or... - [♪ soft music playing]
Yes! I am so glad that you said that!
This is completely normal for a friendship!
'Cause literally every friendship has done this!
[bags rustle]
And also, we're really dehydrated.
Oh yeah, we fully just stopped drinking water.
- Dude, I missed you so much! - I missed you! [sighs]
[♪ heartwarming music playing]
I miss everyone else, too. I miss Schneider!
Right?! I can't believe I'm saying this, but I really wish that he wasn't dead.
No, me, too!
Okay.
So, we're really not getting outta here, are we?
- Nope. - [sighs]
Is that a necklace made outta human bones?
A-And seagull feet, yeah.
- Huh. - [laughs] You like it?
- I like it. - Thank you. I thought that you would.
- I thought of you when I made it. - [♪ ominous music playing]
Okay! A lot to noodle on there.
Honestly, more exciting than I was expecting
a juvenile review hearing to be, kind of.
Uh, okay. Now,
I'm gonna run this upstairs for deliberation,
- and I will be back shortly with-- - Wait.
I have something to add.
[Karl] What's that?
I believe Davey and Jonesie are being aided by an accomplice.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
Stephen Simon Schneider.
When Schneider was desynced,
he was banished to the same school in every universe,
Schrödinger High.
The same school as Davey and Jonesie.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
He has worked with the other versions of himself
to build the portal the delinquents are traveling through,
and he's been helping them escape in every world.
♪
Desyncing him wasn't enough.
He has found a way to communicate with his infinite selves
across the multiverse using holo-technology.
[Karl] Yeah, that's not possible.
- [♪ music stops] - No.
You know, like, think about the amount of time we could've saved today
if you started with this. You come in and say,
"Oh, I think the bad guy is the guy I don't like."
We didn't have to sit through all of this, you know what I mean?
And where is the Schneider from 6689?
[♪ ominous crescendo]
[Schneider] Dana? Jorby? Is that you?
[laughs]
- Schneider? - [sniffles, laughs] Yeah!
[Cheryl] He...
disappeared.
[♪ dramatic sting]
[zaps, whirs]
[beeping, whoosh]
Well, that's not good.
[coughing]
- You okay? - Yeah. Yes. I'm, uh, I'm good.
[Davey] I thought you were dead.
I am! Yeah!
Or, at least, the me of this universe is.
Pretty sure this world's versions of you ate him,
so [laughs] gracias for that.
Then, who are you?
Oh, right! I-I-I'm the Schneider from your universe! 6689! Yeah.
I escaped here a while ago. Anyways...
you ready to go home?
- [♪ dramatic sting] - What?
- Home? - [Schneider] Home, yeah.
Excited? [giggles]
See your friends. See your family.
Eh? Oh, is there, like,
a bunch of personal backstory you're gonna make me catch--
[♪ "Eyes" by Wine Lips playing]
♪ Just trying to make it through the weekend ♪
♪ So I can close my eyes ♪
♪ So stuck, I hit another dead-end ♪
♪ What a big surprise ♪
♪ Don't you wait on me ♪
[♪ song ends]
[♪ upbeat music playing]
- [birds chirping] - [marble bouncing]
[kids laugh]