[electronic beeping]
[♪ tense music playing]
[beeping continues]
[judge] Cheryl Mason, you are hereby demoted...
[Cheryl] I used to work on an elite delinquent acquisition task force.
[judge] ...for the rogue use of unsanctioned technology...
[Cheryl] But after being betrayed, I was demoted...
- You're crazy! - [Schneider] I am not crazy!
[judge] ...leading to the disappearance
of asset Amelia Earhart.
[Andy] Are you still on that case with those two teen girls?
[Cheryl] ...to the Juvenile Department to rot.
- [echoing] To rot... To rot... To rot... - [♪ dramatic crescendo]
- [laughter] - Really?
Okay, well, not if I see you first!
- [laughter continues] - [graphics beep]
I'm gonna hold you to that, Nancy! Oh, my God...
Oh! Hey, office buddy.
Oh, it's Simon from Delinquent Processing's 170th birthday.
There's cake!
Gluten-free.
- [♪ elevator music playing] - [sighs] Mm...
You know, Cher-bear,
it wouldn't kill you to make some friends with people at the office.
Other than me, of course.
- [♪ dramatic music playing] - I didn't get to where I am today
by making friends.
- [♪ music stops abruptly] - I mean... yeah.
Yeah.
- [beeping] - [computer] Anomaly detected.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
[Andy] Are you sure you wouldn't like me to take over that case for you?
We could do a swapsies!
I really don't mind.
[beep, whoosh]
- [♪ music stops abruptly] - [slurping]
[stops slurping, gulps]
[clicks tongue, sighs]
- [school bell ringing] - [Schneider] Why am I not surprised
to hear that you've caused yet another anomaly?
Um, because it's our signature move?
- [laughs] - [scoffs] Like--
Do you have any idea how many Schneiders
have been turned into sea cucumbers now?
Forty-three.
Not to mention all the ones who've been gravely injured, thanks to you.
Just look at Pig Latin Schneider.
- [♪ dramatic music playing] - [groaning]
The rules of his universe were quite simple. Speak Pig Latin.
We didn't have any problems with the Pig Latin.
Yeah! It was the dark undercurrent of misogyny that we bumped on.
Yeah, I mean, seriously, in what world does speaking Pig Latin
and hunting women for sport go together?
[Schneiders] This one!
[Shakespearean Schneider] We simply cannot go on like this.
Knowing you has become a plague on all our houses.
- [Schneiders murmur agreement] - Oh, come on. That's our thing!
You tell us to blend in, we say yes,
and then don't, for very legitimate reasons.
- [Schneiders groan] - Havoc ensues.
You fix the portal, and then you know what?
In the end, we're all better for it.
Yep. It's the basis of our friendship.
Let's get one thing straight. You are not our friends.
You are our burden. Unless you think
we like having our lives ruined
by two inconsiderate, ignorant,
insubordinate teenagers.
[whirring]
This is why we Schneiders feel it might be best for everyone
if we just turn you in.
- Turn us in? - Oh, oh, really?
Okay. You all, you all feel that way?
[Schneiders murmur agreement]
Thanks to your interference in that weird oranges world,
Cheryl already knows of our involvement.
But, if we comply with MOM,
they might be more lenient with us.
- You know, I'm gonna say something. - Go ahead. Yeah, say it.
When we first met you, we thought you were kind of a butthead.
- [gasping] - But as we got to know you,
we were like, "Hmm,
- maybe there's more to him." - Mm-hmm.
And it turns out, our intuition was right, as usual.
Yep. You're just a big butthead.
A big [bleep] butthead.
[indignant gasps]
That's the smartest thing I've ever heard you say.
[electricity zaps]
- Eryl-che, I-I-- - [Cheryl] Save it.
So this is how you figured it out, Stephen.
Found a way to communicate with your other selves
across the multiverse. [laughs]
I don't think that's ever been done before.
It actually hasn't, so...
[Cheryl] It wasn't a compliment.
This was the final piece of evidence I needed
to solidify my case against you.
And once I finally rid the multiverse of Davey and Jonesie's chaos,
I can convince MOM that de-syncing you wasn't enough.
Anything for a promotion, right, Cheryl?
[♪ intense music playing]
[♪ intense crescendo]
Okay, seriously, what is the backstory between you two?
Nothing but ancient history.
- [♪ suspenseful music playing] - [mouthing]
- Ah! [grunts] - [body thuds]
I don't like Mark in this universe.
Um... yeah.
- [Davey and Jonesie yelling] - [Cheryl growling]
Stephen... Stephen!
- Is it working? - How am I supposed to know?
I'm just mashing all the buttons!
- [♪ exciting music playing] - Come on, come on!
- [beeping, whirring] - [Davey] Okay! Okay! Yeah!
- Yes, yes, yes, yes. After you, madame. - Thank you.
[whirring]
- [electricity buzzes] - [both] Huh?
- [beeping, whooshing] - [♪ intense music playing]
[whirring]
[screaming]
- [whoosh, door slams] - [panting]
[electricity buzzes]
[crackling]
Do you think that it's a problem that I went through with this thing?
Yeah, probably. But I'm sure this world's Schneider will be happy to tell us why.
- Okay-- - Can you believe those guys?
No! Like, I knew he was low-key the worst,
but I didn't think he was actually like--
- [Davey] Like the worst? - [Jonesie] Yeah.
It's like, how are we ever supposed to trust him now?
I don't know, but I'll tell you something. I'd be happy
- if I never saw another Schneider again. - [door shuts]
- [♪ creepy piano music playing] - [students giggling]
[both] No.
[♪ "Hurdy Gurdy Man" by Sir Jude playing]
♪ Songs of love ♪
Happy Schneider Day, friends!
♪ "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy gurdy" he sang ♪
♪ "Hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy, hurdy gurdy gurdy" he... ♪
- [sheep bleating] - We're in hell.
Do you hear sheep? I hear sheep.
[Jonesie muttering]
Is that Davey and Jonesie 6689?
Welcome to my paradise.
- [♪ song ends] - [bell dings]
[whispers] What universe are we in? Also,
- why is that you? - [Schneider] Oh,
you don't need to lower your voice here. I don't hide anything from my friends.
But, aren't you worried that you're gonna cause--
An anomaly? [laughs] No.
We don't worry about such trivial things here.
Walk with me and all will be revealed.
By me. As in, I will tell you. Yeah. That made sense, right?
[♪ "Hurdy Gurdy Man" by Sir Jude restarts]
When I was de-synced, a version of me was sent to this world. What's up, Ulrich?
But it was very simple. It was basic.
It was agrarian. It was riddled with plague.
It was basically medieval.
A medieval school, but in a modern city--
- I wouldn't overthink it. Yep. - Okay.
[Schneider] So I tried to blend in, you know,
didn't wanna cause an anomaly, even though there wasn't even really
any science here to speak of. You know, the only classes
were butter churning and sheep shearing and witch spotting.
It's a very superstitious people. What's up, Prudence? Get it, girl!
But, one day, I was on a call with the other Schneiders,
and you know what that looks like...
A big hologram, right?
So another teacher walks in, sees me doing this, freaks out.
She thinks I'm doing black magic,
and I might've said that, uh, I was a god.
[♪ angelic choir vocalizing]
- A god? - [Schneider] I didn't say god.
I said "man from the sky," and we just kinda went with it, so...
They've been worshiping me adoringly ever since.
But, you know, I've rewarded them handsomely
with things like, uh, modern medicine
and electricity
and indoor plumbing, those kinda things. Ah, ah! O'Sullivan!
Remember we talked about the fundamentals of hygiene?
Come on. There we go.
- Attaboy, kiddo. - [Jonesie] Okay, that's disgusting.
- I'm okay. Thank you. - Uh, um, so it's just, like,
how are you not getting caught?
Do you know what I mean? Shouldn't MOM be all over you or...?
Yeah, isn't this like Anomaly City? If Anomaly City
was a medieval town. I-In a school.
That's very astute girls. I-It's a great grasp of multiversal law.
See, before the teacher who spotted me could tell anyone,
I built a signal jammer,
which takes us off MOM's radar completely.
We're totally undetectable here.
In fact, the only reason that you were even able to get here
is because of that.
Going through a portal with a portal device
must've caused an energy burst so powerful
that it temporarily rejuvenated my previously decommissioned pathway--
[laughs] Listen to me!
I must sound so boring right now.
You know, science, right? Bit of a snooze.
- Yeah! Yeah. - Okay, so, no offense,
but how are you this, like, nice and cool?
Because in every other universe, you've been--
Oh, like an arrogant, self-centered misanthrope
who wouldn't know a good time if it bit him on the ass?
- Yes. - Took the words right in my mouth. Yeah.
Yeah, that's a bummer. But I gotta say, it's not a surprise, you know?
Because I have listened in on some of these Schneider calls,
and, uh, only a very sad man wouldn't be totally enamored
with the hilarious hijinks you two have been up to.
Right? Finally, someone said it! Other than me a million times.
- Duh! [laughs] - Listen,
why don't you spend the day as my personal guests.
I have been dying to hang with the infamous Davey and Jonesie of 6689.
Let's kick it, shall we?
[laughs] Okay, I know we say this a lot, but are we dead?
- [laughs] - Yeah. I mean, oh yeah. Actually, yeah.
We're busy. Not! Like, yes! Let's kick it.
- [laughing] - [Jonesie] And he loves it!
Okay, check this out.
- Okay. - Okay. I wanna make a candle.
[♪ "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo / Let the Happiness Begin" by Lighthouse playing]
♪ Let the tidings of joy touch your righteous hand ♪
Yes!
- Oh, no. - [Davey] Oh, my God!
- [laughing] Oh, no! - [Jonesie] What?!
- How'd that even happen?! - Boo! No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
That is so funny!
- [♪ song continues] - [students cheering]
[cheering]
♪ Who says you're waiting for another time ♪
- I think it's ready. Yeah. - Almost done? Okay.
- [Schneider] Yep. - Ooh...
- Butter! - [Jonesie] Mm.
[all] Mm.
Ooh. La crema.
[laughs]
- [♪ indistinct singing] - [students laugh]
- [Davey] I could do this forever. - [Jonesie] I know!
[Davey] I'm not even getting dizzy.
- To us! [laughs] - [Davey and Jonesie] To us!
[Davey] Hear, hear!
[laughter, sighing]
- Please, help yourselves. - You spoil us.
- We just bite into it? - [all chewing]
- Mm! - [Schneider] Mm.
And I said, "No, that's penicillin!"
[laughter]
Yeah, i-is this thing on?
[laughter, sighing]
[Schneider] That's excellent work, Sierra. Thank you.
Oh, thank you,
- oh Great One! [giggles] - [Schneider] [laughs] Alright.
- [Jonesie laughs] - [Schneider sighs]
I have not had that much fun with a friend
since my MOM days, you know?
The people here are cool and all, absolutely, don't get me wrong,
but they don't have your sense of humor.
- Or your grasp of toilets. - [Jonesie laughs]
I know. I have to admit, today was actually really fun.
Yeah, man! Like, you're cool!
None of the other Schneiders wanna hang out with us.
- They wanted to turn us in. - [Schneider] What?
- [Jonesie] Yeah. - Bunch of [bleep] buttheads.
- [Davey] That's exactly what I said! Yep. - Thank you!
And, yeah, there are some undeniable cult-like vibes here,
but, you know, everyone seems to be genuinely happy. Even Sierra, our, um,
- our table. - [Schneider] Oh, they are. They are.
And you'll be, too, once you settle in.
- Yeah. - Yeah. Wait, what?
Oh, did I forget to mention?
[♪ dissonant music playing]
You get to stay in my paradise forever!
Yay! Anyways, come on.
Come on.
[♪ soft music playing]
[butter churn squishing]
[Davey] Not that we're not overjoyed to be stuck here,
but why?
Well, I can't have you running off
and blabbing to the other Schneiders about me.
You see, I'm not just hidden from MOM here.
I'm hidden from me.
I'm a drag, man, you know?
Stuck in the past,
embittered, alone.
Whereas here, I've been able to get past all that.
I have a healthy state of mind.
- I have healthy friendships. - Okay, and by friendships,
do you mean people who never question you
because you convinced them that you're a straight-up god?
[sighs] Tomato, yes. I mean, girls, you said it yourself.
The other Schneiders-- hey-- are the absolute pits,
and I have no interest in regressing by re-syncing with them
because I... How you doing?
...am a new and beautiful Schneider.
I'm relaxed and enlightened, and I'm 100% well-adjusted.
[♪ music stops]
Ab... solutely.
- But, there's-- - Ooh, don't like that word though.
- Uh, b-- - Oh, there it is again.
- Yeah, but it's just that there-- - Enough.
You're never leaving, so don't ask again, okay?
Jeez, I thought we were friends, guys.
Friends don't leave, question, or disagree with friends.
Right, Prudence?
- That's my girl. - [♪ creepy music playing]
Right! Right on. Yes. R...
- Oh! Absolutely. - I just-- And you've convinced us.
[both] We love it here!
What? This place is awesome, and I love it, please!
I wanna stay here, and I wanna eat all those carrots.
Um, which is why we are actually just gonna take a quick private sec
to say goodbye to our old, gross, awful lives
- that we don't wanna live anymore. - And then, we're gonna come right back,
and we're gonna do a whole lot of this stuff.
Alright, do you. But hurry back.
- I got more righteous hangs planned. - [Jonesie] Oh, can't wait.
Okay, so we may have overestimated how cool this Schneider is.
Oh, big time. But who knew that treating
an ego-driven genius like an unquestioned deity
would actually make him much worse?
And I heard it. Yep. I heard.
[Davey] I mean, if the other Schneiders knew that we were trapped here,
then they'd have to come help us, right?
Yes, and they would get us home if only so that they can use the portal
for their own selfish reasons but that's assuming that they don't turn us in first.
[sighs] I can't believe I actually miss them right now.
How are we gonna manipulate this Schneider into turning on his hologram thing?
[students] [chant] All hail Schneider.
- All hail Schneider. All hail Schneider. - [♪ creepy music playing]
- Asked and answered. - This one's gonna hurt.
[♪ upbeat '60s pop playing]
[enthusiastic laughter]
If the other Schneiders could see us right now,
they would be so jealous, right?
[Davey laughs]
- [crowd cheering] - Totally! This world rules! And so do you!
You have, like, the best aura of all the Schneiders that I've ever met!
And I think that it's because you're so, uh...
- Enlightened? - Yes!
Took the word right outta my mouth.
- [crowd cheering] - [♪ music continues]
It's too bad the other Schneiders can't see what you've built.
Oh, they could learn a lot
from how disturbingly well-adjusted you are. [laughs]
You know what?
You make a good point.
To the lab.
♪
- [keys jingle] - [door unlocks]
- [♪ dramatic sting] - [sighs]
Bit of a dump. [laughs]
- [forced laugh] - Alright.
[beeping, whirring down]
That must be the jammer device that stops this world from being detected.
[Schneider] Oh, see here. [humming]
What do we have? Holopen. Let-- Oh.
- Here's one. - [♪ dramatic sting]
- Hm. [laughs] - See if it works. [blows]
- [♪ dramatic crescendo] - [electricity zaps]
- Ah, here we go. - You two!
Well, we can call off the search.
Davey and Jonesie are in universe... 9999?
Sheep Boy Schneider?
[Schneiders laugh]
We haven't heard from you in many a fortnight.
No, I've really missed your delightful nickname for me,
but I've actually had much bigger fish to fry,
like pulling a whole civilization out of the Dark Ages.
Might wanna try it sometime.
Hmm. Good one.
Okay, so what's the story here, Sheep Boy?
You need help sending Davey and Jonesie
to their next universe, or what?
Oh no. They would much rather stay here with me.
Wouldn't you, girls?
- Yep. - Yes. Oh, my God, yes.
You know why? Because you're damaged goods, man.
- [Schneiders grumble] - You are totally washed up.
You're unable to embrace the now.
Whereas, I have completely transcended all of that
- and am 100% well-adjusted, right, girls? - [Schneiders mutter]
- Yeah. - Yep.
And they've taught me a couple of things.
The most important being that I am the superior Schneider.
- You'll never be on my level, guys. - [Schneiders grumble]
That's hardly a tragedy, babe.
[Schneider] And why, instead of letting you re-sync,
I'm gonna build a new device
and purge the multiverse of your inferiority
by killing you all and becoming the one true Schneider.
- Dead! - [gasps]
- Fie! - [growls]
- Wait, what? - Don't be modest, girls.
It was basically your idea. Anyway, later, losers.
- [electricity zaps] - Okay.
[Schneider] Alright, so what should we do now?
Shear some sheep? I know it's playing into the nickname a little bit,
but it's actually kinda fun.
How can you just kill all the other versions of yourself?!
Oh, easily.
They might be selfish... and rude... and weird...
and, uh, not that friendly...
- and, uh, bad at communicating... - Find the point.
...okay, b-but they're you!
And you can't just do murder!
Of course, I can. I mean, how do you think I stopped that teacher
from telling everyone about me before I could build the jammer?
- [♪ scary music playing] - [both gasp]
You're crazy!
No, I am not crazy!
I'm not crazy.
I'm starting to think maybe you two are the ones who need enlightening.
Keep them out of my lab. I'm gonna be very busy in here.
And I don't mean to be vague.
I'm gonna be busy building the Schneider-killing device.
- Yes, obviously. - Th-That's totally what we thought.
Okay. Sometimes, it's...
In case you didn't know. Good. Take them away.
[♪ scary music playing]
No one calls me crazy.
- [whoosh] - [Andy] Oh!
- [sighs] - Hey there, office buddy.
Oh. No luck again, eh?
What happened?
- [♪ suspenseful music playing] - [screaming]
I was temporarily detained.
[Andy] Well, your screen was going cuckoo while you were gone,
so those girls must have caused quite a stir somewhere.
[♪ exciting music playing]
[beeping]
[Cheryl] Where were the anomalies?
Did you write down the universe?
No, sorry.
You were just so adamant that you didn't want any help
that I didn't wanna overstep.
- [sighs] - Why is that, by the way?
I feel like there's some very specific backstory
you never wanna talk about.
[computer beeping]
[sighs] The girl's got baggage.
- [♪ soft creepy music playing] - [rustling]
Once you finish stuffing the straw effigies,
you can start carving the stone effigies.
If there's one thing we need more of,
it's effigies of our benevolent leader for Schneider Day. [giggles]
[♪ creepy music builds]
Is every day Schneider Day?
Yes. Yeah.
That checks out.
Can't believe that we're stuck with a Schneider
that's so much worse than all the others.
I know. At least the other Schneiders had the decency to suck up front.
I mean, they did have their good moments.
[♪ upbeat nostalgic music playing]
[echoing indistinct chatter]
[singing] ♪ You say orange, and I say orange ♪
♪ And I say orange ♪
[screaming]
Aw...
- [screaming] - [♪ music fades out]
God, I love those sloppy little guys.
We have to save our Schneiders.
But how are we gonna take out this Schneider
to save the other Schneiders?
We just need the one person that hates Schneider
more than he hates himself-slash-she hates us.
You're saying we intentionally cause an anomaly to bring Cheryl here
- to save the Schneiders. - Mm-hmm.
That is a reckless twist on our classic formula,
- and I love it. - Okay.
We just need a diversion big enough to keep Schneider out of the lab
- so that we can turn off the jammer. - Mm.
- [screaming] - [animal squeaking]
- A rat bit me! - [all gasp]
You know what that means?
A tetanus shot?
He needs to be sacrificed at dawn.
[♪ dramatic music playing]
Tough, but fair.
Schneider was right. They're extremely superstitious here.
Which might work to our advantage.
- Witch hunt? - Let's go.
[♪ exciting music playing]
- [device beeping, whirring] - [Schneider laughs softly]
- Nailed it. You're welcome, multiverse. - [muffled crowd yelling]
[Jonesie] He's here in his secret sorcery lab!
- [all] Kill the witch! Kill the witch! - Schneider's a witch!
He tricked us with his sky magic!
- [screaming] - [ripping fabric]
[♪ music stops]
[panting]
Alright. You think this little stunt is gonna dethrone me
and save the Schneiders, you got another thing coming.
- My people, ha, ha, I'm no witch. - [♪ mystical music playing]
I gave you clean water. Right? Yeah?
Took away your dysentery? Remember that?
[confused murmuring]
He took our dysentery!
- [♪ exciting music playing] - Get him!
- [people screaming] - [Sierra] Kill the witch!
[all] [chant] Kill the witch! Kill the witch!
[Davey and Jonesie] [half-hearted] Kill the witch. Kill the witch. Kill...
Woo!
Once again, I'm not proud of us for exploiting
the inherently sexist prejudice against witches.
Same. But in this case...
- [both laugh] - [♪ upbeat music playing]
Okay, so we're really gonna do this.
Risk getting caught by Cheryl,
spend the rest of our lives worshiping Schneider--
[fizzling, whirring down]
- That felt so obvious. - I just felt all the anxiety
- just like leave my body. - I was like, "Woo! I'm gonna..."
And yeah, I'm gonna do that.
- Okay, so did it work? - Um...
- [whoosh] - Wait, wait, wait!
This Schneider made himself a god,
and he's going to kill all the other Schneiders.
- You're lying. - We're not! He's crazy!
[mouthing]
[♪ haunting music playing]
[echoing] You're crazy!
[echoing] I am not crazy!
[click]
- [door opens, shuts] - [♪ music stops]
Seriously, what is their backstory?
I-I don't even wanna start to... Just find the...
- I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. - Did they go to the camp together?
- [rummaging] - Okay. Uh, nope. No. No.
- [♪ upbeat music playing] - Found one!
Yes, yes, yes! I got it, I got it, I got it!
- [electricity zaps] - [sighs, laughs]
You two!
- Aww... - Oh, classic Schneider, "You two!"
Just when I think you've hit the peak of chaos,
you manage to ascend to Olympus itself.
Getting all of us murdered! I mean, really.
- Yeah, and I'm over it again. [laughs] - Hey, hey, hey! Shut up, shut up. Okay.
We actually saved you from yourself, so, hm, you're welcome.
- [Schneiders murmur] - Really? How?
Oh, we got all of his worshipers to go against him.
- And then, we sicced Cheryl on him. - [Schneiders gasp]
Wait! Cheryl's there now?
You have to go immediately. It was hard,
and we all had to work together, which was also hard,
but we managed to boot up the portal for you remotely.
- [♪ heartwarming music playing] - You did? All of you?
But, I thought you were gonna turn us in
because, after all, you're not our friend, right?
About that. Uh...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier.
We were never really going to turn you in.
I spoke a bit harshly. It's... kinda my thing.
Aw. Supervillain Schneider,
we knew that you always loved us.
I absolutely did not say that.
- Okay. - Mm.
The point is, thank you.
Okay. Well, wh-what are you waiting for? The okay from your agents?
Go to the locker. Go!
- Copy that. Uh, see you later. Yeah. - Later!
[students] [chanting] Kill the witch! Kill the witch! Kill the witch!
[♪ tense music playing]
[device beeping]
Finally.
- [Cheryl] Nope. - [gun whirring]
- [♪ tense music playing] - Cheryl? Cheryl.
[sighs]
Guess Davey and Jonesie turned off my jammer.
You know, I'm starting to see
why the other Schneiders are so annoyed with them.
They really are agents of chaos.
So what's this? Gonna bring me in for a few lousy anomalies?
♪
You're mad I'm gonna kill the Schneiders? [laughs]
I mean, I thought you of all people would be into that.
Unless you...
Cheryl, can we just talk?
[whirring, zapping]
[sighs]
- [♪ action music playing] - [people screaming]
[smashing]
There is no God! [screams]
[locker whirs, slams]
[screaming continues]
Ahh--
- [♪ elevator music playing] - So, lost 'em again, huh?
- [beeping] - You just can't catch a break.
[inhales]
Ah well, I hate to add to the load,
but this just came for you from upstairs.
I guess the brass wanna discuss your job performance
and overall lack of results?
[♪ "Nightcore" by Constant Eeckman playing]
[♪ techno music playing]
[♪ techno music stops]
[♪ upbeat music playing]
- [birds chirping] - [marble bouncing]
[kids laugh]