[♪ tense chase music playing]
♪
- She's coming! - We're almost there!
- We're not gonna make it! - Yes, we are!
[fizzling, rumbling]
[train horn blaring]
[slow-motion shouting]
[horn blaring]
- [♪ country & western music playing] - [cowboys yee-hawing]
- [♪ indistinct singing] - [locker opens, shuts]
Hop aboard, partner! You can be the caboose! [laughs]
♪
- [whirring] - [shouting, panting]
She is obsessed with us!
I know! It's like, get a dog or something.
[sighs] Okay. Whatever the deal with this world is,
we just have to lay low and blend in.
- Okay? No anomalies. - 1,000%.
- I mean, it was way too close last time. - [♪ creepy music playing]
[voices clamoring]
It's them!
- More running? - Charge!
- [all yelling] - [♪ upbeat music playing]
[Jonesie] Why are people always chasing us?!
[all shouting]
[shouting continues]
- [Emile] There you are! - [yelps]
Emile! [panting] Can you help us?
[Emile] Come with me. Okay, no time for a wardrobe change.
- Game faces. You'll be fine. - [Davey] Oh, God! Thank you, Emile. Woo!
- [camera shutters snapping] - [crowd clamoring]
[camera shutters clicking]
[reporters shouting]
[crowd cheering]
[Davey and Jonesie muttering]
[mic feedback]
- [nervous laugh] - [clears throat]
Are you ready?!
[applause, cheering]
[Emile] [on TV] Ladies and non-gentlemen...
- Lady Thunder and the Lightning Kid! - [applause, cheering]
- [♪ heavy metal music playing] - [Emile] Today, at fifth period,
our two toughest fighters go head to head.
[Jonesie] [on video] Gym class isn't for the weak!
I've trained my body to be a weapon of mass destruction.
[growling, grunting]
[gasps] Dark.
Cool, but dark.
[Davey] [on video] To survive in the Hunger Dome,
you have to be ruthless, fast,
and more than anything, hungry!
- [growling] - [cartoony bite]
Are my teeth filed?
[Davey] Prepare to be eaten for breakfast, Lightning Kid.
Literally!
[Jonesie] Look out, Lady Thunder,
'cause you're about to get struck by lightning...
to death!
[Emile] [on video] The ultimate grudge match.
Today at fifth period.
Don't miss it. Some restrictions apply. No refunds.
Death not guaranteed by organizers.
[all cheering]
[♪ dramatic sting]
Let's open the floor to any questions. Y-You there, in the front?
Rip It Times, Online Edition.
Lightning Kid, you recently claimed
that you'd kick Lady Thunder's face directly into the sun.
Can you elaborate?
- [shutters snapping] - [silence]
Um... Yeah.
O-Oh, brother.
- [♪ heavy metal music playing] - I-I'm gonna get you, brother,
a-a-and then, I-I'm gonna rip you up, brother.
A-And, then I'm gonna get ya, brother.
Yep. Yep. And I-I'm gonna rip ya and... chew ya up,
and then I'm gonna rip ya again.
That's what I'm gonna do, brother. Er!
- [♪ music stops] - [confused murmuring]
[Davey] That's good. That's really good.
- Lady Thunder. Y-Your rebuttal? - It's my turn.
- Yep, it's your turn now. - Okay. It's my turn.
- [mic feedback] - [clears throat]
[deep voice] Oh, brother!
Thank you so much for that wonderful intro--
- [mic feedback] - For that wonderful introduction, brother.
And I'm gonna, that's right, cut you up into little pieces
and serve you on a nice plate,
and eat it for dinner!
- [♪ music stops] - [reporters murmur]
I am doing Hulk Hogan. What are you doing?
I barely know who that is. I'm also doing Hulk Hogan.
- Okay. Awesome. Awesome. Great. - Yeah, I'll see you there. Okay.
- You're going down, brother! - You're also goin' down, brother!
[Jonesie] [on TV] I'm gonna punch you in the tummy, brother.
- [♪ metal music playing] - No, brother! Don't do that, brother!
- Well, I must because I hate you, brother. - Oh, oh, oh.
- Oh, brother, please don't... brother. - Oh, brother.
- [mic feedback] - [♪ music stops]
[mic feedback]
- [electricity zaps] - [♪ tense music playing]
Okay, that's the fastest anomaly we've ever caused.
Vice Principal Mason, what are you doing in the Below-lands? It's not safe.
- I'm fine. Run along. - With respect, I cannot.
I'll escort you to the faculty lounge and...
- find you more appropriate attire. - [shutters snapping]
[reporters clamoring]
[Emile] That's enough questions for today,
but they'll be refreshed and ready
for their big fifth period grudge match, where...
[crowd] [chants] Only one survives!
Only one survives! Only one survives!
- Maybe two survive... - [laughs] Only one survives.
- [crowd murmuring] - [shutters clicking]
Um, hey! Hey, bestie. Quick Q. [nervous laugh]
How tied are we to having that, uh, that grudge match today?
Yeah, maybe we, like, reschedule to, like, a later date?
And postpone the fight of the century
when students and faculty alike cry out for blood?
[giggles] Absolutely not.
Okay! Um, could you just point us in the direction of Mr. Schneider?
[laughs] A Homeworker?
Obviously, he's in the faculty lounge. But why would you--
- Yeah, we'll just pop in there, and say-- - A student?!
In the faculty lounge? Are you concussed?
[both] Yeah. No. Yes.
Maybe we do need to cancel the fight after all.
- Yes. Yes. - Yes.
[snickers] Just kidding.
[sings] ♪ The more concussed the better ♪
[♪ classical music playing]
[indistinct chatter, soft laughter]
Welcome back to the High Seat of the Faculty, Ms. Mason.
Please don't enter into the Below-lands again unless escorted by a hall monitor.
- For your own protection. - [Cheryl grimaces]
- [gasps] - [glass shattering]
[♪ tense music playing]
Uh...
- Hello, Stephen. - Oh, Cheryl.
- W-What are you doing here? - Can it!
You and I both know the Davey and Jonesie who gave that press conference
are not the Davey and Jonesie from this world.
Why ever would you say that?
- Down, brother... You're going... - Oh, brother! You ever see--
Hey, you ever see this thing? It's goin' right in your face! Hi!
- Oh, that? Th-Th-That's smack talk. - [Cheryl] Mm-hmm?
Oh, brother, bring me another petit four,
- or I'll give you such a slap! - [glass shatters]
- [gasps] - [♪ tense sting]
I know you built the portal.
I know you're helping those girls.
- And as soon as I can prove that... - [gulps]
...I'm gonna finish what I started years ago
and make sure every single version of you
is burbling away at the bottom of a tank.
Careful what you say, Cheryl.
Huh? That's gonna cause an anomaly,
and I'd hate for you to lose face with your precious superiors at MOM.
- [angry inhale] - [hall monitor] Presenting the Principal!
- [♪ regal music playing] - [giggles]
Hi. Hello. Thanks, guys.
[♪ music stops]
Hm.
- [♪ soft music playing] - Vice Principal Mason.
How good of you to join us.
Escort Vice Principal Mason to the VIP area.
She and I need to have a... private chat. [giggles]
[♪ foreboding music playing]
[quiet faculty chatter]
Hi.
[sighs]
Why did they have to come to this world?
- And on crab-puff day? - [Davey] Psst!
- Hey. - You two.
- Get up here. - No, you come down here.
- We're not asking. - Come on.
I cannot go up there.
If we can get up here, then you can get up here.
I am, under no circumstances, going up there!
You know, I just got this lab coat pressed.
Oh, my God, a Schneider who cares more about his outfit than an anomaly?
- Refreshing? - Dude, Cheryl's here!
Oh, I know. "Brother."
We all saw the interview.
What are we supposed to do? Okay, we can't fight.
We're best friends, and we're wildly unathletic.
We have literally never been to gym class.
As far as the teacher knows, we've been on our periods every single day
- for the past two years. - It is our longest con.
So you need to fix the portal now, so we don't have to fight.
Yes, well, I... I'm afraid that's impossible
because your locker and my lab
are located within the Ride or Die Zone,
an area of the Below-lands that's restricted to faculty
and ruled by a terrible motorcycle gang.
Th-There are motorcycles? [giggles]
They have one motorcycle.
But they're very good at sharing.
So, I guess that's that.
What do you mean, "That's that"? "That's that" as in,
"Oh, we die in the ring or get caught by Cheryl?"
You don't know what it's like here.
The students are wild.
The teachers have to be
physically separated from them for our own protection.
A-And we don't even really teach.
We sort of just watch as they rip each other apart,
and we drink champagne and grade them on it.
I suppose it's not ideal, but the food's pretty good,
and I do love champagne.
Wow. Being in this world has made you soft...
...er than usual.
It's gonna make you even softer than a sea cucumber
once Cheryl sees us not fight.
Fine, fine, fine. Fine!
She's onto you already. And me.
Okay.
- [♪ mysterious music playing] - Legend tells...
of a drifter down below called the Traveler.
Perhaps they can give me safe passage through the zone.
And what happens if you don't make it before fifth period,
and we have to get in the ring?
You'll have to make it look like you're fighting.
Legend tells...
A-A separate legend.
...tells of someone called the Lost Winner.
A former champ who can train you in the art of fake fighting.
They say she lurks in the shadows of the basement.
This world would rule if we weren't so completely screwed.
Okay, you go find the Traveler,
go to your lab,
and we'll find the cool-sounding basement chick,
just in case you die instantly.
- Wh-What? - Break.
- [vent banging] - [overlapping clumsy chatter]
- [Schneider] I'm going this way. - [Jonesie] No, I'm going this way.
[♪ tense music playing]
Thank you for joining me in the VIP area. [soft laugh]
- [velvet rope clicking] - [♪ tense music stops]
- [sighs, sniffs] - [♪ classical music playing]
Do you know why the faculty respect me, Vice Principal Mason?
- No. - Fear. Exactly.
And because they know their place,
just like I know about your little excursion to the Below-lands.
And don't think I didn't see you hesitate when you bowed.
- [♪ tense music playing] - Whatever little coup you're planning,
it's not gonna work.
Better administrative faculty have tried,
and I always find a way to...
immobilize them.
Refreshment?
Is this poison?
[haughty laugh]
Vice Principal Mason! So paranoid.
[laughs] No, but if it makes you feel better,
why don't we... switch?
- [♪ tense music stops] - No, you drink from both.
[♪ classical music restarts]
Can we get two more, please? Yeah.
These are warm.
Love your hat.
[♪ funky jazz music playing]
[kids chattering]
[sighs]
[unappetizing splat]
- This is only a quarter portion. - [squishing]
I have a fight today.
Price has gone up. Talk to me when you've got a couple of A's.
- [hisses] - [growls]
I'll bet you one A-minus in Math...
and raise you a B in World History.
[door opens]
- [door shuts] - [kids murmur]
- [bangs table] - [band stops playing]
[♪ tense music playing]
What are you doing here, Homeworker?
[laughs] Here to give us more homework?
[all laugh]
You can't! [hisses]
[all hissing]
I'm here to see the one they call the Traveler.
[Traveler] Right behind you.
- [♪ dramatic sting] - Sorry. I moved.
- [♪ electric guitar riff] - Hi.
[♪ electric guitar stops, funky jazz music continues]
[kids chattering]
I can get you through the Ride or Die Zone.
First, you gotta gimme what I asked for.
Are you sure? I...
I can get you a couple of Bs in Physics. Maybe an A in Bio.
Bio is a soft science for people who can't do math.
Give me what I want.
Okay.
One, um...
bag of wet hair.
Can't imagine why you would want it.
It's for me to know,
- and for you to find out. - Oh, I never wanna fin--
- Listen! - [♪ tense music playing]
[whispers] If you wanna get through the zone,
you've gotta do everything I say. Got it?
[whispers] Yeah.
- [♪ electric guitar riff] - [spraying paint]
I like the taste.
[Jonesie] Hope these are the dumbest outfits we have to wear today.
[Davey] Who do you think the former champ is?
- Three, two, one... - [both] Alexis.
'Cause they're so cool in every single universe!
- I know. - Unlike Sierra.
- [muttering] - Sierra? Um, no, no. Sierra's here.
[♪ intimidating music playing]
Hey, Sierra. That's a cool... eyepatch.
Yeah, we're actually just here, waitin' for the, uh, Long Lost Winner--
[screams]
[head thuds]
[♪ intimidating music playing]
And that's why you don't make assumptions.
[♪ dramatic crescendo]
So, the school's greatest enemies
are secretly the greatest of friends.
Tale as old as time.
Yes. And, actually, time is a factor,
so we don't need to delve into anyone's backstory--
- You know I had to fight my friend once. - Okay, awesome.
- [♪ mysterious music playing] - My best... friend.
[Davey] You had a friend?
Sorry, that was rude. You had a friend?
We were picked to fight each other in the arena.
Two besties, forced into the fray.
Only we fought for real.
I won.
But it didn't feel like it.
What happened to your friend?
Same as what happened to the others.
They were taken to the locker room,
never to be seen again.
[♪ tense music building]
Why didn't you guys just, like, fake fight or choreograph something
- so you were never actually fighting? - Yeah. Isn't that your whole thing?
Somebody told us that today.
Let's just get started, okay?
[♪ "Powerline" by Lee Aaron playing]
[rings triangle]
♪
The key to fake fighting is embodying the lie.
Legs up, legs up, legs up!
You have to be the part.
Prepare for battle. Fists up!
Look the part.
Emile sent me in here 'cause there's supposed to be some sort of makeover?
[chair creaking]
Hi.
[Sierra] One!
You can call me the Transformer because--
'Cause you make costumes that transform warriors for battle?
Yeah, I-I got there.
Two!
Okay, Mr. Transformer.
What are we waiting for?
[Sierra] First, master the art of circling.
- [rings triangle] - Clockwise!
The longer you circle, the more tension you build,
- and the less you fight. - [triangle rings]
- Counterclockwise! - [triangle rings]
Counter-counterclockwise!
No. I-It's the reverse, so...
[Abbott] Battle isn't just combat.
It's a story.
It's pageantry.
It's a dance.
♪ I'm reaching out ♪
Can we just get this over with?
- Are you skipping? - A little bounce to the legs, yeah.
- Okay. - No, it's just the move.
This is how-- This is what it looks like.
[Sierra] Next, to sell your fake fight, you have to sell your fake pain.
- Attack! - [grunts]
[grunting]
- Ow... - No.
- Ah! - [Davey screaming]
[♪ music continues]
Don't forget to let them see you sweat.
- Always let them see you cry. - [triangle rings]
Ow! Davey! Oh!
- Jonesie! - Ow, ow, ow!
Ah! Gotcha!
♪ Touch the powerline ♪
Get it?
Lightning. 'Cause you're the Lightning--
Dude. Yes. It could not be more on the nose. Thank you.
[Davey] It's perfect.
♪ Touch the powerline ♪
♪ We'll make it this time ♪
- Can't wait to wear it. - Right?
♪ Oh! ♪
- [triangle rings] - [♪ song ends]
[muffled crowd cheering]
- You both look like champions. - Idiots.
Thank you.
Oh. And I've built a little surprise
- into each one of your suits. - [♪ mysterious music playing]
It will reveal itself when the time is right.
♪
- Good luck. - [snipping]
- I'm gonna barf. Are you gonna barf? - Where is Schneider?
- The fight is about to start. - You got this.
The art of circling
and the power of your friendship are all you need.
Yeah. And if anyone can fake doing one thing
in order to avoid doing another thing, it's us.
Let's go.
- [inhales] - [♪ upbeat music playing]
[crowd cheering]
[crowd] [chanting] Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!
Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!
[chanting continues]
Let the Schrödinger High Hunger Dome Games...
- begin! - [crowd cheering]
Seriously, where is Schneider?
[♪ upbeat music playing]
[Schneider] Remind me again why you're the one in the disguise?
- [rattling] - [Joyce] Sleight of hand.
That doesn't answer my question.
Hey!
Not just anyone can walk into the Ride or Die Zone.
[Joyce] Don't worry. It's me.
Joyce.
[♪ tense crescendo]
- Run, Schneider! - [♪ dramatic music playing]
What? How was that the plan?
Looks like we've got ourselves a Homeworker.
- Hey, hey-- - Bring me...
the bike.
[♪ tense music playing]
- [applause] - Schrödinger High! Are you ready to meet
your first two tributes?!
[crowd cheering]
I bring you the Red Shirt Marauder!
- [scattered cheering, booing] - [Mark whooping]
[Mark laughing]
And now, make some noise for...
Boulder Fist Jenkins!
[crowd cheering]
- Fight! - Okay.
Well, maybe this will be a really long...
[grunting, screaming]
- [buzzer blares] - ...battle.
[crowd cheering]
And now, to the locker room...
- forever. - [crowd] [chanting] Kill! Kill! Kill!
[Mark screaming]
Let's see what the faculty has to say.
Oh. Overall, a B-minus.
Thank you, faculty. Ooh, and dare I say,
you are looking absolutely stunning today in the gallery.
Loving the hair, Debbie. It's giving cotton candy.
It's giving cloudy. I just wanna eat you up.
[nomming, giggles]
And Vice Principal Mason,
you are looking absolutely impeccable in the gallery, as well. Good for you.
Okay, remember. Just keep circling as long as you can.
Right. 'Cause the more we circle,
- the less we have to fight. - Yeah, yeah.
And now, the fight you've all been waiting for.
Lady Thunder and the Lightning Kid.
Both cunning, dangerous,
power... hungry women.
Sound familiar, Vice Principal Mason?
Oh, don't roll your eyes at me.
You really think you have what it takes to be the principal.
I'll have you know that controlling the games
requires a masterful set of skills
that only I possess.
Now, to choose the arena.
[inhales]
Which... one... shall... I... choose?
Maybe... I'll... choose...
Oh, for the love of...
- [bang, mechanical creaking] - Did you all see that?
- [lasers whirring] - [crowd chanting]
Why is the arena making that sound?
This has never happened before.
[gears whirring]
Principal chose the hardest arena.
[crowd] [chanting] Kill! Kill! Kill!
[♪ tense music playing]
[whirring]
[clicks]
[chanting continues]
How are we supposed to circle on a balance beam?
- [biker] Get him! - [Schneider whimpering]
- [electric bike whirring] - [♪ tense music playing]
- Hey, hey, hey. It's my turn. Get off. - [♪ tense music stops]
[chatter stops]
- [bike whirring] - [whimpering, chattering resume]
[biker] Ready? Three, two, one, get him!
[Joyce screaming]
- [grunting, fighting] - [♪ electric guitar riff]
- Is that the bag of wet hair? - Yes, of course.
- Sleight of hand. - The lab.
Who's ready for blood?!
[crowd cheering]
- [♪ tense music playing] - [crowd] [chants] Blood! Blood! Blood!
[snickers] Let's raise a fist
for the ravenous, the dangerous,
the blood-thirsty Lady Thunder!
- That's you. That's you. That way. - Me? Okay. Okay.
- [crowd cheering, chanting] - [♪ dramatic music playing]
- [crowd] Kill! Kill! Kill! - How are you?
And the wily, the strategic,
the Davey-hating Lightning Kid!
[crowd] [chanting] Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill! Kill!
[Davey] [weakly] Boo. Boo.
You suck.
- [chanting continues] - Are you ready?
Are you ready?!
- [crowd cheering] - [weakly] Woo.
Three... Two...
One. [evil giggle]
Fight!
- [♪ "Lite the Nite" by Chyld playing] - [crowd] [chants] Fight! Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!
[chanting continues]
- ♪ You got to feel it ♪ - [chanting stops]
♪ There's just no way to hide ♪
Okay... Yay?
- ♪ There is a special light ♪ - [grunts]
♪ That opens up your eyes ♪
- ♪ So open up now ♪ - [uneasy groaning]
♪ And turn that power on ♪
[♪ song playing on TV]
[uneasy groaning]
Meow.
Meow!
♪ We want to feel it ♪
What now?
One foot, and stand.
- We gotta stand. We gotta stand. - Okay.
[Davey and Jonesie muttering]
Oh, now they're both standing on the beam! Look at that, folks.
[crowd muttering]
Okay, come closer. Okay.
Hang on... Yes.
♪
What are they-- What are they doing?
- [muttering] - [Jonesie] Circle, circle, circle.
[mouthing]
Now, they're switching. Switching around.
- [Davey] Double circle. - [Jonesie] Back, back, back.
[groaning]
- [groans] - Why are they spinning around like that?
See, this is why you don't choose the hardest one.
- Ooh... - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- [beeping] - Are we beeping?
Yes. Yes, this is the secret thing that Abbott said, the surprise.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- It's gonna be good. - [beeping rapidly]
- [beeping stops] - [sparklers fizzle]
[rapid beeping]
- [beeping stops] - [air rushes]
Jesus.
♪
♪ Oh, lite the-- ♪
- [buzzer blares] - [♪ song ends]
[crowd murmuring]
[crowd booing, hissing]
[indistinct yelling, jeering]
[♪ tense music playing]
I think that's proof enough.
Stop right there, traitor.
Do you really think you can usurp my authority and walk away unscathed?
Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?
Ooh.
- [thuds] - [faculty gasps]
This has been a coup. I'm the principal now.
- Any questions? - [faculty] No.
[♪ dramatic crescendo]
[Schneider] [laughs] Yes, I've done it.
Oh, it feels good to do science again.
- The risks, the rewards... - [device beeps]
...the pure unadulterated energy.
To hell with this half-life of meaningless decadence.
- I'm back, baby! [laughing] - Hey, baby.
- Biker gang's also back. - Oh no, we're doomed!
- [bikers yell] - No, we're not. Here!
[splats, dripping]
[bikers laughing, yelling]
- [hair whipping] - [confused chatter]
Sleight of hand!
- [♪ electric guitar music playing] - [all shouting]
- [whipping, splatting] - [grossed-out yelling]
♪
Sleight of hand.
[sighs]
[crowd booing]
- Shall we do a classic run for it? - Um, I think that might prove difficult.
[♪ tense music playing]
[gun whirring]
- [speaker] Stop! - [♪ guitar riff playing]
- [whirring] - ♪ Dangerous ♪
[crowd gasps]
Be chill.
- Alexis? [laughing] - [♪ heartfelt music playing]
Alexis is Sierra's friend?
Uh-huh.
How did you survive the locker room?
I talked the guard into letting me go.
Been living in the ceiling ever since.
- They are so cool. - So cool.
For years, the faculty has pitted student against student.
For what? [laughs]
Paltry grades?
A B-plus in algebra?
It's time we say...
- [slaps hand] - ...no!
[both] [chant] No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
It's not really catching on.
[♪ music stops]
So, you're saying we should stop fighting because...
friendship?
Yes!
Who will join me?
[silence]
[student] But we want blood!
- Blood! - [crowd] [chants] Blood! Blood!
Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!
[♪ tense music playing]
[gun whirs]
[♪ tense crescendo]
- Hey! Hey! Hey, hey. - [chanting stops]
Uh, what if we embrace friendship
by taking out our blood lust on the Homeworkers?
Starting with that one.
[clicks, whirring stops]
[mic feedback]
[weakly] She's act-- She's actually the principal now, so...
get her, kids.
- Alright. [groans] - [mic feedback]
♪
[crowd] [chants] Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood! Blood!
[all shouting]
- Let's go. - Yeah. Worked out great.
- [Cheryl screaming] - [clothes ripping]
[panting]
- [bikers shouting] - [wet slapping]
- Is that Schneider? - [Schneider yelling]
Well, he clearly had his own personal story arc.
The portal, it's online. Go!
[sniffing] Is that wet hair?
[slapping]
Yes. Okay. Get it, Schneider!
You go, girl!
- [portal whirring] - [slapping]
[door slams]
[primal screaming]
[♪ "Lite the Nite" by Chyld playing]
♪ Lite the nite ♪
♪ Lite the nite! ♪
♪ Lite the nite ♪
♪ Lite the nite! ♪
♪ Lite the nite ♪
♪ Lite the nite! ♪
♪ Lite the nite ♪
♪ Lite the nite... ♪
[♪ song ends]
[♪ upbeat music playing]
- [birds chirping] - [marble bouncing]
[kids laugh]