- Earth.
A cradle for unimaginable beauty
and staggering wonder.
Incomprehensible, overwhelming,
this planet mocks our feeble power to describe it.
Yes, to truly appreciate the astounding grandeur
of this planet, sometimes you must defile it.
Behold the defiler.
His character is vile, base, and depraved.
Once a proud talk show host,
he has been driven by a changing ecosystem
to a drier and harsher climate--
the weekly podcast.
Here, without the nourishment of his studio audience,
this clown with dull, tiny eyes,
the eyes of a crudely painted doll,
is forced to feed on that meagerest of morsels,
the random call-in fan.
Unhinged by the feral scent of their mild enthusiasm,
he scavenges in distant lands uninvited,
fueled by a bottomless hunger for recognition
and the occasional selfie.
[dramatic orchestral music]
♪ ♪
This is madness.
This is lunacy.
This is chaos.
This is "Conan O'Brien Must Go."
- I have to make sure my hair looks decent
every time we do it.
- No, you don't.
[laughter] No, no.
- Conan! - No, no.
What I'm saying--Sona,
I wasn't saying your hair looks bad.
It's just I don't think you have any control
over what's happening on top of your head.
- I certainly do, sir.
I put so much product in my hair.
- So I'm seeing your hair
after it's been treated and cared for?
I'm just--and I'm saying this--
Sona, you know that this is also a compliment,
because your hair is powerful.
It is the source of your strength.
What do you do to it?
- I put in argan oil
to moisturize. - What's that?
- It's like from-- it's like Moroccan oil.
I guess they're just trees that only grow in Morocco.
And then they, like, cultivate the oil--
- They're cutting down trees in Morocco to tame your hair?
That's why there's a desert.
No, it was like Ireland there once
until Sona started to try and tame her hair.
So you have to get it from Morocco?
- That's the best way to do it.
- Keeping my employees well-stocked
with hair products has always been my top priority,
and if that meant accompanying Sona
to one of the most wondrous countries in the world,
it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.
I brought you to the desert...
- Mm-hmm.
- And we're really in the middle of nowhere.
- I feel like I'm in my natural habitat, kind of.
- Maybe you should stay here. - Oh!
- No, no, I didn't mean that as a--as, like,
a diss or anything, but maybe you should stay here
and I never see you again.
- Oh, OK, but it's not a diss.
Can I still get paid to be on the podcast
even though I'm not on the podcast?
[laughing]
- You--you have turned not working for me
into an art form. - Yeah.
- Uh, I brought you all the way here...
- Yeah.
- To get this Moroccan argan oil.
- I was in first class. - OK.
- And I like how they give the linens...
- Mm-hmm. - 'Cause when I'm in coach,
it's all, like, paper stuff, right, but in first class--
- What's coach? - It's linen--OK.
- No, what is it?
Is that--is that a separate plane?
- [laughing] No, it's-- no, it's where--
- It's on the plane I'm on?
- Most people sit in coach!
- Where, in the front, to the side?
Where is it? - It's in the back.
- There's stuff in the back?
- What did you think was back there?
- Baggage and horses.
I didn't know.
[laughter]
I thought the wine cellar was back there.
One thing I'd like to know is argan oil,
where does it come from?
- It comes from a tree.
[wind whistling]
- We are in East Morocco right now,
and I'm told the oil comes from West Morocco.
- Oh.
We should buy a couple first-class tickets...
[laughing] And go to West Morocco.
You know what I keep thinking about?
- What's that? - This is for reals.
Do you know the scene in--
- Uh, let me guess.
"Heated Rivalry."
- No! - [laughs]
- Oh, I wish!
- That's all you're thinking about all the time.
- I know.
No, I'm thinking of "Spaceballs."
Remember when they're just walking
through the desert in "Spaceballs"?
- Oh, that's funny. I was thinking of David Lean's
"Lawrence of Arabia." - OK.
- But you go right to "Spaceballs."
- Yeah OK, Lawrence--
yes, "Lawrence of Arabia," sure.
But "Spaceballs" is where they're, like,
walking on those dunes.
- Yeah, there's no walking in dunes in "Lawrence of Arabia."
- [laughing] That movie's so long.
- How long is "Heated Rivalry"?
- It's six episodes, about an hour-ish each.
- So that's, like, twice as long as "Lawrence of Arabia."
- Yeah, but I-- - And you watched that.
- Well, I've moved on now.
I'm watching "Off Campus" now...
- What's that? - Which is--
it's another hockey show.
But this one's about hockey players in college,
and it's about each of their love lives.
So this first season was about Garrett and Hannah.
And you know what's gonna happen,
but it's like, the journey is charming.
And then they have a lot of chemistry, which is so nice,
and I made the mistake
of looking stuff up on Instagram.
And then now my entire algorithm
is just "Off Campus" stuff.
But you know what? I don't hate it.
- I knew Sona could be at this for hours, even days,
so I took a quick detour to visit one of my Moroccan fans.
- Hey, Yassir. How are you?
- Hi, Conan.
- Where are you from in Morocco?
- Uh, from Casablanca.
- When you see the movie "Casablanca,"
is it at all evocative of the Casablanca you know?
- I think--I--
I have no idea.
I never watched it. [laughs]
- What? [laughter]
You've never watched "Casablanca"?
I'm coming to Casablanca,
and I'm gonna show you the movie "Casablanca,"
and then I'm gonna walk around in a trench coat and a hat, OK,
and I'm gonna make you dress as a French officer.
- None of those references speak to me.
- I--I don't care if they speak to you or not, Yassir.
Well, tell me a little bit about yourself.
What do you do?
- I'm a project manager for a consultancy,
so mostly I just go talk to people
that are more experienced than me and tell them,
"Did you finish the thing
that you said you were gonna finish?"
And I just update it on a file, and that's my--
- Yassir, this is the plot of "Casablanca."
[laughter]
This is exactly what it's about.
- Really? - Yeah.
It's about a data manager,
and he keeps asking people, "You finished?"
And then at the end, they put it on a file,
and they all get on a plane and leave.
It's a very good movie.
I can't believe you haven't watched it.
[lively instrumental music]
♪ ♪
Yassir, how are you?
- Hi. - Good to see you, man.
Yeah, welcome to--to Casablanca.
- This is amazing.
For a second I thought, oh, Morocco, it's so cool.
It's the same forwards as it is backwards.
Then I thought about it for just a second,
and it's Occorom backwards, not Morocco--
I mean, it's crazy.
I don't even know-- - What you're talking about?
- And then to realize I'm wrong
but then to start the whole show like this,
that's the act of a madman, and I apologize.
- I'll take it. - OK.
- All right.
- Um, I want you to try and settle down.
Your excitement at seeing me is maybe too extreme.
Hey, since I spoke to you,
have you watched the movie "Casablanca"?
- 20 minutes of it.
- [laughs] That's worse than-- - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- That's worse than not watching it at all.
What's your favorite movie?
- "Avengers: Endgame."
- You don't care about the movie "Casablanca,"
but you love "Avengers: Endgame,"
which is about them getting a bunch of stones for a glove.
"Oh, we've got to finish that glove."
You know what I mean?
What, are they gonna sell it on Etsy?
[chuckles]
Kind of a cool joke.
Etsy, isn't that what you young people do?
- Yeah.
- I need to kill myself later today.
Oh, sorry. That's--trigger warning.
Might be mentions of suicide.
But I'm going to commit suicide.
[laughter] Trigger warning.
Can't get mad, 'cause I--I warned you.
Are you enjoying your time with me so far,
or do you think I'm an idiot?
- I--I like it.
[laughter]
- Has your dad watched "Casablanca"?
- I don't know. I don't think so.
- Has he watched "Avengers: Endgame"?
- No.
He's more into documentaries.
- Yeah, that's my generation more.
As we get older, we just watch documentaries.
- Yeah.
- I didn't watch "Avengers: Endgame,"
but I did watch a documentary about "Avengers: Endgame"
by Ken Burns.
[solemn music]
- In a last desperate attempt to defeat Thanos,
the feared alien warlord,
Iron Man, Captain America,
Smart Hulk, and Ant-Man
used the stolen Pym particles
to travel to New York City in the year 2012
and visit Stark Tower, where 2012 Hulk is told
from a crowded elevator to take the stairs.
- "Take the stairs.
"Hate the stairs.
So many stairs."
The Hulk.
- You asked me to meet your family.
- Yep. - That's very nice of you.
Hello, sir. - Welcome.
- Hello. - Welcome.
- Your name is? - Ayoub.
- How are you? - You are the father?
- Yes. - Very nice to meet you.
- Very nice to meet you, yeah.
- Thank you for having me in your home.
How do I say hello in Arabic?
- Salaam alaikum.
So what's the deal here?
You guys buy glasses in pairs of three?
Is that how you do it?
[laughter]
Yeah, I feel left out right now.
- Yes.
- We're gonna use the magic of Hollywood.
Let's all look to camera right now.
Look to that camera.
- Yeah. - Ah.
And put some on Junior here.
- Yes. - There you go.
- Yes. - You enjoying my comedy?
- Yeah.
- Oh, he's gonna say yes to everything.
- Do you want me to leave the house?
- Yes.
[laughter]
- It's traditional to bring a gift
when one visits someone's home.
So I brought this.
This is for you.
- Thank you. - You like this?
It was right there in the hallway when we came in.
But I want you to have it.
- Thank you very much.
- Also, I want you to have this.
I did not come empty-handed. - Thank you.
- Do you like it? - Thank you very much.
- I also got you this.
Yeah, it's a grandson.
I got him for you to match this one.
This is really lovely.
Yassir's dad has made tea.
He's brought out snacks.
This is fantastic. Thank you very much.
Thank you. - Welcome, welcome.
- He's going to show you how to pour tea.
- Yeah.
Oh, wow.
From a great height.
- [speaking Arabic]
[laughter]
- OK. There's some-- - You did it.
- There was some spilling.
I apologize.
You ever seen the movie "Cocktail" with Tom Cruise?
- Oh, yeah. Oh, you've seen that.
But you won't watch "Casablanca."
[laughter]
Ask him what I can say in Arabic as we drink the tea.
- Bismillah.
Bismillah.
In God's name we drink.
- Bravo.
- These are traditional Moroccan cookies.
- Look at this. Do they do this a lot?
- Oh.
[laughs]
- This is very good. Mmm.
I have to watch it, because if I compliment food
in another country, I can be sued by Stanley Tucci, so...
[laughter]
- You want my crew to have this too?
I say no.
[laughter]
Nothing for them. Nothing!
Mmm. Delicious, crew.
You'll never know. Mmm.
- [speaking Arabic]
- I think we should watch "Casablanca"
in Casablanca with Yassir,
and I think you guys are gonna love it.
- Yes. - Yeah.
[dramatic music]
♪ ♪
- Sam.
- Yes, boss?
- It's December 1941 in Casablanca.
What time is it in New York?
- What?
My watch stopped.
- I bet they're asleep in New York.
I bet they're asleep all over America.
[sweeping music]
♪ ♪
[dramatic music]
[cheering]
- Oh, my God.
- Wow.
- Oh, man.
Meanwhile, back in the Sahara...
This is Mohammed.
This is Walid. - Yeah.
- Thank you very much for helping us.
Tell us about the camel.
We see them all the time in these wonderful movies.
[camel snorting]
- Oh.
- They are--you are in movies.
What's the problem with-- [camel snorting]
What--
- That's how he shows happiness?
Oh, then I have a great marriage.
[laughter]
Want to kiss me?
[growling]
Good one, huh? - That's good.
- Yeah. - That's really good.
- Do camels fight each other ever,
or do they get along mostly?
- This is--this is the boss, the camel.
- The boss. - Yes.
- This is the boss camel.
- Yeah, this boss camel.
- I notice this camel is muzzled.
He has a muzzle. - Yeah.
- Is that because he talks about "Off Campus" too much?
[laughter]
- This is--
- He's very angry.
- Hey.
Ow.
Let me ask you about the toes of a camel.
- Oh, they have two toes, I think.
- Do you have any questions about it?
- The camel's toe?
- Yeah.
- Uh, why did you bring up the camel's toe?
- Uh, I brought up the camel's toe
because Jose, our writer producer,
is holding up a whiteboard that says "point out toes."
So I guess he thought that this was something
that would elevate the program.
So the joke you were going for, Jose, was what?
[laughter]
- Was--was something about "camel toe."
- Right. [camel snorting]
What is this camel's name?
- So this one is...
- Oh, yeah.
- Champagne Problem.
What's the troublemaker's name?
- Coca-Cola Zero. - Yes.
- Which camel would be the best one for me to ride
based on my personality?
- On your personality? - Yeah.
- I think Coca-Cola Zero.
- So the--the camel that we've decided is the dick
is the one I should ride?
- Yeah, this one, Coca-Cola Zero,
because he's bigger.
- And he's a dick. - Yeah.
[laughter]
Oh, sorry.
- Yes, I'll ride the dick.
That's the second time today I've said that.
[laughter]
- You'll ride that dick. - I'll ride that dick
all day and all night. - Yay.
[laughter] Come on, high five.
High five.
I said I'd ride that dick all day and all night.
[camel snorting]
You got it.
If camels aren't your thing,
how about getting buried up to your neck in sand?
It's actually an ancient therapeutic treatment.
- This is my, like, biggest phobia in life
is being buried like this.
Did you watch the last season of "Euphoria"?
- Did you guys watch the last season of "Euphoria"?
- No. - OK.
- I didn't either.
I don't think I've watched the first season.
- Nate's buried underground.
- None of us here have watched that show.
All I know is that people are in clubs,
and their mascara runs-- that's all I know.
How long do we need to be in the holes for?
- Only five or seven minutes.
- Five to seven minutes. - Yeah.
- Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. [indistinct chatter]
Every part of my body is on fire.
- Sona, I know you're uncomfortable now,
but once we cover you with more hot sand, you'll feel better.
[laughter]
I swear to God, I've had this dream, like, 50 times.
And now it's happening. [laughs]
- Why?
Oh! - No, no, no.
- Oh, no? - No, only this part.
- Only this--oh, I--
- You're trying to kill me.
- I went too high?
You know what?
I'm gonna pass on mine.
[laughter] Sona?
Hey, Sona, we should have a safe word.
What do you want it to be? - How about,
"Pull me the fuck out of the sand"?
- Don't swear please. - Sorry.
How about, "I don't want to be here anymore"?
- The swearing is better.
- Fucking take me out of this bullshit, please.
- Hot!
Ahh!
Burning. Burning.
Various organs shutting down.
Liver.
There go the kidneys.
Wait a minute.
Penis is coming to life.
[laughter]
That's weird.
Hey, you're back, buddy!
Uh, how you feel, Sona?
- I feel good.
- It's very warm, nurturing.
This makes me feel like I'm back in the womb.
They said maximum seven minutes.
They've been gone a long time, Sona.
- Yeah, they have.
- I just watched a camel give birth,
and now the baby camel is a teenager.
I just saw camel starting law school
as they covered us up,
and now it's an associate at a very good firm in Manhattan.
Is that too much?
- I'm--I'm, like, welcoming death now.
You did the whole "camel gave birth,
and now it's a teenager" joke.
And no one laughed. - I know.
But this is more specific. - And then you were like,
let me double down on the whole camel...
[laughter]
I thought being buried was my nightmare,
but I think dying next to you is my nightmare.
It's just gonna be bits till the end.
- I saw a scorpion was headed my way,
and then he heard my bits,
and he retreated over that far hill.
[soft music]
I'm paying a visit to the Amazigh tribe.
Is that correct? - Yes.
- The Amazigh culture is over 4,000 years old.
They've contributed tagine cooking, couscous,
kilim rugs, beautiful jewelry--
all kinds of amazing contributions.
And this is Aicha.
- Aicha.
- This is her home.
[both speaking non-English language]
- So she told you she's coming from another nomad village.
It's about--actually, it's about 250 kilometers.
Ride the camels.
And they came to this place
because they want to change the life,
because they are near to a place
they can find the water.
- Uh-huh. - So now she--
she said at least now is two years.
- She just said all that?
- She just arrived--
- She said one word.
- Oh! - So have tea.
- You're inviting me to have tea?
- Yes, yes. - I would love that.
I would be very honored to have tea with you.
Can you tell Aicha that this is very nice?
- She said you are welcome.
Big welcome.
- Oh, thank you very much.
The high--that's-- that's a big thing here,
right, the high up? - Yes.
- What happens when your eyesight starts to go?
Just curious.
I'm jealous of that stream.
Don't ask.
Smarty Pants.
IMAX.
This is one of the hospitality,
because when you stop in normal tent,
they always give you food to eat.
- What is this bread called?
- Medfouna.
Medfouna is like Berber pizza.
- So I just tear off a piece?
- Just small. - Just a small piece?
- Yes.
- That's very good. - Yeah.
- You can taste, like, the smokiness of the stone.
You keep saying I can have a little piece.
Can I just have a big hunk?
- This is the last one.
- Last one?
What kind of host are you? I'm a big guy.
I'm 6'4". - Yes, hospita--
- My brother Neil would have eaten that
like a communion wafer.
You know what? I apologize.
- Yeah. - 'Cause I talk too much.
I always eat as much food as I can
when I go into a house, and I even--
I won't lie, sometimes I have been known
to line my pockets with tinfoil
so I can put food in my pockets and leave with it.
- Do you want to take this one with you?
- I'm not done talking. - OK.
- Aicha regretting letting me into the tent.
Clearly you can tell.
She wants me so gone.
I was described by "Vulture"
as "hard to take."
"The Wrap" said I'm "a strong dose."
"Indiewire" said, "That guy's a prick."
I want to thank you for Aicha-- - OK, you can--
you can take this one too.
- Can I take that as well? - Yeah. Yes.
- Aicha, I want to thank you. - Yes. OK.
- Thank you very much.
To get Sona 's argan oil, we had to leave the desert
and travel to Marrakesh.
Unfortunately, there were no first-class flights available.
[sweeping music]
Sona. - Yeah.
- When I said book us transportation, I meant cars.
- Oh.
- What we're doing right now, a couple thousand years ago,
they were doing this.
- That's crazy.
That's crazy.
- I'm not wearing anything under this robe, you know.
- Oh, God. - Yeah.
The saddle's going to the right.
I'm going to the left.
[laughter]
Right? - OK.
- Hey, have you noticed that the sand is brown
and the camels are brown?
You know what that is? - What?
- "Camelflage."
- Huh?
- "Camel"-flage.
- I think we should move on.
- Well, I thought I had a pretty good one there.
- You thought that was good?
- Well, Jose came up with it.
- OK, Jose "Camel Toe" Arroyo? - Yeah.
Hey, look at our shadow there, Sona.
Isn't that amazing?
- That is so cool!
- Can you imagine if instead of three wise men
showing up in Jesus's manger, it was the two of us?
- Oh, my God.
- And we just--
we screwed everything up?
- I wouldn't have brought a gift.
- No, I would have taken something.
- No! - Yeah.
- From Jesus? - I would've--
well, I'm sorry.
Uh, Sona, I don't think we can take camels
all the way to Marrakesh.
[lively instrumental music]
♪ ♪
So, Sona, when I got this car...
- Yeah.
- I got it for the look of the car.
It never occurred to me to get in it and see if I fit.
- You don't fit at all in this car.
- No. No.
Look at the amount of play there is
in the steering wheel.
We're going absolutely straight.
- My God.
I don't feel safe.
- And you know why?
You're not safe.
This is how people drove cars in old 1930s movies.
- In the fake movies? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
"I'm coming.
"I gotta get there!
"I've gotta get to McCreedy's barn, see?
I'm coming to meet Jimmy Cagney and Humphrey Bogart, see?"
- It's also hot as balls.
- It's hot as Superman's asshole in a kryptonite fire.
Oh, that's the other thing.
No air conditioning. - Right.
- Matt Shaw, our editor, gave us this fan.
- There you go, boss.
- It's on full blast.
- [laughing] Look how close it is to your face.
- It's actually taking coolness away from me.
- [laughing]
- The setting is very "old man's dying breath."
- [laughs] Speed bump.
- Whoo! - Oh, my God.
- Oh, come on.
That speed bump just knocked the steering wheel
back into alignment.
[wheezing laugh]
I'm laughing because it's so dangerous.
- If, like, something happens to me, though,
my mom's gonna be really pissed at you.
- No, no, I won't let anything happen to you.
- I'm gonna take a video of you driving.
Hello, Mom. - Hello, Nadia.
I just want you to know
I'm taking good care of your daughter.
- Oh! Oh, my God.
You don't want to slow down for the bumps at all?
- No.
Hey, camels crossing.
Look at that. - Oh, my God.
- Isn't that amazing?
OK, what did you prefer,
driving in this car or the camel?
- The camel. - Yeah.
The camel had more legroom. - Yeah.
- The camel didn't try to kill us.
Also-- and this is strange to say--
this car has to stop every 10 minutes to shit.
- [laughing]
This reminds me of the road to Vegas.
- Yes.
- You--have you ever driven to Vegas?
- Back in the day, I did. - Yeah.
- This is me, Rodman, Greg, Rob LaZebnik.
We stayed at a really cheap-- like, in the bad part of town.
- Really? - Yeah.
And we were miserable.
We don't gamble.
We didn't drink.
We called ourselves the Pussy Patrol
because we were a bunch of pussies.
- [laughing]
Oh, my God, look!
Argon restaurant.
I bet they have argon oil.
Can you drop me off here?
- I don't think the brakes work,
so I'm just gonna keep going.
But we'll get argon oil later.
We are on our way to Marrakesh.
It's a nine-hour drive.
- Oh, my God!
- I hope you brought a book on tape.
- There's no tape player.
- OK, well, I'll just--
I have memorized several books.
- Which books?
- "Chapter 12: In addition to confessing
"to three of the grisliest murders ever recorded,
Ed Gein told investigators..."
- Oh, my God!
- "He had made over 40 nocturnal visits
"to local graveyards to exhume recently buried bodies
while in a daze-like state."
Finally, we arrived in Marrakesh,
and my first stop was to visit
one of Morocco's biggest contemporary artists.
This is Hassan Hajjaj.
You're an extraordinary figure here in Morocco
and around the world.
You've photographed Billie Eilish,
Rizz Ahmed, Cardi B.
I am very honored, because I think
you're gonna photograph me today.
- Yes, we're gonna have a bit of fun.
I'm gonna show you some outfits.
Hopefully you're gonna like some of them.
- So these are the clothes you designed.
- Yes. - Ooh, look at this.
- [speaking non-English language]
- Look at that.
Is this UV protection?
- It could be.
- Could be? - [laughs]
- Spoken like a true "guy selling stuff."
Hassan, what do you think?
- Yeah, I think it's working. - You know what?
I'm the leader of a sex cult, uh,
but I'm also safe at night on the highway.
That's the look I'm going for. - Yeah, this is--
so, yes, I think you can just-- we can do some Moroccan shoes.
- Is this doing anything for you, Hassan?
Do you like this-- these movements?
- Uh, I think not.
I think we can stop, I think, no?
[laughter]
- This is incredible.
If anyone I went to high school with
saw me wearing this athletic jacket,
they'd beat me up again.
- Oh, really? - Yeah.
[laughter]
Hey, doesn't it look like I have a 1980s sitcom?
[laughter]
You know what I mean?
[audience laughter]
Hey, Hassan! - Hello.
- How are you, my man? - How you doing?
- How's it going? - I'm good. I'm good.
- Oh, I'm doing all right.
- I'm good. - Ah!
Wing, wang.
Huh?
This is very cool.
We're gonna do this photo shoot outside.
You like to create an atmosphere,
so you have this very well-known
Moroccan musician, Maroune...
- Yeah, Maroune Lbahja. Yes.
- And Maroune is playing-- what is this instrument called?
- It's called guembri.
- It's so amazing. Three strings.
You play the middle one open. - Open, yes.
- Incredible. And I'm all set.
I'm wearing this look.
It's as if Kermit the Frog were a DJ.
- [singing in non-English language]
♪ ♪
- It's the first time I've ever been worried
about an upskirt photo.
[singing continues]
♪ ♪
Thank you guys.
Well, that's one more thing I have in common
with Cardi B and Billie Eilish.
We are entering the souk now.
This is the market.
It's just a warren--
a cobweb of various alleys.
- Mr. Conan, I'm one of your fans.
- Oh, you're a fan.
- Welcome to Marrakesh, Mr. Conan.
- Hi. How are you?
Thank you for having me. This is my friend Sona.
- Thanks for coming to my city, Marrakesh.
We love that. - We love it here.
- I appreciate. Thanks a lot. - Thank you.
- Enjoy. - Thank you. What a lovely man.
- This souk is where they shot
for "Sex and the City," the movie, two.
- Oh, where they go to Abu Dhabi,
they actually shot it here?
- Yes. Yeah.
- Isn't that the one where
Carrie Bradshaw is walking around,
and she bumps into her old flame?
- Aidan.
- The odds of that happening are one in a billion.
- I don't know.
- We've been here 10 minutes-- I haven't seen Aidan.
- You want to see Aidan?
- You know, can I say one thing?
- Yeah.
- I saw that "Sex and the City" movie,
and they're in Abu Dhabi.
And Cynthia Nixon says, "Come on, guys,
there's a lot to do in Abu Dhabi,"
and then she says, "Abu Dhabi do."
- Yeah.
- Abu Dhabi do!
- When she said that,
I took my flat-screen television off the wall,
and I threw it out the window.
[laughter]
- 'Cause you were so happy with how good it was?
- Yes. - The line?
- That's what I do when I'm really happy
about a written line in a comedy
is I throw a TV out the window.
That's why I can't watch my own show,
'cause there'd just be TVs flying left and right.
Would you like some mint?
- I'll take mint. Thank you!
- Sir, this is her second favorite herb.
- How much?
- No, it's no problem.
- No, no, he'll pay you.
- Nice to meet you.
Hello. - Hi.
- Oh, we have good smiling. - Oh, thank you.
- Salaam alaikum.
- I want to show you something very special.
- OK. - Follow me please.
- Last time I heard this, I ended up naked in an alley.
- Everybody follow me please. - Hey!
- Hello.
- Jimmy Carter, he was--
- Oh, look!
Look, Jimmy Carter was here.
- Puff Daddy.
- Puff Daddy was here?
Yeah--oh, Puff Daddy.
Let me tell you something.
Show people the Jimmy Carter photo.
Maybe don't show the Puff Daddy photo.
- No. - Right, Sona?
- Oh, yeah, yeah. - Exactly. I am agree with you.
- Sir, welcome in Marrakesh.
- Thank you.
Sona, everyone here who was thrilled to see me
was also thrilled to see Puff Daddy.
- [laughs]
- So I got to take it all with a grain of salt.
- That's true.
Oh, Saddam Hussein was just here.
What a great guy.
- I want a pouf.
- What's a pouf?
- It's like the--those things.
- This is a Moroccan pouf, and what do you do with a pouf?
- For sitting.
- Oh, for sitting.
Oh, you put, like, a pillow in here.
- Put some stuff inside.
- OK. - Yeah.
- Does anyone ever wear this as a hat?
Is this ever a hat? Let me see. Hold on.
- No, it's not like a hat.
- It's not a hat?
If I wear as a hat, it's a mistake.
You seem upset. - No, no, it look nice.
- It's a good hat. - Yes.
- Looks heavy.
- This is good, though, right? - And it's, like, 100 degrees.
I must have it.
And guess what the best part is, Sona.
- What?
- This carpet matches the drapes.
I got fucked-up junk.
- Hockey team.
- Hockey team! - Hockey.
- Are you guys Canadian?
- Yeah, dude. - Awesome.
- Oh, this is sick.
- I bet some "Heated Rivalry" shit's going on.
[all groaning]
I'm kidding.
Come on, let's look in here.
This guy sells really good leather, don't you?
- Thank you very much. - I just said that.
I don't know. - Yeah.
- You could be a total fake, you know?
- I don't have fake.
This is handmade. - Handmade.
This is handmade.
Sona, you've heard of hide and seek.
- Yeah.
- This is hide in souk.
- Soukie Soukie.
- Apologies to Cynthia Nixon.
What I just said was almost as bad.
- Abu Dhabi do!
- How do--oh, that's nice!
- Oh, wow!
- Ah!
- This is like koala meth.
Eucalyptus crystals.
I just went back in time.
Hello, George Washington.
[laughter]
This is what we wear in 2026.
Do you have anything that helps with health?
- For what? Immunity?
- To please one's wife.
- "Star Wars" tea.
You drink. - Oh!
You drink this? - Yes.
This is the result.
- The result is that?
- Yes. - Yeah.
For me to have that result,
I'd need major surgery and 35 donors.
[laughter]
All right, Sona, you know I love leather goods.
This is Monsieur Le Lu. - Yes.
- Monsieur Le Lu? - That's it.
Yes. - He is an artist.
This man is a great tailor.
Tell him this.
I host the Oscars, the greatest award show
in the history of mankind.
- [speaking non-English language]
- After the Golden Globes and the MTV Movie Awards.
I want to wear a leather tuxedo,
a Moroccan leather tuxedo.
- OK.
- When he got my measurements, did he say,
"Why does Michelangelo's 'David' need a leather tuxedo?"
[dramatic music]
- [gasps]
- Look at this.
This is beautiful.
- It is.
I like to smell leather. [laughs]
- Isn't that amazing? - Is it weird?
- You're gonna be smelling me all the time.
- No, I'm good.
- Wait a minute.
This is a white leather shirt.
- Yeah.
- This is what Jim Morrison wore to his prom.
[laughter]
- Hey, that's cool. That's hip.
- Hey, this is what Lenny Kravitz wore to the prom.
Pretty good, right? - Yeah.
It's OK. It's--it's better.
- This is what that guy you liked on "Gigolos"
wore to the prom.
- It--it probably is. - Yes, I know.
- Yeah. - I don't even know his name.
- Brace?
- Oh, this is so insane.
No. [laughs]
- Did you almost name your twins
after two of the guys in...
- Yeah, I did. Almost.
- That's so sick. I'm sorry.
This is just us. We do this. You're enjoying it.
No one fakes-- fake-enjoys like you, sir.
You're very good. You're the best.
Let's get this on.
- Oh, boy. - Ah!
You don't tell--ooh.
- Oh, my God.
- Incredible. - Don't rub the mannequin.
- Can I bring this with me?
You almost chopped--oh, can I bring this with me?
- [laughs]
- Welcome to the 2027 Oscars.
Here's your host, Conan O'Brien!
Yay!
[cheers and applause]
- This is insane.
- That's cool. - This is fantastic.
- Can you move in it? - No.
- Oh. [laughter]
- Not at all. I'm sorry.
This has got to be a very repressed person's kink.
Oh, I like leather, but, mm, formal leather.
[laughter]
- There we go. Perfect, guys.
Look at that.
- My team.
[exciting music]
- So by my count,
Conan's bought a leather tuxedo,
a rug jacket,
a leather duffel,
and some boner tee.
I thought we came to Morocco to shop for me.
- Sona, what are you doing?
You just hijack my voiceovers?
- Oh, poor Conan.
Sorry you didn't get to talk enough.
- All right, Sona, let's just go get you
your precious oil, shall we?
This is it.
"Le Sens de Marrakech."
- Hi. - Hi.
How are you? - Good.
- How are you? - You're good?
- My friend Sona loves argan oil.
- I love it for my hair, for my skin.
- It's really good for everything.
- You should get some too, maybe.
Your skin's really dry.
- My skin is pretty dry. I get very scaly.
- Your skin.
- Yeah, that's my-- look at that right there.
It looks like a chicken's claw.
Look at that. You like that?
- It's gonna fix it. - Doesn't it look like--
- I'm gonna fix everything.
- You're gonna need a lot for her.
Is there a--a big bucket of argan oil
that we can dunk her head in
and then keep her there for 24 hours?
- We have it. Yeah.
We have the huge bottle of it.
- Oh! - Yes!
- This will last her two days. [laughter]
What can you do for my skin?
Is there anything for my skin? - For your skin?
- Look, it's--
- We have hand cream, and we have body cream.
- And how often--
many times a day do I put this on?
- Just once. - Oh, it's so great.
- Yeah, it smells nice. - It's so amazing.
You gotta smell this. Boink!
- Hey! [laughter]
- I fooled her.
Sometimes it's called "the long con."
Oh, look, people outside.
Hi. How are you? You know what?
She just saw how moist my hands were from this far away.
- Yeah, they smell you.
- Look, my hands are very moist.
- Yes!
Yay!
See, this is how we bring everyone together.
Oh, what's this?
- It's a shower gel.
- That's named after Conan. [laughs]
- Sona just said to me, "Here's some gel, douche."
- Do you feel like you have moisturized hands?
- Yes, I really do.
- Every hour, you can use it.
- It's funny. Earlier you said once a day.
- No, but you have really dry skin.
I said if you have normal skin, you can do it just once a day.
- Yeah, and if you're abnormal--
- But you have really dry skin,
so you can do it every minute.
[laughter]
- Every minute? - Yeah.
- You just went to every minute.
- What's this?
- OK, this one is sensual oil.
- Oh, it says sensual--
do you need another person to use this,
or is this something I could use alone?
I'm not saying I wouldn't like another person,
but you know, I'll take one of these by myself.
- OK. [laughter]
- And then is there a park nearby?
Like... - Ah!
He's weird.
A little bit. - A little bit.
- Yeah. - A little bit.
[laughter]
- He's a little-- - He looks like--
- Oh, it's OK. You can say it.
- Yeah.
- Stressed? No.
- Yeah, he does that.
- Thank you!
Yes, that's what he does.
- So just me being with you
made you stressed and creeped out?
- Yeah! [laughter]
- Well, I'm glad I came all this way
and at great expense to buy your argan oil.
- Thank you.
- And to be called creep of the century.
Oh, nothing creepy about what I'm doing now.
- You can smell for whole the whole day.
You can smell for the whole day.
- Was this something we could have bought on Amazon
instead of coming all the way to Marrakesh?
- No, but we have our website.
- You have a website? - Yeah.
- And if we had ordered from the website...
- Yeah.
- We could have just stayed in the United States?
- Uh, yeah, I think so.
[laughter]
- Thank you. Thank you. - Great to see you guys.
- Bye-bye. - Bye-bye.
- Time to--time to see your new looks.
- Yes. We'll be back in a week.
[sweeping music]
Finally, our epic quest had come to an end.
I was dazzled by Morocco--
the people, the generosity,
the music, their love of family,
and their culinary traditions, old and new.
And best of all, I loved sharing this experience
with a hilarious coworker and my great friend.
Of course, I'm talking about the camel.
[camel snorting]
♪ ♪
Sir, do you have any eggs? - Eggs, yeah, eggs.
- Do you have any eggs? - Eggs.
[lively instrumental music]
♪ ♪
- This is deranged!
[bright tone]