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[inquisitive music playing]
Kids started calling me Lousy Carter
when I was on the golf team in high school,
I couldn't hit the ball straight.
And an Italian kid named Matt Ciani yelled,
"Hit it straight, Lousy," on my back swing.
It was obviously not meant to be a compliment.
It wasn't a complimentary nickname,
but I never hated it and it stuck. [inhales]
How did it make you feel when Matt Ciani yelled "Lousy"
that day?
♪ ["Mirage" by Caitlin and Brent plays] ♪
♪ You are a moving target
♪ That can't be nailed down
♪ Will you meet your maker
♪ While out on the town?
♪ Drop the needle in my groove ♪
♪ It's an old familiar tune
♪ After all, I'm just the tide ♪
♪ And you are the moon
[elevator bell dings]
[elevator door closes]
You, um...
You hear the one about the guy goes to the doctor?
Doctor gives him six months to live.
He can't pay his bill.
Doctor gives him another six months.
[chuckles softly]
[elevator dings]
Nurse: [over PA Lousy Carter.
♪ If I can get inside
♪ The house you built on sand
♪ A mirage in my mind
[song fades]
[cell phone buzzing]
- [knocking on door] - [door opening]
Doctor: [sighs]
I keep getting emails
about my 25th year high school reunion.
You think I should go?
Uh, depends on when it is.
Wha... what?
[papers shuffling]
- Doctor: See this? - Yeah.
- Doctor: See that? - Okay.
That's me?
It's... You're Carter, right?
Whoa.
[stutters]
[knocking on door]
We need the room.
[door closing]
[sighs]
Um...
Sorry about this.
[indistinct chatter]
Mr. Carter, you have a balance of 6,478 dollars.
We urge you to take care of this today.
The card on file was declined.
I'm a professor.
I'm sorry?
It's Professor Carter, usually.
Professor Carter, you have a balance of 6,478 dollars.
We urge you to take care of this today.
The card on file was declined.
We.
You guys usually shake people down right after
the doc hands down the death sentence?
I don't have access to medical records.
- Carter: Okay. - I'm billing.
- [mysterious music playing] - [bells ringing]
Store owner: You told me not to sell you booze.
Things have changed, circumstances,
I'm... terminally ill.
When you told me this, you told me that
when you came back in here to buy liquor
that you'd say that things had changed.
You'd offer up some kind of excuse,
some kind of extenuating circumstance,
some kind of bullshit.
Well, hey, look, I've got 50 bucks.
This is what, 31.95?
That works.
[birds chirping]
- [door beeping] - [cat meows]
Carter: The bad hospitals let you die
and the good hospitals kill you.
Candela: That sounds like a drag.
So what are you gonna do?
Are you gonna finish that thing you've been working on forever?
What?
That thing, that animated thing.
Stop saying thing.
Yeah, maybe.
Why don't I make you crab cakes?
[inhales deeply] Uh, no.
I'm gonna take a rain check on those crab cakes.
I gotta go.
Maybe you should[bleep] one of your students.
[cat meowing]
That's not a bad idea.
I guess if I get fired, who cares?
Candela: Indeed. Who cares?
[fast-tempo piano music playing]
Welcome, class. [clears throat]
This class is capped at eight students, as you may know.
Uh... Everyone here? How many we got, eight?
[sighs] This graduate seminar is entirely devoted
to an American novel, some say novella,
called The Great Gatsby written in 1924
by American writer F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Um, it says 1925.
Again?
On Wikipedia, it says 1925.
I don't like you lounging out while I'm talking to you.
[thuds]
- Carter: What is your name? - Liam.
You're on thin ice, Liam.
I know the book came out in 1925.
I've dedicated my life to the book,
but it was written in 1924,
along with scraps in 1923, 1922.
Anything else?
No.
You wanna teach the class?
No.
[inhales]
Okay, let's take a break.
If you come back after the break,
I'll know you want to be in the class.
Conversely, if you don't come back,
I'll suspect this isn't for you.
Carter: Herschel?
[exhales] You ever feel like a fraud up there...
- teaching? - No.
You were going to the doc. Uh, how'd it go?
You were experiencing symptoms. What was it, a hernia?
False alarm.
Are we still playing racquetball Thursday?
Pickleball.
Are we still playing pickleball Thursday?
And why, pray tell, would we not be?
[inquisitive music playing]
Professor?
Yes. Yes, I am a professor.
The Gatsby class, is it full?
Who's asking?
I mean, I'm asking.
[inhales] The class is capped at eight students.
However...
We may not have much luck with this book,
but one thing I've always enjoyed is something
that Fitzgerald's editor said after he read the first draft,
that it had vitality to an extraordinary degree
and glamour.
Now, how many of you know
that Murakami taught himself to write
by copying sentences from The Great Gatsby in Japanese?
Maybe you wanna look that up, Wikipedia?
First name, Haruki. H A R U K I.
Come to think of it, I want everyone
to read a Murakami book this week.
- Liam: Oh, God. - Student: Oh.
What about the thing you said about the class
being The Great Gatsby?
[chuckles] It's not me.
You okay?
One page writing samples,
due from everyone next time we meet,
preferably on the book.
Which one?
Last time we were here, you said
you had difficulty experiencing... joy.
- I said that? - Psychiatrist: Yeah.
"I only seem to be able to feel joy at the suffering
of others."
[smacks lips]
Schadenfreude.
Pardon?
Schadenfreude.
- Carter: Uh... - Whoop.
You're a college professor.
Yes, but I teach English.
Psychiatrist: Everyone knows what that is.
I mean, I know what that is, schadenfreude, yes.
Yeah.
I saw some news in which a colleague
received a kind of
public professional rejection, and I was relieved.
It felt like I could feel less pressured for a moment.
So it's not a... general
or continual thing, necessarily.
It's more occasional, but seemed worth mentioning.
Yeah, and last time you were here, you also said
we were going to get started on your mother.
[chuckles] Oh, boy. [inhales sharply]
How much time do you have?
[breathes deeply]
Carter's Mom: They've taken everything from me, food, sex.
I don't drink, I don't like to exercise.
I don't even try to do any kind of work anymore,
really. Obviously.
I don't have any ambitions. Yet still, I wanna be alive.
Sounds about right, Ma.
Are you even listening to me?
They've taken everything from you, food, sex.
You don't drink, you don't like exercise.
You don't really even try to do any work anymore.
You don't have any ambition,
and yet you still wanna be alive.
Okay. Pretty good.
Okay. [sighs]
- You just got here. - Yeah, you just got here.
Have you heard of narcissistic busyness disorder?
- [sighs] - Carter's Mom: It's where you
pretend to be busier than you really are,
so you can ignore all the people in your life
you consider to be less important than you.
That's... You're diagnosing me?
Well, I just don't really know what you're doing.
Are you a teacher? Are you a failed animator?
Hey, take it easy.
Sorry, failing animator.
I don't know, were you a good teacher?
I was an okay teacher
because it was important to me to not be boring,
but I wasn't super excited
about my students the way the really good teachers are.
I couldn't really help the untalented ones
and the talented ones didn't really need my help.
What about the stupid ones?
Dick: Hey, Lousy.
Reaching out about the high school reunion.
It's the 25th.
Make sure you RSVP here. [chuckling]
Um...
it's your number one fan, Dick Anthony.
- Dick Anthony. - [footsteps approaching]
What the fuck?
Oh, Gail. Hey, have a seat.
Okay. This is a grad class. "C-plus, see me?"
[inhales] You get along with your mother, Gail?
No.
Does your mother criticize you?
Yes.
- Carter: You handle that well? - [chuckles] Um...
I've formed an uneasy alliance with my own mother
after a few years out in the...
- [beer can opening] - ...cold.
Shifting gears...
I've always been fascinated with the teacher-student dynamic.
Sure.
I wanna make a thing about it.
I've been tinkering with an idea.
Tinkering?
Carter: [scoffs] Thirteen years.
Uh-huh.
[chuckles]
Can you feign interest?
That's what I thought I was doing.
[inquisitive music playing]
I've been meaning to... You want these?
You look like you need a boost.
No, I don't need these.
I'm just having a hard time getting anyone on my side.
Herschel: Yeah, that's self-pity,
pure and simple.
I don't think so.
The reason that everyone is frustrated with you
is because you've diminished over the years.
You don't act like yourself. You're a simulacrum.
A facsimile.
Just a version.
You're a version.
I'm not a virgin.
You're trying to tell me that your problems matter?
Yes.
Am I not supposed to tell you my problems?
No.
[cell phone buzzing]
Gimme a sec.
[whistles]
Herschel: What are you doing?
Texting your wife so we can hook up later.
Come have brunch with us.
She'll make us that frittata.
Not a brunch guy.
French toast?
Sunday?
Candela: You had said the diagnosis was fairly dire?
- He said six months tops. - Candela: Six months.
What are you gonna do with the furniture?
I was gonna just give it to Goodwill,
or the Salvation Army. I don't need the money.
I do.
And you owe me 775 dollars.
- I do? - Candela: When you moved out,
it was a cold winter. I had all these utility bills
- and your half was 800. - It's 800, now?
You could sell this bookshelf and that coffee table.
What a drag.
I mean, I'm really sorry.
I forgot.
Or really never thought about it.
You just seemed really depressed and eager for me to go.
That wasn't depression, I had Lyme disease.
It can be both.
Candela: It's clear you never cared.
It's fine, I got used to it.
I stopped blaming you
once I could see how limited you are.
Men are dumb.
Why do you think men are dumb?
Weak brain?
I'd like to say, one breakthrough I had recently
about our relationship, and this is not an attack,
you seem to think loving someone
meant freeing yourself of the need
to get along with the person in question,
while for me to love someone meant the opposite.
The relationship was meant to be a placid sea of calm,
a safe harbor from the shitstorm of the world.
You have it completely wrong, as usual.
We broke up because you were, are, and always will be
a baby man and I am a real-life adult woman.
There's a lot that's been said about this book.
We may take a look at a few of the film versions out there.
There's the Baz Luhrmann version.
I've been holding off on that one.
Who here has seen it?
Maybe we'll thread that.
Coppola made one, as none of you, I'm sure, know.
Well, he wrote one.
He didn't make one, as I'm sure you know.
Gail: This is a graduate seminar.
You can't really just show movies.
Okay, you, Gail? After class.
- [inquisitive music playing] - [scoffs]
All right, uh, sorry. Um... Like I was saying,
I was kind of famous when they hired me here.
I was hot and... wanted.
Gail: Hmm.
Yeah.
Now, less so.
Why would they let an animator teach The Great Gatsby?
Exactly.
But this thing I'm trying to resurrect,
we would basically photograph you and then
have some animators come in and work on it. It's easy.
- What's it about? - Carter: Oh, well, you know...
[chuckles nervously] ...it's about a, uh...
a May-December, thing.
Hmm?
It... It's like the mores and morays.
Wait, there's... there's a book,
Laughter in the Dark.
It's Vladimir Nabokov's
first novel published in the United States.
I'd really love to tell you about it.
Is this why I'm saying after class?
Yes.
That the book isn't more well known is astonishing.
Now you know that Nabokov was Russian, right?
So he taught himself English
and went on to write Lolita, a book many people know.
- It was... It won... - [beer can opening]
...best novel 20th-century
amidst a group of a lot of critics.
- Yes. - Carter: It's usually on
top ten lists as an all-time great.
Aware.
It's... it's uh, very highly regarded.
Aware.
Carter: Along with The Great Gatsby, of course.
Sure.
But the thing is, Nabokov wrote Laughter in the Dark
quickly and in Russian,
but he had a chance to revise it when it came out here.
And he kind of fixed it, you know?
He made some revisions that make a lot of sense
and it's just a good book.
And it's criminally underappreciated, uh, you know?
And to add to the intrigue, it makes no sense that Nabokov
was able to teach himself to write well in English.
For example, uh, he added an opening paragraph
to help frame the story.
"Once upon a time there lived in Berlin, Germany,
a man called Albinus."
"He was rich, respectable, happy."
"One day he abandoned his wife
for the sake of the youthful mistress."
"He loved, was not loved,
and his life ended in disaster."
- [chuckling] - [scoffs] And so, what?
You wanna make an animated version of that book?
I've been working on something and I'd...
I'd like to get it back up on its feet.
Gail: I don't think that's a good idea.
People are generally opposed to,
what's the word, um...
[burps] ...pedophiles. [clicks tongue]
Hey, hold up.
Hee-haw. Whoa.
I'm... That's not what...
It's about a man who likes young women.
Like pedophiles do?
No, like you, like a younger woman.
I don't feel safe.
- I'm not a creeper. - Creeper?
[hisses] That's not me.
But I think you do have nice hair.
I'm not attracted, I'm not attracted to you at all.
You look fine. I'm fine with how you look.
I have no, you're not...
you're not my type, first of all.
Thank you?
I'm so sorry. That's wrong of me.
That was wrong.
[doorbell ringing]
Carter, what are you doing here?
It's Sunday.
You think I don't know that?
That's a complicated question.
You had invited me to your house. I'm here.
Of course. Of course.
Olivia: ♪ La la la
How's the class, Lousy? Do you want a mimosa?
Oh, no, thanks.
The class, my class? Good.
Class. I like it.
- Great book. - Oh, yeah.
"'They're such beautiful shirts,' she sobbed."
"Her voice muffled in the thick folds."
"'It makes me sad because I've never seen such,
such beautiful shirts before.'"
Well, that's... that's great. [chuckles]
[clock ticking]
You're the laughingstock of the entire faculty,
teaching what amounts to barely one book
at the graduate level.
Well, that's not true, Herschel. You know that's not true.
Why not teach a pamphlet?
You should teach an STD pamphlet.
You're teaching that, uh, Tolstoy class, right?
Yeah, I get Tolstoy mixed up with the other one.
Dostoevsky?
Yeah.
- That's sad. - Yeah, that's not...
Are you, uh... you teaching this semester?
Um, no, I'm... I'm on sabbatical.
[smooth synth music playing]
You ever have an affair, you know, with a student?
Herschel: You ask me that repeatedly.
Aware.
It's not anyone's business. My answer is no.
So why not just say no, then?
Both pieces of information are relevant.
You're saying you wouldn't tell me if you were.
I'm saying the question
- is impertinent. - I thought we were friends.
Friends tell each other stuff.
I love my wife.
Your wife is... great. Great.
I know.
How's your class?
Uh, collectively, they seem too dumb to breathe.
Sounds frustrating.
I'm used to it.
You really go in there and get after it regardless.
Herschel: I like trying to whip them into shape.
See, I don't think I really do that.
I don't think I'm very good at my job.
Agree.
What's the point?
Yes, with the abyss, you see it as pointless to try.
I see it as pointless not to.
And you assume death is unpleasant.
Your death? My death?
Carter: Let's say for the sake of argument,
mine.
[inhales] Presumably,
you'll be riddled and wracked with regret.
So, yes.
Me? Less so.
[somber piano music playing]
I just need to let them kind of trace me digitally?
They just need to see you in a green screen environment.
Do you know what that is?
I don't think there's anyone alive
that doesn't know what a green screen is.
They'll have you in 12 to 15 various positions.
I don't mean sexual positions.
Gail: Got it. How much do I get?
Three hundred dollars.
Per position? I need money.
No. No, that's a flat rate.
If the movie makes money,
which it won't, we will pay you more.
Gail: Okay.
What about my voice, do you want that?
Let me think about it.
What about the rights to the book?
Did you reach out to the publisher?
I made a query a while ago.
I think they're gonna let us use it
just to see what happens. It's a pretty obscure book,
- you know? - Gail: [chuckles] That's crazy.
- We could put it on the map. - No, no, no, that's crazy.
They're gonna want money, it's Nabokov.
I think it's pronounced Nabokov.
A lot of money.
♪ ["Mirage" by Caitlin and Brent plays] ♪
♪ So come on in
♪ But mind the first step
♪ Pardon the mess
♪ Please excuse the excess
Carter: [breathes deeply]
♪ You deal in gold leaf
♪ Zirconium dreams
♪ Old hollow hopes
♪ Nothing as it seems
This is the last time.
- No question. - Okay. Hi.
Carter: That was great.
[laughs] Agreed.
You seemed to have something extra tonight.
I'm just kind of in a good mood. [chuckles]
It feels great sitting here reviewing things.
Well, it's not great.
I feel incredibly guilty. You should too.
I don't feel guilty.
- Monster. - I can't help but want to
meet up with you. You're great.
Sorry, you're... you...
If you knew how great you were,
you would want to meet up too.
You know, Kaminsky thinks I need to lose weight.
Carter: You call your husband Kaminsky?
I can never remember his first name.
It's Herschel.
You called him that yesterday.
Well, he's asked me if I wanna start running.
Yeah, you mentioned that.
And?
I... I don't have an opinion.
So you think I'm fat.
I don't think they're saying fat anymore.
Look, I'd be in love with you if you weighed 350 pounds.
And while I love doing it
with you,
I think it's more like it gives us a reason to meet.
Yikes. Never say that to a woman.
[soft piano music playing]
Do you think Kaminsky would kill us if he found out?
No.
Do you think he looks down on me?
So we're talking about him now?
Carter: We've been talking about him.
I think you brought him up, initially.
I just get the feeling
he's it's disappointed in me, professionally.
Compared to how he'd feel knowing
you were sodomizing his wife.
You... [laughs]
You were the one who suggested that.
[smooth synth music playing]
Carter: I just wanna say that this can go
towards your grade. You can be getting extra credit for this.
I don't care.
About the grades or about the project?
Gail: About what you're saying.
You seem to try and guess what you think
I wanna hear and say some version of that,
but you're always wrong.
In fact, all your behavior is odd to me.
I keep expecting you to sound sort of worldly
and professorial, but instead, it's more like
someone who's somewhere in between 14 and 16.
Fifteen?
I don't mean that in a mean way.
I mean, I guess it's an insult.
Your immaturity and moral failings
don't make you less attractive,
which is I guess what matters to you.
Well, I hope you feel better.
Thirteen years you've been working on this?
You have a skin tag.
I just noticed for the first time.
[scoffs]
Yeah, there's a lot going on with your face
that I haven't pointed out, but...
[laughs] It's a lot to process.
Psychiatrist: The feeling you get.
You like feeling good.
- Yes. - Psychiatrist: It's important,
feeling good, but it is not the most important thing.
- Go on. - Psychiatrist: Work.
Work. Work is the most important thing.
The feeling good is a byproduct.
If you don't know that, you're lost.
Okay.
I'm not really after advice here.
I don't give advice.
Speaking of advice, um, I've been getting emails
about my 25th year high school reunion.
Been blowing them off. Should I go?
Who knows?
You had said
you paid your mother a visit.
You said you were going to or we were going to...
So... [clears throat] ...now that I'm in slightly
improved communication with my mother,
and she's kind of clearly an older person,
our previous dynamic where I was afraid she would say
recriminatory things to me, I guess she would say things
to me that if anyone else said them,
I wouldn't talk to that person anymore,
so it made sense to me to reduce
and eventually cut off contact,
but now it's more like,
of course, she said those things
and of course she says those things.
Yeah.
Hmm.
[telephone ringing]
Carter: [on voicemail] Sorry, I'm not here. Sorry.
[machine beeps]
Olivia: Lousy. If you're there, pick up.
Kaminsky found out we were having an affair.
- [beeps] - Found out?
Yeah. I mean, I guess technically
I told him we were having an affair.
Oh, great. Thank you.
The guilt was just piling up. I... I feel a lot better.
I'm glad you feel better. What'd he say?
About what, specifically?
- When you told him. - Olivia: Oh.
He said he was going to kill you.
He got in the car to go find you.
And then he changed his mind and he went to that gun store
on Claremont Ave, but the line was too long,
so now he's out in the backyard grilling steaks.
Yeah, I think... I think this is gonna be good for us.
- Us? - Olivia: Me and Kaminsky.
I told him he was better at sex than you.
That seemed to calm him down a little, I hope that's okay.
- Is that true? - Olivia: I don't know.
This last time though, you definitely seemed to be
in a groove or a rhythm
- or something. - [line beeping]
- Mm, I gotta go. - Are you mad?
What difference does that make? My mom's place is calling me.
Your mom's place?
Yeah, the place where she lives, they're calling me.
Let's try and connect later.
- Lousy Carter? - Yes.
Your mother passed away this morning.
[purrs]
[sniffs] Jesus.
Yeah.
Aren't you supposed to tell me to come down there
and break it to me in person?
Doctor: I'm new here, it's my first day.
[inhales deeply] Okay.
Shit. She seemed to be on the mend.
- Never met her. - Of course.
Um...
let me think. Hang on.
Take your time.
[breathes heavily]
You guys have anybody down there for next steps?
Doctor: I suppose you mean a mortician?
We got a guy, Alfred.
He's kind of a in-house counsel,
but you know, an undertaker.
Do you want me to patch you over?
No, I'm gonna come down there.
Have a nice day.
[phone beeps]
Have a nice day. WTF.
[playful music playing]
[doorbell ringing]
[beeps]
She had requested
she be cremated, as you may know.
Uh, we have a new procedure
where we can shoot the remains into space.
It's 11,000 dollars.
[laughs]
You kidding? You're kidding.
I'm not gonna try to talk you into or out of anything.
I'm tired.
You're tired.
I'm tired of the rap we get, people like me,
people in my profession for trying to upsell our services.
It's terribly cliched.
[chuckles softly]
We can also have the ashes sprinkled at the Eiffel Tower.
- Sprinkled. - Alfred: Sprinkled, scattered.
It's, um... So the ashes are flown first class to Paris...
No, I think... I think this may be what people are
referring to when they say they feel taken advantage of.
I can spend, I guess, like, 5K.
I'm happy to use a fucking Folgers can.
If you're looking for more cost-effective options, um,
there is a discount for group cremation.
[chuckles] Sorry, say again?
Alfred: Eight percent discount for group cremation.
Sorry.
Your mother would be cremated amidst...
- in a group setting. - [laughs]
I guess I gotta rent a hall
for people to go to after the ceremony.
Candela: People.
[laughs] They offered me the rec room at the hospice,
but I don't have enough of a sense of irony,
you know, to take them up on it.
There's a bowling alley three blocks from here I like.
- Candela: A bowling alley? - Yes, a bowling alley.
You can't have the reception at a bowling alley.
Why not?
Candela: Was your mother a bowler?
She was an avid bowler.
Yeah, I don't think so.
Carter: What's the difference?
If I say she wanted it at a bowling alley,
who's gonna argue with me?
Isn't that what we're doing, arguing?
I like the place, I think she'd like the place.
- It's a fun place. - Candela: Not my idea of fun,
but I'm too tired to argue with you about it.
Everyone is tired, Jesus.
Not tired, exactly.
It's just painfully obviously silly for me to
vigorously suggest an alternative.
Plus, I have Lyme disease and I'm always tired.
I'm dying.
♪ ["Turkish March" by Mozart playing] ♪
Here's your Lyme disease.
Fitzgerald's kind of a mythical figure.
When I was younger, I think I liked the book
because it glamorized the drinking lifestyle.
That's faded and then that's not helpful to any of you guys.
I get that.
Um...
It's a funny thing to teach the book.
It doesn't make sense to try and teach this book. You know?
You know, Gatsby gets shot at the end.
Oh geez, thanks a lot.
Carter: Yeah, spoiler alert.
Wait, wait, you're certainly
supposed to be done reading it by now.
This is a graduate class.
Leaving aside the idea that everyone ought to have read it
in high school, this class would be like
taking Spanish II for someone who lived in Guadalajara
for three years.
The book was released
to less than glowing critical reception
and low sales.
That's true. The book did not sell well.
The book glorifies the banal, it's grim logical extension
being Instagram.
You're blaming Fitzgerald for that?
It only really works as a reflection of a culture
relieved at a return to prosperity,
which in turn relies on exploiting
less-developed countries,
the whole notion being eerily and hopelessly outdated.
The Great Gatsby is aesthetically glorified,
emotionally vacant, and morally complacent.
Emotionally vacant?
The book is an anachronism, a curiosity, a museum piece.
[cat meowing]
Jesus.
[soft lo-fi music playing]
Lazy Carter.
WTF.
We advanced through youth into the middle years.
A stage arrives where we are unmistakably no longer young.
The aches and pains kind of calcify.
We go to the doctor to discuss things growing inside of us,
and they offer to take pictures, cut us open,
retrieve the things, examine them.
Oh, oh, sorry, I gotta go.
You can't use a phone in here.
I can't?
Yeah, it messes with the equipment.
What equipment?
The office equipment.
Carter: So it's like a plane?
So like... like I'm preventing the office
from taking off and landing?
Same company, same equipment.
That's bullshit. Uh...
Thanks for the 55-minute wait, by the way.
It's delicious.
Twenty-five minutes in the waiting room
with magazines from 1987, another half hour in here.
You know, you'd think the terminally ill patients,
you'd ease off on the waiting a little.
Hmm. Meanwhile, I don't know why I'm back here.
It's been two months.
Am I here so you can tell me I've got four months left?
Yes.
You see where it's progressed here and here?
You have about four months left.
Oh, 'kay. Great.
Great, thank you.
Any questions?
[inquisitive music playing]
[door closes]
- Herschel: LC. - Whoa.
Herschel, hello.
My wife told me your mom died. Sorry to hear that.
When's the service?
I have to check with the place.
I'm not a hundred percent sure it's up to me.
Of course, it's up to you.
I have a sister in Kentucky, she may have a say.
She's strange.
I mean, she's estranged.
She was estranged from my mother,
who was by definition, impossible
to get along with.
The only way I managed it, in case you're wondering,
was to treat her like a cartoon character.
Also, I agreed with everything she said
and I never told her my plans.
And where did you get that from?
I can't remember.
Anything else?
That should do it.
Looking forward to meeting your sister.
Carter: I oughta tell her our mom died.
Is it ethically unsound to do that on Facebook?
Uncertain.
[exhales sharply]
Herschel: Oh, and one more thing.
My wife also told me about you and her.
Yeah?
What'd she say?
We can pick it up later.
Jesus.
[phone buttons clattering]
- [line trilling] - [cell phone ringing]
[cell phone continues ringing]
- Hello? - Gail: Hello.
- Carter's sister: Hello? - Gail.
Professor Carter.
Are you friends with the Russian lit prof?
Who's asking?
I just passed him in the hallway.
You guys are friends.
You can say that. Is it office hours?
I don't know.
- I heard your mom died. - Jesus. How?
- How'd she die? - No.
How'd I find out?
One of the students put it on Facebook.
- WTF. Can they do that? - Gail: Yeah.
Aren't you too cool for Facebook?
Yes, thank you.
Can I come to the funeral?
I love funerals.
Yeah, that's just because you assume
you're not gonna die.
Again?
You don't think... You think you're not gonna die.
Never thought about it.
And I had no idea you hated The Great Gatsby.
Who says I do?
In the dream, there was a father figure, a dog,
I think the dog was supposed to be God.
The father figure was pointing a gun at my wrist.
We're not doing the dream thing here these days.
You're a Jungian.
That's your... That's dreams.
No, not so much anymore.
We haven't discussed the drinking much lately.
Yes, I have been avoiding that.
Not the subject, the drinking.
Fitzgerald's drinking has been somewhat on my mind.
You know, with my own work, booze helped when I was younger
in a way that's hard to put your finger on exactly.
It's not like it specifically activated anything.
It just worked as a lifestyle choice.
But then gradually...
[inhales] ...and
I guess in a way that mirrors Fitzgerald's situation,
alcohol started to turn against me
until everyone...
Until it was obvious to everyone that I needed to give it up.
I obviously ought to reserve anger for my father
for fleeing, for abandoning us when I was three,
but it always made sense to me, him doing that.
At least you had a father.
Hey, Lousy.
Carter: Hey.
It's, uh, been a while. I wasn't a hundred percent sure
what you'd look like. [chuckles]
Yeah. You look the same.
You look good, I like your outfit.
I think that's something you say to someone
you're trying to fuck, not your sister.
I could've just taken an Uber.
Isn't that what we're doing? Taking an Uber?
So you're all set?
[clears throat] We're all set with the service or whatever?
Carter: Yes.
I can't believe she's gone.
Who, Mom? Yeah, she died.
♪ ["Turkish March" by Mozart playing on radio] ♪
I'm thrilled, frankly.
- What a fricking dumbass. - [cat meowing]
Don't people have better things to do?
[inquisitive music playing]
[bowling pins clattering]
[sniffs]
Hello.
Hello, and I wish
we were all here for more cheerful reasons.
A few words about my mother,
uh, she had me when she was too young.
She told me later
to understand the responsibilities
that came with parenting.
When I was loud, she'd put me in a closet,
often dosing me with a half cup of
- cough syrup so I'd pass out. - [bowling pins clattering]
She told me this many years later.
Of course, I don't remember it.
She described it to me as if it were a sensible response.
She said, I screamed a lot as a baby...
and she had a hard time getting used to it.
I mean, I get it.
She said my father could handle it,
but he left when I was three, apparently having had his fill,
and she had trouble with this,
preferring to blame me rather than take responsibility.
She was a talented artist...
but preferred the gentle oblivion of alcohol,
which she only gave up at 65
when her doctor told her
she had early signs of cirrhosis.
What else? Uh...
I'm... I'm starting to like her more now
that she's gone. I...
I have heard this happens.
We formed an uneasy alliance
late in her life
when she could see I wasn't gonna visit her
if she was gonna be casually abusive.
She helped me become who I am,
emotionally unavailable,
but with a fondness for good books.
I believe she had a good sense of humor,
which she bequeathed to me, but this is complicated
because I think I have a good sense of humor
and since everyone imagines they have that...
doesn't mean anything.
I do not feel sentimental
standing here.
But if... if you check with me in a few months,
- maybe. - [mic feedback]
If anyone has anything to say about her,
now's the time, really,
and I prefer the remarks be slightly more charitable.
[bowling pins clattering]
[light percussive music playing]
[retainer clicking]
Woman: I don't know what this man is talking about,
but it's a disgrace.
Disgraceful.
It is unfathomable to me.
Your rambling, indecisive, incoherent remarks.
She was a teacher for many years. You left that out.
It's true, she was my art teacher in eighth grade.
Our art teacher.
She's really good. Honey.
Um. She was very popular.
She more or less taught us to draw.
You see? No idea.
[upbeat music playing]
Well, like the man said,
well, well, well, well, well, well, well.
Yeah, you really only get one swing there.
There are no do-over eulogies.
Gail: Thank you for inviting me. I love funerals.
You mentioned that.
Certainly, better than some dumb play, right?
I'm glad. I'm glad the horrible misery of my childhood
can transpose itself into a half hour's entertainment
for generation DGAF.
You grew up fairly upper middle class, didn't you?
It's true.
I had no point of reference for thinking
that my childhood was anything but ordinary,
but it was only later
when I needed to blame someone
or something for my mediocrity
that I pounced on this narrative.
I mean, I had uncles chasing me from when I was nine.
I think that's worse.
It's worse, isn't it?
Men should be rounded up and gassed.
[bowling pins crashing]
♪ ["Skeleton Key" by Bishop Allen plays] ♪
♪ You promised me that Every door was gonna open ♪
- Olivia: Sorry about your wife. - What?
I mean your mom.
Sorry about your mom.
- Dick: Lousy Carter. - You got him.
Hey, you don't remember me. I'm Dick Anthony.
We were in school together at Central High?
Oh, right. Dick Anthony.
Yeah, yeah. I made an effort to reach out to you on Facebook.
I'm not a big Facebook guy.
Yeah, no, um,
I tried email too.
And regular mail.
Anyway, I knew your mom.
And she was one of the teachers
that was made reference to in the service.
[chuckles] I was one of the...
I was one of the students that was made reference to
in the service, is what I meant to say.
Thanks for coming.
I'm surprised, I... I really made an effort to contact you.
We ran cross country sophomore year.
My name was Richard Janikowski in high school.
I didn't start going by Dick Anthony
until after college.
Oh, right. I do remember you.
You look a lot different. [chuckles]
Yeah, yeah. I didn't have a beard in high school.
I wanted to say hello and, um, again, I'm sorry about your mom.
Yeah, thanks.
I could have done a better job with the eulogy.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I was a big fan of the film you made,
the animated film from the early aughts?
It was criminally underappreciated.
[telephone ringing]
[light percussive music playing]
Carter: [on voicemail] Sorry, I'm not here. Sorry.
[machine beeping]
School administrator: Professor Carter,
you have a mandatory meeting with the provost
tomorrow at 9:00 a.m.
This is a matter of some urgency.
It's come to our attention that you had
an extracurricular activity
off campus with a student present.
That was a funeral.
Provost: Okay.
- That counts? - Provost: Yes.
My mother died.
Provost: For the purposes of our discussion,
that is not relevant.
More to the point, there's been chatter around campus
that you're having an inappropriate relationship
with the student in question, one Ms. Gail Everson.
You know, she just kind of showed up to the funeral.
It's in the newspaper.
You can't control who comes to a funeral.
It's my job to put a stop to this.
And if there's nothing to worry about,
then there's nothing to worry about.
But if you're fucking her,
then in effect, you're fucking me,
Professor Carter, and I don't like being fucked
without giving my say so first.
Wow. Wow.
- Wow. - What?
Well, I see why you have this job.
[breathes deeply] So what's going on here?
The truth is, I asked her to be in a film I'm making.
[scoffs]
And that's been largely limited
to work we've done here on campus.
I don't know if you know my work.
I made an animated film 13 years ago
to some acclaim and got hired here
on the strength of it.
How about you give me a break.
Break it off forthwith or expect to be released
very unceremoniously.
[scoffs] You can't just fire me.
You might like knowing
Ms. Everson has come to our attention in the past
for a dalliance with a Russian literature professor,
- one Herschel Kaminsky. - Jesus.
You know him?
He's my best friend.
Why didn't he get fired?
Professor Kaminsky was a subject of an inquiry.
Perhaps we can discuss that some other time.
If you think you can flout the rules
and battle me with any success, try me.
Like the man said, "Make my day."
- Came in to settle the bill. - Alfred: In person?
I'm old school.
What's the damage? I can pay 1200 bucks.
This isn't a Peruvian flea market, Mr. Carter.
You're not buying an alpaca blanket.
- I see. - Alfred: All in,
- we hit the 5K you requested. - It was a nice service,
- thank you. - Yeah, I heard you got into it
- with a couple of the mourners. - Nah.
This check is for 10,000 dollars.
Carter: Yeah, doc gave me the death sentence.
You've heard of adult-onset ADHD,
early-onset Alzheimer's.
I've got adult early-onset dying.
Uh, yeah, right.
Terminally ill. I think I heard somebody
mention something about it at the funeral. Um,
- or was that Facebook? - I don't know.
I've lost track of who knows and who doesn't.
- Oh, goodness. - Carter: That's fine.
I've had time to process.
Alfred: Okay, well look, this is a little unusual, um,
but certainly not unheard of.
What do you suppose happens when we die?
When we die? [clears throat]
It's like a bubble floating in the air...
[pops cheek] ...suddenly popping.
That's what we become, nothing.
Japanese word for it is "Mu."
Moo, like a cow?
Are you Japanese?
M U, mu.
No.
[indistinct radio chatter]
Jesus, you porked my sister?
Now we're even.
Not completely following the math.
Nothing happened. We split a six and watched TV.
Carter: Is that true?
No, don't do that. What are you doing?
Jesus.
Radio DJ: Central Standard time in Dallas, Texas.
[indistinct radio chatter]
Maybe things will get better.
What?
Maybe things will get better.
Sure.
It's generally safe to assert maybe things will get better.
I wanted to say that growing up, it felt like there were
two children and it wasn't me and you, it was you and mom.
Okay.
Now that she's gone, I will try...
I will try to do a better job of seeing you as an adult.
Hey, thank you.
Despite the fact it seems you haven't matured
and you feel more like you're 15 than 40.
Yikes.
Carter's sister: I guess I don't really know how old you are
or if you were adopted.
Same.
I always just assumed you were basically happy
and that you really didn't have any problems.
Yeah, no, that's not the case.
That's textbook narcissism.
I always kinda liked it
when the two of you didn't get along.
I felt like it validated my own problems with her.
Yes, but you could have done more to bridge those gaps
and had you pulled more weight, it's possible
the three of us would've had a more harmonious dynamic.
Driver: What are we doing here, Mac?
- Mac? - Driver: Yeah.
I'm not getting paid to sit here.
Jesus.
Anything else?
Nope.
[smooth synth music playing]
Carter: I don't know whether to try
and get on better terms with my sister.
I think she hated my mother and me
and she's transferred all of that hatred to me now.
Yeah.
There's a good possibility you're going to be acting out
in response to the discomfort you feel there.
I wanted, I guess, to have sex with Gail
- when I first met her. - For example.
Well, it seemed like the logical extension
of my response to her being so attractive
would be to sleep with her.
Now, I'm not so sure.
I'm not sure we aren't better off
staying in the realm of fantasy.
[telephone ringing]
Carter: [on voicemail] Sorry, I'm not here. Sorry.
[beeps]
Dick: Hey, uh, Lousy. It's Dick Anthony.
I ran into you... - Dick Anthony?
The truth is, and I might as well tell you this,
uh, I do remember Dick Anthony pretty well.
We were basically friends in high school.
We didn't go to a big school and I was a brutal nerd.
Even nerds were embarrassed for me,
except Dick Anthony.
I never really understood
why he was such a fan of my work, though.
I was a prodigy.
But my lo-fi animating style never really evolved.
You know, I was heralded
on behalf of the idea of potential never realized
and I think Dick Anthony reminds me of that.
Leaving that aside for the moment,
what about the dalliance with your colleague's wife?
Yeah, that was a lousy thing to do.
I kind of miss her, but what the hell.
Psychiatrist: Lousy thing to do.
You don't seem to have taken your friend into account there.
Kaminsky?
You don't seem him to have taken Kaminsky's feelings
into account, seducing his wife.
First of all... [clears throat]
...he doesn't seem to have feelings
and I don't see it that way.
Uh, I see it as her having seduced me,
so your thesis is full of holes.
Well, we... we shouldn't sleep with our friends' wives.
Yes, but with Gail, I don't know.
Yeah, Gail. That's not going to end well.
[cell phone buzzing]
What is it?
Oh, this guy I ran into at the funeral,
the guy who called is texting me.
I gave him my number.
Wants to have lunch.
Have lunch with the guy.
I'm experimenting with setting boundaries
by not getting back to people. [laughs]
- [Gail sighs] - Pretty tied up
this week, Dick.
Gail: Hey, Dennis.
You know that guy?
- Dennis? - Carter: Dennis.
Did you know that Fitzgerald was convinced
that the reason his book wasn't a bigger success
was because Gatsby didn't have a single
admirable female character
and at the time,
most of the people reading novels were women?
No, and I don't care.
Okay.
How's the other project going?
Nabokov?
Gail told me about it.
I didn't know you knew her.
I ran into her at the funeral.
I had her in a Russian lit class
back when she was just getting going here.
- You had her, huh? - Mm-hmm.
Carter: You might've told me.
Says the king of being on the up and up.
- Listen. - No, you listen.
You are sleeping with my wife.
Pretty sure that's past tense, but go on.
Normally that's not something you forgive someone for,
at least right away.
Not right away.
But...
it's brought us closer together.
You and me?
Me and my wife.
She also said you're lousy, as in a lousy lay.
I hope that makes you feel better.
You are not the wronged party here.
I will say anything I like.
For a minute there, I was gonna get a revolver,
empty it into your midsection,
and watch you die.
I'm a bit adrift.
I guess I still wish I felt
like you respected me more.
Don't worry about it.
You and I are friends because of
your professional and moral failings,
not despite them.
Carter: You know, when I bought this futon,
it was half off and I asked the sales lady why
and she said, "Um, because it's disgusting."
You got a bargain.
Yeah.
[sighs]
I can't carry this by myself.
Oh, okay.
[Carter mimics monkey]
[grunting]
Do you remember that fight we got into in my car
when you got out and started walking
even though the car was still moving?
Carter: Vaguely, I think I must have
sensed you were leaving me.
I was, um, unhappy.
You left me for that meathead. What was his name?
Oh yeah, Clinton.
Bill Clinton.
Clinton was his first name.
What about that?
[soft lo-fi music playing]
Carter: I guess this is what it comes down to.
Candela: How do you feel?
- [telephone ringing] - I feel the usual. Nothing.
Carter: [on voicemail] Sorry, I'm not here. Sorry.
[machine beeping]
Nurse: Hello, please give us a call.
Your account is 45 days in arrears
and the doctor would like to see you.
[telephone beeping]
Why did you keep your analog phone answering machine?
[knocking on door]
Uh, yeah, not sure the best way to put this.
- Yeah. - Yeah?
Yeah, I don't know. We mixed your file up
with another Carter who comes in here, William Carter.
Jesus.
Yeah, he's not taking it too well.
So?
So you have a hernia.
Probably ought to get it taken care of
the next year or two.
I'm not terminally ill?
No.
You gonna wipe out the debt?
Doctor: That's not my area.
- Sorry? - That's not my department.
Yeah, but you fucked up.
That doesn't make me a bill collector.
Seems as if you might be able to intercede.
I'll ask, but I'm not optimistic.
Rachel's tough.
So you're not sick. That's great.
Receptionist: So you get a clean bill
and the first thing you're bitching about, money.
Wow, ingrate.
Listen.
[elevator bell dings]
[pensive music playing]
[inquisitive music playing]
Where do we land on The Great Gatsby?
I think that book's more for dudes
and I sort of stand by what I said
about it being too excited about money.
Okay, I guess over the course of the next
55, 60 years of your life, you'll have time to reconsider.
Dick Anthony.
Lousy Carter.
Thanks for blowing me off.
I'm sorry!
[fast-tempo piano music playing]
[inquisitive music playing]
I was hoping to go last and sum things up,
but did not work out that way.
Lousy Carter...
my best friend...
a great loss, mostly for me.
I will be at least 30 percent lonelier with him gone
and I'm already pretty lonely.
In deference to my husband, I won't go into any detail
about any private moments I had with the deceased,
but I have fond memories of him
and those memories will necessarily replace
any future interaction I might've had with him.
Lousy was special
to me, but it's complicated.
Candela: Whew, boy.
Lousy Carter. What the fuck?
Shot by some loser.
What a way to go.
Can I pass and have you come back to me?
He had flaws, as we all do...
but it was, um, it was fun having lunch with him.
I tried to teach him how to play chess...
but that was hopeless.
He was hopeless.
[smacks lips]
I would've liked to have been there
when he died, I think.
Yeah, it was cool. It wasn't really sad.
[sirens blaring in distance]
I guess the movie we're working on
is gonna go unfinished.
Were you afraid you were gonna be shot also?
No.
Thank you.
I would say carry on and make sure to finish it,
but my heart's not in it.
[sighing]
[beer can opening]
They wanted 470,000 dollars for the rights. [laughs]
What the fuck? When were you gonna tell me?
Carter: I was gonna wait.
I liked working with you.
Plus, I was hoping to talk them down.
To what, like, 450?
- [sirens continue blaring] - [sighs]
No one wants to see a movie about a pedophile
creeping on a young girl.
Probably true.
♪ ["Any Fun" by Coconut Records plays] ♪
♪ You never had any fun
♪ So I won't come around ♪
♪ You never had anyone
♪ So I won't let you down ♪
♪ You never had any fun
♪ So I won't come around ♪
♪ You never had any fun
♪ Any fun, no ♪
♪ Down in the basement
♪ All alone with the high hopes All right ♪
♪ All right
♪ Well, it's a downpour
♪ And the water, it is rising
♪ And yes, she's a system ♪
♪ And the plan, so devising
♪ Let's go!
[prison gate buzzing]
[soft piano music playing]
Dick: I look back on the man I was a year ago
and I'm disappointed.
Yes, it took something pretty drastic
for me to turn my life around,
and shooting a guy is unforgivable, of course...
but it jarred something loose in me,
made me want to do better.
I admit, I didn't...
I didn't even know Lousy Carter very well.
I guess I always looked up to him...
and he was just a figment of my imagination...
and I can do better.
It's sad that somebody had to lose their life
for me to come out of my shell, but um...
it takes what it takes.
Yikes.
Yeah. [laughs]
Yeah.
♪ ["Any Fun" by Coconut Records continues] ♪
♪ You never had any fun
♪ So I won't come around
♪ You never had anyone ♪
♪ So I won't let you down
♪ You never had any fun
♪ So I won't come around ♪
♪ You never
♪ All right
♪ Help, been a hard day
♪ And the hits keep on coming ♪
♪ I said back to the old way ♪
♪ Yeah Just long-distance running ♪
♪ So we had a little argument Outside of the bar ♪
♪ It began in our apartment Took it out to the car ♪
♪ And you make it look real When you pretend to feel ♪
♪ All right, all right All right ♪
♪ You never had any fun
♪ You never had anyone
♪ You never had any fun
♪ So I won't come around ♪
♪ You never had anyone