Vijay-ji.
The Lord is my shepherd
- There is nothing I shall want... - It's okay.
I assumed he'd gone for a walk.
I even called out, from the taxi.
But maybe he didn't hear me.
Had I known he was going to kill himself, I'd...
Oho, Mrs Bakshi!
Do you know they didn't find Vijay uncle's body?
He's definitely coming back as a ghost.
If they didn't find his body, how did they know...?
Bakshi aunty saw him alone at the seaside.
Then those boys saw that he jumped.
Mummy said they are true gentleman for informing us.
Please be seated.
- Mr Bathena? - Yes?
- Please. - Oh, yes.
Sorry, I'm so sorry.
Yes.
First of all, my heartfelt condolences to the family.
Deeksha, Akhil, and Abhishek.
It's Abhimanyu, Uncle, not Abhishek.
Sorry, son. Abhimanyu.
Vijay and I met 30 years ago.
He had brought his wife to my cancer care centre.
Anna stayed in my hospital for seven years,
and Vijay and I became best of friends.
So many memories.
I don't even know where to start.
For example, we used to play a lot of rummy.
Score was 126-all.
Actually, I think I was leading 126 to 125.
But how do I argue with a dead chap? Cheater!
And Vijay was not just good at rummy.
He was our colony's champion dancer too.
He won the Garba Night trophy three whole times.
But yes, one time it was controversial
because Mrs Bakshi was the judge.
Your favourite, right?
Favouritism.
Father, just wait... I'm just checking if I've missed anything.
Oh yes, of course.
Vijay... is not dead.
Vijays never die!
What the hell?!
Vijay!
Papa?
- Grandpa? - Vijay!
What nonsense is this?
- Told you! Ghost! - Whoa! Yes.
Why is my photo up there?
Vijay!
Whaddup, guys. Welcome back to Shock-a-locka Baby.
Your daily dose of shocking stories.
Yes, I'm very excited today.
Because last week I showed you two frogs getting married.
But today, we have Vijay Mathew,
who turned up at the church for his own funeral.
And behind this door lives "Second-chance Vijay,"
who, I'm sure, is happy to be alive, bro.
Ready?
Boom!
Dumbfuck!
- Papa! - Sorry.
Rascal. Hypocrite.
Bottom-feeding frog in a well!
Why would I commit suicide? Tell me.
I don't come home once and you gathered the whole neighbourhood!
You organised a prayer meeting? And you even bought a coffin!
Don't turn this on us.
Where were you all night? Explain!
The police were looking for your body till 6:00 in the morning.
- I went for a walk, bro. - Without your cell phone?
- It was charging. I forgot it, child. - Don't "child" me.
I'll get a neck leash for your phone. Then you'll never forget it.
Mrs Bakshi, please.
- You keep quiet. - What, please?
Why were you standing at the edge of the sea, like this? She saw you.
That's my diving pose.
When I look into the sea, my inner swimmer awakens.
Look at this photo.
- This is ridiculous. - But that is not the point.
The point is, why did you get a coffin without finding my body? Why?
Why didn't you come home all night?
That is also the point.
Come on, I was having drinks with Kishore.
In your hospital.
Then Kishore fell asleep
and I passed out in the room behind the dormitory.
So if you were passed out there,
then who did those local boys see jumping into the ocean?
They said he was an old codger wearing rags. A dirty man...
- You're the old codger, you son of a gun. - Papa!
One minute. One minute. Yes.
There was a beggar there.
He was wearing old rags. He must have jumped.
- Yes! - Correct!
That solves it. I'm telling you.
Let's celebrate. Let's party.
But the beggar's body wasn't found?
- Oh, you dumbfuck... - Really, Papa! Let's go, Akhil.
So nice to see you again, Abhishek.
It's Abhimanyu.
- So sorry. - One moment.
Have some tea at least.
Call for some savouries too. Why not?
Stop acting like everything is normal, Papa.
Why are you getting upset?
I should be the one getting mad
that you're sitting with my coffin before I'm dead!
Don't act over-smart.
After Mummy's passing, you've become very careless.
You're still reeking of beer. You know that?
Okay, I'm sorry.
I promise that after today, I will never drink alcohol again. Happy?
- Really? - Yes. Come on, smile.
- Grow up. - My dear, listen to me.
She's right. But welcome back.
Thank you, son.
- Hello, my child. - I love you, Grandpa.
- Sorry, my dear. - Akhil!
Viju, I'm so happy that you're not dead.
What are you doing, Mrs. Bakshi?
- Okay. - Please. Thank you.
Vijay, I'll get going too. I'm really tired.
- Okay, but don't do such a thing again. - Sure.
Next time, I'll wait for you to die.
Very funny. What are these papers in your hand?
- Nothing. - Show me.
- I'll... - Show me!
- It's personal... - Show me!
Sit down!
I said sit down!
"Vijay's Eulogy."
Hey, are you going to say anything?
You lousy pyjama-dwelling rat!
Actually, it's better you don't speak.
Rummy player? Garba dancer?
Debate champion in grade ten?
I "died" and this is what you wrote about me?
But you didn't die, did you?
But you didn't know that.
Now wait till you die.
See what speech I give for you.
Bloody failed compounder.
Horny ward boy.
The hospital sweeper. Where do you think you're going?
You may not think you're an old man,
but my bladder reminds me daily that I am.
I'll have a tinkle and come.
Delay your tinkle. Sit down.
You rascal, we've been friends for so many years.
And you know nothing about my life?
About my achievements?
So sorry, buddy. For future reference, what could I have said?
- Lots of things! - For example?
- Yes?
I was a bronze medallist in National Swimming Championship.
Year?
In 1976. Yes.
Wow! Congratulations. And?
And?
Anna used to say that if I'd continued swimming,
I could have made it to the Asian Games.
A swimmer with potential? Wow!
- Yes! - Fantastic.
Anything else? More?
More?
I can't remember more because I'm pissed off.
Vijay, what we dreamed we'd become
and what we actually became...
This is everyone's story.
I'm happy you're alive.
Yes.
All right, then. Get some rest.
Akhil, you're not opening your mouth in time.
Come on, focus. Like this.
Watch it. Watch this.
- Wow. - Your cake, sir.
- Lovely! - It's a lovely cake.
Papa, come on, we're cutting the cake.
But I'm teaching him.
- Akhil! - Papa, training later. Come.
Okay, coming.
Happy birthday to you
- Happy birthday, Mummy. - Happy birthday to you
- Happy birthday. - Thank you.
- Here. - Happy birthday, my girl.
Thank you, Papa.
Bless you.
I'll get going now.
No, Papa. It's my birthday, you can't leave.
Meet Jaag and Sunny.
Jaag. Like the car.
- Good to meet you, Uncle. - Jaguar.
They moved into our building just three months ago.
From the US.
Jaag is a motivational speaker and he runs a company called...
Ja Su It!
Sorry?
"Ja Su It." Jaag and Sunny. 39 centres in 21 countries. Cool, huh?
Okay. Ja Su It!
- What do you do? - Yeah?
Me? I'm retired.
And before that?
I was a swimming coach.
Oh, nice.
Like, nationals?
No.
State?
At this very club, actually.
It was more like a hobby.
Abhimanyu and I first met right here too.
So cute.
Teaching children to swim in a club pool.
Noble.
But what was your main job?
My main job and my hobby...
were the same.
Actually, Dad's been extremely passionate about swimming.
Isn't it, Dad?
Whatever you do, do it well. Age is just a number, bro.
Push, pump, hustle, kill!
Easy, baby. Easy.
Grandpa was a bronze medal champion.
- Ah, cool. - Wow!
Cheers.
I'll get going, dear.
Bye, Papa.
See you, Dad.
Bye, Grandpa.
GOOD AT RUMMY
Great...
things...
done...
by...
old...
people.
John Glenn.
He went to space at the age of 77.
Hats off.
You can't even go to the toilet properly.
- Okay, no problem. - Next.
And this Momofuku Gando, I mean Momofuku Ando.
He invented instant noodles at the age of 61.
Look, I'm already dying of cancer.
I don't want to die of food poisoning.
Okay, listen to this.
Raymond Calvert.
He became a father at the age of 78.
My God!
Listen, you just try that "John Glenn in space" thing.
He's off to become a father!
Vijay, when was the last time you had sex?
Sorry, sister. He's a pervert.
Keep your voice down, dumbfuck. Asking out loud.
On 21st June...
- Recent. - Now.
...of 2007.
Lieutenant Colonel James Warren.
At the age of 87, he got a pilot's license.
- Whose was it? I hope it was returned. - Bloody illiterates.
Vijay, if you're going to become a pilot, let us know in advance.
There's always a long wait to book train tickets.
You deciduous forest of nose hair.
"Nose hair." That's original, Vijay.
Vijay, there's still one impossible thing you can do at your age.
- Tell me. - Be the oldest chap to stop swearing.
Impossible.
He didn't stop even when Anna asked him to.
Don't talk rubbish.
Correct. He's the number one potty mouth.
Don't talk about potty, man. I'm constipated again today.
Dude, try guavas. They're really effective.
You chaps keep talking about potty. Dream potty, die potty.
There is not a single achievement in life
that people will remember us for and say, "Wow, what a great dead chap."
What is the use of repenting now when the bird has already flown the coop?
There goes Mister Optimistic.
How were you even a doctor 30 years ago?
His patients would have died of depression itself.
There's an age to do such things.
And what age is that?
My grandson's age.
He's 18 years old, and doing a triathlon race.
Youngest to do it. Youngest!
Your grandson's doing it, right?
So why do you have the swagger of a rhino's ass?
"A rhino's ass!" He's finally learning from me.
Dumb people!
Vijay, wasn't he your doctor too?
Yeah. He was a dumbfuck then and he's a dumbfuck now.
He's a certified dumbfuck!
- Yes. - What's up?
- Bowel movement. - Applause.
Swimming 1.5 kilometres.
Followed by 40 kilometres of cycling.
Followed by 10 kilometres of running.
Can anyone tell me what this is called?
Dumbfuckery!
Triathlon.
And the youngest person in India to complete a triathlon
was 20 years old. But today,
from our very own colony,
Aditya Jaiswal will be attempting this
at the tender age of 18. Wow!
Very good. May he have his grandfather's years too.
- Aditya, best of luck. - Thank you.
And to boost Aditya's morale,
we have some special guests.
Such as Mr Sunil Saxena,
the Vice Chairman of the Triathlon Association of India
and a good friend of Mr Jaiswal.
Very nice. Pleasure.
Also another special guest...
Mr Vivek Sagar.
Mr Vivek Sagar is the CEO of Boot Inc.
Yes, friends, Boots Inc. Boots for Youths.
A leading shoe brand which has agreed to sponsor Aditya for this event.
A big hand!
Do come, sir. Please.
Sir, I have worn Boot Inc. shoes specially for this event.
I see.
Please come. Easy does it.
This chewing gum is stuck...
- No worries, sir. You... easy. - Here.
Boot Inc. announces
that if Aditya Jaiswal successfully completes the triathlon,
then any charity that Aditya selects
will be awarded two million. Wow!
- Two million? - Wow!
Vijay!
Oldest...
person...
triath...
Fali, I got it!
- Vijay. - I got it.
Come, Vijay. Just in time. Sit, please.
I found my big idea!
You always say that and lose in the first set itself.
Just forget it.
- Not for rummy! - Then?
- For my eulogy. - Eulogy?
To make my life special.
To make your job easier in church when I'm dead.
An idea that will amaze everyone.
Their jaws will drop
and people will say, "Bravo, Vijay really did it, man!"
Congratulations, Vijay. And who's the lucky girl?
And how did you make her pregnant so fast?
Pregnant? Put that down!
Pregnant, my foot!
Will you listen or not?
Yes, tell me.
- Triathlon! - What lon?
Triathlon!
Just because it's a triathlon, do you have to say it three times? Triathlon what?
The oldest person to complete a triathlon in India is 67.
- Okay. - And what's my age?
69, right?
Exactly.
Still don't get it?
Tell me clearly, what will you do at a triathlon?
Go watch it?
I'll complete the triathlon.
I'll create a new record in India by completing a triathlon at 69.
Vijay Mathew will be the oldest man to complete a triathlon in India.
Vijay Mathew is great. Vijay Mathew is fantastic.
Vijay Mathew forever!
Are you crazy? You know what one has to do in a triathlon. That announcer...
I know everything. 1.5 km swimming, 40 km cycling, and 10 km running.
- And you're going do all this?! - Yes, of course.
I can already swim, you know that.
Cycling I do in the colony every day. And running, I can learn.
Oh my God! You're totally mad.
Oh my God!
You laxative-laced lump of lard! Why are you laughing?
Oh my God! I can't take it anymore. You're totally mad.
- You dumbfuck! - Not me, you're the dumbfuck.
Oh my God!
You?
At your age?
Triathlon? Have you gone mad?
You'll conk off.
Am I supposed to say something, or...?
Brahmacharya,
bachelor student life.
Grihastha, married life.
Vanaprastha, retirement.
And at the end, Sanyaasa. Total detachment.
Sorry, I think I've come to the wrong office.
No.
Look there.
You're not in the wrong office.
You're in the wrong stage of life, mister...?
- Vijay Mathew. - Correct!
You should have been transitioning from Vanaprastha to Sanyaasa.
But you're trying to re-enter the Brahmacharya stage!
Is this some kind of a prank or...
You're the one pranking us, Mr Vijay.
- Rajan. - Sir, you...
- One moment. - Okay.
Mr Mathew, this committee has read and discussed your application.
Okay.
I'm sorry, but you can't participate in the triathlon.
But my good man, why?
Call me "sir".
Mr Sunil Saxena, Vice Chairman, Triathlon Association of...
Mrs Saikia.
Okay, sir, okay.
I'm sorry... sir. But why?
Because you are too old.
It's the age for you to play with your grandchildren,
not go cycling for 40 km.
And it's not safe.
But that's on me, right?
I'm willing to sign a waiver form.
But Mr Mathew, this committee is not willing to sign your death warrant.
But haven't you given permission to that youngster, Aditya?
Oh, right. I forgot that his father just happens to be your friend.
But it's a risk for him too, isn't it?
Thanks for applying, Mr Mathew.
Are you serious?
You won't let me decide how I want to live my life?
Of course we will let you decide...
- How are you letting me? - How are we not?
You've written that this is rejected.
Provided you make the right decision.
Good luck, Mr Mathew.
Next is freestyle 50-metres race.
All the participants of Class Five are requested to...
Just because I defeated Aditya's father in the colony elections,
he's called his friend on the committee to exact revenge.
Why should I calm down?
Grandpa.
Okay, I've got to go. Let's talk later.
Sorry, son. Sorry.
Please welcome your Chief Guest,
respected Chairman of the Triathlon Association of India.
Welcome, sir.
- This is our school secretary. Mr Manoj. - Hello.
Remember how to breathe.
Correct. Sideways.
- ...you should be aligned straight. - One moment.
- Remember, we... - This is Akhil's lane.
So what, Uncle-ji? Use the other one.
Akhil will lose his rhythm.
He has practised in this lane.
Uncle, that doesn't matter. Trust me.
I've won three medals at local club meets. So, I know.
Akhil, don't move. Stand here.
Why are you getting so touchy?
Do people's minds get too much free energy after retirement?
When you meet your real father, you can ask him.
- What did you say? - Yeah.
- Stay right here, Arhit. - Akhil, don't move.
Don't move. Stay right here.
- Papa. It's okay. - Don't move.
- Stay where you are. - Don't move.
- Grandpa. - You will have a stroke, Uncle.
You've got one leg in the grave already.
And I'll shove my other leg up you-know-where.
I'm warning you.
What you are warning?
Let go of me!
- You're a swimming champion, right? - Yes, I am.
Get your clothes off. Get in the water.
Let's see who's the best.
No.
Not getting in? Your father hasn't worn his undies.
No undies. Now watch this.
Look!
- For real? - Watch this!
Sir, please come out of the pool.
Please, sir, we request you to come out of the pool.
Ranjit?
Vijay?
- Sunil, see if his application... - Come on, Ranjit.
If the event was in Mumbai, we could have taken some precautions.
But the event will be 100 kilometres away in a hilly area.
- To take a risk like that with him...? - Sir.
You know the Bangalore Nationals in which Ranjit won the gold medal?
I won the bronze medal in the same meet.
I've participated in more than 12 National Meets.
I'm not some two-bit player.
Ranjit, sir, if something bad happens to him, who will be responsible?
Just see, he's not fit.
Who says I'm not fit? Should I show...
- You are unfit. - Shall I show him how fit I am?
- How does he know I'm fit or not fit? - I know.
Vijay, please. Relax.
Sir, see the behaviour.
I'll take responsibility.
You just process his application.
Mr Ranjit Kumar.
- Chairman. Triathlon Association... - Mrs Saikia, one moment.
Very well, sir.
If you insist, then we will need both a medical test and a doctor's NOC.
Of course.
And records of any previous hospitalisations and health scares.
There's been no such thing, bro.
I mean, sir, there's no such thing.
Ranjit.
Thank you, buddy.
I didn't think you'd even remember me.
Come on, how could I forget you?
- You were a great opponent. - Thank you.
I always believed you would defeat me someday.
I searched for you at every race event. But I never saw you.
But finally, I found you.
And you are lucky, young man.
- This time we're both on the same team. - Thank you.
- I'll be cheering for you. - Thank you.
All the best.
Let's go.
It's a medical test, have you fallen asleep in there?
Uncle!
- Here you go. Okay? Bye. - Okay.
Wait, Uncle!
Bye.
- Uncle! - Now what?
Please come. Please relax.
Raise both your hands.
Up. The other one too.
Up. Like this. Straight.
Very good. Now look sideways and cough.
- I'll kill you with this knife. - I'm going to fail you on this test.
- Just forget it. - No. Doctor, sorry, I'll do it.
It's a hernia test, sir. It's got to be done.
Please relax. Please raise your hands.
Very good. Now look sideways and cough.
Mumma!
Mr Mathew, do you like horror stories?
Not in the least.
Does your hair stand on end listening to ghost stories?
Each and every one.
Nothing.
It's done. Finished.
Witch, ogress, I'll strangle you.
Security! Let go of me, please.
Stole all my hair.
What are you doing now, doctor?
I'm just adjusting my gloves. Okay?
Bend over.
It's a prostate test. Spread your legs and please bend over.
I'm just applying gel on my gloves.
Okay? Relax. All will be well. Now, I'll do the test. Okay?
- I'm feeling ticklish. - One moment. One, two, three!
It's okay, Biswajeet. Sit down.
- Come on. - What's going on?
So, congratulations to Vijay.
Despite his shitty attitude and potty mouth,
he's cleared his medical test.
- Congratulations! - Yeah. Yeah, man.
Look, Vijay, the last time you died,
you didn't like my speech at all.
Not at all.
Now that you're actually about to die,
you can give your speech yourself.
Come on.
- Speech! - Everybody encourage the speech.
Okay. Thank you for the flowers.
So, Anna was adamant that I shouldn't sacrifice my dreams on her account.
Because life had put Anna on a timer,
she wanted me to live every second of my life to the fullest.
Just like the lines of our favourite song.
So whenever I became sad,
Anna would play my favourite song, our favourite song
on the tape recorder.
"You may not know what lies ahead of you."
"Nor do you know what lies behind you."
- Whatever is there - It's now, in this moment
You people know this song?
- You may not know what lies ahead of you - Oh wow!
Nor do you know what lies behind you
Everybody, stop it. Let him continue.
Vijay, please continue your emotional speech.
For several years, I gave no thought to her words at all.
But when last week, my dear friend Fali Bathena
ordered a small-sized coffin, at a discount, online,
I finally realised that my wife Anna was absolutely right.
We're all... living our lives on a timer.
So,
even though I'm doing this triathlon for myself,
you people gave so much love to Anna in her last days.
Fali, you were so loving to her.
Kishore.
Mrs Bakshi, though she's not here now. And Mrs Joshi.
What's he saying?
- He's thanking you. - Okay.
I've decided
that the money I win from the triathlon,
I will use that money to repair this cancer care centre's broken walls
and fix Fali's leaking pipes.
Wow! Superb!
Three cheers for Vijay.
- Hip, Hip... - Hurray!
What are you doing, Biswajeet?
Why are you crying?
It's okay.
Called me a potty mouth, did you, huh?
I'm just so happy.
With dreams in my eyes
I walk your paths, O Life...
Mrs Bakshi, give me a little warning at least.
Goenka's bed-ridden mother,
within three weeks, I made her completely active
using this very pep song.
Who the hell is Goenka?
Goenka, who took one look at me in the hospital,
and instantly made me his mother's private nurse.
Mrs Bakshi, you need to stop living in the past.
Really? Look who's talking.
- What's this? - One moment.
You were going to exercise without monitoring your BP?
You stay far away from me and my BP will remain under control.
- It's high. - How high?
- 148 and 98... - I don't care how high it is.
- Yeah, please, just leave. - Vijay!
No stopping!
Well done!
Whaddup fam, welcome back to another Shock-a-locka Baby special.
Today, we have with us the man of the hour himself,
none other than Vijay Mathew, aka Mr Dead,
whose funeral video got 40,000 likes and two million views guys.
This is not the right time.
Would you like to send a message to our three million subscribers?
Yes. Get your faces out of your phones and the fluff out of your brains
and your bums off your sofas and do some actual work.
- Useless generation! - You sound like my granddad, Vijay.
I am a granddad! So stop calling me Vijay.
Okay, he's very angry. But we'll try again. Don't worry. For you.
Vijay, why so serious? It's okay. Chill.
Don't irritate me. I'm very tired.
So that was Vijay Mathew who fell into the sea but still didn't die.
And he who falls and gets back up is the real hero.
Anyway, you know the drill,
subscribe to our YouTube channel Shock-a-locka Baby.
Come on. Too slow.
If you train on your own, you'll obviously die.
This isn't just a 100 or 400-metre race.
You need stamina. Real stamina.
You know, everything makes a difference.
What you eat and drink, when you sleep, wake, and shit.
- It is all... - Mummy, are you still alive?
- Your mummy? - Why are you talking like my mummy?
What I eat, drink, shit and nonsense?
- Stop it. - Shut up! Look there.
I said 3000 calories per day
not per meal.
You've turned to burgers stuffing yourselves with French fries.
Pick your feet up.
- Run, boys! - Excuse me, Coach Kumar. Hello.
Remember, I spoke to you on the phone yesterday? This is the chap.
Grandpa.
Excuse me! Just wait.
Coaching is my passion, not my profession.
Just give him one chance, please.
Tell me your height.
- He's 5' 7". - 5' 8".
No wonder you made the coffin so small.
- Coffin?! - One minute. Wait.
Wait. Tell me your weight.
- Weight is 78. - 77.
- Last week it was... - 77.
Decide now. 77 or 7... 77.50.
Weight... height squared... 77.50.
- That means, it is... - 28.
Bro, we're not here to play Sudoku.
This is not Sudoku. It's your BMI. Body Mass Index.
This means you cannot participate in a triathlon.
- A reading of above 22 means... - Hidden body fat.
Especially in older patients
with hypertension, early diabetes, and all these things...
Dumbfuck, are you on my side or his?
Actually, I'm a doctor. Please call if you have any problems. Dr Fali.
Good, Dr... MungFali.
- Dumbfuck. - It's 26.
What is 26?
The average BMI of a professional swimmer.
Their body fat is higher than that of a regular athlete.
Helps them float.
It's called buoyancy.
Perfect! That's a bullseye.
Bro, I've been a national-level swimmer. I know science as well.
- National? - Yes.
That calls for a discount.
- Done. - Only 150,000.
Training starts with payment of the first instalment of 50,000. Agreed?
I thought coaching was your passion, not your profession.
Passion also needs to float. Right?
It's called buoyancy.
Touché. I like it.
Okay. Done.
What done? How done? Where will you get so much money from?
Shall we go to Aditya's sponsor?
What's-his-name? Starts with Ch...
No, it's Boot Inc.
But his tagline itself is, "Boots for Youths."
And I'm a strapping youth.
Hello and welcome to another episode of Shock-a-locka Baby.
Today's a very special day.
Because in today's episode...
- Hello, my friend. - ...we have Vijay Mathew himself.
How did you suddenly remember this useless generation?
I love young people.
Yo, Ya! Yo!
Very funny. And we love the truth.
- I need your help... - There it is.
...to increase my youth appeal.
I'm a vlogger, Vijay, not a magician.
Your Shock-a-laka-laka-locka thingy will get 100% access.
What's the catch?
Dammit.
- Yes. - 47,500 likes and 2.3 million views.
- Swati! - Yes, sir?
There's a nail stuck in my shoe. Do something, please.
Yes, sir.
Yes, so you were saying 2.3 million views?
For this uncle?
What can I say, sir? I'm a Heart Bob.
- Heartthrob. - Heartthrob. Yo, Ya!
- Please stop doing that. - Why?
You mean to say that
this uncle here is attempting the record for India's oldest participant,
and you actually think our company,
"Boots for Youths," will be a suitable match?
- Yes. - I'm saying exactly that. You got it.
I got it.
If you had come to me 30 years ago,
then maybe I could've helped you.
But right now, I'm sorry.
Let's go.
Yes, we have to go to Rider Shoes too. No time to waste.
One moment. What Rider?
Rider Shoes, sponsors of 12 of my videos,
who understand
that my three million subscribers joining me on Vijay's journey
will all need to purchase shoes too.
Thank me later.
- We're going to Rider Shoes now? - Shut up! Just play along.
That's amazing. Listen, wait up!
Don't be like that. Uncle, shall I call for an energy drink?
Swati! Energy!
- What are you doing? - Come on!
Vijay!
Dr Kumar, you'll make him ill.
Then you can heal him.
Vijay, come on!
I can't breathe.
Fali, he's not a coach, he's a butcher.
He's a real taskmaster.
Training isn't mindless labour. It's an art. It's a science...
One, two, one, two, lift your knee. Knee, Vijay.
Get the old geezer. Mask...
Listen, I'm talking to you. Come back here.
Come on.
- Look, my friend... - I'm not your friend.
The Mini Triathlon is in a month. You'll face a similar slope there.
Come on!
Come on.
- I fell. - You'll fall 20 times more.
Fine.
Mr Vijay Mathew, who's trying to win the title
for the "Oldest Indian to complete a Triathlon."
His oddball training methods are matched only by his matchless resolve.
This is your reporter, right?
The old geezer stole the spotlight in the colony elections too.
If the spotlight goes, his sponsorship will go too.
Why did you stop? Keep going.
- Look, another story on Vijay. - I don't want to look.
- Hold on, I'm reaching, man. - Come on. Use your legs.
Push!
You'll fall 16 more times.
- Grandpa. - I'm going to fall 16 more times.
Wait, dear, wait...
- Excuse me. Hi. - Yes?
I'm Mahesh Menon. I'm a sports manager.
- Please come, sir. - Thank you.
I'm looking for Mr Vijay Mathew.
Straight ahead and right.
No!
Get him! Give me a balloon.
Shall I show you?
Got scared of the kids!
Consider the job done.
Betrayal, Lies, Deceit.
Vijay Mathew,
who claims to be India's oldest triathlon athlete,
is actually not 69 years old, but 64.
Our channel was able to get hold of his birth certificate.
What nonsense! That's not my birth certificate.
Aditya's father...
"May a crow shit on his fate." Try and remember your swear words.
But you have your original birth certificate, right?
You're a penguin.
You're a dolphin.
Three... two...
Come on. Take this. Go.
- Three... - Two...
One! Go. Come on, Adi!
- You're a sea snake. - Yes Adi, come on!
You're a sea otter! You're an underwater mountain goat.
Come on!
That's all for today's cricket news.
After the break, we'll speak to Vijay Mathew
who will attempt to set a unique record.
- Well done! - Yes.
...a game where three activities need to be completed...
Put that down! You're not allowed cold drinks, right?
Why are you getting angry?
Fine, I'll get angry at you.
You stop this triathlon nonsense.
Why should I stop?
Why? Should I spell it out?
You have diabetes.
You have BP issues.
Your last 2D ECHO was irregular.
You've not gotten a single health checkup in years.
And when you did, you didn't follow the doctor's advice because you're you.
Dad... if it's about money,
we can help you out.
How did money come into it?
It's not about money, son.
Then what is it about, Papa?
I've lost Mummy already. I can't keep worrying about you all the time. I...
If your mother were around, she would've supported me.
Don't try this emotional blackmail with me. Don't try it.
- You know I'm right. - Yes, I know.
I know that before Mummy fell ill, swimming was your whole life.
I know you promised her that you'd win a gold medal for her.
I even know that you stopped swimming and started coaching to pay all our bills.
If you know, then why can't you understand?
Because that was then, Papa.
Today, you're 69 years old.
So if I'm 69, should I stop having dreams?
If I'm 69, I should wake up in the morning and read a newspaper?
If I'm 69, I should just go for a walk?
If I'm 69, I should just take medicines and sleep
and then just die one day?
It would've been better
if I'd actually jumped into the sea as soon as I turned 69.
Don't cut off the old geezer's head.
- You bloody mother... - Papa!
Bastards! Aditya's scoundrel of a father has sent you, right?
To keep the attention on him? Just because I bagged a sponsor.
- Dad, let go. - I won't leave you, rascals.
- Papa! - He's gone crazy. Start shooting.
You're secretly recording my family members?
- How dare you? - Let go! Don't attack the press!
Papa, please don't.
- Delete it! - The camera will get damaged.
What are you doing? It'll get damaged.
- Delete it right now! Deleted? - Okay, here. Deleted. Done.
It's done. I'll see to you.
Sure. But don't be seen here again.
Or you'll be seen in the obituary page of some newspaper. Bloody...
- Papa, stop it. - Dad, calm down.
If Mummy was around, she would've knocked some bloody sense into you.
And you, you're always scolding me.
What should I do if you behave like this?
- Relax. - Let's get out of here.
Calm down, Dad.
- What... - Come on, already.
Just get in the car.
Deeksha, why are you getting hyper?
Ladies and gentlemen,
40 minutes into the Mini Triathlon
and with full gusto, the triathletes
have started the swimming section...
- This slope is really killer, man. - Yes.
The old geezer will bite the dust as soon as he reaches the slope.
You double geezer, what did you say?
- Say it out loud. - The old geezer will bite the dust.
Vijay's lungs are supplying his muscles with more oxygen right now
than you've breathed in four months.
It's called Maximal Oxygen Uptake.
Speak in Hindi, not Science, bro.
Vijay's levels are ample proof that...
He's hired a health accountant, not a coach.
Hold this for a second.
- You bloody... - Coach. No!
- I'll hit you. - Don't do it!
Take him away, man. I'll whack him. I'm telling you.
Come on, Vijay. Come on.
- Aditya! Come on! - Yes, come on!
Oh no, he fell.
- Oh, crap. - Come on, get up.
Go, help him up.
Useless rascal.
- What kind of father is he? - Really terrible.
- Vijay! - Come on.
Vijay, careful. Be careful.
Vijay, be careful. It's a dangerous slope.
Vijay, be careful.
Move aside! Let him overtake.
- Carry on! - Careful, Vijay.
In... out...
Am I dead again?
Welcome back, Mr Mathew. Everything is fine.
How are you feeling?
Who won?
Relax. Assume that you won.
There was not much impact on the spine
and we had to conduct a minor, non-invasive procedure.
- What? - Don't worry. Everything is fine.
You're going to be as good as new.
Thank you.
Come, Abhishek, say hi to Papa.
- Abhimanyu! - So sorry.
I've made you laddus with mustard, carom seeds and turmeric.
Goenka's mother's favourite.
Madam, that's not going to be allowed.
- Please. - But...
Mrs Bakshi, please!
Vijay...
Got it! One minute. Eat chocolate, stay fit.
Seven days of no chocolate
makes one weak.
Vijay, we are all so proud of you.
You've attempted something that none of us ever dreamed possible.
Doctor, when can I be up and about again?
Well, we can get you up in two weeks' time.
- We'll start with a light physio... - Coach Kumar.
- We start again in two weeks. - What?!
That's increased the man's BPM! Bravo!
His anaesthesia hasn't worn off. He's talking rubbish.
The doctor said in two weeks.
Doctor, you tell me.
At his age, after this injury,
can he complete a triathlon in a hilly area?
It's not impossible.
See? Correct. He has spoken.
- What, Doctor? - It's not possible.
I love you, Doc. Two scientific people have said it. The matter's sorted.
Two weeks.
- Nonsense. - Ridiculous.
Crazy, he's really crazy.
- Oh, man. - Luckily, nobody else is listening to you
or they'd send you directly to the insane asylum.
Okay. I see.
Okay. Got it.
Hello, Uncle.
Mummy!
Are you crazy? What do you want?
Nothing, Uncle. I'm good. Thank you.
Hey, you.
I don't have a problem with you.
But your father and grandpa have irritated me no end
and I'm at the end of my tether.
What is it?
Uncle, can I borrow your phone, please?
- Why? - I have to make an urgent call. That's it.
Who to?
One urgent call.
Thank you.
Hey, baby. It's me. Adi.
I'm calling from someone else's phone.
No, I'm fine.
It's nothing. It's just a sprain.
Springfield Hospital. Yeah.
- Room... - 302!
Yeah, room 302.
Now? No. If Papa sees...
Dammit...
Hello?
Hello, babe. What was that noise? Are you okay?
Hello? Babe, are you listening?
Say something. Hello?
Are you listening?
Hello, darling. Yes, the phone fell down as I was walking.
An eclipse came into the room.
Eclipse. That which turns the light into darkness whenever it comes around.
Yes, that's the one. Same eclipse.
Okay. Bye. 302. Bye-bye, darling.
Girlfriend.
Can't get enough of me.
You have a girlfriend?
- You can't even have one. - What?
I mean... nothing.
Father and son. Between the two of you.
Hello? Cameras are not allowed here.
- Visitors? Who's the patient? - Vijay Mathew.
That's not a painkiller, it's a sleeping pill.
It's not a sleeping pill, sir.
I know you want to tranquillize me. It's a sleeping pill.
- It's not a sleeping pill, sir. - Then you eat it and show me.
- Reporters are not allowed. - You can't stop press. I'll press charges.
- Go away. - Vijay!
- Stop! Security! - Mr Vijay.
- I'm going for a piss. Out of the way.
Is it true that you've used your fake birth certificate since childhood,
including in the Under-17 and later in the Under-21 to get an unfair advantage?
Forget the Under-17, I won the Under-5 races at the age of 10.
Because not everyone's a dumbfuck like you. Out of the way!
Is it true that with the help
of the Chairman of the Triathlon Association of India,
Mr Ranjit Kumar, your good friend,
you got the committee's decision changed in your favour
and showed the wrong age on your birth certificate there as well?
Bloody arsehole, I'll take your birth certificate and change your father's name,
or my name's not Vijay Mathew.
Get out of my way!
Is it true that your wife, Anna Mathew, knew all this and she was ashamed,
and her last wish was that you stop this fraud?
How dare you bring my Anna into this? I will hurt you! Bloody arsehole!
I won't spare you. Get the hell out of here. Out!
Bloody idiot! Get him out of here.
- You got that bit, right? Okay. - Yeah.
- Sir, don't shout... - What is it?!
I'm ashamed of you!
Taken after his mother's family! Bloody loser.
Who did you call "bloody loser"?
My son. Any problem?
No! No problem.
What's wrong?
Did he hit you?
But why?
You mean, you ate some chocolate and he hit you?
It's okay.
I'm fine.
You aren't allowed chocolates. You aren't allowed to talk on the phone.
You train from morning to night.
I've seen it with my own eyes. And he...
Is he a father or Shakaal?
Sha... who?
You don't know Shakaal?
Forget that. Mogambo?
Mogam...?
You don't know Mogambo either?
I'm really ancient, man!
And...
Please. I'm forbidden to even look at it.
Then close your eyes and eat, son.
The doors are shut.
- Be a little daring. Come on. - Okay.
Okay.
I'll hold on to this.
Why hold on? It's all for you. Eat it up. Come on.
- For Malti. - Malti?
Okay. That girl.
"I miss you, Malti. I miss you."
Actually, when Papa's not around, maybe Malti will come visit.
Is her name actually "Ma-lati"?
It's Malti, one syllable.
One syllable, Malti.
She's amazing.
Amazing, is she?
Okay, cheers to one-syllable Malti. Come on. Cheers.
- Cheers. - Say, "I love you, Malti."
Say it.
I love you, Malti.
Hello, he loves you, Malti.
Don't stick your finger into everything, Vijay. Just don't.
Are you sure you want to start your training again?
You've just recovered from an operation.
Fali, it was not an operation. It was a non-invasive procedure.
I've completed three weeks of physiotherapy. I am absolutely fine.
Who's the doctor? You or me?
- That's a doubt even I have - Oh dear.
What do you think?
I think you need to rest, Vijay.
All I need is a bike with that medical specification.
After that, I will be as good as new.
How much time will you take? Hurry up, buddy.
Sir, with so much customisation, your costs will go through the roof.
Is it for some old geezer?
Listen, these are dark times for me. I'll end up killing someone.
You stick to money talk.
- Calm down. - Don't talk of anything but money!
Relax, buddy.
Look, it'll cost at least 70,000.
- So? - You just take the order.
Take it? I hope you're not wasting my time.
- Do we look like freeloaders to you? - Fali!
Step back.
He's crazy. He talks through his ass, not his mouth.
Sorry.
It's Vivek, sir.
Hello, Vivek-ji. Greetings.
What are you saying?
How could I forget Boots for Youths?
Not at all. You know how news people are.
That's Aditya's father's paid media.
In fact, I've found my original birth certificate.
I'll courier it to you tomorrow.
What? Violence?
I don't understand.
How can you cancel my sponsorship just like that?
Hello? Vivek-ji?
Do you have a TV here?
Bloody asshole! A beep like you, beep!
Get out from here! Out! Beep! Go on. Beep!
Bloody idiots. Get out from here. Out. Get out!
This reporter's blood is a stain on all of history...
Blood? I didn't even touch him.
Hypocrite! He must have applied ketchup later.
We in the media will definitely boycott Vijay Mathew.
What will you do, sponsors?
What will you do, Triathlon Association?
I'll tell you what I'll do to you!
A crazy old geezer
made a life-threatening attack
with his saline bottle
- on an unarmed reporter. - What?!
This is unacceptable. How can somebody do like this?
You bloody beetroot... bozo... doofus...
- Just call him a bloody dumbfuck! - Bloody dumbfuck, I'm going to get you...
- Relax. - What do you mean relax?
- We'll figure it out. - Those rascals kept quiet for three weeks.
And as soon as I announced my participation,
the rascals... I'm going to...
Calm down, Vijay.
- Coach Kumar? - Yes?
I worked super hard and passed all of your scientific methods.
- Yeah. But it can't be done. - But why?
Okay, tell me one formula that you told me and I didn't complete. Tell me.
Okay. E is equal to MCR.
- What? - Now what the hell is that?
My personal one, Fali! "R" stands for reputation.
The Association and the parents of all the wealthy kids I coach
are all insisting that I leave you.
- But why? - You hit a journalist.
Made him bleed. A journalist!
That was not blood. That was ketchup.
It's sauce.
It's not sauce, it's sorrow, Fali!
I really like you, Vijay. But I can't. It's the question of my career.
Coach, I also like you.
Let's do one thing.
All the kids you train,
I'll pay their fees from my own pocket.
How? You've even lost your sponsorship.
I heard about that.
Talk some sense into this fool, Fali.
Vijay, you might just do it. Good luck, baby.
Wait, Kumar!
Dumbfuck. Walked away looking like Tom Cruise.
Without his diet and his training, what am I supposed to do?
And now you won't get that custom-made bike either, right?
Could you be more depressing if you tried?
- Meaning? - Meaning, "Vijay, all will be well."
"Don't you worry."
"I'll arrange for the funds. Don't worry."
Can't you say all that?
Vijay, don't worry. I'll make all the arrangements.
I'll arrange for all the funds.
- You don't worry. - Go to hell!
Sure, my father owns a bank, right?
Grandpa, see!
Very good, son. Very good.
How much money do you need?
Only 300,000.
The custom-made bike costs 70,000.
Then there's the fees for the non-association coach,
equipment, diet, etc.
Of course, Dad. Why worry? We're here for you.
We'll finish up our home loan this month.
I'm sure we can spare some cash. Don't worry.
Yes, I'm asking for a loan only, son. I'll return the money after the race.
The doctor says...
The doctor said that you're lucky.
This time, your spine wasn't permanently injured.
Why do you need these things explained to you, like a child? No, Abhi.
Someone will have to put an end to his obstinacy.
- Yes, but... - Who's the parent, me or him?
Dear, remember when you used to compete in your school's inter-class races
and used to finish last?
Or you would get hurt and fall down?
I always cheered you on as a parent, didn't I?
I was nine then, Papa.
Not 69.
Yes, viewers, Vijay Mathew used...
- And this? - ...his saline bottle
in a fatal attack on an unarmed reporter.
Look at this!
Get out from here. Out. Beep! Go on. Beep!
Who talks like this?!
Why are you always swearing?
It's so embarrassing.
I can explain that.
I won't spare you. Get out from here. Out!
You shut your ears!
Why are you taking out your anger on me?
My dear, it was a set-up.
Enough, Papa!
Even if I had spare money,
I'd never give it to you for this nonsense.
Mummy!
- Turn your head here. Okay. - Mummy.
Now you go get your bag!
Dad...
You always take your anger out on me.
Why don't you come live with us for a few days?
It'll distract you and...
The magic of this moment Makes unions sublime
The warmth of this moment Makes hearts race
In the presence of this moment The world belongs to us
When you look at this moment It means more than a million years
Hey, living soul, think fast
Now is the moment To fulfil your heart's desire...
Promise me...
that when I'm gone,
you will do something for yourself.
Even if briefly...
you'll live for yourself.
Again you talk of leaving?
We already decided that we'd fight together and kick cancer's ass.
No more swearing. You promised.
Now I can't even express myself?
I love you.
I love you too.
You may not know what lies ahead of you
Nor do you know what lies behind you
Whatever is there
It's now, in this moment
- On flat ground, take longer steps. - Are you nuts?
Short steps on a slope. Okay?
Come on, keep going.
Alone today? Where is the Father of the Year?
Papa's gone to buy special papaya seeds for my stamina.
- Of course. - He was in a good mood today,
hearing about your sponsorship cancellation.
Grandpa even showered three times in his excitement.
Your father and grandpa are really cheap.
I hope from the depths of my heart
that you turn out to be the neighbour's child.
The neighbour is in jail for bank fraud.
Even so.
How is Ma-lati?
It's Malti, for God's sake.
I don't like it.
Okay, you carry on. I'm tired.
I'm resting.
I overheard Papa speaking to Vivek Sagar this morning.
I know that all your outfits, shoes, and bikes
have been taken back by Boot Inc.
Here, these are for you.
- Where did you get them? - They're Papa's.
But he has 11 identical pairs.
He won't miss it, Uncle.
Who are you calling uncle? Call me Vijay.
I don't want them.
Won't you listen to your new coach?
Vijay?
Meaning?
Meaning, if there's one thing I know, it's how to train.
So from tomorrow, I'll meet you every day and secretly coach you.
No. You don't need to. You focus on yourself, my friend.
In hospital, I felt for the first time that I'd found a friend...
who actually knows what I'm going through.
Here.
It's confirmed. You're definitely the neighbour's child.
I'll see you tomorrow, Unc... Vijay.
Hey, Uncle, where are you headed?
You can't go in without a token.
Senior citizen, son.
- Let it be. He's old. - So he can do anything?
Vijay, here!
What's the emergency?
Come. Come on.
Impromptu plan.
What plan?
Impromptu. Sudden. I want you to meet someone. Come.
What's going on?
Vijay, meet Malti. Malti, this is Vijay.
Hi.
- This is Malti? - Yes.
Wow. I mean, how?
I know. She's 23. I'm too young for her.
It's fine. It's love.
You don't have to explain that. Come, let's sit.
Malti is wow. I'm happy to meet you.
Vijay, Malti is a marketing professional.
Which is why we're meeting her. Malti?
Adi told me about your sponsorship problems.
- I have an idea. - Okay.
You're both from the same colony, attempting two different records, correct?
You have media attention. But not as much as there should be.
Why not?
Because there's no drama.
Hold on.
Looks like you didn't see my ketchup news on TV.
Vijay-ji, I have seen it.
That very perception needs to be changed from negative to positive.
- How? - With a clash.
With some jealousy, passion, trash talk...
Like, you guys got to fight it out.
You know, like, spice it up.
You know, the media loves such stuff, Vijay-ji.
Basically, Malti is of the opinion
that if you and I are seen as rivals by the public,
if there's conflict between us,
then the story will go viral and the media attention will grow
which will lead to you getting sponsorship again.
- Exactly! - But how will it help?
Don't you worry about that.
Till then, I'll still keep secretly coaching you every day.
No harm in trying, right?
Vijay-ji, I know it's a bit unpleasant at your age
to expect you to quarrel and to abuse.
I get it, you know.
One minute, one minute.
You're saying that you want me to voluntarily use bad language?
I know it's a little hard, but... can you?
Bad words?
Consider it done.
Come on, guys. Come on.
Go, Vijay!
- Vijay. - Come on!
Go, Vijay!
Old geezer, are your legs even moving?
Everything is moving, you loser. You see to yourself.
Go home. Get some electrolytes.
- Vijay... - Camera, get some clear shots there.
You dangling button from a tattered shirt,
this is a race, not a school test.
You old geezer, you can't even stop panting.
Shall I call for a lifeboat or would you prefer to drown?
This is Neha from Zee 7 News, reporting live from Victoria Society.
Battle! A tremendous battle!
Greetings, this is Arvind Singh and you have just witnessed...
A battle, the likes of which you've never seen or heard before.
Child is the father of man.
But here, child and man
are both trying to knock the other out.
- Hello, sir. - Hi.
Hi. Please come.
That way.
You lizard pup! You son of a swine! You devil's spawn.
Spare your vocabulary for the doctor. You're going to need it very soon, got it?
What did you say?
Come on. That's good.
Go, Vijay. Very nice. Yeah.
Okay, let's go, one more lap. Come.
Come on, Vijay. Push. You can do it.
- Clear the slope. Push. - I can't do it.
- I feel you can... - Clear the slope. Yeah.
You have to do it. Come on. Clear the slope!
You're halfway through it.
Are you okay?
No problem. We'll try again.
"#VIJAYvsADITYA."
This hashtag has created a stir on the internet.
What is your opinion? Who will win this trophy? Vijay or Aditya?
Well done, Ma-lati.
Awesome rhinoceros, the plan is working!
So what if we're from the same colony? I'm the one doing this race.
It's only me. He's not even a contender. Look at his age.
Mosquitos like him don't belong atop a bike but beneath my feet.
You old geezer, you're the one going under. Six feet under.
Stay six yards away from me.
You see? He's got no manners, the dumbfuck... I mean, sorry.
Cursing my parentage. See where this is going?
#VIJAYvsADITYA.
For more updates on this unique intra-colony battle,
click on the bell icon of my channel. You got it right. Shock-a-locka Baby.
Aerodynamic position.
The lower you bend, the lower your wind resistance.
Go! Go, Vijay! Too good!
Clean entry, pull back, exit.
One week to go. And in one week,
it will be clear who triumphs on the triathlon battlefield.
Sit down, all those at the back please sit.
A mother and a nurse.
What is common between the two? Go on, tell me.
You tell us.
Okay, I'll tell you.
The only thing they both want is for their children to be healthy. To be happy.
Whether it is Goenka's mummy or Vijay-ji,
I've cared for them as my own.
If I ever see this Goenka, I'll shove a stick up his arse.
- Keep calm. - 100%, I'll shove a stick.
- Mrs Bakshi, statement please. - Yes.
Killer Wheels.
Killer Wheels presents Vijay Mathew with this custom-made bike
and appoints him as their brand ambassador.
A big hand!
- Please come. - Vijay!
- Vijay!
It's okay. I'm fine.
Awesome rhinoceros!
- Vijay! - Vijay!
He's our colony hero
Hat's off, Vijay. This bike looks great on you.
- I look great on the bike too. - I don't know about that.
Killer cycle. Yes!
Vijay, we've taken permission from our wives.
We're coming to watch your race.
- Yeah! - Yeah!
Enthusiastic idiots.
Did someone just fart?
Rakesh, just shut your mouth.
Not me, his destiny's got diarrhoea.
- Finally, it ran out. - Meaning?
Meaning that that press chap who he beat up
unearthed all his old medical reports.
Then the committee consulted me.
I just did my duty as a doctor.
- What did you do? - Go ask the committee.
Your game is over.
- Now, you'll see. - You bloody...
Another attack...
Stop him. He'll have another heart attack.
- Get lost. - Go away. We'll see about that.
What will you see? That arsehole.
Sir, that was not a heart attack scare.
I just ate too much butter chicken and I got gas.
Mr Mathew, your medical report
mentions chest pain and cardiac symptoms.
Sir, I've practised for four months for this triathlon. I've trained for it, sir.
I've also submitted the medical No-Objection Certificate to you.
Don't throw me out. Please.
What needs to be thrown out, Vijay-ji,
is the ambition inside you.
It has no place in your life.
Mr Wadhwa.
- Yes? Okay. - One moment.
- Let me clarify this. - Yes, please.
Mr Ranjit,
didn't I ask for his old hospitalisation and health scare reports
in your presence?
- You did. - Ranjit, you know the truth.
Vijay, it's in the rules.
I'm sorry.
But when nothing even happened to me...
Look, Mr Mathew,
our current medical consultant has reanalysed all your medical reports.
Sir, if you...
And in his opinion, it was a minor heart attack.
What I'm trying to say is, if you show it to a neutral doctor,
maybe he will give a different report.
Mr Mathew, he's been your family doctor for 15 years.
Yes, I agree he was my family doctor for 15 years.
Technically.
But he's been your friend longer than that, sir. I don't want to get into that...
Mr Mathew, you are 69 years old.
Why? I don't feel 69, sir!
Why does everybody want to say that I'm 69?
- Sir, please. I just... - Mr Mathew.
I just want a chance, sir. Please...
Mr Mathew... listen.
The final list of participants is out
and you are 30 years too late.
Sir, I'm just asking for
one single chance, please.
I'm sorry.
Do you remember the day when Mummy's cancer was diagnosed?
You left your Delhi Nationals midway and returned,
and she got very angry at you
because she felt that finally, that year, you had trained the best.
All her life, she had this guilt.
"I stole your papa's dreams away from him!"
If only she'd known the truth about you.
Known how irritating and stubborn you are.
Forget about dreams, you don't even give up a single wish.
When you were a swimmer, you were obstinate about that.
Fever, injury, lack of funds, zero results...
But nothing could stop you...
from chasing your dreams...
from caring for Mummy...
or from meeting all of my bratty demands.
Even today, with your half-broken back
and zero logical brain cells,
you're crying over that stupid triathlon.
No matter how the world remembers you...
for me,
you will always be a winner.
Because those who never accept defeat...
can never be defeated.
You never gave up, Papa.
You never gave up.
And for that, I'll always be proud of you.
Vijay, I'm asking you one last time.
Are you sure you want to go watch this triathlon?
Fali... Aditya was a great help to me.
Today's a really big day for him.
I would like to be there.
I wouldn't be able to do it.
Proud of you, Vijay.
- Okay. Let's go. - Let's go.
Guys and girls,
welcome to the Bergman Triathlon.
Let's take a selfie!
Vijay! Fali!
They're here. They came.
We feel really bad, buddy. The doctor turned out to be a soggy wafer.
A big one too.
- Vijay, I'm so sorry. - It's okay.
But you know what? You're the coolest for trying.
Thank you.
Friends, please welcome our chief guest with a loud round of applause.
Here especially to flag off the triathlon event
is respected Minister of State Mr... Abhinav...
Goenka?
...Goenka!
- Mrs Bakshi? - Goenka!
Arre, I know him.
- You know everyone. - Goenka!
What is this new drama?
Goenka! It's Parminder. Goenka!
Stop, ma'am. You can't go inside. It's a VIP area.
But I know him. Let me in.
Goenka! It's me, Parminder.
Did you recognise me?
Your mother's nurse.
- Parminder? - Yes.
Let her through.
You see? Step aside!
- How are you? After such a long time. - I'm fine. And you?
Whoa, Mrs Bakshi's on TV!
Thank you so much. Thank you.
- Take care. And come again. Okay? - Yes, for sure.
Move. Out of my way.
In two minutes,
Sunil Saxena will be coming here with Vijay's registration number.
It's happening!
Oh my God! So this was your Goenka?
- Yes. - Minister Goenka?
The one whose arse you were going to shove a stick up.
Yes, the very same. This is Goenka.
My crazy fan.
He was in the government for many years.
And in the last reshuffle, he became a minister.
I just wasn't in touch so...
But what did you say to him?
I only said
that Vijay Mathew has been training for the last four months
to break an Indian record.
Yes.
Right? And he's medically fit.
And we've also submitted his medical fitness certificate.
Yes.
But this Sunil Saxena, the mean mongrel,
is carrying out a personal vendetta.
Mrs Bakshi, what is happening now?
Vijay Mathew, you're in the triathlon!
- Wow! - Yes!
You're going to run, you're going to swim,
you're going to ride, and you're going to rock!
Go, Vijay, knock 'em dead!
Go, Vijay, give it everything.
Okay, enough.
First, arrange for some swimming trunks. We have only 15 minutes to go.
Mrs Bakshi, you are world's best caretaker.
Okay, enough. Now go and get yourself registered.
Hats off, Mrs Bakshi. Kudos.
Joginder, give me your phone. Thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please give a warm welcome to yourselves to the Bergman Triathlon.
I am your host and your male commentator, Narendra.
And with me is Aarti, the female commentator.
Thank you, Narendra. I would have introduced myself, but...
Hi, guys, I'm Aarti, and we're all set to go.
Oh wow, what a crowd! What energy! What gloss!
Amidst this glamour, with hope in their eyes, our promising triathletes
take their place at the starting line...
And, off we go!
The first part of the triathlon, a 1.5 km swim!
Exactly. You know what?
They start with a bang, then finish down and out.
Everyone's wearing the same cap. Which one is Vijay?
Look, Fali, just behind those two in the centre.
- There he is! - Vijay!
Focus today on 69-year-old Vijay Mathew
and 18-year-old Aditya Jaiswal,
who are trying to become the oldest and youngest Indians to complete a triathlon.
And just as you say that, Aditya Jaiswal has been hit on the face.
He is struggling.
He is losing balance.
He is going down.
Help!
I've heard the phrase "going against the flow",
but here he's flowing against the go!
Where's he going, is he confused? Hey, Uncle...
That's my boy, Vijay.
A superb display of sportsmanship.
Vijay Mathew and Aditya Jaiswal, who were rivals all this while,
are now helping each other.
- What a hero. Our hero. Vijay. - Vijay!
Doctor, is your heart melting yet?
Let's go. The swimming round has almost finished.
But Vijay's bicycle isn't here yet. Give me your phone.
- Okay. - You chaps go ahead. I'll join you.
- Come on. - Let's go.
And Vijay Mathew emerges in the 45th position.
He's looking tired, but hopefully, not down and out.
That old geezer came out before you. You deserve to drown.
Now hurry up.
Competitors are feeling the heat
because now is the start of the 40 km cycling section.
Vijay, come here. Here. Come.
Kishore. Biswajeet?
I've brought the whole cheering squad along.
Here is your bike.
And your sponsor's jersey! Put it on quickly!
- Go on. - Hurry.
Cycling is all fine, Aarti,
but when the cyclone of pain and fatigue hits them,
what will the competitors do?
That's what we have to see.
- Come on! - Push!
Keep yourself hydrated.
Rummy player? Garba dancer? Debate champion in grade ten?
I "died" and this is what you wrote about me?
- Come on! - Pull! Good going.
Come on.
- Where is Vijay? - I can't see him.
- Can you see him? - No, I can't.
What do you do?
I was a swimming coach.
But what was your main job?
Body position, low. To reduce wind resistance.
Come on. Vijay!
Won't you listen to your coach?
Come on, Vijay!
Good.
Vijay, look at me.
- I'll see you at the finish line, okay? - Okay.
Mr Mathew, you are 69 years old.
If something bad happens to him, who will be responsible?
Just see, he's not fit.
- Can't see him. - There he is.
- Yes. - That's him. Stop!
Mummy, come on, hurry up.
Grandpa!
- Papa! - Come on, Dad, come on!
- Gramps! - Come on, Vijay!
The slope, ladies and gentlemen.
That which separates the men from the boys.
The slope,
where champions take the plunge while the rest say,
I'm done!
- Vijay! - Come on, Vijay!
Come on, Vijay!
Vijay!
Everybody quiet. Calm down.
Let him breathe.
Papa.
You've got headphones, right?
- Abhishek. - Come on, Papa.
Give me your phone. I want to download a song. Quickly.
- He's moving. - Yes! Come on.
- Vijay! - Vijay!
- Come on. - Yes, Grandpa, yes.
- Vijay! - Papa.
- Papa! - Come on, Vijay.
- Papa! You can do it! - I know you can do it.
You can do it!
Come on, push yourself!
Push yourself, Vijay. Come on.
Come on! Push yourself. Yes!
Papa, I know you can.
You can do it. I know you can, Papa. Come on!
Dad, come on. Yes, Dad. Come on.
Papa, after this slope, it's not difficult at all.
- Come on, Dad! Come on! - Come on.
You can do it!
- Vijay... - Papa...
Put these on.
- Why? - I said put them on!
Now, close your eyes.
Take a deep breath,
and listen.
You may not know what lies ahead of you
Nor do you know what lies behind you
Whatever is there...
Do it for Anna.
It's now, in this moment
Smash it!
That's the spirit. Dad, come on!
Push yourself!
Smash it, Vijay! Smash it!
Vijay!
Smash it!
You may not know what lies ahead of you
Nor do you know what lies behind you
Whatever is there
It's now, in this moment
You may not know what lies ahead of you
Nor do you know what lies behind you
Whatever is there
It's now, in this moment
Unknown shadows fill the paths ahead
Unseen arms surround us all
Only this moment is light
All else is darkness
Don't waste this moment
This moment is all that you have
Hey, living soul, think fast
Now is the moment To fulfil your heart's desire
There he is.
Move it! Go on, move it.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is a new record.
Aditya Jaiswal, the youngest Indian to complete the triathlon.
The magic of this moment Makes unions sublime
The warmth of this moment Makes hearts race
In the presence of this moment The world belongs to us
When you look at this moment It means more than a million years
Hey, living soul, think fast
Now is the moment To fulfil your heart's desire
You may not know what lies ahead of you
Nor do you know what lies behind you
Whatever is there
It's now, in this moment
In the shadow of this moment Lies our destination
Beyond this moment, everything is fiction
Who can see tomorrow? Who can know tomorrow?
In this moment You will find all that you seek
Hey, living soul, think fast
Now is the moment
To fulfil your heart's desire
You may not know what lies ahead of you
Nor do you know what lies behind you
Whatever is there
It's now, in this moment
Whatever is there
It's now, in this moment
Whatever is there
It's now, in this moment
Subtitle translation by: Neena Kiss