My name is Ryan Gifford.
In 1981, I was 18 years old and a senior in Sherman Oaks, California.
On school days,
I'd set my alarm for 5:45 a.m…
…even though I didn't have to be awake…
…for another hour.
I loved the snooze button.
I felt like I was getting away with something.
By 6:45 a.m., I'll already have indulged myself four times today.
Not too bad.
In the shower, I'd apply soap on my body in descending order.
Shoulders first.
Then my chest.
Abs.
Ass.
Thighs.
And lastly, calves.
I preferred washing in descending order
because it prevents dirty water from touching clean skin.
I'd shave, apply aftershave, and top off with a dab of Kouros.
It's for men.
I loved Buc Wheats,
a General Mills cereal
that would be discontinued just a few short months from today.
Crunchy wheat flakes coated in real maple glaze.
Although later, General Mills would tweak the recipe
and substitute maple glaze for sugar coating,
with predictably disastrous results.
Today, October 4th, 1981,
I only had 92 bowls of Buc Wheats left in my life.
Now 91.
I drove a 1978 Pontiac Trans Am.
Stick.
Girls love guys who drive stick.
From my house on Mooncrest Avenue in Encino,
it'd take me anywhere from 19 to 23 minutes to drive to school.
Yo, you're late.
But that morning, I wasn't going to school.
Butch is looking for ya.
I wouldn't say acting in pornography was a passion of mine or anything,
but after my dad lost all our family's money co-financing Heaven's Gate,
I had to come up with the money to pay for Yale somehow.
Jan Butch Banxxx was one of the most prolific pornographers
in the entire San Fernando Valley.
I liked that she was a badass woman in a man's business,
a true new kind of pioneer in the biz.
I couldn't help you noticing my VCR.
It's a fantastic, great new technology.
Watching some movies?
No.
No, Troy, I am making some movies.
- Actually, it's Ryan. - Wait.
That's not what it says on the poster.
Wait, what do you mean you're making movies? For the VCR?
Picture this. Touching yourself, i.e., stroking to completion,
in the privacy and comfort of your own home.
No more sticky floors. No more unwieldy armrests.
No more accidentally making eye contact
with some pervert you recognize from church.
In ten years, VHS tapes are gonna put the porno theaters out of business.
So, someone can just buy their own VHS tape of one of my movies?
Oh, yes, they will and they can.
But I thought my stuff was only being released overseas.
What if someone recognizes me?
You promised me no one would recognize me.
Verbally promised.
I mean, look, it'll be a decade before those things are retailing under a grand.
And by the time this could come back to haunt you,
you'll have forgotten all about it.
That's not comforting.
I-- It's not?
Is this why you wanted to see me?
No, listen, I need you to break in a girl.
Well, a woman actually.
You think you can handle it there, hot stuff? Huh?
Maybe show her the ropes?
Hmm, like a bondage thing?
Not real ropes, metaphoric ropes.
- Who is she? - Oh, honey,
she'll be whoever you want her to be.
I like to call her Cami Soul.
- Cami Soul? - Mm-hmm.
Shit.
Can we talk about this VCR thing at some point?
Ryan, I'd like you to meet my newest star, Ms. Cami Soul.
Oh, hey, Ryan.
Mrs. Schaffer?
You two know each other?
That's fantastic.
Well, this is a big scene, a big chewy scene.
Throb Johnson, aka you, is eager to fuck his stepmom, aka Cami Soul.
So, that's what's gonna happen dramaturgically.
- Wow. Plotty. - Yeah.
By the way, I saw the dailies from yesterday.
The orgy scenes were incredible.
- It's the script. - Okay, second team's off.
First team going in.
Okay, Lucy, Desi, let's go.
Everything good, honey?
- How's your mom? - Good.
Good.
Do me a favor.
Don't tell you-know-who about what I'm doing.
My husband and my daughter.
Yeah, no, I figured that's who you were talking about.
Sound's up!
You smell good.
Kouros?
Let's fuck!
Please, please, please, please, please.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I wanna go home.
Fuck. Shit. Fuck.
Please, please let me go home!
Please.
I want to see my mommy.
Please, I'll give you a Popsicle.
Cunt. Shitlicker. Motherfucker.
Help me!
Please!
No! Please! No!
Please, please, no.
Please. Please.
Please let me go.
What is that?
Eat it.
No, what is it?
- Eat it. - No!
Help!
Thom, I need you home after school.
I have plans.
What are your plans?
Hanging out.
Okay, well, uh, c-could you hang out a different day?
I've got something I need to tell you. It's important.
What?
Well, there's someone I want you to meet.
I know it has been difficult since your dad left.
Dad didn't leave. You kicked him out.
- I gave your father an ultimatum. - Whatever.
Oh, th-this has been a difficult transition for me too, okay?
- And Ted has been a-- - Ted?
Ted has been a silver lining, okay?
He makes me happy. He wants to take care of us.
He's a podiatrist.
Gross.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, just stuff with my mom.
I'm sorry. I thought she was doing better.
She is. But it's weird.
My dad was around, it was hard to see her so sad.
And now that he's gone, it's hard to see her so happy.
It's like being a family was the thing that was making her so depressed.
It would be very destabilizing to see Liz happy.
I know what will cheer us up.
Let's get some booze.
Mr. Flanigan?
Holy shit. Mr. Flanigan.
Ms. Schaffer, Mr. Wright, Ms. Reynolds.
I don't understand. Did you quit your job at the school?
Sometimes, I work here on weekends, pick up extra shifts.
So, what can I get you?
Three Tom Collins.
Do you guys want anything?
Can't serve you alcohol. None of you are 21.
That's not what this ID says.
Any preference on gin?
Your best.
And a side of fries.
Oh, my God. He totally bought it.
I told you these IDs are great.
♪ Nobody listens to a word that I say ♪
♪ And at work, I'm just a foreman's tool ♪
Hey, Bret.
Hey.
♪ All the secretaries think I'm a fool… ♪
Are you okay?
I don't know how anyone could be okay given everything that's going on.
What do you mean? What's going on?
Matt.
What about him?
He's still missing.
Police aren't releasing any additional information.
Bummer.
I keep having this nightmare about The Trawler.
I'm back in my old house in Trousdale.
I keep hearing the phone ringing, but I can't tell what room it's coming from,
so I keep running from room to room trying to find it.
What does he look like?
I don't even know.
It's not figural. It's just a feeling.
I think The Trawler, or the threat of The Trawler,
has divided my life into a before and an after.
And now that he's here, I've crossed into this other world of death and adults.
It reminds me of this Japanese concept I read about called mono no aware.
It means like a sadness that everything ends.
One day, I'm gonna feel like a kid for the last time,
but I'm not gonna realize that it's the last time until a lot later.
Your table's ready.
Mmm. We should definitely have these at Robert's party.
- Wait, that's still happening? - Yeah, why wouldn't it be?
Well, for starters, two of our classmates are missing.
I heard Really Rhonda's parents sent her to a special needs institution
and that the whole missing thing was just to save face.
I doubt that, but sure. What about Matt?
Look, we've already booked the valet, DJ and catering.
I just think that Robert's party is in really bad taste.
It'll be a very tasteful party, Bret.
It's not a question of aesthetics.
Canceling Robert's party is the right thing to do.
No way.
They didn't even cancel the Oscars when Martin Luther King Jr. was shot.
Put it to a secret vote?
Secret vote.
- Bret, secret vote. - Bret, secret vote. Bret…
Secret vote, Bret!
"Don't cancel."
"Cancel."
"Don't cancel."
And, "Don't."
The don't cancels take it.
- Right. - Oh, it's what Matt would have wanted.
And also, he's probably holed up in Big Sur
enjoying his inevitable new life as a drug dealer, okay?
You didn't even know him.
Who?
Oh, Matt? Exactly.
I love it when he's happy.
- Do you feel better? - Come on. You're feeling better.
As the shadow of death stalked the Valley…
…I felt myself head for the Hollywood Hills.
I knew the party was vulgar.
And yet I also knew, even then, what a powerful anesthetic vulgarity could be.
I told myself I was only going to chronicle the decadence,
an excuse I'd return to many times in my career as a writer.
Susan's dad was the West Side's pediatrician to the stars,
treating their progeny from everything from anorexia nervosa to zits.
Fashionably, Dr. Reynolds didn't accept new patients or insurance.
Hey, Bret.
I didn't think you'd come.
Yes! Thank God Bret's here. Now it's a party.
Well, I wasn't going to, but I figured it would be useful for my novel.
Screenplay.
You're writing a screenplay?
Well, that's a relief. Someone has to.
- Where are your parents? - Palm Springs.
So, they're out of town?
Oh, don't worry, Al and Linda arranged for me to babysit.
Al and Linda?
- Aspen. - Hey.
I'm gonna get a drink.
You can go right through those doors.
Yeah, I know that. I've been coming here since I was 12.
I've been coming to Farrah Fawcett since I was 12.
♪ Seemed like the real thing Only to find ♪
♪ Mucho mistrust Love's gone behind… ♪
Senior year was when we started throwing parties like rich adults.
We spent our parents' money on the best champagne,
the purest coke, and top-shelf liquor.
We put out their Lalique glass bowls and filled them with our cigarettes.
These were the gilded weapons we used to fend off the stifling world of childhood.
We were all just doing impressions of the kind of people we wanted to be.
Until it stopped being an impression.
Hi.
Gin martini with a twist, please.
Is that such a good idea? You know you're not supposed to drink.
Of course.
Why don't you take this one?
Thanks.
♪ Once I had a love and it was a gas ♪
You want this?
Hey, Susan, can I talk to you?
♪ Seemed like the real thing Only to find... ♪
You need permission to talk to your boyfriend?
Relax, Thom.
Excuse us.
You're all over him.
What? Who?
Do you think I'm stupid?
Susie Q.
I am so proud of this girl.
I mean, look how pretty she is.
Remember fat camp?
- Thom, do you know the story? - Uh-huh.
I had just turned ten.
Liz shipped me off to a fat farm in Tahoe,
told me she'd give me a thousand dollars for every pound I lost,
and that's where I met Susan.
- She wasn't even fat. - I was maintaining.
You are gonna be the first female president.
You know that, right?
Thanks, Deb.
What the hell is Cha Cha doing north of the 10?
♪ Flashback Who's that dancing to the latest? ♪
♪ Suave, debon, the greatest… ♪
- She showed up with some juniors. - Slut.
- We've got to kick her out. - Sorry?
She's my nemesis.
- Thought Cornelia Guest was your nemesis. - Thought your mom was your nemesis.
- Stay out of this, Thom. - I can't just kick her out, Debbie.
I can.
Don't cause a scene. This is Robert's party.
No, this is our party we're throwing for Robert.
Why are his feelings more important than mine?
- They're not. You're being a child. - I'm actually not.
If someone you hated showed up to this party,
I would physically remove them, and I think you know that.
Just once I wish you could be that friend for me.
♪ So shy, oh my Had to change that real quick ♪
♪ Had to use a few tricks You know, like my femme fatale ♪
I'll see you at Dance Off!, Cha Cha.
Better hurry back to Compton. I wouldn't want your pole to get cold.
Hi, baby.
I'm so happy you came.
I'm not.
I mean, I am, but for observing, not for partying.
- I have something for you. - I'm not really in the--
No, it's a gift.
I know how much you like books.
It's a first edition.
This came out last month. They're all first editions.
Sorry, that was…
Thank you.
Listen, why don't you go find Susan? I'll catch up with you later.
Debbie, I'm…
Get out.
Go.
Hey, Debbie.
- Hey. - Wh… What are you doing in here all alone?
Everything okay, like, at home?
Yeah, it's just Bret.
He ignores me. He's always reading.
- Reading what? - I don't know, books.
- That's messed up. - Yeah.
So, I went and I bought him one and he didn't even appreciate it.
It sounds like he doesn't appreciate you.
I'm 18, and I'm an LA ten.
I shouldn't have to beg my boyfriend to touch me.
If you were my girlfriend, you wouldn't have to beg me for anything.
No?
You'd be the one begging me.
Dude, I'm telling… That's what I'm saying.
- That's like your thing. - I know, I know.
Give me a chance, I gotta get in there. I got to work my magic a little.
They're the most beautiful girls I've seen in my entire life. Of course, I would--
Well, I mean, how many can you handle at one time?
Come on, man.
I couldn't do more than two or three…
Who, uh…
You guys know Susan?
That's whose house this is, the girl throwing the party?
I thought this was Robert's party.
It is.
We go to Brentwood.
- I'm Rohmer. - Bret.
So, you're Robert's friends?
Kinda.
- What do you mean kinda? - I don't know.
Well, I mean, we went to middle school with the guy back in Chicago.
Ran into each other at the Galleria last week,
and he said we should stop by.
I haven't seen him in years though.
For sure I thought he'd be in, like, jail by now.
What's that supposed to mean?
- I mean, you know Robert. - Actually, I don't.
Why would he be in jail?
He… He wouldn't. He was cleared of any wrongdoing.
It was a dumb joke about his mom after she fell down the stairs.
A bunch of people assumed maybe Robert, like…
killed her.
Who are you looking for?
No one.
I love this song.
♪ I'm not the sort of person who falls ♪
♪ In and quickly out of love ♪
♪ But to you I gave my affection ♪
♪ Right from the start ♪
♪ I have a lover who loves me ♪
♪ How could I break such a heart? ♪
♪ Yet still you gained my attention… ♪
Remember the first time we danced?
- Of course. - The freshmen luau at Trader Vic's.
That was the first time we held hands too.
I love that you remember all that stuff.
My fingers felt so tiny next to yours.
Remember I recited that poem?
"Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands."
E.E. Cummings.
Yeah, I remember.
Remember how drunk we got?
"Beer before liquor, never sicker."
That's the poem you should have recited.
"Funkytown." Funk, yeah.
♪ Gotta make a move To a town that's right for me ♪
♪ Town to keep me movin' Keep me groovin' with some energy ♪
♪ Well, I talk about it, talk about it Talk about it, talk about it ♪
- Hey, it's a party, not a one-man show. - Yeah, Thom, it is a party…
♪ Talk about, talk about Talk about movin' ♪
His party.
Oh, my God. You're such a good person.
No, I'm not.
I really need to talk to you about Robert.
Does he seem okay to you?
No, Susan, he doesn't.
He's a pathological liar who spent time in a mental institution.
Robert does not seem okay. I've been trying to tell you guys that for weeks.
Bret, this isn't about you, okay?
He's not really supposed to drink on his medication.
His medication? Jesus, Susan.
- What the fuck? - He's a disturbed individual.
He's dangerous.
Uh, Ryan.
Ryan, stop. I can't.
You… You can't what?
Uh, sleep with you.
You're too big.
It's… It's not always this big. It's just when I'm hard.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm. - You know?
Can we talk about it?
I don't know if talking's gonna help.
Okay.
We don't have to do anything.
I just like being around you.
I really do think you're a good person.
Is someone in here?
Hello?
♪ Won't you take me to Funkytown? ♪
What did you say to him?
- When? - Five minutes ago.
I saw you whisper something to him,
and then he pounded a handle of vodka and started going insane.
He's always been insane,
because he's an actual institutionalized lunatic.
He's psycho, and he kidnapped Matt, and he kidnapped Rhonda,
- and I think he might have pushed his mo-- - Oh, my God, Bret, listen to yourself.
You're the psycho.
Do something.
I am doing something.
- Bearing witness is doing something. - Oh, my God!
Thom! Thom! Has anyone seen Thom?
What the fuck, dude?
Let me guess, you're one of Cha Cha's friends?
You can't be in here.
Oh, my God, Ryan. He has a… He has a knife.
Listen, you didn't know we were in here.
- Yeah. - It's fine.
Just leave us alone.
- Oh, my God. - Thank you.
It's fine.
Ryan.
♪ We got the beat ♪
♪ We got the beat… ♪
- Thom. Where were you? - Nowhere.
- I don't know. - Something's seriously wrong with Robert.
It's his party. You said he can do whatever he wants.
- Thom, please, help me. Please. Please. - Fine.
Hey, man. Let's go inside.
Stop!
What are you doing?
Stop it.
What the hell, dude? Get off of me.
- What the fuck? - Are you okay?
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine!
- ♪ We got the beat ♪ - ♪ We got the beat ♪
- ♪ We got the beat, we got the beat ♪ - ♪ We got the beat ♪
Why are you crying?
Uh…
Do… Do you want money?
I know where the safe is.
Are you an actor? My dad is a producer.
He will put you in one of his movies.
Look, just let her go.
Let her go, and I'll stay.
He's not moving.
Why isn't he moving?
Thom, are you gonna help him?
I'm done helping that guy.
Hey, what are you doing?
[applause[
- Are you okay? - Only when you're around.
Thom, Thom.
- Hey, Thom. Cool it, man. - Bret.
What the fuck?
Debbie.
- Debbie! - Help!
Debbie, Debbie, it's locked!
He's got a knife!
Open the door, or we'll kick it down!
Hey, whoever you are, open up!
Hey, Deb. Hey, hey. Are you okay?
Who's in here?
He won't say anything. He just stands there with a knife.
What kind of knife?
Jesus.
I think it's time you leave.
Don't you?
Thom, watch out.
- Is that what you want? - Yeah.
That's what I want.
Well, then that's what I want.
Goodbye, Thom.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, I thought we were gonna die.
You're okay. You're okay.
…here's a brief look at our weather.
Fair temperatures are predicted for the downtown civic center tomorrow…
Such a headache.
I cannot be hungover or dehydrated for Dance Off!
We should have just canceled this party.
Yeah.
I would stab someone for a drink right now.
It's a joke. I'm funny.
I keep trying to tell you guys that.
No mas vacuum, por favor.
Gracias.
I'm still confused.
What were you and Ryan doing in Susan's bedroom
without your shirts on?
Fucking.
No, the guy, the creep, he made us take them off.
How'd you know that guy, anyway?
I didn't.
Never seen him before.
He said your name, though.
I don't think so.
He definitely did, Thom.
Maybe he heard you and Debbie say it.
How is he?
He's at Cedars.
The doctor said he had a bad reaction to mixing alcohol with his medication.
The doctor just told you that?
My dad is a doctor too.
And we're his friends, Bret.
Or at least I am.
Hmm.
What did you say to him?
Who?
Oh. Robert. Nothing.
I saw you whisper something to him,
and whatever you said really upset him.
I didn't say anything to him.
- I know who you are. - You don't know me, man.
I know more than you think.
I know you killed your mom.
Right.
What did he whisper to you?
- When? - After you kissed him.
- That was CPR. - Sure.
He just said thank you.
It was the first time we had lied to each other's faces and both known it.
In that moment,
I knew the thing I had desired and feared most had come to pass.
I had entered the world of adults and death,
and the door had closed behind me.
I would never feel like a kid again.
I'd never felt more grown up.
And I'd never felt more alone.
Look how pretty the sky is.
Debbie, you don't wanna look at the sky?
I've seen it already.
♪ It's always cold inside the icehouse ♪
♪ Though the rivers never freeze ♪
♪ There's a girl outside the icehouse… ♪
Help!
♪ The devil lives inside the icehouse ♪
♪ At least that's what the old ones say ♪
♪ They say, "He came a long time ago" ♪
♪ "He came here in the winter snow" ♪
♪ Now it's colder every day ♪
♪ But she's still dreaming Through the summer ♪
♪ And she's hoping through the spring ♪
♪ She says she's got no time For winter nights ♪
♪ She doesn't notice As the days grow darker ♪
♪ She can't remember getting any older ♪
♪ There's no love inside the icehouse ♪
♪ And now she's dreaming of a new love ♪
♪ And she hopes he'll be there soon ♪
♪ There's no love inside the icehouse ♪