1
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,969
♪ (QUIRKY INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
2
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,847
- What are you doing?
- What?
3
00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:15,807
You're eating my ficus.
4
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:18,185
Oh, look at that.
5
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,394
It's really good.
6
00:00:20,395 --> 00:00:21,896
Setting aside the fact that
7
00:00:21,897 --> 00:00:24,315
"you're eating my ficus"
sounds dirty,
8
00:00:24,316 --> 00:00:26,150
you're eating his ficus.
9
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:28,486
Mm. It's delicious.
Here, try it.
10
00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:30,571
- What? No. No.
- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
11
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:32,323
- Uh...
- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
12
00:00:32,324 --> 00:00:33,533
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
13
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,536
Mm. Mm.
It smells good. (CHUCKLES)
14
00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:37,621
Take a bite.
15
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:42,333
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
16
00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:43,876
- Oh, my God.
- Right?
17
00:00:43,877 --> 00:00:46,921
- Mm. This is unbelievable.
- (DENISE CHUCKLES)
18
00:00:46,922 --> 00:00:48,673
- BARRY KRIPKE: What's happening?
- You gotta try this.
19
00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:50,342
- You're kidding?
- Just try it.
20
00:00:56,682 --> 00:00:58,808
This is the best damn thing
I've ever put in my mouth...
21
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:01,060
(WITH RHOTACISM) ...and I've put
some cwazy shit in my mouth. Mm!
22
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,979
- I think I know what's going on.
- ♪ (INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
23
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:05,147
Oh, I'll tell you what's
going on. This is the most--
24
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:09,486
- ♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
- (GAGS, GULPS)
25
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,322
(GULPS) What is happening?
26
00:01:13,323 --> 00:01:15,241
I believe
you're chewing your cud.
27
00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,909
She's what-ing her what?
28
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,703
"The human body is a miracle.
29
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:21,414
We have four stomachs,
just like our ancestors,
30
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:22,582
the cows."
31
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:23,583
That's ridiculous.
32
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,042
How could
we be descended from...
33
00:01:25,043 --> 00:01:27,212
(GAGS, BELCHES)
34
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,423
(CHEWS)
35
00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:31,799
...cows?
36
00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,385
All wight.
This universe is stupid.
37
00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,762
Push that button and let's get--
38
00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:40,308
(GAGS, BELCHES)
39
00:01:40,309 --> 00:01:41,892
(CHEWS)
40
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:42,936
Yum!
41
00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:45,564
♪ (THEME SONG PLAYING) ♪
42
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,277
♪ Stuart tries
To reset our lives ♪
43
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:54,530
♪ But he fails
To save the universe ♪
44
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:57,575
♪ He's our only chance
And he tries and he tries ♪
45
00:01:57,576 --> 00:02:00,662
♪ But he fails
To save the universe ♪
46
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,626
♪ (CHOIR VOCALIZING) ♪
47
00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,385
♪ Stuart fails ♪
48
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,013
♪ (THEME SONG CONCLUDES) ♪
49
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,514
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
50
00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:21,932
I've been doing
a little research.
51
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:24,352
It turns out this universe
is pretty close to ours
52
00:02:24,353 --> 00:02:25,603
before the apocalypse.
53
00:02:25,604 --> 00:02:27,104
Couple of differences.
54
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:29,106
Baseball doesn't have a DH rule
55
00:02:29,107 --> 00:02:31,233
and they don't
have Skechers Slip-Ins.
56
00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,152
That's a drag.
57
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,820
Are you weaving
anything out there, buddy?
58
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,198
BERT KIBBLER: Uh, let's see.
Oh, okay.
59
00:02:37,199 --> 00:02:39,492
John Cougar
is still John Cougar.
60
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,952
He never went back
to Mellencamp.
61
00:02:41,953 --> 00:02:43,955
We have four stomachs
and chew our cud.
62
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:45,956
Cud.
63
00:02:45,957 --> 00:02:47,667
It's not just
for breakfast anymore.
64
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:50,294
All right,
we have Kentucky bluegrass.
65
00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,796
- Oh, that's me.
- STUART BLOOM: Smells delicious.
66
00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:54,131
- Who had the tall fescue?
- Me.
67
00:02:54,132 --> 00:02:56,258
- Mm. So good.
- (CHUCKLES)
68
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:57,968
WAITER:
Bermuda for the gentleman.
69
00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,136
- STUART: Wow.
- Thank you.
70
00:02:59,137 --> 00:03:01,472
- And the clover for the lady.
- Thank you.
71
00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,849
- WAITER: Bon appétit.
- DENISE: Mm.
72
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:07,479
- (ALL MUNCHING, MOANING)
- ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
73
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,859
Hey, guys, I'm gonna throw
something out there.
74
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,445
Why don't we just stay
in this reality?
75
00:03:16,446 --> 00:03:18,155
What happened
to you saving the universe?
76
00:03:18,156 --> 00:03:20,408
I know,
but I mean, let's be honest.
77
00:03:20,409 --> 00:03:22,910
Were any of us really clear on
how that was supposed to work?
78
00:03:22,911 --> 00:03:24,245
- Not really.
- STUART: Right.
79
00:03:24,246 --> 00:03:26,122
And yeah,
this place isn't perfect...
80
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:31,502
(GAGS)
81
00:03:31,503 --> 00:03:32,545
(GULPS)
82
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:33,879
...but there's
no evil computers,
83
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,047
no one's getting burned
at the stake.
84
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:37,216
- You really want to stay here?
- STUART: Why not?
85
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:39,802
I mean, we can't get the hang
of that stupid machine.
86
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:41,887
Every place we go turns out
to be dangerous.
87
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:43,347
Last place was nice.
88
00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:45,850
I almost married a woman
who thought I was beautiful.
89
00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,017
(BURPS)
90
00:03:47,018 --> 00:03:48,811
Yeah, and then
there was a violent riot
91
00:03:48,812 --> 00:03:50,438
and we had to flee
for our lives.
92
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:54,024
(BURPS) Every rose
has thorns, Stuart.
93
00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,527
Hmm. I wonder
what a rose would taste like.
94
00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:57,738
- STUART: Hmm.
- DENISE: Mm.
95
00:03:58,363 --> 00:04:00,489
(ALL MUNCHING)
96
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:01,824
♪ (ELEGANT MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
97
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:02,993
DENISE: Thank you.
98
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,411
How was everything?
99
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:06,495
- Excellent.
- DENISE: So good.
100
00:04:06,496 --> 00:04:07,496
- Delicious.
- Amazing.
101
00:04:07,497 --> 00:04:09,373
- So good.
- Did you save room for dessert?
102
00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,041
Chef just got in some corn.
103
00:04:11,042 --> 00:04:12,877
Corn? You trying
to fatten us up?
104
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,296
(CHUCKLES) A little,
but it's worth it.
105
00:04:15,297 --> 00:04:17,424
Fine, one warge corn
for the table.
106
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:20,426
So, what would we do
if we stayed here?
107
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:23,846
I would run a comic book store,
you'd work with me,
108
00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,807
Bert would be a geologist,
and Kripke'd be an asshole.
109
00:04:26,808 --> 00:04:29,185
Mm, asshole's more of a hobby
than a vocation.
110
00:04:29,186 --> 00:04:31,145
(GAGS, GULPS)
111
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:34,149
Maybe we could even get married.
112
00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:38,778
Are you... (GAGS, BELCHES)
113
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:40,070
(GULPS)
114
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,614
- ...proposing?
- ♪ (SOFT GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
115
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:46,243
Depends.
Are you... (GAGS, GULPS)
116
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:47,495
...accepting?
117
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,913
I've always imagined
this moment,
118
00:04:48,914 --> 00:04:51,373
but with less vomit in my mouth.
119
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:54,251
Well, I didn't mean
to put you on the spot.
120
00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,921
- Mm-hmm.
- Just think about it.
121
00:04:56,922 --> 00:05:01,675
(BOTH GAG, GULP)
122
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:04,136
♪ (GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
123
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,764
- Enjoy.
- Thank you.
124
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:11,268
(ALL MUNCHING, MOANING)
125
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:13,020
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
126
00:05:13,021 --> 00:05:15,023
- That was really great.
- Yeah.
127
00:05:16,691 --> 00:05:19,777
In the middle there,
did... did you moo?
128
00:05:19,778 --> 00:05:21,947
I did. You made me moo.
129
00:05:23,031 --> 00:05:25,157
I think
it's the vegetarian diet.
130
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,951
I'm more peppy.
131
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:29,537
You sure are.
I worked up an appetite.
132
00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,747
You want some hay?
I've got some hay.
133
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,041
Mm, yeah. Gimme.
134
00:05:36,127 --> 00:05:37,170
Hmm.
135
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:42,883
You know, I was thinking
about what you said at dinner.
136
00:05:42,884 --> 00:05:43,969
And?
137
00:05:44,970 --> 00:05:46,887
I think we could be happy here.
138
00:05:46,888 --> 00:05:49,515
People are really nice.
The food's great.
139
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,724
I hear
the health care's terrific.
140
00:05:50,725 --> 00:05:52,894
One more reason
to call this home.
141
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:55,563
Mm. Mm. (SPITS)
142
00:05:55,564 --> 00:05:56,982
Sorry. (CHUCKLES)
143
00:06:00,902 --> 00:06:02,236
(SIGHS)
144
00:06:02,237 --> 00:06:05,614
(BOTH GAG, GULP)
145
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:07,158
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
146
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:09,535
- Yeah?
- BERT: It's me and Kripke.
147
00:06:09,536 --> 00:06:11,329
- Can we talk?
- Not a good time.
148
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:13,998
Or just come in.
149
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:16,542
- We don't wanna stay in Cowtown.
- Why not?
150
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,003
We did pretty good
in those other universes.
151
00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:21,589
I had sex in three out of five
of them, and granted,
152
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:24,383
one was with Gary,
but he's a very genewous wover.
153
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,427
If you're not gonna use
the Leonard/Sheldon device,
154
00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:27,553
we want to hit the road.
155
00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:29,263
Mm. Try our wuck somewhere else.
156
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:30,598
♪ (SOFT EMOTIONAL MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
157
00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:32,224
What do you think?
158
00:06:32,225 --> 00:06:34,811
They take the machine,
we're here forever.
159
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:36,980
I'm okay with that.
160
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,193
- It's all yours.
- Thank you.
161
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:44,487
So, uh...
162
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:46,573
I guess this is goodbye.
163
00:06:47,782 --> 00:06:48,867
I guess so.
164
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:51,243
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
165
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,539
Listen, I know I haven't been
the best twaveling companion.
166
00:06:56,875 --> 00:06:57,876
And?
167
00:06:58,543 --> 00:06:59,544
And what?
168
00:07:00,545 --> 00:07:02,087
- Goodbye, Kripke.
- Okay.
169
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,589
- DENISE: Bye, Bert.
- Bye.
170
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,925
♪ (MUSIC RESUMES) ♪
171
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:07,802
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- I'm actually gonna miss them.
172
00:07:08,386 --> 00:07:10,095
Yeah.
173
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:11,805
Think you got one more moo
in you?
174
00:07:11,806 --> 00:07:13,767
- Only one way to find out.
- (GIGGLES)
175
00:07:17,646 --> 00:07:19,731
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
176
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:21,857
You know what you're doing?
177
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,902
I am
a world-wenowned physicist.
178
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,528
- (DEVICE BEEPING)
- I am perfectly capable
179
00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,405
of traversing
interdimensional wealities.
180
00:07:28,406 --> 00:07:31,242
- (DEVICE WHIRRING)
- ♪ (INTENSE OMINOUS MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
181
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,410
(PORTAL WARBLES)
182
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:40,125
- (WHOOSHING)
- (BOTH SCREAMING)
183
00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:42,461
- ♪ (MUSIC STOPS) ♪
- Bert, stop screaming!
184
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,254
But we're falling to our death!
185
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:45,715
Do you see a bottom?
186
00:07:46,925 --> 00:07:49,093
- No.
- What's that tell you?
187
00:07:49,094 --> 00:07:51,512
We're falling
to our death eventually.
188
00:07:51,513 --> 00:07:52,555
Or not.
189
00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:56,101
So, now what?
190
00:07:56,977 --> 00:07:58,769
I don't know.
Let's think it through.
191
00:07:58,770 --> 00:08:01,648
(WHOOSHING CONTINUES)
192
00:08:04,067 --> 00:08:05,652
- Anything?
- Nope.
193
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:07,904
So, back to screaming?
194
00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:09,572
Yeah, I guess so.
195
00:08:10,115 --> 00:08:15,285
(BOTH SCREAMING)
196
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:18,205
♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
197
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:20,124
I hope we made
the right decision.
198
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:22,793
I think we did.
It's a beautiful world.
199
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:24,128
- Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
200
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,589
- Ooh, salt lick.
- DENISE: Mm, come to Mama.
201
00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:29,800
Two, please.
202
00:08:29,801 --> 00:08:34,138
(MOANS) Oh, it's so good.
203
00:08:34,139 --> 00:08:35,681
(BOTH MOAN)
204
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,058
- Am I tasting sea salt?
- It's Himalayan.
205
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:40,894
(MOANS) Oh, yeah.
There's the mountain.
206
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,980
RAJ KOOTHRAPPALI:
Everybody, listen to me!
207
00:08:42,981 --> 00:08:45,691
- The universe is collapsing.
- ♪ (MUSIC RISES) ♪
208
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:48,027
- We're running out of time!
- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
209
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:51,072
We must take action
before it's too late.
210
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,157
No one is safe.
211
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:56,076
Ignore me all you want,
but it's coming for you!
212
00:08:56,077 --> 00:08:58,412
The end times are near, people!
213
00:08:58,413 --> 00:09:00,330
- Look, it's Raj.
- Oh, he's not dead here.
214
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:02,374
- That's nice.
- Oh, you think you can go on?
215
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,334
Living your little lives
in your little houses?
216
00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:08,964
It's coming for you!
It's coming for all of you!
217
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:11,341
- Raj.
- What?
218
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:12,384
What are you doing?
219
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,802
What does it look like?
220
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:17,181
Mm, to be honest,
paranoid schizophrenia.
221
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,516
- Be right back.
- (CROWD MURMURING)
222
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:21,852
Are you familiar
with the galaxy GN-z11?
223
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:23,520
- Um, no.
- No.
224
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:24,938
It's the most distant galaxy
225
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:27,066
the Hubble telescope can see,
and guess what?
226
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:28,275
- STUART: Mm...
- RAJ: Don't bother.
227
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:32,029
It's a rhetorical question.
The whole damn thing... gone.
228
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:33,322
How can a galaxy disappear?
229
00:09:33,323 --> 00:09:35,866
You sure the Hubble telescope
doesn't have some schmutz on it?
230
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:38,368
It's the Hubble!
It doesn't have schmutz!
231
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,661
Schmutz happens to everything.
232
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,831
(HESITATES) Listen to me.
It's not just GN-z11.
233
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,249
It's the Triangulum Galaxy
234
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:45,959
and the Hyperion
proto-supercluster.
235
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,711
- Oh, no.
- Why "oh, no"?
236
00:09:47,712 --> 00:09:48,921
"Oh, yay" sounded wrong.
237
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,715
I-- I've tried calling
and warning everyone.
238
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,926
JPL, NASA, the White House.
239
00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:56,762
You know what they said to me?
They said I was crazy.
240
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:57,846
STUART: Really?
241
00:09:57,847 --> 00:10:00,307
You screamed that the universe
is coming to an end
242
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:02,434
to the lady that answers
the phone at the White House
243
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,685
and she didn't
take you seriously?
244
00:10:03,686 --> 00:10:08,023
Entire star systems
at the edge of the universe
245
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,234
are disappearing.
246
00:10:10,318 --> 00:10:12,070
Which means...
247
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,488
Sorry, all I got is schmutz.
248
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,156
It means there isn't much time
249
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:18,867
before everything we know
and love is gone.
250
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:20,410
Well, how much time
are we talking about?
251
00:10:20,411 --> 00:10:22,080
Not a lot, guys.
252
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,164
Three to four hundred years.
253
00:10:24,165 --> 00:10:27,209
Oh, buddy, even if you're right,
we'll all be dead.
254
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:29,586
- Who cares?
- "Who cares"?
255
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:30,796
I'll tell you who cares.
256
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,507
Your great, great, great, great,
great, great, great,
257
00:10:33,508 --> 00:10:36,260
great, great, great,
great, great, great, great,
258
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:38,095
great, great,
great-grandchildren.
259
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:39,888
Oh, no. One more great.
260
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,932
Grandchildren?
261
00:10:41,933 --> 00:10:43,642
We haven't really talked
about starting a...
262
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,270
- (GAGS, GULPS)
- ♪ (EMOTIONAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
263
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:47,312
...family.
264
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,773
- Maybe we should.
- Clock's ticking.
265
00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:53,152
Don't you get it?
The universe is ending,
266
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,654
and there's nothing
we can do about it.
267
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,615
- Nothing?
- Not a damn thing.
268
00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:00,702
Okay. Well...
269
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:03,996
good to see you.
270
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,372
- Good to see you.
- (CHUCKLES)
271
00:11:05,373 --> 00:11:08,083
- Good luck with all this.
- Thanks.
272
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:09,127
Okay.
273
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:11,880
♪ (MUSIC RISES) ♪
274
00:11:13,298 --> 00:11:14,423
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
275
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,884
- We're all going to die!
- ♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
276
00:11:16,885 --> 00:11:19,720
(BOTH SCREAMING)
277
00:11:19,721 --> 00:11:22,389
Push the button!
Get us out of here!
278
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,099
- Oh, right, yeah.
- (BUTTON CLICKS)
279
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,268
- (DEVICE CREAKS, BEEPS)
- (WHOOSHING)
280
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,978
- (BUTTON CLICKS)
- (DEVICE CREAKS, BEEPS)
281
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:31,064
- Shit!
- It didn't work.
282
00:11:31,065 --> 00:11:34,736
- I know. Hence "shit."
- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
283
00:11:38,198 --> 00:11:40,491
- Wanna play a game?
- What?
284
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:44,370
- You know, pass the time.
- You're kidding?
285
00:11:45,413 --> 00:11:47,665
When I was a kid on car trips,
286
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:51,127
my mom
and I would play 20 questions.
287
00:11:52,086 --> 00:11:54,338
I'm not pwaying 20 questions
288
00:11:54,339 --> 00:11:56,758
while we're falling
through an endwess void.
289
00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,509
Okay.
290
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,679
(WHOOSHING CONTINUES)
291
00:12:03,932 --> 00:12:06,434
- Okay, screw it. I got one.
- Great.
292
00:12:07,518 --> 00:12:10,521
- Is it something you eat?
- No.
293
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,359
I give up.
294
00:12:16,027 --> 00:12:18,862
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYS, FADES) ♪
295
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:21,199
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
296
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,577
- Did you lock the door?
- Thought I did.
297
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,079
- Hmm.
- It's about time.
298
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,206
(YELPS)
299
00:12:29,332 --> 00:12:31,041
- What are you doing here?
- What's it look like?
300
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:32,709
- I'm waiting for you.
- (SIGHS)
301
00:12:32,710 --> 00:12:34,670
- Stuart?
- STUARTS: Yeah?
302
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:37,965
- Sorry, go ahead.
- Uh, Denise...
303
00:12:37,966 --> 00:12:39,925
this is the other me
I told you about.
304
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:41,593
- Hey.
- Hey.
305
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,053
So, you want to explain to me
306
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:45,555
why you gave
the Leonard/Sheldon thingy
307
00:12:45,556 --> 00:12:47,182
to Bert and Kripke?
308
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:50,394
Uh, well,
we decided to stay here.
309
00:12:50,395 --> 00:12:53,814
Oh, okay, cool!
"We decided to stay here.
310
00:12:53,815 --> 00:12:55,565
It's great. I don't have
to save the universe.
311
00:12:55,566 --> 00:12:57,401
I can just chew
my frickin' cud."
312
00:12:57,402 --> 00:12:59,404
(SCOFFS)
Other you's kind of a dick.
313
00:13:00,196 --> 00:13:02,197
Okay. (CLEARS THROAT)
314
00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:04,533
You know what?
I'm gonna explain this
315
00:13:04,534 --> 00:13:06,410
as simply as I can.
(INHALES DEEPLY)
316
00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:08,620
- ♪ (MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- Because you are entangled
317
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,081
with the primary incident
of divergence
318
00:13:11,082 --> 00:13:12,249
at a quantum level...
319
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,920
- (GAGS, GULPS)
- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
320
00:13:16,462 --> 00:13:17,921
(STUART MUNCHES)
321
00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,715
- ♪ (MUSIC RESUMES) ♪
- ...you are inextricably bound
322
00:13:19,716 --> 00:13:22,467
to the potential resolution
of the fragmentation
323
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,052
of the multi-state universe.
324
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,470
You get what I'm saying?
325
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,180
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
326
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,891
You're the only one
who can save the universe.
327
00:13:30,059 --> 00:13:32,227
Yeah, well... (SIGHS)
...maybe I don't want to.
328
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:34,271
You have to.
329
00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:35,897
Is there someone else
I can talk to?
330
00:13:35,898 --> 00:13:37,566
Like my manager?
I'm a projection
331
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,276
from a collapsing
adjacent reality.
332
00:13:39,277 --> 00:13:40,861
Does that sound like someone
who has a manager?
333
00:13:40,862 --> 00:13:42,779
Well, maybe not a manager,
but there must've been someone
334
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:44,072
who told you
what time to come in today.
335
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,198
- (GROANS)
- Look.
336
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:47,409
Even if I wanted
to save the universe,
337
00:13:47,410 --> 00:13:49,661
I don't have the device anymore.
338
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,872
- So order another one!
- ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING) ♪
339
00:13:51,873 --> 00:13:53,081
How can there be another one?
340
00:13:53,082 --> 00:13:54,958
How can this conversation
be happening?
341
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,835
(SIGHS) You--
You're not listening to me.
342
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:59,629
I'm done
with the Leonard/Sheldon thingy
343
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,799
and the universe hopping
and you!
344
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:03,550
Mostly you.
345
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,302
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
346
00:14:05,303 --> 00:14:06,387
Don't.
347
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:08,181
Let me talk to you.
348
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:13,144
♪ (MUSIC RISES) ♪
349
00:14:13,811 --> 00:14:14,936
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
350
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:20,692
Seventh grade, I had a teacher.
Mr. Morinelli.
351
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:23,945
He's the one who inspired me
to start a geology club.
352
00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:26,281
Uh, it didn't really
catch on at first.
353
00:14:26,282 --> 00:14:29,202
It was just me and Karen Hartman
and Larry O'Malley.
354
00:14:29,827 --> 00:14:31,995
He had a twin brother.
355
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,664
- Can't remember his name.
- (WHOOSHING)
356
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:40,170
It rhymed with Larry.
It was like Barry or Harry.
357
00:14:40,171 --> 00:14:42,382
Oh, God,
just wet me hit the gwound.
358
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:46,802
Gary! Gary O'Malley! That's it.
359
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:49,221
- ♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- BERT: I knew I'd remember it.
360
00:14:49,222 --> 00:14:50,973
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
361
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,476
♪ ("SLEEP WALK"
BY SANTO & JOHNNY
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) ♪
362
00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:55,686
"Shrub Hub."
363
00:14:56,312 --> 00:14:57,355
Makes sense.
364
00:14:57,855 --> 00:14:58,940
Shrub Hub.
365
00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:06,029
- Who's ready for Japanese food?
- Me, me.
366
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:08,281
The only downside
to the whole four stomach thing
367
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,991
is I'm constantly hungry.
368
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:15,039
I know. Mm, bonsai.
Soy sauce? Thank you.
369
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:20,502
Do you think that I'm wrong
370
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:25,925
for bailing out on the whole
"save the universe" thing?
371
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,387
Doesn't matter what I think.
What do you think?
372
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,722
It'd be different
if I signed up for it.
373
00:15:32,723 --> 00:15:33,765
But I didn't,
374
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,101
so I don't feel like
I'm doing anything wrong.
375
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:38,979
Living my own life,
making my own choices.
376
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,022
Okay.
377
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:42,566
And besides,
378
00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:44,985
nothing really happens
for hundreds of years.
379
00:15:44,986 --> 00:15:46,903
True.
380
00:15:46,904 --> 00:15:49,281
I mean, sure, there'd be
an infinite number of lives lost
381
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,449
or never even born
382
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,076
across an infinite number
of universes.
383
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,745
- And how's that my problem?
- It most certainly is not.
384
00:15:55,746 --> 00:15:57,415
- Thank you.
- Unless you want it to be.
385
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,168
So, you think I should do it?
386
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:02,794
I didn't say that.
387
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,004
Denise, I'm not a hero.
388
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:08,176
I'm a broke-ass failed artist
who owns a comic book store.
389
00:16:08,843 --> 00:16:10,177
In fact, I'm such a failure,
390
00:16:10,178 --> 00:16:12,512
in every universe we go to,
I own a comic book store.
391
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:14,765
- No argument.
- You can argue a little.
392
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:19,186
Stuart, this is your decision.
393
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:20,854
I just think anyone
can be a hero
394
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:23,231
if they're trying to make life
better for other people.
395
00:16:23,232 --> 00:16:25,567
And as you pointed out,
396
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:29,154
this would be all people
who exist or ever will exist,
397
00:16:29,155 --> 00:16:31,448
in every possible universe.
398
00:16:31,449 --> 00:16:34,452
♪ ("SLEEP WALK"
CONTINUES PLAYING) ♪
399
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:39,122
If I do this, we could end up
in a much worse situation
400
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,041
than what we have right now.
401
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:43,503
There are no bad situations
as long as I'm with you.
402
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:52,178
(BOTH GAG, GULP)
403
00:16:55,681 --> 00:16:59,142
- Mm, your cud tastes great.
- Right back at you, baby.
404
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:00,228
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
405
00:17:01,479 --> 00:17:03,397
(MUNCHES)
406
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:10,654
- Stuart Bloom?
- Yes, sir.
407
00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:12,198
(SIGHS)
You want to sign for this?
408
00:17:15,451 --> 00:17:17,452
- Gary.
- All day long.
409
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:21,248
- Denise, look. It's Gary.
- I see.
410
00:17:21,249 --> 00:17:22,582
Do I know you guys?
411
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:24,167
We were married
in another universe.
412
00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,210
Didn't work out.
413
00:17:25,211 --> 00:17:26,836
STUART: There's also, uh,
another version of you
414
00:17:26,837 --> 00:17:28,296
who knew another version of her.
415
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,839
- Uh-huh.
- But he's dead.
416
00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,175
Mm.
417
00:17:32,510 --> 00:17:33,803
I hate this job.
418
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,138
DENISE: Oh.
419
00:17:39,475 --> 00:17:40,892
Look, this one came
with instructions.
420
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,271
- Oh, really?
- And a warranty.
421
00:17:45,439 --> 00:17:47,190
"Congratulations
on your purchase
422
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:50,110
of an interdimensional
transport device."
423
00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:53,029
- Ooh, it's got Bluetooth.
- Now, I don't understand.
424
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,322
If Bert and Barry
took the device,
425
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:55,448
how is there another one?
426
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:56,576
Uh, let me look.
427
00:17:57,118 --> 00:17:58,868
"Don't use near water.
428
00:17:58,869 --> 00:18:01,496
Caution. Small parts,
choking hazard."
429
00:18:01,497 --> 00:18:02,622
Okay, here we go.
430
00:18:02,623 --> 00:18:06,167
"This is a quantum echo
of the original device.
431
00:18:06,168 --> 00:18:09,254
It both exists
and does not exist.
432
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,547
And when activated,
433
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:13,508
it will merge
with the original device."
434
00:18:13,509 --> 00:18:15,051
You know, I'm just gonna
stop asking questions.
435
00:18:15,052 --> 00:18:16,428
- Let's go.
- Mm.
436
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,264
Oh, uh, just one more thing.
Kyle, Trevor.
437
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,141
Denise and I
are gonna leave this universe
438
00:18:21,142 --> 00:18:22,684
'cause I'm on a mission
439
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,228
to prevent the destruction
of reality itself.
440
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,147
- Okay.
- Sure, yeah.
441
00:18:27,148 --> 00:18:28,898
You really don't
have any questions?
442
00:18:28,899 --> 00:18:33,069
I got one. This Batman #608
has a water stain.
443
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:34,571
Any flexibility on price?
444
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:36,157
No. Goodbye, guys.
445
00:18:36,907 --> 00:18:38,742
(DEVICE WHIRRING, BEEPING)
446
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:41,870
- (DEVICE HUMS)
- (PORTAL WARBLES)
447
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:44,873
♪ (SOFT MYSTERIOUS MUSIC
PLAYING) ♪
448
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:46,958
I think you can just take it.
449
00:18:46,959 --> 00:18:51,338
- ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (BOTH SCREAMING)
450
00:18:51,339 --> 00:18:56,259
- (WHOOSHING)
- (SCREAMING CONTINUES)
451
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,261
Yeah, wight. Give it a west.
452
00:18:58,262 --> 00:19:00,388
(SHOUTING) Give it a rest?
Are you crazy?
453
00:19:00,389 --> 00:19:04,351
- What is happening?
- We're falling.
454
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:08,229
Yeah, we got that!
What kind of universe is this?
455
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,732
I don't think we made it
to another universe.
456
00:19:10,733 --> 00:19:12,567
I think we're stuck
between universes.
457
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:15,195
What exists between universes?
458
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:16,446
Best guess?
459
00:19:16,447 --> 00:19:18,823
Sort of
an interdimensional taint?
460
00:19:18,824 --> 00:19:19,866
Think of it like being stuck
461
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:21,534
between the balls
of one universe
462
00:19:21,535 --> 00:19:22,786
and the asshole of another.
463
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:26,665
You're disgusting!
Get us out of here!
464
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:30,543
We tried.
The machine is not working.
465
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:33,588
Because you haven't been chosen
to save the universe!
466
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,840
Oh, and you have?
467
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:39,386
- Denise, tell 'em!
- It's true! He's him!
468
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:43,056
Think of me like Neo,
or maybe Jesus.
469
00:19:43,057 --> 00:19:46,267
Oh, Jesus? Really?
Just push the button!
470
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:49,604
- (BUTTON CLICKS)
- (DEVICE CHIRPING, WHIRRING)
471
00:19:49,605 --> 00:19:51,273
♪ (MUSIC RISES) ♪
472
00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:55,403
- (PORTAL WARBLES)
- ♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
473
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,159
STUART: (THINKING)
Everything looks normal.
474
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:04,285
DENISE: What'd you say?
475
00:20:04,286 --> 00:20:06,162
STUART: I said it looks normal.
476
00:20:06,163 --> 00:20:08,249
DENISE: Your mouth isn't moving.
477
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,583
STUART: Neither is yours.
478
00:20:10,584 --> 00:20:13,378
BERT: I think we're hearing
each other's thoughts.
479
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:16,005
BARRY: That's gonna be
a big pwoblem for me.
480
00:20:16,006 --> 00:20:17,007
Why?
481
00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:19,884
Why what?
482
00:20:19,885 --> 00:20:21,554
Why is it gonna be
a big problem?
483
00:20:23,264 --> 00:20:25,348
BARRY: My mother bathed me
till I was 12.
484
00:20:25,349 --> 00:20:26,516
Damn it!
485
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:27,726
♪ ("PSYCHIC CITY"
BY YACHT PLAYING) ♪
486
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:32,230
♪ I used to live, live
In a psychic city ♪
487
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:36,193
♪ I never knew
What would happen in a day ♪
488
00:20:37,361 --> 00:20:39,029
♪ I might be looking
Out the window ♪
489
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:44,535
♪ And a friend might say ♪
490
00:20:45,953 --> 00:20:50,540
♪ "Come on over, over
Come on over, over ♪
491
00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:55,170
♪ Come on over
We're having a party for you ♪
492
00:20:55,171 --> 00:20:59,632
♪ Come on over, over
Come on over, over ♪
493
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:04,012
♪ Come on over
We're having a party for you" ♪
494
00:21:04,013 --> 00:21:08,392
♪ (SINGERS VOCALIZING) ♪
495
00:21:17,985 --> 00:21:19,653
♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪